D&D is For Nerds - Jarren’s Outpost: EE #2 The Dragon

Episode Date: February 1, 2025

Conflict at the city docks! Orc tents besieged by gnomish rifle fire! The war for the city continues to rage and amidst the violence Leo, Greg, and Perriwinkle find themselves unlikely allies. Working in uneasy alliance they rush to acquire the weapon, they must avoiding orcs, gnomes, dwarves and Damien Eaton's terrifying and imposing mysterious dragon in pursuit of their ultimate prize.You can follow the Jarren's Outpost Kickstarter here and check out the website, as well as follow us on instagram and facebook. If you’re wanting the complete Jarren's Outpost: Enhanced Edition you can purchase it as a digital download. If you want to further help support the show you can sign up to Imagination Adeventure+ on our website or Apple Podcasts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Jaren's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest. A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did what adventurers do, and they didn't think of the consequences of killing a powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the citizens of Goldcrest to figure it out for themselves. For now, Jaren's Outpost is a melting pot of religions, criminals, politics and paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else in check. But all that's about to change. Welcome to the Enhanced Edition of Jaren's Outpost.

So, I don't know how to make this sound properly or accurately, but I'm assuming if I say the sound of a dragon roaring in the distance yeah you guys could all like sort of know what I'm saying yeah yeah the sound is roughly coming from where roads keep is and you have all heard rumour that they mean eaten had a pet dragon interesting oh maybe that's bad I'm out on this conversation about weapons. Yes. What the fuck was that? I wanna hypothesize. Well, just a dragon. Do you know what warehouse or where the weapon is here on the docks?

That's why I'm here, trying to find out. Do any of us know where the weapon might be? You could guess, there are like a couple easy guesses. The Ork Camp is made up of a couple of the freestanding buildings that were in the docks. You can see that there's maybe five old buildings, buildings that were actually part of the town, not orcish tents. All of them are made of stone and you fancy that all of them would be good defensive places or a good place to stash something valuable. Right. How many places is the weapon broken into? You don't know. In addition to that,

there is also a very large orcish tent that is quite clearly where the chieftain would reside or where they hold big meetings. That might be a place to check. Right. You don't need the weapon, that's great. So you can help me and if you help me you help little Lo and that's good. Yeah right. You said you want what now? I want the weapon. Alright. Yeah, why come? Yeah. I ain't working with you unless you tell me why you need the weapon, lad. I don't want to work with you. Well, I know a lot about you, Greg Piss. Right now, the Gnomes are planning something. It looks like everyone chose tonight to do something. Alright, so Damien Eaton is obviously planning something.

You don't know if you have the time to necessarily like bicker about why you're a king. Harry Winkle. Harry, hi, Leo Shadow, nice to meet you. Anyway, so, how about this, uh... The dragon roar is heard again. Why don't we, since things seem depressing, how about, look, I need a weapon, great, please help me with the weapon, you need the weapon, how about we just make sure we get the weapon out of the orcs hands and then we just work out what to do from there.

Yeah, I guess think about it like this, Perry, we get the weapon, we've got the weapon, then everyone can fight over who gets to keep the weapon. Wait, why do you want to fight, what do you mean, why? No, I meant you two. Yes, us two. Wait, do I believe that lie? You two are fighting over it, I don't even need it. You still think Greg Piss is here on our ulterior business?

He's got some other job to do. Yes, me and you, we fight over it. I got lost, I should go, it's clear. I like that. Wait, now that checks out. Did you actually say you got lost? Yeah, I said that earlier. And we believed it.

Are you still saying that now? Yeah, I've not said it, they didn't question it. Yeah, you like, you know, Greg Piss is a shiftyifty guy you wouldn't necessarily trust him with much But you still don't think that he's here for the weapon awesome So yeah, now that we get the weapon then we can decide because I think something's happening I'm okay with this all right man well cool two moons are briefly obscured by something large flying overhead It's quick luck. Right, um, okay.

So we've got five, six, if you include the orcs. The orc camp is in like an uproar right now. Shit is going down, but obviously they're aware that shit is going down. So I have, I have alter self, right? That means, can I make myself look like an orc with alter self? Um... Cause I can do that. Yes, yes, yes.

Make myself look like an orc in the chaos. I look around, pretend you're my prisoners, whatever. You're an orc, that counts. And then, I can hide. I can hide by you, it's fine. You hide, and we wander through in the chaos. And that's just a half orc camp. Like then, you're not gonna turn as many heads as any other race.

You could sneak into the camp under your half orc butt. Can I fit in my half orc clothes? Can I put on the armor? Just to look a bit more orc-y, less bubble bee armory. Do your shadow fit in the sack? How big a sack? How how big a sack how big like I mean anyone can fit in this I mean like either of the backpacks that me or Perry has probably not whether your backpacks are full if you'll recall yeah right right right you want yep behind me I'm twice exactly that pilot meat pie what the fuck's going on can I just

telepathically like why what's going on your magpie is like I don't know I'm twice your size. Exactly. Magpie lad, meat pie. What the fuck's going on? Can I just telepathically be like, why, what's going on? Your magpie is like, I don't know, I'm still here. Just like a yoke, just like a... Ah! No, it has to do that. Oh, I don't know how to do a magpie. Who's that? Does it have the same voice as Mrs Magpie from Blinky Bill? No.

How did she speak? Oh Blinky, what are you doing? And the lovers are gonna get lured on that one. But yes, that is how she speaks. I've decided now. Meat Pie, fly up. Give me a bird's eye view of this place. See what's going on.

Alright Blinky. Meat Pie flies towards the Orc camp. I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you!

I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! I'm going to kill you! appearance such that you look like an orphan. Alright. Gross. You're right. And I get behind Periwinkle. And we march toward the closest warehouse or big tent? Well, the big tent is probably the furthest of anything. Cool.

So would you like to hit up the like, brick building? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Periwinkle, no one gives you a second thought. Cool. Leo and Pierce, however. Oh, man. So, somebody- Come however. You're on your own now. It actually doesn't really happen until you're kind of like in the thick of it.

Then an Orc running past carrying weapons slams into you, Pierce, ruining your illusion. Oi motherfucker. He sees through your illusion for a brief moment. At the same time he trips over Leo The orca drops all the weapons gets up and is about to say something when Seven four seven Dragon Lands in the docks. Well, that was lucky

The the the the the the the the the

the the the the the The dragon whips around once and just the wind that it creates by whipping around destroys a good amount of the Orcish camp. The Orcs charge and a fight begins between the dragons and the Orcish camp. Whatever was about to happen between you guys and that all is forgotten. At the same time you hear, does anyone hear no gnomish? No. A booming voice says something in gnomish. The voice is extra loud either

magically but it sounds a bit tinny like a speaker system. That's awesome. That's awesome. Oh, shit's going down. But the fortune is for us. And then with a twanging sound, the wooden gnomish contraption collapses, sending something flying towards the Orcish camp. A large Wright Brothers-esque, but big contraption is sailing over the camp.

That's amazing. Dropping from it on ropes, gnomes kitted out for combat warfare land among the orcs and they begin joining the fight. Literally this could not be more fortuitous for us. This is amazing. So while this is happening we need to get this weapon out of here quick. The gnomes are using gunpowder weaponry so you hear the steady like crack, crack, crack of their guns going off. Once again, the tinny speaker. That sounds like we piled it. The gnomes appear to be organising themselves after they hear that. That's amazing.

I really feel bad for like the orc ex-lovers in that box. When they wake up I'm not gonna know. All their friends are gonna be dead. You're not gonna know what happened. Jesus, true. We just let them. Is that all they're gonna assume that we did it? The mad three-way melee continues. Right, did the dragon? We should search these stone houses while all this is going on. I was gonna say, what? You are? Destroy church these stone houses more? Oh, did they I was like you are way to the three of the stone houses the dragon probably did actually just land on one Of the five stone buildings destroying it. There's four left. I thought that wasn't in that one Let's go to this one over here. I point to the nearest one I asked you so this one has before we do that I'm seeing that the the four remaining one in the big tent

Would we be like give it a bit of a guesstimate of maybe where the weapon might be? Yeah, like if one looks more like a warehouse or... This one that you're approaching or the one that you're nearest to, looks like maybe it was used as a food preparation area. I reckon nah. We can bugger that one off. Bugger that one off. Let's play the next one.

You keep moving. As you charge fast, you notice the dragon isn't actually following you guys, but its natural path is kind of following you guys. And as you run past that first building, maybe a minute later, one of the dragons mighty paws crushes it. Alright, well that one's death. That there both now. What's the next one? The next building was probably a blacksmithy.

Actually, some of you might have, back when the docks wasn't inhabited by orcs, have gone to this blacksmithy for one reason or another. Hey, that's where I got this dagger from. It's Kevin's blacksmith. I love Kevin. He's so good with steel. Kevin was a very pleasant, if slightly portly, fellow, but you're pretty sure he's dead, aren't you? Ah, most in peace, Kev. I miss you, Kev.

He was killed either in the riots or by the black hand or by the orcs. There are a lot of opportunities for Kev to eat. He did good work but it did not help. Mario, can we imagine that there'd be space in this for a large weapon? Yeah, well there is enough room. You don't know how big what you're looking for is though. Yeah, right, right, right. There are no Orcs visible in this one. Alright, let's break in another one.

Does this have a second floor? No, it's like an open-air sort of blacksmith area Yeah, and then the living sort of quarters, which is maybe two rooms And we got to be quick or we're pancake if they're being attacked by two fronts wouldn't they try to be protecting their weapon Yeah, maybe maybe where are they protecting are the attack rallying to protect any particular point or the gnomes rallying to go to a particular? Yeah, it's hard to tell you guys are kind of not necessarily in the midst of the fight but to be someone on the ground we can't see the forest for the trees yeah but Meat Pie can. Roosed!

Meat Pie needs a moment though to sort of assess the situation while that's happening. We'll go to the blacksmith. Yeah You're like really close to the blacksmith when all of the windows get smashed out by the butts of flintlock rifles and a gnomish firing squad pokes their rifles through. They fire at you because one of you is a hog orc, one of you looks like an orc. So they just fire.

Shit. Dang. Get trying to get out of the way? Oh Jesus. I should have stayed at home today. Today was a bad day to do anything. It really was. I'm too old for this shit. Harry Winkle, you feel two bullets tear through you.

How? It was mostly glancing blows that hit you. Yeah, beautiful. I'm a big fella in a big B, am I? Yeah. Yeah. Leo, you feel one bullet tear through you. They weren't actually even aiming at you. Yeah, beautiful. I'm a big fella in a big B armour. Yeah, yeah. Leo, you feel one bullet tear through you. They weren't actually even aiming at you.

It's just so much... It was just like a volley fire, so there was so much lead being put downrange that you just got hit. Dodge, Dark Dive, we are fucking beat. Great piece, you get hit twice as well. Right, yeah. You take 19 points of damage on top of the four you took before Yep. 19 points of damage. On top of the 4 you took before. So 23 points of damage in total. Also, one of the bullets pierced your forearm, and just as it was coming out,

destroyed your tricep. Your tricep is like, part of it is poking out through the hole the exit wound made. You drop your loot oh That's like that's my playing and years of recovery Yes, what you want to do a real initiative here? Cuz I'm not assuming you guys are charging just gonna duck out of the way and cure light wounds Yep, you can't you a moderate your mother wounds on myself. Oh

Fuck ah fuck out out out you can cure yourself. Yeah. Duck out of the way, grab your loot, pick any two. Mmm... Hmm... Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm. Uh, duck out of the way, cure myself. Alright, so your loot is still, like, in the line of fire, basically. It's tough. You recover...

18 hit points. Your wound is completely fixed. Oh, there you go. Just a bit of down-like. Yeah, just... Don't need any app, please go therapy. I can walk, I can walk fine now. I can walk that off.

I'm fine. I'll be alright. Doesn't cure your soul, though. Periminkle, what would you like to do in response to this? I assume you're not charging, so I'm not putting you guys in initiative. No, no, no. Can I grab his loot and get out of the way? You can.

Thank you. I'm gonna grab your loot and get out of the way. Yeah, cool. I'll say you like, duck in wherever he is. Like, maybe there's, you know, some little depressed area little depressed area like you know you're fighting among city streets right now Yeah, sort of well dock streets, but there's you know this natural terrain and stuff like that So you duck down behind some buildings and some tents and use maybe even the natural layout of the town to give yourself some cover Yep, then Leo right can I call out in common, no orcs here, just prisoners!

And then have a quick like scan of the round or a search around the blacksmith. Alright. You call that out. There, there, there. Make yourself not an orc now too, by the way. I should probably sort that out. I'm just gonna make myself a gnome. Why didn't you do that?

Oh, they were shooting at me. I didn't know there were gnomes in there. And like gnomes, I want to plead to their good nature. Highs? Always bet on highs. I got two beasties of bad news. One is pretty bad, one is just the worst. That's not even two bad news.

That's just the worst news. The worst news? The worst news? Alright, the dragon steps over you and crushes the blacksmith. The bad news is before that they get another volley out. Probably you realize now they were not shooting at you guys at all, they were shooting at the dragon. Hell, you're in trouble, where are you? The volley misses you completely.

I guess they're like aiming up. How close are we to another building where the dragon is? So that's three down, two buildings left, plus the big thing. Were we in the... No, we were outside it. No, you were outside it, still charging towards it. The gnomes had like knocked down windows and set up like a volley fire. You ever see like people from Civil War times or whatever?

Yeah, they smash the window out and then... For some reason I thought it was the reverse, they were shooting through the window at us. Anyway, yep. From Civil War times or whatever. Yeah, yeah, they smash the window out and then... Yeah, yeah, yeah. For some reason I thought it was the reverse, they were shooting through the window at us. Anyway, right. Alright, well, anywho. Let's hope it wasn't there again. Uh, Meat Pie gets back to you. Mm-hm.

Well, it's, uh... It's all fucked, they're all over the place. LAUGHTER I want more Australianisms. I want, like, oh, Flaming Gala! Oh, Stone Macross! Struth made some boats a landing! Boats?

Dwarves are getting out! There's dwarves now! It's a bloody four-way fight! It's a rumble-ish thing. Your sci-fi relays that a bunch of dwarven-style boats land at the docks, and then dwarves start fighting as well. Under my breath I soon go straight the dwarfs look like they're fighting their way towards the

big tent specifically all right nice our back then right well with limited time might as well go for the big time none of you know what dwarfs are doing here I don't even know where the dwarfs could fucking come from the door to the boat so dwarf boat to a dwarf boat put a boat fucking weapon on it. We're out of there. Go around Oh dwarf Yeah, I'm down to first level and one cantor gotcha dicker I Love you. No, I'm on board with going for the tent. Yeah, the tents out of the way the dragon. Yeah Oh, it's the furthest away. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah the furthest away. Yeah, right It's the furthest away. So yeah, yeah. Yeah the furthest away. Yeah, right

Scarf of the tent. Mm-hmm. I'm a dwarf Yeah, do you want your loop back? Oh, yeah. Thanks man. Yeah, I might give it back later But to me that you're not a piece of shit and I'll give you a loop back. It's largely impossible All right fighting around the tent is possibly the most fiercest some of the Strongest and most badass looking orcs are here defending the tent from one side dwarves and from another side gnomes. What's the dragon doing? The dragon's charging towards all of this. Then in addition to that, the main orcs of the camp the less like badass looking ones But still a lot of them like sandwiching the dwarves and the gnomes up against the extreme looking orcs

So it's like a several layer pie of fighting right now If you want to get there, you're going to have to fight your way either through orcs gnomes orcs or orcs Dwarves orcs. I Or orcs dwarves orcs? I say orcs dwarves orcs because I look like a dwarf. Yeah, we just keep going. Why do you look like an orc? And I look like an orc. No, no, that's alright. Either way you just say you're the prisoner already.

Yeah, it's fine. I'm not very charismatic. I just thought I'd put that out there. We'll figure it out. Orcs dwarves orcs. Orcs dwarves orcs. As we're entering the fray I'd be like, Perry, I just need the loot. That's my weapon. I haven't got nothing else, man. I'll look at you for a long time, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, orcs, One round. Okay. So unless you are taking down a person around, you probably won't get there in time for the dragon to also be here. Right.

Isn't everyone kind of mosh pitted together? Couldn't I punch two people? You can't get two people out of your way, but you can get someone out of your way and someone out of one of your friend's way. So I guess you're probably in the middle. I'm in the middle. Forming like the tip of the spear. Yes do this Alright, I'm gonna go with herringwinkle first. Would you like stingers out? Yeah, get them stingers out

I'm gonna talk to my fists and say the word apis which is Latin for B. You're going let's drag material bone flesh blood from your hands and Stinger is using them. It's a painful process and you know that when you punch, you're going to be breaking that stinger off. You hit the first blow. Someone in front of me. Yes, killing him and dealing 2 points of damage to yourself. You deal 21 points of damage to the other guy, killing him. One point of damage to yourself.

You can actually keep going and get Gorg Fist's guy as well if you want. I can do that too. That's it. That sells through the orcs if you've killed this one. You need to get three waves of orcs. Oh. So there's in total 18 orcs to kill and nine dwarves to kill. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Okay, this is a harder fight than I've ever expected.

Yeah, same thing. Each of you needs to be killing one around. Yep. I've killed three this round, so. You sorted us out for that one. Yeah, that's good. How's that, three? You kill the third one, and you take three points an hour.

Alright. That's one round down, and then you need to make your way through the next orcs who bar your way Okay, tip of the spear goes first. I've the stinger's have gone away again, haven't they? Yeah, you can not do that this round if you want I feel like I can do it again something how much how much extra damage do I get with the stingers? Well, they could be to 12 extra damage after we get through this like I fucking bring it on You didn't become the bloody fixer of general. I didnphas. No, I didn't by just sitting around on my ass. Exactly.

You step forward and you jab forwards with a really good, you thought, strike. But then that plane thing they have flies overhead and a gnome accidentally tumbles out of it and lands on your blow. You just kill a gnome randomly. Ah! You can attack again.

Well, I'll use my other fist. I have two. You get him. He's dead. Bang. Take five points of damage. It's getting ya. But I'm sure you're tough.

I'm pretty tough. Yeah, you're doing fine. Is it like 62 here? My max is 40. I'm a tank. We get the next two guys as well. We're waiting for the others. Ah, we're just a fucking steam train right now through these orcs. Alright, so third wave of orcs.

Also I may have the potential that if I don't want to use the stingers, I can just kind of go into like a berserker or a light rage, which my attacks are a lot stronger, but I'm not very accurate. You can start using power attacks. You can actually determine how angry, if you will, you are. I'm less angry because I kept doing stuff. I'm just like annoyed that this is still going. No one's really hurt me yet, so I'm OK.

I'm going to sting again. Yeah, good. Buzz buzz, motherfuckers. He's like sort of flanking like, oh, OK. I wear like that. Don't need to even. Excellent. That's sweet.

He's getting the old one too, one of the Brad Box. I'm gonna stop rolling damage, because you stop paying attention to that. All you're feeling right now is that your bones and blood and flesh is slowly being drained by the stinger. Does he shrink? You keep making progress, but like, I'm just gonna roll your damage. Kill. Kill. Ow. Ow. 11 points of damage. To me? Yep. Did I kill all three? Yep. You're kill, ow, ow. 11 points of damage. To me? Yep. Gonna kill all three?

Yep. You're in dwarves right now. I'm not keeping track of my hit points because you are and I don't know what I'm up to but yeah. Just tell me when I get to 40 Adam. Uh incidentally someone didn't like the look of you this round. Uh oh. But I look like a dwarf. Exactly you idiot. Yeah. But we're fighting dwarves. We'll be a walk from are from behind periwinkle a random blow deal six points of damage to you Leo is an orc steps up behind you and you hear him grumble His wicked curved falchion blade cuts at your back It cuts you like from butt to the base of the neck along your spine

22 points of damage to yourself and the curve of the blade picks up part like some strap of your armor lifts you into the air and you don't notice Periwinkle but Greg Pierce you notice that Leo Shadow has been thrown further into the air and you don't notice Periwinkle but Greg Pierce you notice that Leo Shadow has been thrown further into the door. You don't see him anymore. Poor little fellas probably dumb for.

All my troubles seem so far away right now. In the sky you get to see the melee all. Yo what up Adam? Yes cook me good. You turn around to look at the orc who just hit Leo. Leo you- And as you turn around you like bumble up against another orc who shoves you back and says you are now orc hot.

He slashes at you and you think he's gonna go high but instead he goes low. You feel the cut on your belly and then you feel like a great weight lifting from you. You look down to see your guts lying on the floor. Oh, I've got to put this back in me. Harry, Harry! You take 16 points of damage, plus... They're out. What's meant to be in is out. Does this mean I'm like, since Periwinkle is punching from the from the front

I can maybe attack from behind Clear some of the doors before he gets there and like hey, that's pretty good. You've got another round you Can certainly try oh? You're not with the rest of the group and kind of being assaulted from all directions None of the dwarves were expecting to see a halfling. This was a dumb idea, we should have gone to one of the other buildings. We could have just waited. I was thinking we could just go home, come in tomorrow when none of this is happening.

What the fuck is the dragon doing? It's still coming behind us, isn't it? That's like we're ahead of it. So Leo, you can get up and like, look around you. The dwarves, some of them are trying to take swipes at you just because they're, either they maybe don't trust a halfling, they're not expecting a halfling, they just, they know you're not one of them. What? Guys, gee whiz. You're cutting through them right now. I'm not.

You were asking me if you could. I was wondering if that's how the game mechanic worked so I could get closer and closer. But yeah, you can fight, actually it's probably the best idea is to fight your way back to them. I'd say if you can kill one dwarf you're back with them. I'm like, why jerk stab? Yet the dwarf you're attacking just didn't see you land behind him, so I'm gonna say you get a sneak attack against him. Oh, you have two daggers?

One of them, named Thunder, always has electricity damage that it deals as well. Fuck yeah, that's rad. Your other dagger, named Venom, has a special ability where when you hit someone with Venom, they are poisoned as the spell, which is a bit more effective than actual just poison. Gotcha. Nah, I'm not gonna poison this one. Yeah. You're gonna only do it once a day, just saying. Yeah.

That'd be foolish. You deal 30 points of damage to the unaware dwarf, you eviscerate him. From behind, you keep cutting until you like cut through like you're just tearing parts out of his back until you reach the skin of his belly the dwarf collapses and you're with your mates do I even realize that he wasn't there? probably not you're just like punching as Leo climbs out

does that mean I have one less dwarf to punch too? Probably not. You're just like punching as Leo climbs out the stomach of the dwarfs. Does that mean I have one less dwarf to punch too? Yes, you only take four points of damage this time. Oh god, I'm sorry. And I've taken out two more. Yeah, we're getting there. So, was that the first layer of dwarfs? Yes.

Yes. Alright. I'm basically leaving them stingers out or bringing them back out every time I punch. APS, APS, APS, APS, APS. Oh, Craig Piss, would you like to do something about your bleeding? Yeah, I cure moderate wounds just to sort me out. I'll deal with the con damage. And the bleeding out and all that.

So Greg Pierce, you recover. But unfortunately. 16 hit points. And you stop the bleed damage. Do my guts go back in or do I grow new guts? Your guts go back in. If your guts had been cut out of you, you couldn't heal them back. Jesus Christ.

If your skin had healed you'd stop bleeding but you wouldn't be able to eat or digest food. Yeah. You'd slowly start... I'd get so thin. You would see me fall through. And periwinkle, you take 11 points of damage but you're on another round. Beautiful. Bang.

How close to 40 am I? 40? Yeah. You're on 19. Cool cool cool cool cool cool. We've got one more round of dwarves to go? Yes. This will be the last round of dwarves.

Eww, you're next turn, don't worry. Alright. Periwinkle takes six more points of damage, but you're through another wave. Arrrrgh! We're at the bloody grizzly rocks now. I'm just like... Yep. Breathing heavily.

Covered in gore and blood I imagine your arms purple with veins sticking out. Oh these orcs look like they're some sort of honor guard or just the Personal force of the chieftain perhaps you guys all maybe know a little bit about orcish tribes and how they structure themselves There's a chieftain who's the technical leader and then there's a shaman who's like the spiritual leader and while the chieftain makes pretty much all of the decisions, a lot of big decisions need the shaman's approval or at least need the protection marks god's approval. The shaman throws some bones up and is like the god's approved. That makes sense. Because if the bones don't land correctly, the chieftain will kill the shaman and pick a new one. You gotta make those bones land right. It's actually a very tenuous relationship where either can kind of kill the other and

take their place, but it's on purpose because orc tribes are supposed to be all about strength. If you can't defend yourself, you don't deserve to be chieftain or shaman. Man, man, man. Being an orc is scary. It's fun too. Yeah? And I'm only half. The Knock Knock has words with you. A Knock Knock would be proud of me. She left the tribe for love, I assume. Yeah, she did.

Aww. Alright. Alright, strong orc time. Alright, here we go. Blblblblbl. Am I too fatigued to keep going with the stingers, and do I just go into like a bloodlust rage and start power hitting the shit out of people? Yeah, yeah, I can get rid of them stingers now.

Yeah, I want to get rid of this not using the stingers, unless you've just rolled for me using the stingers. Adam, why that face? I have. So, I've got bad news, I've got some worse news and I've got some really fucking shit news. I'm dead. So you're on one hit point. That's the bad news. Yep. The worst news is that you actually didn't kill all three. There's still one standing. The one in front of Greg Pierce. Right. And third off. Right. You missed

because you got a critical failure. Oh man. You're getting too fatigued man. I'm too tired. I should have put the stingers away and just gone into a blood-rush punch. You are. You're getting too fatigued man. I'm too tired. I should have put the stinger away and just gone into a blood breast punch. You're getting too fatigued and oh gosh. I know what's gleeful. He's looking up stuff. Oh boy I have made a tiny huge mistake. You have worn out the magic of your gauntlets. You've done it so much they're not used to this it's like exercising a muscle. The muscle is now spasming, cramping and now they just won't stop taking from your muscles. So I can't go back. You can still stop but they are still draining from your muscles to rebuild themselves just to rebuild themselves. And because of that, every round, you are going to lose one point of strength until someone makes a successful Heel Check DC 15. Now, I've looked at it, none of you have ranks in Heel.

So you need to roll 14 or higher. And every time you don't... I lose strength, which is basically my thing. Your whole deal. We'll start with you Grek. How many? Cure moderate. Cure moderate? Yep that's my last second level spell. Oh boy. You recover 16 hit points. You're gonna be cured. Alright that's better. Yeah so it's up to me to cure his strength. Yep good luck. I now... Oh but I put the stingers away. Strength bleed still happening. Leo shadow is just desperately trying to like fix you from behind But at first he's like bandages

He punched me yeah I kind of have to don't I? Is he better with the sword or with his punches? He's better with the punches than anything else. Can I Billy club one hand scimitar other hand? billy club that's mad you get penalties you're much better with your fists i'm just gonna keep punching we had the conversation yesterday it's a b curse it's a b curse so what would the support team like this so i what does confusion do confusion it makes you confused what why are we fighting guys I'm gonna have this spell excuse me this person has percentile chances to do different things so a

ten percent chance they'll act normally they'll attack whoever cast the spell they'll do nothing but babble that's alright so flee away from the cost for a top speed yeah and there's a 30% chance they'll just attack the nearest thing to them. So 20% chance of brrk, but even chance of something good. Yeah, I'll slide underneath old Perry's legs and be like, btchoo, confusion on the orc. Blah. Power slide while I do it.

Good thing I gave you your loop back. Yeah. You see the orc's pupils dilate until their butt are pinprick. And his eyes also take on this odd purplish hue. The orc lowers his weapon and it's just like... Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh Oh, I've already given an all-permanent brain damage. That's the best! Oh my god, what a good... I imagine like his wife and kids are just like crying because, What happened to Dad? I don't know.

We gotta put him in a... Gotta put him in a home. We gotta put... We gotta... Lose another point of strength. Everyone's all just same as before. I'm still bloodlusting, but we're up to another row, aren't we? Yeah, we've got two more rows to do.

You can't miss anymore. If you miss the dragon gets here. Oh shit. Yeah we're one turn behind the dragon. At first your blows were like nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing but then you're like bang bang bang bang bang bang. You slowly compact your way forward. Yes. Are they all dead? Yep you're good another round. Two more waves of orcs to kill. Three, two, two, we got one more wave of orcs. So we got one more wave of orcs, and then the dragon's behind us. All right, and some people took disliking to you guys.

Oh no, fuck me. But they miss you all. Oh my god. That's all right. That's okay. A group of orcs charge in towards you guys, but then you hear like bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, the crack of rifle fire

And they all fall over gnomes from the other side of the battlefield Formed up into an infantry line and fired destroying a wave of orcs How are we gonna get out of this? now that you're close you can tell that the tent is on a slight incline hill and it's kind of like water to one side hill and it's kind of like water to one side, melee all around. You can either go back through the melee or try to get into the water. Can I talk to Meat Pie and be like, what's the best thing around the tent? Is there like a particular area that just goes straight to the water, there's no one

there? Meat Pie will need to get back to one of them. Alright, alright. Fucking Meat Pie. No, I've got a lot of time for Meat Pie. Kiss. What do you want to do? Cure like wounds on old mate here.

You recover five points. Ten hit points. Eight. No, six. Wait, ten. Roll a curse roll. That was a journey. Great.

Back in a good territory of health, I feel. 27, not really. 50 points down. I was one. Jack loves the one hit point party. Wow, being a one hit point, it's a rush, man. Well, I have to admit, I was worried I was going to die. It's so exciting being a one hit point because you're like...

Go either way. Go either way. I'm living on the knife edge, motherfucker. So, you are so tenuously close to the tent. You can see it. You could throw a rock at it from where you are. There's just like a light smattering of orcs still here. Just orcs who have been holding up the back, trying to either guide the others or keeping themselves like safe or ready or whatever the auxiliary Or space it like for whatever reason you know as I'm gonna heal check to fix that strong Oh, you got to heal. He's gonna do his field chat

No, just goes down to 50 and you have to batter your way through one last Line of orcs let's as the dragon has entered the fight, and it is not engaging with anyone, it's just stepping its way forward. In one step, the dragon covers as much distance as you guys did in four rounds. Wow.

Oh, okay. So is there a chance we could wait for the dragon to kill these orcs, Or would it kill us? It would kill us. It's gonna get us. You're getting weaker. You make no progress. Oh god.

Wait, did I kill no one? No one. Fuck. The dragon steps over you. Everything goes dark. The moon goes out when the dragon's giant... Moons, Adam. Moons.

The moons go out when the dragon's giant whore flies over you guys. Highs or lows? I'll let you take this one, Samet. It's all on you, buddy. Lows. The dragon steps exactly around you guys. With a camera man in Godzilla. The paw comes down and it's like, you ever seen Buster Keaton go through that window?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Each of the dragon's fingers or like toes or whatever is around you guys. You look at each other from in between the toes. The dragon has crushed the three orcs you need to get through you can just charge forward now well let's charge forward charge forward charge forward we're gonna have one round to get that weapon out you burst into the tent a mad awful fight is happening in front of you two dwarfs are hanging off this giant orc who's trying to wade his way through gnomes.

Oh god. The orc has a round... Hang on, let me check. Adam's taken out a leather-bound toad. We're in trouble when he's got the leather-bound toad. Are we gonna finally learn satanic powers like all of those dockos from the 80s promised me we would. We've been doing this for how many years and Adam hasn't let us in? It's a male orc and he's wading through gnomes with two dwarves hanging off each arm. In his hand he has clutched just a leather bag.

Periwinkle you do not know magic very well that's why you're wearing bee arm. Correct. Not a great line. Leo and Greg Pierce, you both know or you are able to identify a bag of magical holding when you see one. So this bag, while it is only maybe the size of a small satchel bag, you know that inside it could be the size of a room and could contain any number of massive things. That's how you get it out. Right. Of course I'm a sensible fucking

idiot. Didn't figure that. The orc picks up one of the dwarves and crushes a gnome with him. Right. Alright. What would you like to do? Who's up? Greg Piss will say. Fascinate. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Just can't pay attention to you in the middle of a combat. All right. Oh, so okay in that case confusion I you can only confuse one also be gulk. Oh the bag I feel like the logic is is is sound I have well he fails the same thing happens his pupils turn into pinpricks. He gets that vague purple glow behind his eyes my grace the floor. He picks up a gnome and crushes another gnome with it. You think you got one of the attack points?

Fuck. Is this regular confusion, though? Yeah. Can I try to get my own strength back? Yeah, you can certainly try. I'm gonna do that, because these guys seem quite popular. They're fighting, so I'm gonna try to get my own strength back. Finally. Hey! Oh, thank God.

You are able to... I'm so sorry sorry I just don't know what I'm doing for some reason I imagine it's pushing over into your back yeah yeah sure you're able to like just force muscle back into you just a sheer will strength is still 15 but it'll slowly come back to you over the course of days just like Jack's Constitution will slowly come back to him. Alright. Thanks for nothing. Shadowboy. Uh, and Leo. It's fine. So can I get to the orc this round? Yeah you can, but you gotta like shove past gnomes and climb off him. Grease the floor. Alright, you wanna do that?

Yes. Alright, you cast Grease. Grease the floor. Alright. Grease the floor. Meepie, Green is the floor. What's going on? Dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon! All of the gnomes fall, topple over, but the orc holds the bag aloft so that the dwarf is like hanging in the opposite direction of the other arm. The orc starts- We have one round of this.

Dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon, dragon! The tent crunches inwards. starts handsome Tom have you ever seen Melody very gingerly and carefully yeah Melody very gingerly very carefully take a treat from someone's hand yes you will never feel those teeth she does not touch your fingers she's just very in a similar manner the dragon very carefully grabs all of the orcs arm and tears it off aww mother fucker all of you no roll you're just balled over when the dragon's mighty wings unfurl and it takes off.

Motherfucker! Right, yep, of course. You mean I punched all of those people? Of course. Or nothing. That's a very typical we-maid event. That's, yep, killed so many for... Well, to the sea, though.

To the sea. To the sea. All three of you run past. There's no one blocking your way towards the sea though. To the sea. To the sea. All three of you run past. There's no one blocking your way towards the sea. You just dive into the water off the docks. Oh, do you want to go with Periwinkle? Yeah, I'm coming with him. Alright.

They're going after the weapon. Yeah. Fucking hell. I get to fight him for it later. I think I might win. Alright. Alright. Alright.

Before I continue, where's my health at, bro? Here it is. Well you know what? I have an antitoxin. Well if you drink that you certainly will struggle while underwater right now. Oh yeah no worries. Not that it will help much because you're not poisoned. How deep under the sea are we? Well let's find out.

You can't really like float back to the surface, we're all buoyant. Can half-orcs float? Half-orcs probably are more muscle mass than humans, so harder for half-orcs to float, but they can float. A half-orc, however, who's wearing full-plate armour... Surely that fell off while I was ripping apart orcs with my bare fucking hands. I mean, it's largely irrelevant, because the full plate is what's fucking you here.

It's like adding maybe another 3 grams on like say 4 kilos. We're gonna have to dive down and take your armour off under the water. I better get that motherfucker back. Uh, Leo? You're the only person who's in control of your swimming right now. Everyone else is sinking. Uh, Periwinkle? This is it for you buddy. I don't know where we are on the docks, but I bet we're far away from anywhere safe.

We can't, we're not going straight for the dragon, that'd be snug. You get negative 12 to your checks, that's the takeaway from this. Is that for Periwinkle and piss? Or just Periwinkle? Periwinkle and piss? That sounds like a great beer. Just a Stein of Periwinkle and piss place? Or just Periwinkle piss?

Periwinkle piss. It sounds like a... It's like Periwinkle ale. place. Or just Periwinkle piss. Periwinkle piss. It doesn't sound like a... It's like Periwinkle ale. Can I start taking off my own armour? Yeah. It's like, yeah, Periwinkle ale, but like, you know, everyone calls it this Periwinkle piss. Yeah.

Give us some of that Periwinkle piss, man. Oh, love it. Delish. Why are you called Greg of piss? Because my parents were tanners, and tanning, which is the working of leather, often involves a large amount of feces and urine from animals and sometimes people. So wait, their family name was Piss? Yeah, well that's what happened.

It's a proud name, Piss. They became known as the Piss family, whatever is certain. You make money on piss. Yeah, you make money on piss. And it's not spelled the way it's got E on the ends. It's French, right? No, it's just P-I-S-S. It's like, I'm sure...

The clothes of this city come from the proud Piss name, you know? Anybody wearing armor, it's Piss Armor. Not Piss Armor, but it's like, it's Piss Lover. Alright, so, Periwinkle, you can hold your breath for 12 rounds. Leo, you can hold your breath for 11 rounds, and Greg Piss 14. Oh wow. I can just go. Two extra rounds is not that much. Quick question, what do my halfling eye see? You're aware of where everyone else is? Do they visibly struggling? Like do I notice that Periwinkle is in trouble? They're both sinking. I go and try and help Periwinkle undo his straps. Piss? I try and swim so I don't drain. Gotta look out for numero uno guys. Piss, you surface? Oh, what are you doing

Periwinkle? I'm also, the two of us doing the straps show that it takes five turns, right? I might be just cutting the straps. It quickly becomes apparent to both of you after a round of attempting that, A, because the armour is magical, it is extra tough, you can't cut it, B, even with help, it would take you like two to three minutes to remove this armor, you would be dead by then. Just swim, you just gotta swim. Just gotta try and swim.

Yeah yeah yeah. Launch item. It does not launch. I was gonna launch his armor up. If I drop the big arse sword, does that help? Nah, it's irrelevant. It's half weight, but the other half is just the full plate armor restricts movement. Can I try and help him swim up?

Just like... Yeah, you can certainly try to help him swim up. Mwawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawaw You are a little bit of ways because the tide, oh wait, the tide will be going in, right? Yeah, so I guess you're still pretty close to the docks. I don't know what the tide does when you're a double moon parrot. There isn't a tide, the moon counts on one another. No, that'd be if they were on opposite sides of the planet. Actually, it'd be like every tide would be a king tide. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, a king tide. King tide is like a full moon. I thought his name was King Goldcrest. So the tides vary, I believe, with what phase of the moon it's in. So if you get like a full moon, the tide comes in the most really, and it's called a king tide.

Because when the tide is at its highest. Yeah, yeah. But like, because there's two moons, pretty much every tide would be our equivalent of a king tide. That's if they're not at the same stages though. So like, what if they're like, one was waning as one was full

Yeah, or they every our real world king tide would not be a big tie. Yeah, the fantasy world Scare also there are three minutes once just one is not visible. I tried to go to your moons. Yes Did it work out from it's all right? They hold it out. Yeah, I've hit the boundary of what I'm willing to learn. No more than this. Uh huh. Yep. That's also good news. Adam, I've had enough. Take me home. Do you want to know which one it is?

No. We swim for the shore. Yep. Totally. So, in the double moonlight, you guys are looking at the burning, destroyed Orc Camp, which is still an active battle zone. The dragon's gone now but that gnomish gliding contraption is still sailing around dropping gnomes off. Alright.

There's also gnomes on the wings firing down you can see. You can also in the moonlight see your own blood. All of you have been wounded pretty gravely. It's just sort of like staining the inky black water. We need to get out of the water real fast. Sharks, sharks, sharks, shi- So let's just start swimming towards shore, uh, meat pie, help, where's it like a nice little shore? A cove?

A cove. That's no one's attacking or a- Oh no, so if you have a look at the docks, you're like kind of in the worst possible place. If we're on that curve there. The shortest possible swim just puts you back still in the docks, but you could try to get away from the fighting. Well if we're underneath the piers and that, we could just creep our way around until we're in the gnome quarter, which is like a longer creep. No, there's... That's an actual wall.

Yeah, the gnomes do not touch water. There's a little bit of shore there Okay, well we could go for that and then we're at least out of the anyone's territory city Or you could go the other way which is actually shorter but puts you near Yeah, we're not going to eat. It's a longer swim. That's all. Yeah. She is So I with what what's the shark's weakness is is punching and that's what I'm real good at I'm gonna give you a circumstantial bonus to your swim checks because you can grab onto the piers Leo you go under oh god boom got by a shark got by something it Uh-oh, uh-oh other sharks other shark. Yes, you don't see anything but periwinkle. You think you got got by something

Oh, I think you got got by something. I think I got got by something. Fuck. Alright. Alright. I have armors, so if I go under it's harder for me to swim out. Just cure? You got any more spells left? Yeah, I got some cure light.

Oh good. I'll um, Leo's still under. I'll duck under, see if I can see anything. I will be stabbing him. And I'll be ready to punch anything that comes out of the water that looks vaguely evil. Piss, you duck under, you see Leo climbing his way back up. His legs are wrapped around seaweed. Oh You all resurface and then a shark attacks I have a hunk of meat

Distract this I have bread. Oh, it's all soggy chucks at my hand He's so soap up the meat He's dead he's gone. That's good. Is there Sharks don't mind. I have soap. Soap up the meat. Throw it to the shark. He's dead. He's gone. That's good. Is there a way to check? The shark goes after the person bleeding the most. Periwinkle.

Great. Who is that? Because that could be any of us at this point. Literally bring it on, sharky. Leo, you're first. Just attack. A shark is just left out of nowhere and grabs Periwinkle as he's attached to the dock. Attack! Attack with venom so it's poisoned as well.

You can really only attack with one dagger because you're trying to swim as well. Don't use the electric one. We're in the water. I'll use the venom one to poison him. And do you want to use venom? Of course. Will the electric zap us if I did? You don't. Okay then.

Stabbing the shark in one of its eyes, you deal 16 points of damage. Ha ha, blind and good. And you are unsure, but you don't think you've poisoned it. You alright? You just gotta feel it. I just gotta feel it. It turns on you, Leo. Ah, shit!

Ah, you're so small! Ah, it's eating you in one go. That's it, Leo's done. Go on. In the bin. Leo, you take 19 points of damage damage I think I'm on a zero negative four oh god is he dead no no no he's not dead he's not negative 10 he's dead yeah so when you get dropped into negatives you're not immediately dead but you

start bleeding out so you're on the ground or in this case in the water dying slowly every round he loses another hit point until someone helps him. He will die at negative 10. You heal him, I'm gonna beat the shark up. Alright. You know that shark thing they do when they shake their head side to side? It's doing that. Periwinkle, it's your turn.

I'm gonna punch that shark so hard in its face it'll shit out teeth. How did I become the team healer? I can't fight a shark. I actually cannot fight a shark. I actually cannot fight a shark. My only offensive capability is hitting people with my loot. That's it. Oh, and confusion, I guess. You deal 22 points of damage to the shark

as you grab it and just start, you push off from the pier, grab the shark and you're just like wailing it. You know when the boxes get really close and they're like hitting around each other? That's exactly what I'm doing to this shark. I'm beating the fuck out of this shark. Punching it, it's gills. I'm bare knuckle boxing a shark. The shark starts sinking a little bit because it's having trouble carrying your weight.

Can I while punching rip its teeth out? You can certainly try but that'll be your next step. Rip its tongue out. Pierce? Uh, heal Leo. You swim down to heal Leo. Alright. Good news, bad news. Bad news. You are sinking.

That'll deal with that problem when they come to it. Good news, you do get to heal Leo. That's fine. I'm gonna push off Leo. Leo, you recover seven hit points, putting you on... Because the first hit point brings you to zero, so you're on six total

Oh, yeah, Leo's alive a bit. How strong is this shark? By the way, even if you hadn't taken strength damage, it would be stronger than you Wow, this shark is huge. Oh It's like a orca. Okay killer whale. Yeah big big big guys I'm surprised it didn't just consume Leo like it probably did It just didn't swallow him kill the whales Leo. It's your turn You got to swim up or do you want to stay on the wall? Am I either the shark? You're not in the shark. Am I near the shark? Oh near the shark. You got to swim to the shark

I'll swim to the shark Yeah, you get to the shark. You like grab its its underside you're being dragged along with it and my shit cut him you grab the shark well but the shark is moving at speed so when you grab it it's instead of being like Brad staff it's more like grab that's good you're being dragged along it's such force that you can't bring your dagger up Jesus this shock has given us the fucking great Smith the sharks turn. I'm gonna die. Is it like oh you have handle animal I have handle it. Ah the sharks been trying to get away from you for like a rat Yeah grabbed onto it as it was trying to get away. Yeah. Yeah, I let go of the shark because I've got Handel Animal. You're good.

Oh my god, I forgot I had that. Leo, you see Periwinkle just let go of the shark. It's dragging you along. I let go. Can I grab Leo as it goes past and wrench him off the shark? And order. You guys are back under the docks,

just moving as you will. The shark. And order. You guys are back under the docks just moving as you will. The shark like- I'd like to apologize for my lack of judgment remembering today. 20 hit points ago the shark was like this meal is not worth it. It's fine. It's fine. I think I ate done. I'll queue a light-

On um, on periwinkle as well. Periwinkle you recovered 9 hit points. Thank you. We keep going I suppose. Let's just go to the shore So we're out of the park. There's no more rolls. You get out. You're outside the city, but you're safe You can see the the Dwarven ships up near the docks and you can see some more ships out to sea It's hard to make these ones out But you imagine there'll be further dwarfish ships and you can tell some dwarven ships because they're designed around warfare even like merchant vessels because dwarves kind of just constantly expect to have to defend

themselves have ballistae and catapults usually on their ships so you can see the catapults on these dwarven ships out to sea hurling flaming balls towards the docks. Oh god, thank god we're not there anymore. It would be very beautiful if it wasn't fucking terrifying. Are we in like a bit of West Side or what's the beach? You're just in reeds, like in among water trees or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a mangrove.

Yeah, mangroves. Okay, right. So boys, so I think we can all assume that Eaton has the weapon. Yep. Which is not great, because that guy's crazy as shit. He is the highest work for him. He doesn't do dental. Now, um, yeah, I'll be with you guys. I need that weapon, or I'm gonna get, I have my legs.

So, the Quietknife, they want the weapon weapon and Greg, why were you here? Yeah, I second that question. Why were you here? Alright, cards on the table lads. Right? As this girl, you know, a lady, you know, gorgeous. And look, I'm in love with her, frankly. But she wants me to convert to this religion, you know, the, what's it called? Lady Nose? Lady Willow, the sares, the Sabres, yeah, right, want me to convert. They sound terrible.

And they say, if you get this weapon for us, Greg, we'll let you convert, right? Diplomacy probably not going to work here, but if we get it to the Sabres and then give it to little Tegelai afterwards, you know, what is it? I will do you this. I feel like the takeaway each of you are getting from each other is that Leo is desperate, Periwinkle is trustworthy, but difficult to move, and Greg Pierce is happy to go along with you, but is untrustworthy. We'll spit on a dime. Alright, hang on. Who do you want to deal with?

I am happy, yes? I am happy. For us to work together to steal the weapon, to give it to the sabers, to steal it back from the sabers, and give it to Little Low. Steal it back from Little Low? On the proviso that at the end of all of this, I end up with the weapon.

Yeah, that's fine. That's fine, whatever. What are you doing with it? What happens to the weapon after that? Not your concern. I can promise, hand on heart, I will not use the weapon. At all. I know this is probably some secret meeting in there, but, um... Deal!

Yeah, we got a deal. Done. Done. Done. Done. Done. Greg Pierce's shirt is like kind of torn open from the fighting and stuff like that, and you can see he's got like some sort of awful arcane looking tattoo. You only see a glimpse of it. Ah, but your storied history as a member of the town guard and as a member of the town militia. The town militia incidentally are, as you, as we speak, working very hard to destroy the blood cult. You're like, I know where that tattoo's from. So you only want to take it to the savers? Yeah, that's it. How'd you get the blood cult, you're like, I know where that tattoo's from. So you only want to take it to the savers?

Yeah, that's it. How'd you get the blood cult tattoo? Oh, it was misspent, you. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for nerds plus, the symbol not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SansPants Plus members, the further adventures of the

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