D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #13 Locked

Episode Date: August 12, 2017

In which our heroes get their hands dirt to kill some shadow creatures.Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our Melb Fringe Shows or UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, where the curtains don't match the drapes. Hey everyone, Sands Pants Radio is part of Melbourne Fringe this year, and along with some of our other shows, we're going to be doing a live D&D's for Nerds for one night only, before we chuff on off to the UK. Just head on over to melbournefringe.com.au to grab your tickets. D&D is on the 23rd of September, and check out sandspantsradio.com slash live for the dates and times of our other shows. Now, enjoy the show. Welcome to chapter 13 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle.

A D&D is for nerds adventure. Once upon a time... Any drain pipe? Like up to the window? I'm just, that's how I get down after sleeping with a man's wife. There wouldn't be drainage pipes on a cat. Oh right, yeah, not fair. We want to go in the ground floor, and then that way we make sure that there's nothing below us to chase us. Yeah, let's go to the service entrance. Sneaking up the back, yeah. Right, sounds good.

Come on to the stand and guard the door. So Ian peels off, and he's just going to, like, skulk around the outside and give you guys a heads up if he sees anyone coming. The roar shakes the entire castle. That'll be the dragon and for a brief moment for a brief moment the sounds of combat stop you become ventilated what does that even mean full of holes yeah oh jeez air holes make you quicker hey yeah oh shit i'm angry now and that was a bad idea, shadow bitch. I've got my back to you, and I'm just looking horrified.

You're not bad. At my dead friend, and my dying other friend. Right, so those shadows were like fellas, what, are downstairs. So if we go downstairs and kill the other fellas, just in case there's any more shadow fellas, it's easier to kill a guy who's tied up and had a shadow type of talk than, like, a shadow. You continue down, deeper into the castle. At the bottom, you know that there's going to be a corridor with cells

on either side of you. The cells would be filled with basically political prisoners. People that Damien Eaton himself personally hated and wanted to imprison. So they wouldn't have been like a town guard thing. It would have been like...

How good are these people let's find out how good how emaciated are they oh when oh would they be like would it be more of a distraction if we let them all go i see what you're saying you get to the bottom and as you're moving through the the cells you can see people hunched up all of them are chained up to the walls you know your classic like dungeon sort of chains to the walls with their arms they all look just awful and sickly they look like they've been slowly starving for quite some time now it's like got a very awful vibe to it there's a lot there's this awful stench not just of like unwashed people but people that people that, not just of like, unwashed people, but people that

people that have just kind of Like, they're basically dead, but alive. Wasting away. Yeah, yeah. Like, gangrene. I would like to turn to the Blads. It's doing them a service, really. These are the people, I don't know this, but There's maybe 60 people

here in total. As you shine your bullseye lantern over them you curiously note that none of them cast shadows. So it's doing them a service, really. They're not in a good way. Are any of them dead? A couple of them are dead, yes. Is one of them in half

and one of them missing a head? You look among them and yeah, you see injuries identical to those you inflicted on the shadows. A bunch of them are dead just in just in other ways, like cuts, abrasions, attacks. You think maybe the shadows are fighting in the fight going on upstairs. Yeah. And some of them maybe appear dead at first, but when you get close to them, yeah, they

make tiny sounds. They do that guy in seven. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically like a room of that guy in Seven. Yeah, yeah. So really, letting them out is going to be time consuming

and they're not going to be able to help us in any way, shape or form. But they might cause a nuisance for Eden. But they are innocent. All of these people look like if you unchained them, they would just fall to the floor. I reckon it's doing them a service. Skin and bones. So if we kill them if we kill them

while their shadows have already been removed will the shadows die? Yes. They're tied inexplicably together so anything that happens to one happens

to the other. But if we kill Eden we maybe save these people that their shadows don't kill. I don't think you can reattach a shadow Leo.

Shadow. Do we know your soul's missing? A cleric of suitable you both know a cleric of suitable power might be able to help them. I think that's very wrong, Greg. They're not dead. Where are we finding a cleric of suitable power at this hour? Losing your shadow

weakens you, but it doesn't kill you. These people are weak because they've been kept down. They've been tortured and all sorts of other stuff. I'm just going to start unpicking the lock. You're going to unpick the lock of 60 people? You're going to be here for hours. No, there's lots of cells. Let's just come back.

Maybe like 10 cells, six people to a cell. I'd like to turn to Periwinkle. If we leave this cell, you need to understand that every death of your men is on Leo here. Because he turned us away from ice and all these motherfuckers. What if you had been captured by Eden?

Your shadow would be attacking us. Well, then if I died, that'd be nice, because this is bloody awful. Then my shadow couldn't kill people anymore. If my shadow had been ripped and was killing my kids, and saving my kids would be to kill me so my shadow couldn't kill my kids... Well, I'm going to go through that door. You guys do what you need to do. All right, then.

I'm going to leave and open... Can I borrow... You kind of need him to get... All right, then. I'm going to leave and open. Can I borrow? You kind of need him to get, unless you have a ranged weapon that you don't worry about. Do the guards have a ranged weapon? Like his mates? Yeah, some of them would have had like crossbows and stuff. I've got bees. I thought you were a good person, Perry Winkle.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Don't you remember? I do bad things. You do. I do bad things. For do. I do bad things. For good reasons. They sell much of a muchness, really.

The door on which is locked. You'll have to pick the lock while they start killing. That's fine. Rightio, I'll borrow a crossbow from one of the... Oh, you know what? They've got it. Are my men okay with killing these people? I feel like they would be if they had the same values that I have.

Heist or loss? Heist. Okay with killing these people? I feel like they would be if they had the same values that I have. Highs or lows? Highs. Saturday and... Yeah, the two Thursdays start killing. Saturday seems to have lost his heart for it

and hands his crossbow over to Pierce instead. I'll begin killing. Go over there with bleeding heart, Leo, would you? I've got a longbow, so I could use that, or I could use one of my small B canisters. You could kill a bunch with one go in that. I want to use one of my small B canisters. Small B canister? Yeah.

I'm not going to really roll for it. You throw it, and you kill, like... Of the 60 people, you kill maybe 10. Easy. I've got four of those canisters, so I use two of them. Alright, you kill 20. Oh dear. Great.

Me and the others will... It's also a mercy. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. Ultimately you're doing the right thing. Takes you half an hour to pick the lock, Leo.

By the time you're done they're done. Yeah. Got them all. Door's open. Don't look at me like that. Door's open. I walk through.

Can I just... Before he goes I put my hand on his shoulder and I just go, Man in glass castle shouldn't throw stones. And just keep going. I'll hand my crossbow back to Mojigamon. You move forward. Saturday is his name. Piss. You move forward through further dungeons. None of these inhabited.

Some other miscellaneous places as well. At some point you're passing through an armory or stock where they keep weapons. Anything good? Just mundane stuff for the guard within here. You guys all have equipment better than this. Maybe Saturday stops and

picks up a newer greatsword, but it's not that much better than this Maybe like Saturday stops and picks up Like a newer Greatsword but it's not that much better Than what he has If his is 13 points of damage the one he picks up is Like 14 and a half points of damage Take them point and a half Nothing to bloody sneeze at

So the map we're looking at are we close to the vault Yeah you're getting quite close There's going to be a security checkpoint. You're not sure who exactly is going to be manning a security checkpoint. It's just around a corner. So one of you is going to have to like duck your head. Can we have a sneak around? Because if I can all myself look like eating, it might make it easier for everyone.

I'll have a sneak look. I don't think you should be doing any scouting because your eyes are compromised. Yeah, right. He can. That's fine. Leo, you duck around the corner. You see a, like, a barricade. Not a hastily constructed one, but, like, a properly made one.

Like, several different layers of protection. Like, places for crossbowmen to sit and defend against people coming down this corridor. The only thing you can see, though, on the floor are shredded bits of shadow. Right. Can I just cast Detect Magic as well? Oh, and beyond all this you see the massive vault door. So if we hadn't killed those people we would be facing about 40 shadow men right now. It's hard to tell how many are here, but the mass looks big enough for like 10, 15. Yeah, but made a good move. Yeah, we did, didn't we?

That's all I'm saying. You cast Detect Magic. The door radiates, the vault door itself radiates with powerful magic, but nothing else here does. It's all clear, presumably. Maybe the shadows have some faint conjuration magic hanging about them, but that's just the death rattles of the magic that created the shadows. Do we know what kind of magic the door radiates with? Or just your basic?

Leo, you're able to identify as you guys are walking. Close up magic. As you guys are walking closer, Leo, you're able to identify evocation magic, so the magic that governs lightning bolt or fireball, basically a release of energy magic. Is trapped in shit.

You're able to detect a faint necromantic aura about it. An abjuration aura. Abjuration alters the nature of things. So turn wood to stone, make something lighter than it should be, that sort of stuff. And yeah, that would be it. The three different types. Well, why don't I, because presumably it's trapped, it's only able to be passed by certain people with the right code.

If I make myself look like Eton, maybe that does anything. Sure. I'll alter self to look like Eton. While he's doing that, I'm going to give you this spell that I got given by someone that might be handy. How long does alter self last? I was like, I could try and disable it, but let's just see his plan. Yeah, because then if Greg Piss is dead, it's all right.

Yeah. I stand back. Just stand back. We stand back. We get back behind the corner of the corridor. Back behind the barricade. It lasts for ten minutes per level. How many levels of party, I think?

Seven, I think. Yep, seven. Seventy minutes. Sweet. Alter self. Walk up to the barricade. It's me, Aiden. Let me through.

You can pass through the barricade. It's the vault doors.. Let me through. You can pass through the barricade. It's the vault doors. Oh, right. Well, I'll go to the vault door. The vault doors have two massive, what do you call them? Vault handle spinny bits. Yeah, like a handle spinny bit. And then six different combination sets on it.

I'm just going to whisper. I'm not going to whisper. He's just like talk to Perriman. He's dead. He's dead. He's dead. Do you just like him? Oh, I just thought.

I didn't know there were combinations. But whatever, I'll just go up to it and touch it and see if it responds to my touch. It feels warm, faintly warm to the touch. It doesn't do anything. If he does anything, he's dead. So there's combinations? Yeah, there are six combinations.

Numerical combinations? You know, like a combination of a lot. Yeah, a numerical one. Probably lit a cigarette. Yeah, lit a cigarette, having a sneaky one. Can I pull my ear off to it and start turning in combination? Try and hear a click? I like this guy, he smokes as Leo.

Yeah, he's holding it like he is. I like to turn back to you guys, give you the finger, keep going. You can pick locks, but you're not very good at it. Oh, right, right. You can certainly attempt it, but I'm going to tell you here and now, your character is very well aware that it's probably beyond his ability. All right. Do we tell him that we have the spell yet that opens the doors?

Even I could try and have a quick gander at this, because it's basically a lock. I could try this, but I'm curious to see what happens. Yeah, me too. Is there anything else other than the combinations? No, nothing else. I'll just turn back. Right.

It doesn't work like I thought it does. Oh, you could give the handle to go, see if it opens. Yeah, go on. Greg Piss is stupid, but he's not that stupid. I'll turn back to them and be like, yeah, right. Have you tried turning it off and on? Yeah, well, real funny. Come on.

Get off your asses. Finish my cigarette. Finish my smoke. Have a look at the locks, can I unlock this? Well, I'll make you... Like a knowledge arc on the locks. Well, there's obviously some magic element to the door. The magical element is a bit beyond you.

You can make out a faint line of magical text around around just the edge of the door the magical text is some sort of spell of protection you think potentially the spell might have some sort of effect of like if you're trying to open the door and you do not own what is beyond you the door can tell that but you don't know what it does like a gringotts vault harry potter i'll be like well the door knows if you own what is beyond it, but you're not sure what it does when it finds out. Right. What does knock do, the spell?

Does that negate everything, or does it unlock it? It just unlocks magical or mundane locks. So it won't get rid of the traps? It won't get rid of any traps. All right. I'm going to use the knock and see what happens. Does the magic change? Maybe make it easier?

You read aloud. We're standing back again. Yeah. Stand back, boys. You read aloud the arcane spell. The six different combinations spin of their own accord, and one after the other you hear click, click, click, click, click, click, and massive, like, a bolt sliding on the other side of the door.

Right. Still magic? Like, do I detect magic? You can still detect magic, yeah. So the traps are all still activated. Yep. Cool. Right, doors unlocked, but...

Let's see what happens. Do I think it'd be fooled by my alter self? I assume I still look like Eden. I haven't changed that. Like, can I... You don't know traps, so you don't know this oh actually i'll explain what well once you point out the magic sigil you don't think alter self will fool it a use magic device check which both you and pierce can attempt so we use magic device

check basically what you're doing is you're tricking a magical item into thinking something. So easy ones are like you trick a magical item into being like hey, I'm a wizard or hey, I'm lawful good. More complicated ones are like hey I'm an orc or hey, I'm Damien Eaton. Well I've got 13 in Use Magical

Device. What are you rocking? Good question. I have. Can I intimidate the door? You growl at the door, but it doesn't seem to notice. I have a one. I try, boys. Seven. I think I've disabled more magical devices in my time.

Right. If you want to try and use this, whatever. I'll crack my knuckles. Go up to it and be like, yo, yo, it's me, Damien Eaton. Don't even think about it. Will you grab the left or the right handle? Left. Use magic device.

Let's see how we do it. You grab it and turn it. It tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, clock. Sweet. Right, that's one done. On to the nexty. All right. It's me again, Damon Eaton. Everyone, it's me, Damon Eaton. nexty. All right. It's me again.

Damien Eaton, your boy. Everyone, it's me, Damien Eaton. Don't think too hard. You forget to say, you're in your exuberance. You forget to say, it's me, Damien Eaton. I'm just like, it's me. It's me. You grab the second one, and when you grab it, it feels impossibly cold to the touch. Oh, fucked up, fucked up, fucked up.

No, you don't let go. You mimed letting go, but you don't. Fucked up, fucked up't let go. You mimed letting go, but you don't. Your hands become frozen to the door, and ice starts to come along, or starts to chill up your arms. Someone crack my hands off this. Right, right. Ow, ow, ow. I take three points of damage.

Right. All right, I go over. I grab Greg Pierce around the waist, and I pull until his hands snap off. No. Because I figure the ice has, like, cauterized the wound, and you can heal him.

I can't. Oh. Oh, boy. You... So you begin to pull at him? I resist. I resist. I'm like, wait, wait. I'm like, if I pull him off and his hands shatter,

you can heal him, right? No, not at all. No one can. Who's the healer? He is. I couldn't even heal this. Can you heal without hands? I'm going to say a round has passed while you guys are having this conversation. I can't even heal.

Can you take another point of damage? The hand back's very difficult, all right? Just pry my fingers away. Use magic item. I try and turn the... Oh, no. You're Damon Eaton. I'm Damon Eaton.

I'm Damon Eaton. I'm so Damon Eaton. You grab. Turn. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Quack. The effect on Greg Piss. I'm just holding onto Greg Piss's face.

The effect on Greg Piss immediately ends and the door slowly starts to swing forward. Hot tip for those of you playing at home. If you'd pulled at him, I would have broken off both his hands. I kind of knew that you would have. Then I wouldn't have been able to do magic, right? No. Because don't I need my fingers? Yeah. So you couldn't have healed. Oh, some magic. Some magic you would have I thought you could heal Don't I need my fingers? So you couldn't have healed

Some magic you could have still done Could you have healed yourself? No, I can't put a hand back I have to find a cleric for that As a man who's lost many limbs I'm glad I then started to think And checked if you could heal Although it would have been funny

To just rip Greg Piss's hands off A fight where you're grabbing me around the waist and I'm kicking you in the face while you try and pull me off the thing. I think I'd win that fight. Yeah, in the end

I'd have no hands but you'd have a nasty bruise. I would have broken your fucking hands off. Sorry, I couldn't let you do that, Adam. Sick pleasure in that as well.

Oh, I know you would have. The vault door opens to a very small, simple room. It's maybe 15 feet you would have. The vault door opens to a very small, simple room. It's maybe 15 feet by 10 feet. The room is tiny compared to the door that's guarding it. In the room is a table, and on the

table are three bags. One of them you recognize as the bag that you were originally after, that the Orc Chieftain was holding aloft. The other two bags look like they might also be magic bags, but they're not ones that you specifically are after. Right.

The bags all look similar? They do look kind of similar, yeah. Don't you dare. I was going to be like, so Periwinkle, do you want to grab the bags? Sure. Wait, can you do the thing where you work out if they've got poisons on them? Detect magic again? You detect magic?

The room detects with no magic. Neither does the door. No magic, apparently. I grab the bag that we are recognised from the orcs. You step into the room. And when you step into the room, you feel like you've walked through a waterfall. Something weird happened when I walked in. Check it out.

I walk through. Same thing. You have a feeling like you've walked through a waterfall. And both of you actually, I should say, feel a little different. Like something's changed. Do I look different? Does he look different? Neither of you look different. I feel taller. It's this nagging

feeling that something's changed. I stay out of the room. Alright. By the vault door. Just in case. Saturday steps through. I want one of the Thursdays to stay with Greg Pierce. Both of the Thursdays stay with Greg Pierce. They give you sour looks, Pierce. I give him a sour look back.

Saturday steps through and he says, I feel fine. I give him a sweet look. You feel fine? I felt that weird water thing, but I feel fine inside. Both of you look normal, he says. I don't feel normal normal You don't feel normal Right

How do they look to me? Like They look Nothing looks like it's changed I wanna say Does Zammett know maybe Is it about alignments? Cause Zammett's thinking like

What is the Me and Periwinkle Oh we're evil No no no I'm not evil Okay Good Well none of you have spells to detect alignments,

so while you guys can suspect things, you cannot prove anything. Right. One of you touch the bags, how about? Yeah. Do you want to grab the one we know, and I'll grab the other two? All right. Yeah. Saturday.

Cover me. All right. I like whisper to one of the Thursdays, be like, if they become werewolves or whatever, we're just shutting the door, yeah? You wander up to the table and consider the bags, if they become werewolves or whatever, we're just shutting the door, yeah? You wander up to the table and consider the bags, but you feel it would be wrong to steal. Perhaps there's a better way to do this. I don't want to steal them.

What? What do I feel? You walk up and try to steal? Yeah. You feel, like, really bad. Both of you, well, actually not both of you. I love stealing. You, Periwinkle, you look back on like a bunch of things that you've done to get here after like considering taking

them and you're like, oh man, I killed all those people. Saturday. Try to take the bag. Saturday wanders up and he's like, well, I don't know, can we surely there's like you know, another way to do this.

What's wrong? What's wrong? What's going on? Pick up a bag. Can you pick up the table? Can I pick up the table? I pick up the table. Yeah, you can flip over the table if you want.

No, no, no. Don't flip it. Just pick it up. Oh, yeah, you can lift the table. Let's move the table out of this fucking vault. You begin to suggest that, and you don't even finish that sentence. You're like, theft is wrong. What's wrong? What's wrong?

What's wrong? I've got an idea. That thieving is wrong, Greg? If your idea helps you steal, you don't say whatever you're thinking. Adam, can I mage hand? Mage hand can... Hey, Greg. Before you mage hand,

can you try to come in the room? I want to see what happens to you when you try to take this bag. Because I don't want to, and neither does Leo, and neither does Saturday. Well, what if I go in the room and then I don't want to? Let me try this first, idiot. Accept my mage. I'll punch you for that later. Do you want to mage hand the right bag, I assume?

Yeah. The highs or lows? Highs. Sorry. This is weird. This is weird This is weird I love stealing What is your

Yeah you lift the correct bag And draw it towards you I bring it out You've got it We're very different Right I got the right bag I close the vault door

You do realise The two Thursdays are out with you I'll fight them That's fine I close the vault door We make a run for it He closes the vault door Initiative You go a run for it. He closes the vault door. Initiative.

You go to initiative. Oh, gracious. I knew it was coming. Don't piss, motherfuckers. I knew it was coming. And my Thursday's gut you like a fucking fish. Oh, God. And now it becomes a worry.

I should have broken his fucking hands and I had the chance. You should have. Then he wouldn't be able to do this. I should have broken his fucking hands and I had the chance. You should have. Then he wouldn't be able to do this. I'm slippery. I trusted him in a bad moment where I forgot that Jackson and Greg Pierce aren't the same person.

They're pretty similar. Yeah, they are, but I wouldn't break Jackson's hands. All right. So, Pierce, you put your hands around the Voldem door and you begin to close it. It's nearly shut. And Leo, if you want, you can try to duck through, but it's going to be a reflex save.

And if you fail the reflex save, you're going to get crushed on the door. And I'm going to let you know you have five hit points left. What kind of reflex? What kind of? This is the end of Leo. It's not going to be an easy check. You got a decent reflex save, but it's not going to be an easy check. Do I know if he closes the door

we're dead? Like there's no exiting this. Now on the other side of the door there's like the mechanisms that control the door. You don't know the magic about this, but certainly if it's just a mechanical issue you can unlock it from the inside. Can I throw a dagger through the closing door and get him? Can I be him as the door's closing too?

If you be him, you'll be being your friends as well. Thursday and Thursday. That's a moral boundary. That's true, because the bees are just... Bees are equal opportunity enemies. Or can I throw a dagger at him? You can definitely throw a dagger. Sick.

What one does the most damage, a charged Venom or a Thunduk? The Venom thing will fuck him up, like, over time. Yeah. And it'll weaken him. But the charged one will do more damage. Charged. You hurl that. I wish I had, like, extra, like, abilities.

And I make sure it's a kit. Like, whatever the fuck is. Whatever I've got to do. Oh, wait. Can Greg piss in my face? Can I intimidate him into not moving? Barely. Just barely.

The dagger slips easily into your thigh, piss. Talk to you. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to straight up kill him. I'm with you there. I think I don't stop pushing There it is I'm gonna rip his ribs out

And play him like drums You know what's funny Imagine if I've got the wrong bag Then put it past me Did you say you got the right bag? Yeah He got the one we recognised He got the one on the right What if the weapon is... No, he got the one

on the right. Oh, no, no, no, I got the right one. No, he went for the right one, yeah. Oh, sorry. With the other two trap bags? Piers, you feel an awful pain shooting up your leg and then everything goes black. Oh, God. Fucking dammit. You're on negative one hit points. Yes! God.

God damn it. I'm assuming the two Thursdays... Just open the door. Yeah, we leave initiative almost immediately. The two Thursdays, like, grab the door before it closes and pull it back open. Pull it back open, fucking damn it. Right. Tie him up. Yep, tie him up.

Take his loot. Take everything. Yeah, take literally everything. Theft is wrong. Huh? Both of you are like, theft is wrong. But we've come back out of the vault. Oh, you walk back out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Theft is fine. Because he's got the bag. Whatever. I take the bag. Hang on. Hang on a second. First off, tie him up.

Tie him up. I'm going to use Mage Hand. Grab the other two bags. Can I get a highs or lows twice? Highs and highs. I've already stepped out of the vault by this stage. Yeah, we're all out of the vault. One of the bags is too heavy for Mage Hand.

You can only get another one of the bags. All right, grab that. Do you want one with a red buckle or with blue lining? Red buckle. Red buckle? Okay. Red buckle is a good name. It's the name of my dad. So you get the one with the red buckle

and you get the one that you assume is the correct one. I thought they were going to kill you. All right, so... Oh, does anyone stabilize Pierce or do you just leave him to bleed out? I'm not going to stabilize him. Or do you roll him into the vault and close the vault door on him? Up to, I might periwinkle, like, I might be in great peace.

Periwinkle? I don't know how to heal people, Leo. Do we want to just... You could just stabilize him to stop him from bleeding out and dying. I can stop him until he's not dead. You know what? Like, between the Thursday, Thursday, and Saturday, they stabilize him, and then if you guys want,

you can just kill him. This option at least leaves him not bleeding out while you're deciding. All right, first off... Team meeting. We tie him up, too. He's not going to wake up anytime soon, but yeah, sure, you tie him up.

I want to get that other... I just want to get that other... The blue lining one? The blue lining one. We can't steal it if we're in the room. Something happens, it means we can't take stuff. Yeah. And it's not strong enough to do the weird spell thing you do.

Yeah. Can I just like... In detecting magic, I can't detect magic in the room at all. Within the room? No, there's no magic going on as far as you can tell. Can I use my knowledge arcana at all to be like... Is there a way to break this puzzle, or am I just banging my head against the brick wall here?

You test the waters by putting your hand in and out of the vault. You're trying a bunch of different things. And your best guess is that maybe there's some sort of anti-magic zone, but a very small one that's blocking your detect magic. And then there's magic that is going on, you just can't see it through the zone of anti-magic. Okay. If there is a zone of anti-magic, it's beyond anything you can do.

Right. Can I get, like, a grappling hook? Uh-huh. Some rope. Pull it in. Lasso it. Like, not, like, the bag, but the desk. The table. And drag the desk towards me. Um, well, you're probably not strong enough to drag it. But with the...

Yeah, with Periwinkle and such, you can drag the table so that it's... Can we then tip the table at the door so that the bag falls out of the door? The table's probably a bit too heavy to finagle it like that. One of you is going to have to, like... Because the vault door, like, is big. One of you is going to have to, like, reach in and just big, one of you is going to have to reach in and just kind of grab at it. Yeah, we do that.

Highs or lows? Highs. Who's going first, by the way? As in to grab it? Yeah, to grab it. Who's got the longest reach? Probably Periwinkle. Yeah, I'll go first then. It's a bit too far for you, Periwinkle. Without actually putting yourself into the vault and then not being able to steal.

I've got an idea. Pick me up. Yeah, can I hold Leo out? Then you would just proper be in and stealing is wrong. Can I just maybe use the grappling hook and kind of grab the bag and push the bag forward? You know what I mean? It's kind of maneuverable just to be like, I just don't want Damien Eaton to have this.

Yeah, no, me neither. You miss with your first throw of the grappling hook, and after you've thrown the grappling hook just one time... I give it one more try, and if that fucks up, like, fair enough, throw it in. All right. On the second go, you loop it loosely around one of the bag straps, and you're able to drag it closer and then out. So we have all three bags.

There you go. I'm going to take the bag that we came for. I'll put these in my backpack. All right, and I'll look after this one. That's just a regular backpack, right? My backpack, yeah. Yeah, yeah, all right. I forgot if any of you had like a...

Putting a magic bag in a magic bag is not good. No, no, it's a regular backpack. Pause explosions. Now, peas. Two options. We put him in the vault and shut the door The only thing that makes me really wary is This is Greg Piss we're talking about

And I'm worried that if we just leave here With him He will find a way To just Fuck us Escape So part of me is like Lock him in the vault

And if he gets out of the vault Bully for him Will he try and Hmm Will How will he wake up Will he wake up Do we know how he'll wake up

If you Like Cause he's been stabilised Eventually if you leave him He will wake up It'll take like a day To sleep off at least Some of his wounds

So here we go By which stage we're long gone He's got 24 hours Like Do we want Do we hate him enough to kill him? Is my question. Wow.

Part of me wants to lock him in the vault but break his arms and legs before we do that. I'm happy to do that. Oh, yeah. I'm not a huge fan of the whole... You okay, Jack? How you going? I'll be all right. I'm not a huge fan of the whole... You okay, Jack? How you going? I'll be all right.

I'm not a huge fan of, like... Nah, it's fine. Like, my arms are like... You did betray us. No, like, it's fair. Yeah. I'm not a huge fan of, like, killing people. They're, like, innocent.

But Crackfest is not innocent. Like, he fucked us good. You want to kill him? I didn't not not say that. But, like... Do you want to kill him now or do you want to kill him later? If we carry him with us, is it going to be really hard to get out of here and drag him with us? I'm going to say put him in the vault.

Lock the door. I'm okay with that. He gets out. That's good on him. He gets out. He has to then escape Eaton's castle again by himself. Chuck him in the vault. We put him in the vault.

You roll him into the vault and close the doors on him. chuck him in the vault. We put him in the vault. You roll him into the vault and close the doors on him. Just before I close the doors, I want to throw a bee capsule into the vault. That'll kill him. Oh, no, it will.

I want to take his loot, though. You mean my L-O-O-T or my L-U-T-E? I meant L-U-T-E, but also everything you've got. Hand over your character sheet and feel free to take whatever you want. Everything. Can I also, before we roll him in there, put my thumb through his fake eye that the sabers can see

and just pop it out? Just fuck that eye up with my hands. It pops out as if it were like a glass eye. Bang. Crush it in my hand. Well, then I don't want the sabers coming to rescue you. Yeah, no, that's fair. Because you're indebted to them

or something like that. I'll leave you your blanket. Thanks, no, that's fair. Because you're indebted to them or something like that. I'll leave you your blanket. Thanks, man. What's he got, good shit? The eye rolls around madly in your palm before you crush it. I'll throw that in the vault, too. All right.

I will sort this out later. Put all that in my bag. You keep your blanket. Off we go. Hey, Thursday. Ah, remember how you always wanted to learn the loot when you retired? Aye, I remember that. Have this loot.

That's reinforced. He can use that as a weapon. That was my weapon. Fucker's heavy, he says. You're a strong fella. You're a strong fella, Thursday. You've died a lot in games. I don't think we've ever fucked you over.

I'm excited, though. This is my favourite position to be in. And, uh, we shut the vault. Yeah, shut the vault. Lock the door. Can I reset those traps? Uh, you have no idea how to do it. Are they still set, though? Do they automatically? When you close

the door, you hear thunk, thunk, click, click, click, click, click, click, like everything relocks. Well, I would say I didn't see that coming. But I did, and it still happened anyway. Let's get out of here. Yeah, I'm like, yeah. Speaking of not seeing things coming. You look back down the corridor past the security checkpoint

and you see roughly 20 halflings all of them well you especially periwinkle who have had dealings with the halfling underground or have like arrested members of the halfling underground recognize quite easily the shorefoot family but are these newcomers friend or foe find out next time on jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content, and much, much more. That's SandsPantsPlus.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer.

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