D&D is For Nerds - Fall from Grace: The Dungeon #1 Call to Adventure

Episode Date: April 10, 2021

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Sans Pants Radio, Australia's most American podcast network. sorcerer will cause absolute abject chaos as their spells cause the lower half of themselves to become that of a chicken's or their target to get really into birds there are tons and tons of entries so you'll probably never encounter the same effect twice it's the gift that keeps on giving you a headache head to sanspantsradio.com slash shop and look for our dumb wild magic table today Once, not so long ago now, there lived a retired adventurer known as Sir Grace. Haunted by who he once was, he had left adventuring behind and dedicated himself to his wife and his unborn child. An unexpected call from an old friend, however, once again plunged his world into turmoil as his services were called upon one final time. Welcome to episode one of Fall from Grace, part three, the dungeon. Previously... Torch is out. Everybody hold on to Thuddu

and we'll approach closer in the darkness. But are the people just standing stock still? If you ask Thuddu, she... Maybe at first you can feel her moving her head and then she says, Yes, it was an illithid, Thuddu says. I saw it. Okay, well, it's good to have that confirmed.

And so it is important to destroy an alhoun's phylactery if one is sick and tired destroy an Alhoun's phylactery if one is sick and tired of an Alhoun. Is there a way to bait it to a specific location? My thought is, I say to everybody, what if we get it on a boat? Sir Richard Ware's non-magical

greatsword has not harmed the creature at all. How many times do I have to tell you, Ware, your sword isn't magic? Head for the boat. Where's your phylactery, idiot? The owlhoon's eyes widen and then it closes around your esophagus. So, Grace, you die. What?

And then the entire greatsword are shoved through the owlhoon's chest. Oh, boy. Did the owlhound's chest. Oh boy. Did the owlhound look like it was dead? Oh, the owlhound, just its lifeless body hits the water. You cast an eye over at its notes and its spellbooks, and you can see that they're still humming with a low energy. Maybe I'll collect the tomes, put them in my backpack.

As you do it, there's a part of you that feels like you're doing the wrong thing. There's dark, evil energy in this. And then she draws a dagger and stabs Zinwilin in the head. Breaking off the dagger, Zinwilin collapses. What? I don't think I was really all there when you kissed me

last, um... She smiles. Perhaps we should do it again. So, Grace, you have in the castle, you have, what's the name of your castle? I assume something like Grace Manor or Grace House. Grace House. Grace House! It would probably just be known as House Grace, to be honest.

No. House Grace. We're just going to be making jokes about that. No, we've got to get on with it. All right. You're standing in the drawing room, if you will, or I suppose I don't know if a living room really exists in a castle. Sure.

But you're equivalent of. You've got a giant hearth kind of in the middle of the room. It's like a very beautifully elaborately designed probably dwarven make it used to be like a forge but for you it's just a fireplace yeah and above it is like a drainage thing or like a flume for this uh for the smoke sitting near it with one foot put up on the forge itself, wrapped heavily in bandages, with the bandages precariously close to the fire, is Sir Richard Ware. In what you and he have described to your wives as playing with his food has broken his leg. Ah, dear.

He laughs every time you describe it as such. He probably came up, of the two of you. It sounds like a Richard Ware kind of gag. So he's recovering from that. With the best healing magic that money can buy, he has managed to retain his leg rather than lose it. I see. But it requires some time to heal.

Additionally, next to him listening to a very loud and drunken story is your wife lady isabella enel she is heavily pregnant she's got both hands resting gently on her belly leaning back in her chair looking smile grinning bearing teeth yeah yeah sure and nodding along to to richard weir's story of maybe the like a millionth time literally a millionth time he has told this story sitting next to her as well on her other side is thud, who with a long, now speckled with white beard, is rocking backwards and forwards on a dwarven-made rocking chair. She, every now and then, glances at Isabella, and you can see that she's kind of gauging Isabella's health. Thudu has been quite concerned for Isabella of late.

That's so kind of her. There have been several complications with the pregnancy and a couple of scares as well it's it's it's been kind of it was initially what was initially like a very happy thing has become kind of a bit worrisome yeah yeah you're everything looks through has assured you through is your your uh acting as wet nurse. Is that it? Yeah. No, wet nurse feeds the baby. Is that? No. Something maiden?

Yeah. Not handmaiden. That's also incorrect. Yeah. But she is the one who's been looking after. She knows a bit about pregnancy and she has been helping with this. She is essentially, I guess, a specialist that you have contracted. So, yeah, she's been really like a fucking godsend this entire time.

And you do not think... So grateful. You think something very awful could have happened if you didn't help. If it hadn't been for Thudu. Yeah, if you hadn't had Thudu's help. And then also curled up on a rug nearby is Richard Ware's dog, Blinky. That's nice. Every now and then.

So Richard Ware's wife is at a piano nearby in the room, gently playing a song. And every time the song reaches a crescendo, Blinky raises his head slowly and stiffly and barks a little. That's cute. What a good dog. Blinky is a blink dog and is intelligent i see he has been he's just like an old companion of yours he's more of richard

where's companion yeah so they go on quests together sure but you've also you've you've been joined i guess due to my quests with richard where there's been some crossover there yeah several years ago the two of you richard where and you have kind of split up yeah started you you started spending more and more time at home he has not and so he's kind of become the de facto leader of his own little adventure yeah for sure which he will need to replace several members of after his most recent escapade. Richard Ware's companions. Yeah, sure.

That's a good name for them. Richard Ware's companions. So yeah, you're just, you're sitting in the living room and observing the proceedings. It's a very happy, it's like after everything that's happened with your wife, Isabella, this is kind of like a very...

It's a moment of calm. Yeah. A little tranquil island in the middle of it. Nevertheless, I am staring deep into the flames of the hearth somewhere else. All right. So some time passes like this with the, I was about to say gentle, it's not gentle, chatter between Isabella and Richard. And then the music slowly begins to peter out like Ladyware is slowly

coming to a natural end of the song she's kind of not been playing any specific songs she's just been idly playing the piano and then it stops very suddenly and you see Sindra Sindra Ware Ladyware is looking past you at the entrance to the room. I'll, like, shake myself out of whatever reverie I was in and look in the same direction. You see, standing behind you is your butler with a very travel, like, road-beaten, traveled-looking courier. Can I help you? Sir Grace? Do you know what time it is?

Yes, it's late. He looks out the window, and you can see that the sun is set. It's dark outside. I'm terribly sorry, but I have a message. Okay, give it here. He looks awkwardly around the room, and in his moment of pause, Richard Ware tries to stand up, fails to stand up, and then just kind of awkwardly in his seat yells over his shoulder at the courier spit it out i'd like to like maybe i get a little closer

to the courier and i'm like is it of a confidential matter what's uh the king has requested your presence i'd like to glance quickly at isabella uh regarding what? Isabella looked worried when you glanced at her. There's been developments. The king needs to see you urgently. Developments concerning the... The courier looks left and right, and then almost as

if he's afraid of summoning him by speaking his name, says the Necro Wizard Norton. The Necro? We dealt with that years ago. He was gone. What did we deal with? Richard, you remember the Necro Wizard?

Which one? You remember from Amplik, with all the complications? Oh, yes. Oh, he's back? He said he would. Yeah, I suppose yeah i suppose you flash back to the last words of the necro wizard norton before you pushed him into the boiling acid yeah i will be i'd like to turn on you dick and be like so many people have said they'll be back that never came back they're always so certain.

They're always fairly confident. I'm going to need some time to process this. Is the instruction to leave straight away? I have affairs to take care of. Once again, glance at Isabella. This is not a great time. I'm so sorry that this has come at an inopportune time, but you need to step outside and see the king. Oh, excuse me a moment.

The chair that Richard Ware was sitting in topples over completely in his struggle to stand up. Please, Richard, I'll invite him inside. I'll go to the front door of the house. As you walk through your castle, you see that a lot of your serving staff are very understandably nervous and hurrying about. People are very quickly trying to clean.

I mean, the place is always kept clean. But people are walking around trying to polish cloth until the point where you can see your face in the cloth. Can I see anybody that... Whatever, I'll grab one member of serving staff as I walk by, just grab him by the shirt and pull him in and be like, make sure the kitchen staff have some food prepared, some kind of meal. Yes, my lord. I don't know, get out the good brandy, whatever we got that's top quality.

Of course, my lord, yes. He scurries away as you let go. I'll open the door and sitting outside in your driveway, not driveway, I suppose, but in the, like the, the path that leads, the trail that leads to the main road, you see six carriages. All the carriages have like the big carriages, four horses to a carriage. Each of the carriages has a rider sitting in purple and gold, gold leaf clothing, very beautiful looking regalia.

You see a host of soldiers and knights about maybe um yeah it looks like it's a very as many soldiers and knights as they are it still looks like a quite scant party for the game you think they might have prized speed over anything else for this okay wow one of the the doors to one of the six carriages opens, and a man steps out who has the same kind of tired, world-weary face as you. He's almost like, if it weren't for the fact that he is definitely older than you and definitely, like, way more, like, way more wealthy than you,

you might have thought him to be like a cousin or even a brother wow as he approaches you you look at the face of king linus the gray i would like to get down on one knee in not reverence just out of respect as you're getting down linus linus the gray kind of like puts up a hand to stop you yeah i think we need not such formalities, he says. Okay, I'll rise. Please. Yeah, please, come inside. The servants are preparing something for us to eat. The fire is warm. I'll head

inside and Linus can follow. You turn around. Linus the Grey follows you inside. As you're walking through the hallway towards your hearth. Let's just stick with hearth. Let's just stick with hearth. You're absolutely right. Thank you. As you're walking through the castle to get to the hearth, you see

you, because you're leading the way, see every time you turn a corner or something like that, you see servants and handmaidens and stuff like that scurrying out of the hearth, having just finished neatening everything up. Yeah, like I said, everything was already neat and clean. It's not like your staff are lax.

No, no, no, no. But the king is here. The king is coming out. The nice china is getting taken out of the cabinets and put out, basically. So you approach the hearth. Actually, maybe you have a large hallway towards the hearth where you keep works of art. Yeah, of art or important things that you've encountered. What would be in here?

I would probably have, at the beginning of this hallway, you might have the heads of vanquished monsters, like maybe an owl bear head on the wall. I was thinking a vampire head. Maybe. A vampire head is crazy to mount because it's a guy's head. It might be a vampire head, but they're like, like when you put it up, you're like, oh, that,

I don't know how that looks. And so like I've had taxidermied in sharper teeth all around. Maybe it's like a more bat-like looking vampire, like a half bat, half vampire, some strange obscure form of vampire that you fought. And then maybe as you go further down the hallway, there's like a half bat half out some strange obscure form of vampire that you fought and then maybe as you go further down the hallway there's like a noticeable transition moment where it goes from you know trophies effectively to maybe portraits and works of art and then maybe you hit a point where like there's clearly space for something new but nothing has been put in yeah like i've

just neglected this element of my life at this point do you have any sort of family portraits or anything here i think i would keep my family portraits in places that we are so there might be a family portrait above the hearth okay i imagine there's a family portrait is kind of in the center of the room so maybe not above the heart but like on a wall in there yeah there might be like a nice wall with a family portrait on it and then underneath perhaps a weapon stand or like a, I don't know what you call it, like a, the kind of thing. A weapon stand.

A weapon rack or a weapon stand. Yeah, a weapon rack that has cinder placed on it, on the wall, sort of somewhat gathering dust. You enter the, into the room with the hearth and as you do so, you, there's like an awful tremendous scraping sound as richard ware uses his tremendous strength to force himself to stand up you hear cracking and you can see that his cast is completely bent at the knee no linus the gray enters in after you and he begins cordially saying hello to everyone. He shakes hands. He maybe even shakes Blinky's hand.

Yeah, well, he should. They're all members of the adventuring party. I introduce everyone, even though I'm sure he knows them. I'm like, of course. He's probably heard of, but yeah, hasn't ever met some of the people in this room. This is, yeah, so great. So, Grace, that's me.

This is Sir Richard Ware, Thuder, my wife, Isabella, et cetera. A pleasure to meet you again. He says to Richard Ware, Thuder, my life, Isabella, etc. A pleasure to meet you again. He says to Richard Ware, I would say this is the second time he's ever met Richard Ware. This is maybe the first time he's met Lady Ware, Lady Cindra Ware. And this would be the first time he's met, oh no, second time he's met Blinky.

He met your group once, but he's not met Ware's wife yet. Yeah, for sure. You are definitely the better. I wouldn't necessarily describe you as being friends with the king, but you are friendly with the king. I've just got more of a relationship, I suppose. You have kept a semi-correspondence. Yeah, for sure.

Casual correspondence. Every now and then he drops in your DMs. Maybe like in the time between where I've sort of like moved away from the adventuring life. Yeah. Maybe like in the time between where I've sort of like moved away from the adventuring life. Yeah. He's maybe messaged me occasionally for like counsel on things. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

He absolutely would have asked your counsel on certain items. So he sits down and as he sits down, Lady Enel, your wife. All right. So wait, her name would be Lady Isabella Enel Grace. Yes. I think she needs to keep her surname. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, so she makes to get up to prepare some tea,

and the king says, please, please, please, please, please. You are quite obviously with child. I do not wish to trouble anyone here for too long. I'm simply here to, well, I'm here to, so that you understand the importance of what I'm asking. Of course. I'd like to just stand by the hearth. I'm not going to sit.

Where are you looking? I would probably, as much as I would like to brutally look into the hearth, I'm probably looking at the king because that's just polite. That's fair. You, looking at the king, see that he's quite obviously there's like a lot of indecision indecision and anguish crossing over his face but there's like beneath it all there's this like this strength of character of personality like a force within him that every single time you see indecision or anything has any hesitancy, it immediately, you see it break through and his resolution resolves.

And he looks at you and says, I'm so sorry, but the realm has need of you one more time. The Necro Wizard. The Necro Wizard Norton. He has returned through some fel magic. I'd like to maybe at this point look in the fire and be like, why me? Are there not younger adventurers

younger but none as experienced you have faced the necro wizard before we only discovered his return after discovering his army's return he has amassed a powerful host to take us on. May I have a moment to confer with my wife, my liege? Of course, he says. He stands up and leaves the room. Please. Maybe also as he leaves, Lady Ware also gets up and leaves. And as she walks out, she stops next to Richard, who's just looking from you to your wife.

And then she slams him in the arm, and he looks at her and says, What? Thank you. Thudu is also- Syndra drags her husband out of the room. But I wanted to hear. Why?

What are they going to talk about? Thudu is the last one out of the room, and Thudu looks at you meaningly, and with she, unlike Ware, while she does adventure more than you do still, she understands your conundrum. Yeah, sure.

And there's a lot of age and wisdom in her eyes. So she gently taps your hand as like a consolatory sort of thing. And then she leaves as well. I'd like to, is my wife sitting down? She is. Okay. Maybe like I get down, like like squat put my hand on her hand and be like i i mean said that the the baby would come any day now i would never forgive myself if i missed the birth you see her lift her head upwards and you've always been able to read her you it's funny it seemed like you weren't getting it so

it was funny to me because i rolled and you rolled well and i was like you've always been able to read her but if this had gone wrong no now you you look at her face and you can see that leaning back is kind of half a cover to hold back rapid blinking and half to contain she's obviously like not crying but she's tearing up and she says you do you you must she looks you directly and stops caring about the welling tears she says you must for the realm i'd like to embrace her. Maybe not even embrace her. Maybe because I'm already at that level. Maybe I embrace her pregnant belly. And I say something like, I'll return to you, my sweet.

I promise. I know. You have it on my word. She pulls your head back and looks into your face. I believe you. I tear up as well. And then I'll stand. I tear up as well. And then I'll stand. I guess I got to make preparations then.

I should speak to the king. I love you. And I you. I will head for the king. You step outside. The king is, he's standing in the hallway, maybe admiring one of your many paintings. He's just looking up at it.

Richard Ware is in a wheelchair, not by his own choice. Oh, go ahead. He is in a wheelchair next to the king, and they're having a pleasant enough chat. It's similar to the chat with your wife, where he's kind of talking at the king, and the king is just politely listening. Sorry to interrupt. My liege, I assume I won't be going alone? No.

I like gesture to like Richard Ware and even Thuddu, and I'm like, I just don't think Grace's companions are really... That he can come without me! Richard Ware attempts to stand up again, and Thuddu plants a hand squarely in his chest and sits him back down. Yeah, I don't think Grace's companions are quite up to another grand adventure. There is, he says, a group I have already assembled of a confederacy, if you will. I have requested already assistance from elves, dwarves, halfling,

all the races in accordance with mankind. And they have sent champions and also soldiers okay obviously i i am i am at your behest my liege i i will come my loyalty is to the realm it always has been but i will need to make preparations before leaving of course you understand yes of course any preparations you require anything you need to defeat the necro wizard is at your disposal i i want you to understand how much this means to me and to the realm i do not ask this lightly if if there were anyone else who i thought could get this job done i would consult with them but you are the only one who has slain or faced the necro

wizard before who is not infirm he gestures to where where it gives like a sound of oh or in otherwise or otherwise engaged he gestures to through yeah i understand um and now a word from our sponsors adam here resident dungeon master to the stars did you know that myself and jackson host a show here on sans pants radio where we create and show off homebrew content that we ourselves have created it's called house rules and if you've ever struggled for making your own content then it may just be perfect for you. Some episodes will come in with stories, classes, and abilities that we've already made and tell you about them so you can see where we've succeeded and failed. And sometimes we'll even make the content on air so you can follow along at home and make your own or even improve upon ours. Head on down to SensePantsRadio.com and sign up for a king-level subscription today to start listening.

All right, well, I don't think there's much I'll need from you at the moment. Okay. But I can be there. I assume it's at Ampliq? We need to leave tonight. Oh. Of course. Of course. Of course.

Give me an hour. He turns around and says, I will await you in the carriages. Thank you, my liege. No, thank you. I'd like to exchange like a knowing glance with Thudur. Thudur nods. Richard Ware and Sindra Ware are having an argument about whether or not he is going.

Sindra turns him around and begins wheeling him away. You feel confident that if anyone can convince Richard Ware of something, it is Sindra Ware. I don't have to think about Richard Ware. She is the only human being who has ever been able to stop him from something. Maybe as

they leave in their argument me and thudu will begin walking down the corridor towards my chambers or whatever and i can maybe i say like jokingly to thudu i'm like you're not thinking of coming are you i would but unfortunately i think i think your your wife needs me more i know In any case, you were always the best among us, she says with a wiry smile. I don't think I've left the castle for an adventure in about three years, Thuddu.

Look at me. Like gesture to my, not out of shape body, but you know, I've lived comfortably for a bit. You've gone a bit to see i think the expression is i don't there's there's nothing that a bit if if if richard ware is anything to prove there is nothing that a little bit of bravado and a lot of violence can't do she says you when she says that you you can see that she is quite obviously like she she's like

you in some ways she's tired she's getting she's probably also considering leaving the game as well but you can see that she is layering on top like that old through do of like let's get there sort of attitude about her i i like i like i give a laugh you know like a kind of like a yeah but then i'd like to change to like a serious tone almost in like a whiplash style way and like stop in the middle of the corridor and turn to thudu and hold her hand and be like look after isabella for me i know you will but if i don't ask i mean please make sure nothing happens i don't think i could forgive myself if it went wrong. Thudu gives you kind of like a dark look.

Sometimes you wonder how much she knows. And she says, of course, I would never allow any harm to come to a child. I've lived a life, you know, Thudu. I've lived a life. Anyway, I should go prepare. I should go get my I anyway I should go prepare I should go get my armor I should go get ready

I do you need help I think I'll manage thank you she nods I'll embrace her she she gives you a hearty

a warm hug back alright I'll head for my chambers as you approach your chambers one of your manservants approaches you and also offers to assist you in in donning your actually do you you in and donning your actually

do you ever get assistance donning your armor probably not i would imagine i never mind actually even if i do i think i'll do this privately okay yeah you enter into your castle probably has an armory that is very well stocked well yeah you're you at the very least used to be an adventurer so it should be oh yeah absolutely Any weapon that has ever been wielded by the armies of humanity can be found here, in addition to most types of armor. You see, off to one side, something that you always wanted in the back of your mind is a proper smithy to be part of your armory. But a smithy is expensive. Sure. And you have been busy in other pursuits.

And then, when you started having more time, you started losing interest in getting a smithy is expensive sure and you have been busy in other pursuits and then when you started having more time you started losing interest in getting a smithy so you look over to one corner of the armory and you see just a simple set of leather working equipment and you you just like looking at it for a brief moment thinking back to times yeah when as a child you yourself in this very room were taught leather working by your father maybe i'll like go and like just like pick up one of the the leather working gauntlets and kind of like turn it over in my hand and then place it down look away from it grab whatever the nearest piece of armor like suit of armor is grab whatever the nearest spear is and then i'll head for my bedroom you would have generic armor made for just like people who need armor in defense of the castle but you would

also probably have your own like stylized set of armor are you wearing that stylized set it it's probably not it's not even visible right now it's oh actually you could have it prominently displayed yeah you could have it behind a cupboard or something like that yeah for one or the other uh probably maybe behind a cupboard well if you know if you open that cupboard it's good it would be like the scene in a movie yeah that armor is your it's the armor that you've been wearing since the beginning of the game it's the it's the stuff of legend yeah yeah it's would you be wearing that armor or just a dull regular set of i'll probably just chuck on whatever's easy. All right.

Assuming that there's no mechanical difference, I will chuck on whatever's close and whatever's at hand. Maybe I'll glance at the cupboard that holds my armor, just as maybe when I'm leaving, I'll glance at cinder on the wall, but I'll grab whatever's easy and whatever's close. You arm yourself with just a regular set of well-looked-after but dull nonetheless chain mail and a simple... No, actually, you still have some special equipment.

And if you don't grab Cinder, you might still grab a magical spear. Yeah, absolutely. It's just Cinder's on the wall. If I'm not retired, Cinder certainly is. So I'll just grab whatever's close. The spear that you grab hums with the magical energy, but it's not Cinder's familiar magical energy. So armed with spear plus one and chain mail,

where would you like to go next? I'd like to go to my, maybe not my bedroom, actually, my study. You head into your study? Mm-hmm. What's it look like? My study, I imagine, is these days used for probably just writing my memoirs, something like that. There's maybe several sheaves of paper and a quill, and maybe even like a half-bound book that is just like the beginning where I'm recording my adventures.

And in fact, maybe on the desk, because I'm recording them from my journals, there are maybe two or three thick stuffed journals, maybe let's say three of adventures with the glass slipper on the front. And maybe I'm at the first one and I'm just open halfway through. I'd like to, and maybe I just glance at them, but they're not really my concern right now. I'd like to go to maybe there's a-

Where do you have a Manuel the Monster? Well, that's what I was going to say. Oh, yeah, sorry, go on. So I'd like to, maybe I go to like a cupboard in my study, open the cupboard door and maybe from like the top shelf, covered in dust, I'll pull out a Manuel the Monster and I'll lay it down in front of me and i'll open the front page i'll pull out a quill and i will write for tiffany in case you two are cursed with adventure and then i'll close it and i'll place it

there prominently so that i can i can give it to her when i get back okay then i'll head back downstairs on your way back downstairs you can hear the loud argument of cindra and richard again and you it richard sounds like a petulant child at this point he mentally understands that cindra is not going to let him go and he's now just it's like he's in the he's in the bargaining stage of accepting this maybe as i as i pass pass, do I pass by them? You could pass, without too much trouble, you could pass near enough to have a conversation or something. Maybe as I pass, I'm like, Richard, Richard,

I know you want to come. I appreciate that, of course. And I'd love to have you, but I'm going to need somebody to look after the castle while I'm gone. You know, we've made many enemies, the two of us, over the years. You never know when somebody's gonna come back and strike so and i would i would i would have no one rather than you defending my

castle and my and my wife richard looks at you gives you another wiry smile you've kind of assuaged him assuaged assuade assuade yeah i don't know you you've kind of you've kind of changed his or not changed his mind but he like cindra had already made it very clear that he wasn't going you've softened the blow sweetened the deal yeah sweetened the deal he looks at you and he says ah you know i'd die for this house thank you richard i appreciate it all right you're leaving a separate argument separate argument that you uncomfortable you are uncomfortably aware is going to end in sex they're all they're a weird couple yeah the less i think about them the better for me all right do you want to see anyone else on your way out oh yeah i'll visit my wife again

one more time you step back in when you step back in it's her and thudu sitting by the hearth she is staring into the flames and you can tell that she doesn't she can't bear to look at you in your like armor okay i would like to approach her as you approach she reaches out with a hand she wants contact but she can't look at you right now i'd like hold her hand i get down on one knee and i'd like to kiss her pregnant belly and be like till i get back tiffany and then i'll get up and i'll go as you leave you you can hear her stifling a sob i i too try to have a stiff upper lip about it but before i'm glad i have some kind of face plate over my face right now as you leave several of your maybe you have some stuff that are still quite new or like some staff who do not know you as well as some of the other staff.

And they, you can see, are kind of like lining the entrances or the doorways to the exit. Every now and then you see one of them ducking out and whispering something. They're like excited. This is the famous stories of Grace's companions that they've heard in the past though your house staff who maybe know you a little bit better especially like your head of staff a butler yeah and such they who know you a little bit better they they're waiting by the doorway but they've got more of a grim expression on their faces as i like pass through the doorway i'll be like i mean you know what to do you've kept, you know, some of you since my father's time.

So just keep at it, I suppose. And hopefully I'll be back within the month. She's in good hands with us. I nod to them. I know. I know. Farewell. I will head into the carriage with the king.

Stepping out into the front courtyard, you see the king is not yet in his carriage. He's standing with four obvious looking adventurers arrayed around him and they're chatting one of them is a halfling wearing the heaviest set of full plate armor you have ever seen the only reason you know it's a halfling and not a dwarf is because he does not she sorry currently is has her helmet tucked underneath her arm you see emblazoned upon her chest the royal seal of the halfling king and you did not realize the halfling king had knights you can see a human he's very impossibly tall he must be seven foot but he's incredibly weedy looking he's got like a, imagine someone as tall as Andre the Giant, but as thin as a fucking post.

Oh my God. It's not like grotesque. It's just incredibly tall and thin. Sure. He wears like a long, heavy robe that drapes over him. And you can see even through the robe, bones sticking out. He is quite obviously heavily emaciated he's bald and he has one white blind milky eye and then one deep black eye oh god then there is a dwarf the dwarf

stands in armor not nearly as heavy as the halfling but still heavy set armor and you can see on her shield is the symbol of penia which is quite weird for penia is a human god and then finally an elf the elf you you must assume there's some sort of enchantment upon the elf because every time your eyes pass over her they keep going like you can't focus in on her you get no real details about her okay you just know she is a female elf there's an ethereal quality to standing near her i suppose but yeah you i you don't know what her the second you stop looking at her you forget what her hair color is all right all right you approach them yeah you're to be my companions then yes the king says he gestures for them at the halfling snaps a like a crisp salute and says sergeant pippi underfull royal ward of the king of halflings

i say pippi underfull pippi underfull yes okay what about you milky you call them that oh yeah i'm calling the halfling half plate milky milky all right elf is just elf and i've got nothing for the for the dwarf with a human god the human bends over slightly to shake your hand and says in a heavily huss accent i am both thrill the wise he who can see through time okay and the dwarf i am jackie mellor chosen of pinia jackie mellor okay the elf does not immediately say anything and then king linus the gray answers for her after like a pregnant pause says and this is the mysterious dane brucilla okay dane priscilla brucilla brucilla like bruce illa yeah like brucilla queen of the desert i got you exactly that's what i meant yes all right i'd like to

be like right half plate milky messiah elf if i say jump you want to say how high okay the halfling nods sharply and says of course you have my sword. As she pulls in her sword, the king says, we haven't time. All right, everybody on the carriage. You all climb into carriages. Maybe the adventurers that you ought to be traveling with climb into their own separate carriage. It's just you and the king in one. Cool.

There's like a whipping sound, horses whinnying, and then you're off. The horses move at a breakneck pace. Looking out the window, you can see scenery traveling past you at a, some might say, magical speed. Gracious. That's sad. I don't get one last look at my castle before I go. Oh, you can.

It'd be a very brief one at the castle retreating into the darkness. Okay. I'll just face forward and kind of maybe try to catch some rest, to be honest. I guess I'm not sleeping tonight. The ride is also supernaturally smooth. That's very good that you have that with your cup of tea. It makes it seem like you're advertising a supernaturally smooth tea, and that's great. Supernaturally smooth.

Zephyr's Wingspeed. I forget the name forget the name of the horse horseshoes of zephyr that's it horseshoes of zephyr supernaturally smooth all right so in absolutely no time at all you find yourself near the south coast of vroengard which is the continent that you are currently on it's the same continent that kandor is a part of sure you're heading well at first you're heading towards fairburn point but then your carriage the carriages make like a swift westerly change and you start heading in a kind of yeah like a more westernly direction um maybe i'll ask the king so the necro this is happening over the course of a couple of days. Okay, sure.

Like two days, maybe, exactly. Well, maybe in that time, I'll try to clarify some stuff about the necro-wizard from the king. So do we have an exact location? Yes. It's, the king lays out, there's like in the carriage, it's large enough for a small table, and on the small table, the king rolls out a map.

You need to, it's like a bit awkward, but you can move the map about and look at it and such the king gestures to you see somewhere in between fairburn point and blue beach he gestures to a spot on the cliffs and you can see near that spot there are several not pins i guess but there are several like marks on the map one of them says staging area one of them says meeting area one of them says and then there are several that have like proposed battlegrounds sort of thing sure and with the proposed battleground ones there's like a short quick-handed list of like pros and cons

on each one maybe also on the map notations have been made things like um consult with the elven with the president of the elves speak with uh king of the halflings yeah yeah just like general organization it looks like in a hurry this map has been laid out and it looks like they were planning stuff on the map and then they were so busy and doing things so quickly that instead of getting loose paper they just started writing on the map um maybe i'll say i asked the king as well, do we have any kind of explanation for the reason for the Necro Wizard's return? No, this will be another thing you will need to ascertain. We need to understand how the Necro Wizard has returned, how Norton managed to come back from presumably hell.

How he amassed this army it is it seems like he has arranged or assembled a group groups of orcs goblins and the dead that's not surprising the dead understandable he's a necro wizard yeah well i mean orcs and goblins that's classic fair yes pretty par for the course coming back from hell as well i mean that's there are many ways so we understand that he's using the cave network around here he gestures to near where the staging area all those little marks are we understand that around here is his base of operations we've encountered small sorting parties okay harassing our skirmishers and such and it's been it's been sort of worked out that his force must number in the thousands maybe maybe tens of thousands maybe more but nonetheless he is still gathering supporters

now is the perfect time to strike while he is while he's at his weakest yeah okay a confederation as i said of elves halflings theuss, and dwarves is being assembled. We are combining our forces, whatever forces we have available quickly to assemble and then crush them in an army versus army sort of situation. Of course. But you know the necro wizard Norton. He's not going to be killed in a simple um in a simple uh engagement like that we need you to find where he is layering and then under the cover of our assault you will enter in and then hopefully subdue and kill him again if you can find out what is bringing him back of course very much

appreciated absolutely okay did you have any questions um has anybody seen him yes we have the sighting from one one of the scouting one of our scouting parties managed to cite him specifically would i be able to talk to them yes it could range where so what's going to happen is where we know that he's using the cliff side. Sorry, we know that around the cliff side there are many cave networks that he is using. We will send you on a boat around along the coast to look for where, like the cave side of his network. Sorry, the cliff side of his network

while we attack on the cave side of his network. Okay, yeah, for sure. Does that make sense? Yes, yeah. And I will arrange to have the scout meet you at the boat. Okay, fantastic. That sounds like a plan. Were there any other questions?

Nothing I can think of at the moment. If something comes up, I'll ask. A simple plan. What could possibly go wrong? Find out next time on Fall From Grace, The Dungeon. Did you know they make toy smartphones for babies now? What is that? My little dick pic?

I don't know. Hey, guys, it's Cameron James from the Total Reboot podcast. Just letting you know that I'm doing an hour comedy show at the Sydney Comedy Festival, April 29 to May 1 at the absolutely marvellous Enmore Theatre. It's in a smaller room, but that's not important. Book at sydneycomedyfest.com.au. There is limited seating, so please book early, baby.

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