D&D is For Nerds - Barovia V #4 The Road is Dark and Terrible

Episode Date: August 9, 2026

Trail Waffles: How I Found Myself Again[↓ Jump to Recipe ↓](you can click that if you want, I won't be offended, though I will say a small prayer for you to Glizabert, Goddess of Travel, Privilege and Whatever-the-Opposite-of-White-Guilt-is)I wasn't always a person who made waffles on a donkey.I know. I know. You came here for a recipe, and instead you are getting Filmeena's Feelings, and I promise we will get there, we will get to the part with the flour and the fire, but first you have to understand about my grandmother's grandmother, a woman I never met, who according to family legend once fought off a bugbear using nothing but a cast-iron pan and sheer force of personality, and I think about her every single morning as I stand over my own cast-iron pan wondering if today is the day the bugbear comes back seeking revenge.It was autumn - or whatever passes for autumn in a world where the seasons are decided by which god is currently "on one" - and I had just left my third adventuring party in as many months, not because I don't love a good dungeon (I do, dungeons are fine, dungeons are a journey), but because I had realised, somewhere around goblin encounter number forty-one, that nobody in my party had eaten a warm breakfast in six weeks and everyone was, frankly, being insufferable about it. You cannot reason with a paladin who has not had breakfast. I have tried. It ends in a lecture about "Nome guilt" and "we must confess about the sin of taste". All this from a man who, and I cannot stress this enough, eats hardtack dry.So I quit the party. I kept the donkey. The donkey's name is Big Clop and he has never once complained about waffles, which already makes him a better travel companion than most of the two-legged adventurers I've adventured with.I want to be honest with you: I did not invent trail waffles in a moment of culinary genius. I invented them at 5 AM in the freezing rain, sobbing slightly, holding two pans, having what I can only describe as a Breakfast Emergency. But that's the thing about the road, isn't it? It strips everything back to the essentials. Who are you, really, when you're cold, and hungry, and someone in your party (still not naming names, Flibbert) keeps asking "are we there yet?" like we are not all equally lost, annoyed and extremely overwhelmed. Are you the kind of person who gives up? Or are you the kind of person who straps two iron pans to a mule and refuses, on principle, to eat another cold biscuit stew flavoured with sock?I chose waffles. I choose waffles every morning, honestly, it's less a decision at this point and more a compulsion, but we don't have to unpack that today.I made these for a hag once. Not "for" in the sense of "willingly." She'd threatened to turn my party into assorted woodland creatures unless someone impressed her by sundown, and everyone looked at me, and I don't know what that says about my reputation, or the uselessness of my former party, but I made her trail waffles with a little wild honey on top and she let me go AND gave me a discount on a curse removal later that year, so. Draw your own conclusions about the transformative power of a good breakfast. I certainly have.Trail Waffles {#recipe}(serves 4 adventurers, or 1 adventurer and their emotional support donkey)You will need:1 cup of oat flour1/2 cup of regular flour1 egg2 tbsp dried milk-curd (fresh if you can get it)1 cup of water (thin ale will work in a pinch)Pinch of salt1 tbsp fat or oil, plus extra for the pans2 flat iron pans of roughly the same sizeA fire that has calmed down and stopped being dramatic about it (coals, not flame)Optional, but I heavily suggest these are not Optional1/2 cup of nuts 1 tablespoon dried fruit or preserves 1 tablespoon of wild honey or syrupPinch of travelling spicesA fire that has calmed down and stopped being dramatic about it (coals, not flame)- Scrawled on the wall on the privy of The Wandering Spoon, signed Filmeena Oatbarrow, lvl 10 Cook/Bard Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Though you may not see Vota for miles around, you can consider yourself trapped. The mists that encircle us are like prison walls. And who is the warden of this prison, you ask? None other than the wonderful, the terrible, the powerful Baron Strad von Zarovich. And the only way to leave this place is to kill him or die. We basically fought Straitsma. So she's a hag that's... I wish Pip was here.

Yeah, or at least a book. What do I remember about hags? Is it at least? Yeah, I know. I get it. I explain to Gretchen the hag we ran into and how it's kept making daughters. We saved one.

We saved one. The roads in this place are dark and terrible. horrible. Yeah, but the King's Road is safe. So it's morning time? Yeah, Gretchen has a nap and then morning comes around. Because Gretchen wounded? I was going to say, that was like basically a short rest. That's nice. I'll get some health.

Yes, dude. Short rest to get in your fighter now. So, dude, do you get back all your maneuvers? Dude, being a fighter's the best. Being a ranger's good, too. Nothing beats a fighter, dude. Nothing beats a fighter. To be a human fighter, you kidding me? Oh my God.

You are about half hit points. Would you, you have six D-10s, I believe, and four D-8s. Okay. How many of each would you like to spend? Let's go with all the eights, right? All the D-8s? All the D-8s? All right.

You recover a 15 hit points. Hey, that's something. It's something. That is something. Oh, I know what I can do as well here. Oh, this is wonderful. I keep forgetting I can do this. Oh, screw, whatever.

Look, hey, second wind. You second wind? Second wind. You recover a further nine hit points. Hey. That puts you on, by my count, 70. Excellent. Nothing to sneeze at.

Nothing to sneeze at. Now, I will say most creatures, Brovia knock us down pretty quickly. Yeah. 70 hit points is really not much. And even just sneezing might get up. Yeah. Okay.

And then, just because it's the morning time, and I always keep forgetting to do this. Maybe like, because now I can get just 15, 15 temp hit points. 15 10 points. If I spend at least 10 minutes, just having a chat, inspiring me in Gretchen. How you might ask? Great question. Maybe I use this time where she's. talks about the Aikina, well, I wouldn't know, about the Kings Road.

Oh, well, it's, and then I remember remembering maybe that, because it's getting colourful. Yeah. Maybe I'll just really emphasize the whole, well, it becomes, well, yes, it's safe for travelers. It is one of the, it's tremendous achievement that was, really, it was several, I guess, kingdoms all coming together, different people's coming together to kind of make this thing that was, because you're right, it was, the roads were dark and dangerous, but the Kings Road, it finally made it safe again. Make the Kings Road safe again.

That's what I'm saying. From the buggy swog swamp all the way to the Griblib Mountains. The King's Road is safe. From Candle. From Candle, all the way up to Samjata. Maybe it's not too bad.

Try to inspire. Inspire. And then as even during the thing to make at least you know hags like the best thing that we know is that like look hags they might seem scary but i've defeated at least at least one before let's low in our time here we've defeated two we've yeah two plus the other like you know the the other hags yeah yeah but if we defeated i can't remember what i mean actually no we there there was the there was the other hag that was in the brooch yes yeah yeah that's what i mean then she came back so we defeated one

person twice, then her sisters, I believe. And we fought all three kinds of hags. We've sort of fought a lot of haired. I don't believe so. I think the morrow hag, you have not fought. Well, yeah, actually, to be honest, it wasn't even the first hag, the only hag that we fought, because we fought this person. Again, even telling Gretchen about, like, honestly, it was scary, but, you know, once you,

yeah, in fact, you haven't met Pete yet, but honestly, he's a, he's a good man. and I think you will like him. It's a very big wealth of knowledge behind him. And he might not say... Maybe when you say that, you remember you were supposed to meet him. Yeah, I was back to be like. And then, oh, right. Ah, yes.

We need to go back to the road. And I was going to... Tapos. Back to the road. We didn't go on the road? We went through the... It's not important. Well, let's head to the road and catch up

and see if... Pip and his group are there, or Tapos, and her druids are there. Okay. Well, it would be nice to meet these people you keep talking about, I suppose. Yeah. I've been from one end of Borovia to the other now, and I've still not met all your friends, she says. Yeah, it is so strange. I think we've grown so close.

You start packing everything. Like, Gretchen, because you didn't need to sleep, you hadn't really, you'd just been sitting, basically. It was Gretchen who had her bed roll out, who had set up the fire, who had to all the bits and pieces for a camp out, you start packing Gretchen's stuff up. Oh, do we have time for breakfast? You realize you're not hungry. Oh, of course.

What would you like? Oh, I can make it. Do we have time for breakfast? Yes, yes. I can make trail waffles, she says. I don't think I've ever shown you that, but I'd love to. Yeah, all right. Please.

I'd love to see you make them. That is nice. Gretchen makes trail waffles. Interesting. She, with a, over the fire and with a pan, with two pans, sorry, she shows you how to make trail waffles. She has one pan that has like a series of indented sections on the inside, which she is in the past you've seen made eggs with. She uses that to press on the other one and make trail waffles. Nice.

Right, right, right. That's not something that, like, you know, where, where's from where it's just like, oh, this is a thing that we have now. is that's like a very like olden thing that we've either forgotten about or like we have a machine for this. Yeah, is it like somebody making damper kind of? Yeah, but like using what we would use a waffle iron. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess analog waffle iron. This appears to be a lost art to you.

You've never seen or heard of this before. Gretchen, as she's telling you about it, she talks about it as if it's like this old technique that's been around forever. She explains that the pan with the indented section has a dual, purpose. It's made out of a metal that allows for you with the pan when you're cooking eggs. This is a pan specifically

designed to make scrambled eggs and it's one device. You just shake the pan and it makes the eggs scrambled. But you can also use it to make these waffles. To be honest in my time, if I showed one of these to like a gnome, I think

you could make as much cold as you want or even if you set up a shop selling Would you call them again? Trail waffles, as opposed to regular waffles, I suppose, she says. What are regular waffles? Just like pancakes, I guess? You know pancakes.

Okay. Yeah, I'm like pancakes. That's so funny. Yeah, they are. That's awesome. Oh, right, yes, pancake. Well, yeah. It's just pancakes, but, you know, you've juzed up a little.

Right. Well, look, if adventuring or servitude is not something for, doesn't work out, Look, I digest a decent retirement plan. She makes herself a coffee with a percolator as well. That I'm familiar with. Yeah, you know coffee. Now, I can't taste it. I mean, it's not really nourishment for me.

You can taste it. I can still taste it. Sure. You smoke a cigarette if you want. That's great to hear. And so you should. This vice of coffee, which I just want to, I believe all characters across the Edis for nerds has had.

Absolutely. Do my making me a cup? Sure, she says. She pours you some as well. Thank you very much. Well, again, I sit, watch this new waffle being made and drink a coffee. She maybe tries to make a... You see now that she's got like a lot of breakfast equipment specific.

She, with some other utensils, makes as best as she can in Borovia a berry compote from any berries that she can find nearby. Yacht, dude. Oh, have you tried those berries first? She looks at you. No. They're not poisonous, she says, with a reasonable level of confidence. Well, no, you're right.

They're not poisonous. It's just, you know, you know honeybees. Yeah. Right. So, Borovia has an equivalent, but it is kind of like, I think they've heard them being called as carcass bees. Or, I guess, meat bees. And they still make honey. It's everything around this.

There's not much sweetness, is what. trying to say. If they're bitter berries, then you make bitter waffles. Right. I think bitter would be an improvement. But she makes the best compote she can. Woof. It's like squeezing a berry, like kind of like,

like, it's like always squeezing like raw steak. Yeah. Yeah. Well, actually, what I was about to say is the berries are mostly skin. Yeah. You know how you ever seen like an actual wild banana and how they're kind of like gross, disgusting, mostly seed? It seems like every fruit or any food that you can forage here is that awful original version where it's mostly seed.

Well, it's not to grow tough. Yeah, I'm about to say, yeah. It is designed to replicate itself because if it does not maximize on reproduction, it will die out. Yeah. I have like, I had like an uncle. I think he was either a friend of the family or was related to mom. Yeah, he was an autoculturist. He would claim that he could probably make this good in a few generations of the actual berry.

But I don't even think he could squeeze in it. I don't think he could do anything with these. Tacky on your fingers. Oh, like, try to squeeze it. Yeah, like, I keep imagining you squeeze it and a tooth pops out. Oh. This one grew. This one grew teeth.

This one's malignant. Gretchen makes her waffles and eats them. Good. She shrugs. I just you did the coffee. At least we have this. Wow, that's supposed to be better, I suppose. And once you've done making breakfast, you mount up on your horses and head off.

I, maybe, because I have a map of Borovia. I know I can kind of tap into the map of Borovia, but I have a map of Borovia. So I know kind of like where Agen-Vostalt is and where we were meant to sort of. of catch up and meet Tapos and so I use the actual physical map, just for them. Yeah, fair enough. And just go to the road. Okay. You consulting the physical map rather than the mental map, you find the road pretty soon

because Argen-Vost-Holt connected to it, you head out to the main trail, and because you're using physical rather than a mental map, unbeknownst to you, you are followed. as a writer from Argonvost Holt Shadows your movements These hands These big strong hands Of like I need to try to Not give in to

The dark powers within you I don't want to like But there's a real benefit You know There's a real benefit to giving in To the evil bubbling away inside you The tangible darkness

Pip Pip Yes I'm back, dude. I forgot for a second. Pip, you, you wake up after a night on the road as well. You, your group is large enough that you were able, huh, no, I don't think you want a lot.

Yeah. You need a set of watch. Yeah, dude, it's only the three of us, right? Oh, shit, yeah. Fuck, yeah, you need to set a watch. Absolutely, dude. Who was first watch last night? First watch last night?

I don't think it would have been me because I've just come out of a mental. break. Yeah. Let's say, Keening. Let's say Keening. All right. Keening keeps a watch.

I'll take last watch after a sleep. Oh, oh. That can't be good. Oh, boy. Terrible role. Jeez. I've got both ends.

Dude, I'm not even doing. I'm asleep. Are we trying to, I'm assuming, Adam, that we've left the South Falls and we're making our way back down kind of toward

where we would have split off from the rest of the group, yeah? Yeah, you can make, back towards Valachi. Yes. You would definitely not have enough time to get to Valachi?

No, no, no. But that's the direction we've been heading. After taking care of the trumpet, it's conundrum. Okay. In the night, you have terrible nightmares of Boris. Oh, God. Come on. Boris besetting you.

You're running. You're sprinting through the slavish wood. Boris at your heels. Pip, Mandarin! You left! Ha! You left! She says peace now.

Leave me alone. You left! Ha! God. Keening shakes you awake. I did. I mean, she's okay now. Sorry, is something wrong?

Your turn on watch. Okay. Sorry. You're right there? Yeah. I keep dreaming. You know, your name one wolf, I say. I like put a hand on his shoulder to stand up.

Grab my crossbow, sling it over my shoulder. Get some sleep. Your watch goes by. uneventfully. Well, that's nice to hear. Who's next, Elaniel? Well, that's up to you. You can wake up to O'Neil.

You go to Elaniel, and as you're reaching down, you hear shh from the bush, from the brush, I should say. Okay, I turn my eyes to where the sound came from. Stepping out of the bush is what looks like a feral woman. She wears enough clothes to cover... modesty. Yeah, for modesty. She wears clothes enough to cover her, to, yeah, for modesty. Her delicates. Suddenly, I... Is he getting hot?

Dude. Cool boy. Pip Mandarin. I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, she says. Ravage me. No. I'm gay. No, sorry. She, um, she's wearing just enough clothes to cover her modesty. Yeah. And then beyond that, she is covered in mud and blood.

Do she strike me as like a druid or? She, when she steps out, stepping out behind her, you see eight twig blights in a rough formation. She putting her finger to her lips again, she says, as she does that, the mud caking her face cracks and warps because it is dry currently. Well, the druids belong to Tarpos. She gestures for you to come closer. I'm not stupid. I bend down and I shake Elaniel. Elaniel.

Sorry to wake you. It's your watch and also we have company. Elaniel looks around and with a start she gets up. They're druids or at least they have twig blights. But, well, I mean, the druids, you know, that's Tarpos. They belong to Tarpos now. But she's acting suspicious. Alainiel flicks you a look.

and she confides nothing in you, but Pip, you are nothing, if not, if you're not good at making people like you, you're at least good at knowing when they don't like you. Yes, okay. And you see Elaniel shares nothing with you, but you see Tarpos and Elaniel aren't on the best of terms right now. Elaniel is probably about to start a fight kind of regardless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why you woke her up I was already in the middle of it

Okay, I put out a hand They want something Let's see Persuasion check Ooh, you got anything for a persuasion check, buddy Because you suck You actually have intimidation, that's crazy to me Is it a skill check?

Yeah, it's a skill check I'll roll a skill check with advantage You did worse Never mind You got nothing else? I like watching you search through the cards Like that's gonna help you I don't think so

Wait No Charisma check Yes, I do I do, where is it? Oh damn, I just saw it I think we got off on the wrong foot Reroy charisma based check with advantage Hoof

Okay Oh thank God You gotta use intimidation more often, you're good at that. Yeah. But if you're an unlikable guy, you know? Why? Yeah, what do you mean?

I suppose how much lower can you get? Good point. You look at Elaniel and you understanding which, that she is, you can see she's like gingerly reaching for her bow and you know, you can see she's not going to stop. She's going to gingerly

grab it. She's going to gingerly draw an arrow and then she's going to gingerly put an arrow in this person's fucking face. The last thing we want to do is pissed our boss off. Alaniel gives like a... That'll be stupid. She draws the bow and knocks an arrow still, but you see now she is not going to start a fight.

What's the druid doing? And then gestures for you to come closer. The twig blights are moving around you in kind of an encircling formation. I think this is probably a cut-out losses type situation. I don't think This one's with Tarpos Elaniel Shrugs

I don't understand anything Fucking druids are doing Me neither I don't like thinking about it It's very annoying If I'm being completely honest I don't think Tarpos is on our side No I don't think so either

But I don't think she'd stooped Attacking us as not her speed Yeah you're right Because you have such a great insight Into the minds of ours This is not the time Well I argue with me right now We might be about to fight

Okay All right And you see Elaniel's watching as the twig blights Sort of inch their way closer on either side What about this person in her throat? Yeah, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, I'll... Fuck it.

From where I'm standing, spin down onto one knee and plug two of the twigblights with my crossbow. All right. Twink, twink. You fire twice. First attack will be a miss, but the second attack is a hit. What energy did you have?

Let's go fire. Fire? Why not, dude? Burn them. Well, you have that. I'm going to make them cold first. Make them cold. Make them cold.

Let's be cold. You're a monster hunter. And you've, you know, I guess religiously used this book that you forget about. Yeah, it's annoying. Wait, what is there? It's an annoying book. They all come with a poem. Yell at us.

You yell at us, and we don't follow the book. Yeah, but come on. And you've been doing this long enough. God. Dude. This guy. This guy. Actually, no, you do hit both times because they have shit all AC, I forget.

Oh, nice. All right, so you can make the first one cold on the second one fire. Oh, yeah, let's do that. And then in one turn, you can fuck it up. Destroy one of them, yeah. I think I'll roll, but I'm pretty sure minimum damage will be enough. First attack wounds it. First attack, bloody.

Second attack. Yeah, you see, from your first strike, Frost reaches all along, the woody body of the twig blight, and then your second shot explodes it. It detonates. And then Elaniel is going to, because she's the only one up right now. Can I also, as part of that move of, like, kicked somebody that I'm neal?

Because, like, I'm assuming we were sleeping pretty close together. So as I, like, roll down onto one knee, twang, twang! Wake off. Who would you like? You've got Tiny, and you've got Tiny, who is this huge hulking presence. sitting with his legs crossed, and both of his, yeah, both sets. Yeah, both sets of his arms crossed over.

I can't remember if he has six or four arms. How many legs does a beetle have? Six. Six, yeah, four arms. He has his forearms crossed, his big arms crossed kind of defensively, but then his little arms are also crossed, but you can see he's tapping his own body with his little arms. Okay. And then just a silent monolith, and then you've got two.

To your other side, Keening, who is sleeping and is sleeping wrong. I'll probably go Keening. All right. You kick Keening. Wake up. Ah! Why? Elaniel is going to attack.

She... Poor, poor drood. Well, whatever. Don't be suspicious. Okay? You come into... She's sort of been like, you come over here. She's surrounding me with twigblades.

Fair enough. She's, this is it. We don't have time to fuck around anymore. Elaniel hits twice with her bow. Dealing, what's that? She deals 10, 18, 22 points of damage and her arrows explode into thorny vines wrapping around that druid.

The druid topples over. Nice. The druid is also bloodied. Okay. Then we go to an initiative. They... We're unprepared for a fight. Whatever, dude.

I'm not even... I don't even care. If Tarpos goes, I sent to talk, I go fucking make her talk then. Okay? Speak plainly, Tarpos. Pip, your name is Pipp. That's true.

All right, it's the Druid's turn. She is still ensnared. It is the Blights's turn. The Blights, actually they do nothing. They stand, each of them looks over at the druid, and you can see they're not attacking you for lack of hostility. They're not attacking you because the person in, you know, Twig Blights are kind of stupid. Yeah, they need to be charged in like given directions.

Yeah, they need to be given directions. And they're not being given any directions right now. Cool. So the Blights kind of just missed their turn. Pip, it's your turn. She's ensnared, yeah? Okay, I'm going to go over to her where she's ensnared, get down on my knee and go, who sent you?

And I'll intimidate. Hey! Ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh good job She looks up at you And she spits out Tarpos Oh get a good boy card

Nice You get the impression Yeah That Tarpos did send her But when she looks at you There is hatred in her eyes And you can see there's something else going on Like you didn't necessarily

read this situation wrong, but she's not entirely being honest. Okay. Interesting. Like, she, as though she could still be like a, quote unquote, like a sympathizer for the previous druidic regime. Something like that, maybe, yeah.

Okay. You're the rightful king of the druids. That is true. But I abstained from the throne or whatever. Is that all I get from it? That is... Because I did the intimidation check.

I could not ask another question. Okay. I'll say, though, that combat... It's kind of on pause. Yeah, well, yeah, we'll say it's kind of on pause, I guess. The twig blights don't attack. The druid kind of keeps struggling. Elaniel, you can see Elaniel with an arrow

knocked in her bow. You look over and you watch as she kind of turns the arrow, and the vines around the druid get tighter. What did Tarpos want to say? Sorry, is that another intimidation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. wants to speak through trees and the encircling us with twig blights

yeah no this will I don't think that's necessarily an intimidation but you will need to make an insight check do you have anything for an insight check um the next merchant I mean gives me a discount you could succeed just to succeed a skill check that works I'll take it

she spits out at you, you ask, and, sorry, what's your question again? Why did you encircle us with twig blights? Oh, my security! That's a lie. That's a bold-faced lie. When she looks at you, her eyes kind of glanced, quickly dart to the twig blights, who are standing there motionless, kind of waiting for an order. And you get the impression that you get, you see like hatred.

She means, she meant to kill you. Yeah. She meant to kill you specifically. Yeah. You are now. kind of feel like she was waiting for you to be on watch, and then she was trying to lead you away from the group. Yeah, I felt, yeah, okay.

Weird. Hmm. Hmm. I was going to be like, I don't think Topos would be happy if I was dead, but... No, probably not. I'll say that. I can't imagine Topos would be very happy if I was dead. She...

Oh, no, I won't make you make another insight yet. She gives, she has, like, a wicked grin. Like, she's not disagreeing with you. you, but you think she wants you dead. Do I think she wants me dead? I guess this is up to me. But do I think she wants me dead because I am rightfully out of the druidic throne or whatever? If she kills me, she'll get in charge?

Yeah, you think that might be what's happening. You think Pappos sent someone genuinely to send you a message, and that person also separately wanted to, in a different manner, send a message. Well Hmm Hmm I guess I turn around to everybody Is everybody else kind of woken up?

Yeah, by this point everyone's standing So funny She thinks If she kills me She'll become queen of the druids But I don't think that's how it'll work anymore Right Tiny

Keening gives you a shake of his head And says I think it depends on what they can claim I mean it feels bad to just Tiny I'm pronounced to you because it is hard to think about him moving quietly. But without making any noise,

he has taken two steps towards you, and then before you can do anything, with one of his giant feet, he brings it up, and then comes down on her head, squashing it. Tapos wants to talk to me. And then I'll go put my hand on a tree.

Hey, it was a moral dilemma. Tiny major decision. Good for him. Okay. Do the twig blights flee? When he does that, the twig blights continue to kind of stand there, kind of still waiting for something. You would probably kind of be aware, you know a little bit how twig blights work. Once they're a little bit like undead, undead work in the same way, where they can be given purpose by something connected to them. Either, well, through, with the undead, through necromancy, but with twigblades, it would be through the natural world, like some evil crude.

If left to their own devices, they will eventually just revert to, they are chaotic. They become chaotic evil. No, they're chaotic evil. They become just a violent force. Tiny, as you walk over to the tree, then begins stepping on all of them one by one before any of them kind of, before any of them become part of the natural order. Okay. One day I'm gonna... Yeah, weeding, you know?

He's just doing the weeds. Exactly. Yeah. As I like walk over the tree watching... You see, maybe Tiny picks up the last one, sits back down, and then with a terrible crunching noise, he starts eating it. I guess he has a bug. The bugs eat sticks?

You put your hand on the tree. One day I've got to find out what investment tiny has in me, but I'm not today. I put my hand on the tree. You feel a hand touching on the other side of the bark? And you sense Tarpos? Yes. Hey, point of order. The druid you sent to speak to me, unfortunately, she's dead.

She intended on killing me because I think she believed that would make her a queen of the druids. But I thought I objected or abstained or whatever. So I don't know. You might want to let the druids know it won't do anything. There's like a beat for Tarpos? And then she says, dead? Yes. Tiny stepped on her head.

Good. Okay. You had a message to me? part? Want to know what elanial intentions are.

You are getting closer to last load stun. Yeah. I, well, I don't think she's so worried

about destroying it anymore. I mean, we, um, the trees can't be bugged, right?

You, uh, the last time this happened, topos. The last time this happened, it was bugged. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, look, I can rest assure you, Tarpos, she's not going to destroy them. We'll cleanse them. It's fine. Okay. If we meet, Elaniel will not attack.

I don't, she'll want to, but I don't think she'll do it. Okay. Yeah. We are close. See you in morning. Oh, damn. That's very close. Do you know where Hector is?

Tarpos waits a little bit and then says, Hector is some way south. Okay. All right. Because I believe we were meeting him too. Yeah? We can meet all at once, but we'll need to be tomorrow morning. I have to finish a job for Hector.

Take my head off the tree for a bit, like, then put my hand back on. Okay, tomorrow morning, where? You head east or west on road. What would be the direction toward... Towards Tarpos's west. Yeah, okay. Do I know that? I guess you don't know that.

No, the last you heard of her, she's out in the west. Yeah, okay. Well, last time I remember you were saying you were west, so I guess we'll head west. Okay. Then tomorrow morning. Okay, tomorrow morning. We reconvene, and then I must head on to final lodestone. Then I am done.

Okay, and you cleanse it and everything's... Forest cleansed. Yeah. I and Druid's return to where it was. Yeah, right. Okay. And then final assault. Okay, Tophos, yeah, that sounds like a good plan.

Okay. I will see you tomorrow morning. All right. Yes. As you said, I'll see you tomorrow morning. All right. Tarpos withdraws her hand from the tray. All right, I take my hand away too.

Hmm. I go back to the party. I like step over the druid. Keening and Elaniel have maybe picked up. Her arms and legs moved her off to one side. And with what's left of the twig blights have constructed like a pyre to set the body alight. That was Tarpos. I say, tomorrow morning,

we're to head west tomorrow morning and we should meet her. Elaniel is quiet. Yeah. And Keening, looking at you, then looking at Elaniel, looks back and says, I think, I think we got ourselves squared away then.

Okay. All right. Um, I guess that's kind of it. I think we just resume our watch, I suppose. I suppose so. If it was Elaniel's turn next,

if you don't mind, ma'am. Elaniel nods. All right. Yeah. See you in the morning. See you in the morning. I get back in my bed roll. The rest of the night goes by uneventfully. Thank goodness.

All right. So, Pip, yeah. You are on 25 out of 50 hit points. That's right. You have... God damn it. You have 10D10.

How many would you like to spend? Let's go three of them, yeah. You recover 20. You're back on full. Very nice. My full 50. Good. God damn it, dude.

Fight vampires. It sucks. It's annoying. It's real bad for us, son. Oh. Gotcha. Yeah. All right.

As the sun rises for both of you and you begin heading for one of you, Northwest, for one of you, just West, you see, once again, Borovia experiences basically no sunlight during the daytime. But it is even for Borovia an overcast day. The wind and rain is heavy today. You are both of you being buffeted. It feels like the lands itself are trying to push you eastward. Both of you. You feel like a maliciousness to the wind.

Hector, you are aware that it is not pointed at you. It is pointed at something far to your, well, not that far, but something out to your west. Wind and rain attack the space cleared by the druids, 16 of whom stand equally distant from the small body laid on the stone slab. The tiny body of Cribbett the Amazing looks infinitesimally small compared to the forces of nature, howling and throwing themselves about. Sometimes the rain lands so hard it pierces skin, and sometimes the winds blow so heavy that that tiny body looks as if it might be picked up and blown away.

With one hand steadying the other, Tarpos carves pictograms into the side of a stone slab, written in a language older than reading, a language only the trees understand. Her work is slow and meticulous. The symbols come naturally to her, literally, seeing each symbol for the first time when she is finished inscribing it. As Tarpos hands work, her mind drifts. She sees the trees bending towards her, keenly reading over her shoulder. She peels back from the trees and their indignation to the rivers and the mountains. The old-timers were always less judgmental to her.

Watching from past the ring of druids stands Cavendish, Gorob Lushin, and the engineer. A gale blows past them, and the engineer is nearly sent bowling before Cavendish steadies him. Lushen turns his head to yell but whatever he says is caught by the wind and carried away. Gorub turns to laugh, but that too is born away as easily as a leaf.

The engineer writes himself and nods and thanks to Cavendish, but the old man's eyes are locked on the ritual in curiosity and amazement. Finally, Tapos stands up, shaking her sore hand. She gestures for them to come forward.

Eagerly, Gorub and Lushin rush forward to kneel before Tarpos and gingerly, Cavendish and the engineer do the same. When they are close enough, Tarpos speaks, and when she does so, she speaks with a voice of stone. Two must go. Two must stay. Two will go to the border. Find frogman's soul.

Bring back. Two stand here with me. Keep back attackers. Gorob and Lushin nod vigorously. While they cannot speak with voices of stone, not even. Even nature itself stops them from being heard now. My lady, we will stay here with you. Though of course you need not guarding, as you are the strongest and of course the wisest of Tarpos holds up her hand.

I've forgotten. Yeah, it's been so long. Tarpos holds up her hand and the two go quiet, returning to their kneeling. Looking at the engineer in Cavendish, Tarpos once more speaks with the voice of stone. Be careful. spirits do not let go of one of their own, not willingly. Be prepared. Because this is going to knock you off the floor if you're not holding on. One of the guards in the tower boasts with almost a little glee.

I can't believe you've never seen this before. It's a real sight. Pyrrion watches with morbid curiosity as the finishing touches are placed on the mining drill. And then it drills straight down. Will it be safe in the tower? Oh yeah, foreman's got all the structural permits with the T's crossed in the eyes dotted. The guard seems incredibly boastful in his explanation, as if he invented the device himself. A trait Pyrin has always found useful, if annoying. So the drill bit, the bottom part that looks like a screw, just going to start spinning now.

Sure enough, the end of the giant drill facing downwards begins to spin. The drill moves slowly to Pyrrion, but as soon as dirt and mud, begin to sprout from the top of the drill like a waterfall, the slow but constant movement becomes staggering, as ton after ton of dirt is moved without effort.

Twin daggers stab into Tarpos's awareness like knives as the drills borrow their way into Borovia. Hector, you fall from your horse. You both gasp in pain. Using the stone slab,

Tarpos manages to stay upright. barely. My lady, has it begun? No, Tarpos speaks through the pain, her voice of stone remaining in place for now, but must hurry, pain will get worse. Ritual must finish first. She looks to the engineer and Cavendish, searching their faces for resolve. Finding what she is looking for, Tarpos then points to each of their hands, and after they give them, she holds their hands in hers, she draws a long shallow cut down their palms to begin the ritual. Tarpos makes her way round the stones, speaking aloud the symbols that have no names, calling forth the lands to bind soul back to body.

Cavendish and the engineer feel the world growing faint. Their heads swim as if their thoughts were moving through molasses, and sensations begin to grow faint for them. Slowly, the material world fades, and their view of the ethereal comes into focus. Hector, you feel as Tarpos tears a hole between the ethereal and the material

where she is. You can feel that some ritual is taking place there. Okay. That one doesn't hurt. That one doesn't hurt. No. Okay, that's good. Gaze, Cavendish swears. I knew adventurers died here in groves. The spirits littering

the forest seemed to stretch countlessly. But this is something else. These spirits are listless. The engineer speaks matter-of-factly. I don't think we're going to have any trouble with them. Through the trees, the two of them see more spirits emerging. Unlike the others, these move with purpose and flames wreath their eyes. Leave! The voice of death calls out, You cannot have what is ours! And these ones? Cavendish asks coyly. At least these ones know where crib it is.

The winds, baying at the ritual, pick up further. Gorib and Lushin steady themselves. The winds slam again and again into the dwarves and their Goliath mistress. As they attack slowly, the two dwarves see within the winds cruel hands and howling mouths. The spirits of the restless dead have come to stop the ritual, have come to keep what is theirs. With gunshot and cutlass, an invention and mechanized force, the engineer in Cavendish fighting a rolling battle deeper into the woods, searching for their little friend's soul. Sometimes Cavendish's expert marksmanship blasts vicious claws off the engineer,

and at other times, while swarms of hungry teeth bathe the Cavendish's blood, the engineer bathes them in flame, keeping each other safe and moving as a team. they see him, while a small white light surrounded by hungry dead, curled up in a ball being kicked and beaten. At the sight of their goal, the two move with renewed vigor until their adversaries learn a new trick. Fantasem after phantasm leaps into the engineer's mech until overwhelmed by possession, the machine begins to act erratically, swinging its arms and even attacking its creator. Seeing Cavendish turn to help the engineer calls, I'm about to be maimed. The engineer holding back one of the mex arms with all of his strength,

but I will not be killed. Get cribbit. Gorob and Lushin slash at the wind. They hurl lightning and frost at the wind, but the most they can do is put themselves between it and Tarpos as she speaks the ancient words. With malice, the wind picks up rocks and trees to throids. throw, welts and bruises and bloody marks all the way up and down them as the dwarves use their

body like a shield. Tarpos stands as best as she can. She holds in one hand a needle a long silvery thread in the other. My lady, what if they fail? What if they cannot? Scratched and bruised as badly as the dwarves, if not worse, Cavendish stumbles half from the ethereal, dragging behind him the engineer whose face is now badly burnt and whose left arm has been torn away by force. The engineer is slumped backwards, motionless but breathing. Between Cavendish's teeth, having had nowhere else to hold it while fighting backwards and dragging the engineer, Cavendish clenches another long silver thread stretching back into the ethereal. Wordlessly, Tarpos takes the thread from him and wraps it around.

the one she already has, twisting them together. She gets to work, stitching Kribert's soul back to his body. As she works, Krivitt's body becomes wreathed in a white light. My lady! Call out Gorob and Lushin. He's changing. Is he meant to look? They trail away, shocked at the transformation.

Hideous! What have we done to that poor frog? Wait. As you move northwest and west, the wind and rain do not stop, but after a certain point, they die down as they have lost their fight.