D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #12 Shadowboxing

Episode Date: August 8, 2017

In which our heroes are fighting for the weekend. Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk. Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show? Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.com Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradio Podkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.com USB Tapes: audiobooksontape.com Merch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Want to get in contact with us? Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.com Facebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadio Reddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradio Or individually at; Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetype Jackson: twitter.com/Alldogsaredead Handsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreed Zammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, from a broken childhood to your iPod. Howdy! Want a brand new adventure where we all play as woodland animals? Course you do, you're not an idiot. Just head to sandspantsradio.podkeep.com and for as little as absolutely nothing, you can. All proceeds go to PSC Support UK, so help support a great cause while listening to our hot delicious nonsense. Welcome to Chapter 12 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Earlier... Did you know that you're a warehouse bird, Dan?

Is that a fact? It's probably that bastard Shane. You know he's a were-rat. Pick one of his eyes. Anything. How about anything? What do you want? You want gold? The weedy little elf leans over you and says, If you don't hold still... Fuck me, Adam! Is it possible to black out from fear? Can I try to? If you don't hold still... Get the fuck me out of here. Is it possible to black out from fear?

Can I try to? It's a prayer for a zone of truth. Oh, fuck. I'm not great in these. They make my skin itch. I need the weapon so that I may join this religion. I was hoping that you could provide assistance in that goal. It's not the truth.

None of it's a lie. It's just clever omit. And because I don't trust you, I want to be able to see what you see. Chuck it in. I'll wear a wire. You actually recognize his face and Captain De Silva calls out to you saying, well, what are you doing there, little boy?

Captain De Silva! Maybe I see some orcs travelling along near where the keep is. We fire our catapults. No one's going to think twice about that. Well, that just so happened because I'm pretty sure maybe that keep is full of orcs. Greg piss. We don't know. We can't trust him.

I know you'd have no reason to... He's definitely going to betray us at some point in the next two hours. I like to imagine you're like, we look Greg piss. You're like, look, I'm just eating a pickled egg. Periwinkle. The map you got with your little bundle is just a more detailed map of the... The eaten spot? Yeah, Damien Eaton area.

And it's got kind of like attached with it a vague map just hand-drawn from the commander himself of the inside of the castle where you might want to go, that vault downstairs. Well, we have a map and a map and a map. You got three maps? You got two maps. A map of the inner area.

Oh, yeah, and a map of the vault. The castle, yeah. The castle itself. There's no map of the vault, just where it is. All right. We're doing this? Yes. When are your guys attacking?

My... What? I believe we probably organized a time with the dwarves. Is that time now? I want to say probably like midnight or an hour. I believe it was midnight. Is it now midnight? The plan was to have the dwarves knock down a section of wall

and go in through there. Yeah, and them to provide like to kind of shell the shit out of the... They're also giving us entry and also running distraction, too. Yeah. All right. You all assemble out on the beach. It's a cold night.

The waves... The only sound right now you can hear is the waves gently lapping against the shore. And in the distance, maybe you imagine you can hear the gentle creaking of the dwarven fleet. Suddenly, the Dark Knight is pierced by several bright, fiery lights, as massive fire pots launched from catapults on the dwarven ships suddenly streak from the sea up against the walls of the city.

They explode in massive, fiery balls of destruction, caving away large parts of the wall. The shelling begins, and on the other side of the city, far away from you, you can hear the distant rumblings of people screaming and possibly combat. Time to scarp, lads. Let's get in the boat. and possibly combat. It can only be good. Time to scarper, lads. Let's get in the boat. After a solid maybe 15 minutes of shelling,

a part of the wall crumbles away enough that you guys could, if you want, attempt to scale it. Yeah. It's only a short climb. We've got that harpoon in the boat, so we can aim that at the... Yes. Yes, yes, yes. We have the grappling hook

gun. The grappling hook crossbow machine. Yes. A harpoon gun that fires a grappling hook. Yeah. A big one. A big one. With a solid clinking sound, the harpoon gun, or the grappling hook, connects with

the top part of this caved-in wall, and you can feel the rope go taut when you pull it. Who's going to climb first? After you, lads. I'll nimbly climb up. Into the drain. Splash. Shark gets you.

We've fought. Oh, dear. So my theory is I'll send you go first. I'll send two militia behind you. I'll go. No, Greg, you're going in front'll send two militia behind you. I'll go. No, Greg, you're going in front of me.

Then I'm going, then I'm sending the rest of the militia. Oh, Leo, you're on the wall or over the wall. I should say. Cool. You're in that.

Um, if you look at the map, there's like a little courtyard there. You're near to your right hand side are a bunch of buildings. One of them is a big blacksmithy. A bunch of them are storage places. Some stables as well. To your right looms the large

fort. Any horses in the stables? Just going to scarp off? No, it's going to have a distraction. Ah, clever. Set up. Open the stables. You see no horses in the stables. Anything around us, by the way? There's no people. One dickhead been just staring at us, been like, what?

There were no guards on the wall. No, there were no guards on this section of the wall. Oh, that's why they're on the other sections where we're running distractions. Yeah, you were told as well, like, information you had is they're barely able to keep the walls manned. There's not a lot of people in here. Right. If you, like, scan around the fort looking for

any entrances, they all seem boarded shut, or closed, or locked. There's no easy entrance. Yeah, head towards the fort unseen, I guess, or try to make myself unseen as possible. Selfie way forward. And try to inspect some of the...

Did you tell us the map where there might have been an entrance for the keep? I assume we've studied both maps. Yeah. Was there a particular entrance we were meant to be taking? You might have, in your course of studying it, you found no particularly good

entrances. You figured that once you were there, you might just scan the place and look for an obvious way in. But there doesn't seem to be any obvious places from where you are. You'd have to do like a lap or just... Try and unlock the door. Lockpick that shit. How they bought it up. I have an unlock and spell if you want it too, by the way.

Windows are... Is that limited? Can I use it more than once? I think it's a knock spell as a once. So maybe we'll save it for the vault. The lower level windows have just been bricked up with shittily, but with mortar and brick. So it doesn't look like they're easy entrances.

The doors all just look like they're barred shut. The large massive gate that's the entry, the main entryway in, has the portcullis, the crusty metal bit. Yeah. And the massive wooden doors beyond it

also look barred. Any upper level windows look like they might just be shuttered closed. So very easy to break open, but it's climbing up there as well. Alright. Next is Greg Pierce, is it? Two of my guys and Greg Pierce. Oh, it's your two guys first?

Yeah. Both of the Thursdays, I think you said? You know, the Thursdays came... So, hang on. Half of them went and did Distraction. So, Colin Goggles Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday went to Distraction. So, two Thursdays. Saturday, Sunday, and Ian AIM came with us.

Fantastic. Wait, hang on. So, Saturday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Ian. Yeah. Colin's in the B team. Yeah. Oh, right, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Ian. Yeah. Colin's in the B team. Yeah. Oh, right, yeah. Because I couldn't bring him with you.

Now that's fair. Thursday, Thursday, get over the wall. Then Greg Pierce. Yep. GP. Greg Pierce is over with some difficulty. And I'm right behind him. All right.

Got to be on my trail. Pierce, you fall in among the two Thursdays. Leo isn't anywhere to be seen. Maybe he's skulked off or something like that. Both the Thursdays are just lying in wait for presumably Leo to get back. Rightio. I'll look around, see if I see any sneaky entrances, any way into the fort from where I am.

You basically get the same information that I gave Leo. Every lower level entrance looks barred or bricked up. The upper level ones look easier to get to, but climbing up to them, or easier to get through, I should say, not to. Any drain pipes, like up to the window? I'm just, that's how I get down after sleeping with a man's wife. There wouldn't be drainage pipes on a castle.

Oh, right. Yeah, not fair. That's just like, oh. I didn't have plumbing. Getting down from a window, easy. With your half ogre, half ogre, half orc strength, you easily scale the wall. Damn straight I do. You're with Pierce and the two Thursdays.

And then. Saturday, Sunday and Ian. Saturday, Sunday. Yeah Ian. Saturday, Sunday. Yeah, they're all with you. Right. I'm going to say, you can just decide what they do from here. Because I can't be bothered trying to be six people. That's fine.

That's fair enough. By the time that Saturday finally manages to scramble over the wall, Leo, you return, having done a quick circumference around the wall. Leo, you return having done a quick circumvent circumference around the circumnavigation. Yeah, around the castle. There doesn't seem to be any obvious entrance, but there's no guards. Well, you didn't see any guards. So you think that getting into the castle actually might not be

so hard. Right, there's no guards. We can try and climb up to the top, or like the second floor and try and break in there. Or we can try and break into one of these ones a bit harder uh i have a flask of acid will that break like through so if i broke through like the window of like the mortar stuff would that be able to are we then inside how many like layers of the main gate has the portcullis and the two wooden doors there's a uh small servant's entrance

around the back that's a thick heavy looking wooden around the back. That's a thick, heavy-looking wooden door. You'd think that might be the easiest way in if you wanted to break in ground floor. So you want to go in the ground floor, and then that way we make sure that there's nothing below us to chase us. Yeah, let's go to the servant's entrance. Sneaking up the back, yeah. Right. Sounds good. Okay.

We're going to use the same entrance to go out again? Or top story, or whatever. Well, that's... Leave it in the sea? Maybe. All right. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Can I tell Ian to stand and guard the door? So top story? Whatever. Well, that's... Maybe. Alright. Cross that bridge when you come to it. Can I tell Ian to stand and guard the door? So Ian peels off and he's just going to skulk around

the outside and give you guys a heads up if he sees anyone coming. Cool. On your way in, you're a good bloke. Do I need to use my acid flask to break through the servant's entrance? You could just try picking the lock. I'll try picking the lock. Fair.

I could throw a great press at the door. Hey. I'm very squishy. It's not going to do you any good. The lock seems incredibly complicated. You start trying to mess with the tumblers, and you're like, where even are the tumblers? What the fuck is this? I'll give it another bell.

You waste 15 minutes getting nothing done. Oh, man. Ah. Then you're just like, oh, it was just dark. Another one of the fire pots rockets overhead to strike somewhere else in this little section of the city. And you're like, oh, I was like, you were putting your lockpicks into the wrong part of the door or something.

Oops. Oops. That happens to the best or something. Oops. Oops. That happens to the best of us, Leo. Just trying to cover that up. Maybe instead of getting into the keyhole, you were, like, trying to jam them in the side of the door. Just the handle. Yeah.

Just the bolts around the handle. Does that not work? You get the door open. It slowly creaks open. The corridor beyond you is very dark. What? All right. I've got dark vision, I think.

Oh, yeah, you switch to dark vision. Everything turns into black and white, but you can see perfectly in darkness. Anything I should be worried about? No, it's not a corridor. It is, in fact, a kitchen or a rear, like, well, probably the storage area for the kitchens. What do you call it? A larder? We're literally in the cook's entrance. Yeah, anyway. We're in the storage area for the kitchens. A, what do you call it? A ladder? We're literally in the cook's entrance. Yeah.

Anyway. We're in the downstairs of the upstairs downstairs. Yeah. Yeah, they have a, there's no, well, there's no food here right now. It looks like they've been burning through their supplies. You're not sure, well, like, maybe you know where the horses went. Ah, delicious. I see.

Horse meat is good. No one's been coming in or going out. Anything useful in this kitchen that we could, like, take with us to assist? Do you want kitchen knives? Nah.

No. Well, other than that. I'm good. I'm punching. Yeah, it's fine. Other than that, you don't, there's not a lot, no.

I'll, uh, there's a door. Yep. Yeah. Leo, you check all the different doors one door forward leads into the the kitchens and beyond the kitchens you can see through an open doorway a great hall where feasts are had you check another door it leads to a corridor with

a lot of different doors and another door so three doors in total leads to a staircase going up right does any of this look familiar from the map that we have so there are a couple different ways you can approach this you can go through the great hall into the main entryway and in the main entryway there are stairs going down into the dungeons but if anywhere is going to be busy it's going to be there yeah but it's the most direct route alternatively you can go to the stairs take the stairs stairs up, go through an upper landing, go down. It's a longer route, but you're less likely to bump into someone. I'm always for less people.

I vote for safety. All right, up we go. Okay. Highs or lows? Highs. I forgot how to do that. He's got cool size. Yeah.

Okay. So you... That means we did okay, I think, based on the nod. The distant sounds of combat begin to start swelling. It looks like the fighting's getting more intense until you hear an awful, tremendous roar. The roar shakes the entire castle. That'd be the dragon.

And for a brief moment... That's good. Dragon's not here. For a brief moment, the sounds of combat stop, but then immediately resume. That's good. That's good. That's fine.

It's not our problem. It's what we wanted. Godspeed, Colin. Godspeed. Hopefully it takes out all the Sabers. Yeah, wow. That'd be nice. That would be actually excellent.

So what's marching order here? Who's first, second, third? I'll be nice. That would be actually excellent. So what's marching order here? Who's first, second, third? I'll be first. I'll just spot the town guard amongst you guys. I think you put me in the middle. I want to be, he's in the middle and I'm close to him. All right. Because I trust Leo.

I do. I trust Greenpeace. I might scarper it any second. How passly looking for traps? Because I'm assuming Eden would have trapped us, yeah? What do you? That's worthwhile checking But you're right, probably

Is he that paranoid? Do you trap the place that you're sieged in? I feel like not Well, if you're paranoid A shadow lands behind Leo Before you're able to do anything You feel a blade at your back Oh shit

Combat begins. Oh shit, we're fighting a shadow. Stupid looking for traps. Oh, that's unfortunate. Forgot to look for people. Shit. Ah, I gotta always forget to bring these decks out. I guess I gotta crit against me.

Oh, you're in trouble. There goes my liver. Damn it, and I'm at the back of the group. Sorry, Leo. That's alright. There are other two Thursdays. Hey, that's alright. The Thursdays will help you.

They are nebulously around, you guys. I'm a healthy boy. I've got so many hit points. I have a full hit point of... It's got to be in the teens yet. He has no hit points. Ventilated. Double damage and 2d6 non-lethal damage. Fuck me, what?

You become ventilated. What does that even mean? Full of holes? Full of holes, yeah. Oh, jeez. Air holes. Air holes make you quicker. Hey, yeah.

It punctures your lungs, I guess. You have to do the rest of the episode like that. And then, what are these ones? We're going to go and find a wand. It's going to go guys.

Do we need to put a pen in your throat while they're doing the movies? Yeah, let's three-track theotomy. What bad,

what was that I watched the other day where they do that to someone in like a TV show and it's just like none of them have the skill set to do it

and they just fuck it up like terribly that's great that's just filling a person's neck with a pen yeah yeah that's how I probably

end up doing it on the street someone would joke give me a knife slash pen I guess you're just going to cut open

the neck let the air in that's what this person's doing and then like it just cuts to them like sitting outside in the ambos of a ride, and you're just like, why did you do that?

He didn't need that. He had something stuck in his throat. Leo, you take 12 points of lethal damage, and then 5 points of non-lethal damage. Ouch. Then, who was up the back? Periwinkle, were you up the back? No, I'm in the middle with him.

It's Saturday and Sunday. That's unfortunate for them. My boys. Don't be killing my boys, Adam. How many of these shadow men are there? How many shadow men are there, Adam? What's a shadow man? Do I see them in my cool night vision?

You hear an awful gurgling sound from behind you. Oh, no. And you hear Sunday cry out in terror. Turning around, Periwinkle, you see Saturday jerking uncontrollably as a shadow with wicked claws that look like daggers starts slashing out his throat from behind.

Saturday, oh wait, wait, which one was calling out in agony? Saturday. Saturday. So it was Sunday who's being slashed because he can't call out at all. Sunday collapses. Oh no So it's Sunday who's being slashed because he can't call out at all. Sunday collapses. Oh, no. Sunday! Oh, shit.

Oh, it's Sunday. Oh, shit. I'm angry now, and that was a bad idea, Shadow Bitch. Heal Sunday. Can you punch a shadow? You can damn well try. Can you stab a shadow? Can you fight a shadow? I mean, you can stab a shadow? Can you fight a shadow?

I mean, you can stab a shadow, but does it do damage? Does it do damage to you? Because I can stab a shadow, but I don't know what that is. As in, Zamit can stab a shadow. Periwinkle, you're shocked. You've never seen such awful, wicked magic before. Unfortunately, you're frozen in place. You'll be going last in the initiative turn.

Leo, your quick thinking springs into action. Do I know what the hell this is? You have heard of dark magics that can make a shadow sentient? It's possible that that's what this is. The shadow creature is forever linked to whatever it's a shadow of. The person who loses their shadow just gets fucked. Like, no one willingly gives up their shadow.

Man. So it's not Aiden's shadow, it's clearly the shadows of the people he's keeping locked up in his castle. Possibly like a prisoner, yeah, has, quotation marks, donated their shadow to create this foul beast. Do they look like horses?

No, they look vaguely like people. So I know that this will... If I kill this shadow, we hurt this shadow? If you kill the shadow, you're going to kill the person as well. I don't know that information, do I? No, you don't. Good. Even if I did.

Whatever. Oh, no. I'm just going to be like, I'm so sorry. And then try and stab with... How do my daggers work again? The venom is once a day, and the thunder is all the time? What are they called under your... Dagger of venom, dagger of thundering.

Thundering is constant, venom is once a day. So I'll just stab with the thundering and then not using the venom. Not using the venom. I'm so sorry. Look, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, man.

That's life. I'm gonna look at you and I've got my back to you and I'm just looking horrified at my dead friend and my dying other friend who's

No, he's alive. He's just freaking out. One's freaking out. One's dying. I can't remember which one we killed. Are there two shadows? The Weekend Brothers. The Weekend Brothers. One, they might not be alive. He's just freaking out. One's freaking out. One's dying. Are there two shadows? It's the Weekend Brothers. The Weekend Brothers.

They're such bloody animals. They live for the weekend. They are the weekend. They are the band. The Weekend. He's got that hair. Alright. Learning your lesson very quickly,

you jump backwards and you don't hit with your first blade. Your first blade you kind of just use more as like a guard against future attacks. You're going to get guarded strike, so you get plus four to your AC for one round. Nice. Your other blade, with a flick and a snick, you get deep into the creature's belly. You hear it cry out in agony. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. I don't want to.

I don't mean to. The shadow disperses as your blade slashes through it. Somewhere deep in the castle, you hear a moan. Damn. Got him. Good work. Greg, peace is done. Can I cast Lass of Confusion on it? How many are there? Got him. Then it is Greg Peace's turn. Can I cast Lass of Confusion on it?

How many are there? There's two. Well, one now. I'll cast it on the one that's alive. The creature staggers in place on its turn. I'm really annoyed that I'm frozen with fear, but also it's very in character for me as a person. Not that. Evidenced by

earlier today where I refused to turn my head. You're the fainting man. You're a spook boy. That's fine. I'm a spook boy. The creature strikes out at Saturday. Oh, shit. No, no, no, no, no. Not Saturday. Homer's Vogue's weekend, boys.

In one hit. At least the two Thursdays will get out of this And be able to retire On their boat called Freedom and happiness The creature crashes Onto Saturday Making him topple over

And fall onto the ground On Saturday It just starts tearing Ripping and tearing Saturday screams And then stops My bad The two Thursdays Is it my turn now? No the two Thursdays Charge bad. The two Thursdays...

No, the two Thursdays charge in. One of the Thursdays is too dismayed to get a proper hit. He swings, but his attacks are like full of fear, not anger or calculation. The other Thursday, however...

The Thursday T, that second Thursday. He's a much better Thursday. Thursday R. He'd never say it that second Thursday. He's a much better Thursday. Thursday R. You'd never say it to his face, but he's a better Thursday. Oh, is this Thursday R? This is Thursday R. You misjudged. I misjudged my Thursdays.

Thursday R. He does, however, have calculation to his blows. He kicks at the shadow creature, knocking it backwards onto its back, and then stabs downwards once. His blow connects, but he does not kill the creature. It is Periwinkle Stone.

Alright. You killed my friend. You killed my other friend. Can I rip a shadow's head off with my hands? You can certainly try, my good friend. I roar real loud. Just go for its head and try to pull it off with my big, meaty, meaty, meaty hands. Big, meaty, meaty orc hands. It slashes out at you as you try to grab it, dealing five points of damage.

But you grab it. So, five points of damage to you. It's alright. Look, you're a big, tough orc, you can take it. Just rip it. Pull and twist. I don't want to see this back. No.

You pull upwards, twist, you hear a cracking sound from the shadow. Oh, yeah! Awful cracking sound echoing somewhere from below you guys. And then when you tear it off off you hear a moan for another moan from deep within the castle he's used right ah done i win who's thinking that right it might be worthwhile our time go downstairs find where that moaning is coming from kill the others no they're just so that like their shadows don't get us again like oh wait i don't know that that's the case do i no you don't all right oh actually we have no idea what the moan is. I know what the moan is.

Yeah, no. Yeah, well, I say that then. Like, right, so those shadows were like fellas what are downstairs. So if we go downstairs and kill the other fellas just in case there's any more shadow fellas, it's easier to kill a guy who's tied up and had his shadow talk than, like, a shadow.

These are people. This is all I'm thinking. These are people. They don't know. They don't, they, they know. Are they dead because I pulled that guy's head off? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. No, no, they don't need... They don't... Are they dead because I pulled that guy's head off? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's good. No, no. They don't... No. Kill my friend. He doesn't... Killed my friend. Saturday and Sunday are both...

Fucking Leo Shadow. Oh, they're not dead, actually. Saturday... Well, I thought they were dead. Sunday is dead. Saturday... Killed my friend. I just want to try and explain, like, it's sort of...

Someone's taken this against their will and made them do something. This is like bad. This is bad. Saturday is on tenderhooks. I can give him a cure. Oh, do you want to magically? Yeah, why? Why not? Alright, which cure light? I respect you a little bit

more. Yeah, right. Well, I want to kill the fellas downstairs. I want you to listen to me, not bleeding out Leo over here. Not bleeding out Leo, if I want to kill the fellas downstairs. I want you to listen to me, not bleeding out Leo over here. Bleeding out Leo, if I remind you, in the second or first adventure we had was like, let's kill this wizard and take all of his potions or whatever. Wolverine

style. You don't know that, Greg Pierce. All of Saturday's wounds heal over as Greg Pierce puts a hand on him. Probably just like, well, clerics mutter a prayer. Bards sometimes sing a song. Greg Pierce, I imagine, just says, alright, get up then.

Right, you're done, yeah? You're alright. You're alright. Saturday gets to his feet completely fine. Like a little condescending slap on the chin. You knew the risks coming in. Saturday briefly embraces Sunday's lifeless body.

We'll get them. Right. It's eaten. It's the evil wizard. Evil wizard killing. That's what I'm good at. So we're on the top floor. You're on the second floor.

Or the first floor, depending if you're in the UK or the US. We've gone up to the next floor to skirt above where we feel the busier periods are to go down into the dungeon. Yeah. Can we continue unmolested? Excuse me? Can we continue? Oh, yeah, you can. Absolutely.

As you move through, these windows, the windows on this upper level, are not all bricked up. these windows, the windows on this upper level are not all bricked up so you can kind of see sometimes out through cracks or like out through a window, the night sky lit up by a fire pot being held by the gnomish fleet not the gnomish, sorry, the dwarven fleet

every now and then as well you hear another roar tremendous always and it always scares you to your core can we see it dragging out the window? no, you never see it. Everything down there. Is it coming from outside, though? It's outside, yeah, yeah.

Thanks. That's good for now. We keep going. You get to the staircase going down. You start slowly making your way down. Highs or lows? Lows. Lows?

All right. So. blows blows alright so yeah chuckling his voice this means one of us might die oh does anyone

have a light let me have a look I have I have a lantern I have a bullseye lantern do you have it lit I can now I'd assume

yeah I'd assume do halflings have low light vision they have low light vision you've got dark vision you can see in pitch black they need a source of light can I give the light to one of these clowns?

preferably Leo you can operate without the light, it's just very hampering to your vision I would have had the light if I can't see then yeah, but if I can see in dark I probably wouldn't have how does blind fighting help me in this instance, if at all? I would have had the left. If I can't see, then yeah. But if I can see in dark, I probably wouldn't have. But if I can't see... How does blind fighting help me in this instance, if at all? Does that just mean I'm blind until combat starts and then I'm like, oh, right, okay.

No, the way it works is, so when you can't see a person and you attack at them, you have a 50-50 chance of hitting or missing. Yeah, right, yeah. If you miss, you can re-roll once. Okay, yeah, cool. So it gives you a 75% chance instead of a 50% chance. Yeah, right here. If you miss, you can re-roll once. Okay, yeah, cool. So it gives you a 75% chance instead of a 50% chance. Yeah, cool. No, like, first off, yeah,

we've sort of lost any kind of stealth because the shadow people got us, so, like, yeah, no, lantern out. Okay, cool. There you go. Yeah. I can see shit. By the light of the lantern,

you see a puddle of shadow moving along the roof of the staircase towards you guys. Crack my neck, roll my shoulders back, let's do this, boys. Yeah. I'm just going to go

with the same initiative last time. Yeah, let's do this. Whatever. Do you remember whose turn we were up to? Leo's turn. Leo, you go first.

So is it near me? It's coming towards you, streaking towards you at a rapid pace. Can I attack with it or no? It's kind of up on the roof so you could use a ranged weapon if you have one.

Throw my daggers. All right, cool. I have a longbow. Lucky. Yeah, I do. You can only throw one dagger. I'm going to throw my dagger of venom. Venom?

All right, and activate its power or just... No. All right. I also have another ranged weapon. Bees. Your necklace of bees! Yep. I forgot about your beads Oh I got magic

Shit You damn idiot You guys both have magic What can I do? Launch item Scatter spray What is scatter spray doing? No no

Block it No it's not gonna help me Pick an item that's good We have so many bizarre items Okay so Leo You fumbled for your dagger. Can I get your character sheet?

Uh-oh. Instead of your dagger, you accidentally grab your bedroll. And throw your bedroll at the creature. It misses. Take that, dickhead. Greg? Greg? I'll blast the confusion again.

That's fine. Okay. Doesn't seem to have... Well, it doesn't slow them down, so you don't think it's affected it. Their turn. How many? The single mass splits into three masses.

Oh, God. Which launch themselves at you. That's not great. No. Told you we should have killed the ones downstairs, right? What are we doing? into three masses. Oh, God. Which launch themselves at you. That's not great. No. Told you we should have killed the ones downstairs, right? That's what we're doing. That's what we're heading to do.

Well, been quicker about it. Greg, I will punch you. Not when there's shadows to punch. Can I intimidate a shadow? Wait till after and punch me in the eye. You can certainly try. You don't... Well, like, everyone else in the group knows that they're not intelligent. They just follow the

orders of Eaton, so they can't be intimidated. I don't know that. You can certainly try regardless. Yeah, I feel like that's a dumb thing to do. One of them attacks Saturday. No. Again? Yep. He's behind me. Yeah, it

launches over all of your heads And strikes at Saturday Saturday however brings his greatsword up And deflects its blows It's slowly fighting him back up the stairs though Another one attacks Leo No It's awful wicked slashes at you

Unable to penetrate your defence Yes After you threw the bedroll you quickly fumble for your real daggers, and now you're fending it off with the daggers. Not going to be able to sleep, though. Yeah. It's like, ah, I fucked up lockpicking, I threw a bedroll, these guys think I'm an idiot.

You've got a lantern in one hand, Leo. You can drop the lantern, and potentially it breaks, or you could fight with just one dagger. Okay. What do you want to do? Throw the lantern to one of the Thursdays. Yeah. Actually, I'll probably just drop the lantern, to be honest.

Drop the lantern? Highs or lows? Lows. I hope it breaks some things catch fire, because that'll make things exciting. Yes. The stone floor work. There should be flight of the bumblebees playing, right? Did you say highs or lows?

Only when I summon my beast. You're standing at an angle odd enough that when you let go of the lantern, it doesn't really fall. It was kind of already resting on the step below you. You are small. Makes sense. There's not much of a drop. And one of them attacks Periwinkle.

Oh, you just raised your eyebrows. Oh, no. You got critted. You got bloody critted to all get out. Or maybe it got a fumble. No, no. I think it hurt me because his eyebrows went up and they were excited. It leaps forward. Without really thinking about it, you engage your bee gauntlets and just like,

now, push them out in front of you. It launches itself onto your bee gaunt in it was a look of disappointment from Adam be like it's hard to do similar to tell then it is periwinkle stone there's one of them right in front of you you can see shadow leaking out of its chest from the wounds basically my it's like through my fists? It's kind of like on the end of your gauntlets, yeah. I'm assuming I cross them over in a defensive pose, because now what I want to do is

uncross them violently and ripping it apart through the middle. Sure thing. That's mad. Seek. Tear him asunder, as they say. Well, you don't think these shadows are particularly tough, so activating your special ability probably isn't worth it. Yeah, you tear it apart these shadows are particularly tough, so activating your special ability... Yeah, no, I'm not going to activate my stingers. Probably isn't worth it. No.

Yeah, you tear it apart. It dissipates into the various little wisps that make it up. Do we hear another moan? Yeah, from deep below you hear... Like a death rattle. That was less death rattle and more pleasure rattle. Well, I guess they're like, thank God I'm dead. If you pleasure one of the shadows

Does it pleasure the person downstairs? We can find out And you are a lover not a fighter I am a lover not a fighter Saturday kicks the shadow That he is fighting Into your back Periwinkle The creature staggers

You stagger a little bit as well And then Saturday yells Duck! I duck He slashes high Cutting the creature in half It dissipates into wisps We high five

Leo, it's your turn You're face to face with one I'll just stab I'm like, again Just stab with both daggers I'm sorry I'm just ripping things apart I've never killed an innocent man, I lie

Do we pick up on that lie? I feel like we know you're an assassin, don't we? Or a hitman, anyway. You ever put a hit out on an innocent man? No one kills an innocent person. They always got it coming. Very begrudgingly, Leo, with like a heavy heart, you kick

out one of its legs so it falls down, kick its arm so it hits the wall, pin that arm to the wall, and then with your other dagger, you prison shank it. Just like muscle memory. Just muscle memory. Look, that's the way it is.

Just muscle memory. You're a violent man. Stop, stop. It's dead. Enough. For a grease man for a restaurant.. He's dead. Enough. Enough. For a grease man. For a grease man. For a restaurant. Two more awful sighs echo from below you.

They're all dead. You can continue onwards. Right. Let's go. Let's keep going. Downstairs we go. Keep on. Keep on.

Keep on trucking. Well, keep on wagging. Am I seeing anything in my dark vision as we go down the stairs? We're down the stairs now. I picked up my bedroll. As you're charging through, I picked up my bedroll. As you're charging through, Leo casually grabs his bedroll. Just to distract

him. Yeah. Did you not think that's infinitely larger than my dagger ever will be? He has his bedroll, but will Leo ever be able to use it again after this terrifying fight? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure.

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