D&D is For Nerds - Cult & Worship #7 Right Tool for the Job

Episode Date: January 20, 2024

Keep up to date with the Jarren's Outpost Board Game by heading to jarrensoutpost.com or checking out all the links here!Want ad-free and even more bonus content? Just check out Imagination Adventures+ on our website or on Apple Podcasts! Music by the ever wonderful Lepidora, you can check out her music here. And head to peddlerspress.store to peruse our D&D themed merch store and help support the show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. A very hurried and frantic letter has been sent to the Knights of Carcerate, begging for assistance in a place called Fairburn Point. This letter insists that there is a corruption affecting the highest members of society, an inky black evil worshipped at the fringes of where people dare to look. From out of the darkness looms a giant warehouse building. This one's much larger than any of the ones around it. Tanya turns to the rest of you and says,

the energies are coming from this warehouse. Before we split up. Yeah. All right, before we come into our plan, we're going to do a very quick roll call. All right. Yearning the Los Angeles, that is one. Pompany Farthing, that's number two.

Drifting Snowflake. Radora. Tania. Gertrude. That's it. Okay, we are six. We are six.anya. Gertrude. That's it. Okay, we are six. We are six. Remember, the number is six. Okay.

If you count more than that, you are going with three, and we are going with a three. Trey. So, actually, you know what? The NPCs are not going to let you do this. Before you enact your plan, Radora quickly says, Before you enact your plan, Radora quickly says, perhaps it would be wise to quickly circle the building and check for scouts. Yeah, you're doing that. We're going to go on the roof.

All right. Fine, Adam. We do a boring lap of the warehouse. All right, all right, all right. You walk around, and sure enough, you spot on all four sides, there are sentries hidden. There were sentries at the front as well. They were just hidden. Okay, so if we'd climbed up the roof. You would have been immediately spotted.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool. We're in disguise though. Yeah, we're in disguises. I think it would have been okay. Wouldn't really helped if they shoot on sight, though. Different plan. You could try sneaking past them.

We could. Let's team up and crack that door open. Oh, wait, there's someone at the door. Are they on the roof? Centuries at the door. You see two centuries at the front of the building. Yeah, okay. And then, actually, because you do a lap, you spot this as well.

So there is a back door as well, just a single door in the back of the building. And you see they're not even hidden at the back. There's just two sentries, people wearing guard uniforms, standing at the back of the building. And you can see that every now and then someone walks up. They speak with the guards very briefly, and then they are admitted into the building. The door opens. Light spills out.

You can hear soft murmuring from within the people go in the door is closed anyone who's let in is wearing these dark heavy purple cloaks and you also spot there's just a myriad of different people are being let in yeah and you spot they are wearing a uh some sort of talisman that they show to the guards when they're speaking to them to be let in because i've got a talisman does it look like the guards when they're speaking to them to be let in. Because I've got a talisman. Does it look like that one? Well, you don't get a look at it, unfortunately. Can I ask our NPCs, do they recognize anybody who's walking? Obviously, this is seemingly official. They're part of the official. Do they recognize anyone in these robes?

It's official. Radora recognizes most of the people you see go through. She comments, oh, that's like Blake the blacksmith, Andron the cleric of Penia. And then she just lists a bunch of different people. Both Tanya and Gertrude recognize some people as well, appropriate to their various professions. So Tanya might be like, oh, that's this XYZ alchemist I know. And Gertrude also probably recognizes the cleric. Can they get in? Yeah.

Because of their rank? Well, do you want them to try? We don't have the right robes or potentially- They would look out of place. We wasted our disguise. Well, you did like a Silvery Moon. Could Silvery Moon get in? You don't know.

You haven't tested. You don't actually, you suspect Silvery Moon is part of this cult, but you don't have any proof here. Otherwise you would have used that. I say go for it. You've got a beautiful disguise. Let's go for it. Do I go alone is the question.

You can ask any NPC to come with. Yeah, I think you should maybe take one of the NPCs. Maybe Tanya? Yeah. I don't think Tanya's part of the cult, though. No, but because of her magic stuff, I feel like she's a good choice. They'll turn her. Yeah, I know.

Worth a shot. What's the worst that can happen? Yeah. While you're doing that, I'm going to try to get on the roof. Jeez. Do you need a distraction then to get on the roof? Might be a bad idea. But also I feel like a distraction is about to happen.

I'm pretty sneaky anyway. Have I discovered anything with this stone during this lap? Oh, you're doing your lap as well. Closely trying to closely inspect the walls. You see highs or lows? Highs. Oh, yeah. Good one. All right. You see highs or lows? Highs. Oh, yeah, good one. All right, you see this building's not up to code.

There's a mess. Smell that a mile away. What cowboy came through and did this slapdash job? You can see the western wall looks like there is one beam. For some reason, there are beams on the outside of this building. Oh, that's horrendous. Yeah, this is not good. There is one beam on the west side of this building that is quite clearly very heavily laden with the weight of the roof.

Okay. If you were to take this one beam out, the entire roof and probably some of the walls would come in. I got a new idea, boys. Yeah. I think we just drop the warehouse on them. Jesus. Yeah. We know something bad.

We know something sus is happening in there. Mm-hmm. You would potentially miss out on some evidence if you did this. Or just what's happening. How many people would you say are roughly in there? It's impossible to tell. You've seen at least 10 go in. You're thinking of killing minimum 10 people.

Here's the thing, Sean. Do you want to send a scalpel or do you want to send a sledgehammer? I'm all for it. Well, what if we do a bit of both? Yep. I'll point out to you guys, oh, that stone up there, if we pull that out, does Jenga exist? It's like Jenga.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's called Elf Jenga. Elf Jenga. Yes, the elephant game of Jenga, yes. Yes, we've all played some good Elf Jenga from time to time. If we remove that block there, this whole thing's going down. What if that's our fallback, right? These guys go in, they hit a spot of bother, we yell something out, I don't know, something good, a good word that they know,

and then they run for the hills and we just drop the load on them. What language do you speak again? We have no crossover. Common and primordial. What do you speak? I speak deep speech. Damn. It's hard to learn a language.

What? Can you do any good like animal sounds? How long does it take to learn a language, you said? Yeah. Probably ages. I can. Can you do like just some sort of- What's a lizard sound?

Lizards don't make noise. Yeah, you don't make noise. Would it be great, Adam, and you can kill this if you want, but I'd like to justify my ability to make the sound of perfectly crashing waves. What are you trying to do? What are you trying to achieve? And very quickly, just before you say that, I have a little note for you. For just me?

Yes. You've spotted something. Great. Do we even have to make, we could just yell, could we just yell out like, evading moon song? So he knows, oh, that's my peeps, I gotta go. Evading monsoon, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that idea. I like that, that's a very good idea. I'd like to look in that direction. In the direction of the note? In the direction of the note Can I see anyone?

There's no one there that you can see Not like I know what you're referring to No it's not like last time Before we continue on this mission I would just like to do a quick headcount I think this is important that we keep doing it We need to keep doing it It's very very important

The headcount returns with a normal number How many is that Adam? Six? It's important that we keep doing it. I thought we just did the head count. We need to keep doing it. It's very, very important. Before we continue with operation. The head count returns with a normal number. How many is that, Adam? Six? It's the normal number. It's not six, is it? I'm not saying it is. I'm not saying it isn't.

I'm telling you it's the normal number of people. It looks like we're at fucking 50 at this point. I'm going to do a roll call. Okay, so I start. You're in the Los Angeles. One penny fire thing. That's two. Number two. Sir Silvery Moon. Uh-huh. Okay, so I start. You're in the Los Angeles. One penny for everything. That's two. Number two.

Silvery moon. That's three. Drifting stopper. That's three. Redora. Four. Gertrude. Five.

Tanya. Six. Any others? That's it. No other roll call. No one else. Does the head count in the roll call match? Yes.

I'm not sure what you're asking, but I think yes. So there were six people who did the roll call. Six people said that they were here. Yes. Six people who correspond with the names that we all just said. Yes. Does that match the head count we did? Yes.

That number is the same? Yeah. Okay, good. No people, nameless or otherwise. Are here. Yeah. Six bodies, six entities even, if you will. Okay. No, that's all or otherwise. Are here. Yeah. Six bodies, six entities, even, if you will. Okay, no, that's all right.

That's okay. That's okay. I can handle six. So, yeah, we're sending this fella in. We're sending Drifting Snowflake and Tanya in. I have to tell you. You, well, just before you say this, you watch. It happens right before your eyes.

A little bit more disappears. You watch as it happens. Do I see anything? It's just gone. Do I see anything do it? It's just gone. Do I get the same sensation I feel watching it just go is the way I felt when those three years disappeared? No.

Okay. No, it's just like gone. Is all of it gone now? You. Okay. No, it's just like gone. Is all of it gone now? You're watching it happens again. It's almost accelerated at this point. If I'm watching Yearning, what do I see on his face? You see terror in Yearning's face. Pass the note. Oh, no.

But now it's more than that. So now I've seen terror. You're seeing it now. It's happening before your eyes. You're watching it happen. I pop my arms out. I just tackle you to the ground. You don't get any explanation.

I tackle Drifting Snowflake to the ground. What happens? You tackle Drifting Snowflake to the ground. Both happens? You tackle drifting snowflake to the ground. Both of you hit the ground, and you hear like a wet thump, and you look and you see that as far as you can tell, it's stopped. I would like to apologize to you, Drifting. I have your best interests at heart, but I didn't want to alarm you, but I think I have temporarily stopped them.

What I'm about to tell you is not good news. You do not need to hear it if you do not want to. If you would like to live in ignorance, I can give you the gift of ignorance. If you would like knowledge, I can give you the gift of knowledge, but I will leave that choice up to you. Do I, Sean Carney, want to know this? I don't know. Yeah. I think you do.

Go on. It has taken your tail not all of it there is um there's a stomp the yours grow back because i mind us drifting snowflake your tail is down to a knob did you hear any voices any any of the strange things from before? You strain your ears and you can hear crying. Is it me crying? You strain your non-existent ears? It sounds like a child. Oh god.

I don't know what to do. What am I missing now? Fingers. Ears. Tail. Tail. I love that tail. With me. Can I Tail. I love that tail. Yeah. With me.

Can I establish something I have forgotten? Throughout all this, am I feeling this pain, or is it? When you notice it, the pain shoots up your spine. Yeah, okay. As soon as you're aware of it, but before then, you don't feel anything. Yeah. You hear a voice. The voice is not familiar, but it sounds upper class. Someone posh. I offer you

the same decision that all adventurers have. A slow death or a quick death. You don't feel like it was directed at you. Who's directed towards? You're not sure You're just hearing conversations We haven't heard anything So the things I've heard previously Have they not been directed at me?

Have they just been things I'm hearing? It felt directed at you previously Especially when you could start to see the shadowy figures It looked like they were saying it to you Yes, okay Yeah, great Fucking hell Is there something you can think to use that for? It looked like they were saying it to you. Yes. Okay. Yeah. Great. Fucking hell.

Is there something you can think to use that for? You have the right tool for the job. I think we use that to knock the load-bearing log out of the wall. A bomb. I turn to the boys, my comrades. All my life, I have internalized all of the pain that I have. I'm very good at it. Right now, internally, I'm fucking screaming.

I want to die. Would you like to vocalize some of this pain? Kill me. Okay. But kill them first. We will stop them from taking more of you, yes? We have to destroy the building. We don't want to go inside?

I think we knock it down. All right, I'm game. Yeah. Also, I think Pom's like, no, if you're going, you're going the right way. You're going with a warrior's death. I think unless we strap a bomb to me and I go into the building as Sir Silvery Moon. Oh, okay. I don't mind that.

So the bomb that you can detonate. I'm worried about putting you in that room though. Because they don't care about your disguise, whatever they are. And I think there's more of them in there. Yeah. I assume it's more star spawn. I want to see. I kind of want to.

Damo wants to see what's in there before we blow it up. Yeah, I'm thinking my suggestion would be Suicide Squad. Two stealth get up on the roof or through a door while it's a distraction

suss it out collect some evidence of some kind get out knock the warehouse down. Okay. That's my plan. What are we thinking?

I'm game. This mission if you choose to accept it. Let's do it. Knock it down. Choose it. Yep. We have come to a conclusion. This mission, if you choose to accept it. Let's do it. Knock it down. I choose it. Yep. We have come to a conclusion.

So we're going to try to stealth. A couple of us are going to try to stealth in. A couple of us make a distraction. Come out with evidence. Knock it all down. What entrance would you like to take? Roof. Roof?

Okay. So who's doing the distraction? Can I move the stone part way so that one is more ready, but they'll notice like a rumbling? Like that's a pretty fucking good distraction. It'll be difficult to do that without being spotted, so that might end up being the distraction. Let's do it.

With the IMF, baby. Who's your come at me for stealth, or do you want to not come in? I'm also getting angry, and I wouldn't mind killing the sentries. Okay. Yeah. The screaming, the internal screaming. Yeah, I think Drifting Snifflake doesn't scream externally. But he can make others scream externally.

That's his path forward. So yearning you and Radora climb up onto the building? Yes. And I'll go with Pom. Everyone else is on distraction. Yeah. Anyone who's going to spot him doing his stuff, I will try and take care of.

Nice. Okay. And I guess what we can do is that Tanya and Gertrude can kind of like distract the guards of being, Tanya can be like, why am I not invited? I'm from the blah, blah, blah. Right. I'm with the court, like that kind of thing.

Fuck, if they just get, what I'm terrified of is they go do that and we just watch them get let in and we're fucked. Yeah. All right. So if you want, you can spend the right tool for the job to get a bomb with a fuse. And then I need a consensus. How long is the fuse?

How long do we need? So you've got to get up on the roof and have a look. Yeah. You want to collect some evidence. Yeah. So we're going to need like, what, 15 minutes? I reckon the fuse is, say, three minutes. But you don't light it.

You give me five and then you light it. So I have eight minutes. Is that a Dragon Ball Z three minutes? I think that's a James Bond three minutes. Oh, shit. No, it's an Ethan Hunt three minutes. It's an IMF three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it is both half an hour and 20 seconds. Okay, so Radora and Yearning both need to stealth their way up to the building to begin climbing. Does that feel like a good amount of time? Yeah, man. You're a spy master. I believe in you. Come over. We're about to die.

You're a lizard Ethan Hunt right now. Both of you reach the building. Just as I'm climbing. For her size, Radora, as I remind you, is a dragonborn she's massive very stocky built like a brick shithouse she moves quite quietly for her frame and is able to not hide very well but what she what she lacks in hiding she makes up for in being very quiet. Yes. So the two of you get to the building unnoticed, and then are you just climbing free solo just with your hands? Yeah.

Do I have claws? I don't think so. You might, though. I have jaws. At the very least, Radora has a grappling hook and rope with a She throws the grappling hook, and you hear it clink up on top. Oh, I can hold my breath. Oh, that's actually quite good.

I can hold my breath for 15 minutes. I'm just going to start holding my breath so I don't make noise. Whoa, 15 minutes. Shit, that is Ethan Hunt stuff. I can do the full H-Hard-A-Tate Winslet sucked in. You won't even need Beck Ferguson to come and save you. Nah, I've got it. So you're just free soloing it, so you need to make a climb check,

or athletics check, I should say. You do pretty well. Both you and Radora get up onto the building without being noticed and without any issues. You can see, sure enough, there are several skylights that light is spilling out of, and now that you're this close and with only glass in between you, you can hear the murmuring is a little bit louder now it sounds not dissimilar to a soiree a party

almost you could just hear many different people talking softly though redora gestures and then like to get closer and then the two of you creep up towards the skylight and look in. Still holding my breath. Both of you gaze down. The warehouse is packed. It's full. We'd kill so many people. This is going to rock. There's at least a couple hundred people inside. Oh, this is so good.

How many innocent? It is, sure enough, a party. You can see everyone's wearing, it's very eyes wide shut. Yeah, okay. With the notable exception of there's no orgies going on. So it's not really fun. Not yet. It's not really a party.

Not yet. The orgies will come. But yeah, everyone's wearing those deep purple hoods and cloaks. And you can just kind of vaguely make out that people are wearing those medallions. They look like they're made out of, you get a bit of a better look. They look like they're made out of, you get a bit of a better look. They look like they're made of silver and you can see there's something pressed into

them, but you're too far away to make out exactly what. Have we seen anyone else wearing those sort of things? Not to my recollection. I don't believe you have. No. Great. You can see they're just walking around. A bunch of them have, not all of them, but a bunch of them have masks on and they're chatting among themselves.

You can see there are some people dressed differently. You immediately notice them as white staff. They're moving in between the crowd with platters of hors d'oeuvres. And you can see there's a bar that's been set up and people are getting drinks and stuff like that. It's very low key, but it is, yeah, nonetheless a party. Radora issues a low, long hiss, like she's just encountered something very upsetting. I look to her, oh, we can speak Draconic, because she's a dragonborn. Yeah, you think she's being quiet because she doesn't want to be heard, though.

Can I whisper? Oh, actually, she's probably not that, yeah, if you whisper it's probably fine, actually. How long does it take them to get to this point? To get up the roof? It took about maybe 10 minutes at this point. Okay. I've lit the fuse. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Wasn't that the deal? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. He had a 15 minute timer.

He says he's lit the fuse. Unfortunately, you're not there to say otherwise. I'm on the roof. Yeah, okay. So let's go back to you because you need to make the approach. You approach the building. I presume you're trying to do this stealthily. I thought the climb would take like two minutes. And I've got drifting there if anyone comes trying to attack.

Oh, no. We've made a batch. Get a good boy card. Oh, hell yeah. Tom Penny. Is the good boy card Tom has more time? Yeah. No.

Wait, that's not how it happened. You reroll anything. Oh, that's good. We should use that. That's pretty powerful. So your group with, oh, do you want Tanya and Gertrude to come with you? Gertrude is wearing heavy armor. She's not very stealthy.

Okay. Do you want her to maybe wait as backup? They can wait in the wings. Yeah, I think just the two of us. And Tanya as well? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So the two of you creep up to the building

where that support beam is on the outside. Very confusingly laid out. There are stones here you got really lucky. There are stones here that are loose enough that you couldn't just pull them out but if you started whacking at them it wouldn't take much to free them.

I know we're being stealthy, but I said it, that is horrid. Terrible construction. So, how are you getting this brick out? It's going to require a bit of force. If you want, you can use a weapon, especially if you have a hammer or a mace.

Now, I'm going to give you two options. Use your hands to really wrench at it. Yeah. Quieter, but no guarantees to do it in one go. All right. The hammer, you're immediately breaking stealth, and you are in between centuries right now.

They will spot you immediately. It will be obvious that you are attempting to cause mischief. Yeah. But if you use the hammer, knock, one go, you're done. You can put the bomb in and frickin' leg it. But you'll be spotted. I make eyes with drifting. I sort of indicate towards the hammer.

He gives me the nod. I swing that hammer, baby. Can we just ask quickly, like you say, we're in between centuries. Are there two each? It's one on each side. We're fine. All right. Okay.

You knock it out, and then immediately we're going to go to initiative because both of the sentries spot you and are going to move in to stop you from doing this. The sentries are guards, like town militia, members of the town militia. No one important or anything like that, just regular old sentries. They have kids? Yeah, nonetheless. regular old sentries. They have kids? Yeah, nonetheless. Did you just ask if they have kids? You couldn't possibly know that.

That's a shame. Pom, it's your turn first. It would be, I'd say, probably no action at all to just shove the bomb in there, but it would be an action to light it. Okay. And how far away? These sentries, they're approaching, but they're not on us yet or on us yet. No, it'll take them around to get to you.

Yeah, okay, I shove that bomb in then. Alright, and you're going to light it now? Oh wait, so I can do both? Yeah, you can do both this turn. That gives you three minutes, correct? Yeah, because I've been watching the clock and I'm like, this guy said five, I think I've already given him ten. So I'm lighting it. You shove the bomb in, light it, and you can even start moving away. Okay, I'll back away from that for sure. That's your first turn, drifting. You can hear the sssss of the bomb.

What do you want to do? Well, how close are these boys at us? So they're about a turn away from you, but you are a Tabashi, and Tabashi have extra movement speed. So if you wanted to, you could get to one of them and attack. Left or right, buddy. Do you want to head towards the back or the front? The back was where the sentries letting people in were.

The front was about as well guarded as this is. Front. So you sprint in that direction, immediately reach that guard. He has only just had enough time to draw a baton and then you can attack. What do you use again? I've got a big longsword. Alright, you swing your longsword at him. Holding it in the most fucked way imaginable.

That's a hit, but it's not going to be enough damage to kill him outright, so if you do have the re-roll anything card you just rolled minimum damage, that's all. I don't know if you want to do anything about that. You could use this roll for the next turn, which is a follow-up. If your last attack roll was a hit, you can hit automatically on your next attack against the same target. Oh, and also, sorry, as a fighter you have action surge, but that's once they're short rest.

So you've got to take some time to regain that ability, but it lets you attack again or just do an action. But I can play that now and attack again? Yep. And then I'll have a short rest. Yeah, and then you've got to have a short rest to get it back. Go for it. You ain't got to live long enough to need a short rest. I'll attack again. We're knights who pledge

to wipe out evil even at the cost of our own lives. You hit a second time, you are a flurry. You launch with your longsword, stab him in the gut, which wouldn't normally be enough to kill him, but then with a flick of your wrist, you drag the longsword upwards and split his shoulder open.

The man collapses backwards, hits the ground like a sack of potatoes, and lies very still. Very dead? Very dead, yes. And I pick up his wallet, and there's a photo of his children. Yes! What do you want to have me? No and there's a photo of his children. Yes! What do you want to have me?

No, it's a wound I have to carry now. Oh, okay. It powers you. For the rest of my long life. The next five minutes. It's the sentry's turn. The one at the other end, rather than running towards you, you... Oh, wait.

Actually, he needs to make a check. He fails. Rather than running towards you, you- Oh, wait. Actually, he needs to make a check. He fails. Rather than running towards you, he runs around the side, and you hear him calling for assistance. What a fucking coward. You know what it reminds me of, Sean? When you've got someone lit up in Fortnite, and they run away. Fucking dog. Pom, it's your turn again.

All right. So, he's now- You can just make your escape now. He went around the corner. Yeah, he's gone around the corner to get help. So, I can't shoot him with my crossbow or anything like that. No, you can't. Can I ask a question? Yes. Has he around the corner. Yeah, he's gone around the corner to get help. So I can't shoot him with my crossbow or anything like that. No, you can't. Can I ask a question?

Yes. Has he seen the bomb? Well, you don't know. They definitely heard you knocking the brick out, but you don't know if he's seen the bomb. Are we still at three minutes or are we- You're still at three minutes. Yeah.

A round of combat takes six seconds. So you've got two minutes and 54 seconds left. About three minutes. You think that we're warriors and they're going to defuse the bomb? The question is in our minds, is this bomb us ultimately winning and saving the day? I think it's a pretty big win. It's a big win.

It takes out anyone involved in the cult inside that warehouse. Because then you've got to ask yourself, are we all willing to die to achieve the impossible mission? The role of the Knights of Karsari is we wipe out evil no matter the cost. In that case, I would say maybe we should stay and confront whoever comes out to meet us. Yeah. In case, because if we can run away, but they might run out after us, see the bomb, defuse

it. I think we can get a little bit of distance. Can I move a little bit away, but draw my crossbow and be ready aiming at where the direction he's run towards. You meet Tanya and Gertrude, who were hiding maybe behind some barrels nearby. You meet with them. You see Tanya has a spell ready and Gertrude also has a crossbow leveled at that corner, ready for combat. Perfect. So that's your turn, Pom.

Drifting. You are at the opposite end. You can round the corner and start fighting the people around the front if you want, or you can beat your feet out of there. I must admit I'm very tempted to take the fight. It's nice to fight back. Yeah, it is. Protect the bomb.

You've got to project your internal screaming on somebody. Hey, protect the bomb, and as're around the corner to fight, Sean, the nature of daylight starts to play. What's the radius of the bomb? It would be very small, but enough to destroy it. It's a localized, right? It's just to knock out that load barrier. Not big enough that you'd need to be not next to it,

but what do you need it to do? Well, we need it to destroy the building. It's doing that. It's not blowing up the building. It's just blowing up that beam, and then the whole building is falling in on itself. And the building will collapse like Jenga. Like Jenga. It's actually got a small controlled little explosion.

Can I then just move maybe in the direction of Pom, but basically I want to be standing in between Pom and the group and whoever's going to run out to try and fight us. You can try. Yeah. You could position yourself, not perfectly, but as well as you can. Yeah. Anyone coming from the front of the building definitely is going to have to get past you, but people around the back, because just of the distance of things, people around the

back are just closer to them than they are to you. Now I'm thinking though, people are going to get out of the building to come and try and find us. Not many. I stay on my ground. You stay where you are? Yeah. Two sentries come from the back.

One sentry comes from the front. They'd all, I guess, be armed with crossbows. And they fire. They really only can see you right now drifting, so all three of them fire at you. I didn't realize they were going to have crossbows. I thought it was hand-to-hand combat. The last one had a bat and a bat.

You take five points of damage as a crossbow lands in your shoulder. You feel the pain ricochet up your neck and into the back of your head. Pom, it's your turn. You can see your ally is being attacked. Yeah. And actually, oh, I should add the NPCs to this combat.

We're just on the roof and I don't know you've lit the bomb. Well, you should know. Yeah. You told me five minutes. Yeah. Is it five minutes when I get onto the roof rather than start climbing? Because you would have seen me climb up. We should have communicated this prior to you getting on the roof.

Wasn't it a 15-minute bomb? No. Was it a five-minute bomb? It was a three-minute fuse. Tom, you're still first. It's your turn. All right. So I'll put my crossbow at-

So there's- Two coming from behind, one coming from the front. All right. I'll go one of the ones coming from behind, and I'll shoot my crossbow at them. You fire, and your bolt impacts him dead in the chest you see he staggers backwards a little bit but he's not been downed he's just been wounded pretty gravely but not enough to kill him okay then it is tanya's turn you hear her

muttering some words underneath her breath and then she makes a hand like she's grasping at something. The other guard coming from around the back drops his crossbow and then starts clutching at his throat and falls to his knees. And you can tell that he cannot breathe right now. Good. This is what we want. Drifting. It's your turn. How many are left? There

are, well, there's still three left. One is wounded, one is suffocating and then one is quite close to you. Right. I go to him. Is my attack more powerful if it's a sword as opposed to bare hands? It's marginally more powerful with the sword, yeah. I really want to pop his eyeballs with my thumbs.

I mean, you can. Absolutely. I'd like to do that. You've got claws, which is an unarmed strike, right? Okay. Claws. Drifting, you mountain this guy. Yes.

You put your claws on either side where you put what's left of your claws on either side of his head. You have two thumbs still. You do still have your thumbs. And you start shoving your fucking claws into this man's eyes. He's screaming as you crush his skull. Yes. He falls down beneath you. Father of three.

Father of three. That's the full Killian is the other term, I believe, used for that one. Yes. From 28 Days Later, the full Killian. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Does anyone say that? No, I'm saying that.

Yeah, okay. We're coining it now. Yeah. Fair enough. We're scaredy boys. We watch horror movies. We've watched that film for our podcast. We've watched that film.

Yeah, it doesn't do much for me. The full Killian. We're scaredy boys. We watch horror movies. We've watched that film for our podcast. Yeah, it doesn't do much for me. Full Killian. I'm a mountain boy. Can I say the full Killian sounds better than mountaining somebody. I agree, but just the visual, like when you think of the mountain you're like, oh yeah, that was fucked. Yeah. That was brutal. Then it is the sentries' turn. One of them is choking

and continues to choke, but the other one, he spots Tanya, who is quite clearly casting the spell that is making his companion choke, and he fires a crossbow bolt at her. She is struck in the neck. Oh, shit.

That feels bad. Tanya Gideon falls backwards, clutching at her own neck. She's coughing up blood, but with one free hand, she's maintaining the spell. Do it, bitch. Yes.

And then it is Gertrude's turn. Gertrude fires back at that sentry. Yeah. And that sentry goes down. She kills that sentry. There are still presumably the alarm is being raised. Yeah. And there are more sentries coming,

but there is nothing that you need to do right now. Well, there's one thing. Tanya. Tanya is alive, but she's been wounded pretty badly. We trust her. Pom, it's your turn. There's one sentry choking. If you beat your feet out of here, the sentries might not, even if some of these ones had noticed the bomb, any new ones might not even know about it.

And if you start running and they chase after you, you might completely distract them from it. I think that's a good idea because the only people that knew that there was, they don't know you've placed a bomb. They just know you were doing something sus. They're all dead. He's going to be like, people are out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I reckon it's warm. All right, all right. I start, I'm very aware that I'm trying to get in, so I'm waving my arms. I'm like really doing the biggest, widest run you've ever seen, and I'm even yelling my duck's name. Tom, do you remember my duck's name? I don't remember your duck's name.

Sean, do you remember my duck's name? I don't. Disgraceful. I'm yelling pumpernickel at the top. Pumpernickel! Pumpernickel! That's one of the secret questions. No, we got rid of the secret questions because the

fourth thing in the room also knew our secret question. But that was the secret question. Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to see if you knew it. I immediately deleted that when it became not useful because the fourth thing. That was so annoying. We came up with those code words and then we not useful because the fourth thing. That was so annoying. We came up with those code words and then we just told it to the thing.

Because of course we did. Because it was part anyway. It's Tanya's turn. She lets go of her wound and it begins bleeding quite profusely. But she does it to, with her hands, Mime snapping a neck in the air in front of her. What a badass. That god, his head jerks suddenly to the left You hear a noise like a gunshot

And then he falls forwards She turns and tries to run after you, Pong Shit She's still going She is God, I'm liking her now I hope she's on our side Yeah

We are fucked if she is not I hope she lives Drifting No, you don't You want everyone to die No, no. That's a good move. You've got to respect that.

I respect the shit out of that. She's moving up. Drifting, you see that a retreat is being made. Do you want to join? No. All right. You stay where you are. No new sentries have presented themselves. So would you like to go engage? Would you are. No new sentries have presented themselves,

so would you like to go find sentries? I guess at this point, drifting would have no idea of what's happening with yearning, right? Okay, yeah. Can I ask, what time are we at now? What's the time we're at? In your bloodlust, you might not notice. It can't have been more than a minute.

You know what? No, no, no. I've thought about this. After seeing what Tanya did, I respect it. I think she's wounded. I've got to fall back as well and protect the unit because we're a team. Okay. You turn and the four of you?

Yes, four of you escape into the darkness. That's the right number. That's the right number. Meanwhile. Three of you on the the darkness. That's the right number. That's the right number. Meanwhile. Three of you on the roof. Son of a bitch. Meanwhile, 18 of you on the roof. All 600 of you on the roof.

Great. Meanwhile, you yearning alone on the roof. That's worse, right? That is so much worse. Meanwhile, yearning, you and Radora on the roof and no one else. Good. Both of you hear like a whistle coming from outside. That is the destruction.

I'm French now. Destruction time. All right. So what do you do? I want to know, though, let's rewind. Who did she see? Oh, I want to know, though, let's rewind. Who did she see? Oh, you follow her gaze. You can see that there is, not in the middle, but in a prominent section of the warehouse, there is a raised platform.

And you can see on the raised platform, there's a plinth, like a cistern that a baby is baptized in. Oh, yeah, like those little bowls on an altar kind of thing. Yeah. In the bowl, there is a brackish, disgusting-looking water, and every now and then it pulses, like something's rippling in the water. Looking at it makes you feel unpleasant, like something awful is happening.

You, very briefly, hear screaming distantly you look around you're not sure where the screaming is coming from and then look you feel something squelch in your hands like you just crushed something you look down and you can see your hands are covered in blood then it's all normal like Like nothing happened. Your hands are normal. Where's Radora? She's still there? She's still here, yeah. She looks at you. Is everything okay?

This may sound like a very strange question, but is there blood on my hands? I see no blood. I could have sworn I just smooshed something. What is wrong with the water? Is it making you feel bad in a way that you cannot describe or escape from? Forget the water. look past it you realize you won't even actually look at your gaze had followed where radora was but it stopped on the cistern because of the way it made you feel you look past the cistern and you can see strapped to a cross is sir medulla the Bold. Oh.

Okay, so she's good. Okay. Huh. They've strapped up the angel. Her upper torso is as you remember it, but her lower torso has been pulled. It's like spaghetti. Oh, God.

She is bleeding freely down the cross, and you can see every now and then someone, like you're getting punched from a punch bowl. Hold the glass to it. Oh, Adam, that's fucked. You're awful. Jesus Christ. Well, I guess that rules her out of your list of suspects. That is a bad way to go. Is she alive still?

You can see her head is lolling about. She's alive. That is a bad way to go. Is she alive still? You can see her head is lolling about. She's alive. That is a bad way to go. Did you know she was innocent? Radora looks at you and says, I must admit I thought her perhaps

a villain. I have also thought of this, yes. I would not put it past this as a willing sacrifice, though. I suspect all until I can prove otherwise, no matter what. That is a good way to be. Where are they sacrificing her to? It might not even be a sacrifice, filthy cultists. Could just be a juice.

Radora nods, but says nothing. We need to collect some evidence of what is going on here, but I do not know how to do this. What if I drew this from memory? Would that be good enough? Your thoughts are broken again when you hear screaming and the sounds of battle, like full-on combat,

like you're in the middle of a war. Not the fight that they were in. in no not the fight they were in it's happening almost it's the noise is happening all around you you feel squelching underneath your hands again your arms suddenly feel sore and tired like you've been fighting you feel even the psychic soreness of your spectral arms also being tired. Can I look around? Your hands are covered in blood again. Are they now fine? You shake your head, and they're fine again,

but for a brief moment, you're not standing on the roof of the warehouse. You're somewhere else entirely. Where was I? In the middle of that fight. I think we need to get off this roof redora i do not think this is safe i keep traveling to a battlefield where i am killing many people and i am fatigued from the fight i'm worried that i will not come back from it you look past redora into the it catches your eye you can't look away that cistern again something about the cistern

when it pulses you feel like you're closer to whatever that is. I think we should take a sample of the water. Ah, if you think it important. Because Adam, what I'd like to do, Radora has a rope. Oh, mate. I'd like to Ethan hunt from the roof to the bowl, get

a scoop, and then Ethan hunt my way back to the roof. That is, you're going, and then Ethan Hunt my way back to the roof. That is, you're going to be spotted. Do it anyway. But Radora has the grappling hook, has rope. You can, she can do this with you if you want. You have to pull off the best disguise work you've ever done in your life. I have a question.

When the explosion goes off, how much time do we have before the roof collapses? You don't know. Could I use, I'm thinking of using the bombers as a distraction. Oh a distraction oh okay i see i'll give you some time to think about that meanwhile the four of you pom tanya gertrude and obviously drifting you are sprinting through dark back alleys you can hear the whistle behind you and not just just one, but several whistles. They're trying to locate you. They're closing in on you. As you sprint, squelch, drifting, you take a step not on your foot, but on your ankle. Oh, no.

You are missing your foot. Oh, man. Well. My turn? You keep moving. You're going to start running now, but you've got disadvantage to this check unless someone else wants to slow down and help you. Adam, am I taking – am I on the battlefield that he's losing his limbs on? You don't know.

I knew not to trust you. Hungry eyes. It's not my fault. It's the water. So I've lost one foot at this point. Yeah, you've lost a foot. Can I stop running? If you stop running for long enough, you will just be caught.

Can you run on three? There's multiple ways you're like a cat. I could probably go on three. I would say well no because you're not actually a cat you're a tabashi you're a bipedial creature running on three would be the same as us

doing that badly I will stop I'm so tiny you can't really lean on me Tanya does not stop but she's not moving very fast anyway. You can see she's slowing down, actually.

I wonder if it's worth trying to hide in a building or something. To be honest, I really just want to plant my flag in the ground and just, this is my last stand. I'll fight whoever comes. All right. Well, then let's play that. But I don't think you should. No, no.

This is very much the- I've stopped. I've stopped. What do you say to me? Well, I let's play that. But I don't think you should. No, no. This is very much the. I've stopped. I've stopped. What do you say to me? Well, I'm like, no. I will fight so that you can escape. No, brother. Come on.

No. When I was younger and I lost the evading monsoon clan because I failed to evade a monsoon. I didn't fail to evade a monsoon. I didn't fail to evade a monsoon. I ran away. Oh, no. Because I'm afraid. I am afraid of everything. I ran away from my family because I did not think I needed a family.

And now I have family. And I will fight so that they can escape. Run away. All right. I love you. I love you too. I hug him and run. Thank you. To be continued... Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch.

D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.