D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #3 Dragon on Your Heels

Episode Date: July 8, 2017

In which our heroes take a dish out a lot of punishment. Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradio Want to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradio Or individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio, your mum's your dad. Welcome to Chapter 3 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for nerds adventure. Previously. Are the orcs still, like, nearby? Yeah, they've stopped and are having a conversation. You have heard the weapon be described as a gatling gun. So I guess you guys are here for the weapon, yeah, as well? Because I'm here for the weapon too.

You saw on display this set of armor and you were like well no one else needs it no yeah yeah i'll help you i'll pick out the weapon yeah absolutely no do you just play a no no i'm intending to fascinate the orcs uh pretty much in love right now oh Oh my god, you just want to stop. Stop guarding and just make out because you're in love! What are we doing, Pierce? That's my turn. Alright. Actually, what I want to do, maybe destroy the weapon.

There's this massive wooden construction being, like, pushed upright. You're not sure what that's all about. I don't want to work with you, pal. I know a lot about you, Greg Pierce. With chaos erupting around the docks how do you wish to proceed magpie lad meat pie what the fuck's going on can i just telepathically be like why what's going on how does that link work it's not like a druid's empathetic link where it's like oh feelings emotions your magpie is intelligent and you

speak telepathically with words oh cool that's mad awesome your magpie is intelligent and you speak telepathically with words. Oh, cool. That's mad. Awesome. Your magpie is like, I don't know, I'm still here. Just like a... Does it have the same voice as Mrs. Magpie from Blinky Bill? No.

How did she speak? I don't know. Oh, Blinky, what are you doing? Oh, I hope not. And the levels are going to get lowered on that one. But yes, that is how she speaks. I have decided now. Meat Pie, fly up.

Give me a bird's eye view of this place. See what's going on. What? Fly up. Give me a bird's eye view of this place. See what's going on. Meepai flies towards the orc camp. Awesome.

Right. So choose which one. All to self. All right. You now look like an orc. Gross. You're right. Did I do it right?

I get behind. Using the magic inherent to the universe that bards know and can manipulate with their raw charisma, you are able to alter your appearance such that you look like an orc. All right. And I get behind Periwinkle. And we march toward the closest warehouse or big tent. Well, the big tent is probably the furthest of anything. Cool. So would you like to hit up the brick buildings?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Systematically go for each one. And anybody that looks at us, we just give them an imposing look and hope that they assume we're superior. I'm assuming that's how orcs operate. No one gives you a second thought. Cool. Leo and Pierce, however.

Ah, no. You're too on your own now. It actually doesn't really happen until you're kind of like in the thick of it. And then an orc running past carrying weapons slams into you, Pierce.

Oi, motherfucker. Slams into you, ruining your illusion. Oh. He sees through your illusion for a brief moment. And then at the same time, he trips over Leo. The orc drops all the weapons, gets up, and is about to say something when boom! A dragon. Probably the size for you, well

what's an equivalent? A 747 Oh boy. Dragon lands in the docks. Well that was lucky. The mere fact that it has landed causes the ground to rumble enough that

Leo, you fall to the ground, and so do like half of the orc encampment. Periwinkle and Pierce, you both have enough wherewithal to stay standing. Wow. The dragon whips around once, and just the

wind that it creates by whipping around destroys a good amount of the orcish camp. The orcs charge and a fight begins between the dragons and the orcish camp. Whatever was about to happen between you guys and that orc

is forgotten. At the same time, you hear... Does anyone hear no gnomish? No. I'm going to go with probably not. No. Common and orc.

Common and orc too. I know a lot. What? I know like draconic, halfling, common, elven, and gutterspeak. Not gnomish. Not gnomish. A booming voice says something in gnomish. The voice is extra loud, either

magically or through some gnomish technology. You're not sure what. But it sounds a bit tinny, like a speaker system. That's awesome. Well, shit's going down. But fortuitous for us. And then with a twanging sound, the wooden gnomish contraption collapses, sending something flying towards the orcish camp.

A large Wright Brothers-esque but big contraption is sailing over the camp. That's amazing. Dropping from it on ropes, gnomes kitted out for combat warfare land among the orcs and they begin joining the fight. Jesus. Literally, this could not be more fortuitous for us. This is amazing. So, well,

this is how we need to get this weapon out of here quick. The gnomes are using gunpowder weaponry, so you hear the steady, like, crack, crack, crack of their guns going off. Once again, the tinny speaker. Sounds like meat pie a little bit. The gnomes appear to be organizing themselves after they hear that.

That's amazing. I really feel bad for, like, the orc ex-lovers in that box. When they wake up, all their friends are going to be dead. They're not going to know what happened. We just let them. Or they're going to assume that we did it. The mad three-way melee continues.

We should search these stone houses while Vishnu is in the stone houses. I was going to say, destroying the three stone houses? The dragon probably did actually just land on one of the five stone buildings, destroying it three of the stone houses. The dragon probably did actually just land on one of the five stone buildings, destroying it. There's four left. Let's hope that wasn't in that one. Let's go to this one over here.

I point to the nearest one, I assume. So this one has one entrance, but windows all around. It looks like it was someone's dwelling, like a house, someone who lived in the docks. There's a second story to it, but the second story is maybe only the size of a room. You can get up if you wanted to try climbing through the second story. You could get in through a window. You could get in through the door.

Through the windows, you can see orcs in there. Before we do that, I was going to ask a quick question. Seeing the four remaining one in the big tent, would we be like, kind of like give it a bit of a guesstimate of maybe where the weapon might be, just on the facades of all the places? Yeah, like if one looks more like a

warehouse or, you know. Just to kind of like, look, well that one's destroyed, so let's hope that one wasn't it. Maybe this one that you're approaching or the one that you're nearest to, the one I was just describing, looks like maybe it was used as a food preparation area. I reckon not.

We can bugger that one off. Let's go to the next one. As you charge past, you notice the dragon isn't actually following you guys, but its natural path is kind of following you guys. And as you run past that first building, maybe a minute

later, one of the dragon's mighty paws crushes it. Alright, well that one... They're both out. I mean, let's hope it wasn't in either of those. I don't know if dragons are like bees, but if we zigzag away from it, it won't be faster.

Isn't that how you... I heard you try to relate everything to bees. Oh, I will. Is the armour slowly possessing your mind? I did not know, and I look at his beehive necklace and bee armour. Bees behave that way. What's the next one?

The next building was... The reason I never failed Blade is because I've got a beehive armour. The next building was probably a blacksmithy. Actually, some of you might have, back when the docks wasn't inhabited by orcs, have gone to this black smithy for one reason or another. Hey, that's where I got this dagger from. It's Kevin's black smith. I love

Kevin. He's so good with steel. Kevin was a very pleasant, if slightly portly fellow, but you're pretty sure he's dead. Ah, rest in peace, Kev. I miss you, Kev. He was killed either in the riots or by the black hand or by the orcs. There are a lot of opportunities for Kev to eat.

He did good work, but it did not help. Can we imagine that there'd be space in this for a large weapon? Parts of a large weapon? You could quite easily put it, well, there is enough room. You don't know how big what you're looking for is.

There are no orcs visible in this one. Alright, let's break in. Does this have a second floor? No, right, right. There are no orcs visible in this one. All right, let's break in another. Yeah, break in. Does this have a second floor? No, it's one. One floor. It's like an open air sort of blacksmith area and then the living sort of quarters,

which is maybe two rooms. And we've got to be quick or we're a pancake. Wait, am I a dickhead? Or are we dickheads? Because if the orcs are being attacked by two fronts, wouldn't they try to be protecting their weapon? Yeah, maybe. Maybe.

Where are they protecting? Are the orcs rallying to protect any particular point? Or are the gnomes rallying to go to a particular point? It's hard to tell. You guys are kind of not necessarily in the midst of the fight, but to be someone on the ground. We can't see the forest for the trees. Yeah.

Awesome. Like, there are people everywhere. But meat pie can. True. Bruised. Awesome But Meat Pie can True Roosed Meat Pie Needs a moment though to sort of assess the situation While that's happening We'll go to the blacksmith

You're like really close to the blacksmith When all of the windows get smashed out By the butts of Flintlock rifles And a gnomish firing squad pokes their rifles through. They fire at you because one of you is a hot hawk, one of you looks like an orc. Yeah.

So they just fire. Shit. Dang. Trying to get out of the way? I mean, we'll do our best. Well, you get shot at, and we'll see whether or not you are able. Oh, Jesus. I should have stayed at home today.

Today was a bad day to do anything. It really was. I'm too old for this shit. I really should have stayed home. But if I stayed home, I think I would have got killed. There's no worse safe. Actually, on second thoughts, that woman's nagging is infernal.

Oh, man. Crit cards. I missed crit cards. Oh, man. Crit cards. I missed crit cards. Aw, wait. If Adam's happy, I've learned that I shouldn't be. It's a good rule of thumb. Adam's joy is our sadness. So, Periwinkle, you feel two bullets tear through

you. Leo, you feel one bullet tear through you. They weren't actually even aiming at you. It's just so much... It was just like a volley fire, so there was so much lead being put down range that you just got hit. Dodge, dark dive, ah, fuck. Great piece. You get hit twice as well, and we'll find out

what happens to you. Oof, right, yeah. Blimey. Oh dear. Oh dear. Ah, Jesus. Ah, gee. Okay. Gee whiz. Periwinkle, you take only four points of damage.

No, what up? Not a lot. It was mostly glancing blows that hit you. Yeah, beautiful. I'm a big fella in a big bee armour. Yeah. Leo, you take but one point of damage. Oh, nimble boy. Tis but a scratch. T Oh, fuck me. Nimble boy.

Tis but a scratch. Tis but a scratch. Nimble little fella. I'm copping the brunt, I guess. Mm-hmm. You were the closest. Yep. Pierce.

Pierce. Mm? You take... Yep. 19 points of damage. Woo-hoo! On top of the four you took before. Mm-hmm. So 23 points of damage. Woo-hoo! On top of the four you took before. Mm-hmm.

So 23 points of damage in total. You're down from 56 to 30... What did it say? 23? So 33. Right. Blimey. Also, one of the bullets pierced your forearm and just, as it was coming out, destroyed...

What muscle is this? Tricep. Destroyed your tricep oh jeez your tricep is like part of it is poking out through the hole the exit wound made

you drop your loot oh man that's like that's my playing ant that's like years of recovery that's a lot of rehab a lot of physical therapy

highs or lows? highs highs? alright it just drops at your feet I was gonna have it lost in the melee oh god oh thank god the lows. Highs. Highs? Alright, it just drops at your feet. I was gonna have it lost in the melee. Oh god, oh thank god. Oh boy. Okay, um,

so, Pierce, what were you wanting to do? No real initiative here, because I'm not assuming you guys are charging. I'm just gonna duck out of the way and cure light wounds. Cure moderate. Cure moderate wounds on myself. Oh fuck Ow Actually You can cure yourself

Duck out of the way, grab your loot Pick any two Duck out of the way, cure myself So your loot is still in the line of fire It's tough You recover 18 hit points. Does my... Your wound is completely fixed.

Oh, there you go. Just a bit of a dull ache. Yeah, just... Don't need any of that physiotherapy. I can walk that off. I'm fine. I'll be all right. Doesn't cure your soul, though.

Yeah, your soul's still gone. Sue, then I'll say, Periwinkle, what would you like to do in response to this? I assume you're not charging, so I'm not putting you guys in initiative. Can I do two things as well? What would you like to do? Can I grab his loot and get out of the way? You can.

Thank you. I'm going to grab your loot and get out of the way. All right, cool. I'll say you duck in wherever he is. Maybe there's some little depressed area. You're fighting among city streets right now, sort of, well, you know, some little depressed area. Like, you know, you're fighting among city streets right now. Yeah. Sort of, well, dark streets.

But there's, you know, there's natural terrain and stuff like that. So you duck down behind some buildings and some tents and use maybe even the natural layout of the town to give yourself some cover. Yep. Then, Leo. Right. Can I call out in common, no orcs here, just prisoners. You can. And then have a quick scan of the round or a search around the blacksmith.

All right. You call that out? Yeah. Got them. Got them in one. Gnomes. Can you make yourself not an orc now, too, by the way? I should probably sort that out.

I'm just going to make myself a gnome. Why didn't you do that? They were shooting at me. I had another one. Gnomes. I want to plead to their, like, good nature. Highs or lows? Highs.

Highs. Always bet on highs. Always bet on highs. Okay, I got two pieces of bad news. One is pretty bad. One is just the worst. Well, that's not even too bad. That's pretty bad news.

That's just terrible. The worst news? The worst news? All right. Well, that's not even too bad. That's pretty bad news. That's just terrible. The worst news? The worst news? All right. So the dragon steps over you and crushes the blacksmith. The bad news is before that, they get another volley out. Probably you realize now they were not shooting at you guys at all.

They were shooting at the dragon. You're in trouble. The volley misses you completely. at you guys at all. They were shooting at the dragon. You're in trouble. We're out of the way. The volley misses you completely. I guess they're like aiming up more than like horizontal now. So,

they just miss you completely with the second volley. Right. How close are we to another building where the dragon is? So that's three down, two buildings left,

plus the big fan. Yep. Were we in the... No, no, we were outside it. No, you were outside it. Still charging towards it. The gnomes had like knocked down windows and set up, like, a volley fire.

Oh. You ever see, like, people from Civil War times or whatever lining up? Yeah, yeah, they smash the window out and then... Yeah, yeah, yeah. For some reason I thought it was the reverse, they were shooting through the window at us. Anyway, right. All right, well, anywho. Let's hope it wasn't there again.

Meat pie gets back to you. Oh, it's all fucked. They're all over the place. I want more Australianisms. I want like, oh, Flaming Galah. Flaming Galah. Start the crows. Struth, mate.

Some boats are landing. Boats? Fuck. Boats are landing. Dwarves are getting out. There's dwarves now. Here's a fort, lads. It's a bloody four-way flight.

Here's a rumble. Here's a fort, lads. Here's a rumble. But you know, your magpie relays that a bunch of dwarven-style boats land at the docks, and then dwarves get out of those dwarven-style boats and start fighting as well. Under my breath, I just want to go, Struth. Dwarves look like they're fighting their way towards the

big tent, specifically. I reckon that's our bet, then. With limited time, might as well go for the big tent. If it's in the other two, whatever, we're fucked. You do none of you know what dwarves are doing here. I don't even know where the dwarves could fucking come from. Ain't no dwarves are doing here. I don't even know where the dwarves could fucking come from.

Ain't no dwarves. Back to the boat. Sell dwarf boat. Do a dwarf boat. Put a fucking weapon on it. We're out of there. Go to an island. Oh, to sell dwarf.

All right. You keep a track of your spells, mate? Yeah, I am. I'm down two first level. And one cantrip. Got you, dickhead. I love you. Ely.

I'm on board with going for the tent. Yeah. The tent's out of the way of the dragon, yeah? It's the furthest away, so yeah. Yeah, the furthest away, yeah. Run! Scarfer for the tent. I'm a dwarf!

Do you want your loot back? Oh, yeah, thanks, man. Yeah, I might give it back later. Ha! Prove to me that you're not a piece of shit and I'll I might give it back later. Ha! Right. Prove to me that you're not a piece of shit, and I'll give you your loot back. It's largely impossible.

All right, now here's the deal. Get us out of this alive. With the weapon. Oh, easy done. And I'll give you your loot back. Deal. The fighting around the tent is possibly the most fiercest. Some of the strongest and most badass-looking orcs are here,

defending the tent from one side dwarves and from another side gnomes. What's the dragon doing? The dragon's charging towards all of this. Then, in addition to that, there's the main orcs of the camp, the less, like, badass looking ones, but still a lot of them, who are, like, sandwiching the dwarves and the gnomes up against the extreme looking orcs. So it's like a several layer pie of fighting right now. I'm weirdly hungry. Several layer pie, for sure. weirdly hungry.

Yeah. If you want to get there, you're going to have to fight your way either through orcs, gnomes, orcs, or orcs, dwarves, orcs. I say orcs, dwarves, orcs because I look like a dwarf. He looks like an orc. Oh no, that's alright. Either way, you just say you're

the prisoner of... Yeah, it's fine. I'm not very charismatic. I just thought I'd put that out there. We'll figure it we had through all right yep you're probably gonna have to kill your way through so the way i'm gonna work this is you are in combat while combat is constantly happening around you you will always be fighting the person in front of you to get you closer to your target yep but be aware that because of the melee around you i'm going to be rolling randomly to see if someone just doesn't like the look of you and attacks you from a side or behind as we're entering the fray i'd be like perry i just need

the loot that's my weapon i haven't got nothing else ma'am we have like just just i look at you for a long time give it to him like don't fuck with me i'll give it back after the fray. No, you can keep it, but don't do any... All right. Incidentally, I'm also going to give you a countdown. So you need to basically take out three orcs, three dwarves, three orcs, but tough orcs. Yeah. And the dragon is being hampered by all the people

that it needs to fight to get here, but it'll be here in ten rounds. Okay. So unless you are taking down a person around, you probably won't get there in time for the dragon to also be here. Right. Is rushing past an option and incurring damage? Like incurring an attack?

I'll allow it. Okay. Yeah, good to know. But, like, Oh, no, I know. That person behind you will... Every person you avoid is going to be someone attacking you from behind.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Make a train. They need to be in range. So you can only punch the person in... Isn't everyone kind of moshpitted together? Couldn't I punch two people? Yes, actually, yeah. You can actually... You can't get two people out of your way,

but you can get someone out of your way and someone out of one of your friends' way. Good. Right. Roger. So I guess you're probably in the middle. I'm in the middle. Forming like the tip of the spear. Yes. Let's do this. All right. Right. Roger, so I guess you're probably in the middle. I'm in the middle. Forming like the tip of the spear.

Yes, do this. All right. I'm going to go with Periwinkle first. Yep. Because you're the one. Tip of the spear. You're the tip of the spear. I'm the tip of the spear.

So I guess if I'm getting my punching on, I probably want to get my stingers out. Would you like the stingers out? Yeah, get them stingers out. I'm going to talk to my fists and say the word apius, which is Latin for bee. Oh, that's painful, but I'm really excited. Let's fucking do this.

It's how you feel things. Your gauntlets drag material, bone, flesh, blood from your hands and form stingers using them. It's a painful process, and you know that when you punch you're going to be breaking that stinger off. Alright, you hit the first blow. Someone in front of me.

Yes, the person in front of you. Dealing 18 points of damage to him, killing him. And you can... Dealing 2 points of damage to yourself. And then you can, if you want, cleave and two points of damage to yourself. That's all right. And then you can, if you want, cleave and attack people barring their way.

But because you've already used the apiary thing, you're going to be... You have to keep using your stinger for these attacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, one of the stingers because the other one snapped off. It just regrows until this attack is technically done. So at the end of this... After my next punch, they both fall off. It just regrows until this attack is technically done. So at the end of this, after my next punch they both fall off.

Because cleave is like one solid hit, you keep going through. The stinger breaks off at the end of it, but it's like extra destroyed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. Alright, well, you seem to be slightly more capable than you, so I'm going to clear the path

for you. Thank you. That's so funny because I have no offensive weapons or spells. But it's good. I'm wily. I've got plans already. Yeah, yeah. Also I feel like you'd be better suited to getting in there first potentially. You deal 21 points of damage to the other guy, killing him.

Bang! One point of damage to yourself. You can actually keep going and get Greg Fist's guy as well if you want you're amazing not even in one round we killed three in a third of a round we got three or at least two

that's us through the orcs if you've killed this one you need to get three waves of orcs if you've killed this one. If I've killed this one. You need to get three waves of orcs. Oh. So there's in total 18 orcs to kill and nine dwarves to kill. Yep, yep, yep. Okay, this is a harder fight than I was imagining. Yeah, same, same.

Each of you need to be killing one around. Yep. I've killed three this round, so. You've sorted us out for that one. Yeah, that's good. Is that three? You deal 23 points of damage to the third one, killing him as well, and you take

three points of damage. Alright. Alright, so that's one round down. You guys are over the rest of the round, just moving forward, shoving your way through. Yep. And then you need to make your way through the next orcs who bar your way.

Okay. Tip of the spear goes first. The stingers have gone away again, haven't they? Yeah. You can not do that this round if you want. Or you can do it again. It's up to you. How much extra damage do I get with the stingers?

2d6. Significant. From 2 to 12 extra damage. After we get through this... In terms of strategy, it's almost worth... If you're worried about not dying, it's almost worth waiting for the big bastards.

But, if we do this, we can do it quicker. So it's kind of like... Can you hear me as I go? Yeah, I can hear you. That'll be my action. You'll have to get my guy, but I can hear you. Nah, nah, fucking bring it on. Yeah, man. Again, bring out my stingers. You'll have to get my guy, but I can hear you. Nah, nah, fucking bring it on. Yeah, man. You didn't become the bloody fixer of Jared's outfit.

No, I didn't by just sitting around on my ass. Exactly. Clubberin' time. You step forward and you jab forwards with a really good you thought strike. But then, like, I know, you know, that airship thing

Not airship That plane thing They have Flies overhead And a gnome Accidentally Tumbles out of it And lands on your blow

You just kill a gnome Randomly That gnome must have had a confusing Ah You still get another attack though So you can attack again Oh I used my other fist. I have two. Like that one punch, like, what the

fuck? Okay. I just watched that, like, what just... Jesus. Gnome's fallen out of a gun. Shaken him off my hand. Didn't even worry you. You're like, whatever, it's fine. Can I ask? Yes. Can I go to your back page? Sure. My last page. Up the top

right-hand side, there's a section that says feats. Uh, yep. Do you have a feat called Improved Critical? No. Alright, cool. I was just checking to see whether or not this was a critical hit. Jesus. To me or to the orc? To the orc. Good. You do very well.

You hit him. Did you have the thing activated? Yeah, I did. I had the thing activated for both. You get him. Yep. Fuck, champion. You deal 23 points of damage. Excellent. No, 22. That's all right. He's dead.

Bang. You take five points of damage. It's getting you, but I'm sure you're tough. I'm pretty tough. Yeah, you're doing fine. He's on like 62 here. Yeah. My max is 40.

I'm a tank. This is what I'm here to do. Damn right. It's your job. Patch me up later. Get the tip of the spear. Yeah, I'll get you. This is what I'm here to do. Damn right. It's your job. Patch me up later. To the tip of the spear. Yeah, I'll get you. You get the next two guys as well.

Wait for the others. Oh, you're a champ. You deal 15 points of damage to one. We're just a fucking steam train right now through these orcs. 15 points of damage to the other. Killing both of them. And you take another three points of damage. I always imagine the faint smell of honey.

Oh yeah, the faint smell of honey just comes off me, and as I punch the second guy, it's just buzz buzz, motherfucker. Honey and blood. What a weird combination of odors. You put your head down, so you're just looking down, and you just start punching forward.

Yeah, that's pretty much it. You like, punch your way through the group. All right, so third wave of orcs. Also, I do pretty sure, pretty sure, I may have the potential that if I don't want to use the stingers, I can just kind of go into like a berserker-like rage, which might attack some a lot stronger, but I'm not very accurate. You can start using power attack.

You can actually determine how angry, if you will, you are. I'm less angry because I'm doing stuff. I'm just annoyed that this is still going.

No one's really hurt me yet so I'm okay. Someone hurts me though while I'm doing this. Power. I may go ballistic. Oh, it's on. I say that.

Alright. I'm 59. I reckon if I drop to about what your health is... 61 I've got. Alright then, I'll take that. I'll rolling. All right. I'm 59. I reckon if I drop to about what your health is. 61 I've got. All right, then. I'll take that. We'll call it 61. Whatever.

Be the generous one. Thank you. My theory is that if I drop to about where you are, then maybe I'll stop using the stingers, but I'm going to sting again. Yeah, good. Bang. Let's go.

Bring it on. Buzz buzz, motherfuckers. He's sort of flanking like, oh, okay. Don't need to even.ers. He's sort of flanking like, oh, okay. Don't need to even. Excellent. That's sweet. Give him that uppercut.

Give him that old one-two, one in the bread box. I'm going to stop rolling damage because you stopped paying attention to that. You're just taking, you just, all you're feeling right now is that your bones and blood and flesh is slowly being drained by the stinger. Does he shrink? You keep making progress, but I'm just going to roll your damage. Cool. Cool.

Ow. Ow. 11 points of damage. To me? Yep, after all that. Yep. Did I kill all three? Yep.

I'll let you know when you guys aren't moving forward. All right, good. You're in dwarves right now. I'm not keeping track of my hit points because you are and I don't know what I'm up to. Just tell me when I get to 40, Adam. Incidentally, someone didn't like the look of you this round. Uh-oh. But I look like a dwarf. Exactly, you idiot.

Yeah. But we're fighting dwarves. There'll be an orc from behind. It's just the mad melee. Like, you're in dwarves now as well And there are orcs behind you Could be a gnome from a plane again Could be a sneaky halfling in your back Who knows

Who said that? Huh? There is a sneaky halfling in our back Put him in a sack, drop him in the roof Oh thank god Parawinkle A random blow deals 6 points of damage to you. Oh, it's happening.

It's chipping away at your hit points. I'm angry. Oh, it's coming. A storm is coming. There is the fury. Leo is an orc, steps up behind you, and you hear him grumble, You're not a dwarf! It's like, well, I have the amulet to protect my back.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Did the guy say you're not a dwarf? Yeah. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, like, he's expecting a dwarf right now, but he sees a halfling instead. It's an orc. Orcs get scared over small problems. They don't like change.

They're like elephants and mice. You take 22 points of damage, and when his wicked curved falchion blade cuts at your back, it cuts you from butt to the base of the neck along your spine. The curve of the blade picks up some strap of your armor, lifts you into the armor, lifts you into the air, and you don't notice, Perry Winkle, but Greg Pierce, you

notice that Leo Shadow has been thrown further into the door. You don't see him anymore. I'm too busy punching. How am I going to be cut from in front? Like I said, you take 22 points of damage.

Did I say you take 22 points of damage. Right. Did I say you take 22 points of damage? Yeah, you did. All right. Little fellas, probably dumb for. All my troubles seem so far away right now. Just that beautiful moment where you're like, in the sky, you get to see the melee all...

Yo, what up, Adam? What up, G? Yes. Cook me good. You turn around to look at the orc who just hit Leo. Leo, you... And as you turn around, you're like, bumble up against another orc who shoves you back and says, you are no orc or dwarf! He slashes at you, and you think he's going to go high, but instead he goes low.

You feel the cut on your belly, and then you feel a great weight lifting from you. You look down to see your guts lying on the floor. Oh, I've got to put this back in me. Parry. Parry. Parry. You take 16 points of damage. Plus.

They're out. What's meant to be in is out. I'm punching. I can't do anything but punch. You're somewhere else. You're in a red mist. I'm in the punch. You're in the punch realm now.

I am the punch and the punch is within me. Plus every round, you will lose a D6 hit point, which is 4 to this round. Plus, your constitution goes down by 4. I'm assuming this is something I can't fix with a

cure moderate wound. It's not the constitution. But at least the guts, yeah? Can Pierce put his guts back in? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at sanspantsplus.com

and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content and much, much more. ThatandsPantsPlus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content, and much, much more. That's SandsPantsPlus.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word,

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