D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #25 Father Maroni
Episode Date: January 6, 2018In which our heroes wait for Silversteel to give the okay to attack.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purch...ase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: sanspantsradio@gmail.comTwitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to Chapter 3 of Jaren's Outpost Rumble,
a D&D's for nerds adventure.
Previously...
I kissed the ring.
You're not in the family.
Ah, good. I just, like, salute, I guess.
He gets up from behind the desk.
You notice now that he was wearing black leathers and dagger bandoliers the entire time?
Oh, yeah.
Fuck that movie.
I love fucking epic, little lo.
All right, then.
You wanted to speak with someone important.
My name is Governor Tingle-Lot-Bot-Fot-Hop-Throttle.
My name is Governor Tingle Lot Bot Fothop Throttle.
If this happens, if this man performs surgery on me, you'll regret it.
That's all I'm saying.
Will I just?
You will absolutely regret it. We will take control of the corpses and whatever else he manages to create.
And we will take this city, regardless of what some others might believe.
Oh sweet, see the one that has my soul?
Yes. He's also the leader.
He's got it in a locket around his neck.
Can I just grab the locket and teleport?
When the soul is completely past you, it starts, because you didn't catch all of it, it starts like slipping out of your mouth.
You... like a straw?
Begin trying to suck it back in.
It's gonna be difficult to approach the gnomes, but we'll do what we can.
I mean, if you kill some sabers on the way.
The Lord Commander's
carriage explodes.
Little Lo's carriage
explodes.
A halfling with a shock
of red hair give a wiry
smile and slip down the side alley. I want to try and get as much a halfling with a shock of red hair, give a wiry smile,
and slip down the side alley.
I want to try and get as much like Assassin Garb as I can.
I want to go full assassin.
All right, you pull down your hood and go full assassin.
Leo, you're moving through the city on the hunt for the Shorefoots.
Where are you heading?
Blood Town.
Blood Cult Town. And I've sent one of the boys off to find Little Little with the ring
Where are you heading, Periwinkle?
We're driving around with
Because I don't know any of the information of what you're up to
I'm just driving around with this blood cultist
Trying to get him to talk
While I'm coming up with a second idea
Which might just be dumb
But
Ties in with who I am
So
Gotta do it Because literally my motto is I am. Got to do it.
Because literally my motto is I'm either going to fight well or die trying.
So I think my plan is mostly going to be the second half.
I'm excited.
I'm angry.
They killed my mentor.
They kidnapped my wife.
They're bad people, the Shawfoots.
Everything's just wrong.
Who'd have known they'd be the big bad?
Yes, I hate the Shaw foots and yes, I hate
the blood cult, but it's really because
there's this gun
in the gnomish quarter.
So, that's the root of all my
problems. Alright then.
So I'm just in this
carriage with this blood cult as I'm trying to get him
to talk.
You eventually inflict so much
pain on him that he passes out.
Little, little shrugs.
I don't know what we can do.
Me neither.
We can take him to Little Low. Little Low's good at making people
talk.
We'll regroup with
Leo. Where were they supposed to be? Back in the town?
Organizing with the temple.
Organizing with the temple. We'll go to the
temple and find out where they are
can I have told maybe
Flip Sham where I'm gonna go
just in case
she needs to tell someone
fair
also
does old spice merchant boy
got anything good on him
you find a coin purse
actually you know what
fuck it
yeah
you know what
fuck
fuck you you shit lord you get nothing You know what Fuck Fuck you
You shit lord
You get nothing
Nothing
You know what
Fuck it
Hey did we ever
He comes awake
And kills you
Did we ever chase up
On the traitor in Lai Tai
You're probably dead by now
Yeah I guess
I imagine it was
The sure footer of Kwa Na
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah
I just like
Looked out at my notes
It was written there
I was like oh yeah
That was like a problem
I think you were the traitor in Lightheart
Because you're the traitor everywhere you go piss
I'm winning right now
You are
No you're still at negative one
Yes I'm still at negative one
The fact that I've grasped the concept where
For a while I was like fighting in this game
To like have a happy ending
And I've realised that
I don't have to the game has changed
it's a little sad like i love it when people are still so new to my games that they're like
there's a happy ending i can i was trying to trying to come out the other side where everybody
wanted you gotta learn it's not about winning it's not about losing it's about surviving i
gotta let off on it a little while sometimes.
To keep you guys with hope so that I can dash it.
Yeah.
You've killed the man who mattered the most to me.
I haven't killed your wife.
I will.
You fucking better not.
She survived.
Oh, I hate you so much, Adam. Did your wife survive or did a plant from the shop?
Are you really rolling for that?
Oh, no, no, no.
Imagine.
Imagine.
Very advanced plastic surgery
to make her look like...
Don't worry.
You're going to look
just like a half-orc.
I like that you managed
to get rid of the ghost
by putting him in the elf
and sending the elf away.
I got rid of two of my problems
in one go.
You find 900 gold pieces. Awesome. You find he has a locket Putting him in the elf and sending the elf away. I got rid of two of my problems in one go.
You find 900 gold pieces.
Awesome.
You find he has a locket.
And in the locket is a small masterpiece portrait inlaid with opal.
And the locket itself is made of gold. I love how I have all these things and I'm like, I don't actually know what they could do for me.
It's roughly 500 gold pieces.
If you want it in brackets, that's how much it's worth.
Cool, cool.
You got a lock worth 500 gold.
That's pretty good.
Can I use that to buy anything?
Yes, but what would I buy?
Nothing.
To what end?
What merchant is selling health potion when the city is like this?
None of them.
How long since we've eaten?
Fuck.
Eat!
Oh, no!
You get...
He has a little... On that necklace as well, he has a little
on that necklace as well you find a little
token of a tree that has a magic
when you touch it it warms
and you can tell it has a magical aura about it
but you're not sure what it is
you can write tree token for that one
ah cool I want that
yeah it's good to have a tree token
actually in brackets can you put 264 please
264, please?
264.
Yeah, that's the reference if I ask for it.
No worries.
Does that turn me into a tree?
Is it a good or a bad thing?
Who knows?
Could be both.
If only you were here, you'd recognize the magic.
Essentially.
Have a go.
Sure.
It's a tree token.
Oh, and his cloak.
When you're patting that down, you tell that it also has a magical presence about it.
Chuck it on, mate.
Does Little Little identify what any of these things are too, by the way?
Actually, no one.
He probably could.
He has a chance.
He can't tell you what the tree token is,
but the cloak, he tells you, is a...
Visibility cloak.
Cloak of sneaking around.
A cloak of elemental protection.
Oh, nice. When you. A cloak of elemental protection. Oh, nice.
When you activate a cloak of elemental protection,
you gain resistance 10 against a single energy type of your choice.
This protection lasts until the start of your next turn.
Functions once per day if it's taken off.
So you put it on, and then once a day,
you can negate 10 points of damage from a type of energy.
So the types of energy are acid, negate 10 points of acid damage.
I thought that resist acid.
Cold, electricity, fire, or sonic.
And what were you trying to say?
Sorry.
Who knows?
I have that resist energy acid potion.
Is the dragon an acid energy?
I don't think you've seen it breathe weapons yet
Or breathe anything yet
You're probably vaguely aware that dragons don't always breathe fire
Some do breathe acid
Cool
I want to see what that breathes weapons
That's great
Just a cloud of swords comes out
Alright so we're going to head to the temple
And find out what's going on
You arrive at the temple
And you see a burnt out carriage husk out the front.
This is not good.
Little Little catches sight of it and he catches sight of all the bodies being,
the charred bodies being moved away and you hear him start muttering,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Before the carriage is properly pulled up,
he climbs out and runs towards the charred husk.
I just let him go.
He needs to do this.
He grabs one of the acolytes,
and you see, but don't hear the conversation.
He talks with the acolyte.
The acolyte shakes his head slowly and says something in return.
Little Little falls to his feet, puts his hands up to the sky,
and wails, no!
Well, I have a pretty good understanding of what that means, I assume.
Little Little collapses, and you just see him sobbing.
I get out of the carriage, and I go over to comfort him,
but I'm also looking for you.
You don't spot Leo anywhere.
Okay. Do I just flip sham? Flip sham is probably among the wreckage. She's helping supervise taking the bodies of gnomes
below. She looks at you, her eyes go a little wide with surprise, and she
hurries over. Periwinkle, what are you doing here? What happened
here? There was a...
She jerks her head towards the charred husk. There was a she like jerks her head towards
the charred husk. There was a
explosion. Same thing happened
at the town guard. They killed Commander Torton.
She gasps.
So I'm the captain now.
Look at me.
Look at me. Look at me.
I had this idea
at one point that if Commander Torton
wouldn't snap out of it, I was going to have to do a
I'm the Captain Now moment.
It didn't happen, so that's okay.
You still can.
Yeah, he's dead, though.
Maybe I go back to the town guard.
They're all in disarray and just slap a couple of them.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm the Captain Now.
Anyway, what a good tangent that was.
So I ask her, where's Leo?
He went to find someone in the blood cult, I think.
No, he went to the blood cult section.
He's looking for the Shorefoots.
They have some place there.
I don't even realize it, but all of a sudden my hand's just real tight around my sword.
It goes warm.
Shorefoots, eh?
Blood cults, eh?
Let's go to war.
What happened to you?
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
She starts like looking you up and down concernedly.
Concernedly?
I'm okay.
I'm too big.
I wasn't near the explosion.
I was dealing with other things at the time.
I'm so sorry about the commander.
I knew you were close.
Yes, we were close.
I don't do emotion good.
All right.
So how long ago did Leo leave?
Maybe an hour.
You might have passed him on the street and not even known.
Great.
All right.
Well, my plan was to try and
Flip Sham, is there any way you know of any secret passages?
I don't know the sewer as well
What's my relationship like with the gnomish people right now?
Where do I sit in their feelings?
Probably not very well
You were in the, well I don't want to say assault, but you were certainly last night present and very
it's hard not to, just as to your B-suit, it's hard not to
know it's you. Fair enough. But if I went to them as
the new captain of the town guard, the new town guard
that's different from the old town guard. If you speak with Erky, perhaps
he might not shoot you,
but I don't know.
I doubt he'd let you in.
But the sabers might attack as well.
That's fine.
Look, I'm not going to do anything stupid.
That's a lie.
I hope not.
Is it?
Yes.
I'm definitely doing something stupid.
She believes you.
You're surprisingly good at lying when you want to be.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I'm going to go find Leo in the blood cult and we'll navigate it together.
I have a pretty handy resource in the carriage.
How good are you at, like, is Keaton here?
Yes, he is.
Has Keaton got any restorative potions on him?
No, Leo took the last of them
Can Keaton do any restoring himself?
I could go ask
She hurries over, grabs Keaton and brings him over
Keaton says, I'm so sorry
She told me about the commander
It's okay, he
He hugs you
Oh, I don't know what to do but I can't MMOK
I can take you home if you want.
I can't go home yet.
I'm not finished this yet.
I'm glad I saw you, though.
Your wife, well, she'd like to know that you're okay.
I'll let her know the next chance I get.
Tell her I'm okay and tell her I'm doing what I promised I would.
Hopefully less of the second part.
He smiles.
But what you can do for me is I need someone who requires urgent medical attention in the back of his car.
Of course.
Of course.
He rushes over.
Now, before you do this, Father, is you need to understand that my job, and you know about my job, I've come to confession several times, is grey.
I am now possibly the last person who could now lead the town guard and we're now in a bit more of a grey area than we were.
Once you heal this guy and once you see who he is and heal him
you need to just get out of the carriage and just go and help
all the other people who need more help. He gives you a
very stern look. Also, how do you feel about blood cultists?
Would Father Keaton assume this guy,
know this guy's a blood cultist?
He might.
It's like not a very big secret.
Okay, well, that's good then.
So he probably wouldn't care who it is.
Well, he won't.
All right.
So Keaton obviously, you know, doesn't care about this man, but.
He cares about the.
If you start torturing him, Keaton's going to raise a fuss.
Oh, you know, I'm not going to torture him.
I'm literally going to use him to help us find Leo in the Blood Cult City.
Keaton, standing in the carriage doorway,
looks at him and looks back at you with that very stern expression.
It looks like he's penetrating you with his eyes.
Like he sees every facet of you.
If I heal this man, are you going to hurt him?
He might get hurt later.
That's unacceptable.
There are better ways to do this.
All right, then.
Pick him up, bring him into the chapel.
Fuck.
Before you do that,
is there any way that I can then swear that I won't hurt him at all?
I tell you what.
Perhaps, well, a man can be compelled in many different ways.
He can be compelled by force or he could be compelled simply by his own morals.
But there are magical ways to compel someone.
Do you know how to do that?
I don't, but I know someone who can.
Yes, please.
Who can do that?
The chief priestess.
She knows a spell, a powerful spell.
The spell is known as Zone of Truth.
All right.
Hey.
You're old, mate, Greg.
Love a bit of Zone of Truth.
Bring it on.
Let's do that.
Carry him.
I can't.
Okay.
With one arm, you lift Lane and chuck him over your shoulder.
You bring him into the small chapel, and in the small chapel, praying, perhaps for peace, the chief priestess is kneeling at an altar.
She gets up and turns to you.
What is going on?
I need this man healed, and I need you to put him in a zone of truth. Keaton
explains. Yeah. Lay him on the table.
Thud. She runs a hand gently
over him and channels healing energy into him. His wounds
don't completely close, but he's healed enough that he becomes conscious.
His eyes flutter open.
What?
What?
Hold him down.
Bang.
I'm very glad to do that.
She casts Zone of Truth.
She calls upon the energy of her god and goddess to compel everyone within a circle around her to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Am I technically in that circle now?
Yes, everyone is.
Damn.
You are...
Oh, no, you resist.
You can lie if you wish.
I've been spending enough time with you two.
Yeah.
It's like...
I hold the man down and...
Ask him your questions.
What, are you going to say something?
Remember, Periwinkle, if you're ever in a zone of truth,
this is what you must do.
I like to imagine this happened.
Yeah, just like...
It's the kind of thing where it's like...
It's like a flashback, we're having a quiet dinner,
this is what you do.
It's the kind of thing where someone's like,
this is how to beat the light.
It's like, all right, I want to have a zone of truth.
Just get a little pin, stab yourself in the fire
when they cast it.
It tricks the whole machine.
Exactly.
It tricks the machine.
The spell, the spell doesn't know what's going on
It can't differentiate between the pain you're feeling and a lie
It's like a flashback to the very first dinner
Remember when you invited Greg Pierce into your home?
Well, piss you, good for something
I don't mean anything by that
The two of us just like swapping
Is that your dog?
I don't know
First of all, I need to know if there's a way,
does the blood cult have a way of getting into the gnomish quarter?
Biddlecough spits out the response.
No.
Right.
But gnomes sealed the entrance we used last night.
What about the Shorefoot's entrance into the Gnomish territory?
I don't know.
Do you know how to get into Papa Shorefoot's apartment in the Blood Cult District?
Yes.
Good.
You're going to take us there.
Clara looks up at you and says,
He can take you there, or maybe he'll take you there, but he
won't be in the zone of truth when it happens. Alright then. Maybe she
says it but doesn't fuck up on her words. Yeah, yeah. Hey Keaton,
pen and paper please. Keaton fetches you a pen and paper.
Alright. Keaton, I'd like you to dictate for me.
Hey blood culty boy
Biddlecough
First of all, I just need you to say it for everybody
How high up are you in the blood cult?
Second
In command
Get the list of all the blood cultists
So what I wanted, two things
Instructions on how to secretly get through the blood cult
to get to the apartment.
And just the name of some prominent blood cultists,
if you wouldn't mind.
That'll be your second job as leader of the town, Garth.
Ralph Maloney is our leader.
Okay, then. Ralph Maloney is the leader. Okay, then.
Ralph Maloney is the second in command that the commander gave his orders to.
How did I not know that?
I'm just angry as shit right now.
All right, now I want the instructions on how to get in.
I assume he dictates that to us.
Yeah, he feeds you that information
Great, I take that off
And just for fun, while he's in the zone of truth
Hey Biddlecough, do you have a small dick?
He looks up at you and smiles
No
Oh, wow
That's a shame Hey Biddlecough, what about that child's sex ring Oh, wow.
That's a shame.
Hey, Biddlecough, what about that child sex ring that you've been rumoured to run?
Is that a thing?
Highs or lows?
Lows.
Yes!
Yay!
I assume now the church would be furious about that, right?
I mean, like, they weren't happy with him.
He leads a blood cult.
All right.
I'm done with him.
You can...
Clara leans over him, punches him once in the face,
giving him a blood nose and knocking him out.
Fuck yes.
All right.
Keaton, you can come with us, but I don't think you'd want to.
You're probably better used here.
I think I'm better used with you.
All right, then.
Actually, no, you know what?
You probably fucking are.
All right, Keaton, you come with me.
Clara, I'm trying to bring peace.
It's just taking a little more punching than I thought.
Keaton, he's right. You're better needed here. You're the true spiritual guide of I thought. He's right.
You're better needed here.
You're the true spiritual guide of this church.
I'm coming with you.
Yes! Oh, yeah!
Got Clara on side!
All right.
We are going to bring holy wrath down upon these people.
Yes, we are.
Yes, we are.
We needed someone to join the fight.
I'm so glad it's the church
I kind of want to send a message to the town guard
To say that I'm taking control of the town guards
I'll come with
We're going there now
We're going to usurp Moroni
You're taking control
Then we go on to the blood cult
Sounds good
Is there a way to get a message to Leo?
I am elbow deep in short foot right now. It's fine.
Elbow deep in short foot.
I'm just stabbing them good.
I can get a word out to my people
and perhaps they can speak to
someone, or perhaps they can find
him, but I don't know.
We'll head off, we'll go there, and then we'll head to the
blood cults. We'll go to the apartment because
we know that's where Papa Shorefoot is.
Ave Maria.
And then Papa Shorefoot is going to tell us how he got inside the gnomish quarter.
I'm going to break that weapon.
Good.
All right.
Let's go.
Pierce, where did we leave you?
I was lying on my back on the top of a roof having a rest.
You have your little rest?
Yep.
Can I count that as a rest rest?
Yeah, sure.
That's fine.
That's what I wanted to do.
It's like coming on night now for everyone.
Right.
Well, my basic plan really is wait until Eaton decides he's going to let loose his dogs of war, as it were.
Let loose the undead.
Chuck on a crystal.
Sort it out.
Till then, there's not really much I want to do.
Is there a pub nearby?
Yep.
Might nip him for a pint.
How's it going?
Oh my god.
Guys.
I hope someone catches you.
Yeah.
Disguise self, you dickhead You walk into
He's got no lips and he's bald remember
Yeah I've made myself look less like this
You walk into the thin blue line
One of the most town guard friendly bars
Yeah
You're not even thinking
You walk in
Everyone looks around at you
And perhaps you're actually standing next to the wanted poster of yourself.
Yeah, right.
Everyone stands up.
Oh, right.
Yeah, bad choice of bar.
I've only got one teleport left, which is a shame.
What's the range of confusion?
15 foot circle.
You can't even begin to get the entire bar.
What'd I get, like?
You could get, like, maybe five people at most.
No, actually a lot more than that.
Maybe, like, ten, eight.
Yeah, whatever, I'll use it.
Fucked up.
Shit.
Cast the spell. Fucked up. Shit. Cast the spell.
See what happens.
Might take out some of the town guard anyway.
That's good. I'll kill you for that.
There's a lot you're gonna kill me for.
True.
I still think the bounty's on him.
Yeah, I know it's not.
Don't tell me. I won't.
Good. Because it's still business. Well, no, now it's personal. No, it's not. Yeah. Don't tell me. I won't. Good. Because it's still business.
Well, no, now it's personal.
No, it's still business for me.
True.
You affect those eight to ten people.
Cool.
I'll say ten.
Right here.
You see the effects of confusion wash over their face as a bunch of different expressions occur all at once.
But then their faces return to a normal expression.
One of the things of confusion, because it's percentiles, there's a chance
that they just act normally.
That's what they're doing for this round.
That's a shame.
Every god in this tavern bum-rushes
you.
Oh, you healed seven hit points since
last time. Cool. You know I've done so much of this without a weapon. Yeah, you healed seven hit points since last time. Cool.
You know I've done so much of this without a weapon.
Yeah, you broke your sword.
And I have your loot.
I've not had a weapon for them.
That's been ripped to shreds. Yeah, the vast majority has been weaponless.
Four guards get to you and attack.
You know what I should have done?
Readied my actions so that when they all charged me,
I teleported out of there and they slammed into each other.
That would have been funny.
Oh, shit.
Uh-oh.
Critical something.
Good for bad for piss.
Critical piss.
Critical piss.
Critical piss.
Critical piss.
When you're critical piss
You have one wish
And that's to be
Not critical piss
Alright, one of the guards hits you with his billy club
You take four points of damage
Critical piss
Another guard
Oh, fumble
Fucks up like a dickhead
Shines bright like a diamond
Fucks up like a dickhead
Fucks up like a dickhead
When he swings, you jump backwards
And he overextends himself
Making himself flat-footed for one round
Cool
Then it is your turn
Do I think that running is even an option
Or am I going to incur so many attacks of op that
i'll basically be just like blood and skin when i get out the door you could certainly try
yeah fuck it i got like 20 health tokens yeah uh one of them will get an attack of that's fine
leg it for the door you run back you cop another billy club straight to the face You take four points of damage again
Got me good
Got me good
No, no I didn't
I'm about to get you good
You burst out of the tavern into the street outside
And you feel weird
You feel sick
Like you're gonna throw up
You slow down and you stop running
The guards barrel out of the
tavern behind you and start forming a rough semi-circle around you trying to surround you
you try to move your arms and legs but they feel so sluggish you think you're like have i been
poisoned is this disease what's happening to me you fall down onto all fours and vomit. You vomit heavily.
What is that?
You vomit until there's nothing but bile.
None of the guards approach you.
Some of them are just like,
Jesus Christ, piss.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Everything.
I hope this is the rat bite.
All you can think about is like,
what is wrong with me? What have I done recently?
Your two hands are like there,
covered in fucking like
just the bile and vomit and you bring one of your hands away shake it and you notice it's hairy
oh very very hairy come on now your nails begin to grow at an extremely rapid rate. You look up and you see
the two moons
slowly rising
from the horizon.
One of them full, the other
one half. When you
look at the full moon, you feel
ah, ah,
something's happening to you.
Oh, wow. Do I feel like I'm
losing? Blackout.
Okay, there it is.
Oh, my God.
That is such a good fucking payoff.
Greg Pierce, the were-rat.
Shane left his fucking mark on me.
So do you just roll that continuously throughout there?
I could just do roughly 20 city guard versus a were-rat
and actually roll it out to see how that happens, but that's a lot of rolling. Sorry, what I meant to get him to versus a were-rat and actually roll it out to see how that happens.
But that's a lot of rolling.
I know.
So what I meant to get him to become a were-rat, do you just roll every time it's his turn or every day?
No, it's every time he got bit by Shane, I rolled to see whether or not he resisted the disease.
If he fails the disease roll, then at the next full moon, he turns into a were-rat.
He failed one of the disease rolls in the sewer, didn't he?
No, actually. I think it was at the book. Oh, wow turns into a were-rat. He failed one of the disease rolls in the sewer, didn't he? No, actually.
I think it was at the book.
Oh, wow.
Like, first thing.
Yeah.
I think it was the second roll he failed.
There you go.
And it's just not been a full moon since then.
I love it.
Yeah, so the way it works is, well, you really should have gotten checked.
Like, yeah.
If you do it immediately.
Greg Piss doesn't get checked if you do it i think
within 24 hours it's not a big deal any cleric can help you within a week it's like kind of a
big deal and a powerful cleric is required you would have needed buster or um clara within a
oh sorry after you turn,
damn near impossible to cure you.
That's fine.
Not only do you need a high-powered cleric,
but the high-powered cleric must have, like,
a certain set of ingredients
and send you on a quest to get something.
Well, look, being aware of that's not too big a deal.
What, once every...
How often does a full moon happen?
Depends.
Like, roughly every 30 days. Yeah, well, that's often does a full moon happen? Depends. Roughly every 30 days.
But sometimes more or less, depending
on a lot of different factors. Sometimes you can get
a couple full moons in a row.
Cool. Cool. Alright.
If anything, it's probably good.
Really? To be honest.
I'd say it works in my favour.
Alright then.
So, what are you two doing in the night?
You're just going after shorefoots?
Yes.
Highs or lows?
Highs.
I've made a beeline straight to the Blood Cult town,
and I'm just being like anything with redhead.
I'm just trying to assassinate.
So you've killed some Weasleys.
Yes.
And an aerial.
And an aerial. And an aerial. When all is said and done, you've found and killed 14 operators for the Surefoots,
people you know are heavies, muscles.
You maybe even find a member of the Surefoot family, like a distant relation,
a cousin or something like that, just walking down a street.
You recognize him.
You're like, fuck you.
When he passes an alley, you chuck a rock.
He goes to investigate.
You come up behind him, grab him from behind, jam a dagger into the base of his spine.
Yep.
He jerks once, tries to cry out.
You whisper for Papa Littolo.
Stab him in the base of his neck.
I would have gone for Papa Littolo sends his regards.
Yeah. Papa Litt base of his neck. I would have gone for Papa Little O sends his regards. Yeah.
Papa Little O sends his regards.
Another one is maybe like a high-level made man within the Shorefoots.
He's like round behind a tavern taking a piss.
You creep up behind him with a garrotte, wrap it around his neck,
turn around, and you're kneeling, holding the garrote over your shoulder
as he is stretched out over your back, jerking.
He dies with his cock in his hands.
Piss flailing everywhere.
Awesome.
Do I get any information as well?
You kill another 32 just red-headed halflings.
You're a one-man
warpath. Wow, you're scarier
than me. You get no information, though.
Ah, fair. I just keep working my way to that
apartment block. Meanwhile,
you, at a more steady pace...
We've got a way to get through. Oh, do I get any, like...
Also, you're not stopping to kill people.
Sorry? No, no, no. I want to collect as many
knives and daggers and swords that I can just
be utilizing when I finally throw out knives and everything.
We don't need a number.
You just get a bunch.
Yes.
Nebulously, you have knives and daggers.
Good.
Highs or lows?
Highs.
Highs.
And Leo, you spot a little low carriage.
It's got the characteristic black marking
Probably even maybe recognize the driver on the carriage
Trundling towards where you're going
Alright, well then I kind of
Not quickly, but quietly make my way towards the carriage
Alright, do you want to stop the driver or just hop on as it's passing?
I'll just hop on
You and Clara both hear a telltale thump
of something jumping onto the back of the carriage.
Silver steel, yeah?
Yeah.
I get that sword ready.
Silver steel is ice cold in your hands.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Clara has drawn a morning star.
It's like a mace I tell Clara that
When I was going to kill the blood cult guy
The sword got hot
Because he was evil
I just pulled it out to stab the roof of the carriage
To where the person just landed
It's real cold
Whose is that?
This is the commander's he gave it to me before I died
Silver steel
I know the sword
It warms in the presence of righteous vengeance.
That's mad.
So this is less righteous vengeance
and more just stemming someone to a carriage.
Perhaps the sword is informing you
that you don't have beef with whoever that is.
Do you have someone who maybe wishes to speak with you subtly
but is not an enemy
Leo
I'd have opened the door
Yeah by this time
Leo has opened the door
I'm sitting down next to you
Thanks I got it from the commander
He's dead
I just want to drop a bunch of red headed locks at his feet
Got a few
Nice
We're going to the apartment block We know how to get in I just want to drop a bunch of red-headed locks at his feet. Got a few. Nice.
Really nice.
We're going to the apartment block.
So we know how to get in because we may have not tortured,
ethically tortured a blood cultist.
Oh, cool, cool. You felt my pain, Clara said, emotionlessly.
They killed Puppet.
Yeah, they killed Puppet.
You've been there.
We saw that.
Little Little's not with us, I don't assume.
No, Little Little is
too distraught
He's got nothing
Did he get the ring back?
I assume so, I don't know, I left him there
The runner had left
when the runner finds him
I sent a runner, anyway
I'm sorry for your loss too
It's okay, we're getting revenge
Clara looks between the two of you
as you have an awkward, I'm sorry your father figure
died. I'm sorry your father figure died.
He was a good man.
It's sad when a father figure passes before
a son figure.
Before an adopted son.
We don't talk about our emotions and we just
become like, nah, nah, it's fine.
We're meant toxic masculinity.
It's alright for boys to cry.
No, we just kill. Half-orcs don't actually have tear
ducts, so even if
it were true, I can't.
But don't worry, it's fine.
After this, we'll get
revenge. Speaking of revenge,
I have a plan. It's a terrible
idea. Okay, my plan was just to
kill, but go on.
No, we can do that.
But also I'd like to get one of the Shorefoots to lead us to their secret entrance to the gnomes and then destroy the gun.
Sure.
Good.
The church and I, I'm now the town guard.
Congratulations.
Ralph Maroney, town guard guy.
Blood cultist.
So we're going to... You arrive at the headquarters to the town
guard. It's still pandemonium.
The line remains.
Hey! That's good.
I guess we walk in
and then we're gonna, after this,
after we get this, we're gonna try to get some people together
then we're gonna go into the blood cult.
The chief priestess stays by the door. She says,
if you need me, call for me.
But I'll make sure that
Moroni doesn't get out.
Hey, you're the Newtown guard, yeah?
Can I join?
Can you deputise this boy?
Leo Shadow, I deputise
you to the town guard.
We're not really a guard anymore. We're more like a
people's militia.
I'm the sheriff.
Constable Shadow.
We're like US Marshals
Yes
Alright
So we walk in
We've got instructions
To the blood cult
So once we get this sorted
We'll see if we can get
Some guys together
And then we'll
We'll storm the blood cult
Get these guys to
To basically continue
Out the plan
Which I wanted them
To go talk to the gnomes
About why they haven't left yet
Now they've fixed the gun
Or where the urky timbers
Would be open to speaking With the captain of the town guard, which is me.
Apparently, according to Flipsham, I'm not the most popular person in that town.
Anyway, we go in.
Is Moroni nearby?
No.
Do you ask?
Yeah.
Where's Ralph?
Someone points up to the glass panes that overlook the lower level.
You see Moroni standing in the commander's office.
Right.
He's like looking down, surveying all of you.
He's got like a smile on his face.
I'd like to speak with him about some urgent business
that the commander was getting us to do before everything happened.
Yeah, of course.
Well, you know, you're welcome here.
Go up and talk to him.
All right, let's go.. Alright, let's go.
Alright, let's go. Can we bring Clara and zone a
truth in? Well, if you want.
She's standing by the door. If you want to
just go grab her. Maybe
she explains that like, oh, in case he makes
a runner or something like that, she says.
I might leave her there and we'll bring
Moroni to you.
And then when we get him there, you're going to zone a truth in.
Okay, there'll be a lot of...
It's going to be very public. Is that what you want?
Yeah, yeah. If it goes poorly,
then it'll be very public.
Yep. Alright.
Two nods. Good.
I'm happy to work with the town guard.
Good. I walk up
and try to tell...
Just walk into Maroney's office.
You spot Saturday and I think Tuesday were in the infirmary.
Yeah.
They're both good now.
Yay.
Hey, friends.
Plus like everyone else from your group.
Colin, Goggles.
Goggles, yeah.
They're all here.
Sunday or the other Thursday.
Boys are back in town.
Boys are back in town.
They all nod to you as you pass.
I stop at Colin because he's like
my go-to Colin.
I'm going to need you and the boys
help with something in about the next
30 seconds.
It's going to be weird and you're
probably going to think I've lost my mind, but
have I ever given you reason to doubt me before?
Colin
folds his arms, shakes his head and says,
Nah, you're in charge.
Good.
Got my sword.
It warms.
Oh, yeah, boy.
Righteous just vengeance is on its way.
I still, I march into Marnie's office.
Ralph.
He doesn't look at you.
He's still just gazing out the window.
Yes.
Ralph. Yes. Look at you, he's still just gazing out the window Yes? Ralph
Yes
Look at me please
He turns around slowly
Does he say I've got the sword?
Yeah
Can I say it?
You should see your sword in the presence of the captain of the town guard
Can I say it?
Please
You can say it
You're under arrest
Excuse me?
Under what charges?
I don't know.
Is leader of a blood cult one good enough for you?
No, no, no.
Treason, murder.
Oh, so many.
Child sex ring.
Child sex ring.
I don't think that's true.
That's funny.
I've got a guy.
You might know of him.
Bittlecoff has a surprisingly large dick, runs a child sex ring.
He's the second, he's the two I see, and apparently you're the big bad.
A sour expression passes over Moroni's face, but it leaves immediately.
We're going to take the word of a blood cultist over the word of the captain of the town guard.
I hold the sword up.
This is a very serious accusation you're making.
I hold the sword up, and I'm assuming it's getting real hot.
It's fucking burning.
Oh, no, no.
Not hurting, burning.
No, no.
He's standing in front of the window still, yeah?
Yeah.
Cool, good.
Oh, no, Moroni.
You're wrong.
I'm the captain now.
I rush him, trying to throw ourselves both out the window.
Fuck yeah.
Moroni
is not expecting that.
So he doesn't offer any resistance.
You just
tackle him bodily.
Bang. Both of you
fly through
the glass window.
And I'm assuming as soon as we hit the ground,
I yell, as I'm going out,
I just scream to my men to grab him.
Or does Leo?
Leo can do that, I guess.
Yeah, I'll jump out the window.
You might take that, like, they're taking damage.
If you jump out, you're taking damage.
That's all right.
You can run down the stairs if you want.
No, it's cool.
Okay.
It's all about cool.
You got to be cool.
I'm an assassin. I got to jump from these Okay. It's all about cool. You gotta be cool. I'm an assassin.
I gotta jump from these heights.
Exactly.
Fucking machines.
All right.
Moroni, you, Periwinkle, and you, Leo,
all take four points of damage.
That's all right.
Machines.
Pin me to the ground, get the other guards
who I've worded up.
Well, no, maybe not pin me to the ground,
but I get the other guards to surround us
because I said that's what I wanted to do.
And I call to Clara now.
Truth, bitch.
Zone of.
Comma zone of.
Clara goes first.
She casts zone of truth in the area.
Leo, you resist.
Periwinkle, this time you're too distracted.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm in the zone.
That's fine.
And Moroni, you see, is struggling with it.
She commands,
Foul beast, servant of the cult, name yourself.
Does he name himself?
Leo, you hop down, taking that four points of damage. servant of the cult, name yourself. Does he name himself?
Leo, you hop down, taking that four points of damage.
Moroni spits out into your face.
Yes!
Yes, I am!
Periwinkle.
What do you want to do? You got him kind of pinned to the ground.
You can try to roll him over and cuff him.
I could cuff him or I could just stab him in the face.
Not with the sword.
In this close combat, unfortunately.
I could punch him with my hands.
The sword, silver steel, is in between you two,
pressed up between your chests.
You can feel it white hot.
You're surprised it isn't actually white from just heat.
And you can tell wherever it touches Moroni, it burns him.
Oh, so good.
That's mad.
Actually, you know what?
You deal nine points of damage to Moroni.
Fuck.
I guess, yeah, I'm going to arrest him.
Nice.
All right.
You roll him over and try to cuff him.
Your buddies all come over and they're trying to help.
Clara just continues to stand there.
Leo.
I'm going to help try and cuff him.
This is my first crew I've got.
He's great.
All of you press down on him.
He begins to soften as if he's deflating.
Uh-oh.
What the fuck?
From every orifice, from in between, from his nails, from his mouth, from his eyes, from his ears,
from any orifice pores on his skin he begins to bleed he's slowly deflating
but the blood begins to coalesce into vines into forms shapes which begin to collect together
he starts to wrap around you you see his face stretching away from his body. His
eyes turn blood red
as he begins to cry blood and he
says, I am more
than a man. My
God is with me.
Like his head twists
around like it's on a pivot to look at
Clara. Can you say
the same? Uh oh.
One tentacle attacks everyone on him.
Oh, great.
Nightmare.
Oh, boy.
Leo, a tentacle wraps around your neck and begins to choke you.
This is what I usually do.
You take eight points of damage.
Oh, boy.
How does that tree token come in handy now?
Does it?
Does it?
Would it help me in this situation at all?
You don't know what it does.
Who knows?
Just activate it.
See what happens.
Not done yet.
I just hope a tree just appears where he is and it obliterates him.
Maybe.
Periwinkle.
One wraps around one of your arms and yanks painfully on it.
You feel it dislocate and you take seven points of damage.
Pop that bitch back in.
Just a grimace.
Just a wince.
That's all it takes for you to pop that back in.
Not even a noise.
I just cough and it goes back in.
Like it's scared.
It tries to wrap around Monday, but Monday
cries out in surprise, rolls away.
Same for Colin. Colin gets
got. Wait, do you mean same for
Colin, but Goggles gets got?
No, Colin gets got. Oh, he's my man.
Colin gets got. It wraps around
his head and then jams itself
into his eye. He begins
screaming and he starts going
pale.
No.
What are you doing to my man? You can see like...
Oh no! It's eating him!
He's drinking his blood!
If there was a time for you to use divine power
it would be literally
right now.
Goggles get speared through the chest.
Shit! Your boys!
They were just back in town!
They're out of town yet again.
Boys are back in town.
Oh, my God.
Goggles get speared,
lifted into the air
and thrown like a ragdoll.
Should have seen this coming, actually.
Probably shouldn't have tackled
a really powerful wizard.
We didn't know he was a blood lord.
Yeah, that's true.
Tuesday brings his two
bracers up to his chest,
so when it tries to spear him,
it just knocks him clear across the room.
Ooh.
When it tries to attack
Wednesday...
It fucks up good.
Yeah, could say that.
Critically, you might say.
Wednesday rocks backwards, pulls up his light crossbow from nowhere...
He is a sniper.
...and fires a bolt into Moroni's head.
It blasts through him.
The creature rides and screams.
It does not threaten any squares for six turns.
That means for six turns
you move freely. No attacks involved.
You can just wail on it. Yes!
You can move however you want.
But it's not out of the fight. Not even by a little bit.
It actually doesn't even stop attacking.
It attacks Saturday as well.
Damn. But this means that we could get
maneuver away.
Or like, you know, we can...
Oh, no.
So, I have a rule.
Yeah?
If you roll a 20, it's a critical hit,
but you need to roll again to confirm that it's a critical hit.
Yep.
If you roll again and get another 20,
then that confirms a critical hit,
but I roll a third time.
This is a home rule.
And if I get two 20s in a row, I roll a third time. And if I get a 20 three times in a row, it's not a critical hit, but I roll a third time. This is a home rule. And if I get two 20s in a row, I roll a third time. And if I get a
20 three times in a row,
it's not a critical hit. You just
kill them. What just happened, Adam?
For Saturday,
I rolled a 20
and 18
and that confirms a critical hit.
Oh my god. You bastard.
You bastard.
You had me so scared.
Do you have anything that can make things on fire?
It's got bless.
A pile of bless.
Flatfoot.
Double damage and one dex damage,
and the target's speed is reduced by five feet until healed.
It wraps around Saturday's foot and then moves in the wrong direction.
Saturday's leg snaps backwards.
Oh.
I want to keep ending up with these situations.
Oh, dear.
Poor Saturday.
It breaks Saturday's leg off.
Oh, jeez.
At least he's alive.
Saturday falls and does not get up.
Hey, Clara, again, divine power.
Would be good now.
Periwinkle, it's your turn.
So anyhow, we could set the entire town guard quarters on fire.
You probably don't want to do that.
Okay, no, probably not.
I'm not sure whether to use my stingers or can I silver steal him now?
You can attack with silver steal if you want.
It's a new option.
I'm now further away from him. Yeah, you can roll off him and attack with silver steal if you want. It's a new option. I'm now further away from him.
Yeah, you can roll off him and attack with silver steal.
You're not really grappling.
I'm just going to silver steal the absolute bejesus out of him.
Burning righteous fury.
I should use the tree token.
I want to see what it did.
What is it?
I don't know.
You slash, and as you cut through Moroni,
or the blood creature that is Moroni,
you burn away.
It's like you're cauterizing as you're going.
Silver steel acts like a lightsaber,
cutting as if Moroni doesn't have armor and just isn't there.
Silver steel's the best.
I should have used it to torture the guy
because it would have cauterized all his wounds.
You could cut off his arms and legs.
Hey, don't give me any ideas, piss.
I'm all rat right now, so.
Oh, that's true.
Hey, is this sword
made of silver?
Yeah.
Good.
Vanquish the were-piss.
You deal
20 plus 12.
You deal 32 points
of damage to the creature.
The guards redouble their efforts
and any guards that weren't participating before
begin to participate now
Good
Monday
Also the rest of the guard there
because now I'm the captain
We're the lords and ladies, let them get in on it
I think they got blown up
No, the civilians should swarm the blood creature.
Stay out of our town.
Get out of here, blood creature.
We don't want no blood creatures in our town.
A hail of bolts fly at it and a bunch of the guards barrel in to attack.
But they're not doing a great job.
They do, in total, between all the guards, six points of damage.
A lot of them are just scared to approach it.
Fair.
It is this gross blood thing.
A flailing, flat skin, man.
So glad we had Clara Liveris instead of Keaton.
I'm also glad I didn't tell them both to stay behind.
Like an idiot.
When Adam ever offers you a cleric
You take that cleric
You take that cleric and you run
Today I have learnt
To take the cleric and run
And also that this game will not have a happy ending
And that I need to embrace that in order to win
Yes
That's how it goes down
If you cannot die, that's pretty much a win
Survival, that's all it takes
Clara reaches a hand up, holding her holy symbol,
and calls for the fires of Penia to imbibe her
and the strength of gnomes to shore her.
She grows physically in size
until she's about as big as a standing horse.
That's amazing.
A halo of flame appears around her head.
This is amazing.
Her eyes glow pure white.
And when she opens her mouth, a holy light shines out of it.
Holding her now extra large mace, she takes one step forward and swings at the creature that she is about as big as.
I guess her god is with her.
Yeah, both of them.
She strikes it twice.
Dealing 12 damage in the first blow
and 8 damage in the second, so 20 in total.
Super Steel's really good.
Then it is Leo's turn.
Right.
Now, to apply a vial of blessed oil onto a blade
What is that?
Action
That's an action
Provokes attacks of opportunity normally, but not today
Can I still let them attack?
No, you can't, unfortunately
Would a blessed oil dagger do more damage to something like the Blood Lord?
You have no idea what this thing is
So a blessed dagger tends to do more damage
Oh wait, what dagger? Just one of
your regular ones?
If you put it on your magic ones, it actually
won't affect the magic ones.
They're more powerful than what the blessing is.
Alright, then I'm just going to
get into position, so I'm flanking.
And then just...
You can get it flat-footed, but you
can't get sneak attacks, because
what are you hitting? Well, exactly.
So get into it as I'm flanking, at least, with some other people.
Where's Feefhead?
Never mind.
I'll just stab with both of them.
And you activate my poise, then add my thunder.
Just stabby, stabby, stab, stab.
Prison.
First time you've activated Venom.
You miss with the...
Is it electricity?
What's the...
Yes.
Thundering.
Thundering.
You miss with that one as you swipe
The blood disappears and like
Re-coalesces
But your poisoned one you stab deep into its chest
You only deal
4 points of damage
But the creature howls
And poison
You can see it seeping through the blood
Oh yeah
Blood monster I imagine he's like a blood version of And poison, you can see it seeping through the blood. Oh, yeah.
Blood monster.
I imagine he's like a blood version of Emperor Zed, Lord Zed from Power Rangers.
The guy that's muscles.
What I keep imagining, and I don't think this is right at all, is like, imagine a human body, but you've like deflated it.
So it's just like floppy skin.
But then blood is also like spurting out everywhere like tentacles.
At this point, it's just a mass of writhing blood tentacles And every now and then you spot, oh, a hand
Oh, the face
Moroni's face
Moroni's turn
Moroni strikes at Clara
Actually, you know what?
It kind of focuses on Clara a little bit
Yeah
It stops attacking the guards
It's not letting up on you guys
But it does stop attacking the guards. It's not letting up on you guys, but it does stop attacking
the town guard.
That's good.
Fuck.
Oh, jeez.
All right.
It can't seem
to get a grip on Clara.
Anytime it tries
to wrap around her,
Clara either throws it off
or a burst of holy light
coming from her
frightens the creature
and making it back off
until Clara takes a step forward and says, Coming from her frightens the creature, making it back off.
Until Clara takes a step forward and says,
My God is definitely with me, abomination.
But as she finishes that sentence,
one of the blood tentacles stabs her in the face.
Jesus.
She was the one who's going to heal us.
And now she's dying. She tilts her head back
at the last second and it stabs
deep into her neck
and then letting
go of, I believe it was
Colin, it lets go
of Colin and then you see
Clara
begins to get smaller.
Good.
She needs that blood weight.
Well then.
It deals 18 points of damage to Clara.
Oh, fuck.
She's tough.
She's a healthy girl.
Then it attacks Leo.
Oh, shit.
And Periwinkle.
It misses completely.
It's all good. Yeah misses completely Yeah yeah yeah Leo
Yes
You get swept low
Knocked off your feet
And sent sailing
You take 11 points of damage
What's your health?
What's your max health?
11 now
About 40
What?
11 now
I'm on 11 points of health
Now
You had 40 at the beginning
You fell
Took some damage
I think it hit you last round and it's hitting you now.
Oh, boy.
How am I going?
You're on 66.
Good.
Well, you were on 66.
Oh, Jesus.
Then one of the tentacles strikes you, sending you end over end.
You take seven points of damage.
That's all right.
59.
That was a lot healthier than I was.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
What does scatter spray do?
Scatter spray, it sends a bunch of deleterous just in directions.
How's the lows?
Lows.
Lows?
Okay.
So.
I don't know if that's good or bad based on your facial expression.
I'm not getting any better at reading them.
Then it is periwinkles time. Great. Pick yourself up. I'm not getting any better at reading them. Then it is periwinkle's time.
Great.
I pick myself up.
I go for him with
silver steel again. Because that seems to be
doing more damage than I think I could do with
punching.
So your first attack, you
swipe, but the creature knows
that your sword is like a
fucking lightsaber and to just stay the
fuck away from it yeah so when you swipe the first time the creature leaps away from you in fear in
terror of silver steel it won't let silver still come near it but then you launch yourself forward
faster than the creature can react yeah but as you launch yourself forward, you step on some loose pencils.
And seriously,
loose goddamn pencils.
This goddamn place is a sty.
Tell you what.
You got her both.
Yeah, so that's good.
Crit sad.
Oh, no, I just drew the crit sad
to make you think bad things had happened.
You're fine.
Oh, good.
Oh, you got a...
I don't even know he's picked up
critical success overreaction okay you're uh you move faster than the creature expected
uh and then when you trip the creature's like fuck like shitting itself so it it leaps further
overextending itself your blow is just a regular glancing one,
but every enemy of it within range now gets a free attack on it.
Oh, yes.
Well, that is a boy.
That's all of us.
It's everyone.
Everyone gets a hit.
Do I get another free go?
Fuck it.
Why not?
Yeah.
You deal 12 points of damage.
Slicing this blood up
Yep
Your next attack
Free attack
No you miss you keep swiping but it's moving away from you
It's terrified of you
I should have thrown my bees at it
The town guard as it moves
They're all very scared to even try and hit it
None of them land a blow
Seriously guys we have a free hit and you fuckers don't do anything.
Waste of space.
You're all fine.
Leo, as it moves, it knocks you over
and you flail with your dagger,
but you're unable to hit it.
Are we seriously?
This guy rolled two, three times in a row, so.
All right, come on, Clara.
Hit it with something good.
Clara sideswipes it, hitting it bodily.
Good.
She deals 14 points of damage.
Parrying it between the two of you.
Yeah, just...
It's a game of fucking Bloodlord Pong.
Then it is the guards' turn.
They charge in and try to continue their fight.
Oh, they're so damaged. Oh, come on. Come on, guards. What the fuck? guard's turn. They charge in and try to continue their fight. Oh, damn it.
Come on.
Come on, guards.
What the fuck?
Crit sad.
These guys are all fired.
Yeah.
They need some training.
None of them miss.
And one guard, panicking so much, grabs two bolts for his light crossbow instead of one,
firing them both at the same time and breaking his light crossbow.
What an idiot.
They're terrified.
They're scared of a blood god.
Nah, fair.
It's terrifying.
We've fought worse.
We've fought a gun and a dragon and ghost monsters
and Greg Pierce.
And shadows.
Clara reaches a hand up to the penetrator in her neck,
sucking her blood.
She grabs at it, gives it a light tug, but it won't come free.
She considers
everything for a brief moment, but
looks up at the creature and just lets go of
the tentacle, going all out against it.
She hits it once.
A flurry of blows just bang!
Bang! Bang!
It brings its tentacles up to try and defend itself,
taking seven points of damage.
Oh, man.
She's getting weaker.
Then it is Leo's turn.
How's the blood mound looking?
It's getting tired.
Go for it, son.
What do you want to do?
Fuck it, I'll attack with both.
Activating the thunder.
All right.
So here's how it works.
Oh, and also my poison damage.
That's good, yeah?
You can only do that twice a day.
I know, but is it doing some damage?
Oh, yeah.
The poison is slowly rippling through it, killing one of its tentacles.
Oh, that's good.
Good, good.
So it takes damage from that every turn, I assume.
That weakened it.
Its attacks are less likely to hit now.
Oh, cool.
That's good.
That's good.
Despite the fact they've all hit since that moment.
But that's fine.
That's fine.
That's fine.
By and large.
Actually, it missed the guards a bunch of times.
It did, true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're welcome.
They all missed, too.
Pieces of shit.
I like how none of us landed a blow in the free hit we got.
Also, when it attacked Clara, it missed a ton of times.
I rolled like six attacks on Clara.
Fuck.
Good. Good job, Leo. Good job, Leo. Here Clara, it missed a ton of time. I rolled like six attacks on Clara. Fuck. Good.
Good job, Leo.
Good job, Leo.
Here's how it works.
Now, this creature doesn't usually take critical hits,
but I will draw one critical hit card,
and if I think I can apply it to a mound of blood tentacles,
you still get the critical hit.
Okay.
Let's go.
Okay, a dagger is piercing or slashing, Okay. Let's go. Okay.
A dagger is piercing or slashing.
So I will give you the option between the piercing or slashing titles.
One of them will affect it.
The other will not.
Okay.
Hand wound and broad swipe.
Which one affects the creature?
So I'm guessing a hand wound would mean to wound his hand
Yes, does this creature have hands?
Now it probably doesn't have hands
Although Adam did say it has hands
We saw a hand
Yeah, I did say you can see an odd hand
But no, I'm doing the other one
Gotcha
No, broad swipe was the one
Normal damage and a D8 bleed
So every round is bleeding blood
I guess it works
Yeah, it just loses mass Yeah, it just slowly begins to lose mass So every round is bleeding blood. I guess it works.
Yeah, it just loses mass.
Yeah, it just slowly begins to lose mass.
So with your poisoned attack or the poisoned dagger,
which really isn't much, you deal five points of damage.
Hey, a little something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Every little kelp helps. Every little thing helps.
Every little kelps.
Every little thing is magic.
Yep. With the electric dagger, you deal six points of damage awesome and causing it to bleed i'm also going to try and squirrel away so it doesn't hit me
oh uh you don't need to with the bleed damage it only has one hit point left
it takes five points of damage so you cut off a second tentacle.
Blood starts like out of a hose at high pressure, flying all over the room.
The creature sways and then collapses into a sea of blood that fills the room briefly and then begins to wash out.
That's the most disgusting fight
you've ever been in. The only parts of Moroni that are left
behind are scraps of skin.
Ew. What happened to his organs?
Don't just shake your head at me.
Well, who knows, Jackson?
Well. We got him.
I guess, yes.
I holster my deckers.
I run to Saturday
Saturday is dead
I don't say anything
I just close his eyes
I've lost so many good people
I've lost so many people in this campaign
You had the most people to lose
I did
The trick is to have no one to lose
You lost a lot of yourself though A guard wanders in And says You had the most people to lose. I did. The trick is to have no one to lose.
You lost a lot of yourself, though.
Yeah, that's true.
A guard wanders in and says,
I know everything's very busy right now,
but we need to clear a cage.
What for?
What for?
You don't want this prisoner mixing with the rest of them.
What were rat could the guard need that free cage for?
Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Rumble,
a D&D's for Nerds adventure.
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Nah.
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