D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #10 Unicorn Princess

Episode Date: November 26, 2016

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes try to prove they’re right by winning the fight. We watch merchants form a combat ring, exchange words with a paladin and exchange blows with a paladin. Cassius doesn’t know what’s happening, Zillie is just really excited about unicorns and Edrik should have bought that Potion of Lesser Restoration. So join us as we fight a unicorn. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Life is meaningless. So go spend it on stuff you enjoy. Welcome to episode 10 of Husk Firm a Pride, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously. Do we want to party? Nope. No? Why not? I was so good at it last time. We never went broke. Yeah, uh,

you can't control that, can you? I find I don't try to. It helps me in a fight. The war did nothing to the city. Once again, the elves were wiped out almost completely without fight. I'm thinking, like, maybe you guys have, like, a romantic night, but I'm hoping it's just not that at all.

Yeah, I hope it's epic. You punched his pride to be. Around the outskirts of Lockfort, you'll find this guy. Like, on one of the roads, maybe just ready to ambush. Nice gems that you're selling, but what's more interesting is that I'm going to fuck up Elnipa's day. So maybe just spread the word. I want to eat hardly, drink hardly, and flirt

hardly. I want to have a chat with Zilly. Just in terms about spell use. You guys think less of me because I couldn't eat more

than ten potatoes. Not at all, Cassie. Daniel nods. I do. Shoot him like a look like you, son of a bitch, Daniel.

I could have beaten that. I'll challenge you to a potatoing competition. Potions are expensive, indeed, indeed.

No kidding. We don't need potions. You're like properly in elven territory now, like among, you've left snow almost, and you're enter-tripping rumors to these merchants as they come through. We rejoin our heroes in the city of Lockfort, trying to goad

their foe into attacking. Okay, um, I say as well, like, lose maybe another ten gold their foe into attacking. Okay. I don't even know what that face was. As well, like, lose maybe another 10 gold just spending time in Talbot. Just for city life. You guys, yeah, just over the course of a week, you just enjoy yourselves almost.

Well, Cassius does. Your love interest back home is going to be so angry. I'm not enjoying myself. I'm just saying that you tried to pick the thing that was most likely to get on her good side, and she's going to be so mad. That was the good side. The one that was not going to be instant death for us. It's also not about me trying to get love.

This was me trying to not get us killed. This expedition has taken you 14 days now. Oh, my God. Could have gone to the drow and you were the drow was in the underdark. I'm so mad at you. Could have gone to the underdark and you were the drow it was. Yeah. That's what I said.

I said, let's go to the drow. I mean, I was told I was going to fight fucking unicorns. And none of it's happened. I didn't realize this was going to be ridiculous. All right. Let's try and find this person. You go out to that location? Yeah. I love the idea that every day that goes past,

you just get super angry as well. You're like, we don't have time for this. Actually, how's Daniel going? He'll be pissed. I'm pissed. Okay. So you follow along the road to that location There's like maybe a little bit of a clearing

It's not exactly where you said you'd meet him But it's close enough so you go into that clearing Just to, you know, give yourself some space And pretty quickly you see The merchants Like tons and tons of merchants Are forming like a massive circle Around this clearing

They'll have to turn up Otherwise how embarrassing for them Can't let merchants down are forming like a massive circle around this clearing. They'll have to turn up. Otherwise, how embarrassing for them. Can't let merchants down. The time comes. The time passes. You're waiting like a minute. You're waiting 10 minutes.

And then the crowd of merchants begins to part. And more merchants are..., no I'm just kidding through the crowd of merchants you see I'd be so happy I'm sorry but no you did it this time Jackson please

you make me want to do it it's like no it'll be whatever it's like a day there I just keep saying like how many days it's like a day there A couple days to find them I just keep saying Like how many days it's been So it's harder for him To cut around it

So it's like Whatever Day there Day there Find them We'll be in and out Find some information About this underdog

Two years Three years later I've married a bar wench Daniel's like Somebody comes up And they're like Look we're here to fight. And we're like, who the fuck are you? What?

Oh! Oh, no. Oh, no. Our town's in shock. He's used the elven advantage of living for hundreds of years to wait until you're all old. Forty years later. She has. Sorry.

Yes. Okay. years later she has sorry yeah um okay the crowd parts and sitting astride the most magnificent unicorn you have ever seen yes maybe the only unicorn you've ever seen probably but i'm not saddled and has like no bags or anything like that it's just carrying the uh this well obviously the paladin she has like a shield held in one arm and a lance in the other uh engraved on the shield is an elaborate and beautiful because elves are like that uh design of their um the pantheon that she worships the olven pantheon unlike the um cleric that you met this paladin is like uh just extrudes this aura of good and honor she steps into the

clearing and you like uh you don't feel like you can relax but you feel like she's not gonna if she's gonna fight you you're gonna be ready okay so you can like you know psych yourselves up you got a moment if you need it cool in elven i'm like saying you i'm gonna want to say here. Oh, three other paladins follow her in. You team up with child murderers, with people that you know, kill our village. I'm prepared to just fucking

let's go. She like looks at you with this haughty expression. Hang on. Well, not haught. Basically, Elvin, I'm mocking her for, not mocking, but trying to intimid elven i'm mocking her for not mocking but trying to intimidate her calling her out for being a child murderer she oh a lot of people like oh there's a lot of lords in this crowd they're like like doing that sort of stuff the lord yeah like the crowd like you know starts chanting your name uh she holds up a hand and starts

speaking the crowd goes deathly silent and you can she's like just speaking just above a whisper but everyone can hear her perfectly I have teamed I have teamed up with Child Murderous I have teamed up with Evil and Scum, have I? Would we like to discuss the millions of dead elves

some of whom were warriors Walked into that one I did, I did, Husk film of pride elves, some of whom were warriors. Walked into that one a little bit. I did. Husk from a pride. But, you know, we never burnt down an orphanage. Can you count your dead? She's so angry with you. You can list off the people

who died in the village. Yeah. You, like, list off, maybe, like... No, like, can I list them off? Do you want to literally name every single person? I'm like, we lost orphans. We like townsfolk. People who were fucking farmers out there.

And you're teaming up with the drow? Spit on the ground. I can't understand Elvish. I don't know what's happening. The drow is more honorable than you will ever be. I just raised my war hammer. It's on. Okay.

Are we fighting? I don't know what that conversation was about. We're going to fight a unicorn. We're going to fight a unicorn. I'd like to chat that so that you know what's going on. Oh wow, everyone rolled super high. Alright, I guess we're fighting a unicorn. You're like, I don't know about the elves, but the unicorn

is definitely being fought. I'm sick, sure. If I'd known, I'd be like, I don't know if i like what you're saying edrick really i think nobody wins in a war just saying oh let's choose something to transform into and scare all the merchants squid i die octopus i wish it's gonna be a small Squid, I die Octopus I wish It's gonna be a small octopus It's not even worth it

They're a bear or a baboon What do you want? I might go cheetah Honestly, did not expect that Cassius, you're first I'll transform into a crocodile There we go. Okay, that's your standard action.

Mm-hmm. Then I'd like to attack. You can't. Oh, that's my standard action. Yeah. Yeah, well, then, I'm done. Snap, snap, snap! That's a crocodile noise.

Uh, the crowd, like, back, you were probably, like like standing on each side of the clearing The crowd around you Like just run Like a lot of them are just running I just turn around like If I charge Wesley up Could I also use another spell?

No I would like to use What's Raven Feverment? That makes them tired doesn't it? Yeah it makes them fatigued Okay yeah I'd like to use... What's Raven Feverment? That makes them tired, doesn't it? Yeah, it makes them fatigued. Okay, yeah, I'd like to use that. On the elf. They're all elves.

There are four elves. Three paladins followed her in. Yeah, because we've got to fight one each. Okay, all right, all right. Fair fights, mate. I'd like to pick the most logical one based on the tactics that Edric... Go for, like, the leader. The tactics that Edric would have taught me,

which apparently is go for the leader. Okay, so you're going to do that. Yeah. On her. Yeah. Did you just throw me under the bus? No, we want to kill Elpener first. Okay.

I'm just wondering, like, did you... Uh-oh, uh-oh. I figured just try and take 10 Elpener first and then we take the rest out if we can. One on one fair fight! They have, wait do I have to do it? What are you again? They don't make roughing noises.

What do they make? They make that like a... You sound like a car that's just like ticking over. You sound like a puppy. I think if you just get a little bit of snapping. Like a little bit of, like. You like fire the ray. You fire the ray.

Yes, that's me, guys. Everyone shut up. She brings up her shield and it just bounces right off her shield into the sky. She says something in Elven. Do you? I do. Oh, you do know Elven?

Okay, so I guess Cassius is the only one who doesn't understand. What's going on? She says, kill the wizard first. Oh, well, I'm not a wizard, so it's fine. Yeah, probably. Does Daniel know? Daniel knows what's about to happen. He gets the idea.

Daniel, like, draws his chain, is holding it in in both hands grunts and says with like satisfaction good i hate talking he's like protect the um protect zilli so i call out you think maybe he heard you he's starting to foam someone heard me cassius she can look after herself paladins charge the ones on foot can't get to you they can like get to maybe the middle but that's about as much distance as they can close unicorn they're easy to hit their big horse um horses die easy no they're just easy to hit i would hope big necks uh shadow wing however closes the distance almost instantly uh the unicorn moves a lot faster than any horse you've ever seen we've got to see a unicorn v. crocodile fight, because that's fucking great.

She lowers the lance against you, Edric. Sorry, better than me as a crocodile. I'm so going to die. Tear up the sheet now. Probably needed the druid to be healing and doing spells and like that flame one. Crocodile's the way to go, mate. Trust me.

It's gotten me this far. You take six points of damage. Oh, that's fine. Six points ain't nothing, mate. As she strikes you with her lance, you probably swing your warhammer to try and block it, and your Warhammer glances off the lance. The glance, sorry, your Warhammer hits the lance,

and the lance glances off your shoulder. You feel maybe, like, something snap or break, but there's, like, adrenaline going through you so fast that you're not paying attention. Ask them abroad. Ask them abroad. They killed our children. Okay.

Then, as you're also going past, the unicorn strikes you with its horn. That's not a fair fight. They're using their horse. We could have used our horses. You could have. Using an alligator. Alligator.

Are you a crocodile? I can't remember. I'm going to call out, That's not a fair fight. I thought you were honorable. She's going to get super angry. She's going to get super angry. Oh no!

Super crit. Kripp hat. From Unicorn. Kripp hat. Great. Did you buy that Lesser Restoration? No. Oh.

You're kidding me. Oh, my God. I'm not even kidding. No, not poisoned, but it would have helped. Oh, okay. I can't believe that. The horse, not the horse, the unicorn's horn, like, punctures into your heart, comes back out straight through your heart.

No, no, no, no. It nicks your heart. That's dead. No, you've never played D&D before. Every time your heart beats, which is maybe like ten times a rant, there's a little squirt of blood that comes out. Salmon! Oh, no! You don't turn into a crocodile your first move

It's fine, I couldn't have hurt you It couldn't have helped you even if I wasn't a crocodile You're a druid, you actually have spells to fix this You've got healing spells I don't have healing spells You take a further 11 points of damage Sorry, 13 points of damage

Oh boy Did we at least buy a potion of QLI wounds? No, we got potions of QModerun points of damage. Sorry. 13 points of damage. Oh, boy. Did we at least buy a potion of QLI wounds? No, we got potions of Q moderate. Yeah. Mate, we're good. Don't even stress.

Every round on your turn, you will take a D6 damage until you were either magically healed or someone patches that hole. Also, oh, you take one constitution damage.

He's bad. This is not great for you over here which lowers your maximum hit point sorry which lowers your maximum hit points by 10 and your current hit points so you're on 36 instead of 40 say you know you got a good reason to kill the elf just warhammer a unicorn in the head call out call out nalvin i thought this is a fair fight not bringing a goddamn pony to it she's not paying attention if she hears she doesn't pay attention good she keeps going mad she keeps going rides past you and into not really into the crowd because the crowds run from the crocodile but uh she's like where the crowds would have been. You're not in melee range, but on your turn,

which I think is now, you can turn around and move up and strike at her if you want. You want to do that? Yep. Okay. You close the distance with the rear of the unicorn. Is Sunder a thing? Yeah, you can break something off. Do you want to use it, or is it a passive ability? You choose if you want to break something. Are I need to use it, or is it a passive ability? You choose if you want to break something.

Are you going to break the horse? You can't break the horse, but you can break the lance or the shield. That's good. Break that shield. You want to break the lance? Okay, the opposite. It's fine. A lance is the opposite of a shield.

You're not wrong. You know what I mean? You haven't proved thunder, right? Cool, cool, cool. All right. not wrong but you know what i mean like you have improved thunder right cool cool cool all right she like whips around and uh tries to like she's gonna go at you again with the lance but you use your warhammer your warhammer is way too fast than that big cumbersome lance you bring it down on the lance itself you got it he got this this. Do I, though, Jackson? Do I? Or is your heart punctured?

Oh, by the way, two points of damage. I think your heart's punctured is the answer to that question. I'd say get on it, silly. Get on what? Heal me? Oh, yeah, yeah. How far away am I from him? You can do it.

I would, but... No, you do You can do it. I would, but... No, you do you, Cassius. I would, but I'm a crocodile. Help me. That's what that sounds like to me. That's like, whatever. You just be a crocodile and death roll a unicorn. That's the plan.

They've got such a low neck. They're on mounts. You're going to nip at unicorn ankles Yeah that's the plan It just crushed me in the head That would have been good Even baboon Cheetah would have been nice Cheetah would have been great

At this point even octopus would have been pretty useful You said cheetah I wasn't gonna go for it but it's like Fast, it can p. You can pounce on the back of a unicorn. And then as soon as it's your turn, without even missing a beat, you're like, I said cheetah, wrong. I meant

to say crocodile. Why? I said, I was like, cheetah, and then when Adam came to me, I was like, no, you know what? Crocodile. That's the better way. That's the right answer. I'd made the decision pretty much to the moment I said cheetah, I decided crocodile. You have cool lightning where you can just target people.

You've got that flame one where you can also target people. So much good because they're in a pack at the moment. You could have done a bit of damage. That's true. Instead. I'm just going to bite some dicks. The lance snaps cleanly in two. Good. Yes.

That's good. Now she's useless. No. What you want, Edric, is for her unicorn to be coming at you and you baseball style swing your warhammer into its horn and drive it into its brain. That's the aim. It's Daniel's turn. Can I sunder a unicorn?

Daniel, foaming at the mouth charges with Edric at the unicorn princess as I am going to refer to her from now on Altena the unicorn princess he doesn't use his chain

he tries to grab her and drag her off the horse Daniel you're a champion that seems like your type of fuckboy of all the fuckboys grab her and drag her off the horse. Oh, yes. Daniel, you're a champion. That seems like your type of fuckboy. Oh, yeah. Well, of all the fuckboys, he's all right. Maybe.

What happened? She gets unseated. He grabs her and just drags her off the fucking unicorn. The unicorn, however, gets its horn in and tries to attack Oh man this unicorn What the fuck This is a fucking powerful unicorn We are in trouble Ladies and gentlemen that's another crit

hat for the unicorn This cheating fucking unicorn bringing a unicorn to a fist fight Don't bring a unicorn to a fist fight That's kind of why we went there because unicorns were going to be there. God, if you thought you got punctured badly by this unicorn

Jesus Christ 30 damage and 1 dex damage How are you? You're a crocodile boy The unicorn like stabs into Daniel and tears out like half of his chest. I hope Daniel has potions.

Like Daniel's like leaning a little bit to one side because he doesn't have enough rib and muscle on that side to support his body now. Super gross. Fucking hell. Jesus. Fuck. Um, now it's back to Cassius. Why a unicorn? You're a crocodile.

Let me look up crocodile. Because see, either I turn back into a druid, which I'm sure you all want, because then I could use cure, but that's my turn. I know. And who knows what could happen in that turn. I know. So instead, I think it's wise- You've taken the smart choice here.

I know what you're gonna do. I think I made the wise decision. Yes. Yes. Okay. You can't even get into the combat with the unicorn this turn. How far away

is the unicorn princess? You know what you have? You have charm animal. You could have charmed a fucking unicorn. Unicorn's a creature not an animal. Really?

Yeah, it's too intelligent for that. It's got to be horses. You could have char jumped our horses. You can move into combat with the unicorn and the unicorn princess, but you can't attack this turn. I'll do that. Okay.

You waddle over. Yeah. I hate you so much sometimes. Not even in the water. There it is. It's Zilly's turn. Right. How far away am I from Edric?

You are maybe 30 feet from him. I'm going to have to get you a health potion. You get to throw it. No, I was going to say, do you have any AoE spells? I don't know what you just said. Spells that affect an area rather than a single target. If you show me your spells, I can't remember. Web does.

Web, yeah. Because if you want to web with other palis and keep them there. Other palis. Alright, yeah. You'd have to get a bit closer to do that. I'd have to get closer to do anything. And you'd want to seriously hope that you get them. Otherwise, it's you versus three paladins on your own.

I'm putting that out there to remind you that you don't want me to kill you like flies, and I'm just saying. Magic, magic missile. Maybe move to us and magic missiles. Actually, to be honest, everyone's fighting the unicorn princess. It's Ellie

and Zilly. Zilly, you're the only one in the way of paladins, and they were told to kill you. You might want to move to us as well. You can backped way of paladins, and they were told to kill you. Well, you might want to- Magic missile. As well. Yeah, can I move across? You can backpedal a bit.

Yeah, and magic missile. And then magic missile. Pretty please. Okay, do you want to hit one of the paladins? Just the nameless sort of ones? No. Do us? Probably shoot the elf in her.

Whoever, mate. Can I reach- The one that's on the ground. Yeah, can I reach her? You can shoot at her, yeah, if you want. Yeah, probably. Because I feel like this is just like the elf thing. If we kill the head, maybe everything else dies.

I don't think that's how it works. I think a lot of things I think are like vampires. Like you kill the vampire king and then everyone dies. All the rest of the vampires die. Magic Missiling. Or I become king. One of the two. Magic Missiling the Unicorn Princess?

Yes. Cool. The Unicorn Princess. Three bolts of magical energy leap from your hand. Wonderful. Dealing. I was going to get Wesley to do stuff. Ten points of damage.

The one that's sort of going up against the three paladins. Oh, I know. Cassius Christie! It's the paladin's turn. All three of them. Four of them. Yay! The other three of them have closed in with Zilli.

That's their turn. But they're like, they've charged down, and they're like standing toe-to-toe with you, Zilli. Are they on horses as well? No. Okay, cool. The clearing just isn't that big. Not big enough for horses.

No. Well, big enough for one, I guess. That's a unicorn. That's a different. From the ground. What's the unicorn princess going to do? That's a great sentence. I know.

What's the unicorn princess up to today? What is she going to do? She draws a sword and strikes at Daniel. Daniel's fine. Daniel's so fucked. Oh, wait. He's 30 health points down. Daniel's going to die. She misses from the ground. She's so fucked. Oh, wait, he's 30 health points down. Daniel's going to die.

She misses from the ground. She's got a height disadvantage. Well, she'd have a height disadvantage if she was standing. So being lying prone doesn't help the situation either. Are elves little? I thought they were tall. No, but he's giant. We're naughty.

Owls are actually slightly smaller than a human. He's the mountain. Yeah. Daniel's the mountain. And then the unicorn. He is actually the mountain a human, though. He's the mountain. Yeah. Oh. Daniel's the mountain. And then the unicorn. He is actually the mountain from Game of Thrones. That fucking unicorn. My God.

Yeah. Let's get one. Yeah. Let's get one. I didn't realize she was fighting. The unicorn attacks Daniel 2. I don't think Daniel's going to make it. Daniel 2.

As well. He gets hit. It's fine. It's not as bad as last time. And takes 15 points of damage. It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. It's not great.

It's terrible. It's pretty bad, Ruff. Pretty terrible. Yeah. We need to heal him soon. But if I stop being an alligator. Yeah, I know. He gets another hit.

So it's a classic Sophie's choice. I feel like this is why Cassius stopped trying to be a druid and kept trying to punch stuff. Because she kept being in battles and being like, oh, I'm useless. It's not the animal's fault. It's yours. It's not my way.

He gets skewered again. Like the unicorn's trying to do on the other half of his body what it did to one half. And it gets a good way. Is he like bleeding out? Is he close to death? He's still standing. He's fine. He's a barbarian.

He's going to live forever. Barbarians survive until they die. He doesn't grin in bed. And Rick, it's your turn. I'm a Warhammer Alpina. I'm going to be like, brr, it's cold in here. Activate Nicole power.

That's a good Adam face. That's in my top five. Five Adam faces. Come on, just like a melon. Top five Adam faces. Try to bring the hammer down on her back, but when you do so, you feel like her full plate armor just absorbed the shock of it and send it out to her limbs,

which sends it into the ground, and she just takes it without any damage. God. Rude, damn. Super rude. Maybe you broke her back, though. That looks like it should. She looks like if she survives this,

she should have back problems in the future. Hey, that's a win. That's right. I'm looking at that as a win. I'm counting that. Today, though, it's not going to do anything. For the purposes of our fight, you have done nothing.

She may have arthritis later. Later on in life, she might have trouble sitting or standing up. Daniel, foaming at the mouth, swings his spiked chain. What a champ. Well, I'll be. All right.

I was wondering, is he going to go for CritFail? Ah! CritHack! It's a win for us! Daniel heals a chunk of his body. Daniel takes the unicorn's life force. Yeah, and uses it to fill the void in his ribcage drinks the blood from the unicorn like a Voldemort

like a Voldemort like a Voldemort probably like a Quirrell but still Quirrell with a Voldemort tumor as he was that would smell so bad yes that nearly did make me ratch What? Tumor. Yeah. As he was. That would smell so bad. Yes.

Yeah. That nearly did make me rash. Like. Daniel wraps the spiked chain around her neck and starts dragging her towards him. Oh, fucking. I'm so glad we're friends and not like anything more than that because this guy gets super intense. You don't understand. Like. What a man.

What the fuck that means. Hang on, let me show you a picture of a spiked chain. We know what it means. I can imagine a chain with spikes on it, Adam. Clearly I can't. That's a spiked chain. Oh my God. I thought I was imagining.

I didn't. Those spikes right there, those spikes that look like a man's forearm are wrapped around this elf's neck. That's what I was imagining. I was imagining barbed wire for some reason. Like a biker. Why did you think he had a mace?

And it has electrical damage. Did you think a bombie knocker? Maybe. She wants to scream but just can't because her airflow is cut off. Cassius. Am I at the unicorn? You can bite the unicorn or it's rider if you want.

I'll bite the unicorn. You can bite the rider on the ground. Oh, he's the rider on the ground? Yeah. Oh, okay. But is her armor going to get in the way if I try and eat her from the legs up? No, I'll just try and eat the rider. She's on the ground. She'll have a disadvantage against me, surely.

I forgot that you were a crocodile. And then you're like, oh, you can just bite her. I was like, why is he? Cassius, I know you are a rough and dumb fighter but she's an idiot and she's like i'm a big fucking crocodile you just watch you just wait and see as i fucking devour as a fighter now and like i'm kind of feeling what adam was feeling chomp down on her leg. Yeah. Hump! Tearing it right off. Ugh, gross.

Cassius Christi! In Crocodile. You tear a leg off and just throw down on it. Snap, snap, snap, snap. She goes limp. Good. She's dead. Did you just kill the unicorn princess? Fucking Alpina.

Yeah! Good job. Cassius, I think I do a little crocodile dance. Cassius Christi! That's one down, guys. Getie's like, I think I do a little crocodile dance. Cassie's crazy! That's one down, guys. Get the unicorn next, because that's- I will, I will. Unicorn is scary. The unicorn is fucking out there.

Daniel doesn't seem to even notice what you just did. He's still pulling her up by the chain. Daniel, she's- yeah, you're right. Silly? Daniel, you do you. There are paladins next to you. Web. Next to you.

Web, web, why? Move away from them, so maybe get in between so you're behind, closer to us, and then web. The unicorn poses a challenge though. What do you mean? The unicorn's like up near Grizz as well. It's like, you kinda get your back to it a little. Not good. Not a grape position.

Basically you want a grape-possession to be in. You want a grape-nated position to be in. You want a grape-naked position to be in. I would assume. Magic missiles? On... Web could work. Oh, if you cast a spell next to an enemy, they get a free attack against you. All three of them will get a free attack.

There's actually really no way you can step when no one doesn't have a... You can try moving, which just is the same problem. Okay, alright. You do you. I think I just want to use the web in front of the three paladins and hope to shit someone else can deal with the unicorn behind me okay so the way it usually works is in close combat with an enemy if you cast a spell and do certain actions they get a free attack against you okay but with specifically casting spells what you can do is you

can roll concentration and that means there's a chance you'll still fuck up the spell, but they're not going to get a free attack against you. Okay. Alright, let's do that. So I'd like to use web. Adam, what's that face for? Does that mean I win? That's the face that you fucked up the concentration check. They still don't get a free spell against you,

and you do lose the spell, but you can't keep your concentration, and so you mentally mess up the spell. Does that mean I accidentally throw out spiders into the webs? Oops! No, it just means the spell doesn't... Like, maybe you throw out web, but the webs are super, like, shitty and weak, and it doesn't stop them. It's like actual web, rather than, like... Yeah, like a map.

Right, rather than Spider-Man web, it's just's just like what an actual spider does oh dang do you want it's like there's not a lot you can do to save yourself here oh if you take like a five foot step back it'll make a little bit like

yeah there's not a lot you can do just wing it you you're in trouble Yeah, there's not a lot you can do. Just wing it. You... You're in trouble. Yeah, I figured. I figured. Just that you're not going to come out of this well. This is your first real combat, though.

Can I pull that? Do I still have time in my turn? You have a movement action left, but even if you were to move far enough that they can't get to you, they still get a free attack against you. I was hoping I could just get my crossbow out. I got faith in it. Is it so close?

You can do that. Yeah, that's fine. You can't fire it, though. Really a club. Yeah, you probably want to draw a melee weapon. Can I swing with the club? You have already used your attack action to cast that spell. We want to ready a club just so you can maybe deflect.

I was going to go with... Yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah. I'll do that one. I'll do the club. Enjoy your club. Look. Yeah, I wanted a crossbow, but it's fine.

Whatever. It's not even the opposite. How many hit points do you have? Like 35. That's fine. You're a tough little cookie monster Adam's face seems to Indicate otherwise

So good news No critical hits Good Bad news all three hits Two hits So you'll have to deal with that Hey you know it's entirely possible This will be like 6 damage

That's a possibility Are you rolling 6 dice? I'm rolling 2 dice for the 2 times you get hit Oh okay So it's not 6 it's gonna be a bit more than that I won't lie You take 14 points of damage You know you can survive that

Daniel took 30 You can take that This is what fighting is all about This is the outside world I can survive that. That's all right. Daniel took 30. Daniel took 30. You can take that. I took fucking who knows what. This is what fighting is all about. This is the outside world. So three of the paladins bear down on you. One of them swings his sword and you raise your club and it like just embeds itself in your club. And then you're like, this is a bad plan.

And then two swords rake your unprotected chest. Ow. Put your chest. I would like to scream out in pain, please. Yeah, no, go ahead. Okay. I do that. I would have made you make a fortitude save to not anyway.

I would like to break. You all hear Zillia scream in pain. That puts it at... Oh, wait, no wait no sorry paladins aren't finished having their turn well the unicorn isn't finished wonderful oh let's see if i can get stabbed at the front and the back i don't worry the unicorn's worrying about the person who killed its owner good get distracted you dumbass oh oh that's right the crocodile that's okay you get hit let's go you take 14 points of damage. That's super fine.

I think you healed like two... I forget how many hit points you heal when you change. Oh. Do you heal all? Yeah. That happened last time. You had no damage anyway. I had no damage anyway, but yeah. Oh, did you?

No. Oh, okay. We slept for like three weeks. We've been here for months. 14 points of damage! I dropped my pen in shock. In abject horror. I'll get it.

I don't need a pen. It wasn't even a pen. It was a pencil. He plays with it the whole time. He doesn't write anything down. And then it's Daniel's turn. Who will live? Who will die?

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