D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #22 Funerals

Episode Date: January 17, 2017

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes miss out on their mother’s funeral. We make our final preparations to leave town, finally find the Winter Wolf and meet our first ever Spell Bear. Cassius gets to vent some of her rage, Zillie gets floored by some fuckboi wolves and Edrik thinks Herja is dead. So join us as we hopefully don’t get a critical fail on our second attack. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, get him good. are available in the show notes. Seating is very limited, so get in while you can. Also, little announcement, we're going to be at RTX Sydney this year, doing a panel on the Sunday at 2.30. That's pretty neat. Probably going to be talking about Mario living in New York, because, like, what's up with that? So to celebrate, we're giving away three double weekend passes for you to come and hang out and see cool stuff

like the Nintendo Switch and our faces. To enter the draw, simply head to our Twitter and tweet us with the hashtag LetMeRTX. And like, what would you do with an alive hat? Would you feed it? If it got muddy, would it be okay with me throwing it in the washing machine? Or if it was sunny out, would it want to wear an even smaller hat on its head to keep the glare out of its eyes? Or like, you know when you put your sunnies on top of your head, or in this case the hat? Would the hat be like, oh that's sweet, thank you. Or would it just disorientate the hat? I have a lot of hat-based questions for this game. Anyways, enjoy the show, and remember to tweet us with the hashtag,

LetMeRTX. Welcome to episode 22 of Huss Firmapride, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously. Do you know what happens to cowards? They don't get buried in graveyards, you know that? We're losing this town. We don't need this on this night. I like the heavy sarcasm

with which he'd say there's drow about. There's drow about. His gruntily eyeing the spell. You're gonna get thrown in a river! I'm so happy! Where's the nearest river? It's frozen over. Oh, that'll just break your back.

Oh, would you charm me, Zilly? I didn't. I did. Lie to your face. I didn't charm you. I didn't charm you. You're an idiot. Okay.

I'm going to take you away. I'm not even joking. That was my plan. I was like, fuck this town. My mother figure's gone. Not anymore, Zilly. Fuck you. Jack, don't leave me.

Jack, don't leave me. You're not getting to Esmeralda with me. The trauma train has no brakes, guys. In the night, if you'll check under your seats, you've all won a prize. You win a level, and you win a level, and you win a level. Everyone goes up to level six.

The only fucking good news we've had this game. I'll put my arcane mark on it, Adam. That's a level zero spell. And then... I guess, yes, you can then. I cannot think of a single instance where Zilli used her arcane mark. So before you guys leave, would you like to make any preparations? Before we leave, I'm scanning the horizon for Mr. Fist.

I'm just letting you know. And I start unstringing those elves. Well, drow. Yep. I'm scanning the horizon for Mr. Fist. I'm just letting you know. And I start unstringing those elves. Well, drow. I'm digging a hole. Please, they prefer full elves. Yeah! Yeah, you're gonna die for that. Cassius.

Yeah. I wanna bury Daniel before we go. You didn't really have a church here, but there was a little graveyard sort of type thing. You didn't really have, like, a church here, but there was, like, a little graveyard sort of type thing. You could try burying him there, but people might get mad if they find out. Next to the orphanage. Yeah, that seems fair.

Or Zilly's house. Zilly, you knew him the most. Yeah, that's fine. Where would you... Where do you bury the drow? Where do you bury Daniel? The drow, I'm fucking anywhere. Drow.

Just a couple unmarked graves? Where would be appropriate for our... Custom? Probably outside the town, I would imagine. Yeah, that's... Well, to be fair, custom dictates that they get buried in the graveyard. But not the drow, they're the enemy. Even enemy, but these are, like, much-hated enemy. So, like, if another... Say, for example, if, if like a war tribe of other people such as yourself attacked,

they would be buried in your graveyard by your custom. But the drow, you probably wouldn't. That's okay. We'll bury them in the woods somewhere. There's no woods. We'll bury them in the wasteland somewhere. How many times? You need to say that.

Classic Adam. Eventually, by the time you've left, we're going to have to deal with it again. Our custom dictates to where we would bury the drow, where we would do that. That would be in the graveyard, but people would get mad. So there's custom and then there's what people do. For example, by custom,

Ali should have been drowned at Perth. What? Sorry. Those who show magical aptitude get drowned. Oh, yay. That's why you always want to throw me in the river. Yeah. Whoa.

Yeah, that's why. Makes sense. We'll find somewhere in the, like, the... Tundra, the boonies. Yeah, in the Tundra to bury The boonies And the sticks One-eyed mistress Stop that from happening Wherever

Wherever the Wherever we think is appropriate To bury the Drow We'll do that And I think Daniel I'll talk to Zilly And be

Where do you want Orphanage or near The smouldering remains of the orphanage, smouldering remains of your house? What would you like? It's just been ransacked. Consult his dad. Yeah.

We can't. We don't know where he is. I think it would be better to go to the shack. Or do we? Because quite frankly, I don't want to leave him here until we go back to Kalhof. If he may or may not be dead. Yeah, we'll take him to the shack and then we'll just give him a proper burial. Is there any wood nearby?

Not a lot. Enough for a coffin, is what I mean. Oh, no, definitely not. You could make maybe a, what do you call it, the thing that goes at the end of the grave? A tombstone. That's it.

It's a shallow tundra grave. There's another word A tombstone. That's it. Well, it's not really a tombstone. It's a shallow tundra grave. There's something else. There's another word for it when it's made out of wood, surely? No. Gravestone? Grave marker, I think.

It's not necessarily. Gravestone for wood. No, you're right. That wouldn't make sense. Hold the phone. What's the difference between a tombstone and a gravestone? Tombstone is a wrestler.

I don't think there is a difference between tombstone and gravestone I'll shape some of the wood into the Oh you've got that magic spell Like a marker That's why I was going to shape some wood into a coffin But there's not enough Alas I guess if you're taking from buildings

I could do that Whatever I'm just going to I'll use his like His chain mail thing As a marker. It's not like he's chained. What do you call it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing he used to kill himself. Yeah, that. That's a bit dark. That's a bit dark. Just a little on the nose. Just a little on the nose. Okay.

We'll do the great thing. And bury him where he killed himself. No. Perfect. Yeah. Look, I'll use some of the wood from one of the buildings. You fashion a coffin. Place him inside.

Are you keeping his weapon? It's worth a lot of money, guys. I have no real need for it, but if you guys want to keep it. No, I was going to keep it and give it to Karl Hof. Yeah, that's fine. We can probably store it in the shack, too. So let's chuck that in the old... Party inventory.

Inventory. Inventory. In the bag of Holden. So wait, you're holding onto the chain? Yeah. Cool. So you'll want to write... Are you going to ever use it as a weapon?

I don't think we're using it as a weapon. Well, what are you going to do with it? Put it in the bag of holding. We're going to give it to Karloff. Oh, to Karloff. Okay, cool. If he's alive. If he's alive.

If he's alive. Adam, don't give us that face. We'll's alive. If he's alive. Adam, give us that face. We'll bury him. In the shack. We'll dig a grave near the shack, chuck the coffin in. Cool, cool, cool. That takes you like a couple hours. Are you going to say anything?

Yeah, I was going to say. Do you want to say a few words? Yeah. I'll say something like, I'll use whatever Bertram, like the whole thing, we're all scared and that kind of stuff. And that I know we did, you didn't get quite the hero's death that you wanted, but sometimes that's life. And sometimes we don't get what we deserve. I'd like to say, Daniel, that I cherish all of his memories very dearly and that I'm sorry he felt the need to take his own life and he obviously meant so much to me

that in my moment of panic I betrayed my closest friends that's a speech move for us I like that you're using this speech to maybe sneakily be like Cassius take me to Azmerell I like that we also left Cassius for the last because we know Cassius is going to give the most

ringing endorsement of Daniel no I'm going to be like fuckboy fuckboy pop a squat piss on the grave is going to give the most ringing endorsement of Daniel. No, I'm going to be like, fuck boy. You're the original fuck boy. Pop a squat, piss on the grave. No, I'm going to be like... Okay, and moving on. Daniel, the four of us were taken in by Mistra

because we had nowhere else to go. And I remember as kids, we were like, you couldn't really separate the four of us. You didn't really know Daniel that well. Yeah, he didn't. It separate the four of us. So you didn't really know Daniel that well. Yeah, he didn't. It was the three of us. He was also there. Hey, he was there.

You were there for like a year or two, like towards the end. Could we separate us during that year, though? Yeah, exactly. I don't fucking know. Exactly. I would like to say to some D&D god. You forgot him. You did.

You did forget him. I'm blaming that on alcohol Too much whiskey I'm going to be like It's such a shame that When we all came back together That it had to be like this I'm sorry Daniel Are you doing this speech more for Zill?

No I'm doing this speech for Daniel But it's also relevant to the three of us. And then we'll bury him. I was just going to yell at you before. I was like, D&D God, let him have his moment. Quit putting facts in the middle of them. Why ruin the story with a bunch of good facts? Exactly.

Chinks. Moving on. Okay. You bury good facts. Exactly. Chinks. Moving on. Okay. You bury the corpse. Yep. It takes a couple hours and you, are you going to put like a grave marker or something like that? Yeah, just a marker. I'll shape some wood or something into something relevant to our people. What are you going to put on it?

Daniel Hoff. I think you should make it really subtle because if they come back and they find it, they might get real mad. Did his family have like a specific symbol or like a sigil? What you might want to do is he actually knew his surname from like his original parents. So there's like a, hey, put Hoff or put Holmberg. Okay.

It's up to you. German? Is he D&D German? I believe I've told that this is like Nordic type people, so Nordic type name. I'll put Holmberg because people probably knew him as... I don't really know if German is a word. You don't really know what he went by.

You only knew him for two years before he was even adopted. Just leave it unmarked for now. Okay. Cool. So unmarked grave? I'd like to it unmarked for now. Okay. Cool. So unmarked grave? I'd like to put Wesley's scar there. But it has a marker, so is it unmarked? It's a marked grave.

It's a marked grave, but it's not like an unnamed. It's a marked improvement on an unmarked grave. Heyo, Jackson Bailey, knocking them out on the park. Yeah. Bury them in the shack, and then we head north. Okay. Let's go. I'd like to crumble the chalk I took from the rock

at the orphanage before we leave. Crumble it? Yeah. Just be like as though I'm spreading ashes. Over the... Over the orphanage.

What happened to Meester? Did we give her like a good old burial? No, I think we just walked away without problems accordingly. No. No, her body was buried in the graveyard.

Okay. Okay. I know we didn't say this but like I say, we mourned heavily at that time And it was very appropriate It wasn't really like It was actually done while you guys were away So we didn't really have a chance

Yeah, we didn't really have a chance to mourn My mourning was destroying the rock A bunch of the young kids did it Okay Maybe I'll put the chalk on her grave then Yeah How about that? Quiet word over Mestra's grave

And go north Yeah, we'll head north Try to find any remnants of Hersia, which I think she's dead. I think everyone's dead, Sam. Cassius is so broken, you guys. Remember season two, Cassius? Fucking fuckboys in the deck of a ship. Yeah, fighting people.

Having a great time. Banging other dwarves. Did you lose an alignment, Cassius? What is your alignment? Chaotic neutral. She's fine. That's mine. Whatever, this is good times.

I don't know. What is it? Chaotic neutral. All right, we're chaotic neutral party. All right. And you've fallen the worst. I have. You're the only one who's fallen.

I am the only one who's fallen. All right, let's... Let's chuff north. So it's a bit difficult for you, though, because as you're heading there, a storm starts brewing up again So like another blizzard starts Rolling in

You're moving through Against the wind And as the snow hits you And hits you and hits you Your faces get like numb and red And like really puffy and such And you know You put your hands in pockets or inside,

deep in your cloaks or something like that to keep them warm. Can you do Endure Elements? Yeah. Okay, you need to cast it three times. You lose three Endure Elements. Yep, I think that's a second level from memory. Can't remember myself. You'll have it there.

No, first level. There you go. Three first level spells. In the Blizzard, it'll take you, in the blizzard, it'll take you maybe four days to get there. Okay. So... Four days.

Was there any, like, tense or something that we could have tried to... They didn't have tense period. Although, to be fair, everyone gets fair Everyone gets Everyone gets One day's extra rations I'm a day's ration short though

Just letting you know I guess I'm Foraging a blizzard Yeah good luck with that Eat dead mice Welcome to the long dark D&D style Jackson I got a bunch of rations I can share rations with you I got a bunch of rations. I can share rations with you.

I've got a bunch of rations. Four days rations? Yeah, I've got six days rations, so I can give you four. Actually, I have seven days because you gave us an extra one. So I'll just use all mine as in we'll just share. I've got 18. You've got 18 rations? I'd keep that to myself.

I accept your rations. I'll take them from you. But when we... I accept your rifles. I'll take them from you. Again, I've got 18. That's fine. We'll just eat off you for the rest of the time. So on the fourth day, you're like nearly there. You can see the base of the mountains. And you're like, you know, just trudging through.

The snow is like basically waist deep for most of you. For Cassius, it's a bit deeper god that tip deep it's yeah sure why not it's like super deep and you're just like trying to trudge your way on top of it for the most part but every now and then you like trip stumble and you sink into the snow um lift you up as soon as you do every now oh, not necessarily wanting. Yeah. Okay. So all three of you on like a spot, just like on a rocky outcrop near the base of the mountain, this white, pure white wolf steps up onto the crest of it and looks down at you with this haughty expression. Haughty looking wolf.

That's one haughty fucking wolf Haughty looking wolf. That's one haughty fucking wolf. Cassius, you know a winter wolf when you see one. I'd like to cast talk with animals. Okay, you do so. Hey, winter wolf! I don't have time to worry about your shit right now. Fuck off!

Let us get on with our quest! Jesus! Good. I hope I get to fist fight this winter wolf. The hammer ready. Fucking pull up my fists. Bull strike. Maybe like a pack of 25 wolves

start lining around the rocky face here. In common, the winter wolf responds to you. What? Gracious. A toll to pass through my lands. What would you like, winter wolf? Something magical. Oh, well, have I got a deal for you, Cloudy Gem?

Nope. Would you like an easel? Not that one. She's got it. I'm just going to give him a fucking random Cloudy Gem. A gem with no magic. You going to offer that? Oh, why don't we just give him a fucking...

Yeah, that. What's its magic, the wolf says. How about a ham crossbow? No, no, no, that. What's its magic, the wolf says. How about a ham crossbow? No, no, no, no. The magic is when you hold it in your mouth. Just a second. Let me tell you what it does. It is out of this fucking world.

Cassia said consulting her spell list. Are we really going to fuck these guys up? Yeah, fuck them. What are the magic items? Why don't we just give them the easy one? What do you want with a magical item, Wolf? It creates two gallons of water What use do I have of water?

Sometimes you get thirsty, Wolf I really don't have time for this What do you want to do with any magical item, Wolf? Hang on, hang on What does a wolf need with magic? I really don't have time for this. What do you want to do with any magical item, Wolf? Hang on, hang on, hang on. What does a wolf need with magic? Fuck this. Fuck this.

What are we doing arguing with wolves? No, I don't want it. I don't care then, Wolf. Let's fight. For real? Fuck these wolves. We've got a magical paintbrush, but you've got no thumbs, you piece of shit. Fuck you. I want it for my horde.

Okay. You've got a horde? Come on, guys. Winter Wolf with the horde. Winter Wolf thinks you're so special, don't you? We're the fucking horde, and you can talk common. Fuck you, Winter Wolf. Fuck you, Winter Wolf.

Fuck you. I've become a bear. I'm going to kill these Winter Wolves. I've become a bear. Let's go. All of the anger I have at the world is going to come out at this wolf. This will be cathartic. All I have is like fucking Daniel's chain.

And I'm like, no, that's for Carl. That's for Carl. Yep. Let's fuck these guys today. Let's fuck them. Fuck them. Fuck them. Fuck them.

Just fuck these wolves. I like how he did his little speech. Zilly. Magic missed all these. Fuck them. Fuck them. Fuck them. Just fuck these wolves. I like how he did his little speech. Zilly. Magic missile his motherfucker in the face. I'd like to use a lightning instead. What? I know. Yeah, you've got a new spell. You have third level spells now. My grief

has been manifested into one spell. Cassius, you're first? I'm first? Yep. Can I reach a wolf in time? I've become a bear, by the way. You have like flames and shit? yeah I do, fuck them, that's not what it's about that's not what it's about

it's about becoming a bear and punching some wolves to death so like I said the winter wolf is like in the middle of this massive pack 25 wolves on the lip of a rocky outcrop you're like looking up at them. You could probably reach the winter wolf this round,

but you'd be fighting slightly at a disadvantage because it would have height on you. Okay, maybe I won't transform then. I will instead... I'm sorry. That's already happened. Oh, that's okay then. Oh, that's mean.

No, whatever. He wants to be a bear. Yeah, he does. I'll wait for them to come down then. Remember, you've used three injure elements this day. Oh, I know. Okay. And I speak to animals.

Presumably you did them every day. Yeah. Okay. So you're going to hold your action? Yeah, I'll hold my action until I'm in range of Earth. Okay. So basically what happens is instead of using your turn right now, you just wait

until something else happens and then you get your turn. So, Zilly? Lightning those motherfuckers. I'd like to jump in front of Cassius and then use lightning. So lightning affects like a line. They're in a line

but it's not the right way for you. You could still do it, but you'll really only be able to hit one. It's up to you. I'd web them, maybe. I don't know if I'm close enough, though. Because there's 25 of them. Am I close enough to web? Because otherwise I'll just use magic missile.

You're too far away to web. You're about 30 feet away from the guess. Magic missile. Magic missile. But I would like to make it very clear that I've jumped in front of Cassius, possibly to protect her. I was actually just expecting you guys to offer up a magic item, but okay. No.

No. We're too mad at this wolf. Fuck, what does he want? Wants our easel? How dare a winter wolf think that this is the time that he is even a blip on our fucking radar. So you get. Fuck off, winter wolf. We're going to kill so many wolves today.

I don't care. I want to be wearing that pelt of that other wolf I killed at the time. Fuck these wolves. You know I have a scimitar and I think I've literally never used it. I think you used it once to describe what it was and then put it away.

You get three missiles that you can shoot. All at the alpha, please. Sorry? All at the alpha. Okay. That winter wolf. Because there's 25 wolves, one winter wolf.

Easy. Who the fuck's a winter wolf, then? Is it like a Game of Thrones dire? Yeah. Like a dire wolf? Like a dire wolf, but winter. But cold after. Also, maybe magic, because he was speaking to us in common.

That's true. Let's not forget that. Have we ever dealt we know winter wolves sort of yeah you told us in like the very first episode of this season

that we did yeah you did we've lived in house thermal yeah no winter wolves are like some they're an occurrence

but it's a rare occurrence like rather than be like oh my god I talk wolf like fuck this bullshit I know you know a little bit

about winter wolves I I'd say. We can roll for it if you want. No, I think you've already done that. They can, like, breathe a cone of, like, freezing cold. That's bad. That's why we kill him first. Also, their bites, like, chill flesh, like what your hammer does. You know what?

We don't care anymore, Adam. We won't kill this winter wolf. We will go down fighting if that's the last thing we do. The three magical missiles launch from your hand and pepper the winter wolf. It like growls angrily,

but it doesn't seem too badly wounded. Edric? So I can't reach him either? You can reach... What are you wearing? Armor? I forget. Half plate?

Half plate. You can't reach them this round, though. All right. Well, you could, but you couldn't attack this round. I'm just going to stand in front of like Zilli and Cassius. Cassius is a bear. I don't think Cassius needs protection. Stand in front of Zilli.

Sorry. And bow and arrow that winter wolf stupid face dumb magic face dumb magic face magic motherfucking winter wolf fuckboy face

okay so you draw and knock an arrow but your hands are so cold. And you just let go of the arrow before it... You're not even sure what was about to happen, but you're pretty sure. If you'd held on to it, your hands would have just cracked with ice. Interestingly enough, now that you're sixth level, you can attack twice a turn as a

fighter. Would you like to attack again? What? Yeah, how good are fighters, mate? Yes. That's a hit. Okay. That's a crit fail. Your arrow strikes the winter wolf in its flank. Dumb face. In its flank. Fuck you. Hang on. It's a very glancing blow, though.

The arrow almost completely just bounces off, but it manages to draw blood. Sick. The winter wolf howls, and all 25 wolves, except the winter wolf, charge down to meet you. Cassius, you get your turn. I'd like to just fucking destroy one. Like, whatever's closest, just tear it in fucking half.

I've had enough! You're a black bear, right? Uh-huh. What she said! Yeah, I'm a black bear, right? Uh-huh. I'm going to be like, what she said. Yeah, I'm a black bear. I'm one hell of a black bear, tell you what. Okay, you hit one. You could have hit more than one.

That would be amazing. You get multiple attacks. Fuck yeah. A black bear. Imagine if I just killed three in one go. You strike it. You get two more attacks. Do you want to attack the same one again and again?

Yeah. Is it dead? I just realized I was rolling on the paper, so we lacked a little foley there. Second attack misses, so claw, claw, and then a bite. Yeah, I hope I bite its head. Yes. Ah, clawed it.

You clobber the wolf once, and then it gets super wary, so your follow-up attack, it dodges, and then it's just out of reach when you try toed it. The wolf, like, you clobber the wolf once, and then it gets super wary, so your follow-up attack, it, like, dodges, and then it's just out of reach when you try to bite it. Crafty fucking... Bullshit wolf. Wolves turn. I was like, what does Bullrush do? All 20 of them.

Bullrush? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I gave you an improved Bullrush. Bullrush, like, pushes someone back. I'll jump in front of you. But you need to have, like, a run-up. It's, like, running into someone basically. And I've got force.

Track, which is I guess. Track allows you to track. Not exactly helpful at this very point in time. Adam, what's natural spell? Did I always have that? Oh, no, I gave that to you when you leveled up. Sorry, I should have explained all of this. Yeah, whatever. Natural spell allows you to cast spells while you're in bear.

Are you shitting me? No. You approximate like, you're not allowed, you still can't speak, but like, say for example, you're casting a spell that requires verbal and hand movements. So you're like, you know, you make gestures with your paws and you're like, That's amazing!

Oh my god, Cas, you're so useful now. That's amazing. Okay. Oh my god, Cassius, you're so useful now. I'm perfect. You're like the perfect... Cassius, you get bit three times. Whoa, uh-oh. I get 72 hit points. You take 19 points of damage.

I can just heal myself. You can heal yourself in bear, and it's not gonna matter. It's not gonna matter, because you're a fucking bear that can do spells and shit. I'm a spell bear. Cassius Christie, he gives a hot dick, I'm a spell bear. Oh man. Yep, and then you get knocked to the ground.

Oh no, spell bear, what happens? As they're like goring into you one of them like trips you over and you're now fighting from the ground. Spell bear, help happens? As they're, like, goring into you, one of them, like, trips you over, and you're now fighting from the ground. Spellbear, help! Don't worry. I got this. Okay.

Then, Edori. Dale, let's hit you. Put your arm across. I got it here. Okay. You get bit once. So the bears, like, lunge at you. You do, like, a mighty swing of your hammer.

Fuck off. Two of them bat right the fuck off, afraid of your hammer. But one darts in and under your attack and bites you. You take five points of damage. Whatever, man. Whatever. I don't give a fuck. I'm not even mad.

I'm not even mad, you stupid wolves. It tries to, to like pull your leg But you like just stomp really hard on the ground I killed your alpha before I'll kill your alpha again I've never killed an alpha No we think we killed an alpha Adam I wore his skin

Then a bunch of wolves dart to either side And two attack Zilly Oh no Zilly Wow Zilly. Oh no. Zilly. Wow. Zilly. I might be in trouble. Wow. What? No!

Crit. Sad. Crit who? Crit who? You guys are idiots. You've changed the placements, Adam. Usually the fails on the other side. One of them has A clear blue dice With a number one

The other one has a head sailing through the air I'm sorry So it's a crit hap for us? It's a crit bad against them Pins and needles You are sickened for 1d6 ramp I don't even know how that happens Magic It's weird I feel bad now Sickened for 1d6 round. Oh, no. I don't even know how that happens.

Wolves are like, oh. Magic is weird. Oh, I feel bad now. I feel sick. He's like, oh. Shouldn't have eaten that two-day-old rabbit. Yeah, sure. The two-day-old rabbit, like, comes back to bite the wolf. It's like, ugh.

The other wolf however bites you, Zilly. Oh, no. You take two points of damage. Oh, jeez. These fucking wolves. Tell you what. Fuckboy wolves. Oh, jeez. These fucking wolves. Tell you what. Fuckboy wolves. Fuckboy goddamn wolves.

And you get floored, Zilly. What? It pulls. You fall onto your butt, and the wolf is on top of you now. Oh, shit, mate. You're right. Now it is Zilly's turn. I'd like to cast web at the wolves that are attacking Cassius.

You're on the ground. There's like a wolf on top of you. I can't do that? You can, but you have pressing issues. Also, web would probably tangle Cassius as well. Try and maybe magic missile some of the shit wolves. Use your lightning bolt.

Lightning bolt is better for a line, though. Right now, the way they've rearranged, you could quite easily hit like a fucking ten of them. Do that one. You are on the ground, though, so you need to make a concentration check. Otherwise, the spell will fail. Or, alternatively, you can not make a concentration check.

The wolves next to you get a free attack, and if they hit, you probably will fail. It's up to you. So probably fail or probably succeed. Probably succeed. Oh, damn it. I guess. Yes! You fail anyway.

That's odd. Rude. That's mean. Cassius. Hey, that was Jackson. Actually, wait. Oh, thanks. Cassius is sad.

Jackson's having a chuckle. Cassius is a bear. I don't know if that one's true. Cassius is a bear right now. A magic bear. I like that picture of a dog in the book. It's a cute dog. He was just sitting there, his ears all just like a flump.

What? Oh, cute. I'm going to charm some of these. No, whatever, just motherfuckers. There's no diplomacy here. You cannot diplomatick a wolf. Yeah, you're like angry, you know, we've lost everything. You've probably lost an owl.

Yeah, I know. Chances are, chances are, chances are Mr. Fist is dead. Whatever. This is the worst news. The one thing I didn't want to happen happened, so hey. Fuck everyone else. If Mr. Fist lives, I'd be happy. Yeah.

But no, Adam just decides that he wants Hal on edge. Monsieur Fist. He's dead. Okay. Monsieur Fiste. He's dead. Okay. Monsieur Fiste. That's when this podcast gets redubbed in French for our French listeners.

Oh, good. For French listeners. D&D is for nerds. Those loyal French followers. All of our French listeners. They'll be like, wow, we finally understand this now. You've been speaking stupid.

Before I was listening to every podcast. You were speaking this weird English bullshit. Now you use your shit accent to mock my people I understand. That's what they all say. Yeah, but now. But now they get it. Now they're like, oh, fuck, okay. Sick.

What's your spell called? Your lightning spell? Which one? Lightning bolt. Okay. It's very descriptive. Good. It's a bolt of lightning.

Which flame one do you have? There's one that I've got. Well, I have the flame one, or I have core lightning. So we could just electrocute the entire field. Fucking wonderful, Adam. Wonderful. I just wanted to double check the rules. Fuck, I'm so mad at you today.

I'm pretty mad at me as well. I could have killed you way before this. At this point, it would have been a better alternative. Anyway, yeah, you fail the spell and you lose it. So, you try to cast, but you're like and you fail to get the spell off. So, how many of those third level spells?

I think you only get one a day, right? Pretty sure. Three. Three? Oh, you might get one a day, right? Pretty sure. Three. Three? Oh, you might have one bonus. Here, show me the sheet. No, it's three. Is it? Three? Or is that... Bonus spells is one. Ah, okay. So you get four in total then. So you've used one, you get three.

You can try again next round. Fine, if I don't get it. It's just what's happening. You can try getting up if you want. If you do it... Okay, so there are two ways to get up. if I don't get it? What's happening? You can try getting up if you want. If you do it... Okay, so there are two ways to get up. You can do it as a move action,

which means you can get up this round, but the wolves will get a free attack against you. Or you can get up as a full round action, which you can't do

this turn, but you can do some other turn and then they don't get a free attack. Nah, risk it to get the biscuit. Get up now.

Yeah, risk it for the biscuit. They'll just knock you down again. How many wolves are attacking? Two. Only two have made their way to us. One of them does bite you. She's a tough duck. She's a further six points of damage. She's a tough cookie. I mean, we are

not winning this wolf fight just yet. Burp, give us time. Bumpling burp. What's your strength? Yeah, you get knocked to the ground again. Oh, no, wait. No, you don't.

Oh, all right. You're fine. You're standing up now. It was a pleasant fucking surprise. Okay. Edric? I'm going to, like, just... You can use your bow and arrow if you want,

but there's enemies next to you. No, no. Yeah. I'm just going to attack the one near me. I can't attack the one near Zilli, can I? Oh, no, you could turn around. You could get one of them, yeah? And theoretically, with Cleave, you could get all of them.

I'm going to try and get the ones near Zilly. Theoretically, you could kill every wolf. Not every wolf. Only the ones next to him. But a fair amount. So you swing around. You hit one of them next to Zilly. It emits a yelp, which is cut abruptly short

when you end its life almost instantaneously. Oh, good. Your attack continues, I assume. Do you want to hit as many as you physically can? As many as I physically fucking can. I'm like, fuck this wolf piece of shit. Crit happens. Crit happens. Yay. A crumpling blow. I'm like fuck this wolf piece of shit yay yay

a crumpling blow double damage and target is knocked prone I don't think it could minimum damage will kill it so knocked prone means nothing good why did I even roll yeah

your hammer keeps going. One of the wolves was like leaping at you and your hammer knocks it into the ground. You see it like dig into, you know how there's fucking deep snow. You hear it dig into ground and then you hear it hit the ground. Good.

It goes through all of that snow and still hits the ground with force. Yes. Out of the hole it made, there's like spurts of blood. So good. Good. That's two dead so far.

Two fucking dead. That's wolves. Your attack continues. Oh, it's so dead. You hit another one. Good. Fuck. Fuck you, wolf.

Fuck you, other wolf. Your attack keeps going, slams into a third wolf. This wolf, like, you hit Like, you hit something and you feel impact. You don't feel impact. It's like it didn't even hit the wolf. You just knock it like it wasn't even fucking there. You destroy another wolf.

Keep going. You hit another wolf. Edric is just a terror on the battlefield. In one swing, you kill four wolves. Jesus. Excellent. Good job.

I don't think we're going to have that much of a problem. No. You did foreshadow. You can move forward if you want. And attack again? Not attack again, no. No, no, no, no. Sorry.

You need a separate feat that allows you to do that. All right. But you could move forward into a space occupied, that was occupied by wolves. That would mean that you've got a bit more of a buffer between Zilli and the wolves, but Zilli is currently fighting a wolf. So you create more of a buffer,

but you leave Zilli basically to deal with the wolf she's fighting. Have faith in Zilli. Have faith in Zilli. That's what this has all been about. You never have. Have faith in Zilli. Have faith in Zilli. That's what this has all been about. You never have. Have faith in Zilli. But my protecty nature was like protect Zilli. You gotta cut the apron strings, Edric.

You gotta cut the umbilical cord, Edric. Yeah. Alright, I move towards... Flank with Cassius. Cassius, it's your turn. Flaming Sphere. Can I create that without damaging anyone else? Yeah you can create it over some wolves I'm prone remember

Flaming Sphere You're like trying to cast a spell But it's like the first time you've done it as an animal And you're being attacked by a wolf You can try to move backwards Into the space Edric left It's a spell, but it's like the first time you've done it as an animal, and you're being attacked by a wolf. Fair enough. You can try to move backwards into the space Edric left. Yeah, that'll be me. Cool.

That's your turn. Just scramble back. Wolf's turn. Zilly gets attacked by a wolf. Wonderful. Just bloody fantastic. You get bit. The wolf, like, leaps up on you, bites your arm, nearly tears it off,

and you take four damage. Oh, that seems very inadequate. Poultry. Poultry damage. Oh, and it knocks you to the ground. It drags you down with it, and you're on the ground. Edric, you get bit at. Good.

I like Edric's the only one who's done anything. Really? That's good. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. God, I hope we don't just end up dead by wolves. Crit. Crit sad for Zam.

Oh, no. Crit sad for Zam. You get 78. Tenacious wound, normal damage, and a D2 con damage. Target does not heal this damage naturally oh I see how it is you take full damage from the first bite oh you get bit twice as a bunch of them leap up onto you do you have any of the heel comm damage? Or is that like a nah?

Do you have lesser restoration? I think you do. And that one does it. I'm pretty sure we've been over this. You take another fall from the second bite. But the second bite. I'm so tired. I'm so sleepy.

But the second bite isn't like on the arm as the first one was. The second bite maybe like tears a chunk out of your throat. Piece of shit. Oh, it went for your throat. You take one point of constitution damage, which lowers your total and your effective by... Sorry, quick maths. By six hit points. Whoa!

So your maximum hit points goes down to 72, and your current hit points goes down to 59. Will our heroes be able to win this fight with a diminished Edric, or will they get eaten by wolves? Gosh, I hope so. Find out next time on Husperma Pride, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar,

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