D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #2 Snakes on a Boat

Episode Date: November 17, 2018

Where we track an invisible prey.Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter:  https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: https://twitter.com/RetroArchetypeCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyTom: https://twitter.com/AwkwardTreedShanks: https://twitter.com/timtimfedJackson: https://twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadCass: https://twitter.com/JacksonBBalyZammit: https://twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspan's Radio, if water's wet, what is snow? Welcome to episode 2 of Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Prev, prev, prev, prev, prev, prev, prev. Uh, yes, my character is goodness gracious. I'm a monk, and I brew good drinking times for good people. My name's Molto Bene. I'm a little boy. I'm a little boy. I'm a little halfling.

I'm a bard and I'm level three. My name's Lunarburn Strawberry. I am a half-orc, as you can probably tell by looking. Lunarburn is an influencer. Welcome, welcome to the Titanic. Lunabun is an influencer Welcome Welcome to the Titanic Well that sounds like a Hard name for a ship

It makes you a rusty dwarf Rain alcohol and a potato Yeah Sets it in front of you Thank you barkeep The ship's engines belch smoke. I thought you were just exhuming a demon. That's really great.

It goes... To continue, what did you guys discover on this boat? I met such good dogs. Dog, I only met one. I met a good bird. You spend time on the ship. You slowly get to know some of the other people on the ship, unless you're Lunaron, in which case you slowly meet

and learn about all of the different animals on the ship. They seem to be kind of maybe lying about speaking the language. I don't want to come off as like I'm not cool with immigrants or whatever, but I just thought maybe it's worth checking that they are who they say they are. What exactly are you trying to get out of her? What information specifically? I'm just talking about where she's from. Goody, you're sitting with a Bella, having a deep conversation,

and you catch her in a lie. She uses the wrong word, doesn't she? No, not that she uses the wrong word. She starts talking, or you start the conversation talking about food that you enjoyed as a kid you're like oh this bread or something i really like walnut bread but not not just any walnut bread has to be covered in honey and then dipped in gin i think that's where i got my drinking problem not that it's a problem for me i'm very good at it she says that she also as a child liked

walnut bread and then later on you start steering it to places that you grew up and she says you can see that she's quite obviously trying to just say something really quickly she says that she grew up somewhere north and you know that northern climes do not allow for the creation of walnut bread she could not have both childhood memories i really want to call her out on this. You can if you want. Just one moment. You grew up north, you say? Yes. Like, far north. Reasonably far north.

Reasonably, yes. But you're definitely north, not, say, south-ish where... You see her look out the two-way mirror, out onto the deck where her husband, Berat, and several of their family members are playing shuffleboard. She looks out towards him, and he immediately stops and looks at her through the two-way mirror. Ooh. I must go, she says. She stands up.

Sorry for being impolite. I'll see if I can rustle up some walnut bread, because that was your favorite. She's walking away now. Fuck her. I'm going to have a drink and let this percolate. Then I'm going to go back to you guys. I just had a very illuminating conversation with Miss Bella before.

We were talking about food and things that we liked as children, and she told me that her favorite food was walnut bread, which is absolutely fine, and I do encourage you to try some at some time. But she also said that she grew up far north. Now, as you all know, if you live far enough north, you cannot have walnut bread. The walnuts will not grow. Oh, of course. And the bread will not

take. Well, maybe there was like a trade route or something? Well, see, I thought so too, and I asked her this. I was going to ask her this, and then she abruptly looked out the window, made weird eye contact with that husband of hers, and promptly left. But wait, through the window? That's a mirror on one side. How did they make eye contact?

Correct. Oh, my God, guys. They're magic. And I play another whole tone scale. Get a fucking good boy card. That's all right. Is this an adventure? I think this has gone from recreational trip to mystery slash adventure.

Well, this is exactly what I was after. I'm very excited. Oh, my God. Can we have some investigation music, please, Malto? Okay. We have to come up with a plan. Well, I can turn into different animals. Can I turn into a bug?

I think you can only turn into animals or like creatures from the Monster Manual, I think. Could you become a spider small enough to do spine? No. Oh, yes, I can become a spider. Does it just say spider spider? It just says spider. Keep on going, Malta.

You're doing a real good job. Please do not gung gung. Oh, boy. Malta, you're a breath of sunshine. Oh, thank you. That sounds really hot. Yeah, you can become just a regular spider. Okay.

So what I can do is I can become a spider and go spy-dem. Your attempt was good. Thank you. I haven't lived with people for so many years. It's fine. We understand. Thank you. We've been friends for at least a bit now.

Three years. Three years. We understand. You'll at least a bit now. Three years. Three years. We understand. You'll get there. Thank you. Luna Bond, you turn into a spider and... I would like to sneak around. We're going to distract them somehow, I assume.

Okay. Yeah, cool. If she's going to go into their room, I can teach them an instrument lesson. If you give me your lute, I am actually okay at playing a lute. Okay, great. So we can team up and put on a show and hopefully they're there. I throw my lute. I catch.

All right. You do so. Perhaps it would be better if I just went into the room they were in when they thought they were alone. I give the lute back because that's a much better plan. Much better idea. It's out of tune. One sec.

Bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, bung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung, dung ah too cute so you try to sneak into their room during the night i guess when they're when they've retired to their room i guess yeah as they go to retire to their room i try and sneak in and just sort of hide in a corner so i can it's like they've come in and they can finally just be alone together in love and debrief about the day i remember that but that's fine what just as a side question yeah if if kes got squashed when she were a spider how much damage would that do relative to her like i mean that would be pretty devastating right so the way it works is mentally luna bond retains all of her faculties but she has the complete physical body of a spider including all of its abilities and such. Now, I think a spider has like two

hit points, not a lot. If someone steps on her or deals damage to her, she takes damage until she's at zero hit points, at which point she reverts back to her regular form and any extra damage is dealt to her regular form. It extra damage is dealt to her regular form.

Okay, cool. It wouldn't hurt me too much at all. No. Good. So while she's spying on them, where are you two? Well, I'm probably at the bar. Okay. We can't do any spying because we're going to distract them, but that plan was shit.

Do you want to be together at the bar? Well, yeah. I'm just, you know, I think I really like Luna, and I think I'm just going to be, like, just nearby in case something goes wrong. I sort of wouldn't mind just being, you know, I should have just whistled that. Way to brag. I can whistle. I should probably be nearby, too, just in case. Okay.

So, both of you are just kind of loitering in one of the corridors nearby. As you're doing that and as Lunabon, you sneak in. I'm not going to even roll for you. You're a spider. They're not looking for a spider. So you slip in without any hassle. You're on the roof looking down at them. hassle you're on the roof looking down at them one of them is taking out i'd say probably abella is taking out a satchel and rifling through it as uh barat is standing behind her just staring at

her back okay you you're just crawling your way along the roof and as you do so every now and then you check down just to see what they're doing keeping an eye on them but you're just trying to find a nice optimal position where look you're a spider so you're hard to spot but if they see us you don't want to be seen regardless so you're trying to crawl your way towards a light fixture in the center of the ceiling where you can hide better as you cast your gaze down once you you see bella is bella is taking out some magical reagents she obviously looks like she's about to prepare a spell you look back keep walking and as you walk you hear her muttering arcane incantations and you can tell that she's casting the spell now you You know it as a spell of invisibility.

You quickly snap your head back down, or up, depending on relativity, and you see them both cloaked in invisibility. Well, well, well. This doesn't bode well, well, well. The door to their room opens slightly. Can I... How far away from this room am I? You're in the same corridor.

I'd say maybe 30 feet. You also, molto bene, you spot the door open slightly. You don't see anything else. You just spot it open slightly. Goody, you're looking in the other direction. Can I use a spell? Yeah. If I can.

It's message, which means i can uh point my finger towards a creature within range and whisper a message to the target and only the target hears the message and can reply in a whisper that only i can hear i can cast a spell through solid objects if i'm familiar with the target and know it is beyond the barrier yeah can i use that to talk to cass yeah oh sorry luna and be like, hey Luna, what's up? Don't freak out, it's whatever my name is. Molto bene. It's Molto bene. Very good. And what's going

on? What do your spider eyes see? Can I reply? Yeah, you can reply in a whispered message. They just turned invisible. I think they left. Oh my god. Wait, where? Oh, they're invisible. You saw the door open slightly. Oh, the door opened slightly. Do you have any spells that would show where they are?

I've got vicious mocker. I've got detect magic. Invisibility shrouds. And I have invisibility. But that's not going to be helpful. If you're invisible, can you see invisible people? It's not like putting on the ring where you can see the ringwraiths. Yeah, no, sorry.

It's a fucking lame game. I'm done. Hurtful. I'll just pay close attention. Okay. And I whispered a goodie. They've turned invisible. I think they're walking that way.

Well, fuck. And he does a shot. Can I have a flask? Sure, absolutely. Great. I'm just taking the flask out to have a sip. No, that did not help me see them. I thought this was a potion.

Take another sip? No, definitely not a potion Still not a potion I do feel warm I'll try a third time Maybe the third time it will reveal their identities to me No it has not Alright so what are the three of you doing now

The door is quite open Actually the door closes again You're not sure what happened But you can't imagine that they're back in the room You think that they left I might crawl out of the room Search the room I might search the room

I will search the room What are you two doing while that's happening? To clarify, detect magic, I can't detect the aura No, you can't detect invisibility with it Well, we could just wait in the corridor One of us should wait in the corridor Actually, maybe you can. Let me check. You might not be able to see them, but you might

be able to see where they've been. Hang on. Do you want me to read the card? Oh, yeah. Read it out. For the duration, you sense the presence of magic within 30 feet of you. If you sense magic in this way, you can use your action to see a faint aura around any visible creature or object in the area that bears magic, and you learn it's a school

of magic, if any. Use my magic to see a faint aura around any visible creature. So, the area that bears magic, and you learn it's a school of magic, if any. Use my magic to see a faint aura around any visible creature. So possibly not. Yeah, that would mean that you couldn't see them then. Could you see things that they've touched? No, probably not. I would imagine that invisibility hides you from detect magic. Probably, yeah. You could probably see where they cast the spell, but that'd be it.

Okay. The origin of the spell. where they cast the spell but that'd be it okay the origin of the spell we should stay here to make we should wait outside make sure that they they don't we can warn luna if they come back i i want to i want to follow them okay well i'll wait here i'll keep an eye on the door and i will try to let luna know that something has if they're returning okay we'll meet i'll come back if anything happens if uh i'll if i'll play a song or something if it goes wrong. Play that real famous song that you play a lot that we all identify. Oh, yeah, of course.

Okay. Take Me Home Country Roads, yes. Yeah, yeah. That one is a great tune. I do not know that song. Fuck you. I say that. I say, okay, song. Fuck you. I say that. I say, okay, and I skip away.

You try to follow them? Yeah. It's not going to be easy because you're trying to follow someone who's invisible and you're trying to be probably surreptitious about it. Yeah, okay. So I sort of just like pull out my, I've got little, I've got drums, which I imagine are just like little Tappy tappy tappies Bongo like Yeah like a djembe or a bongo or something And I'm just kind of like dwandling around

Playing that as I go Just trying to look like I'm in a little musical trance Okay Oh gosh good job You get a good boy card You rolled really well you get a good boy card for that Thank you You do it.

You are able to follow them. It's difficult, but you are able to detect the slight imperceptible things like the carpet depressing here and there. Maybe whenever a door opens or closes, certainly. And sometimes maybe if a puff of smoke from someone smoking drifts out into the corridor and they break through that, you can see them like that. I love this. You slowly make your way down into the bowels of the ship until eventually you come to a set of stairs going down further still where you know, this is a big sign so you know it says cargo sitting in front of there is a a sailor who is on a chair leaned up against the door and fast asleep the chair slowly as if on its own creaks into a regular sitting position the door opens you're probably in the in like a doorway

looking at this surreptitiously the doorway, imperceptibly opens and then closes behind itself. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do I go in? Do I get my friends? Do I get my friends? There's no time.

I cast a visibility on myself. Okay. And I follow suit. All right. You open the door, close the door, and you try to do it as quietly as possible. It's a bad check. Do you have any of your good boy cards give you a bonus on skills? Skill or attack?

Yep. Plus 1d12. Baby! All right. Spend that card, and you succeed instead you open the door and as you do that you hear like the door's creaking you stop immediately hand on the door just trying to be as quiet as possible and without moving your head you open your eyes and glance sideways to the guard the The guard is still snoring happily.

So you complete opening the door as little as you can, slip through, and close it behind you. Yeah, nice. All right. Meanwhile, Lunabon, you search their room. Yes, I'll turn back into a person again. A half-orc. Just have a bit of a rummage. You give the room a very careful turning over with trying

not to disturb anything but it's actually quite difficult their beds are made as if they have not used them actually you see mints on the pillows they have not used their beds in the weeks that they've been here the wardrobe is empty there's chests at the end of their beds. Empty. There's a desk. There's nothing on it. There is nothing to say that someone actually inhabits this room. The absence is notable, to be honest.

Well, I guess I'm not much use here. I'll duck out and see my good friend, Goodness. There's nothing in the room. What do you mean, nothing? They haven't slept a night there. We've been on this boat for several weeks. Unless they place their mints back on their pillow every single day. I mean, I have seen Malto doing that every day.

I don't think he knows that he can eat that mint. He's a special boy. Bless him. Well, he's gone looking for them. He went down that way. I don't think I have the ability or skill set to work out where they went. I've been drinking since 12. 12 of what day?

The day we got on the boat. My 10th birthday. Wow, you started late. Yeah, I know. I grew up all right to start with. That's good. Now, perhaps if we try and at least go in the direction, we can see maybe where Molto's gone.

Can we try? Yeah, you could. You know that he went a level lower? If we head somewhere where he'll be, maybe, then we can at least be there to help. I agree. Do either of you have something that gives a bonus to a skill check? Because you didn't do so well here. I've got a

fortuitous circumstance. Alright. That is a handy d dandy one these are real good if i have to nearly die so as you're trying to you know that they're a level down as you're trying to follow their trail you walk down a single level and you see a couple walking up and as they're walking up it's like a kind of a nicer probably one of the first class passengers or whatever the woman with uh holding like the stem of you know there's those glasses opera glasses yeah yeah opera glasses holding the stem of some opera glasses up to her face turns around to her husband who has to duck every doorway otherwise his really tall top hat will be knocked off and she she says, My, as my word, what a rude young man that halfling was.

Bongo drums all the way down. Okay, I think he went down. Yes. Okay, let's go. Excuse me, ma'am, before I interrupt your evening and you do look very... Before you're able to interrupt her,

she continues onwards. Oh, good. All the way down to nearly where the cargo is. What possible reason could he have for going towards the cargo section? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The old man says.

Well, I'm sure he has an excellent reason. I'm sure he does, too. That is a very fortuitous circumstance we have just found ourselves in. It certainly is. We should follow it. We certainly should. Down to the cargo. Nearly all the way down to the cargo.

Nearly all the way down to the cargo. All the way down to the cargo nearly all the way down to the cargo nearly all the way down to the cargo i reckon all the way down to the cargo she says okay so so okay we need to go all the way down to the cargo all the way down to the cargo let's go let's head on down so we go down all the way down to the car you you do so the last floor is an empty corridor save for that one guard who is now sitting not leaning against the doorway you obviously don't see anyone opening or closing the door you just see the the guard he's still asleep yeah fast asleep if he's sleeping how can he be fast he's just still who are they trying to keep out of there all right i think we will not be allowed in there if that god wakes up because

he will not let us in. I believe it is time for you to return to your spider form. Can she do that? Can she turn to another small thing? She can turn once again. I can turn back into a spider, yeah. I've got two hours left as a spider, baby, and then I have to go have a nap.

One hour left. So you can transform twice. You ended it prematurely, but you can only actually do the transformation thing twice. So if you stay for as long as you can, you get two hours. 60 minutes, maybe. Okay. Okay.

And then you transform into a panther. Whoops. Sneezing at the point of the spell and turning into a camel. Ling Ling, sleepy. Okay. That was very funny Your voice was very funny But I can also tell that there's a reference I didn't get Yeah

Yeah Classic Classic Adam Classic Adam Sorry You were saying I shrink on down into a spider and I scurry under the door Alright

I just keep watch So In the bowels of the ship, first molto bene. Yeah? Molto bene. You lose track of your quarry. You're not sure where they could be.

It's not exactly Indiana Jones warehouse style, but it's not that far off. There's a lot of crates, and they're piled in kind of a a pell mell sort of laissez-faire whatever is fine fashion there's a lot of suitcases and boxes of all types you're not sure where they could have gone i'm i i i i creep around uh and maybe i climb up on top of the crates and try and kind of get an overview. Okay.

You can climb up without too much trouble. On top of the crate, you- On top of the crate pile, you cast your gaze around. You still can't see anyone. Yikes. You're a spider, did you say? Yes. I was about to call you Goody. You're a spider, Lunabond. What are you doing?

I'm just going to have a look to see if I can see anything at all. How can I see? Well, do I know that Molto can go invisible? You probably are aware, yeah? You've been together for three years now. That is true.

I'll have a bit of a scurry, and I'll see if i can see anything that would suggest you have anything for skill checks anything else no if anyone else has a card for skill checks you can help her if you want um let's say specifically skill check it will say skill or i've got one for skill or attack yeah go for it what's the bonus you're very welcome i have no idea what mine are for A d6? Yep So as you're scurrying about You see for no apparent reason On a pile of crates One suitcase just slips a little bit It doesn't fall, it just slips

As if something has knocked it Maybe you hear like a little whoop Do I recognize it as my good friend Molto? You've heard that a hundred times. I quickly scurry on up. I sure hope that's a friendly spider. You do see a spider. I wave?

You're invisible. You can end the invisibility whenever you want. But then I can cast it again. What level spell is it? Two. Two? You can cast it one more time, I believe. Oh, okay.

Yeah, okay. Hello. I wave at it now on my visible phone. I pull up a little spider hand and wave back. That's great. I stick out my index finger and give it a little high five. Oh, yes. Maybe I'll crawl onto your arm.

Okay. I'll sit on your shoulder, then I'm like a parrot. I saw them both go in here. I saw the door open. I think they're in here somewhere. I don't think it's going to be very good. I can't speak. Both of you can hear a distant...

Like a song, almost, but it's a spell. Somewhere echoing inside the cargo hold. And we can't understand it? Not really. Okay. Oh, also, sorry, I completely forgot. Sorry, keep going, though. I start super stealthy and creepy.

I keep heading towards where the spell's coming from. Right. As you creep in that direction, you do a really good job. Your halflings are just naturally stealthy, and you're pretty good for a halfling as well. So you make no sound and are almost imperceivable. If it weren't for the fact that you physically can be seen now, this is indistinguishable from when you were invisible. As you creep forward, both of you, I would say,

you, Lunabon, you can hear a distant howling like dogs, but coming from a different direction. Ooh. Okay. Look, I won't do anything different i'll stay but that is definitely noted what are they saying uh let me out let me out where's the moon Oh goodness, oh goodness, oh goodness Oh no No

No, who's touched a dog? No Oh my goodness That is not fair No I'm going to stay on the shoulder I'm going to stay on the shoulder You're on Molto Bene's shoulder?

Yep How far away does it does it sound close uh not really this doesn't seem like it's gonna nothing changed okay yes i'm gonna i'm staying on the shoulder this has been noted i'm looking down on my shoulder going like what the fuck is going on that spider's head spider's shaking you curl slowly around a suitcase just to get a look and you can finally see near the prow of the ship there's a someone presumably one of the two people that you can see down there has drawn chalk markings on the side of the ship there There's a big chalk outline of a circle. Above it is a drawing of...

You might not know. No, you know, basically... So, a person in a medieval age would not really know what an iceberg looks like. But you three are pretty well-travelled, and so you can see above the circle is the outline of an iceberg both the part above and underneath the water and there are several arcane scrolls all around it do either of

you know draconic uh lunabon or uh multaban there no you don't all right so it's quite you can you know what the draconic script looks like so you know that it's draconic but you don't. All right. So it's quite, you know what the draconic script looks like. So you know that it's draconic, but you don't know what any of the words are. Probably part of a spell. Finally, let me get a picture of the two people standing down there. Ooh. Props. Oh, God.

They're not going to look like the people that they were before, are they, Adam? Well, standing is an interesting way to describe it. Are they levitating? Are they ghost men? How many legs? Spooks? How many legs? How many legs?

Are they blobs? Are they worms? Keep guessing. I'm liking the guessing. Giant snails. Hang on, hang on. So, no legs. Humanoid? Are they like giant amoeba? I like guessing. I'm liking the guessing. Giant snails. Hang on, hang on. So, no legs. Humanoid?

Are they like giant amoeba? So, bear rat looks like this. Fucking snake people. He has abomination in his name. While he now looks... Oh, Yonty. Classic Yonty. My first D&D campaign in Yonty.

Really? Yeah, that was fun. We were buried beneath. There's some YD campaign in Yaunty. Really? Yeah, that was fun. We were buried beneath. There's some Yaunty in there. That of the world, too. You're right. Despite the fact that Yaunty, or this specific type of Yaunty, has no really human-type characteristics,

from some parts of the shape of the head and the clothes that he's wearing, you can tell that this was obviously Berat. Perhaps this is his true form. And also, let me get... Sorry, I've got to go to a separate book. Oh, God. Imagine I just showed you a dragon. Or imagine I showed you this sword.

That's a bella. A bella has turned into a sword that can speak. And a bella looks significantly more human. Ah. Like a mermaid, but snake on the bottom. I like the other page. The snake with legs. Yeah, he looks like a goa'uld in a helmet from Stargate. He does too.

Those are kind of like centaurs, but with the different halves, the snake. Yeah, looks a bit like a medusa, but like snake body. Oh, sorry, I should do the wrong picture. This is Abella. She looks like a young Jedi. She looks lovely. So she's lady on top, snake on bottom,

and he's anthropomorphized snake. Yeah, he's 100% snake all the time. Every day, all day. 100% snake. 100% awesome. Yeah. 100% of the time. He's really self-conscious about his fingers.

Don't bring them up Hey I hate your fingers I yell He fucks the spell up immediately Abella is quite obviously in the midst of a spell She's doing some sort of arcane incantation Enchanting

Fuck I don't know any of this because I'm outside Oh boy You want to know the best part? It didn't fucking matter. The guy guarding... No, I can't say. The guy guarding the door is magically asleep. Oh, no.

And I don't know that either. You could have pushed him over. It wouldn't have mattered. So, what are we doing? Fuck. I might scurry on down. could have pushed him over it wouldn't have mattered so what are we doing fuck i might scurry on down and is it gonna be how obvious will it be if i turn back into a person will that draw attention probably if you just put yourself on the other side of the pile not

yep i might just quickly become a person again all right well that was your last transformation for the day yes until i have nap. And then have a nap. Come immediately to sleep. You just take a quick hour rest. Yeah, that's quick. Okay, well, I'll do that first, having a look here and then see if I can sort of scurry back up to where

Molto Bene is. Ah-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Before that happens, let's just have a quick word from our sponsors. Also, if you like the show, why not check out some of our other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network? Just head on to our website, sandspansradio.com. Now, Lunabon, what did you want to say to Malto? Hi.

Did they see you? I don't think they did. I think we've got to do something. We have to do something. I think we've got to... I think we've got to... Dissonant whispers! And I cast Dissonant Whispers.

All right. On which one? On the one doing the spelling. Bella? Bella, yeah. Do I always start playing music and distracting them? Are the two people there, are they wearing much metal? No, neither of them are wearing metal.

Okay. I'm afraid your heat metal spell is useless here. You could heat the ship underneath them. And then they have to go, ah, hot on my feet. I don't have feet. Is it a metal floor? Sorry? Is it metal floor?

I would say, yeah, probably. Can I heat just a bit of metal? You can't really direct it like that. You heat metal and the metal is heated. That's probably not going to work well for literally every other passenger. Yeah, look.

Oh, it won't heat the entire ship. It only does an area, but that area contains a lot of flammable material. Yeah, the boxes. Not to mention the dogs in the boxes. Sorry, anyway, Dissonant Whispers. You whisper a discordant melody that only one creature of your choice within range can hear. Which is Bella. Specifically, a Bella, yeah.

You see her head dart back around, and her eyes widen at an enemy that she cannot see she takes six points of damage and almost comically you might say she because she must use her reaction to run away from you slams herself into the side of the ship because she does not have enough room to move. And I'll give you both a surprise round. So Lunabon, you get a free round as well. I'll cast Entangle. Entangle.

What's the range on that? Like the radius. 20 foot square. Can I get both of them? Yeah, you can get both of them. Awesome. It's a dexterity saving throw, right? Strength.

Abella manages to, after she slides and collides with the side of the ship, she launches herself up the ship wall, stretching her snake-like body out to its full length, wall stretching her snake-like body out to its full length and the vines and such that crawl their way out of the base of the ship can't grab at her and barrett and barrett does the same thing he leaps aside and tucks rolls with a saving throws for them uh Is it a negative or a positive? Pass. I have two. Yeah, it doesn't help. Okay, thank you. Sorry.

I'm learning. Neither of them are affected by the entangle spell, unfortunately. Drat. We'll go to initiative now. Fuck, I'm still outside. Yep. You're a ways away. But as a monk, you can get there quick.

Oh, I know. That's your one advantage. Well, you have many advantages that's your the only thing you're good for i really want to just burst in and use my spell to make like thunder crack as i run in oh that'd be so loud we're in a bow of a ship i have the ability that when i enter rooms i can cast a spell so like all the lights go out or a wolf howls somewhere. So cool. Sick. So it's just basically the spell of drama. Yep. I'm here, boys.

And then immediately undercut the drama with that. I have arrived. That's good, yeah. Your reckoning is here. Lunabon, you get another turn. I would like to cast Moonbeam. Okie dokie. What does Moonbeam do? Moonbeam casts a silvery... Is it when you flash your butt

at someone and then the butt turns into a beam? It's a butt cannon. It's when you moon someone while they're taking a shot of Jim Beam. It's the worst experience you can have. Or you do a shot of Jim Beam. It's the worst experience you can have. Or you do a shot of Jim Beam out of a bum.

That's yuck. It's very yuck. You know, you just pull a two by four out of an anus. Oh. Just... And then hit someone with it and then put it back. Splint it. Oh, putting it back.

Hey, it's a reusable spell. Pulling it out. I need anus splinters. I've had them before. They're painful. Yep. That's what you get for trying to fuck a tree. Wow.

Get fucked by a tree. Yeah, that's true. True. So. The mumping willow. Do you know what's fucked though? As you know, there's a fan fiction where someone fucks that tree. I wrote it.

Do you know what's fucked up? You know there's a fan fiction where someone fucks that tree. Yeah, I wrote it. There's a fan fic where, do you remember the giant squid that used to live in the, lived, there was a lake. Yeah, in the lake. Giant squid lived in the lake. There was a fan fic where the giant squid comes out of the lake during like summer break when no one's in the school and fucks the school. Fucks the school. And Hogwarts is like loving it.

Like it has. Okay, that's good. Hogwarts waits every year for the students to fuck off so the giant squid can fuck it. Yeah. Nice. What? JK's, you know, revisionist history is really weird

of her own work. I think it's from the perspective of Hogwarts as well. Oh, fuck. I love things. Yeah, look, here we are. Anyway, speaking of giant octopuses and fucking schools, so... Giant octopus, fuck's sake. Tentacles slowly snake their way in, the ship shudders. Luna Bon...

It has been waiting for this for a long time you dive your hand into one of your many pockets and draw out some moon seeds you cock them in your arm and then piston throw them outwards and they land all around the two snake creatures creatures then molto bene you see a holy looking white silvery light slowly descending upon where the moon seeds were thrown presumably um the spell what would you like to do i'm really struggling with the language on this card so it's okay in in thrall does that is that basically an imperious curse uh like is it basically i can then tell them what to do oh i don't hang on let me look it up i mean i can i can read it if you like it's just it's a really long sentence with a lot of qualifiers oh it's kind of just distraction really okay right

well it's a really good distraction no i won't do that agony of choice i get it man yeah i cast agony of choice um i will use vicious mockery so a home rule i have is when you cast vicious mockery if you can if you can land an insult that makes me laugh i'll let it do double damage. Oh, no. So, while I look up the spell, feel free to... Or just don't worry about it. Whatever. Although, as Cass found out, if you just fuck it up, I laugh at that.

I feel very nervous. Bella, you smeller. That's all I got. He laughed. That is laughter. He laughed. That is laughter. He laughed. That is laughter. That is laughter.

That technically counts. Can I say it's Abela as well? Sorry. Abela, you are smeller. What a lucky fella. I don't know what to do with you. This is the same laugh that Cass was getting out of me. Double damage.

Woo-hoo! She takes only two points of damage, but she has disadvantage on any attack rolls until the end of her next turn. And that moonbeam's still coming. Yes, that'll be on their turn, which is very funny because it's going to be last. Goody, I will give you a perception check at disadvantage

because it's from distance and through the hull of a ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow, you do pretty well, though. You can hear distantly... Sounds of magic and combat. Well, I think that sounds like I need to be getting someplace. I just go... I don't know the guy is magically asleep, do I?

No. Oh, well, apologies, fine, sir, but I'll get the fuck out of my way. And I just go through the door. You bump the chair. As you do so, you knock him out of the chair. He hits the ground and does not wake up. It's at about this point that you realize he is probably magically asleep. I have been drinking too much today.

I'm reasonably far away from where the fight is, aren't I? Yes. You can move at 80 feet around if you do nothing else. What if I use Step of the Wind? You move at 120 feet. You're there. That'll be your turn. That's alright. I use one of my daily

key points on Step of the Wind. You burst open the door and as you do so you charging yourself with your key energy you channel it into your legs to make them move at an incredible rate your legs move faster than a human's legs physically can move and as you walk you can feel the chi energy cushioning your feet such that when you need to pass an obstacle, you just, whoop, whoop, whoop, you're just walking on nothing but chi. Or to an outsider, it would look like you were walking on nothing but air.

That's what I call my John Airwalking friend. That's what they call you, is it? No one's ever called me nothing but good. wizard. No one's ever called me nothing but good. In a split second, Molto Bene and Lunabon, your ally Goody is there. Whoa!

Hey! Hello, folks. I heard that you might be in a small predicament and may require my assistance. Oh, Johnny Airwalker, it's so good to see you. Get a good boy card. Thank you very much. Hit the snakes. Hit the snakes.

Oh, boy. That'll be your turn, unfortunately. They are snakes. I was not expecting them to be snakes. I guess neither were we. I just look at my flask. I think I made this a bit too strong. Adam.

Yeah. I can use the sword in one hand and punch with another. Is that? Yes. Cool. Can I use the sword and the pool cue? You cannot. Okay.

That's all right. Sword and punching. That's fine. You. Yeah. You cannot. Okay, that's all right. Sword and punching, that's fine. You, yeah, the holy energy or the radiant energy searing their skin, you can see it burning them. Burning them more than it frankly should. Like, probably the fiery effect, the smoke that's coming off their skin, you can tell that that is something that only a shape changer experiences when they are exposed to moonbeam.

Moonbeam is particularly powerful against shape changers. So that's probably what this means. Nice. Do we all know that? You specifically would know this. I would say you guys have a chance to know it. Maybe I'll roll for you. Because you don't have this spell,

but you know about her spells yeah yeah you both pass the check so you both know that they would be shape changers and handsome tom you pass it particularly well or should i say uh goody you pass it particularly well you can get a good boy card hey then uh then they get their actual goddamn turn. Abella. So unfortunate. For Abella? Yeah, it is, because she's going to die. For Abella. This isn't the story Adam wanted to tell.

His first act is ruined because we won. Abella turns back to the little arcane markings that she's made on the wall, reaching out with her hand, drags her hand along the circle. She breaks the circle both at the top and at the bottom. And when she does that, you hear the ship like lurching. And then somewhere distantly above you, you hear bells. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Which you may or may not know what they

are for well gosh so i get two bad boy cards out of this no if you do particularly badly i get bad boy cards and you have no idea what those bells could possibly mean. It could be something as mundane as, like, maybe food is being served. You know that they sometimes ring a bell to let people know that. Sounds like it could be a different bell, though. Or it could be something like a dragon attack. You have no idea. We did so badly on that roll. Oh, my God.

You did really poorly. Dinner? Dinner or a dragon. Dinner and a dragon. Dragon on that roll. Oh my god. You did really poorly. Dinner? Dinner or a dragon. Dinner and a dragon. Dragon on a roll. Does it look like we've lost this battle? What? Well, they haven't hurt you yet. Speaking of which,

Cabela does not leave the area of the moonbeam, which I think means she's going to take extra damage good but uh bear rat charges after you he moves at a oh wait does he have legs no yeah no he has legs what no he doesn't so okay redo that sound effect as though he has no legs oh yeah that's pretty good he zips really quickly up the pile towards you he moves i want to say as fast as the monk oh dear i was using special power to get that quick oh no snakes uh he attacks with reckless that's really great as well because your hair's all

really big and goofy right now. You don't look like Indiana Jones. You look like, it's almost like a young Einstein. Oh, great. That's right, listeners. I'm pretty handsome. You're like Yahoo Sirius in Young Einstein. Is that what it's called?

He's pretty ripped. Yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Yahoo Sirius. I want to change the name of my character. To Yahoo silly? Seriously, Yahoo. Bear Rat tries to bite down upon you, Goody,

but as his massive head swings backwards and tries to lock around you, you take a giant leap backwards and he bites nothing but air. Then with his two claws, he whips outwards, and attacks both Molto Bene and Lunabon. Molto Bene, he hits you. Lunabon, he hits you too. Oh, dear.

Molto, you take four. Lunabene, you take five points of damage. Hold that smart. Oh, I have a disguise kit. I'm not this guy anymore. I'm a sailor. I'm a snake. I'm disguising myself as someone braver.

No, aren't you super brave? Yeah. That's how he does it. I am actually very brave. No, you can be one of those brave types of people who ends up doing brave things just because they're too shy to not do them. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to climb across the volcano? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I went into a job the other day and I got there early and I was like, I'm not going to have a coffee today because coffee makes me feel kind of anxious if I have too many during the day so I was not going to have a coffee. And then somebody said, do you want a coffee? And I said, yeah,

because I felt peer pressured. You weren't having coffee to stop being anxious and then being anxious made you have a coffee. Yeah, exactly. Jesus. And the downward spiral began.

Fucking hell. Well, you're among friends now. Yeah. Did you want a coffee? Yeah, actually, that'd be... Oh, no. Lunabon, it's your turn. Well, I think I'll Thunderwave them.

So, several things about Thunderwave. It doesn't discriminate. You're standing next to friends. Oh, right. You will explode everything outwards. You are on a precarious pile of suitcases and luggage. Third thing, doesn't have that sort of a range. You can hit him, but not her.

Would you mind if I just quickly went back and wasn't dumb about this? Yeah, that's fine. Thank you. Is moonbeam a discriminatory? Oh, you can move. Moonbeam's still happening. It lasts until you end the spell, or for still happening it lasts until you end the spell or for a minute or until you cast another spell with concentration so do you see under duration on

your spells yeah some of them will have a c that's for concentration you can maintain one concentration spell at a time so uh moonbeam is still happening and so long as you don't cast another concentration spell it's gonna hurt ablla on her next turn. I would like to produce flame. I would like to step out of the way of Abella's jaws. This is Berat. Berat's jaws, and produce flame and try and shoot them into his mouth. All right.

You take a five-foot step backwards, not nearly as deftly or beautifully as the monk does, but effective nonetheless. It wasn't that beautiful. It was like a stumble, but I made it look good. There's an art to what you do. You just have to be able to appreciate it. Exactly. I'm a bumbling, stumbling champion. A BSC, if you will.

Like a BFG, but not as big. Or friendly. No, exactly. Oh. Goodness is a mean drunk you take that step backwards bring out your hand and as you do so you channel primal fire energy from anywhere nearby which launches itself into your hand and then you hurl it with bodily force at the snake creature it strikes him in his chest or it strikes him in his chest and deals five points of damage okay uh is is is barrett sort of downed from the fireball or no he's still up and running what's going on with the kind of

arcane uh runes and stuff is that area being unattended or uh bella is kind of standing right next to it not kind of she is standing right next to it it looks like she's putting the flourishing touches on her spell okay um i i i run up to her you can't do do that, but if you try, you'll be running past a bear rat, and he'll get a free swipe at you as you run past. What size is bear rat? He's human sized. Okay, and as I'm small, can I use my halfling nimbleness to move through that creature on the way? Yeah, so you can. Your halfling nimbleness allows you to move through him, but he still gets that attack.

Okay, right. So you wouldn't be able to do it otherwise, is basically. I can't get past it. Yeah. They can't do it. You can. Well, I don't do that, then. I run up, drawing my rapier, and stab him.

You draw your rapier and launch forwards at him, trying to... Like that. Like that. Ha! Trying to spike him with the tip of your rapier. Just the tip. Just the tip. That's all I need, boys. I don't know what that was.

You just barely hit him. Or you would if it weren't for the fact that my bad boy card gives you a penalty. No, what's the penalty? Can I use one of my good boy cards to combat your bad boy card? You absolutely can. Wait, wait, hold on.

So it just gives me a penalty of six damage? A negative six to hit. So you miss now unless someone uses a good boy card to help you hit. Like saving throws? Attack rolls. Can I succeed on an attack roll uses a good boy card to help you hit. Like saving throws? Attack rolls. Can I succeed on an attack roll with this good boy card? Does it just say succeed? Succeed on an attack roll.

You absolutely can. I've got one here if we need it as well. Nice. You deal for eight points of damage. Yes. That's great. Nice. I stab and I kind of look back at my friends and go,

Yeah, I did a good job. Thanks, Mom and Dad. I mean, good friends. As you launch forward, you see that one of his claws is going to bat your rapier aside. But before he can do that, you stomp on the tip of his tail and he roars, distracting him and allowing you to skewer him he's still fighting but you hurt him pretty badly oh great you're doing great thank you not not shots bought thank you whoa but is molto bene doing well enough to save himself find out next time on into the jungle island of Dendar,

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