D&D is For Nerds - Northern Bounty #8 What are you Doing Here?

Episode Date: February 25, 2017

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Sans Pants Radio, how do fluorescent lights work? A while back, Zammet asked me if I'd like to do a Dungeons & Dragons game with my dad and my little brother Ryder. I was like, yeah, so I suggested it to them, and dad was like, what? What are you talking about, Jack? And Ryder was like, I once played a game of D&D on a bus and it sucked and was for nerds. But, after much convincing, they agreed, and together we recorded one of the greatest adventures in D&D is for Nerds history ever, maybe. If you signed up to Patreon before April 1st, you'll get exclusive access to what we are calling D&D is for Dad. Links are in the show notes below,

so make your way to Patreon right now and help support the show and feast your ears on something very special. Welcome to Chapter 8 of Northern Bounty, a D&D is for Nerds side quest adventure. Previously. Is it Willy Willy, just Willy Willy just willy-willying? Yeah. Your feet are just black and it's not going.

Is it spreading? It looks like it's spreading. Both feet? Both feet. As I'm trying to explain that, we're going to have to cut a limb off. You go? She just springs it on you. Why are you doing this?

You shouldn't have made that joke about the moose before, mate. This is sweet revenge. Why? I'm Super bitter. You're a petty little one. So, we've

cut off your legs, but we haven't cut off all of the leg we need to cut off. So, um, good luck.

I give him a book to bite into. God, you guys are lucky. We're getting it. Lucky!

Brilliant! Is that what you'd call our fucked up life? We got a norm to make me do like I just want to Lean down like you must be hazy And like almost

What a hectic time Unconscious with pain Should we get the grand Real quiet be like I don't like you Alright let's assess What's in the cabin that we can use as Lex Hey maybe the druid that we're meant to be going to see, maybe he will have legs.

Yeah, maybe the druid can give me like... Maybe we can cut off his legs and then you can... So they're on my body. Chet, you've got no legs. What's your next move? Is there anything in the cabin that we can use to make either pseudo legs, a cart to carry me in, or is there a sled? There's a sled.

I'll hop on that. There's probably a walking stick as well, but walking stick is if you've got one bum leg. None of you have the expertise to fix him some good legs. I'll hop on the sled and you can just pull me. That's fine. Fuck, this has been brutal so far.

Let's have a bit of a sleep. Because I'm exhausted. You're exhausted. I've had a rough night. All three of you are probably exhausted at this point. Hot tip. If Wolf comes down and barrels on door, don't wake the people who are sleeping. Let them sleep.

Unless Wolf goes into cabin. Then wake us up. Then we prepare. Alright. That sounds like a good plan. Everyone needs a rest right now. How do you guys start trying to sleep? Sounds like a good plan. All right. Because I need... Everyone needs a rest right now. I'm so exhausted. I'd like to just... As you guys start trying to sleep, you hear the unmistakable sounds of a claw

slowly being dragged down one side of the wall. That is perfectly normal cabin sounds. And you hear a deep, powerful, booming voice say, Little pigs. Little pigs. powerful, booming voice say, little pigs, little pigs. Not as perfectly normal, Captain Seand. Let me come in. Only if you don't

bite. A hop, bang! And a puff, bang! And I'll blow your house in. No, no, perfectly normal, Captain Seand. Everybody sleep. Excuse me, will, perfectly normal. Everybody sleep. Excuse me, will you eat us?

No response. Of course he'll eat us. Well, I gave him an option. I remember the three little pigs. The first one gets blown down. That's all I'm saying. But also in the original three little pigs, there's only one pig in the cabin.

Maybe the one at the end was made of bricks. Maybe we's only one pig in the cabin. So maybe we're at the one at the end that was made of bricks. Maybe we are. I look around the cabin. Yes. What's this? Brick. If I remember the story correctly as well, he'll try and come through the chimney. Strong wood bricks.

This is a wood building. When he comes through the chimney, we eat him. I think the pigs do. Okay. I got a bad. Right. Fuck my life. All right, Trissa, you take first watch because you're the least exhausted, I think.

So, only if he gets in do I wake you up. Got it. If he looks like he's coming in. You know, he breaks the thing down. All right. If you can't manage, okay? I will. I just pass out in mid-sentence.

Please don't poison me in my sleep. Why would you do that? I don't know. mid-sentence. Please don't poison me in my sleep. Why would you do that? I don't know. I'm so scared. I'd like just before you go to sleep to kiss you on the forehead and say sleep time. Krista, the fire goes out. No.

No. No, Adam, I don't think it does. It does. I don't want that The fire goes out Can I add some fuel The fire just dies No no no

You add as much fuel as you want The fire is actually just dying Why Fire why Try and figure it out You have no idea why It's just going out It's freezing

When the fire goes out You two wake up It's too cold. We'll put the fire out. Why don't you turn it off? I didn't turn it off. Turn the fire back on. Put the fire back on.

All three of you attempt to relight the fire. Machette, you're able to get a tiny little fire going again. As the only druid, you have not to get a tiny little fire going again As the only druid You have not heard tale of what is happening Druid? Bard? Bard, sorry D'Arrel

Oh, D'Arrel D'Arrel, um You think it's just actually too cold? Like the fire's going out because it's just So actually cold Can I just try and keep this fire going? You can, yeah It's very difficult though Okay, I'll just keep this fire going

I'm not sure how the trapper lives out here That's a good point How did he manage if it got this cold? He didn't live out here I guess You're not sure You could rummage around in his blinds to see if there's something for that. Alright, Stumpy.

Alright, Stumps. You keep the fire going. I'm going to look around the room, see what is going on. See if there's anything here we can have a look at. Cool. Alright, I'll keep the fire going and let's find his magic fire keeping going.

Trissa, you help cheat. I will. I don't know what your concerns are. I mean, we've been a team for a long time. That's true. Do I pick up on their fear? Do I pick up on Chet's fear of Trissa?

I mean, I'm trying to hide it because I think she might get me if I don't. No. Alright then. Yes, Tressa, then you do whatever you help Chet out. I'll have a look around. Alright. Searching around, you find this alchemical stuff

here, like salves and ingredients. Ooh. Can't read what it is. You don't know what any of it is. Just take it back and dump it on the floor. This is what I've got. This, this, and this. One's like fucking Hexo's foot regrowing potion.

Rub where limb is missing and get a new one. I hope you don't get a new one of human, though. Like, oh, I don't get lizard feet. Spider legs. One of the little tins that that you pick up metal tins when you pick it up it's warm to the touch this one is warm as shit yeah can i read it please there's no there's no labels crack it open i pass it to you too when i keep rummaging yeah can we open it uh aim it at the fire and crack it open so we're not like like do you tilt it so that whatever it is in would come out?

Yeah. Maybe like a drop, though. Like gently. I just basically don't want to be like, oh, let me just open it up. You don't want to Wile E. Coyote it. I like the tin that's just like in my head. Yeah, exactly. I'm all black.

Using this glass, show me how you angle it when you open it. Okay. So the fire's going there. Okay, so you turn it horizontal. Look out for the water as well. There's a bit of water on my character sheet. Yes. All right. You do that.

See what I mean? If you have it like this, right? And you just kind of open it like that, it's not going to burst anything. Okay, I'll do that. You open it like that. It looks like... The way I would describe it is

thousands of tiny little shards of red glass are inside. Tip something out on the fire. Just like one. The fire catches a roaring delight. That's good. That's so good. Show me the other selves. Oh, sorry.

I know you said you tip a little bit. You need to tip like a, you tip one and then like, yeah. I get it. It needs a little more. You think you have maybe three goes of tip one and then like... And you're like, I get it. It needs a little more. Yeah. You think you have maybe three goes of this thing. This is good. All right.

Check the other salves just in case it's anything useful. All right. Give the... The creams and powders. You don't know... I'd like 100% rummage through this cabin. 100%. You find...

The only interesting equipment other than maybe some basic hunting supplies and traps and stuff like that you find those salves so you find a couple creams and a couple dusts but you there's no obvious use for them no idea what these do i'm just gonna lay the traps out to around the whole perimeter these traps are for like for rabbits don't care is there any like rusty nails probably yeah can i get like boards and put the nails in the board and just put it around the perimeter? You're pretty tired. It's a lot of hard work.

God damn it. Someone else do this. You're all tired. We got the fire going. Everyone to bed. All right. Fuck this. The wolf isn't coming yet.

It's all right. There's nothing there. There we go. Good. Bad. Okay. Wolf has a burst. He's fine.

He's fine. So, Trissa, you resume your watch. Yes. It all goes... According to plan. Everyone wins. That's good. We saved the day.

Everyone gets to go back. Everyone go home. I will go next because I think Chet needs more time to relax having lost feet. And legs. Yes. Daryl, you're fine as well. I had invasive surgery twice. Chet?

Yeah, I'll take a watch. I mean, it's on inside you, but no, you've lost legs. So that's kind of invasive. Angry surgery twice. Well, one was a surprise. Eventually, you're pretty sure it's the next day, because the blizzard has died. At some point over the night, the blizzard stops.

And from the tops of the windows where the snow hasn't piled you guys are set in snow you can see through the windows it's as tall as a person there's just a crack where the sun can stream in through windows i guess i would but i have no legs maybe you get darrell to try and force the door open. Yes. Which door runs outwards, so you're in trouble. All right, the arrow. Or you could just go to the other one where you're blocked up and just take the barricade away. That's the one I would do.

Clever. This is take a bookshelf, have a bit of a dig. The snow hasn't piled up that hard on this side. It was blowing on the other side, so you get like, it's piled up a little bit here, but it's mostly piled on the other side first so you can actually just get out if you want take halberd and have quick look for wolf you step outside you start head outside immediately you're fucking freezing because your legs are falling into the new fallen snow yes you have a quick look around maybe you climb onto the house because that's easier for you Alright, rug up

You climb up onto the house You can't see any obvious sign of the wolf Any tracks that it might have made Long gone in the blizzard Okay Who? No, there's no wolf It's relatively warm

You're actually sweating a little bit And you're heavy first This isn't too bad If we made it out like Alright Now we might get to the rood pretty quickly Let's grab themselves let's grab them

good powder of fire good right and I think we need to that's the official title good powder of fire good and misc salves

chuck me on that sled yes and we will get you some damn new lizard legs that's I mean okay

we'll get you some new legs And we'll head off You travel onwards Yes Cautiously just looking for a wolf How are my stomps? Sorry?

So I just want to know Like the end of my stomps Yeah Like is it gross? Yeah, it's not great Has it stopped blighting? I think we cauterized them though Yeah

Like in the There's something. Like in the fire. We're like, let's put them in. It's fine. Because, I mean, you can cauterize with a piece of metal. Bite down on a book. Was there any bear meat?

No, no. Why did I think you were going to say that? Like bandages that could wrap the gross stump up. Just look at it. You could probably tear some clothes off and turn them into bandages are going to wrap the gross stump up. Just look at it. You could probably tear some clothes off and turn them into bandages. Oh, we have those big cloaks now, and since you don't need to cover your legs. Oh, yeah, I'll use my pants. You still do need some pants, but yeah, you figure something.

Tie a knot. Gross. Tie a knot on your pants. Good idea. Don't just drape them over, Jackson. Tire knots. No, but I see what she means. Like with the hem of the pants.

Yeah. Like Tingo in the movie. Sure. He's a veteran. All right, let's go. Born on the 4th of July? Okay, probably. Forrest Gump.

Oh, that one. Yeah. Okay, I got it. No, let's figure it out. All right, so you set off again. Like I said, it's a lot easier now. You're kind of hot almost in your furs. And maybe at some point you take them off even and just wear the cold weather gear.

And then just like put them on the sleigh. Yeah. Drag you along. You get very hot. I'd like to ask Chet along the way, just like, how are you doing? You know, I mean mean it's not the best all right it might be the worst is there anything i can do for you um no i'm fine i appreciate the offer though all right then and then we chip on off

fuck i'm scared i'm never gonna eat anything you make for me Eventually You spot what must be the druid's grotto It's like a small copse of trees With some standing rocks Nearby It's not amazing

But it's not as far as wildernesses go As far as wildernesses go It's not amazing But out herees go. As far as wildernesses go, it's not amazing. But out here, this passes for basically an oasis. Oh, that's amazing. Pull the sled. Let's get in there. Maybe they can grow my legs back into like a fucking stump or something.

Lizard legs is what I'm hoping for. I don't want lizard legs. Well, you don't have a choice. Maybe you like get like a tree stump. Maybe it grows you a bit of tree. If I could have any legs, I'd have hooves. Maybe there's like, he has horses. I don't know.

You want horse legs? Goat legs. Turn you into Mr. Tomness. We're already in winter. Halfway. I know that druids can like shape change. Maybe they can shape change you. Do wheelchairs exist, Adam?

Can I get a wheelchair? Do wheelch, Adam? Can I get a wheelchair? Do wheelchairs exist? Can I get a wheelchair? Wheelchairs do exist, but you guys do not know they exist. Oh, okay. I see. I'm just looking at my legs and being like, fuck, that's it, I guess. You've probably seen people with prosthetics.

Put me out of my misery. You've probably seen people with prosthetics. What about crutches? You've seen people with crutches. Yeah, but I can go with legs. You also know very powerful clerics could heal you. Oh, okay. So, you know, it's not a death sentence. As in, like, grow your legs back?

Yeah. Fuck off. Fuck off, D&D. That's good. I was like, this is the bit where you lose your sense of reality with D&D? Really? I mean, it's not like a spell you're going to find. It's not a power you're going to come across very often,

but it is on the cleric spell list. Can we just explore Ali Kathleen saying I could have crotches with no legs? Just like learning to still talk without falling over. That's a prosthetic. They call those prosthetics. I forgot I cut off both. You sure did. All right.

Is there like a house in the copse? I was about to say, when you get in among the trees, the trees have protected this area a little bit from the blizzard because they're just so thick. So in the snow. Green, green, green. Man, green went for a fucking journey. Pooh brown.

Oh, purple. I guess I'm purple. I picked green. You made your choice. You made your bed. I have to lie in it Chet, you're the only one who notices Probably because you don't have your head hunched over

And dragging a heavy sled You notice that in the snow You see What is unmistakably tracks Possibly those of a wolf Alright guys, fucking stop What's wrong? This is hardly a surprise at this point But the wolf's been by those of a wolf. All right, guys, fucking stop. Look, I mean, this is probably hardly a surprise

at this point, but the wolf's been by. I just gesture with my, like, fucking wildly with my... Bullshit. None of you are very good trackers.

All you can tell is that they are probably, well, they might not necessarily be a wolf, so it could be like the werewolves. They could be a regular wolf or a dog or something like that.

It's hard to tell because none of you guys have any expertise sorry i get out my halberd anyway okay so you continue to search the trees there's not much here so you don't think it's going to take you very long but eventually among the rocks you see a small cave and you also notice that near the cave there There's lots of these tracks So either something's been coming in and out a bunch or something happened here Like I said, you guys aren't trackers so none of you know exactly But there is a lot of blood on the ground as well. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait What before we go ahead assuming that it's you know, the world of smack. What if he's the druid is a wolf

What fuck off? You know, the werewolf's back. What if the druid is a wolf? What? Fuck off. Sometimes a druid can be a wolf. So maybe... Let me get this right. All right. So we go to a town that is overrun by werewolves. Yes. Their mayor is called Fenris fucking Wolf.

Yes. They've got a sheriff who basically dresses like a wolf. He's draped in wolves, I know. Then they have a druid nearby who is also a fucking wolf. I mean... Fuck off. I mean, would it actually surprise you? Would it... It's draped in wolves, I know. Then they have a druid nearby who is also a fucking wolf. I mean, would it actually surprise you? It's almost more real. Like, it makes more sense. It follows a pattern then.

I'd like to look at Daryl and then point at Chet and be like, snow madness. She's got it. She has a snowman. Too brown. Green! It's not on purple again. No, green.

Green did you good, I guess. It didn't, though. No, it didn't. Do I think he has snowmen? Snowmen. Please, guys. I'm in such trouble. Sorry. I'm in such trouble. Sorry.

I'm in such trouble. The owl. Chet, looks like he's gone a little overboard. But also, Tresso is obviously lying. Oh. You don't trust either, Rob. Maybe he a little bit... Well, look, he's lost his legs.

I'm going to light a torch. What are you talking about? I can hear you. What are you saying? Just lie back. Chill out, mate. Give me one of them. I'm going to light a torch. Maybe I'll just take points. All right.

Teresa, can you just take over the dragging? I can. Thank you. I can pull you off. Nothing. She's perfect for it. I'm so little! I'm so scared.

As you approach the cave, all three of you hear the unmistakable yipping and howls of a baby dog or wolf. No shit, there's babies. No, this is not going to end well for anybody. We can fight a baby wolf. No, but the mother might attack us. Mother? I thought the wolf

was a... What? I think the wolf was male. I guess that's the risk. We never asked. That probably says more about me than it does anyone else. I guess that's on me. I'm sorry. Maybe it's a wolf family.

Maybe. Oh, shit. Yeah, it's bad. Oh, fuck. You've got new legs. Oh, thank you for telling me. No, that was Ali. If it is wolf family, chances are that we cannot drag you whilst we run.

So maybe like... Look, it is... You can try. If it comes to this, maybe provide a little bit of last stand for us. What's my alignment? How the fuck is it? I'm chaotic good. I don't want to.

No, fair. I'm chaotic good Like I don't want to No fair I will drag you for a little bit but then if it Comes to it maybe There's nothing you can do And I'd rather my good friends You just looked at me Get free you know That's for the best isn't it

We will not leave you behind I will make sure If you have to We will not leave you behind. I will make sure. Okay. If you have to. Okay. I don't want to, but if push comes to shove and it is like dire straits, then we'll do what we can. But thank you, my good friend

Chet. You are a true champion. Let's not talk about me like I'm dead yet. I give you a kiss on each cheek and a kiss on the forehead. No, no, no. I like that we're receiving this cave as where the druid lives. We're just like, no, I don't. What is obviously a wolf cave?

I assume this is death in front of us. Death in front of Chet. A lighter torch. A lighter torch venturing. The cave isn't very deep. Immediately within, you see some sort of basically constructed nest. It looks like it's been made out of any bits or bobs that are around. Just something for warmth.

And in there are nine wolf cubs. Yipping. Babies. Like, unable to see cubs. Also, the light, as it reaches the back of the cave, Also, the light, as it reaches the back of the cave, illuminates a giant pile of shimmering silver. Silver ore and silver weapons. Well, um... Okay, this is the word we've got to get out.

Fuck it, fuck it. Wait, hang on a second. Any one, any other, look, any big wolf? Purple, blue-brown. Ah, damn. White. Allie, kind of. White. Allie. Kind of white.

Come on. A really strong milky cup of tea, White. Fine. Trissa and D'Arrel, you two turn around as you hear something entering the cave. Oh, shit. There goes my next plan. Go on, Adam. All right.

plan. Go on, Adam. Alright. Wearing a shaggy bear skin, covered a little in snow, is a small dwarf, I'm not dwarf, sorry, gnome. Gnome buddies. The gnome is ancient looking. He's got this long

beard that extends down to his belt, and he has it tucked as well into his pants. Champion. Alright, werewolf. I'm back. What are you lot doing here? What are you doing here? I live here.

Are you a werewolf? Are we the wolves? I sometimes turn into a wolf. What? Oh, the fucking phone. What? It's not... Was the mayor a gnome? No. The mayor was a Nordic man.

What? A gnome can turn into a big fuck-off wolf. I can turn into a lot of things. Why don't we have this conversation outside? It's a bit cold. It's a bit cold. Have you been fucking girl wolves? Why don't we have this conversation outside? Can I just grab quickly one weapon?

No. Everybody gets one weapon. Sounds like a good deal. You don't want to do that. Why don't we step outside and have a polite conversation? If we stay in here, a lot of things could happen. You know, a mammal wolf will do almost anything

to protect her cubs. Pups? Are they pups or cubs? Pups. Sorry, I misspoke. No, no, I was just curious. Did I fuck up werewolves? All right. Let's follow the gnome.

The gnome slowly backs out so that you guys have room to move out. I get dragged out, presumably. You don't leave me in there. I'm at everyone else's whim. He stands so that he is in between you guys and the mouth of the cave. You can still hear the faint yipping from inside. You also notice at this point that he's got a satchel bag in it,

and hanging out of it you see just raw meat. You couldn't place want meat. So you're not a werewolf? What do you mean by werewolf? I can turn into a lot of things. He must be the druid then. Like the person who gets bit. Did you say that?

Yeah. Yes. My name is Pixing Drop. Dop, sorry. Classic. Nomes are the best.. Dops, I. Classic gnome name. P-I-X-I-N-G-D-O-P-P. Two words. Dop.

No, I mean, like, do you turn into a giant white werewolf? I turn into a lot of things. That is not a good answer. Gosh, you're fake. You're the Vegas gnome. Green. Pooh Brown. Whatever's left. I'llman. Pooh Brown. Whatever's left.

I'll always choose Pooh Brown. Always bet on Pooh. What happens if there's peers? Oh, shit. I know. I'm in trouble. Prissa and Daryl, neither of you are able to get an accurate reading on this guy. But Chet, you can tell, well, it's a medieval society so you wouldn't call it Alzheimer's.

But you can tell he has some sort of madness about him. Everyone calm down. He's got wandering brain. Sometimes his brain leaves, but then it comes back. So he's fine. He's just old. You'd know. Okay.

I suppose I would. Snow madness Why don't you three just go on back The way you came No We need We need like an ice weapon The weapon that the mayor said

A weapon of blue ice That's the one We gotta fight the white werewolf Because it's destroying the sound You're not the white werewolf, because it's destroying the sound. You're not the white werewolf, so that's good. Yes, that's a plus for us. I think I wanna give it to you. Whatever it is.

I don't particularly like the town. Some might say I want them all dead. But there's lots of nice people, like... They can move on, then. The town doesn't belong here What does belong here?

The wilderness And the animals that live in it And I will kill To protect them So who's in the What's the bag you've got there? Meat He drops the bag

For feeding your babies Any meat I could find, any meat that I could kill. What kind of beast is it? Long pig? Yes, it is a long pig. It's great. Is this where you live? Yes.

So you live with the babies? Yes. Who's... Are you the... Are you the father? It's bothering me. Or the mother. I found them. He adopted them.

That's nice, guys. So he's kind of the father in a technical sense. Okay. What would it take from us to get the magic knife? You can't have it. I'm not giving it to the town. They've asked before. That's why I didn't give the

battle axe, and that's why I took their silver. You took their silver. Well, I think that's obvious. No, like, you took their silver, but then, so who is the, what is this white werewolf to you? It's the nature of the monster. That's confusing sometimes. Fixing Zop

gets this weird, spacey expression. His eyes zone out a little bit. You can tell he's somewhere completely different. Not like he's projected himself into the astral plane. Like he has a madness about him. So he's not paying attention? You could say, well, maybe. Do you want to try and get the drop on him?

I want to shoot. Because he's about to start talking. It's up to you, man. I'm so done with this conversation. You're an independent agent. Yeah. I would like to shoot him, please, Adam. Oh, no.

I don't know how to fight a werewolf and baby werewolves. The baby werewolves are going to be fine. We're going to have to slit some infant dog throats. No, no, no. We'll just leave them. We're going to have to take them with us. No, we'll just leave them. Put them in a bag.

Put them in a bag. Put, no, no. We'll just leave him. Can I just take him with us? No, we'll just leave him. Put him in a bag. Put him in a bag? Put him in a barrel! Then everyone gets their own die off. Yeah! The arrow from your longbow flies straight and true and strikes him in the chest. Oh, yes! You're putting an old man with Alzheimer's down. How do you know this? It's called mercy,

alright? That's what I have. You have some twisted morals. What's your alignment? I just like to look at you and wink as well. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. My alignment is... Green.

Green. Green. I call it green. Whatever. I don't care. He wants semen white there's two left oh

oh always bet on piss you know what would be really funny if I didn't actually listen to your suggestions and I just did whatever the fuck I wanted

I feel like that's probably what happens sometimes I wonder sometimes I wonder alright here we go gonna cop it bad what can a druid do what can druids fuck come on All right. Here we go. Going to cop it bad.

What can a druid do? What can druids fuck? Come on. Point blank, mate. Point blank in the brain. If I could. Chest is pretty good. I'm hoping he's prone.

Then you guys get a free attack. Jump in. That's my plan. Everyone fucking destroys him. All of my dreams. He was giving information. No, he wasn't. You always do this. No't you always you always do this no ali you always do this ali

trissa no ali you're ali kathleen's a modus operandi it's good i mean let's have a conversation all right no i'm not getting enough shoot him an arrow. All right. I'd like to almost do a flow chart of how Ali thinks. It's like encounter, okay? Do they... Get information. If they're attacking us, attack back. If they're not attacking us, ask for the specific thing you want. If they don't get the specific thing, attack.

Don't kill them in one. Keep attacking. Die. He goes off into his madness. Maybe he's got one of those things where he gets clarity and he'd be able to help us out. Probably not. So sure. Not fair.

Fuck him. Sure, Alan. I guess what if he'd come back and been like, ah, and became a bear. Exactly. I have nipped he'd come back and been like, ah, and became a bear. Exactly. I have nipped this in the bud. It's always a coin flip with a druid. You never know.

I guess. Could turn into a butterfly, could turn into a ferocious bear. I guess. Can druids become bugs? Because shit, that's awesome. They probably could. Imagine being a beetle. I would like that.

That would be nice. Be a beetle, find someone's mouth, become a man. Done. Snap their on his mouth. Become a man. Done. Snap that jaw clean open. Pixing Dot falls to all fours, and at first you think you've properly killed him in one go. Ah, sweet. But then he turns into a polar bear.

Ah, see? Druids, you'd never know. As we did, we've sought anything out by killing him, shooting him, whatever. All right, this is... Just we now fight fighting a polling bear. That would have been me. I'm so sorry, but it's a polar bear.

Taking polls. Fortunately, though, it's Tristan. I'd like to probably shoot him again. Probably need to take a step back because he's got reach now. This is great for me. Just get rid of his teeth with your sword. Disarm his mouth. Good news, bad news. Which one do you want first?

I like the poof. I like the bad news first. Does no damage. What the fuck's the good news then? You hit him. You asshole. Oh, that's good news for me. Oh, fuck. Am I even facing it? Probably not.

No, they would have spun you around the face. Okay, I'll cast a spell on him. I'll cast blindness on this polar bear. Oh, that'll be good. If we kill him, I guess we then feed him to the cubs. And then when the cubs are eating, we get delicious silver weapons. And then we go back to town. I don't know.

It's just blindness deafness. It's not necessarily blind person. I'm going to get fucked on that front again. And either way, he's technically a person. Even if he's now a polar bear. Fuck you, D&D. Fix your riddle. I actually know he cancels a polar bear for most things right now. That's garbage, Adam.

Who do I call? I'm calling Gary Gygax. Good luck. You got a line to heaven, mate? Yeah, well. Because he's an angel. Soon. No. Ollie, please.

We have fun. I just know it's going to be like, we did it. And you're going to be like, slut. The polar bear's eyes turn pure white. Got him. And you can tell that your spell affected it. All right. Good job. Super great. Now he's tell that your spell affected it. All right, good job! Super great.

Now he's going to be slashing wildly. Can I do blind? We'll just take a step back. That's a separate spell, yeah. That's awesome. Let's fuck this guy up. Maybe you're more useful as a stomp. Now I'm calling it as D'Arrel's turn.

There's a rearing polar bear in front of you. It looks mad. Just letting you know. We got full health again, didn't we? We jammed the cure light wounds again, didn't we? For some reason, I seem to have you marked as damage. No, we took 40. I fucking took 10 of my cure light wounds, and we slept.

Yeah, no, I probably just forgot to erase it. All right, then I'm going to take a step back, use my hellberid, and stab him with a power attack. And vicious attack. In that werewolf heart. I mean, that polar bear heart. If it dies, do we get a man skin or a polar bear skin? And this goes back to Amanda.

That's a shame. How do you know that, Ali? I pay attention. Liar. It's the 50-50 guess, I guess. No, no, I knew that it would go back. I think that's what it is. No, it's not a 50-50, I knew that it would go back. I think that's what it is. No, it's not a 50-50.

I knew that you'd go back to being a man. I believe in you, Ali. Are you using your vicious stuff? You might be. Yeah. I'm going to be like, I'm very sorry, Mr. Poppin' Stuff. Blah. Classic Mr. Poppin' Stuff.

That's through it there. Writing that down on my sheet to look at later and be like, what the fuck? You stab him in his belly. He roars in outrage or anger. It's hard to tell. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to do this. My hand has been forced by a very small person.

Not you, who is a small person, but the other small person in the party. Jackson Bailey quietly getting tissues for Ali. small person but the other small person in in the party quietly just like I just let me get the tissues real quick one day I'll be like I'm true neutral give a shit huh I'm sure you don't know this whatever I wanted the weapon and there's weapons in there he's stopping me fucking me I'm chaotic good and I've decided that the good is the good of the town, not this world so it counts so the polar bear rears back onto its back feet

puts its massive paws skyward and you hear it like a storm appears above all of you. What? And a hail falls. Bullshit. I don't want to poll about it.

Can you do spells? I didn't even know that was a thing. Look what you did, Rissa. This is done. You know what? Maybe. Maybe this is on me a little bit. I'm not sure.

I won't admit it fully fully but like a solid 90% is perhaps on me you're not like looking at us being like what that's great all you need to do is take

9 points of damage I can't escape did I take damage from the vicious by the way oh right

yeah thanks for reminding me you take 6 points of damage further 6 good that's great that's real good.

Rage and tear his hands off. If I was a fucking... I've never played a barbarian, but if I was, my whole fucking goal would be tearing things in half. Because shit, that's good. Will D'Arrel ever take Chet's advice

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