D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #2 The Docks

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

In which our heroes try to have a silent conversation. Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Want to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradio Or individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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then refresh and download, and that should fix that right up. Once again, extremely sorry for any confusion that this has caused, and we hope you enjoy our next campaign welcome to chapter two of jaren's outpost hustle a dnd is for nerds adventure previously we're going to center our adventure on the city of jaren's outpost the gnomes in the warehouse section of the city busted out a new and terrifying weapon that they had been working on but never used. You came at first to liberate Jaren's outpost from the Black Hand. The Halfling families might as well be Mafioso family. People knew that if they needed a problem solved,

and they didn't care how it got solved, they could come to you. You're a good cop, but you do bad things. You command a bit of respect, especially among the town militia. Your two little girls you found out a couple days ago were being bullied at school. Your mates, your wife, or your pride. You decided that you're gonna

marry rich. If you are not of Lady Willow, of that religion, she would never marry someone like you. These, shall we say priests of a long dead god believe that they can bring their god back to life by sacrificing enough blood to him all three of you bump into each other all three of you are crouching together while orcs patrol around you you may interact but i warn you if you speak you might

be heard i want to just like shake my head and put my arms up in like a shrugging motion like do i know any of them out of curiosity so everyone knows greg pierce by reputation if not carnally i wanted to do this just like a did we? I want to did we? I have a moment of thought where I'm like oh man like going through my

mental roller decks of heist no you probably just know him like you know people speaking off him ah right

don't think so don't think so and I'm going to say actually as a member of the town guard you probably just know him by reputation I know my reputation yeah and then him by reputation I know him by reputation Do I know him by reputation as well?

Periwinkle or does he know So Greg Piss you would know Periwinkle, you probably butted heads in the past, he used to be a town guard member, now he's a town militia member He's the type of guy you call if you, like I said earlier I like to make the motion of like a town guard, like I'm holding a spear and a shield,

and almost mockingly, be like, point at him. Nothing. You know him as the member of the town guard or the town militia. You call if you want to get something done, and you don't care how it's done. Rad. And let's see who knows Leo's shadow.

Heyselos? Leo Shadow. Heys or lows? Heys. Heys? Yeah, because you've got a connection with the Halfling families. You've heard of Leo Shadow. You know he does their grease game. I'd like to try and mime grease. Like maybe wipe my brow and flick it.

Heys or lows? Lows. You don't know Leo Shadow. He's a small-time player, so you wouldn't have heard of him. It kind of inched towards Greg Piss, just because it's more of a, I feel there's a tiny connection there, but this half-orc, which is giant to me.

And just not giving anything. So you're crouched among some boxes. One of the boxes is broken open, and there's all this elven finery spilling out. Can I take something? It's been out exposed for a while. So you can, but it doesn't look great. No, that's fine.

I just thought it might be useful. But all good. It's muddy and dirty. Gross. Are the orcs still, like, nearby? Yeah, they've stopped and are having a conversation. Can I hear what they're saying? God, my legs are so sore.

Yeah, they're just chatting about, like, they're comparing the flesh of creatures. One of them's like, human flesh is best. The other one's like, no, halfling flesh is best.

He's not wrong. Message. Human flesh tastes like pig. Halfling He's not wrong. Message. Human flesh tastes like pig. Halfling flesh tastes like chicken. It's so tender too. Why are they all human flesh

tastes like pig? Well then eat pig. Yeah, long pig. Human is easier to find. More humans than pigs. You can farm

pigs. You can farm humans. You can farm chicken easier. Human, we fight in combat. Chicken, you get egg from. Chicken better.

But human, like, that's a meal worth having. You fight for it. Chicken, easy. When you fight chicken or pig, chicken, pig, lie down like nothing. Glorik, I'm tired of having this conversation with you. Every day with this. You can stuff chicken in pig.

You can stuff halfling in human. You can stuff chicken and pig in halfling in human. Eye hungry. Just crouching there being like, what the fuck? What the fuck is he talking about? How big is the... What the fuck are they talking about? What the fuck are they talking about? How big is the... What the fuck are they talking about? What the fuck are they talking about?

And you, the only one who speaks hawkish, are like, you don't want to know. Just, what's he? I'm a human, but I'm short. Oh, yeah. Just like getting a visual, looking at it, imagining it. Do you know what cannibalism is? Oh, God. That is not what they're not talking about.

You know how in cartoons when they're really hungry they look at something and they just see a roast version of that? I don't think that you're also doing that, but just from like not a hunger standpoint, just from an academic standpoint. Which one is home? I never understood how an orc could eat meat because of that toast.

I just pinch a bit of your skin and I'm like What is this? Message. Can I cast that on multiple people? No, you can't. Dang. How big do we think the weapon is, by the way? Do I think it's like a handgun? Yeah, from the description

you know it's larger than a handgun. Actually, you guys would all be acquainted with the basics of gunpowder weaponry, by the way. You know that gnomes have, like, flintlock rifles and stuff like that. Although this was described as way nothing to do with that. It was described as, like,

a flintlock rifle, but massive and a lot of them. Maybe one of you has heard by any chance I'll say, Leo, you have heard the weapon be described as a Gatling gun. Oh. Oh, boy.

How am I going to get that out of here? I don't understand how Gatling is. You actually don't know how big. You know it's big, but you don't know how big. Put it on a boat. A boat is a dog. Exactly. Right.

Grease the floor and push it down. Exactly. Right. Grease the floor and push it. I want to point out, like, it's like, do this kind of miming. So it's like, sewing? Do I understand the mime? That action and then a shrug.

I want to get it across. So are you guys here for the weapon too? Tell you what, there are actually rules for this. So if you're trying to sign, what we can do is You can tell me what you're trying to sign And then I'll tell you You guys If we interpret it correctly So what would you like to try and sign?

Knowing that the more complicated a message You're trying to get across The more difficult the rule is So, you guys here For weapon 2 Then like a question mark That's great. So you guys here for weapon two? Then like a question mark. If it doesn't have the question mark, I won't understand it's a question and I'll just assume you're speaking a sentence.

I figured. And I might punch you. You look like the type that does, yes. Okay. Oh, dear. That's not a great one. I am going to punch you. Greg Pierce.

Yeah. Oh, Perwinkel? Yeah. You don't understand Greg Pearce You think that Leo Shadow Is here to help you You think he just promised he's going to help you out

For money Thumbs up I want to try and mime Thumbs up is fine I won't make you roll Hang on for money As in I'm paying him or he's paying me? He's paying... Oh, you're paying him.

I want to, like, thumbs up, but then just shake my hands and then be like, point at him and point at me and duke the money symbol. If I interpret this as like, yes, you'll help the TKLi mafia. I'm just standing here watching both of these things happen like... You don't interpret it incorrectly, but you don't understand what he means. I just kind of shake my head. I'm going to try and mime deals off then. Do the no deals.

You know what I'm going to quickly do, because this is funny? Yeah, you're just oblivious to what they're doing. I just... The deal's off. Back and forth. Back and forth. Like, you understand he is not interested in whatever you guys were talking.

He's like, never mind now. So he's not here for the weapon. All right. I'm just going to put both my hands up at both of you and try to be like, who the fuck are both of you? What are you doing? Do you say that or try to mime? Well, if I be like, who the fuck are both of you? What are you doing? Do you say that or try to mime?

Well, if I say it, we're fucked, don't I? You can be overheard. I'm not going to say you're necessarily overheard. I just want to put my fingers up to wait, and then I want to message. So how does message work exactly? So you basically have a whispered conversation at a distance. I'd say, though,'s like probably going to be a lot quieter than actually whispering.

It's magic, whatever. You can say a sentence to someone. So I want to use it twice. Alright. And then just be like both of them. Alright, so I guess you guys are here for the weapon, yeah, as well? Because I'm

here for the weapon too yeah, as well? Because I'm here for the weapon, too. Message. Message. I'll message both of them as well with message. Funny because you don't have message. It is a bit funny. I might talk out loud and do this all. Who's got to mention?

Each of you can describe yourselves if you want. Imagine a guy that at first glance you're like, oh, a halfling. But then you're like, wait, no. That's just a very short fella. Handsome, but like handsome from afar and then the closer you get you're like, that's an ugly handsomeness. Slimy, but not sweaty.

And I always imagine him dressed all in black. Don't know why. With like a kind of coiffed back hair. Maybe a stache, maybe not. Okay okay i want you guys to imagine john linguismo oh yes but like even more italian that's okay uh so that with like maybe a little little because i want to kind of fit in with the mafia so i've grown a little mustache uh like classic little tiny thin ones looking good so green cloak and just like kind

of like very darkish kind of colours to kind of blend in with the night. And I want to say maybe also kind of like a closed cropped hair kind of style as well. Are you familiar with Clark Gable, the man? I am. Clark Gable, the orc. So an orcish Clark Gable in my in my really cool b themed town guard armor what happened was it's not really town guard armor in the um chaos and the like civil war

that happened that's fine in the chaos on the civil war port white was raided which was once like a a place where damien eaton stockpiled a lot of like the nicer equipment for, you know, rainy days and stuff like that. You were there at the sacking of Fort White. You saw on display this set of armor and you were like, well, no one else

needs it. Nope. Fits me. It's a set of magical armor. Yeah. There's a pattern on it similar to that of a bumblebee yeah boy that's good, I'm imagining some armor has your plate and then in the connecting parts

like chainmail, imagine that chainmail looking like honeycomb and then the plate looking like it also has a slight fuzz on it just in parts that's good plus pollen if you go through flowers you can get pollen, make it honey It also has a slight fuzz on it. Yeah, just in parts. Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, man. Plus pollen.

Plus pollen. If you go through flowers, you can get pollen, make it honey. Yeah. I'm looking at pictures of Clark Gable. Me and you have similar mustaches. That's all right. Let me have a gander. Oh, Leo. You're a handsome fella.

I gave you two magical daggers and I think a ring of protection. Amulet, I want to say. Amulet. Oh, that's right. Amulet and natural armor. I think a ring of protection. Amulet, I want to say. Amulet. Oh, that's right. Amulet and natural armor. I have a ring of protection. Which you got because you were afraid of being stabbed in the back. Not fair.

It makes sense to me. I also have a really interesting necklace that kind of goes around my neck, and it's got varying sizes of beehives on it with a large beehive at the front and slightly smaller ones. This was part of the armor. This is part of the armor as well but that that beehive necklace when i need to use it for offensive purposes yeah shoots a swarm of bees roughly related to the size of the beehive that they come out of that's amazing yep when you punch with the gauntlets as well oh yeah i've

got magic punchy gauntlets too um i have abilities You're a hero To if I whisper the Latin for bee Into the gauntlets It takes part of my skin and bone And turns it into a stinger That comes out of the gauntlets That does more damage But also hurts me Oh sick

That's metal ass Fuck yes Whoever designed this armour Really liked bees Quaffling bee sir Yeah yeah An elf by the name of Quaffling Bee, sir. Yeah, yeah. An elf by the name of Quaffling Bee, sir.

I also have a familiar as well. Oh, is it with you? I want to say... More la familiar, yes. I want to say he's maybe perched up on the wall, keeping a bit of a lookout. So he's like, there's orcs there. They're still there. You can hear them, but they're still there.

It's a magpie by the name of Meat Pie. Delicious. That's such a good name for a magpie. I like that I jokingly named it that and you didn't change it. I was going to call it something like Rayburn, but no, Meat Pie's great. Meat Pie's such a good name for a magpie. Meat Pie the magpie. Yeah, I'm on board.

Meat Pie the magpie. Do we want to go through all of our magical equipment or just as it comes up? Yeah, as it comes up. That's all good. I will send message back to them and I'll be like, no, I'm not here for the

weapon. So that's a That's a lie. A bluff. That's a bluff check. Versus sense mode. I ain't sharing my weapon, guys. I need to get my soul back.

I feel like that's the kind of thing that keeps on like just bumbling up into my I'm like, oh my god, I don't get my soul back. I feel like that's the kind of thing that keeps on just bumbling up into my... I'm like, oh my god, I don't have a soul. I can smell it on you. Yeah. You both believe that maybe he's here for something else. Maybe you say that you're here for something else. I mean, I just got lost.

Right. All right. Surprisingly, your bluff is high enough that that is still a believable lie. Well, I can't communicate with either of you without talking. So I'm just going to be like, all right, message back to Greg Pierce. Can you help me?

I'll message back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll help you. I'll pick out the weapon. Yeah, absolutely. I'm immediately distrustful because I feel like I'm being kept out of a conversation that I'm definitely being kept out of

we've got to do something about that and then I want to look at Periwinkle and just be just like somehow just shrug no more magic you're out shrug, crossing my arms and then just like magic with my hands like I don't know how

this is waving them about do you understand my arms and then just like magic with my hands. I don't know how this is waving them about. Do you understand me? I hope not. Both of you understand that he has used all of the limited amount of magic that he has. How many orcs are around these two or are these two pretty much

separate from everyone else? They're kind of on their own a little bit. They look like just a patrol that's supposed to be wandering around. How close are we to the sea? The sea? Quite far. Damn. Oh, so did he...

You're like at the other end of the docks. Sorry. Did you say yes or no for the weapon question? I can't respond, I guess. You can nod your head. Stony silence. He just doesn't respond. Right.

Wait, hang on. I can use two level... I can use... First level spells a zero level spell, can't I? You can use one of your first level slots to cast a zero level spell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

Oh, cool. I'm not out of magic. That conversation didn't happen. It's fine. So is message a zero level spell for you? Yes. All right, cool. Yep, you're fine then.

All right, cool. I didn't tell you I'm out of magic. Maybe you did anyway, just to trick them. I'd like to take my loot out, put up a finger, give a thumbs up, and start playing. Both of you know my reputation, so you do know that he gets himself

into trouble a lot. Brrrum! I take the loot out of your hands. Do you do I'll resist No do you just play a no No I'm intending to fascinate the orcs Okay

I'm going to fascinate the orcs then I'm going to use a gesture Make them walk into the fire What fire Aren't they around a fire Yeah they're like fires periodically Walk around a fire They're like small bonfires around. Walk into the sea.

That was my initial plan, but we're miles from the sea, so bonfire I'll have to do. All right, hang on. We need to go to initiative. This is going to be fine, guys. I'm not okay with this. It's going to be all right. It's fine. Everybody calm down. Watch this. It's going to be alright. It's fine. Everybody calm down.

Watch this. Watch this. I got them. I give you a look that I don't know if you understand, but means that if this doesn't work, I'm going to cram that flute up your ass. Oh, it's quite large. I'm quite small. Is there anything I can hide behind?

Just like a block of wood. You said you're out of magic. Shut up! I lied. Whatever. Ruse me good. Oh, wait, no. Only fascinate one person at a time.

That's fine, that's fine. A new plan. You fascinate one of them and make him attack the other one? That's my plan. I'm going to say that he brought us here as his friends. Then they fight, we steal away. It's going to be fine. Brum, brum.

Don't panic. Don't need to panic. It's going to be fine Don't panic It's going to be alright The orcs make saving throws I hope they fail Their talking stops I want to like strum the instrument Give you a thumb up Thumbs up

Strum again Sort of grab my daggers out Leo it's your turn I just want to like grab my daggers out And Leo, it's your turn. I just want to grab my daggers out and look at Greg Pierce like a nod, like a question, like, yeah! Are we stabbing him? I'll shake my head if I get that option.

I want to just kind of hide a little bit then. Alright. This is going to be fine. Leo Shadow disappears like his namesake among the boxes. It's the Orc's turn. They're still not talking. Fuck that little guy go.

They're not talking. That's good. Parawinkle. So they're still not talking. You can't see them because all of you hit around like boxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they've stopped talking. You're not sure what's going on.

You'd have to peek. Can we hear them moving? If you want, you can strain your ear to try and hear them, but that'd be your turn. I'm just going to get ready for an inevitable fight. So I just crack my knuckles, wind them up, and stick my head out and see where they are. You stick your head out? They're just standing where they were, being kind of quiet. Give me a thumbs up.

I'm too short to see. I'm not sure what you're- Do I know what he's doing? Probably not. Pierce, it's your turn. Can I peek over and keep playing? Yeah, sure. Can I see whether they're...

Yeah, you can see that they're... All right, I'm going to use suggestion, but I can only suggest on one of them at a time, can't I? Yeah. He's in love with you. That's not a suggestion. I suggest to one of them that the other has confessed their love. Rum, rum, rum, rum.

He loves you and he just said he loves you. Have a conversation about that so we can sneak away oh my god he looks into his eyes and you're seeing love both of you are pretty much in love right now

oh my god you just want to stop stop guarding and just make out because you're in love oh dear Stop guarding and just make out because you're in love. Oh, dear. The orc that you told, the orc that you said the other orc loves, yes? Yeah. Turns to the orc who he thinks professed his love to him and punches him in the gut.

Thumbs up to you guys. Waking that one from your fascinate. Thumbs down. Went wrong. That orc turns around to see you two poking your heads above boxes.

Could I not have pulled my head down in time when he was... I have no idea what's going on. No, I wouldn't have. You're not really... Yeah, I'm not really aware. Leo, it's your turn. You're actually not aware of this.

Can I like... You saw my thumbs down, presumably. I guess, yeah. So you saw the thumbs down. Can I like pick my head out and see what's going on? Yeah, you can have a look. What do I see? You see two orcs, one of them with a very gormless expression,

the other one staring angrily in your direction. What are we doing, piss? I will. Yeah, piss. Pray tell, what will we do? Now I just want to say, what are we doing, piss? That's my turn. All right.

It's their turn. So let me just quickly grab the monster manual. This could have worked. There were lots of boxes. I thought you'd just try to sneak away. We've snuck away from them behind the boxes, Adam. Well, yes. Absolutely.

Several of us. Always bet on Pierce. I'm going to punch you so hard at some point during this adventure How solid is your bee costume? It must be pretty bloody solid Bee costume? It's not a costume, it's armour Sorry The orc roars angrily and throws a javelin which hits Greg Pierce. So I guess we're fighting then.

Greg Pierce, you take four points of damage. What other weapons are these guys holding? One of them is holding, well, the one that has the gauntless expression has like a big club strapped to his back. But he's too out of it to do anything with it. Yeah, so long as Greg Pierce is playing. Do I keep playing with the javelin in me? We'll find out on your turn.

The other one, the one that tossed the javelin and is now charging towards you guys, is charging as he draws a giant, you know what a falchion is? Like a scimitar, but big. Like a two-handed scimitar. Like Aladdin. The guards in Aladdin. Yeah, a little bit like that. All right.

It's a big sword. It's sad that those orcs weren't good enough friends to sort of react to that like adults, you know? Yeah. He punched him in the gut. That friendship wasn't that good. He didn't love him. Maybe you don't know the backstory.

Maybe those orcs were lovers one time but have no longer together and it's just this bit of feud that exists in them. And now you've brought up these dark memories and he's like, no, you broke my heart. You were terrible to me. Oh, God, what have I done? Oh, man. Now I just feel bad.

Terrible thing. Paramencle? My turn. Yes. All right, well, because I'm pretty good at disarming shit, I'm going to try to grab this guy's scimitar out of his hands. Can I punch him at the same time? Yes. All right, well, because I'm pretty good at disarming shit, I'm going to try to grab this guy's scimitar out of his hands. Can I punch him at the same time? Yes.

All right, I'm trying to grab a sword in one hand and punch him with the other. Just normal punching. No bee stinger punches. No bee stinger punches. No stings. All right, you charge in. You bring your arms up like a boxer. Yeah, like a boxer would.

You charge a lot closer than he's expecting. And so he's taken by surprise when one arm knocks the arm with the sword, grabs the arm with the sword, slides down to grab the sword at its hilt, and then you wrench

the sword out of his grasp. Beautiful. Oh yeah. And he's even more surprised when you just, like, bang, once in the face. Pow, right in the kisser. Pow, right in the kisser. I also yelled, it's clobbering time. He goes down. Oh.

He crumples to the floor silently. Then it is Pierce. Right. You can maintain the song. Excellent. Right. I'll just suggestion to the guy that I'm playing.

You can only do this so many times. You know this, right? How many times can I do it? You have a finite levels of suggest. There's only like... So he's doing this through music, which he is charging with magical energy. He can only do that so many times a day, though,

until he runs out of like magical music. He's just got regular music. That's the nature of magical music. Isn't all music magical? Oh, that's beautiful. Periwinkle does nothing, sir. Oh, okay. Oh, no, you can do suggestions as many times as you want,

but your bardic music will eventually run out. You'll have to start it again. Okay. And then you, yeah. You know what? I'm actually just going to keep playing, walk up to him and slam him in the head with my loot. That will end your...

That's fine. We've started fighting them anyway. I've started fighting them. You're playing guitar. He's fucked off. I don't like either of you I came out and said what are we doing You saw me

Yes you also hid You take out the other one Relatively silently with the exception of the Music that you had to play During the entire fight You silently get rid of them Right tie him up put him in the box Close the box Who has rope During the entire fight, you silently get rid of them. Right. Tie them up. Put them in the box.

Close the box. Right, yeah. Who has rope? I don't. Not me. I might have rope. Got a bedroll. Yeah, I ain't got rope.

But we could just put them in a box, shut the box. Whatever. I'm conscious. Done. I have sealing wax. Would that seal the box shut? That's more for like a letter. It's an orc ceiling wax.

You're never opening that letter. You want ceiling cork. Well, can we push him in a box, shut the box? Sure. At the very least, when I wake up, don't be so confused as to what we're doing in a box. Yeah, if you want. You can add falchion to your inventory. Let's just disarm them all so they're weaponless.

All right, falchion, and if you want, wood club. Nice. I'm good. Right, so you're here for the weapon. How do you spell falchion? I'm going to write it the way I want to. F-A-L-C-H-I-O-N. Like falchion.

I'm just falchion boo. I got a falchion. Yes. Need the weapon. Need the weapon. What do you need a weapon for? Need the weapon? You know. A little teagler. You know. I do know felchion. Yes. If you need the weapon. What do you need the weapon for? Need the weapon? You know.

I do know Little Tegel. Little Lo. You want to give the weapon to Little Lo. He's an alright lad. Actually, what I want to do is maybe destroy the weapon. It's bad.

Look, no. Little Lo. You want to give the weapon. I don't bad. It's bad. Well, yeah. Look. No. A little low. You want to give the weapon. I don't know if that's technically a lie. You guys just think he's a bit conflicted. I need the weapon. Yeah. So, Leo and Pierce, you both hear a tremendous creaking sound. It echoes throughout the city, kind of.

Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. How do i not hear that fair point you all just at that moment you had your fingers in your ears i'm just like oh what i miss you all three hear a tremendous wooden creaking sound i should say echoing through the city you turn around and you can see roughly where the warehouse district, if you will, is, where the gnomes are. There's this massive wooden construction

being, like, pushed upright. You're not sure what that's all about. But you can see it. It's, like, maybe six stories tall. Taller than the city walls. Any of the city walls. Uh, fuck.

Maybe no one dropped or something. they're getting their weapon back. So yeah, I need the weapon. They have the weapon. Where are you going to put the weapon? What are you putting the weapon on? How are you taking it out?

How big the weapon is? Of size. It's large. It's big. Maybe a boat? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe a boat.

Get a boat. Maybe put it to an island. Leave it there for a bit. Yeah. And then we need to see who wants the weapon the most. who wants to have a weapon the most right i want the weapon the most i just want to like look with pleading eyes and just like help me in my eyes i'm just like i think i'm in deep yeah right what do you mean you do the

most what yeah so what's your story i don't know how to make this sound properly or accurately but i'm assuming if i say the sound of a dragon roaring in the distance, you guys could all, like, sort of know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm with you. The sound is roughly coming from where Rhodes Keep is, and you have all heard rumour that Damien Eaton had a pet dragon. Interesting.

Right. Interesting. Maybe. That's bad. Time out on this conversation about weapon. Yes. What the fuck was that? I want to hypothesize.

Well. Just a dragon. Just maybe Groke. A gnome's getting ready to fight a dragon. Do you know what warehouse or where the weapon is here on the docks? That's why I'm here. I'm trying to find out. All I reckon is right now I just want to know that I have the weapon.

Do I know what warehouse the weapon is in? In some capacity. Probably not. Do any of us know where the weapon might be? Probably not. The Orc camp, you could guess. There are like a couple easy guesses. The Orc camp is made up of a couple of the freestanding buildings that were in the docks,

which the Orcs are now using, and a bunch of their tents. They don't use the entirety of the docks. They actually use very little of the docks, which the Orcs are now using, and a bunch of their tents. They don't use the entirety of the docks. They actually use very little of the docks, to be honest, but they use it kind of right where the water is. You can see that there's maybe five old buildings, buildings that were actually part of the town, not Orcish tents. All of them are made of stone, and you fancy that all of them would be good defensive places or a good place to stash something valuable.

Right. Plus... How many pieces is the weapon broken into? How many pieces? Yeah. You don't know. In addition to that, there is also a very large orcish tent that is quite clearly where the chieftain would reside

or where they hold big meetings. That might be a place to check. Right. So, hang on a minute. You don't need the weapon. That's great. So you can help me. If you help me, you help Little Loan.

That's good. Yeah, right. You said you want what now? I want the weapon. All right. How? Okay. Yeah.

Well, I come. Yeah. I ain't working with you unless you tell me why you need the weapon, lad. I don't want to work with you. Well. I know a lot about you, Greg Piss. Right now, for all three of you, the gnomes are planning something.

It looks like everyone chose tonight to do something. All right, so... Like, Damien Eaton is obviously planning something. So, half or... You don't know if you have the time to necessarily, like, bicker about why... Periwinkle. Per half-orc. You don't know if you have the time to necessarily, like, bicker about why you're working. Periwinkle.

Periwinkle. Hi, Leo Shadow. Nice to meet you. Anyway, so, how about this? The dragon roar is heard again. Why don't we, since things seem to be pressing, how about, look,

I need a weapon. Great, this is going to help me with the weapon. You need the weapon. How about we just make sure we get the weapon out of the orc's hands and then we just work out what to do from there. Yeah, just think about it like this, Peri. We get a weapon. Greg Pierce is going to help me with the weapon. You need the weapon. How about we just make sure we get the weapon out of the orc's hands, and then we just work out what to do from there. Yeah, I guess think about it like this, Perry.

We get the weapon. We've got the weapon. Then everyone can fight over who gets to keep the weapon. Wait, why do you want to fight? What do you mean? No, I meant you two. Yes, us two. Wait, do I believe that lie?

You two are fighting over it. I don't even need it. You still think Greg Pierce is here on our ulterior business? He's got some other job to do. Yes, me and you. We fight over who needs it. I like that. Wait.

No, that checks out. Yeah, us two. Did you actually say you got lost? Yeah, I said that earlier. And we believed it. Are you still saying that now? Yeah, I've not said it. They didn't question it.

Right. Yeah, you know, Greg Pierce is a shifty guy. You wouldn't necessarily trust him With much but you still don't think That he's here for the weapon We get the weapon then we can decide Because I think something's happening Ah

Yeah Maybe never get a chance I'm okay with this The two moons are briefly Obscured by something large flying overhead. It's quick. Fuck. Right.

Okay. So we've got five, six, if you include the orcs. The orc camp is in like an uproar right now. Shit is going down. Quite obviously they're aware that shit is going down. So I have alter self, right? That means, can I make myself look like an orc with alter self? Because I could do that.

Yes. Make myself look like an orc in the chaos. I look around, pretend you're my prisoners, whatever. You're an half-orc, that counts. I can hide. I can hide by your legs. You can hide. You hide.

And we wander through in the chaos. How much does a half-orc count? Like, then you're not going to turn as many heads as any other race. Yeah. Right. So, like, you could sneak into the camp under your half-orc blood. Can I steal some of the half-orc clothes? Hey.

Bubblebee armor. Steal some of the or-orc clothes? Hey. Bubblebee armor? Sure. Just to look a bit more orky? Less bubblebee armory? Yeah. Can Leo Shadow fit in a sack? How big a sack? How big a Leo Shadow?

Like, I mean, anyone can fit in a sack. I mean, like, either of the backpacks that me or Perry has. Probably not, but your backpacks are full, if you'll recall. Yeah, right, right, right. You are. Yep, I'll hide behind you. Hide behind me. I'm twice your size.

Will twice Leo's size be enough? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at santspantsplus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content and much, much more.

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