D&D is For Nerds - Northern Bounty #11 Final Showdown

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

In which our heroes return to town (mostly). Chet greets his old friend one more time, Trissa has left the room and D'aryl loses out on a lot of money. Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadAdam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SansPantsRadio, this is going to be a really long one, but if you go onto our website, SansPantsRadio.com, you can actually leave us a voicemail, and if you want, we might use some of your ones as these SansPantsRadio intro things, but, like, no guarantees. Anyway, that was the really long intro bit. I hope you like it. Anyway, that was the really long intro bit. I hope you like it. A while back, Zammett asked me if I'd like to do a Dungeons & Dragons game with my dad and my little brother, Ryder.

I was like, yeah, so I suggested it to them. And dad was like, what? What are you talking about, Jack? And Ryder was like, I once played a game of D&D on a bus and it sucked and was for nerds. But after much convincing, they agreed. And together we recorded one of the greatest adventures in D&D is for Nerds history ever maybe. If you signed up to Patreon before April 1st, you'll get exclusive access to what we are calling D&D is for Dad. Links are in the show notes below, so make your way to Patreon right now and help support the show and feast your ears on something very special.

Welcome to Chapter 11 of Northern Bounty, a D&D's for Nerds side quest adventure. Previously. That's an outright kill. The volibear swings and its mighty paw catches you on the head, tears your head free from your neck, and your head sails clear away from you. Lands somewhere in the snow.

I do not unrage. Instead, I grab my halberd and I just throw it at the bear and I start charging with silver weapon. I do not unrage. I just want you to think about that. That's a great sentence. Damn right.

I don't unrage. He didn't deserve this. I look at Tr sentence. Damn right. I don't unrage. Like, he didn't deserve this. Like, I look at Trish. She did. Fuck you guys. I'm not needed. I'm gonna leave. Go find myself some better friends that wouldn't leave me in the snow to rot. To wolves and steal my fucking coat.

Done. Goodbye, guys. In the other fence, you probably want to rot. It's too cold. Yeah, are you gonna freeze instead? That doesn't make it better! That's some peace, Alec. Cards things are nicer without it. I'll say it. I'm not even afraid to.

The creature is pale white in color, blending in with its snowy surroundings. Let's have a fucking gander. What? What the fuck? That's fucked. Chet and Daryl, the flying vagina streaks towards you. It glides low and over, I'm going to say, Chet.

And it strikes at you with its tail. Oh, no. Not its little butthole. Attached only by a thick, striped flesh. No, what's its tail? Is it spiky? Yeah,ached only by a thick, struggle flush. No. What's its tail? Is it spiky?

Yeah, it's like a, it's like a male, you know, like a chain and male. Hey, Adam, can I balance? What? Like on my stumps. No.

Do I have to lie down all the time? Yeah. We probably propped you up, I reckon. Well, thank you. I mean, that's good. It batters at you with its club-like tail.

You're like, ah! You fall off the sled, but it doesn't hit you. It sails harmlessly over your head. It whips around and tries to come in for another go. I don't want to make this offer, Jackson. Shit. But I'm going to black, and he'll be yellow. Piss yellow.

Always better on piss. There's purple. Are you purple? Yes, purple. If we were to offer one of the dogs. If we could, like, do it. And maybe, like, get it distracted, and then we run away. Look, if it eats the dog, and we can make it into town before it gets us again.

Sure. Whatever it takes, you know. Honestly, at this point, who cares? Who cares? Let's do it. Chet, it's your turn. Grab a dog. If he said that, I'd pull.

Oh, Chet, you know what a snow cloak is? Oh, boy. Do I ever. Sometimes called snow ghosts because of their ability to drift silently along in snow storms to attack prey. Because of their ability to drift silently along in snowstorms to attack prey, snowcloaks are flying predators of the northerly foothills that resemble flying rays or skates. Snowcloaks are slate grey on one side and creamy white on the other. They habitually fly dark side down, flapping their wings gently and gliding for long distances. A snow cloak has two long, sinuous necks, ending in dark, blah, blah.

They speak Orin and Common, so it's intelligent. Well, that's good. You also know it's poisonous. That's bad. And it can cast spells. That's even worse. Also, it regenerates over time. Shit.

So you've got to be dealing a lot of damage to it every round, or it just heals itself. All right. So do I offer it to the dog, or do I make it laugh? You could make it an offer. It would understand you. All right. Snow Cloak, do you want this dog if you leave us alone?

That's the deal. You get to eat a dog. It's delicious. And we get to go home. Look at it. I start shaking the dog up and down. Oh, my eat a dog. It's delicious. And we get to go home. Look at it. I start shaking the dog up and down. Oh, my dog. Put me in your belly.

I'm going to hold my action. Crying. Trying to hold back manly tears of maybe losing a wolf. It turns around to face you guys and just slows down so that it's hovering near you guys. The two heads have a conversation in what you assume is Orin. The heads gross. Adam, can you make a

will say for me to not panic and offer another dog? You fail. Alright, I'll give you two then. Oh, eat me. You look delicious. How many dogs have you? How many dogs have you? How was it? What? How many dogs have you? How many dogs do you have?

Five. Five. We've got five. That's a lie. I know. And a bad one. I'm sorry. We've got nine.

I'm sorry. I lied. You're very frightening. We will have... Five. That's fine. You can keep Henry. You don't really care about the others, do you?

It'll keep Henry and... Do you have nine listed? Yeah, so you get to keep four. All right. Well, Rolf, roll a d10. Let's see who we give up. Okay. Seven. Sorry, Leftfoot, you're gone.

Leftfoot's a good name. Eight. Oh, Gibbons. Off he goes. Three. Oh, Wolfens. Not Wolfens. Two. Oh, Garfunkel. Fuck, Garfunkel's a good name. Four. And that was his gaspy.

All right. All right. Go right in. Okay. Here you go. We hand the yelping dogs. It eats them there and then. Oh, Henry, don't look.

This has been a traumatizing couple of days. The wolf's yip and cow, they can't get away. They're still pups. It eats them all. I'm so sorry, Henry. Thank you. No worry. What is your name? It just glides away. It eats them all. I'm so sorry, Henry. Thank you. No worry. What is your name?

It just glides away. It doesn't respond. All right. All right, then. Bye, little boy. Girl. Thing. That's not how I thought

that was going to go. I mean, rarely do you expect us to offer up puppies. Rarely do you have the chance to. To what is effectively a Satan. I'm like, what are your alignments? Are they good?

Chaotic good. True neutral. I'm chaotic good in that I'm like, the good of the town is what matters most. Okay? They're the people I've aligned to, so I'm going to look after them. Your alignment's in jeopardy,

but I'm not going to change it. It's been a very trying couple of days. True neutral. I was looking out of the best interests of us boys. Yeah, no, that's fine. True neutral is fine. Alright. Henry, Pixings,

Pauls, and Rachel. I'm very sorry. I'll take Rachel as my own. I'll raise her and I'll make her beautiful. You cannot raise a wolf. It's alright. I'll take Rachel as my own. I'll raise her and I'll make her beautiful. You cannot raise a wolf. It's alright, I'll raise them. Alright. We only need four to pull sleigh.

It is alright. Can you please... Wait, it knocked me off the thing, didn't it? I'm lying there sad in the snow. I will pick you up. Put me back. Put you back on the sled. Give you a kiss on the forehead.

And like maybe heal yourself a little. Things are looking bad, Dara. I'm not going to lie. I know, cheat. Have you seen my body? Three of you left. One and a half of you are returning. This is not good.

But we've got to move up. All right. Grab the rope. Pull me along, I rope. Pull me along I guess. What have I become? Anyone asks? We only ever had four wolves. We found four wolves pups in the cave.

And an evil polar bear. It killed our good friend. It killed their good friend. It killed their good friend. It killed the man with the Alzheimer's. No, it didn't. We killed the polar bear. If he lived in our world, he would live in a home. Polar bear, Adam.

He would live in an old folks home and have round-the-clock care. Polar bear. Only polar bear. We killed the polar bear. Only polar bear. I killed a polar bear. Only polar bear. I guess his grandkids will never visit him again. Nope.

Hey, at least we got that bitch, Tristan. Oh, man. You don't even understand how sad it is. We'll carry on into town. Carry on into town. Another hour passes before the storm kicks up so hard that you guys have to bend physically into the wind or it balls you over. You have to.

Just huddle under the furs and puppies. Guess he needs to make checks again. Oh, God. How many hours out are we? Five. Oh, God. Wait, you've got the spell. Resistance.

Use it on yourself. Use it on yourself. It gives you a plus one got the spell. Resistance. Use it on yourself. Use it on yourself. It gives you a plus one to the chat. So don't act like it's a saving thing. Damn it. Wait. Wait. Hold the...

Shut the fuck up. How long will the lizard last? Because I have the fire in a can. You got three uses of it. The sled, what's it made of? Mostly wood. Shit. I've got nothing I can use to fuck my life.

Never mind. We'll carry on. First hour. Use your thing on you. I do, I use resistance on me. Doesn't help. Can it stack on you? Is that how it works, Adam?

Does it stack? No, it doesn't stack. That's alright, I've got two more tries of it. No, three more. It's a pity you didn't cast it on Daryl, because then he would have saved. Cast it on me! No, I'll take it. Are we going to arrive there with no limbs? Both of you take one point.

Oh, that's fine. One point of cold damage is good, even. So I heard. Now you're in danger for frostbite. Both of you take one point 140 cold damage is good even Gives Bill's character So I heard Now you're in danger for frostbite And hypothermia Also The snow hits you really hard

In the eyes now Don't worry I've got the snow goggles We're wearing the snow goggles though Adam Goggles that's fun to say Snow goggles We've got the snow goggles though, Adam? Goggles. That's fun to say. Snow goggles. We got the snow goggles on. Goggles. You don't understand.

Say snow goggles with a blue and black accent. Snow goggles. Goggles. That's a goggle of geese. No, but we're fine for the snow goggles. Surely we won't go snow blind. Snow goggles give you a bonus to the roll, but they don't make you immune.

Yes, they do, Adam. You've read it wrong. Okay, so for the first hour, both of you take one point of non-lethal. All right. The second hour. Are you doing anything? I'll use resistance on me and D'Arrel. That's me done for resistance, though.

How's it looking, Adam? Bloody good? Healthy boys. Healthy boys with healthy minds Darryl You managed to bear the You managed to just grunt through it Great

Bloody good Chet you take five points Oh boy Here it is again That's right My old friend Biting cold My old good friend

Good pal Been friends since we were wee What's his name again? That's right Near death Just a grim reaper Third hour My old good friend, good pal, been friend since we were wee. What's his name again? That's right, near death. Just a grim reaper. Third hour. Sweet lady.

Huddled up with the pups now, I'm going to say. You're fine. D'Arrel? Yes. Six. Take a kiss from sweet lady winter, D'Arrel. That was a painful one. Not going to lie.

This one I'm going to rage because bullshit. Good. So for the fourth one, just letting you know, this is the fourth one. So you rage, you get a bonus for this one. But then on the fifth one. I will rage again. Fair. We're going to arrive in town and have to fight the wolf with nothing.

And they're going to have nap yes unless it's destroyed oh well you're fine for the fourth hour no come on I'm fine I'm fine heal yourself with wands

stab myself with the wand a bunch the wand doesn't help for the damage I still stab myself. Bruise up good. Fuck, Adam's just fucking jizzing everywhere. Arul, in the fourth hour, you don't take any damage. Is that the fifth hour?

No, this is the fourth hour. For the fourth hour, you don't take any damage, but you go blind Bullshit From the snow in your eyes You're the only one who can lead me You've got to tell me where to go You've got to tell me where to go

Alright I'll like shift around on the sled So that I've got my arms like over the front Use like the The thingies Yeah Yeah yeah yeah Fuck In the fifth hour I'm gonna rage again

It is a furious laugh I'll be like Dirt Harold For the fifth hour you're fine Chet Fuck Two points Oh okay

Take a left up here Take a right In the last hour You said there was only five Yeah, this is the last hour Because I'm rolling for the cone And I'm rolling for your eyes as well You son of a bitch

In the last hour, Chet You realize all you can see is white Oh, fuck my life. You're close. You know you're close, but you don't know where. Alright, here's the plan. You keep heading forward and just scream. I'll scream

too. Adam, we scream at the top of our lungs and walk forward. Someone's bound to hear us. Are we gonna destroy our vocal cords? Fingers crossed. Chet, your face is getting numb. No, I don't want to die out here.

Chet, you feel so weak and cold. Oh, God. I guess I just slide down into the puppies. Chet, you're like yelling. Like, what do you yell? Like, help! Help! You're yelling, help! Help! You're yelling, help!

Help! Help! Help! Chet, save your voice. It's fine. Daryl, Chet's getting fainter and fainter. It's all right. Chet, save your...

It's fine. It's fine. At least we got that bitch Tressie. Tell me how we killed her again. Do you remember the taste of strawberries? After a while wandering around, you hear yelling over the din.

The most welcome voice you have ever heard. Huck Duffy's deep baritone. Boy, boy, I see you. You can hear him approaching you, coming towards you. Daryl, what do you do? Go towards the sound of the voice? Yes.

Eventually, you feel Huck Duffy close in around you. He's like, boy, don't worry, I got you. He starts helping you. Eventually, you can't see anything, but eventually you can tell that you're inside because you hear a door open, you hear a door close, and then you can hear a fire crackling. You know you're inside.

You can't see anything, though. Where is my friend? Where is Kit? Haktapi doesn't say anything for a little while. Oh, no! Haktapi sits you down in a chair, and he says, Boy, just be quiet for a little while. Oh, no! Huck Duffy sits you down in a chair, and he says, Boy, just be quiet for a little while.

What would Duffy... He takes the sled reins off you. You hear him dragging the sled, and then the door opens and closes. Oh, no. Someone comes over, and with a very motherly voice, says,

Please, eat. And someone shoves soup into your hands. Oh, you see... Well, a bowl of soup into your hands. Just like, ah, it's everywhere. Burning soup. Enjoy. I want to eat this soup. Alright, you have some soup. Fever dream, you're dead.

Oh. The matronly woman starts ministering to your wounds and stuff like that. After a little while, the non-lethal damage goes away, and she also is able to, with some herbal remedies, is able to restore your sight.

What do I see? What does my Huck Duffy see? You're in a warm-looking room. It's a small, snug room. There's wolf pelts all over. You can tell it's Huck Duffy's place. There's wolf pelts all over the place. Wolf everywhere. The chair you are sitting in, the back part of it is

like a carved wolf head. Alright, Tito, right. Eventually the door opens, Huck Duffy comes in and closes the door behind him. The howling wind kicks up as soon as he opens the door. Huck Duffy walks over to you, he's got a very he's always got a bit of a grave face,

but this time, instead of like like a madness, he has like a gentle sadness about him. Oh, God. Oh, no. My poor buddy. What is it, Huck? Please don't tell me my puppy's ate my friend. Did you get to the druid?

You have his axe, he says. Yes. Pointing to your side. He was... He died. But we have his axe. Did you tell him the full story? No.

That was such a good way. Like, he was... He died. Don't worry about it. He died. Do you tell him the full story? That was such a good one. He died. He died. He died. We lost Trissa. Gregor is dead, but we have four puppies. That's not the full story, Huck says. He puts a hand on your shoulder and he says, there have been some developments.

Please tell me the full story. Okay, so you remember Trissa. I put as much blame onto Trissa as humanly possible. Do you tell the truth? Yes. Do you tell what happened? Yes. Everything that happened?

Yes. All right. He nods and says, we'll need to recover the body of the druid. It was possibly the druid that was the werewolf. The white wolf. Nah, cause he was only bare. He was killed? You killed him with a silvered weapon. Well,

he stabbed him with a silver weapon. He had the silver on him. He? He had wolf pups. Well, I guess. He attacked you. He was old and crazy. Well, he didn't attack us. Druids can take many forms. Do you not think this is impossible? Well, like, he didn't seem quite. Druids can take many forms. Do you not think this is impossible? Well, like, he didn't seem quite all there in the head.

A man who kills for sport. Like, yeah, but we had, like, interaction with werewolf before, and he seemed a little bit more sound in mind. We're going to recover the body regardless. We need to know. The werewolf attacked the night you left. He killed several people among town. He killed like lists a couple people in the names he lists anyone not know not noble uh hob hamlin the innkeeper he says they didn't find enough of hob hamlin to fit into like a they didn't find enough

of hob hamlin to have a funeral but hob Hob Hamlin, he was lovely in bar. He was so nice. The bar's been torn apart. It's closed for now. What about our little mate, Nubble? Nubble. Nubble was not killed. It's so funny to imagine you lying in bed and it's like grabbing Huck's collar and being like, what about Nubble?

What of Nubble? What about Nubble? I'm... Are you... Yeah. He puts a hand on your shoulder and says, You've done a lot. I'm your friend. I'm sorry.

You passed away. Oh, God. It was... Well, I spoke with the healer. And she doesn't know much, but she knows enough to tell that you tried your best, but a gangrene crept into his heart, and he died. I put the hand on his shoulder, and I'm like, I know, Haktafi.

I know. I did. I guess when you try your best, but you don't succeed. You stay here. Okay. We're going to go collect the body of the werewolf. Okay. Where is little Henry?

Pause. Pixies. The Rachel. Wolf cubs? Yes. They're at the healers She'll be able to Look after them for me I'm gonna rename

Pixie and Chet Good I'll stay Because unlike Ali I'm a good friend And I know you did everything But Trond If we end up getting him to cleric I'm a good friend. I know you did everything. But Trond,

if we end up getting him to cleric, is maybe he bring back? I don't know. I don't know. That's a classic question people must ask in D&D. Like in the world of D&D. All the time where they're like, so... Is it like a 100% death?

Like a hard death? Or is he soft death? There are rules for resurrection. Yeah, I know. But that must be what people are asking. Hard death? Hard death or like soft death? I don't know.

I'll ask the healer. That's for a healer. What do I think? Okay, I'm going to collect a posse with the weapons you've collected. Thank you. Very much. And we'll go collect the white wolf's corpse. Okay, good luck. You, he pats the battle axe at your side.

You can keep the axe. Alright, I will. Thank you. No workers, mate. I... There's one more thing before I leave. Two more things. Oh no. I have good news and I have bad news give me the good

news I guess we managed to kill him before he escaped bullshit bullshit you're a halfling, friend He made a bid for escape God damn it We were able to subdue him

But in the process he The, well Son of a bitch The elf hunter Yep Alexander He got a little overzealous Right

And choked the poor halfling Oh, did he? Where's Alexander now? He's coming with me. I will not allow any more bloodshed more than necessary in my town. But when he returns, I want his ears. Fuck yes. Huck, look at me.

That's fair, yeah? That's fair. There's a million dollar bounty for me that is now gone. I want his fucking ears. We will discuss this. He gives you a very stern look. We will discuss this when I get back. All right.

You better get back. All right. Huck Duffy, planning this from his little comfy home, arranges two things. First off, they take you out to the abattoir and kill you. No, they take you out to the abattoir and kill you no they take you out to the how was it the tavern the town's just been savage something destroyed this place but they're like it looks like it's been under reconstruction or some efforts have been made to reconstruct it and a room is made for you there you'll be pretty much the only person staying here, though.

But you've got basically free reign of the place, like all of the food and drink. Go for it. Go for your life. And also, Haktarfi arranges for a posse of every able or the most and best fighters in the town to be armed with the silver weapons and to head out to collect the body of the White Wolf. All right, then.

Da'arrel, I'm going to say that you're maybe in the tavern common room, sitting down by a roaring fire. You've never been... In the last five days, you have not been this comfortable. I want wolf pup near me. Yeah, they're curled up near the fire. That's good news for me. That's nice.

I'm like sharpening my axe. The door opens slowly. You turn around Yes In the doorway is Fenris Wolf, the mayor Oh, look, if it isn't Fenris Wolf Not at all a werewolf, the mayor Good afternoon

I came here to chat to you He glances out the door And you can tell he's obviously making sure no one's around. What do you want? He closes the door slowly and then pulls a bit of a curtain

so or pulls a chain so you know the curtains come over and cover the windows. Just kill him. I have a I have a secret to confess.

Is it you're a werewolf? What? No. Oh what? I um he walks over to you and sits down like in another couch. Were you in the Druid Lovers? You're a werewolf? What? No. Oh, what? I, um... He walks over to you and sits down, like, in another couch. Were you in the Druid Lovers? You see, he's, like, he's sweating very heavily.

What is this bullshit? Go on. It's, uh, Sabath the other night when you were here. And we, um... You, uh... Everyone caught me in a little bit of a... Yes, yes, your fruit's dangling in the wind. Yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, what of it? Well, I just wanted to say you are... Like, you'll be here for a little while, and my re-election is coming up. Yes, yes. I don't have a lot of friends around town, and I need someone to vouch for me for re-election. Really?

I'd be happy to recompensate you. I understand you lost a little money recently with the bounty. Lots of it. All right, what? Well, he's interrupted when the back door to the tavern, you hear it crashing open. The back door to the tavern is where the kitchens are. And so while you can hear it crashing open,

and you hear pots and pans clanging about, something's in there. Or maybe the door just blew open. That's entirely possible as well. You can't see what's happening. All right. Fenris Wolf nervously glances over his shoulder. You are... You...

What was your offer? There's like a clanging... Something's moving around in the kitchen, and Feneros Wolf is too distracted to properly talk to me. Finn, look. What is offer first? I... Well, I...

Should you check what that is? Fine. You going to the kitchen? All right, Finn. I grab my battle axe. You grab to the kitchen? All right then. I grab my battle axe. You grab your battle axe. I have my halberd trusty on the back of my... What have you called?

Your back? Back of my back? Back of your back. Strapped to my back. There you go. Strapped to my back. Battle axe in hand. What more bullshit are they going to throw?

Do not turn around, Fenris. You better not turn into werewolf. My favorite thing about this is that this, and if this is what's going to happen, this fucking journey through the wastes and the snow and the ice will end in a kitchen. And that's funny.

As you're walking away, you hear Fenris Wolf behind you say, Oh. What do you do? What do you do what do you mean oh do you turn around away from the kitchen what do you do what can i see you can see the doorway through to the kitchen it's dark in there it's coming on night the only light right now is lit by the the roaring fireplace you had going and what is behind me uh behind you is the fireplace the wolf pops fenris wolf and the front door i turn around to look at fenris wolf fenris wolf is staring up at the painting of the sheep above the fireplace i didn't notice that before Fenris Wolf looks like a man

So he was sweating Before He's not sweating right He's got that sheen on him But his eyes are He looks like a man who's beyond fear right now He's just staring at the painting You look up at the painting

That you have been so close to for so long For the first time You notice that one of the sheep is a wolf in disguise. Fucking gotcha. Oh, I turned back to kitchen. All right. A rage. For the best.

You charge into the kitchen? Kick in kitchen door Standing in there, completely butt naked Except for the fact that he is Covered in gore Is Hob Hamlet He looks at you And when he looks at you

You can see his eyes are the eyes of a wolf Motherfucker I can't stop it, he says And then his transformation. I can't stop it, he says. And then his transformation happens. I can though. His transformation begins. Motherfucker. Innocent barkeep. Classic. We should have known.

Should have killed him when we met him. Take Pooh Brown in honor of me. Nothing would be a greater service or more respectful to my body Did you look at me? You should have looted me? That portions of invisibility I assume that I would have looted you the his equipment is taken to the healer You can grab it, but not right now. Ah Da arrow it's your time first you charge in and you slash at him. Two-handed

blue ice battle X. You got him. One man v. one wolf in one kitchen. Raging. Raging like crazy. Most epic location

in Dungeons and Dragons. Kitchen. What's in kitchen? Oh, lots of things in kitchen. Turn on fires. Burn the place to the ground. I will. Fuck yes. Hope I get bit and ground. I will. Fuck yes.

Hope I get bit and then become werewolf of this town. Oh, yeah. Like a good werewolf? No. Fuck this town. No, no, you're misunderstood. Oh. I see.

Hope the mayor gets eaten. What a piece of shit. Your slash at the uh werewolf when it opens his it opens like a hole not a hole it opens a massive jagged cut in his side and when it does that you see a hissing steam come off his side that's what you want that's the good whatever this weapon is not only is it getting past his thick hide, but it also seems to have some sort of extra magical damage against him. Bullshit, you killed my friend and another person I was with for a bit.

And that bitch, Teresa. Evil, evil woman. She was mean. She was nuts. How long had she been planning? I don't know. She seemed more opportunistic. She didn't seem that clever.

Like, not clever enough to just... You know what I mean? Yeah, like an opportunist. Like a Munchausen's by proxy by opportunistic. Yeah, exactly. Like, I'll give it a go. The wolf completes its transformation. It's not as big as you remember it being, but it is a lot bigger than you.

It's about as big as that deer that attacked. You think you're so good, eh? You think you're gonna take down the arrow? Nothing take down the arrow. Not snow, not fucking polar bear, not goddamn demon wolf? No, demon moose? Yeah. That's true,

you took them all down. I took everything! I didn't. Let's just don't worry about that weird snow cloak thing. It didn't happen only for puppies. I took down. I didn't. Let's just don't worry about that weird snow cloak thing. It didn't happen. I took down the four monsters. Oh, the four monsters that took us down. We took it down. It's good.

I have never given up my puppies to a floating devil. I did not make the deal. No one saw. No. Hey, anyone that knew of that. All witnesses, dead. It slashes at you once with its claws. It slashes at you once with its claws It slashes at you again with its claws And then it tears a massive chunk

Out of your shoulder You take 26 points of damage Oh jeez Jeez Louise Back into the room get the mayor to fight him Help's always good I just want to say for a second when I first saw sheep and wolf's clothing

and Adam because I was never told outright I died right so for a second for a bit I was like am I the werewolf and then I was like how amazing because I have no legs what a fight that would have been.

Anyway, that aside. I was originally toying around with the idea of making the halfling the werewolf. Oh, that would have been cool. He would have exploded out of that barrel. Pretty damn well. All right, 26 to whatever. I'm 85. It's pretty good.

It's your turn, Daryl. So if I was to two-handed axe, can I attack with two-handed axe and the silver sword at the same time? You'd take amazing penalties. All right, then. I won't do that because I need this fight. Just like swing the axe up and uppercut it in the chest. So yeah, basically going to get the rage. Power attack.

Yeah. Yeah. There it is. Power attack for up to five. Go up to five. Go up to five, mate. Fuck you. This is your fucking moment of glory. Two-handed piece of shit fucking wolf.

This is it. This is the moment you're like, fuck. Everybody who can help is gone. Yeah. Yeah. They're all gone. Shit. They're going to get a body And be like Good I guess

Then they're gonna come back And it's Hopefully they get A body of Tessa And then they can What do I Trissa And then they can give

You know The armour We can sell That's what we keep Hey true Then you're gonna Make some profit back Make some profit

And then hopefully I get this guy's ears That'll be pretty good Oh fuck I hope you get his ears I mean I don't know If there's any

law like that but like i hope it happens you slash low and slash high two massive awful wounds on the white werewolf cutting it nearly to the bone you can see tendon and muscle and sinew snapping and straining beneath its fur. Blood is pouring down from it but it doesn't slow down. With the ferocity, it attacks back at you. Piece of shit. Push it in the fire. Cook it. Cook the wolf.

You can cook it. What's a mare doing? That's what I want to know. Cowering outside. With your battle axe, you're able to deflect one of its two claws, but the other one catches you on your underside. And then when you, like, slowly, you know how you're like... So you tried to block that second attack, but you were too slow for it. And because your axe is now low, trying to deflect that blow that's already come,

it gets another bite in at you. Has he become a werewolf yet? That's not how it works. Isn't he going to roll like a thing? You take 22 points of damage. I don't know how werewolves work. 22. That was a blocking one.

Shit. Fucking hell. It's your turn. All out. No, power attack this motherfucker. Get him. Power's your turn. No, paratag this motherfucker. Get him. Paratag for five. Fuck it, man. That's all I can do.

You score another good hit. You're hacking it up, son. Destroy his fucking head. I need my bad pampus. You need a pampus with me. Heal, heal, heal. Jabbing me with starving. You cut it deep and hard across its neck.

Its head lolls backwards a little bit. And you can tell this thing's going to die now, no matter what. It's just going to bleed out, but it's not dead. And it continues to attack undiminished. But I dodge everything. I dodge everything like a champion. Oh my god, you would not believe the swift move that the arrow has. He dives, he dodges, he ducks.

The arrow. He ducks the arrow. The first one. He ducks the first one. He gets hit by the second one. He tries to dive, but then gets smacked in the mouth. Valiantly cops it on the side. You're slammed up against one of the stoves, and then holding you down with one of its massive paws,

it literally tears your guts out. Fuck you. Your guts are spilled out onto the fucking... Can I double rage? No. Just stack that rage. Your guts are spilled out onto the counter. Fuck.

You take 14 points of damage. Oh, whatever. It's not too bad for a gut spill, man. Like, I was expecting worse. It's your turn. Oh, power attack. I'm going to grab him by throat, and then with my goddamn battle axe,

power attack attack and just drive it into head just brain everywhere you spin around your gut your cuts drag out of you hope they slap me in the face but through the rage all you see is red you barely even feel the fact that you are slowly being disemboweled you grab it its shaggy... You know how dogs have a... Like a shaggy front? No, it's called something. Yeah, they've got like a big tuft out near their neck. Whatever that's called.

You grab that and you jam its head onto the pointy tip of the battle axe until you've completely skewered its head. You're covered awash in its blood. It spasms once and then goes still. Slowly but surely, its body reverts to that of Hob Hamlin. I grab out my silver sword and start stabbing him good. You decapitate the creature.

Just to make sure. The man, Hob Hamlin. All right, decapitate him. That's good. I know I've done, but here's a piece of advice. Yes. Doesn't look like you killed a werewolf anymore. Looks like you just did a murder.

It does, but that's all right. You turn around. You see the mayor. I grab the head of Hob. Fenris Wolf standing in the doorway. Of Hob Hamlin. And I'm like, Mayor, I got your werewolf. He might not have been able to stop

himself, but the arrow did. I like to think you then flex. And then I flex. Strike a pose holding a head. Gut is falling out. But goddamn, do I look handsome? So, you're stuck here because of the storm you're

still stuck here for a couple weeks but months actually because you're also kind of wounded fenry get the healer just like oh boy you're stuck here for maybe a month before between the snow and your injuries you're able to leave and in that time because he was there, Mayor Fenris Wolfe is re-elected on the back of the fact that he was there when the great white wolf was killed. I'm like, I give him half-hearted like, you know, like, yes, Fenris was there. He saw the wolf. I'm going to say actually it's just shy of a month. It's maybe like three weeks you saw the wolf in the painting vote number one

Fenris Wolf you get 500 gold pieces for your troubles of helping the man his personal wealth he gives to you not quite as much as the million you would have gotten that's alright I'm waiting for my ears though I assume

sorry Alexander doesn't come back million you would have gotten but it's all right i'm waiting for my ears though i assume sorry oh uh alexander like doesn't come back with the away party when huck duffy gets back he informs you that uh alexander was called away on business uh of hunting he says bullshit alex you can tell that huck duffy told alexander it's quite obvious told alexander to leave take out uh Huck Duffy told Alexander It's quite obvious, told Alexander to leave Take out Huck Duffy's ears I'm on the ears This town knows your ears This town knows me goddamn ears

After the three weeks, you're finally on your way You're taking my body? Yeah They give you like provisions Oh yeah, need to work out the healer Is he like hard dead or soft dead? The healer is unable to tell you. She has no actual magical prowess.

She just knows alchemical stuff. All right. We pack you in a barrel full of ice. All right. Ice barrel. Yeah. Conserve you good. Pickle me.

They give you a basic sled and a light beast of burden. Oh, awesome. A yuck. A yuck. Yeah. Like in the books. Take Nob on with you. Wanna see the world, Nob? Nobble.

Yeah, right? Nobble, you wanna see the world? Heyselers. Heys. Nah. Alright, Nobble. Never mind. Classic Novel response Gotta look after the general story, he says

Alright, Novel, no worries You gonna buy something? Fuck you, a practical novel You're amazing You know, if it wasn't for that last line I probably would have given you a silver dagger That wasn't a yes or a no I just scruff his head

and leave on the yuck to good old Coldrose. So it's a trip. It's quite a while to get back to Coldrose. I think I said two weeks. There's a map here somewhere. Yeah, two weeks. About halfway through that two weeks, somewhere along the coast, you pass a small fishing village,

and you're able to hitch a ride with a wagon going south towards cold rose and it's a bit faster to do that and a bit safer as well because they're better provisioned better armored that sort of stuff to traveling groups a couple nights before you reach cold rose you wake up of a morning the tent that you have as part of this caravan is a mess it's been torn open and there's blood everywhere you stumble out and you see a very similar situation happening all across this caravan. There's a couple

fires here and there. Dead people everywhere. All around you, the wagon is in chaos. You hurriedly ask someone what happened and they explain to you that last night, a white werewolf attacked in the night. You got caught, motherfucker.

The arrow has some hard thinking to do. What are you going to do, D'Arrel? How close is the white wolf following D'Arrel? So close that it is him? Find out sometime in the future because next week we start something else. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds+, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members. The further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests. And D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest.

Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.