D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #26 Gnomish Trouble

Episode Date: January 13, 2018

In which our heroes finally sit-down and catch up after being apart for so long.Join our brand new facebook group here; https://www.facebook.com/groups/535280830149669/Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/Give the gift of Sanspants! https://sanspantsplus.com/give-the-gift-of-sanspants/Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail]: twitter.com/sanspantsradioWebsite: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. I want to ride my bicycle. Oi! Huh? Before we get this show started, I've got a quick announcement to make, Jackson. Yeah? Plumbing the Death Star are going on tour and doing a national tour of Australia. Get the hell out! You're coming too!

Yeah! Hey, and Joel Zammett, you'll be there also. What?! Plumbing the Death Star Get Cooked National Tour of Australia Summer 2018. It's a short and catchy title. It's quick. We're going to Melbourne. Yeah.

We're going to Sydney. Yeah. But first we're going to Perth. Then we're going to Brisbane. Then we're going to Canberra. Yep. And then we're going to Adelaide. And then, presumably, we're going home.

Yep. To bed. and then we're going to Adelaide and then presumably we're going home to bed hey Jackson do you know where you can find out all this information I could not begin to imagine that's easy sanspenseradio.com forward slash live you will find all of our upcoming tour dates and links to buy tickets do you know how fast tickets are moving furiously

fast and furiously so if you're hearing this ad Do you know how fast tickets are moving? Furiously. Fast and furiously. So if you're hearing this ad, I recommend you buy tickets ASAP. You might get the last one. Feasibly so. Or alternatively, if you're not quick, you might miss out. Anyway, now on to the episode. Get cooked, Australia.

Welcome to chapter four of Jaren's Outpost Rumble. A D&D's for nerds adventure. Previously. I think you were the traitor in Lightheart because you're the traitor everywhere you go, piss. I'm winning right now. You are. Little Little falls to his feet, puts his hands up to the sky, and wails. I have a pretty good understanding of what that means, I assume.

Once you heal this guy, once you see who he is and heal him, you need to just get out of the carriage. He's right. You're better needed here. You're the true spiritual guide of this church. I'm coming with you. Oh, yeah! Got Clara on site! You walk in, everyone looks around at you, and perhaps you're actually standing next to the

wanted poster of yourself. What is wrong with me? What have I done recently? Your two hands are like there covered in fucking like just the bile and vomit and you bring

one of your hands away shake it and you notice it's hairy. It's very, very hairy. Oh yeah! Come on now. Clara looks between the two of you

as you have like an awkward I'm sorry your father figure died. I'm sorry your father figure died. I'm sorry your father figure died. When Adam ever offers you a cleric, you take that cleric. Today I have learnt to take the cleric and run, and also that this game will not have a happy ending. I'm also going to try and squirrel away so it doesn't hit me. You don't need to.

With the bleed damage, it only has one hit point left. I know everything's very busy right now, but we need to clear a cage What for? They take you outside There's a paddy wagon out the back So these paddy wagons are just like It's a door with a circle

And some iron bars The guard gestures to the window And says don't get too close You look in And inside the paddy wagon You can see a feral were-rat slamming itself against all different sides of the paddy wagon. There's claw marks everywhere. Do we recognize?

A bunch of the guards outside look like they've been clawed up a lot. Does the were-rat have any clothes? Any identifying marks that we may identify as belonging? Lows. Lows? You. What's something people may identify as belonging? Lowe's. Lowe's? You. What's something people might identify you by? What parts of your body are you missing again?

Missing eye. Missing eye. Surgical scars. Oh, no. The guards say it was Greg Pierce. He turns into that. I was going to say, I was Greg Pierce. Greg Pierce is now a were-rat?

Yes. Maybe he was always a were-rat. Who's really to say when he became a were-rat? Everyone, check your bits and also any bites. Clara goes around and thankfully it's been only hours since any of them were bitten, so Clara can quite easily fix it Anyone who's ever slept with Greg Piss Quickly check your cocks

And your lady cocks There's a fucking table that lets you roll To see whether or not you catch lycanthropy As an STD Which you would from Greg Piss I feel like that's not even the worst thing You could catch from Greg Piss If I showed the whereat the the sword, would he freak out?

I don't think so. The sword has no compulsion over other people. Oh, when you get close, you can feel like the sword is holstered in its scabbard, but you can feel the heat radiating off it as you approach the paddy wagon. Man, I really want to kill Greg Piss, but something tells me that's not going to happen. Killing me as a were-rat is such a funny, like, anticlimactic like, oh, I just reached my

sword and stabbed him to the heart. There we go, got him. Could I do it that easily? Probably not. Like the were-rat, maybe you'll nick him once, but if you don't kill him in the first blow, the were-rat is smart enough to know not to charge you. Yeah. But is Greg Piss the were-rat though? No.

Greg Piss does not exist right now. How long does a were-transformation last? The night. I guess we lock him up. Can we just leave him in, like, can he break out of that paddy wagon? The paddy wagon, like, it's made out of wood, so if he keeps clawing, he might be able to find a hole.

And as we know about rats and mice, if they can, oh wait, no. That's a conversation I had with my dad. If a mouse or rat can get their head through a hole, they can get their body through the hole. Do we have any silver cuffs or anything that we can try? The town guard would have

some kind of... No. Not for all... Maybe for a were-rat, but it'd be like, oh, fuck, where is it? Because there's pandemonium and it's not really something they need often anyway. All right. What about when they're like poles? You can kind of grab someone.

Oh, yeah. They have like animal. Yeah. Put them in the animal. Put them in the stone cage. Can you please do it? The guard says. I give Leo the steel.

Silver steel. It's so steel. Silver steel? It's so big. Silver steel is heavy. He's not going to be able to carry that. Clara, can I... Or it'd be better to give it to one of the guards, like Goggles or someone. If you want to give it to Clara or the guards.

Just if he does anything skeevy, stab him in the face with it. Clara returns to normal size, FYI. Yeah, yeah. I give her the sword. I'm like, if he goes for anything, it's the silver it'll kill him. She wields her mace in one hand and the sword in the other. When I transform, all my shit

goes inside me, yeah? No. That's why it's just lost? That's a druid transformation. So the guards collected it. Your clothes are tattered and yeah, your equipment would have been collected by the guards. Hey, we have the teleporting stick. We don't know what it is though. Oh, actually, let me double check that because that is a good question. You also have the gem.

Because I think you destroy it, but maybe not. Oh, okay. It's a kind of important thing. Yeah, I'd like to know. You're not such a fan. I'd like to know if it works like a druid or just like if it's someone else. Because I know a druid, it's all like inside you. Does that mean if you kill... Oh, no. If you kill a druid, they come. What if you performed

open surgery on a druid in an animal form bear could you like pull over and get their equipment out and then sew them back up yeah i mean could you replace their equipment with your like put a bomb inside them sew them back up they transform and then they just explode especially they become like a blue whale and you put like a like a massive boulder inside they transform back but it's still or if they become like a blue whale and you put like a massive boulder inside, they transform back, but it's still... Or if they transform back, does it then crush them? Changing to animal or a hybrid form

ruins the character's armor and clothing, including any items worn. If the new form is larger than the character's natural form, carried items are simply dropped. If you wanted to, because it says here, characters... Oh, no, because you didn't know what was happening. If you know what's happening, you could, characters... Oh, no, because you didn't know what was happening. No.

If you know what's happening, you could be like, fuck, get my clothes off. You can quickly do that. No, that's okay. So I assume one of the guards just picked up my bag. Yeah, presumably. Cool. Great, so we have all your stuff.

I tell one of the guards, go through his stuff, if there's anything good in there. They already have. Good. What'd you find? Healing potions. A bunch of other... Take all the healing potions

All of them If you want you can just loot Greg Piss's character Are we doing this again? Yeah we are This has been good Do you want to just divvy the healing potions up between you and I? How many healing potions do you have? I'm super scared of what Greg Piss is going to do

We've laid him low and now he's dangerous He's also a were-rat. Alright, so we get a Cure Models. Oh, you got a wand. Yeah, I've got my wand of teleporting. It's got one charge left. So you've got Rotter teleport, one charge left. He's got the wands that heal him though as well.

He's got six of them plus the potions. Six healing wands plus nine healing potions. Do you mean six uses? Yeah. One wand, six uses. Plus nine healing potions. Do you mean six uses? Yeah. One wand, six uses. Plus nine healing potions. Can I use the wand? You need a check, so there's a chance you'll fail. Clara can use it, but you can use it also with a check.

All right. You take the wand. I'll take the rod of teleporting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm big, so I can't sneak. Fair. And we've got a crystal. I don't know what this is.

Looks important. Yeah, no one can identify that. Fair. And we've got a crystal. I don't know what this is. Looks important. Yeah, no one can identify that. Let's keep it. So we've got the crystal. And we'll split the potions between the two of us. You had nine, was it? Nine, yeah, nine health potions. You take five, I'll take four

because I've got more health than you. Thank you. I guzzle one now. Oh, I'll take one too. Does it say what type of potion? Moderate? Moderate? I also take one too Does it say what type of potion? Moderate I also use one You recover 13 hit points

And Periwinkle also does 2 You drink 2? No I drink 1 2 T-O-O Not T-W-O You recover Oh a lot more You recover 19 hit points.

Am I basically pretty much back to full health? Nearly? Yeah, you're full hit points now. Boom. Can I try and do a cure with the wand? Yeah, you can try. Is there anything else you've got that we might take? Yep, you succeed.

What does the wand say? I forget what that is. Also moderate. Moderate? Oh, that's what you have no weapons at all. No. You recover 13 hit points. Sick.

I love it. All right. And let's put this boy in jail. Yeah. So I'm going to get this guy in jail. All right. Who's getting you have? I'm going to try to get Gregory out.

You have five poles to hold Pierce with, but only two people can realistically do it as you're coming out. Yeah. All right. So who are you going to do? Because if Greg Pierce, like, I'm going to roll Pierce with, but only two people can realistically do it as you're coming out. Yeah. So who are you going to do? Because if Greg Pierce, like, I'm going to roll for this and Greg Pierce could get free. That's why Clara's ready with the silver sword. Yeah, Clara's ready with it, but Pierce is fast.

If he runs, you've lost him. I'm just going to be ready as well, but a little bit further back. So if he does try and dart towards me, I'd have a good chance, but if he darts away from him. I'm just going to be ready as well, but a little bit further back. So if he does try and dart towards me, I'd have a good chance. But if he darts away from me, I'm fucked. You can try to cover angles, but a lot of the angles are going to be covered by guards who, when a were-rat

is charging them, like, anything could happen. Alright, you ready, men? Do you want to roll for this? Oh, wait, no. You guys never roll. Who's the strongest of the other guards? All right, you ready, men? Do you want to roll for this? Oh, wait, no. You guys never roll. What are you talking about? All right. Who's the strongest of the other guards?

I'm probably the strongest, and then maybe the guy at Monday or Goggles, who's the dwarf. All right, you grab Goggles and yourself. Would Goggles be reasonably strong as a dwarf? All of the guards are reasonably strong. It's hard to, like, you are 16 strength. You are 14 strength. I'm huge, so I'm the

strongest. You pick goggles, because goggles are sturdy. Yeah, yeah. Clara, do you have anything that could like, perhaps bless these boys to see if they have extra strength? She shakes her head. Never mind. You ready, Clara? She nods. You ready, Leon? Ready as I'll ever be.

Oh, Gregory. Are you ready, boy? I as I'll ever be. Oh, Gregory. Are you ready, boy? I don't speak dickhead. All right. Let's go. All right. We both latch him. I'm not going to roll.

Eventually, you get him. You've got the things around his... Oh, how's it look? Highs. Highs? You both get them around his neck. They're wrapped nice and firm. So the idea is you open the door or you drag him towards the door

and then open it slowly and people on the other side latch him while he's attached to the doors. You guys got to let go briefly, just enough such that the poles can get back through the gap in the door. You re-grab them and then drag him inside. Let's do that. All right. So in the door, you re-grab them and then drag him inside. Let's do that. So, opening the door.

He's got so many chance to escape. His struggles. Pierce is strong. In his were-rat form, it's hard, even for you to keep a hold of him. He leaps forward. Both you and Goggles are slammed into the door,

but you pull back and you don't lose hold of him. Opening of Jurassic Park style. Three guards come forward. Monday, Colin, and Tuesday. Yeah, racist Tuesday. Colin latches on, but Monday and Tuesday can't get a hold. Pierce continues to struggle. Thursday R, you do something. Also, the rest of the town guard that brought

him in. There's only five things to hold him with. No one wants to touch him. True, true, true. We keep trying to drag him in? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No. With three collars on, Pierce launches forward. You and Goggles both lose hold, and he slips forward.

He leaps over Colin, knocking Colin to the ground, and Colin lets go as well. Uh-oh. Clara! How's all those? Nice. He leaps towards Clara. Clara swings with the sword.

Quack, piss. Quack, quack, quack, piss. Clara misses with the sword. Swings with the Morningstar. Hits with the Morningstar. Swings again with Silversteel. Misses with Silversteel. Piss takes one blow from Clara the Morningstar. Swings again with Silversteel. Misses with Silversteel. Pierce takes one blow from Clara's Morningstar.

It deals eight points of damage to him. Usually, only a silvered weapon could hurt Pierce. But Clara, charging her mace with magical energy, it rips through him as if it were made of silver. Pierce takes eight damage. Oh, Pierce, I don't think your hit points are what they are right now. No, they're not.

They're boosted because you're a were-rat. Yeah. Crack. Crack, Pierce. Saying Pierce like that is really funny. I hate it. Pierce, Pierce. I don't want it in my life.

It's like a little possessed child saying it. It's terrifying. All right. Yeah, you take eight points of damage. I hope you die. Greg pissed the wearer. I hope he fucking dies. Just because of that.

A hail of light crossbow bolts are fired, but it's a haphazard sort of thing. People are beginning to panic. No one hits. Or like a couple hits are scored, but not enough damage is dealt to pierce his hide. Fair. Alright.

Oh, he didn't leap towards you. He leapt towards Clara. Oh no, could I have cast maybe like Grease? It would harm probably the guards more than Pierce. Pierce is probably very, well, he is very agile right now. You know enough to know that if you cast Grease,

guards are more likely to fall than Pierce is. Could I, like, throw a dagger at him? Do you know what we should have done? We should have just set the carriage that they brought him in on fire. You're idiots for not killing me sooner, really. Well, we tried. I'm going to try and throw the... A normal dagger's not going to do any damage, will it?

Probably not, no. So I'm going to throw the thunder one. You hurl the dagger at Pierce, but the dagger passes clean underneath his lithe form. Highs or lows, Pierce? Highs. Highs. You run into the guardhouse.

Shit. Well, I'm a rat, so I don't know what's going on. People begin screaming inside. Piss. Clara, give me the sword. Clara tosses you the sword as you charge in. You're in the doorway. Piers is on a desk looking around at you.

Oh, man. I'm going to charge and grab my dagger. Pierce looks. Yeah, everyone's inside now. All the fighters moving inside. Guards begin screaming like, barricade the exits. Make sure he can't escape. Guards start trying to surround the guard house.

Yeah. Pierce has grabbed someone as he's gone in, maybe a criminal. Someone chained to a desk, slammed their head into the desk, killing them on his way in. Pierce is, like... We can get him for murder now, boys. Pierce looks dreadful. Like, it looks like he turned into a were-rat wrong.

He's got the missing eye, the scar from it. He's got surgical scars all along his body and his fur is just coming in patches. Do you remember from the Until Dawn Let's Play? Like that really hairy fucking

really hairy what are they called? Wendigo. I just saw the patchy gross like awful patchy hair Fucking really hairy. Fuck, what are they called? Wendigo. Wendigo. Really hairy. And you saw the patchy, gross. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like awful patchy hair. And you can see the skin underneath.

It's like standing on end. Grab that. Grab this. I remind me of Wendigo. Is that? That was good. How's your lows, Mr. Pierce? Monsio Pierce.

Lows, please. You launch at Leo. I want to make you a wearer, boy. You launch at Leo. I want to make you a were-rat, boy. Yes. No. It's so good. Leo. Do you want to be a were-rat?

Not at all. Zam it, maybe. Leo. God, no. Leo. Pierce lands on you and tears out your throat. You take eight points of damage. You son of a...

He healed himself. I gave myself like 20-something points. You're at 29 now. Pierce! Pierce! Mons, you're a pedo-incle. Let's go. Silversteel, bring it on, you ratty bastard.

Peacocked. Slippery. You bring Silversteel down onto Pierce twice. Pierce, burning agony consumes you. For steal Down onto Pierce twice Pierce Burning agony Consumes you You take A lot of damage Yes

Come on Let's kill Pierce It's taken us like a whole game We kill him as a were rat That would just be So beautiful It's sort of poetry You know

He's always been a rat He's a ratty fella You You swing once into the back of Pierce's neck. You cut half of Pierce's neck through. Leo, you're drenched

in blood. I think my neck went... Then, Periwinkle, you plant a boot firmly on Pierce, knock him aside so that he rolls over, and stab through him into the wooden floorboards of the guardhouse. Damn straight. Sticking him into the guardhouse.

Piss collapses, unconscious. Train him up, quick. As quick as they like, they first of all stabilize him, then they pick him up, and they drag him into a cell they've cleared for him. Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara, Clara, please check, please check. I don't want to be at that. I don't want to be at that. I don't want to be at that.

Did I get into my wounds? I got blood in my wounds. Clara checks you over and says, relax, you're fine. Leo's happy. Zamit's sad. I didn't get bit, did I? I scratched. No, didn't attack you. Barely touched you.

And I fucked you right up. All right. A bunch of criminals have to be let go. Who are you letting go? What crimes are you forgiving? You don't have enough space to fit people. What general crimes

have there been committed? You can name any crime. I assume a lot of looting has happened. Yeah. Alright. The looters are just people who are desperate.

So there's a room of looters. So I go up to the cell that has looters in. Let's say there's six of them. Seven of them in there. This is the cell we're going to put piss in. And I go up to the cell that has looters in. Let's say there's six of them, seven of them in there. This is the cell we're going to put piss in. And I walk up to the cell and do my intimidating face

to the cell of looters. They're terrified of you. Good. Okay, boys. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go out of these cells. You're free to go home and continue your lives in peace. But if you decide just for half a second that you want to loot again,

I will find you and I will kill you. Is that clear? In this little microcosm of the universe in a fantasy D&D setting, scared straight works. You don't think these people are going to re-offend Have a wonderful day You release maybe in total 20 people Because they're shoulder to shoulder in the cells And you need a cell for Pierce

You mummify Pierce in chains And put him up in the I've taken the sword out too Yeah obviously Any silver that we can put around him Did we find and put him up in the... I've taken the sword out too, because I'm not... Yeah, obviously. Piercing chains. Any silver that we can put around him? Did we find silverware down my top or something? Bury me in forks.

Someone goes and just fetches silverware. You've got some... Just put it through the chain so that... Yeah. All right, you weave in silverware. Yeah, just so it's like you're bound. Yeah. I'm in a cutlery's like, you're bound. Yeah. I'm in a cutlery cocoon, that's fine.

Alright. Right. So? I need to heal myself. Or does Clara do that for us? Yeah, Clara can heal. You're still on full hit points. Oh.

Oh no, I didn't, yeah, you didn't attack me at all. Leo's a bit hurt. My neck wound. It's open. Clara? And it's gushing. You recover six hit points from Clara Thank you Clara

She's running out of magic I'm just going to jab another wand in my throat Jack and other D&D players When they're using a wand of healing They're like I cast healing on myself From the wand and don't just like jam it into the wound Like we do I jab this in my neck

You fail you lose a piece of the wand without gaining any benefit. Jab it again. You do have... You succeed this time. You recover... Oh, you're full hit points. It was actually a bit of a waste. I'm not gonna lie. I thought I was a lot more wounded than

I was. Hey, Clara. Yeah? Do you know what this tree token is? Hey, wise. Also crystal. Yeah, what the fuck are these two things? No, she can't identify the crystal. The tree token, she looks it over and she's like, yes, you throw this on the ground or activate

it wherever and then a mighty oak grows just suddenly. That's awesome. I should have used that in the fight, just thrown it in the middle of the blood man. All right, cool. I'll pocket that. That'll be useful.

Yeah, that's going to come in handy. That's going to come in handy. All right, and what's this rod do? What rod? Oh, the teleportation one, yeah. You are able to identify it. That's the teleportation rod. Oh.

It's got- It's almost got labels on it. You can tell that it only works within Jaren's outpost It only has one charge left But it'll teleport you anywhere We have to know where that is Can we forward people

Just to kind of mop up the blood You have to be aware of where you're teleporting You have to have been there before Or know of it, I should say Blood cult. Done. Let's talk options. Blood cult, sorted. Blood cult, sorted.

So with the teleportation, I should just specify, you obviously need to be aware that such a place exists. You can't be like, I want to be teleported where rocks meet sand, or something like that. You need to think of a specific place. If you have not been there, then you incur mischance. So you only know of it through a conversation or someone's, you know, maybe a painting you've seen.

And mischance means that there's a chance that you go awry. You teleport somewhere else instead. If you've been there before, it's a perfect chance every time. Right. Can two people hold the teleportation rod and be teleported? No, it's a perfect chance every time. Right. Can two people hold the teleportation rod and be teleported? No, it only teleports one person. Damn. Remember I was trying to get bloody Blood Cult, mister.

We sorted him out for you, though. Yeah, big ups for that. Thanks. No worries. Firstly, Halfling Mafia. So, Little Little is probably going to, after he calms down, well, after he stops grieving, he's not going to calm down. No.

And he's going to, well, there's going to be war. He's pretty hot-headed. There will be war. There will be war. So, Surefoots, well, I mean, I was making my way through some of them, and I don't know what the Quiet Knives, they're being very particularly quiet. That's why they're called the Quiet Knives. They're not called the Loud Obvious Knives

I made you deputy, what is this shit? I'm just saying, what's happening? So the Quiet Knives are quiet Is that like a dwarven mafia called the Loud Hammers? That's real good No, the dwarven mob is referred to as nothing Because there's no crime with dwarves Quiet Knives are doing what their namesake says,

and they're very quiet. So who knows what the fuck is happening there. So then we have the blood cult. They're dead. Well, we've cut off the two of their heads. So who knows what they're going to do now, leaderless. Yeah, they'll fall apart. They either might fall apart or just now start riding themselves, who knows

Then we've got We've got the Eton If you want, you could bring Biddlecoff into the jail cells Oh yeah, let's lock Biddlecoff up as well Oh yeah, do that Put him in there We've got the dragon Eton

God knows what that wailing was. Yeah. So that's a- I bet you it has something to do with piss, though, probably. Wailing, question mark, question mark. We then have the sabres who are pretty much now at war with the gnomes, and that's pretty much the biggest problem right now is the sabres and the gnomes. Yeah.

Before everything that happened, I was thinking of trying to get the Sabres to maybe go to Eaton and see what was going on there, but I don't know how well that... I sent one of the littleos to go and have a chat there, but I don't know what's happened with that. Can we check in with that fella? Oh, he hasn't returned. Probably won't return, will he?

Who knows? The Sabres are weird. You should set town guard policy concerning each different faction Alright Leo Clara Goggles Let's go

No, I mean like announce Like a what to do if you come across Guards, come here You have a general meeting Get over here. We're having a big powwow. Two things. Do not let Biddlecough out.

If he tries to escape, you are authorized to kill him. Two, same goes for piss. Did we get more of a list for the Blood Cult, by the way, off Biddlecough? No. He really only gave us the two names. All right. Blood Cult, public the way, off Biddle Cough? Nah. He really only gave us the two names. All right.

Blood Cult, public enemy number one. If they start doing shit... Start taking down signs. Arrest them. Some guy starts writing down notes. Kill them. Whatever. Blood Cult, bad.

Eaton, if you see weird shit happening at the keep, let us know straight away. Tell this to just people, citizens. If weird shit's happening at the keep, let us know. Eden's at the top of our list. The issue is how do you arrest a dragon? Goggles, someone should work on that. Sir, one of your captains, one of your sub-commanders.

Yeah. Pipes up. I think you should be made aware uh that the mercenary group the black hand the they're the mercenary group that kind of started all of this they came through toppled a lot of the power structures everything descended into chaos and they fucked off uh an emissary from the black hand came several weeks back offering, well, the Black Hand would like to bring Jaren's Outpost back into the fold. They're offering law and order, but under their command. Tolton told them to fuck off, but in light of recent events, perhaps you might want to reconsider.

The only thing that makes me hesitant is that if the Black hand get a hold of that gun, we're in trouble I've had semi-dealings with the black hand before, they're pretty much jackbooted thugs Cool, I'm the only jackbooted thug around here So, uh And we can try to hammer down on, I know you're friendly with the gnomes, or you certainly don't want us massacring them in the streets But there's a lot of racism going on. That's systematic. I know all about systematic racism, son.

I'm a half-orc. Weird. An audience with the gnomes, but what do we do with the sabers? A couple of the subcommanders chuckle at that. Some don't. For some, it's, like, awkward. Some of them are like, I don't want to laugh at that. And some of them are like, it's a funny joke that he made.

It's okay, because he's a half-orc. Only he can say that. And some of them are like, it's a funny joke that he made. It's okay. Only he can say that. Now that a half-orc is our town captain, the captain of the guard, racism is gone. Exactly. It's fine. That's how it works. Nip that shit in the bud.

Before you announce this, I want to have a quick word to O'Rourke here and be like, now I know you don't like the sabers, but they are a devil we know. A devil we know to be evil? We could work with them to get eaten. And if we get rid of the gnomes by either sending them home or whatever it is that you want to do, maybe we have to make a deal with the Sabres. To cause war and order.

You're in this conversation to being representative of the church. I don't like them. They're militaristic. Leo makes a decent point, though. They would be very useful in a fight against the dragon. But versus Eden, we want them on our side. But versus the gnomes we don't so if we have an audience with the gnomes

and see exactly what they want because the gnomes I don't know what their main goal is but if we can sort them out maybe we have a deal after we get rid of Eden maybe we carve out a small section for the sabres

I know it's not in everyone's best interest. I know no one likes this. But sometimes you have to make deals that are hard. I hate deals that are hard. No, no, no. No, you make a perfectly good point. I'm looking at this map. We could give them Eaton's keep.

If the Sabres stay, then they're going to maybe want control. Or at least they're going to want independence. I don't like their influence over a subset of the people here. Neither do I. Neither do I, but... What are the chances of getting them to take on Eden and then just betraying them later? I think this was an option.

They're a militant group of battle-hardened fanatics. I don't know if they're someone we want as enemies. As much as I detest their methods, they're not bad people. They do them for the right reasons. Perhaps they are someone we can work with. But the gnomes are destabilizing for any alliance we have with them. If we can get the gnomes out of the city, I think we can work with. But we need to, the gnomes are destabilizing for any alliance we have with them.

If we can get the gnomes out of the city, I think we can work with them. Well, I'll do what I was going to get the commander to do. We're going to go talk to the gnomes. They were open to meeting with the town guard captain once. Maybe they'll be open to it again. I guess

we go there. Yep. I don't know what we do though. Getting past the sabre barricade is not going to be easy. Can we go there. Yep. I don't know what we do, though. Getting past the Sabre barricade is not going to be easy. Can we go from the church's side? No. The Sabres own all of the real estate around the Gnomish section right now. A bit of cough. Do we get him to help us go through the sewers?

He doesn't know the way. He explained before, yeah. They sealed off the entrance. Well, then here's my other plan, which was my original plan. We go to the Shorefoots and we get one of them to show us how to get

to the Gnomish district. And maybe on the way we kill Papa Shorefoot. I'm all for that. Yeah. One of the sub-commanders, as you're in the planning room or whatever, suggests

we could go in there and force. Without their leadership, the Blood Cult will be weakened. The Shorefoots just can't stand up against us in a straight-on fight. So if we can knock through the Blood Cult, that's the chaff that is protecting them right now. Bring it on. All right.

I'll assemble a task force. Oh, you had another option, Leo? Is that teleportation. I mean, one of us can teleport in. You've never been in there before. You know of it? As into the Gnomish town. Oh, into the Gnome town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of us could teleport in. You've never been in there before. You know of it? Nome-ish town. Oh, into the gnome town.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of us could teleport to the gnome's town. Maybe even Flipsham. Yes, my only... Flipsham's great. She's super loyal to the gnomes, though. True, but I don't... Have you asked her why they're still here?

But she doesn't want war in this town. True, true. I mean, I can... You can talk to Flip Sham. See if she can go ahead, maybe tell Erky Timbers that we're planning to try and have a meeting. Yeah, for peace. For peace?

Getting rid of the blood cult? Can we gag, Pierce? Clara says. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. She looks around the room. Someone gets up out of their chair Maybe the person who was taking down notes

Passes his notes to someone else and he leaves Just before he wakes up Yeah, no, that's probably good No, no, yes Not fair Take the precautions Yeah, not good We fell into the trap of ignoring you

Before thinking we'd taken you off the board And then you charmed my manager Someone have a couple of Maybe have a couple of guards On piss You don't have a couple of, maybe have a couple of guards on Pierce. You don't have a lot of people to spare. To devote someone to guard just Pierce? Just one person?

Just one person. I think it's worth it. Do you want a hand pick? Colin's injured. Colin? All right. Colin. Yeah.

He's my most trusted fella. Yeah. Or Tuesday the racist, because Tuesday would hate a were-at. If we can get, if we start planning and maybe send word to get Flip Sham over here so we can send her to the gnomes.

Alright, one of your sub-commanders taps the table. I'll find some people I know won't harm her. And then we'll go through the blood cult. And storm Shorefoot apartments. Kill ourselves some gingers. Sorry Clara. Kill ourselves some gingers. I mean. Sorry, Clara.

Kill ourselves some gingers. I can't lie. I can't. I know it passes in the guardhouse. Pierce, you wake up the next day. This is as you're getting Flip Sham to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sending someone out to get her, then like secreting her over here.

It's not easy. So it takes some time. You guys can probably be there when Pierce wakes up if you want. Oh, absolutely. Colin is sitting across the cell from him, like on the other side of the gap. He's got big mufflers on. When I come back, presumably I'm smaller than I was as a were-rat.

Can I just slide out of the chains? No, you don't actually change size that much. Oh, really? Nah. We made them change super fucking tight too. Because you're a were-rat, you actually... Maybe go down in size? If you were a halfling, you'd get bigger.

You'd get smaller, as in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're medium-sized as a were-rat. Cool. Are we in the cell? No, we're on the other side of the cell. You're on the other side of the bars You're on the other side of the bar First thing I'll do is look at my hands

You can't I'm trying to look down at my nose I just want to make sure I'm not a were-rat anymore So it's not a comic level of mummification But there's like chains wrapped all around you Piss I kind of wave Hey piss

Right You're gagged. Oh. How are you, buddy? No. Oh. Can I spit the gag out? Or is it like tied around my head?

It would be, but you can try. Should we try at least? Yeah. Yep. Immediately. He just spits the gag out. Pretty stupid if you gag me if you want to have a conversation Not the brightest move

Okay Pierce, give me one good reason Why I do not come into that cell And cut your head off Because I've got an army Oh fuck Pierce, you're amazing Excuse me Hang on a minute Pierce, your're amazing Excuse me Hang on a minute

Pierce, your bluff is so good Technically he does have an army, doesn't he? Just not on me We've got it But you don't know that Like You're a little afraid You're not sure how

But he seems very sure of himself. He always seems sure of himself, but when there's smoke, there's fire. An army. I grab a smoke. Speaking of smokes, yeah, all right. Wouldn't take much right now for me if I wanted to. You have an army of the undead march upon this here little police station. Army of undead how?

Yeah, how? I've got to ask the question, Piss. How on earth did you muster. Army of Undead, how? Yeah, how? I've got to ask the question, Piss. How on earth did you muster an army of the undead? It's a long story. We've got time. We've got a little time, mate. It starts in the blood cult headquarters. Of course, I'm looking for me soul, aren't I?

Where's it gone? I think it's going to be there. That's what you'd expect. But it's not. Well, first I didn't know that. All I find is a thousand souls all wrapped up, tied up, you know, in little jars. I think one of them's got to be there. That's what you'd expect. But it's not. Well, first I didn't know that. All I find is a thousand souls all wrapped up, tied up, you know, in little jars. I think one of them's got to be me.

So I start drinking. Don't I? Yeah. You drank souls. As many souls as I could. Knowledge arcana, all of, like, anything he's saying, like, yep, nah, it's reasonable. Oh, shit. You don't know a lot about how this sort of magic works.

You're but a burgeoning magician, but you don't see anything wrong with what he's saying. Okay. Right. And then, you know, some stuff happens here and there, and I find myself in an audience with Keaton. I mean, Eton, not Keaton. Yeah, right.

Anyway, try to strike a bargain with him. Obviously, it doesn't work out. He's crazy. He's a loony. Yeah, right. Anyway, tried to strike a bargain with him, obviously. Doesn't work out. He's crazy. He's a loon. But what sort of bargain? What sort of bargain? Yeah.

It's not really important. No, what sort of bargain? Can I notice he's got no shadow? I didn't even think. Hang on, Tick. I'll intimidate you into telling me this. Yeah Yeah you both can see that he doesn't cast a shadow It's very odd It's because of the shadow I guess he's

So your shadow is one of Eden's shadow people That we fought at the mansion castle Bang on But and result of it all is that I Have been given, gifted rather By certain parties Something which I'm sure you acquired off me, a little crystal in a glass jar, but unfortunately

I'm the only one who can use it. Right, how does it work? I wouldn't tell you, would I? That'd be stupid. As in, okay, what does it do? As in, like, how does it work? Control, if I use it, then I'll have control of the undead. If you use it, you'll die.

Perhaps. Perhaps Pierce is right But Clara But Is she around? Yeah, she's standing here with you Come here She sidles over

I do not know magic of the dead He could say anything and I wouldn't know Great Zone of truth Oh She cast zone of Truth. Pierce. So, the way Zone of Truth

works is you are compelled to speak only the truth. I don't have to answer. You don't have to answer, but if you talk, you cannot even mislead. You must tell the truth. Leo,

you are also affected by this. Periwinkle, you do that thing that tricks the spell. Piss! Leo and Piss, if you speak, you must speak the truth and not even mislead.

Alright. Alright, Piss. Has anything you've said to us in the last 30 seconds been true? I don't say any of it. And I wait. Alright then. So I'm assuming, I'm going to assume that if you don't answer,

that means that you're trying to lie. Would that be fair, Piss? Don't answer. Piss, do you have a largeiss? Don't answer. Piss, do you have a large penis? Don't answer. I nod. Greg, how does the crystal work? FYI.

I just don't answer. I don't have to. Nothing's compelling me to. Hey, Leo. Yeah? Is there a chance we're going to kill piss? Yes Is there a chance everyone else in the city is going to kill piss? Yes

Is there a chance we could do it right now? Leo? Well yeah Who else has you chained in a cell? Well that's a rather good point We also know you're a were-rat And I don't know if you know this guy over here But he could do some serious damage to you

Yeah, I don't really remember much of last night If I'm honest with you It's a silver blade All I'd have to do is run it through enough times And you wouldn't get back up this I can cut you a lot if you need me to I don't need... Why would I ever need that?

I'll happily talk if you just crack me out of these chains I'm not that stupid Like'll happily talk if you just crack me out of these chains. I'm not that stupid. Like I have any ill will toward you. Do you think ever in my life I've wanted power or anything like that? I just don't want to have to deal with all this fucking malarkey. You know what's amazing? He's not lying.

You've never harboured ill will towards us. I've never harboured ill will towards you. I just want to be alive. That's actually true. Frankly, my whole life for the last fucking week Has just been me trying to get myself back to square fucking one To be honest It's never been personal If you crack me out I'll tell you how it works

And you can just let me fuck on down the pub We'll pretend none of this ever happened I'm not going to let you out Would like to get my shadow back but can't with them all Would you agree to assist us Tell us how the crystal works, if I promised you a full pardon as commander of the guard? Absolutely.

Okay. All right. If I give you a full pardon, you'll tell us how the crystal works? Of course. Tell me how the crystal works. How about... Well, yeah, I think I'm that stupid to you. Goggles.

Write out a full pardon for Mr. Piss. It's very easy to write out a full pardon and kill me. Okay, how about this? You help us, Greg, and we'll try our best to get you your shadow back. Yeah, sweet. I'm happy to help you. I don't like that one. That's too hard.

Well, if we're going to storm Eden, yeah. I'm in the bloody zone of truth. I'm in the zone of truth. Storm's eaten. I'm in the bloody zone of truth. I'm in the zone of truth. If I get you the full pardon, and you know that... Does he know that I've been caught in the zone of truth?

Or haven't been? I don't know. You don't know whether or not it's affecting him. So we're on the zone of truth right now, piss. I would have no reason to assume it didn't affect him. I'm in the zone of truth now, piss. I will not kill you if you tell me how the crystal works and I will give you a part.

I'm following this boy's orders. What do you want? Clara says. I'd like a full pardon. I'd like me shadow back. Then I'll fuck off. I assume you don't think Eden's going to win? Well. Well, I don't want him to, but he does have an army

of the undead. If we have the crystal, though, we can combat that. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. How does the crystal work, piss? All right, you got me dead to rights here, I'll tell you. So I explain how the crystal works. It's one of the handles. You just turn it 90 degrees and it activates. And then who gets control?

Whoever activates it. Well, as far as I know, whoever activates it. It was a porky before I said it was only me, but I could be wrong. Honestly, it was a meeting in a jail cell where it was all organized. You don't imagine the gnomes trust you with an army of the dead. Where'd you get the crystal from? The gnomes.

Fucking what? Yeah, some gnomes in a cell. Some fella by the name of... I can't say his name. Can't really remember it. Tip-top fob throttle? Yeah, tip-top. Governor, Tingle, or Governor is spelled, by the name of... I can't say his name. I can't really remember it. Tip Top Pop Throttle? Yeah, Tip Top. Governor. Tingle.

Oh, Governor is spelt, by the way, G-V-U-R. Governor. Governor. Tingle, Lot, Bot, Fot, Hop, Throttle. Yeah, some fellow with a Darth name, but he was a governor. You know him.

He's one of the... He's not a member of the Gnomish Merchant Company. He's just a big figure within the Gnomish community. Yeah, just a big figure within the gnomish community yeah yeah you maybe were told by one of your sub commanders that he's one of a subsection of the gnomish leadership right now who are like fuck this shit we should have this city actually this probably would have been part of your security briefing urky timbers who's

technically in charge is keeping them in check if it wasn't for urky Timbers, who's technically in charge, is keeping them in check. If it wasn't for Erky Timbers, the gnomes would have counter-invaded, as it were, a long time ago. Right. This situation keeps getting more and more complicated.

I don't want to be in charge. If he gets command of a zombie army, well. So there's a zombie army. We could take this to the sabers. You want to give a crystal that allows

No no no the crystal The sabers will not use that crystal All the crystal will do is give the gnome Power If I'm to correctly assume With this magical thing No one would give the army The gnomes wouldn't give the army to pierce

I wouldn't I wouldn't give you a loaf of bread, so that's fair. They're giving the activation to Pierce. It's like a bomb. Basically, but it gives the control of the army to the gnome. Right. All I'm saying is that we can... So we have proof.

Do we have proof? That Eden is amassing an army of the undead. Oh, yeah, we got proof. I saw it. I had a hand in it, really. The sabres, that might be enough for the sabers to turn. And at least form a frontal assault on

Eton. It might be a delicate rope to walk though, Clara says, because if you inform them that factions of the gnomes wish to control an army of the dead, they will not appreciate that as well. We don't tell them about the crystal. We just tell them that Piers has told us that Eton is amassing an army of the crystal. We just tell them that Pierce has told us that there is,

Eden is amassing an army of the dead. Will they take Pierce for his word? I think I'm dead, to be perfectly honest with you. They will if we tell them that it was an interrogation. I've been asked already. They're looking for you. Well, they're bad at looking.

Is it a case if we just tell them it was under interrogation in a zone of truth? Perhaps. They might buy that. We could say, well, if you wanted to lie, we could say something about scouts finding it even. Oi, why is Papa Shorefoot wanting you dead?

Why Papa Shorefoot want me dead? What do you mean? Why does Papa Shorefoot want me? He came to me like, what, two nights ago? It was like, kill these two and I'll pardon you for everything. No, I didn't. You're welcome. Thanks.

No, they had the weapon and we stopped them. She kidnapped my wife and she died. It's still in the zone of truth, just FYI- No, I didn't. You're welcome. Oh, thanks. No, they had the weapon and we stopped them. She kidnapped my wife and she nearly died. It's still in the zone of truth. Just FYI. No, I didn't. He didn't lie. I didn't kill them.

All right, we won't count that as misleading. Did you want to kill us, Greg Piss? No, I actually never considered it. Okay. I didn't. All right. It was never part of my plan.

I believe that, unsurprisingly, actually. Yeah, yeah. I want to look at Parenkel see like it's always business with him it's never personal I still hate you it's always personal but it's never

meant alright if you help us with this we'll try to get your shadow back off Eden you're like the fifth person that's promised that but yeah everybody crack us out. Yeah, but I'm a man of my word. These other people are probably assholes.

Well, I think we've got a lot of cards. If we took him to the Sabres, would they try and arrest him? Probs, yeah. The Sabres don't like him either. I point to my eye hole. What if... Remember? Remember that shit?

Flip Shamrock walks into the house, into the guardhouse. Flip Sham. Flip Sham. Hey, how you going? So what do you know of the governor Tittlewinkle, or whatever his name was? Throttle. He is one of a faction of gnomes who would rather that

instead of gnomes being massacred in the city, everyone else were massacred in the city. So if we had information that he was trying to amassacred in the city, everyone else were massacred in the city. So if we had information that he was trying to amass an army of the dead, would Erky Timbers give... It would give Erky Timbers the legal recourse to have him arrested. Here's the crystal that he

gave Greg Piss to turn an army of undead. Greg Piss is in his own truth. Ask him a question, he can't tell a lie. But I can also just not answer if I don't want. Do you have a big penis? It's alright. That's misleading. You have a huge penis, you slippery eel. Literally just above

average. 10 is average, he got 11. I get no complaints. Flips! What the fuck? He's telling the truth. I wanted to ask a question I knew he wouldn't lie about. Would you be able to take this to Erky?

Yeah, if you can get me to Erky. I can convince him with this. We can get you to Erky too. Also, if you can try and tell Erky that what we're planning on doing is we want an audience with him. We can't go through the main keep or the main way because the sabers are there. So we're going to try and go through the sewers,

through the blood cult. By the way, we killed the blood cult. Oh, that's good. At least the way, we killed the blood cult. Ralph Moroney? Oh yeah, we killed Father Moroney. He was my boss. He's dead now. Small world, man. Is the play flip sham?

Look, if you... We can't get in through the front door because the Sabres are there. As much as we'd like to, we're going to have to come in clandestinely through another entrance. If you give me that crystal and send me back to the gnomes, I can convince Erky Timbers that this place is not worth it. With that evidence, with people turning against him, defying his orders, I think I can convince him that staying here is not worth it.

Well, that was my next question. Why haven't they left? Erky Timbers, like I said, there's still a part of him in there that thinks he can, well, save the city. Erky Timbers is a bleeding heart at his core. Is she in the zone of truth? Yes.

All right. You're on a level, yeah? Yes. That doesn't You're on a level, yeah? Yes. That doesn't help us at all. Right on. Can't trust anyone. If you give it to me, I truly believe I can turn Erky Tembers. Okay.

And if I can get him to agree to leaving, then I can't tell you why, but I guarantee you won't need to worry about the gnomes. I've got to put your trust somewhere, eh, Leo? I'll take it. You shut up, piss. If you leave, where are you going? She gives you a very pained look. I might have to go with them.

How long? Ever. I feel I shouldn go with them. How long? Ever. I feel I shouldn't be here for this one. Do you two want a moment at the front to work out your plan and Clara and I'll grill Greg a bit more because it's fun? Yeah. Well.

Alright, you go outside with Flip Shamrock. Maybe like just We discuss Saber. Somewhere private. There's I'll tell you everything about Sabers. There's still a bit of a thoroughfare, but no one's paying attention to you, so you've got, you know...

I know you have to go, but like, we can still see, like, we can still meet up, surely? Convincing Urkitimus to leave will not be very difficult, but convincing him

that you're not an enemy of the gnomes is going to be hard. When Urkitimbers gets back, he will have to give a full account of what happened, and his account probably won't paint you in a very good light. So if you're found in a gnomish city, you might be arrested. Worth it, I guess. But we helped him. We got the shorefoots that took the weapon. This is just something I don't think is negotiable.

I'm sorry. So if the gnomes leave, why do you have to leave? We can make it work here. That's where my job is. That's where my family is, my people. I can't turn my back on them. She's fiercely loyal. That's part of what made you love her in the first place.

I know! She says that. I'm fiercely loyal. That's why you love me. It is, but I... Gosh, Leo loves loyalty. Just one of his. She's a company woman. But I... Leo loves loyalty. Just one of his. She's a company woman. But is there any way we can make this work? I know there's a tram that goes up to the Gnomish.

Like, can we meet every so often? Every other month? Every ten years. When you can go and try land. Sure, Leo. Sure. She's outside of the zone of truth. Hang on.

Did you make a Davy Jones reference? Yes. Took you a little while. It's good stuff. If this is goodbye and it's fine. I don't like goodbyes. Let's call it see you later. Why are they? And it's fine. I don't like goodbyes. Let's call it see you later. Oh, why are the gnomes still here?

Like I said, Erky Timbers, he's good at heart. He thinks that somehow the gnomes might be able to stabilize this area, but they can't. Erky Timbers is just a dreamer, I suppose. What if he can? What if he can? What if he can? What if he can? How?

What if he works with us, the town guard? By the way, I'm part of the town guard now. Cool. Yeah. Right? It is cool. That's all right. Erky Timbers can convince his people to leave,

but to work with the town guard, there's a lot of animosity. I don't think that can happen. It's more than just convincing Erky Timbers. I'm public enemy number five. Number three, right? Yeah. There's a lot of animosity. I don't think that can happen. It's more than just convincing Erky Timbers. I'm public enemy number five. Number three, right? The leader of the town guard is public enemy number five for the gnomes. Jesus.

Where am I? You didn't make the list. Yes. That's good, though. That means maybe I can come to the gnomish territory. You're not a public friend, though. If I'm giving this information to Erky Timbers, if we're giving this information to him, surely that accounts for something. I'm actually probably not going to tell him

I got it from you. I don't think he'll believe it if I say that. Ave Maria. That's fine, I guess. Your touch. Hello. Truly, you are the Patrick Swayze ghost helping craft this beautiful excuse for the gnomes to leave. Fuck, that was Whoopi Goldberg.

That was. Yep, it was. That was Patrick Swayze possessing Whoopi Goldberg. Sure was. That's fucked. It's kind of dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's stupid.

It doesn't look nearly as romantic. Two out of ten. Fail. Wouldn't possess again. You failed the movie. Go Yeah. That's stupid. It doesn't look nearly as romantic. Two out of ten. Fail. Wouldn't possess again. You didn't fail the movie. Go back. Rewrite. See me after class.

It's been fun. Had a lot of good moments. If you're ever back this way. I'll look you up. Yeah. Hey. It was great. We were great.

Not all good things get to last, unfortunately. Go in for a hug and an embrace. She returns affectionately. Hi, Solos. Oh, she spurns you. A mediocre embrace. Gotcha. You're not going to be writing any love stories about this.

She turns her cheek. She spits in your mouth. What's that thing that opens her eyes when she kisses you or something like that? Do we give her the rod? No, she doesn't need it. She opens her panicked eyes. No, she'll need the rod. She's not getting across no man's land.

Damn it. Gnome man's land. Yep. I make that joke from inside the other room. Do I have anything to give her? Do I have anything to give her? As a little bit of a laugh. She gives you a little wind-up clockwork bear.

Aww. I have a locket if you come and steal it off me. Do I still have Magpie's collar? I assume or something. I assume you just had it on you. Yeah. Maybe I'll give her Magpie's collar. She wears or something I assume you just had it on you Yeah Maybe I'll give her Magpie's collar She wears it on her wrist

You mean Meat Pie? Meat Pie Meat Pie the Magpie She wears Meat Pie's collar on her wrist Alright So Here's the crystal Here's the rod

Tell Erky Timbers that It was a plan to be a An army of the undead I'll let him know. And when will we know if this works? She chuckles a little bit. You'll know when it works. So she looks around.

Look, gnomes have these giant contraptions called zeppelins, blimps, airships. It's going to fly over the town. She explains the basic concept to you. It's going to fly over the town and we're probably going to evacuate people like that. I highly doubt. The only thing that could oppose us is Eton.

Which might come in as a problem, but well, I don't think he'll be able to take the zeppelin. If they bring down the one I'm thinking they're going to bring down. In fact, look, don't tell anyone I told you about this because this is big secret. That was such like a 16-year-old secret voice. Don't tell anyone about this.

Don't tell anyone. But I like you. I kissed him, all right, at the party. She gets very serious. Don't tell anyone, okay? But when it happens, if Damien Eaton does attack us, that's a good time to strike. Because

we probably won't be able to kill him, but we will weaken him. Okay. She kisses you one more time and goes back inside. Are you guys going to be able to get the gnomes we've been hiding? They might have to stay there until this all blows over. If not in the church, we'll try and make them at Little Lowe's Mansion. If you can take them there, we could probably pick them up there.

We'll send word to try and get them there as soon as we can. Good luck. Same to you. I'll see you later. She comes back inside. I thought she was leaving. She comes back inside. So I'll need the... I thought she was leaving. Never mind then.

Well, she needs the teleportation rod and the crystal. Oh, yeah. I thought we gave them to her. Oh, well, if you did, she tucks the crystal underneath her... She tucks the crystal underneath her arm and activates the rod. She disappears with a pop. See you later. She made sure she said goodbye.

Don't do this Don't make this any more tragic than it needs to be Only I may make tragedies See you later Do you write sins not tragedies? I refuse Crazy does equal genius I compose myself

And walk back into the genius plus crazy. I did. I fuck a lot of songs. So I'm taking full advantage of the truth serum. What's your favorite color, Piss? I like brown, actually.

It's all right. Do you like pineapple on pizza? What the hell's a pineapple? What the hell's a pizza? Next question. Correct answer. Basically, we've been talking about the Sabres,

so I have all the information that Piss has on the Sabres. You're happy to divulge that? Whatever. Cool. I've basically forgotten about the Sabres in my life. Gnomes should be leaving. We'll know when it happens. Leaving?

Yeah. So Flipchamp can convince them to go? Yeah, she can convince them to go. I'm sorry, Leo. That's okay. What? Would you like a hug? Yes.

I'm in the zone of truth. Oh. I didn't really want to... I give Leo... It's awkwardly like... I did not know the zone of truth was going to make it this real. Give him a hug. Come on, Perry Winger.

I give you a hug. It's awkward and uncomfortable. But you feel better maybe? A little bit. But it's fine. It's not fine. Zone of truth. Damn it.

Are we releasing piss for the fight? A glance to all of you. Piss? Where am I going to go? What am I going to do? When we release you, I suppose you could go anywhere. Will you fight with us in this fight for the city? I don't want to.

Am I going to die if I don't? You've seen the city. Well, no, no, you won't. I promised you. You get a full pardon no you won't I promised you You get a full pardon and I won't kill you I just want to know To just absolve your sins In the eyes of any gods out there

Are you going to fight with us Look if the fight comes my way I won't have much chance but to get involved If I drag you to the fight with us Well exactly I like how you're scratching yourself You can't scratch because you're all chained up. It's a very Greg Pierce thing to be like,

scratch under the boob. Yeah, we'll all do it. Fine. If you take me to the fight, then the fight got in my way, didn't it? I reach into my backpack and take out your loot. You fucking... What'd you do to it, you fucking idiot?

This is when you convinced the commander I was evil and was sending people to kill me, so I cut the strings off it so that you couldn't do any more damage. That's a bit fucking much. You did try to lock me in a vault. You tried to lock me in a fucking vault. No, we did lock you in a vault. Well, yeah, exactly.

That's arguably worse. Oh, fuck. Fine, I won't give you the loot back. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying you fucked it. It's going to be bloody costly to get that fixed. All right. Well, now it's just a weapon.

Can't even play music on it. Do I have the cantrip of mending? Sorry? Do I have the cantrip mending? Unfortunately, it's a magical item. So I'm not sure if you can mend it. It's like mending. Sorry.

Do you want it back or not? Yeah. Of course. As part of your release, you get the loot. On the proviso, you won't immediately betray us. Yeah, right, right, right, yeah. You can betray them down the track. Like, I fully expect him to.

Yeah, I know, I know, me too. This goes against every single part of my judgment. Goggles, let him go. We should probably head to the Sabres. I was going to go to the Shorfoots. Why? What if Erky doesn't come through? Then we'll know.

But let's assume that they have, but we need to talk to the Sabres because if something happens and I made a promise that I can't tell exactly what but if something happens You can fix the You're in the zone of truth You can't lie about what she told you Would you have kept the strings? Because you need them

I imagine they were just hanging off Claude ripped it so they're not together Here you go, person of goodwill Plonk I made a promise but when something happens I just clawed ripped it so they're not together. Here you go, person of goodwill. Plonk. Right, thanks. I made a promise, but when something happens, it is a good moment to attack Eton.

All right. We go to the Sabres, we take on Eton, and then you and I go to Papa Shawfoot's place and rip his face through his asshole. What would that even look like? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Rumble, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. And if you want to follow us on Twitter,

you'll find us at SansPantsRadio. Or you can find us individually, I'm at AllDogsAreDead. I'm at RetroArchetype. And I'm at GodDammitZammit. And if you want to hear our other shows, head to SansPantsRadio.com and you'll find all of our content there. There's heaps. And if you'd like to support us, head to SansPantsPlus.com. See you later, dickheads. Don't call them dickheads.

Nah. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D

adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favorite podcast app of choice, and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.