D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #19 One-Eyed Mystra

Episode Date: January 7, 2017

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes use the information they have gained. We interrogate a captured Drow, visit our mother one more time and Daniel comes clean. Cassius has lost the young boy she grew ...up with, Zillie can choose to come out of denial and Edrik doesn’t want to tell anyone what he has heard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Sanspence Radio, if you shit in the pool, it's probably really favorite dm adam tickets are available in the show notes seating is very limited so get in while you can also tomorrow i'll be sitting down with adam and a special guest to discuss this very campaign for our patreons only so if you have any questions at all about husk firmer pride that you want answered just head to our patreon page and comment on the post or hit us up on on Twitter at Sandspants Radio. And speaking of Patreon, for just five bucks a month, you get access to a whole bunch of exclusive and early content, like the complete 25 episodes of Husk Firm of Pride, as well as our Patreon-only show, where we let you in on some of the behind-the-scenes stuff that goes on, like Ali leaving, or a horrible experience moving house.
Starting point is 00:01:05 All the links to that are in the show notes. Now, enjoy the show. Welcome to episode 19 of Husk Firma Pride, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously. Everybody's blind. Everybody's dark for cover. Look at me, knowing shit. Yeah, there's a camera causing one rather than the weak. Wow, we're powerful humans and a dwarf.
Starting point is 00:01:27 I'd like to run up to the last drow and just punch him in the face. I just want to fight alongside my earth elemental in the same boxing style. Back to back, you know? Yeah, back to back. There's also a map attached to it. The map is super complicated to read, though. You realize immediately it's a map of the Underdark. The drow's face is like a broken, bloodied mess.
Starting point is 00:01:46 He's like, one of his cheeks is nearly concave. This is only temporary, you cave-dwelling fuckboy. This is going to go so dark. He just asked if he could understand, and then the other guy said yes and spat. It was really gross. You do know you're not getting out of this alive. I got to see the town on the way in. I don't think you're getting out of this alive. I, uh, got to see the town on the way in.
Starting point is 00:02:05 I don't think you're getting out of this alive either. Oh my god. I'm not there, but I'm so scared. The drow you've been interrogating, Edric, looks up to answer you. My name is Leggett Timodius. I am fifth ranger in the house of Valayan, and I command a troop of nearly 10,000. He's lying.
Starting point is 00:02:33 This fucking guy. Good. My 10,000 will wash upon this town like the seas upon the rocks, and you will break. Why this town? Why us? Because fuck you. Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick it in the kick.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Can I flip his chair? He'll flip with it. Yeah. Like if he's on the chair, I want to flick it back and then put my foot in his dick. Sorry. So you want to kick him in the dick? Effectively, yes.
Starting point is 00:03:03 But I guess you're relaying the information to me. He's telling us he's a commander of 10,000 bullshit. You do it. You lean him back. You kick him in the dick. He grunts, but other than that, he doesn't make much sound. A drow's immune to dick kicking? Sorry?
Starting point is 00:03:22 A drow's immune to dick kicking? To natural immunity. Males often are. They live in a rough society. Probably not the first time this has happened to them. Get the note that we sort of found off one of his buddies. Yep. And just shove it in his face.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Like, what the fuck does this say? I don't like that Adam chuckled at that. I know. He bites the note and starts chewing it. I don't like that Adam chuckled at that. I know. He bites the note and starts chewing it. Hang on. Let's roll to get this out of his mouth.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. Snatch it back. You get it back. What does this say? Come a little closer and I'll tell you. What does it say? Come a little closer and I'll tell you. What does it say?
Starting point is 00:04:05 Come a little closer and I'll tell you. Like, start, like, put my, like, hand. Cassius, you still here? Yeah. You backed off? No, I'm, like, standing right next to him, but it's hard for me to gauge because I don't know what he's saying. And also, I'm not, like, I'm full of an anger,
Starting point is 00:04:22 but I'm not the torturous kind, so. Put my hand on his throat. What does it say? And I start squeezing. He spits on your face. I don't flinch. He misses anyway. That's why you don't flinch.
Starting point is 00:04:33 You're like choking him so hard his eyes bulge out a little bit. And the spittle just kind of dribbles down his chin. I let go a little bit. What does it say? It's a letter to your mother. Informing her that I'll be pile driving her later tonight. Your mum jokes from the drow.
Starting point is 00:04:52 You're an orphan! I don't want to kill you commander of ten thousand fucking drow. I don't want to do this. I don't want to but you're forcing my hand what does this note say?
Starting point is 00:05:09 he laughs he just laughs how many did you kill? how many grains of sand are there on the beach? four actually four yeah? that's not much of a beach that's just four grains of sand
Starting point is 00:05:26 Did you burn our orphanage? Get a little closer Don't worry, I'm not going to spit this time, he says I'm like you I get a little closer You're goddamn right I did You're so fucked He's not going to be able to control himself
Starting point is 00:05:41 I'm not there I, uh Yeah, I just Turned to Cassius He's not going to be able to control himself. I'm not there. I, uh, yeah. I just turned to Cassius and... Did he do it? Just warhammer him. I like to think before I'm like, ah! But I don't think I have time.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Just warhammer him. You crush his head into his chest. Oh, for goodness. I'm glad I'm not there. I mean, he's a dick. Blood splatters all over the place. Edric, you turn around. Cassius, you can just see, like, the gore, like, speckles of gore, like, across his chest and up reaching across his face.
Starting point is 00:06:21 I just give you a look, and I want that look to convey that you are not the man I grew up with. You are not the boy I played in streams with when I was a young girl of 50. 25. Come on, mate. You are something else. Post-traumatic stress, I think, is the word. I'd like to just, like, turn away.
Starting point is 00:06:47 I just drop the hammer and... Turn to? Turn to... Bertram? Bertram. Bertram nods approvingly. Good. We can't heal that.
Starting point is 00:06:56 Good job. We can't heal a dead drow. Well, let's throw his body on the bonfire. So, did you get anything from the drow you chased? We killed them, certainly. We've got a map and we've got a note. What's the note say? We can't read under dark.
Starting point is 00:07:15 By which I mean drow. Well, I've got some good news for you then. Ooh. Yes? Mistra is awake. Mistra can read Elven? Mistra can read many languages. I told you just me? Mistra can read many languages. I told you guys she was going to die.
Starting point is 00:07:26 Take it to her. It's fine. See what she says. Good. Give the drought of the townsfolk. They can put it on the fire. That happens. What about the other one that they will get?
Starting point is 00:07:37 Is that burning too? The one they pin up against the- They take the eff- No, because remember earlier they pinned a drought against the building? We were like, don't pin the drow there well that one's like that's kind of forgotten that was days ago
Starting point is 00:07:53 oh yeah good point that's pretty rotted let's go find Mistra you go back into the blacksmithy there's like a bunch of pillows stacked up and Mistra has been lent against the pillows she she's not moving but like you can tell from like a change in her breathing uh that she's definitely conscious and as you approach maybe one of her eyes flickers a little bit
Starting point is 00:08:19 does it look like she's doing better or just it's definitely getting worse and she's definitely in a lot of pain right now dude we don't have milk of the puppy god uh who approaches her uh all three of us in time okay you like kneel down around her there's not a lot of room you gotta like seriously scrunch up together it's fine bump the roof she's like now that you're close you can hear her breathing like that. That's nice that she's breathing. That's a plus. What do you say?
Starting point is 00:08:52 We try and rouse her. She's roused. She's conscious. She's a rouse. All right, mister. Roused, I said, not our rouse. She sounded a bit like a rouse. He said roused.
Starting point is 00:09:03 Oh my fucking God, you guys. Yeah. One, two, us. I'll rouse. He sounded a bit like a rouse. He said aroused. Oh my fucking God, you guys. Yeah. One, two, us. You can make yourself laugh as much as you want. You're about to cry, motherfuckers. So I guess I ask Mistra, I don't want to just launch into like,
Starting point is 00:09:19 can you read this map, Mistra? No, I'd be like, how you doing? But I know the answer's going to be, I'm doing shit. You still got to ask. I'm like, just a small chat, but she cares because she's our mother figure and be just like, how you doing, buddy? How you doing? Or just hold her hand and just be just like, hi, mister, it's us. I'd like to continue with my set of denial and be like, how you feeling?
Starting point is 00:09:41 With a smile. She like looks over to you. Yes, I'm in trouble. And like her face does something and you need to roll the workout. What's happening? Could be anything. Could be anything. Bubbles. Yeah, Zilli, you can sort of
Starting point is 00:10:01 make out like she's trying to smile. She, with a very weak, scarred and burned hand, reaches up and just, like, she can't really even get to your shoulder. She's too weak. So she just, like, puts her hand anywhere she can find on you. Aw, say she'll be fine, guys. And you, um.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Give Cassie a look. And she tries to talk a little bit, but it's obviously paining her, and she'll be fine, guys. And you, um... Give Cassie a look. And she tries to talk a little bit, but it's obviously paining her, and she doesn't. Shh, you're right there. Mistra. You want to help us? I say that not in like, you want to help us, you fuck, more in like, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:42 We need some help. Yeah, like, we need some help yeah like like that we need some help maestro it's i know it's gonna be hard so let's do this real quick um could you translate something for us if it's gonna exert you too much if it's too much she uh moves her arm just teach me drow uh ed eric you are like you are the only one who realizes she's trying to point somewhere past you guys. And you turn around and you see the little girl. Zira? Zira.
Starting point is 00:11:18 Zira. I'm trying to find it in my notes. Yeah, she'd taken what she had left of the ointments and stuff like that that Mistra had made, and they're splayed out on a table where she's trying to point. I like beckons you over with a tray. No, it's like the table's like, there's no tray with this thing. It's like all over the table. She's pointing to the table where all of her ointments and stuff are.
Starting point is 00:11:44 So you get the ointments? Go get the ointments. I'm like, Cassius, can you go get them? There's pointing to the table where all of her ointments and stuff are. So you get the ointments? Go get the ointments. I'm like, Cassius, can you go get- There's a bunch of different ones. I'll go collect the ointments, because I'm assuming I'd know what they do and what have you. You probably don't. Mystra was like, um, well, maybe you do.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Is there any under Mystra? You don't have any points in alchemy, though. True. This one's the right one. Yeah, you don't know what you're doing. points an alchemy though true this one's the right one you maybe like show them to her one at a time until finally
Starting point is 00:12:09 she like gestures like that's the one and then she like she can't reach her eyes but she like turns around and tries to point
Starting point is 00:12:17 to her eyes I rub the self on her eyes you like reach out and she like shakes her head
Starting point is 00:12:24 like what does she want Adam I out and she shakes her head. What does she want, Adam? She points to you, Cassius. I point to my eyes. She nods. I rub the salve on my eyes. Everything in the world goes super blurry. What have you done, Mistro?
Starting point is 00:12:40 She stops struggling. And then it comes back. It's like you rubbed Vaseline on your eyes. It goes blurry, and then your vision sort of comes back properly. Uh-huh. And give me a stroke. Not like a, the fuck, but like a, what now? Is Cassie looking at herself?
Starting point is 00:12:55 Does it look like anything's changed? Nothing appears to have changed. Look at the map. Yeah, I'll take the map and the note. You can read the note. Give me a little, like, thank you. What does it say? Okay, so you don't know what language it is, but you can now read the language.
Starting point is 00:13:16 It's orders, basically, to the group of drow that you took the note from. Okay. It says, capture alive, unharmed, or I'll flay the flesh from your bones. And then it's instructions on the meeting that they had with the other elves. You have to meet with these elves. They have an item that you need to pass over to me. Bring this item to me as well. If I find out that you delayed or dallied in any way
Starting point is 00:13:45 i will flay the flesh from your bones and if you deviate from these orders if you attack anyone i have not designated i will flay the flesh from your bones come back when you are done does the like does it mention the item at all or just say an item? An item. Just says an item. I look at the map. Can I decipher the map now? No, it doesn't provide you any insight into the map. The map's still super hard to read. I let these two know that. The map is super hard
Starting point is 00:14:15 to read, but you might still be able to use it. It's the letter. It's just completely incomprehensible. I relayed to them that the meeting was an exchange of an item. Did we find an item? We found a couple of gems, but I can't think what. That meeting never took place.
Starting point is 00:14:32 You guys know that, right? Yeah. No, we have to get it. It's a... We have to get an item from the elves. Yeah. Not the drought. Not the drought. Whoops. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:47 Mistra, like, moves her gaze away from Cassius and looks over, just, like, over against or around all of you. She gestures Edric for you to, like, come closer. I come a little closer. She, once again, is super weak, but she puts her hand, like, maybe on your hand and, like, wants you to come in closer she's like you know like face to face
Starting point is 00:15:07 basically she it's killing her to talk you can tell so she has to whisper and she just she just manages barely to get out I'm sorry the light left your eyes
Starting point is 00:15:22 was she talking to you or all of us because I'm sorry the light left your eyes. Was she talking to you or all of us? Because I'm still convinced she's going to live. No! Mistra dies. No! No! No! No!
Starting point is 00:15:38 I want to be more emotional, but my throat hurts so much I can't get it out. Adam, what's the nearest thing to break? The south that you were holding. I smash it on it out. Adam, what's the nearest thing to break? The salve that you were holding. I smash it on the ground, punch a wall. I'm gonna use that salve. I'm gonna go, I'm just gonna like, I'm just gonna
Starting point is 00:15:55 yell, scream, and just like walk, just like I can't even cope. I'm gonna leave the smithy and just start punching a rock or something. I'm going to leave the smithy and just start punching a rock or something. I'm going to channel all of my despair and grief. Yeah, cast full strength and just punch a wall. I'm turning my grief into anger.
Starting point is 00:16:15 You wander out of the city limits. You head over to the orphanage that you grew up on and you break that fucking rock. I destroy it. Yep. I'm just silent. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left. That's me.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Okay. I got that feeling. I'm not going to tell anyone what she said. You were the only one who heard it. I would like to be like, I'm sure she's having a nap. I just get up. And then go and see Daniel. And walk out.
Starting point is 00:16:50 And try and see maybe Bertram. Am I in shock? Am I in shock? I'd imagine so. How do I feel? Am I still in denial or did I comprehend what was going on and now I'm in shock? You can be in denial if you want. Let me.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Help. Adam, I don't know how emotions work uh i'm gonna say greece is a will say no um i'm gonna say like you technically made i like rolled gave it a dc i thought was appropriate and you passed it. So you can choose to come out of denial or you can choose to stay where you are. I'm going to deal with this whole thing. I'm going to use it. I'm going to say even if you choose to stay in denial, the world you knew is fraying at the edges. Yeah, no, I'm going to come out of denial and go straight into shock and grief.
Starting point is 00:17:42 Okay. I'm just going to put an arm around. What are you doing? Are you freaking out? What's going on? Are you crying at least? Maybe suddenly sad. The kind of thing where it's like the emotion just hits you and you just drop.
Starting point is 00:17:54 Yeah, yeah, that. What's Wesley doing? Wesley, through your empathetic link, he can understand that you're feeling pain. He didn't know Mistra as well, though. He's like, I'm sorry this happened to you. There's no words can offer the comfort I want to give. A little bit of a cuddle. I like to cuddle Wesley real close.
Starting point is 00:18:15 He cuddles you. Yeah. I put an arm around you, Zilly. Let's go to Azumar. And then I leave. Let's go. The smithy. I don't.
Starting point is 00:18:24 I just stay by that rock, beating the shit out of it. I'd like I leave. Let's go. The smithy. I don't. I just stay by that rock, beating the shit out of it. I'd like to leave. Go back to Bertram. Bertram is helping in the efforts to burn the Trow's corpse. Someone should tell Daniel. I mean, I'm not there, but someone should tell Daniel our mom just died. Is Daniel around? Yeah, you can probably find him. mean i'm not there but someone should tell daniel our mom just died uh is daniel around um yeah you can probably find him like he's on the edge of the people who are burning the drow he he's not
Starting point is 00:18:53 happy he's not sharing their joy he's like looking on with like a due sense of like necessity almost so is this note is this definite confirmation that the elves and drow are working together or is this more that they're looking for a trade? Seems like effectively that they're at least in communication with one another. There are small drow communities among the elves, you know that. And there were
Starting point is 00:19:18 small drow contingents in their army. So presumably they're working together in some capacity. These people aren't... Like I said towards the beginning of this adventure, these people were once part of the drow army. They're not necessarily... Not drow army, sorry, the elven army.
Starting point is 00:19:34 They're not necessarily representative of the drow that live in the Underdark. Yeah. Do we know that this town for now is at least safe from the drow? Because these were not drows that were potentially coming to slaughter the town. Well, those drows in the meeting, those drows were told not to slaughter the town. Those elves were told not to slaughter the town. No, the drow.
Starting point is 00:19:54 It was a message to the drow to not kill the elves. They were apparently supposed to bring someone or some specific people back that was not specified in the note. So I assume the, like, the drow we killed, probably the ones attacking the town, because they were the ones coming to attack the town. So I'd assume the town's safe-ish. So, hang on, has that meeting taken place yet or not? Which meeting? Do you mean the one that you got infamous?
Starting point is 00:20:22 Okay, so. I think meetings were happening, Adam. One. One. One meeting was happening got Okay, so. I think meetings were happening, Adam. One. One meeting was happening between the drow paladin the elf paladins and the drow. From the drow elf from the elf paladins
Starting point is 00:20:36 you learnt about the meeting and you killed Those elf paladins were going to meet those drow? Yeah, a couple of them were, yes. You've killed the drow. You've killed the elves. Everyone who went to that meeting is dead by your hand. All right.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Okay, I get it now. So the elves that we were killed, they had something that they... Cool. They were going to bring something. Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. I've got an idea. Bag of holding? Would it be in there?
Starting point is 00:21:01 I'm going to just, like, look at... I'm going to go... Where's... I'm going to go find Zilli. I'm going to just like look at I'm going to go I'm going to go find Zilli I'm going to go find Zilli Did you like go up to Daniel and Daniel's like I'm going to go find Zilli Cogs are ticking like Hang on, alright I got it now
Starting point is 00:21:17 Okay cool, thank you God above me that explains stuff One second That's you Adam Tell Daniel about Mistra why did i smile don't tell i know i said too but i feel like daniel's just gonna go off on the war i tell daniel that uh mistra has passed away we're going to take this war to the drow can i get a high sorry highs highs okay dan Daniel nods and says, I'm going to
Starting point is 00:21:47 just quickly go down to the orphanage. And he walks off. Cool. Before we go off, we need to do a few things, but then we're taking this fight to the drow. Daniel listens to the part where Mistry is dead, and then you might say
Starting point is 00:22:03 other stuff to him. You can tell he's not listening. Classic Daniel. Classic Daniel. Vintage Daniel move. Right there. I can find Zilly. Yeah. Where were you, Zilly?
Starting point is 00:22:12 Sorry? Freaking out. Somewhere. Were you still in the blacksmithy? Yeah. Okay. So you're still, the corpse is there. There's a lot of death in this room.
Starting point is 00:22:23 Sitting there and holding the weasel. Zilly, I need you to Come with me Let's leave this place of death Cassius, you Powderize that rock I'm just sitting in the ruins of it I'm processing All of it
Starting point is 00:22:40 And the fact that Mr. Fist hasn't come back Daniel shows up there. He, uh, you're sitting there? Yeah, I kind of like raised my hand. He sits down next to you. Nothing happened. What? We never spent a night together. I don't know why you have a tattoo of me on your arm. What?
Starting point is 00:22:59 I lied. I think Edric wants you in the town. Stand up, fuckboy. Stand up, fuckboy. He stands up. Is he wearing a helmet? No. I'm so excited.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Don't you fucking move. I'm going to, like, bull strength. Every inch of, like, fury and grief and anger inside me. And I'm going to swing the biggest uppercut I can into his jaw. Mortal Kombat style. I'm not going to roll. Max, he doesn't resist. Max damage.
Starting point is 00:23:39 You break his jaw, like, loosen some teeth. He's fucked up. You rearrange his face, kind of literally. I stand up. I take out my wand of healing, throw it at him, and I walk to the blacksmith here. Okay. Cool. What the fuck, Daniel, you piece of shit?
Starting point is 00:24:01 What a dick fuck. What a piece of fucking shit. I can't believe that. Who's Daniel? I am like a white hot ball of rage right now. Both as Cassius and Jackson. So that's why nothing made sense about boats and fucking flowers and roses or anything like that.
Starting point is 00:24:19 That son of a fucking bitch. Oh, my God. Unless he's lying. I can't even. Nah, he's got nothing to lie about. I don't even know what a fucking bitch. Oh, my God. Unless he's lying. I can't even. Nah, he's got nothing to lie about. I don't even know what to fucking do. Completely silent, I walk into the blacksmithy, up to you guys. We're out of the blacksmithy.
Starting point is 00:24:32 You see them in town. It's a very small town right now. I go and just stand next, just walk up to you. Okay. I'd like to say, Cassius, are you all right? I'm fine. Okay. I will not push from there. I'd like to say Cassius Cassius are you alright? I'm fine Okay I will not push from there
Starting point is 00:24:46 I just wanted to know That I care enough to ask But not enough to push Okay So For our moment to meet Paladins We've got
Starting point is 00:24:55 Your punishment is nearly done There was a backstory But then we stole some wolves And now Daniel's a cunt Fucking Jack You son of a bitch. Adam's like, yeah, I've got this amazing event planned. Daniel, it's this amazing, he'll discover it as he goes. And then I'm like, Adam, I want to be friends with the wolves.
Starting point is 00:25:15 Season one, your punishment is nearly complete. It's all been punishment for season one. This whole time. Everything makes sense. Is this when you wake up as Griffon? In the barrel. Then I have to one inch punch my way out. As a skeleton.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Not a real thing. Not a real thing. Okay, so I'm assuming whatever it is that these drow are after was in possession of the paladins. The only thing that I can think of is open the bag of holding, open the bag of holding. The only thing that I can feasibly think of is that just doesn't make any sense for anything to be in here is whatever the hell this is,
Starting point is 00:26:03 bring out the easel, and whatever the hell this is, bring out the paint. Oh, the paint, the glitter paint. Did it have glitter in it? I think so. It, like, shines. It has this odd glittery sheen to it. It doesn't, like, have glitter in it. It, like, sparkles like the night sky.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Like glitter. Sort of, yeah. I also then bring out that orb that Meester gave us. I think the night sky is more beautiful. Does it do anything? You hold it, it continues to remain smoky in your hands. We're just like, hmm, we have a riddle. Let's put everything on a table and work it out.
Starting point is 00:26:29 I know, we're just like... It's like some sort of adventure game. Yeah, like a point-and-click adventure where you use orb on easel. Nothing. All right, back in the pocket. Easel paint. All right, cool. So, Zilli,
Starting point is 00:26:44 you know magic. Cassius, you know a different kind of magic. Detect magic. Adam, I'd like to detect magic. Okay. What is this doing here? Adam, I'd like to know what detect magic does. It detects magic.
Starting point is 00:26:56 It detects the presence of magic. It can tell you the type of magic that is present. It doesn't, beyond that, like you can tell like some sort of like you could say oh that's healing magic or that's necromantic magic okay we're gonna i'm gonna detect magic on everything uh i believe yeah spellcraft check allows you to determine what spell it is so you cast detect magic yeah the orb once again shines with divination magic, a magic that allows vision other than the normal. The paints, easel, paintbrush show up with conjuration magic. Conjuration magic deals with summoning creatures or making things.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Did you have anything else, sorry, at the table? No, it's the easel and the painting the painting yeah they all show up with conjurations magic bag I think I forget what that is but it's a bag of holding guys here's what I think the easel the paints if you paint something with those magic paints it becomes real
Starting point is 00:28:00 I'd like to paint a dragon I like to paint a dragon. I like to think you're like, let me just give it a go, and you start painting. We're like, what's your... I'm just going to... For real? I'm just going to tell you... Are you painting a dragon?
Starting point is 00:28:18 Did you vocalise this? Yeah, no. Well, you can tell what she's painting partway through. Yeah. No, I don't want to waste the paints, though. Don't paint it. How about we paint something small? Like a horse.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Like a horse. Nah, I hate horses. Yeah, fair enough. I hate horses, too. Easily spooked. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I would like to paint a jacket weasel-sized. Adam.
Starting point is 00:28:40 For real? Like a sentient jacket? Not a sentient, just a weasel-sized jacket. Just a weasel-sized jacket. Just a weasel-sized jacket. It's very cute. All right. He's going to look like a weasel professor or Harry Potter. I don't know why.
Starting point is 00:28:53 A weasel robe? Okay. It takes you about 10 minutes to just quickly whip up that painting. The painting looks super poor. Not super poor. It, not super poor. It's like average, like what you actually in real life could make. It's true. The painting disappears from the canvas and nothing else happens.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Let's paint a bug. I look in the bag of holding. Anything? Yeah, that's a good idea. Imagine if we just kept painting. You paint a bug? I'd like to paint a bug. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:29 I would like it to be a worm, but like those worms in Sesame Street with Oscar the Grouch. Go. Takes you another 10 minutes just to whip up this little thing. Go. When that happens, what did you make, sorry? A worm. A worm. The worm disappears, and then just in front of you, a tiny little, like, wood carving maybe of a worm appears. Guys, I worked it out, kind of.
Starting point is 00:29:49 What? A wood carving of a worm. How do I bring it to life? I pick up the wood carving of the worm. Yep. Is it just, like, a fairly well-carved worm? It's not very well-carved. It looks like it's been carved with loving detail,
Starting point is 00:30:04 but it's not,, not like well made. You could break it fairly easily if you wanted to. I don't want to break it, it's my new. Can you detect magic on this? It does not detect magic. Remember your wasting spells, by the way. Well, no. Yes.
Starting point is 00:30:22 I mean, no, I didn't remember. This is how wizards get free spells. This is the trick to get wizards having free spells Is there anything that you can do? I cannot bring a wooden worm to life Not yet Draw something bigger Then we're just going to get a giant wood carver That's fine, let's test it out
Starting point is 00:30:42 What do you guys want me to draw next? Cow Yeah, draw a cow guys want me to draw next? Cow? Yeah, draw a cow. I'd like to draw a cow. Well, you can do that. It takes 10 minutes every time you want to do this. Great. Just letting you know.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Okay. So you paint a cow. Seven and a half minutes. And a large wood carving of a cow appears. For what reason could the elves or the drow need this what is even the purpose of this can you mold that wood yeah i'll try shape wood you can mold it it's uh the wood seems completely mundane is it brittle is it strong yeah it seems brittle if i can just break it like yeah oh it's not especially like it's still made of wood so a big wooden cow is
Starting point is 00:31:25 probably a bit harder to break how about like um it's uh it looks like not very precious wood was put into this because like just a bit just any wood that was available was we could easily form a barricade for the town we could use this to protect the town. And then we know that at least something is there. You can just keep mallab... Wood. What's it? Shape wood. Shape wood.
Starting point is 00:31:52 That's the spell. Wood shaping at least a wall, at least giving it... For sure. I mean, we've got enough wood to... I mean, I guess we just draw bigger and bigger things. If you fill the canvas, what will happen? Fill the canvas, zilly. Just paint all over the canvas?
Starting point is 00:32:09 Canvas, sorry. All over the canvas. All over the canvas, nothing happens. You waste a bunch of paint. No, as in like animals, like big. Oh. Is that what you meant? No.
Starting point is 00:32:18 What did you mean? I meant just like top to bottom. Oh, no, I was meaning like actually draw a big like. Oh, like a huge one? Fill the canvas? Yeah. Of a cow again? A cow? Yeah. actually draw a big, like... Oh, like a huge one filled with canvas? Yeah. Of a cow again? A cow?
Starting point is 00:32:28 Yeah. What's a big creature we can think of? Elephant? I've never seen an elephant. Dragon? All right. I'd like to draw a dragon. A dragon. Okay, I guess.
Starting point is 00:32:37 How big are you imagining this dragon? Huge. Huge? Uh-oh. Can we move it? You begin and immediately you realize you can't do that. Something about the magic of this thing feels like it couldn't happen. Huh.
Starting point is 00:32:50 Okay. You feel like there might be a size limit to what you can create. And how big is that limit? Cow size? Hard to say. You know this is too big. What's the next smallest thing after dragon? What's the next biggest thing we can think of?
Starting point is 00:33:02 Hippo? Do you know what a hippo is? I like that we're just wasting the paint. Adam looks so sad. Adam, if you fucking helped us, we wouldn't be that miserable. Why do you keep making animals? Wait, do you literally, are you incapable of thinking of other things? Because we made a jacket and it didn't work.
Starting point is 00:33:21 So you try a jacket once and then you're like, animals. Worms and dragons Why do you only go with the first thing that works Weapons I was thinking draw some armor Or weapons What do you want to paint? What type of armor or weapon? Full metal Full metal jacket
Starting point is 00:33:40 Full plate? Sure Well that one fails. I guess it doesn't work. More animals. Adam's body is shutting down again. Clearly your punishment is enough. It isn't enough, Batman.
Starting point is 00:34:00 No. We've gone through so much. Draw another full plate? No, draw a sword. Draw a sword've gone through so much. Draw another full plane? No, draw a sword. Draw a sword. Yeah, draw a sword. A fancy one. A sword appears.
Starting point is 00:34:10 What did you want? A long sword? Maybe. What do I want, Adam? You said a sword. There are types of swords. Long sword, scimitar, short sword. Name.
Starting point is 00:34:20 Not a long sword. Long sword. A long sword appears. It seems perfectly usable. Like metal as well? It's made of metal. It's not, like, it doesn't appear to be masterwork craft, but it's like, it's a good sword.
Starting point is 00:34:31 It's so much like we were just drawing fucking animals. I know. I see how this works. Seelie, yeah, try that full plate metal, full plate armor again. Okay. You've wasted like nearly an hour now. Is everybody in the town just like what the armor fails again just swords i guess i want full plate armor maybe just a helmet
Starting point is 00:34:53 there's no like rules for just wearing a helmet you can make a helmet if you want just go bit by bit yeah gauntlets i'd like to draw gauntlets, please. Metal gauntlets? Yeah. You can't wear them. Fails. Can't do armor. Can't do armor.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Can't do armor. Can do swords. Super weird. Draw a potion. Give that a go. Potion of healing. Potion of cure all wounds. um you try that and immediately before brush tip touches canvas you get the you like can feel that this thing cannot do magic it's
Starting point is 00:35:33 like the dragon it cannot make magical items okay what the fuck just weapons i mean weapons and weapons and wooden animals presumably chairs as, like if you wanted to furnish somewhere. Alchemy, many consider not to be magic. Okay. Alchemy is not considered magic. Magical potions are, like a healing potion. But the salves that Mistra works with are not considered magic. It's alchemy. It's just like mixing of chemicals.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Adam's trying to tell me something and I'm looking at him with a very confused face. Healing salves? Give that a go. I'd like to draw what Jackson said. A healing self? Yeah. What do you want the healing self to do? Fix the fire stuff!
Starting point is 00:36:16 Oh! Right! I'd like to do that, Adam. Are our heroes clever enough to know what to do next? Find out next time on Husk Firm of Pride, a D&D is for nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar,
Starting point is 00:36:38 why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice
Starting point is 00:37:17 and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.