D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #16 A Beautiful, Gleaming City

Episode Date: December 27, 2016

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes have a lot of trouble getting even basic things done. We have a long discussion about healing, hear tales about distant places and talk salt. Cassius explains how one enters fuckboi territory, Zillie charges her weasel with a spell and Edrik wants to stop wasting time in the infirmary. So join us as we only stay around to defend One-Eyed Mystra. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sam Smith's Radio. My guts are fucked. Are you a fat, potato-shaped individual like myself? Do you sometimes wish you weren't? Well, why not join me, my good friend Adam, and my partner Ems on our new podcast, Super Gym Friends, as we're taken under the hairy, sweaty, and swole wing of our healthy mate Jamie, as he tries to help us be less like an unsexy and disgusting potato and more like a

super sexy and svelte eggplant. Because let's face it, you might fuck a potato, but you'd make love to an eggplant. Welcome to episode 16 of Hust Firm of Pride, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously. It doesn't work against animals. That's not how I wanted it to go Adam We could take them back on like a leash or whatever Whilst they calm Put them in a cage and then when the time comes

I charm them He like jumps up on you And tries to get the jerky I push him off He jumps back up and tries to get the jerky We have just an annoying You hear a scream from in town. Not Jack and Coconut!

Ronan, you're the alpha! Long story short, they get killed. And why? They're wolves, that's why! Cassius, you find the remains of your childhood home. It's literally like you find the plot of land that it was on. Jesus. Dilly, I'll give it to you now.

You get to your house. Wonderful. Open the door. Your place has been ransacked. Is there a little bit of a scarf that I own that got teared so bad it can be a little scarf for Wesley? You could try it. I'd like to do that, Adam.

To make a scarf. Yes, I would like to do that Adam To make a scarf Yes I would like to do that please Our heroes stand around the town guard Bertram Wondering what help the town needs Well we're probably going to need patrols for tonight I guess we'll Do some Take it in turns

We need some sleep guys Because we don't have that many hit points Take it in turns We'll have some nap time Take a sleep Just a quick question Not in character because we don't have that many hit points. Take it in turns. We'll have some nap time to take a sleep. Just a quick question. Not in character, but with the healing spells,

can you, like, when we heal, use up your levels of spells to heal the nap and then regenerate? Is that a thing that we can do? Unfortunately, if you're attacked during the nap, he'll be out of spells. Not that he does anything other than punch. She. He's been trying. Give him credit. And now we're fucked.

You know, three day journeys and we've got to sleep and that kind of stuff. We'd be kind of smart to be using your spells in those intrams. Yeah, that's true. Anywho, just want to bring it now where we're like, you know, 80 episodes down. About to die. Yeah, exactly. Alright, so naps in turns.

Is that the plan for the night? Yep. You can just align your... If you want, you can take guard shifts with the guards. I think that's a good idea. Cassius, can you give any healing spells? Do you want to heal me up to whatever you can? You take first sleeps.

Yeah. Sounds good. Nothing of interest happens in the night. You guys do your rounds, your guard shifts. Are we all healed? Not completely. Calm down. Zilly over here.

Zilly, your watch is first. Like I said, it's freaking cold during the night. So they've lit like a bunch of bonfires. Oh, no, actually. They'd have one big bonfire in the center of town. They don't have the wood for a bunch of bonfires. Oh, no, actually, they'd have one big bonfire in the center of town. They don't have the wood for a lot of bonfires. They have one big bonfire in the center of town. And every now and then while you're on duty, you just like, you know,

rotate around it so that you can keep at least a little warm. Your watch, you don't spot anything in the night. Edric, you're next. Nothing of interest happens. Cassius. And the rest of the night. Yep, so it's a pretty peaceful night. Everyone recovers five hit points.

What about with the healing that Cassius gave me? Yeah, I heal one at a time. Oh, did you have spells? I had, I think, one second level spell left. Well, what second level healing spells do you have, if any? Cure moderate wounds. Who are you going to cast on? But who's more damaged? I'm on like...

How do you say this? Say, who looks more injured? Yeah, who's got the biggest black eye on them? Or ripped apart legs at them? Who's been the most wolfed? Doing some quick math in my head. I've got 20 hit points left. I think I'm on 43, but I'm a big guy, so I need a tank.

46 for me. That's after the extra five hit points. Okay. And then Cassius, actually, you're probably the worst off. I'll hit you some. Am I? You're on 34. Oof.

I'm hot. I mean, you have more hit points than Zilly, but your total is also higher. Significantly so. Nearly double. I'll heal. No, heal higher. Significantly so. Nearly double. I'll heal. No, heal yourself. I'm alright. Alright, I'll heal myself then. Bling. Blap.

Blap. That's a 7 hit point. I don't even bother telling you. Mark your hits down. Jab, jab, jab, jab, jab, jab. I have the wand. Still. How many uses have you got left? Like fucking heaps. I have the wand still how many uses have you got left

like fucking heaps I use the wand as well Adam there's 47 uses left make sure you mark the uses off let's just heal ourselves up use the wand so I'll just heal everyone so wake up

FYI Daniel was seriously wounded. I'll heal him too, yeah. What? Did he fight? He didn't fight Wills. No, he was just hanging around town. But he's been injured from our adventure before here. From the unicorn in the face.

Oh, yeah, he has no eye anymore. He's got no eye. Which kind of makes him a bit sexy. One-eyed Daniel. Good thing you reminded me. Yum. So if I ain't going there until I find out who he is! Not doing it maybe again, maybe not again?

I don't know. It's the only reason I'm here. You can try and be like, hey, Daniel, you nearly died. Tell me some more information. Come on, buddy. No, Daniel's a fuckboy. He is a fuckboy. He's entered fuckboy territory.

That's what I said to him before we left to fight wolves. I said, you're a fuckboy, Daniel. You are salty with him. I am. I'm a little bit salty with him. He was going to chuff off into the fucking night, idiot. Daniel, you're keeping me here. You're keeping me fucking balls deep in this shit.

It's all his fault. Fucking Daniel. The wolves, that's on me. That's on you. The war. Not really Daniel's fault. House. Hosferma's. you. But the war. Not really Daniel's fault. House. Hosferma's.

Hosferma's problem. Hosferma's pride. Hosferma pride. Hosferma hates me, so it's your fault. I haven't been in town for seven years. Yeah, it's pretty much all Edric's fault. All on you, Edric. Sorry.

I did things I didn't want to. I know. I like to pat you on the shoulder every now and again. It's not your fault. Yes. Goodwill hunting me. Dream. Just like look into the middle distance every now and then,

like a sip of like hot water and a little bit of coffee. Lukewarm. You're like, I'm going to find somewhere sunny. Yeah. Adam, what is this? What is this? Okay, so you've used 11 charges and now for Daniel who lost the most. So I've used 11 charges for all of us?

For you three and now for Daniel. Okay. Hang on. 11 charges. You're all on full health? Yeah, you guys are all on full health. We do. Hang on.

So 36 left. Daniel has 48 hit points to heal. Fuck. That's all right. I'll just keep jabbing him with a ding, ding, ding, ding, jabbing him in the side. At full health, he has 75. When raging, he has 85.

He's more stronger constitutionally better than me. Yeah, man. Yeah, berserkers. Who knew? Berserkers. They're a bloody ripper of a Joe. than me. Yeah, man. Yeah, berserkers. Who knew? Berserkers. They're a bloody ripper of a Joe. Actually, this one's going. This last one's going pretty fast.

Oh, good. There it goes. Slows down. I like the way this fucking wand works because it's like you jab it. Who knows? Could heal one, could heal ten. Bing, bzz, bzz, bzz. You're like, I would like a consistent wand, please.

Stop. Yeah. What it is is it always allows the same amount of healing, but it's how hard you jab it. It's how bad it is. Let's not set a dangerous precedent, please. 19 uses total and everyone's fully healed. So that's nine on top of the 11 already?

19. So what's 19 minus 11? Oh, Jesus, Jack. What? You said 9 on top of the already 11. I said 19 total. Yeah. Is your maths a little off there, Meg? What is 11 plus 9?

11 plus 9 is... Don't answer that way. No one help him in the audience. What I mean is I've already taken 11 off. He did. So do I take off a further nine or a further 19? Or a further eight. A further eight, Jack.

A further eight. A further eight. That's what we're making fun of you for. Jackson's just looked at me with this shock. Where did you get eight from? What is going on? For God's sake, hold on. What is this?

Because not only did he have to take eight off, but he had to take eight from 36 and it just lost him. I was in trouble. Everyone's healed up. Everyone do the dinosaur. Everybody do the dinosins. Dinosins. Everyone do the flisters.

After dinosins, anyway. Uh-huh, good, good. So uneventful night? Yep, uneventful night. Wait. Uneventful night. Wait. Uneventful night. Okay. You're like, roll the dice.

Oh, there was fireworks in the distance. You guys missed it. Yeah, you missed the fireworks, guys. The war ended. You guys missed it. The war's already ended. How do we wake up in everyone's room? No.

Your war has ended, Cassius. How far away was that meat place of the drow that we had that intel on from the- Super close. It's like damn near, like, well, to be fair, we're talking about the old town back when it was more than four buildings. Okay. So, but it was like near the edge. Okay. Sorry, Tom.

Is it still blizzarding? Oh, good question. Because we could head there. Be something to do. No. Kill time. It's just, yeah, the blizzarding? Oh, good question. Because we could head there. Be something to do. No. Kill time. It's just, yeah, the blizzard died overnight. It's cold and calm.

I'm going to just, before I end up wasting more time in the infirmary and ruining Zira's life a bit further. And you have done a good job. I have. I'm going to suggest a better, I'm going to go check out that meat place for that drow and just see if there's anything there. Cassius,

you're good at laying the land. I'll join you. Do you want to come with? Sure. The relationship between the three of us, not good to begin with. Now a hot mess. Trauma, though, brings us together. Adam, I'd like to spend the night

dreaming of a better place. Dreaming of like the tales of Azumarill that I've told you? I'm not sure what that sort of thing would be like. I want to just pretend that I'm going to get out of here and if I don't die I'm going to go to Azumarill and live a life there. There's no real role for that. You can just say that. Adam, make that happen.

Let's just cook up some... Make the dream happen or make it actually happen in real life? A little bit of both, Adam. I say in real life, in the game real life. In my real life. In Zilly's life. Alright, so we'll...

Zilly, Daniel, we're going to go check out the Drow meeting place. You're more than welcome to. Come along with us. No. Daniel is just staying in town. He says, I got to practice. Fine.

He's just destroying a dummy. Oh, I thought we were going to fight. I'm super cold and rude to Daniel. He's stuck through daggers in where ears would be on the dummy hey hey um yeah cassius what maybe you should go and help daniel train and like fix your relationship and then you might get some answers at this point zilly i just couldn't care less the only reason i'm still in this town Fuck Daniel Who cares I just want to defend One-Eyed Miestra That's why I'm here

I would like to do that To repair your thing with Daniel Repair my what? Repair your relationship with Daniel or help One-Eyed Miestra Fuck this town Fuck this podunk town I'd like to train with Daniel And hopefully just once he kind of calms down

Be like what's going on with you every swing he gets a little mad well Adam help me I'll sit on the sidelines and watch I'll wait because it's always good to have a sorcerer on board so I'm just going to sit there and just watch this happen so the plan to go meet

we're going to like spend an hour with thingo training while she tries to sort out Daniel's shit and we're just going to sit on the sidelines on a little bench. Daniel looks like he's just determined to chop the dummy in half. Well, fuck this. After 15 minutes, I give up. Let's go.

15 minutes. You didn't give it very long. After 15 minutes of trying, I'm bored out of my mind. Let's go. I thought we'd be doing something. Shut the fuck up. 15 minutes. Let's go.

Sorry, what? We're going? Yeah something. Shut the fuck up. 15 minutes. Let's go. Sorry, what? We're going? Yeah. Yeah, you had to wait 15 minutes. You had enough down to sit there and be post-traumatic stressed. I was just having a chat with Cassius being like, well, fuck this fuck boy. I don't know. This fucking fuck boy fighting a goddammit.

Why does anybody want to defend this podunk piece of shit? Cassius, what did you do to him? How far away is your place? What did I do to him? What did did i do it's like a five minute fucking wish i knew and i would as we go to leave i wish i knew as good as we go to leave i'd like to ask cassius to tell me some nice stories about that place as a mural all right as we leave like as we're walking to the meeting place i'm gonna get into it because it's not's not here. I'm going to be like, tell me about Azumarill. I'm going to be like, stop in the middle of the road and be like, Azumarill.

Azumarill. Azumarill. Azumarill is a Pokemon. Yeah, it is. Azumarill. The sun shines every day. You're never cold. Sorry, what?

Never cold. Never cold. It's balmy. It's warm. There's no snow? There's no snow. There's a beautiful, gleaming city. None of this shit happening. You're safe. You're secure. Tell me about the trees.

You're safe and secure. There are trees. There are forests. And none of the pine tree shit we've got here. I'm talking about proper, dense forests. Animals unheard of. Creatures you've never seen. Winter wolves? Nah.

I also like to ask him what he did in Azumarill. Killed some shit. Killed some shit. Tell us stories of your previous adventures. I think we're there. We fought like a swamp hag. As we walk, I'd like to act it out, get real into it. Yeah.

Perform it for them. You get there eventually to the point. It takes three hours. There was once shrubbery here, but it's been consumed by bonfires from like the nightly bonfires. So there's like just like a couple holes where the shrubbery was. You imagine way back when, it's not way back when, you imagine where the shrubbery was. You imagine way back when, not way back when,

you imagine with the shrubbery here, this place would have been very concealed and maybe an alright meeting point. Right now, it's super exposed. Does it look like anybody's been here? Like if I'll track around, look for footprints, that kind of deal? Blizzard left fresh snow. Fucking blizzard. So nothing there, got a note. Like if I'll track around, look for footprints, that kind of deal? Blizzard left fresh snow. Fucking Blizzard.

So nothing there, they didn't get a note. Was this even when they were meeting? It's super hard to tell. Or was it a couple of days away from the meeting? You've got another three days until they meet. So why did we go here? I was just wondering if they'd already been here. Scope it out.

Scope it out, give it a look. It doesn't look like there's anywhere we could hide. I could be a tree, but I'd be the only tree in the area. And they might burn you. Chances are they might not even use us as a meeting point. They might come here and then just see their town in disarray and then just march on us or however many people there are. Does it look like there's a better meeting place around?

Like kind of scout the area for somewhere nearby that's maybe a bit less exposed, that kind of deal? You, like, scan the horizon and you see there's, like, a rocky outcrop, like a little ways off. You might remember it from as a kid during the summer. They're, like, sometimes it would be, like, at the hottest point of summer, like maybe a stream would run through these rocks. A cold stream.

Super cold. But, hey, you know, as close to summer, as hot as it gets, maybe sometimes you'd go there and dip your toes or something. Does it have a name? The rocky outcrop? You know what? No. We've done that one before.

We've done that one before. Are you going to give it a name, Adam? I'm giving it a name. It's called the rock pool. Oh. That's not very imaginative. I kind of point to it. It wasn't named by you.

Yeah, fair enough. It wasn't named. Probably named by all of the Hussle people. It was named by some Nordic people who have never been to school. So, uh, yeah. That was. I'm not done yet. All right.

There, you see a hooded figure. As soon as you spot him, he, like, goes out of sight. There's a. Do only I see it? You're the only one who made the spot check. There's some fella over by the rock, Paul. Let's go. All right, let's jog along.

Warhammer is out. I like to use message. Message to? The figure. You can't see the figure. You need to be able to see them. He just told me about it. You need to be able to see the figure.

What if I use ghost sound? Also, with the message spell, if they are unwilling, they can just ignore it. They know it's coming from you. Prime Wesley with something. Touch of fatigue? Sure. You cast touch of fatigue as you're moving on your way there. That means probably, Zilli, that you fall back.

Oh, wait. Actually, no. Cassius is the slowest. I become a black bear? Cassius is no longer the slowest. Couldn't have waited. What if they're a... Cassius probably gets there first then.

I'll keep up the rear so that I don't just terrify them. Okay. Actually, let's make it a... How about me and you take point. Okay. Zilly behind us us Wesley next to her Me as a bear? I'm already a bear

You can't have this conversation If you go ahead I'm going to put a hand on your back And be like wait I'd like you when he does If he does do that To kind of get him a scratch And then do the foot

No if I'm like I'm going to pull a bear And then he's like Cover your nose I can't become a polar bear then just like cover your nose I can't become a polar bear I'm only a black bear hey that's still cute that's why I was like

maybe I should become a wolf because then it's less suspicious nah bear nah bear alright bro bear and I'll just walk along with you

alright hammer drawn we head up along to that approach the figure the rock pool the rock pool where I imagine as kids we played fairly often, you know.

Faction days of innocence. Looking out for some traps. I'd like to send Wesley off, my little white weasel. Okay. And then get him to do the touch of fatigue. He's super cold in the snow. I know he is, but he's got a scarf now. Scarf's going to be soaked and he'll probably ditch it.

Adam. It's soaked. No, he's going to ditch soaked and he'll probably ditch it. Adam? It's soaked. No, he's going to ditch it. I'm sorry. No, Adam, it's tied around his neck. So when he runs, the little bits of the scarf are behind him. It won't get in the snow. No, you drop.

Adam? The snow is maybe up to your ankles. He's hopping through snow. Do you know how small a weasel is, Ali? Throw him. Go, Wesley! Also, I choose you. Ali and Zilli.

We don't know if this figure is evil yet. That's why we're going to make him tired. You asked me to do this! No, I said prime. Prime is not going to do it. So in the hour it takes you to get there. Yeah, don't send Wesley off, I guess. Because I want him to keep his scarf.

If you super want, you can send Wesley off, but he's going to try and ditch the scarf. That's the thing. That's the state of the union. It's going to drag him down, and it's going to get wet. I'll just keep him on my shoulder. It's made out of patchwork. You could super easily find it again if you wanted to.

And be like, Wesley, I made you a scarf. Wesley or Westley? Westley. Westley. I keep calling him Wesley. I thought it was Wesley. No, it's Wesley. So when I asked him to do stuff, he was meant to respond with, as you wish.

He didn't, though. He's a little bitch. He never fucking does, Adam. Adam is so tired. Adam, I would like Wesley to stay in my coat probably with the scarf on. Thank you. Just for cuteness factor. As you wish.

He's cold. Yes. I'm chilly, mum. Oh, no. I'm so adorable. Did you say yours? Probably I was like a chipmunk. Yeah, I'm so adorable.

I'm so adored. Like, I'm so chuffed. That's not what you said. All right, let's move on. I'm very tired. No. Okay. Listeners, they won't let me sleep.

So as you're almost there, the figure reappears and draws a bow. I would like to now send Little Wesley off. I'm going to take his scarf off real quick. An arrow flies straight at Edric. You're fine, Edric. I healed you up. You did. Hit the flex off your armor.

Oh, epic. Now we're going to go to initiative. It's cold in here, motherfucker. You're the worst bit. And that's when we inadvertently kill Hersha. Oh, no. That would be so bad. I would ruin. I think I'd ruin myself. Let me be gone. Juster. Oh, no. That would be so bad. I would ruin.

I think I'd ruin myself. Let me be gone. Just gone. Goodbye. Goodbye. Edric has gone insane. Yep. Imagine just eating Edric, I mean, Herrscher,

and the helmet slides up. Run off into the sun. Onto a bear's head, just... Oh, my God. That would be the most terrible end to that. Like, Jesus Christ. How nice to have a bear ate the commanding officer. The other guy went insane and crushed the skull.

Just love that comeback as... Like, Garcia's been dented. Helmet, I'm like, what was the bear doing that was crazy that bear just came out of nowhere you know what i like better is that you stopped tied your shoe and another bear came oh that's gaseous let's go it's just like then when you come back you're like what the fuck was that bear we're like gaseous don't be a dick and then we spent years and years trying to figure out Whether or not it was a real bear or you

The figure fires again Well you didn't tell us we could do anything He's a zippy Yeah initiative and the figure went first Don't worry bears are invulnerable to arrows That's probably not true Uh oh spaghetti Crit fail Crit sad for him are invulnerable to arrows. That's probably not true. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, spaghetti. Crit failed.

Crit failed. Crit hap for us. Crit hap for these little babies. Crit sad for him. Come on, shoot him in the head. Or her. You don't know. It.

Double bruise. Them. The figure cries out in pain and disappears just below the ridge line. What, what, what, what? Chase, we're going to make a faster. Go into it, Chase. Make faster. Make faster.

We may pass that. So you guys are like just still a ways away, about 60 feet from the rock face itself. The figure is up on top of the rock face. You can either try scrambling over the rocks, a difficult prospect, or you can try going around, which is a lot longer. I say should have become a baboon in bear and then try and scramble up. Oh, Zilly, it's your turn. I'm okay.

I was going to run up and scramble. You release Wesley. He can go up rocks. Yeah. He'll have an easier time. Yeah, and also I would like to take his scarf off, Adam, so he doesn't lose it in the rocks. Okay.

Salty sea spray coming from Ali Kathleen right now. Are we at a beach, Jackson? Are we at the beach? I'm in the SSVM ship right now, and your salty spray is washing against my flanks. Adam, I'd like to send my weasel. Are we going to put Ali in a room full of baby cows because she's a salt lick?

All right. And they'll lick all the salt away. And you'll be like, I'm happy again because baby cows. Yeah, but like baby cow tongues. Baby cows are not cute. They're kind of gross. Kittens? Nah, kittens have a sandpaper tongue.

Anyway. But puppies though, Ally. Oh, puppies. I'd like to be put in a room. Puppies don't like salt. Anyway. Zilly, do you send Wesley off? be puppies. Puppies don't like socks. Anyway. They don't mind socks. Zilly, do you send Wesley off?

What do you do? I didn't explain this question. Run. Yeah. Should we go around? I'm going up. How quick am I? You're about 30 feet quick.

No, actually, Wesley will be able to tell me what's going on, so I'm going to run around. It actually might be faster if you run up to the rock face and then let Wesley off there. I will do that, then. Let's go. Let's go. Let's bloody... Adam doesn't like me making my own decisions because they're bad. I'm just saying. I'm trying to suggest suggestions for you. Because they're bad.

You always gotta go with your first one. You gotta be like, no, Adam, whole hog. That's what I do. Wesley, like... Old pig. See, I would've, but then I'm like, nah, if it's easy, you run up, right up to just before the rock face, and you maybe give Wesley a little bit of a chuck just onto the rock. He gets onto the first rock,

latches on, and then slowly slips down. Wesley, what are you doing? He lands in the snow. Wesley, what are you doing? Does he explain himself? What does he say? As you wish. There you go. You want that? That's what you wanted? Cassius, it's your turn. I'll scramble up.

Avoiding Wesley. Pick up Wesley in my mouth. Put him on my head. Wesley freaks the fuck out of me. You get touched or fatigued, mate. Have a little bear nap. It's your night time. It's my night time.

Don't make me think of Mr. Fist They're in the blizzard His little owl wings If he does die I get an ape That's so hey Although I feel like finding an ape in the snow Hard Snow ape Snow baboon

Like a white Like a yeti like the Congo baboon. Like a yeti, basically. A yeti. Sasquatch. You are also finding a lot of trouble with the rocks. You like clamber up onto one, but you're like unsteady. You're shaking on your...

You're like, oh, no, wait, I can do it like a person on two feet. Bears don't use two feet. Bears do. This one doesn't. Edric, it's your turn. I'm going to go around. I'm going to see these bugalugs fucking just... Scooby-Doo this bullshit on the fucking wall,

being like... So you move off to one side, trying to get around. It's going to take you a while still, though. That's fine. Okay. The figure re-emerges, this time without a longbow, but with like a little small hand crossbow. So like a crossbow, but, you know, one that you can wield with just one hand. Sick.

We need that. I want that. The figure fires at the bear. I hate it. That's fair enough. I'm big. I get it. Whatever.

But I'm fine because I'm the best bear. You get hit. I managed to keep my footing on two legs. You don't need to worry about that. You take one point of damage. What? That's the benefit of being a benefit. I mean a bear.

A bear-a-fit? A bear-a-fit, yes. I wasn't happy with that. Yeah, it wasn't great. Like six out of four, three, two out of ten? One. That was a fail. That was a critical fail.

Did you feel a wash of sleepiness, like, pass over you? Did you actually touch Wesley? No, it was a poison. I'm always getting poisoned! You feel a wash of sleepiness pass over you, but you just, like, fight on. You're in some sort of bear rage. I'm in a bear rage. If only you were not a bear and could, like, slow the police.

Zilly, it's your turn. You can see the figure now. You can attack him or her if you like. I would like to use magic missile, please. Oh, nice. Yeah, I know. Sometimes I come up with good ideas. Well done.

Thank you, Zilly. Boo, boo, boo. Using our brains. I know. I was like, pyrotechnic? No. Blind? We're all blind again.

We all stumble across the way. Whole army of elves that we don't see and we stumble on. And then I was a bit like ghost sound? No. You stretch out your hand maybe do a couple arcane gestures and then say some Make up a name for magic missile spell.

Go ahead if you want. Kablammy. No. It's in the language of magic is draconic. Kablammy-o. Which is the language of dragons. Try to sound like it. No, don't try to sound like it. Kablammy-o.

What's kablammy-o in draconic? Whatever. It happens. It happens. Whatever it happens. Three magical missiles leap from your hand and strike the figure. The figure topples over and you don't see him or her again. All right.

Cassius, it's... Oh, actually, you know what? We'll just go out of initiative. I'll climb up. The fight just finished. Yeah, the fight just finished. Oh, wonderful. I'm just going to see who takes the longest to get up.

All right. I like to think you'll be around the end. Zilli, are you just going to stay where you are and wait until someone else gets up there, or are you going to try and get up yourself? No, I'll get up myself. I'm a strong, independent woman. Yeah, you can do what you bloody like, mate. All right.

It's a race between weasel, bear, and bullet. Surprisingly, the weasel is the first up. Funny, that. And Wesley gets up to the top and then stands on a super high boulder and yells down to you. What does he yell? Uh, he's dead. Good job, sweetheart. Why would I say that to a weasel?

I don't know, maybe you love him. It's true, I do. Maybe you care about your fucking animal companion that you spent, you know, all this time with. Jesus fucking Christ. I've written down Kablamo on my sheet where I've drawn missiles to prove what my spell is. And in brackets, I wrote dragon voice just for you, Adam.

This is my gift to you. Sometimes I imagine Adam's body shutting down when we say things like that. Because it looks like it. I know we don't have, like, ear lids, but I can imagine Adam evolving them out of just pure will right now. Eventually you're all up the top. Hey, Adam, what would I feed Wesley? Barry's treats? Little nuts?

I'm not sure what we should eat. I'd have a little bit of that. We should eat mice, I think. They're carnivores. I'd like to give him a snack as a treat. Do you want one of my mice? Will he like them? They would be so decayed.

Yeah, they're super decayed. You probably have some little treat you give him. I'd like to give him. You do that. He needs to be rewarded. Where am I going to get a fucking fish from? From an ice hole. I'm pretty sure Husperm would be a good fishing nation.

I feel like that's what our people probably do. It is, but you guys aren't really that near the same. That's true. And when have you had time to fish? That's true. Give him one of my rotting mice. I just gave him a treat that I had, apparently. He is given a treat.

It is unimportant, the details. Well, is it? I can't think of it. The figure that attacked you lies dead. Oh, yeah. I'd like to inspect him as a bear. You push back the hood. It's a male drow or female.

You can't tell. You don't know what the difference is. What color are they? They're pitch black. Yeah, they're pitch black. That's right, because I feel like they were going to be a dark color because they're evil. It's not like African-American dark. It's like pitch black. Yeah, they're pitch. That's right. Because I feel like they were going to be a dark color because they're evil. It's not like African American dark. It's like actually purple.

It's basically purple. So do they start like normal elf color and then they turn into bad elf? No, they're a species. Yeah, they're their own type of elf. Drow used to live on the, well, a little in history. Drow used to live on the surface, but they were driven underground. And, well, a lot of people say that they were evil first. That's why they were driven underground.

Some people say that they were driven underground for other reasons, and they became evil due to their isolation. Has he got, like, a key or a swipe card? Like, a map to the entrance? He's got a bow that's with the... He's got the bow that he shot at you. The drawstring is broken. So we can't even take it.

He has a hand crossbow and a handful of bolts for it. We'd like to take those. Yeah, okay. If someone want to write down hand crossbow. You can have that, Zilly. No, I've got an L crossbow. You can't use hand crossbows, Zilly. None of you can.

I don't want to. You need an exotic weapon for efficiency. Sorry? Or need to be a drown. We'll sell it later you can sell it yeah who do

yeah I was about to say we're gonna go to town and be like who wants to buy a crossbow and they'll be like what are you fucking hand crossbows are like the signature weapon

of drow by the way maybe we can use it as a negotiation ooh fine what that and scimitars little reference to

all the people out there who know what that's about. I'll search his body because you're going to rip it to shreds with your bear claws. I'll search the area then. Sniff around with your bear nose. So continuing to search his body, as I'm sure you do, you uncover some very elaborate looking, it's some sort of elvencraft armor.

Or chain armor the the armor like as soon as you because it was covered by his clothing as soon as you expose it to light it begins to like hiss and fizzle like like something burning up maybe we could get the sun involved if you maybe it's just the sun involved you just actually like leave the chain mail exposed to the sunlight? Yeah. It completely melts away. It turns into steam.

What the fuck? I mean... And other than that, you find some basic supplies. You might want to write that down. I think you'd find... Hang on. Let's find out. Find two days worth of supplies.

There you go. You can write that down. Good. Creep on. Would you like to take lessons? Cassie is. Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, I'll check Wesley on my back,

and I'll snuffle around the area, give it a search, see if there's any other signs of human activity. Where did this guy come from? Is there a cave? What are we talking here? I want to know if I know what the hell that armor melting was um no like i said there's been that blizzard you can find like super fresh tracks from like where this person was moving about when they were attacking you but you can't tell where he or she came from you still can't tell gender by the way you don't really know

can i yeah do i know anything about the armor disappearing um am i just like what the fuck what the fuck is it you've never you've never fought a drow before hang on i'm gonna roll for everyone else i'd say zilly did you read about this somewhere what yeah did i what's zilly, did you read about this? Yeah, did I? Zilly, you might have read about this, and Cassius, you might have encountered this, but you know that drow craft items are incredibly powerful. For the level of craft...

Drow level of craftsmanship is a lot higher than other types of craftsmanship, Drow level of craftsmanship is a lot higher than other types of craftsmanship, but their Drowcraft items are not meant to be in the sun. And so sunlight saps their magical energy and then just destroys them completely. So we do use the sun. I'll explain that. That's why they're attacking at night, clearly. How do we harness the power of the sun?ifying glasses well we can't i mean they're

going to attack at night but if we capture them that was me being examined um i know but if we capture them when they attack and we keep them there for long enough the sun comes yeah everybody's dead i dress vampires it's not Cassius, it was the armor. In some ways, they are like vampires. When they're without armor, they're pretty easy to kill. If exposed suddenly to bright light, they become blinded for a little while. Also, they have trouble fighting in light. Pyrotechnics, guys.

Yes. It's perfect for it. I know. Let's set fireworks. But when you say that, give us warnings so I can close my eyes. Yes. No, I will. We'll take some sunglasses in.

We'll be fine. We'll just destroy Drow. You'll be useful, Tilly. I know. Let's go. I'm so excited. Let's go. Anything on that Drow of note?

Like a note? Or any kind of... Map. Anything. Mikey. I know information leading you to drow lair X here. Not even like a secret password list? Not even just like a, we're going to be attacking in a few days, Adam?

No, come with me. Why would they carry that? I don't know. All right, fine. Well, there's no point in me being buried. Adam did a face, you all missed it. I was looking at him, you guys missed it. He did a face.

What sort of face? It was a smiling, I don't know. I'm scared. Adam's planning at him. You guys missed it. He had a face. What sort of face? It was a smiling... I'm scared. Adam's planning. I'm a spooked boy. Now, say a bear. Have a... Well, you can. Get used to your bear body.

You do you, Cassius. A cursory look around to see if there's anything else. Anyone that might have been watching or is this a solo dude? This is solo. You do one more look around. It's poor. Yeah, you can tell this person came from further up north, but beyond that, there's really not, like,

either this person got here super recently or was really good at covering their tracks. But what am I planning? Probably something bad. Find out next time on Husperma Pride, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

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