D&D is For Nerds - Jarren’s Outpost: EE #3 Debts
Episode Date: February 8, 2025Well Damien Eaton has the weapon, and on the homefront things are looking no better. The halfling families have picked this moment to consolidate their debts and thus the Quietnknives want insurance f...rom Greg Piss in any way they can, Perri and Graggia's marriage is on the rocks and now their house is full of strangers, and the threat on Leo's life has finally been brought to Papa Littlelow's attention. It's time for a plan.You can follow the Jarren's Outpost Kickstarter here and check out the website, as well as follow us on instagram and facebook. If you’re wanting the complete Jarren's Outpost: Enhanced Edition you can purchase it as a digital download. If you want to further help support the show you can sign up to Imagination Adeventure+ on our website or Apple Podcasts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Bet Mode activated.
The ScoreBet app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news.
Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game?
Well, statistically speaking...
Nah, no more statistically speaking.
I want hot takes. I want knee-jerk reactions.
That's not really what I do.
Is that because you don't have any knees? Or...
Ugh.
The ScoreBet. Trusted sports content, seamless sports betting.
Download today. 19 Plus, Ontario only.
If you have questions or concerns about your gambling
or the gambling of someone close to you,
please go to connexontario.ca.
Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle
is our best match offer yet.
Get a 2% match when you transfer over an eligible RRSP.
For a $50,000 transfer, that's a thousand dollar cash bonus.
Enough to buy a fancy parka.
A ticket to somewhere you don't need a fancy parka.
Or just be responsible and top up your retirement fund.
Plus, move any other eligible account
and we'll give you a 1% match.
Minimum $15,000 transfer.
Register by March 15th.
Additional terms apply.
Learn more at wealthsimple.com slash match.
Jaren's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest.
A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers.
Unfortunately adventurers did what adventurers do and they didn't think of the consequences
of killing a powerful tyrant and they promptly left the citizens of Goldcrest to figure it
out for themselves.
For now Jaren's Outpost is a melting pot of religions,
criminals, politics and paranoia,
with everyone keeping everyone else in check.
But all that's about to change.
Welcome to the enhanced edition of Jaren's Outpost.
So you only want to take it to the Sabres?
Yeah, that's it.
Purely for love?
Purely for love, take it to Sabres.
You know, this girl Laura, she's with me, ah, we're together forever.
How'd you get the blood cult tattoo?
Oh, it was miss-bent youth.
You know, you think it's clever, join a blood cult,
and then eventually you're like, what would I ever do with that health fresh tattoo?
Do I buy that at all?
Greg Pierce's bluff is very hard.
So, I'll take it at face value right now.
I'm going to give you two pieces, both of you, because you both made these roles, two pieces of information,
and I'm going to let you guys do with them whatever you want.
When he says misspent youth, you think that the story is probably largely true,
but you think there's something more to it than that.
Also, you are both able to tell that the tattoo is fresh.
It's still like red raw from being applied.
Fair enough, Greg. Not your mate, Mr Hanks.
So, that's the information?
You make your own conclusions.
I just don't think I care.
OK.
Sure, blood-cough, whatever.
I'm just not gonna let Greg get out of my sight.
He'll fuck your wife.
He probably has.
Not your wife.
Fuck the idea that I just, I have.
It's something we did in the past, we've moved beyond it.
You're the same Greg Piss that fucked my wife.
Different fella.
There's another guy, Greg Piss, going around fucking wives.
Not me, Phil.
Not me, mate.
I imagine you paid some street urgent to go around and say that his name is Greg Pierce
Oh god. Yeah, my name is Greg peace. They're all fuck all your wife. You did go get
nine year old kid like a
Standing at a bar somewhere. There's Greg piss getting me fucked my wife as well
And I scope all right, so it's gonna no one's gonna be a kid. You'll be fine. So, no one of this solves
the problem. So, Eaton's got it. He's the dragon. Now, it seems that like, so the gnomes
wanted dwarves. Why the dwarves? Who the fuck are the dwarves by the way? Like the gnomes
I can see because of their weapon. Why are the dwarves here? You know that once a year dwarven merchant company comes through to trade and stuff like that
it used to be this big celebration that you guys would do. There'd be like parades and
Remember the dwarf parades?
Yeah they were.
This dwarf parade.
Oh man.
This is actually kind of around the time of year that they used to do it.
Okay.
So they just happened to be here.
Perhaps.
So alright, here's my question.
Meat Pie, what are they doing at the Orc camps now?
The audience can't see this but Zamit's doing like a gesture as if he's talking
into an earpiece. Oh no it was the temple. Like a Professor X. I couldn't see it
properly so it looked like an earpiece to me. I like earpiece better. What's the Orc and
Camman looking like Meat Pie? Meat Pie, come in. Oh, they're still having a punch on, aren't they?
Ha ha ha! Wadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadadad the people and he rolled with an iron fist so it's a bit you know like that. The church, Gnomes and Pena because once again they represent the people.
The blood cult kind of don't necessarily hate him but they're really big in the status quo
right now.
Yeah right.
They like that there's a lot of upset going on.
The orcs are obviously not friendly with anyone.
The halfling families they a little bit like the chaos that's going on and also like,
he was very racist towards them.
He's a jerk.
The Sabres don't get along with him because they're fundamentally good and Eaton's fundamentally evil.
So most of them. So he has no friends.
Yep. He's on his own.
Well, I would say them.
That the people we want on our side right now, probably the ones we can get, honestly,
Militia,ia right halfling families
We go chat to little low we say hey we need to get him
We're gonna get that weapon you want oh, hey, what can you provide us?
You know yeah sure fun in grab it may maybe do we let little low in on the Sabre plan
So he doesn't think I'm fucking him. Yeah, no you're kind of setting yourself off for failure. Let's just not tell him
That's a time. Look mate if need be you can blame me.
He's already got him for me.
Does he?
Oh yeah, but did you fuck his wife?
Uh, no, you fucked his daughter.
Oh, fucked his, no, his daughter.
Yeah.
Oh, Jane.
Gave her one.
Um, yeah, right, so-
Gave her one.
She's always so upset.
I'm a good lover.
Do I know some guys in the militia that'd be willing to help us on this particular plan?
You could ask a bunch of your closest buddies.
You have maybe 10 people you reckon if you just ask them they'd help you out.
You do have a lot of sway within the militia as well.
I could get Captain Tolton to help us out.
If we can basically get him distracted at the gates we can slip on him.
What a distractive business happening outside.
I could definitely get you 10 men or half orcs
and one other race of thing, I don't know.
Like normal one.
And potentially more, getting the 10 guys would be easy
because I just tell them I need their help
or I was cashing in on the favor that I owe them
from, that they owe me from whatever.
Yeah.
Getting the captain involved makes it harder
because he'll want to know what we're doing.
And I can't lie to the captain very well as an idea if you wanted a distraction
You could speak with the you know for a fact
I guess that the gnomes and the dwarves have a big weapons that they can hurl at enemies
So that's an idea is a distraction, but you would be betraying them
Okay, so because neither none of you are planning necessarily on giving it to them straight away
Did anyone see are we the only ones that saw the dragon take the weapon?
Well, the gnomes and the dwarves were both there, so presumably if their people in that tent got out alive, they know.
Oh.
Whether or not the orcish leader is alive, maybe the orcs know.
Most people saw the dragon fly back there, right? And it seemed like I would have to assume-
The militia would know that the dragon came out.
Yeah, right?
So people will be at the gate of Eaton,
hopefully, you'd think.
Yeah?
What exactly do you mean?
Well, if Eaton's getting distracted and the gates open,
we can sneak on through, through the fray.
Can we go behind them?
Maybe we get a boat.
Still one of the Dwarfers boats.
Go behind them, scale the walls.
Yeah, right, could do that.
Well, so I'm kind of feeling, do we strike now or do we give it eight hours?
At least time of the essence?
You don't think the Dwarves or the Gnomes are going to be,
they're probably both going to want to reconsolidate before they do anything
because this was a big fight for everyone.
I think we reconsolidate and then I could talk to my militia buddies
and see if they'll be able to help us in any way. If you reconsconsolidate it gives you time. Yeah right let's take a briefer.
Because also then if they attack then we just attack while they attack. Yeah yeah. So if it was
weighed out while they attack then we just do our thing. Sneak on him. Yeah. Right so uh you guys
just gonna head back into town. Do you want to come to my place for dinner? Yeah right yeah. Yeah I
could go with some food. Absolutely. On the proviso that I met you at the pub. Done., yeah. Yeah, I could go with some food. Absolutely.
On the proviso that I met you at the pub.
Done.
Right, yeah.
And we got in a fight and I saved you both.
The end.
It's a good, yep, I can-
Right, yeah, I can back that up.
You all head back to Periwinkle's place.
Each of you individually feeling that while maybe you're not 100% satisfied with the friends that you have allied yourself with,
you understand that a lot of bigger factions are also vying for the same item, and you need as many friends as you can get right now.
So when you get to Pearwinkle's place, the table's already been set out.
Obviously Pearwinkle's wife was not prepared for two extra people, but there's plenty of Orcish gulgoshik to go around.
She makes the best gulgoshik in the town malicious city.
Gulgoshik, incidentally, is sheep's bladder stuffed with hen's bladder.
Delicious, I love it.
With an egg cracked over the top.
I enjoy it, I assume.
It's pretty good, to be honest.
If you like meat, it's good. It's great. Oh enjoy it I assume. It's pretty good to be honest. If you like meat it's good. It's great.
Oh it's delicious. This is bloody delicious. Don't overdo it. All right. Fair enough. What's his wife's name?
Graggia. Graggia. This is bloody lovely. Mrs O'Rourke will also suffice. Mrs O'Rourke. Mrs O'Rourke.
Thank you. What were your kids names? Did you end up settling on a kid's name yet?
I've named my kids yet.
Would you like to?
Sure. This is Buttons.
And Sweat Rock.
My god. This is Greg.
Classic strong orcish names.
Unlike their father, I suppose.
Right, how are ya?
Sweat rock.
Buttons.
I was named after my dad.
These are my kids.
This is Greg and Leo.
How you doing?
And my friends.
Off you go.
We met at a pub.
We met at a pub, yeah.
He saved us.
Yeah, fights.
There was a fight at the pub, he saved us.
So dinner's finished, and you say bedtime? Bedtime, kids. He was a fight. The puppy saved us. So dinner's finished and you say bedtime?
Bedtime, kids.
Ha ha ha! He runs a tight ship.
They...they're not going to bed. They start kicking up a stink.
One of them overturns her...
How old are they?
They're like nine, ten. One of them...oh no, orcs. They're like five, six.
But that's equivalent to nine, ten.
Yeah. One of them overturns the the remains of her cool goshic and starts
Throwing cutlery hit people. I might where's the loo? I just want to get out of this awkward situation. Don't have one. Oh, right
I'll go to the outhouse your wife calms them down. I don't want to get you know, it's awkward
I think he gives you a sympathetic look
trying I don't want to get you know, it's awkward. I think he gives you a sympathetic look
Look she's she'll berate you later about other things
Good night kids Your papi and knock-knock leave you like a little present for your grandkids for their grandkids and then they um, they they go home
Good night. Knock knock. I mean
Speak English All right, you can sleep on the couch right you can sleep on the couch Good night, knock knock. I mean, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Oh, you just told my breakfast your wife goes out the back to slaughter a pig for breakfast
As in like you you got to let it bleed. All right. Yeah, no, I'm with you while she's there doing that
We're going to bed when I get tomorrow
We're gonna go I'm gonna go into work and you want to come with me to help me with some stuff
Yeah, okay go from there. I just all right sure
The house is like very nice, very cosy, a bit comfy, but a lot of choices are like,
hmm, there's the orc. Like a painting that you're pretty sure is painted in blood.
You know those little, like, little Chinese statues in like a glass? Just that, but it's
just slaughter.
Hose and teeth.
Right, lovely.
And then scalp. Piss, you go to sleep to the sounds of Periwinkle and his wife arguing upstairs.
Oh.
Topics of conversation include...
You didn't get it for the church?
I didn't get it from the church.
It's a bit more complicated than that.
Who were those weird men?
And...
Why is one of them sleeping on our couch?
Those two guys were guys who were in trouble and I helped them,
and I'm pretty sure the one that smells like piss and is named piss is homeless.
The fucking cheats.
He'll be going to my own fucking cage.
The fucking cheats.
I blorp you.
Blorp you too.
That's the last sound you hear before they go to bed.
It's like a concept like love but it's not a direct translation.
No, no, no. There's no word for love in Orchage.
They made up their own word for each other.
Aww.
At the end of the day, I like to imagine this as a loving relationship.
Oh, no, it is. It is.
I feel like it's just under stress right now because the city's in chaos.
Probably, yeah.
That makes sense.
Even working long hours.
That's just life.
So where would I live in Little Tiggerland?
I'm imagining like an apartment building.
Oh, yeah. I was imagining him living in Little Tegelight? I'm imagining like an apartment building.
Oh yeah, I was imagining him living in like a little cot in like a store room.
Now I'm imagining like an apartment building in Little Tegelight.
D&G apartment. Maybe with my gnome girlfriend.
Your gnome girlfriend is not home.
And?
Well, very few gnomes are in certain parts of the city right now.
Did you see her on the battlefield today?
Your apartment is so shitty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, you know, 70s style,
like, lino on the floor, a bit peeling up.
If your life was any worse, your gnome girlfriend would, like,
when you opened the door, she'd have a baby jiggling on her knee
and be like, where the fuck have you been?
LAUGHTER
I don't know what fucking time it is.
Oh, God, I almost want that to happen.
Adam?
No, no.
You do take out like a beer maybe from somewhere?
Yeah, cold spaghetti.
Sad.
Yep, and eat it out of the tin.
Spaghetti, a traditional half-ling meal.
I'm allowed to make Italian jokes because that's my heritage.
Exactly. Damn right.
Maybe a pastizzi or two.
Ah, the dream.
Can I wake up pastizzi or strictly gnomish?
In the morning, I want to write, leave a note.
Dear, I don't know, what's a gnomish lady name?
Flip.
Dear, Flip.
Flip?
Yeah.
Flip sham rock.
Dear, flip sham rock. You see a note on the mantle piece. Oh, no
Open that Leo. I didn't want to wake you. There's some food in the kitchen. Oh
Things are good in your life. That's good, man. We all have functional relationships except for Greg
I am a functional relationship.
Thank you very much.
I wanna go to my restaurant, say I'm taking the day off.
Little Little, who is Little Low's son,
is currently managing the kitchen.
You are taking the day off?
Yes.
You look a little hurt.
Where were you last night?
At the docks.
For a little, for papa. It's working on it.
All right.
He gives you the eye as you leave.
Giuseppe will take over my government shift.
It's okay.
Far away is the Little Tigalai from the militia.
Little Tigalai?
Yeah.
You can see it on the map there. Yeah, you're bordering each other. Can I just hang a little little go make like three coffees and
Just take them. I'll be back little little gives you such a stink
Takeaway cops you're taking they're like fucking China with you
You're taking their Elvin
I always imagine that the
Restaurant he works at is the kind of restaurant that you would go to
If you're in little teagliding you're like, oh, let's have this nice little halfling restaurant
But then you go in and you're like eyes everyone's staring at us, but you're not locals. It's clearly a front like you know restaurants like that
Yeah, it's like that or anything, but the food is a movie thing
Oh, is it like something I can eat in the way like a Danish or pastry or something from they probably have yeah
What do I get more of a stinker from little little?
They probably have like breakfast pasties stuff about one breakfast pasty eat that cast mage hand carry the coffee
I one breakfast pasty, eat that, cast Mage Hand, carry the coffees, chill out a little time.
I like that Mage Hand is not an extra hand. You know that the, like, it requires you to
manipulate your hand.
So you're just going to manipulate?
I guess you could hold two coffees like that.
You can do it. Wait, the poulsit grass in your mouth.
It's fine, I'll give it back later.
Can I walk behind him and as we walk to the militia steal apples for breakfast from carts?
You actually have breakfast at his place. You have cereal with meat flakes in them.
Graggie wakes up first, herwinkle, and in your half-awake state you are aware of her
kissing you on the cheek and saying, come downstairs when you're ready. Yeah, with
the herbal remedy that your wife applied you're doing a bit better than you would be.
Look in the mirror and I'm like you got this big guy
who's knock knock's favorite orc? who's knock knock's favorite boy? I'll wake up early and I'll fix everyone coffee
just thought I'd you know make you guys a cup of coffee felt like you know maybe
bath in the wrong foot beforehand Mr. Orc you know just want you to know I'm a
stand-up guy you know have, have a coffee, enjoy, good morning everyone.
Your wife, with a very surprised expression, surprised and cautious expression, accepts
the coffee.
Right.
I also take the coffee with the same look of wary acceptance.
It's not poisoned enough.
Gragia says an expression to you in Orkish that roughly translates to be a good host and then she drinks the coffee.
I drink the coffee. It's not awful. Well done. Let's go.
Alright, we're heading to the militia but we're not going to see the captain.
We're going to see my mates first.
Alright. That's a good plan.
And we're just going to tell them that Eden has a dragon
and that we need their help to stop him using the dragon
to basically seize control of the city.
Before you leave though,
Gragio once again kisses you on the cheek
and whispers when she does that,
be good.
I'll try.
Can I give his two daughters,
I have got gifts for you,
I wanna give one a hunk of cheese and one a chunk of meat.
They both accept.
Excellent, let's chuff along. Let's truffle on.
Let's go. I'll meet up with them boys. I assume you meet up like in a market
somewhere you've pre-arranged. I bought you some coffees. There you go. Thanks. Alright so we're gonna go to
my militia buddies we're gonna ask the ten buddies that I've got to see if
they'll help us. You're on pretty good grounds with them. So if I said we need to
storm Eaton's castle because he's got a dragon I think he's gonna seize power again
the captain would be on board with that.
Well you don't know, but you reckon you have a chance at convincing him.
Like a discussion.
Yeah.
We'll stay here, you go to him, Lisha.
I think we should check in with Laura, really.
Meet her back in an hour?
Yeah, right, give it an hour.
I might go check in on Flitman.
Pierce, while you guys are having this conversation, you're maybe looking over Leo's shoulder and you see in the crowd trying to look well looking very nonchalant but he looks up and
makes eye contact with you father Ralph Maroney
right so I'm gonna take off I'm gonna I'm gonna shoot I'll meet you back here in an hour
so good sounds good all right I've run not run but just me or did he look like
he was running away from someone
bad?
I know, I'm walking too, Father Maroney.
Alright, cool.
We're walking too or something bad.
When you walk towards him he turns and like walks, obviously leaning.
Alright, you wanna go meet your mates?
I'm gonna go meet my mates.
And where are you going?
I might go check in on the Gnomes, see how flip sham is.
Alright, I think we'll start with Perwinkle.
Cool, cool.
The militia are operating right now
out of Captain Seymour Tolton's place.
His just place of residence is where their headquarters is.
You go in there, he's got like a very nice
stately-ish sort of building.
He was well-to-do before everything happened.
People like him.
He's very popular because he was kind of the ruling elite but he was a
nice guy which was very rare so he has a lot of sway in the town and the town
militia naturally formed towards him you've got a pretty good relationship
with him you're both friendly yep you're feeling pretty good coming in it's busy
very busy day today yeah you haven't contacted those ten buddies ahead of
time so you're gonna have to grab them each individually
Yeah
My strategy would be to talk to them individually get them on side first so that if I can't get the captain to agree
I've at least got these ten guys. That's clever
I just tell them that the dragon thing and that Eden's being a dick and I don't think I
Tell I reckon I'd tell my buddies about the weapon
You will? Yeah. You talk to all 10 of your buddies.
Nine of them are like, yeah, well, like, if you need help,
we'll back you, we'll back your play.
Most of those nine are like very, you know, like,
we're blood brothers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We bled together, we lived together,
we're gonna die together.
A couple of the ones who say yes are like,
aw, arming and awing, they seem a little hesitant because it's very dangerous, ones who say yes are like, ah, arming and ah-ing, they seem a little hesitant
because it's very dangerous, but they say yes.
Oh, you also find out that everyone knows
shit went down last night,
but no one is exactly aware of what happened.
The dragon itself was completely black,
so it kind of camouflaged against the night sky.
Then when it landed, it was on the other side of the wall,
hard for people to see.
The Novrich contraption
Didn't leave the docks area very much
So a lot of people didn't see that most people are aware though of the dwarven ships docked outside
Docked a little away from the shore, but very few people know the exact specifics
Many of the town militia are like just trying to collate information
So actually you have the opportunity as well to let people know what happened last night,
but give away what you were doing last night in the process.
Would you like to take that up?
Well, I feel like I'm going to have to tell the camp,
if I want the camp to help us,
I'm going to have to tell them what I know,
unless I just go, trust me, bad shit's going down.
All right.
You just give a debriefing just like to someone else
when you first get in.
Yeah.
And because of that, that 10th friend is like,
I'm sorry, I got a kid on the way.
There's too much at stake here, I'm sorry.
All right, Ian, you're okay.
Ian apologizes one more time,
then he goes back to his job.
We hug.
You've got a good bond with your men.
I do have a good bond with lots of people.
Nine guys on board.
Right, when I need you guys,
I'll let you know is basically the thing that I give them.
Yeah, they're like...
We're always on standby as soon as you need us.
Like I said, a couple of them are a little unsure,
but any of them are ready to help you at a moment's notice.
All right, now go to the captain.
Captain Tolton is sitting in his office.
It's just a room filled with activity.
He has three sub-commanders
who are organising different parts of the city.
They are constantly receiving and sending messages.
They have their own desks in his office.
He's got this big one with paperwork stacked all over it.
He's got this old, disused-looking sword
leaning against one of the walls.
You know that he's probably in a casual conversation
that you've had, a friendly one.
He's mentioned how many times he wants to bring
silver steel, the name of the sword, out of its sheath.
I love that.
I walk in there, people bustin' around,
I'm just like, Captain.
Very well, cool, have a seat.
You wanna get silver steel out of its sheath?
He smiles a little bit at that.
And he says, why?
What's up?
Do you know the thing that happened down
in the docks last night?
We're vaguely aware of it.
I was told that you were maybe there.
What if I told you two words, Eton, dragon.
And not Eton with an E in, but Eton with an O, like Damien.
He gives you a very curious look and he says,
I don't recall giving you
permission to reconnaissance the dogs. I was off duty. Bear Winkle, you're a loose
cannon. Damn it you get results. What can I say chief I'm a good bad cop. What are
you thinking what's cooking in that brain of yours? What's cooking in that brain of yours?
What is cooking in that brain of mine?
What's your quest?
Results.
You get results.
Basically, I have reason to believe that Eden has a dragon and is planning something massive.
Wouldn't have to be the gnomish weapon, would it?
Whatever it is, I feel like he's going to use it to try to reclaim the city again.
And we've worked so hard to like prize it from his shitbird fingers.
Eden's been quiet for so long. Why show up now?
And if he has a dragon, a dragon as large as what some of these reports claim, he says,
like flipping through some of the papers on his desk. Why
all of a sudden? Why has he not done anything previously?
How would intimidation go with Captain? Probably not very well.
He could try.
Well, if you were successful, I suppose it would be fine, but...
If I was unsuccessful, I'd be fired.
You'd be in a lot of trouble.
Is he an animal? Can I handle him?
No. Unfortunately, he is an animal only in the bedroom.
Ha ha ha ha.
Yeah, he is.
Gracious.
Ha ha ha.
I, I, look, you know me, Captain.
I'm not the guy who works out the plans.
I'm not the guy who uncovers the conspiracy
or digs into the controversy or does all of the research,
like Commander, what's his name over here with his paperwork and the guy over there with his typewriter. They better turn around
What I don't do that. That's not me
I'm the guy who goes in when the shit's real bad and I come back out and all I know last night
Shit got real bad and I think the shit's about to get a lot worse
Totten nods and he says
All right. Well if a plan is to be formulated it'll take some
time.
I thank you very much for bringing me this information.
I don't know why you were over there.
I don't think it was necessarily to further the town militia's cause, but I trust you
not to screw over the town militia.
So I'm not going to promise anything, but I'm gonna let you do whatever you wanna do.
So you go and I'll tell you what I'm planning later
when I've worked it out myself.
Thanks, Captain.
No, thank you.
He stands up from the desk and leans over to shake your hand.
I shake his hand too?
I was unsure when we first hired you.
A half-orc?
But I'm glad we did.
Oh, a lot of institutionalised racism in this.
Periwinkle's heart is just...
Oh man.
He'd cry if he still had tear ducts.
Burnt off.
I leave the militia.
One more thing.
Yes?
Do you need anything smaller?
Anything like more discreet?
Let me know.
Understood.
Now we'll jump to Leo Shadow.
Awesome.
So you are heading toward the Gnomish area, the warehouse district.
Before that I want to go back to Little Tigli, get a couple more coffees, like a little, it's fine.
Do it, I'm working things out!
As you walk out, you can hear Little little, little like ringing something on the register.
I'm worried about this.
Like three more coffees and then like a couple of pastries.
All right.
The score bad app here with trusted stats
and real time sports news.
Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game?
Well, statistically speaking.
Nah, no more statistically speaking.
I want hot takes.
I want knee-jerk reactions.
That's not really what I do.
Is that because you don't have any knees? Or...
Ugh.
The Scorebet, trusted sports content,
seamless sports betting.
Download today.
19 plus, Ontario only.
If you have questions or concerns about your gambling
or the gambling of someone close to you,
please go to connexontario.ca.
Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle is our best match offer yet. Get a 2% match when you transfer over gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to ConnixOntario.ca Just be responsible and top up your retirement fund. Plus, move any other eligible account and we'll give you a 1% match.
Minimum $15,000 transfer.
Register by March 15th.
Additional terms apply.
Learn more at Wealthsimple.com slash match.
Go back to Gnomes.
So, the Gnomes have constructed a makeshift barricade to bar off their entire section
of the city.
At first, a lot of people were very mad about this because the gnomes don't actually own every
building there, but the gnomes through superior firepower were able to prove that they
rightfully owned anything that they didn't before. The gnomes have been very like
isolationist almost to the point of eaten in that they don't go out, they don't, nothing comes in.
It's all very like hush-hush and secretive.
Any gnomes around the town are allowed inside,
but like your girlfriend, if you ask her any questions about it,
she won't tell you anything.
All right.
Is there anyone guarding the place?
Yeah, there is like a big old set of gates,
once again all makeshift,
but still kind of like sturdy looking.
All right.
Standing atop the gates are a couple
guards. Cool. Halt! Who goes there? Hey, it's me, Leo Shadow is uh, is uh. Oh Leo Shadow!
Let me just check the list, I'm sure you're on it. I've met you before, is Flip Sham around?
I'm assuming I've been here before. You have? Maybe you've come to the gate but you don't
know every known who works there. Hey, it's me, Leo. Flipcham. Here to see Flipcham. Is she around? Got you a coffee?
Go away!
I may chan the coffee up. Got you a coffee?
There's no may chan. It's in the background. We're not seeing visitors.
I'm not asking can you use this year round. I just want to say hi, maybe give her a coffee.
We're on a high security alert. No one's allowed in or out.
Under order of Erky Timbers.
Everyone here knows Erky Timbers.
Is the local chapter leader of the Gnomish Trading Company.
Classic.
Is she on or getting a break anytime soon?
I have some information about what happened last night.
Come back in an hour.
Now? Gotta be back in an hour now Gotta be somewhere
I
Guess you just plumb out a lot
It's about the look around the weapon the gnome gives you a very
Very suspicious look and he says wait right there
That's what I thought. You're fucked. He hops off the gate.
I'm gonna try and blame it all on the quiet knives.
I think I got this.
A little while later, the massive gates open,
just a fraction and a very tired looking gnome steps out.
The gates close behind him.
He wanders over and as he approaches you,
half a dozen gnomes take the walls.
None of them are pointing weapons at you,
but they all have weapons.
The gnome comes right up to you and he says,
my name's Oakey Timbers.
Good morning.
I'm in charge around here.
What do you need?
Leo Shadow, hi.
Here's a coffee.
He takes the coffee.
Thank you, I have too many.
All right, now I'm holding two.
Awesome.
Hey, so, actually, really just wanted to see if Flip,
Flip-Sham was all right.
Is she okay?
We have a lot of wounded and injured
from the offense of last night.
We're still trying to work out who is and isn't alive.
Okay.
I'll let her know if I see her to contact you.
It's real speedy, Erky.
Okay, so, do you know what happened last night?
Cause I was at the battle.
I'm just wondering, like, if you need some little intel, cause like, I think I know what happened last night? Cause I was at the battle. I'm just wondering, like if you need some little intel.
Cause like, I think I know what happened.
You say what you know first.
Sure. Alright.
Eaton came in and took the thing.
But I think Eaton might be working with the Quiet Knights.
You're not Greg Piss. You don't know him.
I know. Who do you think you are?
I got it. I got a good bluff. I got a good bluff.
Uh, what evidence do you have to suggest that?
Work at the restaurant over here a few things and I have some suspicions that maybe they're working with Damian Eaton.
But definitely the dragon has your weapon.
Alright, I'll take your information under consideration.
Yeah, if you need me to do anything for you guys, please let me know that.
We're fine, Max. Okay, kids, please let me know that we're fine
Kids all right calm down. We're all friends here. No, we're not. I don't know you
Leo Shatter I gave you a coffee. Yeah, you did give me a coffee
Friends man, so you work for the Littlos. You want me to attack a rival halfling family.
And you want me to just take that on faith.
I'm not saying take it on faith, Erky.
I'm just saying have some hospitality.
Hospitality was five years ago.
I didn't even hear five years ago.
Well, I guess you're just too little, too late.
Don't call me a little lucky.
That's so funny coming from a random number.
I know, right?
I want an inch taller.
Hey, that's a big inch.
Hey, look, it counts for the little, like, races.
That line would have been better if it was too little, too low, too late.
Was that all?
Yeah!
Alright then.
You guys gonna attack Ethan soon or?
That's for me to know and you to hopefully never find out.
Oh fine.
I leave in a huff.
He also leaves in a huff.
Hey you huffed each other.
Broke Ethan on the huff.
Yeah I did.
Now head back to the militia.
As you're heading back, you spot in an alleyway, a halfling,
just watching you leaving the gnomish barricade.
Before you're able to like do anything really about it,
he just disappears back into the alleyway.
He was pretty far away.
Shit.
Oh.
Meat pie, be on the lookout, brother.
Quiet knife.
You don't know that was a quiet knife.
I'm making it a substance. There are three halfling families. Yeah. Meat pie beyond the lookout rather quiet nice. You don't know that was a quiet night
There are three halfling families
Even met any of the short foot. All right, yes Yeah, right you're following father Moroni for quite some time before he finally slows down enough that you can catch up
You're in a sort of sparsely populated street, but there are people around something that matter turns around and he says I'm aware you were
Involved in the events of last night. I was trying to get it, but I can't you didn't get it
I did it couldn't dragon took. I'm not mate. I'm pretty good, but I can't steal it from a dragon
Can I and I've been thinking you have a running try? Oh, I will I've been I've been thinking father Moroni
My soul what's that worth really? You know, it's damaged, it's old, right?
It's covered in a thousand different sins. Father Moroni reaches into his clothing underneath and clutches it. Possibly a holy symbol
strung around his neck. When he does that you feel a stabbing pain in your chest.
Yeah, right.
But what I was gonna say is... He lets go.
What I was gonna say is I might be more inclined to do this and not just let you do whatever you want with my soul.
If you added a little bit of, um, you know, coin to the deal we've struck here.
You know? What's my debt?
You're in debt 10k large to the Quietknives.
You're in debt 9k to the Shorefoots.
To 19 currently, yep.
You're in debt 5k to the Surefoots. To 19 currently, yep. You're in debt 5k to the Little Lose.
You're a bookie, 6k to him.
And you're probably in debt like 2k to the Thieves Guild.
7 to the tune of 32k, something like that.
I will give you 5000 gold.
And this is after you have completed the mission.
All I'm thinking, right, is that how else are you going to get it?
How else are you going to get the weapon?
And I have leads on several places it might be within the next week or so.
The militia, they're going to have it for a bit.
Little Tigalai will be theirs for a bit as well, I can tell you when.
Tell him! Oh oh jeez.
Who else?
Sabres might end up with it, but without me.
You'll never get it, will you?
Moroni leans in close to you, and he whispers to you,
if it doesn't end up in our hands, I can assure you,
it will not matter to you what happens to you.
Is that a threat on my life or my soul?
I don't make threats, Mr. Pierce.
I make statements.
He turns around and leaves.
That's a good end of for a conversation.
So long, father.
I'm gonna see Laura.
Alright.
You're heading towards finding where Laura is.
You like know maybe some vague places.
It's a big city.
A carriage pulls up.
Two orcs, full-blooded, get out.
Oh, quiet knife.
One of them growls at you.
Get in the wagon.
Yeah, alright.
You hop into the wagon.
Papa Quietknife is there.
How you doing? You hop into the wagon pop a quiet knife is there Oh, I do but there's a weedy looking elf sitting next to him like a bookworm
Yeah, bookworm sort of person but an elf the two orcs come in and they sit either side of you
You're like classic quiet knives. The only half thing in this carriage is pop a quiet
in this carriage is Papa Quiet Night. You, um, you owe us a lot of money.
Yeah, I'll do it, yeah.
What is it?
Uh, what should I do?
19k.
19k, something like that?
10k.
10k?
You owe 9k to another family.
Say that!
You owe them only 10k, you own another family 9k.
Sorry, I get my dad's confused.. It's funny you should say that.
Right, yeah?
We have consolidated your debt with the little loads.
You owe us 50k.
Oh right, so what, my debt to the little loads is now to you?
Makes it easier, really, don't it?
You don't understand.
Right, what am I missing?
When an outsider owes us a certain amount of money. Yeah, we need
insurance
right
Now when you owed us 10k, that was nothing right by the extra five
unfortunately
Brings me over a certain threshold does it? Yes. Yes. We're going to have to take some insurance.
No, can't take my soul.
Someone else does that.
What an odd thing you say.
It's just someone else's insurance on me.
I don't have anyone who can take your soul.
He chuckles, and the little weedy elf chuckles as well.
I'll have a laugh along with him.
That's a good point.
Fair call, so what are we talking? Well, what do you want?
Let's have a look, shall we?
I left my bag in the middle of the garage.
Do you have your loot? Did you give him his loot?
No, no, he gave it back in the fight.
Right, so we got what?
Bedroll, I'll take that out.
Got this blanket,
a winter, not super useful yet.
Artisan's outfit,
lay that down in the middle.
Barely use that.
I've got some holy water.
You lay it out on this metal table that's in the middle of the carriage.
You're laying all of this stuff out onto it.
I pull out the spell book.
Spell book, or spells.
So it belonged to a powerful wizard this dip.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, all right, you got me.
I'm so sad that the big one grifted work.
Mug of ale, but the ale spills
so everything's covered in ale.
Papa Quietknife is smiling more and more
as this is happening.
He seems quite amused.
I got caltrops, that's all right, useful at least.
And this iron pot, which I sometimes cook soup in.
Is that everything?
Yeah, that's everything in the bag at least.
Oh well, the loot and my clothes I guess.
Papa Quietknife gestures,
and one of the orcs sweeps everything off the metal table.
Can I quickly shove it back in my bag?
You can try.
Alright, I'll just be listening, but putting everything back.
Right, none of that them have a seat Papa
quiet knife says tapping the metal table all right can I get an idea of what's
actually occurring here we're taking our insurance oh I'll hop on the table what
do you sit or lie on the table? I sit. Please, make yourself comfortable. Lie down.
Can I have... The carriage continues to trundle through whatever street you're currently in.
I lie down and continue talking. So I assume you're taking, you know... The half-orcs begin
strapping your arms and legs down. Look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look,
if you've got to take insurance, you've got to take insurance. I, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look, look I want my pound of flesh. That's a good line.
Is Papa Quietknife Shylock from The Merchant of Venice?
The weedy looking elf takes out a leather bound pouch and it opens up unrolls to what looks to your medieval eyes to be maybe implements of torture, but what are actually surgical tools?
Right.
Do you know how long a human kidney can last outside of the body?
Not terribly long, I imagine.
Not much can last. Well, actually, my guts came out last night.
That lasted a while.
Two hundred pounds.
A lot longer than a lung can.
Right. Which one? Which one? Which one? Which one do you like less?
Pop a quiet knife,
put a hand on your chest as if like
assessing your lungs.
Kidney, take the kidney if you've got to take one.
No, no, no, no. You can live with
one kidney. Yeah, I'll die
with only one lung.
It'll take a while.
The Weedy Elf
begins an operation
No, I'd aesthetic is oh
God okay, can I cast a spell on myself not with your hands bowed him all to self make it look like I already have No lungs
Got him
It's a painful procedure
They remove one of your lungs put it in a box filled with ice, close that box, and the carriage stops.
They open the door. There's no such thing as a mafia doctor or a halfling family doctor.
But there is such thing as a halfling family priest.
Which feels kind of the same role.
They hand the organ and the box off to the priest to keep it fresh.
Right.
Alright. The lung will keep for some time. Surprisingly, it might last longer than you.
Wouldn't that be ironic?
Papa Quietknife chuckles at that.
They let you out at a random street.
Are there any temples still operating? The Gnomes and Peña and the Sabres also have a chapel where people can go for healing,
though the Sabres often ask for a favour in return.
And you are already trying to win their favour.
If I go to the Sabres they're going to be mad at me for failing, so I'm going to go
to Gnomes, see if I can find a cleric and get my lung back.
Yeah you could certainly try.
No, I will.
The Temple of Gnomes in Peña is run by Chief Priestess Clara Norman,
but you find Father Keaton there instead.
I've been attacked. I'm a friend of Perowinkle's.
I know he's a member of this church. I overheard him and his wife talking about it.
Can you fix me?
Father Keaton, who knows of your reputation,
he knows you're doing something sus,
but he also isn't going to turn away someone in need.
Alright. So he does provide you healing.
That's good.
You recover 15 hit points. Can he bring the lung back?
He can't bring the lung back.
There's no way to grow a newie?
That's not an unreasonable request indeed. Can he bring the lung back? He can't bring the lung back. There's no way to grow a newie?
That's not an unreasonable request indeed.
Grow a newie.
It's a difficult spell.
It would require the chief priestess's help,
but I do not think she would cast this spell
without making certain promises, essentially.
I can make promises.
I'm nothing but promises.
If she's not in town right now,
you can come back in a week's time.
A week's time. Right.
Oh, thanks. Thanks, Favre.
That's good to know.
You're on 41 hit points.
Yeah, but I'm missing a lot.
You've got more hit points than I do.
And you're above what Xamet's total hit points are.
Right. Do I have a scar?
Yeah. Alright, I'll cover that up.
I don't want them knowing anything that happened.
Nah, Fae. Everything's information. Everything's a tool.
Promises are cheap.
Alright, promises are free.
Well, we're all banged up. We should go to the church and get healed.
Alright.
Periwinkle and Leo.
When you guys all arrived, Periwinkle, you were not staring daggers,
but like looking very sort of suspiciously at Greg Pierce.
Oh, I came here earlier, you know.
I couldn't find Laura.
I thought I'm pretty banged up.
Might as well head to church, get fixed up, you know.
That's not unreasonable.
Hey, Father, how are you going?
I'm doing well, thank you.
There's like chanting or something going on nearby.
You can hear it echoing into the main room.
Your wife was by earlier today.
She was saying you were going to help us with the...
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm helping you spread the word supporting the church I'm not
technically lying I'm just emitting details you're a bad liar though I am
like it's like my putting one-on-one together here everyone's putting one
or more in this goddamn city doesn't who. It should be destroyed. Yeah Oh, man, it would be good to throw it. Well destroyed or whatever
Anyway, yeah, would you mind your friend has already had a dispensary for today, but I can help both of you
Oh, thank you. Thank you father. There's only so much to go around
That's right. There was a lot of trouble last night. You know me father when there's trouble
I have to help please take a knee and pray I will you probably had to do this as well but I imagine you just faked it yeah yeah yeah I'm doing my no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Who is the gnome tree, likes to eat babies, and is kind to us.
Kind, kind, fix my body, please.
Well done.
That's exactly how it goes.
The prayer of body fix.
Parawinkle, you recover 24 hit points.
Leo, you recover, no, you're full hit points.
Sick.
Just for good measure, cheating gives you one extra dispensary periwinkle
and puts your strength back up to normal.
Oh, thank you Father, I'll see you next Sunday.
Maybe before.
Go in peace.
You too.
Or however you choose.
All right, where are we going now, Leo?
Tigla, have a little.
Tigla, have a nice little food.
So just out of curiosity, who doesn't want the weapon?
I assume you're having this conversation like over coffees and little pastitsies or something
in Little Tigger Life.
Just to, I'm not going to share this information with you two, but just putting it out there,
I have the option if we need to, to go back to the captain for something.
Yeah.
I don't have to tell these guys that.
No, I know.
Good.
I'm keeping so much from you guys.
I know. Is Little Little around? Yeah, but you don't want to meet him. that. No, no. Good. I'm keeping so much from you guys. I know. Is Little Little around?
Yeah, but you don't want to meet him.
No, no, I fucked his sister.
Damn.
What about Little O?
He's above.
Little O, yeah, would be up in his office probably.
What do I know about the relationship between Little Os and the Quiet Knights?
None of the families are friendly.
They do do basic level business together because they kind of just need to.
Like, for example, the exchanging of debt.
That's one thing that's like they don't even think about it.
They wouldn't try to fuck each other.
It's just like all of them understand that it's best that it's left there.
But that being said, they are trying to encourage on others territory all the time.
All right. So the weapons side, I really just want to not have to deal with the quiet knives. Well, they're a bloody, they're a bunch, aren't they?
A little little is currently behind the counter, no one has noticed yet, staring daggers in
the back of Greg Pierce's head.
So, quiet knives.
I think it would be nice for me especially if we could kind of do something to the quiet
knives.
I'm like, I'm gesturing to my neck, just like, something about the quiet knives.
It might just be good, just be good.
You see, you're suggesting, if I've got this correctly,
that we, three individuals with, you know,
meager amounts of power or sway,
completely eradicate somehow an entire halfling family,
one of the oldest, mind you, no, not the oldest,
but one of the most cruel and violent
of the halfling families. I do hate the quiet knives, though. I mean, me too, doesn't, but it the oldest, but one of the most cruel and violent of the Arfling families.
I do hate the Quietknives though.
I mean me too, doesn't but it doesn't seem like much of a deal does it, Perry?
Going to war with the Quietknives is a dangerous prospect. They are brutal.
There's nothing off the table for them.
How much deep?
They're very vocal.
Your practiced policeman's eye is finally able to spot behind the counter, little little, is like
doing something at the register, but you can tell suddenly that he's not actually paying
attention to the register, he's just pressing buttons on it and staring at the back of Greg
Pierce's head.
Greg.
Yeah.
I don't want you to move.
Right, I won't.
Or look around, but I need you to be very, very honest with me.
Alright, yeah. Have you ever done anything that would potentially
give Little Little Reason to kill you? Oh no, he fucked the Don's wife! Ah, he fucked
Little Little Sister! He fucked Little Little Sister! Ah! I did fuck Little Little Sister.
Okay, okay, just, I said don't turn around. Don't turn around, just stay where you are.
Yeah, right.
So, he's noticed that you're here.
Little Little, while you're having this conversation.
It was in the back of me head, like maybe.
Little Little is moving away from the register,
and as he moves away from the register,
he comes out, starts walking towards you guys.
Greg Pierce, you're facing away from him.
But Leo, you see, he has like a flintlock pistol
that he tucks behind himself as he walks towards you guys.
Am I about to get the finale for the Sopranos?
No.
Actually, you know what?
He probably has like a little towel sort of thing
that he's putting the pistol under.
Can I see him?
You see him walking towards you guys.
You don't see the pistol.
No, that's right.
I don't see the pistol, but I see him walking towards us.
Yeah. I just try and intimidate him just to get him to him walking towards you guys, you don't see the pistol. Right, that's right. I don't see the pistol, but I see him walking towards us. Yeah.
I'm just trying to intimidate him just to get him to stop walking towards us.
He stops, abruptly.
He finally sees you, Periwinkle, a member of the town militia and formerly the town guard.
You can see him doing mental calculation in his head.
How much does he hate Greg Pierce?
Does he hate Greg Pierce enough to blow the back of his head out?
Literally in front of a cop.
The calculation finishes and Little Little turns around and walks back to the register.
We should go.
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
Did you want to have a chat with a point up?
I mean, I wouldn't mind, but I don't want to impose.
It seems like Little Little's mad at me.
Little Little is hot headed, but Little Low wouldn't kill but I don't want to impose seems like little was mad at me little little is hot-headed
But little low wouldn't kill you just I feel like like I mean aside from even the fact that you feel like you'd be
Offended that I stopped by and didn't say hey, you know, I mean that is true. I might jump upstairs
You guys can I might want to come with you as well
I'll stay here and keep an eye on little little good point. All right, I'll let upstairs
I wave a little over be like I'll have another one of this, please.
Little Little very like stiffly takes your order
and goes to fetch it.
All right, so you two gonna go upstairs?
Playing with Little Low?
I just got a chat to him.
Upstairs you see two halflings,
two halfling guards, obviously,
playing like a dice game against the wall.
They stop when they see you.
One of those straightens up and says, what do you want?
Speak to Little Low if I can.
Pop a little low, sorry.
And Leo is the...
Who shall I say is here? Drag piss.
I'll let him know. Yeah, right. Cheers.
What if the one that stood up walks or walks off to Little Low's office?
I think I saw him. Can I bend down to the other guy playing dice and be like, he's cheating.
The other guy is actually standing up as well
when he leaves.
But he seems wary about Pierce.
I nod.
The other guard comes back and says,
Little Low's in a business meeting.
Oh wow.
You can have a seat if you want.
Wouldn't want to impose.
How long's the meeting gonna go for, you reckon?
It's nearly finishing.
Oh, so take a seat, that's alright. I don't...
That's not a bother for you, Leo.
That's fine, are we?
Yeah.
You, um, take a seat at what is a waiting room
outside the, uh,
Papa's office.
I'm gonna yell out in case you need me to come upstairs.
That would've been clever.
Yeah.
From the other side of the door,
you hear, like, muffled a little bit by the walls.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
And then there's, like, scuffling. Just don no, no! And then there's like scuffling.
Just don't react.
The scuffling finishes, the door opens
and a halfling waves you guys in.
Little Lo is leaning
back, reclining in his chair.
There's maybe five halflings
in the room in total, all of them armed.
And one just scrubbing a blood stain out of the floor.
Would you mind
if I did this alone?
Of course.
If you wait outside, you can come in after me.
It's just, you know.
It's business.
It's his business.
All right.
Little Low reaches out with his hand.
I kiss the ring.
Another score.
Greg Press is an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.
Right.
How are you, little low?
I've got a question for you.
Why would you ask me how I am, and then immediately ask me
about a question?
That was a pleasantry.
Nobody asked how are you, wondering how you actually are.
Pleasantry is supposed to be pleasant.
A pleasant man waits for a response.
I apologize, upper low.
How are you?
This is just typical of your kind.
No respect. Right, yeah. How are you doing is just typical of your guy no respect right yeah how
you doing you having a good day no as a matter of fact that's a shame Ryan shame
my uh he smiles lungs are acting on so you not that's what I was wondering things
can you tell me why you gave up I I don't mind having debt to you. You were reasonable, but bloody quiet knives.
That took a long-
Quiet knives are-
You've never taken a long finger, maybe.
Brutal, yes.
Yeah.
You were, you're no longer in my graces.
None in my good book, none in my bad book.
You're just loose leaf paper to me.
Right, well, I guess I just wanted to know if it was anything I'd done for you.
You know what that's worth?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Yeah, but?
Only what someone will pay.
I don't need that.
I needed information.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What information?
No, you don't have to tell me.
Why would you? The short foot.
Are they giving my debt away as well?
Because that's a lot of debt to have to the...
I hear things. Maybe yes, maybe no.
What do I have to do to make it yes?
I guess is my question.
Apologize.
Apologize? To my daughter.
Yeah, alright, yeah, I'll do that.
He talks to one of the halflings.
Rosita. Get Rosita. Yeah, alright, yeah, I'll do that, yeah. He stalks one of the halflings.
Rosita!
Good Rosita!
Alright, Rosita.
She seems a bit shy.
Hey Rosie, how are you?
Never mind.
Lick my hair back as best I can, lick my fingers and smooth my eyebrows down.
You know, I loved you like a son.
You could have been my son.
Adon you're wrong.
You did! I could make you wrong. You did.
I could make an honest woman of her.
I could strike your deal here.
I marry your daughter, you wipe away my debt with the quiet knives.
I'm yours.
Greg Piss will tie himself down for you.
Is there any greater form of respect than that, little o?
Jesus.
Get rid of the saber problem.
Craig, he does get rid of the saber problem quick it does give her the saber problem little low considers you very carefully and he says finally that's
the girls decision our door opens Rosita comes in Rosita Greg piss he has some
words for you Rosita I've done you wrong. I left you.
That's a terrible, terrible thing I will never forgive myself for.
And here on this day I'd like to make amends.
Get down on one knee.
I would ask you Rosita, will you be my wife for the rest of our natural lives?
Mrs. Pierce.
Miss Pierce?
Would you like some time?
Papa, Johnny said he was going to apologize.
I did, I thought I did. A million apologies received.
What is this? She starts crying.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
She starts bawling her eyes out and runs out of the room.
Damn it!
I did apologize. Technically.
You need three things in life.
You need fear, you need love, and you need respect.
You fear me, but I don't know if you love me or you respect me.
Right, yeah, no that-
And I doubt you'd do any of those for my daughter.
Little oh, you got me there. You'd never let me marry her, would you?
She'd said yes.
Well, unfortunately, you rolled a one.
LAUGHTER
That's a weird choice on your part, little low.
I'm not husband material.
Right, well, pleasure chatting to you.
I get off.
Let him out. Let him out. I'll leave the room.
Yes! Yeah, right, yeah.
Promise is a promise. You have apologised.
The sure foot's a sell is a promise. You apologized. The sure foot to selling your debt.
Fuck it.
All right, thank you, Littler.
He leans back in his chair.
Look at Leo like, oh, fuck it.
Do you tell Leo about how much you owe?
No.
Well, Leo, you are aware of the concept
because you heard selling debt.
You know that the Halfling families trade debt.
You also know that Quiet Knives knives every like 10k they take
some assurance and because Greg Pierce has nothing except organs they will take
organs. Gotcha. So if it wasn't obvious the surefoots are going to sell your debt
but they have not yet. So how much do you owe right now? 15k to the quiet knives
and how much to the sore foot? Six.
So they're basing it off to another ten, so you're gonna lose another organ.
Yep.
If the quiet...ah, god damn.
How'd it go?
Better than it could've, but worse than it could've.
You are the strangest man I've ever met.
Just write peace in a nutshell to be honest.
I'm a little disappointed I rolled the one.
It would've been funny to have you mad.
It would've solved one of the problems. You wouldn't little disappointed I rolled the one. It would have been funny to have you mad. I know. It would have solved one of the problems. You know, you wouldn't
have solved one of the problems. Can I go and see little Lo now? Papa little Lo? Yeah,
alright. Papa little Lo is currently in between meetings so he lets you come in. Just stay
with me Greg. Oh yeah, believe me I am staying with you. What do you need? Just a couple of questions, Papa Little Low. So, quiet, quiet knives.
How do they fit into our organisation?
What do you mean? They don't fit into our organisation.
So if they were to threaten one of our members, that's bad?
Probably, yes.
We could offer protection to that member who got threatened?
Depends.
What are you trying to tell me, boy?
They threatened me straight away.
They said if I came to you they'd kill me and I was scared.
I'm not happy it took so long but you came eventually and that's good enough.
Go.
Okay, I kissed the ring.
And... The scorebed app here with trusted stats and real-time sports news.
Yeah, hey, who should I take in the Boston game?
Well, statistically speaking...
Nah, no more statistically speaking.
I want hot takes.
I want knee-jerk reactions.
That's not really what I do.
Is that because you don't have any knees?
The Scorebet. Trusted sports content. Seamless sports betting. Download today.
19 plus. Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca
Wealthsimple's Big Winter Bundle is our best match offer yet.
Get a 2% match when you transfer over an eligible RRSP.
For a $50,000 transfer, that's a $1,000 cash bonus.
Enough to buy a fancy parka,
a ticket to somewhere you don't need a fancy parka,
or just be responsible and top up your retirement fund.
Plus, move any other eligible account
and we'll give you a 1% match.
Minimum $15,000 transfer.
Register by March 15th.
Additional terms apply.
Learn more at wealthsimple.com slash match.
Hey there, fellow adventurer.
If you're picking up what we're putting down
and want more D&D content,
we have just what you need to scratch that itch.
D&D is for nerds plus, the symbol not the word,
where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sans Pants Plus members. The further adventures of the Grey Hill Free
Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests and D&D is for nerds, not Ognaught, where all our non-canon
D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&Ds for nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice
and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.