D&D is For Nerds - Into the Island Jungle of Dendar #8 Lake Treasure

Episode Date: December 29, 2018

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Tickets are available from the Melbourne International Comedy Festival website and from our own website, sandspansradio.com forward slash live. Welcome to episode eight of Into the Jungle Island of Dendar, a D&D's for Nerds adventure. Previously. How about we find out if the sickness goes to animals and then we investigate the lake and go see the drives and see if they'll let us know where the Yanti are.

Yes. Sounds like a... I'm happy to do that. That sounds like a good plan. Let's do it. Yeah. All right, then. Friends!

We are a good friendship. This one will not sink, unlike the last ship we were home. Oh, goody. And I scoff away. I'm just saying that over time, naturally, an animal would wander close to the house. Surely. So if we were to eliminate the house, there would

be no risk to the animals. I cannot in good conscience burn a house full of people. Who said that? God! No wizard came along and cast a spell. There's some magical creature in here

In the lake Which is emanating a necromantic aura Probably something undead I forget that I am a monk And I am very dexterous And I have step of the wind So there is a chance, right? That I could stand on the log

And as it was, if it got pulled down Jump out of the way Jump to safety You could try But it's a thing I could try Almost mummified all around you Are the bodies of many undead. They also claw out and reach for you as you pass.

The undead that's grabbing you is not Hamper. It's not grabbed by these reeds in any way, but all these other undead are. I'm doing my little bad guy from Super Smash Bros. hand. Master hand? Master hand. Molto bene. You attempt to distract the dead in the lake to help your friend Goody. Deep within the water, Goody, you see several, not the mummy holding you,

but several of the regular undead around you look upwards, still bound in their reeds and such. You're not sure what's happening, but they've been distracted by something. I did it. Some of them have. You are still being what's happening, but they've been distracted by something. I did it! Some of them have. You are still being dragged down by a mummy, unfortunately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it is the mummy's turn. We're in the mummy.

We're in the mummy. It's the mummy's turn. It's the mummy's return. What? Oh, did you make a mummy returns joke? Kind of. Fuck yes. Good. I yes. Good. I won the game. I love Brendan Fraser.

Come back, Brendan Fraser. He's doing something now, but that's good. I'm glad that he's working still. He's got like a cowboy show or something. The mummy attacks you. Yeah, okay. Is it really hot in here? I had a coffee, and this is my second coffee of the day.

Can you really not do more than one coffee of the day can you really not do more than one coffee sorry can you really not do more than one coffee i can't do one coffee all right i have like three to this is my coffee i had it's not good i had two coffees today i had three coffees a week ago and before that my last coffee was maybe six months ago oh boy i don't have coffee a lot but i will sometimes when i have coffee said coffee a lot it fucks me yep yeah it does coffee really does fuck me coffee mummy time so the mummy attacks you i can't do anything can i well not while it's attack we'll get to that in a sec oh Molto bene, you get a turn, but not just yet.

Okay, it hits you. What about if they re-roll that attack roll? All right. I hadn't even rolled it by the time you played that card, but it did hit, so you're good to make it re-roll. All right, now it's going to miss unless... Unless nothing happens, in which case... No, I can't do anything.

All right. Thank you, Cass. Anytime. The mummy starts trying to climb its way back up you and claw at you and bite and tear your flesh. But you start kicking downwards with your other leg. And you break. It's still grappling you. But you break its proper hold on you. So you're still grappling each other.

But the mummy doesn't hit you, basically. Great. Hey, did you want to be higher up in the initiative ranking? If handsome Tom so decides. You could go next if you wanted to. Or technically now it's had its turn. Thanks, Cass. I'd like to use this.

All right. Spend the card. Goody goes up to the top or at least behind the mummy. Goody, it's your turn. Well, I want to do what I was going to the top, or at least behind the mummy. Goody, it's your turn. Well, I want to do what I was going to do before, which is just get a... Try to break free? Is it still holding on to me?

Yeah. Yeah, it's still holding on to you. I want to break free. All right. I want to break free. So, yeah, break free and then... All right. I rolled twice.

Step of the wind. You're so lucky. It was about to win, but then you... So I rolled two dice. One for you, one for it. It rolled a 19. And then the die I rolled for you hit the die I rolled for it. And now it's rolled a 2.

Yes! Unfortunately. What do I have for skill checks? I'm going to give you a negative 6. A negative 6 to your... A negative d6. That's this Melbourne give you a negative six. A negative six to your... A negative d6. That's this Melbourne shuffle. Oh, man.

Yep. Nah, you still break free. You break free? Yeah. So if you use Step of the Wind, you are on the shore this round. I'm going to use Step of the Wind, Adam. You're on the shore this round. Did you grab a chunk of the mummy?

No. No, I did not. It nearly grabbed a chunk of him., Adam. You're on the shore this round. Did you grab a chunk of the mummy? No. No, I did not. It nearly grabbed a chunk of him. You are on the shore. Molto bene and ludobon. You see... Oh, boy! Goody bursts out of the water and starts

moving at a rapid pace to the shoreline. I made an error. I did not take any of the mummy. Oh, by the way, it is a mummy. Oh, jeez, Mum. I made an error. I did not take any of the mummy. Oh, by the way, it is a mummy. Oh, jeez, mum. Okay. I thought she burned. No, not that kind of mummy.

Things the group knows about mummies through Molto Bene. Mummies are vulnerable to fire, so fire deals double damage to them. They are resistant to any type of physical weapon that isn't magical. So magic affects them normally, but things that aren't magical, they're resistant to. They are immune to poison and necrotic types of damage. They cannot be charmed, exhausted, frightened, paralyzed, or poisoned. They do not need to breathe, sleep, or drink.

And also the dreadful glare ability. It hasn't tried to follow me out of the lake? No, it has not followed you out. Okay, I did not get a piece of it because... Although, actually, it's not its turn. Goody, that was your turn. So it's a mummy. It is a mummy.

But also, everything that has dragged into the lake is undead and floating in the seaweed. So it is very bad down there. And I did not get a piece of it. Well, if we know what it is, perhaps there'll be someone who'll be able to help us deal with the mummy situation. Lunabone, it's your turn. You guys can just leave if you want. That can be your turn.

I might suggest liking it. Yeah, I reckon we skedaddle. Or perhaps waiting around to see if it follows you. It may try to follow. We could wait to see if that happens. You could try. Well, what about we already are weapons. Okay.

Well, remember, as I told you, it is resistant to non-magical weapons. So it is weak to fire, but it's very wet. Do you have a fire spell? I have produce flame. Produce flame will cause a fire damage effect. If you keep reading, you can throw the ball of fire that you make. I prepare a fireball. If you hit it with a fireball,

I could try to get a piece of its skin off. Even though the sword wouldn't hurt it, could I shave a bit of its body off? You could try. Is it a bandaged mummy? No. It's not really bandaged. It's more wearing a weird funeral, funeral clothes.

Yeah, funeral clothes that cover most of its body. If I just get something of it, it would have. It's a type of mummy that you, it's a mummy, but not a type of mummy you've seen before. We could take like a bit of something off it and it would have sentimental value. You don't think the clothes would be enough. You need some of the physical body. So you've got to cut a bit of it off. I could try to cut it off.

Yeah, you could try. Because also potentially if cornered, I can use my Hellish Rebuke, which is a fire attack. Yes, correct. But I have to wait for it to attack me. It's got to hit you first. All right, we can wait to see if it follows. If it doesn't follow, I have a very dumb idea that I would suggest. But we'll wait to see what happens.

Okay, cool. Let's see what happens. I'm going to hit my fireball and stand in front. I would suggest all of you move maybe 30 feet away from the shoreline, which you have a couple rounds to do because you moved very quickly, and you know that mummies are not nearly as fast as a monk using Step of the Wind. I moved 31 feet. Unfortunately, the second you do that, you snap back to a grid.

Oh, damn. It's a, you don't think anything of it. It's how your life has always been. Ah, yes, the grid. So, what's going to happen is, you will all have a readied action. When it emerges from the water, all three of you will get basically a free round to act. When? When, yes. Because it's when when yes because it's spoiler alert

it's coming out of the water i'm there's nothing else to look i'm about to say that i'm just telling you what's going to happen when that happens you know why you gotta be on my grizz like this um just just having a look at my uh inventory here i have torches and a tinderbox. You can try setting it on fire. It is wet. Told you. Throwing a torch at it, I would say, could be fire damage. Like full Aragorn. Yeah, badass. Do you need a mummy? Cass has just discovered a card.

She's reading with excitement. Did you tell me what it looked like? It is a big mummy. I'll describe it in detail so we know what we're dealing with. So the description that Adam gave me when I first saw it, I now relay to Lunabon. Peels through the arms?

I will instead prepare my spell Heat Metal because that's fire damage to all the metal it's wearing. Yep, that's allowable. You can do that. Yeah! That's a good idea. Instead of using one of my short swords Oh no wait I want to use a short sword

Because I'm going to try to get a piece of it It emerges from the water And it is Goody your turn first All three of you will get Yeah just a free action I'm going to try and get A bit of it's skin

A bit of something with my sword But I'm going to use My drunken technique while using flurry of blows so I can get in and then get away again. You spend another key point. Yep. You move into combat range.

You attack. Does a fist do damage even though- Is it technically magical because I'm flurry of blows? A later ability allows you to do magical damage with your fists. You do not currently have that ability. That's okay. You miss. I think that's going to be a miss.

No, hit. Oh, it's armor classes. Shit. You hit with the sword. It's rags and water, of course. Some animals have natural armor or creatures have natural armor. Not a mummy. It's basically a corpse in...

Sometimes undead do. Undead do what, Adam? Do do. The way they do do. You deal five points of damage to the creature. Do I try to get... With a sword? Do I get any bits of it on my sword?

I'm about to check for that. A pile of things nearly dropped over. There's a lot of mess going on on my table right now. Highs or lows? Highs. Highs? You lob off part of its hand, which hits the ground with a wet sound. You attack with your fist.

Can I, instead of attacking my fist, try to pick up the hand with my fist? You can also do that. Okay, cool. So you strike with the sword, slashing part of its hand and cutting it off. Then you strike it in the chest, but you feel nothing like crumpling under your blow. The creature is too... It's strong. The creature does not care when you slam it in the belly.

Oh, boy. In the same motion, though, you use that momentum of punching it in the gut to also kneel down and grab the bit of its hand that you cut off, and then you hightail it out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so cool. I have its hand. That was goody.

Oh, goodness. That's me. Yes. I'll use heavy metal. Heat metal. No, you can use heavy metal. Come on, play use heavy metal. Heat metal. No, you can use heavy metal. Come on, play some heavy metal. It's okay.

I get up my distortion pedal for my lute. And I rock out some djent. I wish you had a lute pedal for your lute. Lute pedal for my lute? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice. It's like ding-a-ding, ding-a-ding. Yeah, you can't really emulate a loop pedal

because you need to be no i have one mouth so oh no there's no saving throw and you can scream what do you want to heat up the necklace neck yeah the necklace all right the necklace that it is wearing begins to glow red hot as you cast your incantation you can feel ambient heat around the creature being channeled into the necklace that's what you're doing channeling ambient heat into it the necklace glows and glows and glows until it's white hot and it hurts a little bit to look at but you continue to stare nonetheless at it as the skin or the papery flesh and uh its funeral clothes around where the necklaces begin to catch fire the creature wails an unearthly sound and you deal 24 points of damage oh man comparatively my attack even if it hits is gonna do such shit damage i don't want to

bother guys oh speaking of your abilities i forgot your bardic inspiration you do that as a bonus action so you can do your regular action you can attack and you can also give bardic inspiration to an ally do i still have the bear inspiration no you're too far away from that that's right i got out you can do that bardic inspiration equal to your bard level i think which is three plus your charisma modifier which is three, plus your charisma modifier, which is three also. So you can do it six times a day. There's kind of no reason not to do it. Pretty much every turn, you just want to be giving inspiration to a friend to help them out.

You have to sing the whole time. Sing the whole time. That was unexpected. Beautiful. Yeah, that was amazing. Oh, my gosh. Thank you very much. Speaking of amazing, it's your turn. Amazing. whole time oh my god that was unexpected yeah that was amazing oh my god thank you speaking of amazing it's your turn um amazing cool yeah right sick okay um i'm gonna cast a spell which i almost never do it's called vicious mockery and what usually happens is adam tells me

this doesn't work or something uh this will work. So I think we've said this before, but I'll restate it just in case people have forgotten. If you tell a joke or you say something hurtful, if whatever you say makes me laugh, you will deal double damage. Oh, this is so much pressure. I don't have anything in the tank, but I'll go for it. Hey, Adam, you're cool.

No, to the mummy, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, mummy, you are a piece of poos. You're nothing on Imhotep, the lord of all mummies. If Enoch Sinamun were with you, I would not wish her to be resurrected and be that actress from Arrested Development. You're even worse than the

Tom Cruise mummy film, which I went to the premiere of, and it was shit. I took my brother, and we left early. Fuck off. I'll pay that double damage. Woohoo! You deal eight points of damage to it.

Eight points of damage. That's not too bad. No. You can feel your words cutting better than any knife ever would on this creature. A single tear rolls down from where its eye should be. Except it's already so wet, I can't tell, but I can tell.

You know. Okay, and also I'm like, hey, who wants to be inspired? Shushing, and I pull out my loot. Am I bardic inspiration, people? Yeah, you can give it to either one of your allies. So whoever you want. Doesn't matter.

Give it to Luna. I'm giving it to Luna. Can you sing the inspiration? Luna Bon, you're as nice as my mom, which isn't very nice. Just kidding. You're good in a fight. I know your mom really well. I'm going to tell her to watch this.

Listen to this. Get a bad boy, guys. All right. No. We're in the middle of a fight. Oh, man. This one's fucked. You guys are in trouble.

You're good with a mummy. And you have a pet bunny. It's cute, do you like my loot? That's the song. I smile knowingly and nod, because this is the first time I've associated the joy I feel when I look at a rabbit to a person. I do the Kevin on the cover of Home Alone face,

but instead of shock, it's glee. You drop your loot, I suppose. I suppose I do. You just whop yourself in the face. Boom! The loot lands on a turtle who's like... And it slowly walks away with the loot.

The mummy begins to stagger towards you. I would say... Lunabon, the creature stares at you and you feel its dreadful glare upon you. Oh, my God. I would roll for you, but you just fail a saving throw. Well, it's a good thing that everything went good. Fortuitous circumstance.

Yeah. Both of the mummy's eyes fall out, so it doesn't affect me. That's not how that card works. I know what I'm doing for that card. Do you spend it? It's not going to get you out of this jam. No. You can still spend it.

It will be a fortune. What are we looking for? Because this is a card game now. I just did fail a saving throw so you need succeed on a saving throw. Plus 1d10 after making a saving throw? Unfortunately, no number will help her.

Why would I look at her? Or him. I just realized I've associated mummy with... Mummy? Yeah. Did you see the Tom Cruise mummy? That was a female mummy. Oh, good on her. Women can do anything. It was a really good movie. I like how that movie was supposed to establish

the mummy as the character, but Tom Cruise had so much creative control that it established Tom Cruise as his character. He became the mummy by the end, though. Well, spoiler alert, but yeah, he does. Yeah. I will say this. I saw that movie as well, and maybe my expectations were rock bottom, but I had a fucking great time.

Oh, really? I hate it. Had the great line where Tom Cruise was fighting someone and said, it's not you, it's me. And then Stan, oh, it's good. I don't even remember that. Did you see the trailer, the version of the trailer they uploaded without audio? Oh, that was great.

That was amazing. Just with the... It was like that. Anyway. I'm paralyzed because I was dumb and looked at someone uh no actually humans cannot be trusted humanoids you are frightened but i just sang your song you are you are only paralyzed if you fail by five points or more because i never even rolled for you i just did fail you're just frightened which has a different effect. Let me read it out for you.

You getting this? That's the noise the mummy makes. Frightened. Frightened creature has disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while the source of its fear is within line of sight. The creature can't willingly move close to the source of its fear. So those are the two effects you have. Okay. Disadvantage, and you can't willingly move closer to it,

which means that you can still even throw the fire at it, but you're at disadvantage. Disadvantage and you can't willingly move closer to it. Which means that you can still even throw the fire at it, but you're at disadvantage. Make sense? Yes. So, that was the mummy's turn. It begins to stagger closer towards you. Goody, it's your turn again. I'd like to propose a situation. I have its hand. Do we need to fart it?

Fair call. Well, if it's already following us, it'll come into the town and kill the animals. You don't know how far it'll follow you. I don't assume it already following us, it'll come into the town and kill the animals. You don't know how far it'll follow you. I don't assume it'll follow us all the way back. We could also potentially run away and get assistance from the Dryad, because, hey, Dryad, here's a thing that's fucking up your forest. Would I know, with my, for some reason, knowledge of this sort of stuff,

if we kill the mummy, do I know if that kind of kills all the undead things as well? Is it a kind of hive mind borg situation? No, when an undead is created, the undead is under control, typically under the control of the creature that made it. But when that creature dies, the evil unholy energy that powers the undead doesn't go away. It just reverts to the quotation marks

natural state of a zombie which is hostile towards all living creatures right okay but they're stuck at the bottom of the lake yeah oh do we have to get rid of all of them too to make the lake sanctified look you don't want undead in your drinking water what if we created like a solution oh we're gonna have to kill all these fucking things aren't we or could we take the hand back and come up with some kind of treatment for the lake you could yes potentially you don't know fact of the matter is setting up this fight again is not going to be hard it's not like well actually you have done a bit of damage to the creature so uh luna bond can the spell that is destroying it with the necklace she can keep that going every turn.

So if you guys wanted to, just keeping it out of the water so Lunar Bond can still see it and keep the spell up, killing the mummy is probably not going to be hard at this point, actually. All right, then. Well, in that case, I'll put the hand in my pocket and I will take out a torch and tinderbox, and that's probably better than trying to stab it, I suppose. You can get in this turn. Would I do more damage with a flaming torch than I would with my darts?

Probably, yeah. I would like to light one of my ten torches on fire. Alright. You do so. And throw it at the mummy. You can light it on fire, but throwing it at the mummy will be next turn. Can I give Malto the torch? Yeah, you can do that. I've lit the torch, I'm going to give it to you. Throw it at the mummy. Whoa, okay. Alright, that can do that. I've learned the torch. I'm going to give it to you. Throw it at the mummy. Whoa, okay.

All right. I caught it. I handed it to you. I'm not going to throw it at you. Look, I respect you, but I do not trust your ability to catch flamin' torches. I'm very short. I did not say that, but I thought it. Anyway, Lunabon, it's your turn.

I would like to keep up the heavy heart. You keep up the heat metal spell. Yes, please, Adam. It takes a further 18 points of damage. Whoa. Oh, because you gave me inspiration. No, no, no. You're welcome.

That's just it. I mean, you're still very welcome. Oh, I'm inspired. I'm inspired. Oh, it dies. Oh, okay. What, really? It Oh, okay. Really? It burns and then the fire begins.

The way you check that, like the listeners won't be able to see, it's like you were looking on one corner of the desk and then just like a thought occurred to you, just like, oh, I just better check with the time. You're just like, I don't know. In a quarter of a second, it just went, oh, it's dead. And then straight back to what you were doing. Fuck.

We were going to walk away from that fight. Yeah. I lit a torch for nothing. Heat metal is the MVP for this game For this battle Yeah the fire begins to catch All along the mummy until it is Consumed in flames And then it collapses in front of you

Well let's bring this back to Seahorse Thank you That's scary You're welcome disembodied scary voice But you know what I do like I don't like that. You're welcome, disembodied, scary voice. But you know what I do like? I like loot. Loot that mummy. That's the song.

We're going to loot that mummy all day long. It's got jewels and gold and robes and bandages. That's all that it's got. Oh, the piercings. Oh, that's true. But the necklace is probably melted by now. Actually. Because of the heat.

What about the circle? No, we just set it on fire. Oh. I would say it does warp the jewellery, actually. Oh, fair. Is it still fun? But the economy of where we are can't be terribly strong anyhow. Right?

Look, it's a lump of gold, so that's still worth something. The necklace, whatever it was, is destroyed now, but I'd say it's worth 100 gold coins. I can write this down if you guys want. Sure. Yes. That fight looked like it was not going to go that way. It went incredibly well.

It went really well, guys. You guys are a sick team. We got fucked over a couple of times and I didn't think we were going to make it, but we did. I was so worried for you. It's like, oh, good, the strongest member of our party in this fight is paralyzed. I wasn't paralyzed. I was just very scared.

But you kept fighting, and that's real courage. I did. I am courage. She must have been pretty inspired. I was. And I have its hand. Well, not that that's necessary. We have the whole moment.

Take the rings off. I take all the rings off and put them on. All right. So the rings off. I take all the rings off and put them on. All right. So first things first. As you're looting the corpse, you notice that the funeral garb that it was wearing is slowly knitting itself back together. It's obviously magical in nature. The garb is fixing itself. And it looks pristine.

By the time that you're done doing this the clothes are completely oh the mummy is dead the corpse within is destroyed but the clothes are completely repaired by the time that you're done well perhaps we could all take a piece of clothing yes are there three pieces no unfortunately well you could try tearing it up if you wanted to if we tear it up will it fit yes let's tear it up because then it'll fix itself and the three pieces of clothing. It doesn't work like that, unfortunately. When you start tearing it apart, the pieces obviously want

to just knit back together. Like magnets. Do we know anything about it? What it does? Before we carry on, just a quick word from our sponsors. Also, a quick word from Jackson. Ta-da.

I just thought, in the spirit of the season, I'd let everyone know that if they don't come to Big Deal, the Nightmare Quiz Show I'll be debuting at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, then I'm going to eat glue until I throw up. Head to sandspantsradio.com forward slash live to grab your tickets. He means it. And now, back to the game. Molto bene and lunabon both of you are able

to through a detect magic spell and then trying to work out what spells are present here you would assume that these might be considered clothes of mending there's a a an enchantment upon these clothes that whenever they are damaged they they will try to fix themselves. It just mends itself no matter what. This garb will last basically until the enchantment ends, which could be centuries from now. There's a bit of magic to it. You imagine you could charge like 500 gold coins for these clothes

if you wanted to. Does anyone want to wear it? It's obviously a funeral garb, so it is a bit morbid to wear it it's a obviously a funeral garb so it is a bit morbid to wear it but you could it also does cover your face so that's up to you we may be able to sell it yeah i think we sell the fabric the uh little circlet that it's wearing is also obviously magical there's a charged energy to it all right right. So I get a bad boy card. Oh, no. Does this mean it's cursed?

No, no, no. This is just your attempts to work out what it is. Incidentally, Lunabon, you have no clue. You will never know what this is until your good friend Goody tells you what it is. Goody, you get a good boy card. Oh, thank you. For rolling a 20. You identify it as a dread

helm yeah this is a dread helm this fearsome helm makes your eyes glow red while you wear it i would like to put the dread helm on my head your eyes glow red so you just have red eyes yep his eyes glow red i'm already a tiefling right you're a tiefling yeah that and thermiturgy you could make some people shit themselves. Oh, you're totally Batman now. I am totally Batman. Like, you know, in Batman Begins, when there's that guy who's got the poison.

Yes. And he's hallucinating, and Batman's got glowing red eyes. Can you just imagine me just walking up to, like, people in a town just with my glowing eyes being like, well, I swear to me. Yeah. I'm goody. You do good impersonations.

Have you considered becoming an impersonation-based comic? Not even a little bit, but thank you. But this year I have weirdly been doing impersonations for myself. Just for fun. What do you mean? I've just been working on some impersonations for no reason. That's cool. Can you show some later?

Yeah, okay. I'll do one now. some impersonations for no reason. That's cool. Can you show some later? Yeah, okay. I'll do one now. Give me an impersonation. Give me a person. I'll do one, flawlessly. Homer Simpson. Oh, Marge. My name's Homer Simpson.

How do you do? It's nice to meet you. How was that? I can actually do a pretty good marge oh my god sorry for anyone else wanted the dread helm but i think it just suits you yeah i'm also a bit drunk so i stagger oh. Oh, God. Slimmer words, red eyes. Of the little adornments that it has, you can get another roughly 100 gold worth of stuff,

like rings and the piercings and stuff like that. One of the rings, though, when you pick it up, whoever picks it up first, you immediately feel a magical energy charging through it into you. Whoever it is immediately feels a compulsion. Let's. It is you. Me?

Yeah, you, Molto Bene. Great, I get the curse thing. You feel an immediate compulsion to put it on. You don't have to obey this, though, but just role-playing wise, your character just wants to put the ring. Is this fucking racism, Adam? Just because I'm a fucking halfling, you give me this me this like ring that makes me want to like put it on and damn straight i put it on you put it on and as soon as you're wearing it wait sorry but can i actually not want to put it on fall over it flies up into the sky and i kind of go oh it lands on

my finger yeah absolutely okay great all right Maybe the magical energy charges through it into you and you're like, you fall over, it flies into the air, put your hand out, it falls perfectly. That is 100%. Now that I think about that moment in that film,

it is dumb as fuck. We can't name that film. No, we can't. No, no. We're not allowed. It's very funny because there is inevitably someone in the audience who does not know the movie we're referencing.

Somebody hasn't seen Total Recall. Yeah. Oh, my God. At least they don't know if it's the original or the remake. Edit that out. All right. So as soon as you put it on, you feel energy surging through you. You feel it channeling from your toes all the way up to your head.

Magical knowledge floods into your mind. Knowledge that you didn't have before this. You know, no matter what happens, when you are wearing this ring, you will always know which direction is north. You will always know which direction is north. Guys, yeah, I know north. What was that? I know north.

Did he say he knew north? Yeah. I know north. And I just run away. In which north? Yeah. I know north. And I just run away. In which direction? North. Why did that take me a moment? Well, that's cool.

So it's a ring of compass. Ring of direction. I've already written ring of compass. That's fine. You know what? That's a cool name. Let's call it that. All right. already written ring of compass that's fine that's fine you know what that's a cool name let's call it that all right uh so where would you like to go with your newfound knowledge well

i'm already heading north you're just gonna go north that is not the direction of the city that's not city the town hey guys should we go back to the the town hold up we have like a we have like a head or something don't we do we have some i have the mummy's yeah i have the mummy's hand we have the whole corpse of them i have the mummy returns on dvd if that's why did you write that on my things uh you all got a dvd if you check your character sheets it's all um hammers movie monster based as well so you got the mummy returns cas got hammers shrek cas got shrek i got van helsing Yeah it's good Yeah The director's cut

None of you let me get out My shape of water joke And I'm furious At all of you Anyway On we trod Heading Heading just north

No to the village Alright That would have been Very funny What a different Adventure that would be Yeah Well I think if you

Take the head back with us Then they should be able To maybe do something With that or maybe They want it I Yeah. Well, I think if you take the head back with us, then they should be able to maybe do something with that or maybe they want it. I don't know. And I'll keep this hand as a souvenir. Oh, it's so gristly. Yes, it is.

Can I fashion the hand into a necklace? Into a necklace? Yeah. With what? I don't know. You're becoming so badass looking. You've got red eyes and a hand around your neck. Oh, just attach it as a choker.

Oh, yeah. Can I attach the hand as a choker? I don't attach it as a choker. Oh, yeah. Can I attach the hand as a choker? I don't think it's going to be grippy like that. Rigor mortis. It's been dead for quite some time. Yeah, but how's dead dead? Super rigor mortis. It's been dead dead for quite some time.

Mummies don't happen overnight. You've got to work hard and then someday you'll become a mummy. Could I get back to the village and get... You unfortunately cannot fashion it in such a manner. Can I get back to the village and ask Miss Green... Chapel. The grocer, Goblin Grocer, to fashion

this into a necklace for me? Yeah, you could ask her. Would she do it? It's a bit gruesome, you don't know. She's a goblin, she'll do it, she loves me. Great, cool. Alright, so you head back into town, You could ask her. Would she do it? It's a bit gruesome. You don't know. She's a goblin. She'll do it. She loves me. Great. Cool. All right. So you head back into town, ignoring the quest to turn in the corpse. You just go straight to Greenchapel.

Well, you guys can turn in the corpse. We'll head off to turn in the corpse. Okay. I have a thing I want to take care of, and then I will meet up with you again. Please don't get in a fart without me again. You know, guys, we could just start a business in this village, like, of, like, a Hornet House themed attraction.

Make a little, like, buy a little hut. We could put the head and the hand in there. I have scarer eyes now. Yeah, we could make, like, we have to burn that thing with all the people in it. Like, we could use that. I thought the whole point of doing this was that we weren't going to burn the people. I know.

It's not a change of heart. It's just, it's the most northern building in town, and I just kind of have this attraction to it. Nah, it's fine. Let's go ahead in that body. Do you head to the dwarven cleric who told you to burn the place down, or do you take it to Seahall? I reckon we go to Seahall. Seahall? All right.

She's just doing a patrol. She's walking with Linus, doing a patrol of the perimeter. You find her easily enough. Hello. Hello. Hail! Hello! Linus nods curtly to each of you in turn.

Oh, yeah, I've decided I'll get this done later. I'm going to go with him. All right, cool, cool, cool. Hey, goody! How's it going? Good. I'm going to go with him. All right, cool, cool, cool.

Hey, Goody. How's it going? Good. Seahole gestures to the mummy that you have. I don't know. One of you is carrying the mummy. The head. Oh, just the head?

Or do we need the whole body? I didn't say. Or no one said. So I assumed you were taking the body, and the body is a body, so someone is going to have to be hafting it. Can I have... We've pulled it apart, and I'm carrying it like a C-3PO style backpack? Yeah, sure. You can have whatever parts of the mummy

you want. It's not resisting at this point. I'll hold the head. You can have the head. I'll have the arms and legs. I want the heart. It actually probably doesn't have one that has been removed. I know the feeling. You're the tin man. And tin man, I love you most of all. I give you a trick cage so you can play it like a xylophone oh that's great yeah

can I do that can I have a mummy xylophone you can have all the parts for a mummy xylophone but you have not the expertise to assemble one oh man I want to set up a band called the bone tones just keep it for later adventurers they use every part of the mummy that's what I appreciate about you guys

making it into a necklace, a xylophone. I don't know, Cass, I assume you're going to do something with the head. You seemed like too specifically that you wanted it. I just wanted to hand it in, really. I don't want this. I want to go home. I want to go home to the forest. There is a forest.

Anyway, Seahawks takes the head or whatever you're giving her very gingerly and says, Is this the creature from in the lake? Yes. Yes, this is his right leg, his left leg. He has his ribs. I'm working on it. All right. I'll see what I can do.

She says, barely holding back bile. That is so gross about a warlock mummy. Yeah. Well, I guess you guys are just used to death. That's sad. Well, she should be. All of her friends are dying. It's true.

She's trying to save them. Yeah, true. No, no, fair, fair, fair. You guys are morbid. All right. So after handing- We're good friends. After handing Seahall most of the body, I assume? Are you using any other parts?

I just want to keep a hand to make a necklace in. Hand. Anyone else want to take a- I'm not taking anything. Souvenirs? The ribs, I assume? Yeah, it's got those bones. It's got the mangled necklace and the self-mending funeral garb.

She takes the rest. As she's gingerly grabbing it, she glances at each of you in turn very, not with suspicion, but with, like, a concerned look that could be mistaken for suspicion. You know, that look. And then she says, have each of you handled parts of the mummy? Yes. How else am I going to make a fucking xylophone?

I just, well, it is where the sickness is coming from. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm immune to the mermaid now because it is dead. Is that how sickness works? I don't think so, no. Well, I feel fine. All right. Yeah. I mean, I don't notice anything wrong.

Probably just don't share, I don't know, syringes with anyone. No kisses from me. The concerned look switches to suspicious now. You should know my flaw is I'm a sucker for a pretty face, so you should be fine. Oh, no. And I say, just kidding, and diddle it in on the xylophone. It's kind of all I do.

Is that really your flaw? You're a second-person? Yeah, apparently. Seahawks just turns and walks away. She doesn't know what to do with the information you've given her, and she needs some time. Okay. That's fair enough. You're going to Greenchapel now?

Well, I am. Do you want to come? There's no active quests left, I don't believe. We should. Well, we're happy to go to Greenchapel to get your necklace made. Thank you. While you're doing that, I might go see how the animals are doing. Fair call.

But I think we should have a look at the one tea. They're going to come for us. The yawn tea. Yawn tea. It's like a yawn tea. It's like a yawn you have one tea. They're going to come for us. Yawn tea. It's like a yawn tea. It's like a yawn you have around tea. That's how you remember. That's how I remember, at least.

That's the most darling thing I've ever heard. It's sad that it's not true. Just every time you sip a tea, you're like, oh, this is good tea. A nice sleepy time tea. Lizard people you're like, oh, this is good tea. A nice sleepy time, too. Lizard people. Snake boys, yeah? Snake boys. And snake women.

And our snake friends beyond the binary. Yes. And yes. So you're going to go check that the animals are all right? Yes. All right. And would you like to do anything special? Yeah, I'd like to sit next to, like, a creek and try and, like, make the xylophone work.

Just, like, you know, to, like, really make a goal of it. All right. Yeah. Is this a skill check? It is a... Well, I'd allow bonuses for skill checks. You can give him a bonus if you want. Yeah, but I want to see how it goes first.

I want you to get the xylophone, man. So go find some bones Alright you are You try again to make a xylophone But you just don't You don't have the proper materials You don't have any tools to work it Can we try that? Would that help?

Plus a d12? It might I really want you to get the xylophone Oh no the good boy deck is over there. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. You make a xylophone. Yes! Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk.

You learn that you need to shorten some of the bones, so you start breaking them, and you have them at all different lengths. You attach them to a large bit of driftwood. Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk. I'm tuning the bone. That's how it works. You do so. You have a functioning xylophone.

Great. Xylophone. Sorry, please. Write xylophone in your inventory. Meanwhile. Necklace? Yes. You take it to Greenchapel.

Greenchapel gives a little, when you take it out, she's quite obviously shocked and a little horrified. But she says nothing of it. I understand that this is a grisly artifact, but I like to keep reminders of all the places I have been. And since I was not able to get a snow globe from the mummy, I thought I would take its hand and fashion it into a necklace. Also, my eyes are red now because of this hat.

That's very nice. Please have a seat. She gestures to a plastic wrapped sofa Or the nearest that such an island could allow Yeah, cool You sit down She sits down with you And she gives you a very calm and slow and gentle talk

About how you shouldn't pick things up off the ground And how you don't know where that's been Oh no, I know exactly where it's been It was attached to a mummy at the bottom of a lake that was making people sick. She listens very patiently, but she tells you that she doesn't want you to get sick, so you shouldn't just pick things up off the ground, especially not to put them in your mouth as well. I did not put this in my mouth.

Can I have some string then? You can have some cookies. I immediately do not want the hand as a necklace and want cookies instead. She gives you cookies and a bit of milk. With brandy? With brandy. Good. Please wash your hands.

Oh, she makes you wash your hands. Oh, yeah, no, there's no way that, yeah, yeah. You have to wash your hands every time you come into her house. Because you're always going to have dinner at her house? Yeah, yeah, I guess so. I don't know what to do with his hand now. Give it a high five. While you're having cookies, it just disappears.

She has presumably binned it. Fair enough. You've got to return it to the earth. Or burn it. I don't know where it went. Yeah. By the time you're done with milk and cookies, she is standing there with a dream catcher that she has strung up on a string,

and she gives you that as a necklace to wear. Why, thank you, Miss Grinch. However, this is the nicest thing that anybody has ever given me, and I've put it on. You feel... Good. Comforted. Ooh.

Is it a special dream catcher? It has a special type of magic imbued with it. The magic of someone who loves you. Oh. Andrew. I'm overcome. I am overcome with love and warmth for you, Miss Greenchapel. You are the nicest lady.

Anything you need, and I mean anything you ever need, you simply holler and I will come to your aid. She says, that's so nice. And then she leans in and hugs you oh this is the best all right i would like to check it on dog fetch and precocious uh precocious that's the cat isn't it yeah precocious you can't find anywhere in the settlement fetch fetch you find running around the perimeter of the fence. As he runs, as he sprints past you, you just hear, running, running, running, running, running, running, running, running, running. Oh, he seems to be having a good time.

How's Dog doing? Dog's all right. He's just sitting. No, hey, Dog. Hey. Well, how's it going? It's all right, thanks. Okay.

Do you need anything? I'd like some water, please. I get him water. You get him a bowl of water. You set it down in front of him. He puts a paw on the lip and flips it so that the water tumbles out of the bowl. Then he licks it off the ground. That's how he likes it.

Can I have some more water, please? Yeah. He does the same thing again. He flips the bowl and licks it off the floor. Why is the water getting away? Can I have some more water, please? thing again he flips the bowl and licks it off the floor why is the water getting away can i have some water please yeah he flips the ball this happened several times then he's had his fill oh brilliant what can i try and meet a new animal friend now how's paula doing i'll check it on paula first i think you rolled your eyes for your animal familiar that you actually care about. I love Paula. She's all I have.

Apparently you love dog more. No, Paula's with me at all times. I know if something's wrong with Paula. But I'll do an active check-in. Paula, how are you doing? I'm good, thanks. Yeah? Yeah.

I'm hungry. What do you want? Carrot. Okay. Can I try and find some carrot? Miss Greenchapel has the town's stores of foods and the only veggie patch in the town. Okay. We'll go see Miss Greenchapel, okay? Okay.

But I want to see if I can make another on the way there. Are there any other animals that I can befriend? Any birds about? I was about to say, yeah, there's chickens. Hello. I was about to say Yeah there's chickens Hello Even though you can talk to animals

That's all they make What are their names? Hello Sorry I just opened a door Hi I'm Ludivon what's your name? They're just pecking on the ground. You can talk to animals. That's what they're saying. I try and give them pats.

They accept them. That's good. I give them lots of pats. I'm making the same claim that Life of Pets is making in that all animals except birds are sentient. In that movie, every animal except birds can talk. Wow. That's quite racist.

That's wrong. Birds have the brains of... Birds can talk in real life. No, they can't. They imitate sounds. Yeah. That's talking. They can vocalize.

Yeah. I've heard a cockatoo in a story tell firemen to fuck off when they try to rescue it off a roof. We're all just imitating sounds. We didn't invent English. Yeah. We're all birds, Adam. No, we're actually- We're all birds, Adam.

All right. You galah. We lay eggs. We got feathers. It's just unarguable. I eat food that mum has already chewed up and spits into my mouth. Yeah.

Yep. I often just find myself staring at the mirror and then headbutting it for no reason. Yeah, I scratch the ground. That's where my food is. Because of trauma from being stuck in a cage. Yeah, it's true. It's awful.

Don't keep birds. All right. So they're basically us. So you are... I'll head over to Miss Greenchapel's house to find some carrots for Paula. Yeah, you are on your way there. And it is at this point, the sun is getting a bit low in the sky.

You are the first person, Lunabon, who can hear in the distance. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. The sound of drums. It pauses you for a second. Something about it. Something, there's some weird rhythm to it. It pauses you for a second. Something about it. Something, there's some weird rhythm to it. It chills you to your spine.

There's an element of like hunter and prey to it where you are not the hunter and you do not like that. This is very bad. I wish I could talk to birds so they could tell me what's going on. No, birds are not. Birds can't talk to you. No, just chickens. Can I call out to see so they could tell me what's going on. No, birds are not. Birds can't talk to you. No, just chickens. Can I call out to see if there are any birds around? Probably not within this.

You would just know there wouldn't be many within this radius of the town. Does it sound far away? Sounds a bit distant. Yeah, you're only just hearing it, like faintly. Okay. Well, then in that case, I know goodies at... You know goodies at Greenchapels. You do not know where Molto Bene is. Okay, well, I'll run to where Goody is.

All right. I burst in the door. By the time you get to Greenchapel's house, you as well, Goody, can hear a distant... Miss Greenchapel, is she with me? Yeah, she... Oh, she's in the kitchen. I have to ask, is there a regular thing in this town for uh

parades or such like green chapel as she was coming out of the kitchen she had a platter with broken but then fixed fine china she was carrying tea bless this woman as she walks into the kitchen you can see that she can hear the drumming as well and she drops it in fright it all breaks on the ground and tea seeps across the floor again she puts her hands up to her mouth they're coming this would be the snake people they're coming okay you stay you you find a place that is secure and you stay there miss green chapel i will not have you being kidnapped by my no snake people can i burst in and just be filled in on what just happened? Yeah, you were there for this.

Do you hear that? I do, yes. Hello, Mrs. Greenchapel. Are you okay? She's trembling. You can see fear in her face. They're coming. I pass out Paula.

Paula, you make this woman feel better. You pat Paula, okay? Greenchapel clutches Paula close. Okay. Do you have any carrots for Paula, by the way? Hi, Zal close. Okay. Do you have any carrots for Paula, by the way? Hi, Zalos. Hi. In the veggie patch, she gestures out the back.

Okay. That's more important. I just go find that now. Miss Green Chapel, if we are about to have an altercation with a group of snake people, Yanti, playing drums, how many of them are usually with the drums? I don't know. There could be dozens, maybe more. Do you have any hard liquor?

And I mean hard liquor. Suggest just the same cabinet she keeps getting the brandy out of. I get the hardest liquor in that cupboard. You go to open the cupboard and it won't open immediately. Like it's locked, but there's no lock on it. Then you lift it up to get the child lock over and then you open the cupboard and get in. Thank you for putting in that Goody struggles with cupboards. Struggles with child locks on cupboards.

Yeah, I can't open medicine or doors properly. It's a problem. I have a safe settings on my TV. There's three bottles of, it's called, Grugrog's Best down the bottom. Well, hello, Grugrog. Through the wax seal that keeps the three bottles shut, you can smell the stench of orcish ale. I take a big whiff.

You break one open? I break one open. It smells like pure gasoline. It tastes like pure gasoline. Perhaps Grugrog It smells like pure gasoline. It tastes like pure gasoline. Perhaps Grugog's best is pure gasoline. Grugog's best on sale now. I scull a whole bottle. It's fighting time.

You scull a whole bottle? Yeah. You're not a orc. Well, bad luck. Well, good he's out of the fight. Maybe. All right. I've got good news and bad news.

Which would you prefer first? Bad news. Bad news? All right. You can't keep it down. You throw it up. Damn. That's good.

That's also the good news. You are, by the way, heavily intoxicated. Oh, so it worked? Oh, yeah. You just didn't keep it down. Oh, good. No, that's fine. You just didn't keep it down. Oh, good. No, that's fine. That's what I needed.

You still got basically a contact high. Your intelligence is reduced by, or effectively reduced by, two points. So you have now an intelligence of... Ten. Yeah. That drink gave me brain damage. That's great. But it's fine because I fight better drunk

So I'm ready to fight Alright Apologies Miss Grinchy Apple for muddying your floor But I need to punch things You wiped your feet as you came in I love this woman so much Will Grugrog's best fuel Goody or incapacitate Goody? Find out next time on Into the Jungle Island of Dendar,

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