D&D is For Nerds - Buried Beneath #4 Vomit, Spit, Saliva, Dead Maggots

Episode Date: April 1, 2017

In which our heroes need to clean up after their fight. Shane learns why one would eat sand,Anton does not believe in snake-men and Squim realises wearing a dismembered head is faux par.Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadShanks: twitter.com/timtimfedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pans Radio, an eye for an eye makes a good foreign policy. Welcome to episode 4 of Buried Beneath, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. I'm Michael Shanks and I'll be playing the part of Squim Norton. I'm Joel Zalit playing the part of Shane Null. I'm Jackson Bailey and I'll be playing the part of Anton De Saucere. I'm Adam, your dungeon master. Previously. Beatles!

Start pouring out of the... It was Beatles, wasn't it? Two of them immediately attack you. I mean, that's fair. I was just fucking right. Oh, Lord, I should not be in this fight. Two Beatles rear up on their back legs. Oh, shit. Oh, no.

Tiny moors open up just below their horns. That ain't right. And bursts of fire bathe everyone on top of the hill. Zero is not unconscious. Zero is staggered. So you're like... Oh, God. You can only do one action at a time.

Popping up blood stumbling around. Negatives, you're unconscious and bleeding out. Fuck gloom! Fuck gloom, I'm dying! I am going to try and shield my good buddy. Is this the... This is the... Song?

That classic Shannon Knowles-y hit? I think it's called... No, Lift. The song's called Lift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what about me? It isn't fair. Fuck the lot of you.

Beatles work on motherfucking hydraulic. You're not thinking of the car. That's why, you sons of dirty bitches, when a spider dies or a beetle dies, its legs curl up. All right. Because the hydraulics stopped working. Fuck.

Gosh, I have so many cool spells that are irrelevant at this encounter. I know. I want to, like, just spider walk because it's the coolest spell in history. Squim, you raise your arms, prepared for the arcane gestures to come, and with a flourish,

you bring the wand of burning hands down. Basically, yeah. I'm glad someone else does the fucking actions. Nobody else ever does the fucking actions in this goddamn room. It's nice to have somebody else doing them. I do actions. That's true, you do actions.

Sometimes. No, I don't. I'm gonna go get a drink. You guys wait here. A similar effect to what they were doing to you guys. Just a burst of fire covers the area. You bathe the three remaining beetles in the fire. All three of them are burnt to ashes. Oh, shit.

That's the best. In the first place. Oh, that's good. Now you know. Sorry, guys. Now you know. Next time you fight fire beetles. What I really like is that now I imagine you at a store and they're like, it's good. Now you know. Sorry, guys. Now you know. Next time you fight fire beetles. What I really like is

that now I imagine you at a store and they're like, it's a ray of fire and you're like, I'll take it. And he's like, do you want to know what it does?

No. Like, I don't know if it's good against fire beetles. Like, I'll be fine. I'll just assume not. Farewell. As he's explaining

to you what it is, like, oh, yeah, it's really good against fire beetles. He's like, oh, yeah, but that wand of mirror image. What if there were lots of mirror images?

So, anyway, guys, you're welcome. Thanks, mate. Combat is over. We're no longer taking turns. Feel free to just whatever. Loot! Thanks, mate. Loot them beetles!

You are possibly the only person ever who in their first game of D&D knew to loot the room. Hell yeah. That's true. No fair. Yeah, we're like, we kill the enemy, sick. Move on. Let's loot these beetles. Who knows what's in them.

I have done a lot of first timers, so. Well done. Lilip, heal me. Fuck, good for you. Lilip, please. Oh yeah, Lilip. I'm a little bit singed. I think it got the sunburn even worse.

Are we looting the room or healing first loot the room then heal we're fine sure you'll be okay yeah I was dead for a moment

and I'm fine well well well Lilip can heal you've said square I've got a head for you hey it's the big one chuck it on

fuck yeah it's big stag imagine if Lilip were healing you and she were like I'm sorry it's the big one. Chuck it on. Fuck yeah. Big stag beetle. Imagine if Lillip were healing you and she were like, I'm sorry, it's the big C. Fuck, imagine. Just like, oh my God, I'm blind. I'm so sorry. How long?

Oh, jeez. That's literally an Auntie Donna sketch. I think that's also the Venture Brothers bit where he's like grabbing somebody's testicles to like try and like torture him and then he's like oh my god and he goes like what?

He's like nothing. He's like no no what is it? He's like I felt alone. Fuck it's good. I remember that scene.

Yeah that's good. And then he like lets him down he's like I've got to go tell my family. Yeah you do. Then he just gives

him the information. He's like oh yeah the base is here Fuck What an amazing Just I feel like I want to throw A alchemist fire just down the hole

Just in case Alright you can do that You hear it shatter and the fire Spread below Then you hear it Shatter and the fire spread below. Okay, I think we're... Then you hear... Shattering from down. Nothing happens when it comes with it. Oh, shit.

I assume we kooked them. Good assumption. So... Do we hear the scattering stop? After a little while, yeah. Get them. Get them good. Yeah, we got them good.

Cover the sand. Yeah. Cover the hole. Just push through the hole. Look, it's done, mate. Sand in the hole, we're fine. Once she's done healing you, Lillip asks, do you need any more? You said you're done.

I could keep going. I guess I don't know. I don't know. You don't. I don't know. You didn't roll for me. You didn't tell me. You recovered 13 hit points.

Oh, okay. Thank you. I did say that. I didn't hear. I was too busy. I'm getting a drink. I'm too busy pushing sand in a hole. What am I on? Do I need more?

You're on 33 You're still kind of half hit points I'm still a bit woozy You recover another 9 hit points But then Lilip says that she wants to save Lilip says she's bored I'm tired of this That's real dull

Fair enough Lilip says she's getting low on healing magic. Yeah, you keep... I mean, it's nearly... It's fine. I don't need... I believe we said something about looting. You've got a sick beetle hat. That's true.

That's real good. Check me out, George. I've got me a little beetle hat. That's silly, Paul. That's really good. Don't skin other beetles That was one of the rules we made I spent that whole fight

Trying to come up with beetles puns And there's like no way to I just couldn't come up with like Come together in hell No Live and let die I want you to die Live and let die was actually wings

But that's fine It has been a hard day's night Live and let die. I want you to die. Live and let die was actually wings, but that's fine. It has been a hard day's night. Here's my silver hammer. Lucy in the sky with dye. That's pretty good. It's not that great. Yellow submarine.

There it is. Yeah, that's it. I am the walrus c cuckoo, kachoo, motherfucker. Have a look at my beautiful garden. It was made by an octopus. Doctor, yeah. Doctor Octopus. Under the sea.

Under the sea. Ringo wrote the worst songs. I've got one about an octopus. You just wrote one about a submarine, Ringo. Shut up, I'm going to be on Thomas the worst songs. I've got one about an octopus. You just wrote one about a submarine, Ringo. Shut up. I'm going to be on Thomas the Tank Engine. Got to really like, quash it. That's what he kept saying to them. One of these days.

Is that Thomas the Tank Engine? It's an octopus's garden. Now we're talking about a walrus. That's pretty nice. I really like the sea. So does one person want to mark down the entire group? Very good. 100 gold pieces.

Yay! Riches. Oh, I guess the caravan. Yeah, partially the caravan This is yeah Partially the caravan Rich beaten Nevermind No artwork

Which is a pity No artwork Man I always love the idea Of like an adventuring party Clunking around This massive portrait And being like

We're gonna sell this When we get back to town In a month I don't wanna sell it It says a lot to me You can keep it if you want. Oh, rich boys for gems, though. Gems!

Oh, gems! Gems for days? I'm going to say this is like a small little nest that the Beatles made. Sure, sweet. You find some early CDs they made. Some demos. You find a bloodstone. You can write in CDs they make. Some demos. You find a bloodstone.

You can write in brackets, 50 gold. A black pearl. Black pearl, yep. Another black pearl. I'm just going to say times and see how many black pearls we end up with. And one final black pearl. Hey! Three black pearls.

Three desert pearls, I guess. 50 gold each. And so they're just gems. One's not necessarily powerful. They're just rubies or whatever. Run of the mill gems. Just your basic pearl. Your basic gems.

Just basic gems. Do you remember the movie The Phantom? Of course. Where the Phantom tries to pay for a taxi with gems? Oh, God, that's comedic gold, but it's played not for a joke. That's so funny. That movie. I was confused. So much potential.

The Phantom, for some reason, with George of the Jungle 2. Not even one, just two. Do you remember also, who is similar to George of the Jungle? That's why, yeah. I was about to say, there's one with Tim Allen, and he has a son. Yeah, Jungle of the Jungle. Is that George? No, it's called Jungle of the Jungle.

Yeah, Jungle of the Jungle. Because it's about him. He has a child, I think, who's an Amazonian. Yeah, it's called Jungle to Jungle Jungle to Jungle Cause it's about him He has a child I think Who's an Amazonian Yeah it's a jungle boy Like jungle person And then he brings them To New York

To New York Which is a concrete Sort of jungle All I remember is a scene Where that kid masturbates And it's real weird And uncomfortable Really?

Yeah I do not remember that I mean you're not seeing him Fucking pounding his dick But like But Tim Allen is And it shows his reaction and he's like... Ooh!

No, he goes into the door and the kid's in there and it's like... There's a little scene on a hammock that maybe has titties? Anyway, that's my memories of Jungle to Jungle. Thanks for listening. Yeah. Episode over. Go on, Adam. Well, actually...

Oh, that's it? It's up to you guys now. Yeah, that's it. I go check on Gloom and see if he's doing okay. He's got a little fan and he's fanning himself. It's not because of the heat. He looks like he's about to faint again from the hat. Well, I try and shield the fact that I'm wearing a decapitated ant's head

because I now realize that was maybe a... Look, it's going to spook him slightly. There's no way to hide the blood. That is gore that has fallen onto you from wearing the hat so Gloom as you approach does not seem to want to come within 10 feet of you fair enough

I'd like to approach Gloom and be like if they don't want to bring up this make you sad I'm sorry but your student has died clearly kaput so does that mean we're not aware of where the tomb is? If he was going there and he was

waylaid by beetles? Gloom looks very upset. He says, Rickland, just, not casually, but just under his sort of breath. And he drops the snow globe. Drops the snow globe. You guys have to find out what does that mean?

Who knows? And why does everyone fucking care? He was an important tiefling Yeah, go on Yeah, he says Rickland And then he says No, we must push on In Rickland's memory

We must This find is too important to leave Did Rickland find this? No, a surveyor Was going through and found it That was misremembering And Rickland was a? No, a surveyor was going through and found it. That was misremembering. And Rickland was a good student, yeah?

He was my only student. You're not super well-respected. Then? You ever been to a university? No. There's many different learning atmospheres. Nebulously I'm aware of what one is. There are many different learning atmospheres that can exist Vote Labour

Do you want us to bury Rickland? Sorry? Do you want us to bury Rickland? Yes, yes, no, we should We should He glances over at the dead bodies You should bury the bodies I will pay you

We'll bury the body Just where else? We'll bury the body, just wear us. We'll bury the bodies. Why don't we drop it to them? It's already pre-dug. Then we cover the tip and then also beetle problem. Could we do that without him noticing?

I just go up to him and I'm like, vomit. Spit. Salavia. A dead cat with maggots in it I try and get him to find this Constitution is tougher than you think it is run over by a cart and guts are out in out and then a child begins to play with it. Lilip walks over having

plunged her hands into one of the beetles, Lilip walks over and just smears the blood over over his face. Lilip faint. I'm not Lilip, sorry. Gloom faint. Sweet. We got him. Put him in the urn.

Without understanding, knew what you were doing. What are we doing? three gloom faints. Sweet. We got them. Put them in the urn. All right, let's go check the bodies. Without understanding, knew what you were doing. What are we doing, Jesus? Oh, look, you saucy lass. You've plugged the hole with the bodies. Yeah.

All right, cover it up. Just shove them down there and then cover it up. Put them down. Is ceremony a spirit? I guess. I did not know you were a reclamb, but I'm assuming you're a good sort.

You're right. You had a gold tooth. Go on now, but you had one. I'll carry it on in your memory. You pulled the gold teeth out of his mouth. You shoved him into a fucking beetle mouth. Uh-huh. In his memory.

We bury him in a beetle's mouth. Not a desert will claim him as one of his own. Back to nature. I stick his gold tooth, like, into my gum. Like, not in an appropriate spot, just, like, sticking out of my gum. And I'll be like, I'll never forget you, Ricklin. Do you mean, like, poking out forward? No, still in the back.

Still in the back. Good. You caused yourself some damage. I can deal with that. I got Lilip on my side. Yeah, Lilip will heal you up, I'm sure. She'll deal with it.

Lilip, can you keep... Are you cool if I do dumb shit to like... Because you can just sort me out afterwards, right? She smiles and says, absolutely. Like if I cut off my finger,

you'll just... Just like having a sword at my finger. Lil do it that would be the best party game in this universe it's like get drunk enough that we start severing our own limbs and then it's just like fine by the end of the night healed you up cut it off again funny because you can't heal if you sever a limb she can't heal heal me up i can. I can cover it over. Oh, no. That's the best party trick. Saying you can heal someone, but you can't. Fuck, you'll be the life of the party.

Good way to assassinate someone. That's true, yeah. Oh, you slit your throat. I'll just... I'll just heal you up. I got you, don't worry. That was a joke. I can't. Bye.

Radio. Okay. I'll be back in our camels. Yeah, you continue up. I got you. Don't worry. That was a joke. I can't. Bye. Rightio. Okay. I'll back in our camels. Yeah. You continue on. Yeah. Eventually. Someone has put Gloom, balanced him onto the camel.

Someone has tied him onto his saddle and he eventually wakes up and rights himself. So another two days passes and on the now fifth day, a sandstorm begins to sweep in. Oh, man. How da rude. Heys, hello, is anyone? Heys. Heys, all right. You guys can see and are not being blinded right now.

You're welcome, fellas. Thanks, mate. As the sandstorm starts whipping in, Gloom starts distributing little sets of goggles to all of you. Oh, okay. They're not very elaborate goggles. Yeah, they all of you. They're not very elaborate goggles. Yeah, they're not good. They're not quality.

The medieval society that you people live in does not know how to make good glass for resisting sandstorm. So what it actually is, it's just slits. So there's only so much that can get in. It hampers your vision, but it also helps a lot when it comes to not getting sand and blinded. It's kind of like a shitty cyberpunk

future goggle thing with those slits. They're made of steel. These goggles used to be made before we could as well properly do this. I will also say that because of the sandstorm the sun is kind of light enough that you guys aren't really feeling the heat today.

Oh, great. Thank God. Thanks, sand. My true ally, sand. It's all Lowe's. You say that and get a mouthful of sand. And I chew it with glee. Lowe's.

Lowe's? Ha-ha! I'm sorry, gang. Fuck you guys. Dang. Gotcha good'm sorry, gang. Fuck you guys! Dang. Gotcha good! Oh, man. Are you blind?

The sandstorm gets very, very thick. You guys start having trouble breathing? Thick. Oh, God. Can I pull up, like, something over my mouth? You can, but there's actually just not enough air in the air for you guys to properly be able to breathe. What do I know about sandstorms how long they're lost can i make a knowledge sandstorm yeah you know a hot diddly squat

sandstorm knowledge arcana yeah you know a bit more about sandstorms and yeah you as well squim you both have experienced sandstorms before did you say say knowledge arcana? It's not a knowledge arcana. I rolled a 10. Don't even get me started on Zammett just in general. Jackson did it well. He was sicker than me. Jackson's just assumed. I expect these things from Jackson at this point.

I expect better reviews, Zammett. I'm sorry. You know, or you both are able to tell that you reckon this sandstorm is probably going to last the day. So you might want to seek some sort of shelter, which you might be able to haphazardly slap together by just hiding in the shade of a sand dune. Could you also use the cameras? Yeah, you could also use...

Like as a kind of wind barrier. Yeah, you could do that as well. We'll find some sand we need to just hunker down boys yeah let's do it you start making camp

and one final highs or lows anyway actually you know what swim oh I'm gonna go I'm feeling the play highs oh shit here we go

sandstorm starts dying down a little no longer a suffocation hazard But you probably decide that it's best to just wait till it's dead Before you set out again Just in case I feel like I should have brought an instrument Brown

Green Leaving Samet as blue for those playing at home Shane and Squim You both spot wandering in the dunes A figure moving towards where you guys have come from. So out of the desert. And at first, both of you are quite startled by the appearance of this figure. Oh, gosh. It's truth.

It's vaguely humanoid, but instead of walking like a person might, it seems to be like undulating forward. We fighting Snake Man? We fighting motherfucking Snake Man in this bitch? Adam, if we're fighting Snake Man, I'm going to kiss you straight on your lips. For some reason, this has excited me. I've never in the past expressed an interest in fighting snake men, but now that we're fighting snake men, fuck am I excited.

Adam's like, well, now we are. Adam's like, oh, God, find the snake men. I want to get that kiss. I want to get everyone behind me. I duplicate myself. Hang on. You guys have only just spotted this creature. Let me describe in more detail the creature.

Then we can move to reactions, okay? This being looks much like a slim-hipped live human with sharp features and unblinking eyes. A closer look, however, reveals a forked tongue, pointed teeth, and scaly patches on the neck and limbs. It is a snake man. I don't know how to describe this, but if you get a snake, give it arms and give him a sword. How are his legs

looking? There's just a snake. Right. Just a snake. Just a snake. Give him a quite muscular upper torso You know those Like body builders And wrestlers That have that real big

Thick neck muscle Yeah They have a second pair of shoulders Yeah That But scales And holding a sword I'm a little disappointed

You didn't just say Snake man And then hand the book Back to me I felt like I needed more The one on the right. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's a beauty. That's a cool dude. I hope he's friendly. Best description ever. It doesn't look like it's spotted you yet, at least. Reaction. All right, is everyone just behind me? Are we to assume this is definitely a bad dude?

He's not going to be like Snake Man Pete. Snake Man? Yeah, Knowledge Snake Man Pete. Even after they point it out, you still can't see it. You are lying to me. Why would you assume that? Sarah's not such a singer snake man. I don't want to assume that it's straight up evil

because like, hey, it's D&D. There could be a talking cloud. That's evil, but like, you know, a demon man that's friendly. Yeah, but we got our ass kicked by some bugs. So we should certainly take a defensive stance. So we can be, like, you know. All right, we'll take a defensive stance. I move a little, like, further away to the side,

assuming the enemy can't see me. So I'm in more of a flanking position because I've got some ranged attacks. Okay, you go take cover at one of the sand dunes nearby. So you're still covered a little from the sandstorm, but you're a bit away from the rest of the group. You hide yourself pretty well, actually. Okay, so your friends have very good eyes. Where'd he go?

He just disappeared. Yeah, you see him hide behind a sand dune. You can still see him, but it's probably, you know, because you have a slightly different angle and stuff like that. He's hidden himself well. You can just still see him. Yeah, like sort of at the ready, just like, all right, just waiting to see what Snake Boy Pete does.

If it doesn't spot you, you think it might just pass you by. You're right. Think of the loot it might have. Delicious snake loot. Have I seen it yet? I'm like peering out into the sand. You think we're just pranking? Yeah.

You still can't see it. I feel like... Is this a joke? Am I on Ashton Kutcher's punkt? Looks like it's just going to pass you guys by. All right. All right. Okay.

It passes you by. Just a wandering snake, man. And then at some point later in the day, hours pass, the sandstorm dies down. And we go, wow, what a great day with my friends. I did not think there was ever a snake man. Gloom, do you know anything about a snake man? I believe it's all of you. Gloom shakes his head.

He didn't see the Snake Man either. I'm like, Gloom, you... Lilith. Finally. Although she did not see, but she knows of Snake Man. But not the specific Snake Man. No, not the specific.

Snake Boy Pete or whatever. She did not roll that high. I met him once. His name is actually Peter. She explains Yanti. They're a race called Yanti. They're descended from humans whose bloodlines have been mingled with snakes.

A lot of blood over time. A lot of blood going on. I didn't plan for it. It's just kind of here. It's a bloodline themed game. They're an evil, cunning, and ruthless race, she says. It's probably for the best we did not encounter it. Will there be more of them?

Is it kind of like they live in a pack? I know they do like deserts, but I did not know that any lived here. I thought the dry steps were bad. In general, you have a group of snake men together. Do they like... The smallest you would usually encounter them is in a group of snake men together do they like the smallest you would usually encounter them is in a gang of three to four they don't like to venture out in smaller groups so he's just the one yeah i i'm i'm bummed because i just missed out on a potentially awesome hat in terms of like i could have worn his tail like sort of like linked pointy elven

little thing. But it's fine, guys. It's cool. I'm sure there would be more snake men. Yeah, we'll go to the lookout. If there's a colony of them nearby, we could be facing up to 40. Well, let's lay it low. I don't need that many hats.

Those are a lot of hats. Onwards to the two between, I say. You know where we're going, Gloom? Yes, yes, yes. Onwards to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the to the Rob, highs. Highs or lows? Lows. Lows? Fuck, you guys are good. All right. Predict your every move, Adam. Roll them looms. Shane, you have some trouble with sun, but it's nothing ever permanent.

I'll let him alone. Yeah, most days you're feeling sort of sore from the sun hitting you, but when it gets cool at night, it sort of wears off, and then you just, it's, at night it sort of wears off and then you just it's fuck it's just the worst but you're not going to take any permanent damage from it whereas swim and anton fuck after the couple days it took you to acclimatize it's not even a big deal anymore we're far too beautiful we're far too beautiful, we're far too magical, and we're certainly too much boys. Not too much boys.

Well played. Well played. Take that, son. So from your attempted 10-day trip on the seventh night, so seventh day, seventh night, you guys make camp, and when you do that... More snake. Oh, wait, I'm throwing your fucking piss in. Piss yellow! Piss green. Piss blue.

Always bet on piss. Piss got a heart four out of twenty, so bam. Always bet on piss. Green got a heart sixteen, and blue was eight. Who was blue again? I think I was blue, yeah. You're blue, okay. It doesn't matter because you're good.

You're good. You're the only one who's not. When you get to this particular campsite, as you're setting it up, both of you maybe at some point lie or put bare skin on the sand and you're like, it's not hot. It's cold. Very cold.

And during the day. That's super weird. I just lie on it And cook Freeze myself You just don't notice You just don't notice That was real cold We in a shade?

Look around We in a shade? You're in the desert mate There's no shade It's weird Do they point it out to me? Knowledge arc kind of that No

No one's pointing it out to me I don't think I noticed You don't know yet. I mean, yeah, fair. I assume it's cold. Everyone's like, oh, shit, it's cold. You're like... Maybe sometimes when things are so...

Difficult. Difficult. You're not sure? Doesn't mean anything to you? All right. No, it doesn't mean anything to you either. You think it's odd. You both do think it's odd.

Here's a remark. Well, that's odd. Sit down. Yeah. I would also say you probably... Well, you both do think it's odd here's a remark well that's odd and sit down yeah i would also say you probably well you actually because you rolled higher are able to determine that there's some magic about this oh i detect magic i see magical auras in a 60 foot range yes got me good i forgot you had that'd say burn, but it's so cold. Freeze. Freeze a burn, mate.

So you're able to determine that there's some sort of, the school of magic is abjuration. Abjuration deals with changing the nature of a object or of a thing. So something is changing the heat on this sand to cold. of a thing. So something is changing the heat on this sand to cold. You are also able to detect a faint aura of necromancy.

Oh, shit. Ghouls. Evil wizards. Evil wizards! Hey! Hey! Dang. Does anyone have some sort of ability to detect life or something around us?

No. There is such an ability, but none of you have it. I'd search around, certainly. Well, what time of day is it? It's like evening, yeah? Yeah, it's getting towards... The sun is going to set very soon. Why are you sitting there like... Why are you discussing...

Let this happen. What do you think? Anton, you have a look around. A lot of sand. That's about it. A dig. Like in the cold patch? No, I go to the hot patch and I dig down to see how deep down the cold patch is.

So I dig down in the heat. To find cold sand? No. Well, so if you've got a patch of cold sand, that's presumably an extra patch of hot sand. So if I dig in the hot sand, I want to see how deep the cold sand is. You with me? Would you not dig in the cold sand to see how deep it is? Because if you're digging in the hot sand... Yeah.

Why are you digging in the hot sand? Why was I born so stupid? Jackson Bailey. Hello, my name's Adam Connell-Darley and for just a dollar a day, you can help people like Jackson here who have a condition known as slow brain.

Jackson Bailey was born with insufficient a condition known as slow brain. Jackson Bailey was born with insufficient brain cells to power his brain and so his brain cells must slowly move from one section to another in order to power the different functions of his brain. Slow brain, or SP

as it is sometimes referred to by the medical community, affects one in nine Jacksons in the population. If you or one of your friendly Jacksons is affected by slow rain, please seek medical attention. Fine. I'll dig in the cold. The cold sand goes for, it's hard to tell.

So, you know, eventually as you're digging, you would just get to cold sand because the sand eventually dissipates the heat. You just don't find any in between hot. So now that I've done like a tech magic and I have like, like intelligence and information skills, can I now roll to see if I can put the two and two together of a vague necromancy and an adulated sand? There are a lot of things this could be. It's hard to pinpoint one thing. You know of several magical sands? There's red seas, shadow sand, shape sand, slip sand. Those are the four that you know of.

Okay. What? Goodness. Magic sand. And does the sand look or share the qualities of any of those? It shares the qualities with shadow sand, shape sand, and slip sand. It could be one of these. Shadow sand, well, all three of them are cold. Okay. Shadow sand, specifically, when it's nighttime, it can draw the heat out of people and it can be dangerous like that. And you do know that shadow sand has been associated with creating undead.

No guarantees there. Shape sand is cold, but it's not sand from this world. It's sand from another plane of existence that has fallen into this world. And if it's shape sand, this will actually be pretty benign. Okay. It's very lucky that shape sand would fall into a desert already. Yeah, I know. And not just like a pile of sand in a street and someone's like,

oh, blimey. Shape sand, if it falls into our world, it would fall into a desert because that's where the plane exists the closest. And slip sand is very sharp. So you could test to see if this hurts people when you rub it up against them. And that would... I have been digging it.

This dickhead's been digging. Oh, true, yeah. He didn't get his hands cut. So actually, slip sand can probably be ruled out. So I relay to my best buds, like, hey, I know a bit about sand. Not everything about sand, but I'm aware of four types of sand this could be. And of all of them, hey, I know a bit about sand. Not everything about sand, but I'm aware of

four types of sand this could be, and of all of them I think it's quite possibly shadow sand. And the sun is setting. Should I get off the sand? Well, if you like to hold on to your warmth. I'd get off the sand. First, using my empty potion of moderate healing

because I drank it, I'd like to collect some. You collect some. Okay. You collect some of the sand. Throw it at someone. I nearly said what sand it was. You collect some of the red seas. Well, in case it is shadow sand, can I lay out some cloth

or something and stand on that so I'm not specifically... Otherwise, suppose I'm wearing boots. What's an extra layer of cotton gonna do? Yeah. Just laying on this sand at night is enough. There's not, you'd need a lot of layers to prevent its heat drawing effects. This patch is very large as well, I should say. It's maybe a good half a kilometer.

Well, we'll get on the outside of it and just wait for the sun to set. Yeah. Agreed. Sounds good. I guess this explains why you're eating sand. Yeah. It's because I'm a stamp. Eat the sand, gain its knowledge.

Shadow sand, delicious sand. I know all the types. I have something of a sand connoisseur. Did Squim guess correctly? Or is this perhaps another one of my traps? What? I don't set traps. You're paranoid.

Find out next time on Buried Beneath, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. one of my traps. What? I don't set traps. You're paranoid. Find out next time on Buried Beneath, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer.

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