D&D is For Nerds - Jarren's Outpost #9 Rat in a Maze

Episode Date: July 29, 2017

In which our heroes set up their daring heist.Want to help fundraise in aid of PSC Support? Just head over to sanspantsradio.podkeep.com and give what you can for a brand new D&D adventure! And if you’re wanting to know more about PSC Support, you can head here; http://www.pscsupport.org.uk.Check out our upcoming lives shows and purchase your tickets for our UK tour right here; http://www.sanspantsradio.com/live/ Want to help support the show?Sanspants+: sanspantsplus.comPatreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Adam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeJackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadHandsome Tom: twitter.com/AwkwardTreedZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspansplus.com. Fucking nailed it. Welcome to Chapter 9 of Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&Ds for Nerds adventure. In days gone by... Thank you, Father. I'll see you next Sunday, maybe before. None of the families are friendly. They do do basic level business together because they kind of just need to go into war with the quiet knives is a dangerous prospect They are brutal

Nothing off the table for them. How intimidating can I be just with a look pretty intimidating? I do have the intimidate power. Yeah, I just try to intimidate just to get him to stop walking towards us He stops abruptly from the other side of the door You hear like muffled a little bit by the walls. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then there's like scuffling. Just don't react. I loved you like a son.

You could have been my son. I've done you wrong. You did. I could make an honest woman of her. I can strike your deal here. You know that the Quiet Knives take every like 10k? They take insurance for something. If you can get, like, the gnomes on board,

if they can give you that warehouse back, your debt problems are solved. That's true. I don't want to throw my boys. You don't want to throw your boys. I don't want to throw my boys into the cannon fodder. Great business app. You can throw anyone.

But, like, if we get the gnomes and the dwarves, I'd like to chat to a cleric about what happens when someone has your soul. Each of you split up to get your various jobs done. In the Little Tegelite restaurant, I assume. Once again, I'll just say who gets there first. What were you going to do?

I might say, I'll ask Little if he knows how to give me a boat. Well, you'll be first. Then I suppose. You walk over to the counter as they leave, and you ask the little, little if he knows how to get a boat. Yes. What's the boat for?

For what your father wants me to do. You can see a little, little, like, eyeing Greg Pierce as he walks away. He's not doing anything, but he's, like, staring daggers at himself. Little, little, remember, like, we've got a goal here. It's what your father wants. Go on. Folks in task at hand, little, little. Go on.

I want to be making a coffee while saying, folks, task at hand. Task at hand, little, little. Boats. What about a boat? You need one? Yes. What do you need it to do? We need it to get to Eaton, around the side of Eaton Castle.

No, you only need, well, how many people? How many people? He said 10, 1, 2, 3, at least 13, 12. And maybe 15. When do you need it by? Tonight. Tonight? Tonight, tonight.

Time to finish this. How's the lows? Lows. Lows? Yes. Oh, no. Build one. Yeah.

If you want a boat, we're going to have to build one. Well, what if we really, anyone we know that we have a boat, we're going to have to build one. Well, what if we really... Anyone we know that we have a boat, we can really just double time this real good. Anyone that needs something done the next two, three hours that we know that has a boat, that we can get that boat. Not really, no. You can get on land to get there. You just have to go over the city wall.

Yeah. But we need to kind of have that distraction. Who owns that yellow part? The yellow part is Little Tigalite. All right. Okay. We could just jump the wall and walk around. Little Tigalite shares a wall with the Eaton.

What do I know on that wall on either side? Sorry? What do I know about that wall on either side? The wall is mannable from the other side, from Damien Eaton's side, and it is pretty constantly manned. Like, you are, everyone is constantly aware of, like,

the troops, private troops that Damien Eaton has patrolling that wall. People have attempted to get across. The Halfling families have even attempted to get across, but it's locked down. A little, little. To get over across the wall to Eaton's

keep, do you reckon we could try at around about midnight or just after midnight if we could launch a couple of I guess, what do we need? Like grappling hooks and rope and stuff to try and get across that wall? We can try. Can we organize that? Can we organize that? For you or for us to do that? For about

12 men. Your 12 men or our 12 men? My 12 angry men. Alright. Yeah, we can throw some grappling hooks up for you. Awesome. Okay, if we can get that done just after midnight, that'd be real good.

All right, I'll organize some rope and grappling hooks, I guess. How close is that to the front of the estate, though? Yeah, how close is that to the front of the estate? Well, you can see... Not really, Jack. You need to get into Rhodes Keep. Originally, we were going to go around the ocean and up through that part there, but we can't get a boat.

Well, we can't get a boat from the Little O's. Just yet, exactly. Not from the Little O's, no. Could the captain get me a boat? You'd have to ask. And you don't know that you need to ask. No, I know. I know what I want from him.

It's not the boat. Where are they attacking? If we get people to attack, where would they be attacking from? The front. The front entrance. The door is the only obvious choice. Isn't the door pretty much next to Little Tigalai? Show us.

That's the front gate? Yep. So where we'd be grappling in from would be the front gate. So any troops would be marching through Little Tigalai, and maybe the Little Lo family would be fine with that, but the other families might not be. Okay. Your mates. Little O.

Sorry, Little Little. Okay, new plan. Don't, don't, the grappling pins I said, it didn't happen. All right. That was stupid. Little Little pretends to cross something out on a piece of paper. Let's just, a quick save, like back about a minute and a half. Little Little, okay, come in your boat, that's fine.

Hang on a minute, come with me. You walk into the, like a private room, he sits down and he starts eating spaghetti. Nah, good. Have a seat. Can I have a bowl? Awesome, thank you very much. Alright, how about this then? So we're going to try and get a lot of people that are going to come and eat at around about

midnight tonight, so we seem to make sure that there is a clear path straight to that gate. Well, we don't know,'t know what's on the fence, let alone what's on the other side. Cool. I'm just saying... I can't guarantee any sort of path. Wait, do you mean a path... Are you saying a path to the door? Path to the door. Oh, well, I can say

that the Little Life family won't do anything, but I can't vouch for the Surefoot or the Quickknife. Nah, fair enough. Ah, they'll be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to go talk with them if you want. All right. I wouldn't do that.

You're going to lose Hawkins, man. I'll go visit them. That should be fine. No resistance. Straight through. Sure, I'll go talk to Papa Shorefoot. That'll be good. The Shorefoots, they've got to be very good people.

Yeah. It would be so much easier Shorefoots, they're going to be very good people. Yeah. It would be so much easier if we had got a fucking boat. Wait. Are we still a dwarf boat? Hang on. It's a good idea. So we can't get a boat. All right.

I leave. I'm going to try and go to the Dwarven town. Where can I get a boat? Dwarven town? The Dwarven. Where the dwarves are. Can I head towards the docks? They're docked out to sea a little bit.

Can I head towards the docks and get my meat boy, Meat Pie, to fly over and just see with the lay of the land of the orcs what's going up ahead? On the orcs? Yeah, sure. You do a little reconnaissance. Meat Pie comes back and he tells you that the orcs are by no means wiped out. Well, they came here with maybe like 10,000 troops, 10,000 strong. They currently probably only have half that number,

but 5,000 is still a lot of orcs. Oh, fair. I can kill 27 at a time. You can. Is it possible for me, using Meat Pie's guidance, to sneak my way through the orc encampment and get a boat? Broad daylight, so you can try to get to the boat, but when you get to

the boat, when you push off, it's going to be very hard to conceal yourself leaving. The orcs will probably see you and you don't know how they're going to react to that. Is there any boat that might be kind of closer towards where you might need it? The orcs have consolidated all the boat. That's alright.

Gotta risk it for the biscuit. Risk it for the biscuit. Alright, you gonna try? Can we walk around just on the shore? Well, that's what I was thinking. If we scale a wall here... Yeah, yeah, just walk around onto the shore. Like, not climbing the fence between Light Eye or, you know... The wall is very tall around there, though.

Like, yeah. Doesn't one of you have a grappling hook? It might be beyond throwing distance I'm just imagining It was like Eaton's Keep was on a sheer cliff No, look on the map, there's a bit of land There is some rocky edifice That elevates the wall

The wall is probably the highest facing the sea And it's probably the Most well defended facing the sea I wonder if we could just get in through the sewers. Like, yeah, would I need to be able to jump? Do we actually need a boat? Could we get in through the sewers? You probably don't need a boat if you just want to walk around. But if you walk around, you're probably more likely

to be spotted than quietly and quickly moving via boat. That's right. With a boat, you can go a bit out to sea then come back in and try to spot you and stuff. Less sauce. So a vote is not a bad idea but there are other ways.

Alright, let's go to the boat to try and go steal a boat. Alright, I'll leave you there. What were both of you going? I'm heading back to see Captain...

I haven't told these guys. I'm just going to go do a bit of reconnaissance. I was going back to meet with the militia do some reconnaissance and possibly talk to the captain again.

I'll jump to you first, Periwinkle. You get back to the militia headquarters. People say hi to you as they pass. People nod, people shake your hand maybe. Basically, I'm going to each of my nine and I'm telling them. Periwinkle nine. Midnight.

Going down to midnight. You arrange a place to meet. We'll meet there for the... We'll meet somewhere. I don't know where it is. We'll work that out later. I'll send a message. Fire dove. There'll be a way that they can work it out. Yeah. But what I need them all to do before that is try to get as much

information about the patrols as they possibly can. So I need you guys to do some reconnaissance for me on Eaton's estate. They can do that. Great. Have a look. They'll do what they can. And report back to you. So report back to me obviously before, like, you know, get there

early before we go in. They'll go ask people who live nearby, see what they know even. Thanks, guys. You're all good. I love you like brothers. You do that like, you know, bro fist or bro hug or whatever it's called. Bro handshake.

Elbow to elbow. Elbow to elbow. Is there anything more powerful than that? And then I go see the captain. No, I don't go see the captain. I write him a letter. Oh, okay. And it's just a memo.

He passes it to the captain and then I go to a letter. Oh, okay. And it's just a memo he passes to the captain. And then I go to a bar that me and the captain sometimes have had a drink at once or twice in the past. A town guard friendly bar. Yeah. I'm sure there are some cop bars. There are cop bars. No, no, I mean like there's the expression a cop friendly bar. Yeah, yeah.

Town guard friendly. And I'm like, do you want to come and meet me? I just want to talk to you about a private matter, Captain. You're not waiting there for very long until Captain Tolton steps through the doorway. He's wearing like a winter coat. Like he's not wearing any regalia

or anything like that. Just a winter coat to cover some simple clothing. He looks like he's trying to remain a little discreet. Pulls up a bar next to you. Sits down. What do you need? I need a map. Of? Road's Keep. As recent as you possibly can. He gives you like

a sly look out of the side of his eye. And he says, something going down sometime soon, is it? Something I should know about? Depends. Do you want to know about it? Oh! That's the question. So you know evil, I guess?

You know evil? Alright. I'll organise a map for you. It'll have to be hand-drawn, just what I remember, but I've got a good memory. Good. Good. Extra special attention to, like, you know, real special rooms. So you're looking for a certain object, are you?

Well, I can outline where the treasure room is. There's a big old vault door guarding it, though. I don't know the combination. That's right. It'll take a master thief to crack that. Let me worry about that part. We've got a... I've got an okay thief.

I wouldn't call him master. That's a bit much, but he's decent. Like, it's okay. Master's a bit... That's overselling it, but he's fine. Like, okay. Master's a bit, that's overselling it, but he's fine. Basically, we deal with like a drop-off point.

Hey, hey, I was in the shadow. Obviously, we're just going to drop the map, I think. Sorry? I assume that's all I need to do is ask

for the map and then be like, oh, just drop it off at the location that we dropped those kind of things off at, Seymour. Damn it, Periwinkle.

All right, I'll organize something for you. I'll see what I can swing your way. Thanks. And I get up to leave, down my drink. And just before I get away from her, I just turn around and be like, Seymour, if anything happens, go after my kids for me. All right.

Hopefully they'll get, like, a town guard pension of some variety. You know? The town guard look after their own. Yeah. That's what I'm imagining. Like a widow of the variety. You know? The town guard look after their own. Yeah. It's like a widow of the guard. You leave, he finishes his drink, he leaves after you. Except you don't see that because you're not there.

But I'm guaranteed a map and reconnaissance. He will draw you up a map, give you what he can, and yeah, you guys have promised that they'll pull whatever reconnaissance they can. Cool, cool, cool. I go off to pray. Alright. Oh, good.

Good on ya. And Greg, peace. Heading for the sabers. Alright. Well, I'm going on my mission of making everyone fight everyone else. Sabers, gnomes, and orcs, I guess. And dwarves. Let's start with sabers and dwarves. How are we gonna get to the dwarves? I don't know. I'll figure something. On your way to, I guess. And dwarves. Let's start with sabers and dwarves. How are we going to get to the dwarves?

I don't know. I'll figure something. On your way to the sabers. Mmm, good. Oh, no. A carriage. Is a carriage pulled by horses? Yes.

Confusion. On one of the horses? I'm done. I'm not losing another fucking love. Greg Pierce ain't playing around no more. Horse saves. Damn it. What kind of fucking horse is this?

Horse that rolls a 17. Couch pulls up and a door opens. A gnome sticks his head out. Get in. All right. Could be worse. You recognize the voice of your bookie. Oh, shit.

Shane. Right. Sum it up, bookie. Oh, shit. Shane. Right, sum it up, Shane. I'll hop inside. Shane the gnome. Bookie. Something's a problem, Shane. Do you get in? Yeah.

The carriage door closes. Oh, no. Right. Yeah, Shane, how you doing? How you been? You've been dodging me. Oh, I've been busy. I've been out of town, you know.

Stuff's going on. You owe me a lot of money. Yeah? True. He sits back and he is very quiet. It's a long carriage, right? We going somewhere? Oh, you could say that. Right, yeah. Okay, yeah. You can look out the carriage window if you want. I will. It takes a little while, but you realise that you're heading into the gnomish section of the city. I like to visit there eventually anyway. So time is of the essence.

Anyway, this is for children. They let you through the gates. Someone calls out who goes there and the carriage driver, another gnome, gives his identification, stuff like that. The carriage is allowed through. You're travelling there for a little bit. Then the carriage finally pulls up to a warehouse. A very familiar looking warehouse. The warehouse that your spell books are kept

in. Oh, right. We're doing a grip test. Shane opens the door. Get out. You hop out. Shane closes the door behind you. Into the warehouse You got the keys don't you

Do I You probably have a set of keys on you Would you keep the keys on you I'll unlock it Shane steps in after you Before he closes the door Shane turns to the gnome cab driver Carriage driver and says

If he comes out kill him Shane closes the door. Right. Right. This is about the debt, the money, are you? Yeah? That's what this is about. That's what it's all...

I want to have a look at this place. Right. Let's light some fires. Oh, you're not going to... Come on now. Shane, like, knocks a brazier, an empty brazier. Yeah. Let's light some braziers.

Right. So just going to light the braziers Right So just gonna light the braziers And Go on Alright I'll light them You start lighting braziers Are we burning the books then?

That's the That's the That's the intimidation tactic You're going for here I'm not burning any books Ah right Yep Burning me

I'm not gonna burn you What are we just lighting fires For a bit of fun? I wanna have a look at this place Right Look at all this All this stuff All this product You gotta move Yeah right I'm not going to burn you. What, are we just lighting fires for a bit of fun? I want to have a look at this place. Right. Look at all this stuff, all this product you've got to move. Yeah, right.

Well, I've not been able to get in, have I? No, you haven't. Yeah, but now I'm in, so we can begin. I can't get this out for you. Oh, we can figure something out. There's a lot of small books here. They're not going to fit in the carriage. Not all of them. Not by half.

What if we do it a bit at a time? I'm sure there's trade happening. Slip a couple of books here and there into carriages that are leaving the gnomish district. Jane grabs one of the books, just pulls it off. Starts flipping through it. Keep going. Nothing in there. Nothing in the books. But what if we, you know, we put them on a carriage,

we take out, say, ten at a time. How does this grift work, by the way? Oh, well, it's real simple, okay? So, one of us, or somebody dresses up like a wizard, yeah? And they say that they have to get rid of their spell book, right? Because they've moved on maybe from the wizard lifestyle, whatever. The particular lie does not matter so much. They say on their wizard authority that, oh, the book, you know, the spells aren't going to work.

While this is happening, you're like walking in the maze that is these piles of spell books. You're not going to be able to, you know to see the spells until I'm out of the country because I've put a curse on them or some kind of protective spell. But when I leave, the spell will lift and you'll have all these spells. Welcome to you. You can use them whenever you like.

Imagine the Room of Requirement from Harry Potter but with piles of spell books. And then they take the book home. Even another idea we add is that we also give them a little amulet or a little chant they can do. And we say that'll bring the words up and the spells up. And then by the time they've got home and they realize that it's all been a

grift, well, it's too late. We've got the money, you know, take off the wizard clothes, fuck off. You're out of there.

You know, if you know all yourself, which, you know, a lot of us do, you can just protect a lot of the wizard. I have another client by the name of Shim Sham Shalabim.

That sounds... Fellow gnome. Fair enough, this is a gnome. He owes me about as much money as you do. Oh, is that so? I tried to collect on him the other day. You know what he told me? What did he tell you?

He told me, if piss doesn't have to pay, why do I have to pay? I've got to collect from him. And I thought to myself, gosh, that's a really good point. Yeah, right, of course, yeah. And then I killed him.

I ate him. Ate him alive. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And you know what I'm going to do to you? The same thing, I'm assuming. You better believe it. Shane's mouth begins to grow into that of a snout. Hair sprouts all over his skin.

He grows long, wicked claws. You're a bookie, the were-rat. Ah, fuck me. Oh, boy. Snarls at you. I like how he's going after the only person That has no offensive capabilities whatsoever I've got him He got this

I got this Don't even stress It's easy I'll take it He's gone Then I got a whole house of books to myself He's gone That's how it's gonna be

Okay Good luck Just worried Because he was meant to be the one to organise the people. We're going to get there and no one's going to be attacking. This is fine. This is fine. This is a minor setback.

I'm having a good day. Minor setback of our... Okay, okay. Time to use some non-offensive spells offensively. I could. Maybe when I get captured by the orcs, I'll tell the orcs. When you inevitably get caught. Greg, you go first.

Does it look like any of the books are precariously placed? They're all precariously placed. Can I wizard, mage hand and pull the right book out to have the books fall on top of the wearer? You can certainly try. That's my current plan. Didn't work, though. No, I think it did.

He's annoyed. No. You pull one of the books strategically out. The pile of books sways from one side to the other side to one side, and then it collapses on you, Greg Piss. Fuck! You take three points of damage.

Maybe one of these is a real wizard book. Scramble through them. See if you can start opening them up, trying to find the one that's real. Oh, Jesus. Piss. Oh, no. It's its turn. Yeah, your turn was to fuck yourself. Your turn was to get covered in books.

Oh, whatever, bye to me. Oh, I can't be a were-rat. Oh, I can't be a were-rat. I can't be a were-rat. That couldn't happen. But if I'm a were-rat, like, I'm quicker. I can just get away. But I still got my soul.

Can I become a were-rat if I don't have a soul? The were-rat chain leaps and lands on you, starts snarling and snapping at you here and there. You are only kind of half there, because your entire body is still ringing from the books falling on you, but you have enough presence about you to move out of the way whenever he tries to bite you. It's your turn, Pierce.

I start playing my lute. Let's fascinate him hours and work in combat fuck alright confusion then just major let's brain dead it you have major confusion?

I have confusion just confusion just confusion major confusion dude I'm majorly confused just major what is that? it's like you have 100% chance

for brain death irreversible instant brain death Irreversible They're gone Vegetable I'm surprised you don't know that to most of the people who owe you money Ah just confuse Do you know what that's probably what he's been doing He probably owes a lot of money

I'm going to be surprised if the reason Laura Are you trying to confuse a horse? Like what would that have accomplished? Well if the horses were moving maybe the horse would have been like, I'd have crashed and I could have got out of there. Imagine confusing a horse as the horse moves at high speed. That horse is dead. Or that horse has to attack the nearest thing to it,

which is the other horse. Shane's were-rat eyes, his pupils dilate until there's basically nothing left. His eyes turn a little purple, and the were-rat starts snarling incoherently on you. Okay, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. That's its turn. It's your turn, Pierce. Slam it with my loot.

Boom! Does that break the confusion? Probably. Maybe. Shitlam it with my loot. Boom! Does that break the confusion? Probably. Maybe. Shit. Should've just run. Can I... Should've just run.

Pierce, on your back sheet, under your feats, do you have a feat called Improved Critical? No. Just Improved Initiative. I guess I didn't give it to anyone.

Have weapon focus, loot, and blind fighting. Plus blind fighting. That means when you're blinded, you have, like, so It's ominous that you gave me that. It's unimaginably ominous that

you gave me that. I can see in the dark. Yes. I'm not letting you take my eyes, Adam. Take a lung. Take a finger. Take an arm if you have to. You're not taking my eyes. I don't think any of us have. Why don't't take them both in one go. Don't take them

in any go. So the way blind fight works is that when you can't see an enemy, when you're blinded, you have a 50-50 chance of hitting them. With blind fight, if you miss, you can re-roll that 50-50, so it gives you a 75% chance

instead of a 50-50. It keeps the odds in your favor. Even if I don't advise, sometimes I've got hoods on my head so it's worth it. I'm glad. You hit the where at. Oh, good. Nicely done. Dealing 7. What's that?

7 quotation marks. I hate this. Is it still confused? Yeah, it lasts for quite a while Sweet Just keep bludgeoning on it I'm just gonna keep whamming it in the face That's my plan

No the damage is in inverted commas I'd fucking bail The were-rat If I bail Turns around and sprints off into the warehouse Oh god You lose track of it It's a fucking rat in a maze

Jesus Jesus fucking Christ You could try to get out if you wanted to You know where you are That guy'll shoot me rat in a maze. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ. You could try to get out if you wanted to. You know where you are. That guy'll shoot me. I gotta kill that were-rat. You... Oh, actually, as well. You stand up and you see the remains of Shane's

outfit. It seems, both when he turned into a were-rat and when you caused him confusion, he probably wasn't paying attention to where his equipment lay. Yeah. And you see a belt with a pistol on it. Oh, I grabbed that pistol. Click.

Can I fire it into the books near where he went? You can. There are two barrels to it. It's like, you know, a double barrel shotgun but a pistol. I don't know how to reload it though. And there are two triggers. Let me just wait until you get the rat and shoot him in the head Shane's clothes are on the floor, right?

You have the ability to change your form, right? Shane's torn up clothes are on the floor Also, you can't turn yourself into a specific person Damn Actually, I think you can Hey! Shane, leave. Be like, we got him Let's go

He attacked me though He was a were-rat He's in there dress up like Shane, leave, be like, we got him. Let's go. He attacked me, though. Oh, he attacked me. He was a were-rat. He's in there. Better get him. Perfect. Yeah, all right.

Unless this guy knows I'm a were-rat, and then I'm in trouble. But hey, all right. That's a good plan going forward. See, I could make myself invisible, wait for him to come by and then shoot him in the head. That's an option. Make yourself invisible and then leave. That's also a good idea. Then I leave this were-rat that wants me dead out there in the world. So Alter Self confers a massive bonus on your disguise check to be someone else.

It doesn't just guarantee it, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I hear the were-ret scampering around? Am I out of initiative as well? No. If you strain your ears to do that, that'll be your turn. I'm going to start putting on his clothes for this turn. There's, like, tatters remaining.

Also, you're too big. I know you're a small human, but you're still too big. I'll alter self, then. Alter self to look like him. To look like Shane. Alright. You can alter yourself to look similar.

But not exactly. Yeah, I know. But like as close to Shane as I can get. Alright. That's your turn? Yep. If he sees you, he's confused. He's a rat boy and then he sees himself.

Yeah. That's going to double confuse him. That's going to mess him up there. It's like maybe I was just Shane dreaming I was a rat. Is that a rat dreaming I'm Shane or Shane? It just kills himself. It just kills himself. I can't live anymore. You getting another turn?

I'm going to start walking towards the exit. You briskly jog towards the exit. Highs or lows? Highs. I don't know. Out of nowhere, the were-rat leaps from the top of a pile of books and lands on you. Why don't I have anything to set this whole place on fire?

That's what I need. You're startled and surprised, but when the were-rat lands on you, so does a bunch of books. Knocking it aside, it hits, lands on you, knocks you to the ground, tumbles off you when books land on it, and skitters to the other side of the little corridor that you're in. Ah, excellent. It's your turn. Am I near a brazier? Highs or lows?

Lows. Nine. Can I see one? Yes. Can I shoot it so that it'll fall over and set the place alight? Yes. I do that. You hit?

Yeah! You knock the brazier over, it lands on some spell books, and the spell books catch alight immediately. Oh, this is like one chance of repaying my debt that I'm just... Setting alight, but that's fine. Cool. That's, I guess, my turn. How much do you owe this bookie? How much do I owe him? 2k?

2k. Yeah, 2k. Which is... It's a drop in the pond, but it's something. Compared to the 21k, you could be owing the... Imagine owing 25k. Yeah. Knocking it out's good.

One way or the other. Then... It's another person who wants my organs. Gotta get rid of them. The were-rat leaps at you again. Uh-oh. Wait. Oh, good?

Critical. Which is the good one? I always forget. Does it have a dice or a head? Dice. I think that's bad. As in for him. I'm so confused.

The were-rat leaps at you. But as it leaps at you, it pushes off from some of the books that got scattered on the ground. And the books are not a stable surface to jump from. So instead of leaping very far, it doesn't really close any distance at all. It just falls onto its chest. Oh, that's good. Doing nothing. That's good.

That's your turn. That's good. Am I close to, like, the exit? Still maybe another round from there. Can't charm person in a fight. Where are my spells? You've got the gun, don't you? Yeah, but that's a waste of a bullet

that I could use later down the track. I'm one of us. Mirror image. What does the mirror image of me do? Does it run in a direction? They run all different directions. If he runs in the mirror image, fuck off.

Hopefully he chases the one that's not me. What's one that has a line of you? Is that mirror image? Or maybe that's mirror image. I don't know. I remember that one. I had that one in some game. I'll kill this one.

I still got to go to the Sabres. You got to go... Well, you got to go to Gnomes, the Sabres. I'm already in the Gnomes, so I can sort that out. We'll get this done. We'll get this done. Don't worry. We'll get...

Let's just let this out. You promised me and I made you very scared And you said you would So like I can't come back with nothing I might come back with Just a couple of like 12 dickheads

Climbing into a Heavily fortified Deep All right So You create 1D4 Mirror images of yourself

They don't run off In different directions. They stay near you. An enemy cannot use sight or sound to tell you guys apart. So scent is on the table. And they... And the wearout is nothing but scent. Well, you don't know how good his scent abilities are.

Does the wearout still seem confused? Yes. I risk it. I'm just going to head for the door. All right. That's fine. Mirror image? No, no, I'm not casting the mirror image. Oh, you're just going to run for the door? Just going. Also, you've set the place on fire. I've set the place on fire. He risk it. I'm just going to head for the door. All right. That's fine. Mirror image? No, no, I'm not casting the mirror image.

Oh, you're just going to run for the door? Just going. Also, you've set the place on fire. I've set the place on fire. He's confused. If he starts babbling in this round, that's another round for me to get away. Once I leave, I can bar the door, hopefully. Cook him.

Yep. Cook the rat. Rat's cooked. Rat is definitely cooked. I look like Thingo, like Shane. Exactly. Get in the carriage. Say we got him.

Was a bit ugly. Dropped me off here. Back into Greg Pierce. I'm good. I'm gold. Convince the gnomes. You're sprinting. Your hand locks around the door knob.

No. And you feel a bite on your leg. Fucking hell. Fuck, I don't want to be a were-rat. Fuck me. Fucking were-rats. Can I be a were-wolf? That's at least cool. You take four points of damage.

Do I feel the were-ratism coursing up my leg? Yes. Or am I not going to know I'm a were-rat until the time comes? This is Adam praying that you become a were-rat. Oh, he wants me to be a were-rat so bad. It's your time. Is the were-rat behind me? Yep, right behind you. I'm going to shoot it with my

pistol. Turn around Place it in his mouth He gets a free attack if you do that He's still confused? Yes Fuck it I'll risk it again Open the door and get out of here You uh

Open the door Burst outside Come on Fall for my disguise His assistant Yep Does not shoot you immediately Yes

Let's call that a win You sprint outside Would you like to say something? I'd like to slam the door shut and be like, got him. Alright. Is there any way of barring the door? Oh, I'll lock it. I've got the key. No, actually, you can lock it this time.

You do seem a bit rushed, but the assistant seems to believe this. She said, ugly fight. It was just, ugly fight. Oh, sorry. It was just an ugly fight. The door bursts open off its, um... God damn it. Off its frame.

The were-rat is in the doorway. I scream, were-rat, get it! The were-rat tries to bite you again, but you're like, yeah, get off! While he is a were-creature, he is not necessarily that strong. You grab his two paws as he tries to leap on you and you throw him off. Do I know the name of the driver? No. I didn't overhear it.

Damn. The driver pulls a flintlock pistol. Who's he going to shoot, I guess, is the question. Who will the driver shoot? Find out next time on Jaren's Outpost Hustle, a D&D is for Nerds adventure. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support the show,

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