D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #27 Conversion

Episode Date: January 20, 2018

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SANS PANTS RADIO PIGS CAN'T READ COMIC BOOKS Two nights, and we have a few tickets left. Each night is a different show, and is open to all ages with a guardian. So just go to sanspantsradio.com slash live. Welcome to Chapter 5 of Jaren's Outpost Rumble, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. In the before times. Oh Gregory, you ready boy? I don't speak dickhead. You're idiots for not killing me soon, I'm real like that.

Well, we tried. You cut half of Pierce's neck through. Leo, you're drenched in blood. Oh, I think my neck went... She looks it over and she's like, yes, you throw this on the ground or activate it wherever and then a mighty oak grows. Awesome.

Okay, Pierce, give me one good reason why I do not come into that cell and cut your head off. Because I've got an army. Oh, fuck. Erky Timbers is bleeding hard at his core. Don't tell anyone, okay? But when it happens, if Damien Eaton does attack us, that's a good time to strike.

Will you fight with us in this fight for the city? I don't want to. We take on Eaton, and then you and I go to Papa Shorefoot's place and rip his face through his asshole. Goggles gets up from his sitting position, limps over to Pierce's cage, opens it up and moves in with a set of keys to unlock him. Alright, we let him

go. We're obviously not going to go for the Shorthoots now. The plan's changing slightly because we don't have to sneak into the Gnomish territory because they're going to leave. Apparently. We're going to go to the Sabres and convince them to fart-eat. Alright. I don't want to. Are you bringing Piss? No! Ah, no. What's happening with Piss then?

What's happening with Piss? You Yeah. What's happening with piss? You're free to do whatever you want. Alright. Wait. Don't go to Eton. Why would I? I don't know. I don't know what you would do. He took me souls and he took me shadow. He's really done nothing for me. Is there anything

that we need to know about Eton before we go after him? Besides the souls. When he's not a dragon, he's nude. Nothing really. A guard comes in to the jail cells with you guys. Excuse me, sir. He like startles as he walks into the zone of truth. I feel weird. Sorry, a headache maybe Sir, there's a There's a thing you should probably deal with

There's an elf out the front He keeps trying to get down here We've got him restrained But he won't stop Oh right, yeah I know what that might be You know what that might be? What would that be, piss? Eaton thought it was a good idea to give me a ghost.

Right. A ghost. I didn't want it. I told him not to, but he did. And then to get rid of the ghost, I also put it in a fella, another health surgeon who works for the Quiet Knives, now works for the Nomes. Oh, fuck.

Hang on. Works for the Nomes. He's wounded, so I think this might be of the essence. Well, piss can't lie. So it means that this surgeon is either dead and being possessed by a ghost. Is he dead? The surgeon? I don't know.

He wasn't dead when I put the ghost in him. Right, so he's alive when you put the ghost in him. I think he walked through the gnomes' land. He looks like he's been torn apart by the gnomish weapon. Okay, so he's a zombie. Yeah, right. Well, I guess a zombie you call it then. Alright, men. We need to kill him.

What happens if we kill him? I don't bloody know. Clara, do you know what happens if we kill him? Do you know what sort of entity is possessing him? Like a soul? Can you describe the soul? Just like wisps?

It could be many different things. Without a proper description or seeing its power, it could be anything from a mundane ghost, which is easily enough dealt with, or something maybe even as powerful as a specter, a very terrifying and powerful creature. I'm going to bless one of my weapons that isn't the thunder one. If it is a specter, then we will have some difficulty killing it.

I give her a description of like, well, the blood cock, I tell the blood cock, get your soul out. I describe the process of eating, putting the soul in. It sounds like it might be one of these specters, she says. Perhaps we should

take the body before we destroy it somewhere safe and then we deal with it. Will the creature follow your orders? Yeah, it does. Well, then we could just order it down. Yeah, but what if Eaton is like, oh, no, I'm grabbing control again. Wait, Eaton

can control the ghost? Aren't you in charge of the ghost? He gave me the ghost, but like... It's still his ghost. Yeah. Well, if we could at least trick it somewhere. Yeah, right. Where do you want me to send it?

I don't know. Anything under the church? Any crypts? Who do you want to fuck up? Hey. Hey. Hey. Piss. Piss. Can you send it to see Papa Shorefoot?

Yeah, why not I'm untied, yeah? Yeah Alright, I'll wander downstairs to it Upstairs Alright We go with you, by the way It's in the main office

It's being pinned by like four guards When it sees Piss, it it like tries to get up. One of its arms snaps as it struggles. You can see that its guts are hanging. It's like the gnomish machine gun has cut it nearly in half. Oh, boy, Gary. We named it Gary. Yeah, right.

Can you go to Papa Shorefoot? Fuck him up. The guards look at you, Perrimacle. The guards sitting on the ghost. As you were. They get off. The creature gets up, turns about and walks away. Yeah, that's that then.

What did you say? Give me the exact wording. Can you go to Papa Shorefoot? Fuck him up. All right, cool. I really hope it gets there and just starts trying to penetrate him upwards. Just humping him into the air. Adam's like, yes.

Cool, all right. Welcome to my sex venture. All right. Could we take on the Sabres? Can we take on the Sabres? Can we take on the Sabres? Yeah. No, we want them to help us with Eden. I don't know if we can take on an army of undead without them.

All right. Look, I know you don't like them, and I fair enough, but if we were to give them a section, if we can get peace to this town, we can try and negotiate something with them. Who ends up in charge? Well, it's complicated to follow. When the gnomes go, they take the weapon with them?

So the weapon's gone. What's the state of things? The state of things then is that Eton's technically still in charge because he's still the lord. So they take out Eton. Because that's the plan, right? So Eton's out, gnomes are out, who's left in charge? So it's the church and us.

The town guard. The church don't want to take control of the city. No, no, but it's the town guard working with the church. Yeah. To bring order and peace. That would put... So you. Me.

Would that make me in charge of the town? You're in charge, is what you're saying. Frankly, I don't care because whoever's in charge remains largely inconsequential to me, but I just wanted to get it straightened me out. Basically, you would be in charge. Fuck, that's scary. Adam's

looking at me with a look that says, oh, you think so, but you'll die. It's more of a like, and now something that I realised quite a while ago that you're slowly realizing. That I would be in charge if this plan. If the town guard takes command, you're in command of the town guard. Yeah, I guess I'm the boss.

Well, you fuck off to the Sabres then. I'm going to go pub. Hey, Wednesday. Yeah. Do you want to follow piss? You can go in a pub with me. Sure. At a distance.

All right, sure. Or with him. When they're like, yes, I get a drink with... Ah, yes, I get a drink with him. I'll have a couple of drinks with Piss, sure. All right. Right. Off we go.

Sabre time. Get some horses, go to the sabres. All right, you ride out to, I believe it's called Fort White. It should be marked there on the western side. Yep. You ride out there. There's gates around. Oh, and when you enter, you can see the signs of, like, the White Sabres kind of making this area their own.

You've heard reports that they've begun trying to gather taxes from the local people. And, like I said before, they've begun conscripting locals as well. There's a lot of actual white sabers milling about, but you see some people who are in ill-fitting uniforms and stuff like that, quite obviously conscripts. You get to the gates to the small keep and two guards hold you up. Halt! Who goes there? Commander Periwinkle O'Rourke of the town guard.

I wish to have an audience with your boss. The guards stand aside. One of them calls up, Watch! A guy on the wall leans over and yells, Watch here! Who are we letting in? Commander O'Rourke!

The doors slowly begin to open. The guards wave you inside. Off we go. I assume Clara's with us too. Yes. Do we bring any of the town guard with us? You can if you want. Yeah, maybe two or three.

Just a nice little posse. Yeah. Personal guard. Yeah. You ride in. It's a very small sort of little keep here. It's just a secondary. It was once a guard house, but it had to be abandoned in the riots,

and the white sabers moved in. There's evidence of that around as well. You can see where banners for the town guard were hung up and then taken down, moved aside, and banners for the white sabers were put up. Yeah, this is really good. I'm so happy to be here. In the courtyard, you meet, for the first time,

the very stern and slightly battle-scarred face of Paladin Commander Evelyn Plain. Hey. Greetings, Commander. I didn't realise the town guard had already replaced Moroni, was it? Yeah, Moroni turned out to be blood cult, so we replaced him pretty quick. I heard that.

I stabbed him. It's hard to him pretty quick. I heard that. I stabbed him. It's hard to keep a lid on something like that. That's fair, that's fair. Have they stopped doing their sacrifice in the streets, the Blood Cult? No. We should probably do something about that, eh? We should, yes. Why have you come here, Commander?

All right. You know Eden? Yes. The dragon? I'm aware of him. The know Eden? Yes. The dragon. I'm aware of him. The dragon man. Just point to the keep. Yes.

We have information from a source gained under a zone of truth that Eden is amassing an undead army. And we figured I'm the town guard. I can do whatever I can against bad guys of the regular variety. But perhaps... She holds up a gauntleted hand. If I may. Yes. Let's cut to the chase here.

You want my assistance defeating Eaton, defeating the blood cults, and perhaps even withdrawing from the gnomes. Yes? I want your help taking down Eden. We can handle the blood cult. She smiles. But you wouldn't mind my help, would you? I look at Leo. I need

strength. I'm going to punch this woman in the face, is what my face is to Leo. Look, we are aware that the gnomes are leaving. They are going to take their weapon and they're going to leave Jaren's outpost. They are looking at this as sending basically good money after bad and they're deciding to cut and run. Berky Timbers is a bleeding heart, but I think his heart has bled too much. And I believe sometime very soon they are leaving.

Now with them left, the only person here who is going to cause any disruption to this beautiful city of ours is Eden. And we know that he has an army of dead and an army of specters, as well as being a dragon. We can throw our own men. Also, he's a fucking dragon. Now, we can throw our own men at him, but we will just die. You, I know.

What's a good word for zealot? Zealot. You are a zealot bunch. You are a holy order, and you are here to protect us from evil. Yeah. So what we are asking for is a truce, potentially an alliance, but I will happily, and Perry here is happy to settle for a truce that we take down Eaton.

And if you help us with the blood cult, even though we can definitely do it by ourselves. Definitely do it by ourselves. I don't need help with the blood cult. But it would make it easier if we got help from the Sabres. Perhaps when the dust settles, we agree to peace talks, to negotiations, that together maybe we can take out the orcs at the docks. Maybe even on very, very good terms with the dwarven Commodore,

that we can take back the docks and then once and for all, Jaren's outpost can know peace. And from there, maybe we can finally get back to how things used to be. So, several points. First one, you're not the only one with dwarven friends. I also happen to know the Commodore. Incidentally, he wishes to your Leo shadow. Yes. He wishes to tell you that he unfortunately cannot stay for any longer. That's fair. The Dwarven merchant

fleet has informed him, sent him orders, that the situation here is untenable and there is no purpose to stay. So he and his fleet are leaving. He also informed me that the Orcs are not actually massing at the gates for an invasion. They're massing at the gates because they are slowly making

their way into Damian Eaton's compound. They have, I assume, reached some sort of agreement together. So the Orcs and Eaton are working together. Well have, I assume, reached some sort of agreement together. So the Orcs and Eden are working together. Well then, I guess you will be the Damien Eden to your Orcs then. So, I offer you

two solutions to your Saber's problem. The first solution may be the one I assume you're going to take, but the one I don't think you should take. Your champion, I assume you, will face our champion, me, in a single round of fair combat, not to the death, just to the winner. If we win, we remain, and we get to do whatever we want to do without worrying about your town

guard busying us. Don't worry, we won't break any local laws, but we're here to stay. If you win in this little round of combat, we leave, gone, out of your hair, forever. Alternatively, you can swear allegiance to our god, Lady Willow. If you do that, we will stay, but I will swear an oath of allegiance to you. I will obey your

every order and your every action, so long as it falls within the purview of Lady Willow. That means that we will back off from the gnomes, not seek their weapon, and we will help you against the blood cult, against Eton, against the orcs, to the best of our ability.

So... So, right now you want to fight one-on-one. I assume he's going to take the fight, but I offer you the option to convert to our faith. Clara stiffens when the idea of converting pops up. But hey, O'Rourke, even if we win, we lose. Because if we win, you leave. Because if we win, you leave. What if we change the terms of the fight? To?

If I win, you have to help us before you leave. I find that unacceptable. Unless you can give us the gnomish weapon. They're taking it with them. I don't want anything to do with that weapon. The deal is, if we're going to have a combat adjudication, you set your terms, I get to set mine. That's how these things work.

The only way we fight for you is if you are swear. I didn't say for me. I never said for. Just with. Before you leave, on your way out. We don't have the skills or the resources to kill zombies. You do. What are the tenets of Lady Willow?

There are three tenets. The first one is you must uphold the good. So a very broad statement. A lot of flexibility there. The second one is you must protect the innocent. No innocent non-combatant can come to harm under your command. No innocent non-combatant can come to harm under your command. And the third is you must respect Lady Willow's commandments.

So a convert of Lady Willow may sometimes get messages directly from the lady. You must obey them. What was her name again, sorry? Lady Willow. No, as in your name. My name is... Evelyn Plain. Evelyn. Paladin Commander Evelyn Plain. Like I said, Evelyn Plain name is... Evelyn Plain. Evelyn. Paladin Commander Evelyn Plain.

Like I said, Evelyn Plain. Sorry. Evelyn Plain, by your own two... Why must you antagonize me? Evelyn Plain, I'm asking you here as I'm imploring you, with your own two tenets here, to uphold the good and to protect the innocent. If you leave, if you have a fight with the good captain here,

and you lose, and then you leave, you are not only not upholding the good, but so many innocents will die. By your own tenets, you are letting that happen simply by doing nothing. No. The Commander O'Rourke would be letting that happen. He is not a follower of Lady Willow.

You are. All you need to do is convert. I merely follow the laws of your land. Think like piss idiots. Just say you'll do it. Regardless, I understand that she inspects her fingers as she says this. I understand that conscripts was not our best idea. Conscript was the dumbest idea you've ever had, you best idea. You've given us a no-win situation. Conscript was the dumbest

idea you've ever had, you dumb woman. You've given us a no-win situation here. If I convert, you work with me and follow every order I give. I will follow every order you give, provided it is under those

three tenets, to the letter, and in the spirit that you gave the order. So uphold the good, protect the innocent. I mean, that's pretty much what we're doing anyway, yeah? What do I have to do to convert? It's very easy. All we need to do is we summon one of our clerics. He will come over.

He will baptize you in the holy flame. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt. There will be some warmth, though. It's a pool of fiery water, but the flames do not hurt the good. And you swear an oath. You swear an oath to Lady Willow, and then I swear my oath to you. Just like Thodbar, out of this conversation, is it bullshit or is Lady Willow legitimately going to be killed?

Lady Willow is a good god She's not evil or anything like that She's definitely not going to message you to be like Kill these people But no, that'll actually happen What will? I'll get messages from you You might

If I ignore the gods Then the pact is broken You're obviously no longer a convert of Lady Willow And you can probably count the sabres as an enemy. That's tomorrow's problem. That's what I'm thinking. That's a Greg Piercy statement if I've heard it all. But also, like, hey, the message is like, hey, do this.

You can be like, that's actually not bad. Can I have a moment to talk with my council? Absolutely. I consider myself nothing if not polite. She waves and all of her soldiers back off to give you guys room to talk. I really want to fight her. I know. I really want to fight her, Leo.

But O'Rourke, Perry, if like. Clara says, fight her. No. Really? Yes. She? Yes. This is the best way to get them out of here. However, if... What do we do about the undead?

Clara, if he wins, we lose. Is there anything the gnomes of Penny can do about the undead? Well, we're not bad at fighting them, but we're not this militarized force. They'll do a lot better a job than we ever could. I'm sorry, Clara, but if they leave, we might just be sending the

best thing that we have against Satan. Do you, if you have any secret weapons, any god powers, anything in your bag of tricks, Clara? Well, we do have three gnomish weapons. Gotcha. Now's the time to tell us about it Anything in your bag of tricks, Clara. Well, we do have three gnomish weapons. No, no, no, no, no. Now's the time to tell us about it,

because at the moment the save is the best shot we have. The only thing we're hiding is about 100 gnomes beneath our temple. And we can't throw them at the undead. Well, we could. We could, but they could do much. If you kill Eton, the undead would presumably no longer fight, yeah? Clara... I'm not here. Maybe someone else. If you kill Eton, the undead would presumably no longer fight, yeah? Clara I'm not here

Maybe someone out, like one of your commanders Yeah, yeah, goggles Clara, arms and ears, possibly It depends on the manner in which he resurrects them There are many different ways to animate a corpse If we, if you I really want to fight her Perry, Perry

Clara wants you to fight her, she you I really want to fight her. Perry, Perry. Vara wants you to fight her. She doesn't want you to convert. Perry, if you convert, you swear allegiance to Lady Willow, and by all accounts Lady Willow doesn't sound too bad. But this Evelyn Plain will swear allegiance to you. You can then say fine, you only get

a certain section of this city. You can say she gets no section of this city. I can tell her to leave. You can then tell her to leave. I can command all the sabers to leave. Yes. If you wanted to. And then just give up my conversion. Well, then you have a problem.

Yeah. But they're gone. But Lady Willow will know and then Lady Willow will inform Evelyn. Because Lady Willow, gods are real. And you don't want these people sieging this town after we maybe have just gotten this back. Our best option here,

and I know you don't want to do this, is to convert. I want to fight her so bad. If you win, fight and then convert. Hey, can I fight and then convert? I mean, like, I suppose, yeah. What will that achieve?

He'll get a good fight, then he can convert. Well... Why can't I do a go-share terms with Lady... What's her name? Lady Willow. No, Evelyn. Evelyn Plain. Yeah.

Wait, what? Why wouldn't she accept my bloody... If I beat you, you have to do what I say? That's not how it works. Clara says it's a smaller tenant, but it's within their big list of tenants that a paladin cannot accept orders from anyone other than

Lady Willow herself or a fellow convert. So Perry, like... What if you convert? I'll happily convert. What if Leo converts? Can you ask her? Yeah.

Yo, Evelyn. Yes? What if Leo converts? Is Leo the captain of the town guard? I'm a deputy. He's the deputy. Make him captain for a bit. I'm the underst-

Whatever, I'm not there. I'm drinking in the pub. What would Greg Piss do right now? We're already converted What if I made him captain? In charge? Permanently? My eyes go very wide

Until he dies My eyes go wider What a loaded statement Fuck Perry Saito No I only extend this offer to you because of your reputation

I will Fight any champion you put forward But I will only accept your conversion If we fight her and win We lose If we fight her and lose We lose Don't you understand this Perry? No we don't I don't have to leave Lose If we fight her and win, we lose. If we fight her and lose, we lose.

Don't you understand this, Perry? No, we don't. I don't have to leave. Lose. If we lose, I don't have to leave. It just keeps the status quo, really. Yeah, but they're not the only hope. They're just the best hope.

They'll also take out the zombies, because I imagine Eaton will come for them, too. They're not in position to fight them, though. The zombies will swarm a lot of the town first. And she's already gotten up on a fucking high horse And said that they won't do anything to help Clara Do you remember there was that thing that we talked about Way way way way long ago

When I first joined the church Looking forward to hearing this And it was always about how I wasn't great at church. Let's not beat around it. Gregia was the religious one. I'm kind of just there. But that'd be fair.

Clara starts not staring at you, but staring just over your shoulder like a dead expression. Yes. like a dead expression. Yes. And that sometimes a good man has to make what sounds like the wrong decision for the right reasons. Do what you need to do. Evelyn. Yes.

I can't believe I'm about to say this. Sign me up. Evelyn Smiles It's not like a cocky smile or a smirk or anything like that She smiles genuinely and warmly For the first time that you've ever seen her She seems happy Yes, I'd love to

I still don't like you We don't have to like each other to work together She's got a point Yeah, not fair Should've fought her I don't like you much. I really wanted to fight her. I don't like you much either, but I do respect you.

All right. Do you want me to convert or like... Doesn't matter. All right. We don't need the little one to convert. Okay. Rude. Let's do this quickly.

I mean, the little one can if he wants. Lady Willow sounds interesting, but I'm fine. All right. So, you're taken to a small chapel within this keep. Fuck, that was such a hard decision over something that is just not real. An imaginary religion. Oh, fuck, I got so sweaty.

Bring it on. Bring it on. You're taken to a small chapel within the keep. A select group of people are arranged here. Oh, Evelyn asks is there anyone you'd want to come to this? You don't have to invite anyone. No, Greg is safe

where she is. Buns and Sweatrock are safe where they are. Clara sits right up the back, arms folded pouting. Quite upset. I'll be next to Clara. I'm so sorry. You're up the front near the chapel.

A bowl of a light blue liquid, a light flaming, is brought out by the priest. He wears deep, beautiful blue and purple robes. He sits the flame down on the altar. He puts both hands on either side of the bowl and says, Please, imitate my actions. Sure. You put your hands either side next to his. Yep. He says, I. I. Your name? Periwinkle O'Rourke.

Commander of. Commander of the town guard of Jaron's outpost. Hereby swear. Hereby swear. Thatby swear. That I will follow all tenants laid down for me by Lady Willow. That I will follow all tenants laid down for me by Lady Willow. I will be honorable.

I will be honorable. I will be just. I will be just. I will be caring when needed. I will be caring when needed. I will be brave. I will be just. I will be just. I will be caring when needed. I will be caring when needed. I will be brave when called upon. I will be brave when called upon. And above all... Above all...

I will be a just man. I will be a just man. A fair ruler. A fair ruler. Dunk your head. Dunk your head? Oh, you want me to do it? Please.

Bare Wrinkle dunks his head. The priest gently grabs your face and lifts you back up out of the water. The water is warm. It feels like it should be so hot, but it's just a gentle warmness. When you come back up, you feel an energy within you.

Something like a wind entering your lungs, filling you up. You feel strong. You feel strong. You feel brave. Oh, yeah. Rise. Convert. What is your name?

Periwinkle O'Rourke. Commander. Of the town guards of Jaron Outpost. You are reborn. Okay. He gestures for you to turn around. You turn around. The small gathering of the sub commanders and Evelyn all start giving you a little applause.

I just stare at Clara the whole time. Clara does not stare at you. She looks five feet above your head. Evelyn gets up. She draws her sword, lays it at your feet, and kneels before you on the altar as the cleric behind you rests a small crown on your brow. Oh, I have a pretty crown now. Oh, hello, ladies. The cleric says, you may draw your sword and knight her.

Feel free to utter whatever oath you think appropriate. I don't use silver steel because Commander wouldn't be okay with that. I'm going to go traditional. They'll hand you a sword if you want one. No, no, no. I don't need a sword. All right. Pop my gauntlets.

Just put them on her shoulders. I swear to you, she looks up, I will be your faithful servant, as you are Lady Willows. Good. She nods. That's good shit. Everyone stands up and begins applauding. She gets up, picks up her sword and sheathes it.

What do you command? I command you to help us take down Eaton. Where would you have us? We're going to storm the keep. She turns around to her sub-commanders, make the preparations. They rush off. Man.

You did the right thing. And release the conscripts. Oh, shit, yeah. She nods. Yeah, no, that's a no-brainer. And step away from the gnomes. Oh, yeah, leave the gnomes alone. Well, yes, we'll be redeploying those troops.

Cool. Good. That's what we'm going to do. Mob up the block. From the keep, from this small chapel, you look out through the window and you can see that the battle lines around the gnomish quarter or the gnomish section are already

disappeared. It looks like they were gone before you even had the conversation with Evel. Fuck. Gotcha. Got me. All right.

I'm now a saber. Yeah. I'll give you the thumbs up. Is one of the tenets that I have to like being a saber? Because if it's not. You're not a saber, she says. You're merely a follower of Lady Willow. We are sabers. Good.

I'm happy being Periwinkle O'Rourke, Half-Ork. You can have whatever title you wish. If we've got a title that's a good one, it's Commander, it's higher than yours. Goodbye. I said good day! Your back's off. Alright, we leave. Go back to the town's guard. All right. We leave.

Go back to the town's guard. All right. You notice on your way back, two knights from, two saber knights flank you on either side as a vanguard. You don't need to do that. One of them stops, looks at you awkwardly from underneath his helmet. Like, seriously, you don't. Oh, okay. Are you sure?

Are we sure? They handy to have with us? I mean, like, more merrier, but also, like, maybe you should try... What if the shorefoots attack? Yeah. Then I will punch them in the face a lot. But if you want to kill some shorefoots, you can. Like, also, maybe blood gold. All right, you can hang around. If you get in kill some shorefoots, you can. Also, maybe blood gold.

Alright, you can hang around. If you get in my way, I will cut you. One of them smiles. They continue following you as a vanguard. Is Clara like 10 metres away? Clara will not step within any feet of them. Alright, we've got to

get the town down. We've got to clear out the blood cults While the sabers deal With eating Yep And I wanna tell the Blood No I wanna tell maybe Clara

Like me Is she gonna keep With us Like what's the deal Cause I gotta go Get rid of the Like Basically I gotta go

Get the gnomes That were hanging out With gnomes Back to the If you offer To do something Both useful And away from the sabers

She jumps at the opportunity. Awesome. Do you want to go back to the chapel and try and arrange the gnomes? Absolutely. You get as far as, do you want to go back? And she says, yes. And then she seems shocked when you don't mean like, go back and take that back.

And organize the gnomes to go to the mansion. Well, you do that. I'll go to the town guard. We'll rally together and we'll start trying to clear out as many blood cultists as we can on the way to the shorefoots. I'll see if... Because we don't need to be farting, eating. Let the sabres do that shit.

Yeah, right. Do we want to take this time to try and get the shorefoots? That's what I'm doing. I'm coming with you. Okay. Clara can just go organise the gnomes then. That's fine. Clara, before you go.

Yes? Look at me. She doesn't. Unfortunately, I'm not your militaristic puppet. I'm not asking you as a militaristic puppet. I'm asking you as a friend. She looks at you. Do you want a piece?

Not at any cost. Unfortunately, peace always has a cost. She nods. Alright then. Tell Gregor I'm okay. I will. I will.

Alright. Let's go fuck up some shore forts. You lost your religion religion I lost my girlfriend It's fine I don't know I'm a shat Losing my religion That just plays over this part

Trying to keep That's a convert to a religion I don't really care about You didn't lose your life partner It's fine It's fine I can do it I nearly did

No you nearly did I swear you did I've said too much Losing my religion Pierce Are you actually doing Like Do you have plans I know I said too much. Lose your moral agenda. Pierce, are you actually doing it? Do you have plans? Do you have a plot? Or are you just going to go drink?

Well, here's the thing. I've got no more frats on me life. There's eating, yeah, but that's being taken care of. But remember, your shadow dies, you die. Yeah, well, no one's attacking me shadow currently. That's true. The sabers will be any minute, though, I think. I assume you get to the pub without plots?

Yeah, I don't really have any plots anymore. I'm largely schemeless. I think because we put you in the truth and just took everything away from you, you went, fucking thanks, that's all I wanted. Well, I've got chips to play, but you only got the one chip that someone else has, I suppose. Who do I have to betray left? What do I get out of betraying these two? Nothing.

There's no one out there that could be like, well, we'll do this for you, piss. Do something for them. When you're walking towards the pub, I'm so sorry, piss. Did you give him his equipment back? We gave him his loot. I gave him his loot, but that was it.

Okay. When you're walking to the pub, you have to walk through a small little park area that's kind of shaded and... Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Shaded and isolated. Wednesday's with you, though. Yeah.

Wednesday, who is walking behind you, you hear him say, oh, and then you hear the sound of a weapon being drawn. You spin around. Wednesday is slowly drawing his sword. He says, oh, the quiet knives give you their regards. Oh! Wednesday was the mole. Can I fascinate him? He attacks.

Ah, no fear. I thought the quiet knives had been taken care of. But I guess not. Yeah. Flipping this fucking script. Scripts. Scripts, scripts, scratch. I'm having a bath.

Scripts, scripts, scratch. I'm having a bath. He tries to stab you. Ah. Ah. Fucking Wednesday. Goddamn models. Well, he's fine.

Fucking everywhere. He is a sniper. This is pretty snipey. I'm glad I sent Wednesday. Not one of my everywhere. He is a sniper. This is pretty snipey. I'm glad I sent Wednesday and not one of my favorites. Wednesday is the mole. That's what I mean. So if I had to send goggles or Monday or Tuesday. He would have gotten to his destination?

Well, I feel like he would have made whoever went with him the mole. No. No. Never. So if I had to send Saturday. No, this was 100% planned And not just because I really want to kill Greg Pierce Pierce you take 5 points of damage

There you go I'll fight this guy in the park That's fine It's your turn I would cast Invisibility on myself Wait if I attack with invisibility on I ruin myself

Yeah it ruins it Alright confusion Lesser or just full on? Full on, because it's kind of wasted, actually. Alright, lesser then. Lesser, um... Oh, so the only difference is that one affects an area, one person... Okay, lesser confusion.

Right, there it is. I do just enjoy that you were like, no, I'm just gonna have a good time. And I think as soon as the words I'm gonna have a good time come out of your mouth, Adam was like, not happening. I don't think so so jackson there's no happy ending for greg piss i'm sorry greg piss i'm afraid i can't do i can't let you have a good time greg piss the uh i'm sorry piss but i can't let you do that how let me in the adam let me in open the tavern doors i'm sorry piss you see the effects of lesser confusion pass over Wednesday's face?

He drops... He doesn't drop his dagger. He just turns around and sprints away from you. It's your turn. Oh, right. He's leaving? Well, that's what the confusion has affected him. Does it get... When somebody's got fear, are they running to a specific place? They just run away from the caster.

Yeah, I'll chase him down. I'm gonna beat the shit out of him with my loot. Oh, if you... Oh, wait, no, with confusion. Yeah, you're fine. You chase after him. I've had it up to fucking here with quiet knives. You swing, but he's running too fast. It's his turn. Everyone else has been fucking pretty, you know, on the level.

He keeps running. You run after him. Take your soul. Take your shadow, whatever. Quiet knives have to get surgical with it. That's just gratuitous Oh, I just remembered we sent the elf surgeon To Shawfoot's house

Yeah, they have a quiet knife He stops and starts Side of the head He clock him He goes down He's not dead, he's just Knocked out, cold, bleeding on the ground. Oh, sweet.

Do I have anything to tie him up with? Probably not. You were just giving me your loot. I was just giving him my loot, wasn't I? Would he have something to tie himself up with? He has handcuffs. I'll cuff him. All right.

I'll cuff him around a tree. He's going to die if you don't stabilize him. I'll stabilize him. Cuff him around a tree, stabilize him. Yeah, he's fine. All right. And I'll wait for him to wake up. He wakes up eventually after a little while.

Where are the quiet knives? I don't know, Sas. You'll have to beat it out of me, I suppose. That's a weird proposition. Yeah, beat it out of him. You've made it uncomfortable for the both of us. Maybe for you. Right.

Well, so you're just not going to tell me? I just don't know. Yeah, right. How long you been undercover? First day of Academy. Wow. This is like some departed shit. That's crazy.

Yeah, well... Just chum person on him. Fuck, I love you, Greg Pierce. Yeah, right, you do. How long did that last again? It didn't work. That was a sarcastic, fuck, I love you was a sarcastic I thought it was a genuine one Right

Here's another question, is it just you? Yeah Does that seem like he's telling the truth? He believed it Straight away You can't tell He could be telling the truth though Keep charming him mate Yeah. Yeah, try to charm

person again. I can brute force this. He shakes his head. Your little spells don't work on me, mate. Let's try one more time. I like they come with finger guns. Imagine I cast all my spells. Greg Pierce does finger guns.

He blanks out for a second. Can I help you? Right. On the sarcastic can I help you was it? No it seemed genuine this time. Cool.

Do I know where these dickheads have gone? Presumably to talk about the sabers. They did mention it a couple of times. Yeah right right right. Well I'll

un-cuff him from the tree and then cuff him. He grabs his sword and attacks you. Ah goddammit. Got me good. On your Wednesday, I knew there was a reason I liked you.

He tries to stab upwards, but you dodge out of the way. I'll cast invisibility on myself. All right. Take a step back, cast invisibility. He tries to swing where he thinks you are Highs or lows? Lows He hits nothing but air

I'd like to climb a tree Alright He keeps searching for you, but eventually you're up the tree Cool I'm gonna wait until he gets tired of searching me Then I'm gonna follow him, see where he goes Eventually he stops swinging Sheathes his sword, looks around, and then he heads off

Cool I will sneakily follow him to see where the hell his destination's gonna be. I got something of a bone to pick with the quiet knives. Funnily enough, they probably have several bones to pick with you. They're gonna take him out. Yeah. He's like walking just through the city. He gets to a

tavern somewhere in the blood cult area. It's getting, it's kinda quiet here. Like, not suspiciously so, it just like looks like maybe the blood cult area. It's getting, it's kind of quiet here. Like, not suspiciously so, it just like looks like maybe the blood cults are starting to burn themselves out. Yep. He finds a tavern, enters in there. Cool. Um. The tavern's name is, uh, the Lucky Duck.

Can I see in through the window who's in the tavern? Uh, the tavern's pretty sparse. Uh, there's, uh, out at the front of the tavern or around the side or anything Is there like one of the quiet knife Vehicles How's it look Because I feel like I'd recognize that

If I'm recognizing anything Yeah Around the back you spot One of the quiet knives A carriage that you know belongs to one of them Does it seem like it's occupied there's a driver sitting on it why not well around the corner charm person the guy like stiffens suddenly turns around who's there uh just a fact just a friend passing by

oh yeah yeah right does it seem like I've got him? Yeah. Cool. Right, swap clothes with me. Excuse me? Yeah, can we swap clothes? You're much larger than me, mate. Yeah, well, we'll figure it out.

He starts unbuttoning his... Oh, wait, hang on. You need to make a check for this. Yeah, he starts unbuttoning his shirt and stuff like that. Cool. I'd like to swap as much clothes with him so that I look a little bit like him. You can't put his clothes on. He's a halfling.

You're a human. Ah, damn. I'm too short. All right. Well, fuck off. It's my carriage now. So with a charmed person, you're not technically allowed to get them to make a suicidal,

like order. Yeah. And leaving the carriage just like fuck off. It's my carriage. Might as well be a suicidal order. you can tell him to go take a smoker if you want yeah yeah i'll be like go take a go take a piss then yeah yeah fair he takes out like a cigarette lights it as he walks away cool i'd like to cast alter self on myself make myself

look like that guy get in front of the carriage all right cool now you can wear his clothes huh now i can wear his clothes i've already made myself look like him i realized i didn't need to swap clothes with him. The back door to the tavern opens and two quiet knives you recognize come out. One of them has this wicked scar down the side of his face and you can tell that he

is... Oh, here we go. Sorry, he is with, not he is. He is with Papa Quietknife, the leader of the Quietknife family. Wonderful. Papa Quietknife, the leader of the Quietknife family. Wonderful. Papa Quietknife has a dagger in one hand and a handkerchief in the other, both of which are slightly bloody, and he's wiping the dagger off with his handkerchief.

Did they just kill Wednesday? Probably. They're talking in... Do you know Halfling? I don't know. I don't have your languages listed here. No. Only common in Orcish. They're talking in Halfling.

You don't understand them. Why do you know Orcish? I don't know. They both hop into, only common and orcish They're talking in halfling, you don't understand them Why do you know orcish? They both hop into the carriage And the one with the scar, as he hops into the carriage He looks at you and says something in halfling I should give him a nod with my hand Tip my hand at him, give him a nod, don't say anything Alright, they both climb in

Where are we, by the way? You're in the blood cults If you show me the map, Yeah, yeah. Point exactly. Okay. You are roughly here, just below where it says Blood Colts on the map. Who's in the docks? The docks are a bad place to go. No, you don't know about the mass exodus of the orcs.

You know that there's a big fire going on there. You can still see the smoke. Where's it going to be unoccupied? Hopefully the gnomish city in a minute. You know what? I'm just going to get the horses coming full pelt at a wall and then leap out. Horses aren't that dumb. They'll stop before they get to

a wall. Can I go full pelt at a wall then unhitch the horses? Then leap out? Take them down to the do and like just push the carriage into the sea. What's the purpose here? Tell me what you want to do and I'll try to help you do it. I'm just kind of trying to get rid of Papa quite enough. Originally I wanted to perform surgery on him, but I can't think of a way to get in that position.

So you could lock or you could try to bar the doors from the outside. Oh, I can lock them. There's no lock on the outside actually But if you found a way to You could try barring the doors from the outside Park next to a wall That's true You could find a really tight alleyway to do that actually Yeah right here

Back into a really tight alleyway You hear angry voices in halfling You hear angry voices in halfling You hear angry voices in halfling from inside the carriage. Then both of the doors open but they can't open fully so it's like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Rodeo.

I might just go inside and beat the shit. Oh no. Can I cast confusion in at them? Is there like a little window? Yes you can. I'm going to cast confusion at them. See if they just kill each other. Nice.

Oh, God. This would be so good. Is this the demise of the quiet knife was murdered, wedged in an alley? I hope so. One of the windows pops out. Papa Quiet Knife sticks his head out. Or sticks as much of his head as he can get out of the window. And you hear him yammering and halfling trying to point at you.

He doesn't finish whatever sentence he's trying to say. When a rapier skewers him straight through the head and then slides out. Papa Quiet Knife's eyes roll into the back of his head and he slumps into the carriage. Oh, that's amazing. Sweet. All right, I'm just going to hop off, head to pub. No, actually, I'm back to the police station,

so I should tell the fellas that there's a mole in the system. All right. Maybe several. You want to hope that when you get there, Wednesday ain't there. Yeah, well. I used to be at the pub. I'd be like, well, who are you working for anymore? Papa Quiet Knife is dead.

Stabbed by his own man, I heard. I heard. Perry Winkle and Leo. Yes. Where are you guys headed? We're heading to get to the town guards and then go into the Bloodcold Sandgarden. All right. Papa Surefoot. to get to the town guards and then go into the Blood Colts and go finish Papa Shelford. You get into the town guard headquarters.

Greg Pierce is sitting at a desk next to a very angry-looking duty sergeant who refuses to acknowledge his presence. I'd like to be talking to him. I've never had a banana. Pierce, what the fuck are you doing here? Well, as me and your good mate Wednesday were walking a pub, he drew a knife on me or a sword on me.

Wednesday. Wednesday, that's the one. That's his name, yeah. Wednesday drew a knife on you. Yeah, he said to me, I believe the exact phrase was, Papa, quiet knife sends his regards. Can I look at the paladins that have a, do you guys know his own truth? One of them puts up his regards. I can't look at the paladins that have a... Do you guys know

his own truth? One of them puts up his hand. Can you just... Can you just tell us the truth, Pierce? It just seems that... Oh my God, the distrust. Do you blame us?

I look at you, Pierce, like, come on. Oh, actually, I was thinking about this last time. I wish I'd done this last time. All right. So, now you guys know if you fail the check,

you have to tell the truth. You can't even mislead. Yeah. I'm going to give you secretly your results. That's good. This is way better. Well, we know that if Jackson's quiet. If I don't say anything, then I've been affected.

They weren't Russian. No, I guess I was speaking in half-life. I imagine they wore tracksuits too. Oh, that's good. Just like, you know the story behind the tracksuits though, yeah? No. So just as while Adam's doing this, here's a bit of fun trivia for you.

So during the USSR, obviously, they couldn't get anything from outside in. It was all only made within the Soviet Republic. Western civilization, go fuck yourself. When the Russian team went to an Olympics, they saw the American team come out in Adidas tracksuits, and they were like, holy shit, that's amazing. That became a status symbol in Russia because they couldn't get access to it.

The only way you could get access to an Adidas tracksuit was illegally through the mob. There we go. The Adidas tracksuit has a power symbol. That's amazing. I know, right? It's the best. Makes me think of Hawkeye. Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro.

That's what the halfling should have just done. Anyway. Piss. Yeah. Is Wednesday a mole? As far as I can tell, yes. He absolutely is. And he wasn't clear on it, but there might be others.

I asked him, he said yes, but I was like, is he telling the truth? Honestly, can't tell. And honestly, to be honest, I always thought there was a mole in the Little Lowe's, so chances are that there'd be. And I know Little Lowe was a mole in the Little O, so chances are that there'd be. I don't know if Little O had a mole in the police force. Who was Little O's mole in the police force?

I actually don't know. Do I know, Adam? No. No. Doesn't matter now, he's dead. I actually don't know. As in the mole? Yeah, you don't know.

That the mole is dead? Oh, no, no, no. It doesn't matter now. Little O is dead. Yeah. I don't know. Plus the mole is dead? Oh, no, no, no. It doesn't matter now. Little Lowe is dead. I don't know. Plus, Little Lowe is dead, so I guess that goes with him. Or maybe Little Lowe might know. Honestly, but there was at least one.

You were fairly certain that Little Lowe didn't know. You were fairly certain that Little Lowe kept his informants within the town guard very secret. Oh. Well, you're probably ought to kill... Well, you're killing Papa Shaw for it, yeah? Yes. That's the goal. Have you heard back from your weird ghost elf?

No, I don't know what's happening there. I don't have a link with him. Well, he seems to be able to find you. I was going to say, if he was following Papa Shorefoot, surely we could have tracked him, followed where he went. That would have been clever. Well, we didn't think of that, did we? No, we didn't. You could have tracked him, followed where he went. That would have been clever. Well, we didn't think of that, did we?

No, we didn't. I should have probably... Yeah, all right, fair. That's on us. That's on us. All right. Regardless of the fact of whether Wednesday is a model or not, he apparently attacked you. Yeah, he definitely attacked me with a sword.

He said, Papa, quiet knife sends his regards. Something to that effect. That's what we do. But he didn't end up making me out. He didn't what? He didn't take me out. I got away. You're still alive.

I'm still here. That's obvious. Where is he now? Couldn't tell you. So what happened then? What happened next? He went to a pub. Which one?

I think it's called. The Lucky Duck. Lucky Duck. Lucky Duck. All right. That is to a pub. Which one? I think it's called The Lucky Duck. Lucky Duck. That is a criminal pub. Such a criminal pub. Actually, O'Rourke, you would probably know that it's like a pub that the Quiet Knives like to use.

Not like they don't own it, it's just a place where they don't look too closely at what their patrons are doing. No town guards person would go to the Lucky Duck if it wasn't to see a Quiet patrons are doing. And then what happened? No town guards person would go to the Lucky Duck if it wasn't to see a quite nice dog. Yeah. And then what happened?

Fuck. Then what happened? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, I ran into some trouble and came here. I can't mislead, can I? Oh, well. Well, now we know I worked on piss, so that's good.

Well, this is an elaborate bluff. Oh, shit. That I'm involved in. Well, then I took out Papa Quiet Knife and here we are. Hang on, so Papa Quiet Knife is... Wait, you killed Papa Quiet Knife? No, actually, he was killed by a... So he's dead?

He's dead, yeah. Oh, thank Christ. Where is he? I suppose he'd be in a carriage between two buildings somewhere. I suspect they'd have taken a body somewhere by now. So you killed him? No. Someone else did. One of his men. Were you involved in his death? I was there.

Oh, thank God. Can I give you a hug? Yeah, I'll hug you back. Oh, thank you. God bless you. He's not afraid of male affection. Okay, that's enough male affection for our audience. Oh, thank you so much. Although secretly I do want to be hugged as well. Oh, do you? No.

Don't touch me, but I do. I kind of do. Like put my hands out like, yeah. But I relax into the hug. We give a good old hug. It's a lot of love. Anyway, we're going to the Shelfwoods. We cry over our deceased father figures that we didn't before.

We're going to the Shawfoots. Also, just so you're aware, I'm sort of on good terms with the Sabres now. He's a willow. They think I'm Deb? No, they don't. No, I didn't ask. You weren't really on the list of my priorities.

Presumably now that you're like me. The two Sabers are right here One of them casts That's true He's a willow He's alive obviously We follow your orders now Yeah good he's under my protection

Would you like one of us to go tell everyone That would be good One of the knights turns around and leaves Wanna come take a pop Shelford with us? Well come along because I don't know how many people In your group are moles Fair The duty clerk

Donald I need you to start putting together a memorandum To investigate Oh wait I've got an idea Can everyone just come in here and say the words I am not a mole? Okay, yes, come here now. I like how you've given Adam a stroke.

No, it's just a little... I'm like, how do I do this? You could either make 300 and something rolls, or I could say highs or lows. Highs or lows sounds good. You call, Zamit, what's your idea? Let's go with some lows. You don't find a mole that way.

Either the mole isn't here right now, there are a lot of town guard not here, or the majority of the town guard are not here, or he made his save, as it were. That's pretty good. Maybe when we get this all up and running, maybe we should just do that. Or he made his save, as it were. Yeah. That's pretty good. It's like maybe when we get this all up and running, hey, we should just do that.

Almost not daily, but like. All right. Yeah. Okay, we're going to go fuck up the blood cults. You coming with us? Blood cults? Well, on the way to the shore cults. And then we'll go to the shore cults. If it's safer than being anywhere else.

It's getting like it's nighttime. Do you guys want to do this tonight have to be anywhere else. It's getting, like, it's night time. Do you guys want to do this tonight? Yes. Of course. Can we hear the sound of the sabres fighting the... Oh, yeah, the zeppelins doing anything? You haven't heard? It's been less than a day that all this has been put into action.

Cool. Or do we rest? I don't mind. And attack in the morning. Well, the blood cult are still sacrificing here. No, that's actually stopped. You're getting reports that they're not doing that anymore. I reckon strike while the iron's hot.

All right, let's go up to Shorefoot. Cool. Bring it on. All right, I gather some town guard with us as well. You gather a small force to fight with you? Yep. Have you... So, when you ordered...

Oh, sorry. When you ordered the sabers to attack, you meant attack Damien Eaton right now or wait for you to be there? Did you want them to assault the city walls? Because I actually assumed you meant set up a perimeter and be ready to attack Damien. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, because what you guys just said now made me think the other thing. No, no, no.

So we were going to leave that happening and then we'll go and kill Shorefoot. And by then maybe eating somebody's army. I assume though, that the Sabres would be smart enough that if the army appeared, they would attack. Well, obviously they're going to defend themselves. Yeah.

But right now, all you've done is tell them to just prepare. Yeah. Cool. Prepare the war machine. We're going after Shorefoot. All right. You gather.

Well, the Shorefoot family is maybe now 80 strong, plus blood cults. You have no idea how many converts or how many people they have. But in about a day, they've lost their three leaders, so they're starting to fragment pretty heavily. Who was their third? He probably just died.

No, wasn't it... Killed him. Which one? Tickerton. The third was... Was that the one that you got, Piers? Brother Skip Tarkenton. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got him. Nicely done. You're welcome. We killed all the... I love that. Well, one of them's in jail. Biddlecoff. Yes.

How many town guard would you like? Probably only need... Let's call it... We've got one of the saber soldiers still with us. in jail, Biddlecoff. Yes. How many town guard would you like? Probably any... Let's call it... We've got one of the saber soldiers still with us. The other guy... We can call for some more of the sabers if you want.

We could. They're useful. They're about a thousand strong. I really don't want to. Do you want to take them away from the wall? I don't want to. I'd rather just keep

one saber with us and we'll use the town guard to take out the halflings. So maybe ten? Ten? Yeah. Oh, 10? There's going to be 80 family members.

Oh, I'll take like 40. 40? I'll take 80. 120. More than what you're fighting. Okay. We'll take 120 of the town guard. 120 sounds like a decent number.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're good. Considering some of them are going to be required to pass a mic. If I end up leading the city, you're my advisor, Leo, because I'm bad at math. That's okay. That's all right. 10 is bigger than 80? Well, I mean, I'm a fork.

I just assumed that I would outnumber people. We'll take 120 of us. Maybe take about four of the sabers with us, just in case they're pretty good. If you take paladins and clerics, they can heal you. Yeah, so we'll take a couple of them. All right. I'll say you get Evelyn and maybe just three regular knights.

Evelyn asks if she can come with. I kind of would prefer her to be leading the troops back at Eaton's Wall. She nods. All right, then. These guys can heal too, yeah? She switches out for the cleric that baptizes you. Great. So he can heal us.

Baptized you. Cool, cool, cool. Get a baptism every day. His name's Gavin, yeah? Yes. Cleric Gavin Shooter. Was there any time in between this happening that I could try and find out what's happening with little...

Fish Hits and Gigs. Could any of you tell the lie then? I couldn't. Oh, no. Neither of us could. None of us could. Ah, it's brilliant. You knew that when you rolled and you went, I'm going to make them think that some of them are lying. It's good.

Anyway, let's continue. Yeah, so is there any kind of like, while we're amassing this plan, is there a way to kind of find out what Little Little is up to? Not really, no. All right, never mind. You'd need to send a member of the Little Little family and like you need to find a member of the Little Little family.

You could go find out, but then you wouldn't be here. Yeah, exactly. So, no. Cool. I don't want to miss killing some shorefoots. All right. I'm blaming them for the fact that my girlfriend's leaving now. That's fair.

So, 120 members of the town guard assemble with shields, swords, and torches to march on the shorefoot apartment. Yeah. To march on the shorefoot apartment and, by extension, the blood cultists. So, you start moving through that section of town, clearing it as you go. You meet very little resistance every now and then there's like a group of people in blood red robes gather together with like makeshift weaponry some of them might have like a like a scythe or an ossicle or an actual weapon but it's all just like these people are either the peasantry who have been brainwashed or upper echelons of society who don't know how to fight.

So the resistance they put up is largely minimal. This awful cult that has been plaguing you since long before any of this happened. Almost a state-sponsored cult back when King Goldcrest was in charge here. Because he was happy for the people to kill themselves so long as they didn't fight him or his governor. This awful stain upon the history of Jaren's outpost is exterminated in a single night. We arrested him and he was like... No, he was like... Kill? Like your orders are to kill? Fuck.

So many of these decisions are now important You're well within your rights to do this These people, if they were put in a court of law Would all be sentenced as guilty And death However, maybe we should do that Court of law first Nah

We're not doing that for Papa Shorefoot If we do it for them It means we have to do it for Papa Shorefoot. Can't make your decisions like that. And maybe we should do it for Papa Shorefoot. Fuck, he believes this fervently. There are... Ah, damn.

Cleric Shooter steps forward and says, My lord, I believe that either way you are righteous. I was assuming you were going to kill the blood cultists. Why don't you want to kill the blood cultists, Leo? Because then we're no better than everyone else that's taken this town. You're no better than fucking King Goldcrest that had this town. There was no jury. There was no judgment.

He makes a point. There was just killing. And if you then do this, it's just a cycle and a cycle. We'll detain them. Then what's it for? But if they fight, we'll fight back. Detaining them means that you're going to be, like, losing a lot of your number just to hold them.

Frankly, it's not worth it. Frankly, the top always looks roughly the same from the bottom. Yeah, there are you, Greg Piss. I'm walking along Maryland. I'm with Greg just because we need these guys to take out the surefoots. We don't need them to take out the surefoots. Top never changes, Leo. That's life. But if the top never changes,

then there's going to be three more fuckwits who are basically us in about ten more years that are toppling us out. We can change and it starts here. Yep. No, no, not to the change, to the first part. Periwinkle is chaotic good. If you're going to be leading this town,

do you really want to do the same mistakes that King Goldcrest did? Can we try to avoid them? We can try to avoid them. Well, we can arrest them. Sometimes, but some of them will just because you're on, quotation marks, their turf, some of them will just come out and attack. Can we just, without killing them, just

incapacitate them? We can incapacitate them. Leaving them broken and bloodied and unconscious on the city streets is basically killing them. We can incapacitate them. Leaving them broken and bloodied and unconscious on the city streets is basically killing them. Here's the problem, Fairy Wingle, mate, is that Leo here works in absolutes, but the world doesn't. So tonight, you could kill them, and then tomorrow, or the next

day, when you start your reign properly, you do it in a court with the next people. I don't like that you called it a reign. Oh, whatever. Whatever you're in charge. Every man in charge is a king. What type of government you want. Oh, God. You could be a king.

You could be a president. President of the Rock. I like to think that Periwinkle O'Rourke is Mayor Sheriff. Yes. The Mayoriff. Mayoriff. That's the borderline. I think there's a line from Fallout 3 where it's like,

I'm mayor of this town and sheriff when I need to be. Yeah, that's what borderline. I think there's a line from Fallout 3 where it's like, I'm mayor of this town and sheriff when I need to be. Yeah, that's what Periwinkles think. Look, I mean, some of these are brainwashed. Some of these people don't know any better. If they go to court, though, they'll get executed. Then that's on the course to decide, which you will decide. But right now... Seems like you're adding extra steps, but it's your choice.

Do the right thing early. Can I use 20 men to try to arrest the blood cults? Oh, the blood cults? 20 men is not going to hold the blood cult. What if I get some of the sabers to come in and hold the blood cult city? They offer to do the help? Yeah, under your command, they would hold them, keep them safe. If I said 20 town's guard working with a group of, say, 20 sabers, would that be enough? 20 sabers is enough.

The town's guard are not trained warriors like the sabers are. Okay. Those 1,000 sabers are worth maybe 10, 15 times their number in town guard. Well, you say that. Town guard got a lot more heart. I've got it where it counts. All right, well, we'll get the sabers to arrest these people and we'll continue on to the Papa Shorefoot's place.

20 knights, paladins, warriors, fighters, whatever you will, from the sabers arrive on scene. They begin helping you guys. You just, like, just a number of bodies are needed to just round them up, but to keep them contained, only 20 sabers. They contain them all under lock and key in the Lucky Duck, we'll say. Yeah, great. Perfect.

They're all put in there, and the sabers are good to look after them. Every now and then, someone will come out of a side street and charge you in blood-red robes wielding a mace, or maybe sometimes just a completely nude person will get up off the street and try to stab you. But there are small incidents that are quickly like subdued and then taken away. All right.

Off we go. Eventually you come to the, I don't want to say high rise, but like the complex where up at the top level that surefoot apartment is. At the bottom level, there's just like vagrants have collected at the base. They part

scared as you approach. Not yet. Let's do this. Will O'Rourke and Leo be able to capture the surefoots? And will they even want to? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Rumble, a D&D's for nerds adventure. Thanks for listening.

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