D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #10 O'Rourke's Eleven

Episode Date: August 1, 2017

In which our heroes steal a boat.Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspence Radio, gosh, b'gosh, b'gosh, b'gosh. Howdy! What a brand new adventure where we all play as woodland animals. Of course you do, you're not an idiot. Just head to sanspenceradio.podkeep.com and for as little as absolutely nothing, you can. All proceeds go to PSC Support UK, so help support a great cause while listening to our hot, delicious nonsense. Welcome to Chapter 10 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D's for Nerds adventure. A way back... nonsense. Is there any boat that might be kind of closer towards where you might need it? They've consolidated all the boats. What I need them all to do before that is try to get as much information about patrols as they possibly can. So I need you guys to do some reconnaissance for me.

Well, I can outline where the treasure room is. There's a big old vault door guarding it, though. I don't know the combination. That's all right. It'll take a master thief to crack that. Let me worry about that part. We've got a... I've got an okay thief.

I wouldn't call him master. That's a bit over-selling. He's decent. It's okay. Master's a bit... That's over-selling. But he's fine. What if we put him on a carriage, we take out, say, ten at a time?

How does this grift work, by the way? While this is happening, you're walking in the maze that is these piles of spell books. I tried to collect on him the other day. You know what he told me? What did he tell you? He told me, if piss doesn't have to pay, why. I tried to collect on him the other day. You know what he told me? What did he tell you? He told me, if piss doesn't have to pay, why do I have to pay? Go collect from him.

And I thought to myself, gosh, that's a really good point. Shane's mouth begins to grow into that of a snout. And you feel a bite on your leg. Fucking hell. Fuck, I don't want to be a were-rat. Fuck me. Fucking were-rat.'t want to be a were-rat. Fuck me. Fucking were-rat. Can I be a were-wolf?

That's at least cool. Standing between the were-rat and the driver, Piss, you stare into the barrel of a gun. Because he's standing right next to you, and you have altered self to sort of change your appearance, you're a little bit shorter, he points the pistol where he thinks your head is. Oh, fuck.

Pulls the trigger. Oh, fuck. Okay. Because... It's where your lung is instead. Because alter self is an illusion, you don't actually change appearance. Yeah.

He misses your head completely. Because instead of pointing it at your head, he put the gun next to your ear and fired it. You're deafened in your left ear from the simple noise of it. And when you go up to feel there, you can feel blood trickling out. Oh, fuck. Warm, warm blood. All right, all right, all right.

Am I? It is. Made this fight harder. I did. I did. Good on me. Hooray. It's Pierce's turn.

Is the driver off the carriage? Yeah, he's off the carriage, just standing next to you. Can I get on the carriage? You could run to the carriage, yeah. Could I run to the carriage and start it in this turn? Start the carriage with the horse? Whatever. No, you can't. But I could get on the carriage.

You could try to. It's a climb check, not a difficult one, but there is a chance for failure, that's all. Then he could shoot me. Hopefully maybe the wearer might get him. Can I run to the carriage, not climb it on this turn, turn around and shoot the were-rat? Yes. Okay, I'll do that.

I'm just going to ride this carriage out of here. I don't even know if I'm going to get any of the people that we need. Yeah? Like, how long have we got? We've got like two hours left. He took one of the other cards. Oh, fuck. The were-rat charges after you as you try to get to the carriage.

You turn around at the last minute, and when you bring up the pistol, you didn't even realize you were going to do this because you didn't know how close the were-rat was behind you. Yeah. But when the pistol is fully extended, it's jammed into his chest. You pull the trigger, hitting him at point-blank range. Oh, got him. point-blank range. Oh, got him. God, kill the werewolf.

He takes 14 points of damage. Why is he doing a quotation mark? Why are you doing that? Do you have to kill him with silver? Oh, God, I better have to kill him with silver. And you can tell that you destroyed his ribcage. Fuck me. Are you going to get silver from me?

Do you have any silver? Why is nothing easy? The were-rat just can't see in the land a hit on you except that one. The were-rat tries to snap at you again, but you close his maul with your other hand and pistol whip him. Okay, alright. The carriage driver fires his second shot. That's him and pistol whip him. Okay, alright.

The carriage driver fires his second shot. That's him out, I guess. He hits you. Okay. Gee whiz, hooray. You take eight points of damage. That's not too bad. It's your turn.

Can I climb and... You can try, yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. You attempt to climb. How do you fail to climb? In such a panic that the step ladder you just can't get your feet into the rungs. You're panicking too much.

Oh, Jesus. It's going to be alright. It's going to be alright. The were-rat bites you. You're getting out of this fine. Not with were-ratism. You take five points of damage. Doubt that's going to happen. Not going to happen.

I wouldn't. I think it's almost now a certainty. I remember trying to get were-ratism, and the thing that stopped me was a high constitution, I think. Oh, and guess what? Mine is of low. Yep. The were-rat bites you again on the back of your neck. But if you're a were-rat, only silver can kill you.

You're right. That's pretty good. Adam's like, well, yes. That was that expression. Sure. The cab driver doesn't know what to do. He runs over and I guess tries to just grab you. Oh, God.

Do you have a, what do you have in your hands? My loot, probably, and the pistol. All right. You get a free attack on him. Sweet. I'll smack him with my loot because my pistol's out. Yep. He runs up, tries to grab you.

You spin around reactively and hit him with your loot. The loot makes a poing sound. Good. All right. And an arc of blood comes from the gnome's nose, shoots in a beautiful spray above his head, and he falls over onto his back. When he hits the ground, you hear a crack sound.

And blood starts seeping from the back of his skull. Okay, that's one down. That's one down. Now all I've got is a simple were-rat to deal with. Can a carriage-eyerun a were-rat? I mean... The were-rat just... Yep.

Cannot get at you. Maybe you're like scrambling still up the side of the carriage and it locks its teeth around your boot, but your boot's just too thick. Okay. It's your turn. If it bites a horse... Climb the carriage. Gonna try and get that carriage going.

The horse becomes a were-rat. You get up to the carriage. Okay, cool. But I can't get going. You can actually... No, you can try to get the horses going. That's a... All right.

Handle animal check. I'm sure that's high. If only I were with you. It's very, oh no, it's my charisma. Yeah. That's very, let's not discount Greg Pierce's horse riding abilities just yet. It's quite obvious that the confusion effect has ended. Yeah, I figured.

Otherwise, sometimes the rat would be babbling. Major confusion. That's what I want now. Is it like is he a high ranking officer at the army who just doesn't know how he got to be a high ranking officer in the army? Major confusion. What? Who are you? What are you doing at my office? Get out. This is a war.

No it's not. Did you know that handle animal, to get an animal to just like move along, like what you want to do, get the horses to move, is a DC 10, so you just need to get an animal to just like move along like what you want to do get the horses to move is a dc 10 so you just need to get 10 to get a animal to move if it doesn't want to move is 25 which is actually above human possibility like a regular human just can't do that so if you've ever had trouble moving a dog that doesn't want to move, just know that D&D's got your back. Yes, you're right.

Humans can't do that. It's beyond us. Come on. I'm sure these horses want to go for a run. Anyway, yeah, the horses start moving, traveling along. They're probably quite afraid of the were-rat as well, so they don't need much pushing to go. Cool.

The horses are faster than were-rats, so you can just outrun them. That's the plan. All right. I'm going to outrun it, and I'm going to go to Cool. Good. The horses are faster than were-rats, so you can just outrun them. That's the plan. All right. I'm going to outrun it, and I'm going to go to the Saber district, just so I can... You're in the gnome district.

Yeah, but there's a were-rat after me here. I'll come back to the gnome district when shit's calmed down. There's nothing here for you. Your warehouse is burning down. Yeah, but I could get the gnomes. Do you remember the whole reason I'm doing this? Is to get the different factions to meet at midnight. All right you're gonna have to tell uh just a little white lie to

get through the gate again because the gnomes question well they just question everyone who goes through the gate but you're able to fly your way through it's not that while i'm there i might as well be like um at midnight you guys care about the weapon yeah yes you're talking to a gate guard just letting you know who else am I gonna get alright sure I can't go back in there's a were-rat

that wants me it probably is still following you yeah right at midnight tonight at uh uh uh where is it

Eaton's Keep Eaton's Eaton's you don't have a lot of alter self left that's okay at the Eaton's um keep whatever um a whole bunch of people that's where the weapon is a whole of Alter self left That's okay At the Eaton's Keep whatever

A whole bunch of people That's where the weapon is A whole bunch of people Are going to try and get it Alright tonight The sabers Everybody's going Right so you better get there

If you guys want it Right and you don't want To have to deal with The sabers or whatever Probably a good idea To go there Just saying Alright you

Give him that advice You're not sure how Effective it was I've said it But you've got to get going because as you leave, the effects of your polyjuice potion are beginning to wear off. It's like that classic cartoon thing where

my gnome body just starts to, like, bits of my actual human body You're like, lips, boom, boom! My ears are like, boom! And I'm like, gotta put one hand on it and be like, yeah, yeah, I'll put one hand on my lips. Like the Nutty Professor. Sure. Cool. I'm gonna head to the Sabres then. Alright. You

get there pretty quickly because you've got a horse and cart. Not as quickly as you would have gotten there had you not been interrupted, but still. How long do I have to get everybody on our side? You're just gonna tell the Sabres to be there by midnight. You're not sure what time it is. Ah, God. Okay, I'll go to the Sabres. I'll go to the people that I met

at the temple. We'll get back to you. Only contact. Peace. I do. You're having a very bad day, but it's only going to get worse. That's the way it is. All right. So you're going to use your magpie meat pie to get you through it.

Magpie meat pie. Let's go get me a boat. Jumping the fence is an easy matter. Well, the natural, the fence made by the townspeople. The orcs don't really guard those. It's more the entrance to their camp that they guard vigorously. I was going to try and even just like scout down the side of the wall, even on the shore, maybe go for a swim, whatever.

Just the one, the least resistance. Yeah, do you want to go buy water? Maybe if that's the path of least... Wait, sharks. You're not bleeding anymore. If that's the path of least resistance, then yes. Well, meat pie. See if there's a shark.

You start drowning. Hang on. You just rolled really low a lot. It's a strong current. Damn it. I am little As you start swimming At first it's fine

It takes about the point where you could be in trouble For things to start going wrong You hit like a riptide And you start getting dragged out to sea Fuck what a funny end for Leo Shadow Maybe he just drowned Alright you recover You're swimming back.

You swim across the river. Across. Parallel to the shore. Parallel to the shore. You're doing well. You're back at shore now. Back on course, swimming back to get a boat. Your magpie is guiding you.

You're doing pretty well. The boat is within sight now. He's going to climb for him. And you're at a boat. Awesome. You can climb in if you want. The area here is as lightly populated as it can be, which is highs or lows. Highs.

So there's the dock. It's maybe 50 feet long. At the end of the dock are two orcs who are looking in your direction, but they're 50 feet away. So by the time they get to you, you're already pushed out to sea. Oh, okay. I'm going to try and get in the boat and just wait in the boat for a bit. Yeah, you can try to climb, hide into the boat if you want. Yeah.

Adam just wanted you to escape in the boat. Oh, I didn't. No, he can hide in the boat. I didn't really think that he was going to do that. It's about 2, 3 o'clock now for me. We don't have to go Midnight basically So the sun's going to set sometime soon

I assume Cover darkness then I can chuff off All my job was get a boat I didn't have to see 18 different factions That's Greg Pierce's job Which I'm assuming he's doing amazingly No you're not You know he's fucked us all.

He's fucked us all. Cool. I'm real sad. I just realized a great plan would have been like double or nothing, Shane. And then taking a bet on the... I really wanted you to fight a were-rat. I can tell.

We know when Adam has a plan. Yeah, can I just wait until they... Yeah, you hop into the boat. No one sees you. Cool. Moving out with the boat is another point., you hop into the boat, no one sees you. Cool. Moving out with the boat is another point, but you're in the boat, no one saw you. Meat Pie, tell me when no one's looking,

or tell me when the guards leave. And we can wait here for an hour or so, it's fine. The two guards, well, they're not guards. The two orcs at the end of the dock look like they might be just fishing. All right. However long it takes. Yeah.

How long? Give me an hour. What happens in an hour? Highs or lows? Highs. Like, in an hour, they're still there. Okay. Okay.

What do you want to do? Keep waiting? Is there, like, an anchor or something? I'm assuming you've got a little small rowboat, because you really couldn't... Like, you're going to have trouble with this let alone something bigger yeah if i was to be like a you know take the um uh the anchor up or whatever and like there's no anchor it's it's tied just cut the rope and let it drift for a bit and so like you know maybe they just don't notice it drifting and then by the time i'm a bit out of

their range and start rowing Yeah, you could try that. The tide moves the boat to them. Damn it. That's exactly what happened. You start cutting the first mooring. So you moor a boat at two points to make sure it's parallel to the dock at the front and at the back. You start cutting the back one.

You just creep your hands and arms out, keeping yourself as small as you can. And you start gently sawing back and forth with one of your daggers. I'm so stressed. And Meat Pie immediately screeches at you. Orcs! Them bloody orcs are coming up the pier, mate! Just stop.

He's like, have they noticed? Have they heard anything like that? Or like, boom, boom, boom. You hear heavy footfalls coming along the pier. It's drawing his weapon. He's noticed. Cut, cut, row. Oh, man.

Cut, cut, row. Cut, cut, row. You know the song. Is he near me? Grease the bro. You know the song. Is he near me? Grease the floor. Grease the pier. Whoop, bong. Whoop, bong.

I like that that's like the most slapstick spell there is. The wall keeps moving. He's at you now. You're like looking up at him. He's looking down at you. He's got this big club unlumbered. It's your turn. All right.

So what happens? Have I cut the moss? You haven't cut anything yet. Gre's your turn. All right, so what happens? Have I cut the moose? You haven't cut anything yet. Grease the floor? Hopefully he falls in the sea. That's the dream. He stays standing. Damn it.

Okay. What about the other one? And he's going to attack you. Okay. Actually, he jumps down into the boat. That's good. I mean, not great. That's what I wanted.

You can have a fight in a rowboat. That's mad He's going to claw his eyes out Yeah You feel a solid thumping sensation Which is you being hit in the head With a club You take 8 points of damage

And it's your turn Awesome Rock the boat More coming Alright I'm going to swoop them And it's your turn. Awesome. Rock the boat. More coming. All right, I'm going to swoop them, if you can, Meat Pie. I'm going to try and cut the... Swoop the ones coming? Yeah, the ones coming.

And I'm going to cut the ropes. Okay. Just tank the damage you get from him, whatever. You can deal with him when you're at sea. You cut the aft ropes, so you're like starting to drift away. And Meat Pie swoops. Meat Pie scores a hit. Yeah!

And we know how painful a Magpie swoop can be. Yeah. I'll kill you if this is true. Wander damage. Exactly, I'll kill you. If that was a child, they'd be dead. I'm not wrong. No. Alright, then it I'm not wrong no yeah yeah

alright then it is the orc's turn the orc swings at you again I miss him he misses completely you're too slippery for this you take 10 points of damage

oh gosh that's like what are you on like 50 you know 50% yep that's fine that's fine

highs or lows highs I really should start saying lows yeah yeah lows we often get fucked on highs we decided never go low but like maybe that was a mistake maybe it should be never go high through your telepathic link me pie just screams run fly you fool fly mp And it's your turn Cool Cut the other Cut the rope

Can I do Cut the other rope and stab him Or is it just like Can I only do one thing No you can cut the other rope And stab him I should see that Cut the other rope

Stab with venom Alright so You Because you're focusing on him When you try to swipe At the ropes You actually just miss So if you want You can still stab at him When you try to swipe at the ropes, you actually just miss.

So if you want, you can still stab at him, or you can use that second attack to cut ropes. Oh, that is a Sophie's choice, my friend. How far away are the other people? They're pretty close. Cut the rope. Cut the rope. Because you can push him in the sea.

You cut the other rope. Awesome. All right. We'll just dive in the water and call it a bust. You tell your bird to fly away. The orcs turn. Highs or lows? Lows.

Lows? Come on! When will we catch a break? Never. Okay. Did you just lose me, Pi? Did I just lose Leo? You're fucked if you die, because, no, we're not there.

Your telepathic link with Meat Pie is severed, suddenly. Then, an orc, another orc, tries to leap into the boat. Oh, God. It makes the... An orc leaps into the boat. You are so sad. I'm like... Eyes or lows? Eyes.

Fuck ya. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. The boat capsizes. All three of you are chucked into the drink. You're all bleeding too. That's alright.

Yeah, but the sharks get them. Alright. No, no, they're not bleeding. I am. Oh, no. Oh, no. Round two! Do I have its hit points?

Sharks aren't that wily. Sharks aren't going to know. Come on. This is a Jaws situation we have going on here. Bullshit. Everybody knows about the sharks off the coast of the dock. They will get you the moment you drop in the water. It'll be a percentile roll

to see if there's any sharks. Alright. Highs or lows? Highs. Whatever. Just like don't ask. Just punish me. It's fine. Basically what you want. Isn't that what you want, Adam? Yes. Why don't we just cut out the Isn't that what you want, Adam? Yes. Why don't we just cut out the middle part?

Leo, it's your turn. You're swimming fine. You can try to push the boat if you want or try to... Actually, you know what? It might not be such a bad idea to swim underneath in the under part of the boat. I'd do that. All right. Pirates of the Caribbean 1.

I'm going to start with Turner Jack Sparrow. You're having trouble. You keep yourself afloat, but to push with the boat is difficult for you because you only just surfaced. So you make no progress this turn. The two oars. But you're not drowning. I'm not doing so well. You don't see them though.

That's alright. So it's your turn. Cool. Let's keep going. You know what I really like is that when we get this boat, it's going to have arrows all along the bottom. Yeah, you can hear funk, funk, funk. Why did you get a boat full of arrows? Shut up! Why don't we take them out?

No, no, no. You just keep swimming? You just keep swimming? I just keep fleeing. Feel free to talk among yourselves while I do some rolling that's boring. Keep fleeing and I really hope that I can somehow get meat pie back. Can I just say, I'm just really glad. All I had to do was go talk to my boss and then go to the church. Yeah, I know. Nothing bad.

Well, I did nearly die. How did you nearly die? I feel like I've I was on like, when the I was fighting the shark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I've earned a reprieve after I did all of the fucking fighting. It's true. But this gives you a good example of what happens

when me or Leo tries to do the fighting. That's why we need you. After a little while, you stop hearing the arrows. You think you might be free and clear, but you have no idea where you are because you're underneath the boat. Let's do that then. Let's just get out the top. You should say what Meat Pie thinks. Come on, Meat Pie.

Is there any way I'm going to get him back? He fell into the water. That's all right. He must swim ashore and live. I'm going back for him, Adam. I'm going back. Hi, Zolos. Hi.

This isn't necessarily a punishment for relaxing. I'm going back for him. Hi. Hi. All right. You're nowhere near the dwarven boats, by the way, so, like, just letting you know. Okay. I want to be near the dwarven boats.

I, uh, recap, uncapsize it. Yeah, you tip it back over. All right, what do I say? Oh, uh... Just letting you know. Okay. I want to be near the Dolphin boats. Uncapsize it. Yeah, you tip it back over. What do I say? Oh, well, you know what? It's not too hard. You're like, even if you start sinking, you're like, you're grabbing wood. You're flirting. Eventually, you can tip the boat back.

What's your strength? 13. 13. One moment. I take a ten. I don't know if that'll be enough. Oh, man. You could probably climb onto the bottom.

You might not be big enough to tip. What did you say, thirteen? Yeah. Climb onto the bottom of it. Yeah, like, whatever. It's still floating. Yeah, true. You just might not be able to tip it over as well.

I did the job, guys. What the hell happened? Shut off is what happened. Whose clothes are you wearing? These are mine. You've got bite marks all over. Why do you have a car? What the fuck did the two of you do while I was doing other shit, you idiots?

Imagine if I was like, this is a six-man boat now. I was considering doing that, but I assume you would know to find a bigger boat. Yes, yes, yes. Probably makes it more difficult to tip, but hey, here we are. Look, these are the games we play. I've literally done none of my job, and I think that's pretty funny.

You've done one part. I told the gnomes. You told the gnomes. The gnomes, they know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. know Yeah Yeah Yeah They're all good They are all good

I'm probably not going to be able to get to the orcs Let's be honest No, it's fine I think you've alerted the orcs enough Yeah Yeah, I mean you've not given them enough You could go to the orcs just before we hit the castle Yeah, that's true

Go to the orcs Alt yourself, look like an orc Be like, they're attacking the keep. You'd need like five men to tip this thing over. You definitely can't. I just grab a gnaw and start trying to get it back to shore. Any chance of magpie? How's that sitch?

What do I know? You'd have to go back to the docks to look for him, but you feel like there's a good chance. Either he landed on the land, in which case the orcs might already be eating him, or he landed in the water. If he wasn't killed in flight, then he's possibly drowned.

Adam, that's bad. I like how you said this with a smile. I'm sorry I killed your magpie. That's okay. You can get a new magpie. Do I ever want to have magpies in my game ever again? No, you can get a new magpie probably if you want. If it makes you feel any better, you can imagine that he went to a farm upstairs.

It doesn't. It makes me feel worse. It makes me feel a lot worse. So I know that the bird is dead, yes? That your telepathic connection was severed so suddenly is probably an indication that your bird is gone. Like, well, this better be doing his job. Yep, I'm on it.

Where am I in the sea? I'm not driving a stolen carriage. You're, like, kind of sailing. I don't know, do you want to be going... Little Tigaloy way? Yeah, which way do you want to be going... Little Tigaloy way? Which way do you want to be going? Because I'm no into the dwarves. No, you could sail out

to one of their ships, but that's up to you. You haven't randomly floated near them. How time wise are we? How are we doing for time? Seven-ish. Do I go back down or I try to go for the dwarves? I'm not going to hit the dwarves.

Also, if it wasn't obvious before, quite a few arrows in your little boat. I see them. That's a good handhold. There's a couple small holes, but you're not a very good shipment, but you could imagine that they're not that big a deal. You just need a couple fingers to plug them. Let's go to the dwarves. Go to the dwarves. You're going to sail towards their ships? Go towards the dwarves. That's go to the dwarves. Go to the dwarves.

You're going to sail towards their ships? Go towards the dwarves. That's going to be such a strange sight for the dwarves, just this guy in an overturned boat. Just a halfling in an overturned boat full of arrows. But it kind of makes you look a bit badass. Maybe they'll be impressed. Maybe.

All right. That was your turn. You just had church. I went to church, but I think I'm done now, so I'm probably going to catch up with my boys and see if they've learnt any information. Do I have the map yet? Do you want to go check?

I'll go check my drop box. As a person whose testicles are dropped would say, do you want to go check? No, I want to go check. Mr. Adam, I'd like to go check for the drop box, please. Adam drinks his coconut water almost as a response. I'll check my Dropbox and then check in with my boys. You get two things.

A map. Hand-drawn, but quite detailed of the keep, Rhodes Keep. And you get a scroll. Up the top, the title is written Draconic, but someone has scrolled underneath it in common so that you can understand. Scroll of Nock. Scroll of Nock. Nock is a magical spell that

unlocks doors. With the scroll is a little note that says from Talton, saying I don't know if you can use this, but maybe it helps. Talton, what a fucking guy. I get a bit teary can use this, but maybe it helps. What a fucking guy. I get a bit teary. Town militia, they were all right.

We are all right. You're good people. All right, so I put those things away. I'm assuming one of you idiots can use that scroll. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good. I'm assuming Leo can use that scroll,

because I'm not giving anything to piss over here I never said a truth thing in my life I go and Go and meet up with my buddies Maybe we have a safe house that we use They come back to you What do they know? They search for as long and hard as they could

So It would seem that the place is pretty well guarded They can't necessarily speak for the side facing the ocean, but they imagine if it's even half as well guarded as the side facing the city, then it's probably going to be a tall order to climb the wall. It's kind of just a known thing that they have anti sort of grappling hook methods, if you will. It's like a special polearm type thing that's designed to cut rope that's thrown over a wall.

They've got a bunch of those stationed all along the wall. So at any point, someone up there could just grab that, cut a rope of anyone climbing. They also have access to boiling oil, which they have used on occasion, pouring down on anyone trying to scale the wall. I don't want to get boiled. So the idea is we have to get them distracted. In total though, there's never any more than like 25 people

on the wall, which is frankly less than half what it actually needs in a siege situation. So you think all your CIs have been telling your town militia mates it's unlikely that they have that many people within the keep,

which is not necessarily a big deal. You don't need a lot of people to hold a castle, but there might only be like 100 people at most inside. Okay. This is like less or at odds. There were more people in the orc camp, and we survived that shit. Exactly.

Literally, if they could get over the walls, any faction in this town could overrun that keep. They just need to get over the walls. So if we have enough people distracting them so that we can sneak over the wall, we can take that keep. That's good to hear. Although, there is the dragon to be concerned. No, no, no, no. But the dragon will be sent to defend the keep. Yeah, surely.

Not a bunch of thieves. One's got to, you know, because I mean, if we don't hope, we won't do it. With less than a

hundred people as well, it's highly unlikely that they're able, like, they probably are pulling everyone they can just to patrol the wall.

If there's an attack on the wall, very unlikely anyone will be in the keep. The keep might just actually be empty that's good alright that's good fellas thanks boys that's all the information they're able to get though

we just have to wait now because we can't do anything and hope that Greg piss yes Colin I said Greg piss why don't you name these guys because I can't be bothered Colin? how many do I need to name? Nine.

No, no. So Colin and... Oh, Ian didn't come, did he? Ian did not come. Goggles. Goggles. And the other seven are just the days of the week. Monday.

Fuck, that's good. Tuesday. Colin and Goggles. Two of them are called Thursday, though. Adam's, like, just defeated little head shake Was real good then I'll let you choose which day do I meet Thursday Is one like Thursday R and Thursday M

I was about to say one's Thursday R Sure one's Thursday T Saturday Yep What day did you meet? Friday. Cool. Yeah, no, I'm wise.

I think Friday's the only one that's like an actual name, too, so that's good. Colin, yes, I mean that Greg piss. Yes, that Greg piss. We can arrest him if we need to afterwards. Damn. You're about to get up to leave when the door to the bar opens, and standing in the doorway with a very sheepish expression is Ian. He wanders over to you guys,

leans on the table and says, do you mind if I join you? I only got a boat for 12 people. Technically that boat seats 8 to 15, so you're fine. Take a seat, Ian. Why are you here? Thought about what you said.

Think you're right. Yes! A little redemption arc for you. Yeah! I think this is standard heist sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's out, they're in. All right.

So I've got my O'Rourke's 10. O'Rourke's Howling Commandos. Technically, I have O'Rourke's... Dirty Dozen. Well, I make 11. So O'Rourke's Howling Commandos. Technically, I have O'Rourke's... Dirty Dozen. Well, I make 11, so O'Rourke's 11. Yeah. Plus you two morons. That's a dozen.

That's a dozen. That's a dirty dozen. You got a dirty dozen. You're the George Clooney. Yep. Colin is the Matt Damon. Absolutely. Ian's the Brad Pitt.

Ian's Brad Pitt. Always eaten. Goggle is... Don Cheadle. We don't need to do all this. Goggle's is Don Cheadle. We don't need to do all this. Goggle's is Don Cheadle and, I don't know, the old guy's probably one of the Thursdays. Me and you are like Casey Affleck and the other guy?

Yeah. No, those are the Thursdays. What are we, Adam? What are we? They're the Ocean's Eleven. We're just all so along for the ride. One of you is Catherine Zeta-Jones, and one of you is Julia Roberts. Julia Roberts, bags in it.

Ah, I think I was going to say I was going to bag Catherine Zeta-Jones. That works out quite well. I'm lucky we got what we wanted. We don't have to do anything, because we're ready to go. We just have to wait for these guys to show up. So we wait. All right. Did we arrange a rendezvous?

Yeah, yeah, where I am. Oh, good, good. You know that. I'm glad. We didn't, but it is happening now. Yes. Did we arrange a rendezvous? Yeah, yeah, where I am. Oh, good, good. You know that. I'm glad. We didn't, but it is happening now. Yes. Will Pierce make that rendezvous? Find out next time on Jaron's Outpost Hustle,

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