D&D is For Nerds - Buried Beneath #1 The Coiled Leaf

Episode Date: March 21, 2017

In which our heroes learn a lot about themselves while introducing themselves at the same time. Shane has always been curious about how elves sleep, Anton is just looking to have a good time and Squim can keep going and going and going.Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadShanks: twitter.com/timtimfedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans pants radio at the bottom of the sea you can truly be free A while back Xamad asked me if I'd like to do a Dungeons and Dragons game with my dad and my little brother Ryder I was like yeah so I suggested it to them and dad was like what what are you talking about Jack And Ryder was like I once played a game of D&D on a bus and it sucked and was for nerds But after much convincing they agreed and together we recorded one of the greatest adventures in D&D is for Nerds history ever, maybe. If you signed up to Patreon before April 1st, you'll get exclusive access to what we are calling D&D is for Dad. Links are in the show notes below, so make your way to Patreon right now and help support

the show and feast your ears on something very special. Hello and welcome to episode one of Buried Beneath, our D&D is for Nerds adventure. I'm your Dungeon Master, Adam. I'm Jackson Bailey and I'll be playing the part of Anton de Saussure. I'm Michael Shanks and I'll be playing the part of Squim Norton. And I'm Joel Zamet and I'll be playing the part of Shane Knoll. All three of you start in a small elven town known as Orpona. of you start in a small elven town known as orpona orpona is on the edge of where the elven wilds a wooded wilderness meets kind of a desert area and the town has a very western american

western stint to it so there's one long main street with small houses up one end and then up the other end a general store two taverns and maybe the quotation marks sheriff's office and like an old like a sheriff's office where like the jail's inside the sheriff's office and the jail is about gaol gaol gaol yeah there you go the three of you it's the goal you're gonna try to go anyway go on sorry the three of you... It's the goal. You're going straight to goal, mate. Anyway, go on. Sorry. The three of you are working as mercenaries for a tiefling archaeologist known as Gloom

Darkspur. Yeah, write that down. I bet he's a good character. Gloom is a... He's a professor at a local elven university. And as a tiefling, he is probably only welcome in elven lands tiefling are kind of demon spawn almost they aren't always necessarily evil in fact many of them aren't but a lot of them are granddad fucked the demon yeah they have demonic blood in their veins literal demonic blood in their they've got

horns and junk yeah yeah imagine sort of analog for hell boy okay but not nearly as masculine not nearly as large or masculine gloom wears a large brimmed hat to shade himself from the sun and has gloves because he does not like to touch people. What a champ. Is he also red? Yes, he's red. He's a bit of a germaphobe as well. Are germs even real in D&D? Well, he wouldn't describe it as germs. He'd describe it as

miasma. He doesn't want to get close to people. He's got a low constitution, one might say. He has a negative constitution, some might say. He has a negative constitution some might say. Oh right. What a champ. And an elven cleric known as Lilip Slipfeet. Lilip Slipfeet.

Lilip is another mercenary like you. You don't know much about him. You only just recently met him. Cool. He seems nice enough. He doesn't talk much but if you interact with him he's pleasant towards you. And both are dudes?

Yeah, they're both guys. All right, then. You're walking down the main street? Mm-hmm. Now let's meet you guys. All right. Well, I'm Shane Knoll. All right.

So I'm a fighter and a bit of a knight. I think I was a knight of, I want to say, carcerary, right, Adam? Yep, so carcerary are wizard hunters. So a bit of a wizard of, I want to say, carcere, right, Adam? Yep, so carcere are wizard hunters. So a bit of a wizard hunter, I would call myself. My height, tall, weight, healthy, looks like a sunburnt drover. Oh, yes. Drover or, I do not know the word drover. You don't know the word drover.

I don't know the word drover. Adam, that's not Australian. Fucking un-Australian piece of shit. Drover. Like basically an Aussie cowboy really all right but like a legit cowboy not like a wow but does a drover need something to drove like a cattle drover yeah yeah you just be a drover but you know that quintessential like australian armor like a sunburnt face Yeah Yeah I'm with you Blonde hair But like Sun bleached blonde hair Yeah

Cork hat I don't know if that's You better bloody believe So yeah So that's kind of like The look I'm going for Human I think I want to say

Yeah good Like it was unsure Until this point Could have been Could have been anything Australian drover Who was also a gnome What What So yeah Night fighter I've got a bastard sword That's pretty good Could have been anything. Australian drover who is also a gnome. What?

So, yeah, knight fight up. I've got a bastard sword. That's pretty good. That's all right. Plus one, mate. That's all right. I think as a knight, I get some abilities. So I get, this is my racial traits clash features.

What do I get here? I get knight's challenge. Knight's challenge is you basically select one specific enemy from any enemies that you're fighting and you... Or you. Yeah. You challenge them to a fight. You get bonuses to attack and hurt them and against will saves.

But if they defeat you in single combat, then you basically have disgraced yourself because you've given yourself that's great you've lost a little bit of honor basically that's cool right yeah so i can challenge them and do they have to accept that challenge they don't have to accept it it's more just like you have set yourself the goal of defeating them so they defeat me like i didn't know i was fighting they're probably aware that you challenge them. No, no, no. You beat me.

It's fine. It's all on me. A fighting challenge as well? Is that what that is? Yes, that's called the fighting challenge. Okay. So the nice challenge is the fighting challenge. Yeah, you have a list of different nice challenges,

and one of them is the fighting challenge. And then the next one is the test. I thought you said nice challenge. It's just a nice challenge. It's a nice challenge, mate. It's all above board it's fine very friendly it's friendly all right uh so my fighting challenge i've also got knight's code knight's code yes so as a knight you have several restrictions several things you

cannot allow yourself to do first off if you're fighting flanking an enemy so you have a friend on either side of an enemy usually that enemy because they're fighting on two sides has to be like what's going on over here what's going on over there and they take penalties to fighting two people at once you cannot do that you must wait for your enemy to be aware of you before you attack you got to give everyone a fair go all right that's what it's all about that That's the Australian way. Is that for every single combat encounter? Yeah. You have to be like,

hello. Bonjour. I have a challenge. Don't worry, it's nice. G'day, mate. Another part of that is that you're not allowed to attack a flat-footed enemy.

Flat-footed means just in any way unaware of you. So you can't make a surprise attack ever. All right. So we're going to sneak up on him. No, we're not.

You have to stand up and announce yourself to any enemies that you see. That's the best. so it's not about physically flat feet yes so if you wanted to fight me i couldn't just like shave off my heel and be like sorry my weakness yeah flat-footed is a term meaning unaware of the right but you could potentially if he's like i want to fight you just shut your eyes like that's right get me in these instances because your enemy is still technically aware of you you are allowed to fight but you are not allowed to kill such an enemy if someone does not want to fight you cannot kill or someone cannot fight you cannot kill them does

this also work with say wolves yeah fuck off so if if wolf! You want to fight me? If one of your companions has bound up somehow a wolf that is now helpless, you are not allowed to deliver a killing blow to that wolf. What happens if he does? He is no longer a knight. He loses his honor and all of his knight abilities. That's amazing. I mean, as in, like, do I have to...

Like, with a wolf, I can't sneak attack a wolf. No. That's fucked up. You've got to go in front and be like, wolf, I challenge you. That's beneath you. That's great. That's the best. And I got shield block, so I guess that just does what it says. Shield block, yeah, is extra

defense against a specific enemy. Alright. And I got some feats, so man and combat, improve critical, weapon focus, weapon proficiency, mage slayer. Okay. Mounted combat just allows you to fight from a horseback. Oh, do you have a horse?

A bunch of your weapon proficiency feats are passive. You don't need to worry about that. They relate to your bastard sword. A bastard sword is sometimes referred to as a hand and a half sword. So a long sword you would hold with one hand. It's a handle long enough for a single hand. A great sword is handle enough for two hands. A bastard or hand and a half has a hand and a half's room.

So you can use it two or one handed. Cool. All right. And mage layer. Gives you a couple benefits. First off is when an enemy caster is casting next to you, they can take this action called casting defensively. If you're casting a spell next to someone, that person can like oi you're distracted casting a spell i get a free hit unless the wizard casts defensively then they can't get it there's a lot of rules it just makes

it harder for casters to cast next to you okay cool and uh magical concealment yes so pierce magical concealment means that magical forms of hampering your vision, so someone is like darkness in this room, now no one can see. You're like, nah mate, I can still see. Got you good. So yeah, I guess that's, I'm basically gonna fuck up a major's

day. Wizards, you got them. Yeah, you're a wizard hunter. Wizard hunter and I got some... Real funny if we just didn't fight any magic. I know like shit that'd be good it's funny that he's built around fighting you guys I know

I'm nervous around you do we have a frigid relationship we'll see we'll see one hopes one hopes and I guess I'm at this where we are

Orpona Orpona Orpona yeah I guess just down this way hunting down some renegade wizards and... Maybe you got the wizards and you're like, I'll do this job.

Yeah, you got some? All right. They're like, we give you two weeks to eliminate the wizard. And you're like, did it in one, mate? Give me a fucking grab. A week off. A week off. Probably a bit longer than that because this adventure is going to take a little while.

They probably gave you half a year and you did it in a week. Surely wizards would just know, like, as soon as you start fighting, they'd be like, I don't want to fight, and you'd be like, fuck, and you'd have to, like, leave. Oh, my God. Well, all right. That's so true. Damn it. If he turns on us, we got it.

We know your weakness. Yeah, fine. He can still do a little non-lethal. He's still allowed to knock you out. Yeah, that's true. Knock you out in hog tie. He just can't kill you. That's the best. So that's Shane Nolmate, champion.

My name is Anton Desaussières. I'm a sorcerer. I'm a halfling, little boy. I'm a sorcerer, so I've got lots of spells. I have a morning star as my main weapon, which is a stick with a spiky ball on the end pretty much boss and a light crossbow i also have i've got a bunch i like adam you've given me a bunch of like grenades basically yeah i got three alchemist fire five sun rods

an ion stone which means i don't have to eat or drink an ion stone is this little little magical stone about the size of maybe a man's thumb, that just hovers around his head. Oh, so cool. Like Navi from Zelda. Yeah. Hey, listen! It's not intelligent. You don't need to eat! Forget about it!

It's alright! Forget about it! You don't need to eat! It's lunchtime, but don't worry, you keep us all to the dawn! Look at these boys, they're hitting with mood new dawn Go on While it hovers around your head You do not need to eat or sleep Eat or drink sorry

I still need to nap Yes you still do need to sleep So that's that I have a familiar Which is a rooster Named Romeo He's alright Big proud rooster

In the desert Grew up in a small desert town That's where I found him Because in the desert There's not many in a small desert town. That's where I found him because in the desert there's not many other animals. I got a lot of spells which we'll find out as we go. In terms of feats, my racial trait slash class feature is

summon familiar, which I'm assuming means I can just be like Romeo to me! Yeah, that's just how you get Romeo. My two feats, which are sorcerer feats, are sudden still. Sudden still means that once a day, a spell that requires a hand gesture to make, you don't need to make the hand gesture.

So nobody knows I'm casting it, basically. Yeah, unless you need to speak magical words. So a lot of spells would be like magical hand gesture, and while you're doing that, you're like... So you just don't need to make the gesture. Can I just, under my breath, just be like, what does this guy said is like scatting?

Like I'm just going to scat for a bit guys. What's that you're on fire. Give it up. When you're casting the spell, you need to charge the words with magical power. So if you're not chanting them loudly, the spell probably just won't happen. Fair, fair. And sudden maximize. Sudden maximize. Sudden maximize once a day. words with magical power so if you're not chanting them loudly the spell probably just won't happen. Fair.

And sudden maximize. Sudden maximize once a day you do maximum damage. And aside from my spells which are all pretty self explanatory which yeah I won't go through. They'll arrive as we play and everyone will be like oh of course. You're a halfling? I'm a halfling. I'm a little one.

What? Is that why I have plus two versus fear? All halflings, yeah, have plus two versus fear. Brave. Brave little boys. And I don't think there's anything else, is there? What do you look like, mate? Oh, just dusty. Little dusty, maybe a little bit portly, you know,

living the good life as best I can in the desert. Little twirly mustache. One last thing that we could mention. As a sorcerer, there are two different ways you can get your magic. portly you know living the good life as best i can in the desert little twirly mustache one last thing that we could mention as a sorcerer there are two different ways you can get your magic sorcerers can either get their magic from you have draconic blood so dragon blood in your veins or you are able to manipulate the innate magic in the world wild magic so it's up to you which one if you see a children's smile it's like done, done. What do I get from draconic? Draconic just means that somewhere in your ancestry,

somehow draconic blood was infused into your bloodline. Wild magic just means that you can sort of see the magic in the world and you can pull and twist it. Do I get any benefits from it? It's just a role-playing thing. So it's not like in 5th, I don't know, 5th ed, it's wild. It's like, oh, I can just... No, random shit happens.

Peppa, I fucked a dragon. You yourself did... It's like a distant relative. There are a lot of dragons where we are. Somebody boned one. Now I got magic. If you look at my family tree. Side but important note.

Isn't it weird that by the end of Shrek 2, Donkey and Dragon have definitely burned? They've fucked. I know, it's strange. And somehow she's given birth to children. Like Donkey Seaman and Dragon Womb, that worked out. It's like inviting rule 34. It is.

Well, I think dragons are just kind of like everyone's base thing that they can mate with. Everyone can fuck a dragon. Yeah. What I was wondering is in track two, speaking of track two. I like how you just accepted that. That was amazing. It's like everything can affect a dragon.

Yeah, I guess. Yes, yeah. So in track two, when they drink the potion and track becomes a human and donkey becomes a horse. And it's like everybody becomes, you know, and Fiona becomes a human again. What does horse and it's like everybody becomes you know and fiona becomes a human again what does dragon become you know what i mean because it's like it's like the potion like fleshlight i mean does she become a donkey what's going on i i don't actually remember shrek too well enough yeah i just know what do you mean track and fiona are ogres track drinks this potion that makes him like perfect, perfect. He becomes a human. Fiona

becomes a human again. Donkey becomes a horse. Does that mean a perfect ogre is a human? I don't really remember. It just always weirded me out that we never saw, like, the horrifying transformation that the dragon couldn't explain. I mean, maybe she becomes, like, a fairy dragon, you know, like, looking all, like, angelic with, like,

good wings and shit. I think she must become, I'm gonna to assume a mule. All right. Anyway. I don't see how that. It's got something to do with. Several jumps of logic there, Jack. I forget how Shrek 2 goes.

Anyway. I don't understand how you got there is all. It's fine. Right. Anyway. Anyway, that's me done. Last but not least. Oh, I'm going to go with this voice, I think.

Yeah, fair. Because I'm going to get tired of this. Or maybe I'll go with this. No, I won't. Maybe you're talking in character. Right, okay, cool. Well, I'm in character now. G'day.

My name's Squim Norton. That's right, Norton. Squim. What a good last name. Well, my first name is Squim, but it is an acronym to which you will find out what the letters stand for when I come up with something. I'm especially excited for Q. Oh, me too. Q and U is what I'm looking forward to the most.

You'll know of me from my long lineage of the Norton family, our well-revered half-elven lineage, well-revered half-elven lineage whereupon one of my ancestors made a deal with a demon of some sort and as such I have some dirty blood that threatens to consume me with evil hatred and you're maybe not quite sure what I'm going to go on with that.

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to go on with that. To give you a hint, I am chaotically neutral. A lot of blood stuff going on here. I'm enjoying it. It's a blood-themed game. I am a warlock, and my primary weapons would be a light mace and a crossbow. If you're wondering the range of that, it would be 80 feet.

Sick. I was curious. It was my next question. Man, my crossbows only get... Oh, no, my crossbows get 80 feet, too. It's probably worth mentioning that while I've given you weapons, warlocks, as opposed to sorcerers, sorcerer, you could say,

we're talking once again about this blood magic stuff, sorcery magic is not as potent as warlock magic in some ways. Better mage. A sorcerer... Garbage mage, right here. A sorcerer only has so much magic That they can dole out in a day Then they become Just

Either they've wasted Just a dude Well yeah He will eventually In a day Run out of magic And he must rest To renew his magical powers

You do not need to do that All of your spells You can cast just Whenever you want Really You can keep going And going and going Lucky us But you don't get a ro want. Really? You can keep going and going and going. Lucky us.

But you don't get a rooster. That's true. You do not get a rooster. Rooster dinner. So if we're talking about magical fonts or wells, Jackson's well is wider. He gets more spells access to, but your well is deeper. You can draw more magic out of your well. So you'll see up the top you have Eldrick Blast.

Yeah. That spell does more damage than any of your actual weapons. It does two decibels of damage. Within 60 inches. Two D10 of damage. Two decibels. It's actually more powerful than your mace or your crossbow. Right.

The only reason you would ever use evil evil is if you cannot cast a spell. Okay, cool. Yeah, I would always recommend using that. Unless you want it for style points, even. Yeah, that's true. Sometimes you just want to stab a C word. I don't know what I'm allowed to say. You can say con.

It's fine. Say it heaps. You've unleashed a demon from my blood. What have you done? Yeah, and so, as said, I am an elf, which is why I've come to Orpona, which I believe is an elven territory, which is why this little red goblin man is hanging out. So you're an elf or a full elf?

Tiefling. I'm a half elf. I'm a health, I believe is the correct term. Incorrect. Please do not do this to me. I beg. I have this really amazing class feature of deceive items, so I guess I can, like, trick chairs?

Like, what does that mean? It doesn't know I'm sitting on it. So, I have given you, and there are in the world, magical items. A magical item requires one of two things. You either need to be of a certain way to use the magical item. So, the magical item is like, only lawful people can use me. Or the magical item is like, only wizards can use me. Right.

Or you need to make what's called a use magic device check. So, to say to the wand hey i'm not lawful but i'm lawful enough come on come on that's your deceive item ability means that no matter the item you can be like i'm lawful don't even make me roll it's fine so it's kind of like say at the end of the last harry potter when like voldemort can't use the one because it belongs to melfoy i could be like and the wand would be like to Malfoy, I could be like, I'm Malfoy. And the wand would be like, yes.

And then I'd be like, I'm sitting on you. That's exactly it. You can trick the wand into believing you are Malfoy. That's great. Cool. So I've actually given you two wands

under your equipment. So it's on the second page. You have a wand of burning hands, which just creates this burst in a couple different directions of fire. So I don't need to be holding an adversary to be doing this? No, you can do it at range. Not a great range, but at range. And you can hit a bunch of people with it as well.

Nice. And you have a wand of mirror image, which creates a bunch of holographic copies of you that just run around I have a spell of mirror image there's gonna be so many let's just like make crowds and move around

let's find friends bands with not many fans and we'll just fill it out and make them feel super good about themselves if we're in a town and we wanna maybe I don't know somebody in the town we wanna run them out of town we click mirror image mirror image and we're to maybe, I don't know, somebody in the town, we want to run them out of town. We click mirror image, mirror image, and we're like, yeah, go! We can intimidate anyone.

Like a mob rolls into town speaking in unison. We have an innocent mob. As soon as someone touches one of the mirror images, it disappears. No, it's not going to fool people for too long. Okay, we march into town saying, we've got leprosy and nobody touches us. Got them good.

My favourite thing about mirror images... You can just do that anyway. You don't need mirror image for that. I was reading about mirror image and they copy exactly what we do. Right.

Does that mean that if I'm tripped, all of my mirror images are like, oh! Yeah, they imitate exactly what you're doing. Then how? Because the whole point

of mirror image is that the enemy doesn't know. They appear next to you. So it's like a line. But say I'm the enemy and I've got me. I've tripped the copy that is me. Yeah. They all fall. It's like, well So it's like a line. But say I'm the enemy and I've got me. I've tripped the copy that is me.

They all fall. It's like, well, it's that one. The one I tripped. Well, yeah. But it also says that I can roll into them and swap around. So we're good. Yeah. So you can do like a magic ball cup thing.

I can do it. I can be like. Was there an actual question there, Jason? No, I just was just having fun. Just wanted to show off that you knew something. Yeah. I've got water skin. Just wanted to show off that you knew something? Yes. I've got water skin, so does that mean I can breathe underwater?

If my Morrowind memory is great. Water skin is a thing of water that you drink. Nope, I'm wrong. Damn it. Stop trying to be smart. Nobody cares that you played Morrowind. I feel so dumb, so no. A word about the wands.

There is only so much magical energy stored in them. They have 50 uses. Don't worry too much. 50 uses is a lot more than enough. So don't worry too much about it, but just know that... First turn, I use my wand of mirror image 49 times. You make so many copies. Just don't be like, we get to a stone door and you're like,

I got this, guys. And burning hands until the door breaks open, because you'll probably run out. Six. You got Algic Blast. Any other spells you got? Yeah, I got some six spells, but maybe they'll just come up. Yeah, we'll bring them up as they come up, I reckon. The only other thing maybe worth mentioning from me is I'm immune to sleep.

Yes, from the elven side of your family, because you're half human, half elf. Right. Elves are immune to magical sleep, and they do not themselves actually sleep as a human would. So instead of falling asleep when a spell is cast on you, you just stay awake. You're immune to it. And where a human would go to sleep for eight hours or whatever, you go into like a trance for four hours you're still semi-aware of the world but it's like a heavy version of daydreaming okay cool have a hot meditate i was curious with this does that mean in an eight hour nap that we have to take does

someone who is immune to sleep just have two what do you mean they could go into a trance of four hours and they wake up reversed and like well fuck it let's go back to sleep for another four hours so i get well yeah they could have two rests and a go, yeah. All right, cool. Just wondering. Well, with your eight hours of rest, technically in the book, it does say that you don't actually need to sleep.

You just need to be at rest for eight hours. Nothing strenuous. So you could just be chilling, making dinner, shit like that. That's fine. Eight hours of slow rest. I would argue that you do need to, at some point, sleep every day

slow roast that's how you get all your hip points it's just slower yeah that's what's gonna happen and you're so you're a half elf what do you look like i guess i look half elfie which is kind of like kind of grayish skin is it human with pointy ears whatever dark elf yeah pointy ears I don't have any like piercings I don't want to get into like motley crew bullshit

that a lot of elves have what are you what are you dressed in? are you kind of like we all dress for the desert I have some studded leather one of you is not

which sounds awfully suggestive sexy but I think I think I'm kind of brooding you know I'm kind of like dark

my blood is dirty got that filth blood yeah yeah I think I'm kind of brooding. I'm kind of like dark. My blood is dirty. Got that filth blood. Maybe I kind of hate, I resent my elven self. I wanted to be this pure kind of human-y guy. But instead I was cursed with this dirty blood. The majority of your family are actually human. Don't hate your elf. Be proud of your elf blood.

Elves have done some bad shit. I'm racist against my like, my left side. I'm a self-loathing two-face. It's like, great-grandpappy fucked a demon, then, like, grandpappy fucked an elf, and I hate that. All the humans I did was farm. If that ever comes up,

your full elf companion, Lilith, probably gets a little uncomfortable when you're like, fuck elves. Oh, no, I'm really like two-faced emotionally as well. I'm like, love, elven-ness, yeah, sick. And then behind my breath, I'm like, oh, fuck. That's even more uncomfortable. I hope she finds out and is just like, why? Oh, hey, sorry.

Lilip sounds like a girl's name, right? All right, Lilip's a girl, whatever. I don't mind. I'm just saying. No, no, no. It's fine. Let me just. Lilip.

Lilip is a female. Kiss her on the lips. Give me a couple minutes while I rewrite her backstory. I just saw you change the M to an F. It changes so much now. And I like to think I'm like, not debaucherous, but I'm just, I'm a good life. You're French. I'm a heathen.

You're French. La vida loca. I'm just looking to have a good time. Everyone's a friend until they're not. Maybe I'm just doing this trip, this archaeology trip, just like, just to see the world. The two taverns in this town are the Coiled Leaf and the Princess's Retreat. Oh, those are great names. The Coiled Leaf

is the sort of upper scale. It's a nice place. There's maybe some, like, gambling going on, but it might be, you know, poker or... No, not poker. Meet you in the Princess's Retreat. What's an upper scale gambling? Baccarat. Baccarat, yeah. You've got something like that going

on. And the princess's retreat, if you want a whore, you go to the princess's retreat. What if I want an escort? A whore? But we aren't calling her a whore. Mate, they'll call them whatever you want them to.

Nah, whatever. I can't find women. It's fine. So you're standing on the main street with Gloom and Lilip. Gloom is sort of doing a bit of a nervous thing with his hands, and he's like, I don't like it here. I guess he's just recently hired you guys. He's like, you're right there, Gloom, and I clasp him on the back. You touch him and he jumps visibly.

Ah, please don't do that. Sorry, mate. Can we go inside, please, somewhere? I suggest we go to the coiled leaf. Yes. It's the classier of the taverns. I don't want to go to that little... You three maybe have been in the town for a day or two,

so you kind of know the lay of the land. Oh, yeah. We'll head towards the coiled leaf. You get inside. You get maybe a private booth or Gloom Springs for a private booth. Wealthy. And you're sitting in there. Immediately as you sit down, Gloom pushes away any stuff on the table

and sets out this map of the surrounding area and the desert nearby. And he points on the map to a... The map is very barren in the desert section. It's called the Dry Steps, the desert nearby and he points on the map to a the map is very barren in the desert section there's it's called the dry steps the desert nearby there's no features that you guys know of in the dry steps and so that area of the map barren except for this one location that he points at and he says there's uh um an ancient elven uh burial ground of some sort that I need us to, I need you

to help me. Do you expect any kind of danger along the way? No, no, no. The dry steps are barren, empty, empty. The temple itself has been abandoned for nearly 50,000 years.

Goodness. Shall I order us some drinks? I mean, how long are we going to be here in the... Yeah, I'll have a couple of... Yeah, shifts a little uncomfortably and grabs his cleric symbol. Batende, batende! A waitress comes over. We will have.

Yeah, there's a couple of bees. If you get the capital of. D&D equivalent of a Foster's, mate. Is there even beer? They do not serve beer in this town. What have we got? What have we got? Different types of menus.

Yeah. Is there a menu we can look at? Can we see the drink list? This place is fancy, but it's fancy by medieval standards They do not have a menu But the waitress is able to list what they have And that's wine Bread

Cheese Yes A bit of nibblies A couple of Like Like raisins or something Or whatever Nuts

That's a desert thing People eat nuts Nuts Dates Eat some pecans Maybe writes it down I would like to make a large order of a banquet for the table i make a power play and i'm like it's fine i only

eat sand and i like find some sand in my boot and put it on my mouth and like pretend that i enjoy it so everyone's like oh this guy you go outside collect some sand come back dump it on the table and i'm just like picking it up And eating it with my mouth wide open Mmm it's good Which colour would you like? I will be green I will be blue I'll be black like my heart

Everyone at the table is aware That you are not enjoying your set Unless these two say something No one says anything about it at the table is aware that you are not enjoying your sand. Unless these two say something, no one says anything about it. I will let you eat sand. I'm not stepping in. You're good if you try.

To each their own, I guess. Gloom takes a coin purse out of one of his many pockets on his big backpack, sets it on the table, pushes it towards the waitress and says, just take whatever you need from Matt. You are too kind, Gloom. Gloom continues to awkwardly hold his hands. Awkwardly? I didn't think it was an arc! Is what I say.

Now full of sand. I didn't think it was a rock is what I say mouth full of sand man that would have made Seinfeld better he's just chewing sand sand field what's the deal with dungeons who are they trying to keep out of there

why is my mouth so dry? Anyway, I begin to eat as we look over the map. What secrets does this ancient elven ruin hold? And who are they trying to keep out of there? Find out next time on Buried Beneath, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar,

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