D&D is For Nerds - Cult & Worship #4 Trust Issues

Episode Date: December 30, 2023

A fourth hero joins our heroes as the only one in town they feel they can trust. Longing de LosAngeles establishes codewords with the rest of the group, Pom Penny Farthing starts using himself as a notepad, and Drifting Snowflake loses a finger without even noticing.Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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A very hurried and frantic letter has been sent to the Knights of Carcerate begging for assistance in a place called Fairburn Point. This letter insists that there is a corruption affecting the highest members of society, an inky black evil worshipped at the fringes of where people dare to look. Pom and Drifting, you remember the last thing that happened to the two of you,

but looking out the window, you can see that it's a bit later than you would have expected it to be. At some point, Pom gestures with his arms, and you spot, written on his arm, Geralt is not here. I grab your wrist. What is this?

I look like I've written myself a wee little note there. Mr. Snowflake, give me your arm. Drifting is missing a finger. Do I feel it? Yearning. You're the only one who knows about this right now. How are you feeling, Mr. Snowflake? Okay.

You fine? Why? Why do you ask? I Mr. Snowflake? Okay. You fine? Why? Why do you ask? I just, I'm concerned for both of my friends. You have been missing for some time. And I want to make sure that you are okay. I'm talking at home. Do I not look okay?

You look fine. Okay, then. You look fine. You are healthy as ever. Let's continue. Yes. I lean over to... If yearning doesn't point it out,

drifting, it doesn't hurt because you just don't notice it. Do you guys speak other languages? Yes. I think I would speak Tabashi. I speak Common and Dwarvish. Fuck, I don't speak any of those languages. I speak so many languages, but none of them are those. You can just gesticulate wildly.

Yeah, I was going to talk to you in a language. But no, I'll just be like, Hey, Paul. Yeah? And look at that friend's hand. But do not say anything. The words are choked. I'm like.

So you're just trying to whisper this? Yes. Okay. You will need to make a. I think I'd like to never know. Yeah, I know. I don't understand why you don't want to know. Is there any of these rolls that we've got here from our.

Let's pull our good boy cards together. And we'll. Damn, none of these are helpful. Let's walk it off. Let's walk it off. Walk it off is. Does that grow my finger back? Is there a grow my finger back card?

Has he lost any health points because of this? Well, because he's not aware of it? No. Oh, shit. All right. So maybe it is a good tactic to keep it that way. At some point, you must notice you are splattering blood everywhere. I don't know what's going on in this boy's mind.

You had to write, Gerald is not here on your arm. That's true. Well, it looks like he's not here, I guess. You successfully are able to communicate this to Pom without drifting notice. He does not know. I can't stop looking at his hand now. I haven't said anything, but I'm also not great at holding myself back when I'm like, he is missing a fucking finger.

I very gently put both my hands on the side of your face and I look you deep in the eyes. Yeah. I'm going to need you to keep it together. All right. I'll do my best. Good. All right. Do you remember why you wrote that down?

No, but I have to guess it's because he's not here. What do you reckon? Do you mind if I lick the ink? I mean, no, I don't think I do. How fresh is the ink, Adam? Can I determine how recent he wrote this? Is it ink?

I, alright, well, it's blue, so it hopefully is ink. You determine, touching it, you can see it's not dry yet, so you would imagine it you can see it's not dry yet so you would imagine it to be quite recent but to give it an exact, like you wouldn't be able to

pinpoint it down to anything less than less than 10 minutes ago Does a Tabashi have blue blood? Imagine him upstairs and he's like, quick I need a pen and I just go, fuck it You can actually choose to have blue blood if you want He's like, quick, I need a pen. And I just go, fuck it. You can actually choose to have blue blood if you want. That is a feature that some creatures in this world have.

I have blue blood. Is it your blood? I don't remember. No, it's ink. It doesn't taste like blood. Would I remember? I don't think I would, no. I don't even know I've lost a finger.

But I have blue blood. It's a thing called being faithless. It means that your future cannot be divined. Divination spells just don't work on you. If I have blue blood. Yeah. Yeah. Dang. Blue blood.

That's cool as shit. I feel very like you too. Yeah. Having blood so that no one knows what you're up to. Okay, so what do we know? like you two. Having blood so that no one knows what you're up to. You can look at my hand and it's dripping blue. No divination spells work on this man. Okay, so what we know is

you're on. He's not here, we know that. Something bad is happening here and that you are not able to look at rooms. It seems a lot later than I quite realized. And we've got an appointment to get to. There's something bad going on here for sure. It's in the basement. I know this.

I have been told by him. Is that guy still like conscious, alive there? You look over. It's kind of like staring. As I said previously, there's a fireplace here. They're staring into the fireplace, kind of almost disassociating. Are there any, like, urchin boys running around? What a question.

Yes, sure. Great. I am thinking that perhaps we came here with not enough guns cocked. I think bows cocked. Are there guns, Adam? You wouldn't know about them, but yes, there are guns. It's a very obscure technology. I'm going to blow

a dart. Yeah, I don't think we came with a full set of darts for this scenario. I don't even know how I wrote on my arm. There was the thing maybe that was outside. Whatever happened earlier, there is this, there is something going on here. You can't even look or remember.

There is so much danger on every side. I think we need reinforcement. I would personally like to leave quite a lot, if I'm honest. We can't leave the town. I feel a bit tingly and I don't know why. Maybe you're nervous, huh? Don't investigate. Maybe you're just a bit convoluted by the time. I don't normally get nervous.

You must be worried for me because I have my whole arm thing. Your arm, this is all very confusing. I just don't know what. Blood is splattering. Just thinking. I'm really like, hmm. Let me do this thing I always do when I'm nervous. I suck on my fingers.

It would be so good if when you're nervous you suck on your ring finger. So you just put approximately the distance of what your ring finger is and suck on it. Biting my nails. I'm working along the line and I'm like, my Lord Zeltek, what the fuck? So you spot that you are missing a finger. You take three points of damage. And it starts absolutely... It's like the wound screams at you.

It's so incredibly painful. Oh, shit. You did not know this before. We might need to address that now. Do you got anything in your bag? You can attempt a... None of you have healing magic or objects unfortunately but you can oh there would be a someone aboard the ship who could help you out with this like

we'd have to go back to the ship yeah proper doctor but any one of you could do like we could stop the bleeding yeah yeah okay honestly there's not much more than a doctor could do yeah yeah so he's in quite a lot of pain yes are. Are you, how does your character deal with pain? Are you writhing around? Are you screaming? Are you attacking? I'm a very stoic man. All right.

Okay, good. We don't have to try to tackle him to the ground. I'd like to get that finger back. Oh, you want it back? That's part of this. It's my skin. It's valuable. Do you know where you lost it?

I think it would be upstairs. I don't know if going upstairs is the best idea. Why? I can't remember what happened up there Yeah That's exactly why Yeah Oh shit

I have been discombobulated Very badly earlier With the Thing out in the I can't even It's gone All I know is it was bad And I did not like it

I think we need to leave I think so too I think we should leave I think we need reinforcement Can you wrap my finger? Easy No I think him Your eyes are still Okay Too hungry I go Can you wrap my finger? Easy. No, I think him.

Your eyes are still too hungry. I go to one of the urchin boys while you're doing that. I wrap it up. I give a little smooch. I'm going to pay attention to the fact that my blood is probably on your- My face is splattered. I'm right at hand level for you. What is going on?

Unfortunately, the bandages that you have are not really designed for such a small wound. Okay. I mean, you stem the blood. You stop it from just freely bleeding. But it's an awkward wrap, basically. All right. I got to an urchin. Does he look alive?

Well, he looks like a Dickensian chimney. Wonderful. That's what I want. You, small boy. Yeah, Lord. I will need a what I want. You, small boy. Yeah, Lord. I will need a favor from you. Sure thing, Lord. I am deputizing to you to assist me on this very

important mission. Please tell me you're not sending him into the base of it. Oh, yeah, do it. No, no, no, that's great. No, no, no. Why? The kid's gonna die. Die in the worst way imaginable. What's he got to live for? I'm just gonna double check here. I've already lost a finger. You're begging for a curse right now. gonna die die in the worst way imaginable what's he got to live for he's gonna double check here

i've already lost a finger you're begging for a curse right now no look here oh i'm lawful good so i'm not sending a kid to his death what do you need lord there is a boat docked in the harbor uh-huh you are heading to the gallant rider you must let her know that her good friend the great hero lizardos that's not my name it, but it doesn't matter. I'm a spy. I have lots of fake names. Okay. The great hero Lizardos requires many reinforcements that the well here is deeper than we thought, and it is overflowing with water. The well here is deeper than you thought, and it's overflowing with water, right? That is correctly it, yes. So is this a messenger job?

Si. Messengers get paid? Si. I gave him a coin. He takes a gold silver copper. I give him a gold coin. That's pretty, that's quite a lot for a messenger. So he seems quite chuffed.

And he will absolutely do the job because I'm paying him a good amount. It'll pay for his funeral. Give me a little boy funeral. I will remember your name so I did not get it. Oh, no. Do not let anybody interrupt you. You must get to the boat. He nods.

Wonderful. As you're watching him run off into the distance, what do the three of you want to do? We should go back to the castle, but we should be very careful. I agree, yeah. How was your fingerprint? Very painful. But I'm strong.

When we get outside, I take off my disguise and I'm back to being young and dear Los Angeles. And I'm just like, whoa! I just wink at you. I'm winging you over. Because I'm in such pain. He's also got a lot of blood loss. As the four of you set off towards the castle.

Hang on. Who's fourth? Yeah. Do we know there's a fourth? Yeah. Okay. Who's the fourth? It's yearning.

It's pompany farthing. It's drifting. And it's the fourth one. Who's the fourth one? It's the fourth one. I turn to look at the fourth one. You're looking at the fourth one. Okay. And. And it's the fourth one. Yeah, who's the fourth one? It's the fourth one. I turn to look at the fourth one. You're looking at the fourth one. Okay, and I say, hello, fourth one.

What was your name again? They nod and respond in kind. Okay, and what was the name, Adam? They give you their name. And why isn't it in my brain? This works too well, where I, Damien, don't feel safe. In a sense that, like, yeah, I feel how the characters feel where I feel like I should know information

and I just don't in my head. Anyway, as I was saying, as the four of you head towards the castle. Get fucked, Adam. As the four of you head towards the castle yearning, you notice that drifting is missing an ear. What the fuck? What are you doing to me, man? I look at Palm.

Don't include me. I'm better off ignorant. I can't even see that high. He's taking pieces of my pelt, and I don't like it. I keep it to myself. I'm like, he does not need to know this. The four of you head towards the car. Fuck you.

You get there. The guards know to head towards the castle. Fuck you! You get there. The guards know to just let you in. You head into the- What do they do? What do you mean? What do they do? They let you through. Like, do they react?

They, as you approach, they may be very classic, very fantasy-esque. Two guards with halberds that are crossed over. And as you approach, they just move them so that they're not blind. And do they count the number of people walking through? Do they call out, four lads coming through? I mean, probably not. No, they don't announce that you are coming through. You're just allowed in.

And there's no way we can trick them into announcing because we know there's a fourth person. Like, wouldn't you say we know there's a fourth person? We know there's a fourth person with us. Well, it's we know there's a fourth person? We know there's a fourth person with us. Well, it's not a person. It's the fourth. Yeah. This is awful. On the way, we stop at, like, there's an artist,

and we say, can you draw us? A caricature artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there any caricaturists out the front of the castle? There's none out the front. That's how Sean notices he's missing in the end, because they draw it missing. You can go find a caricaturist if you want.

I don't know why you'd do that. That's going to waste so much time. It's hard, though. It would take forever because they'd have to keep adding more and more legs. To who? Fuck. To the painter.

Well, he's losing parts, so it's not him, mate. Are you sure? Oh, don't do that. I hate this. Just when I notice the ear, I'm just going to give drifting a... It's very dangerous because he'll get upset, but I'm going to give him a once over, like a look up and down.

Is he missing anything else, Adam? Well, first off, you have to do that kind of surreptitiously. Yeah, because if he sees, he'll be upset. Because they're hungry eyes. Yeah, I know. You're able to do it surreptitiously. You got a 20, so get a good boy card. Hey!

You are very confident Very very confident At this point in time that the only things That drifting is missing Is an ear and the ring finger Okay My deep concern is more parts will just randomly go missing That's what I think And I think it's the fourth

But also we don't Oh this is the worst. All right, so we're in the castle. We're literally at the point in the movie, if we're watching a horror movie, where the characters don't know what's happening, but we are screaming at the television. Yeah, but we are both the people screaming and the characters. And the characters.

This is hard. This is cooking my brain. You're a dog. Kind of like the audio version of the creature is right behind them and we can see it, but they can't. Oh, my God. It makes me feel sick. All right, so we're back at the castle.

Really attached to my tail. Oh, no. Is it still there? I'm not going to take your tail in one bit. Oh, no. You get into the castle. You head to that meeting room that you met all the other people. And when you get in there, Tanya Gideon is sitting there with Redora Galleus Remus.

The two of them turn around as you enter. Redora is able to, she looks at the three of you. You can see just a stony blank expression. But Tanya screams in horror looking at the three of you. Three of us. Yeah. Interesting. Oh, he has lost his finger.

It's okay. Sorry about that. Sorry. I thought I saw something behind you. Like what? I don't know. A trick of the light, perhaps. So we knew the fourth was there.

We now know the fourth is not there, I assume. It's the three of you. Yeah. Did we know? It's the three of you. We always thought it was the three of us. Okay, okay. Well, yeah, because who was the fourth one?

There's only three of us on this adventure, Damo. God, I hate this so much. Can we ask her to describe what she thought she saw? What exactly do you say? So what did she just say to us? She says, oh, I'm sorry. I thought I saw something What exactly do you say? So what did she just say to us? She thought she saw something. She says, oh, I'm sorry. I thought I saw something behind you.

It must have been a trick of the light. Oh, what did it look like? She shakes her head and says, no, I don't know. Just maybe a shadow moving or something. The drifting, you're the only one who picks up on this. It looks like she's trying not to remember she doesn't want to think about it okay

a lot of that going on around here is there anyone in the castle who could tend to my friend's wounds also I feel psych shit yes I'll fetch I'll fetch I'll fetch Sir Stonehand

She should be able to sort you out Tanya gets up and you can see she's very visibly rattled She leaves Redora gestures to the table We will leave as the sun sets I don't know if I can trust Redora I think I can trust Redor I think I can trust Redor I wouldn't trust anyone

I don't trust any of them You're a spy, she's a spy You definitely should not trust each other Tom Trott wants to trust somebody So I'll trust Pom and Drifting Where did you lose Your finger and ear Oh no You take What? Where did you lose your finger and ear? Oh, no.

You take two points of damage. Oh, no. Presumably, you bring a pour up to check your ear. Realize you're missing one. So my whole ear is gone. Your entire ear is shorn off. Hearing is one of my greatest weapons. You've still got the hole.

Does it work, though? I don't know. I don't know how you do it. How does that work? It won't work as well. You'd still hear. I'm a bastard. I'm a bastard to bashy.

You beautiful pelt. Fucking hell, they're taking it away from me bit by bit. What do you do? I don't know what to do. He's just going to spin out and... No, he's a very stoic thing. Stoicism in the face of horror is good. Am I bleeding from there as well?

Yeah, you're bleeding. My God, I'm going to need a blood transfusion. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't even know. Was that like that before? Yeah, I noticed it on the way back. It was kind of like the finger. It was missing and you didn't see it. How long did you know for Yeah, I noticed it on the way back. It was kind of like the finger. It was missing and you didn't see it.

How long did you know for? Maybe the entire time we were walking back to the castle. I do not trust this man anymore. You should not. I'm serious. We need to make sure that... Get me away from him. Get me the doctor.

We need culverts. All right. I like that. Your Redora is currently in the room. You're saying this in front of her. Because obviously she would be a physical presence in the room. I feel it's just reasonable that you wouldn't have said that in front of her. No, no, no.

But I'm just letting you know she's in the room. I say the you cannot trust thing and then I'm like, I wish she wasn't here so I could talk about code words. Yes. Anyway, the next opportunity we get where we're on our own our own we're gonna have to come up with like security questions yeah great call great call tanya comes back with sir stonehand she immediately walks over to you pom instead of drifting she quite clearly hasn't spotted you yet and she starts fussing over your hair oh hello yeah that's quite nice. Oh, they said that you

were a bit hurt, but you seem just as lovely as when you left to me. I am fully blushing. Oh, no, I'm quite, I'm a bit, alright, it's actually my friend here. He keeps losing body parts for some reason. My word! She says, you poor darling! Here, let me help you with that.

She places her hand on your ear, costs a healing spell, then she, well, if you allow her. I'll allow it. Does that work? Yeah, it does. Does it grow my ear back? It doesn't grow back, no. But it heals over, so it's no longer freely bleeding.

Sure. She also then takes your hand and does the same thing. Yeah. You recover. You're fully healed. Hey! You don't regrow those body parts, but you no longer have any damage. Excuse me,

Sir Stonehunt, I am also... Oh, you're also looking a bit under the weather yourself. I feel like I have been hit by... I cannot say. I cannot say. You got the coal madness. The what? She

walks over and then grabs with your permission, grabs at your face holds you like an aunt might like pinching cheeks but she instead pulls your eyes open a little bit. You got the coal eyes. The miners get it all the time.

What do the miners get the coal eyes for? Well, I think it's the coal irritates their eyes so they after a, try to gouge it out. Were you near some coal then when you were downstairs? I was not near any coal today at all. She casts a healing spell. You recover four hit points, so you are on 16 out of 18. Yeah, I'm almost back.

That's pretty good. The coal miners. Where are the coal mines in relation to the town? Oh, they're all over. There's a coal network all under the town. Of course there is. Many different mines tap different veins and whatnot. The well is very deep and it is full of coal.

Yeah, it happens all over. It's something with the dust from the coal, I assume. I assume. Dust is everywhere. It is not the dust. Oh, okay. Have you been hearing things as well? Have I been hearing things, Adam?

Not that you remember. Shit. Not that I remember. Okay, I thought you were about to do something that, oh boy, all right. Just lie and say yes, I have. No, no, no, I thought something else. I thought you were about to make a connection.

You haven't made it yet. That's okay. It's fine. It'll happen made it yet. That's okay. It's fine. It'll happen eventually. God damn it. Is it because I looked at it? Looked at what? The thing in the street that I can't remember looking at.

It's not because of that. No, no, no. It's an entirely separate issue. Yeah, when they get the cold madness, they also start to hear things. When they're down in the mines, typically, but sometimes above ground, chanting, screaming, that sort of stuff. I turn to Drifting Snowflake and I say, well, at least you've got half the worry of getting that then, don't you? That is a positive. It is indeed, she says.

Adam, could having the cold madness make you hallucinate an urchin? Oh, no. No, that's not what I was thinking. No, he's dead. He's on a very important mission. Okay. Fuck.

This is so bad. I don't know what to do. Yeah, I'm lost. I guess we go to the warehouse. That's like what we're doing next? Yeah. Next protocol. Son of a bitch.

I hate this. I turn to Gertrude. hate this I say oh are you accompanying us then to the warehouse well if you'd have me I assume that was the plan I think we'll be very happy to have you right and then would we are we also bringing sorry Colonel Revolutions has kind of pulled rank a little bit

and he's insisting on going with Sorry, Colonel Revolutions has kind of pulled rank a little bit. And he's insistent on going with Sir Silverymoon on the boat. Oh, okay. That's interesting. Apparently they're going to sort it out. He just left saying that they'd sort it out with your captain. That feels a little dangerous. I'm really worried now.

I think the captain's going to die. Fuck. Meanwhile, here in the castle, obviously, it's myself. It feels a little dangerous I'm really worried now Yeah I think the captain's gonna die Fuck Meanwhile You're here in the castle obviously I wish I told the boy What we were doing So he could tell the captain But I only told him Yeah you got that boy killed

Unless the boy gets to the captain first And she realises that There's more It is very dangerous here And she Either leaves Or does something else Before they get there

Or They're on their way there Yeah My theory is Is that not everyone at this table is evil. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe we're lucky. I mean, maybe. Maybe we're unlucky because everyone we're going with is bad. Yeah. Anyway. All right. All right. If they're already like halfway there,

I don't know that we could do anything to get in front of them anyway. We just got to hope we made a good choice. Oh, boy. So Majula the Bold said that she had some business out and about in town and she's going to meet us at the warehouse. I do not trust her at all. The angel. God, no.

No. No. She doesn't like me at all. She's furious with me. Yeah. Okay. I suppose if we, she, Gertrude stands up and she says, if the, what is it? She counts herself.

She counts, she's, you know, the group of us and she's trying to get the number of the group. Yeah, yeah. How many does she count, Adam? She counts Tanya Gideon. Yep. Court wizard. She counts. The master of masks.

Yes. Redora. She counts the three of you. Yep. If the six of us are good to go Good Okay Six is good, she's one of the six

Yep Three and three We would need to just prepare a couple of things I would need to have a bite of something, yeah We will be back momentarily We'll just gather a few of our things and we'll meet you back here Alright In about one minute

You have a private room, you can use it for this How small is the room? It'd be... We're in like a broom closet situation. It's not a broom closet. No, no, no. You're in a castle, Sean. We're guests.

It's a castle. There's shit rooms in a castle. No, he's right. He's right. So it's... So, let me paint a picture. I just love the... Oh, yeah, he's right.

He knows castles. My man, Sean. He knows castles. No, so let me paint a picture for you. Imagine the nicest small room you can. Okay. A toilet. Yeah.

Nicer. Oh, wow. Okay. Toilet with a bath. Oh. Fancy. Clawed feet. Okay, so I think you were correct earlier that we cannot trust one another.

Our memories are full of holes. Our friend drifting is also full of holes. I have apparently coal madness. That's not what that is. That is something else. There is definitely whatever is here is hiding in the coal. Yes.

This town is in effect died by the tentacles. Yeah, it's not in a good way. I think we need to come up with code words or security questions. Okay. Do you remember the name of the monastery that I trained at? Pumpernickel? Muscle Beach.

Oh, I was close though, wasn't I? Muscle Beach, you bastard. So, I trained in the monastery of Muscle Beach. When I see you, if we get split up, when I see you again, I will ask you, what is the name of the monastery that I trained at? And you will answer. Or if you see me, you will ask me the same question.

Okay, yeah. What question can I ask you? You can ask me what the name of my pet duck was. And what is the name of your pet duck? It's Pumpernickel. All right, good. Pumpernickel the duck. And you, Drifting Sloth Lake, what is the question for you? You can ask me

what clan I came from. And what is the name of the clan? The Evading Monsoon Clan. And they did not evade the monsoons. I failed. I've lost a finger, I've lost an ear, but I'm just glad that now all of that is over and I will never lose anything again.

Can I... Have you lost anything else since this time, Adam? You look him up and down, yearning, and it does not look like he's, it looks, he is as whole as he was previous. You look good. In a non-skinning way. I take my pants off. You think that looks good? Check this out.

Where is his penis? I've never had one. That's why he remains so stoic. He's got testosterone. Wait, sorry, I forgot. What was your code word? Pumpernickel. Pumpernickel.

Pumpernickel duck, yeah. I do think you have mentioned your clan to others before, I'm pretty sure. No, I don't think I have. Okay. You definitely mentioned to us before. I mentioned it when I introduced my backstory. And I think, though, with the clan, it's the combination of both. I know the name of your duck.

You know the name of my backstory type thing. Okay, cool. I think. Call, counter call. Yeah. That's a classic military thing. I need a stronger password. I think that's enough because it's the combo. Yeah. yeah. Okay, cool. I think. Call, counter call. Yeah. That's a classic military thing. I think I need a stronger password. I think that's enough because it's the combo.

Yeah, okay. All right. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.

Are we ready for this? Oh, so we're not eating then? I don't think we have time for dinner. All right. I'm very sorry. Here, have a... Is there some food in the room? There probably wouldn't be, no.

There'd be a carafe of water, but that's it. Do you know what? I'm going to hide it in my pockets. Can I just have a bit of bread in my pocket? Sure. You probably have some rations. Oh, yo. There you go.

The ducky's being my belly. You have rations too. Thank you. I appreciate that. No, you only gives it away. This would be great with some sauce and cheese, if I'm honest. I'd like to give some of mine as well. I just think this is a good bonding moment.

Everyone watching me eat your rations. Great. That's very funny. Chop, chop, chop. Before we go, how much field experience have you had? Well, I've been in a lot of fields. I quite like a walk, me. Is that what you're asking? Close enough.

That gives me the answer that I'm looking for. Great. What about you, Drifting? Have you had a lot of food experience Working for the Knights of Karsaray? I can handle myself That's good Look at these weapons that I carry

You just point to your arms And I do actually carry weapons Yeah, yeah I have also seen combat And I have been in some tricky situations So I am prepared, but Oh, I did accidentally murder someone once So does that

I think that counts. That definitely counts, yes. Great. I think we need to be prepared for anything. Yeah. And I would like to propose that we... No, I don't think we need to do that. I was going to propose head counts, but there's always only been three of us,

so it's fine. Yeah, you've never had a problem with there being a fifth member. Oh, fuck. What do you mean fifth? What do you mean fifth, Adam? You've never been like, oh, there being a fifth member. What do you mean fifth? What do you mean fifth, Adam? You've never been like, oh, there's a fifth person. Adam, how many people are in the room right now?

Sorry? How many people are in the room right now? Well, no, there's three people, sorry. But there's four of you. There wasn't four of us downstairs. No, when Stonehand was like the six of us. Has there ever been five of you? Sorry?

Has there ever been five of us? Not that you remember. No, it's always been the six of us Has there ever been three of you? Sorry? Has there ever been five of us? Not that you remember, no It's always been the four of you And this small room just feels a little smaller all of a sudden And what is your code word? They give you their code word Good, good, okay, we're good, alright, excellent And you give them your code word?

I mean, they've been sat there listening to it all Yeah, nice one And our characters don't even know. They want the code word. Give them the code word. Adam, I give them the code word. Of course, yeah. Yeah, the four of us.

Yeah, cool. They know your code word. They weren't here the whole time, though. Were they? No, it's always been the four of you, you think. Okay, yeah, yeah. So we get a code word. We all give our code word to the fourth member of the team.

Yeah, we do. Fuck. Remember three of them. There's a knock at the door. I see. I pull my sword out. The door opens and it's Sir Gertrude Stonehand.

She steps in. Well, are we all... Oh, sorry. No, I messed that up. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Knock at the door. I see. You pull your sword out.

I do. All right. The door opens Knock at the door. Er, see? You pull your sword out. I do. Yeah. All right. The door opens, and Sir Majula the Bold steps in. Are you ready? What are you doing here? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. There's a knock at the door.

Er, see? I pull my sword out. The door opens and Sir Gertrude Stonehand steps in. You have a feeling, all three of you, have a feeling, the fourth one of you, you're not sure because you don't know their mind. Yeah. But all three of you feel a sense of deja vu. Yeah. Gertrude steps in.

Are you ready? Yeah. Sorry, sorry, sorry. See? Now something's wrong. This has happened before. We have done this before. You're about to pull your sword out.

I'm about to say see and then the door's going to open and it will be. The door opens and Gertrude steps in. Are you ready? We have done this so many times. And one time it wasn't even you. I don't know what you mean. We're not ready.

I close the door. Okay. Oh, no. We've got to get another knock. There it is. This time you definitely know something's wrong. All right. Tool up.

Yeah. Yeah. Do we open the door? Are we going to fight? I mean, we've got to, right? We need to be ready to fight. All right. Tool up. Yeah. Yeah. Do we open the door? Are we going to fight? I mean, we've got... Ooh, are you ready to fight? All right. Anybody can be behind there.

I'm always ready. All right. Just quickly. My sword is out. What is the name of my monastery? Mosul Beach. What is the name of your dock? Pumpernickel.

And you are evading Mosul? Yes. Good. The fourth one does the code sign with you. Okay, so we're okay We haven't been compromised That's good I open the door

The four amigos Gertrude's standing there, she looks a little impatient Sorry, are you ready to go? Yes We best get going We're running a little late on time Sorry, I came up here as fast as I could But I don't know Does It seems like it took longer. Does she look like she's

aware of missing time? You get... well... No. She looks just a little confused, that's all. She's a witch. Just let me look if there's any rolls here. It was a sense motive check. It's a skill check. Do you have anything that's for skill checks? We don't have anything for skill checks. Or anything that affects proficiency bonus, perhaps?

The word you're looking for, a wisdom, skill, or proficiency bonus. We have so many cards. We have so many cards and none of them are good. A lot of them are combat, which is good to know. We can re-roll combat rolls for attack. We can choose if we go going to be initiative. It's if we even know we're in combat rather than having pieces taken off of us. Oh, actually, that's what I do. Is he missing pieces? No. Thank you, Damo. You look him up and down and you spot two things. First off,

you spot that drifting snowflake is missing his other ear. Oh, shit. And then you spot, just peeking out from under the corner of Pom's robes, another message written on his other arm. Oh, fuck. We're ready in one more minute. Just give us one more minute. I close the door again and I prop my back up against it.

Show me your arm. Which left, right? That one. What? What's on the arm? What? Get a good boy card. That's funny.

Scrawled in very hurried writing. It looks, not only is it done with your non-dominant hand, but it looks like it's done rushed. Get out of here. Fucking hell, boys. We rock. I think we take the advice.

Yeah. You're missing in there. We're going I think we take the advice. Yeah. You're missing an ear. We'll deal with it later. What? You're missing an ear. We'll deal with it later. Shit. You take two points of damage.

Can he actually hear? He can. You can still hear. I'd say... Normally? It's just fine. Yeah, normally. Okay. It's just fine. Yeah, normally. Okay.

It's a good guy. When you're trying to hear fine details or something, when you're making a perception check, basically, you'll suffer a slight penalty, a negative one penalty. Okay. But for anything to do with just interacting at this table, unless I make a roll, don't worry about it. Yeah, okay.

This is going to bleed. Yeah, yeah. Good time. What do we want to do about this. Yeah, okay. This is going to bleed. Yeah, yeah. Good time. What do we want to do about this? Not done in time. We need to leave. We need to get the fuck out. I'm pointing at my arm repeatedly.

We need to be prepared for anything. I pull out my quarterstaff and- Can I summon them without using them? Your quarterstaff is wet with blood. Mine? What color blood? Oh. Not blue blood.

Red. Okay.? What colour blood? Oh. Not blue blood. Red. Okay. Is it my blood? How would you know other than patting yourself down, I guess? I lick the blood. I know what I taste like.

That's a fucked up thing to say. You get another critical success. This guy sucks at drinking. So, annoyingly, it works. You get another good boy card. No ribs whatsoever. No, no, no. Oh, we got two of those now.

What is it? I'm pretty strong for my size. I like that we've pulled all our good boy cards together. You keep your bad boy card. Don't worry, I'm going to use it. Some of them are on soon. It's not your blood. Is it my blood?

Do you know what they taste like? Surely not. You haven't known them that long. Give me a look. I look at Pom to see if it's bleeding. It's a quarter stuff, though. Pom isn't bleeding. Would a cat know?

Probably wouldn't know what other people's blood tastes like. I think you'd need to have a taste to find out. Am I covered in any blood, gore, icore, bits, goo? With that 20, you can see that there's a smattering of blood on your pants. Do you wear pants? Yeah, I wear pants. There's a smattering of blood on your pants. It looks like from blunt force trauma. Not yours, someone else's. You hit someone and they bled. I hit someone really hard. Incidentally, you also notice that Pom is also sporting a shiny

burn on one arm. Nothing serious. Looks like he dodged fire. And Drifting Snowflake other than the current wounds does not seem to have any extra ones. Although you can see there's a lot more blood on them than justifiably for their wounds. Blue blood? No.

Yeah, actually. Oh, you didn't need a 20 for this. Yeah, it's red blood. Yeah. It's someone else's blood. What about the fourth member of our... They're gone. Oh. They... Wow, sorry. You don't know they've gone.

They're just gone. Yeah, we're like, no, Adam, there's only ever been three of us. What are you talking about? No, this time you have a distinct feeling like something's wrong. Did I say four amigos earlier? Something is very amiss. We need to get out of here right now. I've been in combat. You have been in combat. You have very amiss. We need to get out of here right now. I've been in combat.

You have been in combat. You have been in combat. We need to leave. Whatever's behind this door, we hit it as hard as we can. Not Gertrude. I do not care. It may not be Gertrude. We also probably need to come up with different codewords.

I swing open the door. Who is it? It's Gertrude standing there. Yeah, cool. I smack her in the chin before she can talk. Fucking hell. Fuck yes. Let's do this. All right. Let's go to combat. Oh, cool. I smack her in the chin before she can talk. Fucking hell. Fuck yes. Let's do this.

All right. Let's go to combat. Oh, shit. Your second combat of the game. I'm so sorry if they didn't want to fight. No, no, no. I wanted to fight. Okay.

Second combat of the game. We have so many things. If this is bad for us, we've got a re-roll, a missed attack roll. We've got if your last attack was a hit, you can hit automatically on your next attack if we go for the same target. We've got strength checks. We've got initiative checks. We can change

what our damage is to radiant or necrotic if that doesn't feel like it's helpful here. We can also roll attack rolls for other people. Adam, what does our action surge do? Your action surge lets you attack again. Alright, we've both got that.

That's on a short rest, so there's two types of rests, short and long. Long rest is eight hours overnight. A short rest is just a one hour breather. Some things come back on a short rest, some things come back on a long. I think most of your powers come back, the two of you, they come back on a short rest some things come back on a long i think most of your powers come back the two

of you yeah they come back on a short rest i think you have another one called second wind which gives you some a little bit of healing that's also a short rest yeah most of us have a short rest too oh well that's good well then yeah key points a short rest and my bite attack is a short rest you can also recover other than using your second wind ability you can recover some hit points on a short rest to a limit there's a limit of how much yeah how wind ability, you can recover some hit points on a short rest to a limit. There's a limit of how many hit points you can recover via short rests. Short rests, then you need to take a long rest

basically. If that makes sense. Alright, cool. So, Yearning, you go first. You smack Gertrude with your quarter staff. Is it possible as I'm hitting her to see what's going on with her? What do you mean to see what's going on with her? What do you mean see what's going on with her?

Is she burnt? Is she covered in blood? Is she... You, unfortunately... I just hit her in the head. It's all happening so fast, yeah. You attack. You will...

Oh, you get advantage because she's not expecting it. You hit. Your first attack. Now, you have some abilities like Flurry of Blows. Yes. Do you know how they work and stuff? Do you need me to explain that? So I spend, basically after I take my attack,

I can spend one of my key points to make two unarmed strikes as a bonus action. So I can hit her with a stick and then hit her twice again just with my fists. Poor Gertrude. Well, when I started with my fists, just unarmed, which technically, does that mean my mouth? Because I have a bite attack too. You can use your bite attack for this, yeah. So can I hit and then do flurry of blows by bite twice if I wanted to?

Absolutely, yeah. I also have the ability to summon big ghost arms out of my body. Oh, okay. Also, another set of ghost arms out of my head. Oh. They're strength-based and wisdom-based. I think it's funny if I have wisdom arms out of my brain. Are they super muscly?

Because that's what your guy's all about. Yeah, muscle beach, baby. I don't summon the arms. I just hit her. Okay. I'm more trying to... Are you trying to stun her or just get by her? Well, it's almost like I want to knock her away so we can try to get out of the room.

Because it feels like if we're fighting in a room, we're in trouble. Your first attack deals seven points of damage. It staggers her a few steps backwards, but not enough to really clear. I mean, she's very surprised by this, so you probably could run past her, but you've not in any way really neutralized her as a threat. Would you like to spend any key points? Would you like to move? Not yet.

I'd like to move out of the doorway sort of into the hallway. You move out into the hallway. There. Oh, God. Highs or lows? Highs. You look up one end of the hallway. You look up the other end of the hallway.

It's currently clear. It's just Gertrude here. Yeah. Great. Drifting, it's your turn. What would you like to do? Can I use my long sword? Absolutely.

Cut her head off. No. We're going full on. I was my long sword? Absolutely. Cut her head off. No. We're going full on. I was going to just try to subdue her, man. No, no. I don't have ears anymore. Yeah, not fair. It's affecting my balance.

Natural 20. Isn't it whiskers that cause cats for balance? I don't know, man. Urinary is also a cause. He's a mess of a creature. You get a nat 20, so it's a critical hit, double damage. Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

Cool. So you deal 22 points of damage. Good night, nurse. Yeah. You cut her head off. Oh, my God. Drifting. I didn't think it would work.

She could be my future wife, dude. Her head hits the ground before her body does. Is she dead? Mission accomplished. Her head's been cut off. Is she dead? Great. I'm going to check her corpse for tentacle tattoos, Adam.

You check her corpse for tentacle tattoos. You find none on her. So we killed an innocent. Well. Hang on. I don't know what the tentacle tattoos mean. Because some people, not all of them have them. So it's hard to say.

We should hide the body in the room. Would have been good to get some information out of her. Well, would have been good, wouldn't it? That was my plan. You killed her. That was my plan. I was going to knock her back. We're going to knock her out and interrogate her.

I love you. She got anything on her arm? Do I get a good boy card? No, no, no. If you get a nat 20 on an attack roll, I can't believe you absolutely just fucking slaughtered this woman. I did what I said. We need to move very quickly.

We are not safe in this castle anymore. Thank you. Go back to school with Rogers I love you. Rogers. once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.