D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #7 Coffees to Go

Episode Date: July 22, 2017

In which our heroes cast out their nets, looking for any friends they can find.Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio, I pushed Humpty Dumpty off that wall. and we cannot thank you enough. So, if you still want to grab the message at D&D is for Nerds Animal Adventure and help fundraise for a good cause, just head on over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com where you can pay as little or as much as you'd like. Once again, thank you so much. You're all bloody amazing people. And now, enjoy the show. Welcome to Chapter 7 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Here are the keep. Oh, you'll lose your link. No, Meepai will be shot out of the air.

Oh, nice. What were your kids' names? Did you end up settling on a kid's name yet? I didn't name my kids yet. Would you like to? Sure. Two girls. Two girls.

This is Buttons. And Sweatrock. You can sleep on the couch. Oh, thanks. It's very small. And it's a half-all couch. I'd blop you. Blop you too.

That's the last sound you hear before they go to bed. It's like a concept like love, but it's not a direct translation. No, no, no. There's no word for love in Orkish. I'm allowed to make Italian jokes because that's my heritage. Exactly. Damn right. Dear Flip Shamrock, if you're reading

this, I guess you're alive. If you're in Little Tigla and you're like, oh, let's stop at this nice little halfling restaurant, but then you go in and you're like this I guess you're alive If you're in Little Tegla And you're like Oh let's stop at this Nice little halfling restaurant But then you go in And you're like Why is everyone staring at us

Like you're not local It's clearly a front If I said We need to storm Aiton's castle Because we've got a dragon And I think he's going to Seize power again The captain would be

On board with that Well you don't know But you like You reckon you have a chance Of convincing him Like it'd be a discussion Yeah Periwinkle

You go from man to man Explaining the situation and your plan. What do you say exactly? I just tell them the dragon thing and that Eaton's being a dick. And I don't think I'd... I reckon I'd tell my buddies about the weapon. You will? Yeah.

You talk to all ten of your buddies. Nine of them are like, yeah, if you need help, we'll back you. We'll back your play. Most of those nine are like very, you know, like, we're blood brothers. We've bled together. We live together. We're going to die together. A couple of the ones who say yes are like, oh, arming and erring.

They seem a little hesitant because it's very dangerous, but they say yes. One of your mates is just like, I got a kid on the way. I can't. I'm sorry. I've got two kids already here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't. It's a dragon. Oh, you also find out that very few people were actually aware of what happened.

Everyone knows shit went down last night, but no one is exactly aware of what happened. The dragon itself was completely black so it kind of camouflaged against the night sky. Then when it landed, it was on the other side of the wall. Hard for people to see. The Novish contraption didn't leave the docks area very much so a lot of people didn't see that.

Most people are aware though of the dwarven ships docked outside or docked a little away from the shore but very few people know the exact specifics. Many of the town watch, or the town militia, are just trying to collate information. So actually, you have the opportunity as well to let people know what happened last night, but

give away what you were doing last night in the process. Would you like to take that up? Well, I feel like I'm going to have to tell if I want the captain to help us, I'm going to have to tell him what I know, unless I just go, trust going to have to tell the captain. If I want the captain to help us, I'm going to have to tell him what I know. Unless I just go, trust me, the bad shit's going down. You just give a debriefing just like to someone else when you first get in. Yeah.

And because of that, that 10th friend is like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just too much. There's too much at stake here. I'm sorry. All right, Ian. You're okay. Ian apologizes one more time and then he goes back to his job.

Paperwork, whatever he was doing. You've got a good bond with your members. I do have a good bond with lots of people. Mine guys, on board. I feel like a lot of people have respect for you. That's alright. When I need you guys, I'll let you know is basically the thing that I give them.

We're on standby as soon as you need us. Like I said, a couple of them are a little unsure, but any of them are ready to help you at a moment's notice. All right, now go to the captain. Captain Talton is sitting in his office. He actually had, like, his house has his own office. It's just a fucking room filled with activity. He has three subordinates, sub commanders,

who are organizing different parts of the city. They're constantly receiving and sending messages. They have their own desks in his office. He's got this big one with paperwork stacked all over it. He's got this old, disused-looking sword leaning against one of the walls. You know that he's probably in a in a um casual conversation that you've had a friendly one he's mentioned how many times he wants to

bring silver steel the name of the sword out of its sheath oh i love i walk in there people buzzing around i'm just like captain periwinkle seat. Do you want to get silver steel out of its sheath? He smiles a little bit at that. And he says, why? What's up? Do you know the thing that happened down in the docks last night? We're vaguely aware of it. I was told that you were maybe there.

What if I told you two words, eaten, dragon. And not eaten with an E in, button with an O, like Damien. He gives you a very curious look and he says, I don't recall giving you permission to reconnaissance the docks. I was off duty. Bearwinkle, you're a loose cannon. But damn it, you get results. What can I say, Chief?

I'm a good bad cop. What are you thinking? What's cooking in that brain of yours? What is cooking in that brain of mine? Good question. Results. You get results. Basically, I have reason to believe that Eden has a dragon

and is planning something massive. And the attack on the docks last night was a coordinated attack by him to take something, which would help him with... Basically, whatever it is, it's going to help him... Wouldn't have to be the gnomish weapon, would it? Whatever it is, I feel like he's going to use it to try to reclaim the city again. And we've worked so hard to, like, prize it from his shitbird fingers.

Eden's been quiet for so long. Why show up now? And if he has a dragon, a dragon as large as what some of these reports claim, he says, like flipping through some of the papers on his desk, why all of a sudden? Why has he not done anything previously? How would intimidation go with Captain? Probably not very well. You could try it. Well, if you were successful, I suppose it'd be fine.

If I was unsuccessful, I'd be fired. You'd be in a lot of trouble. Is he an animal? Can I handle him? No. Unfortunately, he is an animal only in the bedroom. Yeah, he is. Gracious. Look, you know me, Captain. I'm not the guy who works out the plans.

I'm not the guy who uncovers the conspiracy or digs into the controversy or does all of the research like Commander What's-His-Name over here with his paperwork and the guy over there with his typewriter. They both turn around as you mention the work. I don't do that. That's not me. I'm the guy who goes with his typewriter... They both turn around as you mention them. I don't do that. That's not me. I'm the guy who goes in when the shit's real bad and I come back

out. And all I know, last night, shit got real bad and I think the shit's about to get a lot worse. Tolton nods and he says, alright, well, if a plan is to be formulated, it'll take some time. I thank you very much for bringing me this information. I don't know why you were over there.

I don't think it was necessarily to further the town militia's cause, but I trust you not to screw over the town militia. So I'm not going to promise anything, but I'm going to let you do whatever you want to do.

So you go, and I'll tell you what I think later. Or I'll tell you what I'm planning later, when I've you want to do. So you go, and I'll tell you what I think later. Or I'll tell you what I'm planning later, when I've worked it out myself. Thanks, Captain. No, thank you. He stands up from the desk and leans over to shake your hand. I shake his hand too. I was unsure when we first hired you.

A half-orc? But I'm glad we did. There's a lot of institutionalized racism in this town. Perry Winkle's heart is just melt. He'd cry if he still had tear ducts. Burnt off. A wizard

took them. Used them in a spell. Made sentient tears. So Periwinkle ate him. First day on the job. All right. Thanks, Captain.

I leave the militia. One more thing. Yes. Do you need anything smaller? Anything, like, more discreet? Let me know. Understood. Now we'll jump to Leo Shadow.

Awesome. So you were heading towards the gnomish area. Yeah. The warehouse district. So the gnomes have constructed a makeshift barricade to bar off their entire section of the city. At first a lot of people were very mad about this because the gnomes don't actually

own every building there. But the gnomes, through superior firepower, were able to prove that they rightfully owned anything that they didn't before. The gnomes have been very isolationist, almost to the point of eating, in that they didn't before. Okay. The gnomes have been very, like, isolationist, almost to the point of eaten, in that they don't go out,

they don't, nothing comes in. It's all very, like, hush-hush and secretive. Any gnomes around the town are allowed inside, but, like, your girlfriend, if you ask her any questions about it, she won't tell you anything, though. All right. Star-crossed lovers.

All right, so as I walkcrossed lovers. All right. So is there anyone guarding the place? Yeah, there is like a big old set of gates, once again, all makeshift, but still kind of like sturdy looking. All right. Standing atop the gates are a couple guards. Cool. Halt!

Who goes there? Before that, I want to go back to Little Tegel Eye. Oh, yeah. All right. First you go to Little Tegel Eye. Get a couple more coffees. It's like, ah, Little, it's fine. Just do it. I'm working things out As you walk out you can hear a little

Ringing something on the register I've got this Three more coffees and a couple of pastries Alright Go back to Gnomes Halt who goes there Hey it's me Leo Shadow

Oh Leo Shadow Let Oh, Leo Shadow. Let me just check the list. I'm sure you're on it. I've met you before. Is Flip Sham around? I'm assuming I've been here before. You haven't. I would have to come see Flip Sham.

Maybe you've come to the gate, but you don't know every known who works there. Hey, it's me, Leo. Flip Sham. Here to see Flip Sham. Is she around? Got you a coffee? Go away. I'm going tochamp. Is she around? Got you a coffee? Go away. I'm going to mage hand the coffee up.

Got you a coffee? No mage hands it back down to you. Rude. Rude. We're not seeing visitors. I'm not asking, is she around? I just want to say hi, maybe give her a coffee. We're on a high security alert.

No one's allowed in or out. Under order of Erky Timbers. Everyone here knows Erky Timbers is the local chapter leader of the Gnomish trading company. Well, is she on it getting a break anytime soon? I have some information about what happened last night. Come back in an hour. Now?

Gotta be somewhere in an hour. Well, I guess you're just plumb out of luck, aren't you? It's about the... Look around. The weapon. The gnome gives you a very, very suspicious look. And he says, Wait right there.

That's what I thought. You're fucked. He hops off the gate. I'm going to try and blame it all on the quiet knives. I think I got this. A little while later, the massive gates open just a fraction, and a very tired-looking gnome steps out. The gates close behind him. He wanders over, and as he approaches you,

half a dozen gnomes take the walls and all of them, none of them are pointing weapons at you, but they all have weapons. The gnome comes right up to you and he says, my name's Erky Timbers. Good morning. I'm in charge around here. What do you need? Leo Shadow. Hi. Here's a coffee. He takes the coffee. Thank you. I have too

many. Alright, now I'm holding two. Awesome. Hey, so actually, really, I just want to see if flip flip sham is all right if she's we have a lot of wounded and injured from the events of last night we're still trying to work out who is and isn't alive okay if you could give me a solid and make sure that she's okay i'd i'd really appreciate it anyways i'll let her know if i see her to contact you it's real sweet of you okay so um do you know what happened last night because i was at the battle i'm just wondering

like if you need some little intel because like i think i know what happened you say what you know first sure all right so i think basically i try and uh so exactly what happened so eaton came in and took the thing But I think Now I'm from Little Tegelite And word on the street is that I think Eaton might be working with the Quiet Knives You're not Greg Piss You don't have a bluff

Who do you think you are? I got a good bluff What evidence do you have to suggest that? Just little bits and pieces And rumours that I've been hearing working in, and I give the name of the restaurant. We know where the Quiet Knives live. That's what I'm saying.

I work at a restaurant. I overhear a few things, and I have some suspicions that maybe they're working with Damien Eaton. But definitely the dragon has your weapon. All right. Yeah. Well, we knew about the dragon. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Putting that out there. All right. Maybe you should do something with them quiet knives, because, like, see, what I reckon, well, you know, they might come in and take things over while you guys are dealing with Damien Eaton, so maybe you should just, uh, just putting that out there. All right, then. I'll take your information under consideration.

Yeah. And, uh, if you need me to do anything for you guys, let me know Please let me know that We're fine, thanks Okay, it's alright Calm down, we're all friends here No, we're not, I don't know you I'm Leo Shadow

I gave you a coffee Yeah, you did give me a coffee Just before, did you forget a coffee. Yeah, you did give me a coffee. Just before, did you forget? We were friends, man. Why would you think that? Don't turn this on me. You show up here with a coffee, I don't know who you are.

You tell me to attack a faction. I don't tell you to attack a faction. I'm just saying, giving you some information, because I'm worried, very much worried, that my girlfriend could be dead or injured and you guys aren't giving me information and I'm trying to be really friendly here, Erky. So you work for the Little

Loves. You want me to attack a rival halfling family and you want me to just take that on faith. I'm not saying take it on faith, Erky. I'm just saying have some hospitality. Hospitality was five years

ago. I didn't even hear five years ago. Well, I guess you're just too little, too late. Don't call me a little, Erky. That's so funny coming from a nerd. I know, right? I'm an inch tall.

Hey, that's a big inch. Hey, look, it counts for the little, like, prices. That line would have been better if it was till a little low too late. Eden has your goddamn weapon. And yeah, I would be really appreciative if you could tell me what the hell's happened to Flipchamp. Like I said, I don't know where she is and how she is. But if I see her, I'll tell her to contact you. Well, good.

Was that all? Yeah. All right, then. Wait, what do you know? I gave you some information. Give me some information. Well, you gotta keep this on the down low. Yes.

Can't tell anyone. Only gnomes are allowed to know this. But there are dwarves docked off to the site. Yeah, we know. Are the dwarves with you or are the dwarves not with you? What's the dwarves' deal? We don't know yet. That's crazy.

Do you know if the Orc Chieftain, is he alive? What's going on there? He's alive. He's alive. Okay, okay, okay. Are you guys going to attack Eton soon? We're still collating. No, that's it.

We're still collating. We're still working out what we want to do. All right, all right. When does the embargo of the in and out thing, when does that stop? We don't know yet. Well, what do you know, Erky? I want to bamboozle him a little bit. You've made him frustrated.

That's for me to know and you to hopefully never find out. Oh, fine. I leave in a huff. He also leaves in a huff. Hey, you huffed each other. You broke Ethan on the huff. Yeah, I did. Hopefully.

Maybe that... Hopefully that quiet knife doesn't come back to him. I mean... I'm trying, I'm trying. I just... Didn't quiet knife doesn't come back to him. I'm in. I'm trying, I'm trying. I just didn't want to speak to the leader. I just wanted to speak to Flipchamp. Oh, well. Hey.

What can you do, man? That's love. Mm-hmm. And head back to the militia. As you're heading back, you spot in an alleyway a halfling just watching you leaving the gnomish barricade. Before you're able to do anything really about it, he just disappears back into the alleyway. He was pretty far away. Shit.

Meat pie, be on the lookout for other quiet nights. You don't know that was a quiet night. You can make an I'm making an assumption There are three halfling families I haven't even met any of the shorefoots There's just a lot of shorefoots Honestly I'm not scared of the shorefoots Well I know it definitely wasn't one of mine

Yeah You actually don't know that for sure Oh god You pissed off Little Little a lot You took a lot of coffees I only pissed him off in a worker sense, not in a, like, big fuck sense. All right, Pierce. Yeah, right.

So, you're following Father Moroney for quite some time before he finally slows down enough that you can catch up. You're in a sort of sparsely populated street, but there are people around. Something the matter? Turns around, and he says, I'm aware you were involved in the events of last night. I was trying to get it, but a dragon took it. You didn't get it?

I couldn't. A dragon took it. Mate, I'm pretty good, but I can't steal it from a dragon, can I? And I've been thinking, Father Moroni. You had best try. Oh, I will. But I've been thinking, Father Moroni, my soul. What's that worth, really?

You know? It's damaged. It's old You know? It's damaged. It's old. Right? It's covered in a thousand different things. Father Moroni reaches into his clothing underneath and clutches it, possibly a holy symbol, strung around his neck. When he does that, you feel a stabbing pain in your chest.

Yeah, right. But what I was going to say is... He lets go. What I was going to say is I might be more inclined to do this and not just let you do whatever you want with my soul. If you added a little bit of, you know, coin to the deal we've struck here. You know? A couple of...

What's my debt? You're in debt 10K large to the Quiet Knives. Cool. You're in debt 9K large to the Quiet Knives. Cool. You're in debt 9k to the Shorefoots. To 19 currently, yep. You're in debt 5k to the Little O's. 24k. You're bookie.

You're in debt 6k to him. Okay, so 30k currently. And you're probably in debt like 2k to the Thieves Guild. Something to the tune of 32k? Something like that? I will give you 5,000 gold. And this is after you have

completed the mission. Well, all I'm thinking is that how else are you going to get it? How else are you going to get the weapon? And I have leads on several places it might be within the next week or so. The militia, they're going to have it for a bit. Little Tigalai will be theirs for a bit as well.

I can tell you when. Don't tell him. Oh, jeez. Who else? Sabres might end up with it, but without me, you'll never get it, will you? Moroni leans in close to you

and he whispers to you, If it doesn't end up in our hands, I can assure you it will not matter to you what happens to anything. Is that a threat on my life or my soul? I don't make threats, Mr. Pierce. I make statements. He turns around and leaves. That's a good end for a conversation. So long, father.

I'm going to say Laura. All right. You're heading towards finding where Laura is. You know maybe some vague places. It's a big city. A carriage pulls up. Two orcs, full-blooded, get out. Oh, quiet knife.

One of them growls at you. Get in the wagon. Yeah, alright. Oh, quiet knife. You hop into the wagon. Gotta place evidence. Gotta place evidence that they're working with something. Pop a quiet knife, is there? There's a weedy

looking elf sitting next to him, like a bookworm sort of person, but an elf. The two orcs come in and they sit either side of you. As soon as the carriage gets moving, you're like classic quiet knives.

Fucking not. The only halfling in this carriage is Papa Quiet Knife. You owe us a lot of money. Yeah, I'll do it. What is it? 19K. 19K, something like that?

10K. 10K? You owe 9K to another family. Don't say that. You owe them only 10K. You owe another family 9. You owe them another 10K. Sorry, I get my debts confused

It's funny You should say that Right yeah We have Consolidated your debt With the little hoes You owe us 50 Oh right

So what my debt To the little hoes Is now to you Why are they working together Right right Huffling families Exchange debt From people

Outsiders all the time Alright yeah It just happens. It's a standard business. Okay. Okay, then. Yeah, right. It's good to know.

Makes it easier, really, doesn't it? Gosh. Oh, you, um, you don't understand, I don't think. Right, what am I missing? When an outsider owes us a certain amount of money, we need insurance. Right. Now, when you owed us 10K, that was nothing. Right, but the extra five.

Unfortunately. Brings me over a certain threshold, does it? Yes. We're going to have to take some insurance. No, can't take my soul. Someone else has that What an odd thing you're saying It's just someone else's insurance

I don't have anyone who can take your soul He chuckles and the little weedy elf Chuckles as well I'll have a laugh along with him That's a good point Fair call, so what are we talking? Well, what do you want? Let's have a look shall we?

I'll open my bag In the middle of the carriage Do you have your loot? Did you give him his loot? Yeah he gave it back in the fight That would have been funny Right so we got what? Bedroll

I'll take that out I've got this blanket It's for winter Not super useful either Artisan's outfit Lay that down in the middle. Barely use that. I've got some holy water.

You lay it out on this metal table that's in the middle of the carriage. You're laying all of this stuff out onto it. I pull out the spell book. Spell book. Full of spells. It belonged to a powerful wizard, this dip. No, it didn't. Yeah, all right. You got me. I'm dip. No, it didn't. Yeah, alright, you got me.

I'm so shattered that the grip didn't work. Mug of ale, but the ale's spilt, so everything's covered in ale. Papa Quietknife is smiling more and more as this is happening. He seems quite amused. I've got caltrops, that's alright, useful at least. And this iron pot, which I sometimes cook soup in. Is that everything? Yeah, that looks like everything in a bag, at least. at least oh well the loot and um my clothes i guess pop a quiet knife

gestures and one of the orcs sweeps everything off the metal table can i quickly shove it back in my bag you can try all right i'll just be listening but putting everything back. Right. None of that then. Have a seat. Papa Quietknife says tapping the metal table. Right. Alright. Can I get an idea of what's actually occurring here? We're taking our insurance. Oh.

I'll hop on the table. Do you sit or lie on the table? I sit. Please. Make yourself comfortable. Lie down. Can I have... The carriage continues to trundle through whatever street you're currently in.

I'll lie down and continue talking. So I assume you're taking, you know... The half-orcs begin strapping your arms and legs down. Right. Are you going to do anything about that while it's happening? They look quite menacing. Look, look, look, look, look, look, look. If you've got to take insurance, you've got to take insurance.

I know. I know my dues. I know how it works. But I'd like to know what bit beforehand, all right? Papa Quiet Knife leans gently on the table as... Shut up, Beatbox. Papa Quiet Knife leans gently on the table as... Shut up, Beatpot. Papa Quietknife leans gently on the table as the orcs continue to strap you down.

Right, yeah. And he says, Well, let's just say I want my pound of flesh. That's a good line. Is Papa Quietknife Shylock from The Merchant of Venice? The weedy-looking elf takes out a leather-bound pouch and it opens up, unrolls, to what looks to your medieval eyes

to be maybe implements of torture, but what are actually surgical tools. Right. All right. Do you know how long a human kidney can last outside of the body? Not terribly long, I imagine. Not much can last. Well, actually, my guts came out last night, and that lasted a while.

Two whole rounds. Well, a lot longer than a lung can. Right. Which one? Which one? Which one? Which one do you like less? Pop a quiet knife.

Put a hand on your chest as if, like, assessing your lungs. Kidney. Take the kidney if you've got to take one. No, no, no, no. You can live with one kidney. Yeah, I'll die with only one lung. It'll take a while. I'm just kidding. I'm strapped down at this point. Yeah.

The weedy elf begins an operation. I'm just kidding I'm strapped down at this point Yeah The uh Weedy elf Begins an operation No anesthetic is used Oh god Okay And Can I cast a spell on myself?

Not with your hands bound Damn it Alter self Make it look like I already have no lungs Got him Okay Then just take You don't want them cutting into something I already have no lungs. Got them. You don't want them cutting into something they're not looking at properly. It's one of those things that have the lungs where they're dicks are.

It's a painful procedure. I imagine. You take... I nearly wanted to cause confusion on myself, so I'd be out of it for my operation. You take seven points of damage, Greg Fizz. And you lost a lung? They remove one of your lungs, put it in a box filled with ice, close that box, and the carriage stops. They open the door, and there's no such thing as a mafia doctor or a halfling family doctor but there is such

thing as a halfling family priest okay which feels kind of the same role they hand the organ and the box off to the priest yeah with assurances that he will cast uh there's a cleric spell called uh preserve corpse yeah over the lung to keep it fresh right Right. Alright. The lung will keep for some time. Surprisingly, it might last longer than you. Wouldn't that be ironic? Papa Quiet Knife chuckles at that. They let you out at a random street. Are there any temples still operating?

The gnomes in Penio and the sabers also have a chapel where people can go for healing. Though the sabers often ask for a favor in return. And you are already, like, trying to win their favor. If I go to the sabers, they're going to be mad at me for failing. So I'm going to go to gnomes, going to see if I can find a cleric, get my lung back. Yeah, you could certainly try. No, I will.

You should go to the church too and get healed up. I go to that church on a Sunday, so they're more likely to help me. The Temple of Gnomes in Penia is run by Chief Priestess Clara Norman, but you find Father Keaton there instead. Father Keaton? Do I know his name? Probably not. Well, you'd know of Father Keaton there instead. Father Keaton. Do I know his name?

Probably not. Well, you'd know of Father Keaton. You probably don't see him much, though. I've been attacked. I'm a friend of Perrowinkle's. I know he's a member of this church. I overheard him and his wife talking about it the night before. Well, technically not a lie.

I'm going to roll for this. That's fair. Because I'm using him from... Huh? Go on. I've been attacked. I'm missing organs. I took organs. roll for this. That's fair. Because I'm using him from... Go on. I've been attacked. I'm missing organs. I took organs.

Fucking barbarians. Can you fix me? Father Keaton, who knows of your reputation... In the biblical sense. Does not seem to believe your story that much. I start to give him details about Periwinkle's life. No, no, no. I was about to say, he doesn't believe your story that much. I start to give him details about Periwinkle's life. No, no, no, no, I was about to say, he doesn't believe your story that much.

He knows you're doing something sus, but he also isn't going to turn away someone in need. So he does provide you healing. That's good. You recover 15 hit points. Can he bring the lung back? He can't bring the lung back. How do I go about that? I'll ask him. If you could recover the lung. There's no

way to grow a newie? That's not an unreasonable request. There is. It's a difficult spell. It would require the chief priestess's help, but I do not think she would cast this spell without certain promises, essentially. I can make promises.

I'm nothing but promises. That does not fill me with... Look, she's not in town right now. You can come back in a week's time. A week's time. Right. Okay. That's the best I can do for you on 41.

No, thanks. Thanks, father. That's good to know. You're on 41 hit points. Yeah, but I'm missing a lump. You've got more hit points than I do, and you're above what Zamed's total hit points are. Right, I'll head back to the militia.

Do I have a scar? Yeah. All right, I'll cover that up. I don't want them knowing anything that happened. Nah, fair. I wouldn't care even if I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. I might, because you used my name to get yourself stitched back up again.

Yeah. Everything's information. Everything's a tool. Promises are cheap alright promises are free um all three of you

meet up again I guess yeah yeah alright so my nine buddies are willing to help out at moment's notice

yeah uh all we have to do is say the word and they'll come and give us a hand I also have a backup plan if we need it

Leo uh piss seems groggy with pain I hand out two more coffees I have clearly gotten from Little Little Do the coffees have any healing properties? No You're right

I'll be right, yeah Well, we're all banged up We should go to the church and get healed You should come too Yeah, right, yeah Don't look at me Huh? Don't look at me

Yeah, alright I said to the church, at me. Don't look at me. Yeah, all right. Let's head to the church, get healed up. And then we'll go from there and work out what the plan is. Sounds good. I have no plans, just as an aside. Let's go back to Little T. We'll have some lunch and we'll sit there and have a chat. Will Piss be able to keep his secret?

And, more importantly, what is for lunch? Will Piss be able to keep his secret? And more importantly, what is for lunch? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show, why not become a member at SandsPantsPlus.com and get early access to our shows, a bunch of exclusive content and much, much more. That's SandsPantsPlus.com.

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