D&D is For Nerds - Barovia V #2 Simultaneous Regeneration

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

14th of the NeyavrMama says it's only elk, calling to each other across the valley. But I have never heard an elk sound like that. It came three times, low and long, like a horn blown by something with no lungs to exhaust. The dogs would not stop shaking until well past moonrise.16th of the NeyavrOld Tomas is gone. His wife says she heard the horn the night before. Tomas went out "to see whose fool idea it was to blow a hunting horn past curfew." I do not think it was a hunting horn. I do not think Tomas is coming back.22nd of the NeyavrThree sounds tonight. Not one. Three. Different notes, like it was... singing? Singing is the wrong word. It was closer to something practicing at being a voice. And it was angry. 29th of the NeyavrJakob, my poor sweet Jakob, we found him strangled by his own leash in the morning. The marks on the dirt and the rope burns around his neck are so deep and ragged. He wanted to get away from the woods so bad he all but ripped through his own throat. But Savanah, his mate, hasn't moved since we came upon the scene. She sits there, motionless, as still as a statue, eyes fixed at the forrest and growls whenever we attempt to move her.3rd of the DekavrI saw it. It came to the edge of the tree line and did not come one step closer. Black-feathered and wrong-shouldered. I saw it between the trunks. And then I heard it. The same sound I have heard for the last three weeks. Loud, piercing, accusing and mocking. I cannot explain how I know this, and by the Gods I hope I am wrong, but it sounding like it was laughing.- Journal excerpt found in an abandoned settlement near Tser Falls If you're still wanting to get Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Our pledge manager is open so get it while you can! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Though you see no water for miles around you, you are, like me. Nonetheless, maroon. We are castaways in this terrible bad dream, somebody decided to name Barovia. To switch up the metaphor, we are imprisoned. And the fog is the bars of our cell and our jailer is Baron von Straud. As far as I can tell, there's no way to escape other than possibly by dying. Maybe by being eaten by a wolf, let's say. Sitting in the throne is Sir Godfrey Gwilm.

The blood of strad flows. Bow your head. I bow my head. One of the knights draws his great sword and stands next to you. Gretchen gives a cry and you realize they mean to execute you. I bow my head as in like if I was to like genuflect. Like you know, it's in genuine. like, oh, he wants me to kneel or whatever.

Then when I'm realizing, the great sort of I stand up. Right. Combat against. Wait? No. I say, fuck, dude. I say wait.

I understand, but I do say, wait. Pip. How are you going to get out of this one, dude? Woo. Oh, boy. They're always going to kill you, man. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. There are rules. Yeah. Pop, you can also go to an initiative. You land bodily next to Keening, as I said, and Keening turns to you and he's about to say something. You're about to say something, actually. You're about to tell him about the...

Pop-ap! Yeah, that. Okay. Now, without any of my PIP abilities, Let's fight a reborn, so perfectly healed. Vampier. Well, I mean, you know, he's got Pops abilities, or at least you think you have Pops abilities.

Yeah. So ambush. Can the two of you please do paper scissors rock? Paperses. Rock. Got his ass. Yeah. Scissors beats paper.

So Pop is an ambush predator. Correct. Correct, yes. But I don't know if I know that about him. That's true. It's not like in the time we hung out. You know that he has a sickle and hammer. A hammer and sickle are the weapons he picked.

And what else do you think you know about you? I'm assuming Pop fights just with his fists, really. That would be Pips or something. That's why you collected a sickle and hammer? Well, no, I mean, like he doesn't do anything fancy. Right. If Pip had to say what class he thought Pop was, it would be just like a fighter. You know, when are they sitting down?

The only time I ever imagined Pip and Pop really meet up after the time in the orphanage is when Pop asks Pip for money. And he says, I've got some Venture. Found a place where I was born. Can you pay me some money? Turning towards trumpets asking for money. All right, Pop, your first. Okay.

Is trumpets just basically right in front of me? You hear the noise. I spin around on the spot. and sickle at the ready seeking out trumpets. All right. I'll call that your action if you want to look for trumpets. Oh, Nat 20, get a good boy card. You spot

just past the riverbank. It's like a rocky embankment. There is the the Slavich Wood begins. Low, over the Slavich woods, coming at an incredible speed, you spot trumpets. She is close. Does it look like she intends to basically

kind of like swoop down and hit one of us? She looks like she's going to do a classic magpie maneuver. She's going to a flyby attack. You were able to well your numbers really helped in the last battle but you were able to kind of fix her in place and then pummel her. She looks like she's going to try and stay mobile this time. Okay. Just having a look at what I can do.

Well actually I will say that was your action. So you've got your bonus action and maybe now is a good time to get into the new mechanic for companions. So I, you sounded almost like, yeah, dubious. Fine. If you say so, dude. So to simplify my maths on this one, just to make things easier for me, because I'm managing a lot of NPCs, I'm using a new set of mechanics where, rather than hit points, your allies have,

levels of health. It starts it healthy. It goes down to wounded, bloodied, exposed, and then downed, which would be the equivalent of zero hit points. Downed is not dead. It's just zero hit points. So they're bleeding out. On your turn, as a bonus action, you can make or you can direct an ally to move up to their movement speed. And then I've given you, for each of your allies, have given you three quote unquote signature moves. Okay. And a, a source. from that, outside of your bonus action, they will, rather than rolling initiative independently, because that's a fucking nightmare for me,

just at the end of the round of combat, all your allies will get an action. So if you don't order them, they'll still do something, but it's going to be kind of like randomly almost selected by me, as you aren't fighting necessarily as a cohesive unit. Yeah, sure. Okay. Hmm.

Who have I got with me? I've got Keening. Yes, Keenning. Elaniel and tiny, don't I? Yeah. Well, maybe I, too, to either elenial or woken, kind of just the people with me, I say, I point her out, she's coming over the tree, she's going to swoop us. Pin her down. And you're directing that to Woken, perhaps?

Yeah, let's say woken. Okay. Keening, with his fire whip, tries to strike at trumpets. He rolls, and he connects. Hell yeah. Trumpets takes 13 points of fire damage, and then she needs to make a strength save or be restrained in place, which is going to be interesting. She'll probably pass this, but if she doesn't... She passes.

She, the whip wraps around Trumpets's midsection, but she gives a little pulse with her wings, and she breaks the flaming whip instantly. She keeps coming in low and ready. it's your turn. Okay. How many of these undead paladins are there? There is Sir Godfrey Gwilom. Yeah. Sir Robin Torei.

Sir Arthurnd Borwyn. Okay. Sir Damien Hargrove. Still going. Is Sir Eric Norenthal. And finally... The last guy who is a little bit more morose. He might be on your side.

Well... Yes. Correct. The last one. Sir Vladimir Horn guard. who, when he draws his weapon, you see, once again, that look of sadness on his face, Hector. He doesn't look like he's particularly willing here, but he has drawn his weapon. Well, he's still going to do.

Yeah. Yeah, but he'll feel bad about it. Well, yeah, that's all right. Okay. So six, well, now they are, they are skeletons. Yeah? They're undead, they're not skeletons. Sorry, they're the undead.

So what do I know about undead? But these are different undead. Yeah, I don't know if they work the same. I don't know if you call these blog, man. Yeah, like radiant damage would be good. Probably. It's probably a safe bad. But at the same time, but if they are paladins, do they cast their own radiant damage?

Or because the evil is good radiant damage going to hurt them more than... Well, they're not good. Okay. Okay. So, I will firstly, I'll grab my shield to Pigs. And I'm like, but... I'm here to negotiate. Now, do Scal, do Undead C in the dark?

I don't know. I mean, Pip probably does. Do I remember, Adam? It depends on the undead. It depends. I'm just like, I've spent enough time, I think, in, in, Barovia with old mate yapping on about Emmanuel. Do I pick up it?

Do I remember anything? It really depends on the undead. Bog men, Bog standard. bog men, do not. Okay. All right. I think we need to run, hey. Yeah.

There's only two of you. Behind you is the set of doors that you came in through and the rest of the of the rest of Argen Vostalt. Ahead of you is that set of windows just past the... Yeah, can you describe... So we're three stories up. Yes. God, I really wish I could fly again.

I know. But also the idea of you jumping out, acting. activating your wings and just setting out a laser is really funny. Behind you is a set of double doors. That's where most of the enemies are currently standing. You have a full four of them are standing behind you. One is standing to the side and then one is directly in front of you. And then none of them have eyes on basically, or none of them have swords on Gretchen.

They're all for mostly me. Gretchen's standing a little bit behind you. They, they, what do you mean by? swords on. Well, they're mostly going to target me. It looks like, yeah. Ahead of you is a set of windows just past that dragon's

statue, and then you can see on either side of the dragon statue is a single door. You don't know where those lead. All right. My options are, my heads are, do I cast darkness, and then we try and flee, but knowing that even if we do try and flee, they know where we're going to go down,

and then there's heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps of the undead there to fight. So that's one thing. One is to activate that the new wings, as it were, to at least provide radiant damage, you know, in a succumbent around myself, which is maybe good. And then the other one is to cast shatter. Okay.

And hope that it's fairly dilapidated so we can try to escape that way. Yeah. Well, in front of you, everyone's behind you. Everyone's behind you, right? Yeah. So no attacks of op or only one attack of op if you try and run. Yeah. I guess I'm behind you actually, so you'd be moving out of...

Technically, the way D&D works is if you ran towards the windows, you'd get the most attacks of op. Because you take an attack of op when you leave someone's range. But, yeah, there's basically the way behind you is pretty much actually almost blocked. Yeah. Like you would need to hear. hip and shoulder yourself a little bit to get through the line of enemies behind you. Ahead of you, well, like I said, just immediately to your side is one of them.

And the one on the throne, the one who summoned you here, so Willem, he is, well, he's not right next to you, but if you try to run past him to the windows, you feel like with the reach of a great sword, he might be able to catch you. Okay. The flooring here. Yeah. It's not the best. Yeah.

I mean, you know, it's seen better days. Absolutely. Okay. If I was to cast Shatter, sort of on where the throne is, where Godfrey is sitting, or there, ideally, if that could fall. It would depend on how much damage you dealt. Okay.

I think that's going to be the best option right now. Awesome. I just, I came here to Nick, to have it. Nick, we are wanting the same thing. you could just listen to me but shatter don't think you do want the same thing because they clearly want you dead

well that's what I mean I thought we want I thought you're on the same page calling upon your horrid deal with Eileen I want to do that I just want to do it that's where you get the wallop powers from

I don't want to ask I'm just doing it you cost shatter there is well you don't so much cost as you ask Eileen to create a shud Shatter. There's a brief, like, if Shatter normally takes five seconds to cost, you wait an extra second. And then, the floor detonates. You say, as Gwillam, he dives aside. He takes only five points of damage as he resists the blow. But the floor beneath the throne,

sags, crinkles, and then crash a hole appears. All right. We need to run. I grab Gretchen. Okay. And we hoof it. You take every single attack of opportunity, I believe. Okay.

You'll be fine. Let's see what happens. Do you like, huh? So I'm not such a doffing off when you get back? Or do I cast shield when Adam tells me they've rolled a critical? Well, if they've rolled a critical, it's not going to help. Yeah, I'd cast a shield now, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, wait until one. We'll see, maybe none of them hit. Maybe they all miss. What's your armor class currently? Your armor class is. Well, shield on 18. 18? Okay, well, shield is a reaction.

Hit. You might want to cost them. I mean, actually, I think even if you, If you cast it, it won't help for this role. Hang on. Miss. Okay. Miss.

Okay. Miss. See, here you go. See, see, see, see. Hit. You don't want to cast it. Although too high, because then I'm out of spruce. It's only one hit so far that you could prevent.

Okay, okay, okay. Miss. All right. Do you want to take one fewer hits? No. There's only two hits. That's not too bad. At this point, I'm like, if I want to cast Shatter again. Yeah, that's it.

You're only going one floor down. That is correct. You get to another floor. All right. Jesus Christ. You take, from the first attack, oh man, I forgot all the rules I have for these guys. Have they sworn vengeance against you? What?

Technically no. They don't even know him. They don't need to know. No, you didn't do that. I haven't even done anything bad for them, apart from ruining their throne that they love. Yeah, but that happens. Now they can.

All right. No, they haven't sworn vengeance against you yet. So, you take 13 points of damage from the first blow. And 11 from the second. So that's 24 total. That's okay. I'm still standing. That's fine. Your hit point.

are by my count 56. And then, Hector, you and Gretchen stand at the threshold for the whole down. Let me tell you what you're looking at. You know, it might affect... I would say, well, I mean, maybe, but I don't think so.

Yeah. Tell me what's behind. Tell me what's there as we're full. I think it would have to be pretty bad. Oh, that's... What's down there, Adam's... What's down there, Adam? So, I've got good news and I've got bad news, which would you like.

Bad news first. Bad news first? There is nothing below this. The good news is you're on the ground floor. You fall all three stories. That's okay. Hey, that's fine. That's what?

Hey, it worked one time before. Misty step at him. And I'm going to strain it by bringing Gretchen. It's already strained by Carlin. Lasting it as a while you're moving. Okay. Can you double strain? It's a bonus.

Yeah, I think it's already strained as you're doing it while moving. Well, I guess that's where. You can double strain it and I'll give you disadvantage. Okay. I was like, as we up the precipice and it's nothing there below us that I hope. I will allow. No, I'll allow you to stand at the precipice. Yeah. Okay.

You know what, actually? No, I'll allow you to do it, but it's a dexterity save. All right. Sure. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Okay, you get to the precipice, you realize I shouldn't do this, and then the bricks beneath you gave and you fall.

Okay. Double strain it, dude. Double strain it. It could only... How wrong could it go? Which are Arcana. You're real clever, right? Yeah.

He said, looking at a plus one. Plus two? Plus two. Oh, yeah, sorry, that's your wisdom. Um... Would you like me? I can re-roll anything. Yes, you want that.

Spend to re-roll anything? Okay, with a plus two, you successfully strain the spell. You wink out of existence on the third floor, and you wink back into existence on the ground floor. You look around and you can see some of those less minded undead, not mindless, but some of those other knights are standing around. And whatever was stopping them from attacking, they seemed to be. inherently know that they can attack you now. You don't think you're out of this fight just yet. But surely they can't be worse than the

main arg of assault nights. We don't know. Adam's shrugging, but he knows. It's his realm. Is looking around? Unfortunately, that's your bonus action, your movement and your action. But looking at what is in the room, looking around? Looking around?

Sorry? Is there like, what is around you? Exit, like... There is directly in front of you. the double doors that you came in through, standing in front of those double doors is one of those, one of those creatures. Behind you is the stairs that you went up.

There's two creatures on the stairs, and then there's rooms either to your left and to your right, both of which are full of, full of guys. And that the stables or whatever, that was like completely dilapidated. That's not part of this? Yeah, you know,

that's on a different side. Oh, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, there is, hey, look, to peel back the curtain, and perhaps a little bit. Obviously, when you made the deal with Strad, this was never going to happen. But in the battle against Strad, you could have recruited 200 of these knights.

Okay. Could I still do that? They will never fight for Hector or with Hector. You are probably, even without Hector, they've been here for so long and no one's been able to figure out how to get them to help them. Yeah, fair. Right.

Anyway, yeah, in another life, these might have been allies, but unfortunately, they will never fight with you. I mean, you know, other than this. Anyway, it is Trumpets' time. Okay. Everyone's favorite. And Trumpets comes in low and fast. Okay. A vampire drown?

Only Pip was here for me to ask. Yeah. Oh, by the by, with the new mechanics. panics of like, say, our MPCs. Do they act on our turn, by the by, or is a... They act at the end. So, at the end of initiative, after everyone else is gone, I'll go through and every one of them gets to act, including Gretchen. Oh, yeah, I was going to say, yeah, because I think she has a, she has something where to increase our AC, which does sound nice.

Could be useful. She will, however, act as I see fit. Gretchen. Gretchen. Gratian. All right. So, trumpets as she swoops past, she attacks Keenan. Okay.

All right. So Keening screams as a slash appears on his side. Keening goes from healthy to wounded. Okay. And then she keeps going. At the end of her turn, she flips around and disappears. She becomes invisible. That's bad.

That's really bad. Okay. Then it is the Knights of Argonvostolt's turn. The knights at the stairs and the knight at the door charge trying to converge upon you. Hector, you are surrounded. Did you cast shield in the end? No. Hit, miss.

Okay. Miss miss. Miss. Hit. You can block one hit if you'd like. That's okay. All right. You take, as they start wailing upon you with their,

swords. You take 11 plus... Oh, I have a repost. I can repost somebody. Repost, dude. 11 plus 8. So you take

19 points of damage. Jesus Christ. Okay, that is a lot of... Cool. All right, I'll repost. One of them. I guess. Yeah.

And that just gives you an attack against them, right? Yep. All right. You, one of them slams their great sword into you. And while the great sword cuts its way

sore like through your shoulder, you grunt and bear through the pain and jab upwards with your spear into its chest. You strike dead and true. You deal you deal

11 points of damage back to that undead knight. Um, yeah okay. They also have regeneration. Hmm. Okay. You gotta get out of there, brother.

Regeneration, you say. Yeah, it's truly been the bane of our existence here in Borovia. Every fucking thing regenerates. Except for us. Except for us. We quite aggressively don't regenerate. All right, your allies' turn. Elaniel fires twice with her longbow.

Oh, no. Oh, come on, dude. For God's sakes. Elaniel tries to aim at the last place where trumpets was, but trumpets makes up noise, and Elaniel's, the string on Elaniel's bow snaps, she cries out in pain. Oh, she manages to resist it. She cries out in pain and is not permanently blinded. Oh, my God, that was a bad one.

Then, that was Elaniel. Woken tries his fire whip again. he hits, his firewhip wraps around something in the middle of the air. You hear trumpets give a cry of surprise and shock. Okay, that's good, that's good, that's good. Trumpets. Trumpets takes nine points of damage, putting her on, nine damage. Okay, hey.

And then she needs to make a strength-saving throw. You watch, as whatever the fire, well, you watch as trumpet's invisible form falls prone and hits the ground. Trumpets takes eight points of damage from hitting the ground, and then you see from in the river as smoke bubbles out of the river, and trumpets takes a further from running water. Takes a further nine points of damage. Okay.

Trumpets becomes visible, and you can see that she's not regenerating. Okay. All right. That was Woken's turn. Gretchen's turn. Gretchen charges forward towards the one who is barring your way out, and she swings her sword and lowering its great sword that half-intelligent undead grabs Gretchen's sword and twists it aside. She cries out.

And... And tiny. Tiny leaps into the water. Splash. He hits the water hard. Tiny goes 30 feet downstream. That's really funny. And that is, I believe, all of your allies.

I've only got three people with me. Pop, back to the beginning. It's your turn. How close is... She's 30 feet away. From the river. Oh, how? How close are you from the river?

How close are my two trumpets and how close? So trumpets is 30 feet away from me. Yeah. And I'm like right on the river. And my movement right now is what? It would be like 30 feet. Your movement is 30 feet, yeah. Okay.

What do you mean? Well, my ideal situation here is I grab trumpets and slam her head into the river, push her into the running water. Right. So that it damages her. Because if she's restrained and in the water, maybe the water will take care of the problem. Yeah, but I'd have to go to her and then go back, so it's, that's like 60 feet.

No, she's in the water. Oh, she's already in, oh, she was over the water. Yeah, she was over the water, she got fire whipped, Keening with like a huge tug, pulled at her, fucked up her flight, she tumbled into the water where she is currently. All right, sweet. That's why Tiny jumped into the water. It was trying to do basically the same thing. Okay.

God, I must suck being that, like, a vampire with that weakness. And every time you wake up, like, mm. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Go through this running water every time. Okay, well. Trumpets has a lot of reason to be pretty mad in you. Yeah.

Well, then I... I can see why Pip did it. Yeah. Well, if we just threw this up, you know, from a height here, running water, wrapped in change. Yeah, I weighed into the river being like, Pip wasn't so stupid after all, was he? It will, because you're going into heavy running water,

you'll need a big a check, and it will take your whole turn to get to her. That's okay. That's fine. I'll make that check. You succeed where Tiny failed. You understand why he failed. The river gets really strong here. And while you won't be actually swimming,

you are stepping on very wet, obviously, slimy locks. You get to her, you still have a bonus action. I guess as a bonus action, I'll just call to my allies and be like, make sure if she doesn't leave the water. Keening hits his fire whip again. He pulls on it, and you see his... it tightens around trumpets, but it does no further damage. Okay, that's fine. As long as she's restrained, that's all that matters.

All right. That is your turn. Pop, Hector, it's your turn. Okay. There's two behind you, one in front of you. Gretchen is obviously focusing on the one in front of you, hoping that if you kill it, you can just fucking leave. Yeah.

The one in front of me, I can get to it with my spear. Yeah. Cool. All right, let's... I'll say that was the one you stabbed. Sweet. Let's do that. I don't know if I mentioned this as is a rowdy, but you watch as it heals around the wound that you just made. You could see these guys also have some sort of...

Well, not, I shouldn't say also, because you don't know about the other fight. But for Joel, they also have some sort of healing power. Okay, well, on the one in front of me, because at least then I can just do this and it might help me, I'm going to... As a bonus action,

Hexblade's curse on him. So, Hexblade curse on that undead creature. so that easier to hit and I get some health if it dies. And then I'm going to I use an extra

ooh yeah do an extra attack on it as well. Spend a good boy card and do an extra attack. You do two attacks normally? Yes. Okay.

So you do three attacks. Your first attack no, that's it. Thank God. Okay. Second attack, missed. Follow up. So if my last attack roll was a hit, I can automatically hit.

All right, three hits. And could I, perhaps, with one of the attacks, could I have tripped? You can attempt to trip, yeah. Excellent. He makes a, oh, that attack does an extra D8 damage from memory. And then he makes a strength, saving threat? Yes. He passes.

And then each of these does an extra, these are these are these is plus eight. This feels familiar. 24 points of damage. Here we are again. As much as things change, they stay the same. Plus 38 damage total. Hey. And for some reason, not resistant or immune to this.

Crazy. Should have done that. You know what? Does no damage. Oh. No, no. It's a magical speaker. Come on.

It's made of angels or whatever. 49. Will you be nice to us if we cry? I don't know. Oh. I'm just going to accidentally shit myself. That's not. That was your action.

You have a bonus action. I use my bonus action for the curse. Oh, yes. Okay. They're still standing. Yeah. They're not even bloody, dude. Thank God you didn't fight the actual Knights of Agam Vostel, dude.

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah, oh yeah. Fuck. Um, okay. If I get anything we can help. I guess you have nothing else. You have your movement.

You can actually just try to run past it. But then I'll get attack of ops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Best not. Rude.

Okay. Could I have tried then to, like, trip them on all might? No, that seems silly. No, no, no. No. good boy cards, seriously ready for anything. Choose where you go in initiative and you go next.

I don't think you can spend that now. Damn. I thought I was being clever. Let's, I guess let's wait. Yeah, just wait and see. All right, it is. Trumpets is turn. Oh, crazy that.

I feel like Trumpets going to get a bunch of turns, I feel like. What does he mean by that? What does he mean by that? These are the grunts. These are grunts. These are just the dude. You gotta go back to stride and say, raise that thing to the ashes. No.

They say, burned it down. No. Oh, trumpets tries to take a swing at you, Pop, but misses quite badly. Fuck off, doll. Pop, would you prefer momentary confusion or... Cramp! Let's go momentary confusion. You don't add your proficiency bonus to your attacks for three rounds.

You don't know Jackson. Yeah. But that is really good. Awesome, dude. Her proficiency bonus is like eight. Oh, fuck. That is good. That's really good.

Really good. Especially for trying to get out of the bindings and stuff. That's going to, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And that was her turn. Then it is her turn. She's hanging a damn dick. Wait a minute Wait a minute

She attacks you again She misses Can I repost? Sure, yeah If you have that power I do Hey Yeah, I repost

And you hit her with What's her? With, I guess the hammer Okay Donk Bunk Um I don't think you

You miss Okay It makes sense I'm in the middle of basically Whitewater Rapids So And then it is...

Is it... It's... Hang on a minute. Let me just have a quick... Wait a minute. Let me... Hang, I'm gonna quickly look. Wait a minute.

Let me check my... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Oh, my Lord. She doesn't heal, thankfully. But she is going to try and get out of this one way or another.

She... Hmm, what would be the funniest way of doing this? Okay. Trompets begins... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Why would I not do that? Trumpets begins to get bigger and bigger. Pardon?

And bigger. And her feathers begin falling out and becoming scales. Okay. And then you're not fighting trumpets anymore. Suddenly you're fighting a giant crocodile. Okay. When that happens, when she shifts into the giant crocodile, she stops taking damage from the running water. And when that happens, she explodes.

She's now too big for Keen. to keep control of with the fire leash. So she explodes out of that. That is, however, her turn. Then it is. Okay, hang on a minute. Let me just quickly check the turns. Wait a minute.

Check the charts. Check the stars. What the... I think that's fucked up. It's her turn. How does this keep happening? Hopefully what this means... Oh, Pip.

Sorry. Hopefully what this means is she's burning through her... Yeah. Her moves. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. Okay.

Oh, no. It would be really awesome if I got the accent one again. Pinned or pierced hand? Both are bad. Yeah, pinned may drown me. Pierce hand means... Peers hand... Peacons...

Or could fuck up your hand for eternity. Let's go pierced hand. Double damage. Okay, that could be worse. I was really waiting to lose. a hand, which would be funny when I come out of the fugue state and I go, what the fuck?

Didn't I have a hand? Matching with Keening. Oh, best boyfriends. Oh, you're very lucky. It's minimum damage. Oh, thank God. Jesus. That's fine. I've got you on 76 now. Yeah, I'm healthy as a horse, dude.

Then you need to make a grapple check. What's that thing crocodiles do again? Float? Float. No, actually, it was going to be suck your blood. But you managed to resist. Okay. Then...

Hang on a minute. Wait. No, that can't be right. That's been seven turns in a row. The charts are crazy. No, I'm just kidding. I was very willing to believe it, too. It's the Knights of Argonneville.

Yeah, sorry, buddy. Drumfets. How many, they get one turn, though, right? There's a lot of them. Yeah. No, they don't have a legendary. I've certainly not given them legendary actions yet, so you don't think so. First things first.

Yeah. Yeah, I was afraid of that. Right. Six times, I forgot, I lost count. Six times. As the leadership of Agen-Vosthold land all around you, that's their turn, but they don't take fall damage. They're immune to it. Okay.

What? They're immune to a... Man, being undead's awesome. Yeah, dude. We should get in on that. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. The undead night that you're fighting, Hector, you watch as it heals. Gosh, darn it.

Okay. And then the three around you... Oh, actually, you know what? They're about to start attacking you. But so Gwillam, point... a finger at you accusatorily, and you hear, I curse thee. May you never prosper.

May you die in a pauper's grave. He does it. And then another one does it. And then another one does it. And it's their turn. But every single one points a finger at you and you feel as you are being cursed. Fucking as if there wasn't enough going on for old Johnny Hector.

I came here in good faith. Honestly, that is the... Look, I've been through a lot, and that is a thing that hurts the most. So rude. It's your eyes. I think right now, best thing is we're going to just... We're going to leave, because you have insulted us.

For the last time. I've had enough of this as about as much as I could take. I'm going home. Honestly, root? Extraordinary root. Alainiel gets as close as she can to the river and she fires two arrows simultaneously. You watch as both arrows as they fly,

they begin to spin around each other. And as they spin, you watch as little threads connect the two arrows. And then they become thicker and heavier. And essentially, it's not like a net net, but it forms this net of wooden vines which falls over the crocodile and you see that there's all these tiny little razor-sharp teeth in it

that dig in and tear whenever the crocodile moves. It takes eight points of piercing damage, but... Never mind. It breaks out immediately. Okay. Oh, wow, you've done no damage to her. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And that was Elaniel.

and it is woken. He can't restrain with the fire whip anymore. So instead, you see him get in the low and ready and he draws a make-believe revolver, fans his thumb, and fires six bolts of flames, which unerringly strike. Okay. He does 15 points of damage.

That's something. That's something. Yeah. It's Gretchen's turn. Okay. Gretchen just starts wailing on that one in front of you. You can see a bit of panic in her attacks. We need to run.

Good job. Oh, my God. Gretchen go. Oh, nice. All right. First critical is either slashed shoulder or terrifying slash. Terrifying slash. Terrifying slash.

They shouldn't name them like this. The other one's much better. The maximum damage, and the target must make a DC-12 wisdom-saving throw, which it could fail. It's immune to fire, feel. Oh. You bastard, man. You, yeah.

You bastard damage. You bastard man. What's the shoulder one do? Who's triple damage? Not as cool. She does maximum damage, which isn't nothing. And that's cool. That's 11 points of damage.

And then her second one, I think, was a miss, did I say? Yeah. And then her third one was also a critical hit. Your options are knave to chops or slash to the ribs. Oh, knave to chops. Yeah, it's good, does it? Feels good to say. Yeah.

Double damage. She does 18 points of damage on the second hit. Excellent. Pretty good. It's good innings. Yes. Yeah. 50, 68.

All right. It's bloodied. Hey, that's, hey, dude, doesn't matter. We gotta get the hell out of you. Yeah, you're in trouble, dude. You gotta cop the op and get on your horses. Cop the off. Yeah, you got to cop the up, dude.

All right, that's Gretchen, then Tiny. Tiny launches itself at trumpets landing next to you, right as those jaws are about to close around you again, Pop. Tiny lands there and then starts boxing that. fucking giant crocodile head. Like it's a speed bag? He attacks five times. Tiny.

He really runs the gamut on that one. Damn. All right. First things first. Would you prefer? What? What is it? Quite the repost.

Or took it out of you? These are critical fumbles, yeah? Yeah. Quite the repost. Quite the repost. surely means that tiny will get attacked. Yeah. Took it out.

Could be like your, you know, thought it's really taking out of me, right? Like a level of exhaustion? Like you're exhausted, like you're winded, but it could also be like, oh, took it out of you. Your tongue is gone. It really bummed out him out when he picked it up. But which one? Oh, okay. Oh, it's not great.

But actually, I read out the wrong ones. Sorry, it should be sword beats fist or off form. And so he punches and then he gets cut in his hand. Yeah. Off form. He drips. Do we go off form? I don't know.

Adam looks really upset. I think they're both. Is there one that's clearly better or are they both bad? They're both pretty bad. Okay. Let's go. Off form. Okay.

Disadvantage on melee attacks for five days. Days? No rounds. Jesus. Christ. What was the other one? The other one was that trumpets would have gotten a free attack, which would have been a swallow. Sorry, doesn't get a free attack.

Succeeds on an attack that trumpets gets for free, which would have been a swallow. It's a boy. Wow. That's very funny. The idea of like, you know, you just have disadvantaged attacks for five days. It's clearly something that could have happened. It could have happened. Oh, yeah.

Hey, you just, oh, you stop your toe. Are we? Is that cause anything? No. Tiny's other four attacks hit, but unfortunately, Tiny does not get the two criticals that it would have gotten otherwise. But that's still four hits. Hit something.

But yeah, no, but what it could have been was impressive. Yeah, exactly. Now it's just fine. You just like this. You might be... You might find this in... You would find this. I mean, yeah, well, Tyree does it.

Tiny does 30 points a down. heart and soul of this party. Yeah, exactly. We've already been saying it. Yeah, it is. God, I'd be doing so much more damage if I wasn't pop. It's very funny. And is that everyone? That's everyone. So, it is back to the top and it's... Hang on a minute. This can't be right. It's Trumpets' turn? Surely Trumpets has burned through all of their extra turns.

Surely. Sure. It's not like a thing that just happens. They used a bunch and then they had their turn. where they got them all back. Oh. Like, sure, or is it just something that just happens every turn where they get them all back? Could attack eight times if they wanted to. I feel good about this. You really should be having to deal with layer actions.

But a lot of those summon extra creatures, and I feel like that's too mean to you right now. It is mean. Yeah. It would be mean. You got to remember, Adam. You know what that in that case. You got to remember, Adam, D&D is created by people whose players are competent. Yeah.

And know what they're doing. And by people who aren't role-playing their little hearts out right now, you know, and not playing optimally. Exactly. Just saying, you should give me a good boycott, probably. It's Trumpets' turn, and she tries to swallow you. That's okay. That was kind of my plan, so...