D&D is For Nerds - Jarren’s Outpost: EE #8 The Two Wives of Perriwinkle O'Rourke

Episode Date: March 15, 2025

The assault on the Surefoot Warehouse is fully under way. After barely surviving the trap filled dungeon that was the warehouse, Peri and Leo face up against the deadly might of the Surefoot Halfling Family, deep in the bowels of Surefoot territory. But there is so much more on the line than either of them realise, for death and destruction are always close at hand when the halfling families are involved. Meanwhile Gregg Piss looks for his missing soul in the sewers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Jaren's Outpost is a bustling city located in the nation of Goldcrest. A nation that nobody cared about until the king was slain by a bunch of adventurers. Unfortunately, adventurers did what adventurers do, and they didn't think of the consequences of killing a powerful tyrant, and they promptly left the citizens a gold crust to figure it out for themselves. For now, Jaren's Outpost is a melting pot of religions, criminals, politics, and paranoia, with everyone keeping everyone else in check.

But all that's about to change. Welcome to the enhanced edition of Jaren's Outpost. Piss. Yes. You're still in the sewers. All right. Sadder than a were-rat wishing it was a were-wolf. He's running towards you. I'd like to bring my makeshift weapon into the neck of the were-rat. That's pretty much all I can do at this point. You slash at Shane with your glass bottle, but you can't really score a hit. He's too close in with you.

Tearing at you. Speaking of tearing at you, Shane continues to try and bite at any part of your exposed skin, but he can't get a good hit in on you either. You're kind of like boxes hugging each other really tightly. So neither of you can get a good blow in. Yeah, he's like trying to scratch, he's trying to bite,

he's trying to do anything, but all he can do is like bite and scratch around you. Periwinkle, you continue to move forward. I'm now moving forward carefully, checking for traps this time, giving the bird to that stupid tree trunk as I walk past it. As you continue to move you see in the concrete floor an odd coloured square you choose to avoid

that. Yeah yeah yeah you see weird coloured squares probably traps. Leo you continue to move. Check. Sounds like the mob aren't coming in here. We found anything of note? No just lots of crates and boxes. This place looks like it's designed to do what it is currently doing. Fair. Makes sense. This game has lots of mobs. It's more like a riot now, to be honest.

When does a mob become a riot? And other filicalsophical questions. Filicalsophical questions. Leo, you think you see a light up ahead and you are kind of wary of it? You're peering at it very closely, paying a lot of attention to it. So you don't notice when you step on a square that clicks down a little bit? That's oddly coloured to the rest. Was it like an odd colour to the rest?

An arrow fires from where you saw that light. You duck underneath the arrow, it passes over your head. Oh boy. Did you go alive, Leo? Piss. Here's a question, Adam. If I'm to shove my hand down his throat and summon my instrument, it won't summon in his throat. Yeah, that's fine. I'll just cast Confusion on him then.

That actually would have been the best. Summon a loot inside the wearer. No, the, uh, any summoning spell specifies that you can't do that for that exact reason. Nah, fair. Pity. Pity. Oh, that's so good. Mm-hmm. You throw your mental net around his mind, and you feel his mind cave in. Ah, got him. You got him.

Sweet. What's he doing? You know that your spell has affected Shane, but you can't really tell from his actions. He continues to attack. Ah, god damn it. I got the attack one. You're still too close together, however, for him to be able to do anything. That's good. And you have noticed that as he's been swinging and swinging and swinging, you can see that he's still bleeding very profusely and his swings are getting weaker and weaker and weaker. Periwinkle, you continue to move. Continuing to move. Keeping an eye out for traps.

You see an open crate and you think you hear a baby crying. You walk closer, look in and you can see like a little stroller. The stroller is turned away from you. As you get closer and closer you look around. In the stroller is a wooden baby that is like a doll, like a child's doll and its mouth is open. From its mouth is coming the... You look at it and then the little doll head turns to look at you and the little wooden doll leaps out at you. Jesus! Can I, like, try to flick it away from me?

As soon as it wraps itself around you, it explodes. Jesus! What the fuck? I don't like these sure-foot people. No, thank you. I feel like Periwinkle would be dumb enough to fall for a crying baby in a warehouse. Periwinkle would absolutely be like, I've gotta help this baby. Oh shit, it was one of them splody babies. You take seven points of damage as wood fragments embed themselves deep in it.

I'm gonna stop KB score, I'm in trouble. Uh, Leo. If you hear a baby, it's not a baby. I very much like that you're warning each other of the traps that you've heard. Like, one of you's always gonna get caught by the trap. As you're walking Leo, you see a training dummy, like for someone who's practicing martial arts or sword blows or something like that. I don't know what this is.

You think it like moves when you're not looking at it, but you choose to ignore it and keep going. The sun sets. Which sun? The sun, well the second sun. And so the light coming from outside has completely diminished or is completely gone now. You guys are drenched in darkness and you're going to need light to be around. Is there anything like say another light source before the floor or something like that?

The fire is kind of going out. I meant like is in a clue of maybe where to go like oh When the light goes out completely Yeah, you can see somewhere deep within the Facility there's a light shining. It's like a glow like a sun rising sort of thing, but it's not very bright No, I think I know where we're going over like can you look to the whatever? Really yell now to heal to hear each other. You think you're like moving away from each other.

Cool. Yeah, yeah. I cast light. Alright, you cast light. And I can probably see better with the dark vision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Cast light on my hand. Right. Your light illuminates the darkness. And with the light in hand, you feel a little better. Yes. And we're making our way to that thing.

So, confusion, is that still in effect? It's still affecting him, yeah. I'm not strong enough to roll him into the water to drown him, am I? He's feeling less and less... Oh, let's give it a go. Whilst we're tangling, I'd like to hurl us around into, like, the middle of the sewer so he's beneath me. Do you like crocodile death roll? Death roll him into the water.

Drown this rat. Drown this confused, brain-dead rat. Drown the rat. You feel like you brain dead rat. Drown the rat. You feel like you wouldn't normally be able to do this, but because he's been getting weaker and weaker as he's been bleeding more and more heavily, you roll him over and push him underwater. Yes! Drown the rat. He continues to try and attack you though. He sinks his teeth deep into your arm. You take seven points of damage. You're fine, you're fine.

I'm fine, I'm fine. I've got fucking five potions left. Four potions left. One of his arms comes up in place to scratch your face. Successfully scratches your face, I should say. You take five points of damage from that. Well good. He's dying.

Whatever, you're drowning a rat. It's easy. You're drowning a rat. It's easy. Drown the rat. You've got four potions left. I'm fine. You're not really organically needed five by the end of this. If you only had one more potion you wouldn't have survived. What happened to that fifth potion? I will heal you completely in exchange for five potions. I will give you the weapon in exchange for five health potions exactly.

I just need to look up disease. Oh. God damn it. Your wound is in the sewer. Yeah, no. And also, he's not a clean rat. How does typhoid work? Feel this. I feel like this exact situation. All those people on the wall, they got typhoid. Now, they fought wild rats in the sewer and were bitten.

Periwinkle, you keep moving. Keep moving, taking traps with my dark vision. You see as you're walking through, two containers open and you think you can hear running water coming from one of them, you choose to ignore it. You keep moving, you turn a different way. Don't need that. You do not need open containers in your life. Not for me.

Maybe more wood babies. Are we getting closer to the source of the light? You're slowly making your way towards it, but it's difficult to know exactly, because you're... Like, this place, like I said, is designed, you think, to be an actual maze. Get on top of them. Would it be easier to climb the boxes? Could I climb the boxes and walk on top of them? You could certainly try. That'll have to be your next turn.

Alright, that's alright, that's good. Leo, did you want to climb this turn? Nah, I think I know enough about traps that I'm like, nah, I think I got this. And plus I'm thinking, no, they're halflings. They think like me. If I was thinking to climb, they might fuck me. So, there might be traps on top of every box. Yeah, I'm staying here. You know how you can get like, balls and stuff like that that aren't connected to a ceiling?

It's like you get them sometimes in office spaces and stuff like that. You come to a wall that has a door in it. You could climb over it if you want, but you choose instead to open the door. And when you do that, you feel a magical energy sock you in the face. No real artistry to this trap and that's why you fell for it. It's just dumb and obvious. It's literally a door. Does confusion change every round? Yeah, it does. Yeah, cool.

Oh, keep drowning, you keep drowning. You keep him underwater. He continues to try and, like, bite and claw at you. He can't work his teeth any further than they are already, but his hands keep scratching at you, and he keeps digging into your face slowly. Is he being drowned? Oh, well, he's underwater. Yeah, they cook up a periwinkle. Did you want to try and climb up onto a crate? I feel he's such a loaded question, but fuck it I'm gonna try to climb up and see if I can get up on top of the crates All right

You can't find purchase properly on the crate if you want you can move down a little bit and try again, but that'll be your entire turn to just get up onto the crate. Yeah, no, I think I'm just gonna press on. Cool. You don't move far enough to encounter another trap this turn. Damn it, I should have just climbed. Leo? Yeah, keep walking and detecting traps they go.

You turn a corner to a long stretch in between boxes and you're like oh fuck no in a criss-crossing pattern there's tripwires for like a solid 30 feet you decide instead of dealing with this you're just gonna like run you charge through it as quickly as you can snap snap snap snap. They all break as you're running through and you hear arrows firing behind you, but you get to the other side unmolested. I don't think I'm that fast. You are, you're a fast boy.

Yeah. Piss, do you want to, you continue to try and keep his head on him? If you want, you could like try to drink a health potion. Oh yeah, can I do both? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, then I'll do that. You've easily got him underwater with one arm as you drink a health potion with your other good chain

Stops trying to claw at you. His hands just go very still and you see just bubbles coming from underneath Not that he's dead. He's like his arms are just not moving. Yeah, that's good. That's very Winkle Would you like to try climbing up again? Yeah, I'll try climbing up again, because if I can climb up in one turn, I'll be okay. You climb up onto the box, and as soon as you climb up above the maze, arrows start flying down from the catwalks above. Knew it.

Only one of them manages to hit you. You can't see where they are. They're like far enough that your dark vision doesn't allow you to see them. They're somewhere up in the dark rafters. So I guess I just try to outrun the arrows in the roof. Up to you, mate. How much further have I got to go?

Not that much further, but you'd need to take like two rounds of solid arrow fire to get there. That's rough and you're not doing so hot. No, no, no, I'm not. Do I have anything that can help me? Light pollution bomb. I threw that. Do I have anything that can help me? Light pollution bomb. If I threw that, would that light up the whole fucking warehouse? It would blind me, though.

If you were a full-blooded orc, it would, but as a half-orc, you'd be fine. I'm gonna throw the light pollution bomb, just so I can see what the hell's going on. Alright, where do you want to throw it? Just like ahead of me, I guess. I called it light pollution bomb because I couldn't remember what it was called. The gold liquid that's the sun. You heft the daylight pellet and chuck it ahead of you. Leo, suddenly the dark is not so dark anymore.

The entire warehouse is bathed in a soft yellow glow. You can see perfectly dozens of halflings on the catwalks above, both of you can. Firing down at you, Periwinkle. You can see the maze a little bit clearer but it's still like an incomprehensible mess even in the light of day. Can we see the source of the light that was ahead of us? You probably actually couldn't see it no next to the daylight pellet. If we're looking in that direction though can we see where it was coming from now that everything's lit up? Yeah you can see like a box fort if you will. Cool. How many halflings maybe 12 cool fourth

It's a bit from a next turn I'm assuming could I be strong enough to jump up to the catwalk grab on and just pull it down with no You're not nearly good enough. That would be so cool. That would be great I kill so many people at once imagine being able to solidly jump vertically like six stories. That's what you're asking. Yep. Yep, that's what I'm asking. Adam, can I?

Can I? No, you cannot. I guess I'm just gonna have to try to leg it. You're just gonna charge down? Yeah, I'm just gonna keep legging it and try to get ahead of him. Leo, it's your turn. Alright, I'm just gonna keep going the way I was going. As you're going, trying to be a little bit quicker now because you feel like maybe you

can't see Periwinkle but you know the daylight pellets effects when you see them. So you're kind of aware that Periwinkle has thrown it for a good reason and you imagine maybe he's running as you're running. Unfortunately, all these thoughts distract you from the fact that you are running very quickly into what you thought was concrete but was actually like quicksand cleverly disguised as concrete. I can't help you here buddy. That's fine. By the time you are aware of what's happening you're already up to your ankles. Oh shit. Not your ankles your knees. Ahm wee. Ahm wee. Yep okay. You're not sure because the quicksand is very indistinguishable from concrete,

you're not sure how far it extends forwards, but you know you're a good ten feet into it. I'm a dickhead. Alright. That'll be something you have to deal with next. Nah, fair. He's pissed. So how's... what's the sitch?

Shane stops moving. Now, possibly actually dead. His arms collapse in and he stops struggling at all. There's no bubbles anymore. Okay, that's a pretty clear indication. I feel like you just want to be safer. Might just take this turn to just bring the broken bottle and jam it into his neck a bunch. Just in the hope that that'll take care of him. Did you break another bottle?

I broke two. Dude, you're. Dude was out of the head. You stab him a bunch, but even possibly in his death, his wear-rat-hide is very difficult to get around. Well, I'll stand up and just give it a second. He floats to the surface. Starts floating down with the sewage. That's fine. I'm going to chug a health potion and keep trying to make my way towards the Blood Cult.

Happy that I've wiped away one death. With a foot you gingerly roll him onto his front so that as he drifts he's face down. You chug a health potion and you start making your way back to the Blood Cult hideout. You're still wearing the robes, clever. Didn't take them off. Periwinkle, as you're charging, two more arrows score hits. You take 11 points of damage in total. Shit, I'm in trouble.

Where you on? 34. My maximum health is 40. You're fine. Yeah, I'm in trouble though. You could fall, like, you don't think they'll shoot at you if you jump back into the maze. You have cover even, even if they continue. What are the chances of me jumping down and landing on a trap though?

Decent. Ha! Didn't even gotta hide that one. If I keep running, how many more turns of arrows will I have to cop? One? Uh, one more turn, yeah, of arrows. And then you're free and clear if it were. If I jump down, how many more turns of traps have I got? Two, I would imagine. Fuck it. I'm gonna keep running.

Alright. Then it is Leo's turn. Uh, grappling hook, rope, forward onto some boxes. You throw it, it hits the box, but as you're dragging it, you can't latch it or anything. Yep. You can try again, that's your turn. Yep. Alright. This time it's not a very solid thing, but you know how the side of a crate is like a

square and then there'll be like a line going from corner to corner? Yeah, a reinforcement panel. Yeah, a reinforcement strut or whatever you want to call it. Your grappling hook like catches just in the corner there. It's very loose in there though. You got good enough. You trying to pull yourself out, yeah. Start thinking with Greg Piss. WWPD. You get yourself like out of the muck but you don't travel very far before your hook like tears its way through

and you're you're unconnected again. You're like lying on your belly on the quicksand. Oh so I've made things worse. Not really. You're not sinking right now. Well, that's good. Should weights evenly displace? Distribution of weight. Yeah. That's your turn. I'm assuming. Sure. Piss, you just keep running? Yep. Alright, you're out of this. No-one's coming after you.

Yes. Piss is home free. Periwinkle, you continue to charge. I keep running. Another volley of arrows is fired. Just dodge, just dodge, just dodge. Fucking copper. Only one of those swords are hit. Only one? Oh, that was stressful.

You take one point at an inch. Am I close now to the box fort? Yeah, you can leap into the box fort if you want. Yes. Well, you run up to the edge, you look in, you see a large inner building, an excavation site, and in the excavation site, you see they've broken through

into the sewers below and there's like ladders and stuff like that this is obviously how they've been getting in and out it looks like a very professional setup there's um halflings all around here all of them with like hard hats on working about the construction and stuff like that and they're moving boxes in and out of the sewers. They all turn around, a lot of them are surprised to see you, but some of them, wielding weapons like crossbows, swords and stuff like that do not seem so surprised. How many? In total, there's maybe 60, wielding weapons only 10. Just leap on one.

You can see also kind of in the middle of everything as well, you know how at a construction site they have those like prefab buildings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a building that's just, you plop it there and it's good to go. You see a three story one of those and up in the top story in a window you see a halfling with a shock of red hair, two little green eyes staring at you with a mug of coffee in his hands. He looks quite confused but also like he might be the foreman here. Can I make it to the top of the prefab building?

You can't from where you are. Yeah, I jump in. I'm imagining like a, almost like a coliseum type structure. Construction in the middle and then a prefab thing. So I've got to get into the coliseum and then to get to where we're going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are halflings like in terms of caring for other halflings within their family? Very deeply care. Laugh-a-million.

Halflings are all about laugh-a-million. But if you've got halflings with no weapons, what if they've got tiny fists? The construction halflings, none of them have red hair. None of them look like the Shorefoot family. They just look like construction workers hired to come out here. Some of the guys with the weapons obviously have the red hair. Oh yeah, a bunch of them have shocks of red hair. All of them would have red hair because they're sure foot.

Not every sure foot has red hair. But most of the guys with the weapons of the sure foot, guys with the hard hats are not sure foot, is what we're introducing. Definitely, yeah. Um, kill some sure foot. I'm gonna jump and try to grab a sure foot holding a weapon. I've got improved disarm abilities. I've read that on the sheet.

I'm trying to disarm him and then take him as my hostage. You basically land on a sure foot. He has this curly reddish hair. That's all you see as you're coming down. He seems incredibly surprised. You catch him unawares. Do I, can I jump down and just do a full dokes from Dexter and just surprise

motherfucker? You can say surprise motherfucker if you wish. I do. You grab him because he's like you know the size of a ten year old and you're seven foot tall or whatever. I'm six six. You hoist him up so that you're carrying him with your arms. You've got one arm around this, he's not a kid but you'd call him like a kid basically. Pinning his two arms to his sides he drops his weapon and you hold your like bee gauntlet to his neck. I literally just pointed it in and I'm like alright, if you want your boy here to keep his pretty little ginger head I need to know where my wife is.

I love how much you've just become an 80s actor yeah oh yeah good Leo yes what do you do so I know the distribution of weight is not sinking me could I shuffle would I know that shuffling might work well that just fucked me good so the equation as it sits you're not thinking doing some matter anything the equation changes and if the equation changes maybe you see all right I'm just gonna. Doing some math in my head here. But if you do anything, the equation changes. And if the equation changes, maybe you sink. Alright, I'm just gonna try and grapple hook again. Alright.

Yeah. To do that you need to kind of like push yourself up onto your back so you're not distributing your weight so evenly. That's alright. That's okay? Okay. I'll just try and... Okay, I'm gonna sink a little bit.

You're able to keep yourself balanced and not sinking. You throw your grappling hook. I love the sound effects so much. and not sinking, you... WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP, towards the fort. You just pull yourself and eventually your belly is dragging not along quicksand but along concrete. I'm so dusting gross. I hate this. I got some cleric vestments you can borrow if you want to change clothes later. You get to your feet and keep going. Periwinkle. No one's firing at you but no one's really doing anything. Everyone just seems in shock. Did anyone respond to my threat? No. you don't think you're talking to anyone in power right now Who the fuck's in charge? None of them react immediately Some of the construction guys are starting to inch their way back

Actually, I want to I want to I want to also do this one put your weapons on the ground and kick them over to me Also while doing an intimidating face. This is your face really. The security team looks among themselves and then one of them like kind of hesitantly at first but eventually you know just willingly drops his sword and kicks it towards you the others do the same. That's good. Leo? Do I keep going this way? Yeah. You get to a massive set of doors which are the entryway into the box fort. Detect magic. Detect magic, detect traps, just detect everything.

You detect no magic. You find a trap. So if the door is opened, it looks like it just sets off an alarm. Can I climb over and do what he did and boop? Or can I try and dismantle this trap? You can do either one of those things, but on your next turn. Alright. Okay, so the prefab building, the bottom level doors open, and walking out of them comes the foreman, still holding his mug of coffee, but he seems like it's just he's holding it because he didn't think to put it down.

So he's moving with it and it's spilling everywhere. Also, are three more members of the security team who between them have a heavily tied up and somewhat bloodied looking ragia. bloody looking, Gragia, out of the doorway, comes a very elderly looking halfling. His red hair is dulled to like a more coppery color, and his face looks really saggy and just like liver spotted. Everyone else who came out of the building is hurrying towards you. He however, just stands in the doorway and says,

Well, you're over there, you've got what you want. Why don't you just leave with her now? There's your wife, off you go. Greg, yeah? They let her go and she, Leo, you climb over, you hop down, you're like with- Oh, fine, I'll just land next to her. Good mate, Periwinkle.

Hey. So she's conscious. Yeah, she's conscious. She looks a little bloodied and she's gagged the Security members let go of her and she put hands around her feet on she makes her way towards you The elderly halfling who you presume to be Papa sure foot calls out Oh and members of the security team if you'd like to grab your fucking weapons and do your job for once The members of the security team like some of them who have moved their weapons too close to you,

simply draw daggers, but other ones whose weapons are a bit closer, hurry over and quickly grab their weapons. You may be grabbed some of the weapons. Yeah, but you were like, you were in the process of grabbing weapons when this happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough there. So like of the original 10, a full half of them are just armed with daggers, backup daggers they had. Still holding this boy. Gragia like stands next to you. She gives you like a significant look. Is it a look of thank you or is it a thank you? It's a look of gratitude. So I'm next to 10? She's

angry. Yeah, yeah. So I'm next to them them. Yeah. I'm going to cut her wrist. You cut her wrist loose. She pulls her gag off and I'm just saying the kids are OK. Just so you know, she she nods. She's like you can tell she wants to, you know, she's got like an emotional outburst ready to go. But now isn't the time. Good. Like, do you know if they have the weapon in there?

She shakes her head with a weapon? A box. It'd be a bag. I don't know. Get out of the warehouse, please. What? No, no, there's a trap. It's a trap.

Up, up, up, up, up. You let the boy go, then we'll let you go. I'm gonna take the boy with me to the front door. Just get, grab your behinders. You're not gonna make it to the front door with that, boy. Well, it's gonna be really awkward for you. What are you gonna do, shoot me? Stab me, attack me?

Cause when people start attacking me, I get real stressed. I might squeeze real hard and his little pretty head might pop off, fall on the floor. The elderly halfling pushes away from the door frame. And as he walks towards you, you realize why he didn't walk towards you because he needs a cane and he ambles slowly in your direction

How close is he? He's not close. But like 60 feet? 120 maybe? Damn. How many halflings have weapons here? In total? 13? The construction crew is slowly getting into the just very slowly getting into the sewers Not wanting to attract too much attention to them. Some of them only have little daggers because they're good weapons. The daylight pellet wears off. You're not plunged into darkness, you're plunged into the dull light from the construction equipment. So, you might squeeze if you get a little tense, might you? Well, if I get a little tense, I might order my men to open fire and, well, they tend to go for females first.

Just set him off. Oh boy! You let go of the boy, you leave, and as your little letter said, that can be the end of it. But if you hurt that boy... No! No! Plus and physically located in Ontario gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca select games only guarantee void of platform or game Mods just occur guarantee requires played by at least one customer until jackpot is awarded or 11 p.m. Eastern research and supply seen full terms at Canada. casino.fandom.com please play responsibly Acast powers the world's best podcast here's a show that we recommend

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That was so perfectly done. Also, I'm holding my arm up like I've got the pain. But if you heard that voice, let's just say he rolls his eyes. I've amassed a long amount of skills over a storied career. Is it being an old fuckwit and taking a long time to explain shit? Says the person who sends a two-page letter. He's kidnapped my wife! It's just business, my friend. As they're kind of having this discussion back and forth, I'm just gonna go ahead and try and slowly just make my way to the nearest halfling. Very, very slowly.

You slip away. If that were the Coliseum, as handsome Tom described it, you Leo are slowly making your way counter-clockwise around the stadium, so the hole is in between you and pretty much everyone else okay majority of people are all on the opposite side facing towards periwinkle right all right I'm gonna keep trying to slowly and while they have that little discussion to run the site how about I got a better idea I'll give you the boy back you tell me what you guys doing with the weapon, and I

don't kill everyone in this room. What we're doing with the weapon? We're gonna use it to take over the city. Ah, see? See? I wish you just had us said we're gonna use it to do something, but then you had to say, you had to say we're using it to take over the city. So not right now But at some point I'm gonna wrap my hands around your neck and I'm gonna break it. That's gonna be difficult riddled with bullets

From inside the building You hear a weird mechanical sound and then ripping through the middle of that prefabricated building Hundreds of bullets at once start peppering where you guys are. They open the fuck? They're firing at a boy. The last thing you hear before bullets start piercing your supple precious flesh is Papa Shorefoot.

Sorry kid, but we needed the time. It was a stall off. Alright I try to jump out of the way You know what I'm gonna break this kid's neck and then jump out of the way Jim Greg is also doing her own thing trying to not get killed presumably yeah So out of the a hundred poorly placed bullets one of them finds you you take three points of damage from a glancing This sheer volume terrifies you. This is a fucking Gatling gun. Yeah.

The Gnomes invented a Gatling gun. God damn fucking Gnomes. How did they crack the code? So, on Periwinkle, you're first? Well, obviously it's just get the fuck out of the way. Also, crush the kid in my arms. With a snap, you break his neck, he goes limp. out of the way, also crush the kid in my arms. With a snap, you break his neck, he goes limp.

And I throw him at the nearest fucking halfling with a weapon as like a BAH! Take that and try to get out of the way. You heft the halfling, throw him as hard as you can, but throwing a body is different to throwing a bee pellet or a knife, and the body does not go nearly far enough. You charge in the direction of the nearest piece of cover, a large pile of dirt that they've overturned. Then Gregia. Gregia charges forward and slams bodily into a halfling. She floors him and then starts crushing his head. Yes! That's snugga. What a woman.

You hear like a crack and then a splurge of blood. She comes up covered in more gore, wielding the halflings dagger. Can I throw her the loot as well at this point? I'll say that when you guys were standing next to each other, you passed it to her. Good. Loot in one hand and a dagger in the other.

I've never been more in love with you in all my life. That's beautiful. A volley of bullets slams into Gregio. Don't dare. Two bullets hit her. One hits her in the neck, another one hits her dead in her chest. You see she like, sways a little bit and drops both of her weapons. She takes 9 points of damage from the one that hit her neck

and the one that got her in the heart deals 24 points of damage and one constitution bleed. Every round she loses a point of constitution. How alive is she? She collapses. Fuck you. Get her undercover and save Bay.

Six of the halflings that you saw up on the catwalk before appear on the catwalk here and fire down at you Leo. Oh I was being sneaky. Not sneaky enough apparently. The ones on the ground didn't spot you but these ones did. Oh shit. I guess I got a birthday view. Yeah.

Captain birthday. Two arrows hit you. One of them hits you right in your jugular. Oh, Jesus. And at first you're like, uh, my jugular, my jugular. But as you bring up a hand to press against it, you don't feel any bleeding. The arrow seems to have, like, covered up the wound it made.

That's the kind of thing you pull out later and deal with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a later problem. Six points of damage. That's a later problem. It's fine, It's fine. Just leave it there till you die. Then the other Shorefoots just in the construction site back off and take defensive positions wherever they can. Leo, it's your turn. One of them is pretty close to you, like one on the ground. He obviously can't see you. He's got his back to you. You could sneak up and

take him. Yeah, I'm going to sneak up and take him and try and make my way to the weapon but like keeping out of the front cone I guess oh the weapon at this point has just destroyed the mid level of the building You all know what a Gatling gun looks like. Yeah, it's being operated by three halflings one of them up the back holding the triggers and the god like the handle to guide it. Another one feeding ammunition into it. And the third one just like about doing miscellaneous stuff like picking up ammunition, making sure it doesn't jam, that sort of stuff. The bullets have torn through the mid-level of the building giving them a perfect firing line for you guys.

Attack that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You run up behind him, you launch yourself at him and try to stab him in the back, but at the last second he sees you coming and tries to roll out of the way. One of your daggers misses and just hits the sandbag he was in front, but your other dagger slams into his chest.

You deal 21 points of damage to him, killing him. Okay, cool. Let's roll his body onto me. Clever. Alright, then it is Periwinkle's turn. I run to my wife. Can I throw some bees as I run to my wife? Yeah, sure.

Can I throw the bees into the guys on the Gatling gun? No, that's too far. Alright, so I B3 and go to my wife. You kill two of them and wound the third. Excellent and I dropped my knees in front of my wife. She's still bleeding, sorry breathing. And also bleeding. Well yeah presumably also bleeding. Every time her heart beats another little spurt of blood comes out You are hopelessly unable to even begin to know what you need to do to help her right now Her eyes flutter open and she looks at you

It's gonna be it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay. We've done this before We've been in this kind of jams before we're punching our way out. We've got this She growls and through a growl you see her bloodied teeth. She slowly rolls over and tries to get to her feet. She charges at the little sand mound where you killed two halflings, and the third halfling who's like swatting at bees has to deal with a 250 pound angry fucking enraged orc creature. She lands on him like a force and starts tearing into him. But the entire time you see that she's trailing a lot of blood.

She's in what we in the biz call a barbarian rage. You've seen her like this before. I was just told that I couldn't patch her up because I don't know what to do. You could try, but like, you don't know what you'd be doing. It'd be luck if you helped. You're afraid she might fight to the death, like she's not really all there right now. The woman you know and love has been replaced by a different woman you know and love.

The sure-foots have their turn turn the ones undercover aren't coming out anytime soon these six on the catwalk fire again at you Leo's dead body in the way three of them managed to hit oh well you do have that body and two arrows impact in that body that you would have taken otherwise three of them who no longer need to deal with a running halfling, now get to just steady their aim and fire down into you. You take 13 points of damage in total. You're on six hit points.

Fuck me. The machine gun continues. The gatling gun, whatever, continues. It can't hit Gregia, it's just kicking up sand next to her. One bullet pierces your sternum. And then... Oh, actually, they don't know Leo's there. So, um, one more shot at Gregia, and one more shot at you.

Oh. Well, the shot at Gregia... Oh, no. ..is a critical hit. Jesus. The shot at you... Oh, no. ..is a critical miss. Yes, I hope something kills those little bitches, which usually what happens

Okay, I'm genuinely worried because this is the first time I've seen Adam have emotion in this game that wasn't glee Adam is my wife did I patched for Triple damage, a d2 con drain, she's already losing one point of constitution around, negative four on perception checks and ranged attacks until healed. So she takes triple damage again, a further 30 points of damage and she loses two points of Constitution, so she's on negative four Constitution now, and sixty-three points of damage. She is still standing, but... What a fucking hero. You think she's standing simply because she's in shock and doesn't realize she's dead yet.

So, a Barbarian Rage means that you get extra hit points, but at the end of that Rage, that hit points go away, you you get extra hit points, but at the end of that rage, that hit points go away. You actually get negative hit points. When her barbarian rage ends, she will actually be at negative 11. So... You die at negative 10, don't you? Eh. So, she has three rounds, and if she isn't healed in those three rounds, she loses her rage and dies. Actually, she's losing constitution every round. Two, maybe one round, depending. Adam, I can't heal my wife, can I? Okay, no that's alright. You gotta think,

you gotta do this. Oh, cool. Good, I hope it's something- Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop One or two rounds depending on the constitution drain she takes next turn. I feel like you got it, you got it, I feel like maybe one of the halflings is going to have a health potion on them somewhere. You wouldn't go into battle without a halfling, but then you're spending a turn checking for health potions. I'm spending a turn looking for health potions. Leo. Can I check this person's body for anything? And then also hide?

You can, although you think the likelihood of finding a health potion on a street dog is unlikely. Okay, then I Hide because I just I don't want to get got okay You don't literally bury your head in the sand, but you metaphorically bury your head in the sand. No, wait both You dig into the sand mound and obscure yourself from above awesome. You're hidden. So, Harry Winkle? Well, you know, I let out a big roar of Orc roar and I've run over to my wife to try to do something. You grab her chest and she puts a hand over your hand.

She looks you in the eyes and through like blood she tries to say something but anytime she opens her mouth just more and more blood her face is horribly disfigured she's missing an eye if you didn't know it's a high patch for you so still beautiful to me a little bit of her face has been blown away oh you see her trying to mouth something but you can't tell exactly what you maybe like trying to make out the words And you realize she's like, you know what she's saying because you've you like you see that her lips moving And you've heard this tale a hundred times. It's like every time

When you or your kids or even a gruk-gruk when you rip your clothes or tear something When she's sewing it back together she has this little song that she likes to sing as she sews, and the song is how you sew something back together. So I know- Out of her pocket you pull needle and thread- I know how to sew something back together! Chanting to yourself the nursery rhyme that she chants, you sew, like you reach into her,

you begin sewing parts of her back together She's no longer taking constitution damage three rounds to heal her Jesus so I still need a potion of some kind. Yeah, all right someone who can cast a healing spell I can't stabilize her just myself. No, you can't grant her hit points not from a heel chuck. Jesus. Her turn two rounds left. I feel like I'm in Majora's Mask and you're the clock moon. Dawn of the second day. She mouths thank you. Then the woman you know and love is gone, replaced by that other woman you know and love. She charges in in her weapons have been long abandoned and she launches onto another one of the sure foot that's another one damn she

comes up having like torn out her jugular with her tusks and 20s arm off with her arms oh I love you so much the surefoots near her scatter in fear. So I have... Sure-foots! I have anti-toxin. How many rounds did I say? Four? Three. So there's four, no there's five sure-foots left here on the ground. Eight on the ground. Eight on the ground. Yeah. But there's six up on the rafters. And there's six more. Alright. And I can't tie anything to my longbow I've tried. Yeah, it's not there. It's the sure-foots now. Like I said, a bunch of them scattered.

None of them want to get near Gregia. One of them haphazardly fires a crossbow at you, Terriwinkel. He misses and drops his weapon and continues to fall back with the rest of them. The six on the catwalk above fire down. They can't see Leo anymore, so who don't they like? You and Gregia. Equal shots both. Yeah, yeah. Gregia takes one hit, you take two.

That's all right. I'm okay. Gregia takes two points of damage. You take six. That's all right, I'm still going. You're, look, man, you're powering through. So we basically, in order to save my wife, I'm going to need to find,

fluke my way onto some kind of healing item, which neither of us possess, and that none of the people that we've killed so far possess. Maybe Papa Surefoot might, or there might be some in the... He's old, he'd have potions. That was the foot's the ones up on the gatling gun hurriedly try to clear the jam But they can't all you can see coming out of the box right now is the heavy smoke from the heat of the barrels Mm-hmm Leo. It's your turn. Can I get anywhere and still be undercover you get into the building?

That'd be your turn though, and you'd be under a lot of cover. Get into the building, undercover, try and not get shot by those dickheads up top. You charge into the bottom level of that prefab building, round behind Papa Surefoot, as you're running past or running behind him, he turns around and you hear him call out, what the bloomin' hell? He's not one of ours is he not kidding no you're not close enough all right there also he's got like a couple guards around them nothing you kick down the door and you're in the bottom level you see it's like kind of an office situation they have desks and chairs and tied to one of

the chairs is flip shamrock she's bound gagged and looks bloody holy flip she looks up as you come in and you hear her through the gag got him glad I don't have a hot yeah you do you have a well yeah that bro but you don't actually give a shit about like we've kidnapped I'd be like well that's one thing off my plate. If you marry her, her family's money solves your problem with the halfling houses. Now, look, plead one debt on my way to clearing another. It's fine.

Classic piss. OK. So, Periwinkle, your wife is slowly making her way towards Papa Shorefoot. He looks a little worried. So I'm thinking I'm just gonna have to kill them because I'd hope that a health potion falls out. Or my longbow. If I shot from where I am and I'd be able to hit Papa Surefoot in the head.

Yeah, you could. Would it kill him? Maybe. He looks old and frail, but he also looks experienced and worldly. The other... Alright, my other option is, can I longbow one of the cunts trying to fix the gun? Yeah, you could. Because that'll buy me more time because they need three people to make it work. Looks like they... well, yeah, it looks like they need three.

All right. You know what? At this point, I don't think Periwinkle's gonna be thinking about his bow. I don't think Periwinkle's gonna be thinking about his fists. I think I'm just gonna try to smash my way to Papa and um... Yeah, bring it on. You barrel forwards, alright? You, as you're running, just smack one of the sure-foots, not even like... Like, you just, as you pass him, you hit him. Caving half of his face in and killing him, Good. And you deal five points of damage to yourself.

That's always gonna happen. Look, that's fine. Then you slam another one as you're running past. On your left hand side this time, you punch him just casually as you're going, just like a PAP, like a one, one punch. Just a little jab to the- You clock him in the gut,

lifting him up a little bit off the ground. He takes 12 points of damage also dying and you take six points of damage let me know when i'm on two thanks adams you're on five oh boy oh golly golly golly i think it's close enough to let you know yeah no no i thought i was on at least 10 now that's bad maybe not use the yeah maybe this next punch I'm not gonna use them gauntlets, even though they give me so much extra strength. Yeah.

You're getting a lot closer to Papa Shorefoot. Next turn, you'll probably, depending on what they do, if they run away, then maybe not, but if they stand their ground, then in next turn you'll probably be in front of Papa Shorefoot. Good. Gregia, Raw's in agreement and charges with you. Yes, maybe she'll get to Papa Shorefoot. Good. Gregia roars in agreement and charges with you. Yes, maybe she'll get to Papa Shorefoot before I do.

Yeah. She does what you could only have dreamed of. Oh, I love her so much. Picks up a halfling and throws him into another halfling. Yes! You don't think she killed either of them, but neither of them are getting up. That's the dream. That's the dream.

That is the dream. You're my yeah, I was going to say you're my favorite power couple. She loses a round. The Shorefoots spend another turn first off getting that Gatling gun back online. One more turn to go on that thing. It's now just Papa Shorefoot and two guards flanking him. Both of them look around in doubt and Papa Shorefoot yells, well, what are you going to do? Just sit down and let them kill you!

I'm in trouble. They level like crossbows at you. Periwinkle? Yes, Adam? You feel like you've been socked in the chest and then everything goes dark. No one's outside, no one knows what's happening. Okay. Good luck, Leah one knows what's happening. Okay. Good luck, Leo.

Good luck, mate. Okay. Leo, you rush over to flip Shamrock? Yeah, have I untied her? Like, maybe the first thing you do is you take off her gag, and as you're untying her or cutting her free, she just keeps saying over and over again, I'm so sorry, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up. It's okay, I fucked up, I fucked up too, I love you, I love you I'm so sorry what's going on you okay and can she heal she's a bard

she has all the same powers that Greg Pierce has yeah good yes you need to go out there you need to save periwinkle and and and his wife I'm gonna go upstairs I love you can you just maybe throw me a heel quick and I'll just run up what they're going on they've turned it on the turn it on just heal me I love you Can you maybe throw me a heel quick and I'll just run up What? Put the gunling on me turn it on then turn it on just kill me I love you, and I'll be right back She grabs you by the arm pulls you in and kisses you and as she does that you feel Healing energy channeled from her into you you recover six hit points fantastic

Okay, I don't know how what they are But they were in a rough shape when I left them and I run upstairs. You leave her downstairs. So, Harry Winkle? A very important, if you will, eyes are low. Oh my god. Oh, lowes. Lowes? Yeah. Should I change that Adam? Would you like to?

Oh no! No, no, what's the thing about the- That's the thing with the three's- You always switch! You always switch! You always switch! No, no, what's the thing about the... You always switch! You always switch! No, no, no! This is not that situation! Not even close! That's with three, not with two! With two switching doesn't change your odds at all!

Don't switch! Has Jackson ever steered you wrong before? Oh, don't switch! Has Jackson ever steered you wrong before? Do you know what I feel like in this instance? No. So I'm not going to switch. But here, that's only if there's options of three. Yeah, if there's three, you always switch. If there's two, you don't necessarily have to switch. I'm sorry if I led you wrong.

Oh, God. Oh, God. We are so sorry if we led you wrong. But hey, that's just odds. Oh, fuck. So, Leo. Yep. You get up. Wait, wait, you're not going to tell me? No.

You'll find out when you wake up. If I wake up. If you wake up. A good point. Wait, wait, wait. The highs and lows weren't for me were they oh Way they were speaking they were That were more firm. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh My god, I could have just killed my wife and not know

so Leo you charge up to the second floor you get there as soon as the three halflings manning the gun, one of them you hear call out in half length, finally we got it going again! Am I behind one? Yeah. Cool. Stab! What? The prison shank the gunner from behind, he collapses into a puddle, screaming in agony. Yep. The other two halflings whip around and one of them says, you're not one of us. Nothing personal, mate.

Periwinkle. No, wait. This is all personal. A kitten in my bed. Yeah, periwinkle. The line would be, Puppa little low sends his regards. Oh, short foot.

There we go. Puppa little low sends his regards. Ha ha ha. I finally need a thought to say that instead of just screaming with tears in your eyes. Ha ha ha. That's a far more leo. Like, one line up. I don't need your thoughts to say that instead of just screaming with tears Okay, it's like nice guys Periwinkle both of them draw rapiers and try to charge you. One of them, as he charges you, he's just a kid.

You knock his blades aside and kick him past you. The other one though is a little bit more practiced. He skewers you in the thigh. You take just one point of damage. It's a light blow. I'm mad at him. I can't use the gun anymore though. Leo, it's your turn.

Stab one and stab the other. You try to stab at the kid, but when you like push past him and kick him past you, you kick him out of your range, you swipe at nothing. The other one, with a practiced defensive maneuver, he knocks your blade aside in a similar way you did to the kid. They raise both of their rapiers now on either side of you. Shit. They do that thing that halflings do. Sneak attack. Ah.

Leo, paying attention to both of them is difficult, and you open yourself up a lot to blows having to defend from two angles. One of them, the experienced one, goes low and nicks you on the leg. You nearly topple over, but you grab the attack from the younger one and jab it into the older one. You don't cause damage to either of them, but they don't cause damage to you either.

Oh, oh. Your turn, Leo. I'm gonna attack the experienced one. Two, three, four, eight. You move back into the kid and near where the stairs are Both of them get a free attack on you the kid nicks you with his rapier you take four points of damage You're on seven. Okay, not doing right their turn the kid moves back He's standing on the stairs now the older one moves forward they attack

You're focusing all of your attention on the older like more important one and so deflecting blows just from him and he comes at you like a fucking furious machine he's stabbing it all different ways trying to lower your guard the kid stabs you once in the leg you cry out in pain but keep focusing on the guy who's definitely knowing what he's doing you take two points of damage not too bad not too bad okay okay i'm just gonna attack with uh both of them again try to hit both of them got any luck skills here no i'm just gonna attack um the good guy just focus on him yep instead of attacking the kid you turn around and just focus on the adult. Just stabbing, stabbing, stabbing. You go high, you go low. You go high, you go low, get him into a pattern.

And then when he's expecting a pattern, you go high, high. When you do that, you stab your dagger deep into his neck. He deflects your lower blow with your other dagger, but you score a hit on him. You wound him, but you don't down him. Damn it! Fuck! should have activated that poison It was the other dagger hit him with an ah nevermind forget. I said me They move like a kill jume The kid can't do anything he tries to charge back up the stairs to get you be kick him again He falls backwards when you're on one foot though the older one kicks you in the leg shit You hear your leg break, and then you fall to the ground.

He stabs down. Fuck me. Fuck me. You take five points of damage. You're on zero. You're stagging. Stagging. Jesus.

Every round you can make one action. If you want, you can make two actions, so attack twice, but you go to negative one. Okay. At the end of your turn. Okay, okay, okay. So, you can only attack once now. You're like staggering around, swaying. So stressful.

The experienced one. It sounds like he's calling out from the end of a tunnel to you. He calls out, feeling a little tired there, mate? Right. I am going to attack... Which dagger? The dagger of thundering. feeling a little tired there mate right I am going to attack which dagger the dagger of thundering he doesn't expect you to open with the thundering dagger so you get him just like it's a simple blow there's nothing to it you just

stab him in the chest he looks down at it up at you you pull it out stab him again you hit him again when you pull it out the second time, he sways a little bit and then says, you know what, I'm feeling a little sleepy too. He falls backwards. I still get that classic Half-Life sense of humor. This is really like an 80s action film. All the villains have quips.

I want to turn around and just to that guy and just like... Run? He drops his rapier and says, I don't get paid enough for this anyway. He leaves. 80s movie. Yep. And I want to crawl ever so slowly towards the edge.

You look over the edge, you see a lot of bodies and nothing else. You can't spot Gragia, you can't spot Periw nothing else you can't spot graggier you can't spot periwinkle you can't spot flip shamrock and you can't spot papa surefoot so i i start staggering down as you start staring down the stair like you hear flip shams voice from down below leo leo she like slams up against the stairs starts running towards you le Leo! This is my... my death. She picks you up and starts carrying you down the stairs. You fall unconscious.

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