D&D is For Nerds - Jarren’s Outpost: EE #5 The Vault

Episode Date: February 22, 2025

Against all odds the plan has worked. Perri, Piss, and Leo have made their way into Eaton's keep and up to the vault. Leo attempts to convince Perriwinkle of his allegiance to the cause, Perri makes some hard decisions when it comes to fighting shadow people and Piss eats a bunch of pickled eggs. He is also locked in Damien Eaton's vault against his will and stripped of his clothes and possessions and left to die. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hi, everybody. It's a show that we recommend. A weekly show along with special coverage from Canadian championships, world championships, and of course, the Grand Slam of curling. I'm Warren Hanson. Our weekly show will bring you five popular segments. What's happening around the curling world, hot rock topics, mailbag, what are you hearing, and in the house. Look out, here we come. creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Jaren's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest. A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did what adventurers do, and they

didn't think of the consequences of killing a powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the citizens a gold crust to figure it out for themselves. For now, Jaren's Outpost is a melting pot of religions, criminals, politics and paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else in check. But all that's about to change. Welcome to the enhanced edition of Jaren's Outpost. Alright, I'll head back to the cop shop then. That's the name of the place. Cops aren't a thing, but it's called the cop shop. No, it's the cop shop because it's C-O-P-P-E,

like the old cop shop. The cop is shoppy. You've got to cop it. The shop where you cop the law. You all reconvene at the cop shop? Did I do anything with the dwarves? Oh, right, fuck, sorry. It went swimmingly good. It was great, you're best of friends. As you approach one of the dwarven ships, it turns to face you. Some ballast on the side of the ship are vaguely aimed in your direction.

I'm like, really? I'm a halfling on an upside down boat and you're aiming that at me? By the time you're basically next to the ship. Mm-hmm a Stocky dwarf leans over the side arms folded with a big smile on his face Uh-huh, you actually recognize his face and captain de Silva calls out to you saying well, what are you doing now little boy? Arms outstretched like a baby reaching up for his dada. He's like, eh! Captain Da Silva! Help me up! The dwarves lower like a net sort of

thing that you can clamber onto and they haul you up. Oh, fuck! Captain Da Silva is as flamboyant as ever. Instead of his regular hat though, he's wearing some sort of official kind of looking dwarven navy hat. But his like clothing is just as colourful as it was before. Holy shit, Captain De Silva, how are you? Where have you been? Man haven't seen you in an age. Captain De Silva leads you to his like personal quarters, you sit down, he probably like offers

you a change of clothes if you want. Thank you, I'm very sad I recently lost a friend. You are dressed very flamboyantly. That is good for me. Perfect for sneaking into a castle. Every article of clothing is a different fluoro colour. God, that's good. What are you doing here?

Captain Silver explains to you that a couple of years ago, he started working with the Dwarven Merchant Company. He hasn't been home in a long time, he tells you. But he's instead now working for kind of like a subsidiary of one of the Dwarven clans. They offered him a pretty sizable check for his services. I like that he remembers me. That's alright. That's so good. But I feel like Captain D'Silver is also the kind of person that remembers everyone he meets.

Yeah. Oh, you guys are like drinking pretty heavily. Dissilver insists. He tells you it's good for someone who's been wet. He hasn't changed. I, alright, I keep drinking. I'm drowning, half drowning my sorrows and half like, it's a scar. He seems quite happy.

It's like, I lost a friend, but an old friend. He seems quite happy with everything. He's like, things are going really well for him. He's like been on the up and up pretty steadily. His life's completely turned around. When you first met him, he like had one ship. Now he's a Commodore. He's no longer Captain D'Silver anymore.

He's Commodore D'Silver. Congratulations, Commodore D'Silver. He explains to you, probably, I assume, asked why the dwarves are here. They normally come here around this time every year. They'd heard or they were aware that the orcs had taken the docks because they saw orcish ships in the dock, but they didn't know, they didn't really know or care what's happening in Jaren's Outpost. They were just there to try and free up the dock so that they could resume trading. Well, I tried to fill him in as much about Jaren's Outpost just to lay

the land and basically if you could help us out that'd be just great. Captain D'Silver gives you a very pained expression. Unfortunately, lad, the ships are, well, I command them, but they're not really mine. I have permission to act within a certain boundary, but there's only so much I can do. And we're not allowed to interfere with local politics, and I feel this is very close to local politics. Potentially, but-

I can wrangle you some things, but... All right, well what can you wrangle me? What can you... Well, we're allowed to fight orcs wherever we see them, so maybe I see some orcs near where the keep is. We fire our catapults, no one's going to think twice about that. Well, that just so happened because I'm pretty sure maybe that keep is full of orcs. That just so happened because I'm pretty sure maybe that keep is full of orcs. Well in that case I think we'd have to shell that place till it wasn't standing anymore. I think that'd be a pretty good idea, get rid of all them orcs.

Wow that's definitely something I'd have to do. Yeah that's a pretty good idea. Commodore to Sylvie just shell that place around about midnight when the orcs would be sleeping. That might be all that I can do though. I think that's more than enough. Alright. And if you could help me just overturn the boat.

That'd be also real good. Ah that boat's full of holes. You don't want that one. Ah maybe we'll lose a boat. Ah ha ha ha. Hey we have a boat. We have a boat with maybe like weapons on it too. Man after so many things bad that happened to you.

You're gonna be scaling that wall. This is great. happened to you. You're gonna be scaling that wall? It's good. You're gonna be scaling that wall? We will be scaling that wall about you'll need a ballistae to fire that grappling hook Yes, we would need a ballistae. Yeah, maybe we lose one of them as well This is the most untruid part, so it means that bad things are around the corner Probably only for me. Like you you have, like, another drink. It's getting kind of late. You, um, stumble a little bit out of Captain De Silva's office. I'm like, hey, meat pie! You've never...

Uh-uh. Oh, that was so...my heart. Oh! You're breaking it. I quietly get into the boat. HE MAKES A HUMMING Pour one out for our homie meat pie. So sad. Maybe I'll get a seagull this time.

Oh, Danny boy, the pie. Sorry. So, a balustrade, a smaller one, but one that you can attach a rope to the bolt, is fixed into a boat, roughly so that it can be kind of fired from the boat. You're given some basic instructions on how to operate a ballastay, because you probably don't know how. And just in case your friends don't know how either, in case you're a friends don't know how either Say lower two boats down one with a bunch of dwarves in it one with you in the ballast day Oh, thank you. Oh, I'm a daughter silver. I'm not a thing that's happened to us this whole game

Yes, and the dwarves row you back to shore. What do you want to be? What would be the most strategic to kind of be so we can get there would it be a teagle? I is where you're like, you know, your strongest allies. I would say let's go near little Tegelai and yeah, we'll go from there. Can I acquire a paper and pen? How are you going to fuck? You certainly can. I would like to write out of eye shot from my eye, looking up, pretend to stab me and

then remove my eye and throw it away and I'm gonna hand it to Leo when I see him. What is this going to do like? Well then the sabers are like damn Greg I'm faking my own death. It's good but we can't allow them to confirm. As if that's going to last. It'll last long enough. We need them to attack the base. We'll wait till after that but that's my plan. I feel like the dwarves shelling the shit out of it would be enough. Potentially but then a dragon might come down so look we want a lot of savers on site. We want a lot of pandemonium is all. But when the time comes that's what we're doing. Ok. I gotta fake my death from the savers. I just married a girl. What are you

gonna do? Then the blood cult still have your soul. Yeah, well we'll sort that out. When the time comes I'll cross that bridge. So the three of you plus a bunch of hangers-on. Excuse me, they're good friends. Are finally able to reconvene at your local tavern. Right. El Cop Tavern.

Does my eye look different? Well, what's your original eye color? Bright green. One of your eyes is a regular looking bright green, and one of them is a apt piss yellow. Do we even notice his eyes are fucked, or do we not care? Are you just like, out the whole poisoning, I guess? His piss yellow eye is looking around completely like without

Can I get an iPad? Sure, yeah, I'll just high patch. Well, no, but if you I patched it then they can't see anything Say was a mad at you fuck. I'll just cast message. It's fine. I'll cast message and I'll be like right that I it's not mine I said savers I know you don't say Greg looks so real whisper is a message message It's a whispered conversation at a distance. I so the Sabres will hear you could hear you. I'm risk it Sabres I've been looking at everything that I do right so best behavior boys, and they're gonna help yeah Periwinkle your practiced Bull bullshit detector is going off. Oh, so they're definitely gonna help us Greg. Well, that's what they said. They said for a promise, understand

that as I had my eye taken out it was under duress. They said the words, we will help you Greg. I'm not believing this am I? Your bullshit detector is like 5 alarm chili calling out that something spicy is going on. Greg, because we've known one another for, I don't know, 24 hours now, I'm going to give you one more chance. I'm going to ask you one question, you just have to give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down because you compromised. Right.

If I'm not happy with the answer that I get, I may put you in that barrel over there and just throw you in the water. Right, of course. Alright. Did they say they would help us with our attack? They did say that they would help, but they didn't guarantee it because it's going to take them a while to get their resources together. So instead of giving a thumbs up or a thumbs down, I give like that wavy hand.

It's just wonderfully unclear. I'm not going to put you in a barrel. Right. Now. Good to. Maybe. Harry Wenkle, can we have just a quick sidebar? Sure. I'm not gonna put you in a barrel right now. Good to maybe get Very Winkle. Yeah, we have just a quick sidebar Sure, I'm gonna chat to the cops. What's it?

Don't arrest him. No, sir. You have very little to talk about a Lot of them don't like you all of them with goggles his brother and his wife and his mother. Same day. Same four hour period. You slept with every day of the week. Including Thursday. Twice. Alright, what do you want? Right. So we're gonna get this weapon.

Look, I'm sure that Greg Pierce... I know that you'd have no reason to... He's definitely going to betray us at some point in the next two hours. I like to imagine you're like, we look Greg Piss, you're like, look I'm just like eating a pickle dag in front of one of the guys. Be like... Now, how many can you put there? How many can you put away? So look, I know you have doubts to where I would lie.

I will promise you right now that I won't try to backstab you, betray you, grab the weapon and run. If you agree before you do anything with your weapon to at least meet with Papa Littleo and see what he says. And if I don't like what he says, I can walk away. I will try and see if you are on it at that. And I promise that I will make sure that Greg Piss doesn't fuck us up. At least I'll try and stop him from fucking us up. What's he gonna say? Can you actually promise us that- He's a slippery one!

He is a slippery little piss. You finished the jar of piss! Five, four, three, two, one! Four. Alright, I'm open to that. Whatever Little Low wants, that's a conversation with Papa Little. As long as I've done my job in his eyes, I don't really care what happens. He's happy for it to be potentially destroyed.

Yes. I'm open to a conversation if you promise you don't fuck me over. I'm gonna start with fucking him over. And do your very best to stop him from... Yeah, that's gonna be hard. 24... That's gonna be a hard one. Alright.

24... You're alright, mate. Thanks. 25... Colin sucks you in the god damn... That's gonna be a hard one. Alright. You're alright mate. Hey, thanks. Thank you. Colin sucks you in the god damn. I've armed up a lot of egg that I was just keeping in my cheeks. Colin, unfortunately. You ruined the fun, Colin, didn't you? Eating eggs in a crime?

Yes. We're good to go, team. Yep, we've got the boat. Dwarves are gonna provide some cover. And the Sabres are gonna attack the front gate Yeah, yeah Maybe it's down militia will hopefully also provide you guys some distraction. Basically attacking from all font Yeah, now here's the options

Do you want my men to help us break in and your mind to go just smash some shit? I think it may be half and half split the team. So you So like yeah yeah. How many are a couple days away from retirement? Two. Both the Thursdays. They're coming with me on the actual real hard mission right because they'll be safe. Yeah yeah you gotta look after them. Yeah that's how it goes down. He's bought a boat called the Freedom. He's bought a boat called the Freedom. He's expecting his third grandchild this week. That's Thursday tea, not Thursday art. Well, we have a map. You got two maps.

A map of the inner area. Oh yeah, and a map of the vault. The castle, yeah. Just hand drawn from the commander himself of the inside of the castle, where you might want to go. That vault, down downstairs. There's no map of the vault, the castle where you might want to go, that vault down downstairs. There's no map of the vault, just where it is. Alright, we're doing this.

You all assemble out on the beach. It's a cold night. The only sound right now you can hear is the waves gently lapping against the shore. And in the distance, maybe you imagine you can hear the gentle creaking of the dwarven fleet. Suddenly the Dark Knight is pierced by several bright fiery lights as massive fire pots launched from catapults on the dwarven ships suddenly streak from the sea up against the walls of the city. They explode in massive fiery balls of destruction, caving away large parts of the wall. Then on the other side of the city, far away from you,

you can hear the distant rumblings of people screaming and possibly combat. Mmm. It's gonna only be good. Time to scarper, lads. Let's get in the boys After a solid maybe 15 minutes of shelling a part of the wall crumbles away enough that you guys could if you want to Attempt to scale it. Yeah, it's a only a short climb Yeah, we've got that harpoon in the boat the grab rope hook gun harpoon gun that fires a grappling hook

Yeah, with a solid clinking sound, the grappling hook connects with the top part of this caved in wall and you can feel the rope go taut when you pull it. Who's going to climb first? After you lads. I'll nimbly climb up. So my theory is I'll send, you go first, I'll send two militia behind you, I'll go, no, Greg, you're going in front of me, then I'm going, then I'm sending the rest of two militia behind you. I'll go, no, Greg, you're going in front of me. Then I'm going, then I'm sending the rest of the militia.

Oh, all right, all right. Leo, you're on the wall, or over the wall, I should say. Cool. There's like a little courtyard there. To your right-hand side are a bunch of buildings. One of them is a big blacksmithy, a bunch of them are storage places. Some stables as well.

To your right looms the large fort cool any horses in the stables just gonna scuffle no it's gonna have a distraction no clever set up just open the hole like the state you see no horses on the stables like anything around us by the way like is it like just like there's no people one dickhead been like just staring at us been like this is the there are no guards on the wall no there were no guards on this section of the wall. Oh, that's why they're on the other sections where we're running destruct. They're barely able to keep the walls manned.

There's not a lot of people in here. If you scan around the fort looking for any entrances, they all seem boarded shut or closed or locked. Okay, I'm gonna- There's no easy entrance here. Yeah, head towards the fort unseen, I guess, or try to make myself unseen as possible. Alright, start your way forward.

Yeah, and try to inspect some of the... Did you tell us the map where there might've been entrance for the keep? Yeah. Was there like a particular entrance we were meant to be taking? You found no particularly good entrances. You figured that once you were there, you might just scan the place

and look for an obvious way in. But there doesn't seem to be any obvious places from where you are you'd have to do like a lap or just try and unlock the door lockpick that shit is there one how they bought it up I've been unlocking spell if you want it to by the way yeah maybe we'll save it for the faults windows have just been bricked up with shitily, but with mortar and brick. So it doesn't look like they're easy entrances. The doors all just look like they're barred shut. The large massive gate that's the entry, the main entry way in has the portcullis, the

crusty metal bit. And the massive wooden doors beyond it also look barred any upper level windows look like they might just be shuttered closed so very easy to break it but it's climbing up there as well alright next is Greg Pierce is it two of my guys and Greg Pierce you asked you're two guys first yeah both of the Thursdays I think you said you know the Thursdays, so hang on, half of them went and did distraction. So Colin, Goggles, Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday went to distraction. So two Thursdays, Saturday, Sunday and Ian, AIM came with us.

Fantastic. Wait, hang on. So Saturday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Ian. Yeah. Colin's in the B team. Thursday, Thursday, get over the wall. Greg Pierce is over with some difficulty. And I'm right behind him. All right. Got to be on my trail. Pierce, you fall in among the two Thursdays. Leo isn't anywhere to be seen.

Maybe he's skulked off or something like that. Both the Thursdays are just lying in wait for presumably Leo to get back. Righto. I'll look around, see if I see any sneaky entrances, any way into the fort from where I am. Any drain pipes, like up to the wind, I'm just, that's how I get down

after sleeping with a man's wife. There wouldn't be drainage pipes on a castle. Oh, right, and I'm fair. That's just like, oh. They don't have plumbing. Getting down from a window, easy. With your half-a-half-orc strength, you easily scale the wall.

Damn straight I do. You're with Pierce and the two Thursdays, and then... Saturday, Sunday, and Ian. Saturday, Sunday. Yeah, they're all with you. Right, I'm just saying, you can just decide what they do from here, because I can't be bothered trying to be six people. Yeah, they're all with you. Right. I'm just saying, you can just decide what they do from here. Yeah.

Because I can't be bothered trying to be six people. That's fine. That's fair enough. By the time that Saturday finally manages to scramble over the wall, Leo, you return having done a quick circumvent... circumference around... Circumnavigation. Yeah. Yeah, around the castle.

Hmm? So if I broke through like the window of like the mortar stuff, would that be able to... are we then inside? How many layers of entryway? The main gate has the portcullis and the two wooden doors. There's a small servants entrance around the back that's a thick heavy looking wooden door. You think that might be the easiest way in if you wanted to break in ground floor. So you want to go in the ground floor and then that way we make sure that there's nothing

below us to chase us. Yeah, let's go to the server center. Sneaking up the back, yeah. Right, sounds good. So Ian peels off and he's just gonna like skulk around the outside and give you guys a heads up if he sees anyone coming. Cool, I'm gonna use my acid flask

to break through the server center. You could just try picking the lock. I'll try picking the lock. Fair. I could throw a great Chris at the door. Hey. I'm very squishy. It's not gonna do you any good.

You waste 15 minutes getting nothing done. Oh man. Then you're just like, oh, it was just dark. Another one of the fire pots rockets overhead to strike somewhere else in this little section of the city. And you're like, oh I was like maybe instead of getting into the keyhole. You were like trying to jam them in the side of the door You get the door open the corridor beyond you is very dark

What? All right, uh, I've got dark vision I think you switch to dark vision, everything turns into black and white but you can see perfectly in darkness. Anything I should be worried about? No, it's not a corridor, it is in fact a kitchen or a rear like, well probably the storage area for the kitchens. A, what do you call it, a larger? We're literally in the cook's entrance. Yeah, anyway. We're in the downstairs, in the upstairs downstairs. Yeah, We literally in the cooks entrance. Yeah, anyway. We're in the downstairs, the upstairs downstairs.

Yeah, they have a, there's no, well there's no food here right now. It looks like they've been burning through their supplies. Maybe you know where the horses went. Ah, delicious. Icy. Horse meat is good. No one's been coming in or going out. Anything useful in this kitchen that we could like tag with us to assist?

Do you want kitchen knives? Nah. Knives? Well, other than that, there's not a lot. No. Leo, you check all the different doors. One door, forward, leads into the kitchens and beyond the kitchens you can see through an open doorway, a great hall where feasts are had.

You check another door, it leads to a corridor with a lot of different doors and another door, so three doors in total, leads to a staircase going up. Right. Does any of this look familiar from the map that we have? So there are a couple different ways you can approach this. You can go through the great hall into the main entryway and in the main entryway there are stairs going down into the dungeons. But if anywhere is going to be busy, it's going to be there yeah but it's the most

direct route alternatively you can go to the stairs take the stairs up go through an upper landing go down yeah yeah it's a longer route but you're less likely to bump into someone I'm always the last for safety oh I'll put you go yeah the distant sounds of combat begin to start swelling. It looks like the fighting is getting more intense until you hear an awful, tremendous roar. The roar shakes the entire castle. That'd be the dragon. And for a brief moment, the sounds of combat stop, but then immediately resume. That's good. That's good. That's fine It's not our problem. It's what we wanted. Dragons are here. Golem, Godspeed.

So what's marching order here? Who's first, second, third? I'll be first. He's in the middle and I'm close to him. Alright, and then Leo's. I trust Leo. I do. I trust Grim. A shadow lands behind Leo. Before you're able to do anything, you feel a blade at your back. Oh, shit. Combat begins. Oh, shit. We're fighting a shadow. You become ventilated. What does that even mean? Full of holes? Full of holes, yeah. Oh, gee. Air holes.

Air holes make you quicker. So he punctures your lungs, I guess. You have to do the rest of the episode like that then who was up the back periwinkle were you up the back no I'm in the middle with him it's um Saturday and Sunday that's unfortunate for them don't be killing my boys Adam you hear an awful gurgling sound from behind you and you hear Sunday cry out in terror turning around periwinkle yeah see Saturday jerking uncontrollably as a shadow with wicked

claws that look like daggers start slashing out his throat from behind Saturday oh wait yet wait what was calling out in agony Saturday Saturday so it was Sunday who's being slashed because he can't call out at all Sunday collapses. Oh no Oh Shit heel Sunday, can you punch a shadow? Feral Winkle you're shocked. You've never seen such awful wicked magic before Unfortunately, you're frozen in place. You'll be going last in the initiative turn. Leo, your quick thinking springs into action. Do I know what the hell this is? You have heard of dark magics that

can make a shadow sentient? It's possible that that's what this is. The shadow creature is forever linked to whatever it's a shadow of the person who loses their shadow just gets fucked like no one willingly gives up their shadow man oh it's not a shadow it's clearly possibly like a prisoner yeah has quotation marks donated their shadow do they look like horses they look vaguely like people mm-hmm so I know that this will if I kill this this shadow, we hurt this shadow? If you kill the shadow, you're gonna kill the person as well. Oh, I don't know that information, do I?

No, you don't. Good. Oh, even if I did. Uh, whatever. Oh no. I'm just gonna be like, I'm so sorry. And then try and stab with the thundering and then not using the venom.

And not using the venom. I'm so sorry. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, man. I'm gonna look at you, I've got my back to you and just looking horrified at my dead friend and my dying other friend who's... No, he's alive, he's just freaking out. The Weekend Brothers. The Weekend Brothers, one, they might not be such party animals. They live for the Weekend. Learning your lesson very quickly you jump backwards and you don't hit with

your first blade, your first blade you kind of just use more as like a guard against future attacks. Your other blade, with a flick and a snick, you get deep into the creature's belly. You hear it cry out in agony. Oh, man, I'm so sorry. The shadow disperses as your blade slashes through it. Somewhere deep in the castle, you hear a moan. Damn. Got him.

Can I cast Last of Confusion on it? How many are there? There's two. Well, one now. I'll cast it on the one that's alive. The creature staggers in place. On its turn, the creature crashes onto Saturday, making him topple over and fall onto the ground. On Saturday, it just starts tearing, ripping and tearing. Saturday screams and then stops. At least the two Thursdays will get out of this and be able to retire on their boat called freedom and happiness. No, the two Thursdays charge in. One of the Thursdays is too dismayed to get a proper

hit. He swings but his attacks are like full of fear, not anger or calculation. Thursday R, he does however have calculation to his blows. He kicks at the shadow creature knocking it backwards onto its back and then stabs downwards once. His blow connects but he does not kill the creature. Fandual Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, does not kill the creature. of Leon FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. ACAS powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Mark. And I'm Ryan. And you might know us from our award winning CBC podcast, Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand new show, The Town Show. On The Town Show, we are building a fictional town. Every week, we invite a guest comedian on to riff with us

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and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. It is periwinkle's time. All right. Killed my friend. You killed my other friend. Can I rip a shadow's head off with my hands?

You can certainly try, my good friend. I roar real loud. Just go for its head and try to pull it off with my big meaty, meaty hands. Big, meaty, meaty, or hair. It slashes out at you as you try to grab it, dealing 5 points of damage. But you grab it. You pull upwards, twist, you hear a cracking sound from the shadow, And an awful cracking sound echoing somewhere from below you guys. And then when you tear it off,

you hear another moan from deep within the castle. Ah! Done. I win. I was thinking that, right, it might be worthwhile our time to go downstairs, find where that moaning is coming from, kill the others... No, they're... ..just so that, like, their shadows don't get us again. Like... It's easier to kill a guy who's tied up and had his shadow talk than like a shadow these are people is all i'm thinking these are people they don't know they don't they think no they're dead because

i pulled that guy's head off yeah yeah yeah yeah it's good no no they don't know killed my friend someone's taken this against their will and and made them do something killed my friend taking this against their will and and made them do something. Killed my friend. Sunday is dead. Saturday. Saturday is on tender hooks. I can give him a cure. Cure light. I respect you a little bit more. Yeah, right. Well, I want to cure the fellas downstairs.

I want you to listen to me, not it bleeding out Leo over here. If I remind you, in the second or first adventure we had was like, let's kill this wizard and take all of his potions or whatever. Wolverine style. You don't know that, Greg Pierce. All of Saturday's wounds heal over as Greg Pierce puts a hand on him. Clerics mutter a prayer. Bards sometimes sing a song. We can fucking sort this out.

Greg Pierce, I imagine, just says, all right, get up. I'll part with you. Like a little condescending slap on the cheek. Saturday briefly embraces Sunday's lifeless body. We'll get them. So where? On the top floor. You're on the second floor, or the first floor, depending if you're in the UK or the US.

We've gone up to the next floor to skirt above where we feel the busy appear. Can we continue on, molested? Excuse me? Can we continue? Oh molested? Excuse me? Can we continue? Oh yeah, you can, absolutely. As you move through, these windows, the windows on this upper level, are not all bricked up. So you can kind of see sometimes out through cracks

or like out through a window, the night sky lit up by a fire pod being held by the dwarven fleet. Every now and then as well, you hear another roar Tremendous always and it always scares you to your core. Can we see dragging out the window? No, you never see it Yeah, what are you every now and then coming from outside? It's outside Yeah, you get to the staircase going down you start slowly making your way down. Oh, does anyone have a light? I have a lantern. I have a bullseye land. Do you have it lit?

We've sort of lost any kind of stealth because the shadow people got us so like yeah now it'll land now. Okay cool. By the light of the lantern you see a puddle of shadow moving along the roof of the staircase towards you guys. Leo you go first. So is it near me? It's streaking towards you at a rapid pace. Kind of up on the roof so you could use a ranged weapon if you have one I'm gonna throw my dagger of venom All right and activate its power or just nah You fumble for your dagger instead of your dagger you accidentally grab your bedroll Throw your bedroll at the creature it misses

Greg and throw your bedroll at the creature. It misses. Take that ticket. Hmm. Oops. Greg? Uh, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. I'll blast the confusion again. That's fine. OK. Doesn't seem to have slowed them down, so you don't know if. You don't think it's affected it. Their turn.

The single mass splits into three masses which launch themselves at you. That's not great. No. Told you we should have killed the ones downstairs. Right? Right? What are we doing? What are we heading to do?

Well, been quicker about it. Greg, I will punch you. One of them attacks Saturday. Again? Yep. He's behind me. Yeah, it launches over all of your heads and strikes at Saturday. It's like from the roof and all. Saturday, however, brings his greatsword up and deflects its blows.

Yeah. It's slowly fighting him back up the stairs, though. Another one attacks Leo. It's awful wicked slashes at you, unable to penetrate your defense. Yes. After you threw the bedroll, you quickly fumble for your real daggers. And now you're fending it off with the daggers. Not gonna be able to sleep though.

It's like a fucked up lockpick, I threw a bedroll, these guys think I'm an idiot. You got a lantern in one hand, Leo. You can drop the lantern, and potentially it breaks. Or you could fight with just one dagger. Okay. What do you want to do? Throw the lantern to one of the Thursdays. Yeah. I'll probably just drop the lantern. Drop the lantern? How's the lows? Lows. I

hope it breaks the things catch fire because that'll make things exciting. Yes. The stone floor work. You're standing at an angle odd enough that when you let go of the lantern it doesn't really fall, it was kind of already resting on the step below you. You are small. Yeah, makes sense. There's not much of a drop. And one of them attacks perimuncle. Oh no. Oh you just raised your eyebrows. Oh no, oh no, you got critted. It leaps forward without really thinking about it you engage your bee gauntlets and just like, NAH! push them out in front of you, it launches itself onto your bee gauntlets. Sucked in bitch. It was a look of disappointment from Adam to be like, ah fuck I didn't hear a simmer.

It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell. Then it is periwinkle's turn. There's one of them right in front of you, you can see shadow leaking out of its chest from the wounds. Basically it's like through my fist, right? It's kind of like on the end of your gauntlets, yeah.

I'm assuming I cross them over in a defensive pose, because now what I want to do is uncross them violently and ripping it apart through the middle. Sure thing. That's mad. Tear him asunder, as they say. Yeah, you tear it apart. It dissipates into the various little wisps that make it a... Can we hear another moan? Yeah, from deep below, you hear...

GROWLS ..like a death rattle. It was less death rattle and more... ..like a pleasure rattle. If you pleasure one of the shadows, does it pleasure the person downstairs? We can find out! And you are a lover, not a fighter.

I am a lover, not a fighter. I am a lover, not a fighter. Saturday kicks the shadow that he is fighting into your back, periwinkle. The creature staggers, you stagger a little bit as well. And then Saturday yells, duck! I duck. He slashes high, cutting the creature in half. It dissipates into wisps. We high five.

Leo, it's your turn. You're face to face with one. I just stab Leo. I'm like, again, just stab with both. I'm sorry. I'm just ripping things apart. I've never killed an innocent man, I lie. Very begrudgingly, Leo, with like a heavy heart, you kick out one of its legs so it falls down, kick its arm so it hits the wall, pin that arm

to the wall, and then with your other die go, ne ne ne ne ne ne ne, you prison shank it. Just like muscle memory, just muscle memory. Look, that's the way it is. Just muscle memory. You're a violent man for a- Stop, stop, it's dead, enough, enough. Muscle memory, muscle memory. For a greaseman, for a greaseman, for a restaurant. Two more awful sighs echo from below you. They're all dead. You can continue onwards. Am I saying anything in my dark vision

as we go down the stairs now? I picked up my bedroll. As you're charging through, Leo casually grabs his bedroll. Just to distract him, yeah. At the bottom, you know that there's going to be a corridor with cells on either side of you. The cells would be filled with basically like political prisoners.

People that Damien Eaton himself personally hated and wanted to imprison. How good are these people? Let's find out. What's how good? How emaciated are they? Oh, wouldn't you like... Would it be more of a distraction if we let them all go? I see what you're saying.

You get to the bottom and as you're moving through the cells you can see people hunched up. All of them are chained up to the walls. You know, your classic like dungeon sort of chains to the walls with their arms. They all look just awful and sickly. They look like they've been slowly starving for quite some time now. There's this awful stench, not just of like unwashed people, but people that... Like they're basically dead but alive?

Wasting away. Yeah, yeah, right, right, right. Like gangrene. There's maybe 60 people here in total. As you shine your bullseye lantern over them, you curiously note that none of them cast shadows. So it's doing them a service, really? They're not in a good way. Are any of them dead? A couple of them are dead, yes.

One of them doesn't- is one of them in half and one of them missing a head? Yeah, you see injuries identical to those that you inflicted on the shadows. A bunch of them are dead, like, just in other ways, like cuts, abrasions, attacks. You think maybe the shadows are fighting in the fight going on upstairs Yeah, and some of them may be appear dead at first, but when you get close to the moon Yeah, they make tiny they do that guy in seven. Yeah Like a room of that guy in stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Well my so so really letting amounts gonna be time-consuming And they're not gonna be able to help us in any way shape or form But they might cause a nuisance for Eden but they are innocent all of these

people look like if you unchain to them they would just fall to the floor if we kill them will the shadows die yes so anything that happens to one happens to the other but if we kill Eden we maybe save these people that this shadow don't think you can reattach a shadow Leo shadow you both know a cleric of suitable power might be able to help them I think that can reattach a shadow Leo shadow you both know a cleric of suitable power might be able to help them I think that's very wrong Greg. They're not dead. Where are we finding a cleric of suitable power? They say I losing your shadow weakens you but it doesn't kill you these people are weak because they've been kept down Yeah, I'm being tortured in all sorts of I'm just gonna start unpicking the lock. I know there's lots of cells. There's lots of cells

Yeah, well, I'm gonna go through that door. You guys do what you need to do. All right, then. I'm gonna leave and open. Can I borrow- You kinda need him to get, oh, unless you have a ranged weapon that you don't worry about. Do the guards have a ranged weapon? Uh.

Like his mates? Yeah, some of them would've had like crossbows and stuff. I've got bees. I was like, I thought you were a good person, Perry Winkle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, don't you remember? Do bad things.

For good reasons. You'll have to pick the lock while they start killing. That's funny. I'll borrow a crossbow from one of the... Oh you know what, they've got it. Am I meant okay with killing these people? I feel like they would be if they had the same values that I have. Yeah, the two Thursdays start killing. Saturday seems to have lost his heart for it and hands his crossbow over to Pierce instead.

I'll begin. Go over there with Bleeding Art Leo, would ya? I want to use one of my small bay canisters. You throw it and you kill like, of the 60 people, you kill maybe 10. I've got four of those canisters so I'll use two of them. Alright, you kill 20. 20, I'm doing the right thing. It takes you half an hour to pick the lock, Leo.

By the time you're done, they're done. Door's open. Don't look at me like that. I walk through. But can I just, before he goes, put my hand on his shoulder and I just go, man in glass castle shouldn't throw stones. And just keep going. You move forward through further dungeons, none of these inhabited. Some other like miscellaneous places as well.

At some point you're passing through an armory or stock. Anything good? Just mundane stuff for the like guard within here. You guys all have equipment better than this. So the map we're looking at, are we close to the vault? Yeah, you're getting quite close. There's going to be a security checkpoint. You're not sure who exactly is going to be manning a security checkpoint.

It's just around a corner. Do we have a sneak around because I'm fucking all the self look like eating my meat easier for everyone. I'll have a sneak look. I don't think you should be doing any scouting because your eyes are compromised. Yeah right he can that's why. Leo you duck around the corner you see a uh like a barricade not a hastily constructed one but like a properly made one like several different layers of protection like places for crossbowmen to sit and defend against people coming down this corridor the only thing you can see though on the floor are shredded bits of shadow a massive so if we hadn't killed those people we would be facing about 40 shadow men right now it's hard to tell how many are here, but the mass looks big enough for like 10 15

Yeah, but made a good move. Yeah, we did didn't we so I'm saying nice cast detect magic How you cast detect magic the door the vault door itself radiates with powerful magic, but nothing else here does Yeah, it's all clear. Do we know what kind of magic the door radiates with? As you guys are walking closer, Leo, you're able to identify evocation magic, so the magic that governs lightning bolt or fireball, basically a release of energy magic. You're able to detect a faint necromantic aura about it. An abjuration aura. Abjuration alters the nature of things, so turn wood to stone, make something lighter than it should be, that sort of stuff. And yeah, that would be it. The three different types.

Well, why don't I? Because presumably it's trapped. It's only able to be passed by, you know, certain people with the right code. If I make myself look like Eaton, sure. I'll alter stuff to look like Eaton. It lasts for 70 minutes. Sweet. While he's doing that I'm going to give you this spell that I got given by someone that might be handy. How long has alter self lost?

I could try and disable it but let's just see his plan. Because then if Greg Pierce is dead, it's alright. I stand back. We hit back behind the corner of the corridor. It's like, yeah, alter self. It's me, Eaton, let me throw the volt doors have two massive like a handle spinny bit and then six different combination sets on it I'm just gonna whisper like no you're whispering just like talk to parent

got he's dead he's gonna he's dead do you just I just thought I didn't know there were combinations but like whatever I'll just go up to it and touch it see if it responds to my touch. It feels warm, faintly warm to the touch. So there's combinations? Yeah, there are six combinations. Like numerical combinations? Yeah, yeah, yeah, numerical ones.

Probably lit a cigarette. Yeah, lit a cigarette, having a sneaky one, like... I'm gonna put my ear up to it and start turning combinations, try and hear it click. Smoke is lethal. You can... I like to turn back to you guys, give you the finger, keep going. You can pick locks, but you're not very good at it. You can certainly attempt it but I'm going to tell you here and now your character is very well aware that it's probably beyond his ability.

Alright. Do we tell him that we have the spell yet that opens the doors? Even I could try and have a quick tander at this because it's basically a lock. I could try this but I'm curious to have a quick tandra at this because it's basically a lock like I could try this But like I'm curious see what happens. Yeah me too Is there anything else other than the combinations? Yeah, nothing else. I'll just turn back right It doesn't work like I thought it does. Oh, you could give the like handles to go see if it opens Yeah, go on. This is stupid

I'll turn back to them and be like, yeah, right. Have you tried turning it off and on? Nah, well, real funny. Come on. Get off your arses, finish my smoke. Come on. Just whatsoever. Have a look at the locks, can I unlock this?

Well, the magical element is a bit beyond you. You can make out a faint line of like magical text around just the edge of the door. The magical text is some sort of spell of protection. You think potentially the spell might have some sort of effect of like, if you're trying to open the door and you do not own what is beyond you, the door can tell that. But you don't know what it does when it- Like a Gringotts vault.

In Harry Potter. I'll be like, well- The door knows if you own what is beyond it, but you're not sure what it does when it finds out. Right. What does Knock do, the spell? Does that negate everything? Or does it unlock it? It just unlocks magical or mundane locks. It won't get rid of any traps.

Alright. I'm gonna use the Knock and see what happens. Does the magic change? We're standing back again. Yeah. Stand back, boys. You read aloud the arcane spell. The six different combinations spin of their own accord. And one after the other, you hear click, click, click, click, click, click, and a bolt sliding on the other side of the door.

Right. Still magic? You can still detect magic, yeah. So the traps are all still activated? Yep. Cool. Right, doors unlocked, but there's still what happens. Do you think it would be fooled by my Alter Self? I assume I still look like Eton.

I haven't changed that. You don't think Alter Self will fool it? A use magic device check, which both you and Pierce can attempt Basically what you're doing is you're tricking a magical item into thinking something So easy ones are like you trick a magical item into being like hey, I'm a wizard or hey, I'm lawful good More complicated ones are like hey, I'm an orc or hey, I'm Damien Eaton Well, I've got 13 in Use Magical Device. What are you rocking?

That's a good question. I'll crack my knuckles. Go up to it and be like, yo, yo, it's me, Damien Eaton. Don't even think about it. You grab the left or the right handle? Left. Left? Use Magic Device.

Let's see how we do it. You grab it. Yeah. And turn it. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick clock. Sweet. Right, that's one dumb. On to the nexty.

Alright. It's me again. Damien Eaton. Everyone, it's me Damien Eaton. Don't think too much. In your exuberance, you forget to say it's me Damien Eaton. It's like, it's me, it's me. You grab the second one and when you grab it, it feels impossibly cold to the touch.

Fucked up, fucked up, fucked up. No, you don't let go. You mimed the touch. Fucked up, fucked up, fucked up. No you don't let go. You mime to letting go but you don't. Your hands become frozen to the door and ice starts to come along or starts to chill up your arms. Someone crack my hands off this right right ay ay ow ow ow. Alright I go over, I grab Greg Pierce round the waist and I pull until his hands snap off. No!

If I pull him up and his hands shatter you can heal him right? No, not at all, no one can. Who's the healer? He is. I couldn't even heal this. Can you heal without hands? Okay, I'm gonna say a round is passed while you guys are having this conversation. I can't even heal it.

Let's take another point of damage at the ice. The hand back's very difficult, alright? Just pry my fingers away. Use magic item, I try and turn the... Oh no. You're damning. I'm damning, I'm damning him. I'm damning him.

I'm so damning him. You grab, turn, tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick. The effect on Greg Piss immediately ends and the door slowly starts to swing forward. Hot tip for those of you playing at home. If you'd pulled at him, I would have broken off both his hands. I kind of knew that you would have.

I thought you could heal. No, sorry I couldn't let you do that, Adam. Sick pleasure in that as well. Oh, I know you would have. The vault door opens to a very small, simple room. It's maybe 15 feet by 10 feet. The room is tiny compared to the door that's guarding it. In the room is a table and on the table are three bags one of them you

recognize as the bag that you were originally after that the orc chieftain was holding aloft the other two bags look like they might also be magic bags but they're not ones that you specifically are after right the bags all look similar they do look kind of similar. Yeah, don't you dare? I was gonna like the tech magic again you detect magic the room detects with no magic neither does the door I grab the bag that we are recognized from the orcs you step into the room and when you step into the room You feel like you've walked through a waterfall Something weird happened when I walked in. Check it out. I walked through?

Same thing. You have a feeling like you've walked through a waterfall. And both of you actually, I should say, feel a little different. Like something's changed. Neither of you look different. I feel soler. It's this nagging feeling that something's changed. I stay out of the room.

Alright. By the vault door. Saturday steps through. I want one of the Thursdays to stay with Greg Pierce. Both of the Thursdays stay with Greg Pierce. They give you sour looks, Pierce. I give him a sour look back. Saturday steps through and he says I feel fine. You feel fine? I felt that weird water thing but I feel fine inside. Both of you look normal he says. I don't feel normal. You don't feel

normal. Yeah. Do you want to grab the one we know and I'll grab the other two? Yeah alright. You wander up to the table and consider the bags, but you feel it would be wrong to steal. I don't want to steal them. Perhaps there's a better way to do this. What do I feel? Same thing. You feel like really bad. Because I love stealing. You, Perry Wenkel, you look back on like a bunch of things that you've done to get here after like considering taking them and you're like oh man I killed all those people Saturday hmm try to take the bag Saturday wanders off knees like well surely there's like you know another way to do this what's wrong what's wrong what's going on pick up a bag can you pick up

the table can I pick up the table yeah you can lift the table let's move the table out of this fucking vault you don't even finish that sentence you're like that's what it is wrong what's's just put it down. Theft is wrong. What's wrong? What's wrong? Ever notice that thieving is wrong, Greg? Never in my life. If your idea helps you steal, you don't say whatever you're thinking.

Adam, can I Mage Hand? Hey, Greg. Yeah? Before you Mage Hand, can you try to come in the room? I want to see what happens to you when you try to take this back, because I don't want to, and neither does Leo. Well, what if I come in the room and then to see what happens to you when you try to take this back because I don't want to and neither does Leo. Well what if I come in the room and then I don't want to? Let me try this first idiot.

Except my major. Do you want to make a handbag I assume? What is your room? Yeah you lift the correct bag and draw it towards you. Right I got the right bag. I closed the vault door. You do realise the two Thursdays are out with you? I'll fight them, that's fine. I closed the vault door. We make a run for it. Fuck me.

I knew it was coming. I should have broken his fucking hands when I had the chance. You should have. Then he wouldn't be able to do this. I'm slippery. I trusted him in a bad moment where I forgot that Jackson and Greg Pierce aren't the same person. They're pretty similar. They are, but I wouldn't break Jackson's hands. Alright, so Pierce, you put your hands around the vault door and you begin to close it.

It's nearly shut and Leo, if you want, you could try to duck through, but if you fail, you're going to get crushed on the door and I'm going to let you know you could try to duck through but if you fail you're gonna get crushed on the door and I'm gonna let you know you have five hit points left do I know if I he closed the door we're dead like there's no exiting this now on the other side of the door there's like the mechanisms that control the door certainly if it's just a mechanical issue you can unlock it from the night I throw and dagger through the closing door and get him Can I be him as the doors closing too? If you be him you'll be being your friends as well Just these are equal opportunity enemies

Can I throw a dagger at him charged you hurl that? the dagger slips easily into your thigh I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna straight up kill him. Pierce, you feel an awful pain shooting up your leg and then everything goes black. Oh god. Fucking damn it.

You're on negative one hit point. Yes! God. Fucking damn it. The two Thursdays, like, grab the door before it closes and pull it back open. Pull it back open. Fucking damn it. Right. Hang on a second. First off, tie him up. I'm gonna use Mage Hand. Grab the other before it closes and pull it back open. Pull it back open, fucking damn. Right. Hang on a second.

First off, tie him up. Tie him up. I'm gonna use Mage Hand. Grab the other two bags. One of the bags is too heavy for Mage Hand. You can only get another one of the bags. Alright, grab that. Do you want one with a red buckle or with blue lining?

Red buckle. Red buckle? Okay. Red buckle is a good name. It's the name of my dad. So you get the one with the red buckle and you get the one with the shoe. I was thinking of killing you. Does anyone stabilise Pierce?

Would you just leave him to bleed out? I don't know how to heal people, Leo. Do we want to just... You know what? Between Thursday, Thursday and Saturday, they like stabilise him and then if you guys want, you can just kill him. Alright, first off, I want to get that other, I just want to get that other. The blue lining one? Blue lining one. We can't steal it if we're in the room.

Something happens that means we can't take stuff. Yeah. And it's not strong enough to do the weird spell thing you do. Yeah. Can I just like, can I get like, a grappling hook? Uh huh. Some rope.

Pill it in. The last of it. Like, not like the bag, but the desk. The table. And drag the desk towards me. Well you're probably not strong enough to drag it. But it, but yeah, with Periwinkle and such, you can drag the table so that it's... Can we hit the table at the door so that the bag falls out of the door?

The table's probably a bit too heavy to finagle it like that because the vault door, like, is big. One of you is going to have to, like, reach in and just kinda grab at it? Yeah, we do that. Uh, here's the one with the reach. I'd probably go first. Probably periwinkle. Yeah, I'll go first then.

It's a bit too far for you periwinkle, without actually putting yourself into the vault and then not being able to steal. I've got an idea. Pick me up. Yeah, can I hold Leo out? Then you would just proper be in and stealing is wrong. Can I just maybe use the grappling hook and kind of grab the bag and push the bag forward? Hold Leo out. Eek. Then you would just proper be in and stealing is wrong. Eek. Can I just maybe use the grappling hook and kind of grab the bag and push the bag forward?

You know what I mean? Like it's kind of a new word just to be like, I just don't want Damien Eaton to have this. No, me neither. Maybe it's a dragon. You miss with your first throw of the grappling hook and after you've thrown the grappling hook just one time. I give it one more. I give it one more try and if that fucks up, fair enough, throw it in.

On the second go, you loop it loosely around one of the bag straps and you're able to drag it closer and then out. So we have all three bags? There you go. I'm gonna take the bag that we came for. I'll put these in my backpack. And I'll look after this one. That's just a regular backpack, right?

My backpack, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot if any of you had like a... Nah. Putting a magic bag in a magic bag is not good. No, no, it's a regular backpack, right? My backpack, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot if any of you had like a... Nah. Putting a magic bag in a magic bag is not good. No, no, it's a regular backpack. Pause explosions. Ugh.

Um, now. Now, peace. The only thing that makes me really wary is, this is Greg Piss we're talking about, and I'm worried that if we just leave here with him, he will find a way to just fuck us. Escape? So part of me is like, lock him in the vault, and if he gets out of the vault, bully for him. with him he will find a way to just fuck us. Escape?

So part of me is like, lock him in the vault and if he gets out of the vault, bully for him. Will, how will he wake up? Will he wake up? Because he's been stabilized, eventually if you leave him he will wake up. It'll take like a day. So here we go. By which day is Wailong gone?

He's got twenty-four hours. Like, do we want to, do we want, do we hate him enough to kill him? Is my question. Wow. Proud of me wants to lock him in the vault but break his arms and legs before we do that. I'm happy to do that. Oh yeah. How you going? I'll be alright.

Like- You did betray us. No, like- I like- it's fair. Like- Yeah. Like I'm not a huge fan of killing people. They're like, they're innocent. But Craigslist is not innocent.

Like, he fucked us good. You want to kill him? I did not not say that. If we carry him with us, is it going to be really hard to get out of here? To drag him with us? I'm just saying, put him in the vault. Block the door. I'm OK with that.

He gets out. He has to then escape Eaton's castle again. Chuck him in the vault. We put him in the vault. You roll him into the vault and close the doors on him. A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Mark. And I'm Ryan. And you might know us from our award winning CBC podcast, Let's Make a Sci-Fi. But we want to tell you about our brand new show, The Town Show.

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