D&D is For Nerds - Buried Beneath #17 Level Up!

Episode Date: May 16, 2017

In which our heroes fuck on. Shane is a very healthy boy, Anton hitpoints do not go up by asmuch as he wishes they did and Squim needs to make a concentration check- no wait, he canjust take a five foot step backwards.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadShanks: twitter.com/timtimfedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, are ostriches just like inferior emus? Hey everyone, I'm currently doing some laundry, so hopefully that's not being picked up in the background. Anyway, INIA presents Plumbing the Death Star UK Tour with Adam News, so Bristol sold out. Crazy, but there is a waiting list, so if you're wanting to come to that but missed out, just add your name to that and we'll see what we can do. to that but missed out just add your name to that and we'll see what we can do we're very close to announcing the london manchester and belfast shows like one or two days so follow us on facebook and twitter for the most up-to-date information as well as check out sanspantsradio.com live on where to purchase tickets when that's available we're still waiting to hear back from a few other venues so hopefully other places will be announced soon, so just again, follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Or join SandspansPlus.com, and not only will you be the very first to get said information, but you'll be able to get 10% off ticket prices, plus more bonus content than you can shake a stick at. Enjoy the episode, and I'm going to enjoy hanging out laundry. Hello and welcome to episode 17 of Buried Beneath, a D&Dist for Nerds adventure. I'm your dungeon master, Adam. I broke the slinky. Are you fucking for real? I'm Jackson Bailey, I'll be playing the part of Anton de Saussure. I'm Michael Shanks, I'll be playing the part of Squim Norton. And I'm Joel Zeman, I'll be playing the part of Shane Knoll. Previously.

Anton, you feel better, but you're still being a fake. You haven't heard anything from Bob for a little while. Super good. Haven't heard a bloody peep. Why are we fighting in the dark all the time? Fuck, we're idiots. Anyway. It's only good for you.

If Shane is the only person there, and he only needs to fight an enemy, darkness is useful. That's very useful in fact. Except for four glowing hovering orbs. Puzzle room. Really gingerly. Get close to the orb, but not quite. I just want to feel which one. Fuck it, I touch it a little bit. See how I used

dice to mark each of them? Yeah. That's the order that you needed to do them in. For real? Oh, no way. That's so funny. And then it digs into you with its claws, tearing wildly. Fuck off. He was doing a sand dance before, so he loves sand. I don't know. He was born in the desert.

Come on down up from New Orleans to vote Captain Beefheart. Another fractal grapple, ladies and gentlemen. Best kind. Kiss him instead. Cutter. Oh, mate. His mouth is... Fuck off.

It's being cunted. It's being grappled mouth is... Fuck off, it's being cunted. You're being grappled. It's currently in the middle of a cunting. The sand ghoul is free and there's a cog somewhere in this room. What's your plan? I'm going to say... I'm trying to think of a movie reference for this particular puzzle. Harry Potter 1.

Is it Harry Potter? Yeah, I think it's Harry Potter 1. The Philosopher's Stone. All right. So, Shane, it's your turn 1. The Philosopher's Stone. All right. So, Shane, it's your turn. You drink the potion? Yes. All right.

What potion is it? Light Wounds. Light Wounds. You recover four hit points. Oh, yeah. Hey, hurrah. Happy days. You're at 11.

Yay. That's not as... I mean, it's one under me. I'm going to walk into the room. You actually can't. You bump into someone. Hey. Oh, actually actually you know what So Who wants to move slightly to the left

I will because I'm about to go on a journey anyway You feel Shane coming up behind you And you're like I'll just let you through Oh you again Okay That butthole Shield lock Defensive stance That bottle. Shield block.

Defensive stance. Okay, so you take a step in. You've drunk the potion, so you can't attack this time. I know, just shield block, whatever that is. And taunt. Okay. What the fuck is wrong with me? So I want to search and I want to look in the mirror for where it is in the room.

You know? Like it's going to show up in the mirror. If you move, it's going to get an attack of op. That's fine. Are you moving or are you looking? I feel like it's a big room. I've got to move to see everywhere, yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

We've got to solve this puzzle quick. We've got to get it done. No time for fucking around. It hits you. You get bit. I'm already so sick. Eight points of damage. Oh, lord. You're on four hit points. Hey, you're not dead.

Yeah, four hits. Not dead. Not doing great. That's alright. Maybe you'll be undead and you can disrupt yourself. And you spend a turn just scanning the room. Comparing the mirror to the world behind me. Looking for discrepancies. Oh, you specifically do that?

Okay. You are probably kind of distracted by the fact that you got bit. And so you're like more concerned with staunching the blood than actually checking the room. Shivering, bleeding from my neck. What a day. Life is hell. You're panicking too much. The red is coming in at the sides of your vision.

Like you just got killed in Goldeneye. I was going to describe more Call of Duty, but sure. Yeah, not Goldeneye. It's good. Fuck, what a game. Okey dokey. Then it is its turn. Now, there are two enemies next to it.

And it has three attacks Oh, golly So Vintage How do I want to do this? Odds and evens? Odds is Shane, evens is Squim Okay, here we go

First one is evens Squim gets the first one Second one is odds Shane gets the second one Third one is odds Shane gets the first one. Second one is odds. Shane gets the second one. Third one is odds. Shane gets the third one. Sayonara. That's the end of Shane.

Et by a tomb. Hey, Eleven. It tries to bite. It's fine. Wait, who's the first attack? You, Scrim. It tries to bite you. You take a step backwards and you lean so far backwards that your head goes out of the room

and you can't see it briefly. You see maybe its fingertips reach out, just goes out of the room and you can't see it briefly. You see maybe its fingertips reach out, just appear out of the magic and try to swipe for you, but then they go back in. You lean back into the room and you're back in the fight. Then it tries to claw at you.

It tries. It tries. It tries and fails. A miss for the first swipe. It makes the second swipe. And misses again. Like a hero. Here we go. Bloody glorious. You're struggling, Adam. It's been a turn, just missing. Positive thinking, lads.

Positive thinking. It works all the time. That's the secret. Yes, the secret. Play D&D using the secret. Swim. A little higher. Well, so I'm back in the illusion room.

I can see it. All right. Do we have anything melee? You do have a mace, which you could use if you wanted. I do, but it's 1d6 as opposed to the 2d6 of Eldritch Blast. You need to make a concentration check. Okay. Sorry. Actually, you know what? Just take a 5-foot step back. Perfect.

You're fine. Now it can't even attack you unless it moves. Perth. So, you fire at point-blank range, and while you're firing, Shane, you step forward to try and

bash it backwards because it's getting very in your face. With your shield, you reach out and Squim's Eldrick bolt slams into the back end of your shield. You feel warmth wash over your arm, but you don't take any

damage. Okay, good. Friendly fire. Did somebody turn friendly fire on in this? Have we heard each other more than the enemies?osing. Friendly fire. Did somebody turn friendly fire on in this? Have we heard each other more than the enemies? Maybe. For some reason. Shit, we still got DK mode on. Shit, yes.

Then it is... Floating mines. Shane's turn. Can I give a knight's challenge to see what happens? Your knight's challenge is successful. And I attack. Oi, cunt. It's on.

Fucking you and me, Macca's car parking right now. Sounds like a knight. So because of the Eldritch Bolt striking you in the shield, you stumble forwards and you're overextended before you even begin your attack. So when you swing around with the sword, imagine the creature was standing right in front of you. A good opening move, damn it. Your forearm slams into its side and you can't actually

hit it with the sword because you're swinging too far with your sword. This creature is a hassle. Anton. Keep looking for discrepancies. Where's that fucking cog? You're still pretty distracted. God damn it

You're on four hit points and you're not enjoying it I'm going to say you're scrambling around in the sand Looking up, looking down Trying to clear Clear rubble away or anything I'd like to get my chicken to come to me as well Oh no, it'll get an attack Do you want to?

It'll get an attack of all Never mind, stay out there chicken It's turn, there's only one enemy Yeah Do you want to? I'm getting an attack of all. Yeah. Oh, never mind. Never mind. Stay out there, chicken. Okay. It's turn. There's only one enemy. Yeah. Now, I'm going to roll a d8 three times for its attacks.

No. Now, if I get an 8 on the roll, it charges after Anton or Squim instead. Okay. More than an 8. Okay. No. No. No. No. All three of its attacks will be against you. You might be done, Chom.

No, no, no. Its first attack, when it tries to bite you, you cower under your shield, and it's just leaning on your shield, trying to wildly attack you. It's trying to get its mouth butthole on my shield like an idiot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the second one completely misses.

And the third one also misses, as opposed to Adam's face. Doesn't it all get a crit? Doesn't it all get a crit? Doesn't it all get a crit? Don't be fucking stupid. It slams itself down once really heavily onto your shield. Your shield slides off and out of the way. That would be silly.

It grabs you around the neck with both of its hands and starts throttling you. Oh, God. I don't like that. It's fine. My neck's strong. Got a strong neck. I hate this fucking ghoul bullshit.

I know. We've been struggling with this. We took down a fucking scorpion in, like, three turns. This ghoul's. I know, we've been struggling with this. We took down a fucking scorpion in like three turns. This ghoul's given us grief. You take seven points of damage. No, no, no. You're on four hit points. Hey, four hit points, buddy.

What's up? What's up, man? Four hit points, yeah. Squim? I'm going to go another Eldritch Blast. another Eldric Blast Eldric Blast Oh god Don't hit him

You hit it? Hey Highs or lows? Highs or lows? Highs You hit it Yes Okay yeah good

Dealing 11 points of damage Nice Pretty good You blast a hole Solidly in its chest. Gore splatters you, Shane. And it collapses onto you. It got in my mouth.

Hey, we got him. Here we go. We finished it. Can I have a look at it? I never got to see it. Oh, butthole mouth. It really is. Yeah, it kind of looks, it's got the same body as that of an old mouth. It really is. Yeah, it kind of looks...

It's got the same body as that of an old woman. Oh, yeah. Every kiss is a rim job with this guy. Well, we're out of potions, lads. What's his room look like? Can I do a health check or something on old babe? He's fine. There's no way to do it.

I don't really know what a health check is. I'm just like, I keep hearing it. A lot of people do, yeah, when they see heal check, they assume it gives back hit points. It's more like to help identify diseases and stuff like that. Yeah. The only way to heal someone really quickly is magical. Let's, all of us together, now that we've got some time,

search the room for that cog. And like, Gloom, you can come in now. Gloom enters the room. I haven't really talked to Gloom much in the last couple of hours. Gloom doesn't want to go anywhere near any of you guys. He barely even talks to you. You assume because he thinks talking to you will give him a disease. It might.

Green. Purple. Red. Don't worry, Gloom. Only one of us is sick now. Don't worry, Gloom. Only one of us is sick now. It is me, Gloom. Then I lick him in the mouth. Shane, looking in the mirror,

you see that the crystal decanter in the mirror is not in the same position as it is in the real room. All right. So crystal decanter. Anton, you see that in the same position as it is in the real room. All right. All right. So, Crystal to Kianta. Anton, you see that in the mirror, one of the tables is facing the other way around. Okay. And Shane, you spot... Squim.

Squim. God fucking damn it. Squim. Yep. You spot that in the mirror, one of the paintings on the wall, one of the remnants of the paintings on the wall is basically on the wrong side of the wall. It's got to be moved to the other side. We've got to match it.

We've got to match it. We've got to match it. You shift everything so that it's right in the mirror, but nothing happens. Bullshit. Brexit decanter is in there. Is there anything in the decanter? Sorry. Is there anything in the decanter? Sorry?

Is there anything in the decanter? No. Can I touch the mirror once we've matched it? Yeah. You touch the mirror. It's cool to the touch, but nothing else. Now that we've matched it, is there anything? Anything else out of order?

Same dice as last time. Yeah. Gloom, what do you want? Gloom's also been looking around, but he didn't spot anything. Garbage. Shane, you can't spot, well, none of you can spot anything different anymore. But, Shane, you are very

certain that there is nothing different anymore. Okay. We pretty much got it. Okay. Gloom shrugs his shoulders Smash the mirror Okay Alright Smashes the mirror

Sure I'd like to get my morning star And slam it into the mirror The mirror smashes Okay It's a wall behind it Did anything happen? I mean Gloom

Nah I just made the puzzle harder for you guys Gloom you piece of shit I mean, gloom? Nah. I just made the puzzle harder for you guys. Gloom, you piece of shit. I don't know. Okay, I walk out of the room and look back inside of it. The magic still remains. The mirror looks intact suddenly again. Do I recall, do I see anything different to my recollection of the reflection?

Sweet rhyme. Yeah. Eel? Oh, do you mean, is anything different in the room? From outside. Okay, I see what you're sort of saying. Like, where's the crystal decanter in relation to where? Okay, cool.

How shattered is this? Good job, mate, on that roll. You notice that, for the first time, you're realizing now, everything in the, when you step out of the room and look into the fake room, you notice that everything is reversed. Not the same way around. We need to turn everything around.

So, like a 180? Not that it matches, that it is reversed. Yeah, okay. That's what I said. We just 180 everything. We 180 everything. Without too much trouble, you do that. Well, actually, with a lot of trouble.

It takes you like a solid hour because now you've got to pick up mirror shards and be like, okay. Where the fuck is the roof? It's giving gloom some dirty looks. Smash the mirror off. You're an archaeologist. Probably cut your hand a little bit. You're an archaeologist. I'm on full health.

He's on full health. No, Adam. No one cuts their hand. Thank God. Okay. So I just hate you guys with a passion. So you arrange the room in reverse rather than what the mirror should be showing. And when you do that, a hatch opens in the ceiling and a small cog falls out from the ceiling onto the stand in

front of you all right whatever you pick it up you put that in put that into the machine and pull that lever you hear a whirring a clicking and even a whistling sound you turn around to look way at the other end of the corridor where the door is, like past all the rooms and such, you see the door open up for you. Excellent. Seek. You happy, Gloom? Yes, he says. From a distance.

When the door opened up, you can see, additionally, the room beyond has another one of those seals, the large pillow with the tiny writing on it. Another-y. All right. Gloom gestures towards it. Should we, shall we, shall we fuck on? Exactly.

Shall we go on? Yeah, all right. But look. What are your points? I'm on four. I think you are also on four. You are both on four hit points. Not doing well.

Scrim is currently the highest right now with 32 hit points. You're a healthy boy, Scrim. I'm just killing this dungeon. You're dungeon crawling. I'm dungeon sprinting, motherfucker. You've got to learn to walk before you can run. I'm sitting there crawling. Well, look, how long does it take to open the seal again?

It was pretty quick, yeah? Yeah, it doesn't take Gloom long. He reads the thing. He does a little spell on it. So we need to have a bit of a rest. So why don't we just, like, can we close this door and have a bit of a sleep here with a seal? Because I'm still worried about those bugger lugs up ahead.

Yeah, I was going to say, the fella's common for us. How long? Well, okay, I guess we can do it by night-by-night basis. Closing the door is not an easy prospect. All right. Because the lever is at the other end of the corridor. You could try if you wanted to. I've got rope.

I could, like, tie the rope around the lever, like, walk into the room and then yank. Would that work? Although that would trap us. There's no way for us to get out. Maybe we shouldn't do that. I think it's a problem with the upstairs. Fuck upstairs, we didn't realize that would trap us before we did. Glove pipes up and says,

perhaps it might be better to have the door open so that we might see. Because the corridor is up one end, the little lever thing you need to pull, a straight shot to the seal, and in between is where anyone coming down would need to drop down. So if you left the door open,

anyone standing watch would spot them instantly. And I got hit points and I don't need to sleep, so I'll stand watch. I can stand watch the whole time. You're a half-elf, yeah? Yeah. You can just be like, whatever, four hours. Sneaky bloody meditate. So yeah, if we could just rest for a night

at least. We'll have a sweet little nap. So first off, highs or lows? Anyone? Highs. Highs? Alright. Second off, in or lows? Anyone? Highs. Highs? All right. Second off, in the night, you actually can't see the sun, so you're not 100% sure whether it's day or night. Who knows?

Eight hours later. Over the course of your rest, all of you feel, I don't want to say stronger. Because you're all still incredibly in front. Because you're too mean. Less shit. Yes. Yeah, though. But you all do gain in front. Because you're too mean. Less shit, yes. Yeah, though. But you all do gain a level.

Yay! Oh, look at us, healthy boys. And when we level, we gain full hit. And I get back to normal, yeah? You fucking wish. Oh, D&D. Well, actually, Anton, after the rest and regaining hit points, sorry, after the level up and regaining rest, you are on full hit points of a hot new 15.

Fuck, no, but see, that sounds meager. But compared to, what was it, 8? That's alright. 12. 12, 12. Okay, that's not that good. Squim, your maximum hit points have become 40. Oh!

And... good. Squim, your maximum hit points have become 40. Oh. And Shane, your maximum hit points have become 71. Oh, sick. Healthy boy. You are 29 out of 71. That's fucked. Not that healthy boy. Why am I 50? Why would that put me on

where I not down of Dickens? Are you diseased? I don't think so. I have like a disease counter two days. Oh, because we were all diseased. Oh, yeah. I am diseased. From the plague.

You are now disease free. Hey! You need to make the save three days in a row. That was the third day. So that's what that counter was. I just remembered. All right. Look at you, healthy boy. So we're all healthy. I'm feeling good.

Everyone has fought off the effects of the disease. Your constitution goes back up to 20 from 13. I forgot that was the thing that was happening to you. 20 HP. You regain 7 points of dexterity.

No. You have 14. You regained them one point a day. Now I remember properly. I'm in for it. Yeah, so the disease ravaged your body. You went from, well, 20 is boosted with a magical item. You went from your dexterity score down to 13, and you've recovered from the disease. Now I've got to heal up over time.

Yeah, the slow healing. Chicken noodle soup or rooster noodle soup. If you had a cleric here, this would go a lot faster. Yeah, but then I'll go down the level I just went up. True. What else happened? Ah, yes. Scrim.

Because you are starting to learn the game a little bit more, I gave you the option to switch out some spells if you wanted to, to see if there's a spell you felt was more in line with how you wanted to play your character. And before we started recording, you decided that... I've got Summon Swarm. you decided that i've got summon swarm because i can uh now that means i can hurl and a swarm of bats rats and locusts oh my at anyone i want to which is just my dream in life that's so good like like say if i wasn't in a dungeon right now and i'm just at home could i just summon bats and like watch tv with bats like just like out with them? They only last for a limited amount of time, then they kind of dissipate.

It's longer than most of my real friendships. He just conjures them from the ether. What? Excuse me? Nothing. And you switched out, which spell was it? I switched it out from Darkness. So you pick one, just letting everyone know you can't summon all three at once,

or a combination. You pick one, and then a swarm of them becomes your temporary buddy, and it will fight for you. That's mad. Question, though, because it's a warlock, and they can just keep summoning as much as they want. Can they just be like, bat, locust, and rat in three turns? You can only have one swarm active at any time. That's sad. So after you've summoned one, you can summon another one, but the first one dissipates. They don't disappear into nothing,

but the swarm kind of just breaks apart. But you know what's good about that? You can be like, with one punch to the face on one turn, bats, and then punch them again, those bats disappear, but now rats, like, they'll be confused. They'll be so confused.

They won't know what's happening. Locust is an odd choice because we've got like some rodents and vermin and then it's just like, and locusts, I guess. Also doesn't rhyme. I would put cats. I think they're kind of just typical swarms. Actually bats for some reason.

Bats seem like the one that doesn't make sense. Not bats. Because if you're thinking of atypical swarms, you imagine maybe a swarm of locusts, you imagine a swarm of rats. Bats is not your third go-to. Maybe frogs. Yeah, I was thinking frogling. Although frogs don't swarm.

You're just thinking of the biblical sense. I am thinking of the biblical sense. Firstborn kids, dead. Summon a swarm of firstborn kids. Oh, I wish later on Warlock Smells just followed the story of Moses. That'd be a sick role-playing game. Like Smells just followed the story of Moses.

That'd be a sick role-playing game. Like, play through the story of Moses. Imagine that. Like, imagine that you're fighting the big bad. The big bad is like, you know, you can't stop me. Oh, yeah? You're first born. Dead.

Oh, God. Yeah. Little Tony. Run home. He's fucking gone. And then the big bad's like, who's the true villain here? home he's fucking gone and then the big bad's like who's the true villain here my mind the big bad was like the pharaoh from the story of moses you know right yeah good is that ramses yeah yeah ramses two sec yeah i want to say ramses two i don't know the second

please don't say ramses two ramses two wait is it always been the second yes oh jesus that's what the titling system means! It's bloody, it's aye aye! Yeah, it's not a sequel I always thought it was Ramsey's 2 Like, I'm not even joking But it's aye aye It still means 2

I can't wait for someone to email and be like I think you're fine, it is Ramsey's 2 Dear D&D is for noobs Dear At Zoe Bellotta Why does Ramsey's 2 fine it is ramses dear dnd is for news dear at zoe balotta why does ramses 2 make me think of the watchmen comic is that ramses was a character isn't he no ozzy manderson ozzy manderson yeah his password i think is yeah yeah yeah which i don't know that's a bit of mine is when in like things it's like

oh what's his password and they see a book like oh that's what ramsay's too oh i'm in that's how i said all of my passwords whatever i saw when i was entering it yeah i was gonna say like it makes it seem like he was thinking really hard about it but it's more like it's like what's the password oh there's my book yeah ramsay's too all right it's like all my passwords all my passwords everything but that is something i did i looked around my room when i had to develop a password i I was like, oh, that. And so that's now my password for a lot. Really? Samit, I feel like if someone's in your room looking for passwords, you've got other problems.

Yeah. Yeah, fair. That's it. Swarms. Done. Good. That's swarms, I guess. Wait, wait, wait. We're not still keeping watch out. I summon a swarm. I summon a swarm just to be like, check this out! I don't know when this happened. So, what swarm do you know it's irrelevant gloom loses his shit yeah gloom back pedals away from you as quickly as he can crawling on his hands and

knees up to one corner of the room and cowers before you i'm like it's cool they're friendly it's fine does it do you my girlfriend's dead hey i don't know how i'm feeling right now things are complicated if the swarm approaches him in any way gloom just does he eat shit and faint like always he's a lowes oh no lows he faints. Oh, God. I'm sorry, guys. But hey, neat, right? Oh, good. Natural, cool.

I like that. I got a new spell as well, as far as I'm aware. Can I summon an animal? We make a zoo. We bought a zoo. Adam, I summon four celestial apes. Woo! Look at this!

We have so many animals. You may summon. I like to think. I can summon you. One of the following. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. A giant bee.

Yes. A celestial giant bee. A giant bee. Yeah. That's the size of a dog. That's it. A celestial giant bombardier beetle. The same. It's the size of a dog.

Celestial riding dog. Celestial eagle. Lemur, which is a type of devil. I looked it up. It looks like a mud man. A fiendish squid. Only in aquatic settings. Somebody give out their water.

It's funny though if you summon it and it's just like dying. Like, oh my god, oh my god. Guys, get it back to the sea. A fiendish wolf. Fiendish, incidentally. If I use a descriptor, assume it's like cartoonish almost. So a fiendish wolf looks like a devil. Right.

A fiendish monstrous centipede. Large. Which means it's as big as a horse. I can ride animals. Get on. A fiendish, monstrous scorpion medium, so a scorpion the size of a person. Good. A fiendish, monstrous spider.

My name is Scorpion Killer, and I have a grudge against their kind. It'll be centipedes from here on out. That's the big one. A fiendish snake, which is considered a medium viper, which is like an anaconda. Man. You may also summon

I got a lot of options. 1d3, so 1 to 3 of the following. A celestial dog. A celestial owl. A celestial giant fire beetle. A celestial porpoise,

only in aquatic settings. Once again. A celestial badger. A celestial giant fire beetle. A celestial porpoise, only in aquatic settings. Once again. A celestial badger. A celestial monkey. Fiendish dire rat. So, dire rats are... A dire creature is just a regular animal, but like... Big?

Yeah, bigger and stronger. So, it'd be the size of a cat. Okay, cool. And also fiendish. And also a Satan rat. A fiendish raven. A fiendish monstrous centipede, medium. The size of a person.

A fiendish monstrous scorpion, small. The size of a cat. Fiendish hawk. Fiendish monstrous spider, small. A fiendish octopus. Aquatic settings only. A fiendish snake, small viper. So just a regular sized snake.

Three god monkeys, please. You can be the ultimate super villain by just casting endlessly creatures into water tanks and just watching them drown. Like at home. That could just be your fucking hobby. There. Three dead heaven monkeys. There, dead. Three dead.

I don't know why this is a struggle for you, Adam. I guess you gotta look up the stats for heaven monkeys. Heaven monkeys. I don't know why this is a struggle for you, Adam. Oh, I guess you've got to look up the stats for heaven monkeys. Heaven monkeys. What do you reckon? How many times can you cast this? Is it a level? I can cast it four times. Three times.

Thought I had four second levels. And what did you just do? You cast us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he meant in total, dingus. Yeah. Yes. So you can do this four times.

Yeah. How many can you have at the second? Is it like squims? I think it'll be like squims. They cancel each other out. Yeah, Adam? Yeah. I hope not.

Three heaven monkeys. Three heaven monkeys. Nine heaven monkeys. Everyone. Monkeys are tiny, incidentally, which means they're, what, like, you know, there's small little. Yeah, yeah. They're always portrayed as mischievous

little gibbons Little capucci lads Tiny monkeys But godly capucci Like the organ grinder ones? Yeah Give me money, little boy What?

I mean, I would pay to see a monkey that can make music. You think the monkey knows it sounds nice? I don't know. Can apes tell good music? I'd like to see the monkey just pick up like a banjo. Oh, I'm sorry. First off, summon swarm. I didn't understand properly.

Okay. You've been lied to. Classic Adam. He doesn't know anything about D&D. Shut the fuck up. My classic Adam. He doesn't know anything about DNA. Fuck off. So the summoned swarm lasts for as long as you're concentrating on the spell,

plus another two rounds. So it'll last a little bit after you leave it. Right. So you can have multiple active, but it starts dissipating over time. Right. So after two rounds. So you could be like, bats, stop. There's still two rounds of bats left.

And then on the second round, you're starting rats. Yeah. But... Rats had a lot more A's than bats did. Rats. Bats and rats. So the swarm is not as helpful as I thought it was. It does not attack you, but it will attack whatever's closest.

Oh, shit. I'm going to gonna get hit by bats Can your animals attack my bats? We'll just get them fighting I thought it was gonna be a fun disco But it's like a feral zoo Oh dear Some of them away from us

How do you imagine them coming out of your hand? Where do you imagine them? Because I always imagine it just like this thick, steady stream of bat. No, they come out of my eyes. You can keep using summon monster if you want. Really? Yep, until you run out of it. So I can just fill a room with

monkeys? You could have up to 12 monkeys. Providing rolls go well for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I summon these monkeys to be like lol I got cute monkeys but they're not going to attack whatever's nearby they'll hang out they can chill

that swarm is going to attack something I'm sorry guys those monkeys are going to get it the swarm attacks the monkeys. Oh, no, mon dieu. That's pretty entertaining. Hey, it's okay. They don't have families, I'm feeling.

We've just brought them into existence. Like, let them die. Let them fight. Do you hold on to the spell or do you just immediately... No, I try and get rid of them as soon as I can. Heys or Los? Heys. Two of the monkeys are killed. I've still got one left. No, I try and get rid of them as soon as I can. Highs or lows? Highs. Two of the monkeys are killed.

I've still got one left. That's all right. How long did I last? It leaves like 10 seconds later. It lasts per round. Level per round, so five rounds. Yeah, yeah. Like 50 seconds.

So it was brought into existence to have two other friends also brought into existence, watched them get murdered by supposedly friendly bats, and then be like, well, that's my life, and just fade away. A life well lived, I guess. And I've gotten a bulwark of defense. Yes, you get an ability called bulwark of defense, which means that enemies treat the spaces around you as difficult terrain. They can't sprint through it.

They can't take five footsteps. You make it very hard for people to just run around you. difficult terrain. They can't sprint through it. They can't take five foot steps. You make it very hard for people to just run around you. Ah, sick. Neat. So I'm your like, yeah. You're a tank boy. Tank boy, wizard boy, beast boy. Hassle. Hassle lad. Right, so do we want

to have another... Probably gloom as beast boy. Have a sneaky eight-hour nap again. Just straight back at it. Get your spells up and hopefully Gloom will wake up. Back in. Highs or lows? Highs. Dive back into that slumber.

I think we're going for a critical fumble. He's like, oh, Oh fuck I feel so much stronger Back to bed though Fuck this Maybe it'll happen again You sleep so well you die Damn Perfect

Will a sneaky second nap Fix much more Or is this just stalling the inevitable Find out next time on Buried Beneath, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content, and much, much more. That's SantsPantsPlus.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer.

If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SantsPantsPlus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot,

where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice, and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.