D&D is For Nerds - Fall from Grace: The Dungeon #2 Your Typical Heroes

Episode Date: April 17, 2021

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SazPants Radio, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. That thing you love is that thing you love. So if you've ever wondered, I like this thing. I wonder what that reflects about me. This show is basically me trying to figure that out every week with a new guest. It's kind of half book podcasts and half psychoanalysis session from someone taking some wild shots in the dark. But it's a lot of fun and I think kind of informative. And there's books. Once, not so long ago now, there lived a retired adventurer known as Sir Grace. Haunted by who he once was, he had left adventuring behind

and dedicated himself to his wife and his unborn child. An unexpected call from an old friend, however, once again plunged his world into turmoil as his services were called upon one final time. Welcome to episode 2 of Fall from Grace, part three, The Dungeon. Previously... Listening to a very loud and drunken story is your wife, Lady Isabella Enel. She is heavily pregnant. As he approaches you, you look at the face of King Linus the Grey. I would like to get down on one knee.

Not reverence, just out of respect. The realm has need of you one more time. The Necro Wizard. The Necro Wizard Norton. He has returned through some fell magic. I'd like to maybe at this point look in the fire and be like, why me? Are there not younger

adventurers? Younger, but none as experienced. I will chuck on whatever's close and whatever's at hand. Maybe I'll glance at the cupboard that holds my armor, just as maybe when I'm leaving, I'll glance at cinder on the wall, but I'll grab whatever's easy and whatever's close. Open the front page, I'll pull out a quill,

and I will write, For Tiffany, in case you too are cursed with adventure. And then I'll close it, and I'll place it there prominently so that I can give it to her when I get back. Under the cover of our assault, you will enter in and then hopefully subdue and kill him again. After several more days, I would say it takes you maybe, what should take several months takes you with

magically charged horses i would say also that every now and then you the horses are swapped out so that you just never stop moving fantastic you reach there in maybe five days what should take months yeah yeah great and as you reach the it's like the docks of some kind of small nothing town and you can see that the the town it simply selected was because it had the only dock large enough for this ship. There is sitting astride here a small ship of the line. It's impressive looking. It's bristling with ballastay and you can see a catapult attached onto the deck. It's being manned

by maybe 50 crewmen so it's it's it's a semi-large crew especially to dock the ship at this small little town yeah also assembled here are a small set of soldiers you can see that they are a skirmishing party and you would assume that this is the skirmishing party that sighted the Necro Wizard. Okay. As I step out of the carriage, I'll approach that skirmishing party. When you step out, the king

who must now leave, he needs to get to the staging areas. He shakes your hand and then bringing you in close to embrace you, he whispers into your ear, be careful. I always am. The carriages leave. You are left here with, what are you calling them?

Half-plant, Milky, Messiah, and Elf. Cool. Follow me. I'll head for the skirmishing party. There may be like five or six in total. All of them are stride horses. As you approach, all all of them are stride horses as you approach all five of them dismount and kneel on one knee before you oh get up get up get up get up none of this uh who

uh uh anybody who's seen the necro wizard visually seen full-on the necro wizard i need to speak to you two of the skirmishers raise a hand fantastic come this way the rest of you addies or whatever all right what do you what do you want to what do you talk what did it look like tell me everything you know was he looking zombified say or skeletal did he look was he glowing uh any of this information would be very valuable both of the skirmishers you can see have kind of like a look of semi or it's something that you're kind of semi used to as well they've obviously heard the tales about grace's companions so at first they're like stammering through their words

but then eventually they begin to find a rhythm and they're answering and being helpful but it takes a minute they explain to you that on one of their just exploratory skirmishes, this is long after they knew that there was a force amassing. They were trying to work out exactly the numbers and who was amassing this force, what it was about. It was kind of a very scary, intense time for them, you can tell, because just an army is being assembled, and they don't know what's going on.

It's frightening. This was the deepest and furthest that anyone had ventured in. You're almost a little... If it truly was the Necro Wizard, you actually... Yeah. If this is truly the Necro Wizard Norton, as they are claiming, then it kind of almost fits his MO. The Necro Wizard Norton, he's grandiose in a lot of things.

And you know that he definitely knew about these skirmishers let them get close so that he they could see him yeah of course so this kind of fits the mo okay uh yeah they saw him commanding a mighty host of orcs there were two different tribes they were able to tell from tribal colors the two different tribes the chieftains came forward and they were discussing with the necro wizard then the necro wizard which they give like a perfectly accurate description of your memory at least of the necro wizard then the necro wizard grasped with his hand and an eerie green light befell one of the orc chieftains the orc chieftain aged a thousand years in the blink of an eye and turned to ash.

God. This is, so, you know exactly what this is. The Necro Wizard Norton, the last time you met him, was dabbling with the forces of time magic. Oh, God. It appears he was successful. That was not his, when you killed him last time, that was not his ultimate objective

that was just like an incidental thing you learned along the way yeah in one of the many dungeon rooms yeah you saw a room with a giant clock in it and the clock it was just hovering in the air and the clock was magically attached to several people who were aging and de-aging rapidly that's very funny it's very funny. It's very good to imagine Grace's companions walking through, pointing to the clock and be like, everyone be careful. Don't age a thousand years.

Okay. Maybe as like when they describe that to me when they finish, I'm like lost somewhere else. Like, man, poor orcs, you know? It's not halflings. It's never two halfling tribes brought together by some evil wizard to... One of the scouts says, "'Tis their fell gods, my lord.

Their fell gods influence the minds, making them dirty, awful creatures." This is very classic Candonese racism. How many orcs have you known? And I don't mean fought with, I mean known. The skirmisher looks at you with a blank expression. Known? Thankfully none, my lord. I've known at least 40. They're fine.

Anyway, okay, thanks for your information. You can go now. I'd like to turn around to my new companions. Well, he's been dabbling with time magic. That's no good for us. Time magic's one of those... It's one of those bastard magics, you know? At least with something like, you know, fire or ice.

It's easy to defend yourself against, but time's tricky um time is one of those magics where you've just got to be careful you know i'm sure some of you know this i'm sorry i haven't even asked um what kind of experience do the four of you have so half plate steps forward and says my lord i was the one who vanquished the vile cobbled queen, Ysthrylda. Okay. You have never heard of Ysthrylda. You assume the vile cobbled queen means that she was present when a cobbled, not a cobbled army, but when a cobbled host was killed.

A first-level adventure, but you would not describe it as a first-level adventure. I was once in a cart moving very fast near Blue Beach and we hit a cobbled. Not impressed. Milky? I have in my studies made revelations, he says. I have an understanding of the world, he says. That's awfully vague.

That's fine. Whatever. Messiah? the world he says that's awfully vague that's fine whatever messiah i i'm a fervent believer that all the gods are connected in intricate and special ways and my understandings have allowed me to to tap into deep and powerful reserves of magic and energy from the uber, as I call it. I'd like to just like... That sounds insane. What's this expression? That's...

It's kind of like lips pursed, tap on the table a couple of times. Okay. Elf, you've clearly got something going on. I can barely look at you. That sounds like an insult. I am hidden, one with nature. Okay.

What does that mean? She looks out towards the sea and says, my history is my own. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, cut that shit out. All of you, nipping in the bud now. Okay. You're not special. None of you, nipping in the bud now, okay? You're not special.

None of you are special. We're here to do a job. I don't care who killed your father. I don't care what great treasure you need to find. I don't care what grievance you have or rivalry you have with what great, dangerous, evil, whatever quest you're on right now. Stop thinking about it. We're stopping the Necro Wizard. When this is done, quest you're on right now stop thinking about it we're stopping the necro wizard when this is done if you're still alive you can go take care of whatever

bullshit you need to take care of do i make myself clear it's like a spell is broken their once like look of almost or is now one of kind of like oh this is what you are oh this isn't going to be fun at all do you want to march down the docks towards the let's do it all right so as you approach a man in a very very sharply dressed man in the blue colors of the candanese fleet approaches you he snaps a crisp salute that is somewhat unusual to you or maybe maybe not. You're pretty well-traveled, actually. He snaps a slightly different salute than what you're used to. Whereas maybe a regular salute is

touching the brow with one's fingers. His salute is more like a step of heels together and then a gesture over the head and a slight bow to it. It's a little foreign, but you identify it as a the people from blue beach are fiercely independent despite the fact that they are technically a protectorate of

candor they are to a to a man woman and child every member every citizen of blue beach considers themselves a citizen of blue beach first and a member of Kandor second. I'd like to be like, great salute, my friend. When he looks at you, it's probably quite rare for you, especially in your older age. But you see the face of a man who knows who you are and doesn't care. That's good. He's a simple soldier. Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you i am i am lieutenant arie catea so

grace um you'll be captaining the ship i assume or yes we we will be getting you to your destination and then we will if possible uh provide some more extra covering fire so that you may sleep in unnoticed if it is requested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I imagine it would be. Please, we have little time. I'd like to take a brief moment,

perhaps imperceptible to most, before getting on the boat where I have to steal myself, given that one of my last experiences with the boat was not super pleasant. And then I'll walk up the gangplank. Having banished the memory of fighting the owl ho And then I walk up the gangplank. Having banished the memory of fighting the Owl Hoon, you walk up the gangplank and onto the ship itself.

Okay. I'd like to turn to Halfplate Milky, Miss Iron Elf, and be like, I get seasick, so I'll be below deck. And I'd like to go below deck. All right. You leave it to them to spot. All right, that's cool. The crew of this ship could only be described as brutish.

They resent having to carry you and the rest of your host. Of the unpleasant nature that some people from Blue Beach have towards Kandor, this is maybe the least pleasant crew that you've ever shipped with. They like, maybe they're not like actively hostile, but they don't ask you to move out of the way. They just bump into you. That sort of hostile.

You know, honestly, I kind of appreciate it a little bit, you know, it's nice not to be treated like something special for once. Obviously I don't try and start a fight or yeah yeah yeah i keep it myself but yeah it's it's nice at one point you hear a slight commotion happening above deck would you go to investigate that i might go and have a look does it sound like

a does it sound like one of the it sounds like yelling okay then yes i will oh as in like two people arguing yeah uh yeah'd probably go and investigate. One of the members of the crew has, obviously they didn't, if they didn't show deference to you, they're not showing deference to the adventuring party. And quite clearly, Jackie Mellor has taken offense. Who was Jackie Mellor? Messiah.

Yeah, Messiah. Sorry, I'll call them by their names from now on. Messiah has taken offense. Who the hell is Jackie Mellor? Messiah has taken offense to this. and they're just like yelling it looks like it could come to blows but it probably isn't going i'm just gonna watch messiah is just yelling like pick up pick up your damn feet don't you you you're bumping about the place like a crazy man on drugs or something what have you been smoking huh what's in that bloody

pipe she reaches up to slap a pipe out of the sailor's hands can i get there in time to grab her hand before she can slap before you're there lieutenant harry cutter has his hand gripped firmly around hers he drags her hand backwards and then with two fingers, pock! Jabs her in the throat. Oh, that's great. Messiah can't breathe. For like a solid 10 seconds, it's just doubled over trying to draw breath.

And maybe I'll go, while Messiah's like, I'll go over and pat her on the back and be like, wasn't very clever of you, was it? Harry admonishes the sailor that she started a fight with, telling them to, like, fucking scarper and get back to work. And he defuses the fight. What is starting a fight going to get for you? I ask that to Messiah. I'll wait, that's fair.

It was disrespectful a lot of people are going to be disrespectful in this life you start a fight with everybody that's disrespectful towards you you'll die you'll die in a bar fight messiah shoots you a dirty look but standing up says nothing else it's's the truth. All right, have a good day. I'll head back down below deck. After maybe, it's been the better part of a day, so it's nighttime. You hear, oh no, actually, there wouldn't sound a bell.

But one of the sailors comes down to fetch you, saying that they see lights in some caves. Okay, I'll get on deck quick as a flash, and I'll scan the shoreline. As you approach, Sergeant Pippi, the adventuring crew, are all on the right side of the ship, staring northwards towards the coast. Yeah, sure. Using cardinal directions, but in relative to the ship.

The eastern side of the coast. Yeah, sure, sure. She's in cardinal directions, but in relative to the ship. The eastern side of the ship. Yeah, so they're looking northwards towards the coast, and you can see it's dark now. Okay. You arrived at the ship around the morning, and you've spent the entire day on this ship. Okay. From morning till sometime after night.

You've slept on this ship at this point. Okay. There's like a heavy mist that's rolled through as well. So it's dark, it's misty, its visibility is garbage right now. All you can see is that up at a significant angle. So you can tell that it's set into a cliff, but you can't actually see the cliff itself. You can just see lights. That's got to be us.

I point to it and I say to the companions oh sorry as as you approach sorry sorry half plate thank you half plate looks at you and says a pleasure to meet you i'm uh sergeant pippi underfull where where have you been this entire trip excuse me i've been below deck oh i'm sorry i just it's good to see you you know okay I've been below deck. Oh, sorry. I just... It's good to see you, you know? Okay. We've been here, all of us, the rest of us, just checking the coastline. Yeah.

Doing what we're here for. That's your job. Absolutely. Fuck. Then I'll point. That's us, I suppose. I'd like to turn to Cutter. Yeah. He'll be like, so where to go ashore now? This is probably the best cover we're going to get.

We shall supply you with a longboat, and you will row yourself ashore. I would offer covering fire or anything of that sort, but I think we are just as likely to hit you as anything else. Absolutely, no, I wouldn't at all. We will remain here, nonetheless, docked out this

far from shore. And you can return to us if you need to escape. Fantastic. Thank you very much for your help. It was my job. I'll give him a broad smile. Okay. You all board into a longboat.

The longboat is lowered. As the longboat's lowered, you may be cast to look across the rest of your adventuring party. And all of them, they began five days ago they were fed bottle fed on the tales of um in addition to regular tales of their legends and stuff like that the grace's companions were famous absolutely so they came to you if not with a sense of awe or respect, then at least with acknowledgement of your history. Over the course of those five days, and now definitely the time spent on this boat, all four of them are looking at you as if you were scum.

Maybe as we're like rowing to shore, maybe I'm sitting there kind of like, you know, not being like, row, row. But as I'm sitting there directing them and looking behind us, maybe I turn back, spear on my knees, and I'm like, know what you expected? Both rule, sorry, Milky. Milky looks at you and says, it is what I expected.

Then he looks out in what he quite clearly, out at the mist, and what he quite clearly thinks is a suspicious look or something like that. Okay. Not much to see out there. Just missed. I see much, he says. Okay.

Keep rolling. In response to your statement as well, Sergeant Pippi Underfold, half-plate. God, I'm so sorry. Half-plate leans over the side of the ship, looking at you kind of out of the corner of her eye and spits into the water. That's a bit aggressive.

You touch on the beach. All of you need to make perception checks. Whoa, shit's getting crazy. That's going off the table. You and Bofrul almost annoyingly at the same time, although maybe Beaufril's the only one. When you see that Beaufril has also seen it, you don't say anything.

Maybe. Yeah, probably not. But in any case, Beaufril gestures along the shore and you can see a small campfire and you can see small silhouetted shapes by the campfire. I'm not saying anything. I'd like to gesture with my hand for everybody to crouch. Everyone slowly hops out of the boat,

but as they hop out, Sergeant Halfplate and Messiah both make quite a lot of noise. They're both wearing heavy armor. In fact, you're wearing heavy armor as well. Yeah, that's fair. I know how to use it. That's the trick. You're probably a bit quieter, but nonetheless,

the three of you are not really kitted out for stealth. Do the silhouettes react at all? No, they don't seem to have noticed you yet. Do they look human? They're too small to be human. Okay. Goblin, presumably. Or undead halflings. Also possible. Could be any of them. Or gnomes, or

kobolds. Okay. I'd like to finger to my lips, gesture to move just a little bit closer so we can get a better gauge of what's happening at the campfire all of you move all of you move quite quite quite quietly you lose sight of elf she just disappears into the mist she's presumably somewhere around here but she's quite stealthy okay you approach a little closer and you still can't see there's still kind of just shapes in the mist. The mist here is super heavy.

You actually start beginning to wonder if it's supernatural in origin. You still can't see the figures. They're a little bit clearer, but you can now also hear scrabbling sounds. They're talking, chittering to each other in what is quite... If you don't know Goblin, then you know what Goblin... I know it is Goblin, sure. You understand the intonation of Goblin. How many Goblins are there?

There's four. Okay. I, like, turn to everybody. I guess Elf is somewhere else. Great. But I turn to them and I... Maybe I... Can I mouth one each to them?

Will they be able to understand that in the mist or can they not see my face well enough? You can see... Yeah, yeah, I'd say you'd be close okay yeah okay you're really close but if they were more than like 10 feet away you wouldn't be able to okay cool all right uh yeah they each of them nod cool all right i will there's like a seriousness that has descended upon the party can i say do any of the goblins i know they're just silhouettes but do any of them look tougher than any of the others one is standing up and gesturing but the but other than that it's impossible to tell i'll have you can't see a beard yeah yeah no that's what i was looking

for a beard or a headdress is one of these goblins the magic goblin you know all right i'll have for the gesturing one you slowly start moving forwards and then your slow movement begins to break into a sprint and you charge forward spear the goblin in the back in your sprint you lower the spear and you drive it forwards at the standing goblin as he immediately resolves out of the mist it's like like uh silhouette silhouette silhouette silhouette, and then goblin, and you're there. You're in front of him. You drive the spear forward, striking him.

Oh, yeah, fuck, you hit him. Are you using one hand or two hands? Two hands. You drive the spear into his head. The goblin jerks once on the end of your spear and then tumbles forwards. Okay. Yeah, like to immediately scan the battlefield to see

what everyone else is doing and now a word from our sponsors hey are you a big dnd is for nerds head but you've finished the current campaign and you're ravenous for more well it sounds like you need sans pants plus if you sign up for sans pants plus you get to listen to all of our bonus dnd adventures you get to listen to the plumbing boys play D&D, where me and the Joels try to conquer some of D&D's most difficult dungeons, and even D&D's for Kings, a long-running, freeform campaign with no set story, like

Season 1 and 2. So if you want all of that, all this brand new D&D content, head to sanspantsradio.com forward slash plus and sign up today and you'll have so much dnds for nerds at your disposal you'll fucking throw up after you beaufrid looms out of the mist his tall figure looked like an alien before not that you know what an alien is it had an alien nature to it before he he emerges from the mist you hear before you see him though

and a shard of pure ice launches from his hand and strikes one of the goblins the goblin staggers backwards but it's still standing okay then the ice knife explodes the goblin that he struck and a goblin next to him both fail their dexterity saving throws and the shards of tiny ice deal a further four points of damage to both of them the one that he stabbed collapses the other one screams as tiny little shards are embedded in it then it is half plate's turn half plate takes basically the same direction you did with her sword in both hands she charges in screaming and swings at the chest of one of the goblins she neatly cuts that goblin in half two goblins down one god goblin wounded one goblin wounded, one goblin fine. Yeah, cool. Then it is elf's turn.

You see, well, no, you just hear, and then arrows, oh, critical hit. Oh, well done, elf. Quadruple damage. The goblin's head explodes, and its body falls to its knees, and

then hits the ground. One goblin left, yeah? Yeah, and now it the ground. One goblin left, yeah? Yeah, and now it is. Is that goblin's turn? No, it's Messiah's turn. Oh, man. Messiah, similarly to the rest of you, lumbers out of the darkness,

and she just charges forwards with her warhammer. She brings the warhammer down onto the remaining goblin's head, striking and dealing a d10 plus 3. 12 points of damage. The last goblin is slain. It's their turn. They get up. Oh, what? Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. They get up. Oh, what? Oh, no. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. They get up. As they get up, the goblin whose head has exploded, his head reforms. The goblin who was cut in half, his two halves come back together. The wounds that happened upon them, it looks like time is reversing itself. Great. Busted magic. It's the goblin's turn.

They attack. One of them attacks you, Sir Grace. Natural one. Sidestepped. Swap places with the target and make a DC 14 dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, for prone um he rolls pretty well yeah all right he doesn't fall prone but as he charges you step aside and he just charges straight past you what a fool another one attacks half plate the attack doesn't even hit hot the

attack was never gonna hit half plate you're not sure what that fucking goblin was aiming for. Another one attacks Messiah. Critical hit. Heroic end. Maximum quadruple damage. If this attack kills you, all allies who can see you have advantage on their attacks for a d10 rounds. This might... Maximum quadruple damage.

832. Wow. Who did I say that was? Messiah? Oh, fuck. Messiah's dead um yeah so messiah's head is cut off her look of surprise at being slain by the goblin she just slayed is still evident on her dead face everyone gets advantage for six rounds all right right. Okay. All right. And hang on. Let me just quickly.

32 points of damage. Yes. She had nine hit points. All right. Oh, my God. Oh, no. And then the final one attacks. Oh, well, one charges Milky.

No, one throws a javelin at Milky. The javelin misses. Okay. Wow. That was fucking intense. Grace, javelin misses. Okay. Wow, that was fucking intense. Grace, it's your turn. Okay, I'd like to... Do I think that killing them is at all even like an option?

You think they had... Sorry. Actually, you know what? As an action, I will let you make an assessment of these goblins because you've just now gotten a proper look at them. Okay, let's do it. Get a good boy card and you saw that all four of the goblins were wearing a medallion around their neck the

medallion had a red gem set into it when time rewinded the medallion shattered oh okay cool all right okay cool you think this is a once-off thing? All right. Thank God. Thank God. All right. That was your action, though. Yeah. Action surge. Ah. I see. I'll action surge, and I will chill touch one of them.

Ah, yes. You cast the spell, and then you can attack also. Yes. Chill touch one of them, and then attack the other with my spear. All right. A ghostly spectral hand wraps around the neck of one of the and then attack the other with my spear all right a ghostly spectral hand wraps around the neck of one of the goblins dealing 10 points of damage the goblin falls to its knees falls forward starts struggling in the ground and then goes still you attack with your spear you need to use one hand yeah yeah uh you jab forwards you connect with one of the goblins dealing

nine points of damage you spear a second goblin through the head and when you drag your spear back that goblin topples over dead who's tussling with the last goblin there's still still two goblins oh who's tussling who's tussling with them? They are the... Sorry, I've got to remember the names. The names I've given them. That's very fair. Halfplate is tussling with one. The other one was throwing javelins. Okay.

Halfplate, Milky, the medallions. Go for the fucking medallions. All of the medallions are shadowed. Oh, okay. All of them were killed in a round. All right. Then instead I'll say, Halfplate, Milky, you can kill them now.

It was a once-off. All right. It's Beaufril's turn. Beaufril looks slightly perturbed by the situation, but if you say that it's good, then he'll keep fighting. Don't fucking falter now. That's what I'll probably be yelling. He also casts chill touch. Another spectral hand wraps around the goblin that was throwing javelins.

That goblin takes five points of damage. He's still standing. Then it is... Sorry, Boferal. I mean, Milky. Then it is... We have so many names. It's Halfplate's turn.

Halfplate redoubles her efforts with her longsword and swings again. She connects again. she deals 12 points of damage. She cuts the goblin in half the other way. Good. And finally, it's Elf's turn. A arrow out of the mist strikes the chill-touched goblin. That goblin goes down. This time, they stay dead.

I put up a hand for everyone just to be still ready for at least maybe 30 seconds, but once I see that they're not getting up, I'll rush to Messiah. Messiah has had her head neatly separated from her body. She is very dead. I stand up. And then I'd like to- Our elf emerges from the mist. This one's on me.

I should have seen that they had... Halfplate says, maybe something with the time magic. Maybe we can bring her back. I wouldn't. Get a good boy card. I know that seems like a good idea, but trust me, it's not. I know that's hard to hear.

We should bury her. Here? Are you going to carry her body? I'll start digging. I start digging a grave with whatever I can find around. A filthy goblin shovel. You have probably dug, just to say though, you have probably dug enough graves in your time

to know that if you dig one here at the beach, it's not going to stay dog for very long it's sand this is more of a symbolic gesture for them fuck all right you dig a grave i will say that you could take a short rest in that time yeah oh well in the one hour of resting you could have probably some someone could have done a little loop and you can see that you're right next to a cliff face that has many, many tunnels dotted into it. Only the ones really high up have lights. Okay.

Before we go, I would like to maybe, like if we gather around once the grave's finished, I'd like to be like, did any of you know her well? Both real answers saying we had traveled for maybe two months. Met in a tavern? Enough. All right. We should probably expect any other people we encounter

are going to be able to come back like that. We've got to be checking for amulets. And that amulet, sure, that was one go of coming back, one resurrection, but we shouldn't take that as rote. We don't know how many resurrections these people have. Milky, you're some kind of coming back. One resurrection, but we shouldn't take that as rote. We don't know how many resurrections these people have. Milky, you're some kind of spellcaster. If you've got any spells that can incapacitate

people, that's probably your best go. If we can tie someone up or stop somebody and slit their throat three times, that's going to do us better than wasting all of this effort fighting them like we have been. If you don't have any spells and you can't incapacitate them that way,

tying them up... I could put them to sleep. Sure, whatever works. Okay. We're going to try and make our way up the cliff. You get up the cliff without too much trouble. There's a little bit of struggling here and there, but it's obvious that you can see

that there's a well-beaten track that the goblins have goblins had to get down here somehow yeah the track is kind of designed for a small sized creature but you manage well enough there's one like major entrance that has a big light coming through it and you think all the other lights that you can see are just kind of offshoots smaller ones where the light is just kind of, you know, like slowly echoing through the caves. For sure. All right.

Well, I guess we got to head for that larger light. Who's going first? I will. I'll arrange them typical adventuring party. Wizard up the back, me up the front. I believe typical one is cleric up the back, but you don't have one of them anymore. Alas, I don't know where they went.

Yeah, so wizard up the back, me up the front, half plate in the middle. All right, cool. Oh, is there anywhere in particular you want elf? Oh, elf. I assume elf's doing her own thing. She stalks along nearby, sure, yeah. Elf is such a typical adventurer archetype

that Sir Grace has basically stopped counting. She might be the only survivor. Yeah, he's like, whatever. She's doing her. I don't have to think about her. After not too long, maybe like 50 feet, after 50 feet, the rough cave wall gives way to worked stone. You can see that there's some effort made

to make this place look nice. Okay. You're not sure necessarily to whose benefit if it's goblins wandering around. Although, to be fair, like I said, the Necro Wizard Norton did, he's an ostentatious. Yeah, yeah, sure. Grandiose kind of guy. Yeah. Does it seem like recently worked?

It will. Well, that's impossible to tell. Okay. I am no dwarf, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. No worries. All right. Well, that's impossible to tell. I am no dwarf, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, no worries. All right. You can see ahead of you the path forwards ends

and then goes left and right at a T intersection. Okay. As we're walking, I would like to be wary. Like maybe with my spear as we're walking, I'm just tapping the ground in front of us as we approach that intersection. Luckily, you're tapping. Yeah, luckily you're tapping

because you at one point press down on a brick and you see it has a little bit of give in it. And then you realize it isn't a brick, but an illusion. There's an illusionary section of the floor that is not real i'd like to put up a hand wait a second wait a second is there like rocks on the ground i can pick up no not here at the worked section okay um what have i got in my pack i'd like to do i'll get one of my crossbow bolts okay and. And I'll throw it as far as I can to see where the illusion ends. It's hard to tell.

The crossbow bolt doesn't really have the spread that you need, but you can see that the area is significant enough that a person could very easily fall into it. Could a person jump it, does it seem like? If you're searching that with your spear, you can tell, yes. It's not a very hard jump. There is presumably a way around it that the goblins use, but you have no idea what that would be. like if you're searching that with your spear you can tell yes it's not a very hard jump there is presumably a way around it that the goblins use but you have no idea what that would be i'd like

to go to just the edges of it could be something as well that you need to be on the other side to that's fair yeah i like to go to the edges of the illusion and just see if there's anywhere to walk along either side of it you can indeed walk along the side you see there's like a one inch gap where the wall just below the wall where the floor is real but you'd be like edging along the side all right i'd like to get up my rope tied around my waist tied around the three of them and then i'd like to start edging along the side so i get a bad boy card and you fall oh fuck grab me you as you're edging along the side something that you had not accounted for is that the necro wizard norton is also vindictive vindictive and malicious in impossible ways halfway across when you're shimmying a thought occurs to you you remember

fighting the arc at the necro wizard yeah and you remember how he understood the mind of the adventurer yeah he would expect someone to do this in fact this is you you like out loud maybe say the words to yourself this is probably a second layer to the trap yeah before you realize that little one inch section halfway through is oiled up oh fuck you slip and fall oh god i need to roll who was the next person on the line uh would have been uh half plate half plate all right half plate needs to make a strength saving throw all right barely you fall into the trap and then you need to make a perception check all right it looks like a regular 10 foot deep maybe 20 foot deep actually pit trap garden variety this yeah this would be quite classically dangerous i mean like to a

regular adventurer they could break a leg they could die yeah but it's unlikely that it might just outright kill you however that's not the way the necro wizard norton works he always has an extra little trick or or uh interesting part of the trap you just barely managed to see a film there's like a substance in here a big gelatinous square of it sitting in the bottom of the pit it cannot rise up to meet you but you are looking directly at a gelatinous cube if you had fallen into the cube that would have been deadly yeah pull me up pull me out they pull you up they pull you up i'm sorry i'm i'm so sorry i'm getting um i gotta focus um we're not going around the edge there's a gelatinous cube down there you're gonna have to jump it we're gonna have to jump it

we're gonna have to jump it okay i untie to have to jump it. We're going to have to jump it. Okay. I untie the rope because that just seems like you're asking for trouble. The gelatinous cube, just to let you know, fills perfectly the space of the bottom of the pit trap. You will guaranteed hit it if you fall in. God fucking damn it. All right. I'm going to make the first jump.

Can I just pause this game just for a second? Just to say, this is one of my favorite traps ever. I feel so clever. It is great. It's a great pit trap. To be like, oh, it's just a pit. Oh, wait, no. Oh, wait, definitely no.

And it's very good for if you're falling and you just land and you're like, why have I slowed my descent? Oh, no. Sorry, please continue. I'm going to make the jump first so that I can help anybody else jumping across that's a athletics check you're you got a 22 you leap across easily you land on the other side but no worries you can now see you're at the t intersection now you can now see to your left and right the corridors look identical and they ended and they both ended a stone door. All right. I'll wait there, hands outstretched, for the next three. Then half plate. Ooh.

Athletics. Half plate barely makes it. Come on, now. Melky. You're right. Melky makes it fine without any armor on. Melky does not have any trouble. And then elf.

Elf also gracefully leaps across. Okay. So, left or right? Can I see any difference at all in the two different directions? They look identical. They look very similar. All right. Well, let's creep forward to, let's go left, say.

You sneak your way forwards. Hey, with one less character, there's one less chance to fail the stealth role that's true i get a bad boy card god damn it who was that ah half plate of course as you're approaching that door half plate slips hits the ground and you hear metallic the metallic sound of a person in heavy armor slamming onto a stone floor. It echoes and there's a brief hanging moment where nothing happens and you think you're fine. But then the door opens and goblins start rushing out. Okay.

Can I see they have amulets on their necks? The goblins are hurriedly putting on their arms. It looks like you disturbed them. It looks like this is their barracks. They were sleeping, eating, drinking. They were definitely not prepared for this. So they're still putting stuff on. Some of them are putting on armor.

Some of them are just unsheathing weapons. You see some of them are putting on amulets. There are five of them in total. Well, five coming from this barracks. Sorry, I forgot to mention the doors to both swing open and goblins start okay all right out there are five coming from ahead of you five coming from behind i'm gonna say only two of them are trying to put on amulets okay both of the ones trying to put on amulets are goblins with like stubble okay big more powerful goblins i say boss goblins yes

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