D&D is For Nerds - Barovia IV #4 Best Laid Plans of Plants and Wolves

Episode Date: August 30, 2025

I will do everything to ensure that My Lady is prot- YOUR LADY? SOMEONE SO DEVINE WOULD NEVER LOOK AT YOU AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN A WORM! A worm!? I am Wizard Supreme! YOU are the worm! And I’ll make sure I turn you into one with a simple flick of my wrist! HAHAHA I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY! YOUR STUPID SPELLS WILL JUST BOUNCE OFF MY SUPERIOR AND WELL DEFINED MUSCLES! AS THE FIRST BARBARIAN I WILL CRUSH YOUR SILLY SPELL WITH NO EFFORT! Wait you fool! If Our Lady is One with Nature surely being a worm would strengthen the bonds that tie us?! YOU MUST TURN ME INTO A WORM AT ONCE YOU STUPID WIZARD!If you're still wanting to pledge for the Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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They've heard this before. Quiet, you don't. A Wizard Supreme has many things to tell about this nightmare, Borovia. Wizard Supreme, in this place, your pointless titles mean nothing. For the only way to escape is to slay Strad in the manner of a true warrior, or die in the attempt. Emil is, you recognize him, he's among this group. Emil? You make your way back deep into the cave, and you see, once again,

there are cages here and in those cages there are people so you know it's not so black and white i did i did i did i was saying try not to yeah do all this again you said yeah he said if he does this again you'll come back for him and i guess we're here now oh okay and look at the there's people in the cages yeah yeah and uh what yeah what i can take a quick glance there's three people in the cages one of them is a a uh a woman. She looks like she might have, or she looks like she is, I should say, an adventurer. You can see the tattered remains of armor, heavy steel armor. It's pretty badly mold at this point, and you can see there's a huge gouge down one of her cheeks, and she's got a bloody

red eye, which she looks at you through. The other two, one of them is probably, one of them, not probably, another one of them is a halfling, an old man, like gray old, gray hair, old man. He's nursing a pretty badly bruised and wounded arm. And then the final one is another woman wearing similar armour to the first. They're not identical, but they look like they might be in league somehow. She looks largely unharmed, actually. Okay. So the other two, like perhaps the other two are sporting wounds. Yeah. I see the halfling at first. It's like, I said no Kid, all right. This gray-haired wrinkled face.

To see the eye, like the outlined here. He's back to getting here. Oh, my mistake. Old man. Old man, yes. I'm guessing, like, he's endorsing a, um, some sort of, like, bite wound, I'm presuming. Yeah, he's got a bite wound. Yeah, and I guess she, the person who's ragged, perhaps it's also, okay, all right, I'll just,

not to act right now, but we'll keep heading up to have a chat. You pass that You make your way to the stairs Just past it Which head up to a little platform If I mean you probably Well actually knowing about it

Didn't even help This platform gives you a view Out to the front There is no way to see the platform From down below And being up here gives you a view of down below So you imagine

You could have been observed As your approach And not even known about it There is a Like I said previously Once again you might not remember but there's a circle made out of stones here and it looks like some sort of fighting pit is here.

Okay, cool. You don't know what the nature of this fighting pit is, but it's quite obviously like there's blood staining the dirt here. Okay, okay, okay. I should ask questions about werewolf culture. Emil turns and says, No one will bother us here. Explain yourself.

Your dealings with Strad would be minor, a exchange of like-for-like. Sometimes Strad requires your aid drawing adventurers into the mists, and sometimes Strad will ask you to spare or perhaps even ignore people. And in exchange, Strad will allow you to... Be with the land. The creatures of this place will mark you as one of their own. You may call this being a servant of Strad, or you could call it an uneasy truce. What language you use is up to you, I suppose, whatever you feel helps in the scenario.

And in exchange, Strad will also gift you certain powers, privileges. if you will. You will be stronger, faster, and perhaps even have a measure of magic to yourself while you are in the lands of Borovia. In exchange as well, you might be called at some point to aid strad in a task. These tasks might be something as simple as waylaying

or might be as complicated as an assassination. Well, like eyebrows are like going up to be like, political dealings. And what of our hunts? Strad understands that a werewolf must feed, that werewolves must hunt. But you cannot, you must be careful, you cannot be allowed to overhunt.

A balance must be struck. For if your herd grows too big, too powerful. He bristles at herd. Emil does not like the word herd for his people. Rahadian just pushes onwards. He's not interested in correcting. Yeah, he's not interested in the semantics of it. You may hunt within these lands,

but the master would prefer if you were to target adventurers, Those who perhaps could fight back, would fight back, and those who are, shall we say, potentially less innocent. What do you mean by less innocent? Rahadin looks at you. Strad detests the harming of children. Mothers as well. I look at, I look at Amil.

A mill considers this for a moment. We have no problems with mothers. the mother of night does not appreciate the deaths of pregnant women or mothers in general this part

does not bother me but children we do not want to kill but turning is easiest when you are young Rahadin thinks on that for a bit I like I like

I just like gold littered hand Yeah, dude. I will have to take this back to the master. It could be a sticking point. I see a mirror since our last meeting that you have not taken anything to heart. The one that caught you, we defeated them. He bristles at what you say, and he gesturing back down the passageway that you took.

He says, I have harmed no children. not that I would consider the gift that the night mother brings to be harm anyway but we have not touched a child then there should be no quarrel with the deal there should not be should there he looks at a mill a meal sits there uncomfortably I will need to discuss this with the pack he says and he makes a point of saying pack obviously not heard it is not the not the wish of everyone within this group to not

well like I said it is easier when one is a child and while we also have no interest in overhunting we wish also to we the the pack is currently too small to be sustainable

how old were you when you were turned I was but a baby in the crib it does not seem fair does it The one's in the cage. Are they going to turn? One is. The other two cannot be allowed to leave. Why not?

They know where we live. They will return in greater numbers. They will wipe us out. It is us or them? Didn't realize you were so afraid of everything. Are you trying to taunt him into letting them go? Is that the plan? I guess intimidating.

Let him go. No. Or is it a taunt? It feels hard to intimidate someone into being, brave enough to let them go. I don't know. I think it's a taunt. It feels like a taunt.

There's, there's more to, like, there's more meaning here. Like, there's more, there's, like, there's, like, hmm, at the sticking point, I don't think Hector's going to let this go. Yeah. Wow, I just noticed that it's the same check anyway. Well, I actually know you're better of persuasion. Yeah. He probably is.

Emile stands up, and looking at you, he says, I think that you have, worn out your welcome I will think on your proposal and I will send message when I have made my decision No no children

and as a show of good faith release the non-infected for the third time we meet I will bring an army Emil Emil looks at you I will allow you to take the two uninfected

and I will allow you to leave with them And in exchange, you will ensure that they never return. That sounds agreeable. All right. You go back downstairs. He gestures to the cages and he mutters something in, probably in Vistani, so you don't really understand. One of the other werewolves kind of snarls and snaps at him, not wanting to be told what to do.

Or maybe, actually, probably this specific order seems to cause like a lot. of discontent within the pack. They don't seem to want to do this. Emile... Uh-oh. A fight breaks out. Oh, no. All of them tear through what clothes they're wearing,

and then the werewolves start fighting with each other. Oh, no. A step back. Yeah. Are you just going to let them fight? Yeah. Let them fight. But maybe, like, it's like, okay.

Like, I did not expect. Maybe, like, watching this, asking, like, rather than, what, do you know much about, um, like, where, like... Having, like, just a casual conversation as a werewolf is literally torn apart. Yeah. Just, oh, okay, just to kind of, like, the, um, do you know much of, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, if, if, if, if, if, if, I don't, um, just watch. Yeah. Um, so. It's a, the pack is currently six strong, including Amil.

Amil has one other ally, and then it's four, what is that? Yeah, four V2. One of them, the one who two sided with Amil, a weble, tears that one's throat out, and then the clutching at their throat, the weble falls to its knees, and then transforms back into a human and dies. it is Emil v4 with one werewolf on Emil's arm

another werewolf on another arm one on one leg one on another leg you watch all four werewolves pick up and then tear a meal into four separate chunks fuck dude one of the werewolves

rounds on you points a claw at you and says leave or die Rahedin, how good are you with a sword? Rahadin gives you a wicked smile. I am as good in a fight as any ally you have ever had. Well, then, I imbue my mace with sacred, holy energy.

Pip, as you and your party approach the Wizards of Wines. Yeah. The blizzard from Mount Gacchus begins to. to slowly abate and it is replaced instead by heavy rain. Okay. Well, this is typical. Yes. Yeah.

I guess, I was going to say like hoods up, but our hoods would already be up from the blizzard. Your entire party is sodden. And I mean, this is not, you were probably sodden from the blizzard. But you're now, it's less of a cold wet and just a wet wet. Yeah. It's a regular, no, I wouldn't say even, no, you're still cold. Oh, yeah, of course. I was freezing and now I'm wet.

That's a terrible combination of things to be. The weather seems to be pushing you, almost pushing you away from the Wizards of Wines. But then as you get close enough, the wind suddenly changes and it feels like it's pushing you towards the Wizards of Wines instead. Okay. Can I see how the Wizards... Are we close enough to the Wizards of Wines to get an idea of what's wrong? Well, yes and no. Okay.

You can see that the buildings here have been burnt and hollowed out. The entirety, the Wizards of Wines is four main buildings. One, you could call like a state house and then a secondary large warehouse, which is where all of the processing of the wine happens. A silo where food is stored. And then a outhouse. All four of those buildings have been absolutely demolished, burnt, collapsed, caved-de-es. upon themselves. Would you, would Pipp have ever been to Wizards of Wine? No, I don't think I ever went. Yeah. Okay. I drank their wine, but I don't think I ever went.

Yeah. You don't know what this place looked like in its heyday, but you can heyday a few days ago. But you can imagine that this place would have once been grand. Yeah. Now it is a shallow, destroyed husk of itself. The fields as well, where the grapes grow, you can see that they have been turned over, someone has come through and violently destroyed these grapevines. And if you get close enough, which you would on your approach, you maybe put a hand to the ground, bring up some of that wet, I was about to call it wet soil. There's a name for that. You bring up some of that mud and you can tell that it has been salted. Someone has made sure that nothing will ever grow in this place ever again. Is Tarpos near me? Yes. You'll

look around, you can see Tarpos standing nearby. The druids, I say? She nods. She also maybe she stands up. Both of you had inadvertently at the same time been checking the soil. Yeah. She maybe gives like a little dusting her hands, cleaning her hands.

Druid salt and bane earth. Plant cannot grow. Well, plant will grow but becomes like twig blight. Can I see any bodies?

Searching around, you see... Like, I'll walk up to the smoldering remains of the estate house and stuff and just... Okay. Yeah. You look around. You can see that there is one body, but it's not in

the main, the little main sort of where houses are. Away from that, there's a trail that leads to Creswick, and then eventually onwards to Valakai and Barovia, the rest of this place. Along that part, Just before you would, quote unquote, leave the property, not that there's a hard line anywhere, but just before you would leave the property, there is a well.

And you can see that strapped over the well is a figure, someone. I'll head over to them to see if they're okay. I kind of assume they're not, but as you approach, you can hear, you can barely hear over the howling wind and the rain. that they're saying, they're crying something out. Oh, I have seen the darkness in my dreams. Darkness beyond understanding of man. Glorious evil in shadowed halls. Pip, you recognize a magical compulsion.

This person is being forced to screen this. You can also hear a hoarseness in his voice. He has been forced to scream these words for so long it is destroying his throat. Damn, can I... You can't, you haven't gotten a great look at him yet. You're just hearing him. Well, I'll, yeah, approach the well that he's strapped to.

All right. As you approach the well, you can hear stuff coming from behind you. Uh-oh. You hear screaming, yelling. Fuck, I turn around. Fuck the well, guy. What's happening? You look around in the heavy rain, you realize you actually, you're losing sight of the rest of your party.

Okay. The group is kind of fanned out, and it's hard to see people. You spot through the rain, through the heavy, blinding rain. You can spot Tarpos and Cavendish, but you can't see Gorob and Lushin, you can't see the engineer, you can't see Iona. Who's screaming? Can I make, can I hear? Cavendish is screaming at you. He's pointing at something to both of your north.

You see, he's looking at you screaming, and then he's pointing away. I pull at my crossbow and pivot To see what he's pointing at Oh, Pip Yeah Get a good boycott That sucks I'm sad that I'm seeing it

It's gonna be bad Like zombies Clawing their way Out of the grave The dead grapevines Have begun moving Oh fuck Now Pip

Hector Let's go to initiative Oh no Okay, baby. Now, what do I remember about werewolves? And what do I remember about twigblights? I mean, I fought twigblights so many times.

I should be fine, but still... What did Emmanuel say about werewolves? Why, Joel Zamed? While Adam figures his shit out, allow me. Please, please, regale me. As the several werewolves all turn on me, I just want to just, like, quickly have a flashback of the beautiful...

Pip Mandarin. Yeah, in earlier, more pleasant days, sitting around the campfire. So, yeah, by the there, Pip, could you, yeah, what, refresh me about werewolves. Well, Emmanuel has this to say, where. Those deemed wear are a type or form of shape-changer, and as such are all hard to put downpin. The creatures called weareth have but a few knowneth similarities betwixt themselves. They are all universally capable, and certainly enjoy, of regenerative. powers. These slash thine powers are universally capable of universally healing a universe of damage

until such a time as the universe is destructed universally. This universally accepted ability can be in for a universe of trouble if the wear is exposed to its chosen weakness. Sometimes, though not usually, silver. Right. As it is their very nature, they are susceptible to things based mostly on what they wereth and what they changeth into. Though it is a truth universally acknowledged by academia and learned minds that if conducted correctly, here you go, healing magic can cause them great harm. That's right. The theory holds that if they are in a transmogrified state, then the magic contained within

the god's own healing will attempt to heal them back to the state of origin. In thy mattereth, such as the curing or removal of curses slash diseases, such as the where, there is but oneeth important rule. Here we go. Time, time, time. If their victim is discovereth to have had this disease inning the first hour, then one slash thy can removal it with the simple application of an appropriate plant. From there one must remember time, time, time, time.

If in one has only received thy patient in the first-th day, then one may be able to alleviate thine subjects' curse with a simple application of a restoration spell, much easier. More complex restoration is needed. Sorry, excuse me, it's a stretcher. because we healed them and then it was the wolves I tried the wolves

yes yeah if that subject was in a contraction state from weeks to months ago Emmanuel's not really

brevity it's not very good is the problem that's the problem yet it is it keeps it's in there the kernels of knowledge

are in there Hector people keep buying it one has but to dig I'm surprised that no one's like gathered

it all in this kind to try to try to you know simplify like a simplified a manual

you know yes surely surely there's a market Durek was of the opinion, it wouldn't work as well, though he failed to explain what he meant by that. Yeah. They're a strange.

They're strange. Yeah. Pip, you are utterly surrounded. Fuck. There are blights on all sides. You can see a smattering of twig blights, some of the larger needle blights. Okay.

Some of the four-legged poison blights acting like dogs. Okay. And you can see there's at least one druid as well who bursts from the dirt. Well, maybe that one a little bit less like a zombie and more kind of... Identically, too. Yeah, identically so, yeah. Springing from the dirt. Okay, I would like to...

I'm just going to fire twice into the druid. And these will remain fire arrows, which I think is the setting that Dirac's crossbow is already on. Yeah. So, two hits. Nice. That is 10, 20... Ooh, baby. for 32

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Come and celebrate to run it and do everything you want to at the X. 38 points of damage. Let me just quickly check. Let me just quickly tabulate that one. That's a dead druid, I think, my friend. Nice. Yeah. It's a pasted druid.

Oh, yeah. Pasty druid. Yeah, one less druid. That's great. Does that seem to have... I mean, I know that all of the blights are, like, independent, but does that seem to have affected the blights in any way? Are they at least momentarily...

The blights around that druid, yeah. Is this... Are you just, like, fishing for help, or do you actually remember something from Emmanuel? I remember from Emmanuel. Yeah, that does actually... The blights immediately around that druid, you watch as they start acting confused.

Hell, yeah. Like, at first, they were menacing towards you, but as soon as that druid... drops. You see those twig blights start acting like a scene out of the three stooges essentially. Hell yeah. Why, yeah, you order. All right, Pip, that was

your action? Anything else? I would like to do I think that the guy in the well was a trap, basically? I mean, yeah, he was a trap, right? Surely. I'd like to run over to the rest of my party that I can see.

Assuming that I won't take an attack of off if I do that. You will not. No, okay. You start sprinting. Well, you can see Tarpos. You can see John Cavendish. Which one? Topos will probably be fine. I'll run to Cavendish. You start sprinting towards Cavendish. He's still pointing in a direction. Oh, okay. So he wasn't necessarily. Well, then as I sprint towards Cavendish, I'll peel off in the direction he was pointing. I assumed he was just being like, we're surrounded by twigblights, but clearly something else is going on.

And then it is Werewolf's turn. Oh, man. Sorry, buddy. And there's four of them. No, wait. There's three of them. You get Rahaddin. You'll be fine. Yeah. They wheel about and... Odds are evans. Evens.

Evens? Sorry, buddy. Two of them attack you. One of them attacks Rahaddin. Yeah, it sucks, dude. Okay. One of the werewolves makes a multi-attack. It's...

Yeah, with bite and claws. Oh, yeah, that's right. Weirwolves bite people. Okay. You're lucky the bite misses, which is what you want to miss. Yeah, I think I have a silver shield, which is nice to know. That's good. I think that's all I have that is silver.

I'm pretty sure I had a silver sword that I might have given to a certain two-headed dwarf at one. Yes, I think you did. Bashing a werewolf for the silver shield should still work. Yes. If a manuals anything to go by, well, that's a bad sentence. The werewolf snaps its jaws at you, Hector, and you use that shield. shield, you crouch beneath it and you force the werewolf's head up and over

you, but then it's clawed, digs into your shoulder and breaks down your side. You take oh, that's, oh no. You take seven points of damage. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. Seven's not too bad. Seven's not too bad. I'm like, do I cast

shield? Is what I'm thinking. Yeah. To you, buddy. Seven's not too bad. Yeah, but the trick about damage is that seven's not too bad once. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've only got so many seven to sit your dad. But I also only have so many spell slots in a week.

You're about to get attacked two more times, buddy, so. So I see it. And if the bite attack, then you shield. Then you shield. True. Make the decision now. You cast them shield? I don't like this.

Yeah. Well, because I'm going to roll two more time. Oh, no. I don't want to be like all two hits and then you're like, oh, I cast shield. And it counts for that other attack as well. That's true. I would be like that. You would be like that.

You know what? I don't want to get turned into a werewolf. Very fair. I'm a car shoe. What I really like is, I know what plant, but what plant is the plant you need within one hour? Wolfs, man. Yeah.

We've been here before, dude. You take the first werewolfism we've chew. It doesn't even matter. The bite is a 20. Fuck, brother. Didn't even matter. Well, anyway, that chlor attack then would have missed. This bite attack will still hit.

The only attack that hits you is that one bite. Two werewolves bear down on you. Sorry, wolf down on you. And their claws can't get through your powerful bubble shield. Too cocky. Yeah. But at one point, yeah, maybe you get a little too cocky and you feel teeth sink into your shoulder. Yes.

Yes. Something terrible. Just happened to you. Triple damage. And you have disadvantage on strength, dexterity, on constitution-based roles for the next five. rounds you start bleeding heavily from that blow cool you take rest at peace to hack that's what you take 24 points of damage oh yeah how measly oh yeah now imagine if i had also taken that seven yeah i've got you on 56 yeah that's me okay then you need to make a very important you have

disadvantage. You've been gotten by Adam's trick. You need to make a Constitution saving throw. I get plus five on them for my auras, Adam. My auras. You forget the man's auras, Adam.

You forget the man's oras. What a funny thing to say. Yeah. Okay. I forgot what fun this is. It's been a while since I've heard of maniacal laugh from all Adam Carnabale.

In a way, I've missed it, and in another way, I truly haven't. Yeah, yeah. It's really rude. It's rude of him to not just let us win. If he was any kind of fun. It's really rude to just, like, the opening cell vote. Yes, you know what I mean? I'm looking forward to you going hunting for flowers into this.

And then the other werewolf attacks Rahaddin. Raha Dinn He has like a short sword at his side Which he with a little flick of his wrist Draws immediately And slashes at the werewolf in front of him That werewolf staggers backwards And Raha Dinn and that werewolf starts squaring off

That was the werewolves' turn Rahadin is not able to land a serious blow But they are tussling Okay Okay, okay, that's something That's yeah, that ain't nothing Then it is Iona's turn. Okay. Can I even see what happens? No, you don't know what's happening with

the Iona. Okay. And Cavendish's turn. Okay. You, you can hear Cavendish screaming behind you. Wait! Wait! Wait! For God sakes! And Cavendish is going to open up on another druid that you can't see. Okay. I just realized you and Cavendish drew very comparable damage. Oh, nice. Yeah. You hear Cavendish's weapon, crack, crack, firing twice. Okay. And then Cavendish, all noises the Cavendish makes kind of fade away from you. Do you look back? Yeah, I'll look over my shoulder. You look back, Cabandish is nowhere to be seen.

Fuck, dude. Is it, is it like he's missing from where he was, or is it like the rain's too thick? Yeah. Okay. Okay. You've lost sight and hearing of him. Looking forwards again, you can see Tarpos, looking back at you and trying to scream something at you This fucking rain Isn't any one of us a goddamn wizard

who can give us telepathy For the fuck's sake You don't want that Garbon Lushin would be in the call That is true You really don't want To hear what they think of me

So It is the Twig Blights's turn And I think only one of them Is able to make it to you But one twig blight Oh One Twig Blight Runs up to you

And then you just push out of the way. None of the needle blights can see you but a poison blight. Oh, come on, man. A poison blight leaps upon you. And you push that one away. You're just pushing your way.

They are getting thick. It is kind of becoming, you've inadvertently walked in between two lines of blights, and they're trying to converge on you from different sides, and you're shoving them out of the way. Hector, it's your turn. Okay. A couple questions. Yes.

So where are we in terms of like what's surrounding us in location of the people in the cages? The people in the cages are off to your right. They're in a separate room. They're about 70 feet from you right now. Okay. Right in front of you, there are two werewolves. Okay. Inside you, there are two werewolves.

That's just what I thought. Anyway, to your right, so the people, and cages are to your left. So I can see them, is what I'm saying. Okay. And they are just like there's locks, right? Like they're locked in cages, yeah. Okay. Are they pretty badly wounded in terms of like, would they be able to help you fight? Helping the fight if they were to be. There's three people. Yep. The two women who look to be... The two that aren't werewolvesed. Yeah. No, one of them looks like she's pretty badly mulled. She could be bitten, you're not certain. Okay, okay.

Yeah. Because I thought it was the... One of them is unharmed. The Dwarven. I thought it was a halfling that was nursing the bite. The other ones looked fine. Well, she's scuffed up. You can't tell there.

You, I... So, she's covered in a bit of blood. Enough blood, I would say, that while you can see that it's just her arm and it looks like scratches, I would say, Hector would be able to make this assessment, that he's not 100% sure she hasn't also been bitten. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. And so the two women, do they look like they're capable of a fight right now? They're both wearing heavy armor. So you imagine that they use it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. One of them is unwounded. How strong those locks look? Honestly, actually, the cages would be flimsyer than the locks. The locks probably come from some parts unknown outside of Barovia, whereas the cages themselves are Barovian steel, sometimes known as the lesser pig iron.

Donkey iron Donkey iron, yeah Okay, cool All right Well, I will Misty Step Towards them Okay

And then I will cast Aldrich Blast On two of the cages Which ones? I will The person who is just like The I guess the halfling

Yeah They are a bit more wounded Because they were nursing The halflings Fucked up Yeah Okay then I'll get the two Two women

Who look like They can be useful In a fight And I'll try and break open the two cages, not aimed for the locks, I guess. Oh, good news, bad news, which would you like first? Bad, Adam. Bad news?

I'm drawing from the critical mist stack. Dude, fuck. That's a cage. And it's magic. You still got to roll the head. It's going to be bad. I'm going to draw it twice, and I'm going to read them both out, because one of these is a very funny one.

Look, you know, for a lot of reasons, we don't film the ideas for nerds. But I would love, for the people listening, to just have a Zammat's face cam. There's been so many points where you want to cut to Zammat Kam where your face is just like, what's happened? What's happening to me? Your options are everyone's favorite party member and got you worked out. Now, Joel, Zammat. Yes.

My good friend. I'm going to let you know, this is good news. No matter which one you pick, you're going to laugh. I guarantee you will laugh. That's great to know. One of these might have you in hysterics, honestly. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. So what's the two two names?

They are, everyone's favorite party member, or got you worked out? Everyone's favorite party member sounds like a blast. I know, but like, it's bad. But it's probably bad. Everyone's favorite party member gets got, you know, that kind of stuff. Everyone gets like the cage, it gets an attack of off on the, everyone's favorite party member. Somewhere distantly cribbit, like, just, like, opens a door wrong. He gets smacked in the face.

He hits him on the head with a doorkman. Yeah, I'm going to choose the other one. Got you worked out? Yeah. All right. The target has advantage on saving throws against your spells. For two rounds. Fuck your life, dude.

Fuck that, I guess. The other one is the last person you killed rises as a zombie. It is unable to act in any way, but will mindlessly follow you for a D4 days. after which it will collapse into a corpse again. I just think the question of, who was the last person you killed? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I guess I can't break out of that person out. Yep. That's so funny. You've just reinforced the cage. The cage of the wounded woman smashes open and... Great. Thanks, Adam.

Yeah, good. Give me the wounded one. I'm rolling her in a minute. You dog. She would have gone before you. so I'll have her have her turn now she doesn't have a weapon

what is she going to do could I throw her a weapon of some kind if I have I think I got like a spear or surely I've got in my arsenal of inventory

surely have something well what sort of a weapon do you have then what's it say in your sheet have you written down I mean like a spear or a dagger I would say that you could easily have had one of those at some point. Just what are you throwing, I guess?

I probably have a dagger, right? Most adventurers will have a dagger. Sure, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I'll, yeah, throw them a dagger. If you don't know in your inventory, just make negative one dagger. And then when you find a dagger, you can arrange a plus one. That's how you end up with two daggers. Yeah, we don't want an item duplication glitch.

Surely, yeah, like a dagger. With her good hand, she catches the dagger, and then she goes over to the other cage and you see she, maybe she works that dagger into the lock and she's trying to free her companion. Yep, nice. That is going to be her turn. Oh, I should actually fucking roll. All right. Well, she'll get to this next turn. Then, that was Hector.

Do you want to do anything else? No. Okay. It's Gorbon Lushin's turn. We'll revisit them. engineer, you can't see, it's the Druids' turn. I don't think any of them can see you right now, Pip. So we jump to Caryl over.

Oh. You see what Cavendish has been pointing to. I'm not ready for this. So sometimes, we don't often film D&D, but sometimes it would be really good to have, like, a little camera on Jackson's face. Jackson Cam. Making some real, real good faces at this moment in time. Okay. Fuck my life.

Yeah, dude. Hey, it's good to be here. Yeah, it's great to be here. It's great to be here. It's fun, it's fun. I love this. It's good to think like, hey, I reckon I can maybe figure some stuff out. Yeah.

If some things work out for me. If some things go my way. And yet. And yet. And yet, I'm going to turn into a werewolf. Yeah, and I'm just going to be killed outright. Yeah, and a cage is apparently too much for me. Yeah.

Everything goes quiet. But not because the storm stopped. Everything just goes quiet. There's no noise. You can't hear the wind. You can't hear the rain. You can't hear any of your companions dying out there. Oh, fuck.

All... Fuck, dude. Why do you say that? Why would you say that to me, dude? All you have eyes for right now, and all you can hear is the rattle of the grave as a corpse, a skeleton that has been scattered all across this field is slowly drawn together with vines. Acting as like ligament and muscle, these vines knit this corpse together, this skeleton. It is, you can tell, the skeleton of a dryad. Her once vibrant and living form, now just bleached white bone.

The skeleton is knitted together such that the vines intricately move their way through these bones. And whenever Keralova moves, it is the vine moving the bone. a single accusatory finger points towards you and as the vines make the jaw move up and down you hear hip mandarin

your death awaits carlova like hector moments ago casts misty step oh fuck dude she appears right in front of you, dude. God damn it, man.

Okay. I don't even know this woman. Okay. This is the first time we've met. Cold boney, well, cold bone hands grab either side of you, Pip, and try to lift you up into the air.

Fuck, fuck. Pip, you are grappled and lifted up into the air. You take Oh, no. Seven points of necrotic damage. Oh, God. You're on 29 hit points? Mm-hmm.

Mm. Well aware. And then a meaty, muscular vine pushes itself against your temple and pushes your head to the side. No, no, no. The jaw unhinges again and fangs grow in her teeth. Fuck off. Kelova plunges her head down into your neck. Oh, my God.

We're not ready for that. this. Okay. You take another eight points of piercing damage. And then you take a further 11 points of necrotic damage, which reduces your maximum

hit points as well. Okay. Fuck yeah, dude. I love this. Yes, it's fun for everybody. Jesus Christ. You're on 10 hit points. Uh-huh. Mm.

And your maximum has gone down from 50 to, what was it, reduced by 11 to 39. Okay. Okay. Deedle, dude, dude. Yeah, fucking, I hear you, brother.

I'm in real deedle, deedle hours. I'm going to pull out some fucking fancy shit to get out of this one. Let me think. Give me a fucking second, dude. Yeah, bro. We're not, this wasn't what we imagined how this would go. You're lucky, dude. You're not even fighting in her layer.

Yeah. Thank God. Dude. All right. Can I, can I, am I grappled in such a way that I can't fire my crossbow? You cannot fire your crossbow, no. Mm-hmm. Oh, you know what?

Well, she has me by my shoulders. You can't reload your crossbow. Okay. Well, then I'm going to make it count. I'm going to use a focus shot. So I'm going to fire, it's going to be a meticulous shot, which means every attack this round has advantage. And I'm going to, she's plant life.

So fire is still probably going to, and she's, undead. So fire is still probably going to be the best elemental damage to put on this shot. So I'm going to directs crossbow still on fire, meticulous shot. The last two shots I have, twang, twang into, I guess her guts

as she sinks her teeth into my neck. Come on, critical. 19 or 20, 19 or 20. No critical. Fuck. 19! Yes, okay, okay. That's what I was gunning for, dude. That's what I was gunning for. Did you say fire damage? So your first attack will resolve that

And then we'll get to the other one Oh my God, you rolled really well You, the first, you, fuck, if only you got this on the next attack You deal Confused myself by having a six upside down Two, how did a six roll a, how did a six side of dice Roll a nine, I got some bag of dice So lucky

11, 14, 23 points of damage from your first attack And then your second attack Your options are Follow up Or poke in the belly Follow up, I reckon You can't reload your crossbow Good point

Poke in the belly You're welcome Thank you Adam Quadruple damage Fuck yes dude Okay Pray for a high number With a

I am dude I am Low number Do you have anything to re-roll damage Yes I can re-roll anything I got a good boy card Yeah you'll want to re-roll this You got With two ones

Okay, wait, that's not how it happened I re-roll anything Spend the card Oh, I mean You know, your first roll was still the best one But you know, this will do Okay You deal

72, did I fuck that up? Surely I fucked that up 72 damage, is that 18 times four? Yeah, dude Wow, so good at math Does she catch fire as well? Well, you Hang on, give me one thing

Let me fucking calculate her current hit point total now. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, you did 101 damage in one turn. Ooh, baby. Damn, dude. You feel as your crossbow kicks twice. You may be blacking out.

The edges of your vision are... Have you ever seen what it's like to hit like a really high G-turn in like a fighter jet or something like that? As the edges of your vision start blacking and you start kind of getting just pinprick vision, that is happening to you. And you feel the sensation, don't, don't of your crossbow firing twice. You feel a sudden warmth. It feels a bit like you've pissed yourself because you're sodden but warm now. And Keralova lets go of you.

You don't even know me, I say. threatening my death get in line Pip, that was your action What else? Is there anything else You'd like to do?

Can I Disengage? Not as a bonus action Unfortunately You can get away But she'll get an attack Of all Which won't be

Her bite attack No, Hey, but attack Dude, I have 10 hit points Okay I have 10 hit points And I have nothing

Is it a free action To drink an elixo Or is that a whole action? It depends It's just protection from damage Protection of damage? All right, it's typically an action, but... You're going to be kind to me?

I'll be... Well, let's not call it kind. I'll let you do it as a bonus action, but you drink it messy and you spill some of it. Okay, sure. As I, like, roll onto the grass, as I'm saying, you don't even know me, I'll drink the...

Sloply drink my protection from damage. I am curious, with the sloppily... Is that a mechanical... thing Adam? Or is it just more of a rude thing? So you want Pip to be like he spilled some, like a baby. Are you looking up your sloppy rules? Yeah, yeah. Is this

just like, you know, is this a mechanical thing that you're kind of penalizing for? Or are you just being rude? Normally, he wouldn't be able to do this at all. So I think I, you know what, I've come full circle? I think I am being kind, letting you drink this at all right now. You shove as much potion

down your throat as you can. And you gain. We'll say damage resistance for two rounds. Okay. Fuck it, dude. I'll take it. And do you want to do anything else? You have movement still, but once again...

Yeah, but I'll take an attack above. Yeah. I'll take an attack of off if I move, so... Yeah. There's nothing else I can do. You stay put. That is your turn, Pip. It's the werewolves' turn.

Nice. Fabulous. That's all right. I'm... Odds or evens? Evens? No, odds. We'll go odds this too.

Odds? Okay, those two werewolves. They're pretty focused on you. buddy. I'm like I dive 70 at least 70 feet if not more away from the nail. Whirlves are quick dude. How quick a werewolf?

70 foot in five seconds? I think that's, I think 70 foot. Put him in the Olympics. Let me double check but I think you're gonna, I think you're gonna get caught my friend. No. Fuck, dude. No. No. No. How could a werewolf be quick? I think regular wolves are fast enough for this, dude.

I gotta check I gotta, I gotta I gotta check myself of vamporism. I got to check myself Is werewolfism a disease? Yeah I think I'm immune Fabulous

Oh fuck you are too Hmm Hmm Yeah Yeah Here's my petty revenge How fast are werewolves actually They're 80 feet

They can easily close 80 feet It will form Which they currently are in They can close in with you Yeah In human form they can't Is that a dashing

Or are they just That's just their spood Oh You know what You're absolutely right. They would be dashing. I forgive me. Few, dude.

Thank you currently playing too much Baldus Gate free. You, dude. They won't get attacks on you, but both of them rush in. I guess they're, like, less so more just specifically attacking you and more you're, like, freeing people. And so it's kind of, you know, priority one for them to prevent as many people as possible from fighting them. Yeah, that's fair.

Raha Dian is about to get Raha fucked Oh no, dude You're one hour Raha Dun I mean you're two allies now He Raha was Yeah Raja done

It's the bite as well Which he's getting superhead Oh God, he's got to be wolf man All fun in games Roll a D100 on a 5LS You're blinded in one eye Oh my god Raha DIN maybe about to lose an eye

Oh he's lucky All right He and other than that It's just a regular bite Oh, okay. I guess this is one way to make a deal with the werewolves is to become the werewolves. Yeah, hey, that's true.

Maybe King of the Werewolves. Rahadin needs to make a Constitution saving throw. He, I mean, Stroud will sort that out if he becomes a werewolf. Right. Stroud will find the plan. Rahadin is fighting Mano Amano with one of the werewolves. Okay, the werewolf scores a few good hits on him, but Rahaddin does not score any hits back. He's being kind of boxed into a corner.

Raha Dinn with his short sword is fencing as best as he can but this werewolf is just really fucking quick. Yeah, damn, dude. Fuck. And Iona, sorry Iona. Cavendish. Oh, fuck.

Pip Mandarin. Crack, crack, crack, crack. Thank God. The noise, whoosh, floods back in. You can hear everything again. And looking over your shoulder, you may be kind of, you've fallen down, onto your ass a bit as Keralova let go of you.

Looking over your shoulder, you can see as Kavan Dish is slowly approaching you, drawing pistol after pistol after pistol, firing at Keralova. He deals 41 points of damage. Fuck. That, oh, you know what? Why not? He action surges. Hell yes, Kavendish.

After dropping the last of his pistols, he draws a, fencing sword and then sprints in, not a fencing, sorry, a cavalry saber. And then he closes the distance with Klover, standing side by side with you. He continues fighting. Slashing at Keralova with that saber, he deals a further 37 points of damage. Take that. He is over-leveled, I guess. fight.

And Keralova is bloodied. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Fuck yes. Barely, but bloody. Yes, fuck. It's taken a lot to get her to barely bloodied and it appears just two of us, which is very stressful. It's the twigblights 's turn. Pip, two

twig blights attack you from behind. Come on, man. Your armor class is a no, no, no mind. Okay, thank God. No, no. No, Oh, they hit. You feel a piercing pain in your back. Come on.

And you take two points of damage. I'm in the fucking weeds, dude. That was the twig. None of the needleblights can see you still. A poison blight also latches itself onto your back. Oh, no. And the poison blight deals... Five more points of damage.

You're on three hit points. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. And then you need to make a Constitution saving throw versus... Oh, wait. Oh, Adam, you're so mean. Oh, how are you now?

Oh, no, there is a saving throw. Oh, thank God. You need to make a Constitution saving throw. Do you have anything for a Constitution saving throw? I do not. I have how fortuitous. Something good happens to you, DM's choice. It feels quite like a waste, but it feels like otherwise I'm going to die.

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