D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #4 The Dryad

Episode Date: December 1, 2018

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Sans Pats Radio. Nyeh. Welcome to episode 4 of Into the Jungle Island of Denda, or ITJIOD as the kids are calling it. A D&D is for nerds adventure, or a D&D is for N.A. Previously. Working your rapier down into his long spine. Berat jerks once on your rapier and then you both fall together.

Berat is dead. Anybody order a snake kabam? That's cool. My character's really confident, so I'm just going to play this game. The dogs! I run. I run straight to the dogs.

Here she goes. What's she talking about dogs? As I'm running away, there are so many dogs trapped! People start freaking out. There's land, visible land in sight. Sure enough, all three of you can see just kind of on the horizon. It looks so far away, especially considering the swim.

People who survived with us. Anyone we recognize or know? No people other than you three and the dwarf make it. A lot of animals make it. She has behind her a couple of sorry looking people from obviously from the boat in still the rags of their clothes and she has draped over her shoulders an unconscious person my name is see how winds whisper they sink or scuttle the ship forcing the denizens of the ship onto this island they know that we can't escape i really wish i had a

drink right now the three of you are trapped on this island with Seahall making your way to her village. Why haven't they left? They can't, apparently. They don't have the materials or the expertise to build a ship and escape. And we're in the middle of rough waters. The seas that you're in right now

are very treacherous waters and boats tend to avoid them if they can. Only larger ships, and I mean larger ships, are ever able to actually navigate the waters you're in comfortably. And typically there are just faster routes anyway, so no one comes through here unless it's a pleasure cruise or for a very good reason. I'm just going to make it known that if I ever get off this island and find the man who designed the unsinkable ship, I'm going to choke him. I'll join you. Great. That seems fine. He might have died on the Titanic.

Good. He deserved to be killed by his invention. The irony pleases me. Maybe he's one of the survivors. Is he one of the survivors? Do you want to ask around? Yes. And here comes the side quest.

I found a random lady on the beach with an exclamation point above her head. I had to ask. Molto bene and Lunabon, both of you, when Goody starts asking around, both of you are aware of what's happened but goody is not the first person goody asks he asks very it's very very apparent that goody intends to hurt the person that he's looking for he's asking in a very aggressive manner and maybe like the stress of the situation, maybe you haven't been sleeping right. Just a lot of things. Haven't had a drink. You're just not a very good people person right now.

And so if the architect is among you right now, the architect is on purpose keeping their mouth shut. I'll get him eventually. Huayna numbers. You eventually arrive back at the town. it's a couple hours walk from where you washed up it's a a piecemeal sort of ring wall made out of wood that was just kind of looked like it was just around a lot of the trees are a lot of the stakes sorry that make up the wooden wall are mismatched at height so it looks like someone kind of just came along grabbing whatever bits of wood had been fallen over and then shoved them into the ground standing

upright maybe sharpened some of the tops there are large gaps in the wall it looks like it would defend against nothing it barely looks like it keeps anything in as you approach the what is obviously supposed to be the only entryway but is not the only entryway there's a wooden sign hanging above the above the gateway gilligan's the no it says it says hope or it now says hope it once obviously used to say hopeless but someone has scratched out the less part. Well, I like that. I suppose that's a bit more optimistic, I guess. Seahall says, welcome to the town of hope.

Does this town have another name beforehand? She does a very poor job of hiding the fact that she quickly glances behind and is what obviously what is obviously her own handiwork and then looks back at you and says no i love the schism of somebody who's like i'm gonna go and like really rig up a sign and hang it and write hopeless on it like to be so nihilistic but so like no i'm gonna really make a meal of it and then the next day i go that was a bad idea sorry i hadn't had much sleep true to seahall's word your numbers basically double that of the towns there's quite a lot of people here who look sad there's a lot of misery among the group.

It doesn't fucking help that a town was named hopeless for an extended period of time. Perhaps 799 years. Yeah. From her birth. From her birth, yeah. Upon entering the town, the first noticeable structure you see

is a big wooden hut in kind of the center of town. The hut has been boarded up and the door is nailed over. It looks like someone has gone to great pains to seal, quotation marks, this household. There's a lot of people wandering around trying to do their jobs, but a lot of people just stare at you. Well, I think we should find out what that house is. What is that sealed up place? Seahole answers your question. She says, there are...

She looks at you three. She's on the walk here. She conversed a bunch with each of you in turn, just like chatting about maybe about your past, about your lives. In exchange, she told you about some of the mundanities of her life. And she says i um i take you three for adventures yes in in the town of hope not committal shrug while everyone in the town of hope needs have while they're here there there's an expectation of sorts that you will carry your weight.

And I could give you, while you're here, menial tasks. Fetching water or looking after cattle or something like that. I can sing for the cattle. They'll love drums. I pull out my drums and I sell them. The cattle are well looked after. Okay, but... My point is...

He's very good at drums. I'll keep going. Continue. My point is that there are several jobs here that the average person could not handle. Could not deal with. And I was wondering... Oh, she meant side quests.

I wouldn't push you to do it. I understand if you don't want to. But, like, it's sort of a, come on, pull together everyone sort of thing. What do you want? She wants to get a little mouse slaughter fish. I'm not around people a lot. There are several people around town who need help.

Namely, myself and we have a cleric. His name is Gal Thronestomper Prayerbreaker. What's her name again? C. Hall. C. Hall. Wind Whisper.

C. Hall is spelled S-I-H-A-L. No, I wrote it the way I wanted to. That's I-S-U. Yeah, I wrote C. Hall. So did I. Like Michael C. Hall. What was this guy's name? Garth.

Garth Thronestomper Prayerbreaker. Gal. Gal, Throne Stomper, Prayer Breaker. Although, I would ask that you listen to our problem that we are trying to deal with together. But I would ask that you, once you've listened to our problem, don't listen to his solution. I know what he thinks needs to be done. And he'll tell you what I think needs to be done is wrong, but it's not. So what you're saying is that you both have two very separate and distinctive ideas about how you

should rectify your current situation. Well, I only say this specifically because you were interested about the house in the center of the city. Can I play the drums at it? You can, but I don't know if that'll help. There's an illness going around town. We're calling it the laughing madness

but it's no laughing matter uh they really have a problem with naming things around here early symptoms are fever and lethargy but it just develops and develops and develops until the victim falls into a coma which they wake briefly from for mad laughing fits before they finally die. It's highly contagious. I can, my medicine only works to such a very limited extent. Gahl's magic is a lot more powerful than mine, but even he cannot seem to even prevent someone from catching the disease. So you want help with a laughing disease? Yes.

You want help. Garl can give you more details. He knows more about it. Well, let's go find him. Also, there are two more people who need help. There's an old Candanese soldier known as Linus the Brave. You'll find him walking the walls somewhere. And our grocer, Miss Greenchapel, also says that she needs help.

Fuck me, we're going to have to collect fruit for some old lady, aren't we? No, I believe there's been a thief stealing our food. No, that's no good at all. We're going to have to collect a thief. I never said that. You are making weird inferations, she says. I hold my drums closer. Then she walks away

before anyone can tell her that infurations is not a word. I like that word. I'm going to use it from now on. I'm going to carve it into a sign and then cross it out. Not only the back half. Call the town Infer. Where've all the animals gone?

The animals are with you. There are pens and such for animals and stabling and such where they can be led and kept. Okay. There are animals already here. You see chickens just running about freely. There's maybe a couple of sheep. Maybe a horse already in the stables. Hi.

And some cows. Hey. How are you? I'm good, thanks. Good. Look, I've got a new horse. Sorry about the accent. That's...

People tell me I sound like a dog. Never apologize. Dwarven shepherd. Can I introduce the two horses? They definitely don't know each other, but they're talking as if they do know each other. Hello again. Hey.

How you going? I'm good, thanks. Been a long time no see. Yeah, long time no see. They don do know each other. Hello again. Hey. How you going? I'm good, thanks. Been a long time, no see. Yeah, long time, no see. They don't know each other. That's real good. Hey. I say hello to the hens.

The hens scatter. Run, run, run, run, run. From what? They just scatter. They scatter from people in general. You don't have to. Have a good day. No, just leave.

You too. Run, run, run. Is that a chicken run joke? No. It is now. Can you re-dub an entire Dr. Dolittle film? That would be so good. Me with my three voices?

I'd say one. Hurtful but true. The Scotty Dog sticks to you like glue. Hey, what's up? Not much. What was your name again? Fetch. Was he the one in the cage?

No, he was the one being held up by the horse. Oh, yeah. Well, it's lovely to meet you, Fetch. How are you doing? I'm good, thanks Good? Good Where are we going? You want to come with me?

Where are we going? Oh, we're just going to go out and help a few people Alright I give him a hug Oh boy, he licks your face That's, oh, no, my character definitely loves that That's gross You get some doggy kisses Yay! Oh, no, my character definitely loves that. That's gross.

You get some doggy kisses. Yay! I'll never wash this face again. Oh, hey, hey, this is Paula. Paula, this is Fetch. What's this? What's this? What's this?

Fetch gets right up in Paula's jam. Paula probably doesn't like that. Fetch, this is Paula. Paula's a rabbit and not a snake. Paula's jam. Paula probably doesn't like that. Fetch, this is Paula. Paula's a rabbit and not a snake. Paula hates that. They're like, you have to hold them apart a little bit. They try to fight. Oh my goodness, Fetch, that's so rude. She started it.

No, she did not. She did. Are you saying that because Paula can do no wrong? Well, she did start it. She did start that fight. She beat him. What? Oh, okay.

No, well, that's on Paula. Paula, that was very rude. Keep him away from me. I don't like him. He gets too much up in my business. Okay. Fetch, if you promise not to get too close to Paula, will you get along? Uh, all right.

Paula, F fetch promised. I don't know if that was a promise I thought. Do I believe this dog? Um, you are enough of an animal handler, some might say, to keep fetch in line. Okay, good. You don't necessarily trust him, you trust your ability over him. Okay. They get along a little bit better this time

good good good now let's go help some people who would we like to speak with first uh i don't know which which inane adventure would we like to go on let's let's let's go to gal throne stomper prayer breaker we haven't heard the second half of that story. True. All right, shall we? I can't remember the second, guys. No. Oh, you don't remember Linus the Brave? We'll find him on the wall.

No, Linus. There was another one, wasn't there? Miss Greenchapel. Miss Greenchapel. Oh, I thought Linus was Greenchapel. No. I just used them together. Oh, well, what a combo.

Rude. Maybe we can set them up. That can be the quest. Maybe they both got into one half of like a teleporter And then they DNA-ed their DNA Shut up Michael, okay Like the fly? Yeah, exactly like the fly

Just kill me That's the quest We have to kill Linus Fust with Mrs. Scream What would happen to the fly if two humans went in? Baby Baby? That's how babies are made? That's how babies are made

A perfectly formed baby Adam, you're an expert I'm pretty sure you get the movie Stuck on You Was Matt Damon in that movie? Yep, Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear Holy shit Meryl Streep makes the cameo at the end Matt Damon, you're better than that

Greg Kinnear, fair enough You need work greg kinney is a champion i i'm just making a joke i don't i don't mind greg kinney sure it's actually he's fine he's in that category of actor where he's nobody's favorite nobody is like starting the greg kinney fan club but everyone's like greg kinney listening to this as he's on his morning jog just stops starts crying he's a He's a Sans Plans Plus member, right? Oh, yeah. Big fan.

Big fan of the show. Yeah. He won't stop emailing us. It's actually kind of annoying. Hey, I've got a great idea. Can I be on the show? No, you can't. We've told you.

Don't worry, I won't be anybody's favorite. Does Greg Kinnear sign his email? Oh, no. Introduce his email. Like, phone call. When email, like phone call, when you call him. No, when he leaves a voicemail. Is he like, Greg Kinnear, Kinnear, can you call me back? Fuck, that was bad. But when he's trying to call someone over, he says,

can you Greg Kinnear over here? I'd love it if he just changed all ear words to his surname. Anyway, who are we going to go talk to first? I think we're going to Greg Kinnear. Tell you what, someone should. So, Garl, the cleric? Yeah, let's go to Garl. I thought our names were needlessly complicated.

You find him near that shut-up house. There's a couple of stretchers laid out around the back that you couldn't see from the front entryway of the town and uh sorry people laid out on the stretchers as well and he's tending to them oh what a nice guy he's got gloves leather gloves because obviously plastic gloves are not a not a thing and uh kind of like a face wrap as you approach he stands up dusts his hands off and walks over to you he starts taking off all the different like he maybe even had an apron on as well he starts taking all of that off as he approaches you uh are you girls sorry i saw a ghost are you girl yes i am he says hi girl my Malto Benet, and these are my compatriots, Goody and Lunabon.

Pleasure. And we've just, well, we found ourselves in the same spot of bottom that maybe you have, too, where we are on this island. But we're feeling hopeful, as is the name of the town. And look, end of the day, we're some good dudes. We'd love to help out if we can help out at all. I see you're treating people. That's really nice. I can play songs that help people rest up.

I got four different instruments. I got gotta loot i gotta file i gotta drums i'll just show you and i start to i start to get them out to play but i get interrupted that's right interrupted by our sponsors and by me telling you that if you hate these ads you can sign up to sanspantsplus.com and for as little as five dollars a month get access to not only this show completely ad-free, but a heap of bonus content like Hey D&D, It's Me Adam featuring me, Adam, the titular co-host of Hey D&D, It's Me Adam. But not in just on my own.

I am also sometimes joined by usual hosts of the show, Joel Zammett, Cassandra Cash Cash Money Dollar Bills, sorry for doxing you, Cash, occasionally Jackson B. Baby, his true and birth name, and of course, the show's titular charismatic leader, Adam. Adam from Hey D&D. It's me, Adam. Adam, Adam from Hey D&D. It's me, Adam, to show you again once more that this is me speaking to you, the audience, in Hey D&D. It's me, Adam. A show where we explore the deaths of Dungeons and Dragons on Hey D&D It's Me Adam with the titular host of said show

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Okay, cool. Great. And that's the drums and I do the little beat and the people on the street gotta move their little feet and I get a little loot and I...

And the drums... And the chimp. And that's the song. With dwarven patience. With dwarven patience, he listens to your entire spiel, then song. Finally, when you're finished, he says, can you set fire to that building please got it and i walk away wait wait wait wait wait but what is that building full of people yes they're alive yes well no are they the second they contracted this illness they're dead i assume you've spoken with

the druid i didn't know she was a druid but yes well she does not have the stomach for what needs to be done the illness that is perceived that is plaguing this city is uncurable she thinks that a cure could be found perhaps at the source but i think that you need to kill every carrier to prevent this illness. There's no other way. I'm so sorry for these people. My heart definitely does go out to them. But there's nothing I can do. There's nothing anyone can do.

They are here spreading the sickness further. And we need to stop that well why haven't you just burnt down the house yourself i can't i haven't the magic for it and i'm afraid that when i start burning it down some of the mad ill inside might run and spread the illness around so if you can't set the entire building on fire instantly, what we need to do is start a fire, wait till the fire consumes the building, and guard the perimeter of the building,

making sure none of the ill escape. That's just horrible. Yes, it is. It is awful, awful, awful. But if those 10 people don't die now or soon, everyone will die. We are cutting out the infection. What was Seahall's solution? The illness started when a water bearer was traveling back or went to a watering hole that we used to use, obviously no longer.

He dived to get, I don't know, he's a child or whatever. He dived to get something in the water and came up screaming. He had a scratch on his chest. He had a scratch on his chest. And when we got him back to town, he had already collapsed into the coma that afflicts all people with this disease. We don't know what exactly happened, just what other people saw. So her solution is to go back to the pool? She thinks perhaps something attacked, well obviously something attack to the boy but she thinks if you can capture whatever attack to the boy a cure can be made from studying that

is there anyone who in town who can study that potentially myself or seahall it depends or maybe you any of you it depends what the creature is that is causing the sickness. It sounds like killing off everyone isn't going to get rid of the cause of the sickness. Well, if we don't send anyone else to that watering hole, then all we need do is burn the infected. This is, would you consider this the safer option or going and getting it the safer option? this the safer option or going and getting it the safer option? In terms of just getting rid of it, I think you're not getting rid of it if you just kill the people. Because what if someone goes back to the watering hole and gets attacked again? Well, then they shouldn't

be allowed back into the city, the fool. What if whatever's in the watering hole comes out of the watering hole and comes to your town? It hasn't in the how many hundreds of years that this town has existed. Yes, and yet things change. Well, I firmly believe that things will stay the course. This is an errant miscalculation, one that has led to a lot of suffering, but that needs last no longer. If you go to the watering hole, get whatever's causing this disease, and then bring it back here, do you think that is truly the safer option?

Well, of course not. But it's the right option. I say, tears welling up in my eyes. We're all lawful, aren't we? Yeah, but lawful to what? Oh, true. I'm good. Lawful to what? No, true. I'm good. Lawful to what?

No, lawful has a definitive meaning. Yeah, but to what laws? Yeah. Is what she's saying. I'm animal laws. Sorry? I care about animals. Like if I was lawful evil, I would burn that house.

So. Gotcha, Adam. Fair. Yep. Get a good boy card. Yay! Yay. The decision is obviously yours I cannot on my own

Burn this building and ensure that the virus is contained And Seahall cannot on her own Capture whatever is dwelling in the lake Do you think there's a creature in the ocean? The lake, sorry? Waterhole? Something attacked that boy What did he say?

He was crying for his mother. And then by the time we got him back to town and anyone could question him, he'd already fallen into a coma. What a little bitch. How long does it take to die? It depends. The boy died in hours, but a fully grown adult could, it could take days. How is it spread? We're not sure yet.

I, at first, thought it was a, possibly by a miasma spread in the air, but holding your breath does not work. Then I thought perhaps it was a, something that existed in water or in bodily fluids, but that didn't work either. Eventually, studying it long enough has led me to believe it is a magical illness of some sort, a disease that is spread by the very weave of magic itself. Oh, gosh, guys. I think it's our duty to help these people.

Why, we're just like them. Right? Yes. I certainly don't want to. I think we need to have a team meeting away from Mr. Garl. Whatever. I don't care what you decide. Well, I do care if you decide whether or not my plan,

but ultimately if you decide against me, there's nothing I can do. What? I'm not going to sabotage the town. That sounds like a man who is definitely going to sabotage the town. I look at a sheet and see there's a line in it. I do. It's obscured to your vision. He takes off his little cap.

He's got like a, I don't know what you call it. Like, you know what a racehorse driver, what do you call him? Jockey? Jockey wears. Or a lifeguard. You know those little... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my cat, but without the front beard, right?

Yeah, yeah. He's got one of those sort of caps. He takes that off and mops his sweaty and balding brow. That's so cute. Have you come into contact with the infected? I've shown no signs of infection, but if I become infected, obviously I will need to deal with that. And how would you deal with that? Well, in a magical, distant, alternate reality where you discover a cure, I will obviously take that.

I will obviously take that, but in our reality, I will probably have to... I'll treat the infected as best I can until I succumb. And when I succumb, I expect someone to take my life. Does it have to be through fire? Fire is the only way I think we can destroy all trace of the illness. It would be more humane to kill them quicker, but unfortunately that's not the situation we find ourselves in. What about killing them and burning the bodies? I mean, I still think that's horrible.

That would still be much better. We could shoot them. Anyone entering that building is at high risk of contracting the disease themselves. They're all in comas, right? Yes. Well, some of them are, some of them are not. I'm not sure.

I haven't been inside in a little while. Okay. What are we thinking? I think we've got to help these people. I think we've got to burn these people. We've got to help these people. What? Mom?

I mean, Luna Bomb. And I say, no, no, no, and I run up and hug her leg. You're like a small animal. And you speak my language. You can check with some of the other people who need help and give yourself some time to mull on it. We might do that. Let's mull on Gaul. The gods suggest that you mull it over.

Let's mull on gall. The gods suggest that you mull it over. And some less heavy, some easier quests to accomplish. Yeah, but are they? Because I fucking know you, and that thief's going to be like a toddler. I'm going to have to murder that toddler. I mean, I do suppose this very much feels like the main quest, and now we're going to go to the grocer, and they're going to be like,

I need six bales of hay for Dawn. The main quest is the upcoming sacrifice. Oh, no. That's a problem that's going to occur. Oh, my God. This is humans only, yeah? Adam sees a twist coming. No, no, no, no. Let's go to Linus the Brave.

Let's go see what that soldier needs. Okay, as long as it doesn't also involve, Hi, I'm Linus the Brave. Could you burn my family for me? Well, if it's his family. Hi, I'm his Greenchapel. I need you to burn Linus the Brave for me. People keep getting us confused, and I'm sick and tired of it.

We went into a machine and joined bodies, and we've been separated and I want him dead. He knows things about me. All right. Linus the Brave. True to Seahall's word, you find Linus wandering the perimeter of the town. Hey, what's up? I'm Linus. I'm Linus.

No. Hey, what's up? I'm Linus. I'm Linus. No. Linus is a large man, but he looks like he's maybe in his 80s. He definitely has all the hallmarks of a soldier. He's got a very straight, stiff posture. He's wearing piecemeal armor that looks like maybe it was the remnant it's like he found

it was what was left over after his ship crashed and he has a large halberd a pole arm at his side which he holds at a very stiff angle as you approach him he stops does like a little bit of a marching turn to face you and then says hail no. It's a greeting. Oh. Well, we've not heard of that yet at all, have we? No. I think you'll find us a type of weather mister. It's very rude then if no one's given you a hello. Hi.

I said hello, but no one said hail. It's a form of greeting, I suppose. Well, where I'm from, we just say good afternoon. Good afternoon. Do you have business here from, we just say, good afternoon. Good afternoon. Do you have business here? You said you needed help? Hail! Thank you.

And I look around and nod at everyone. I throw you around in the air like this as well. That came too naturally. I have informed Seahall that I need assistance, yes. But, uh, are you the assistance she sent? Yeah. Potentially.

All right, then. Well, he lowers his halberd a little bit at a more relaxed stance and then continues. I need more wood to complete the defensive perimeter around Hope. The problem being, any time I attempt to log a tree, a tree spirit attacks me. Whoa. What sort of tree spirit? I'm not sure. I don't know, Faye. Seahole might be able to give you more information, but she probably will be reluctant to. She doesn't want to disturb the tree spirits.

There's no way you're going to want to disturb the tree spirits either No, they're not animals They look after animals, you know that Oh no The tree spirit is probably protecting trees Not only because trees they think need to be protected But those trees probably have homes for owls and birds and such I forgot I was a druid, whoops

Whoopsie daisy, I went to the fey realm Have homes for owls and birds and such. I forgot I was a druid. Whoops. Whoopsie daisy. I went to the fey realm. Protecting fey could very easily be rolled up into protecting animals. They're kind of very similar goals. Thank you for helping me realize my character. You're very welcome. No stress. With the exception of some fey, which are like, you know, evil Captain Planet?

There are like those sorts of fey what was his name captain pollution oh wow oh wow they fucking phoned they really labored on that one yeah yes i remember evil captain planet wasn't duke newcomb the name of the bad guy there was a lot of bad guys maybe it was piggygy. There was Duke something. There was the pig man. Duke Nukem. He wore wine shirts and stuff. You'll pay for this, Captain Planet. There was like an alliance of evil. There was him, Piggy, and the chick with the hair.

The really bad friend. Yeah, the chemical burn on her face. But they teamed up and they made Captain Pollution, who was like purple, white, and orange. And his hair was on fire. And he had like the same mullet that captain planet oh nice but he talked like everyone was i'm gonna serve everyone he was like i'm gonna do bad stuff do you guys remember when the planeteers got put into cocoons and then evil versions of them got made and they used all of their powers for evil but and they're all like check this out

and the fire guy like makes a bin fire or because they're in a city, I think. What's the evil version of heart? I was about to say that. Oh, here we go. So, some bullies, or, like, some street toughs come at them, and the heart guy's like, because they're all testing out their powers, the heart guy's like, check this out, he does heart, and it does nothing, because he has no heart, and it's so funny. He had no power. The other ones could burn, flood or tornado or whatever,

and he could do nothing. Let's be honest. The hot guy in the actual Planeteers did nothing. Did fuck all as well. I guess maybe once or twice he stopped animals from attacking them. Maybe. Sorry, hot guy. You got a shit power.

Yeah, he did. Hot captain. Anyway. So where were we? Linus. Yes. Now, I spent a lot of time in the wilderness, right? Away from a lot of people.

And I learned a lot from my time there. When I was younger, my beautiful bunny, Paula. Paula, say hello. Paula's too shy to say hello. Oh, gosh, she's beautiful. She turns. You, like, she's beautiful. She turns... You, like, maybe put her face first towards Linus, and she turns around in your hands.

Oh, no. I give her pats and keep talking like that. She won't talk in front of the big intimidating man. She knows they can't... Oh, anyway. This is just endearing to me. When I first met Paula, she was trying desperately to eat seeds

that were coming out of a thorny bush, and she kept cutting her beautiful little face. Right? You with me, Linus? I follow. She was trying to get at something where there was just already an obstacle there, and what she needed to do was find a different strategy.

So she went and she started digging for seeds that had already fallen off and had started to bulb. And that's how she got fed without getting cut in the face. So, have you considered just planting trees? I'm afraid I don't really have time to wait for a tree to grow to become part of the wall. Can the tree spirits help with that?

I don't know. I can't talk to them. Can't? I just won't. Is it hard to do, though? Depends. Some fae are, like, very aggressive about it. Some fae are pretty chillaxed about it. It really sounds like you haven't even tried to work with it.

You've got to make yourself laugh because, fuck, when else will you? Sorry. It sounds like you haven't really tried. And if Seahole's really not happy with what you're doing, maybe try working together. It's a community. Nature's a community. I can't leave the town for too long.

Otherwise, something might come and attack. I'm the only experienced warrior here. Maybe it looks like you're a little too experienced. Oh. Burn. He doesn't have a great comeback for that, so he just doesn't say anything. Look, any solution you can come up with would be appreciated.

Well, I'll go speak to the tree spirits. All right, then. We'll come. Come on, we're going to the forest. I'm so happy to be going to the forest. I love the forest. I play the flute as we go. All right.

Get us some great wandering music. Miss uh miss green chapel could go fuck herself i suppose oh later we'll come back we're in the middle of something you don't know what'll happen between now and then sorry uh okay some things are time sensitive very rarely things are time sensitive i played a mod once which jackson also played some guys like this lich is going around doing shit and because it's kind of like whatever I'll get to that in my own time. And then I failed the quest because it was time sensitive and they didn't tell me. I had 24 hours to find the lich or something. Anyway, I'm sorry.

Is this one time sensitive? Is Greenchapel time sensitive? Look, you don't know. I'm just making jokes. They've had 800 years. I'm just trying to make jokes. Fair. Fuck you. They're people, you know. We streamlined us and just making jokes. They've had 800 years. I'm just trying to make jokes. Yeah. Fair. Fuck you.

They're people, you know. We assume Linus and Green Temple are the same person. This has all presumably not been... You, um... All right. So, where exactly are you going? Well, did we ask Linus where he had encountered these spirits? He points out several places.

It seems like he's tried a bunch of times to leave the town, find somewhere nearby with trees, and log the trees, and it's the same tree spirit every time. He says that the tree spirit just, as he starts chopping, comes out of the tree and attacks him. Okay. Do I have any innate powers to just talk to them? Actually, oh, no, wait.

I rolled for you. I was about to say, can you make a nature check? I make the nature check. You are not great at nature. Do you have anything to help with a skill check? Yes. 1d6. Imagine being a druid who was shit at nature.

What kind of tree is that? Big one. Green? I don't know. I just like being outside. Like six months later, come back. What country is that? Brown?

From the description he gives, you believe that the creature that's giving him trouble is called a dryad? One of these. Oh, beautiful. Sexy tree lady. It does look a little sexualized One of these. Oh, beautiful. Sexy tree lady. It does look a little sexualized in that picture. It's got a little bit of a

Rule 34 tree quality to it. The tree spirit is probably not actually that powerful, but most fey have powerful magics that allow them to charm or terrify their opponents. And she's probably using some of her

fey charm to make linus more afraid of her than she actually then he actually has any right to be can i try and call out to her you could try to uh to summon her somehow yeah let's knock on the tree get you to make another nature check. Ding dong. You get a good boy card for rolling a 20. Then I'm going to spend one of my bad boy cards to give you a penalty on this roll. Why? Because I'm evil. You don't want the story to go on.

This isn't saving throws, is it? No. No, it's a skill check. All of mine are saving throws. You won't die the story to go on. This isn't saving throws, is it? No. No, it's a skill check. All of mine are saving throws. You won't die. That's nice. You want this to go on forever, don't you, Adam? I would like to, yes.

You pass anyway. I didn't roll high enough to stop you. So I would say maybe going to one of the places he said he saw the dryad, you get some out of your material components pouch you get some white chalky paint spread it over a tree and then in a in a fashion similar to a summoning spell but not exact to a summoning spell more like a a calling forth spell if the dryad is willing she will be drawn towards you you uh utter an ancient oath to try and bring her forth. Slowly, she materializes out of the tree.

Her skin and body is made of bark and wood. And as she draws forward, the tree leaves or branches swing down in front of her. And a dress made out of leaves forms around her as she materializes out of the tree. She is standing before you. I love that she has modesty. You know, she's like, I've got to wrap up. Even though I'm made of, like, bark. Anyway.

Doesn't want anyone to look at her and get wood. Yay. He's done it. Hi, I'm Luna Vaughn. Hello. What's your name? I am the forest. Whoa. It's so name? I am the forest. Whoa.

It's so great to meet you. I can tell we're going to be best friends. Are you another druid? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a druid. So I was just talking to, I think you've met him, Linus the Brave. The man in steel. Yes, and not brave at all.

Like, serious. Anyway. Do you think you're winning points right now? Well, I'm trying to connect with her because she scared him. Sorry, go on. Please, I interrupted. I'm still interrupting. You know Linus, yeah?

Yes. Okay. So, I know he keeps trying to chop down trees to protect his village, right? Do you know what he's trying to do? I don't know why or I care why. Okay, so what he's trying to do is protect all the people in his village. And to do that, he's trying to chop down trees, which I am just not about. We get a lot of shipwrecks on this island, which we can like sort of pull out from there,

but it's just not enough. We don't even have enough to make a boat and get off the island. So I was wondering, could you maybe grow more trees where he wants to put a fence? No. Well, okay, okay. So I do a secret plan time, like do not tell anyone. So what I'm thinking, right, I'm on your side.

Civilisation can just jump in a pit and be swallowed by the earth. It's horrific. I prefer to live in the forest. If we grow trees all around the village, it becomes more of a forest, and then you can just overtake and overrun the village slowly. I mean, honestly, what everyone wants to do is just get off the island, and to be honest, we would need a lot of trees to do that. So if you can get off the trees, we'll go.

Like, no one wants to be here. She rolls her eyes and says, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Why? I cannot alter the natural course of the forest. Well, is there anything you can do to help us with the growing of the trees, at least? Like, that they're going to be big, or... Is there anything you can do? Because I'd so much rather not chop down trees.

And he's going to try. Like, he'll just keep getting stronger people. I'm sure we're not... She's just consulting her spells. If we are not the first group of people he's asked, he's going to keep asking people. And this island is going to keep getting more and more full of people who can survive a shipwreck.

So you don't want stronger people here. I'm trying to help. I'm legitimately trying to help you. I cannot alter the natural course of the forest. I haven't the magic to, even if I wanted to. But you do want to, right? It would be nice if he would leave me alone. He'll leave you alone if we get the forest wall up.

You keep saying that is the solution, and I would love to either want or be able to, but I can neither. What can we do then? What do you want? Perhaps he would be quieter if you brought him here and we slew him. I don't know about that. I mean, I didn't exactly like him. He has a weird way of saying hello to people.

And what does the island need protecting from? Oh, no, there's those snake people who kidnap people and then sacrifice them. Yeah, but they're overwhelmed every time anyway. Well, it could be because of a lack of a wall, but all right. If the... Fucking hell. I mean, I guess.

If I had to pinpoint a reason why they can be surrounded and attacked, it's maybe because they have a wall that has holes in it. Someone ought to fix that. Yeah, I couldn't imagine how, though. The forest. Do you know of any big rocks that you wouldn't mind us using? If you can move the rocks, so long as you are able.

Yes. The will to live just vanished from you In that brief instant I didn't know what I was saying Well, maybe that'll help then If we just get the really big rocks We're going to be able to carry those rocks I can carry anything

Oh, that's so good I love your optimism and that is why we're your friends Yay I do not think he's going to be able to carry a rock No, but we do have a lot of horse and cows who might be able to help, because if they don't help, they'll die. You don't know that. Maybe they won't be sacrificed.

You don't know. You've never asked. If there's no one there to care for them. Yeah, they will die. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm thinking into the future. Yeah, yeah. That's a pretty clever solution.

Get a card for that. Thank you. I literally would never have thought of that in 100 years. Oh. Wow. Look, maybe given 100 years, I could have thought about it. It's a hyperbole. Come on, guys.

Hyperbole. Hyperbole. Hyperbole is so much fun. Hyperbole sounds more fun. Welcome to the hyperbole. You can't tell, but I'm cringing, like my lungs are cringing up.

You don't need air. It's cool. So, yeah, the dryad can direct you towards some boulders. Cool. Thanks, the forest. The forest, Kelly. She melds back into the tree. Well, that was so cool. I don't know you could do that yeah

no it's pretty sick he should be a druid well it's a bit like i don't know i'm probably not smart enough or clever like you oh you can put your mind to anything i don't think it's intelligence that prevents someone from being a druid oh okay i guess we go back to the town and we tell anis that we're gonna get we need people to help us gather stones for him. Also, on the upside, we can upset him on the stones being stronger than wood. Oh, yeah. They're very much stronger than wood. And, like, the animals can help.

It's going to be just a better solution. We've doubled. We've also got a dwarf in our midst. I'm pretty sure they're good at rocks. Oh, yeah. They're so good at rocks. I'm not going to ask him, though. He doesn't like me that much.

That's racist. He's not like me. He is a doctor. No, he's a're so good at rocks. I'm not going to ask him, though. He doesn't like me that much. That's racist. He's not like me. He is a doctor. No, he's a super racist man. Oh. Yeah. The horns and the tail. No dice.

I'm sorry to hear that. Can we go back to Linus? Yep, you can return to Linus. Yeah. Hail. Hail. What news have you? We've found a better solution than trees.

It's rocks. It's hard to believe. It is. You wouldn't have thought of that for a hundred years. I wouldn't have. But that's just being hyper bold. Who's getting the card? No one's getting a card.

Adam has handed me a card that says, we're no longer friends Get out of my game Please leave Malto's had a brain aneurysm The only card I need is the one to hide me crying It's not big enough Adam There'll never be a card big enough for that

That's why you have that wall up there So people can't see your tears hitting the page The DM screen is to conceal the massive trough i have in front of me where all my tears go so linus is on board with the plan linus ultimately didn't care of the material of the wall just that he made it he would have just assumed to make a wooden wall because that sounds easier but a stone wall if you just roll boulders is potentially just as easy oh i didn't do that. You're a soldier, yeah? Yes. Do you have, like, an army?

No, I was marooned here. Most of the other people I came with either died in the shipwreck or subsequently died of old age. Oh, sorry, that totally blows. It does. Thank you for saying that. No one else has. I gently touch his hand just for like a minute. Just for a minute.

Just for 60 seconds. And I look at him the whole time smiling. Oh, fucking hell. A minute is so much longer than you realize when it's quiet. A minute is really long when it's quiet. Yeah. You will arrange with Linus and I guess some pack animals? Draft animals.

I'm going to turn myself into a draft horse. Oh, that's right. You can just do that. Whoa. Can I ride you? Yes. But she's not made for it. Oh, yeah.

She's like, whoa. I nod my head in a weird horse-like way. Yay. You have to hold Paula and fetch. Okay, cool. One arm in each. You get the other two horses that are in the stables, maybe some cattle and such.

And with Linus, maybe you grab some people around town and such. Drant. Drant. Sure, Drant helps. What about Seahall? Seahall is currently not in town. When you guys left, she left a little bit afterwards. She had, she does that every now and then.

She's just, like, foraging right now. Does my, um, uh, any of the martial artsy stuff help with strength? Well, yes, no, it does, actually. You get advantage. Oh, thank you for saying that, because I would have forgotten. You get advantage on these checks, so you get a bonus to doing all of this. So I can help carry stuff if I... Yeah, easily, yeah.

You can help push and carry and such. Oh, yeah. Do you make horse noises, or can you still talk? No, I can't talk. All right, cool. Can you make a horse noise? No. That was like a boss mass.

Be gone, Witty. That's a horse noise. That's a horse noise. You were doing horse Nixon. Did you do this horse Nixon? No, I'm not a draft horse. I will not be seeking re-election. He just puts his hoofs in the air.

He's flipping us off. No, this is a peace sign Peace I'm saying that when a horse does it It's not illegal Fuck it'd be so much better if it was I'm saying that when Seabiscuit does it It's not illegal

On my head from Nixon That's great because it's the president So in this version it sounds like Seabiscuit is a title that a horse can have. Yeah, best horse of all time. The Seabiscuit. So I'm going to give advantage on this strength check to the draft horse Lunabon and the martial artist Goody. But you, Molto Bene, are going to have trouble because you're a halfling shifting a big old boulder.

Well, I'm still going to try. You give it a red hot go. Goody, you do a good job. Molto Bene, surprisingly, you do a good job as well. Maybe you do... The biggest muscle is the heart, guys. You don't do a better job than Goody, but you do still an amazing job,

especially for a half-life. I do. Maybe you get a bit of wood or something like that, using it as a lever. You've also just... Because you all went to different boulders in different groups to shift them. I'm so annoyed I didn't call myself

Shrek Nice Boulder for this. But then we wouldn't have been able to keep the spirit of the good alive. That's true. Shrek Good Boulder. You find a boulder that's maybe at the top of a hill as well. You get a lever, which is just a bit of wood or whatever. You use that to wedge it in and then roll the boulder back towards town. that to wedge it in and then roll the boulder back towards town and you you are not as a halfling very strong but you're very clever about how you do it and so you're able to get the boulder to

town without much trouble hey lunabon as a draft horse you do pretty well as well all three of you get boulders back to town without too much trouble. There's one more each that you need to grab, but by the time that you get the first set of boulders back, Seahaw has returned from her foraging trip. She's there now just milling about town, doing odd jobs and such. You can grab her if you wanted to. Can she transform into a beast?

She can, yeah. She could also transform into a horse. Hey, Seahaw. Yes? We need your assistance. We have made a deal with the wood lady that we will not be touching anymore of her trees. We have instead decided to build a wall out of rocks. That's very good.

You can thank this draft horse, formerly known as Lunabong. She speaks to you. You understand her and she understands you. She can also talk to animals. That's so nice. Thank you very much. It's wonderful news to hear. Oh, I know.

Oh, my God. I can't believe he was trying to cut down the trees. I understand his position, but it's good that we don't need... This didn't come to blows or anything. It already had come to blows. But no blood was spilt. No. And the dryad, the forest seems pretty happy.

As, you know, it's nature. But nature is usually impartial. Anyway, will your plan to fix the village walls work? Find out next time on Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for Nerds. Adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all our other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansplus.com and for as little as $5 a month you get access to episodes early, all completely ad-free, as well as a heap of bonus content. That's SandsPantsPlus.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer.

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