D&D is For Nerds - Barovia V #3 Pip's Bag of Tricks

Episode Date: August 1, 2026

Alchemy has a reputation for grand gestures. A pinch of grave-moss, a vial of moon-condensed dew, a hair from something that used to be a person, all tipped into a vessel (usually an ornate iron cauldron) at once with great ceremony, to the delight of the audience or client. I want to be very clear with you: this is not alchemy. This is theatre, and theatre does not require you to have functioning eyebrows or both your eyes left in your head after the dust settles.Every reagent you will work with in this course has a nature. A temperament, if you like the poetic word for it, though I prefer tolerance. Wolfsbane ash wants heat, but slowly, and in the presence of something binding, or it does not steep, it seizes. Quicksilver is patient with almost everything except itself. Two measures of it in the same vessel will fight for dominance rather than combine, and the vessel, and the hands holding it, generally lose that argument. You are not required to memorise every tolerance in the first month. You are required to accept, as an article of faith until you can verify it yourself, that they exist, and that ignoring them is not boldness. It is arithmetic you have chosen not to do.There are three guiding questions you should ask yourself before anything touches your mixing bowl. Write these down, underline them if you must, tattoo them on your skin if you cannot remember them.What does this reagent want to react with, and in what order? Sequence is not a suggestion. Half of you will be tempted to treat a recipe like a shopping list, tossed in together because it is faster. It is faster. It is also how we no longer have an East Wing.How much, precisely, and why that amount? "A bit more couldn't hurt" is the last sentence most aspiring potion makers will utter before they met their god. I would highly recommend you worship one of the nicer ones that are sympathetic to clumsiness. A reagent that behaves at one measure may not behave at three. This is not a linear art. Do not treat it as one.What is your escape, if this goes wrong anyway? Every working bench in this facility has a water trough, a smothering cloth, and a door you can reach in five steps. Four if you're particularly fast. I will ask you to locate all three before I let you light a burner. This is not paranoia. This is the entire reason our particular school of knowledge has survived long enough to have someone teach it.I want to be clear that I am not asking you to be timid. Alchemy rewards curiosity more than almost any other discipline, and I would rather teach a room of the reckless than a room of the incurious. The reckless, at least, can be taught caution. What I am asking is that your experimentation be deliberate. Change one variable at a time. Record what you changed. Small batches before large ones. A thimble of a new combination will tell you everything a cauldron full would, at a fraction of the risk.The reagents do not care how confident you feel. They only care what you actually put in the vessel, in what order, and in what amount. Respect the proportion, and the discipline will, eventually, respect you back.- Lecture Notes On the Discipline of Reagent Craft for First-Year Alchemical Theory by Professor Viktoria VoleIf you're still wanting to get Jarren's Outpost Board Game you can right here! Our pledge manager is open so get it while you can! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Although you see no water from miles around, we are nevertheless marooned. Stranded in this nightmare called Barovia, to change metaphors, we are imprisoned. The mister surrounds us are our prison bars, and Baron von Straud are warden. As far as I can tell, there's no escape except death. Either his or ours. This copyright, it's trumpets. Surely Trumpets has burned through all of their. extra turns.

Surely. You've got to remember, Adam. D&D is created by people whose players are competent and know what they're doing. And by people who aren't role-playing their little hearts out right now and not playing optimally.

Exactly. Just saying, you should give me a good boy car, probably. It's trumpeter's turn and she tries to swallow you. That's okay. That was kind of my plan. So. Now you can attack from the insides

Where there's no scales Would you prefer Grim determination or broke a nail Trumpets crit failed Oh What would grim determination do? I don't know Let's go grim

Oh actually sorry This one doesn't make sense Grim determination Or off form Off form I know what that does Disadvantage on melee attack for three rounds. Disavantage and doesn't have a proficiency bonus.

Okay. We're getting her. Yeah, she's not doing well now. She's like, well, that was her first attack. Okay. Her second attack, uh, ob she eats you. Oh. Okay. Is it a melee though?

Yeah, it's a melee attack. Yeah. Oh, you're right. I forgot. She fails to eat you. Okay. Yes. Okay. Once you wanted to be swallowed, then I'm sorry.

Hey, that's okay. She heals 40 hip points. You're fucking kidding me. Okay. That's fine. Anyway, then it is... Wait. Huh?

Again? No. What? Should I just go to the toilet or something? It's a shrump. Let you just run these through? That's actually her. She is now out of legendary actions.

It is your turn. Okay. Now, remind me of something. So, sure. Jackson ass fucking sentence. You're currently 34. Okay. That's all you needed.

You're turning 35. So Pip, at some point, and I don't remember where I acquired this from, acquired 70 silver arrows. Yes. Do I still have them? Or do we... This was the smelting, basically, of a lot of the silverware we had at one point. I remember that, but there was nothing that removed those silver arrows from...

I don't think so? Okay. If a crocodile... was a vampire would have swallowed 70 silver arrows. That would fuck it up, right? You genuinely don't know. I would reckon. I like those odds.

I would like to ready an action. Basically, I just want to throw Pip's bag into its mouth the next time it's open. This bag, which is so full of arrows and the potions and alchemis. ingredients. The moment it opened, the moment trumpet opens her mouth, I want to throw this in there to try and kill her that way. Okay. You prepare that. Yeah. Hector. Yeah, yes. It's your time. Oh, okay. Right. Um, I look at the, everything around, like, uh, okay. I attack twice. Um, uh, uh, trip, uh, on, on, uh, one right in front of you. One on the one right in front of me and one. Have anything to re-roll or advantage?

You rolled a one. It is a strength, it's not a check. That's an attack roll. I got nothing for you, pal. I'm really sorry. I'm very sorry. We're getting a lot of critical fumbles this combat here. It's a bad way to start the season. All I wanted to do was try and trip the rodent so I would have to one attack of all, but now I'm getting beheaded, I think.

Every single bad boycott out and pulls out, he goes, fuck. Side steps? Yeah. Or off balance? Hang on, sidestepped or off balance? He threw himself back. And presumably that one of them is bad or both of them are bad. Oh, okay.

It's not as bad as I thought it was. No, it's all right. Neither of these are good, but I thought one of them was every enemy gets an attack of opportunity. Oh, my God. There's so many. No, it's not that. sidestep seems like it just avoid I get tripped off

Yeah And off and off balance was it? Yeah Side stepped and off balance Both of these feel like I will fall over Yeah, it feels like you're about to fall on your ass Off balance seems maybe bad I'm gonna go sidesteped

Swaped Swap places with the target Hey And make his DC12 Dexterity saving throw on a failed save Fall prone You pass Oh my God

all right if I run now you'll take an attack of ball but just one just one alright to go to trip them somehow lift them up

on my spear balanced and then we turn and then here's where I am and I'm where he is and I'm like you charge forwards intending on skewering this undead night

the undead night without really properly thinking yeah without really properly thinking it through maybe just like muscle memory kicks in, you lean forward in your attack and put as much effort as you can into thrusting forwards with your spear.

The Undead Knight, seeing this blow, reacts on muscle memory and does something that actually, in retrospect, was quite silly for it. It steps aside, steps into your space, forcing you to step into its space. Okay, perfect. Then I will follow up with a trip another trip attack

to see the person who is also is the same guy will be bearing one yeah it's the same guy all right and I try to trip him up you hit

not a critical but it's a hit it makes a strength saving throw passes so it doesn't get tripped but you deal a D6 plus 8 oh plus another D8

sorry for the trip attack that is 8 9 15 points of damage nice uh Okay, we need to like it We run Yeah, smart

Adam Yeah, that's what I would do Yeah Get out of there There's nothing for you in Oghamvostel Yeah, exactly They may You'll get an attack of op

As you turn tail and run But you can We need to leave They may be cursing you But hopefully I can do something That you have all failed to do And now let's get out of there I don't mean to be a little bitch

Yes The Revenant successfully attacks you and this time, Hector, it feels different. Now that it has sworn your destruction, the blow feels different. Okay, great. What do you mean? Instead of, you take, you take 22 points of damage and you need to make. Okay, before, hey, Adam, hey Adam, hey Adam, hey Adam, I remember, guess what?

I'm a fighter. I'm an action search Yeah Before he hits And then I'm going to hit him twice Smart And both of those are going to be trips Trip this motherfucker up

You hit both times Excellent Trip trip And then I will What is it Second Wind myself Good idea Dude use those fighter abilities

To the best of your ability Both of those trips it fails. So when it makes that attack of op, I'll roll, but I don't think you're gonna kill it. But when it makes that attack of up, it will be a disadvantage. It still would have hit,

but if you have shield, you can shield against it. I don't have shield. That's okay. You deal 32 points of damage. Okay. That's good. That's Jesus Christ.

1.15. Wait a minute. Wait a hot. minute. No, it's, yo, yep, you destroy it. Never mind about that damage. And then I get health. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you get? A good thing happened. Um, I get to hex health, uh, that, that, that, do, how much is it? Nine. Hey, nine, dude.

Temp hit points or? Regular. Nine's good. Nine hit points. Dude, we could all do with an extra nine hit points. I got you want 46 hit points. Yep. Um, and then, uh, let's, uh, let's, uh, turn tail and, and, and, And run out the door, Adam. You turn tail and run. Yes, we kick open the door. Gretchen's like, no, I can save them.

Gretchen, please. They are uncad. Gretchen, shut the fuck up. It's Trumpets as time. First off, Trumpets heels 40. Yeah. Hey, good. Ladder.

See if I care. Yeah. Not even bothered. See if I give a shit, dude. He'll a little. full. She probably is. She probably is. She just dead. Yeah, she is. Yep, yep, yep.

Oh, that's good stuff. Trumpets are, trumpets fully heals, and then she tries to bite at you. You, throw, or you try to throw that bag into her mouth. Trumpet seems like she doesn't care too much. So she allows it to happen as part of her attack. You follow the bag in That's fine You don't so much

As throw the bag in As more You let go of it As both of you are sliding down her gullet You throw it But the straps Like still around your hands Oh fuck

Gotcha Oh no Pop you take 15 points of damage At first At first At what now you say I guess I'm about to be digested.

That ain't good for a motherfucker. No. No, that's not ideal. Turtle dragon soup, though. Yeah. You take 15 points of damage and then you feel, I don't know if you think Pop is aware of what it's like to have your blood drained by a vampire.

No, probably not. It's like a wireless equivalent of it happening. Being in the giant crocodile's stomach is just inherently the same as having an vampire suck your blood. Okay. Mmm. And... Hmm. Well, at least, you know, because...

No, no. I was like... Pips, because if it happened to PIP, it's like, oh, God, it's happening again. But to pop, this is the first time. So it's a fresh horror. Yeah. Yeah, he does. I've rolled one million dice just then.

10, 20, 36. You heard that listeners, but he rolled one billion dice. You're on 25 hit points and your maximum hit points. Oh, here again. Oh, wow. How sweet it is. Wow. How sweet it is.

Your maximum hit points goes from 86. to 50. Mm-hmm. Wow. Really is, yeah, how, how, yeah, even though how many things change. Yeah, they truly stay the same. Mm. And.

I wish you can get out now. Well, this is your plan. Come on. Come on, Pop. Do your thing. With your arrows. There's your plan. Hide inside.

Set off. Every single potion. And it's the Knights of Argon Vostoltz turn. Oh, yeah. That's your friend. They charge after you. That's fair. One of them gets close enough to attack.

Could I have moved an extra five feet? Would that have helped? If yes, no, it would. Yes, spend that. All right, they can't, they get to you, but they can't attack you. Oh, okay. That does help, yes. Okay, good.

Good, thank you. You will need to contend with attacks of op again. We disengage in run. Yeah. But that's the Knights of Argonvost Holtz turn, and then it is your allies's turn. My hope is that I get to a certain point outside of Argonvostaltz, that I can once again control the trees or whatever I did.

Smart. Good idea. Get them into Borovio. There might not be of Borov. But they can die in Borovia. Electricity courses through trumpets. Oh, yeah. She takes 14 points of damage.

You... But he's insulated. I love so much crocodile flesh around here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? Yeah, I think you're deep enough in that you're insulated as electricity courses through. That's good to hear. I'm glad to hear that, dude.

Broken does his thing. I'm really glad to hear that. How are you getting out of this one? I'll figure it out. I just have to hope that there's something in Pip's bag of tricks. Here, I've got to supersize me good boy. Oh, that's good. Oh, so to get big?

No. I don't think I made those, yeah. Okay. I'm sure I can use that. Woken's turn? it's Gretchen's turn Gretchen abandons all offense

and sprints to get out of there she is going to be attacked three times Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen Uh-oh Uh-oh Are these critical hits on Gretchen?

Yeah, yes That'll buff out Or right in the kisser Oh, that'll buff out That'll buff out That's just going to affect her armor, surely I'm not talking about her bones. Gretchen goes from healthy to wounded to bloodied.

Okay. Oh. One of the passing enemies, as she sprints by, one of the passing enemies swings at gut level, and you see Gretchen's armor crumple inward? It'll buff out. Yeah. It'll buff out. You know how there's that, like, what do you call it?

there's that urban legend that if you're wearing steel-capped boots and something heavy falls on them, it'll like sever your toes. No, but I'm horrified to hear this. I don't think it's real. I think it's like been disproven. Obviously, I will never be in a scenario where that will really truly affect me. His steel-capped boots, first off, are heavy and I don't want to wear them. Second off, I'm never going to be working in a place where something will fall on my steel-capped boots. I am an a feat.

I am a feet dandy. I'm a creature of the city. I'm a soft boy. Currently, I am barefoot. I get it. Exactly. But it is, I have heard a thing. Anyway, you watch as the sword, not the sword,

but Gretchen's armor severs part of her stomach. How are you? Gretchen doubles over and keeps trying to sprint. You see as blood is pooling at the end. edges of her lips. That's bad. That's, yeah. That's, yeah.

That's not good. And that was Gretchen's turn. It's Tiny's turn. Come on, buddy. Come on, Tiny. I think I know what I'm going to do to great detriment to PIP. I think I'll get out of there. Time to destroy basically all of Pips ingredients.

Yep. Yep. Tiny goes from healthy to wounded. Keening goes from wounded to bloodied to exposed. What did they do? I can't see. And pop, it's your turn. Okay.

Am I in like the throat or the stomach? The oophagus. Here's what I do, Adam. Holding, so I have Pips bag, basically. I open it, upend it, and then try to back out. I'm going to pour out every alchemical ingredient. I'm going to photo out every potion, every arrow, every bolt, every single thing that Pip is acquired over the course of his time of Borovia,

I'm dumping into the stomach of the crocodile. I'm going to make one hell of a potion, okay? And then I'm going to try and jet myself at least into the mouth, if not out. Can I have the list of your ingredients? Obviously, they're all gone. Yep. I also have, if it's relevant. I need a calculator.

Five undead bane arrows, an elixir of protection from damage and energy. 70 silver arrows, one sleep arrow, five fire arrows, five lightning arrows, six mental warding grenades. These are all coming in? Yeah. All right, hang on, wait, can you start from the beginning? Of course. All right. All right, first item.

Five undead bane arrows. Oh, five undead bane? Damn. All right, go. An elixir of protection from damage and energy. It's just in there. Ideally, I would pick 70 silver arrows. All right.

I'll have to... 70 silver arrows. All right. Go. One sleep arrow. Go. Five fire arrows. Five lightning arrows.

One mental warden grenade. Pff! Um... Um... Uh, one plant deforming arrow. And then I believe that's all of the arrows that I have. Then. Turning this.

Yeah, dude. But I'm gonna get out of it. It's gonna be bad. Nine Ankeg acid. This is what happens. It feels like, you know, this is like a meth lab going off. Three death nights, whoa. Yep.

Nine diarist hull. Yeah. I get somebody crawling hands. Four ectobloom. Mm-hmm. Seven elemental spirits getting drunk as fuck. Nine flumps, fours. That's poison damage.

Not the flumpth. Not the flump, dude. A hag eye. 20 hounding killer hands. Oh, that, unfortunately, that does nothing. Yeah. Immune to that type of damage. Damn.

Three lichenhide. Um, that should remove damage. Yeah, yeah. Uh, four pinches of shadow. That's good. That's good. That's great. Pinch of shadow is undead bane. Five poltergeist screams. Uh, that's, that's a very chaotic type of damage. Mm-hmm. Um, S. Quagoth veins.

I believe that would be five, probably. Uh, that does nothing. already immune to poison and doesn't do damage. Nine tree and poison. That does nothing. Not a plant. Six vampire teeth. Already has some inside. Wolf spain the weight is currently shape changed. It's strained. I'll allow wolf spain to add damage. Nice. I'll take it, dude.

Five blight skin poison, unfortunately. Two essence of piercer that will add a little bit. out. Seven grave dancers innards also does nothing, unfortunately. Two mimic guts, six ooze sweat. Three, abeleth mucus. Oh, anything with legendary power definitely confers its full effect. This represents months and months and years of harvesting on Pip's pod. Abilith mucus, beholders dreams, dragon blood, dragon teeth, dragon scales, all confirm legendary powers to potions. All of those confer their full benefits. Fabulous. Formy and I probably fucks it up a little bit.

Yeah, dude. Ravenfeather. Yeah, I'll give you that. Nice. Unicorn horn, full damage. Nice. Nice. Also legendary. Plus, now you don't have to explain why you have one. Yeah, exactly. The stones do nothing. They go, though. It's all going to go. They go. Is there anything else on the list? No, I don't. Well, hang on, let me look at what I have just in my general bag if I've written anything down. All right, I've got to get the dice together for this. I don't think I have anything else.

I might need to employ a dice roller. Do you want me to put you another one of those? So you've got a nice clean one for next. I'll try to have one for next second. Yeah. All right. So that is... I mean, there's probably stuff like a bed roll and stuff in there.

Rope, but nothing else that's going to be terrible damaging. That is 6D12. Hang on. One, two, three, four, five, 60, 12. That is 8 D10 to four, five, six, seven, eight. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That is 15D8.

I do not have 15D8. No way. I'm going to a dice roller for that. That is 21d6. I'll need a dice roll for that as well. I've really got to get out of here. We all might have to. And 1D4.

Oh, nice. What's conferring the 1D4? The 1D4 was, oh, I don't have the list of of me anymore, but it would have been one of the small... Yeah, it would have been one of the small effects. Something like the, uh, like the triant poisoner, like that, where it poisoned, well, it wouldn't have been that one. But yeah, something that does like a little bit of damage.

But you had a lot of it. Yeah, yeah. So it did something. Okay. All right. So I'll go to the dice rollers first. Mm-hmm. So you rolled on the D-6s, you got 68.

Okay. That's good. on the oh wait no sorry on the D8s you got 68 yeah on the D6s you got 88 hell yeah dude

then from these dice here the D4 gave you two yes the D10s are 45 55 okay 55 total from the DTans

And then the D12s give you 12, 20, 37. So I'm going to need a calculator for this as well. 68 plus 88 plus 55 plus 37 plus 2. You did a total of 200 and 50 points of down. It's got to be something in this bag worth something. Just like opening everything, cracking them all. Cracking it, throwing it down there, pouring out potter size one of the potions. Look, I don't even think I need to.

Make that two or four. Fuck. Okay, I've got good news and I've got badness. Let's take the good news It's not gonna be what you think Okay interesting Okay let's start with the good news With the good news

Alright you pop managed to crawl back You see as She's gonna she's gonna fucking blow Fucking get out and make some fucking space You make the biggest Detonation you have ever seen As It explodes in a cascade

getting closer and closer towards you. Am I up against like the teeth? Fucking open up! The teeth open up. And the good news is you tumble out the back of the giant crocodile's mouth into the water as you watch a fountain of magical explosion come out the mouth of the giant crocodile.

As I hit the water out of them, sparkly, some weird fucking symbol arcana energy, just little kinds of. I just looked weird and strained. Sorry, go on. No, it's okay. As I hit the water...

As I hit the water, I want to not hold on. Please let the river take me away. Absolutely. I'll say that's part of it. You wash 30 feet downstream as you watch from the outside as that giant crocodile explodes, detonates,

cracks open, and a fountain, a mushroom cloud, a pink, and purple mushroom cloud erupts out the back of the giant crocodile and then you're blinded for a moment as a white light bathes you. Okay, that was the good news and the bad news? As the smoke and light clears,

you see standing unsure on a rock is a bloodied and wounded but alive trumpets. What the fuck? that didn't kill her but I used all of PIP's stuff I used all of Pips stuff I used all of my stuff I used all of my stuff

he used all of my stuff that's good that's good that's good shit that's good shit that piece of shit and I'd like to start wading back toward trumpets Excellent job

Jackson Incredible role plan Fuck Hector, it's your turn Oh I'm so sorry I thought it was your turn Hang on a minute What

What the heck What the heck? What the heck It's crazy Because it says actually It's trumpets' turn God damn Trompets meets you

I'm sad that They're just to sit down and just have a thing. Like, what happens? What? Where are? Hector, it's your turn. So we're outside? Yes.

Okay. And they've caught up, but they haven't quite caught up. So we keep running. You're like on the steps. Okay. And if we ran, because they're at us, but they haven't engaged with us. So am I still going to get hit? You will take another attack of op, yeah.

And if we disengage and then ran. Oh, yeah. If you disengage and you run, you can. do that. They will then be able to catch up and attack on their next turn, though. Unless your movement is 30 feet from my understanding.

Do you want another 5 feet? Ooh. If you have it, yeah. You can disengage, you can move 35 feet and then they'll once again, they'll be able to catch up to you next turn but you'll be on Borovian dirt and they won't be able to attack. Okay.

Well, let's do that. I'll, yes, disengage. run 35 and it's kind of like I'm looking back I want to try and see if I can the the the I guess the undead one that what he's name the two black guard or whatever his name was horn something are you talking about the one who seemed sad about everything yeah that's Vladimir Horn guard yes was there anything like different about them as in like you know everyone else's eyes are glowing red but this one was

was glowing blue or something like that. Get a good boycott for asking the question. There is a difference. You recognize something in Vladimir, Sir Vladimir Horn Guard's eyes. You recognize Penae in those eyes. He's undead, but it doesn't, there doesn't, there isn't like a malevolence around his undead nature. Okay.

I guess as I'm leaving, walking out, running out, but before I get onto Barovian land, I want to take down the devil strad as much as anybody else. I do not want to see him reigning over Borovia, and I am happy to work that through with you. And if any one of you, I want to lock eyes with Horn Guard, any of you want you to make a deal with me, I am open to a conversation.

Sir Godfrey Gwim is the one who responds, not Horn Guard. And he says, you are they stop Gwim puts her arm out and all of the undead at his command stop they know it would be foolish to strike you on home turf you get the impression that that's why they

summoned you Yeah yeah yeah yeah Um Gwim looking at you staring daggers at you he says I have seen you I know you I have your measure

you are wanting How long have you been doing this for He turns and walks away. I will not debate with a creature of strad. At his command, the undead of Argonvost Holt, turn and walk away. You, I won't roll for this. I mean, like I said, Vladimir Horn Guard seems different to the others.

But you can see quite clearly Sir Godfrey Guim and all the others are intelligent or barely intelligent. None of them will ever be a friend to you. That's fine. This is mostly for Horn Guard. He's maybe the last one to turn away. He says and does nothing other than just stare at you with those eyes. But then as it becomes, as it would become unusual for him to still be standing and staring, well, before he leaves, it would be a, nowhere to find me.

May Penny's light shine upon. He doesn't respond to that. That's all right. But he does. Actually, maybe he doesn't respond, but you can see now. there is a pendant, a sun pendant around his neck still. Maybe I'll hold my son pendant the same. He makes no...

Then we just turn around and we step onto Borovian land. Oh, I assumed you were already on. No, I didn't want to say any of this if Stride could hear. Smart boy. Very smart. Eventually, Vladimir, his eyes locked with yours. eventually he looks away and he turns back to Argan Vostalt as well. Okay.

Right. Maybe we should have made camp. Gretchen spits a little blood up as a response. Let me tend to your wounds and her, her, like, armor's fully just in her right now. It's crumpled, yeah. Let me, hang on, first thing. Can I, I want to cash in a cantrip to cast mending on her, on her armor. I'm guessing it's like what's feet are on brovary soil to be like,

I think I can help with this cast can'try, the cast mending to fix her armour. Okay, look around. I think we should camp for the evening. Gretchen nods and says, yes, I think we should make camp somewhere maybe out of sight. Yes, yes. Then I can tend to that.

you wander away to make camp. Meanwhile, Pop, you're... Sorry, Pip. Yeah, I'm back. I should roll initiative for you, because I rolled for Pop, but not for you. Yeah, roll for me, please. No, I...

Shut up. That was Hector's turn. Then it is... Oh, it's Trump's his turn. Yeah, unsurprisingly. Yeah, so we... She recovers 48 points.

Is she not in the water with me? She's just above the water. Oh, she's flying. Yeah. Nothing in your bag of tricks managed to stop the region? I know. That sucks. Not the 70 silver arrows.

Well, vampires aren't weak to silver. Yeah. And, uh... Werewolves. You're thinking of werewolves. Well, it's one of those safe bets, you know? Hmm. Mm-hmm.

She attacks you with a fury. Pip. Fuck. Bap-pah! For God's sakes. You understand what she's saying. Pip, you and trumpets had a special connection. You always did.

In the trumpets, in the trumpeting noises, you hear, you left me, you left me, you left me, you left me. And you don't know which one she's referring to. Come on, come on trumpets. That is her turn, though. It is then your allies' turn. and elanial attempts an ensnaring strike. She does the same thing before, with slightly more success this time.

All right, trumpets is wrapped up. She falls into the water. She immediately takes 20 points of damage from that. That's good. Half of the recovered 40, gone. She can't regenerate that. And then in addition to that, she takes 2D8 plus 10 damage.

12 points of damage. Hey. It is then Keenings turn. Keening uses his fire whip. He hits as well. She's also restrained from the fire whip. Okay. Okay. Keening and Elaniel.

Keep her pinned down in the water. She takes another five, nine, sorry, points of fire damage. That's good. He's got to hold her down. Yeah. Pile on. Pile on. And Tiny's turn

Come on Tiny He lands next to her And with he activated inner focus last turn So he does his Batman many punch thing And he attacks five times with advantage Miss Tiny Critical hit

Okay Hit Hit Hit Hit So for the critical Would you like something slipped or get back

something slipped I feel like get back's gonna move them a bit or something like that or push him somewhere maximum damage and the target's AC is reduced by a D4 and so the next turn that's good that's good that's good reduced AC hard add their proficiency

yeah exactly rolling a disadvantage a melee attack absolutely cook the goose six 12 um 14 15 plus 20. Okay. Pretty fucking good. She can't re-gen.

She can't re-gen? She's trapped by two things. Two things. Hopefully that requires two checks. It will, yes. Nice. And if my pinning shot works, soon to be three checks.

Exactly. All right. That is all of your allies. It's back to the top. It's your turnpom. Yeah, use this. It's careful aim. All attack rolls you make this route are with advantage.

I'll do that, and I'll get it. Pull my crossbow off my back. I'll look down to my hands. I've got a hammer and a sickle. I'll be like, well, I just drop them in the river. She's knife and a mallet. What?

Fuck, and then pull my crossbow out. Twang, twang. Two pinning shots. First attack hit. And I'll make it... Second attack missed. Fire. Oh, that's so funny. Even with advantage, gosh, die.

Damn. Gosh darn balls. You did the same thing. Yeah. You did the time you did where you rolled a one and a two. All right. That pinning shot, though, does hit and does pin her in place. So now three things are sticking her there. She takes your fire damaging it.

She takes 24 points of damage from your attack. You did pretty well on the damage. Nice. And she's now pinned in place. You have unlocked a probably the best thing you can do is keeping her pinned underwater. This badly pinned, I will say, Trumpets stops fighting. Trumpets

between tiny just laying into her elenial and woken holding up their damages. You maybe for a brief moment, I don't know. Lower your crossbow looking at trumpets

as she looks back at you. And then finally with one huge burst of water from this river it washes her away. And in an explosion of feathers and mist, you watch as she leaps not from where you are, not very far, back to her coffin,

and you can now deliver the final blow. You made it sad, Adam. Yeah, it is sad. You made it the grim reality come back. I remember where I put her. And then I wade through the water over to where her coffin lies. And then I guess I swim down.

Yeah, you put your, head underwater, she's not very far down, she's very, buried, very shallow. You can see in that gap, that torn open part, part of you is like, that would have been the giant crocodile, I imagine. You can see trumpets in through that hole, you can see trumpets lying almost peacefully right now with her feathered arms over her chest in a classic vampiric slumber. I guess I don't say this because I'm underwater, but as I pull out one of my bolts, one of my few, bolts left. When I pull out the bolt to stake her in the heart, I think, I guess, it broke my heart to do this to

your trumpets. It's why I didn't finish the job, but I suppose I should have all the way back then. And then I'll drive the bolt into her chest. Trumpets explodes into ash and feathers again. But this time, instead of returning to her coffin, she's. She is no more. Then I'll swim to the surface. It'll just washes away.

Sorry about that. And then I'll sit up against a tree. Hector. Yes. After a night of... Well, actually, you know what? I don't want to tell you. I don't want to tell you your business, Hector.

Thanks, man. But after a night of sitting to yourself while Gretchen slept, you the next morning, after having some consideration, what would you like to do? Um, okay, so I guess ask Gretchen a bit more about where, like, because we, we basically fought the strasma. Yeah. That was where the sunken, um, uh, that that village was, right? The lodestone's going to be. Uh, so you know she inhabits that village, but you did not encounter her at that village.

She came to you. Oh. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, I mean, like, you know, fair enough, you were blind. blacked out, so maybe you don't know that. So it's part of your conversation with Gretchen. She says,

Okay, so we were near the village where the lodestone was, correct? No, no, it was just in the woods. Wait, so, um... I imagine, like, Gretchen, you're next to a fire. She's, like, in her bedroll looking at you concerned. Sorry, I just, I think I had a lot happen that day. Yeah. Right, so, did she say anything, or did she just attack us,

or what exactly did she do? She kind of just like appeared, I guess. There was this whooshing noise, like a, like air. And then she was there. She pointed a finger at you. That I'm not him. You're not him. Yeah.

And then I got the impression that there was some magical battle that happened. I don't know exactly the nature of it, but I believe she cast a spell at you, and then you made the forest attack her, and she left. There, you know, it was maybe a few spells, and there was a few attacks to, you know, to take off the, or to put on the DM hat, I suppose. Gretchen explains to you a combat that took more than a couple rounds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, I'm just thinking, was there anything like, was there a long last, like, you know, did it have like a longer effect on me? Or have I been, once again, my mind is going, to the, I guess, the skeletons from Argenvostalt cursing me, and I'm wondering if now like some sort of bog witch curse me. And I don't know if I want to deal with like, you know, a bog witch.

Do you express that some kind of bog witch? Do you express that fear? Was it kind of like a curse or was it like? Yeah, it sounded like a curse or a hex. Oh, right. I get her to describe it in sort of somewhat not, I don't know if it's like in great detail because then she might curse me accidentally. But I don't want to do it in like somewhat detail that I...

Enough that you can identify it. Enough that I could maybe try and figure that one out. Gretchen shifts a little uncomfortably. And then she starts describing curses and hexes. This sort of stuff where like for wounds to open up for your tongue to swell and fall out of your mouth. Yeah. For your ears to shrivel up and catch fire. Well, none of that happened to you.

So that's what that what? Okay. Okay. For you to, for your throat to tighten and for you to be unable to. to breathe. You, what's your insight? Maybe, look, Gretchen appears to be. Maybe it didn't take.

You could see Gretchen's like editing as she goes. And you don't get the, you don't think that she's lying. These are the hexes and curses. But you notice, maybe, you know what, you rolled pretty decently. You notice a distinct pattern of Gretchen will say something. Let me think, trying to think of an example. I think I know what that. I think I, you know, I hope your throat closes.

Yeah, yeah. Like there's a sort of descriptive words that are missing. Yeah. You're a silly, ears shrivel up. Stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of under my breath, like language.

Yeah. Okay, that is, I think, okay, that's, I think that is just hags. Yes. It does, from Gretchen's description. and from your knowledge of magic. It does seem like this was the, this was spellcraft from the hag. But, yeah, it does not seem like any of the hexes or curses came true. Right.

Okay. So she's a hag that's, I wish Pip was here. Yeah, or at least a book. Okay. What do I remember about hags? Is it at least? Yeah, I know. I get it.

Let me see if I can find the hag entry just in case you remember me remembering. Whoa, I opened it up just like that. That's crazy. We had to run in. Yeah, we had to run in with a hag already in Borovia. But I explain to Gretchen the hag we ran into and how it kept making daughters.

We've been through a lot, dude. Brechin shudders at the idea of a hag making daughters like that. We saved one. We saved one. So in the end, I guess, it counts for something. The roads in this place are dark and terrible. You get the impression that that is, you, Gulliver Long Dead, since your time. But you get the impression that might be some sort of, like, maybe not necessarily a prayer, but something within...

That feels like the kind of thing that people might still say and have forgotten that it began as a prayer to Gulliver. Just the kind of thing you say, like, you know, if you're... You go, oh, they got robbed, you know, several kilometers ahead of us. You go, yeah, the roads are dark and terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe, like, like, yeah, would there be, like, almost a modernized twist on that? To be, like, almost like a response of, like, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, blah. Yeah, yeah.

But the King's Road is safe. Oh, that's so funny. It's the road, yeah, yeah. But the King's Road is safe. I say. I wouldn't know, she says. Right, right.