D&D is For Nerds - Cult & Worship #8 Seagulls

Episode Date: January 27, 2024

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At your side. You're listening to the Sands Pants Network. A very hurried and frantic letter has been sent to the Knights of Carcerate, begging for assistance in a place called Fairburn Point. This letter insists that there is a corruption affecting the highest members of society, an inky black evil worshipped at the fringes of where people dare to look. Drifting, you're going to make your last stand. Pom, you're going to keep

escaping into the night, and Yearning, you're about to mission impossible down. I absolutely am. I guess, Redora, you get the rope tied around you, and Redora starts slowly lowering you in. I get her to lower me in just to the top tied around you, and Adora starts slowly lowering you in. I get her to lower me in, like, just to the top.

Hey, can you pass me the cast a cantrip you don't know? Wonderful. Uh-huh. Time to make a distraction. Uh-huh. Is Firebolt a cantrip, Adam? Firebolt is not a cantrip. Damn.

Is there some sort of explosion spell that's a cantrip, Adam? Firebolt? Create bonfire? Oh, I'm going to create a bonfire. Where do you wanna create it? In the room. Where? At the opposite end to where the bowl is. Basically, I want something to just suddenly catch fire. Could you...

Would it be a kindness to ignite Magula? Oh, that's good. No, but she's where the bowl is, right? She's very close. She's very close to the bowl. I need to do it at the other end. Yeah. Is that something I can do? Yes.

Great. All right. Do I need to explain how I do this and how I know this, Adam? You can if you want, absolutely. All right. That's from all them books I was reading. As I'm hanging, I hold up a hand to stop Radora. She's ready to go.

And from the middle of my head, where my brain muscle is, the most important muscle of all, ladies and gentlemen. I imagine your brain looks like a clenched fist. It is. It's just a big arm that comes out, but it's lumpy like a brain. It's got those gooey curves and dents in it. like a brain. It's got those gooey curves and dents in it. It unfolds, it flexes, and then it does finger guns.

I've read a lot of books. I'm a spy, but I want to be a researcher. I want to be one of the predatory. That's what I really want, but I'm too good at sneaking around. Also, I'm a lizard. Can't be trusted around books. Lizards eat paper. They love paper. So I remember a spell and I'm like, I hope that this works. And I cast Bonfire on a man in robes at the far end of the room. A random man who you have just selected across the way in the warehouse

I pick a guy in robes with a talisman on I don't pick a waiter, I'm class conscious Explodes into flames and begins screaming It is quite a distraction And then Radora starts lowering you down So that you can reach the cistern I have four health potions I take one out, I drink I don't know, drink it.

Okay. I don't know if I'm missing, oh no, I am missing health. Yes, you are. You recover two hit points. Hey! And then I use the empty health potion to get the brackish water. All right.

You put it in. The way I want to do this, Adam, is to get the water in the bottle. I don't want to put my hand in the water. Okay. So I'm not dunking it in like this because that feels foolish. I want to hold it by the base and kind of like scoop it across the top. All right.

Okay. I want to avoid. That water's bad, man. I know touching it will kill me. You deftly avoid touching the water whatsoever. You put it just into the health potion. While you're doing that, you look. The only person really spotting you right now is Majula the Bold,

strapped to the cross as she is. It's impossible for her to not notice you. She's so close. She can't say anything, but her eyes alive with pain. She just gestures over her shoulder. I look over her shoulder. Difficult to spot from above, but in your current position, you can see

that there is someone strapped to the other side of the cross. I look at Majula. She can understand, I assume. Are they alive? Boom! Oh, fuck! Meanwhile. That's my bomb.

Great job, man. Oh, man. I can't believe you. I was like, I can't believe Adam let me get away with Mission Empire. He didn't. He didn't let me get away. You're on the roof, you maniac! I gave you hearing the whistle so long

ago. Yeah, but I figured like that would take three minutes. You got the 25 minutes. You absolutely got the 25 minutes. But I think from hearing the whistle to... You heard the whistle, then the blood thing on your hands happened for the first time. Yeah, okay.

Then you saw the cistern. Yeah, okay. Then you saw Majora. Yeah, okay. Then the blood happened again. Then I was like, let's do this. And then I bonfired. And then I got down. To be honest, it should have gone off earlier. You got the 25 minutes. Yeah, you gave me extra time.

I gave you extra time. I told you it was a Dragon Ball Z three minutes. Yeah. Planet Namek was blowing up. Yeah, not an Ethan Hunt three minutes, because I'd still be alive. And I'd be able to say, mission accomplished. Meanwhile, Pom and Drifting, both of you see a mushroom cloud of flames

coming from vaguely where you assume the bomb is. So both of you were like, yes, it worked. Your plan worked. That explosion wasn't big, though. It was a controlled blast, wasn't it? To knock the pillar out. To knock the pillar out, which then causes the roof. Yeah, but wouldn't it be like a slow collapse?

I saw 9-11. It took ages. Like so much time. Don't reference 9-11 at this point. Wow. It's okay. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Am I dead? We'll get back to you.

Who's tied to the back? Oh, I know who's tied to the back. I can't wait to see from you doing your final stand to him maybe dying. Woo! So, drifting, you stay behind while Pom, you continue to run off into the darkness. Tanya is also slow as well. Do you want to slow down and help her?

She's bleeding out. Yeah. Is there anything I can do to stop her bleeding? You can make a medicine check. That will take time, though. We don't have time. No, let's just keep going. I've already left one friend behind. Yeah will take time, though. We don't have time. Let's just keep going. I've already left one friend behind.

Drifting. You are left behind as the rest of the party runs off. Well, not really left behind. You stay behind. Do you start singing Country Roads as you pull your sword out? You hear those whistles again and again. They get closer and closer

and closer, and then sentries, guards, town guards start rounding the corners and move in to attack you. We'll go to initiative. You can spot they are coming from three directions. You can spot two coming from each direction. They're moving in twos. So you've got six total. Sean. I'm missing a foot.

I can't really move anymore. I pull my sword out slow-mo like Jon Snow. Yep. Ready? I like those odds. Yeah. Six on one. Do you have just the one weapon?

Well, I've got a long sword. I've got- I suppose, are your hands capable of holding more than one leg? Probably not at this point, no. I've got a blow gum. Okay. I like the long sword. Drifting, it's your turn first.

Yes. You can charge at one of these groups. You're going to be surrounded kind of no matter what. It doesn't really matter too much unless you've got some other plan cooking, but this feels like, maybe I'm wrong, this feels like your last stand. So you can charge in any direction. It won't matter too much. Well, there was a movie called The Last Stand,

and then they continued to make movies. So here we go. Hey, there's been three more after that. So these guards are running at me in pairs? Yeah. Yeah, great. Are two of them quite close to me? Yes, close enough to attack.

Yeah, cool. Can I swing my sword, because they're standing next to each other, can I try and cut off two heads at once? Unfortunately, no. Your sword would be, it's too hard to hit two at once. You're pretty strong. Could you slice through two throats? Two throats.

Maybe not lop the heads off, but. So actually, what's this? Just remember this, mate. It's the bad boy card. It's the bad boy card. It's the bad boy card. What's the bad boy card you ever forget? A monsoon. Dark and stormy, a violent storm suddenly rolls in.

Ranged attacks are made at disadvantage, and characters who spend longer than an hour exposed to the storm gain a level of exhaustion. You going to go out to a monsoon? Bring the monsoon. Hell yeah. All right. Fuck. No more evading monsoons. No, no, no. Never again. Bring the monsoon Hell yeah Alright Fuck No more evading monsoons

No no no Never again It starts as one drop On your nose Oh this is great Then another Then another The pitter patter

Begins to quicken And quicken You know what is happening Drifting Country roads Take me home. Pomerant rapiers. To the place.

I'm there all of a sudden. I belong. You charge. You know what? I will allow, because you can wield a longsword in one hand, you can use your claw with the other hand. You can attack twice. Your claw attack is going to be quite weak.

You're probably unlikely to kill with this, but you can still do it. Yes. Your claw attack, you scratch at the town guard, and you see you cut through his leather armor, but unfortunately he shrugs off the blow. Your longsword, however however does bite deep into the other guard's neck you down one of those two here we go it's the rain is absolutely bucketing down at this point almost heaven

you whip around try and defend yourself from both angles Now in front and behind As you do so You stumble a little bit more You are now missing on your other leg The knee Up to the knee You begin hopping on a stone

Keep singing brother I like the idea that as the storm rolled in And you started fighting just to steal from another movie Someone's like trying to use the rain to fire you and you started fighting just to steal from another movie, someone's trying to use the rain to fire you, and you were like, You merely adopted the monsoon. I was born into it. Raised by it.

I didn't see the sun until I was already a cat. Two spears jab into you. One in your side, one in your back. You take nine points of damage total. You're on three hit points. Where do your limbs keep fucking going, man? Great question. You swing around again to try and attack the ones, or to try and get at the ones

that were in front of you, but now were behind you. You're kind of going in all directions. As you swing around, you can tell immediately, it's hard to not notice, you're missing from your elbow down your non-sword arm. Fucking hell. Well, I've still got the sword arm. You can hear all around you, it's your turn, but you can hear all around you distant screaming, squelching, the sounds of combat, but bloody, disgusting combat.

The type of combat where only one side is armed. Not really combat, disgusting combat. The type of combat where only one side is armed. Not really combat. A massacre. You can tell that you are massacring and being massacred. Stop them! Stop them! They're breaking through the doors! Stop them!

It's your turn. You're fighting the guards, but hearing this. You're hearing two combats at once. What the fuck is happening, man? What's going on at Fairburn Point? So one, did I kill one guard? You killed one, yeah. One's dead, one's sort of hurt.

You've got five left, yeah. Yeah, okay. There's so many of them in this tight alleyway that not all of them can even engage you at one time. So I'm on three, is that right? Yeah, three hit points. Yeah, fuck. It's looking dire.

I can't run away, and I never would. That storm's not doing much for me. The storm is slowing down the guards. I'm going to actually say Pom is definitely going to get away because of it and because of your sacrifice. Thanks, bud. Pom gets away. That's how we roll. Me and my lady. And this family. Unfortunately, you are not going to get away. Well, we don't know that yet. Which of the, so there's five of them left. Which of them looks like the biggest asshole? You see.

Which of them definitely has children? But is also the biggest asshole? Yeah. And he's raising. A bad dad. A really bad dad. He's raising four little assholes. And he has a beautiful wife, but he just doesn't appreciate her.

Feel free to describe one of them this way. At the back. Yeah. And he looks like the captain. He's really standing back and letting the boys go first, and he'll just sort of tidy up at the end. I go for him. Can I, with my longsword, can I use it as a spear

and throw it through his throat? You can certainly try. It's not going to be an easy check, though. Do you have anything for an attack roll? Anything to give you advantage? We have a re-roll anything. So if he misses, we can re-roll. Unfortunately, this will be a disadvantage, actually.

Okay. Is that because of the rain? I said throwing. Even with the disadvantage, actually, that's enough. He's here! Drifting snowflake. As you're losing balance as well, you throw the sword. You stumble backwards.

You see it this time because your arm is outstretched in front of you. Your arm has just done something. You throw the sword with your one remaining arm. And because you were just using it, Because you were literally looking at it. You watch as you lose up to your shoulder. That entire arm. Does it just vanish? It just vanishes.

It's not a clean break. You are bleeding from that stump. But you watch as. Without any violence. It just was made not there. And as that's happening you hear, I got it! I got its other arm!

What? Okay, wow. Your sword spins end over end and slides neatly into that guard's throat. Cop that. Are we the monster? He goes down. Great.

Clutching at his sword throat the same way Tanya was clutching at hers. But obviously this is a much more significant wound. You have destroyed this man's neck. I saved a family. Yeah. This is a very lethal blow for him. Speaking of lethal blows, Pom, you and Gertrude, while Gertrude slows down, turns back and says, I don't think she's going to make it. You turn around following Gertrude's gaze.

You see Tanya is leaning up against the wall. She tries to, the rain has found you as well. It's raining very heavily. You're sodden completely from head to toe everything has now become an effort all movement it feels like you're moving through molasses right tanya as she moves forwards you see she leaves a red streak on the wall and then she stumbles and collapses into a heap all right uh we run over to her is there any life left in her? Is she completely done? I get a bad boy card.

She's dead. She's the only one I definitely trust. Although I trust Gertrude now. This is going to sound discourteous to the dead, but because she's a magic person, I want to quickly check her body for anything that might be useful for us in this fight. You find, tucked into her belt, she has a magic wand.

You pull that. You're not sure what powers it may or may not have. You see that she has a couple of magical reagents on her. Highs or lows, I guess. Let's go lows this time. Because what you're doing is low, you're robbing a corpse. Yeah, it's pretty fucking low. An ally's corpse.

Yeah, yeah, it's not great. Pom's in the mud now. Unfortunately, you turn her over, you find a pocket watch, but nothing useful. Okay. What's Gertrude doing at this point? Gertrude, you can see her looking over you, very worriedly checking to see if you're being followed, but it looks like you got away. All right.

I kind of like grab her by the arm and we just keep running. Underneath the rubble. Kaboom! The roof collapses. I'm dangling from it. I don't fall too far. Yeah, your feet just touch the ground. Ah, yawning is dead alive.

And then a lot of glass and brick falls on you. Yawning is in trouble. Do I get a look in the glimpse just before the roof falls of who the other person is and are they alive? It's a man, similarly disfigured as Majula is. Missing bottom half? Yeah, yeah, spaghetti bottom half. Okay. I think I know who that man is.

I'm going to take a guess. Then you are covered in rubble. Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers Internet. Visit Rogers.com for details. We got you. Rogers.

This Friday. You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands.

Friday. Am I still alive? Well, let's find out. Fucking hell. I'm just going to take this ready to go in case I need to live. Yes. You're in trouble. What's that card?

It's regain hit points equal to 1d10 plus your level. Come on, man. Do you want that? Help brother out. All right. You're missing limbs, man. It's true. I don't have any arms left a brother out. All right. You're missing limbs, man. It's true. I don't have any arms left.

Or feet. Or feet. I still have a face. Am I still wearing that fuckhead's mask? Yeah, I'm afraid so. The rain's washed the makeup off. The rain's washed it off and I'm myself again. Yes.

I think you need this. You've earned that. You take 20 points of damage. That's bad. That's you're on zero hit points. Holy shit. Can I do this now? What? Can I gain 10 that? Yeah, absolutely. Great.

I would like to gain hit points equal to 1d10 plus my level. So my level is 3. Alright, so you are on 12 hit points. Hey! That was a good roll. There's a lot of rubble on top of you. How much?

You can't see... You would have been directly beneath a window. So your cut... Could I have bustacatened it? Yes. Your cut to shit. Just like... Shards of glass have torn you up but you are alive.

Yearning day Los Angeles cannot be killed. Today. You hear screaming and moans of agony as as the world kind of comes back in slowly piece by piece you get your different senses returning to you the first one would be noise which is that screaming the second one would be vision your vision clears and you can see you are on a pile of rubble. Thankfully, yes, you bust the key and you are not covered in a lot of rubble. Then smell. You smell blood and sulfur and settling ash. No, sorry, settling dust. And then sensation.

You feel horrible, agonizing pain. Yarning the Los Angeles is not very alive today. For a brief moment, before your senses properly come in, you can hear the noise of seagulls and then waves softly lapping against a boat. And then that fades as your senses return to you. No battlefield sound? No battlefield sound no battlefield town can i try to concentrate on the bird calls you can certainly just like really i want to go there

adam you close your eyes lying there in agony and you try to center yourself as much as possible you try to push the pain out of your body, out of your consciousness. You feel like you're sitting on a ship. You can feel it rocking slowly backwards and forwards as you can hear the seagulls. Something feels wrong. Something feels wrong both about where you're going and where you were. Something's wrong. Something's off.

On the boat. On the boat, but then also with the pain. It feels wrong. It feels like it's not real pain, Adam. It feels like I'm not in the rubble of a warehouse, but I'm sitting on a boat. It doesn't feel like that either. It feels like it's neither of those things. I'm not in either of these places.

You're not in either of these places. Adam, did I leave the inn? Oh, fuck him. Pom. Yeah. You are, you're free to do what you want. You've escaped the town guard. Yeah.

You don't think, well, probably some of them did see you, but they're dead now. Right. So you think you could basically get away from... If they've captured any of your friends, you're not getting out of this one clean. Certainly the town militia can no longer be trusted. You feel that confident in that much. What's your next move? They won't capture me, don't worry.

You've done your heroic last stand. I don't know what's happened to you, but I've got a way to be crazy to turn around and go back again. Because actually the plan that we definitely came up with was to meet back at the castle. Right. Well, I'm even thinking, should I go to the dock to see if the boats come in for our window? Oh, the gun rider. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And see if

what's it? Tanete. Tanete Ikohika. Tanete is her rank. Is potentially in any way still alive. She's so dead. Like a silver moon, absolutely killed. I want to know what happened to that. Son of a bitch, I wanted to kill him so bad. Hey, maybe you can show him. You got a card there.

Bring him to me. Which card? That bad boy card. That good boy card that'll bring you back to life. All right, I'm going to start heading towards the docks. Okay, you make your way towards the docks. Okay. You make your way towards the docks. Cool.

Meanwhile, drifting, it is the sentries' turn. Shit. Yeah, you're still in combat. Yeah. How much health do you have? What do you have? Three. Three.

Fuck. I've got a plan. You do? Yeah. I need to survive this, though. I really want to. You got that card I don't want it

One of the town militia You With what's left of your Your good arm The one that has up to the elbow You Try to fend off this attack But

The guard steps on your arm Crushing it down to the ground And then stabs a spear Down into you Oh wow Never mind He and then stabs a spear down into you. That's right, Sean. Oh, wow. Never mind. He misses you so badly, he pulls forwards.

Oh, shit. The other three also missed you somehow. The monsoon, I guess. The monsoon, yeah. Drifting, it's your turn. Okay. Can I, with materials that I have, make a bomb? How? A small bomb, but a bomb big enough to kill these guys.

What do you have? Describe your items and how you might use them. Okay. You don't have arms. I've got a mouth, mate. Okay. I'm a crafty cat. And a stump tail.

I don't want anyone to get my pelt. Okay. So I'll blow it up before I let any crafty cat. And a stump tail. I don't want anyone to get my pelt. Okay. So I'll blow it up before I let any motherfucker touch it. I have an oil flask. I have a tinderbox. I have a torch. Wow, that sounds like enough. That's probably enough, right?

Yeah. Can I make a bomb? I would require you to make a dexterity check, but you could, with your, because you've still got the elbow, you could with your elbow grab the flask, bring it to your mouth, tear it open, and then probably, yeah, light it, light it and burn it, absolutely. You don't know how effective it'll be at getting them, but it will destroy your fur. I'd like to kill them too. You can get as many of them. Unfortunately, it's monsooning.

I mean, it is oil, but the oil will be diluted a bit. You can try. You can get at least some of them. I reckon you can at least get the guy who's on you who fell over. I'd like them all to die, but I guess worst case, the fur's going to go. Yeah. So I win.

How firmable is that fur? We'll find out. Light it up. Light the fuse. How dexterous are you? You got anything for a dexterity check? We've got to re-roll anything. You might want to use that.

That's not how it happened. We re-roll Sean's dexterity check. Let's go, baby. We. We. Okay. You're free. You're dexterity check. Way. Way. Okay. You're free. You're off doing actual shit.

Barely. You get it off. You throw the oil flask up above you. It spins chaotically, sending oil as far as you can with your current condition. You just know. You're losing pieces rapidly now. As you're reaching for the flask and looking down you watch as your legs are like rapidly disappearing on you you're getting

thanos out of here baby okay you light the oil flask flames spread as far as the monsoon will allow them you catch certainly the guy that was right on top of you. He starts screaming and writhing as the oil settles on him. Cop that. The other guards are flecked with flames and take some damage, but just aren't. It's not enough to, it's enough to hurt, but hurt, maim, but not kill. Okay. And then finally, there's just not enough of you left to resist.

One of them still with little flecks of burning on him, little motes of flames, brings the spear down. There's not enough of you to resist. It goes straight through your head. He twists and you die. So long. Waves lapping against the boat. You the fire we're not dead we're not dead we never left that in sean we never left the inn pom you're heading back to the castle no you're heading to the docks you see the gallant rider is there it's docked but there's no one aboard not that you can see there might be people below decks but you're not sure

It's abandoned right now The docks entirely are abandoned Actually You From when you left Drifting From when you left Drifting and Tanya You have not seen a single Human being

It's just me and Gertrude And that's it That's worrying. This is a real spin atop. Yeah, I'm getting concerned. Turn, run for the castle. All right, you turn around and you start sprinting towards the castle.

Yeah. It takes a while, but eventually you get to the castle. Once again, you encounter no one on the way to the castle. Okay. You arrive to the castle, you get inside.

Where do you want to go in the castle um so i suppose maybe like the main dining hall where where we first went when we got there the the meeting room yeah yeah sure yeah you make your way towards the meeting room as you do so you feel a searing pain in your side okay so an awful like awful awful burning pain in your side. Okay. So an awful, like, awful, awful burning pain in your side. All right. I look down to see what caused this pain. You can see through your shirt blood is pooling. Fuck, I've got to get out of this castle. I think that was a mistake.

I forgot how bad the castle was. You've been wounded, but you're not sure how badly. Okay, and Gertrude's still with me? Yeah. She's fine. She hasn't noticed that you've been wounded yet. She seems in a bit of a panic as well. All right.

Fuck. I can't help you. No, no, I'm just like- I'm on a boat maybe. I've got no- I feel a searing pain in your other side. Oh, no. You're standing at the entrance to the castle. Oh, fuck.

Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, you're back in this fucking- I'm back in this the castle. Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, you're back in this fucking thing. Get away from. I'm back in this fucking thing. Run, Damo. Get on a boat. Get out of here.

Fuck, where do I run? I run anywhere. I just start running away from the castle. You start heading away from the castle. You just sprint off into the city streets, and then eventually you are lost forever. What the fuck? You spend an eternity

wandering an empty city at night. Hang on, Gertrude's from the town. Yeah. She knows how to get out. You never think to talk to her about it. Oh no. You spend an eternity pan to her about it. Oh no. You spend an eternity panicking running with Gertrude through the

empty city. Oh poem buddy. Waves lapping against the boat. You fucking dog. Underneath the rubble. No I'm thinking of the birds. Do you keep focusing on them? Something's wrong. Yeah I know. I'm not in the warehouse and I'm thinking of the birds. Do you keep focusing on them? Something's wrong. Yeah, I know. I'm not in the warehouse and I'm not on the boat.

Is that Majula or is that Radora? You have to let go of the birds and boat. I let go of the birds and boat. You look around you, you can see Radora's broken body lies near you. She's dead. Her head is twisted at an odd angle. One arm is broken. The other arm is off and just gone.

I should have stayed focusing on the birds and the boat. Majula is dead. Dairy dead. Part of the building, one of the struts in between the windows fell on her, mercifully killing her. But it didn't touch the – she blocked the impact of the roof and whoever is on the other side of the cross is still alive and you can hear that rasping breath coming from them i should have gone back to the birds the birds were the thing the birds were the trick i go around to the other

corpse it's too heavy to free this person but you look into the face of a man, a human male. He is similarly messed up as Majula is. You spy on him. Is he Gerald Latham, Adam? You spy on him. Carved all over his body are various messages. Get out. Escape.

Run. Leave. You need to go. You have befallen the same fate that we have. We did not listen either, my friend. Knight of Gossary. You see, you are Latham? Geralt, yes.

What is this place? Where are the birds and the ocean? You have already lost. I needed to go back to the birds and the ocean? You have already lost I needed to go back to the birds, didn't I? We have met before We've met before? Yes I've never met you in my life We are spies, we keep ourselves separate from this exact thing from happening

You have done this many times before. Your boat never arrived in Fairburn Point. How many times have I done this before? I lost count. I am trapped here with you. As our bodies are used by the entity. So the thing inside the gnome's halfway house, or is that even not real?

None of this is real. I was afraid of that. I was not using the most important muscle of all, the brain. Well, I guess if I die, I go back to the start and maybe I can try things differently this time. We'll forget. Not necessarily. Is there like a dagger or a sharp bit of glass, Adam?

Yes. There's glass everywhere. Great. I don't know if this will carry over to the next time. But I take the glass. Can I try to meditate back to the birds, Adam? You can try if you want. Because I was going to write a message that was like, wake up.

But is the glass even real, Tom? But the glass isn't real. The wounds aren't real. I just sit in the rubble and I close my eyes and I try to use all of my monk training to meditate on the sound of those birds and the water. Of the boat. I think of the boat. I think of the boat that I am on, the ship, the gallant rider. I'm thinking of the wood.

I'm thinking of the smell of it. I'm thinking of all my friends on the boat. I'm thinking of everything on the boat. All three of you are standing on the gallant rider. You see Fairburn Point ahead of you. A hurried message has been sent to the Knights of Carcerine. Oh, no. In the letter, assistance was demanded.

Hopefully, you can help. Hey, Adam. Is this our first time receiving this information? Is this a brand-new adventure? Are we brand-new boys who are excited to receive this information for the first time? With you is Tenete Ikohika. She is the captain of the Gallant Rider. Seven months ago, the three of you were standing on the Gallant Rider.

Tenete Ikohika is explaining your mission. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean seven months ago? You are arriving at Fairburn Point, but this time, the first time, the original time, you're arriving at night. The ship lurches to a sudden and abrupt stop. You were moving at full mast,

and then suddenly you were completely stopped. Tenete, Iko, Hika, and the three of you look around and scream as a large black tendril wraps itself around the boat and then throws itself at the three of you. Seven months later, what was yearning De Los Angeles, what was pom penny farthing, and what was drifting snowflake, return to Carcery to instruct the knights there that all is well in Fairburn Point and not to worry.

Oh, man. The knights of Carcery, unaccustomed to the entity that now inhabits your bodies, puppets you, is so powerful as to avoid their magical senses. The knights of Carcery think, for all intents and purposes, that Fairburn Point is fine. Fairburn Point is fine. Trust me. I will never lie to you,

for I am the real yearning for the Los Angeles. And then you return to Fairburn Point as temporary aids to instruct and to serve in the entity's army. Fuck you, Adam. So the entity got my pelt. You didn't have the pelt from word one, man.

I'm fucking livid. Fuck you now. Thank you for playing. I want to say thank you, Adam, but I don't know if we played. We got played. Where can people find you if they want to? You fucked us like a sock puppet. In hell.

If you were to name hell, though, if hell were a podcast and the podcast had a name, what would that name be? D&D is for nerds. This specific adventure. You can find us at Scaredy Boys, boys. New episodes every Friday. That's right. What is Scaredy Boys, boys?

You all have a Patreon now as well. What's that? We do, yeah. Patreon.com forward slash Scaredy Boys. It's all the fun stuff we get to do outside of the regular eps. We've got Book Club. We've got IMDb Detective. Sean's recently done a very intensive recap of the entire Underworld franchise

plus pitched his movie six of the franchise. I thought more about Underworld than the people who made the films ever thought about it, I think. By a good long margin. That rules. Yeah. And now we've now seen Rise of the Lycans because of you. Yeah, I'm proud of you, boys. That was fantastic. Very drunken now seen Rise of the Lycans because of you. Yeah, I'm proud of you, boys.

That was great. Very drunkenly watched Rise of the Lycans. Yes, yes, yes. The time passed midnight and I said, hey, boys, we're at Rise of the Lycans and they didn't fight it. That's the way it should be watched. You were the entity. We were your puppets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've actually been watching that forever. We're still watching it right now. I can't hear seagulls, but I can hear Michael Sheen fucking on the side of a mountain. And Bill Nye saying, An animal!

I'll never stop hearing that. But yes, it's the beefiest Patreon in the world. Check it out. Check out Skatey Boys. It's good fun. It's weirdly the premise of Skatey Boys is three cowards who watch horror movies. Somehow that is the better experience than what Adam has put us through.

100% because at least we know what's happening. You're a cruel, twisted individual man. You should be banned from Dice. No more Dice for you. I like Dice. Dice free days for you. No, I like Dice. Cheers man. I'm going to go have a cry. Love ya. Fuck you. No, I like dice. Cheers, man. I'm going to go have a cry. Yeah. Love you. Fuck you. To be continued... D&D content. We have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus,

the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.