D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #14 The Ritual

Episode Date: February 9, 2019

Where we find drink from a religious font.Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: https://twitter.com/RetroArchetypeCass: https://twitter.com/CassCassPaigeTom: https://twitter.com/AwkwardTreedShanks: https://twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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you can grab some awesome enamel Sants Pants pins so you can show the whole world which idiots you love. Grab them now. Welcome to episode 14 of Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for Noids Adventure. Pirate. It's coiling up right behind Lunabon, ready to launch itself at her while she's cry fighting. When it launches through the air, you stab forwards with your rapier and skewer it through the head.

The snake that Shanks cut in half up to its neck, up to its head. Yeah. Can I turn it into a boa? It's a bloody one. It's already a boa! Yay! I stop and go, wait, remember last time? I stood on a thing and it sank and got as depressed as

I feel every fucking morning. The prevailing wisdom is when you're making a trap in a dungeon, you make it so that a person will set it off, not a rock. Adam? If I step in the wind, if I use Step of the Wind, could I step up to the wall, touch it, and then step back? I just start walking through. I march on over. Let's go. Kind of at the epicenter of the entire mosaic is this large iron door, also made out of mosaic. The iron door has a halo, a ring of light around it. One of the snake statues

collapses. It cracks and crumbles. I'm so sorry. Just give me one sec. Hang on. I've just got to really do something really important. Don't come up with anything clever. Oh, you fucking bastard. I know exactly what you're doing. Okay, quickly. You've got five minutes! No! No! No! No!

Oh, no! You can hear a distant echoing ahead of you, which begins to resolve into chanting. You can see a light up ahead of you. There's a light shining through along the tunnel. You get closer and you realize that the tunnel stops and there's a hole down. Who wants to be the first one to crawl up to the hole? Hellanus the Brave.

Yes. Since the second part of your name is The Brave. Sure, I'll trigger every trap in this place. Thank you, Linus. No one else is protecting your family. He keeps going. Family? He called us a family.

Thanks, Uncle Linus. As he walks past you, Moto Bene, he gives you a pat on the head and he says you're a good kid. And I mice up welling up a little bit. I know. I'm just angry all the time. He gets down onto his hands and knees, shuffles forwards. You can hear him wince once or twice because he's in such contact with the ground now.

But he leans over and looks at the hole down and then crawls back to you guys and says, they're doing some sort of ceremony or something like that. It's like a scene out of I don't know, Indiana Jones or something. What pretty hell is Indiana Jones? It's a puppet show from when I was a boy. Wouldn't it be like, what's like a state

in D&D? It's a big nerdy elf town. It's a Kandor no, yeah, Kandor no, yeah, Kandor Smith. Yeah, Kandor elf. Kandor elf. No, Kandor dwarf. Way better. Sorry. I'm done. Anyway, he describes to you the scene.

It's a large platform surrounded by just kind of like a plunge into inky blackness. There's a bridge that heads presumably towards the other path that you could have taken through the ziggurat and on this large platform with the cavern all around them are several people who have been taken from the town all tied to posts roughly in the center there are in total six yonti standing chanting, moving slowly in a circle.

Linus seems unsure whether or not he actually saw this. You can tell that it's unnerved him a little bit, but he said that he saw a large iron door hovering just in the middle of the air with a faint red light all around it. Oh, I love this, Adam. This is great. Thank you. Let's go. Linus, how was the room lit? light all around it. I love this, Adam. This is great.

Larnus, how was the room lit? It was lit dully by sconces, by torches, which appear to be part of the ceremony. Thank you, Larnus. So I believe our friends were down there, part of the ceremony. Yes. Oh, it's a 60-foot drop down. You're pretty much situated

right above them. I have a 50-foot rope. It's only a 50-foot rope. So it's only a 10-foot rope? Sorry? So we're directly above them, or are we over the inky blackness? No, you're over... Well, the hole is pretty much directly over the center of their little ceremony.

You'd be falling basically onto the people you're saving. How much damage would we take jumping from... It's a D6 per 10 feet, so 66. Oh. With a 3.5 average, that's 3.5 times 6, is...

I can't math right now for some reason. 18 plus 18 is 36. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool, cool. A lot. Yeah, a bit. We'd die. Yeah, the fall would kill pretty much any one of you on average. If you dropped that 50 feet of rope, you would lose all surprise.

You might get attacked on the way down, but you'd only need to fall 10 feet. Right. I have a theory. We could use the rope, and I could do some fun magic time thermaturgy and blow out all the candles, giving us a dramatic surprise entrance. They're a bit too large to be blown out with thermaturgy. I am. I have another 50 foot of rope.

We could tie it together. Actually, no, I think thermaturgy does allow you to do it. No, no, actually you could I could blow out all the candles and we could climb the 100 feet of rope down And surprise them that way You're in the You're in the shaft Above the castle

You guys are doing this now This is entirely On you guys You made the world You're like Tobias. Like you don't realize Tobias Fionke. You don't realize you're doing this.

Everything you say is I like to think of myself as a little bit younger than Tobias Fionke. That's how we tell you apart. Yeah. Yeah. It's true.

I've never seen you outside of those cut off denim shorts. I like that you both you were both basically stumbling over each other to make the same joke. I never knew. Never knew. Fuck yes. I like that you both, you were both basically stumbling over each other to make the same joke. I never knew.

Never knew. Fuck yes. What's that written on your business card? Oh, Jesus. Leather daddy. I want something that says leather daddy. We've got a hundred foot of rope or loofed rope. One minus loofed rope.

What? What's loofed? What's Luft? It's what the word 100 foot looks like. Luft. I thought you were making a Luft balloons joke. All right. So let's get stuck into this. All right.

So you're in the, I don't want to call it a corridor. It's more like a passageway of some sort. Yeah, but looking down onto the scene beneath you. Well, you haven't, only Linus has seen it, you guys are still plotting. Linus, did you see the people that we have come here to rescue? Linus nods. Can you, were they all there? Linus thinks about it and he says, well, I believe so, yes.

Did you see Dark Durant? Yes. Did you see Miss Greenchapel? Yes. Can we make a plan already, please? Did you see Paula? What? Paula?

Who? My rabbit, Paula. She's white and perfect. You really are nature Hitler. Oh, my God, no! Linus. Linus looks at Eve. He's just sitting there.

Oh, my God. This is some very low-hanging fruit. That fruit was so low-hanging it was touching the ground. I didn't have to even reach out. It just, like, fell into my hand. I was like, well, it'd be rude not to. I'm sorry, Cass. All right.

Linus looks to each of you in turn and then, well, actually, he's giving you, like, a what? What is she talking about sort of look? Linus, she's talking about her rabbit companion who she cares deeply for. I don't know. I wasn't looking for a rabbit. I was looking for people. Yeah, that's a classic person. But did you see a rabbit while looking for people, Lance?

No, I didn't. Yeah, no one considers nature. They just go around and pillage everything. I have to say, Lance, I regret sending you to look into the pit because you did not observe. Go back and look for the rabbit. No. Let's just get into the pit. She'll be there.

Oh, fuck. I wanted to intimidate Linus into going to look into the rabbit. No. Let's just get into the pitch. She'll be there. Oh, fuck. I wanted to intimidate Linus into going to look into the rabbit. Oh, you can. You can try. What are my chances? Linus is a lot bigger than you. Yeah, but I have scary eyes and a snake thing, and I haven't

drunk in two hours. Potentially. Look, you can try. Linus, I have not had a drink in two hours. Please, could you just go look for the fucking rabbit you'll be drinking your own teeth if we don't keep moving I'll remember that for later note to self teeth good source of snack

alright so see how it maybe like works her way between Linus and Goody and says, do we have a plan? Yes. Did you guys want to use that rope? If we use the hundred foot of rope and go down, then Goody can use Thermaturgy to extinguish all the candles until we get back down there and then light them all up again.

And I'm also here. Thanks, Malto. You do you. Okay. Actually, Malto, can you see if there's any, like, magical things going on besides the door? But firstly, I'd like to inspire you bardically again. You give them both bardic inspiration?

That's two points of bardic inspiration from you? Hey, guys. I have three spells left that are all first level. I used a heat metal. I used my last second level slot to get out of that thing. That we didn't need to get out of. Yep! I spent two ki points.

Yeah, I now can't be an animal again. I had extra ki points for being drunk, but I still used them. I was saving them for this fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We panicked. We panicked panickedly. We did. Are you thermoturging first or lowering rope first? If we lower the rope, they'll spot the rope straight away.

Yeah. But if we thermoturgy, then lower the rope and then get down there, they'll be like, what the fuck's going on? And then, bam, surprise. Yes. Want to do the second one, Adam? All right, cool. I've got invisibility.

I can cast that and sneak. Yeah, you could also do that. You've still got to get down there is the problem. That's true. Still got to get down. Is Adam going to fuck us by climbing down the rope in the dark? Is that going to be a thing he does? No, we can...

Yeah, we've got darkvision. Okay, cool. You have darkvision, right? No, I don't think I do. We'll just put Malta between the two of us. Can I jump on your back? Probably. Can I jump on your back? Probably. Can I jump on my back?

Yeah, you can. Great, you can jump on my back. Okay, yes. Okay, so you use thermiturgy with a tremendous... Oh, how does it happen? Blowing it out, sneeze, and then they go out. Burp. All right.

A loud burp rings through the bottomless pit all around. And with that, all of the bonfires go out. There's a cry of general surprise from the platform. General surprise. You throw the rope down. Who's first? I'll head down first. Yeah.

All right. We've got to do climb checks, don't we? Yeah. Fuck. Oh, why can't climb checks, don't we? Yes. Fuck. Oh, why can't I just be good at everything? Lunabon, you can get a good boy card. You roll a 20 on the way down. You climbed so well, everyone else climbed down as well as you two.

That's so cool. Goodness, you are holding Molto Bene on your back? I guess. Yeah, I'm like a backpack. I'm like the Yoda to your Luke Skywalker. I'm going to get a disadvantage for this, I can just tell. Yeah, definitely. But I have pretty high dexterity.

I get a bad boy car. What? Shanks, we're in trouble. What? Can we re-roll that? Can we roll? If you have a car, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll just, this is a re-roll.

Chuck that back into the pile. Don't make me re-roll again, Adam. that back into the pile don't make me roll again adam you know i will because i will too i will three we can't fuck this um you so you don't fall but you're hampered at one point halfway down you try to reach out maybe with your leg or something like that to try and feel for rope below you but a tremendous gust of wind that just naturally maybe happens here has blown the rope. Yeah, potentially. And made the rope sway a bit

so you lose your footing just a little bit but you don't fall so you gotta try again. You get down. Yay! And then see... We don't cheer Yeah we don't Oh yeah I've also got my eyes closed

Because my eyes are glowing Oh no All right Whilst we were climbing I had my like hands On either side of your eyes To just kind of like focus The beam of light forward

So nobody would see Take the crown off And put it back on Oh yeah done it would generally be terrifying that if you're a snake person you all the lights go out and then this glowing red-eyed man covered in blood with one of your children wrapped around its neck oh that's good that's great i'm glad this is happening goodness and molto bene it's going to take you two additional rounds after Lunabon gets onto the ground to get onto the ground.

Seahall will be there three rounds after Lunabon and Linus will be there four rounds after Lunabon. Right. I say this because the second Lunabon you're on the ground, combat begins. It's almost as if the snake people have dark vision. Dark vision. Why were we stupid? Check it and see. It's almost as if the snake people have darkvision. Darkvision! Why were we stupid?

Check it and see. Got a fever of 103. But are they a little bit scared by my thermiturgy? They're a little bit shocked, but they know what magic is. Nah, they're snake people. Dumb snake people with no hands. They have magic. How many snake people are on this fucking platform?

Six Lunaborn, you're in a tough situation right now Good thing I'm tough Do I get mother's strength because my baby's in danger? Are you still a dog? I thought you were just saying mother's strength like mother's milk What did you say? You made her just thousand yards stare i might still be a dog no you have to stop being a dog to climb well now i can't be a dog again

ever okay so is everyone really close to me luna bond fuck we're dumb this yeah is gonna hurt This is going to hurt. Four bursts of poisonous acid splash at you as four of the auntie just hurl balls of magical acid. Oh, boy. I get a bad boy card. No. Oh, no, that's good for me. No. No, it's not.

It's when he... it's when either we reap where I failed badly against it yes yes or he rolled a 20 for them Luna bond you take five points of poison damage as one of them when it splashes against you splashes right on your cheek and a lot of it goes in your mouth. You spit it up.

It tastes awful. Oh, Jesus. That's like real life me's actual fear. Swallowing vomit from someone else. Two of them barrel towards you and start tearing at you with teeth and claw. No. Need more dice. Why do I never have enough dice?

How could you not have enough dice? You have a giant gold tin that's only contents is die. Good. It's like a teaching a child morals. Okay. Critical hit. Critical hit. Critical miss.

What? Oh, Cass. You got critical hit critical hit critical miss what oh cass you got critical hit it twice that's you're gonna be dead oh fuck this is gonna go bad hashtag life threatening split lip quadruple damage and spells with a verbal component have a 75 chance of failing until you were healed hashtag setback deep wound. Make a DC 12 constitution saving throw. On a failed save, take an additional D4 piercing damage. But I do spells. Yeah. All that acid in your mouth fucked your tongue up. Spell.

I do spell. It's like when I eat too many salt and vinegar chips and then my mouth goes funny. All right, you make the saving throw so you don't take the extra damage, but you're going to take that quadruple. Yeah, it sounds pretty bad. Quadruple is awful. That's 7, 14, 28. You're down.

Oh, shit. Fuck. You land on the ground and everything goes dark oh and one of them fails ow ow ow i hope it ends up off the platform it also dies oh well none of you saw what just happened but oh i have dark vision adam uh no you didn't see what happened I say so you see one of the yawn tea that leaps

so Lunabon hits the ground balls of acid are thrown at her two yawn tea large bulking creatures they look like the ones that attacked out of the lake or the one that attacked out of the lake Broodguard.

They leap upon Lunabon, and when they come away, one of them is nursing a broken claw. It looks like Lunabon fought back, but Lunabon is prone. I think they said one of them is nursing Lunabon's head. Molto, I don't want to harm you, but it appears that

our friend is in dire need. Wait, which friend? The only friend is in dire need. Which friend? The only one who's down there. You mean? You have people tied up down there. You mean Quest Mom? Quest Mom? Quest Mom!

Lunabon. Yes. You're in death saving throws. Can I please? Thank you. Yeah, you can roll it if you want. So. A 10 and above is good.

I'm going to give you that if you need it. Thank you. Is that a saving throw? Yes. These don't count as saving throws, unfortunately. So, I'm going to give you that if you need it just for whenever. Is that a saving throw? Yes. These don't count as saving throws, unfortunately. Oh, no. When do I roll these?

Roll it now. It's your turn. Wait, wait. Does this count as a skill or attack? No, it doesn't count as a skill or attack. Can we just use it as a reroll? Yep, you can use it as a reroll. We've got five rerolls for you

if you shank it. All right, what did you get? 13. That's a success. So, 10 and above is good, 9 and below is bad. A 1 is 2 fails and 3

kills you. A 20 is you come back with a hit point. For all that fucking 20. Alright, that was Lunabot. Can I heal? No. Alf, you're our healer, aren't you? Yep. That's alright. Seahorse coming down behind us. 4 turns, baby!

Three. Three turns, baby! Well, two now, because we're here. Two turns, baby! Goodness and molto bene. You're halfway down the rope, still making your way down, when a bolt of magical energy sings towards you. Oh, that sucks.

Can I use Stick of the Wind to get down the rope faster? Sorry? Wouldn't affect me. I've already made the rolls to get down the rope. Yeah, that's right. Magical barrage. Two additional targets within the range are affected or the spell's area of effect is increased by 15 feet.

Oh, shit. They can get the other two. Or us twice. No, it's going to be both of you take the damage for this attack. Right. So a bolt of Eldrick energy washes against both of you. It stings and burns. Both of you take nine points of damage.

Oh. Lunabon, it's your turn again. Eleven. Oh. She's getting there. And that was Lunabon. Goody, you're

down on the floor. You've used your movement. You're among those two brood guard. You can attack them if you want. I would like to attack them. Presumably also Molto Bene hops off. Get off my back, boy. It's farting time.

Let's go. Goody, it's your turn, though. So I short sword, and I'm just going to martial arts. Not using a key point yet. Okay. Your first attack is a hit. Second attack is also a hit. You deal 15 points of damage to one of them, slashing him and slapping him on the side of the face.

Yeah, this is a Mrs. Greenchapel open palm fuck you attack. You hit him so hard over the ear that you can hear the ringing. Ah, that was fun. Additionally, goody, there's a large, you couldn't see it before because it was too far away, so it's not really that large actually. It's a very small cup or or um chalice adam chalice i suppose goblet a font a thigh gap yeah it's very small font like thigh gap that is near where the uh the six people the villagers here including uh green chapel and

drant are dr it's filled with a liquid that you smell as alcoholic. Maybe like a wine or something. Oh, gosh. Oh, boy. I'm going to have to fight the urge to fight the fight or go and drink out of that bowl. Would you fight better if you drank out of the bowl?

We don't know what's in the bottle. It's probably just poison that smells like wine. No, but I'd know the difference. Yeah. Also, all poison smells like wine. What? Did you mean the other way around? No.

All poison smells like wine. Yep. Hey, guys. What's the deal with all poison smelling like wine? What's the deal? We all know it, right? Yeah. That rat poison, that smells like a nice sauvignon blanc. Oh. Arsonic?

That smells like a nice sauvignon blanc. Oh, this sauvignon blanc, that smells like a nice chardonnay. Oh no. What's happened? Goodness. The brood guard launch upon you the same way they did Lunabon, who is probably prone right beneath you. You take 15 points of damage as they savage you instead. That's...

Balls of magical poison are thrown through the darkness. Molto bene. One of them will hit you, actually. You take... Five points of damage. Oh, dude, this is totally lame. Jesus, I'm in trouble. If my maths is correct.

I think I'm below double figures. By my count, you're on 15 hit points. Okay. Oh, that's good then. I'll go with what Adam did. I wouldn't call that great, but yeah, all right. I'm on negative six. I thought I was on nine.

Huh. That not good. No. Big difference. Big difference Big difference Very happy Lunabon Do you get a turn, Malto?

I didn't get a turn Malto did not Oh, you'll get a turn after Lunabon Oh So you get to the It's because it's goodies lowering you down Goodies at the top of the initiative You're at the bottom

So now that you're on the ground You'll get You're still acting in this turn But you're acting after everyone else. Yeah, cool. Lunabon, what did you get? Six. That'll be a failure unless someone wants to give for a re-roll.

No, we're still good. I can fail three times before I die. Okay. Right? Okay. No need to. Do I need to hold on to it? Yeah.

And you only need to succeed once more to survive. Yeah. Yeah. If he rolls a one, that's dead, but you can get. And we can re-roll. Yeah, you can re-roll and we can keep rolling that was uh lunabon multibending now it's your turn okay so where are these snake boys they're brood guard brood guard on either side of you there's lesser yawn tea scattered about the place and there's one large i don't i don Oh yeah, yeah, you have. You fought her on the boat.

It's, well, not her specifically, but it's one of the nightmare speakers. The half woman, half snake. She seems to be in charge of this entire show. She's performing the ceremony. Instead of attacking you this turn, she's just continuing the ceremony. You can see, oh no, you can't see in the dark. I guess though, Goody, you're the only one You can see... Oh, no, you can't see in the dark. I guess, though, Goody, you're the only one who can see it. You both have darkvision and are on the platform right now.

You can see magical knives hovering very tantalisingly close to the necks of the six people bound up here. All right, all right, all right. Okay, well, first, is there a... You're in complete darkness right now. So I can't really see anything? No. How do I...

Right. Can I make the flame come back on? That'll be your turn with Thermiturgy. Okay. I use Invisibility. That's a good idea. And, you know, try and take a couple of steps so I'm in a different location. I kind of like lie on the ground so I take up as little space as possible.

That's cool. You do that. You turn invisible and then you like just dive in a direction that you know won't have you. Won't go into the inky blackness. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was our turn invisible full dive. That would be great. Oh, my God.

We don't know where he's going. I had no idea. You'd be falling, wondering why, when you're going to hit the ground. That's terrifying. Oh my God, the idea that you do that and then our logical thing is like, they took him.

Let's go find him. One of my favorite fights I ever organized was around a bottomless pit, literally, because D&D allows it, a bottomless pit. And I had a lot of fun playing around with, instead of killing enemies, knocking them into the pit and uh same with uh the players as well did anyone get knocked in yeah a couple people did it was good fuck what what a way to go some say they're still falling

you'd starve or or um dehydrate to death falling horrible. Yeah. It's a rough way to go. You can get simulated by putting somebody in one of those, like, skydiving simulators until they just die. That's an amazing way to kill James Bond in a movie. Do you expect me to talk? No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to infinitely fall, I suppose. Wait, talk. No, talk. No, talk!

So I'm invisible. I jump on the ground. Yes. Goody, it's your turn. I do not know where Molto has gone, but I assume he has a plan. So I'm turning invisible. I'm turning invisible? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The spell was... You can't hide the casting of the spell itself.

I do not understand a lot about magic, but my theory would be that if I took out the snake lady, then the knives would fall. Would that be... Sure. Look, she's in charge of the ceremony, so cutting the head off the snake might be an apt metaphor here. An asp metaphor.

Hey! I would like a thigh-ass gap metaphor. Use a key point, Adam. Yeah? Can I step in the wind to her? You'll still take attacks of opportunity. That's okay. Alright, you can do that. Both of the brood guard take a swipe at you as you try to pass.

Neither one of them hit, though. They both swipe at you, but you duck underneath their blows. Actually, maybe you leap over their blows. Hopp-bye! Hit the ground, tuck, and do a roll and sprint towards the nightmare speaker. You get to her. It's going to be great.

What do you want to do? I would like to subdue her. Are those knives going to fall on the people? They're hovering in front of, not above. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Well, in that case, I would like to attack the snake lady. Okay. And I would like to be like Hey snake lady I'm wearing your baby

Around my neck Fuck you That's not the name of any move You swing It is now You swing with your short sword And she grabs your hand And twists the blade

You try to False Succeed on an attack roll Yay Good boy Kat Good boy Kat You swing And try to attack her,

and she grabs not your wrist, but the blade itself, and you cut off one of her thumbs. You are dumb. Your second attack will still miss, however, unless you have another card for that. I have a d10 saving throw. Unless I use it as a re-roll. You can use it as a re-roll if you want.

I don't want to leave Cass high and dry. I've still got two. I've still got two. That's still good. All right, re-roll the other one. Yeah, sure, why not? Woo-hoo! Get my card!

You still miss, unfortunately. You deal nine points of damage to her. That's rare. Nothing to sneeze at. And I cut off one of her hands. I'm going to wear that on my face. Just the thumb, unfortunately. Stick it up your nose.

So you've taken her hitchhiking abilities down somewhat. I'm going to eat it. my face. Just the thumb, unfortunately. Stick it up your nose. So you've taken your hitchhiking abilities down somewhat. I'm going to eat it. Eat the thumb. You trip to death on the thumb. Yeah. Ooh. How close am I to the wine? To the wine?

She's right in front of it, so you're right next to it as well. I don't know what I'm doing my next turn. All right. Seahall is now on the ground with you guys. She's going to heal Lunabon. Lunabon, you recover 24 hit points. That's so good. And you're no longer dead?

No. Yeah, she's fine now. I had a breather. That was Seahall's turn. It's their turn. The Broodguard are... Mommy? Seahall's turn. It's their turn. The Broodguard are going to attack Seahall now. I really think if we put the candles back, everyone will be able to see, not just the enemies.

We are severely disadvantaged. I would like to drink. We have torches. Can I drink and use my thermometers? I would like to drink. You have torches. Can I drink and use my thermoturge? I would like a torch. Seahall takes 19 points of damage. Ugh.

Oh, she was already hurt. And one of them critically fails. Good, I hope it falls off the phone. You taste awful. No, it wasn't a bite attack. But. It could have been. It wasn't a bite attack. But. It could have been. It wasn't. Something slipped.

Oh, slipped? Did they slip and fall off the edge? Your AC is reduced by a D6 for a D4 rounds. So their AC is reduced by four for three rounds. The Broodguard launch upon Seahall now. But Seahall kind of like rolls into one of them and out of the way of the other one and that one takes a little bit of a tumble maybe it trips over the invisible form of multa bene that it can't see it doesn't fall over the edge but you can see that

the stumbling has meant that it's going to take a little while for it to get back onto its feet and back into the fight properly until then it's an easy target goody get a good boy card every time you get a good boy card it's the best because it's christmas for true to circumstance balls of molten poison splash again and again and again at you as the four purebloods in the circle, realizing that you're attacking their leader, concentrate fire on you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, sorry. Jackson here. Just interrupting so we can hear a word from our sponsors.

Also, this Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I'm going to be hosting a very upsetting game show called Big Deal, and I'd love if you could all come. Grab your tickets from our website, santspantsradio.com forward slash live. None of them, however, are able to hurt you. You just, maybe you're so quick that as soon as the poison is on you,

you've whipped that limb around and the poison immediately splatters away from you. I am impervious to your sneaky, sneaky bullshit. The nightmare speaker brings herself up to her full height, extends both of her arms, and electricity cackles from her

onto you. Well, that is some sneaky bullshit I might not be too quick for. This is going to hurt. What if this is for true to circumstance, Adam, and it doesn't hurt? You can use that card and you just won't feel pain.

It will still cause 14 points of damage. Oh, Jesus. Okay, guys, guess how much health I'm on now, guys. One. Yep. Nice, nice. Lunabone, it's your turn. You're prone.

Okay, did I just see what happened to Goody? Yeah, Goody's getting fucked up. How far away is Goody? He's 30 feet from you. No, 20 feet. 20 feet from you. I cast Healing Word. All right.

He recovers a D4 plus your wisdom bonus, right? Bell casting ability modifier. Yes. Plus your wisdom bonus, which is a three. So you recover five hit points. That is better than Juan. Can I stand up as well? Yeah, you can stand points. That is better than Juan. Can I stand up as well? Yeah, you can stand up.

That'll be your turn. Yep. That was Lunabon Molto Bene. It's still dark, unfortunately. I see a thing. You know where one of the Broodguard is at least, so you can attack him, but every attack you make has a 50-50 chance of missing

because you're just swinging kind of randomly in the dark okay cool it doesn't reveal my form does it if you strike them then your invisibility ends um okay casting a spell like dissonant whispers and such also ends your invisibility right but you don't need to be able to see them you just kind of need to be aware of them and you are aware of this one brood guard so that wouldn't have a missed chance but it would still end your invisibility can you hold his action yeah you can hold your action if you want wait until goody's right after you yeah i'll hold my action you don't know but he might turn the lights back i feel like he will not goody you're on five hit points six six hit points you um you have many options before you

what would you like to do well can i having just been attacked yes yes yes yes yes use hellish rebuke hellish rebuke is on their turn you Right. You can still have done it. I'll let you... I'll take that back. And so when... Oh, wait, actually, I need to look it up because it might not... She cast a spell and it might only be when... Ah, when it's contact. No, that's all right. That's all right.

Check that. My second question is, can I relight the candle and then do something else? Hellish Rebuke. Because if I can relight all the candles... No, it's just when they damage you. all right so first things first she makes a dexterity saving throw which she critically fails i get a bad boy card uh and she takes 2d10 fire damage a gout of flames smites her. She takes 17 points of damage. That's for making me sparkle. I'm a hot boy.

And let me look up Thermiturgy. It depends what sort of a spell it is. No worries. Unfortunately, what did you want to do? You wanted to drink, didn't you? Yes. You can grab the chalice or you can grab it, pick it up. It is just a bowl resting in a thing. You can grab it and pick it up, but you can't start drinking until your next turn.

So I can light the thing and then pick the bowl up? Yes. Can I light the thing and instead of picking the bowl up like a civilised person, Adam, just put my face in the bowl? I will still say that you haven't started drinking until your next turn. Your face is just in the bowl. Yeah, yeah. This all takes place in a second, right? Yeah. Six seconds, actually, is around. Oh, cool.

I'll turn the candles back on. Okay. With a whoosh. It's another burp, Adam. It's another burp. With a... Well, I can't burp right now. I don't have any gas going.

Tell that to my nostrils. With a tremendous burping sound, all of the fires reignite. Is a tremendous burp not a belch? With a regular belching sound, all of the fires relight. So I can do one other thing at this point. So you get on your turn a... So let's break this down, Barney style. Can you turn your chair around?

If you're going to break it down for me and sit on it backwards. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes. What's great is my chair is A, too wide. And B, it has a... What do you call it? For your back, it's got lumbar support or like an additional little boy. That's a lumbar support that I'm trying to navigate around.

So, I just moved the microphone back to where it was. It wasn't more comfortable in the new position, so I immediately moved it back. So, you get a reaction, which is something that you typically do on someone else's turn. Which is my hellish rebuke. Yes. You get an interaction, which is picking something up or drawing a weapon or something like that it's picking something up or putting something away putting my face in the bowl yes you get an action which could be an attack or a spell or something like that or drinking a potion or drinking from

a font and you get a bonus action which is typically like a small spell or a small attack or something like that that was my the thermiturgy is yeah uh no thermiturgy is an action oh wow there you go yeah sorry if it was a bonus action you could have drunk i will put my face in the bowl you put your face in the bowl actually you know what now that i'm laying that out i wasn't 100% sure. And now that I think about it, interaction sounds like maybe drinking? Movement, actions. No, drink a potion is an action.

Sorry. Damn it. Potion? It's a wine. It's basically a potion. It's the same thing. If I can get drunk enough. It's a potion of drunk.

I get key points back. I need some more Grugrock's best. We've stopped breaking it down Barney style. I'm sitting points back. I need some more Grugrock's best. Stop breaking it down, Barney style. I'm sitting normal again. Thank you, Adam, for being you. Don't ever change. You. I never will. Never change.

Never change. Goody, that was your turn to light the fires and attempt to drown yourself. Molto bene, you can see again. Oh, I can see. This is... Oh, mum. Oh, dad. Oh, Linus.

Okay, how far am I from the enslaved... The bound people? People that we love. Ten feet, maybe? Can I see what's binding them? Is it their hands? They are bound by ropes with their hands and feet tied to the posts okay and and okay i uh they look unconscious oh they look unconscious yeah okay that's not good to me

okay um who's in the most danger what's what's goody is in a very bad way right now okay i in my invisibility can i go over and kind of sneak up behind snake lady yeah yeah easily oh has the spell stopped well i've been beating her up which spell the one that she's been cast the ritual next turn you're oh the ritual yeah yeah you have kind of interrupted that yeah cool that's good uh you sneak behind the nightmare speaker without being seen okay uh and uh can i i sort of want to like if i were playing Far Cry, I'd sneak up behind them and do one of those things. Like, can I do that with a psychic blade or is that too unwieldy and ungainly? You can attack her from behind, unbeknownst.

I'd give you advantage to the role. Kind of a sneak attack sort of thing. Yeah, that will end your invisibility. That's fine. Well, can I psychic blade that? Absolutely. Okay, so I try and rapier through her. Snake rapier?

You've got a snapier. Snapier. Ooh! Harry Potter. I'm your snapier. You stab her in the back. She lets out an oath of surprise and pain and anguish. You deal 19 points of damage, but you don't bring her down, unfortunately.

It's a bad wound. You stab her straight through. You feel it connecting with her spine, but she's a powerful, magical creature on a mission. You cannot bring her down with a single blow alone. We've done a fair bit of damage to her, though. I did 9, 15, and you've done done 19 i reckon she's on her last snake bottoms well the whole room is looking at her seahall gestures towards two of the uh brood guard the

weaker yaunty a bolt of lightning comes out of the darkness above and strikes near two of them. Both of them are statically charged. One of them explodes. The other one is blasted clear across the platform and their blackened corpse slams against the floor. Amazing. Seahall. Great. slams against the floor amazing seahole great linus with his halberd cuts down one of the brew guard turning it into sushi i guess you know how um sushi sashimi sashimi no no no i'm kind of

imagining you know how in tom and jerry and like the old stuff yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they cut, when Tom cuts his tail, it always has that like weird white outer bit. No, it's like a meaty, a pink color. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks like that in my mind. Is it like a mandolin slicer? What's that called?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the meat cutter thing. Yeah, I think so. Because of the strings, right? I might be wrong. I'm dumb. That was their turn?

Here's the sound my brain makes. Duh. Which turn is it now? Lunabon's. No, it's, unfortunately, it's the yuan-ti's turn. Oh, this is going to be fine. Oh, boo. I'll be fine.

Boo. I will live. One pure blood throws a ball of acid Lunabon's way. Lunabon, you will take 10 points of acid damage. That implies that other damage is still on the way. Bad. Another one throws a ball of acid at Molto Bene, who is now visible because of his attack.

Molto Bene, you pass. The ball of acid comes at you, but you swipe with your rapier, cutting it in half and disintegrating it before it can properly reach you. And the other broodguard is going to attack Linus and Seahaw, or the remaining broodguard, I should say. It scores a critical hit on Linus. Oh, well, he was rude to me before.

Linus is brave, man. He's also rude. Internal bleeding. Make a DC 16 constitution saving throw on a failed save. Take an additional D8 piercing damage at the beginning of your turn for the next D8 rounds. Linus gets disadvantage. Yes, because of the thing from before. He barely passes. All right. So. because of the thing from before. He barely passes.

All right. He is brave. Still rude. That's just regular damage. Still rude. So brave. I don't want him to be a rude ghost. Oh, no.

No one wants that. You want polite ghosts. Make your bed while you run to school. Goody. That's a good guess. The lights go out. You're on zero hit points. Well.

Does that mean I've just slumped over to the bowl of wine? You are drowning in the bowl of wine right now. Oh, no. The naughty nightmare speaker ends her witch bolt spell and continues with her ritual. You see. She's a fool. You see two. Yeah. two throats get slashed two of the villagers collapse dead and the large iron door hovering over all of this

begins to open a crack opens and the light around that crack gets brighter and brighter. Immediately, this entire area is plunged into a heavy heat. You all feel it. Waves of heat washing against you. I don't. Oh, no. Even you in your unconscious state can kind of feel it. Why is it so warm, Mama?

I've gone back to the ranch. In my unconscious dream state, I'm sitting on a porch with my mama. Lunabon, it is your turn. Have I seen what's happened to good friend Goody? Yeah, Goody is slumped over unconscious in a bowl of wine, as he would have wanted to go. Can I say, not the first time you've seen that happen. I know, but you need to pull your weight.

The first time the unconsciousness was brought about by lightning instead of liquor. So does it cost me anything to or any... Can I cast a spirit totem and then do an action? It's a bonus action to use your spirit totem. So you can still cast most of your spells and do most things. Can I cast entangle at the little podium where the woman and the bowl of wine is? Entangle at the podium. Yes. You'll catch Goody in that, though.

Oh, no, I guess you won't. I'm also there. Oh, yeah, you'll inevitably catch an ally in that. Moonbeamer, I'm unconscious. I can't. I used all my spell slots for that one. Oh, no. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Maybe I will chuck a fireball at the... Can I... I just... Can you heal me again so I wake up, have a turn, and push her off the ledge? Yes.

I will cast my spirit totem. Mm-hmm. Which one which one um unicorn which gives an extra three hp when healing oh what a totem and then i will cast healing word on my good friend goody and then i'll try and run over to well am i am i in direct fire from anyone is anyone coming at me at the moment you're next to one of the brood guard right now, but Linus is tangling with that one. Okay. Well, I might just stay where I am then. Goody, you are back on 10 hit points.

Welcome back, mama. What, mama? There's a glowing unicorn above you, and you have vague memories of being on a farm that you're 100% sure you've never been to. It's confusing. It's a confusing time for you right now. Did I also get a mouthful of wine out of? Yeah, you can never been to. It's confusing. It's a confusing time for you right now. Did I also get a mouthful of wine, Adam?

Yeah, you can finish your drink. But that'll be on your turn. Damn it. I want to fight. Which it is now. Does the drink count as an action? Yes, it counts as an action to drink the wine. So you won't be able to attack. Oof.

I came back with the express purpose of fighting a lady What top bloke? Can I fight, take the bowl? You can drink and take the bowl if you want That's your interaction and your action Yes, no, but what I mean is Can I fight and then take the bowl?

Oh, I see what you're saying Yes, yes, you can Alright, is Could I fight and then take the ball? Oh, I see what you're saying Yes, yes, you can Alright, well, I'd like to come to And ride the wave of good times Use a key point So I'm down to one And I'd like to flurry of blows Old mate nightmare speaker

Do you want to do something about a re-roll on an attack? For your last attack's a critical failure? I have a fortuitous circumstance. You can spend it to get a fortuitous circumstance, but you still have a critical fail. I mean, I can hand in this re-roll. I can hand in a good boy. No, no, no, no.

I'll do a re-roll because you only got one card. Okay, thanks. All right, that last attack will still be a miss, but your first attack is a hit, your second attack is a critical, and your last attack is no longer a critical failure. Okay, cool. Second attack, sorry, is a critical hit.

Good hit. Cool, cool, cool, cool. All right. So with the sword, you deal 10 point damage. Thanks, Cass. That was good teamwork. I was also here. And thanks for offering to be helpful.

Knave to Chops. Double damage. Simple. That's actually the name of the move. Knave to Chops? This is my Knave to Chops move. Oh, wait, no, actually. It'd be...

Sorry, it's a bludgeoning attack. Soften him up. Double damage and the target must succeed on a DC 12 constitution saving throw. On a failed save, the target has disadvantage on saving throws until the end of their next turn. So, double damage. Pretty good. Soften them up is also another move. Your second attack deals 14 points of damage.

Yes! That was a punch too. That's a lot of damage. That was beautiful. My god, that was beautiful. I like singing about damage, guys. What is your damage? Oh, you beat me to it and I'm so proud. I would much prefer that tattooed on the Joker's head.

What is your damage? No, but the full quote. What is your damage, Heather? What? Is that from something? Heather's. From Heather's. I didn't know that.

I haven't seen it, but I know it's a quote from it. I just know the expression, what's your damage? I'm a fake watchy girl. How dare you? You're like Adam's wrist. He's got a fake watchy. For those at home, Adam has drawn a watch on his wrist, and on the face it just says, time to go.

What time is it, Adam? It's time. I've got to leave. To spelt with a numeral. I think that's important. And exclamation point. Love that. It is...

Multibene's turn. So wait, Snake Lady, is she still alive? Yeah, she's still standing. She should be. Has the ritual been interrupted again, though, because I hit her? Yeah, you're fucking up the ritual, definitely. I feel like the damage has already been a little bit done with the ritual. Also, I took the wine bowl.

Yes, yes, you grabbed the wine bowl. Okay, so that's double damage thing. That was just on. She's not now softened up for double damage. No, unfortunately, no. Okay, well, I mean, I know it's repetitive, guys, but look. How close is she to the edge? Is she about to break?

No, she's kind of near the middle Okay, near the middle, okay I will Actually, no, the middle is where they are Don't push her because she's close to the edge Actually, she is kind of close to the edge No, she would be actually She's trying not to lose her head

And I stay cut of her head How close is she to the edge? Say, pretty close, five feet She's like kind of up one of the ends there's the pathway behind her but if you angle yourself right she's five feet from the edge okay i'm gonna try and attack her with a force with the intent of pushing her off the edge okay which weapon should i should like would that be more effective i have a rapier and a dagger would it be more effective with maybe a melee and just like kind of charging into her?

You could charge into her and shove her. I'd count it kind of as like a fist attack. Okay. You could try that if you wanted to. Would a fortuitous circumstance help his chances? Yes. I mean, that could be fun, but I reckon there's something coming through this door. Oh, no, you're not fair.

That's what I'm saying. What? No! no we're gonna want some good luck pretty soon we're gonna also which two villages died uh we don't we didn't you didn't know either thank god oh gosh uh have we seen paula no you haven't oh okay well then i'd be very funny though to imagine a little bunny with their front legs and back legs tied to a post. And there he is. Oh no! What fate has befallen Lunabon's furry friend? Find out next time on Into the Jungle Island of Dendar. The India's for Nerds Adventure.

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