D&D is For Nerds - Northern Bounty #5 It's the Moose's Town Now

Episode Date: February 14, 2017

In which our heroes get their arses handed to them by a moose. Chet loses all the air in his lungs, Trissa wants to try something different by not being stupid and D'aryl wants those moose gains.Want to help support the show?Patreon: patreon.com/sanspantsradioPodkeep: sanspantsradio.podkeep.comUSB Tapes: audiobooksontape.comMerch: redbubble.com/people/sanspantsradio or teepublic.com/stores/sanspantsradioWant to get in contact with us?Email: [e-mail] Twitter: twitter.com/sanspantsradio Website: sanspantsradio.comFacebook: facebook.com/SansPantsRadioReddit: reddit.com/r/sanspantsradioOr individually at;Jackson: twitter.com/AlldogsaredeadAdam: twitter.com/RetroArchetypeZammit: twitter.com/GoddammitZammit Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SatsPantsRadio, if I got on all fours and you put some plates on me, well, that'd make me a table. If you listen to this show and often think, Adam just gets me, then there's a very real chance that you've played your way through a Roman alphabetised numerical system worth of Final Fantasy games. Which means, if we told you that following a recently sold-out season of concerts across Australia,

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Now, enjoy the show. Welcome to Chapter 5 of Northern Bounty, a D&D's for Nerds sidequest adventure. Previously. Usually, with the silvered weapons, we just hunker down the weapons that are enough to keep them away. So the only place where there's silver is the druid's household. The druid has a weapon made out of blue ice. It's two days travel from here. You're woken up by the sounds of someone screaming.

Oh, that's not good. And then a wolf howled. Triss, you're awoken. There's a werewolf attack, I think. I heard screaming and then howling. Are you sure it wasn't a dream? You find the sigil of a god

you couldn't place on the body. Oh, that's the ballad. That is bound to happen. Can I grab the mirror and just slam him into a wall if that's happened? Are you the werewolf? What? You gotta tell me if you're the werewolf. You can tell he's not wearing any clothes

underneath the fur. You're naked under fur, you're a werewolf No, no I am not putting him in a barrel I think regardless whether or not he is a wolf He's still a dumb man He is So that's 100% Huck Duffy steps up and says

You three, to the druid, now You set off to leave the town Fully stocked and ready to go Damn right we do. Super warm? Yeah, because I've got some coats and shit. Oh, yes. No, you're not warm.

I've got snow goggles now. You're not even close to warm. Damn. You're like, you can survive in the temperature you have created. It's like, it's surviving. It's literally the definition, I would say. As you start making your way towards, I believe it's the northeast. Yeah, the northeast.

You see from that direction or roughly that direction, it's more north than east anyway. But you see out of the snow, a giant figure approaching. What type of figure? How giant? Look, is he friendly? Large size. Is it a dog? So the size of like a troll or an ogre or something like that.

A large, like a beast of burden horse type thing. Shit. Imagine a moose. A moose? I mean, but imagine that moose is just way too big. Way, way too big. All right. Imagine an unnecessarily large moose.

Done. Done? I don't know how else to describe it other than. Can I have a look? Yeah. Jackson, tell us what it looks like. I'm excited to learn. Okay.

Well, I mean, Adam is fairly on board. So imagine you've got your basic moose. And then you've basically cranked it up to 11. You've covered it in tin like, tinsel, almost. Christmas moose. And lots of muscles. Yeah, lots. Oh, it's muscly.

And I think they put a horn on its butt, or is that a tail? It doesn't have a tail. It's just got a butt horn. That's a tail. Okay. It looks a bit like a butt horn, but okay. And, yeah, its antlers are just, like, fucked. They just do much of the-

Imagine if the antlers just didn't stop growing. I think they don't stop growing, right? Yeah, but imaginelers are just, like, fucked. They just do much of the... Imagine if the antlers just didn't stop growing. I think they don't stop growing, right? Yeah, but imagine that a situation has happened where the antlers have kept growing. I think this animal used to exist. Can I see? Imagine, like, a deer with anime antlers. Yeah, it's an anime deer!

Can we turn it to Ali? Turn it in the other direction, maybe. I got the short end of the stick. It's an anime deer. It's legit an anime deer. Like, if a deer could go super saiyan, Ali, turn it the other direction. I got the short end of the stick. It's an anime deer. It's legit an anime deer. Like if a deer could go super saiyan. That's what we're looking at right now.

A deer in the 90s where everything was just extreme. It kind of looks like you've taken off the fur and you've just got exposed. Shaved moose. Yeah, that's actually super saiyan moose. It's not shaved, it's actually very hairy. Like shaggy fur. Really? Yeah. I think that's the muscles. In the description it says shaggy fur.

Where's it? Oh, where's it? But its muscles are so ripply that it just goes through the shaggy fur. That must be your goal. Like, cause you're pretty ripped aren't you? Yes, that is what I want. A bit of a ginger. A bit of a ginger. Moose gains. Yes, yes is what I want. I want that like, yes, a shag pile of fucking moose skins. Moose skins?

Moose skins? Moose? Ben's pressed his fucking moose. Well, let's kill it, I guess. No, maybe it's friendly. Maybe it's a moose. It eats grass. Why would it attack us?

Yeah, maybe it wants to be our friend. It charges you. Never mind. Look at that. A supposed fucking devil moose wasn't a friend. Devil anime moose Wasn't a friend

Devil anime moose Who here is shocked? Not me Who was leading your little troop as you left the island? Muscley man Yeah, it's always going to be you The hell buried The arrow

Yes A sword catcher is not going to help in this situation Catch the antlers Hey, Adam, what's the chances of the moose having a sword? What? Minimal? Like, I'm going to answer that zero. But you can catch its antlers.

Catch an antler, yeah. Catch its antlers, tear them off. You guys have your dumb conversation. I've got to do some rules. But yeah, though. Yeah, all right. I can get its butthorn. You can get its butthorn.

Or I think the layman's called them tails. In layman's terms, it's a tail, but we either know, call it what it is, a butthorn. Do I even have weapons? I've got a long sword. I don't have anything else. Oh, wait, I have a longbow. Oh, I'm going to shoot at it. Yeah.

Yeah. Shoot it a little bit longer. A little charisma. I'm excited. Maybe use a bard spell. That'd be, if you wanted. Sing us a song. Oh, wait, what's yours?

It's comedy. I'm going to make jokes about this deer out of it. How does it work? Let's shoot deer. Let's talk about this deer for a second. Why have you got a butthole? But how does it actually, so you tell a joke. I tell a joke and then my spell happens

It's real confusing for shit like fascinate Because I have to tell Pretty much a type 5 At the deal And repeat it I guess To keep him occupied It's like the aristocrats Just gotta keep going

Just gotta keep telling the same joke And they're waiting for the punchline And then before I get to the punchline, hit them with a stick or whatever. None of you know what this creature is. It puts its head and antlers forward and just charges straight at you, Daryl. You catch its horns. Oh, good. You're so easily spooked.

It slams into you, though. You don't know what a freight train is. But if you knew what one was, you would think it slammed into You don't know what a freight train is, but if you knew what one was, you would think it slammed into you with the force of a freight train. It pushes Daryl back a solid 10 feet as he just tries to hold on. Daryl, whatever this is, beneath that thick, shaggy fur is muscle. A lot of muscle and more than what you have. All right, then.

Oh, fuck. All right, Daryl, it's your turn. Oh, you fucking Satan mo than what you have. Alright then. Oh, fuck. Daryl, it's your turn. Oh, you fucking Satan Moose think you're better than me? I try and rip his antlers off. Tear its brain out. The antlers feel like they are quite firmly in place. Can I rage and do it?

You... Next turn. Damn it! Trissa Yes, oh, I'm going to shoot it I'm going to shoot it with my longbow, pretty please Wait, is it within 100 feet? Yes, I will do that That's how it works, yeah

Alright then Yes, sort of I like that you had a conversation and an argument with nobody else involved Well, here we are Got the job done, I guess. Did I answer the questions? Yes. Does the arrow pierce its brain?

Does the arrow pierce its back? You fire an arrow into one of its flanks. The arrow embeds itself a little bit, not deeply, but you don't notice it doing anything. It doesn't even bleed from the wound. Oh, well, that's unfortunate. Chet. Do you think making a moose blind would make it more dangerous anything. It doesn't even bleed from the wound. That's unfortunate. Do you think making a moose blind would make it more dangerous or less?

You guys are having trouble telling, but it looks like it's panicking. Probably more. It looks like it was spooked before it charged. What spooked it? Oh, shit. Crap. Okay.

Fuck. Hold person, keep it in one, shit. Oh, crap. Okay. Fuck. Hold person, keep it in one place, can't charge anybody. I have to quickly look something up. I don't know if hold person is going to work on hold anime moose. I'll plant my feet in the ground, swing back my body, and just look forward. That's a good joke. That's how I do it. Hey, moose. No, it's magic. I don't have to do a joke for it. Oh, okay. That's how I do it. Hey, Moose.

No, it's magic. I don't have to do a joke first. I'm not very funny. That's why I don't do bard tricks. So magic is a complicated, mystical ability

that you have that all people who can cast it have. And not only is it mystical and mysterious, it's also very reliant on exact phrasing pronunciation so the spell hold person cannot actually hold a moose as a moose is not a person the spell you are looking for jackson is is a spell called Hold Monster, which unfortunately you do not know.

Alright. I guess then I'll try and fascinate it by telling it a joke. I think you need to share a language to do that. Actually, I don't think. I know you need to share a language. What if I just do a funny dance? Hey, Moose!

Check this shit out! Because you have no points in anything other than perform comedy. You actually can't use that ability on it. Let me try and do a funny dance. What does a moose find funny? Because to use your bardic ability, you need so many points in the perform skill, but your only perform skill is comedy. And you need to share a language for that, unfortunately.

Do you have anything else that's not useless? No. You can buff them. Oh, that's true. Fucking idiot. I'll do a funny dance for them. Tell a joke, you dipshit. You're a funny man, Jackson.

I don't do that kind of comedy. Check out the moose's butthorn. We're laughing. They're yucking it up. It worked. Would you like to pick the buff you're going to give them, or do you want me to pick? I think it's probably best if you do, Adam.

All right. Daryl and Trissa, you both, you both like, yeah, look at its dumb butt. You get bonuses to attack. All right. Good.

Thanks, man. Not a problem. Took me a while to realize most of my abilities are useless. Speaking of useless abilities. The moose attacks. Whatever, moose. You piece of shit.

You can't attack me. I'm the arrow. The most handsome and muscly boy you'll ever meet. Fuck, you're so lucky. See? So muscly. It keeps trying to push you back, but you're holding ground. No.

The arrow. It's your turn. Then I will rage. And then I will try to rip its horns off its stupid head because it has the audacity to judge me. That's a big word for you. I don't quite know what it means. I think it means gall. I like the other one.

But I mean gall as in the people. With a snapping sound. Yes. You remove one of its four horns. Yes. I'm going to use that horn to stab its face. Yeah, use it. That's the best.

All right. And it is Triss's turn. See, here's the thing, guys. The longbow didn't work that well, but I don't think the sword catcher is going to do any better. Well, you might be able to sword catch its fucking horn off. Do you have any idea how strong they must be? He had to rage.

He cracked one off. With the rage. You've got a plus to attack. Give it a go. Fuck it. Sword catch its antler. Sword catch its antler. Sword catch its antler.

Sword catch its antler. I don't want to be peer pressured. Nah, fuck it. Sword catch its antler. We're a very supportive group here. So I think what I'd like to use is use my sword catcher and attempt to catch a zantler entirely of my own choosing. Absolutely.

Just of your own volition. Damn it! Do you want to be poo or white? I want to be white. Who wants to be poo or white? Semen white. Semen white, poo brown. Those are the best colours in the land All the colours of the rainbow

What sort of rainbow are you looking at? A poo white one So, you charge in with your gnomish sword catcher You hook one of the other antlers around with the gnomish sword catcher And you try to twist and flick Yeah, how ridiculous a plan that is. Go on. The moose creature, however, does its own little

twist and flick, which could just be spasming because it's freaking out and attacking. Instead of it losing an antler, you lose the gnomish swordcatcher, which is now caught up in its horns. Roost good? I just would like everyone,

no one can see this right now, but how mad I am at the three idiots in front of me. Why? You said you did it by your own. Ah, damn it. I knew it was a bad idea. I know you knew. Shet.

I can't buff them twice, can I? There are other buffs. All right, let's keep buffing them. Good. You can continue to buff. Inspire. All right, let's keep buffing them. You can continue to... Inspire competence. Yeah, that'd be good right now. You can do that as well, yeah, sure. All right.

I was going to inspire confidence by making fun of Tressa, but... I don't know what that is. I don't care what the joke is. You can inspire my confidence. Yeah, make fun of Tressa. He's already... Fuck you. You're still getting confident

don't complain just laugh at yourself you gotta learn to laugh at yourself Trissa when you make a stupid fucking move like that so many round two

and no one's dealt damage it's good he popped off a hole that didn't do damage yeah I know it's not about that But you know

It actually is Like the moral victory It's kind of pretty important It's a win in the propaganda war Yeah Okay Once he's got no horns There ain't no propaganda war against moose

Also the moose also has not done damage as well What the one put in your nose that's making me mad? It's a hot little dad lock Anyway what's the joke that just make fun of us just what I did before it's fine Trissa Chet makes fun of you but you feel inspired because of it

or maybe in spite of it I just want to look at him and be like I'm confused but also he's an insult comic that's what I did I'm Chet Faker insult comic half-orc hork the moose creature Insult comic. That's what I did. I'm Chad Faker, an insult comic half-orc.

Hork. The moose creature keeps trying to push you back, Daryl, but you aren't letting it. Damn right. You've dug your feet in. No, it's my land. Daryl? Daryl, I will try and snap off its other antler. If it's got no antlers, all it's got is muscle.

It doesn't even make a creaking sound. You've grabbed one of the bigger antlers as opposed to one of the smaller antlers, so you're having trouble. All right. All right. Then it is Tris's turn. Yes. I'd like to try something different, not be a moron,

and maybe shoot at it again with my long bow. I was going to say long arrow. You have a sword as well. No, it's gone now. It's in a moose's antler. You can try and recover it if you want. Jump on its back! The moose is tall, so it's going to be hard. When it's dead, I'll pick it up.

Anyway, shoot it with my longbow. Oh, fuck. I should just make it run away with your sword. Deal with the fucking antler. Sorry, what did you say you wanted to do? Shoot it with my longbow. You're probably going to back up a little bit because otherwise it gets a free hit on you now bugger off that's what I say to the moose

that's a bad Adam face that's a worse Adam face he can bring them out he's getting at the crits maybe for the moose we don't know I mean probably for the moose. We don't know. I mean, probably for the moose. Ali goofed.

Why are you goofing? What have I got as well? I've got a sword. We can fight with that, I guess. You're going to pass it over again? Golly. Backfire. Uh-oh.

The twang. Into your own brain. So instead of releasing where the arrow meets the string, you release where the arrow meets the bow. And the bow snaps back and hits you in the face. Remember how I said at the start I'd like to try not being a moron? Well, you tried. You tried your best. It just didn't work.

It wasn't for you. You try your best and you don't succeed. The question is, the extra damage applies. The boost you gave her to damage. She's so confident in her own incompetence. Tristan, you take four points of damage. So, hey, it could be worse. Yeah, that's not too bad.

I could be a very mentally wounded girl after this fucking battle. Chet? I'd like to just dive in and stab it in the butthole area. With your longsword? That's the part that's not attacking. It's attacking Daryl, so yeah. Yeah, you can go around behind it. And actually, you'd get flanking bonuses now.

Sweet. Secure its butthole. Get you in the butthole. Adam, come on. The butthorn. The butthorn. Get it in its butthorn. I'll chop its butthorn clean off.

Goddamn. Crit fail? Why? What's wrong with us? Alert the guard! Back to town. Everybody run! We've only lost a sword.

It's all right. We've only lost a sword catcher. We've got an antler you can have How winded Okay so you charge in You ever seen a donkey or a horse or something like that Kick backwards In the chest

All the air leaves your lungs You're exhausted Winded or exhausted Role lungs. You're exhausted. Winded or exhausted. Role-playing-wise, you're winded. Physical gameplay-wise, you are exhausted as the condition. Fuck. Fuck this moose. Moose is fucking your good.

Daryl, fucking just tear its brain out, please. Ah, finally. Oh, no. It adjusts itself perfectly. Or maybe you fucked up trying to grab one of the bigger antlers. But adjusts itself perfectly. Or maybe you fucked up trying to grab one of the bigger antlers. But it gores you. Guess what it gets to do when it gores someone? It sits down quietly and has a good hard think about life.

It leaves. It shakes the sword catcher out. You take 11 points of damage. Whatever. You're raging, you're alright. It's fine. You take 11 points of damage. Whatever. I'm a tough boy. You're raging. You're all right. It's fine.

You're fine. Don't even need it. You're okay. Then. But seriously, shall we consider running back to town? It lifts you up in its antlers. Oh, no. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And hurls you bodily away from it. You land a good 10 feet away, taking a further Two damage when you hit the ice or snow How far away are we from town Adam? You're like at the outskirts Could we call the guard? Where?

I could make an alarm Then it gallops away into town Then it's on our problem Chet and Trissa you get a free hit on Oh no sorry just Chet you get a free hit on it I'll stab it as it goes by No wait Can I change it?

I'm blinded as it goes by You can't cast the spell on Sting You're super winded so instead of stabbing it You swing weakly at the air around you It's in town It breaks down a small shack as it charges through. I suppose we have a question.

Can the town cope? Should we just go? I think we should. If we can't show that we can't kill a moose, how are we going to kill a werewolf? Plus Triss's gnomish business is in there.

So I think we kind of need... Alright, chase it down. That's fine. Alright, so that would put it at Daryl's turn. You're going in. You can charge it. Charge and attack it in one turn? How fast is it? Golly, it's fast. But you're pretty fast as well, Daryl. You can charge it this turn if you want.

And attack it? Yep. Alright, I want to charge, attack, full power attack, full vicious bite, everything. Just charge, attack, full power attack, full vicious bite, everything. Just letting you know, with your attack, by the way, because you're raging, you take negative two

to your armor class. Yes. If you also charge, you'll get another bonus to hit. Yes. But you'll take negative four in total to your armor class, which will make you

very easy to hit. Yes. Just for one round, though. Yes. It's okay? Yes. Just checking. Like, maybe you care.

No. Oh! Have we ever? Okay. Is this how we die, guys? We die by moose? If you've got a crit fail, what the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Fuck this moose! Fuck this moose!

This moose is dumb, to say the least. Adam's got a lot of faces going on. Bohemian ear spoon is the name of this effect. All right. Do you get affected in your bohemian ear? You charge in behind it. You try to swing low, but it lifts up both of its back legs and kicks backwards at the

same time. The kicks strike you in the head and instead of being winded, you just hear eeeeee. That's all you can hear. Mop. Mop. Mop. Mop. Well, I cannot... You can't hear anything.

This is not great. Good. How? All three of us, in one round of combat, have crit failed. Yep. I think it's the dialogue. And now the moose is taking over the town. It's the moose's town now.

Maybe the moose is the new mayor. That's probably better than the last one, so it's fine. Is there anybody in town trying to help out? It's been less than ten seconds since I came into town, so no one's had a chance to respond yet. Is it just fucking destroying shit? Why is this moose so full of hate? It's just freaking out.

Anything it sees, it attacks. Why don't I have calm animal? Trissa, it's your turn. You could fire another arrow if you wanted. Or you could stand there and do not allow it. I don't know if this can do. Yeah, I'll fire another bloody arrow. Try and hold on to the right part of the bow.

Oh, man, I thought you got a crit fail again for a second. Hey, someone does damage. Yay! Lethal damage? Three points of damage to the moose. We're doing it, gangose We're doing it gang We're getting it Finally

And that makes it Chet's turn Alright can I I really want to blind it I just have this feeling that if it's blind It'll calm down Or will it freak out even more Fine I'll fire an arrow at it From my light crossbow.

If we all shoot arrows at it at the same time, it'll have arrows in it. That's a heavy crossbow you use. Does it say light? Yeah, heavy. Yeah. H. Drop my longsword. Pull out my HC.

Your old HC. My good old HC, huh? What's a HC? Heavy crossbow. Oh. Incredibly. Hairy kid? Heavy crossbow Oh That's incredibly Hairy kid Your crossbow bolt It doesn't start with a C

Child Oh Your crossbow bolt strikes roughly near where Triss's arrow struck And you can see a little bit of blood weeping from one of its haunches We're getting it We're taking it down War of attrition Then

Huck Huck. Huck Duffy comes out of nowhere with his wolf sword drawn. He swings once and then twice at the moose. Why does he get to it? He's a higher level than you guys. Damn, Huck.

Huck Duffy. He doesn't make you feel any better. He only hits once. That does make me feel better. Not as incompetent as... He also deals minimum damage. Well, now I'm a bit worried. Like, now I'm scared. He slashes a line across one of its sides.

The moose turns around, and you can all tell what the moose is going to do next. Oh, poor Huck Duffy's going to get thrown on top of a building. Well, then we know he was not the werewolf. Like a champ, or like Daryl did before, Daryl did before, Huck grabs the antlers and just holds it there. That's good. At least it's in one place.

Huck yells to you, Daryl. Attack it in the rear! Get it! Get it! All right, then. It was going to do. It's your turn, Daryl. Classic D&D's for nudes.

Now that I can't hear him at all, I do it anyway. Because, like, get the hell better, the power attack. And drive it into his spine. Get some of that spinal fluid just into the back of the neck. Are you full power attacking again? Yes. Joke's on you. That means you miss.

No, I'm just kidding. The panic in Zammett's eyes for a second there. Damn. Crap. And a vicious attack. I'll attack myself. I don't give a shit. Who cares?

Sometimes you've got to hurt yourself to hurt a moose. That's just the fact of life. That's just the fact of moose. That's just how it goes. That's Adam's little faces, maybe. Counting. It's like, you kill it, cleave, okey-toke. Why?

I'm going to take this whole village down. Moose think he can take a village away from me? You grab its tailbone, whatever you guys were calling it. The butthorn. The butthorn. And you replace part of the moose's back spine With your halberd And then draw the halberd back out

Good as The moose's back legs start going a little limp But it's still kicking around wildly Paralyze this moose You've kind of semi-paralyzed it Good How much damage did I take? Oh right, you deal some damage to yourself

How wound did I do? Six damage. Max damage. Good. That's what it's all about. Triss, I recommend climbing it. Ride a moose? Ride a moose.

Tame a moose. Tame a moose. What's that saying? Find a moose. Pick it up. I don't know what I would have done if you guys tried to tame it. We would have just had a great moose pal, I guess. It can be tamed.

Triss-R. Yes. Not by you guys, though. Let's be honest. What are my options? I mean, hit it with your crossbow. You can fire another arrow. It's actually, you move 10 feet around.

They move four times your speed. You're little. You are small and wearing very heavy armor, so you go very slowly. So, if you wanted to, you could spend two rounds just getting to it. Okay. Or you could keep firing arrows. I think I might fire an arrow, guys. Although climbing it was tempting. I know. I was waiting for you to be

like, you could climb it, Ali, and I'd be like, yeah. Oh, I never came. White. Knowing which die, knowing one of these is the one that rolled a one for all three of you. Oh, he's holding up two dice. Piss yellow and semen white. It's not the one you think.

Okay. No, I'm going to stand with my original call. No, I chose white. Always bet on piss. Always bet on piss. No, she chose white. No, I did choose white. You can sometimes bet on semen.

That's the same Joke's on you, that's the one Hey, I guess a couple ones needs to end in a 20 Oh my god Hey, bambino No, my girl My girl Fuck that,ose good.

You get it good. Proud of you. Thanks, guys. You did well. You took it down. Now let's get the fuck out of here. Can you imagine, like, goodbye, travelers. Thank you for helping.

And we just send a moose back into town. It fucks him shit. We're like, so we'll be off now. Thanks. Like, send him off and like now. Thanks. Like send them off and like that. Fifteen minutes later. Oh, come back.

Oh, there's a moose. Shit, shit. Everybody get inside your houses. Whoops. We found a big moose. Akadin. Akadin. Not our fault.

If anything, we're, you know. We saved you guys from the moose. Now we'll be off. Yes. Thank you. You're welcome.

The moose was clearly spooked by something else. I suppose we're going to go fight that. Okay, so. Your bow. Yes. Your bow has a times three critical hit modifier. So the way it works is I draw two critical hit cards. Yes.

I tell you what the effects are. Or I tell you the name of the effect. And you can pick which one you want to do. Cool. Like the one that does more damage? No, I give you the name. I was hoping I beat your riddle.

One of them is infection. The other is ventilated. Ventilated, please Yeah, ventilated I don't have any poison, like, attributes Yeah, exactly You could have hit its, like, colon and put poop in its body Did I do good?

Double damage and 2d6 non-lethal damage Nice Well, that's pretty good I'd be pleased The moose falls to the ground. Yes! Unconscious. Knock the moose out!

I'd like to look across at Chet and be like, and that's it. What are you looking at me for? What? Did we have a conversation? I forgot. Hot Duffy rolls it over and makes to slit its throat.

Probably for the best. Good meat. He does so. It's her sword deal and it's antlers. Yes. Oh my God. Get my sword back.

Hot Duffy chucks you your sword. Thank you. But like not in that way. Trisha, do you want this antler? Yes. There you go. Yay. It's going to be so big.

You're a hoarder. I forgot. What? You're a hoarder. Oh, yeah. Can I take another one? Sure. Can I get my own antler and then you can keep yours?

No, no. This is yours. It's fine. All right. Yeah, I'll take the antler. It's for you for doing well, for felling this fell evil beast. All right. They're very big

Just let me know they're like yeah, big as you That's how she can drag it behind us. That's real strong. Yeah, is it pointy? It's a Antler so look at any point you might want to grab it and use it as a spear. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking Yeah, is it pointy? That's point is pointy ish. Yeah Maybe with enough sure with enough force you could stab someone with enough force most things are pointy? It's pointy-ish. Yeah. I mean, with enough force, you could stab someone. With enough force, most things are pointy. I mean, I don't really know how you're carrying it.

Just got to strap it to her backpack. Strap to her back. Okay. All right. I guess I'll write that down. Hold on. Can I cue a light wounds? Can I be like, can I hear everybody?

No. I'm deaf, everyone. The moose kick head. I'm going to be talking real loudly now. Alright. I just typed in. I just wrote in. I'm a moose antler. Huck inspects you, Daryl.

Good, because I don't know what to do. Under his menstruations, he like clears, I don't know, maybe there's blood in a canal in your ear. He just clears that out and you can hear again. Oh, thank you, Huck. You're a good man. I kiss him both on the cheeks. Thank you.

Great snow elk, he says, nudging the corpse. He didn't ask. But thank you. Good meat, I guess? Yeah, it'll feed a lot of people for quite some time. The fur can make some jackets. Yeah, probably some jackets as well. Super.

That's great. I know what to do with an elk body. Super good. Who's the hooves to make a fine glue? Anyway, as I was saying, great snow elk. They come from up north. It means something scared it this way. Yes. Something big, possibly white,

possibly a werewolf, he says. Yes, but everybody in this town assumes a werewolf's says yes but everybody in this town assumes a werewolf is the problem behind everything we don't know it's a weird conclusion to jump

anyway you see a man killed by werewolf claw attacks you rightly assume werewolf he says alright

I'm not gonna question it we've got to head off anyway we've already wasted so much time off to the Gregor guy. Yes.

I wish you good luck on that journey. Thank you, Hawk. Well, it started out pretty well. He pats you on the back and sends you on your way. Will our hero's journey end as poorly as it started? Find out next time on Northern Bounty, a D&D is for Nerds side quest adventure. is for nerds side quest adventure. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account?

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