D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #7 Into the Lake

Episode Date: December 22, 2018

Where we try to go fishing for the most dangerous game.Sign up to our newsletter here; http://eepurl.com/cM3in9Join our facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Watch us stream here; https://www.twitch.tv/sanspantsradioYou can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: https://sanspantsplus.comPodkeep: https://sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: https://audiobooksontape.comMerch: https://www.teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: https://twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: http://www.sanspantsradio.comFacebook: https://facebook.com/SanspantsRadioReddit: https://reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: https://twitter.com/RetroArchetypeCass: https://twitter.com/CassCassPaigeTom: https://twitter.com/AwkwardTreedShanks: https://twitter.com/timtimfed Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio. That spell doesn't do what you think it does. There's a lot of shows happening this Melbourne International Comedy Festival, so why not pick the one where I force a bunch of comedians and Sands Pants people to join me in a quiz show unlike any other. We're calling a big deal, and if it was food, it would give you food poisoning. Head to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival website, or our own website, sandspantsradio.com, forward slash live to grab your tickets now. Welcome to episode seven of Into the Jungle Island of Dandar,

a D&D for Nerds adventure previously. You could stabilize, if you want to ask him questions, you're going to have to wake him up. And to wake him up, you're going to have to either give him a little bit of healing or fix him up. I'll do healing world on myself. There is a vile creature that lives in the lake. What kind of creature?

I do not know it and I do not wish to know it. So you have no idea what it looks like or what its name is? It is an abomination upon nature. We're swallowing a dog. Is that what we're doing? There was an old lady who... I have a pie that we ate. I have a real dog.

I don't know why she lost her pie. I'm glad she lived. So what you're saying is that you are not the only community establishment on this island? I don't know why she lost her pie. I'm glad she lived. So what you're saying is that you are not the only community establishment on this island. I don't know much about it. You might want to speak to someone else. Well, thank you for letting us borrow this pie as a stakeout, but I do believe that we don't need it. Stupid dog, stupid dog.

Oh my gosh. She's fine through that one. I'll deal with her later. Fetch. Yeah. There's a pie thief about. I've sent Dog to go and find the pie, but if you find a bit of pie...

He's already gone. You see him looking about, but he quite obviously doesn't spot you. He gets within 30 feet, so in a round, if you needed to, you could get right to him and grab him or hit him or whatever. You can get to him and do an action if you want.

We could ask trees where the Yanti are, or we could ask them to nod fast when they are coming. I feel like we would be best prepared. Sir, I miss him from the trees. Did I fucking stutter? The three of you

are standing around the village considering the dangers this place faces. All right, what are we doing? What's the... Well, we still got these sick people.

I want to help them out. I don't want them to burn to death because of old mate name I wrote down in my notes. You don't want them to burn to death. You don't want them to burn to death. I want to help them out. I don't want them to burn to death because of old mate name I wrote down in my notes. You don't want them to burn to death. I want to save them. The cleric's name is...

It's Galthron. You do want to burn the people a little bit, don't you? I'm sure you don't care. Will it make the animals sick if the people don't burn? I have no idea if it transfers from human to animal.

Well, I think that's very important and something we should find out. But if we can find a cure, then it doesn't matter because we can cure the animals. Guys, I don't want these people to burn to death. My parents burned to death. And I go, oh, a butterfly. What a great reaction to a tragic event. Fuck, that's great. get a bad boycott oh right jesus we're just throwing the rule book out ow i got hit by this rule book two please you get one you can use that whenever okay cool and uh i Should we talk to... And I think I said this before, but as an extra use,

no matter what your card says, you can spend a card just to reroll something. So if I'm like, you miss, even if it's like plus something, something to the roll, if you think it's better, like some of these are plus a D4. So those ones might be more useful for uh just a re-roll instead of plus a d4 yep cool cool cool so what's the plan well there was something more magical in that lake wasn't there yeah there's still the sickness is there somehow also yeah that's right

you wanted to find out if the sickness transfers to animals we go go and talk to... Who would... Garl? Garl might know, yeah. Garl, or you could ask the druid, Seahal. Yeah, we're going to ask her to do something else. Get her help with something. You were going to ask her with help with the druid, with the dryad, sorry, but that... Oh, we solved that. You fixed that yourself.

Yeah, you became friends. Oh, yeah. So if we need any help from the trees, which we should, they can tell us what's going on in the forest. How about we find out if the sickness goes to animals and then we investigate the lake and go see the dries to see if they'll let us know where the Yanti are. Yes.

Sounds like a... I'm happy to do that. That sounds like a good plan. Let's do it. Yeah. All right, then. Friends. We are a... I'm happy to do that. That sounds like a good plan. Let's do it. Yeah. All right, then. Friends. We are a good friendship.

This one will not sink unlike the last ship we were home. Oh, goody. And I scarf her away. Where the fuck are he going? That's a good fucking question. So, where did you say you were going first? Sorry. Everybody looked at me

I don't know You left Yeah I've gone It's up to you guys We're going to Garl To find out the animals We'll go speak to Garl I'm around

Do you know what though? I feel like Garl's prejudiced To burning those people So we should actually check in with Seahaw Because she would know Because she's better with animals right? I agree As I jump out of a tuft of grass.

That happens. And then I cartwheel away. You'd have to roll for that. It's called a cartwheel. Yeah, it's not easy. You do it, though. Okay, yes. It would be so funny if you'd rolled a one and injured yourself. Broke my neck.

Rolled his ankle. Everything was neg one. You take a minus three to a constitution for the rest of the game because you fucked a cat wheel up well sorry my life you guys speak to gal no no yeah see y'all she's probably doing something with maybe the water this day's water ration she's helping dole it out to everyone as fairly as possible you pull her aside yes we wanted to know something about the disease that seems to be plaguing everyone on this island she gives you all a cup of water yes thank you what is this liquid it's it's water okay it's oh not sea water so it's most of the water that we have access to here

is sea water it's not drinkable every day at the beginning of the day i make as much sea water. So it's most of the water that we have access to here is sea water. It's not drinkable. Every day at the beginning of the day, I make as much sea water as possible drinkable, and then we dole it out. No, I understand. I reckon, can I have taken a being given a gift of something from Greenchapel? Sure, what do you want? My alcohol?

She just gave you the bottle of brandy. Good. I put that in my water. Want to Irish up that water. Sure do. We were just wanting to know, this disease, can it spread to animals? I've not seen any instances of it spreading to animals, but it's a magical sickness, so I wouldn't be shocked if it could. Would you be surprised if it could but hadn't yet? I mean, it's affected a lot of people.

We haven't, we haven't too many animals. We have more people than we have animals here. Certainly anything living has been kept away from the building, so there wouldn't be much opportunity for an animal to catch it. So all the animals are safe while the disease is kept in the building. Thank you very much for your help today. You're very welcome. May I ask, have you decided what you want to do with the building?

Like I said, if you were to, I don't know if I, I don't know if you've spoken about this, but I know Garl has his opinions, but I think, I know it's a bit more dangerous for you, but I would hope that you would see that the right option is to find whatever is in the lake doing this and then try to make an a try to make an antidote from that i agree wholeheartedly can't you see and i throw my load oh it's a song everything is a song everything's a song she listens intently we're gonna go to the lake it's a song. Everything is a song. Everything's a song. She listens intently.

We're gonna go to the lake. It's gonna be so great. That's what great is with a K. And it rhymes with lake. Rhymes with lake. That's the song. That was a bad song. She gives you a little applause.

She doesn't care. She gives you a little applause. You tried. That's what's important to her. I don't deserve that. Now that we're back in town, are any of the dog coming back with any news for me? Oh, that's right.

Sometimes Adam figures. We caught the pie thief. That's true. You did catch the pie thief. Yeah, but the dogs don't know that. The dogs come back with no pie, but, well, actually, Fetch never reports back to you, but Dog comes back and informs you that he

uh oh smell pie went to the edge of the town and i couldn't get over the wall i tried a bunch but then master come by and he put me on his leash okay well thank you very much dog you're welcome i give him pets thank you that's his back leg. Would anyone else like to pet dog? Yeah, okay. Okay. Thank you. Okay, so I understand that you're- He's sitting next to-

I don't know. Who was the last person to give him a pat? Definitely me. He's sitting next to you, just, just like pushing his head into your side. And I don't understand, so I start pushing my head into its side, thinking that it's some sort of dance. He seems quite comfortable with this. Okay, cool.

Oh, no, no, no, I mean like he's leaning into you. Oh, okay, right. Sorry, I thought you meant like he was like a goat fucking me. Yeah, I just got that that's what you thought I meant. No, no, I just lean into it too. You're leaning on each other quite heavily. I understand your thought process will be that if the disease is contained within the house and the animals are kept away from the house, that they will not contract the disease.

Is that correct? Well, I think it's pretty obvious. Now, I don't know as much about animals as you do, but... No. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. What if an animal were to stray too close to the house we would have to find a cure yes no i understand but we would i'm not saying we're going to make an animal stray anywhere near the house just to be really clear i don't believe that's the solution no we wouldn't we would never do that i know i've i have spent

enough time with you to know that you would kill me if I attempted such a thing. Yes. We're on the same page. Goody's a little bit terrified. But you know, if we light that thing on fire, that fire's going to attract a lot of moths and you're going to see moths, cats, and those cats are going to burn to death and that's going to be on you.

And I scupper away. Don't you mean cartwheel? Yes, sorry. I'll just tell all the moths not to. Yeah, you're good. Have you ever tried to tell a moth that it should not go towards a bright light? Yes. How successful are you?

It's about 60%. You can't talk to moths. They're insects. You can only talk to animals. I'm sorry, but D&D draws a line here. Oh, well, in that case, I don't care about insects but what are the cats you're really good at um uh what's it called avoiding uh consequences that's because i don't ever make any if all the moths are attracted birds be attracted to moths cats be attracted to birdsoths. Cats would be attracted to birds.

And dogs, they'd be attracted to cats. It is like the old lady who swallowed a pie. The old lady who swallowed a pie? I don't know why she swallowed a pie. She might die. No, no, she was fine. I'm glad she lived. No, it's a fly.

I'm glad she lived for another 10 to 20 years. Swallowing an entire pie. God, that'd choke you. She ate an irrational number and she just, we're not sure what's going on. We don't know pie is an irrational number. She went in herself forever. There were too many numbers.

She just like became a loop. Like a pie. She was all like 3.1415926535897932384628433. Is that for real? I think so. Oh my God, that's crazy. Someone fact-checked us. I'm not so super confident about the last six digits,

but anyway. This is me. Michael shows off to no one. I know the first two verses to I Am a Modern Major General. Oh, very good. Do you know it as well as you know the beautiful bugle boy from Company B?

No, I know it quite well. Me and a friend were slowly memorizing the entire song. You know, that friend of mine, he lives in the mirror. Devilishly handsome. I gotta go. Is it that time already? I have to go talk to my friend. I have to go talk to my friend.

You're fine, Adam. You're good. Don't listen to Shanks. And you look great. Really? Yeah. That hat suits you. It does. Good hat. That's a good hat.

Thank you. Yeah. Anyway. I'm not proposing. I'm just saying that over time, naturally, an animal would wander close to the house. Surely. So, if we were to eliminate the house, there would be no risk to the house. Surely. So, if we were to eliminate the house, there would be no risk to the animals.

I cannot in good conscience burn a house full of people. Psychopath alert. Who said that? God. I agree, we can't burn those people. That's insane, that's so mean and horrible. Well, then we better find the cure. Well, that's what I'd better suggest.

Because even if we burn the house, if the things still out in the lake, it could return. That's a very good point. And it may affect an animal if an animal drinks from the lake. You're right. Let's go. Okay, let's do it. And I play some cure song while we walk. Pick a cure song.

A forest. We're walking through a forest? Yeah. It's nice. I know. That's a good joke. It was good. Adam's confused.

So let's go to the lake. Do you want to check in with the dryad on the way to the lake? Yeah. I could also play, let's go for a walk, which I think is also by the Cure, to the lake. Let's go for a walk to the lake. Yeah, that's it. Perfect. You approach just a copse of trees

and Lunabon, you recreate that summoning ritual that you've been using to try and draw out the Dryad. I'm so sorry. What have I already learned from her? That's a good question. No.

I don't think you've learned anything special she doesn't know about the where the young tia does she she just knows they come through from somewhere she doesn't know what's in the lake but she knows something bad's in the lake yeah she knows something awful is in the lake she doesn't know anything specific uh and the only other conversation you've had with her is about linus and um she doesn't like him yeah they're not friends shocking, and you also asked her where boulders were to fill gaps in the wall. Oh, yes. She helped with that. But yeah, apart from that, you've not had many conversations with her.

You spend an hour trying to summon her and she doesn't appear. You don't know if the summoning ritual went wrong or if she's just not answering the summons. That is also possible. Would you like to keep trying? I think we probably should. Are we losing daylight? Let's go. Let's just do it. Try it again? Yes. It's nearing

the end of the second attempt to summon her when you're starting to lose hope that this one's going to work either. But finally you have summoned me mortal. She slowly appears out of the tree. Hello, the forest.

You're looking wonderful today. She doesn't respond to that. So, it's come to my attention that if we allow this disease to keep ravaging through our village, it might not just affect people, which, fine. Not fine. If, can they understand me when I'm talking to the dryad? Yeah, you're speaking in... No, you're speaking in common. What languages do you know?

Common, Auguritic, Sylvan, Elvish, and every animal. You'd probably be speaking in Sylvan then, actually. She would prefer that language. Okay. Well, then I keep saying the things I think. Please, the forest, can you help us with anything at all that we could do to find this creature? I know you didn't know much last time, but if you learned anything, we're also wanting to know as well. Have you seen the one T in the forest?

Do you know what they are? They're going to keep hurting people, and they're animals. I have no interest in conflicts between mortal creatures such as they. Okay. You could keep petitioning her if you want. You can make a persuasion check. Yeah, I'll make a persuasion check. Please.

You argue your points as eloquently as possible, so you say, please. No. Oh. Oh. I think I understood that. I hold up Paula and I'm just like, Paula looks sad.

The sadness of one rabbit does not seem to sway her heart. It's fine. That's fine. That's not fine. A forest is made up of every creature and every creature is one creature. And I don't know why you said that. That's fine. That's not fine. A forest is made up of every creature and every creature is one creature and I don't know why you said that. That's fine. Is there anything you can do to help us with saving this disease from spreading from the lake at all?

Anything you've learnt since we last spoke? I have no power over the illness affecting your town and the lake. And I have no knowledge of what is within the lake. If you were to bring it to me, perhaps I could enlighten you with some wisdom. But until such a time. Okay. Well, thank you very much for your help.

I very much appreciate it. She slowly disappears back into the tree until the last things that, until the last remnants of her is her hair, which looks like matted grass with leaves woven through it which slowly becomes just leaves and such in the tree how'd it go not great we we got that yeah i heard you go oh she doesn't know anything which is crazy because she's the literal forest and it's like she's just seeing, she can't see the forest through the trees.

Anyway, let's go to this damn lake. No, it's a lake. You just said. It's natural. Oh, my gosh. I'm getting a good boy card, please. This is bullshit. This is some nepotistic. Is that a word? Can it please. Oh. This is bullshit. This is some nepotistic fuck.

Is that a word? Can it be nepotistic or is it just nepotism? Technically, it's autocratic. Nepotism would be if my brother got a good boy card. You fucking would correct me, you nepotistic fuck. Fair call. Yeah. It's all fun and games until someone takes it.

When you're poking fun at people It's like, ha, now you, now you And then someone's like, okay Yeah, I didn't have a comeback Yeah, it's like, oh no So, you come to the lake You're standing at the edge Is Gary's body still here? Yeah, I guess it would be

What the fuck is that? Nothing's taking it away. I could use my detect magic to see if I can get a vibe from a particular area of the lake. Yeah, you could try. Okay, yeah, I do that. Well, I got up to 10 minutes of detecting magic, so maybe I could just detect magic. We could kind of walk the perimeter and check that. That's a great plan.

Does my insight help look for shit? Insight? Insight is reading a person. You want investigation. I'm not a body of water. No, unfortunately. Investigation is to do a search, which while he's doing detect magic,

both of you could try investigation checks if you wanted to, unless you had something else you'd like to try. No, I think we just have to sort of... I've got nothing else. That's me casting detect magic if I'm allowed. It's fine. Goody, you discover nothing of interest

as you do your little walk of the perimeter. Molto bene. You uncover one pervasive magical aura which seems to be emanating from the center of the lake, down deep under the surface as well. Which seems to be of a, well, to you, it feels like faint necromantic aura. But you imagine that the aura is weakened, having to go through all the water. So it's probably quite a lot stronger than it seems to you. I'll get back to you in a sec sec because you can actually roll to discover what's

what's creating that aura okay cool and then lunabon you see as you walk around in the mud and the muck there are drag marks going in and out of the water at several places it looks like something came out of the water attacked and then dragged into the water whatever it was it wasn't natural this doesn't look like a crocodile or alligator it doesn't look like any animal you know something else something with feet like human feet bad uh we'll get so i'll make your check to see i could i found literally fucking nothing you You're like, that's a lake. That is a lake.

I'm having a drink. For a moment, you're like, lake river? Lake, lake, lake. That is a river that goes in a circle. What the fuck is the word? Lake is a lake. Grand puddle? Pond 2.0.

Fucking love that movie. Pond 2.0. Fucking love that movie. Pond 2.0. Yeah, it's like ice snack 2.0. Fuck, it's the best thing in the world. Ice snack. Yes. I don't understand. I mean, we're years out from this and it still makes no sense to me. What I loved, so they announced that at the 2009 Grand Final

and I was at that game as a spectator, and at halftime they announced, because it was the competition, name the new Vegemite. Come up with a name. The guy who named it, named it iSnack 2.0. They announced it at the Grand Final, and he got booed. Good. By 100,000 people.

No, okay. Some people have bad ideas, and that's just how the world works. Who picked it? Yeah, that's what I mean. Who picked it? I blame them. Yeah, okay. Some people have bad ideas, and that's just how the world works. Who picked it? Yeah, that's what I mean. Who picked it? I blame them. Yeah, exactly. Because everyone pretty much ate it.

It's like, what is it? Oh, it's like cheesy Vegemite. So everyone was like, oh, like a cheesy mite, because we already have cheesy mite scrolls. And that's what they reverted to. You didn't need a- They didn't need a competition. Yeah. They just needed to call it cheesy mite.

Which is obviously what it should have been called. Why fuck was it called ice snack 2.0 however i reckon in some fucked up weird universe that a jar of cheesy mites with the label ice snack 2.0 would it be worth maybe 20 dollars yeah well i know my mom kept a jar of iSnack 2.0 it's for paint water do they still sell cheesy mite? yeah cheesy mite's quite nice actually it's got all the amazing delightful taste of cheese

on Vegemite with none of the hassle of having to melt cheese onto a Vegemite sandwich sandwich? Vegemite sandwich. Sandwich? Sandwich? I'm so sorry, but now we need to keep that whole diversion in the podcast. And scene.

Less funny second time. I get it. uh molto bene yeah you can tell that the necromantic aura you are uh you are seeing is not the result of a of a spell it's the result of a so there are spells and then there are magical effects they're slightly different a spell is like a wizard casts a spell a magical effect could be like a dragon breathing fire sort of stuff. So, you know that no wizard came along and cast a spell. There's some magical creature in here, in the lake, which is emanating a necromantic aura. Probably something undead.

You also know that if it is undead, there are a few things that could be what is causing the sickness. For example, mummies. Mummies tend to have their own sickness that they emanate and infect other creatures with. There are some types of creatures called ghouls. Ghoulism is like a disease which is passed through eating... I got the ghoulism, boy. I'm done for. Ghoulism is passed by eating rotten flesh. So if these people are consuming water that a ghoul is in,

that could be what's happening here. It could be a white, they're sometimes known as, which has an effect... A white witch. Yes, which has an effect that turns other creatures into wights, and that could present as a disease. There are other ones, but you don't know all of them. Right. Wights.

Yeah. And ghouls and mummies and maybe a vampire. Maybe even a vampire. It wouldn't be... You wouldn't be shocked if it was a vampire. It's just a straight up monster mash in here yeah absolutely everything except the wearer i was walking by the lake late one night when my detect magic held an eerie sight fuck it out that's great can you please use that voice

for next game yes because he likes to talk like this i I'm done. Okay, cool. From this, and I know something else is happening, do I reckon I have enough information to maybe deduce something with the druid? This is like cheating questions, isn't it? Not really, no, no, no. You're trying to ask what your character might know, so fair enough. You could try putting your head together with the druid and seeing if they can help you come to the conclusion of what this could be.

But you don't know. It's possible. You know more now than you did before. So new information could be helpful. Okay, cool. I'll stew on that. All right, cool. Meanwhile.

Well, I found nothing. I found that this is a lake. And if you walk all the way around it, you get back to where you start again. Also, that tree looks kind of like a penis. I've had a lot to drink today. The tree kind of looks like a dick. Was that a perception check? It was just like a how good was it check.

How close a facsimile? Yeah. If you had rolled a 20, would it have just been a giant dick if i'd rolled a 20 it would be it would have been like it obviously someone has come along and made it look like a dick it looks too much like a dick there's no number i could have rolled where it was an actual dick yeah but there is a number I would have rolled. If I rolled a 21, I would assume I was dreaming. If I'd rolled a 20, I would have been like, it looks like someone just made this tree look like a dick for some reason. Thank you for explaining the background of that. I loved.

You're very welcome. Also, you would have gotten a good boy card. Oh. If I had rolled a 20. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cool.

Well, we managed to find perhaps a body of someone we may have destroyed and a lot of claw marks, so maybe we can use the body as a trap if we put it somewhere else. I like that. What did you find? Well, hey, guys. What's up? So there's a big magical energy.

Can I see it go? Hey, guys, what's up? So, there's a big magical energy... Can I see it go? Hey guys, what's up? I found out something about the lake, but lean in close and... And you just hear what Adam told me. I understand what you have been told as though I have heard it from another source. Whoa, what's this body? Tell me about it. Which body, sorry?

The corpse of Garak. Have I seen the corpse? Oh, yeah, that corpse is the creature that you guys killed. Yeah, the blood brood. Yeah, the yawn-ty creature. Yeah, the brood boy. Come here, brood boy. That's exactly where my head went, and I'm so glad you did that.

Yeah, so I think there's, like, a big creature down on the bottom of the lake that is the cause of all this thing. Now, we could go try and mess with that, but it might be big and scary. I don't know. Life is big and scary. might be big and scary. I don't know. Life is big and scary. Can we use Gary as bait? You could try, but Gary's been here for a day now and it hasn't taken him.

Has it been in the water or outside the water? It's been outside of the water. Fair enough. Is there a boat nearby? Half and half. What about that penis-shaped looking raft? Oh, no, that's a tree. I have a rope. Yes, you have a rope. I have 50 feet of rope. We can tie

the rope to a tree and tie the other half to Gary and go fishing. Let's do it. Yes. I do not know his name is Gary. His name's Gary, by the way. Tie the rope to Gary and go fishing. I don't think you guys know his name is Gary. He said his name. Did he? Yeah. Oh, that's right. I should know. I was him, Adam. Yeah, that's right. You did only go fishing. I don't think you guys know his name is Gary. He said his name. Did he? Yeah.

Oh, that's right. I should know. I was him, Adam. Yeah, that's right. You did only say Gary. I hope you don't fish under any other circumstances. You know I eat meat. I've just decided, based on the fact that I'm lawful good,

I would not fish around you and I eat more vegetables now that we adventure together. But if I'm on my own, I will always choose fish or steak or chicken. But I don't eat in front of you because I'd be rude. I like rabbit. So nice. You guys are so considerate considering how inconsiderate she is. I'm very

considerate to animals. Yeah, that's what I meant. I'm lawful good and you're basically nature Hitler. Oh my goodness! Fuck yes! Bad boy card. That's horrible. I'm awful neutral. Oh, that's a good one.

Oh no. I'm not going to use it on us. Oh yay. Under these circumstances. It'll be good. Yeah. There is no such card unfortunately.

Or is there? No, this is a fail on a skill check. That's very good. Thank you for being cruel. What is the plan? Do you want to go back and speak with Seahall? We're going to go fishing with Gary.

Oh, fishing with Gary. Right, right, right. The new Channel 31 show. Go on fishing. So you tie rope around Gary, you tie rope around the tree, and you chuck Gary's body into the lake. Before we chuck his whole body in the lake, can we remove his head? I'd like to cut off Gary's head, and I would like to chum the water with Gary's head before we throw the rest of his body in.

Oh, this feels very fiendish. How garish. You chop it off. Do any of you have a bladed weapon, a sword? I have a short sword. Yeah, yeah, cool. That's fine. If you didn't have one, you still could have just torn his it off. Do any of you have like a bladed weapon, a sword or anything like that? I have a short sword. Yeah, yeah. Cool. That's fine. If you didn't have one, you still could have just torn his head off, but it would have

been rough. Dart his head off. You get his head off, chuck it into the lake, chum it up a bit. Maybe you mulch the head a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I'm smushing the blood. Yeah, it's really pretty. I'm just humming to myself through gritted teeth.

Did you know chum rhymes with hum? Chum rhymes with hum. In my tum tum. Oh, good. I started writing that down. It's good to distract the boy who's terrified of blood. And then you chuck the body in? Yep. Tie it to a tree. Tie it to the dick tree.

Are you holding onto the rope when you chuck it in? Yes. Yeah, we tie it to the dick tree and we hold onto the rope. So we can pull it in but it can't go in. But it can't go in. The second Gary's body hits the water, a massive force pulls. Is the dick tree still standing? No, it is not. Oh.

And you guys were holding the rope. So we're going to make several rolls. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Hmm, rolls. Oh, boy. So, Goody. Yes.

Can you hold on to the rope? You can just let go if you want. If I let go, will I live? If you let go, you will maybe be hit by a passing tree, but you will not be dragged. There's a roll, but you will potentially be dragged into the lake. It's up to you. I don't want to go into the lake. It's up to you. I would... I don't want to go into the lake.

I let go of the rope. All right, cool. Then, that's irrelevant to you. Molto bene. Let go of the rope? Yeah, I don't know that I was holding the rope when we threw it. Fair call. Lunabon.

Holding on to the rope? No. All right, all three of you just have to dodge a tree then. Lesser of two evils. Not evil. Just the lesser of one evil dodge a tree then. Lesser of two evils. Not evil. Just the lesser of one evil and a tree. Does the tree have a skill?

Check. No, this will be a saving throw on all three of your parts. Cool. So, goodie. You're going to get hit by a tree. I don't think I am, Adam. All right. There's too many good boy cards. Spend that card.

We got to spend it. We got to spend them good boy cards. Spend them card. We gotta spend them. We gotta spend them good boy cards. Spend them to get him. You pass. Duck out of the way. I'm a drunken monk. You're gonna get hit by a tree unless you have something. What do I want? Saving throws? Yeah, saving

throws. Do I want an advantage on a saving throw or a 1d10? You rolled really low, so advantage would be better. Okay on it well no that's not advantage on saving throw yep you're safe and lunabon really ironic if a tree hit you that sucks that's a natural one what do we have succeed on saving throw you're fine i still get a bad boy card these good boy cars really keep the tension in the game don't they you guys got too many of them i'm gonna have to be a bit more stingy because we're excellent at role playing yeah

you say that and then you're gonna be so impressed with how good we are that you just keep being like me or maybe i should start using my bad i keep forgetting i have bad boy cards i just use my bad boy cards to combat your good boy cards no i'm an idiot why didn't i just start doing that oh well well and now we're just playing fucking Yu-Gi-Oh or whatever You've activated my trap Oh no I play this in defense mode So

All of you ball out of the way The tree flies past And it's all in the lake That's awesome Whoa Fuck That's a scary thing Does anything else happen?

There's bubbles Which slowly and then stop. The tree surfaces. The rope's still tied around it. Oh, gee. I have a very dumb idea. Yes? I love it.

Let's bring the tree back in, and we'll draw straws, and one of us stand on a tree and go out into the middle of the lake and see what happens. Oh, clever. Hey, guys, I know I don't like blood and that, but we've got the rest of Gary's limbs to play with. No, we threw the whole body. What happened to the head?

We chummed up the water with the head. The body went in. I don't think you have anything else. Sorry, I thought we just threw the head. No, no, no. That was when you tossed the body in. I should have kidnapped that little cobalt boy. You'd be okay with using a cobalt as bait.

He's basically a little man. We could throw the pie in to bait him. He is not an animal. He is a creature. I highly doubt you still have the pie. You ate that pie. It's delicious. We've all got little bulging buttons around our bellies.

Like what pie? Nah, you guys are fine actually. Somehow you are satiated with the little bits that she gives you. You never eat a lot, but you're always full. Magic? Maybe. She marry fucking Poppins, but a goblin. Is she marry goblins?

Maybe. But before we answer that, here's a word from our sponsors. Also, here's a word from Jackson. Thanks, Adam. I just thought it pertinent to inform the people that this Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I'm going to be hosting a quiz show that, God willing, will make everyone upset with me.

Head to sanspansradio.com forward slash live to grab your tickets. Thanks, Jackson. And may I say, you look handsome today. You may. Anyway, back to the game. Alright, alright. Alright. Thanks, Jackson. And may I say, you look handsome today. You may. Anyway, back to the game. All right, all right. All right, all right, all right. Can I use my cantrip message to send a message to this beast?

If the beast is unwilling, it doesn't have to receive the message. Also, I think you need line of sight for that spell. I can, through Soulogix, if I'm familiar with the target, know it is beyond the barrier. message. Also, I think you need line of sight for that spell. I can, through soul logics, if I'm familiar with the target, know it is beyond the barrier. Oh, well, it's you're not familiar with the target, unfortunately. Darn it. Can we like, try to

like, splash the water around and sort of summon it up? We can throw rocks in. Oh, I can skim. I once got three. In character or out of character? No, in character. In real life, I got soups, motherfucker. Yeah. Can I use my druid craft to create the smell of blood in the water?

Does it recreate that sort of effect? Well, I could do the faint odor of skunk in a five-foot cube. May I? Cass, that's awesome thinking. I love that. Oh, thank you. I want this blood lake. It's cool. Blood lake. that's awesome thinking. I love that. Aw, thank you. I love this blood lake. It's cool.

Blood lake. It's also this film script I'm working on, guys. This is a spec at the moment. Blood lake, if anybody's interested. Ooh, can I be blood? You can be blood. I'll play the lake. Yeah, you can do that.

You can create the odor of maybe a... I think it needs to be more broadly, like, nature-related. So maybe you create the smell of a fresh kill instead. And you can put that through the water. You do that. Did you still want to go out onto the tree? Did you want to go out on a limb? Goody? That's a good one.

That's not what a tree is. The trees have limbs! If I go out on that tree and we make the lake smell like dead flesh, what are the odds that I tree and we make the lake smell like dead flesh, what are the odds that I'll be pulled into the lake and die? You don't know. I have a fail on a skill check.

I could make it fail to kill me. Yeah. That's what- That's got so many good boy cards. We can all sacrifice them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also have a success on an attack roll for me. Oh, hang on. Actually, no, no, no.

You know why adam i forget that i am a monk and i am very dexterous and i have step of the wind so there is a chance right that i could stand on the log and as it was if it got pulled down jump out of the way jump to safety uh you could try but it's a thing i could try yeah you, you can move very quickly. Yeah, would it increase my odds of being able to escape than if I was just a regular person trying to jump off the log? It won't give you an advantage to any rolls, but it will let you get out of a trouble situation

faster. Cool. I'm gonna get on that log. I'm back. And Goody, if we only get one second with this, what I need, I think, is a sample of the creature to try and make this uh antidote you don't need the whole thing well i don't think i imagine it's a very big thing so i reckon we can just grab a bit of it and talk to druid that might you know that that's that's a

lead all right all right all right all right all right uh we haven't seen it yet we don't know if it's a beast or you don't know what it is could be or... You don't know what it is. Could be anything. Molto bene seems to think it's probably undead. I do. Well, I can't... Look, I'm probably going to pull my card of animal friendship back and guess it's probably not going to work like that. Probably not. All right.

So, you drift out on the tree out into the lake. Yep. Ah, no, because you can't pull the tree back in. Wait. You'd have to go onto the water to get the tree out into the lake? Yep. Oh, no. Because you can't pull the tree back in. Wait. You'd have to go onto the water to get the tree back, unless you have a spell to bring it back. Do we have ropes?

There's a rope attached to it. Yeah. Where's the other end of that rope? It's in the mail. If you have another rope, if someone else had rope. I got rope. Woo. Actually, no, I don't. I've got soft hempen rope.

I love that soft hempen rope. Yeah, you do? Yeah you do yeah all right so you make a lasso out of that you can pull the tree in like that right uh maybe you keep the rope attached to the tree as well just as a precaution how about when you pull the tree in the rope that was tied to gary's body you maybe pull that in as well. Gary is off the rope. I'd like to propose that we tie one rope to one side of a tree on the lake and another rope to the other side of the tree on the lake. The lake's a bit too big for that. Oh, fuck. We can go like on a maybe triangle. Yeah.

Yeah, just two different trees. Just to give like two things. All right, so you tie the tree to two other trees? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Not right next to each other, but a bit apart. No, no, yeah, a bit apart.

Like 30, 45? Not quite 45. 35. Yeah. 36 degrees. Yeah. 0.5. Okay.

You drift the tree out a bit into the lake. You can't go very far because you only have 50 feet, but you can go a little ways. Such a big lake. It is quite big. It's a lake It's very deep too 50 feet is also not as long as you think it is Ah, it's not even 10 dads

Nah Yeah, no, I'm imagining like a pool Like an Olympic sized swimming pool But it's It's way bigger than that Yeah, you know, but like As in 50 feet of rope Is not 50 meters of rope

Oh, no Fucking imbecile It's not even 10 dads It's, I think, divided by three, roughly. So, 60 feet divided by three would be 20 meters. So, it's less than 20 meters long. Yeah. It's not very long.

All right. You've made the water smell like dead flesh. Yes, fresh kill. I am on the log. All right. You drift out a little into the lake. You, Lunabon, use druidcraft to make the water around him smell like there's a fresh kill. I brace myself like a motherfucker.

Goody, maybe even you lean a little in and you just splash the water a bit. I just wobble on the log just to make it bush without falling off, obviously, because I'm a monk and I'm very, very, very dexterous. Yeah. All right. I'm drunk. At one point, one of your feet gets, drifts a little bit close to the water. Maybe you're splashing. Maybe the tree just rocks in that way.

But one of your feet gets kind of close to the water. And the second it's at its closest that it's going to be we're going to initiative oh fuck that's alright that's alright that's alright oh um goody by the way yeah you act last fuck

I use one of my bad boy cards ah I'm in trouble papa don't preach you're in trouble deep but I'm keeping my baby Papa don't preach. You're in trouble deep. But I'm keeping my baby. In a second, what is your baby? My life. Your bottle of brandy?

Fuck yes. Fuck. I've just taken a sip to, like, get it myself. And the only thing I'm worried about is it not going in the lake. Oh, no, the lake's got sickness in it. I don't want to get sick brandy. Oh, my God, if you go in, are you done for? I'll have to come with a cure.

Oh, the sickness. I'm an idiot. You've got to go down into the lake to find out about the sickness. You've got to get down for the sickness. You've got to... Oh, what? Uh-uh-uh. Yeah, I don't know that song.

As I'm falling in. Oh, boy. oh boy you guys ever seen videos of people do that song karaoke yes so good oh i love it they they don't do a great job i'm it turns out it's hard to do my i saw the most wonderful video recently of a very brightly lit bar. I'm pretty sure they shot it during the day of a boy singing tequila at a karaoke. As in... So just silent. It's a lot of him standing there with the loading bar for the song

and then going, tequila. That's very funny. I'm jealous I didn't come up with that idea. You'd do well at that. You're very funny, and you lend yourself to that kind of humour. Something cold and clammy grabs your ankle, Goody, and yanks at you. You are dragged off the log and into the water by some tremendous force. I do not have time to do anything, do I?

You're caught by surprise. Fuck. You were obviously expecting something, but you weren't expecting something so quick and so fast. You immediately start sinking. The creature, whatever it is, with its cold, clammy hand, drags you 30 feet straight down. Whoa. You are underwater proper you get a good look at what's happening when your eyes slowly adjust you have dark vision right i do yeah yeah you see you need to switch over to black and white with your dark vision because you can't see naturally this

deep underwater you look down and you see a sunken, terrible-looking creature below you. It's wrapped in some sort of funeral garb, and you see that it has like a gold glittering necklace around its neck, obviously. You see that glinting in the tiny amount of dim sunlight that has managed to penetrate this far you can see that it is also wearing an elaborate studded belt studded with gems that is and its hands the awful clammy hand that is gripping your ankle with has many rings upon it and along its arm you're starting to notice as well it is pierced all the way through the middle of its arm, all the way down. The creature has a circlet around its head that looks somewhat like a crown.

The garb that it is wearing, the funeral garb that it is wearing, is wrapped around its head, shrouding its face with one exception. Its mouth opens and you can see rows of teeth sharp in scissors that look like they might have once been human teeth. All around you, you see bodies. There's seaweed, weeds, water plants all around you, tangled up and wrapped, almost mummified all around you are the bodies of many undead. They also claw out and reach for you as you pass. The undead that's grabbing you is not hampered. It's not grabbed by these reeds in any way, but all these other undead are. These undead do not look like mummies, though.

They just look like undead. And you see some of them are dressed as soldiers. Some of them are dressed as farmers. There are many different people. Some of them are headless Gary. One of them is headless Gary. Oh my god. You realize that this creature that has grabbed you is dragging people underwater, drowning them, and turning them into undead.

You are afraid that perhaps you will be next. That was its surprise round, so now it gets a proper turn. Fuck me. I'm in so much trouble. You were warned about that. Maybe, molto bene, you went over some of the options,

mummy being one of them. You were fighting a mummy, by the way. Yeah, I figured. From the description, you think you're fighting a mummy. You were told that mummies have something called dreadful glare, where with a look, they can paralyze you. You do not want to be paralyzed down here. You know, I do not look in its eyes. I look at its pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty necklace.

You can still feel its gaze upon you. You make the save, though. That was its turn. You feel its dreadful gaze upon you, but you have the wherewithal to not be frightened or to be paralyzed. I'm too drunk to be scared. I'm full of Dutch courage. Molto bene.

It's your turn. Well, what have I just seen? I've just seen him disappear. You saw Goody just into the water. Oh, I say, goodness gracious. I don't know what to do. Oh, gosh. I want to cast invisibility and just hide, but...

Shit, I really don't know what to do. Stop saying that, I'm dying. Well, I mean, I can't even see what's happening happening like you try to wade into the water after him oh that's a bad idea it's not great you're fighting it on its terms i'm kind of like jumping up and down and stammering and i don't know what to do if you want instead of acting you can do something called holding your action so you tell me adam i'd like to hold my action until after X. So, for example, be like, until after Goody's had his turn. So you can be like, Adam, I'd like to hold my action

until Goody is at his turn. And then you wait. You don't lose your turn. You just go after Goody instead. Would you like to do that? Yeah, cool. Let's do that. All right.

Thanks, D&D Daddy. No stress. I'm here to help. Dungeons and Daddy. Do my spirit totem auras extend far enough into the ocean? Your spirit totem aura. That's a good question. You can transform into animals, can't you? I can, but none of them can swim. Oh, no. You're a spider. They can't swim. No. Elephants can swim. Oh, no. You're a spider. They can't swim. No. Elephants can swim. Can you become an elephant?

No. No, I specifically have been told, like, out of the animals I could pick, I cannot swim. I can't swim or fly. No. Like, that was a rule. I can't pick an animal that can swim or fly. That's bullshit. Adam, you fucking ruined the game.

Because then you can become a shark with wings. You don't know how deep he is. You can conjure the spirit totem 60 feet away from you, and it has an effect of 30 feet out from it. So you might actually be able to hit him with an aura if you wanted to, but you don't know how deep he is. If he hasn't gone too deep, you're fine. I'm 30 feet, Cass.

You don't know that. I know that. Cass doesn't. I can try. The answer is yes, it will affect you, but also no, you don't know that. Okay, I'll coast my bear spirit totem, which gives you eight temporary hit points,

if it hits you, who knows. I'll cast it on the surface of the water, where he last was. Eight temporary hit points and advantages to strength, charisma, and... What is that? Yeah. I'll just charm my way away. Hey! Advantage, strength, and strength saving throws. Oh, cool.

And saving throws as well. Yeah. I hope that helps. Perfect. Perfect. Great. Where did Michael Winslow get here? Goody, it's your turn. All right.

You see a light appear above you, and you feel invigorated. You recognize this magic. A Lunabon has done something, some sort of magic, which is bolstering your strength. Cool. Adam, I probably can't use Step of the Wind right now because I'm being helmeted. Unfortunately, according to the rules of Fearthead, yes, you can.

What I'd rather do instead though is, with my drunken technique, I can move faster and then disengage with flurry of blows. First thing you need to do is to break off from him. So you can attack him if you want. What I want to do is to break off from him. So you can attack him if you want. What I want to do is to get myself away and then get up out of the water.

You need to spend an action to break your contact with him. I don't know if you have that ability as a bone. No, you would have it. Yes. Sorry. Yes. So you need to break free from him first. Then you use a key point and you can use step of the wind to move extra fast. All right. Cool. Yes. So you need to break free from him first. Then you use a key point and you can use Step of the Wind to move extra fast.

All right. Cool. Cool. All right. Would it be better to use Step of the Wind to move extra fast or Flurry of Blows so I can hit him and then disengage and get the fuck away from that? If you attack him, you can't break free of his hold this time. All right. Cool.

No, no, no. Fair enough. I would like to break free and Step of the Wind out. All right. Because I get saving throws? Was that? Yes. Yeah, it'll help with this.

Cool, cool. So with the bear totem, you get advantage on this check. He rolled really high, unfortunately. Did he? Fail a skill check. Fuck. Succeed on a skill check. Oh, Jesus.

I see your fail and raise you a succeed. Molto bene. Nothing much has changed, but you now see the bear spirit over the lake. Okay, I have an idea, but it's dumb, and Adam's going to tell me that spells don't work this way. Uh-huh. Say it. Say it. Could I

cast my mage hand and use that hand to float over to the water where he went in and just kind of dip his finger in and go like, in a hope of distracting the creature, whatever it may be, to be like, oh, something else. You can try that, but not knowing the situation in the lake, you're not sure how much help it would be.

I'll let you do it and there will be a roll, but I can't guarantee it's going to be very helpful. Okay. I'm just going to go for it. Cause every, all of my other skills, like all my other spells work via audio. And I don't think that's very much help for something deeply underwater. Oh, wait, what you can do is you can do, have I told you about bardic inspiration? That's an ability that i don't think

we've addressed that you have and you play a song that like fires people up yep you can give people bonuses you can inspire others through stirring words or music to do so you use a bonus action on your turn to choose one creature other than yourself within 60 feet of you who can hear you. That creature gains one bardic inspiration die of a d6. Once within the next 10 minutes, the creature can roll the die and add the number roll to an ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. The creature can wait until after, and then just other rules. So you can do that. Can Goody hear me? I would make it a roll.

So I would allow a roll for Goody to be able to hear you yelling. Once again, if you go out into the water, I'll give it a better chance. Just first. Oh, you know what you could do? I guess what I'm not going to do.

What you're suggesting. What if so 50 feet is not a lot of rope yet tired as well those ropes are straining they're stretching they're at their most taut would you please would you kindly walk on the rope to get to the log as long as you don't hit the water you're good you're a nimble an idea if you didn't want to touch the water. Okay, well, I might just... I'm going to touch the water from the shore. I'm going to stick my mouth in the water and sing a little song.

Where the sickness is! Oh, no, of course. Thanks for helping, Lunabon. Oh, my God, humans. I'm not human. I'm halfling. Did you yell through your flute? Like a snorkel not human, I'm halfling. Thank you. Did you yell through your flute?

Like a snorkel? Yeah, you're half human, he's not human at all. They all look the same. What? Bro, I have fucking horns and a tail. You are a half- I keep forgetting, humanoids. Humanoids?

Humanoids. Okay. I'm sorry I haven't been using the right word. It's fucking racist. It's us versus them. Like I said, humanoids. Humanoids? Humanoids. Okay. I'm sorry I'm using the right word. It's us versus them. Like I said, nature Hitler. So thank you for casting the bear to help me. So I'm just crossing out your name on my notes and writing nature Hitler. Oh, my God.

You're writing it in. And I'm drawing a picture of it, and it feels very bad. Shit. No, fuck it. I'm doing Mage Hand. All right. I'm drawing a picture of it. And it feels very bad. Shit. Nah, fuck it. I'm doing Mage Hand. All right. I'm doing Mage Hand. I'm doing my little bad guy from Super Smash Bros. hand.

Master Hand? Master Hand. That's it. Or Crazy Hand. The crazy one. Whoa. Is that like Crazy Frog's hand? Yeah.

That's what I'll sing for bardic inspiration. Will Shanks' crazy hand plan work? Or will Goody die a watery death? Find out next time on Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D is for nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all our other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansplus.com,

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