D&D is For Nerds - Hus Firma Pride #25 Hus Firma Proud

Episode Date: January 28, 2017

Hus Firma PrideIn which our heroes end this fight, for better or worse. We stumble across a drow civil war, strike a lying drow with a bolt of lightning and free our people. Cassius dodges out of the way in the style of a leopard, Zillie is done with this shit and Edrik charges in blind. So join us as we argue hitpoints. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SansPantsRadio, what if one day doctors cracked your skull and instead of a brain they just had a lot of egg? Hey everyone, there's still a few tickets left to the live shows up in Sydney on the 2nd and 3rd of Feb, so if you haven't purchased your ticket yet, just head to the show notes and follow the links. Oh, if you want you can help out with our Sydney experience by tweeting us places to go and things to see, and maybe, just maybe, we'll end up liking your trash city this time around. Also, we'll be at RTX, so come on down and say hi. Welcome to episode 25 of Huss Firm of Pride, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously.

You kneel down. The corpses are not... haven't been here for as long as the swords imply. That much you know, but you can't determine cause of death. They're bleeding from wounds, but that's all you know. I'm assuming, though, that it'll rust you. That's a fair enough assumption. Considering what I've seen, as if I played Cassius or, like, super like a drag queen.

Look at our fat boys! Imagine if we need to poo it. Squeeze my way through. We'll just push you through. Or I could become a leopard and go invisible and wreck shit. You could be invisible as a bear. I'd have a harder push you through. Or I can become a leopard and go invisible and wreck shit. You could be invisible as a bear. I'd have a harder time getting through.

And I'll fuck my way inside and just rain on their parade. So there are, in total, six drow in this room. The very mangled body of Herja. If she is the one who killed Hersha, you got your fucking just revenge. I don't want to ask him a question, but I have nothing to ask. What should we ask? How do you want to die? You just know that she's

dead. Close her eyes with my hand. Have a moment. You charge down the tunnel and come into a large cavern. There you find two groups of drow fighting each other. Two of them, one from each supposed side, are in this intense, incredible battle locked together.

Both of them are dual-wielding swords, and it's just a flash of blades. You can barely keep up. One of them is fighting the other nine, and he does not look like he's doing well. I'm going to keep the... Rather than waste some time, I'm going to keep the initiative we had from last round. Okay. And I'm going to go say Cassius goes first.

So is it like there are two people fighting? It's 12 drow in total, two fighting 10. It's a one-on-one fight and then a one-on-nine fight. So the drow are fighting each other? Yep. Huh. Which side do we take? What?

That's crazy. And there's like a big wagon dealy with bars in the middle. Up the other end, yeah. What's going on? Who are they doing? On the opposite side of the cabin. The two drow who are in that locked intense fight are fighting basically right next to it. Huh.

Cassius? Let's try and... This is a thinker. This is a thinker. I can't put invisible on me anymore. I don't have arms. I was going to say, I don't know, maybe take the guy who's versing... The guy who's versing 10.

Yeah. He's having a shit one. The two guys who are one versing 9 and one versing 1. Yeah. So the one versing 9... The one versing 9 looks like he's about to die. The one versing one kind of looks even. Let's take out the nine.

Yeah. Sure. It's not fair to gang up. Attack one of the nine. Cool. Rude. Yeah. Just unsportsmanlike, really.

You start ripping into one of the nine. You don't get to kill him this turn. But maybe next turn. Like, Drow looks honestly surprised to see you. A kill them this turn. But maybe next turn. Drow looks honestly surprised to see you. A bunch of them turn around when you charge in. Most of them have never seen a leopard before. So that's a bit of a surprise.

And none of them were really expecting to be attacked from behind right now. So that's also a surprise. Zilly, it's your turn. I'd like to use lightning bolt, please. Yeah, you could hit a surprise. All right. All right. Okay. Zilli, it's your turn. I'd like to use lightning bolt, please. Yeah, you could hit a bunch.

Do you want to hit from both, hit them on both sides? You could, if you wanted to, hit like, the way they're like sort of fighting,

you could hit four of the nine and then one of the two who are, you know, locked in that intense battle. You could do that if you want. Oh. So it's one or the other? No, both. You could go into the room and line yourself up to hit

four of the nine drow and then that one-on-one fight, you can hit one. You don't get to choose, it's just one. Yeah, that's fine. Not that it really matters. Hey, whatever. They're all drow to us. Drow killing drow. You do that? Civil war bullshit. What is this? Not our problem. Ourow killing drow. Okay. You do that? Yeah. Civil war bullshit. What is this?

Not our problem. It's all going to be like, hey, our countrymen. Oh. Nope. Oh, no. Just some drow fighting drow. I forgot how powerful yours was. Ha ha.

Bloody powerful. All right. Okay. So that's four drow dead. Yes. And then you hit one of them in the one-on-one fight. He screams in agony And falls to his hands and knees

That's what happens when you get zapped I'm going to hit one of the five remaining ones You're going to clip the five to death It's just going to be the one-on-one fight left Sorry, one of the five remaining from the nine? Yeah This is going to be super confusing for people You're going to have to slow down and listen to this one.

It's a little bit confusing for me right now. I think. No, I think I got it. There's one guy fighting another guy and then there's one guy fighting his cronies is what I'm assuming. You swing and a hit. You crunch a drow and you can keep going and hit another one. I'm going to crunch on the drow.

I'm fuelled by thoughts of like I know me and Hersha weren't a thing. I'm fueled by some thoughts of like I know me and Hersha weren't a thing. I know in maybe a different life we could have been married with kids. Maybe. Okay, so you swing. You knock one drow and slam. They're so

packed together. You're like you swing and they're like together on your hammer. And their bodies just kind of meld a little together and you just destroy both of them the one drow who was fighting nine who's now fighting fucking three

like seems really shocked to see you guys but he's like yeah good this helps me I guess it's the drow's turn are we just all going to get sleepy, arrowed, and die? Maybe.

Wake up just like armorless in the snow. One of the drow, the one that got pounced on by Mr. Leopard over there, turns around and what the fuck ever. Turns around, slashes at you. You Leopard. What the fuck ever. Turns around.

Oh, slashes at you. You get hit, mate. Oh, no. Get hit. My Leopard, he powers. He leaps forward with a rapier. Should have used my Leopard attack. Jabs you with it, and you take a total of three damage.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm having a cry right now. Oh, no. Lol. Obviously. No. I'm having a cry right now. You know what?

Lol. Obviously. Then the other two drow from that group of three left over from the nine close in on the one solitary drow who was fighting them, and they cut him to ribbons. What the fuck is this drow politics all of a goddamn sudden? The 2-1-2 epic fight, whatever, quotation marks epic fight, is a bit lopsided now that Zilly did that lightning bolt

and the one who didn't get lightning bolt bolted, kicks, because he fell to his hands and knees, kicks the other one back and he falls, like they were on slightly raised rock area, and he falls down, hits the ground, and you just hear like, and blood splurged out of

his mouth. That drow turns to you guys, points a finger at zilly. Points a finger at zilly, and fire leaps from his hand. The fire is white hot, and as it streaks towards

you, its head takes the form of a dragon. Oh, Jesus. I'm about to get etched by a fire. Zilly, you know Devil's Flame when you see a dragon. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. I'm about to get fired. Zilly, you know Devil's Flame when you see it. Holy shit. Oh, no. Holy shit, Zilly. Fuck. This is the bad thing that doesn't... We don't have magic paint anymore, guys.

Zilly, you take 16 points of damage. It's like a glancing blow. You manage to dodge to the side. But the burn, like, stays fresh and raw. It feels like it's not leaving you. Oh, this is going to go well.

Every round you're going to take a little bit more damage until someone can staunch that. I feel like that might happen, Adam. You're going to be permanently damaged by this, but if someone can heal you quick enough, they can slow the damage. We're all damaged mentally and physically. Yeah, to be honest, Adam, we're all so damaged on the inside, it only feels right.

I want to try and... Oh, man. Nah, I won't fuck you over too much. We'll save to not, like, PTSD. I think it's already here. Adam, we already have that. You don't have to roll. You don't have to roll.

We have that as characters't have to roll you don't have to roll we just assume we have that as characters and individuals Adam very devil's flame is like super hard to control conjure

and understand you can't none of you no three of you like from what you know of devil's flame couldn't possibly imagine that more than

even the multitude of drow that you've seen, that more than one of them understands Devil's Flame, this guy's the one. Ah, so we're meant to get pissed, guys. Just letting you know. Not drunk. Yeah.

That look. That's the one that killed me. Did I see this guy who fucking Devil's Flamed that guy? Yep, you saw it. I'll turn on him. You'll have to, like, get up to him. You'll be avoiding the drow you're next to as well. Yeah, that's fine.

He gets a free attack, which misses. Dodge out of the way. Leopard style. Leopard attack. And I'll use my magic leopard attack as well, where I drag him a bit. Oh, it's not magic. It's a bit magic. it's not magic it's a bit magic it's not magic well i'm a leopard and normally i'm a woman so so i must admit yeah that's right ladies and gentlemen another no doesn't come back you like chomp at his leg and as you you maybe like pull

backwards and you're about to be you you like feel him slip a little bit and you maybe like pull backwards and you're about to be you like feel him slip a little bit and you're like yeah break the back of your fucking head you cunt Jesus alright you just bite him dealing like three points of damage hey it's something Zilly

you take four points of damage only four? whatever I'll be fine I'll be dead I think I'm dying. Four points of damage. Only four? Whatever. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be dead.

Both are fine options. Everything's fucking great. The fire continues to burn you. Really? Can you staunch that yourself? Healing magic. No. Stop dropping rolling.

Not even a bit. Guess who can as a leopard now? Not you. Are you going to, though, is the question. I'm kind of busy. Just saying. She's not really a good healer. Yeah, I'm not really...

We're not on great terms. That's true. We did have a good nice little bear hug. We've sort of bonded somewhat, but not a lot. But I don't think I'm at the forefront of your mind right now. No, not 100%. Whose turn is it? Zilli, it's your turn still.

Oh, sorry. You haven't done anything, but take damage. I thought you just told me to take damage. No, no, no, no. It's your turn. Think about doing chill touch. Or pyrotechnics. No, that's setting me up as a trap, Adam.

But what if it works? It won't. It'll just be fire. But what if it... Wait, the drow! It'll fuck up the drow! Yeah, pyrotechnics! No, no, Adam!

No, don't do it! You throw your torch into the center of the room. Can I yell something? Yeah. Please, first? Go ahead. Hold on. Maybe just, like, shield your eyes to my friends.

Hey, you, Adam, you piece of shit. Throw the torch into the center of the room and you cast pyrotechnics. I'm gonna yell. We'll do reflex saves but we'll fail. Hey, whatever. We'll fail reflex saves. Four rounds blind. Good. Silly, you pass.

Hey! Good for you. Yeah. Everett, you don't. I figured. Cassius passes. you! Yeah! Ezra, you don't. I figured. Cassius passes. Hey! Yeah! The drow... All die.

Instantly. All pass. Pass. But they pass the effects, the regular effects, but they're still blinded because of a... So, what happens is, you get the blindness from the pyrotechnics, which everyone would get, but then the drow, it's like double affects them. They can save to avoid the pyrotechnics,

but they can't save to avoid drow being bad at sunlight. So, I'm going to roll two dice, and you should hope, Edric, that they don't come to before you do. I'm just going to keep swinging, blind, whatever.

Zilly's not near me. You know what I should have done? I mean, I wouldn't have damaged them, but how good to cast light on my gauntlets and just punch them blind. So the drow will be blind for two rounds. Edric will be blind for four. 17. Good.

Great. That's what you want, Edric. That was Zilly, Edric, you're blind. Why am I blind? From memory. Sorry? Did you say I was blind? No, I said Edric.

So from memory. From memory, yeah. So I killed two. So who's... There are three drow. There was the one... Three drow from the nine. One that was fighting Cassius.

And then two that ripped to shreds that other guy who was fighting Cassius and then two that ripped to shreds that other guy who was fighting them. Then there's the one that fell off the rock, the one on the rock. The ones that were near, the ones that I killed recently, do I know that there's roughly people near me? You could

get to them, but it's going to be... I'm going to do that. I'm going to fuck it. Now I'm mad. Yep, take him out. Heist or lose? Heist. Okay, yep. You swing, and you connect. Who do you connect with?

Is there a mystery? Yeah, so Edric steps forward, and the drow that attacked Cassius, he brings his hammer down on his head. Killing him. Cleave? Yep.

Blind Cleave. Blind Cleave. Yeah, you're going to be the next one in line, Cassius. Nah, she's jumped up. Heysel was. Heys. Cleave misses. Oh, well.

You can take your second attack, though, because you only did a five-foot step. Then yes, I do. You know it. Highs or lows? Highs. You hit. All right. Yeah.

There's not enough substance in a drow for you to really tell when you've connected, but from the splash of blood, you're pretty sure you did. And you can clean. Highs or lows? Highs. Nah. You're just swinging you did. Go. And you can please. Highs or lows? Highs. Nah.

You're just swinging wildly at this point. Yeah, you step forward and you're just swinging wildly. You happen to hit two drops. All right. In my head, I'm like, one, two, there's one more left. All right, one, two, three, four. Let's do some quick Nord math real quick. Nord math.

We carry the one. We're never taught math. And then we multiply by five, divide it by 2.8. You can read. I can read. And then we add 11. I feel like my math has gotten wrong.

I'm going to fire a fireball out of my mouth next turn. Just throw it up. Just a... I hear a cat. A fire hairball. Yeah, it's going to be a good time. Have you ever seen a cat throw up a hairball? No.

It's the worst. I hate it. Worse than watching a cat take a duke? Yes, much worse. Because you're like, is my cat dying? It's an element of fear. A little bit. The first time you see a cat throw, start up an actual hairball,

you're like, what are you doing? What the hell is this? Call the fucking vet! Nope, just a hairball. Oh, it hasn't finished. Okay, so the drow on the rock points a finger very similar to the way Allie does

when she's casting lightning. Uh-oh. He wasn't blind? Like this? Oh, yeah, he was blinded, but he can still do stuff like you did. Come on, aim at other drow. Aim at other drow. There's only two drow remaining.

Highs or lows, Cassius? Highs. And highs or lows, Zilly? Lows. I'm so happy. Thank you. Did it bite the list? Yeah, it does.

Oh, no. So, Cassius, you're like point blank range. You managed to dodge a little bit so that fingers aren't pointing directly at you. But when the electricity burst from his hands. I'm still getting some of the. Here's a little fun fact. Did you know it can get up to 100 degrees Celsius around a lightning strike?

Oh, no. Oh, no. That happens. I'm going to get hot. Zilly, you're just not expecting it, and it hits you. Oh, no. It's bad.

Get a piece of your own fucking medicine. Adam, you gave me the spell! True. Okay, 19 damage to Zilly, which puts you in the negatives. What? How? Negative four. That's not how numbers work, Adam.

Yeah, it is. What are you on now? From my records, you're in negative four. I thought I was on 22, so negative what? 19. I had you on 15 before then. Well, looks like this sweet angel. No.

No. Hang on, wait. Before I forget, eight damage to Cassius. Oh, whatever. this sweet angel... No, I... No. Hang on, wait. Before I forget, 8 damage to Cassius. Oh, whatever. I've got... Let me see yours. Ali's super fucking salty. 26 to 22.

Do you remember what those blows were? Yeah, the fucking fire, and then the next fire. Fire, burn damage, and now lightning. Maybe someone did math wrong. Yeah, you. Oh, okay,, and now lightning. Maybe someone did math wrong. Yeah, you. Okay, so you're on negative four then. Well, this is a... I'm going to have a nap.

See you guys. And guess who still has wildfire. Fire. Oh, God. Not wildfire, whatever. And I'm blind. Can't help you. Okay.

I kind of deserve it. Like, I tried to yell out, cover your eyes, and it didn't quite work. I mean, here we are again. Oh, actually, no, you know what? We'll go back. That's okay. What was yours? 22?

And you took 19. Yeah, which means a three. Yeah, so that'll put you on three. I'll give you the three. Wesley's on negative two. All right, can we? Whoa, whoa. So Wesley and I are dying together

No you're on three I'll give you your one You're on three Alright Well it's fine I've got one fire damage coming Let's do this That was the drow's turn

Cassius He's blind yeah For another one I might want to give a quick old heal To that regenerating bugger lugs over there I can't see that she's damaged. Oh, no, you're not blind, right? You're blind.

No, Cassius isn't blind. Cedric is blind and so are the drow. I kind of get the idea, but this guy could damage us again. Might as well take him out. Yeah, fair enough. I'll use Produce Flame out of my mouth into his body. You cast that one turn and then you don't get to use it until next turn. That's fine.

Okay. Because he's blinded, he doesn't get an attack on you, so you get your turn to cast Produce Flame. There's a fireball in your fucking mouth. That is not a weapon. Zilly. It's a mummy. Yeah, all right.

How's this going? High damage. You're on negative two. Oh, no. I'm on negative. When do I get to see this terrible, terrible... Oh, Christ. Wesley is on negative three.

Oh, no. Did he lose another point? Yep. He'll lose a point every round. What? Why? Oh, because that's how damage works. Yeah, that's how bleeding out works.

Do you need me to explain it again? No, it's fine. I don't know why Xamarin has his head in his hands. I'm blind. He's in his own world fine. I don't know why Xamarin has his head in his hands. I'm blind. He's in his own world of evil. I can't do shit about it. Edric, it's your turn. Second turn of your four rounds.

Four rounds. Oh, how great. Two more rounds. Do I know? There's a draw in front of you. You can tell. Sure. Now keep yelling at my unconscious buddy.

Can I get a highs or lows? Low. Yeah, you hit him Good That's a drow dead Hurrah for this one Maybe You don't know yet

You can try charging forward if you want To do what? I'm blind You know about where he is What? When you come back you might be able to do something The guy who was making the wildfire You can charge towards him

You won't know where he is And you won't be able to attack this turn. But you get closer. Yeah, you can get closer. I kind of want to get close to Zilly. You're not really sure what happened to Zilly. You don't want to get close to Zilly. Cassius needs to get close to Zilly, otherwise she's not going to survive.

When Edric wakes up, Edric's going to be like, well, he's lost his mum. He's lost his potential lover. Or the one you imagine that he'd probably want to eventually settle down with. A guy in his care. I hope this figures out the way I want it to. Because you guys did some amazing things and I'm so

happy you fucked up this colossal thing. The guy who's like, who was my army dad. His son's dead. And he's probably dead too. And my younger sister who I'm like, I'll try and protect. Good. Yep. Everyone's dead. Nah, charge forward, Adam.

Sure. You know what? You're super sad. No, no, no. Let's check to hear her hit the ground. I'll give you that. That's actually fair. No, I would say you hear like a thump. You hear something hit the ground. I'll give you that. That's actually fair. No, I would say you hear like a thump. You hear something hit the ground behind you. Who's it is?

So I hear it's Zilly. You could work out maybe it was Zilly. You know Zilly got hit by the wildfire. And I charge. Yeah, you saw that, right? Yeah. So you know she is in trouble. So I charge towards Zilly then.

Okay, you turn back. You're like scrambling around. Wesley! Hi! Lowe's. Lowe's. Okay, you turn back. You're like scrambling around. Wesley! Hi! Lowe's? Oh, wow. Good job. Yeah, you find her a burning corpse. Oh, God.

But you don't know. You're blind. You're just feeling it with your hands. You can't do anything, though. No, you can't. Don't worry. I've fired my fireball. I'll turn around and come get you. Oh, I can scream out to Cassius, though. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to scream out to Cassius.

Oh, okay, all right. I don't like Adam's little orgasm noise just then. I need to know if he needs to know exactly where you are for hold person. What's hold person? It freezes him, paralyzes him. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Adam, don't do this. It freezes him, paralyzes him Uh oh Uh oh Uh oh Adam, don't do this

Whatever, Zillian can do shit Me! Zillian can fucking die, I don't care What? The emotional Izo Lowe's Lowe's Cassius Lowe's

I'm so sorry I didn't mean it Oh, you're so You you are so fucking lucky. So he casts a spell. You don't know what the spell is. But, like, as soon as he brings his hands down, you feel like a wash of, like, it feels like your muscles are turning to stone.

Uh-oh. But you just, like, fucking fight it off. You keep going. You hear Edric, like like calling out for you. Okay. What language do you call out in? Common. Common? Okay.

The drow looks at where he assumes you are, Cassius, and he says, yes, that's right. Return to your master and kill yourselves. What? you are Cassius and he says yes that's right return to your master and kill yourselves what? what's going on?

what's this fucking sign to me? I'm so confused some stuff happens behind the scenes so now it is Cassius is down well my flame ball happens now. Yep, you can fire that at him.

Hit. You deal two points of damage. God damn it. Isn't it 1d6 plus one level? Touch or throw? That's what I've got written. You might be right. So it should be more.

Burn to death, you cunt. You're talking shit about me and what I do. So does that, is that your turn? No. Okay. I was like, because if so, I'm mad. So, fuck you, Jackson. No, no, no, no.

That just is something I set up last turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be very funny. Like, yeah, it is my turn. Best level, maximum five. Okay, cool. So it deals five damage. All right. That's good. Hey, it's something turn. Okay, cool. So it deals five damage. All right.

It's good. Hey, it's something. It's not nothing. Oh, then you turn around and run back? Okay. Zilli? Can you heal? He can't heal this turn.

Why not? To attack. You attacked. No, no, no. That was from last turn. Yeah, no, no. You cast the spell. It appears.

Then you use it as an attack. Fuck you, Jackson. I feel like I'm gonna heal. Zilli, you fail to stabilize, and you take three points of damage from the wildfire, so you're on negative six. Holy shit. Negative six.

Wesley is on a negative four. What? I don't care about me. You just saved my fucking weasel. Zilly. Edric. I'm going to scramble in Zilly's bag so I know she's got a potion of healing and try and heal her. How's all those?

Nice. You can't find it. God damn it. God damn it. That was Edric's turn. Am I blind still? Yes, you'll be blind for another round. Okay, Drow.

Drow. What's he doing? I'm not going to be emotional. Like, just an emotional wreck. You are. He's going to fucking emotional. Like, just an emotional wreck. You are. He's going to fucking destroy you. Drought does what? Everyone's looking away.

I'm so frightened about what the fuck they're doing to me. Cassius, the drought does something, you don't know what's happening. What the fuck is going on? That is super weird. Okay. Cassius, it's your turn. You can cast cure if you want. Is there a region where cure won for the wildfire or whatever?

I can't cure the wildfire. You expend one use of your cure. Which cure do you use? Moderate or... Whatever the highest one, which I think is moderate. Yeah. That doesn't... Usually, I'd say it puts it on positive damage.

All it does is it just stops the wildfire and stabilizes Zilli. Done. So, Zilli, you're going to stay pretty on negative six. Wesley is going to continue to lose hit points, though. Yeah, Wesley goes to negative five. We're going to have a dead weasel and a dead sister in our heads. Edric, last turn being blind. What do you want to do?

Just, you know, save at the moment. She's been cured. Oh, no, Cassius can't communicate that. Do I know Cassius is here? Yeah. You can probably tell, yeah. Do I know where she came from? Sort of, yeah.

I kind of just bull rush. That direction? That direction. Okay. You charge down. You can hear your breaths. You can hear the clanking of your metal. You can feel the heavy, cool weight of your great hammer in your hands.

And your muscles are straining. Your lungs are burning. You start scrambling up the hill, but you can't find Drow. Oh, man. So the Drow's turn. What? This sneaky fucking guy. What's he fucking doing?

Drow does something. No one notices. What's going on? Cassius, it's your turn. If you turn around, you can just find out, but Wesley is dying as well. I would keep healing the unconscious sister figure. Yeah, that's probably what I'll be doing.

We don't know about the weasel. The weasel is... I'm not counting on Wesley. I cast it on her again. Oh, okay. Moderate wounds. Okay, Zilly, cast it on her again. Oh, okay. Moderate wounds. Okay. Zilly, you are on 12 hit... Sorry, 11 hit points.

A positive 11 now. Ooh, I'm awake. And your eyes flutter open. You're conscious. Okay. I'd like to call for Wesley. Wesley does not respond. I know.

Well, away! Wesley goes to a negative six. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's having bad luck just staunching himself. Stupid weasel. He's not staunching himself. He's just bleeding out. He's just a weasel. Zilli, you get a turn, though.

You're prone. I'd like to run to Wesley. He's in your pocket. Oh, sure. Run to your pocket? Weird. Take him out of your pocket? I'd like to take him out.

Wherever you keep him. And give him a potion. Hold on. Do potions work on animals, guys? Let's find out. What potion or what is it? Potion of cure moderate wounds. Moderate?

Yep. Overkill? I'm going to overdose my weasel. Full of potion. Like a big sad weasel body. I've never felt more alive. Wesley is on 13 hit points. Yay!

Wesley's fine. I've never felt more alive, ma'am. Wesley's eyes flutter open. With our adventure. I'm going to hold him real close. Hold him real tight. He clutches you back. Edric, you're conscious.

Not conscious. You can see again. The drow has, like, jumped off the rock where the other one, the one that he, like, beat the rock where the other one that one that he like beat the shit out of has landed he's he's like got that drow like he's dragged him up onto his knees and has like a dagger to his throat looking at you like sort of you know giving it like sort of a come at me and i'll kill this drow sort of fashion why does why do we use like why do i care if you kill that drow? What the fuck's going on? The drow holding the other one gives a little wicked smile,

and he says, Ah, I see. He just slits that guy's throat. Rude. Cassius? All right. I'm going to just turn around. He's the only drow left? He's the guy's throat. Rude. Cassius? All right. I'm going to just turn around. He's the only drow left?

He's the only one left. I'm going to just pad towards him and sit by Edric. No, no, no. Spread around. Flank, flank, flank. Okay, so I'm going to say temporarily out of initiative. The drow stands a little higher and says, My name is Esset.

I was one of the two factions of drow. Do you understand what a matron mother in a drow house is? No. No. I point at him and say that as Edric, and then I say no and point to you and say that as Amit. What? So drow houses are...

So the drow arrange themselves into houses, yes? Each one competing with another for power and population and such and such. Rarely, but it does happen sometimes. We come together to work on certain things. Even above ground,

the drow arrange themselves into houses. We are from two separate, he gestures to the dead body in front of him, two separate, but powerful above ground drow houses. His people were a little bit more, shall we say, bloodthirsty than mine. And so when... Initially, under my orders... Is that like that dice gathering that's happening there? bloodthirsty than mine. And so when...

Initially, under my orders... Is that like that dice gathering that's happening there? Initially, under my orders, your people were not to be harmed, not truly, but taken prisoner and such. He gestures to the wagon next to him. Oh. We were not as interested, more interested in not so much revenge, but more just pinpoint strikes to show that the drow are not so weak

and not to be trifled with. He's lying, by the way. You can all tell. I'd like to zap him with lightning, please. Okay, cool. You do that, but he fails to save him. Now he's going to get killed. This war is over, you piece of shit.

And charge at him with my hammer. Before you can get in, a bolt of lightning zips past you as fast as, well, as a bolt of lightning. Blasts this drow, lifts him off his feet, slams him against the back wall. He crumples and dies. I follow through with my swing. I'd like to walk up to me. He trusts the corpse. I'm like, I am done with your fucking shit.

I'm done with this town. I'm fucked. I'm taking the fucking weasel and I'm leaving. And that's it. Okay. All right. I'm done. What do you do then?

I'd like to inspect the wagon. I love your pluck zillies, but we still have something else to take care of. But it is like the lock is just hanging off it. It's unlocked, basically. Can I have a look inside? You open the door. Inside, you find... I suppose I've become Cassius again. Inside, you find just tons of

Nordic people. Children from the... Alive. All of them alive, chained to the walls. A bunch of them are children. A bunch of them are older people. Like, just a hodgepodge. Karl Hoff? Karl Hoff is among them, yeah.

He's super emancipated because he's very tired and such. Karl Hoff! Adam, we have beaten your world! Karl Hoff! I think I might still be dying. Karl Hoff Hoff what happened What the fuck Carl Hoff looks up at you and he says

Hersha And his eyes like focus a little bit And he says no No you're not Where's Hersha I say I'm going to fast forward some stuff here Dead and sad

You start rousing Carl Hoff and the other people here And they begin to tell you the story There were two separate drow houses here, right? One of them was led by Eset, the man you killed, and one of them was led by Hepiad Moonwalker. I remember that guy. Yeah. And I'm guessing he was the one that got his throat slit, yeah?

Yep, Moonwanderer, sorry. Right, so Hepiad, who was in charge of this group of drow, was not, well, not a good man, but he was an honorable man. And so, his orders were actually not to kill innocents and to only take people captive. Okay. And they would basically use this to exchange for drow prisoners. Not drow, but elven prisoners.

Yeah. That was their plan. It's fine. Not shit. That sounds good. That's what we want. The drow from the other house, led by Esset, were pretty mad about this. And so during one of the raids, or a couple of the raids, Esset started setting demon, devil fire around the place.

So Hepiad had him basically confined to the cave and stopped allowing him out on raids. This was exacerbated by the fact that the townsfolk strung up Drow. So Esset is like, hey Drow, revolt with me. There was a massive infight.

It was the small group of people loyal to Hepiad, Hepiad himself, and his wife, a cleric. Not of the drow god, usually of Lolth, but of a different, nicer god. Were they the ones who called for the paper? Sorry? The paint. Were they the ones who called for the paint and easel?

Yes, they were the ones. So a couple things click for you as they explain it. They were trying to heal us. The paint and easel were requested so that they could... The plan was basically to leave it among the orphanage and hope that the Nordic people would find it and use it to cure their people. We just made wooden cows.

You also remember the letter you got from that drow patrol. Harm a single person and I'll flay the skin from your bones. Take a single person I a single person and I'll flay the skin from your bones. Take a single person I don't say, I'll flay the skin from your bones. I thought they were talking about the elves! They were talking about You work out that Happyad's wife was

potentially trying to resurrect Herja when you killed her. Oh no, Adam! Adam! No! Adam! No! No! No!

Adam, no! Come here so I can flick you on the nose. Yeah, I knew you wouldn't come over. Oh, damn, it's so mad at you right now. When Esset saw you guys in there, he assumed you knew what Hepiad was doing and was there to help Hepiad. He took Hepiad prisoner.

When he realized you guys didn't know what the fuck was going on, he slid Hepiad's throat and tried to take his place in the situation. Yeah. All right. Well, good thing I killed him then. That's true.

That's great. I was feeling bad at the start. Good for us. Not so much. I killed him then. That's true. So that's great. I was feeling bad at the start. Good for us. Maybe not so much. I guess we should go home, guys. I guess we should leave. I'm sadder now. Adam, you have no fucking soul.

Have we literally done any one good thing? You, like, quickly finish up here, and then you probably make good your exit. On the way out, the Nordic people explain to you what happens, or as best as they can surmise it. It's hard for them to understand because many of them didn't speak English. Many of them didn't speak Elven. These Nords, they were well fed, looked after, and they have basically no horror stories.

They were just captured. Oh, that's good. Pretty much every town's member is accounted for here yeah i was gonna say the total number of dead has dropped from like you assumed nearly 100 to maybe six and one of them was maestra that sucks as as the group moves uh the conversation like starts to take form and the naughty people feel like they're trying to starting to get to a consensus the drow are evil awful people who captured them here for some sort of awful experiment perhaps you were pretty sure that one of the nicer house did not plan on hurting anyone who well they planned on like you know assaulting the town and that sort of stuff

but they didn't want anyone who didn't have to die to die they looked like they kept a lot of the you know young as well kept as they could like maybe that fire was just a distraction maybe it was set by one of the other houses or something like that it did they did hurt a lot of people one of the houses hurt a lot of people But the other one looked like it was trying to mediate that hurt. Trying to not allow it so much. So many of these Nordic prisoners were well fed, well kept and such. As they continue, the Nords are like, both houses, awful. Fuck them.

And at first it was, they treated us well, they fed us. And then the conversation is more like, no, like, at first it was they treated us well, you know, they fed us. And then the conversation is more like, no, they didn't. They didn't treat us well. They beat us. They whipped us. Look, um, such and such has bruising or something like that. And they just, all the little things, they make them worse.

Slowly convince themselves. That all the drow were just evil. You get back to Lor Mekane. As you're approaching, you see, like, it's a lot bigger than when you left. Like, it's almost back to its old self. But there's, like, this wall around it. And it's manned very heavily with troops. You approach.

They, like, tell you to halt. But, you know, after a little bit, they work out who you are. You find out what happened. So you go in, and there's a commander there. The commander informs you that your owl was winged on his way and arrived walking at lock four. Ah!

Mr. Fists! The commander informs you that they were also waylaid by Pabonet's forces on the way to your town. And so it took them a lot longer than they would have gotten. It also took them a little bit longer as well because they tried to leave immediately. But Mr. Fists refused to allow them to leave. Mr. Fists is with the commander. He's got like his you can tell there's like

a little dried blood on his beanie and one of his wings is in a cast aww Mr. Fist I just take Mr. Fist in my arms

and hold him I hold him I cast speak to animal and I'm like you're the one good thing in this world Mr. Fist

you're the one good thing and I'm gonna cuddle him and just is the drow dead? Are they all dead? Just like turn and look at Edric Yeah The drow are

We sorted that problem out The drow are dead Good come let's have a drink No I think I'll be okay Are you sure? The menace is finally over Perhaps asleep then You're all led to beds I think I'll be okay. Are you sure? The menace is finally over. Yeah, well... Perhaps asleep, then.

Yeah, perhaps asleep. You're all led to beds, and you, um... Hit the hay like a sack of fucking hammers. I don't sleep. I don't sleep at all. Maybe the reason you came... Karlhoff, the reason you're here in the first place seems so unimportant now. Oh, yeah.

Daniel, the reason I was here in the first place seems so unimportant now. Oh, yeah. Daniel, the reason I was here in the first place. Not even a fucking factor anymore. Have we spoken to Karl Hoff at all? I'm going to say no. You wake up, or in Edric's case, you just get up because you were awake already, the next morning. And you see on one of the beds karl hoff is sitting there like looking very ashen face and somber and next to him is bertram and they're like bertram is talking to him oh no bertram explained what happened to daniel not ask i gave him like a cursory glance i'm like

fuck this i'm just sorry to karl hoff i Oh, you go up and you say that? Yeah. Karlhof, like, grabs one of your hands and both of his, and he looks up at you. He's, like, hunched over. This man, like, he was treated, like, very poorly, but, like, he's been treated in a lot of different ways. Both the houses had him at one point.

He looks up at your eyes and he says, I know. Thank you. The commander approaches you. Pabonet, would you like to see him? His forces have been almost completely routed and we captured him alive, surprisingly. We're keeping him in one of the buildings here.

Personally, I don't care. Oh, wait. No, Sam's going to lose his shit. Yeah, I'll see him. Oh, he's excited. Anyone else? I'm good. Nah.

Okay. We'll be right down, Finn. They've got him like, there's like a bunch of makeshift, not makeshift, well, whatever. There's a bunch of tents here that the troops are using. And then like the buildings, most of them are dilapidated or burnt down. So they're just slowly trying to rebuild them as well. You get into this large like prison tent, basically. There's a ton, not a ton. there's like five elves in total kept here they're all chained to stakes in the ground and

they look malnourished and badly treated treated one up the other end would have to be pabonette he's like just exclude even trapped here he's got just got this aura of power and command as you step in he looks at you and you know he's like he's malnourished like the rest of them he's wounded like the rest of them he's chained to a stake in the ground like the rest of them but he doesn't look like a loser he's like he looks up at you and he in his eyes eyes, is all right. He's all right, Samit. The commander turns to you and says, I understand you've done a lot.

I've been told of your exploits. And, well, I'm willing to just take a little walk around the tent. As long as he's still alive when I get back. Thank you. Commander leaves. I, um... Pabonet tries to stand, but he can't from the chains. Grab my warhammer out. And put it on the ground.

Oh, okay. And I walk up to Pabonet. Why? That's a good question, he says. Why? He doesn't say anything else. You're either going to hit me, or you're either going to hit me or you're going to search for answers. Neither of them will bring you solace. I'm not going to hit you. Why? This war was done.

We were over. We had a truce. He laughed a little. You and me? Not you and me. Our people. We were done. This war was done. Yeah, we did shitty things. You did shitty things, so fucking what? It's a goddamn war.

And you brought it back here. You brought it to us. The war will never be over, people like you and me. Never. No, the war is over. And the war's over for me. And you know what? Good luck with it, mate. You can walk away if you're going to, if you think that's going to make you feel better. And you can tell yourself the war is over. But you will never leave this tent. You will never leave this war.

I know. Because you and me, it might be cliche, but it's true. We're not so different. We're probably not. But you know what, Pabonet? For everything that you've done, for everything that you've put me through,

that you've put. For everything that you've put me through. That you've put our people through. I forgive you. What? Oh. He doesn't know what to say. He's just quiet. He kneels back down and says. He doesn't say anything.

He just kneels back down. His aura is gone. He doesn't feel defeated. He just feels like what... He doesn't seem defeated. He just seems like what he is. An elf. Thank you for listening to Husperma Pride, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. I hope

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