D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #20 It's Just Good Halfling Business

Episode Date: September 5, 2017

In which our heroes get their wife back and confront Pappa Surefoot.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our Melb Fringe Shows or UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. When I was young, I went to this school called, I forget what it was called, but it was basically like a cult school. And every morning we did meditation and we were given a word that was our meditation word, right? And the word was, I'll tell you afterwards the story. So anyway, they told me this word was very secret

that only I would know it's completely unique to me and it's a word I got to repeat every time I meditate. Absolutely, it's my personal word word and then I remember one day a friend who was in the same school I was like tell me your word he's like I'm not allowed to tell you your word I'm like tell me tell me your word what's your word so he told me his word and his word was exactly the same as my word and I real that's when I realized it's a sham I'd been screwed and I'm gonna tell you here today the word was ing. So it's just a sound.

Hey, everyone. Sandspan's Radio is part of Melbourne Fringe this year, and along with some of our other shows, we're going to be doing a live D&D's for Nerds for one night only before we chuff on off to the UK. Just head on over to melbournefringe.com.au to grab your tickets. D&D is on the 23rd of September, and check out sanspantsradio.com slash live

for the dates and times of our other shows. Now, enjoy the show. Welcome to Chapter 20 of Jaron's Outpost Hustle, a D&D's for nerds adventure. In days of yore, there's many different boxes here all of them have that uh surefoot family crest stamped onto the side of it is it a shamrock no it's a leprechaun fee-fi-fo-thumb i smell the blood of ginger scum you believe that potentially shane has been has stayed as a were-rat since you last saw him. Oh, that can't be good for a were-creature. Don't stay is the thing you've become.

Blood starts coming out thick and fast, and you feel the air leave his lungs. Whoa! Crit, pop! Oh, Crit failed for him. Oh, well, hey, look, I got him still. I'm now moving forward carefully, checking for traps this time,

giving the bird to that stupid tree trunk because I'm all past it. If you hear a baby, it's not a baby. I very much like that you're warning each other of the traps. Like, one of you's always going to get got by the traps. So far, it's just been me. Drank one, smashed one. Why didn't you just smash the one that you prayed?

Did you not? No. No, yes, I did. No, no, no, no, no, no. He just said, I drank one and I smashed one I've only got four left Piss, you hold the were-rat Shane Down under the sewer water

Can you drown a rat? Can you drown a were-rat? I forgot where creatures have specific ways of murdering Tell him I cut his head off Surely I feel like it's cutting head off, silver bullet, fire Large mousetrap Silver mousetrap Silver mousetrap. Yeah, exactly.

Silver mousetrap. Silver mousetrap. Fuck, that's good. He continues to try and bite and claw at you. He can't work his teeth any further than they are already, but his hands keep scratching at you, and he keeps digging into your face slowly. Is he being drowned, though?

Well, he's underwater, yeah. Okay, cool, cool, cool. You take a further four points of damage. Oh, good. It's fine. It's fine. I'll enjoy the sapsis. Contribute to my personality.

Exactly. Who I am as a man. Exactly. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and sapsis is a good one. Periwinkle, did you want to try and climb up onto a crate? I feel like it's such a loaded question, but fuck it. I'm going to try to climb up and see if I can get up on top of the crates.

All right. You can't find purchase properly on the crate. If you want, you can move down a little bit and try again, but that'll be your entire turn to just get up onto the crate. Yeah, no, I think I'm just going to press on. All right, you keep moving? Yeah. Cool.

You don't move far enough to encounter another trap this turn. Damn it, I should have just climbed. Leo? How much? Detect magic. How big radius does that? 60 feet in a cone in front of you. And how much further do I have to go, I guess?

Maybe another 100 feet? Oh, wait. Yeah, keep walking and detecting traps as I go. You turn a corner to a long stretch in between boxes and you're like, oh, fuck no. In a crisscrossing pattern, there's tripwires for like a solid 30 feet. You decide instead of dealing with this, you're just going to like run. You charge through it as quickly as you can snap snap snap snap snap they all break as you're running through and you hear arrows firing behind you but you get

to the other side unmolested i don't think i'm that fast you are you're a fast boy yeah i probably jump over it actually yeah piss do you want to to continue to try and keep his head on? If you want, you could try to drink a health potion. Can I do both? Yeah. Yeah, then I'll do that. Yeah, you've easily... Crack open another one and stab him with that one as well.

You've easily got him underwater with one arm as you drink a health potion with your other. Good. You recover four hit points. Worth it. No. Nine, sorry. Worth it.

Damn it. Whatever. He's down. Big cock deal. Great piss. He's down more health potions. Good for us. And good.

And he's got so much scepters. He's got double scepters. Once I get my soul back the septus will go I assume Yeah That's how it works That's how septus works Shane stops trying to claw at you His hands just go very still

And you see just bubbles coming from underneath He does No no like as in he just stops Not that he's dead. He's like... His arms are just not moving. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's good.

Just hold there for a few more rounds. A couple more rounds, so let's just... Go on, completely. Then it is... Find something to weigh him down. Let him float down the sills. Periwinkle's turn.

Periwinkle, would you like to try climbing up again? Yeah, look, I'll try climbing up again, because if I can climb up in one turn, I'll be okay. You climb up onto the box, and as soon as you climb up above the maze, arrows start flying down from the catwalks above. Knew it. Knew it. I'm in trouble. Only one of them manages to hit you.

You take two points of damage. You can't see where they are. They're far enough that your dark vision doesn't allow you to see them. They're somewhere up in the dark rafters. So I guess I just try to outrun the arrows in the roof? Up to you, mate. If you reckon you can duck down and deal with traps, or try and dodge these arrows as you run and jump.

How much further have I got to go? Not that much further, but you'd need to take two rounds of solid arrow fire to get there. That's rough, and you're not doing so hot. Oh, no, no, I'm not. Rage. He's not a barbarian. No, no.

You're not a barbarian. You're just a lock. No, no, no, I can go into a berserker-type state, but that only helps with combat. It doesn't help with making a head of things. Do I have anything that can help me just be better at this? What is... No, that's acid.

Light pollution bomb. If I threw that, would that light up the whole fucking warehouse? It would blind me, though. Yeah. No, as a half-orc, if you were a full-blooded orc, it would, but as a half-orc, you'd be fine I'm gonna throw the light pollution bomb Just so I can see what the hell's going on

Alright, you, where do you want to throw it? Just, like, ahead of me, I guess I was like, we've got that sun rod What? That was all liquid Yeah, that's it Light pollution Oh, yeah, it's not called a light pollution bomb

I called it light pollution bomb Because I couldn't remember what it was called The gold liquid that's the sun. Yeah, daylight pellet. I knew what you meant. Yeah, good. Oh, right. I did not.

I thought he meant several different things. I kind of assumed you were calling it that on purpose. No, no, that's just what I called it because I couldn't remember its name. Not fair. Gotcha. You heft the daylight pellet and chuck it ahead of you. Leo, suddenly the dark is not so dark anymore. The entire warehouse is bathed

in a soft yellow glow. You can see perfectly dozens of halflings on the catwalks above, both of you can, firing down at you, Periwinkle. You can see the maze a little bit clearer, but it's still like an incomprehensible mess, even in the light of day. Can we see the source of the light that was ahead of us? You probably actually couldn't see it, no, next to the daylight pellet. Can we see, I guess if we're looking in that direction, can we see where it was coming from now that everything's lit up?

Yeah, you can see like a box fort, if you will. Cool. Good. So how many halflings? Maybe 12. Cool. How, this will be for my next turn, I'm assuming. Good. So how many halflings? Maybe 12. Cool. Poof. How?

This will be for my next turn, I'm assuming. Could I be strong enough to jump up to the catwalk, grab on and just pull it down with you? No, you're not nearly good enough to jump. That would be so cool. That would be great. I'd kill so many people at once. Imagine being able to solidly jump vertically like six stories. That's what you're asking.

Yep. Yep, that's what I'm asking, Adam, can I? Can I? No, you cannot. I guess I'm just going to have to try to leg it. You keep, are you just going to charge down? Yeah, I'm just going to keep legging it, trying to get ahead of him. Leo, it's your turn.

All right, I'm just going to keep going the way I was going. All right. Towards that where I remember that Soth was, but check it for traps. As you're going, you're probably making a... you're trying to be a little bit quicker now because you feel like maybe you can't see Periwinkle, but

you know the daylight pellets effects when you see them, so you're kind of aware that Periwinkle has thrown it for a good reason and you imagine maybe he's running as you're running. Unfortunately all these thoughts distract you from the fact that you are

running very quickly into not what you thought was concrete but was actually like quicksand, cleverly disguised as concrete. I can't help you here, buddy. That's fine. By the time you kind of are aware of what's happening, you're already up to your ankles.

Oh, shit. Not your ankles, your knees. I'm wee. I'm wee. Yep, okay. You're not sure because the quicksand is very indistinguishable from concrete. You're not sure how far it extends forwards, but you know you're a good 10 feet into it.

I'm a dickhead. All right. That'll be something you have to deal with next. No, fair. I still got my grappling hook. Yeah. Hey! Grappling hook.

Piss. So what's the sitch? Piss. That's your spin-off TV show. Piss. What's the sitch? Piss. What's the sitch?

Shane stops moving. Now possibly actually dead. His arms collapse in and he stops struggling at all. There's no bubbles anymore. No bubbles anymore? Mm-hmm. Okay, that's a pretty clear indication. Oh, I feel like you just want to be safer.

I might just take this turn to just, like, bring the broken bottle and just jam it into his neck a bunch, just in the hope that that'll take care of him. Did you break another bottle? Broke two. You stab him a bunch, but even possibly in death, his where-rat

hide is very difficult to get around. Well, I'll stand up and just give it a second. He doesn't get up. Hold him down. Oh, maybe he does, but he's like he floats to the surface. Starts floating down

with the sewage. That's fine. That's some debt wiped away. Oh, wow, actually. He's got that tough were-rat hide. I'm like, if I behead him, could I use my rapier to just like, even though it's not a weapon anymore, To just work it through his head

That's a lot of time That's a lot of wear right neck Are you going to try and skin him? And wear him as armor? Is that what you were going to do? No I just wanted to cut off his head and make sure he's dead Oh right cool cool cool I thought you were going to cut his head off and skin him

And wear his skin as like an armor I mean like that would be useful because I have nothing Do it as you're walking towards Would I be able to skin him as I walk? No That's fair. I'm going to chug a health potion and keep trying to make my way towards the blood cult

Happy that I've wiped away one death With a foot you gingerly roll him onto his front so that as he drifts, he's face down. You chug a health potion. Recovering. 18 points of health. Lucky boy.

And you start making your way back to the blood cult hideout. Yeah. You're still wearing the robes. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Clever. I're still wearing the ropes. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Clever. I didn't take them off. I have cleric vestments I could put on over my arm.

This is a good gag. I won't, though. Periwinkle doesn't do fancy dress. He's a very plain man. It's a fancy dress party. Yep, I came as Periwinkle, I rule. Yes, sir. Good. Yes, sir. Good.

Yes, sir. Three bags full. Periwinkle, as you're charging, two more arrows score hits. You take 11 points of damage in total. Now, it's my turn again now. It will be as soon as I mark the damage. Good. Mark the damage. Shit, I'm in trouble.

What are you on? I think I'm on like 30-something. 34. My maximum health is 40. You're fine. Yeah, I'm in trouble What are you on? I think I'm on like 30-something 34 My maximum health is 40 You're fine Yeah, I'm in trouble though For what I want to do later, I'm in trouble Yeah, fair enough Go on

Can I run and medium bees into the rafter? It's... No, you can't It's too far to throw You won't be able to hit Do you have a longbow? Or anything kind of like... I do have a longbow, actually.

Like, could you put the medium bees on the longbow and shoot that up? Can I longbow medium bees? No, you can't. It's a little gem that you throw. There's no way to attach it to a bow. Get some gum. It's a whole necklace, though, yeah? Uh, no, you...

I always imagined it was a necklace that I could take off. Because it says here... It is a necklace. Necklace of bees. Could I tie the necklace to the longbow? That would use up all of my bees and just fire it up into the rafters. You need to activate the necklace. So you need to...

The way it works is you break the gem off and then as you're throwing it, you activate it, as you will. There's like a magical process. Okay. It takes too long though. I don't think I can hit more. I better probably just run because I'm getting closer now. They're too scattered really to hit with a bunch of bees anyway. It's a good idea.

Oh man, you had a lot of good plans there. Yeah. I'm starting to think like Greg Piss. Jackson. The word is Jackson. Greg Piss is just Jackson. What the fuck's a Tanglefoot bag? It's a little pouch of

nothing in particular. Maybe if you hold it, you can feel worms inside. When you throw it, this inky black mass of worms falls out and wraps around whatever the bag strikes, binding them up. It's like a free tying. Does the pouch have a rope around its... Is it like a pouch that's tied up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could I tie the pouch to a longbow and fire it into the rafters? Yes, you could. Oh, yeah. That'd be your entire turn Could that potentially incapacitate The halfling dickheads Who are attacking me at this point It could incapacitate one

You can only hit one with it I'm just running You don't think they'll shoot at you If you jump back into the maze You have cover even if they continue What are the chances of me jumping down and landing on a trap, though? Decent. Didn't even

try to hide that one. If I keep running, how many more turns of arrows do I have to cop? One? One more turn, yeah, of arrows. And then you're free and clear, if it were. If I jump down, how many more turns of traps have I got? One? Two, I would imagine.

Fuck it. I'm going to keep running. All right. Champion. So then it is Leo's turn. You keep charging through the maze? Yep. Oh, no, you're in the quicksand.

All right. Nearly got him. Damn. I thought you were like, yes, I'll keep charging. I forgot. Grappling hook, rope, forward onto some boxes. Forward? Yeah.

All right. You throw it, but you fail to, like, it hits the box, but as you're dragging it, you can't latch or anything. You can try again. That's your turn. Yep. Yep. All right.

This time, it's not a very solid thing But you don't have a crate that will have a So the side of a crate is like a square And then there'll be a line going from corner to corner Yeah, a reinforcement panel Yeah, a reinforcement strut or whatever you want to call it Your grappling hook catches just in the corner there It's very loose in there, though.

You got good enough. It's leverage. You try to pull yourself out, yeah? Yeah. Start thinking with Greg Piss. It's like portals, but fucked up. WWPD. You get yourself out of the muck, but you don't travel very far before your hook tears its way through

and you're unconnected again. You're lying on your belly on the quicksand. I'm sorry, I've made things worse. Not really. You're not sinking right now. That's good. Your weight's evenly displaced. Distribution of weight.

Yeah. That's your turn. I'm assuming. Sure. Just don't shuffle your weight all the way across, if that's the case. Piss, you just keep running? Yep. All right, you're out of this.

No one's coming after you. Yes. Piss is home free. Periwinkle, you continue to charge. I just keep running. Another volley of arrows is fired. Just dodge, just dodge, just dodge. I can cop it.

Uh oh. You only one of those scores a hit. I didn't like that glance to your criticals. Only one. Oh, that was stressful. You take one point of damage. As soon as you looked over the pile of cards, I was like, oh, it's pierced my lung and I'm dead.

Pierce a lung, you fall into the maze and, oh, onto a trap. So I'm now clear of the... Am I close now to the box fort? Yeah, you can leap into the box fort if you want. You run up to the edge, you look in, you see a large inner building, an excavation site. And in the excavation site, you see they've broken through into the sewers below. And there's like ladders and stuff like that.

This is obviously how they've been getting in and out. It looks like a very professional setup. There's halflings all around here. All of them with like hard hats on, working about the construction and stuff like that. And they're moving boxes in and out of the sewer they all turn around a lot of them see some it's uh are surprised to see you but some of them wielding weapons like crossbows swords and stuff like that do not seem so surprised how many in total there's maybe 60 uh wielding weapons only 10 just leap on one you could see also kind of in the middle of everything as well is this you know how at a There's maybe 60. Wielding weapons, only 10. Just leap on one.

You can see also kind of in the middle of everything as well is this, you know how at a construction site they have those like prefab buildings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a building that's just you plop it there and it's good to go. You see a three-story one of those, and up at the top story in a window, you see a halfling with a shock of red hair, two little green eyes staring at you with a mug of coffee in his hands. He looks quite confused,

but also like he might be the foreman here. Can I make it to the top of the prefab building? You can't from where you are. Yeah, I jump in. Let me try and give you guys a drawing. No, no, no, it's alright. I think I can see. I'm imagining almost like a almost like a coliseum type structure.

Yes. Construction in the middle and then a prefab thing. So I've got to get into the coliseum and then to get to where we're going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are halflings like in terms of caring for other halflings within their family? Very deeply care. Laugh familiar. Laugh familiar.

Halflings are all about laugh familiar. But if you've got halflings with no weapons, what have they've got tiny fists? The construction halflings, none of them have red hair. None of them look like the Shawfoot family. They just look like construction workers hired to come out here. Some of the guys with the weapons obviously have the red hair.

Oh yeah, a bunch of them have shocks of red hair. In fact, I'm assuming all of them would have red hair because they're Shawfoots. Not all of them. Not every Shawfoot has red hair. Guys with the weapons are the Shawfoots. Guys with the hard hats are not Shawfoots, I'm assuming all of them would have red hair because they're not all of them. Not every sure foot has red hair, but most of the guys with the weapons of the sure foots guys with the hard hats are not sure. Foots is what we're deducing. Definitely.

Yeah. Um, kill some. I'm going to jump and try to grab a sure foot holding a weapon. And, uh, yeah, just grab him.

I've got, uh, improved disarm abilities. I've read that on my sheet. I'm going to try to disarm him. And then, yeah, just grab him. I've got improved disarm abilities. I've read that on my sheet. I try to disarm him and then take him as my hostage. You basically land on a shore foot. Yeah. He has this curly, reddish hair.

That's all you see as you're coming down. He seems a little, well, not a little, he seems incredibly surprised. Do you catch him unawares? Can I jump down and just do a full dokes from Dexter? Just, surprise, motherfucker! You can say surprise, motherfucker, if you wish I do You grab him

You hoist him up into your Because he's like, you know, the size of a fucking ten-year-old And you're seven foot tall or whatever I'm six-six You hoist him up so that you can grab it so you're carrying him with your arms. You've got one arm

around this... He's not a kid, but you'd call him like a kid, basically. Pinning his two arms to his sides, he drops his weapon and you hold

your bee gauntlet to his neck. Any of you fucking pricks move. I'm just stealing movie quotes. No, I literally just pointed at him and I'm like, all right, if you want your boy here to keep his pretty little ginger head, I need to know where my wife is.

I love how much you've just become an 80s action hero. It's real good. You're John fucking McCain. I can't wait for you to scream, where is she? Where is she? What's going to happen, I reckon. Leo. Yes.

What do you do? So I know the distribution of weight is not sinking me. Could I shuffle? Would I know that shuffling might work? Well, that just fucked me good. If not, I'll just try the grappling hook again and be like, no, no, no, no, I got this. Well, things seem fine now. If you move, obviously you're going to change.

So the equation as it sits, you're not sinking. Doing some math in my head here. But if you do anything, the equation changes. And if the equation changes, maybe you sink. All right. I'm just going to try and grapple hook again. All right. Yeah.

To do that, you'd need to kind of like push yourself up onto your back so you're not distributing your weight so evenly. That's all right. Okay. I'll just try and... I'm going to sink a little bit, but it's for the greater good, because I might be getting up a little bit. You're able to keep yourself balanced. Okay. And not sinking.

You... Throw your grappling hook. I love the sound effects so much. I agree. It lands on top of some of the crates, and as you drag it, you think you got a pretty good foothold on top of one of the crates and as you drag it, you think you've got a pretty good foothold on top of one of the crates. Sick. Alright, let's just pull myself up

and maybe try and swing over to the other side towards the fort. Oh, I was kind of assuming you threw it forward like you were doing before. Well, in that case, you just pull yourself and eventually your belly is dragging not along quicksand but along concrete. I'm so dusty and gross.

You're filthy. You are wet. I've got some cleric vestments you can borrow if you want to change clothes later. I've got a monk's outfit. That might be all right. Swap into that. Yeah, I might swap into my monk's outfit.

It's cleaner. Yeah, all right. Start making towards the box fort. You get to your feet and keep going. Periwinkle. What do you want? Like, they're all... No one's firing at you,

but no one's firing at you but no one's really doing anything everyone just seems anyone respond to my threat no you don't think you're talking to anyone in power right now who the fuck's in charge uh it's a point to the foreman none of them react immediately some of the like some of the construction guys are starting to inch their way back. And some of the... Beep, beep, beep. Actually, I want to also do this one. Put your weapons on the ground and kick them over to me.

The security team, if you will. Also while doing an intimidating face. Use your face, really. It is. I have a skill that says intimidate. The security team looks among themselves, and then one of them, like, kind of hesitantly at first, but eventually, you know, just willingly,

drops his sword and kicks it towards you. The others do the same. Great. Kick him down the hall. Leo. I can hold this guy with one hand and pick up all the weapons and put it in the bag of holding. What do you do?

That's good. Leo. Oh, you keep going. That's right. You get to a massive set of doors, which are the entryway into the box fort. Detect magic. Detect magic. Detect traps.

Just detect everything. You detect no magic. You find a trap. So if the door is open, it looks like it just sets off an alarm. I'm just gonna climb over and do what he did and... He'll do that. That'll be your next turn. Or can I try and dismantle this trap? You can do either one of those things, but on your next turn.

Alright. Okay, so the prefab building, the bottom level doors open, and walking out of them comes the foreman, still holding his mug of coffee, but he seems like he's holding it because he didn coffee but he seems like it's just he's holding it because he didn't think to put it down so he's moving with it and it's spilling everywhere also are three more members of the security team who between them have a heavily tied up

and somewhat bloodied looking what's your wife's name again? Bragia. Bragia. Finally, out of the doorway comes a very elderly looking halfling. He's got this, his red hair is dulled to like a more coppery color. And his face looks really saggy and just like liver spotted. He calls out, he doesn't move. Like everyone else who came out of the building is hurrying towards you. He, however, just stands in the doorway and says, Well, you're over there, you've got what you want.

Why don't you just leave with her now? Have they given her to me? We got your wife, there's your wife. Off you go. Greg, yeah? They let her go. Leo, you climb over, you hop down. You're like with them. Gregia? They let her go. Leo, you climb over. You hop down. You're like with them.

I want to hide. There's nowhere to hide. It's a big construction site. A large, empty area. Okay. Actually, highs are lows. Fair enough. Maybe there's some equipment. Hide in a truck. Highs? There is some equipment, but it's nowhere equipment. Hies. Hiding a truck. Halfling. Hies? Yeah.

There is some equipment, but it's nowhere near enough to you. You could try to sprint towards it, but you'd be spotted before you hit. That's fine. I'll just land next to a good mate periwinkle. Hey. So she's conscious. Yeah, she's conscious. She looks a little bloodied, and she's gagged.

The three security members let go of of her and she's slut her like hands are get hands are bound but her feet aren't she makes her way towards you the elderly halfling who you presume to be papa sure for papa sure foot calls out oh and members of the security team if you'd like to grab your fucking weapons and do your job for once the uh members of the security team like some of them who have moved their weapons too close to you simply draw daggers but other ones whose weapons are a bit closer hurry over and quickly grab their weapons i thought i put them all in the bag damn it um you maybe grabbed some of the weapons yeah but you were like you were in

the process of grabbing weapons when this happened yeah yeah not fair so like of the weapons, yeah. But they had other weapons. You were in the process of grabbing weapons when this happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not fair. So, like, of the original ten, a full half of them are just armed with daggers, backup daggers they had. Still holding this boy. So, Gragia's over with me. Gragia, like, stands next to you. She gives you, like, a significant look.

Is it a look of thank you or is it a... Thank you. It's a look of gratitude. So, I'm next to them? She's angry. a look of gratitude. So I'm next to them? She's angry. I'm next to them, yeah? I'm just going to cut her wrists. You cut her wrists loose. She pulls her gag off.

I'm just saying the kids are okay, just so you know. She nods. You can tell she wants to, you know, she's got an emotional outburst ready to go, but now isn't the time. Good. Do you know if they have the weapon in there? I ask Gregia.

She shakes her head. The weapon? I bought. It'd be a bag. I don't know. What did they do to you? Nothing. Nothing.

Oh, no. When they came in, I fought them. Oh, so they haven't done anything to you here? No, no, no Get out of the warehouse, please Wife? No, it's trapped Up, up, up, up, up

You let the boy go, then we'll let you go I'm going to take the boy with me to the front door You're not going to make it to the front door with that boy? Well, it's going to be really awkward for you. What are you going to do? Shoot me? Stab me? Attack me?

Because I just don't know about you, but when people start attacking me, I get real stressed. I might squeeze real hard and his little pretty head might pop off and fall on the floor. The elderly halfling pushes away from the doorframe. And as he walks towards you, you realize why he didn't walk towards you, because he needs a cane and he ambles slowly in your direction. How close is he? He's not close. But, like, 60 feet?

120, maybe? Damn. How many halflings have weapons here? In total? Like, 13? 13, yeah. All right. The construction crew is slowly getting into the, like, just very slowly getting into the sewers.

Not wanting to attract too much attention to themselves. Some of them only have little daggers because they've got rid of their good weapons. The daylight pellet wears off. You're not plunged into darkness, you're plunged into the dull light from the construction equipment. I'll follow your lead, but Greggy needs to get behind us. Greggy's a good fighter. Nah. Greggy. So, you might squeeze ifgy's a good fighter. Greggy, yeah. No. Greggy.

So, you might squeeze if you get a little tense, might you? Well, if I get a little tense, I might order my men to open fire, and, well, they tend to go for females first. Just set him off. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You let go of the boy

You leave And as your little letter said That can be the end of it But if you hurt that boy That was so perfectly timed Also I've realized I'm holding my arm up Like I've got the boy But if you hurt that boy

Well Let's just say he rolls his eyes I'm holding my arm up like I've got the brain But if you hurt that boy Well Let's just say He rolls his eyes I've amassed a long amount of skills Over a storied career Is it being an old fuckwit and taking a long time To explain shit This is the person who sends a two page letter

You kidnapped my wife You It's just business, my friend. If they're being a bit talking and distracting, can I creep around? Can I edge my way? In the relative shadows, you can try, but halflings might be wise to your tricks.

As they're having this discussion back and forth, I'm going to try and slowly make my way to the nearest halfling. Very, very slowly. You slip away. If the hole were kind of to your guys' right a ways, you're on the other side of the hole.

So, hang on, let me... Actually, we will need the map. If that were the Colosseum, as Handsome Tom described it, there's the little, like that filled in circle to your right. Is the hole? Periwinkle, yeah, is the construction hole. You, Leo, are slowly making your way counterclockwise around the stadium. So the hole is in between you and pretty much everyone else.

Okay. Majority of people are all on the opposite side facing towards Periwinkle, including Papa Shorefoot and all his troops. So where's Periwinkle in that? Periwinkle are in the southern end. So where the triangle is. Yeah, that triangle is them. Great. All right.

I have a feeling that if I can get close enough to Papa Shorefoot, I could break his neck in one go, but I've got to get to him first. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm trying to do. Which one's Papa Shorefoot? Papa Shorefoot's the one directly in front of the... I just drew circles. He'd be up the back, actually. I just drew circles like as a...

Here's generally where they are. Yep. Alright, I'm going to keep trying to slowly, while they have their little discussion, to move a little bit around the sides. How about I got a better idea? I give you the boy back, you tell me what you guys are doing with the weapon,

and I don't kill everyone in this room. What was your question? What we're doing with the weapon? Yeah. We're going to use it to take over the city. Ah, see? See, I wish you just had a said, we're going to use it to take over the city. Ah, see? See, I wish you just had a said. We're going to use it to do something.

But then you had to say. You had to say we're using it to take over the city. So, look, not right now, but at some point, I'm going to wrap my hands around your neck and I'm going to break it. That's going to be difficult riddled with bullets. From inside the building, you hear a weird mechanical

sound, and then ripping through the middle of that prefabricated building, hundreds of bullets at once start peppering where you guys are. They open the... They're firing at a boy. The last thing you hear before bullets start piercing your supple, precious flesh is Papa

Shorefoot. Sorry, kid, but we needed the time. It was a stall-off. Can our heroes defeat the mighty gnomish weapon? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com

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