D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #8 Papa Littlelow

Episode Date: July 25, 2017

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I was off duty. Bearwinkle, you're a loose cannon. Ah, yeah. But damn it, you get results. I'm going to mage hand the coffee up. Got your coffee? There's no mage hand sitting back down for you. I thought we were friends, man.

Why would you think that? Don't turn this on me. You show up here with a coffee, I don't know who you are. Well, I know it definitely wasn't one of mine, yeah? You actually don't know that for sure. Oh, God. You pissed off Little Little a lot. You took a lot of coffees.

I only pissed him off in a worker's sense. Is that a threat on my life or my soul? I don't make threats, Mr. Pierce. I make statements. He turns around and leaves. That's a good end for a conversation. Classic quiet knives. Fucking not.

The only halfling in this carriage is Papa Quiet Knife. Well, let's just say I want my pound of flesh. That's a good line. The church or the little loaves? Where do you guys want to go first? We'll go church, get healed up.

All right. Is it Father Keaton again? Yeah, it's Father Keaton. He's coming along with us. Yeah. Father Keaton, when you guys all arrive, is looking around, not staring daggers, but looking very sort of suspiciously at Greg Pierce as you guys all arrive is stare like looking around not staring daggers but like looking very sort of suspiciously at Greg Pierce

as you guys approach this is before anything has been said you're in the church there's like chanting or something going on nearby you can hear it echoing

into the main room my mates need fixing as well I give it what do you mean as well oh I came here earlier you know I couldn't find Laura thought I'm pretty banged up

might as well head to church get fixed up, you know. That's not unreasonable. Hey, Father, how you going? I'm doing well, thank you. Your wife was by earlier today. How was she? She was good. She was saying you were going to help us with the... Yeah, yeah. I'm helping you spread the word as part of this initiative that my wife wants us to do.

Supporting the church. I'm not technically lying, I'm just omitting details. You're a bad liar, though. I am. Like, it's like, am I putting one and one together here? Everyone's putting one and one together here. Who in this goddamn city doesn't want a weapon? It should be destroyed, Father Keaton says.

It's of love our sake if it was. Oh, man, it would be good destroyed. Oh, like you wouldn't put it away. Yeah, okay, hang on. No, all right, yep. Yeah, well, destroyed or whatever. Okay. Anyway. I'm not saying anything else.

Would you mind giving us... Your friend has already had a dispensary for today, but I can help both of you. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Father. There's only so much to go around. That's right, I understand. And There was a lot of trouble last night. You know, hence why we're here.

You know me, Father, when there's trouble, I have to help. Please, take a knee and pray. I will. You probably had to do this as well, but I imagine you just faked it. I'm doing my... Nones and Penny, you guys are great. I'm about three syllables behind Pennywinkle. Our father, Gnome.

Who is a gnome tree. Likes to eat babies. And is kind to us. Kind. Fix my body. Please. Well done. That's exactly how it goes.

That's a prayer. The prayer of body fix. Periwinkle, you recover 24 hit points. Pierce, I'm not Pierce, sorry. Leo, you recover, no, you're at full hit points. Sick. Hot 40. Nice.

Just for good measure, heating gives you one extra dispensary, Periwinkle, and puts your strength back up to normal. Ah, hey. Thank you. He casts Restoration on you to restore your strength. Did you fix my constitution? You've already had your dispensary.

He got two. I'm a member of his church. He's an active member of the church. Thank you, Father. I'll see you next Sunday, maybe before. Go in peace. You too. Or however you choose. Well, I don't really do peace very well, but I'll try.

I feel like that's perinatal. Everyone's like, be good. Go in peace. Have a nice day. I'll try. All right, where are we going now, Liam? Let's go have a little food so just out of curiosity

who doesn't want the weapon I don't want the weapon I feel like everyone wants the weapon it's a pretty good weapon alright I feel like every everyone would want the weapon right yeah

I feel like I assume you're having this conversation like over coffees and big and like coffees and fucking little pastitsis or something

in Little Tiga Life just to just to I'm not necessarily going to share this information with you two but just putting it out there I have the option Coffees and fucking pastitsis or something in Little Tiga Life. I'm not necessarily going to share this information with you two, but just putting it out there. I have the option, if we need to, to go back to the captain for something. Yeah. I don't have to tell these guys that. No.

Good. I'm keeping so much from you guys. I know. The captain's like, if you need a little favor, I can help you out with that. Obviously, an assault on the keep is not a little favor. But yeah, if you need a little favor, you got that up your sleeve. What do I know about the relationship between Little O's and the Quiet Knives? None of the families are friendly. They do do basic level business together because they kind of just need to. Like, for example, the exchanging of debt.

That's one thing that's like, they don't even think about it. They wouldn't try to fuck each other. It's just like, it's such a basic and necessity for them that they like, wouldn't none of all of them understand that it's best that it's left, you know, left there. But that being said, they are trying to encroach on others' territory all the time. All right. So, so weapons aside, um, I really just want to not have to deal with the quiet knives well they're a bloody they're a bunch aren't they

yeah so been a little while since we've done one of these alright then do you like Greg Piss yeah alright so he hasn't done anything to fuck me just yet

no I mean like Zamit do you like Greg Pierce? Oh, yeah. He's all right. All right. He's a good people. I'm ambivalent. What was that role about? Well, it was like, could have gone badly for Greg Pierce,

but I wasn't sure if, like, you would have liked it to go badly for Greg Pierce. Okay. All right. All right. Is Little Little around? Little Little? Yeah, but you don't want to meet him. No, no.

I fucked his sister. Yeah. Fair. You don't see him around, at least. What about Little Low? He's a bum. Little Low, yeah, would be up in his office, probably. I don't mind having a chat to him. Why don't we go to the bar where we don't know that he's wanted?

No. Yep, neither of you know. That was what I rolled for. Little Little is currently behind the counter, no one has noticed yet, staring daggers in the back of Greg Pierce's head. We'll roll to see whether or not you noticed that. Yeah, but got to get rid of them quite nice.

I think it would be nice for me especially if we could kind of do something to the quiet knives. I'm like gesturing to my neck, just like something about the quiet knives. And then that might be good just for me. And we might just be good. Just be good. So you're suggesting, if I've got this correctly, that we, three individuals with meager amounts of power or sway,

completely eradicate somehow an entire halfling family one of the oldest mind you no not the oldest but one of the most cruel and violent of the halfling families on no you know bargain here we're not really getting anything out of it other than you're out of trouble true do you hate the quiet knives though i mean me too doesn't but it doesn't seem like much of a deal does it parry going? Going to war with the Quiet Knives is a dangerous prospect. They are brutal. There's nothing off the table for them. How much easier would it be to go to war with a halfling family if we had some sort of weapon?

Oh, they're good. Good. What if I... All right. Perry Winkle? You're very vocal. You have your realizations. If I have the weapon, I can use it, but they can't shoot me. What if I... Alright. Your practiced policeman's eye is finally able to spot

behind the counter, little little is like doing something at the register but you can tell suddenly that he's not actually paying attention to the register he's just pressing buttons on it and staring at the back of Greg Pierce's head with a look that you've seen in the eyes of many people about to start a riot.

Greg. Yeah. I don't want you to move. Right, I won't. Or look around, but I need you to be very, very honest with me. All right, yeah. Have you ever done anything that would potentially give Little Little reason to kill you. Oh, no, he fucked the Don's wife.

Oh, he fucked Little Little's sister. He fucked Little Little's sister. I did fuck Little Little's sister. Okay, okay. I said don't turn around. Don't turn around. Just stay where you are. Yeah, right.

So he's noticed that you're here. Little Little, while you're having this conversation. It was in the back of my head, like maybe. Little Little is moving away from the register and as he moves away from the register he comes out, starts walking towards you guys. Greg Pierce, you're facing away from him. But Leo, you see

he has like a flintlock pistol that he tucks behind himself as he walks towards you guys. I'm about to get the finale for The Sopranos. Actually, no, he probably has a little towel sort of thing that he's putting the pistol under. Can I see him? You see him walking towards you guys.

You don't see the pistol. Right, that's right. I don't see the pistol, but I see him walking towards us. Yeah. How intimidating can I be just with a look? Pretty intimidating. I do have the intimidate power. Yeah?

I just try and intimidate him just to get him to stop walking towards us. He stops abruptly. He finally sees you, Periwinkle, a member of the town militia and formerly the town guard. You can see him doing mental calculation in his head. How much does he hate Greg Pierce?

Does he hate Greg Pierce enough to blow the back of his head out? Literally in front of a cop. The calculation finishes, and Little Little turns around and walks back to the register. We should go. Yeah. Right, yeah.

Did you want to have a chat with a point up? I mean, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to impose. It seems like Little Little's mad at me. Little Little is hot-headed, but Little Little wouldn't kill you just for sleep. I mean, aside from even the fact that... I feel like he'd be offended that I stopped by and didn't say hey. You know what I mean? That is true.

I might... Choof upstairs, you guys can... I might want to come with you as well. I'll stay here and keep an eye on Little Little. Good point. Alright. I'll let upstairs. I'll wave Little Little over and be like,

I'll have another one of this, please. Little Little very, like, stiffly takes your order and goes to fetch it. All right, so you two are going to go upstairs. What's the plan with Little O? I just got to chat to him. I just want to square some things away. Upstairs you see... You don't owe him anything anymore.

That's what I want to talk about. Upstairs you see two halflings, two halfling guards, obviously, playing like a dice game against the wall. They stop when they see you. One of them straightens up and says, what do you want? Speak to Little Lowe if I can. Pop a little Lowe, sorry. Who shall I say is here?

Drag piss. I'll let him know. The one that stood up walks off to Little Lowe's office. I think I saw him bend down to the other guy playing dice and be like, he's cheating. The other guy is actually standing up as well when he leaves. You see him thumbing a dagger at his side, just watching you guys. Well, not watching you guys.

You probably know these two guards' names. I mean, you might not be very friendly with them. I am. You're like acquaintances. They're best friends Sure We play poker a lot But he seems wary about Pierce

I nod I get it That's Pierce The other guard comes back And says Little Lowe's in a business meeting Oh wow You can have a seat if you want

Wouldn't want to impose Yeah How long's the meeting Gonna go for do you reckon It's nearly finishing I'll take a seat That's alright That's not a bother for you, Leo.

That's fine. You take a seat at what is a waiting room outside the papa's office. You should give me a code word that you're going to yell out in case you need me to come upstairs. That would have been clever. From the other side of the door, you hear muffled a little bit by the walls. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then there's like scuffling. Just don't react.

Yep. The scuffling finishes. Pretty powerful, of course, really. Yeah. The door opens and a halfling waves you guys in. Right here, walk on in. Little Lo is leaning back, reclining in his chair. There's maybe five halflings in the room in total.

All of them are. There's the one who was at the door There's like two behind Little O One off to the side And one just scrubbing a blood stain out of the floor You come to me Would you mind if I did this alone? Of course

If you wait outside you can come in after me It's business It's business Alright I wait outside Little O reaches out in after me. It's fine. It's business. It's business. All right. I wait outside. Little Lo reaches out with his hand. I kiss the ring. I know the score.

Greg Priss is an idiot, but not that much of an idiot. Right. How are you, Little Lo? I've got a question for you. Why would you ask me how I am and then immediately ask me about a question? It was a pleasantry. Nobody asks how I am wondering how you ask me about a question? It was a pleasantry. Nobody asks how I am wondering how you actually are. Pleasantries are supposed to be pleasant.

A pleasant man waits for a response. I apologize. Papa Lilla. How are you? This is just typical of your kind. No respect. Right. How are you doing?

Are you having a good day? No, as a matter of fact. Oh, that's a shame. That's a crying shame. My, uh... He smiles. Lungs are acting up. So you know. That's what I was wondering.

I hear things. Can you tell me why you gave up? I don't mind having debt to you. You were reasonable, but bloody quiet knives. I took a lung. You've never taken a lung. Finger, maybe. Quiet knives are brutal, yes. Yeah. We had a trade we needed to make.

Right, right. I was a... You're no longer in my graces. Not in my good book, not in my bad book. You're just loose leaf paper to me. Right, well, I guess I just wanted to know if it was anything I'd done for you. Anything I'd done against you and you

thought, oh, let's give his debt to the quiet knives because that would hurt him more than being in debt to us. Oh, these halfling families. They want debt. Yeah, they love it. You know what debt's worth? Nothing. Nothing. Only what someone will pay. I. They want debt. Yeah, they love it. You know what debt's worth? Nothing. Nothing. Only what someone will pay.

I don't need debt. I needed information. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. What information? No, you don't have to tell me. Why would you? That's fair. Little low nods.

Yeah. Do you know anything about... I mean, you probably don't, but the other family, the, what are they called? Shorefoots. The Shorefoots. Are they, is they giving my debt away as well?

You best hope not. Yeah, well, that's what I'm asking. Because that's a lot of debt to have to the, quite a lot. I hear things. Maybe yes, maybe no. What do I have to do to make it yes, I guess is my question. Apologize. Apologize. To my daughter. Yeahize To my daughter Yeah alright I'll do that

He talks to one of the halflings Rosita get Rosita Leo you see a halfling leave Papa Little Lowe's office And just head off He nods to you as you pass He comes back a little while later Bringing Rosita and just head off. He nods to you as you pass. It's friendly. He comes back a little while later bringing Rosita,

Papa Little John's daughter. She seems a bit shy. She's obviously, you probably know that she slept with Greg Pierce and Greg Pierce is a love him and leave him type of guy. Hey Rosie, how are you? Never mind.

Realizing where she's going. Slick my hair back as best I can, lick my fingers and smooth my eyebrows down. Little O watches you a little bemused. Before Rosita comes in, he says, You know, I loved you like a son. You could have been my son. I done you wrong. You did.

I could make an honest woman of her. I could strike your deal here. I'm out of your daughter. You wipe away my debt with the quiet knives. I'm yours. Greg Piss will tie himself down for you. Is there any greater form of respect than that, Little O? Jesus.

He does get rid of the sabre. He does get rid of the saber problem. Little O considers you very carefully. And he says, finally. That's the girl's decision. Door opens. Rosita comes in. Rosita. This, uh, this boy, Greg Biss, he has some words for you.

Rosita, I've done you wrong. Instead of doing the honest thing and the respectful thing and offering my hand in marriage to you, I left you. That's a terrible, terrible thing I will never forgive myself for. And here on this day, I'd like to make amends. I get down on one knee. I do not have a ring, but hopefully I will acquire one soon if you want to say yes. I think you have a ring of protection, don't you? I do! I bring up my ring of protection!

If you want to say yes, I would ask you, Rosita, will you be my wife for the rest of our natural lives? Mrs. Piss. Miss Piss. Please work. Come on out.

Would you like some time? Papa. Johnny said he was going to apologize. I did. I thought I did. A million apologies. What is this? She starts crying.

Oh, fuck. Little Lo. You'll have to describe this look. Little Lo does this. It's a look like I'm about to get hit. You've got to be more specific, because that's a mafia term. Like smacked. But also hit.

But also maybe killed. Rosita, why will you not have me? She starts bawling her eyes out and runs out of the room. Damn it! Well, I tried a little. You see Rosie crying running past you. I gave it my best shot. I did apologize, technically.

You need three things in life. You need fear, you need love, and you need respect. You fear me? Oh, yes, I do. Was that a question? But I don't know if you love me or you respect me. Right. And I doubt you'd do any of those for my daughter.

You got me there, little O. You got me there. You'd never have let me marry her, would you? She'd said yes. Unfortunately, you rolled a one. That's a weird choice on your part, little O. I'm not husband material. Right, well, pleasure chatting to you. I get off.

Let him out. Let him out. I'll leave the room. Look at Leo like, ooh. Piss! Yeah, right, yeah. Oh, yeah? The sure foots are selling your debt.

Fucking hell. A promise is a promise. You apologized. All right, thank you, Little O. He leans back in his chair. I'll head back downstairs. So the sure foots are going to promise, like, sell their debt to him? No, everyone's...

Don't worry about it, Leo. No, no, Zama's asking. Oh, I think the Quiet Knives have all my debt now, yeah? If the Surefoots sell that. So if it wasn't obvious, the Surefoots are going to sell your debt, but they have not yet. All right. So do you tell Leo about how much you owe?

No. No? Well, Leo, you are aware of the concept because you heard selling debt. You know that the Halfling families trade debt all the time. It's a pretty common thing. Yep. You know that the... You also know, but this is irrelevant information for you because you don't know how much he owes.

You know that the Quiet Knives take every, like, 10K, they take insurance for something. Yeah. And because Greg Pierce has nothing except organs, they will take organs. Gotcha. So how much do you owe right now? 15K to the Quiet Knives.

And how much to the Sawfoots? Where did I write it down? 6? so that burns you up to another 10 so you're going to lose another organ yep if the quiet oh god damn

okay alright you don't know however I don't know when it's going to happen yeah oh yeah you don't know what level of debt is what right

how'd it go? oh better than it could have but worse than it could have, but worse than it could have. You are the strangest man I've ever met. in a nutshell, to be honest.

I'm a little disappointed I rolled a one. It would have been funny to have you married. I know. Well, it would have solved one of the problems.

You wouldn't have solved one of the problems. I would have... The sabers still want the... Yeah, it doesn't matter anymore. We don't owe them. If I can get Little O

to wipe away my debt with the quiet knives because I married his daughter and he doesn't matter anymore. If I can get Little O to wipe away my debt with the quiet knife because I married his daughter and he doesn't want his son to be in debt. Just work on the daughter. Maybe you can turn that one to a twenty. Well, we'll see. Is she still in the restaurant?

No, she's somewhere else in the building. Can I go and see Little O now? Papa Little O? Do you make a request to go see him? Yeah. Yeah, all right. Papa Little Lo is currently in between meetings, so he lets you come in. What do you need?

You're staying with me, Greg. Oh, yeah. Believe me, I am staying with you. Just a couple of questions, Papa Little Lo. So, Quiet Knives, what's the deal with them now? How do they fit into our organization? What do you mean? They don't fit into our organization.

Like, are we talking to them a lot? Are we doing stuff? They're rivals. We talk to them as much as we need to. So, if they were to threaten one of our members, that's bad? Probably, yeah. We could offer protection to that member who got threatened. What are you trying to tell me,

boy? They threatened me, Papa. Oh, Leo. They threatened you? Yes. They threatened you? Yeah, they did. Me. I'm an angel. He's the grease boy. He's the grease boy. I'm the grease boy.

I'm glad you take this to me. I'm unhappy. When did they tell you this? It was about a week ago. It was a week ago. I'm not happy you didn't come to me straight away. They said if I came to you, they'd kill me, and I was scared. I'm not happy it took so long but you came eventually

and that's good enough. Go. Okay. I kiss the ring. And leave. How did that go? I don't know. Just tears. I either did something really good or really bad. I either rolled a 1 or a 20. Let's put it that way. Okay.

So, the crime is still coming for you maybe? I'm not even going to ask. It's put it that way. Okay, so the quiet knives are still coming for you, maybe? I'm not even going to ask. That's a mess, man. When do we go to Eden's? Well, I mean as quick as possible, is what I'm thinking. Get there as soon as we can ASAP.

Would it be out of the realm of possibility for Leo to realise the quiet knives are coming for you, Greg? Because if it's kind of like you're getting sold like the sure foots are selling their stuff. Little O's telling you this. Would it make me to be like pretty sure the quiet

knives probably want to be dead. I think they kind of want you dead. Nah to be honest like the sure foots are going to sell your debt is a very like nebulous thing. Yeah they could sell debt to a lot of people. Okay so it's just not just those three. It wouldn't necessarily be the... If you found out I'm missing a lung, then I'd be like, oh, yeah.

Does that affect my stats at all? Greg Pierce owes a lot of money. Because you don't know how much debt, you probably wouldn't assume that it was as much as Greg Pierce owes. Imagine being $100 hundred k in debt in like our world that's kind of what greg pierce is all right then you wouldn't just assume someone was that in gambling money and scheme money i'm like i've got this scheme we're gonna build a wooden dragon and then they're like i will give you the money for it no i like to imagine

kill someone somewhere where the gn imagine somewhere in the gnomish somewhere where the gnomes like in the warehouse district where the gnomes occupy somewhere there there's a warehouse filled with empty spell books that you had to pay

a lot of money for and then when the gnomes erected their fortress you couldn't get them you idiot scam boy a lot of money for. And then when the gnomes erected their fortress, you couldn't get them. Yeah. Oh, you idiot scam boy. Such a good grift. Actually, you know what?

Yeah. If you can get like the gnomes on board, if they can give you that warehouse back, your debt problems are solved. That's true. If you can get access to that warehouse, you can get your spell books, you can run the grift,

and you're good. Yeah, but it depends on my like, because if I get the spell books back, then I have to go to, you can run the grift, and you're good. Yeah, but it depends on my, like, because if I get the spellbooks back, then I have to go to whoever I was planning the grift with because I'm not going to be able to sell all the spellbooks alone. It's an idea, though. I'm going to say you have a supplier set up. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you can get the gnomes

on side, you can do that. Okay. Alright, so here's my thing, because I think Little O wants it, but I think he can protect me, maybe, hopefully, from the quietness. But Little O, he just wants the weapon destroyed. And I think that lines up perfectly with you, Perry Winkle. It lines up perfectly with you, because the church,

they want it destroyed as well, don't they? The church want it destroyed, that is correct. And that's who you're working for. Oh, that's so good. Oh, we can work each other. The church do want it destroyed. Yeah, exactly. Right, yeah.

But do you want it destroyed, Perry? I don't want the weapon. Yeah, exactly. Right, yeah. But do you want it destroyed, Perry? I don't want the weapon. Yeah, well, yeah, all right. You said you were... You're not working for the church, are you? How good a liar is Perry Winkle? Not great. I know, he's got like seven charisma.

Just like fall into a slum. Can I literally just say, I could be honest, couldn't I? You could be honest if you wanted to. I don't know. Leo, you can't read him. When he says, I don't know, you're like, that's believable. Pierce, you're pretty sure he has his mind made up and he might be like avoiding the topic

That's fine, I'm not going to question him Because then I'll ask too many questions about your tattoos Exactly Because if we can destroy it in like an accident Then everyone wins, mostly Leo You've got protection from a little earlier look after So when are we going to go and get the fucking weapon? Right, tonight, I say we do it tonight

I say we get your militia to storm the gates. In that confusion, we slip in or go round the back or the distractor at the front, climb inside. So you're suggesting I put my buddies up as cannon fodder? Because the gnomes are planning on something, but they haven't planned that. We don't know when, but we don't know when. I don't want to take that risk. Or we could always get a boat and just... Just as an idea, you've read Superior Foes of Spider-Man.

Uh-huh. We could Superior Foes them. Uh-huh. Give me more detail there. So you know how the Superior Foes of Spider-Man, like the plan is to break into what's-his-name's fortress and steal the painting of Victor Von Doom. Uh-huh.

Right. But he doesn't tell them that's what he's doing. They storm it and he goes around the back and just steals it and they get into the room and we could do that with all the factions that we could rally together. All right. We'll rally everyone together. We'll get Little O.

Would Little O lend support if we told him we're going to get the weapon? Little O could help out. Like, he might, but, you know, it's kind of a bit of quite an ask. It's quite an ask. I don't think that I want to throw my boys. It's like, you don't want to throw your boys. I don't want to throw my boys into cannon fodder. Greg Fiss is happy to throw anyone.

But, like, if we get the gnomes and the dwarves. No, wait. No, wait. Hang on. Slip. Slip. I don't think the blood cult would offer their support, would they? The blood cult would not. What about the sabers? Probably, yeah. I don't think the Blood Cult would offer their support, would they? The Blood Cult would not.

What about the Sabres? Probably, yeah. I could get some Sabres on site. All right. Sabres won't work with a militia. Would I be right in that assumption? Yeah, probably. They won't work together.

Sorry. Sabres are a pretty big force. Couldn't we just get the Sabres on to just do it a distraction? We just... So let me rephrase that. The Sabres won't work with a militia. What do I work for?

Yeah, I know. Your boys are fine. They can stay at home. You don't have to include them. Three of us go around the back. Sabres do all the legwork. What do I work for?

Oh, he's a militia. Yeah. Yeah, but he's not going to work with the Sabres. Yeah, I know, but we're not working with the Sabres. We're using the Sabres as cannon.

I wish I had a reward to give you for that. He's a fucking militia, man. He's not going to work with the Sabres. I know, but we're not working with the Sabres. We're using the Sabres as cannon fodder. I wish I had a reward to give you for that. He's a fucking militia man. He's not going to work with the Sabres. I know, but we're not working with the Sabres. We're lying. The Sabres are the cannon fodder. That was good.

You get to get out of jail for free card. Later. Yes. Good. Good to know. I know, but it might not work for whatsoever. Some people got morals, man. So I'm saying we don't work with them.

We just like give them a bit of cannon fodder. Use them as the cannon fodder. Use my boys to get us into the castle. Lying. It's good sometimes. Very Winkle Pete. Doing a bad thing for the right reasons. Yes.

Right reasons being my life. How many could you get? Like a hundred? Do I believe that? Do I believe that? Do you believe that? Greg Piss is just an optimist. That's the only way he's actually stayed alive so long. Both of you think that he could probably name the 100 he's going to get.

That's amazing. So if you get your 100 sabers, I could go tell the gnomes that the sabers are planning an attack. We leak that to the gnomes, the gnomes attack. Maybe we leak that to the dwarves as well. Get all three factions attacking. We sneak around the back. With my boys.

With your boys. Yeah, all right. Good day. Let's do that. Let's tell the gnomes the dwarves and the sabers are attacking. Let's tell the dwarves that the gnomes and the sabers are attacking. Sabers and the gnomes the dwarves and the sabers are attacking. Let's tell the dwarves that the gnomes and the sabers are attacking. Sabers and the gnomes and the dwarves are attacking

at the same time. Strangers on a trainer. Yeah. Strangers on a coach. And also, oh, by the way, the orc chieftain is alive. Which one?

The orc chieftain. The guy who was like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, look, mate. That's kind of racist. Yeah. That's a little bit racist, actually. I'm sorry. I thought it would be better coming from a halfling. Just that everyone hates halflings. I didn't. Didn't.

Very weak. I say we keep it small. I saved your life. More people we add to this siege than the mess here is going to get. And that's what we want, though. We want pandemonium, don't we? Not too much pandemonium. I'm for pandemonium. The more they're distracted this way, the easier it will be for us to get in the other way.

All right, got a deal. Sounds good. Also, if I'm eaten and I have a dragon and I'm being attacked by lots of people, I'm going to send the dragon to those people, which means the dragon won't be where we are. I say pandemonium at the gates. There we sneak around the back. Does he never send out people, like staff? No, no.

He's been very insular ever since he retreated to that keep. Is there anybody outside the keep that would know what's inside the keep? No, it's impossible to get in. The toughest wall is that inner wall surrounding it. I mean like people who are formally part of the keep but left. Oh, probably not, actually. Like, it was very insular. Just thinking once we get in there, we're not going to know where to look.

Because I'm saying, he's probably going to take it. We're not going to get this done tonight. But if we spend the week spreading rumors about a particular day that everyone's going to attack, or at least a few days, everyone's going to attack, we can hit each faction up, kind of spread that thing like, this day, that's what's going to happen, and hopefully it does happen, and then we need to go around the back, and I believe we go

by a sea, then we go up. Can we scale that wall, and then what? Sneak him, find our way in, get the bag. Get the bag, dab beaten in the face. We have a boat? We can get a boat. But it's a diamond, doesn't it?

Yeah. Does that sound like a good they? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Does that sound like a good idea? Question for Adam. This keep, right, it's been around for a while. It's where Eden lived. Yeah.

Where I used to work for Eden. I've obviously never been in the keep because I wasn't part of that guard. I think Pierce and Periwinkle, you've both been maybe not in the keep, but certainly past that inner wall in the section there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Has the captain been in the keep? Well, yeah, before everything went down, his office was there, so he would have worked out that.

Cool, I might have to ask for a small favour from the captain. He said the sneaky thing too. It's a subtle thing. Yeah, yeah. So I might be like, hey, captain, do you got a map of the keep? Or do you know where, like if you were Eden, where Eden would keep something really important? Is that a thing that I, is that a, would that be?

You could absolutely ask for that, yeah. Cool. I'm not telling you guys that. You don't know that shit. Fuck you both. That's fine. You're all looking pretty open within the game about how you're working against each other a little bit.

That's what it's all about. I haven't even decided what I want to do with the weapon. That's exciting, isn't it? All these question. I haven't even decided what I want to do with the weapon. Oh, that's exciting, isn't it? You're like, all these opportunities. Yep. I keep getting swayed in certain directions, and then I meet someone else, and I'm like,

oh, no, I want to do that. I think I just want to either destroy it or give it to the gnomes. I think I need to give it to the blood cult. Although I'd like to chat to a cleric about what happens when someone has your soul. Or you could always try to steal that back. That's a conversation you can have. I've got cleric vestments

you could borrow to look like a cleric. I like that. I like being dishonest to the clerics. Like, largely no reason. So, alright. So, all the things we know

is that Eden's got a weapon and a dragon. He might not know how to use the weapon because that was the problem with the orcs. The orcs didn't know

how to use weapons, but Eden's smart, so he might know how to use the weapon. What are you saying about orcs they're a very racist fella yeah isn't he greg he's got a bit of that's the information we were told i'm only passing on this information that we were told by adam at the start of the game right so racist Still makes you racist. So racist. The classist racist fuck. I'll rephrase.

All we know is that they have a weapon. The orcs had the weapon and they couldn't get it to work. Do you know why they couldn't get it to work? No idea. Dumb fucks probably. That's racist. See? I intimidate Greg Pierce.

Orcs don't get much of an education. It's a system. You're terrifying. I's a system. Oh. You're terrifying. I piss myself a little bit. I think like your character for the rest of this scene, if you will, should just kowtow to him.

You are like really scared of him. So, why couldn't the orcs? I don't know, but Eden's got it, and he's a magic man so maybe he might know how to use the weapon all I'm trying to ask

really is is there a time factor what do you think Perry I think we should go as soon as possible and I think you should Eden is not going to

take as long to work out this weapon as the Orcs did I think we should probably do it tonight if you can get Sabres tonight

we hit the castle tonight do a little bit of if that's castle tonight. Do a little bit of if that's alright with you, Perry. A little bit of recon, meet up again with what we've achieved. Storm the castle. Storm the keep, rather. I can assist with recon.

You can alter yourself. You could go to different factions and be like, by the way, I'm from this faction or I'm from something and I have information and intel about these people attacking at this time. So basically, you hit X, Y, and Z and you go and tell these people that they're

all coming to attack the keep. So sabers, gnomes, dwarves, maybe orcs. Get us a boat. I'll try and get us a boat. You just convince everyone to attack tonight. Dragon, you can do that, Greg. Yeah, yeah, easy.

Of course. Doing a heart, babe. Good boy. Yeah. All right. Where do you want to meet back? Well, when we want to do the storm to keep. What time?

Tonight. Yeah, but give me a time. Orcs can't tell time, all right? I've said it. We have day and we have less day. Sometime during less day. It says midday now here, and about midday, I'd say. I'd say it's like 2 p.m.

Oh, we don't have much time. Let's say like midnight tonight. Midnight? Midnight. Everyone's napping no one knows what's happening they're going to

storm the castle at midnight everyone's going to storm the castle at midnight that's what's going to happen easy

easy doing a heart beat doing a heart beat go team break break what a simple plan what could possibly

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