D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #11 Lie for an Eye

Episode Date: August 5, 2017

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while listening to our hot, delicious nonsense. Welcome to Chapter 11 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, and D&D is for nerds' adventure. Formerly. Why is nothing easy? The were-rat just can't seem to land a hit on you, except that when he hits the ground, you hear a crack sound,

and blood starts seeping from the back of his skull. Okay, that's... Hey, it's one down. That's one down. Now all I've got is a simple were-rat. A whole bunch of people are going to try and get it, all right? Tonight. The sabers, everybody's going, right?

So you better get there. If you guys want it, right, and you don't want to have to deal with the sabers or whatever, it'll be a good idea to go there. Magpie, Magpie, let's go get me a boat. All my job was get a boat. I didn't have to, like, see 18, you know, different factions. Greg Pierce's job, which I'm assuming he's doing amazingly.

Is he near me? Grease the floor. Grease the pier. Whoop-boom, whoop-boom. I like that that's like the most slapstick spell there is. Your telepathic link with Meat Pie is severed, suddenly. Oh, no! Then, an orc, another orc, tries to leap into the boat.

Can I just say, I'm just really glad. All I had to do was go talk to my boss and then go to the church. Yeah, I know, like, you're just... Nothing bad. Well, I did nearly die. There might only be like a hundred people at most inside. Pierce, you're

fucking hightailing it because it's six. You've lost so much time. I have six hours to do so much. Just one thing, get the sabers on side. You're not a military tactician, but even you are aware that to organise an assault

with so many people is going to take a lot of time. You don't have a second to spare. You're racing down the main street, and then crash! Your carriage hits another carriage. You black out. Oh my fucking god. Sheet.

You wake up. You're in a sewer somewhere. At first you think you've been taken by the blood cultists. But then you hear a very familiar voice. Gregbis. Gregbis. Working with the blood cult.

Oh, quickie. Right. Yep. You're strapped to a metal table. That weedy-looking elf is looming over you. So I'm assuming the Lightfoots, they're... Shorefoots. Shorefoots, right.

They give us the... Yeah. They give us the money. The debt. Yeah, yeah, right, yeah. Yeah. Like, it's got the hand gesture, even though it's an audio medium. It's good.

It adds. It's very easy. Very easy. It's very... It just... You just naturally fall into it. Is one of your goals not to die? No, my goals are...

I mean, they're long gone now. I'm not going to achieve what I want to achieve Greg piss, Greg piss, Greg piss Yeah, right What am I going to do with you? I'll probably take a bit of me You owe us money Yeah

We buy your debt And as we buy your debt You try to well-churn it When did I do that? I don't remember doing that But as I well-churn on the debt, I let you take a lot. It's very wrong to marry a girl for anything but love.

Okay, yep. Is there a mole in Little Rose Camp? You need to be very careful. I'm fucked. It's a great piss. Greg pisses them all for every camp. You need to be careful about who you trust.

I can strike you a deal. How about that? How do you feel about deals? I think that's long gone. Yeah, fair enough. It's going to get you the weapon, but whatever. I'll give him the weapon. That's fine.

You were going to give me the weapon. I don't know where it's going to be tonight. Around, I'd say about 1, maybe 1.30. You talk a lot. I do. You hit the nail on the.30. You talk a lot. I do. You hit the nail on the head there. You talk too much, maybe. I don't know about that.

I could take your tongue. Oh, fuck. I could take your larynx. Hell, to stop you talking, I could take your other lung. Yeah. Yeah? Then I'd be out. You'd never get the cash.

But I'd have you out of my hair. Fair. But you bought the debt to get him in. Really, that's your fault. I've got to be honest with you. It just seems like you took the debt to torture me. Wow. That would not seem unlike him, to be honest.

Right. Okay. Just get it over with. Did you know that your warehouse burnt down? Is that a fact? Straight in the eye It's probably that bastard Shane You know he's a were-rat?

Really? Yeah, he's a were-rat He bit me I broke bread with that man Yeah, and he's a filthy were-rat the whole time. Surely that's worth 5k of the debt. What's worth 5k? The analogy's a were-rat.

Now you won't deal with him anymore. Alright. That's worth 5k. Alright, fantastic. That's good. Swiped off. He turns to the weedy elf. I want...

He, like, traces a finger down your body. I want... He like traces a finger down your body. I want... It's oddly sexual. It's the worst. I don't like it at all. If I take his chutzpah, we can't attach that again, can we?

The weedy elf shakes his head. No, we can't. Take an eye. What? Take one of his head. No, we can't. Take an eye. What? Take one of his eyes. Anything. Anything. What do you want? You want gold? The weedy little elf leans over you and says,

If you don't hold still... Oh, fuck me, Adam. I'm not a fan of that one. If we run into that elf again, I'm going to punch him through the wall. If you don't hold still, I might take more than an eye by accident. Is it possible to black out from fear? Can I try to? Heiserloh, Jackson. Is it possible to black out from fear? Can I try to? Yes.

Heisel low, Jackson. You don't. You're too brave. Oh, God. You do eventually black... Oh. No, you don't black out because of pain. You try to hold it still as possible,

but the screaming cannot be stopped. I'll get this back, yeah? At the end? The elf affixes an eye patch to you. It's done. Will I get it, Papa? Will I get it back when you get the gold? Of course.

That's alright then. They put a black bag over your head. You're turned loose Kind of where they've carriage crashed into you There is the wreckage of the two carriages But not much else You're just on the street What am I doing? Who am I heading to?

The savers, that's right That's where I'm going A groggily So you've got one lung, one eye and no soul And no ear Oh yeah and you're deaf Yeah I'm deaf in one ear Jesus, Greg Pierce getting taken apart Wrogly. So you've got one lung, one eye, and no soul. And no ear. Oh, yeah, and you're deaf. Yeah, I'm deaf in one ear.

Jesus. Greg Pierce getting taken apart piece by piece. Greg Pierce probably has a lot of venereal diseases, too. I can imagine. Oh, yeah, but, like, I had them before. None of that's new. I'll head to the Sabres, then. All right. Head to the two people I know, whoever they are.

The people that I was like, hey, can I join? And they were like, no. I mean, I know I'm not looking great, but surely. You get there in a very sorry state. Oh, incidentally, you take four points of damage. Losing an eye. Not much. But I guess it's surgery, so.

That would kill a regular man. This is no regular man. That's something, I guess. You get in there. What do you say to the knights and paladins who you meet at first? Do you mean the ones at the gate or the ones that I want to talk to? Yeah, like at the entrance to the fort.

To me, Greg Pierce, I have some vital information that I think will benefit you. I don't know if you remember, but I was trying to get in, trying to join the Lady Willow, the religion here. Yeah, one of them knows about you.

You're brought before the Paladin Commander. She's sitting at a desk, looks up as you get in. You notice that her office here, if you will, is derelict of any sort of personal effects. The entire thing looks very sterile. Like, well, obviously, Greg Pierce does not know what a thing looks very sterile. Like, well, obviously Greg Pierce does not know what a hospital looks like, but imagine a hospital.

What was her name again? Evelyn Plain. Paladin Commander Plain. I know the location of the weapon. I've discerned it. We are also aware of the location? Do you know that the gnomes and the orcs and the dwarves

and possibly even a militia are going to be charging that keep tonight in hopes of collecting that weapon? So a bluff? Yes. Oh yes, a bluff. Gotta make it seem more, you know... She narrows her eyes at you. Oh damn.

Well that's what I've heard Might be less Might be just the Nomes Have a seat Oh god I sit down I had one job piss She stands up

Utters a prayer To Lady Willow Right Do you identify it? Yeah it's a prayer for a zone of truth Oh fuck I'm not great in these. They make my skin itch.

Alright. So, you feel a compulsion to tell the truth. You know, if you open your mouth, you will be forced to tell the truth. You do not, however, have to answer. Just be aware of that. She sits down. Oh, you can't stretch the truth or bend the truth.

If you say anything, it's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So help you, Lady Willow. She sits down. Why are you here? I'm here to tell you about a plan. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. You've opened your mouth now. You thought you could get around it, but you couldn't.

So please tell the whole truth. All right. Do I have to give every detail? You don't have to give every detail. Hang on, let me read the exact letter. Surely you could just say, I'm here to convince you to attack the king. Yeah, yeah. You can't even try to.

Because that's the truth. That is the truth. Or can I not omit anything? Creatures with the emanation area can't speak deliberate... They cannot speak deliberate or intentional lies. Okay. Each potentially affected creature is a lie. Affected creatures are aware of the enchantment.

Therefore, they may avoid answering questions which they are normally scrummed. They may... They... Oh, actually, they may be evasive as long as they remain within the boundaries of the tree. All right, yeah, so that's okay. I came here to convince you to attack Eaton's Keep. Are the dwarves, gnomes, and orcs attacking tonight? No, maybe the gnomes.

Why are you trying to deceive me? I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Fair point. Highs or lows? Highs. I'm going to get you to roll this, because this is if your shirt is open enough for her to notice. Oh, boy. So, you said highs.

What did you get? 54. 54? I think you're fine. Oh, thank God. All right. I need the weapon so that I think you're fine. Oh, thank god. Alright. I need the weapon so that I may

join this religion. I was hoping that you could provide assistance in that goal. It's not the truth. None of it's a lie. It's just clever omitting. I wish to marry one of your

own. To what end do you want to marry her what is that even what to what end to marry her do you love her I hope to grow to love her that's not a lie that's not a lie

but that's not like like it's not like she's, you know, oh, well, in that case. That's still what I say. You're a very untrustworthy man. I'm slippery. People have described me as slippery. All right. Yes.

When do you need us to attack? Midnight, tonight. Midnight. That's very short notice. I cannot promise we'll get that done I will begin preparations If we cannot Get it done by midnight I will let you know

And furthermore I see that you're wounded Can you lift the eye patch please I pop it open That's quite disgusting It was awfully That's why you lift the eye patch, please? I pop it open. That's quite disgusting. It was awful. That's why we have the eye patch.

Wow. I feel like the eye patch was an obvious thing to cover that up. I mean, if it wasn't disgusting, I mean, we would win. That's sort of on you. Really? I was hoping you would be missing that eye. What if I told you we could replace it? All right, yeah, deal. Oh, Jesus.

You're fucked. You're so fucked. Well, we need a way to contact you and because I don't trust you, I want to be able to see what you see. Oh, Jesus.

Chuck it in. I'll wear a wire. She snaps her fingers and a cleric enters and a cleric and another paladin enter. Should have borrowed my cleric vestments and pretended to be a priest, you idiot. All three of them begin a ritual to summon a phantom eye that they are going to plant into your head.

You will not be able to see through the eye, but they will be able to see through the eye. Right. The eye will not, you will have no sensation through the eye. The eye will not You will have no sensation through the eye But you will not Blink for longer than Absolutely necessary to make it look like It's a real eye

I know that you Do not need to blink that eye So if I hear Or I see any untowardness By god You will not be able to hide from us We will see what you see See what you see, but can they hear what he hears?

Or is this a sight thing? That's unless Greg Beers asks So is it like full all senses or just vision? We can pick vision or hearing One or the other Oh, you can choose as you go We can switch as well, yes Right, right

And at the end of this, I'm part of the religion, yeah? Obviously, both of us are aware that you have no intention of practicing under Lady Willow. We will, for the sake of your convenience, tell everyone

that we believe you might be a convert. Excellent. Alright, that sounds like a fair deal. You got Greg Pierce. That's pretty good for you guys. Yeah. That's kind of 50-50. Everyone's sort of with...

Encourageable. They complete the ritual and plant your false eye in. Gross. All right. Unfortunately, it's electric blue. They cannot. Also, it's just a single, like, glove that is electric blue. So, how am I going to explain this?

Tell them you have a glass eye. Alright, but if that goes sour, it's on you. I feel like people will believe that the halflings took your eye from you. Yeah, right, what, and then gave me a glass eye? You got the glass eye yourself. Alright, it just seems like a lot to swallow. You're good at lying, it comes second nature to you. You'll convince me.

That's true. All right. You've got yourself a deal. All right. I will let you know whether or not we'll be able to attack at midnight. You'll know by no later than 11. We don't know this. They set you loose.

All right. I'll head back to the cop shop then. That's the name of the place. Absolutely. Cops aren't a thing, but it's called the cop shop. No, it's the cop shop because it's C-O-P-P-E shop, like the old cop shop. The cop is shoppy. You've got to cop it.

Yeah, you've got to cop it. You've got to cop the law. Yeah, cop the law. Welcome to the cop shop. The shop where you cop the law. You all reconvene at the cop shop? Did I do anything with the dwarves? Oh, right.

Fuck. Sorry. It went swimmingly. Good. It was great. You're best of friends. Ha, thank God. As you approach one of the dwarven ships, it turns to face you.

Some ballastay on the side of the ship are vaguely aimed in your direction. I'm like, really? I'm a halfling on an upside down boat and you're aiming that at me? Why? They probably can't hear you when they start just seeing a halfling just ranting and waving his arms like what come on i'm not having a good day by the time you're basically next to the ship a stocky dwarf leans over the side arms folded with a big smile on his face, you actually recognize his face.

And Captain De Silva calls out to you saying, Well, what are you doing there, little boy? Captain De Silva! Arms outstretched like a baby reaching up for his dada. He's like, Captain De Silva, help me up! The dwarves lower like a net sort of thing that you can clamber onto and they haul you up. Oh, fuck! Oh, that's cute.

How are you, man? Captain De Silva is as flamboyant as ever. Instead of his regular hat, though, he's wearing some sort of official kind of looking dwarven navy hat. But his clothing is just as colourful as it was before. Holy shit, Captain De Silva, how are you? How have you been? Man, I haven't seen you in an age captain de silver leads you to his like personal quarters you sit down he like he probably

like offers you a change of clothes if you want thank you i'm very sad i recently lost a friend you are dressed very flamboyantly that is good for me perfect for sneaking into a castle every article of clothing is a different fluoro color that's good what are you doing here captain silver explains to you that quite a while ago like a couple years ago he um started working with the dwarven merchant company he hasn't been home since still hasn't been home he hasn't been home in a long time he you. But he's instead now working for a kind of like a subsidiary of one of the dwarven clans. They offered him a

pretty sizable check for his services. I like that he remembers me. That's so good. But I feel like Captain De Silva's also the kind of person that remembers everyone he meets. Oh, you guys are like drinking pretty heavily. De Silva insists. He tells you it's good for someone who's been wet.

He hasn't changed. Alright, I keep drinking. I'm half drowning my sorrows and half like, he seems quite happy. He's like, I lost a friend, but an old friend. He seems quite happy with everything. Things are going really well for him. He's been on the up and up pretty steadily.

His life's completely turned around. When you first met him, he had one ship. Now he's a Commodore. He's no longer Captain De Silva anymore. He's Commodore De Silva. Commodore De Silva. He explains to you, probably, I assume, asked why the dwarves are here. They normally come here around this time every year.

They'd heard or they were aware that the orcs had taken the docks because they saw orcish ships in the dock. But they didn't know, they didn't really know or care what's happening in Jaren's outpost. They were just there to try and free up the dock so that they could resume trading. Well, the thing is I try to fill in as much about Jaren's outpost

just the lay of the land. Like, oh, this faction, this faction, all gone, all fallen to shit and basically, Eaton, the kind of crazy motherfucker, he basically got a dragon, a thing that I'm after. And so we're trying to get that, and ideally, hopefully, for tonight. And basically, if you could help us out, that'd

be just great. Captain DeSilver gives you a very pained expression. Unfortunately, lad, the ships are, well, I command them, but they're not really mine. I have permission to do, permission to act within a certain boundary, but there's only so much I can do. And I'm working under a flag now, one of the dwarven clans,

and dwarves are very isolationist. One of our biggest sort of, well, orders is that we're not allowed to, not allowed to interfere with local politics. And I feel this is very close to local politics. Potentially, but... I can wrangle you some things, but there's only so much we can do. All right, well, what can you wrangle me? What can you?

Well, we're allowed to fight orcs wherever we see them. So, say, for example, maybe I see some orcs traveling along near where the keep is. We fire our catapults. No one's going to think twice about that. Well, that just so happened because I'm pretty sure maybe that keep is full of orcs. Well, in that case, I think we'd have to shell that place till it wasn't standing anymore. I think that'd be a pretty good idea. Get rid of all them orcs.

Wow. That's definitely something I'd have to do. Yeah, that be a pretty good idea. Get rid of all them orcs. Wow. That's definitely something I'd have to do. Yeah, that's a pretty good idea. Commodore to Sylvie, just shell that place around about midnight when the orcs would be sleeping. That might be all that I can do, though. I think that's more than enough. Alright.

And if you could help me just overturn the boat, that'd be also real good. Ah, that boat's full of holes. You don't want that one? Eh, maybe we lose a boat. That'd be also real good. Ah, that boat's full of holes. You don't want that one. Yeah, maybe we lose a boat. Ah! Yay! We have a boat! We get a boat with maybe, like, weapons on it, too. Man, after so many things bad that happened

to you, this is great. It's good. You gonna be scaling that wall? We will be scaling that wall. You'll need a ballistae to fire that grappling hook. Yes, we would need a ballistae. Yeah, maybe we lose one of them as well. This is the most contiguous part. So it means that bad things are around the corner.

Probably only for me. You have, like, another drink. It's getting kind of late. You probably have to be eventually like, all right, all right, we need to hurry this up. We've got to hurry this up. That's good. Fan bloody-tastic. You

stumble a little bit out of Captain De Silva's office. I'm like, hey, meat pie, you'd never... Oh, that was so... My heart. You're breaking it. I quietly get into the boat. Pour one out

for our homie meat pie. So sad. Maybe I'll get a seagull this time. Oh, daddy boy. The pie. Sorry. Yes. A balustrade, a smaller one, but one that you can attach a rope to the bolt, is sort of fixed into a boat, roughly so that it can be kind of fired from the boat.

You're given some basic instructions on how to operate a ballastay, because you probably don't know how, and just in case your friends don't know how either, they lower two boats down, one with a bunch of dwarves in it, one with you and the Ballistae. The dwarves are going to tow you into shore because it's a bit of a hassle for you to row that boat. Meeting Commodore to Silver was the best thing that's happened to us this whole game. And the dwarves row you back to shore.

Where do you want to be? What would be the most strategic to kind of be so we can get there? Would it be near Tegelai? Near Tegelai is where you're like near your strongest allies. I would say, yeah, near little Tegelai. Near Lighteye. And, yeah, we'll go from there. And then I'll go tell the boys the good news.

I just had a brilliant plan. Can I acquire paper and pen? How are you going to fuck? You certainly can. I would like to write out of eyeshot from my eye, looking up, pretend to stab me, and then remove my eye

and throw it away. And I'm going to hand it to Leo when I see him. Like we're being watched. Pretend to kill me. Pop my eye out. What is this going to do? Well then the sabers are like damn

Greg I'm faking my own death. It's good but we can't afford them to confirm. As if that's going to last. It'll last long enough. We need them to attack the base. We'll wait till after that but that's my plan. I feel like the dwarves shelling the shit out of it would be enough. We need them to attack the base now. Well, we'll wait till after that, but that's my plan. Although I feel like the dwarves shelling the shit out of it would be enough. Potentially, but then a dragon might come down.

So look, we want a lot of pandemonium is all. But when the time comes, that's what we're doing. Okay. I gotta fake my death from the sabers. Or I just marry the girl. What are you gonna do? Then the blood cults still have your soul. Yeah, well, we'll sort that out. When the time comes, I'll cross that bridge. just marry the girl then the blood cult still have your soul yeah yeah well let's let that

happen when the time comes i'll cross that bridge so the three of you plus a bunch of hangers on excuse me they're they're good friends are are finally able to reconvene at your local tavern right is it that a pre-arranged location i assume old. The old cup bar. Old coffee bar. Right, coffee bar. The old El Cop Tavern. Does my eye look different? Well, what's your original eye colour? Bright green.

One of your eyes is a regular-looking bright green, and one of them is an apt piss yellow. Do we even notice his eyes are fucked, or do we not care? He's just like alcohol poisoning, I guess. His yellow eye is looking around completely like without... You know what? Can I get an eye patch? Sure. Yeah, I'll just eye patch it.

Well, no, but if you eye patch it, then they can't see anything. Sabers are mad at you. Oh, fuck. Well, it's a doomed if you do, doomed if you don't, whatever. An eye patch is probably hard to find. Plus, then you'll be like anything amiss about his eye. No, we know. It's moving around.

It's moving around. I can't. There's a guy next to you whose eye is independently. It's pulling a mad eye moody. Yeah. All right. That's fucking weird. That's strange.

What's up with your eye, great piss? Why is it doing weird shit like that, mate? I thought you had green eyes. Can I try and mime below my eye I've been bugged by the sabers? I'll show you because I've just thought of it then. All right, go on. Point at myself. Then I do a little pretend bug.

And then I do like a saber, like the sword. So here's some flaws in your idea there already. So you, Greg Pierce, a person living in basically medieval times, what is a bugging someone? Shit. Also, I'm not very smart, so I wouldn't notice it. You can, however, with the roll of the die, attempt to explain. I don't want to give you some information or suggest something for

your character, but why don't you cast Whisper? Ah, shit. I can do that. Or just even Message. Yeah, Message is the one I thought. Actually, I'll just cast Message. It's fine. I don't need to mind me. I'll cast Message and I'll be like, right. Saber's

that eye. What I've got in my head, it's not mine. I say Saber's eye. No, you don't say, Greg eye, what I've got in my head, it's not mine. It's a sabers eye. No, you don't say, Greg. It looks so real. Oh, whisper is a, the spell is a whispered conversation at a distance. Message? Message. It's a whispered conversation at a distance.

Sorry. Ah, so the sabers will hear you. The sabers will still be able to hear. Could hear. I'll risk it. All right. I'll explain. Yeah. Sabers, that's not my eye. That's a sabers eye. You're having to look at everything that I do risk it. All right. I'll explain. Yeah. Sabres, that's not my eye.

That's a sabre's eye. You're having to look at everything that I do. Right? So best behaviour, boys. And they're going to help. Yeah. But they can see everything we're doing right now. Well, yeah.

Look, can we put him in a barrel? Was it my choice? Yes. Are you good at lying? No. Yeah, you're pretty good at lying. I'm amazing at lying. I don't see why we couldn't put him in a barrel? Was it my choice? Yes. Are you good at lying? Yeah, you're pretty good at lying. I'm amazing at lying. I don't see why we couldn't put him in a barrel.

Oi, oi, oi, lads, lads, lads. I feel like it would be safer to put him in a barrel than... Periwinkle, your practiced bullshit detector is going off. Oh, so they're definitely going to help us, Greg. Well, that's... Look, that's what they said. It's never a promise. Understand that as I had my eye taken out, it was

under duress. They said the words, we will help you, Greg. I'm not believing this, am I? Your bullshit detector is like fucking five alarm calling out five alarm chili calling out. Five alarm chili.

Five alarm chili calling out that something spicy is going on. Greg, because we've known one another for, I don't know, 24 hours now. Right, yeah. I'm going to give you one more chance. I'm going to ask you one question. You just have to give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down because you compromised. What? give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down because you compromised.

Right. If I'm not happy with the answer that I get, I may put you in that barrel over there and just throw you in the water. Right. Of course. All right. Now, did they say they would help us with our attack? They did say that they would help, but they didn't guarantee it because it's going to take them a while to get their resources together. So instead of giving

a thumbs up or a thumbs down, I give like that wavy hand shake. It's just wonderfully unclear. Alright. I'm not going to put you in a barrel. Alright. Now. Good to. Maybe later. Harry Winkle? Can we have just a quick sidebar? Sure.

I'm going to chat to the cops. Don't arrest him. You have very little to talk with him about. A lot of them don't like you. You slept with Goggles' brother. And his wife. And his mother. Same day.

Same four hour period. You slept with every day of the week. Including Thursday. Twice. All right, what do you want? Right. What's up? So we're going to get this weapon.

Now, you want it for a reason. Now, look, I'm sure that Greg Pierce, we don't know. Look, we can't trust him. And look, I know that you'd have no reason to. He's definitely going to betray us at some point in the next two hours. I like to imagine you're like, we look at Greg Pierce, you're like, look, I'm just like eating a pickled egg in front of one of the guys.

We're like, how many can you put in? How many can you put away? So look, I know you know that I would, I know you have doubts of where I would lie with the connection with Little Little. I trust you more than I trust him, but that doesn't... I know you have doubts of where I would lie with the connection with... Trust you more than I trust him, but that doesn't mean I trust you. Fair. And look, I will promise you right now that I won't try to backstab you,

betray you, grab the weapon and run. I promise I won't if you agree before you do anything with your weapon to at least meet with Papa Little-O before you decide to do whatever it is with the weapon because Papa Little-O while he wanted this he also said if he can't get it to destroy it however I think if we can convince him to be like you don't get it but whoever you give it to maybe Papa Little-O maybe we can find an alliance and strengthen our family ties.

So, just a meeting with Little Low. You don't have to promise anything, and I promise that I will make sure that Greg Piss doesn't fuck us over. Or at least I'll try and stop him from fucking us over. I was going to say, can you actually promise us that... He's a slippery one. He is a slippery little piss. Blop. Blop.

Blop. You finished the jar of pickles. Just to meet with Little O and see what he says and what he wants to do. And if I don't like what he says, I can walk away. Well, yeah, that'd be the agreement with Little O, and I will try to make that, and I will try and see if he will honour that agreement. But just so it saves my neck, I think we can just have a meeting and you can

stash the weapon somewhere, it doesn't have to be on your person if we get it, so you can have that insurance. Just open up a dialogue. Alright. I'm open to that. Good. I want to be clear though, if we don't go down that path, I'm not doing a

we'll look after the weapon and we're your friends, gangsters, because I don't roll that way. I, I, whatever Little Lowe wants, that's a conversation with Papa Little Lowe. As long as I've done my job in his eyes, I don't really care what happens. He's happy for it to be potentially

destroyed. He is happy for it to be potentially destroyed, yes. You're a pretty good liar, aren't you? No. I'm terrible. I'm really bad at this. Is he a good liar, Adam? I don't think I am. He's a pretty good liar, but you think he's on the board.

Oh, no, no, I believe what he's saying. What I'm saying here is, though, why couldn't you just lie to Littler? Oh, I would never lie to Littler. It's family. You don't lie to family. I tell Buns and Sweatrog that if they're pig guts, they won't grow, which is completely untrue,

because Orc kids just grow like shit. Yeah, fair. God, how quickly does an orchid outgrow his clove? Like, fuck, that's going to be annoying. Hourly. Presumably orchids don't wear a lot of clothes. You've been to my house. Just like a sack. It's a nice sack.

Yeah, it's a good one. A handmade sack. Yeah, a loincloth. My mum made that, presumably. Only the best hemp. Yeah, with like a little embroidery on it. It's very sweet. So made that, presumably. Only the best hemp. Yeah. With like, you know, a little embroidery on it.

It's very sweet. So you wouldn't lie to Little O and just say that... I wouldn't lie to Little O because what if Little O finds out that I lied to him? What if I say, Little O got destroyed and someone uses the weapon?

I'm fucked. Little O, kill me. If you lied to Little O, for me, I'm bigger than Little O. But Little... Yes, you're very big, but Little O is... got a lot of connections and I'm bigger than Little O Yes you're very big But Little O is

Got a lot of connections I'm bigger than Little O And so are all these guys Yeah but Little O is the member of The Little O family You guys are spending a lot of time doing this This is going down tonight You know that right

You know how big the family is You don't want to fuck the family I'm over to a conversation If is? You don't want to fuck the family. I'm open to a conversation if you promise you don't fuck me over. And do your very best to stop him from doing it. That's going to be a hard one.

Alright. You're alright mate. Colin sucks you in the gut. I vomit up a lot of egg that I was just keeping in my cheeks. Wow, you ruined the fun, Colin, didn't you? Colin has a very dour look on his face. Colin, you can punch him as much as you like when tonight is over.

Colin gives you a look like you're going to get arrested tomorrow. We're good to go, team. Eight nags and a crime. Yes. Yep. Yep. We've got the boat. Dwarves are going to provide some cover,

and the sabres are going to attack the front gates. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. The town guard will hopefully also, or town militia will hopefully also provide you guys some distraction.

Basically attacking from all fronts. Now, here's the options. Do you want my men to help us break in, or do you want my men to go just smash some shit and drag people away? What do you think? Maybe. They'd be happy to break in and help us out. They're good people.

Like I said, some with us and some away to do some other shit. I think maybe half and half split the team. So, like, some have a distraction, some help us, because I'm guessing Eaton's got probably a lot of defences. Alright then. I'll tell my men half of them will be on distraction, the other half will help us break in.

How many are a couple days away from retirement? Two. Both the Thursdays. They're coming with me on the actual real hard mission Because they'll be safe Yeah, you gotta look after them That's how it goes down He's bought a boat called the Freedom

He's expecting his third grandchild this week That's Thursday T, not Thursday R Will Thursday R ever get to sail the freedom? Will Thursday T get to see his grandchild? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening.

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