D&D is For Nerds - Fall from Grace: The Dungeon #3 Trapfinder
Episode Date: April 24, 2021Sign up to our newsletter here. Join our facebook group here or join our Discord here.You can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073.Want to help support the show?...Sanspants+ | Shop | TeesWant to get in contact with us?Email | Twitter | Website | Facebook | RedditOr individually at;Adam | Cass | Tom | Jackson | ZammitTheme music by the wonderfully talented Mia (AtomicCupcakes). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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SANS PANTS RADIO, Australia's Dumbest Podcast Network. The least you could do is start a Twitch channel to support me and your 19 animal siblings.
And gosh, if she wasn't right.
So I've gone and done it.
Made my own damn Twitch channel.
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All proceeds go to my 19 animal siblings.
Once, not so long ago now, there lived a retired adventurer known as Sir Grace.
Haunted by who he once was, he had left adventuring behind
and dedicated himself to his wife and his unborn child.
An unexpected call from an old friend, however, once again plunged his world into turmoil
as his services were called upon one final time.
Welcome to Episode 3 of Fall from Grace, part 3, The Dungeon.
Previously...
The Necro Wizard Norton, the last time you met him was dabbling with the forces of time magic.
Oh god.
It appears he was successful.
All of you, nip it in the bud now, okay?
You're not special. None of you are special.
You're here to do a job.
I don't care who killed your father. I don't care what great treasure you're not special. None of you are special. We're here to do a job. I don't care who killed your father
I don't care what great treasure you need to find. I don't care what
Grievance you have or rivalry you have with what great dangerous evil whatever quest you're on right now
Stop thinking about it. You can just see lights. That's got to be us
I point to it and I say to the companions, 12 points of damage.
The last goblin is slain.
It's their turn.
They get up.
Oh, what?
Oh, no.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.
They get up.
Messiah's head is cut off. Her look of surprise at being slain by the goblin she just slayed
is still evident on her
dead face. Maybe with my
spear as we're walking, I'm just tapping the
ground in front of us as we approach
that intersection.
Luckily, you're tapping
because
you at one point
press down on a brick
and you see it has a little bit of give in it
and then you realize it isn't a brick but you see it has a little bit of give in it. And then you realize
you realize it isn't a brick but an
illusion. Half plate slips
hits the ground and you
hear metallic, the metallic
sound of a person
in heavy armor slamming
onto a stone floor.
It echoes and there's a brief hanging moment
where nothing happens and
you think you're fine.
But then the door opens and goblins start rushing out.
Goblins coming from in front and from behind your formation.
So, Grace, what do you do?
I'd like to be like, all right.
Is it five on each side?
Did you say?
It's five on each side, yeah.
Nine goblins, two boss goblins.
Aim for the ones with the amulets first.
Okay.
So let's go to initiative again.
Alright. Melky goes
first. Melky... Melky's gonna
cast sleep, actually. That's probably a clever...
That's what I told him to do. Yeah, he casts
sleep behind you. If he's lucky,
he could put all of them to sleep.
That would be the dream.
He wasn't that great.
He wasn't that lucky.
Three of the goblins coming from behind
You want him to focus on the ones with the amulet first?
Well, just the goblin wearing the amulet running from behind you falls over
Great, fantastic
But that's it, the other four are still active
That's fine, getting that one down is worth it
Then, that was Beauful's turn, it's a Milky's turn.
Then it is Grace, your turn. I'd like to cast Cause Fear
at the goblins rushing towards us from the front. Okay.
Maybe as I grab a half plate to pull her up to standing, I, with my
other hand, reach out and cause fear. Oh, it's a verbal only spell, so you
need only whisper, I don't know,
something to make them fear you.
What would you say?
I might just be like, stand back
and then pull half plate towards me.
Okay.
You whisper, stand back.
Maybe, you know what?
Maybe it's not even a comprehensible word.
It's a, something like that.
You feel energy radiating from you
and washing against the,
oh, you pick one creature.
So would you?
Oh, I'll pick the one with the amulet.
Amulet, all right.
You feel your roar energy washing over that goblin.
The goblin stops in his tracks, turns around and sprints away.
Well, he will on his turn.
Then it is Halfplate's turn.
Halfplate charges forwards. She's going to
attack the goblins in front
of you. She swings her sword and
strikes one of them, dealing
9 points of damage. She downs one of the goblins.
Then it is
Elf's turn.
Elf draws two short swords.
She had two short swords in her hands
when this combat began
she plants both of them in the ground draws her long bow and starts firing
her first arrow strikes a lead goblin charging towards you guys she deals seven points of damage
and another goblin drops then it is the gobbo's turn So the three goblins coming towards you from your front,
all of them rush over Halfplate.
Halfplate gets struck once by a goblin wearing a scimitar.
Wearing?
Wielding.
She takes eight points of damage.
Wow.
She's still standing, but that fucking cane.
Oh, God.
Then the gobl's coming from behind.
Who is up the back, you or Milky?
Probably Milky.
They swarm Milky.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Five attacks.
Milky starts backing up, and as he does so,
you see him wave a hand in front of himself,
and a shimmering energy shield appears around him.
I think only one of them scores a hit.
Okay.
That's good.
That's what you want to hear.
Milky takes six points of damage.
He is still standing as well.
Okay.
That's good for a wizard.
Yes.
So that was the Gobbo's turn.
It's Milky's turn again.
Milky backs up so that he's...
No.
First...
No, he can't cast that anymore.
He's out of magic.
Oh, fuck. Oh, that sucks. Well, anymore. He's out of magic. Oh, fuck.
Oh, that sucks.
Well, no, he's still got cantrips, but that's it.
He points at one of the goblins and a jolt of electricity launches from the tip of his finger to the goblin in question.
The goblin rolls and ducks underneath the blow, and the lightning goes over its head.
Then Milky backs up so that he's behind you.
Okay.
And that was Milky's turn.
Grace, it's your turn.
There's five goblins.
Sorry, four goblins bearing down behind you.
Okay.
Okay.
I would like to, I guess I'll just attack with my spear.
Yeah, two of the goblins that are coming at us.
See if I can knock the two out in one go.
You could cast spells if you want to.
Can I attack twice and cast a spell?
Or can I only attack once and cast a spell?
So, no, you can
cast a spell if it's a cantrip and then attack.
Okay, but can I cast and attack twice?
I don't...
Oh, do you get two attacks?
No, you can't. Yeah, that's what i was thinking okay so you
want to attack twice i'm just going to attack twice with my spear your first attack is a hit
your second attack is also a hit i will roll but you do a lot of damage yeah i think it's
it would be shocking one hand yeah one hand because i'm hitting two well more likely now
yeah oh no no no, you down two goblins.
You just jam, draw back, jam, draw back, jam, draw back.
Two of the goblins collapse in bloody pincushioned heaps.
Fuck.
It's Halfplate's turn.
Halfplate, blood streaming down her face and little splecks of it flecking the floor around her.
She swings at one of the goblins in front of her,
strikes, dealing seven points of damage.
She downs another goblin.
Right.
And then I believe she's going to second wind.
Yeah, look, that's probably for the best.
She second winds. She recovers 11 hit points.
Oh, great.
Fantastic. You're right. You're right. best she second wins she recovers 11 hit points oh great fantastic
you're right you're right elf's turn elf is she plugs another goblin in front around a half plate
well she tries to an arrow skips off the wall as she draws and knocks it back maybe one of the
goblins throws sand in her fucking face she cries out and then misses so it one of the goblins throws sand in her fucking face. She cries out and then misses.
So it is, yeah, the goblins turn.
There is actually only one right now
tussling with half plate.
Okay.
So that one misses half plate.
Right.
Then there is two that charge you, Sir Grace.
I think both of them miss.
What's your armor class?
Yeah, both of them miss, Sir Grace. class yeah both of them miss so great they're
hacking at you with scimitars but not really getting through your armor sure it is milky's
down sorry milky tries the same spell again you hear him whispering arcane words behind you he
gets a critical hit oh hell yeah milkyum damage and the target becomes vulnerable to this type of damage for one minute.
It's irrelevant because with the lightning, first off he deals eight points of damage, which downs the halfling anyway.
But then also he throws the halfling into the pit behind you guys.
Fantastic.
That halfling is definitely very dead.
Cube food, baby.
One well-fed cube.
Yeah.
So, Grace, it's your turn.
There's one goblin behind, one goblin in front.
They're very, yeah, there's still the goblin sleeping
and the goblin that's cowering in the barracks, right?
Okay.
But, yeah, you're only actively fighting two goblins now.
Okay.
Well, I reckon I can.
So, question.
If I could do a cantrip and then attack.
Yep.
So, green flame blade.
Unfortunately, you attack as a bonus action,
and green flame blade is a bonus action to cast.
Oh, okay, sure.
So, you would cast the cantrip and then attack.
Unfortunately, yeah, you can't cast both.
That's okay.
In that case, I will chill touch the one in front,
and then with my spear, maybe like driving it behind me, touch the one in front and then with my spear maybe like doing the like driving it
behind me stab the one behind you chill touch the one in front yeah hey another hand wraps itself
around that goblin barring yeah barring extreme circumstances that goblin collapses over
unable to breathe technically the reason it's unable to breathe
is that its mouth is full of snow.
Oh my gosh.
While its throat is full of snow.
That's so grim.
Then you stab behind you.
Unfortunately, attacking blindly behind you
means that you miss that goblin,
but you give him a reason to watch out.
Yeah, okay, cool.
The goblin takes a step back
and looks very clearly terrified at the situation. It might be retreating on its turn. Not that it's going to get out. Yeah, okay. The goblin takes a step back and looks very clearly terrified at the situation.
It might be retreating on its turn.
Not that it's going to get one.
Halfplate swings.
Great.
Halfplate grabs the goblin
because it lowered its guard
when you attacked
and then drives her sword
into its belly.
She deals nine points of damage.
The last goblin collapses.
The goblin that you put to sleep
and the goblin that is afraid, not going to make you roll.
Both of them, you just coup d'etat or whatever.
You cut their heads off.
They don't really resist.
Okay.
Okay.
How's everyone doing?
Well, um, sorry.
Half plate.
Half plate is fine now that she used her second wind.
She's basically as good as she's ever been.
And Milky is pretty, he's wounded yeah okay he's pretty badly wounded but he can still fight
anybody bring a health potion no no one did oh you know what actually sorry you were sent here
by the king yeah i would say hopefully the king gave us some it was you it was in a rush yeah so
he wasn't able to give you a crate of health potions.
No, for sure.
But we'll say you have a six pack of health potions.
I'd like to take one out of, maybe get them in my bag, thrust it into Milky's.
It's the king.
Every single one of you has a six pack of health potions.
Great.
Fantastic.
I'd like to drink one of your health potions, I say to Milky.
He just gave you that from his personal supply.
What a gentleman.
He recovers six hit points he's back on four okay so two goblin barracks that means there's probably an orcish barrack somewhere in here probably not going to be a barrack for the dead
that that seems rarer oh yeah by now you've explored both of those rooms they're just
filled with like cots and bedding and stuff like that this doesn't look like where the
obviously you fought 10 goblins this is not where an army a thousand thousand strong is camping this
is quite clearly some sort of base of operations for them and not really where their army is
residing presumably there's a camp nearby a proper camp where their army lives in your search of the goblin barracks both of them
have a door heading it would be north okay so yeah you could head north from either goblin barracks
there are separate corridors but they look to be heading in the same direction if i open the doors
yeah is there any difference between like visually no there there's another identical down both of
these northern corridors yeah there is an identical, down both of these northern corridors,
there is an identical corridor,
which ends at an identical door.
It looks the exact same, almost,
this entire place, sorry,
these corridors looked exactly the same
as the corridors that led to the goblin barracks.
Okay.
I'd like to,
I assume that Elf is the stealthiest of us all, right?
She's the quietest.
I'd like to go to Elf,
and I'd be like, right,
you're quieter than any of us.
We're all, well, I'm armored.
Half plate's armored,
even though she doesn't really seem to know how to use it.
And, well, Milky's also probably quiet,
but you're the quietest of us.
So can you go down to the end of the corridor,
check your ear to the door,
have a listen and come straight back.
Quiet as you like.
Is there a specific one or just whatever corridor? Just whatever all right i'll probably i'll get to do it the left
one say the left one as she sneaks her way down the corridor you hear are you looking yes you see
a flash and you hear her screaming she collapses her she doesn't collapse she falls to her knees
yeah there was just like a
flash that obscured her for a second you can only see her from behind she falls to her knees and
starts screaming she puts both of her arms and hands up and she has her fingers splayed but it's
all like she's wearing gloves and stuff like that you can't really properly see her you just see
her like from behind i'd like to like reach into my backpack
with a health potion i just sprint down the hallway when you get to the end of the hall
you look around and you stifle a scream her skin is gone all of her skin has been teleported
off of her body oh fuck you've never seen a teleportation trap work like this before typically you know enough
about this is obviously a teleportation trap typically a teleportation trap would just send
you either to a jail somewhere in the dungeon or back if the creator of the teleportation trap is
feeling particularly malicious it will send you to the entrance of the dungeon. You feel like there is either at the entrance of this dungeon
or in a jail somewhere up ahead.
Skin.
All of her skin.
Do I think that this teleportation trap has been,
you know what, I'm not going to risk it.
I would like to turn around and start walking back.
All right.
Are you getting her or anything like that?
Is she dead?
She's collapsing.
She's dying um fuck okay
uh whatever i'm gonna turn to the to the people to the uh to milky and half plate and be like
turn around oh my god and then i then i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna kill her maybe with one of
the hours whatever the quickest way to end her life is, I'm doing it.
All right.
Are you willing to spend a spell on this?
Sure.
Chill touch might be the easiest way,
and then you don't actually end up spending a spell slot.
Hey, lucky.
I'm going to give you advantage to hit her.
All right.
You deal nine points of damage.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, she was already on zero hit points.
Yeah, you kill her.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
Elf is dead.
Did they turn around?
Like, maybe after I do that, I look up to the two of them?
They both look like they might have been looking when you did it.
But it's like a look of horror.
I walk back to them.
We'll take the other corridor.
All right.
You go down the other corridor.
Yeah, but this time slowly.
There's no traps on the other corridor.
You end at a stone door.
You push it open.
I'll listen against it, place my ear to it.
You can hear snoring on the other side.
Do I think Halfplate will be quieter
if she's carrying her armor?
Or is that risky? She will be
quieter if she's carrying her armor, yeah.
Marginally, because she's still
going to be armor. It's heavy, but
it's armor in her backpack that might be chinking together
anyway.
It might make her marginally, slightly
quieter, but then if a fight happens
she's not wearing her armor.
That's true.
I'm assuming these are the orcs.
You know the sound of a snoring orc.
Who doesn't?
All right.
If there are five goblins, let's do some quick adventurer math.
Five goblins.
Five goblins on either side.
We're talking maybe ten orcs in there could take it a
glance sleep possibly not all asleep though if i listen can i hear the sound of any other movement
no you can't i've got to assume the room is roughly the same size we're gonna be quiet
okay i guess just quiet as you like let Let's sneak our way through. Heyselos.
Heys.
All right. So as you open the door, good news, bad news.
Good news.
Good news?
Yeah.
But he's facing away from you.
So the bad news is there is a goblin awake.
A goblin or an orc?
An orc, sorry. Yeah, this is the orcish barracks. There are, as you said, five orcs here.
The room is slightly larger, so you are not entirely correct.
Okay, cool.
It's maybe an extra third as big.
The orc that is awake is sitting in a chair facing away from you.
He has a bucket in between his knees and a boot in one hand,
and he's scrubbing the boot.
You can see that the water he's using is fucking filthy.
It looks like he's doing the reverse of cleaning the boot.
It might be on purpose.
Maybe he's filthying up a boot.
I don't know what culture.
There is a door to the north in this room and a door to the east.
The door to the north, that orc is directly facing.
Okay.
And there are four more sleeping orcs.
What would you like to do?
Okay. And there are four more sleeping orcs. What would you like to do? Okay.
If I start, if I say anything to the
people I'm with, the orc will presumably
hear, right? You could try whispering,
but chances, you know.
How quiet will taking off
my armor be? Not very.
What about backing up?
You can close the door again. Alright, we'll do that.
Alright, you close the door again. One orc awake. Okay.. We'll do that. All right, you close the door again.
One orc awake.
Okay.
They're both not.
There's no way we're going to be able to sneak past him.
And if he sees us, that's all the orcs awake.
Has anybody got a dagger?
I think Milky does.
No.
Well, he has an ice knife, which explodes when it strikes.
That's not what I would do.
Milky does have a small knife.
It's not actually a dagger.
It's like a knife that you might use in hunting.
Okay.
It's not really made for combat.
It's made for, like, skinning a kill.
He presumably uses it to make leather for his book.
Very cool.
Do I think that it could pack enough of a punch
that if I got somebody
without them being aware that I could kill them in one go?
No, you don't think you could kill someone.
If you think there's a chance, but there's also a chance you might not.
You are not, you are the best trained adventurer of this group.
You are like not really a trained assassin or scallywag
or whatever. Whatever the
rogues in your parties called themselves.
So yeah, you would not
really be confident that you could
kill the orc in one go with that.
You could try
one of your bigger weapons, but one of your bigger
weapons is going to cause more noise.
Do I think I'm stronger
or as strong as the orc?
Just from my glance at him?
You reckon you could take the orc in a fight
or an arm wrestle? You reckon you're stronger
than the orc? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to get rid of my
armor. Okay, that takes
a minute, I think,
to doff armor. Yeah. I'll get
rid of my armor down to just my skivvies.
Okay. My eldritch tattoos,
presumably very visible to everybody.
Then I would like to, without a weapon, sneak back in,
and I'm going to try and grab the orc around the face and suffocate him.
All right.
You get up to the orc without him noticing.
And I'll also be like, if this goes wrong,
you've got to come in and provide me with backup.
They both nod.
You probably leave the door open.
There's no reason not to.
You sneak up behind the orc and then you wrap your hand around his mouth and then wrap your body around his, trying to gain control of his arms.
Oh, right.
You are probably going to get control of him.
You've immediately got control of him.
You're grappling him.
You both fall to the ground with a loud thud,
and there's a tense moment, but none of the orcs wake up from that.
Oh, thank God.
Then the orc starts struggling.
Okay.
Just stop struggling.
This will be quicker.
This will be over so quickly.
This will be over so quickly.
The orc bites your hand.
I'm going to try to just...
It's more than just like one bite.
Like he bites down...
You know how they say your finger is only as hard to bite through as a carrot?
Yeah, you could bite through a carrot if you wanted to, yeah.
He's going for it.
He's making a genuine concerted effort to bite your hand off.
You take four points of damage.
Still trying to stay as quiet as i can he attempts
again he's struggling he gets his mouth free at one point and then you wrap your other hand around
his mouth but to do that you need to give up control of one of his arms fuck his arm comes
around and starts fumbling around on the ground for something. What are you going to do?
Can I use my, if I've got him sort of on top of me on the ground,
can I use my foot to like kick his hand away from fumbling at his waist
to try and crush his hand?
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, you could try.
I get a bad boy card.
Oh, fuck.
You don't.
He starts fumbling around at his belt
and you hear a dagger pulled free of its sheath.
Actually, you see the dagger pulled free of its sheath.
What do you want to do?
Okay, can I try and disarm him of the dagger
and then action surge and stab him in the neck?
You can try.
All right, you're wrestling for control of the dagger now.
You make a athletics check.
You get 19.
He makes one.
He gets 18.
You would gain control,
but you must re-roll this skill or attack.
Curse you.
Fuck, no, you do even better.
All right, you've definitely got control of it.
Now you need to disarm him off it. Or you could try forcing. Yeah, maybe I'll try that. Yeah, definitely got control of it. Now you need to disarm him.
Okay.
Or you could try forcing.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll try that.
Yeah.
You roll a disadvantage now.
Okay.
You still get him.
It would have been a critical hit,
but you just get him instead.
You stab it into his throat.
You only deal five points of damage to him though.
Okay.
You get him.
Maybe you don't get him directly in the throat. Maybe you get him in like the side of the neck
You cut into an artery but it's gonna take him
A little while to bleed out
So he continues to struggle
He tries to wrestle control
Of the dagger from you
He fails to do so, what are you gonna do?
I'm gonna go for his neck again
Alright, roll with disadvantage
This time you miss you try to drag
the bring the dagger into him but with his other hand he grabs the dagger and now he has control
of the dagger it's his turn he tries to get up oh fuck nah he can't okay he spends his turn trying
to get up but he can't he has control of the dagger. What do you want to do? Can I gain control again and try and drive it back in?
Okay.
Ooh, he gets a one.
He loses control of the dagger completely.
The dagger is now in your hand.
Oh, great.
I'd just like to pull it across his throat.
Just one elegant slit across the throat.
Oh, no.
You rolled a one.
Oh, fuck.
As you try to drag it across his throat you feel very
certain that you're gonna get it so you let go of his mouth oh fuck and you you're so certain
but unfortunately he turns at the last second and starts hollering the dagger is pressed up
against his throat but it's not cutting through his throat it's just pressed up against his throat, but it's not cutting through his throat. It's just pressed up against it. He starts hollering and we're going to go to initiative.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
It's funny rolling less and less dice as you get further and further along.
I know, I know.
Milky throws an ice knife into the exposed orcs.
He gets advantage on this.
He strikes and the ice knife deals two points of damage
as it beds itself in one of the orcs.
The orc rolls over slightly,
facing the ice knife upwards into the bunk on top of him,
and the knife explodes,
shattering him and sending shards into the bunk on top
Both of them
Both of them are gonna take a further seven points of damage
The orc that he struck with the ice knife dies
The other orc just starts hollering
Fuck
Grace, it's your turn
I am going to witch bolt into his head
Now that I understand that I've cooked this I am going to witch bolt into his head.
Now that I understand that I've cooked this.
You, grabbing his face, grabbing the side of his head,
send electricity coursing from you into him.
You deal 12 points of damage.
The orc is electrocuted to death.
There is an awful, awful stench from the orc on top of you. And I'd like to rise to my feet if I can.
Yep, that's fine.
For my movement.
Yep.
Get up.
You could throw the dagger as a bonus action if you wanted to.
Sure, let's do that.
Throw a dagger into one of the orcs just getting up out of bed.
Do you want to throw it at the orc that was wounded but not killed?
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You strike that orc, dealing nine points of damage.
Another orc goes down with a dagger in his head.
This could have been so easy.
Two orcs left.
Then it is the orc's turn.
They get out of bed.
It's Halfplate's turn.
Halfplate, screaming, charges in, swipes at one of the orcs,
dealing eight points of damage,
making a mighty gash from one shoulder to the other shoulder,
but she does not kill that orc.
Then it is Melky's turn again.
Melky just casts Chill Touch.
A spectral hand wraps itself around the orc that Halfplate is fighting,
and the hand causes the orc's arm to freeze solid,
which Halfplate shatters.
That orc goes down.
Grace, it's your turn.
One orc left.
One orc left?
Yep.
The orc looks panicked.
He's unarmed.
Stand down.
He does so.
I'm not even going to make you roll.
I'd like to get back into my armor.
That takes five minutes.
Fuck.
All right.
Don't worry about it.
I guess maybe being covered in his ally's blood is enough.
It's intimidating enough.
Yeah, he knows when he's beat.
You know the questions I'm going to ask.
Where's the necro wizard?
What are the dangers lurking ahead of us?
You brought him to dungeon.
You go south. North in a dungeon. You go
south. North, I mean.
You go north. He gestures through the north
door. Take stairs down.
Uh-huh. What are we expecting to
find? You find
um, uh,
there is, uh, plants.
Watch out. They attack.
Do not let plants kill you.
Then there is, uh, treasure rooms. Treasure rooms, we're not allowed to go attack. Okay. Do not let plants kill you. Then there is treasure rooms.
Treasure rooms, we're not allowed to go in.
Okay.
There is somewhere there, a war room or Norton's personal chambers.
Okay.
Get out of here.
He turns around and leaves.
Then I'll don my armor. Half-plate, as you're putting your armor back on scowls and says i don't like letting him get away what's he gonna do
all right i'd like to just like sit on the bed for a bit would everybody would anybody else
like a breather yeah you can you might want to down another health potion i guess you drink i'll
take a short rest you have 28 health oh do you want to take a short rest yeah drink a health
potion no i reckon we'll take a short rest okay it's been an intense couple of events would you
like to heal from the health potion or would you like to heal from using your uh uh hit point
rolls uh i'll just take a health potion you recover five hit points. Maybe as I'm sitting there, I'll be like,
why did you come along on this, Halfplate Milky?
Why?
Was it at the behest of your king?
Halfplate says,
Aye, the king of the halflings, Lucky himself,
came to me and asked me,
would you do this for our
nation? And I said, yes.
Well, he said that in not so many
words. Sure. Would you
have ever encountered the Halfling King? Probably.
I adventured near and far across
this great land, so there's a chance.
The Halfling King, Lucky, is...
You would politely describe him as being
distracted.
You think maybe, Lucky didn't ask,
you think, quotation marks, the king as an entity,
as an institution asked.
Do you regret it?
It probably would have been something.
This is obviously something,
if she is very proud of being the king's ward,
this is probably something that is very embarrassing for her,
and you would only bring up if you wanted to start a fight.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What about you, Milky?
I am from the Huss.
We are proud warriors.
But this is my punishment, he says.
And then he looks out as if there were a middle distance to look out to in this small cramped room.
Do you intend to elaborate on that?
No. I'd like to turn back to in this small cramped room. Do you intend to elaborate on that? No.
I'd like to turn back to Halfplate.
You know that for the Huss,
being able to do arcane magic is kind of shameful.
Oh, okay.
Is it because you're a wizard or a spellcaster?
Yes.
To Lucky, not to Lucky, to Halfplate,
I'm like, do you regret coming?
Halfplate looks at you and says, no, but in the same way that I just said it.
It's okay.
I do.
Okay.
Well, after a short rest.
Yeah, let's carry on.
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sign up for a king level subscription today to start listening there's the eastern door that you were told is not the way to address forwards but would you like to explore it anyway um no
if it's not the way to go forward i don't see the point you just go through the northern door then
yeah you see the corridor do i think that like there might be more to learn about the necro wizard from
exploring the bottom floor potentially you could find a laboratory of some sort although it seems
unlikely this area just seems like barracks is for extra soldiers that the arch uh the necro wizard
sorry oh might need i'll have a peep down the corridor you know wary of extra traps or whatever
you can see that there's a the corridor
here it's like every other one except that it has paintings hanging from it it looks like and
they look very elaborate and nice what are they of they're the paintings are of just like vile
scenes of devil worship and the dead being raised to life as in undeath not not bringing someone
back from the dead but making zombies and such you gotta wonder who these are for don't you
i say that like half plate and milky like the necro is it's not coming down here and
looking at the paintings and i don't think the orcs appreciated it for us she says and she takes
one off the walls and puts it in her bag.
I suppose.
At the other end of the corridor, there's a door,
which you presume leads to, actually, you know,
from questioning the orc,
you know that that other door is a second orc barracks
where you will find four more orcs.
Yeah, we don't need that.
This corridor also has a passage,
kind of that goes back the way you came,
and you can just see glittering gold at the
end of it i'd like to like look down the corridor not for us you go through the northern door from
the orc barracks and that leads you to a set of stairs going down spiral staircase grand elaborate
are you going down it maybe yeah probably as you travel down it the stonework gets more and more elaborate and just
from the niceness that is from the extra effort that is being put into it you can tell you must
be getting closer to the necro wizard okay maybe when we reach the bottom of the stairs i'd like
to turn back around to the two of them and be like if you want you can go now. They look at each other and then Halfplate says
no, no, this is
right and just.
What? Why?
The Necro Wizard must be defeated.
I can do it. I've done it before.
With our help you will.
She seems to have
found her confidence again.
Okay. Milky?
Milky looks into an imaginative middle distance and says,
if it is my destiny to die here, then I shall.
That's a crazy way to think, Milky.
Okay.
We'll keep on going down the corridor.
So, like I said, you have the path off to your right
and the path directly ahead of you.
So, the path directly ahead of you so the path directly ahead of you you can see
it's full of lush forested bushes and stuff like that that's suspicious underground yeah it's like
a little underground path if it weren't for the fact that you can still kind of see the cave walls
on the stone walls on either side you would think it would just like dumping dumping you out into a jungle huh do i know what this could mean it just very obviously must be obscuring a trap yeah okay
that's what i thought but i just wanted to double check okay that way ahead is a guaranteed trap but
also probably the correct route uh what about the door to the left of us?
You travel down the passage and get to a door at the end.
It's a simple stone.
Actually, sorry, there's no door here. There's just a grand archway, and you can see beyond there is a,
the room is like a stone chapel.
There's rows of seats all carved out of stone.
There's an elevated section also carved out of stone. Then there's a plin all carved out of stone. There's an elevated section also carved out of stone.
Then there's a plinth carved out of stone.
And the only thing that is not stone in this room is a glass jug sitting on the plinth.
And then also the far wall as you enter is made completely out of glass.
And you can see presumably the ocean beyond it.
All right, let's head through the jungle.
All right, you just leave that room alone?
Yeah.
It looks hella trapped.
Yeah, I don't need that in my life.
You head towards the jungle.
So the three of you are moving through,
and you've got to kind of like force your way a little bit
to get through the foliage and the vines and stuff like that.
So who's going first?
I'll go first.
And then we'll keep Wizard Boy up the back and Halfplate.
Milky up the back, Halfplate in the middle.
As you make your way, you're maybe halfway down this part of the corridor.
And you can see a stone door ahead of you.
It feels really weird. Because like I said, it looks hella like you can see a stone door ahead of you it feels it
feels really weird because like i said it looks a hell of like you're in a jungle right now so to
just see a stone door looming out at you is really disconcerting and then you also begin to notice
that the vines that are draping down you you're like trying to get past them but you can't and
you grab them to move them away but when when you grab them, they stick to you.
Oh, fuck.
You start lifting off the ground.
Is it only me?
I would say it's you and who was behind you.
That would have been Halfplate.
Halfplate?
All right, it's you and Halfplate.
Okay.
We're going to go to initiative.
Fuck.
Hey, it goes first.
All right.
You start feeling, like I said, you're being drawn upwards.
You look up and you can see, you know what a cave fisher is.
Oh, dear.
A terrible albino lobster.
Sure.
This one looks slightly different, though.
This one, so typically a cave fisher is a cave-dwelling creature.
They're not typically jungle or dungeon creatures.
But you can see that this one, instead of being albino,
it's completely green all over.
It's got patches of green on it.
And it has two giant funguses on its back, like a parasect.
Oh, gosh.
No, a paris, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
funguses on its back like a paris sect oh god not at paris i guess yeah yeah yeah uh and you can see that instead of dripping they they have like a a an ooze or a web or whatever that they use to
catch creatures instead of dripping that out it it drips out vines which are obviously having the
same effect oh my god okay uh yeah looking up into, things you know about cavefishers, things you know about default cavefishers.
Obviously, the stuff that comes out of their mouth is adhesive.
You can cut through it, but if you don't cut through it in one swing,
your weapon will become stuck to this.
Okay.
You know that if you wound it enough, its blood is, well, a base cavefisher,
their blood is flammable so that when they start bleeding, you can start hitting them with fire and they'll go up like a powder keg, basically.
And other than that, you know that it's called filament that they excrete?
They can shoot that at people to capture them.
Fuck.
Okay.
It's a tough enemy, but it's one you've fought fought and killed before or at least the base one yeah sure
all right it's it's turn first it starts drawing with those pincers it's drawing both you and and
uh uh sorry half light up and it's gonna make an attack against both of you it grabs you sir grace and it deals what's that seven points of slashing damage as it begins
with its pincer crushing your armor okay oh so it's pulled us all the way up yeah yeah it's
pulled you all it's you're only like 10 feet off the ground yeah okay and then it tries to grapple
around half plate but luckily her armor protects her you can see it trying to crush her
but the armor like holds against holds fast against the damage then it is milky's turn
milky looking up in a horror i guess horror and slight horror and slight panic costs chill touch critical hit all right spell storm double damage oh yeah
he deals 14 points of damage as a spectral hand wraps around one of its one of its many legs
and then explodes in cold damage hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah and half plates turn half plate And Halfplate's turn. Halfplate swings. Critical miss.
Fuck.
It took it out of you.
Your next two attacks deal minimum damage.
Okay.
She starts swinging and swinging and swinging and swinging,
and she gets puffed.
And Grace, it's your turn.
I would like to cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter at the one carrying Halfplate.
There's only one of them. Oh, okay. Oh, great. Then I'll cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter at the one carrying Halfplate. There's only one of them.
Oh, okay.
Oh, great.
Then I'll cast Tash's Hideous Laughter at it.
All right.
Or just Hideous Laughter, I guess.
It fails its saving throw.
I don't know what it sounds like right now, but it sounds like laughing.
It's got the filament coming out.
Yeah, it actually probably doesn't make,
it doesn't have like vocals to talk.
Oh, wait a minute.
How smart is it?
Oh, no.
Oh, my Lord.
Are you kidding me?
It starts laughing.
Oh, my God.
You know, they're intelligent.
They're sentient.
They're stupid.
They are really fucking stupid,
but they're sentient.
Okay.
Oh, God.
That makes it so much worse.
Yeah, it's an alive thing.
It's probably so you also know that I was about to say they're servants of,
but no, they make deals with goblinoid creatures typically.
So you think this thing is just like another servant of the Necro Wizard? Yeah, of the
Necro Wizard, rather than a monster he's put
in the dungeon.
Yeah.
Well, that explains how
the goblins and stuff get past it.
Yeah, that's true. They're just, he doesn't, they're
allies. Yeah.
Anyway, there you go.
So, yeah, it starts laughing
because it has a language,
so it presumably can laugh.
Oh, no.
Wow, that's awful.
And it is incapacitated, though, with laughter.
You both fall, and it falls on you.
Oh, no.
Oh, goddammit.
Goddammit.
It falls on Halfplate.
Both it and Halfplate take two points of damage.
Okay, that's not so bad.
That's not so bad.
And that was your turn.
It's its turn.
It is incapacitated by laughter.
And it's going to be laughing still on its turn, I believe.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, yeah, it's still laughing.
It's just rolling around unable to do anything.
Okay.
It's Milky's turn.
Milky just, with his quarter stuff starts
fucking whacking it milky is freaking out yeah look for weak spot weak spots in its in its arm
and plate is not very well he doesn't know how to use this that's fine he's trying it's half
plate's turn half plate swings down with her sword i believe she connects with it oh maybe
no the both of them are just swinging down in a blind panic.
It's your turn.
I'll drive my spear into it.
You pierce it with your spear, dealing...
What's that?
Oh, using one or two hands.
Two hands.
Two hands.
Dealing...
Nine points of damage.
It's still alive, though.
Okay.
That's all good.
Then it's its turn. it's still alive okay that's all good then it's its turn
it's still laughing milky and half plate
both of them start finding purchase with their attacks together they deal eight points of damage
to it they're just wildly whacking out that'll That'll do. At this point, that'll do.
It's your turn? I'll drive my spear into it again.
You strike it again. Oh, I forgot you attack twice.
I'll give you an extra attack because you didn't
attack an extra time. Thank you. You hit it twice.
You deal
15. 23 points of damage.
Its blood is spilling out
and all over the floor here.
It's barely still alive.
You can tell it's like slowing down and stopping.
The creature is laughing and crying out of its four eyes,
quite obviously upset to die like this.
In pain, but chuckling away.
It's still chuckling away.
Great.
And then both, sorry,
and then Milky deals the killing blow does milky understand he
has just killed an intelligent but incredibly stupid creature find out next time on fall from
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