D&D is For Nerds - Cult & Worship #5 The Other One

Episode Date: January 6, 2024

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At your side. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. A very hurried and frantic letter has been sent to the Knights of Carcerate, begging for assistance in a place called Fairburn Point. This letter insists that there is a corruption affecting the highest members of society, an inky black evil worshipped at the fringes of where people dare to look. Something is very amiss. We need to get out of here right now. I've been in combat. You have been in combat.

You have been in combat. We need to leave. Whatever's behind this door, we hit it as hard as we can. Not Gertrude. I do not care. It may not be Gertrude. Can I use my longsword? Absolutely.

Cut her head off. No. You get a nat 20, so it's a critical hit, double damage. Good night, nurse. Yeah. You cut her head off. Oh. You get a nat 20, so it's a critical hit, double damage. Good night, nurse. Yeah. You cut her head off. Oh, my God. Drifting.

We need to move very quickly. We are not safe in this castle anymore. So you're going to hide her body? We're going to check her for stuff. Sorry? I want to check her for stuff first. Okay. You pat her down.

Yeah. She had a mace. You find that. She had some cleric's robes, but they are very bloodied and also fit a dwarf, so they wouldn't fit you. She had some armor on her. Yeah. A chain shirt. She had a holy symbol.

It would have been a sun and moon tucked together. She had a few other just odds and ends, maybe like a book that she had on her but you open it up and it's a bible yeah okay nothing any flipping through it you don't see anything unusual there's nothing else unusual on her at all you do find i would say she had because she was trying to prepare for tonight you find like a side satchel thing on her and in it you find five potions that look like, well, you know, they're healing potions. They have a label on them. They're labeled as Groogrog's best. There's a picture of a smiling orc with big thumbs up and underneath Groogrog's best, it's Groogrog's best healing potions.

And then the tagline underneath says, also now functions as an incendiary device. Grugrog's breast is something that I've encountered before, boys. It is the most powerful alcohol known to man. It's basically gasoline. Can it cure a beheading? It can't cure a beheading. Damn.

A finger being cut off? A finger being? No, it won't regrow a limb, unfortunately. That's quite powerful magic to regrow a limb. We could have some to heal ourselves back to full health though. Yeah, if you have hit point damage this can recover that, and also you maybe have encountered these before, so

when you're drinking it as a healing potion you need to form a, it might be instructions you gotta form a tight seal lip to bottle because if air makes contact with this liquid, it will ignite. We've got grenades, boys. It is also an incendiary device. Does it get you drunk?

It'll get you drunk. Because I'm pretty heartbroken right now. And I want a drink. Are I'm pretty heartbroken right now and I want a drink. Do you look visible? Are you visibly hurt? I am shaken. I am like, I don't know what to do with myself. I very gently put both my hands on your face. Pom, you're going to need to get it together. No. I hid it really

well, but I loved her. You did not hide it as well as you think. There will be other loves, but we have to survive first. She was a murderer. Maybe. You did not hide it as well as you think. There will be other loves, but we have to survive first. Yes? She was a murderer. Maybe. Murderer pending.

I think I take a swing at him. Okay, yeah. Are you actually intending on causing damage? Or is it like a... It's more like a heartbroken, like, fuck you. I'll put your back into it. I slap you. Okay.

Not to do damage, but like a, we have got to get together on this. No, let him take the hit. He's already hit you. Oh, did he actually hit me already? Well, you were describing it as more of like a stage hit, like you're not intending on. You can, if you want, full on punch him and you can actually try to deal damage. I fucking do. Because you just chopped her

fucking head off. I reacted in the moment. You get a critical hit! Oh shit! You're not going to do enough damage to kill him. Even at maximum possible damage. I am furious with both of you. How much did I lose?

It takes a lot for Pom to get worked up. Yeah, yeah. You deal eight points of damage. That is so much. I'd leap up onto his shoulder and punch him right in the ear. You fall backwards and your head slams into the stone floor. You're alive, but goddamn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That would have killed someone. Can I fight back? Yeah. Do you respect me for that move? Can you fight back? Absolutely. And you know what? You deal more damage. I turn to him.

I deserve that. I know what it is to have loved and lost. I took something from you, but murder are pending. I still think pending. No one was wrong. We are both right. I say nothing. I walk over to her.

You said she had like a pendant from her cushions at night. Yeah, a holy symbol. I take that. You can add holy symbol to your inventory. I hand one of the healing potions to drifting. And then I, again, I come over. What are you doing? I am still fuming.

If you let me get one of those potions, I will guzzle it down. I am not in a good mind. I'm not going to give you one. Yeah, no, that's a good idea. Doesn't deserve one. You might have to pick me up and carry me out of here. You drink the healing potion? Yep.

You're fully healed. You make sure you form a proper seal between your lips and the bottle. You down the entire thing, as it says in the instructions. You feel the, it's like you've downed an entire bottle of vodka. You feel confident. Got to enjoy it while I still have lips. I'm over to you, Pom. Yeah, you're just sad

yeah I've got a necklace thing and then I'm now I'm just kind of like looking at it I'm like almost like non-communicado

Pomper Penny Farding when you became a knight of sorcery why did you do it I don't respond what was it that made you pick up the sword

and go yes this is what I will do this is my calling because it's not for everybody Pomper Penny Farding why did you become a knight of sorcery I look at the I look at the necklace and go, yes, this is what I will do. This is my calling. Because it's not for everybody, Pompani Farda. Why did you become a knight of carcery? I look at the necklace and I look up at you, but I still don't respond.

You don't have to tell me, but find it in here because you are going to need it tonight. You're going to need to hold on to it very, very tightly until it makes your fingers bleed. But do not let go of it. You too. Remember why you became a knight of carcer Because tonight Tonight is going to be a long Long night I stand up That's as good as you're going to get out

That's alright I'll take that Alright we must go Are you going to hide Gertrude's body Yes Are you going to hide it with the other one Fuck you Burn it Where is the other body

Mentally you're like well We can stuff Gertrude's body in the hiding place with the other one underneath the bed. You've covered it up really well. Yeah. Adam, whose body is the other one? Oh, it was your fourth. Oh, it was the fourth. Do we know what it is now, looking at it being dead? Huzzah.

We did it. You look at it, and it's the fourth one. It was the fourth of you. Can we retain what it... If I were to describe it, how would I describe it, Adam? You're pretty sure you realised that there was only three of you, and then the fourth one, when you confronted it, it attacked you and you killed it,

was scared that what you've killed was maybe a crime, and so you've hidden it. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's the blood. Yeah. That've hidden it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That's the blood. Yeah.

That's the blood. That's victory. Yeah. Codenames are back on the menu. Yes. Yes. I passed with that comment. That is such a funny thing to take away.

What I want to know is how many times has Gertrude knocked on that door? How many times has the Ace of Mear knocked on that door? How many times has Gertrude knocked on that door? How many times has the Ace of Mear knocked on that door? How many times has the Spymaster knocked on that door? Because I assume that door's been knocked on a few times and we keep forgetting. Yeah. Although I don't think we're going to forget anymore, which makes me- Hang on a minute. We didn't close the door.

Oh, we did, didn't we, Adam? No, you didn't. I draw my sword. Are we back in the room? Yeah, you're all standing in the room. You've just hidden Gertrude's body. Okay. Great.

The door's closed. The door's closed. It wasn't previously. None of you remember closing the door. No, but we remember hiding the body. Yes. I get my stick ready. My sword is out.

We open the door. Who is it? Gertrude. Hello. I smash her in the face as hard as I can. All right, here we go. Fuck it up. All right, you hit her.

Actually. It's already done, mate. I want to show her her own dead body. Well, Connie's right. Dice have been ruffled at this point. Hey, we might get another chance. Damo can do that. But he may go after me.

Because you're going to try to fucking kill her. You're going to chop her head off again. I've got to know. What are you doing now that you've seen Gertrude again? I feel like my instinct would be to actually just stop Sean. Hey, you don't know what I'm going to do. I have a pretty good guess. I'm an evolving man.

Sean, are you going to cut her head off? I have a pretty good guess. Nah, I'm an evolving man. Sean, are you going to cut her head off? For the listeners of this audio format, Sean just gave the cheekiest wink I've ever fucking seen. You do really fast little winks and they're powerful. They're really powerful.

Mine are a bit bigger. I put my whole face in it. Sean's are just like, look at Damien. Alright. You deal six points of damage slamming your quarterstuff right into her face. Her head rocks backwards. Yes. Drifting snowflake, it's your turn. I draw my sword. Cut her head off.

And can I go up to her, hold the sword to her throat, and ask her to come over and look under the bed. Okay. That will be an intimidation check. And unfortunately, she is... Doesn't... Well, you can't tell just yet because she's quite surprised by your sudden aggression.

You don't think that this is going to be very convincing. Unfortunately, that is also your turn. Okay. I mean, well, you can still move, but you can't attack now because you've spent your turn being intimidating. In moving, though, I can put my sword down. I'll put it down and step back and make room for my colleague. Pom, it's your turn. It's happening again. I pull out the necklace. Do I still have the necklace?

You do still have the necklace. I hold it out, hands up to sort of be like not attacking, not attacking, and just sort of trying to show it to her. I'll make that a persuasion check instead. Okay. You do also not great, but a bit better. Okay. Yearning, would you like to smack her again?

I'm going to try to, yeah, I don't know what you're trying, and I don't think it's going to work because I don't think she's real. I'm going to just try to... You now swing the quarterstaff around and sweep her off her feet to knock her prone. Are you intending on continuing fighting, or are you intending on... Your intention here is to deal damage or to knock her prone?

I want to knock her to the floor. I know that sounds like a stupid question because you just described that, but this is something that you will do instead of dealing damage. Correct. I don't want to hurt her. I want to knock her to the ground

so that we can then deal with her on the ground. And if she's on the ground, she then has to get up before she can attack. Luckily, she's still somewhat surprised. So when you slam your quarterstaff into one of her knees, you feel you hit like a pressure point. You know you haven't broken anything,

but you force her leg in such a way that it has to come down, and she topples onto her back. Then Snow, it's your turn. You, Drifting Snowflake, you don't think your intimidation check is going to be particularly effective, not just because you don't feel like you're particularly intimidating, but also because your good friend is continuing to fight. Okay.

What would you like to do? It's your turn. She's not real. She's not real. You think she's not real? You're torn between your two friends. I'm not entirely sure. Because I'm willing to find out.

I'm not. I am too. I got that. I'm remembering why I became a knight of carcery, and I'm holding on to it very tight. Your own speech has worked wonders on you. It got that. I'm remembering why I became a knight of carcery, and I'm holding on to it very tight. Your own speech has worked wonders on you. It really has. Can I snatch the pendant from Pom?

Yes. Well, if Pom allows. Look, you're pretty strong. I think you'll be able to do it. If you want, you can resist. You can try to. No guarantees. No, I'm going to go with it.

I'm going to go with it. Okay. I hold it up in front of her, and can I say, what does this mean to you? All right. I will call that, I guess that's kind of still an intimidation check, but I'll give you another intimidation check. I'll give you advantage because you're standing over her. It's very intimidating. She, even if she did want to fight, she probably couldn't win this fight.

So, yeah, like I i said i'll give you advantage and you did pretty well all right she puts up her hands in surrender and pom i'm assuming you're not going to attack no i will not be attacking it's her turn instead of attacking you she says well it's uh uh looks like a medallion from my order, she says. She rummages around underneath her shirt and produces an identical looking one. Damn, I was kind of hoping it was like the only one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there anything particular about both pendants that is only on her pendant? Is there a certain scratch or a tarnish or anything like that? There would indeed be carved into the reverse of it her name, Gertrude Stonehand. Alright.

Okay, well yeah, we show herude Stonehand. All right. Okay. Well, yeah, we show her that. Yeah, flip that around. Yeah. What does she have to say about that? She looks very shocked at that, turns her one around, and you can see it also says Gertrude Stonehand. Yeah.

Well, that's a bit strange then, isn't it? Oh, it's more than a bit strange. I'm sure out of combat. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you wanted to take another go. I'm tempted to. You have advantage now.

Can I have stepped in front of Tom a bit just to sort of create a bit of a barrier for him? Yeah. Yeah. All right. I've done that. Show her her buddy. Yeah. That's what I think.

I think she trusts you. I think you've got to take her by the hand. Show her her buddy. You've got to take her to the bed, mate. I'm going to stay outside the door ready to go because I don't want to close the door and have someone knock on it again so before that happens

I have some really upsetting good news while gesturing with your paw it becomes impossible for you to not realise you have one finger and one thumb left oh shhh just on the one hand or on both on your right hand you have one finger and one thumb oh just on the one hand on on your right hand you have only your pinky and thumb sure what the zeltec king fuck fuck

you take four points of damage that's not too bad. Fuck. And Pom. Which hand, sorry? Right hand. I'm a left hander. Okay. Pom, you become aware of a searing pain on your chest. Oh, no.

You realize you are holding in your hand one of your crossbow bolts. Oh, shit. Gertrude screams and hits the other bed when she sees her own corpse. Is anything out in the hallway where I'm standing? You look up one end of the corridor. You look at the other end of the corridor. You don't see anything amiss. What would you like to do about the searing pain on your chest?

Rip open my shirt. You barely need to. Your shirt is partially torn. Written in a perspective, obviously you did this to yourself. You have carved run into your own fucking chest. This is fucked. I see this.

I slam my quarterstaff against the door so that it cannot close for whatever fucking reason. And I look at my friends. We must leave now. Yeah. We run.

I just silently nod like, yeah, we're doing this. Does Gertrude make the follow? If you start running, Gertrude probably needs to make it. Okay. Gertrude scrambles to her feet and runs after you. Okay. As she does, I slam the door back in her face to shut her in. Yes. Okay. How do you feel about this, mate? I'm conflicted, I slam the door back in her face to shut her in. Yes.

Okay. How do you feel about this, mate? I'm conflicted, to say the least. I feel like I punched him in the head for not very much compared to this. Sorry, is there something we can brace the door with? There's a lock, but it locks. Oh, no, actually. Okay, highs or lows?

Lows. Sorry, Damo. I don't trust this woman. You do what you got to do, brother. Should I kill her again? Yep. Lows, did you say? Yes. I think you mean highs. No, Damo. I don't trust this woman. You do what you got to do, brother. Should I kill her again? Yep. Lowe's, did you say? Yes.

I think you mean Heist. No, I think I mean Lowe's. No, no. Hey, Tom. I'm not playing this game. Tom. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I pick Lowe's.

Tom, no. You got to live by the Lowe's or you die by the Lowe's. Tom, it's not a big deal. You want to pick Heist. I want to pick Lowe's, Adam. All right. There is no lock on this door. There's no way to bar this door. That's alright.

Unless I leave my quarterstaff behind. No, no. Actually, yeah, I could try that if you wanted to. Yeah, but I need my quarterstaff. Do you? Yes. It's my weapon. Other than these fists. And the other secret fists. Well, Gertrude doesn't want to stay in the room with her corpse

so you and her are going to make a contested check to see which one of you can force open or keep forced to close the door. I mean, I don't have anything to lock the door. She is pushing as hard as she can, but she's slipping in her own blood, both hers and her other bodies. You, meanwhile, are not doing so well either because you've not braced yourself properly, but because neither of you have a particularly good grip,

you just coincidentally win. Which way do we go? So are you shutting her in? Yes. I don't trust this woman at all. I think we should knock her out and carry her. We need answers. I'm fine. I'll knock her out and carry her. You want to do that? Do we have this conversation? Yeah. I step away, dude. I'll knock her out and carry her. You want to do that?

Yeah. Do we have this conversation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see. I step away from the door and I shoot. Are we back inside the room? Oh, no. Yes, you are.

We took too long. I'm a killer. When that door opens, we do not fight. We do not do anything. We run. We run. We run. You feel a terrible pain pulse.

No. You look down at your chest again The crossbow bolt is no longer in your hand It is the exclamation mark It is the point of the exclamation mark On your chest Alright, you open the door Gertrude is standing there

I smack her in the head As hard as I can, knocking her off her feet For the third time For the third time you slam into her head. You, uh, that's a critical. You hit,

she reels backwards. Gertrude reels backwards into the other Gertrude who is screaming and running away. Interesting. Not dead. No, no. The one that we locked in the door.

Oh, fuck. There's now three, a dead one, two living ones the one that we locked in the door. Oh, fuck. There's now three. A dead one, two living ones, and one just knocked at the door. I've hit her in the face. We need to leave. We run. I'm going to have a threesome. One of them is dead, Damo.

The two alive ones. Oh, yeah, that's true. He is one of the three. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. That's right. That'd be awesome. Yeah, no, we fucking...

Gertrude, the one that is screaming and running, is coincidentally going the same direction as... Well, not coincidentally. Presumably she's trying to leave. So she's going in the same direction as the exit. Are you going to go after her or take a less optimum route? We're not going to follow

her. Okay. Okay. not going to follow her. Okay. Okay. That's my gut feel. No, I feel you, but I still think maybe she doesn't have, no, there's multiple hers anyway. I don't think she actually does have answers. She's as lost in this as we are. Correct. She'll just be confused.

Yes. She's just, I don't think her brain. She is confused because Tom's beat her up three times. I think her brain is shattered in half at seeing her own corpse and then herself knocking at the door. No, I can agree with this. We go a different direction. We live in a world where I cut her head off.

She's done. We choose that version. The three of you will need to make athletics checks to sprint as hard as your little hearts will allow. Sprint as hard as your little hearts will allow. Okay. I get a bad boy card. You roll badly. But they never travel in packs. The players encounter

a second identical enemy to the one they just fought. Oh, please no. Just another Gertrude. That would be so fucking funny. There's so many of them. Yeah, you know what? Yes, I spend that. You, as you're running, slam into another Gertrude, who is clearly different from the one that you just bumped into and the one that ran screaming in another direction.

This is an entirely... And different to the one we killed. Yeah, and different to the one that you killed. She is missing an arm and screams and runs in a different direction when she sees the three of you. We just keep running, I think, boys. Let's keep legging it. Pom, seeing that has shattered you completely.

Mentally speaking, you are broken. It's done with a demo in real life. You stop running. You just stand there and you're just panicking for a second. The two of you, drifting and yearning, the two of you can stop for him or keep going. I will say I'm a little lad. I'm a little man behind. I reckon you need to tuck me under your arm. I kiss his head and pick him up.

Alright, if you want you can roll, it's just now you'll be moving a lot slower obviously. That's alright. Oh no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Give him to me. Adam, I would like to spend a key point while we're running away and use Step of the Wind. Okay, you increase your movement speed. I increase my movement speed. Nice. Can I ask a question too?

Yeah. Have I taken any damage from having to carve myself up? It's superfluous enough, I'm going to say. It's like the equivalent of cutting yourself shaving. Yeah, cool. It's painful, but it's to say. It's like the equivalent of cutting yourself shaving. Yeah, cool. It's painful, but it's not damaging. Is drifting cutting himself as mementos to remember something's going wrong? Oh, that would be awful.

Who knows? No, he wouldn't keep chopping off fingers and multiple ears. It hasn't worked so far. No. Dumb choice. Yeah, I use a key point and you step in the wind. Thanks, buddy. You notice that my tiny little gila monster legs suddenly are swole as fuck.

You emerge almost explosively out of the castle keep into the large courtyard area that's just before the walls to the castle. area that's just before the walls to the castle. In that courtyard area, Tanya turns around and like nothing's wrong, says, oh, shall we head on then? What time of day is it now? You look over, it's the sun is setting. Which is weird because the sun had set earlier. Maybe it had set multiple times earlier. But the sun is setting now And she's not surprised at our appearance

She doesn't seem I mean, actually, no, you are kind of Oh, wait, well, you've only got one extra wound That is still quite gone I'm covered in blood I don't think my ear has been fixed, though I'm still bleeding from this Yeah, and your hands

And the hands The hand is like I'm carrying a galactic dwarf And my stick is covered in blood No, you're right Yeah, I'm carrying a demonic dwarf and my stick is... Yeah, I'm bleeding heaps. You're right, you're right, you're right. Tanya, at first, seems kind of nonchalant.

Also, you're carrying me. At first, she seems nonchalant, but then she quite clearly, it takes her a second to take in what your state is, and she says, oh, are you okay um no um shall i where's gertrude she wants to fetch you which one i you can see in addition walking from walking over from where the stables are, Redora is also approaching you.

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Friday. Right. I drop you. Yep. Right. I drop you. Yep. I then whip off my, like, hat, cape, my, well, I'm not nude, but just, like, dismiss all of that.

Get it out, mate. And, um, you know when apes peel their lips back and they've got teeth? Yeah. I do that, but with my lizard mouth. Okay. And I get really close to Gideon. Tanya? Tanya, yeah. Tanya Gideon.

What treachery is befalling us here tonight? She looks quite alarmed at this. She's very, you don't need to roll. She's intimidated. I am going to count to five. When I get to four, I will bite you. Tell me what treachery is befalling here tonight. I don't know what you're talking about.

Are you okay? Were you attacked? Was it the cultists? It was three, four, four, five. I don't know how many of your friends don't have. She looks at you. She continues to be quite concerned with the situation. Does it look like she's lying?

What a question. Does it feel like, like, am I, am I, have I intimidated enough? From the inside check, you deduce that Tanya is very scared of you. Perfect. And whether or not she's lying, you're not 100% sure. You just know, you just know her current emotional state, which is scared of you. Good. And she says, I, I'm sorry, but i have no idea what you're talking about there's multiple

gertrudes as in like imposters assassins is that who attacked you she seems like she's trying to be placating towards you what's the master of spies doing radora she's coming over with horses for your group is she aware that the situation is- She has- well, when she sees what's happening, she stops halfway between the stables and where you are, and you can all three of you- no, oh, good boy card. Good job, Damo. Yay. I need it. I'd love a skill check one, instead of all these combat-based ones. Whoa, how do I do that? You cast a cantrip you don't know, follow the spell's regular rules. Oh, that's cool. That's funny. You don't know magic at all spell's regular rules. Oh, that's cool. That's funny. You don't know magic at all.

No. All right, Tom, I think you know D&D enough that I would say you have to pick a cantrip. But Damo and Connie, I don't feel like you know D&D well enough. So for that spell, I'm going to do something a little weird. Okay. Any spell the two of you just know the name of, rather than just a cantrip, you can summon that. You can use that card.

If you happen to know the name of a spell. Okay. Don't look anything up. No, no cheating. If the two of you just happen to know, either one of you just happen to know a spell. Wish. That ain't powerful enough.

There's limits to that. I'm not going to Google anything, but maybe I'll re-listen to some D&D. If you don't, that's fine. Obviously, Tom knows at least some cantrips, I assume. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I know a few. Just don't ask me about them now.

Okay. I'll ask you next recording session when you've looked up which. Don't look up any spells. I was going to Google a message, Holly. Never mind. If in between this and a future recording, you potentially learn the name of a spell, that's fine. But don't look it up.

Don't seek it out. So unfortunately, yearning, you're too up in Tanya's face. Maybe Tanya's terrified expression literally blocks this from view. But Pom and Drifting, both of you spot that when Redora clocks what's happening over with you, she stops moving halfway in between you and puts her hand on her side to you yearning. It looks like she's just maybe it's like an impatient gesture or something like that. But the two of you, Drifting and Pom, both of you spot that she has subtly drawn a knife. Okay.

That's sort of enough for me to finally sort of come to and shake off the shock of everything. And so I'm going to pull my war hammer out. Okay. My question to the group, do we want to fight this person? I don't think so. I think she's reacting to me threatening Gideon. Okay.

That's all? Yeah. But we can be a bit defensive. The fact that no one else in the court likes her makes me want to trust her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tanya sees, Pom, that you have drawn a weapon, and now she is more than just a little intimidated.

She does not want to be next to you yearning, so she takes a few steps back, puts her hands up in the air, very defensively. I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what I've done to offend you, but I wish to apologize. And she starts talking louder and louder and louder. She's getting, like, maybe a little distressed.

Well, no, it's not distressed. No. Do I peg that it's not distressed? Drifting, you don't notice this, but Pom and Yearning, both of you notice that she's talking louder and louder and louder and she keeps glancing at where she knows the guards are by the gate. Like she's trying to arouse, she's trying to get attention. I put my teeth away.

Tell me, sorcerer, what kind of magic could make you repeat a day over and over and over again? She stops, looks at you very seriously, and says that there are several spells that could do such a thing. One of the most common ones, I say common, but it's a very powerful spell, is called Time Stop. It affects the very flow of time itself. There are others, but they're even less common than that, and I would not call Time Stop common. I have seen that sunset six times. Okay. Are you...

So what are you trying to tell me? I'm saying that there is treachery in this castle, and we cannot stay here. All right, well... You cannot stay here. right well you cannot stay here okay so is tonight's operation off i don't think it can be i think it is more expediently going ahead all three of you spot that redora when she notices you've calmed down she puts her blade away i would also like to apologize for my countenance and my frustration. I have been backed into a corner and I was... What on earth did you do that

for? Gertrude Stonehand walks out of the castle holding her bleeding nose. What the bloody hell was that for? Is she speaking to any one particular person? She's speaking to you, Yearning, who smacked her in the face. I turned to Tanya. I hit her in the face.

Five times. This one just bursts out of the room, hits me, no good reason, and then off like a damn, like a goddamn rocket. There were five of her. Each time, knock on the door. Oh, it's Gertrude. Knock on the door. Where is Sir Magella?

Tanya looks past you at Pom and Drifting. She looks at the two of you and she thinks I've gone crazy. I'm the sanest one here, baby. She is pretty confident that yearning has gone crazy. She looks at the two of you and you can get the distinct impression. She's like, please don't let him kill me. Okay.

Yeah, I think we've got to step in. I think I'm like, I realize how it sounds, but he's not lying when I point to Gertrude. I said, she had her head chopped off. It's upstairs, but blow me if I'm going back in that room anytime soon. We don't know who did it. We don't know. Do you still have the pendant?

Yes, I do still have the pendant. You pull out the pendant? Pull in the pendant, show the name on the back of it. Now, that is a strange thing. She reaches into her robes and produces the identical pendant. Ha! So we have done this before. Tanya reaches out for your pendant, Pom and says, may I see it?

I reluctantly, yeah, I have to give it to her She turns it over in her hands a few times and you see her muttering some spells to herself At one point, the pendant glows softly and when that happens, the identical one that Gertrude is holding also glows When that happens, Tanya looks at the two and says, hmm, that is quite odd.

Yes, it would appear that the two of these are the same item. That's what we've been saying. There's multiple Gertrudes running around. And Sir Majula. Where is Sir Majula? Sir Majula is waiting for us near the docks. She knocked on the door too. She was one of the people

at the door. It was Gertrude, Majula, Gertr Gertrude Majula. Gertrude, Gertrude, Gertrude, Gertrude. I feel like I miss you. There might have been another Gertrude in there. My brain is all over the place. I love you frazzled. You've been so in control the whole time. I'm outside. It's cooking my brain. Well,

obviously the three of you are the experts here. What should we do next? Do you wish to... I mean, I'm letting you know, she gestures, the sun is currently set. Thus far, you have encountered no weird time jumps. Yes. The sun has been setting at a consistent rate

this entire time. It is very nearly completely set. She gestures towards that setting sun. Well, the energies from this ritual that is being conducted should start being detectable soon. The ritual doesn't last

well in, I don't know exactly how long it may or may not last this time, but in previous affairs it has not lasted for terribly long. So if we don't leave soon, we might not get there in time to find whatever this is. Alright, I have an idea. First of all, everyone must

gather here who is traveling to the warehouse right now. Is everybody here? Everyone gathers in a circle, yeah. Alright, I'm going to hand out pieces of paper on the quill. You will sign the piece of paper on the quill and we will hand them around to one another. Good. Good thinking. Okay. You will keep this signed piece of paper on you at all times. If you run into someone and they

ask you anything unusual, you produce this piece of paper to present them that you are not travelling through time etc etc etc like a necklace, we are making a failsafe I'm back baby should Gertrude not come with us? no I think we want to keep her by our side

100% Gertrude should absolutely come with us also while we're writing our names down you can kill her again I say I'm, you're right. I sidle up to her. I say, I'm glad you're not dead. Well, I'm glad I'm not dead as well.

Apparently someone or something killed me or did you just find my body? We just found it. I don't correct you because, you know, I've got to cut this boy a break at this point. Thank you. You did punch me in the ear hole. Yes, I did punch you in the bloody ear hole. Yeah.

All right, Pom, I do a smiley face over it. Yeah, I sign. The only thing, the Los Angeles signature is very flowery. Do you draw some muscles on there? No, no, it's just like, do you know where John Hancock signed and it's massive? Yeah, it's just that. It's just real big. I don't know.

I kind of like to imagine that the beginning and end of your signature are two big arms. Actually, it's big and it's arms. Yeah, there you go. There you go. Well, you hand out the pieces of paper to everyone. Yep. Are you signing? Can you write?

You've got no fingers. You're left-handed. Yeah, he's left-handed. Have I lost anything on my left hand? Not that you've noticed. On my right hand, I've got one finger left. You're basically doing a permanent shocker.

You're doing a permanent shocker, man. Yeah, you've got a permanent shocker. You're going to do lots of phone gags. You're real cool all of a sudden. That cat keeps

shockering me. You say that to the man who murdered the woman you love. Yeah, but she's back. I'm alright now. I think what we do is we get everyone

to sign six pieces of paper so we all have a copy of everyone's signature. And'm all right now. Yeah, yeah. I think what we do is we get everyone to sign six pieces of paper so we all have a copy of everyone's signature. And the idea being when we run into – say it resets again, we can produce the paper and be like, we got you to sign this. We're stuck in a time loop. How many people are in this little circle? There's six people. The three of you plus Redora plus Tanya Gideon and plus Sir Gertrude.

The fourth isn't there anymore because he's dead upstairs. His blood is on both of you. They. They. Crucially, they're not a person. Yeah. Is this a foolproof system? Just having your name on a piece of paper?

Well, it's kind of my theory is it's a bit like the pendant being proof something weird's going on. I run into you and I'm like, do you remember signing this piece of paper? And Tanya's like, no, never. It's like, you did. That is your signature. But they could lie about it.

I don't know. Are we better off going with like a code word on the paper? No, I think it's just proof of identity is all I'm doing. I'm not looking for like who's a spy. I'm looking for proof of time loop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You hand out the pieces of paper. paper. Everyone signs the pieces of paper. Everyone gets a piece of paper with everyone else's signature.

Are we satisfied? Shall we head off? Do I still have those health potions on me? You do, yes. Four of them, I believe. Yeah, okay. So they didn't disappear? No. What's your health though? We should have looted all the other bodies. We could have had 20 health potions. Amazing. My health, I'm on 16. I could drink one, but I feel like it's a... Oh, I'd just like to let everyone know, Gertrude

holds up a... holds up her satchel bag. I've got a couple of healing potions, just in case anyone should need them. Grokrok's best. Yes. Yeah, it's my favourite. Yes, we took them from you earlier. Should we send some guards up to collect her body?

Don't send anyone into that. We're just moving on. Do not send anybody into that room. Okay. All right, then. We won't. Maybe cursed.

Maybe Gertrude calls over a guard and just lets them know the situation and tells them to keep parts of the castle isolated right now until you can work out what's happening.

Well, if everyone's satisfied, you head off. The seven of you head towards the warehouse district. Well, that's nice. Yeah. Okay. I think things are going to turn out all right for this fight. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm so mad. I'm going to get my hand back. I'm going to be not cool again. Hang on. There are only six of us when we were signing the paper. So we don't have the seventh person on the paper. Yeah, that's. Oh, you must have forgotten.

Do you want to stop and add them onto all the papers? No, no. Is that not enough of a clue? Because our six names works really well there. Yeah, I would have thought looking at the six names makes me go, huh. And we've already had a fourth fuck us up before. Yeah, but they've always been here. They were there for the fourth thing.

Why didn't they write their fucking name? They're so rude. Very rude. I should have known the pieces of paper. We write seven names down. You pass it around. Everyone signs their name. You pass it to the seven.

How many names are on the paper, Adam? There's seven names on every piece of paper. How do I pronounce the seventh name? You know. Yeah, great. Can I say, this is genuinely like, I feel for, obviously we review horror movies. I feel for anyone in a horror movie where the rules are not obvious.

You don't know what's going on. You don't have all the pieces. Like now I feel so strongly for all those characters we've reviewed and like did they act wisely or foolishly? Because you're literally like, I don't even know what decision to make. I don't know what's going to work. I don't know what I could make. A dozen decisions, they all might lead me to bad places.

Rule one. We already did that. What you really want, what you really, really want is to pull the card that says, I see it. Yeah, I know. That card is like gold. It's like worth its weight in gold. We've got to do some more good role playing.

You want that card so fucking bad. Okay, okay, okay. You know what? Go on. Draw another one now. You've been good. Sorry, what did I say? The DM must lay out the best possible phrasing for you when talking with an NPC.

That could be quite useful. We could twist that. We could twist that. We could twist that. Interrogating anybody would be very handy with that. Oh, can we use that now? Interrogate the seventh? Yeah. Oh, no way.

No, he'll just be like, yeah, you know. I've got to lay out the best phrasing possible. For what I want, which is to find out who the seventh is. Pump it. I think we want to know its identity. Yeah, I think identity is a good one. Yes. Okay.

The best phrasing possible for this. You want to ask the seventh who has worshipped it in the past. Who has worshipped you in the past? Would this crack the veneer of the it's part of our posse? Well, it occurs to you that's a really strange fucking thing to ask. This is a really weird question, but it's just popped into my head. Do you often ask people that? I don't think I've ever just walked up to someone and said,

who's worshipped you in the past? Is that a normal thing? I point to the dwarf knight. I have seen her die and be hit in the face five times. You make a good point. I point to both of your arms. It is not a normal night, huh? Yeah.

So we can ask some questions. He's got no fingers left. It explains to you that it's been worshipped by the stars and their spawn. Does that make me go, wait, what? Yes. That's an odd thing to say. And you know what star spawn are. I do.

Yeah. Well, all three of you would. They're not an uncommon thing. Hey, Adam. Are they asmere? No. Okay. You might describe them as like D&D aliens, almost.

Shit, right. Now, they come in a lot of shapes and forms. You could describe them as either being creatures from another planet or creatures from another realm. Oh, okay. These are some forms that starspaspawned tentacles. They're handsome fellas. They're fucked up.

Tom, what do you see? Oh, fuck. Sorry, would you like to describe this first one? I see some tentacales. Tentacales. He has a beard that looks like it's made of pube tentacles. It kind of looks like a blobfish. If the swamp thing was more blobfish than swamp,

it would look like this guy. It does look like he lives underwater. Yes, big time. Too many arms. And this one looks like, what are the bad guys in Animorphs? Oh, he looks like an andelite but gone fucked. Yeah, a fucked andelite. It looks like a centipede fucked an andelite,

and also then I asked a kid to draw that from memory, and then we made it look cool. Yeah, and he's got a little, you know, loincloth. He is hiding a dick of undetermined size. Oh, that one's very different. That one's just worms. That's just worms wearing a mask. In a mask and a coat.

Oh, boy. Oh, that is an ugly little golem boy with spikes all over him. Looks pregnant, if you're asking. But it's cackling evilly. I want to hit that with a big rock over and over again. That's not anything. That's tentacales. That is tentacales, but like with a wolf. And snout.

Yeah. That's an amalgam of, God knows, animal parts. Like something out of The Thing. Yeah. Yes, it really does. It looks like the leftover bits from The Thing. All right. Anyway, those are star spawn.

I don't like star spawn. I'm just going to straight up. Cool, man. So these things worship number seven. Well, yeah. Stars and their spawn, but never humans. Okay. Okay.

Is that setting off my radar? You think, though, when the seventh one of your group, when they're saying and never humans, what they mean is, because you know this about them, they don't really understand what humans are. They just know, oh, just two legs, just two arms, one head, and they're kind of like, oh, you are humans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

So they mean like bipedial creatures. There's a lot of different races falling under that. Man, if you will. Yeah. Question, though, does that prompt any that? I mean, yeah, come on.

You can't ignore that. Yeah. And have all, all six of us heard that? Okay. What are the others? Uh, well,

Redora immediately draws her dagger and wheels around. Tanya screams and Gertrude draws her weapon and screams. So you've got the full pantheon there. Shake. Oh! Show! Yeah, pretty much. Tanya's going to get her shit together.

The seventh one puts up its, well, not arms, but puts itself up and backs away scared. We can see it. We can see what it is now? No. No, you can't see what it is. Well, I mean, yes, you can see it. We can see what it is now? No. No, you can't see what it is. Well, I mean, yes, you can see it. But we can't see it. I can also put my arms

up. I flex my little lizard arms. It makes itself a little smaller. I pop out four very big, almost ghost arms that are much bigger. Makes itself even smaller. What is it that you want from us? Yes, Tom. Well, it tells you

what it wants. Yeah, damn it. No, fuck it. I punch it in the head. Okay, that's good. Thank you. To be continued... Thank you. The further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests. And D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.