D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company I #11 Further Draconic Encounters

Episode Date: July 17, 2021

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most biased podcast network. Previously on the stories of the Greyhill 3 company. I'll take this all for you and I'll have it mailed off. Ah, beautiful. And here's the marking of where the wyvern or the worm was. The wyvern, yes. The creature. The creature. Explain what the creature was or what I saw.

I hate that. Yes, I... Hate that. Yes, that was it. And then next to it was a lot of butchered... Not even butchered. Just piles of animal corpses and six eggs. Bandits, perhaps, not 100% sure, have been waylaying travelers,

ambushing them, leaving no survivors. Interestingly enough, it seems that they might be slavers. And so there is a broad 10 gold reward on any cobbled heads turned in. Yeah, all right. And then finally, an item, a fetch quest. It's maybe literally called on the thing. Oh, we're good with those. Yes, we've got one.

We did that. Done. What is the gambling-est game you can play with iron dice? Liar's dice, maybe? I'll play you for the bad. Yeah, all right. Well, I'm going to call you out on this one. Yes, I've only got two.

I've also got two. Yeah. Okay, well, it's one each then. Final round. Final round. I got one, too. I have zero twos. Samet wins.

Samet wins. I mean, by the hair of... Sorry, it's possible. The five of you head off the next day. Sorry, you're off-road. The encounter rules change. Heavy encounter on an 11 and a 12. Light encounter on a 9 and a 10.

Oh. So before our compatriots and us die, what do we learn about our good friends? I want to know them first, you know? I want to know a bit about them. What are they in the three or four days we've been traveling? What have we got to learn about our new friends? Chantal basically lives in her armor.

Her armor is, it comes in several layers, or levels, if you will. The outer parts of it are this heavy, solid pieces of metal breastplate, but then beneath is chainmail, and beneath that is leather armor. So she seems to be very well physically protected.

It takes her a full 10 minutes just to take it off at night, which is a long time. And she seems kind of equally reserved as a person, not necessarily guarded around you. You know, you've known each other for a little while now. But she just isn't very forthcoming with her opinions as evidenced by what you were discussing whether or not to stop off at the dwarven fortress she was like very very happy to go with the flow you well no you assume she had an opinion she just didn't choose to share okay yeah just like i said a very guarded person yeah you have yet to see that armor that emotional armor slip ah so many different kinds of armor from chantelle love is blind is in a word laissez-faire ah yes

he's happy to kind of let people do whatever they want to do so long as the objective gets done he's probably the oldest member of your group and sees or maybe you he certainly sees you but you might not necessarily see him as kind of like a father figure oh he's little kittens oh he he's not that kind of a dad okay you're not his little kittens he's there to look out for you but he and he does take kind of like a protective stance around you but he wants you to make the mistake before he steps in to help oh we learn by doing yeah oh okay okay you typically actually even then after making the mistake he typically will stand back be very hands-off until you ask for help but even if you ask for help he wants you to get it wrong once okay and he wants us to know

what it feels like to fail why would we take his word for it yeah he absolutely believes in learning by doing and then finally yayola is probably the weirdest member of your group she is uh yeah like i said some sort of devil worshiper she has a lot of weird weird and strange rites that she performs she's got her head almost perpetually buried in a set of fortune telling cards that she likes to use to predict future events typically bad things happen although you find that she's not always incorrect. You suspect that there's maybe some element of not just

predicting the future, but creating the future when she does this. Yeah. Yayola is... kind of lives up to the reputation that tieflings often project, which is, you know, a bit of a disappointment. But, nonetheless, you know, she's living her life

and she's allowed to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Good for her. Did you have any specific questions about any of them? I guess the relationship between Stormbender and Yayola would be, like, curious. You think it might be romantic?

Yes, I was wondering that myself, if they were a bit of a romantic couple. Actually, you don't think it's romantic. You probably know it's romantic at this point. It's not like they're hiding it or anything like that. Oh, okay, that's nice. Yeah. That's good. And did you have any other questions?

Who you get along with the best, maybe? Yeah, actually, that would be probably a question. Who we get along with? Any other group goss going on you would you might imagine love is blind but actually he kind of keeps everything at an arm's length like a not like a emotional distant arm's length he just you get the impression that he doesn't say things sometimes because he wants to he he he doesn't think you need to know he thinks it would be maybe a distraction or something like that that's the impression you get at least if like jokes if something's happening in among the group and

you're having like a nice chat he's there and he's listening but he's not really participating storm bender is the person you get along the best with. If it is inconsequential, if she's not actually opening up to you, Stormbender is happy to have a chat. Ah, so she's like all surface level. Oh yeah, if you've got a bit, like if you've got an in-joke, you've got it with Stormbender. Ah, right, yes, yes, yes.

What nickname would you have given Stormbender if that's the case? Because I feel that would have just come up naturally in conversation. And Yayola is just like the sort of, any conversation with Yayola feels like you're having two different conversations. It feels like she's somewhere else perpetually. Although she acts like she feels like you're somewhere else.

Like you're not having the conversation she's having and she's upset by that. Oh, you're the happiest. Like you're not having the conversation she's having and she's upset by that. Oh, you're the best. My nickname for Chantel would be Tippy Cup because that's what the sea looks like to me. Tippy Cup. All right. Don't know what a Tippy Cup is for sure. Come upon the tip.

It tipped over. Oh, a tipped over cup. Tippy Cup. Yes, Tippy Cup. I see. Yes. Tippy Cup, possum, big tea. Love is Blind was very specific about being Love is Blind.

Yayola. What would Yayola be? What is a Y for you? If it helps, Yayola tends to laugh in her sleep, maniacally so. Not a cute laugh. No, not a cute laugh. Well, a why looks like someone sitting in the bath. All right.

Okay. Bath time. All right, bath time. Okay, we've got tippy cup and bath time. Tippy cup and bath time. Tippy cup and bath time. Yes, sure. So, can I get marching order? Who wants to be where in the formation?

I think our good friend Tippy Cup would probably be at the front. Have they accepted their nicknames? Oh, yes, good question. Have they accepted? Have they caught on or is it just us? Yes. Well, if you're only giving them to Chantal and Yayola, Yayola probably, you're not 100% sure.

Yayola responds to her nickname, but you're not 100% sure that Yayola knows that she has a nickname at the same time. You know how, like, sometimes with an animal, like a dog or a cat, you're like, do you know your name or do you know the tone I take when I say your name? Yeah. We made our cat respond to jean shorts that way.

Jean shorts! Jean shorts! And then she looked. We had to stop. Apparently it's not good to do to animals. The trick makes them really stressed. Anyway. Well, yeah, Yael is kind of like that where you're like, I'm not 100% sure you actually know what your name is. You just respond to this tone.

Chantel kind of, once again, plays cards close to her chest. The first time you call her Tippy Cup, she gives you, like, a strange look. Oh, given the way that we have made nicknames and formed them, it would have been a discussion about, oh, you don't have a nickname? Yes them it would have been a discussion about oh you don't have a nickname yes it would have been a like well your name starts with a sh so what letters that we had written it out at some point oh a little tippy cup tippy cup oh person in the bath bath time the entire time you had that conversation with chantantal, Chantal had an expression on her face that you would maybe struggle to pass. Hang on, let me roll for you.

I'm going to roll at disadvantage for you, Tree Stump, because you definitely are an idiot. I'm stupid. I don't even know that I'm meant to look for something, which makes me feel like I know everything Gobble for a moment it's not like she let her armor slip you're just seeing past the armor for a brief

second she seems annoyed yeah but she doesn't say anything and she certainly doesn't seem like she's going to say anything I'll call her Stormbender and um and yeah the conversation with Yayola. Yayola, big T. And, yeah, the conversation with Yayola, the entire time you're, I don't know how the conversation,

I guess in a similar manner, the conversation goes, the entire time Yayola's talking, won't stop talking about the sea. She won't shut the fuck up about the sea. You say one thing, she's like, yes, the sea, it's big, isn't it, don't you think? Strangely so, almost. maybe too big, could be fake I like to imagine this all started with trying to, once again, teach Big T over here how to read And I think we learned, like, Chantel's, you know, we spelt that out, starts with a C That started the Big C going, this C being potentially fake.

Possum had to tell Big T afterwards that different Cs because I'm staring at the C on the ground. The L was like, it's too big. And I'm like, it's so little. This is a little one. That's funny. You should have mentioned that. Afterwards, you click and you're like

it's funny to imagine all of you round a campfire Chantal standing because in her armor it's difficult to sit so she spends a lot of time standing while everyone else is sitting amazing posture oh yeah incredible posture and you're all

you're all around the fireplace love is blind sitting cross-legged, slightly away from you, whittling, watching as you have this conversation, and then Yegola is just not really talking to you. Yeah, it's nice. Is Stormbender, they're a knight? Sorry, they're a human?

They're an elf. Elf. A half elf? No, human. Sorry, I was incorrect. Okay, so they're a human knight. All right, that's good to know. Okay.

Well, in terms of the marching order, I would assume it would be the Stormbender up at the front. Probably right next door would be Big T over here. And then probably me in that middle. And then Yayola and Love is Blind at the back. Yayola, I'm assuming a spellcaster? Yes, Yeola can cast spells.

Yeola actually is not up the back. Yeola is up the front with Chantal. This is basically how they live. Chantal is walking, silently listening as Yeola just will not shut up about something. When it comes to general adventuring, is it best to keep the Squisius members silently listening as Yael just will not shut up about something. Okay, okay, okay.

When it comes to general adventuring, is it best to keep the squishiest members at the back, or would it be quite smart to keep, say, if we have two potentially very big, strong individuals, one on either side? As me. Because you don't want to be, like, attacking from behind. It depends.

So the rules for in a dungeon are different to the rules out in the open. Out in the open, if you're expecting an attack, it's best to have squishy characters in the center so that they could be defended from all sides you want someone with a decent perception up the back because anyone up the back is going to be trying to ambush you but you also want someone with decent perception at the front because you want to be ready for a oncoming ambush as well yes it really depends on where you're expecting an attack from so for example a group of a goblin tribe a group of goblin raiders you might say they they might attack you from the front giving like a frontal charge but kobolds being ambushers might attack you from behind.

But kobolds would also probably have some sort of pit trap that the first person would fall into and then they would attack from behind. Right. And we know kobolds and slavers are in the area. So I believe our basic adventuring 101 training, I assume, that this particular… Kobolds, semi-predictable. Slavers, it depends. It's so, yeah, it could be anything. Would the Greyhill

Free Company offer any sort of training, or is this basically the training that you're giving me right now? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Well, in that case... On-the-job training is all the training you get. Perhaps, yeah, probably Big T then at the back, plus you've got the height advantage, being able to see. I'm dull.

And then, yeah, probably big T then at the back. Plus you've got the height advantage, being able to see. I'm tall. And then, yeah, probably lovers blind next to big T, me in the middle, and then the two others in the front. All right. So many people have dandruff. They don't know. How do you? Yeah, okay. Are you telling what, Cass?

So many people have dandruff, but they don't know. I don't tell them. It's rude. Oh, because you're tall. Anyway, you hear up ahead, Yeola. The walking with this group is basically, the background noise of this group is basically like birds tweeting, maybe river, maybe wind. And like just a constant chatter from Yayola. Anyway, you hear Yayola up ahead talking to Chantal,

and then, well, of course you've got to watch out because the trees, the trees will speak to you. They'll say things. Oh, there's a pit trap. She puts her arm out to stop Chantal. Chantal's, like, foot, not gauntleted, a metaled foot hovering mere inches away from what you now spot

as a slightly differently colored green patch in the dirt. Oh. Oh. Ah! Kobolds spring from all sides. Keep their heads Yes, yes, good Good observing there

Keep their heads If we chop them off That's two birds We don't have any No, we don't have any Arakokra in the I don't want to You know, be rude about killing birds That seems rude to say

If you've got a Bird member, I understand Yeah Well, you don't have an Arakokra Oh, well, he's not with you currently You know, be rude about killing birds. That seems rude to say if you've got a bird member. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you don't have an arrow. Oh, well, he's not with you currently. Yeah. I looked around.

I was like, oh. Like shooting fish in a barrel would upset me. Yeah. And I'd never say that to your face. Exactly. And I get offended at supermodel jokes. We all have our things. That is so not on character.

Big T doesn't know about that big t just assumes everyone's beautiful and now a word from our sponsors hey jackson here interrupting this garbage podcast to tell you about one of sans pants radio's other garbage podcasts plumbing the Star, the best podcast you'll ever hear. Me and the two Joels ask dumb questions about pop culture we truly know nothing about, inevitably making you frustrated but also entertained. Look for Plumbing the Death Star wherever podcasts are found. Global, who would you like to act with? Let's go the Devil Worshipper.

Yayola? Yes. And Big T. Teey Cup. Right. How many kobolds are there? There are five kobolds on one side, six kobolds on the other. Okay.

I would like to, as my action, produce flame. And hurl it at a kobold. Unfortunately, when you throw it at one of the kobolds, they duck underneath and the ball of fire bursts behind them damn and then what would you like Yeola to do? Yeola will start Eldrick blasting

Eldrick blast away as much as she tieflingly can as much as she tieflingly can she fires an Eldrick blast which strikes one of the kobolds uh a kobold is a kobold's head and upper torso are completely removed by a bolt of pure magical energy it's actually less of a bolt more like a beam like for a brief second a yayola's hand is connected to the kobold's body by a glowing beam of light when it slowly

dies down there's just hissing smoke and a kobold's lower torso it collapses and then it is the kobold's turn yeah yeah three of them oh they all produce. Well, some of them produce slings. We'll get into that in a sec. Three produce slings and fire at Chantel. Three rocks bounce off Chantel. She's so powerful. Two produce slings

and fire at Yaiola. One strikes. Yaiola's head slams or rocks to the side as a stone strikes her in the jaw. She starts giggling. She takes five points of damage. Oof. She's ticklish and weird bits.

Yes. Another two are going to fire at Globble. No, another two fire at Big T. That's one hit big t you take four points as a rock slams into your hand and you feel a bone break oh oh it's my it's my hand hand i use that for hand things oh i got another one's fine. Two of the kobolds have long sticks, you see. And at the end of those sticks, there's a hook. On that hook is, both of you are like,

is that a bee's nest? And they both throw them at you. They're throwing a bee's nest at us. Yeah. That's fucked. One lands in the front of the group and the other lands in the back of the group. That's such a waste of honey. Actually, no, you both realize upon closer inspection, sorry, it's not.

It looks like a bee's nest, but it's actually a wasp's nest. Of course, yes, I figured. Well, I'm glad they're not wasting the honey. The wasps emerge and begin to attack chantelle and big t that's a critical hit for chantelle oh no oh no dear uh next attack made against you has advantage the bees the wasps enter chantel's armor, getting into every little gap, nook and cranny. Egress. Yuck. Roll around,

Chantel. Tip over, tippy cup! Crush the beast. Chantel takes... Make a little wasp soup in yourself. Ten points of damage. Oh! From bee wasps. Wasps. An entire hive.

Then they attack Big T. So, that's a critical hit. Oh no, my mouth was open. You are vulnerable to slashing damage for a d4 rounds. For the next one round,

you are vulnerable to slashing damage okay the bees what damage to the bees slashing wasps i keep calling them wasps no they do piercing damage you're lucky that makes sense i was like these are different wasps to the ones i know big t you take 11 points of damage must i and then the final cobble turns around and sprints off into the forest but that's not good that's not good at all come back i need your head it's big t and chantelle's turn okay so i'm going to take my glaive and hang on what's what's the wasp deal are they something i need to deal with there's just like a cloud of wasps buzzing around. Do they get attacks of up if I do anything?

If you, well, they're animals. They're not like, as far as you're aware, Big T, they're not under the control of these kobolds, so they're not really on anyone's side but their own. They're mad at you, so if you run away, they probably will try to hurt you. If you throw the hive, are they going to come after the person where the hive is, or are they still just mad at us? You're not sure, but picking up the hive is definitely a bad idea.

Like, you know enough about wasps. So if I were to, say, grab my glaive, and in one beautiful, delicious movement, scoop up the hive and stab it into a kobold. You could try that. I would like to try that, thank you. All right, I'd make it a dexterity check to get the wasp hive on the end of your glaive. So you instead smash the wasp hive.

Oh, no. You have destroyed it. They are just here. They're probably also a bit upset. Yes. Perhaps we should run. What would you like to do, Big T? Can I run around a cobble to put the cobble between myself and the wasps?

So, no. The cobbles aren't that close to you. They're maybe 20 feet away from you. So there's two lines of them, one on either side of your formation, 20 feet away from you. And then's two lines of them, one on either side of your formation, 20 feet away from you. And then you were kind of walking along a path. Could I please run over and glaive a kobold? So as you sprint away, the wasps attack you, but miss.

I'm faster than the wasp. You sprint, and right before you get to the kobolds, maybe 10 feet, actually, so about in between, it feels like you're wily coyoting, and you realize you've stepped onto a second pit trap in between you and the kobolds. Oh, no. You fall.

Well, no, you need to make a dexterity saving throw, actually. You pass. All right. So with the dexterity saving throw, actually. You pass. All right. So with the dexterity saving throw, you can either end your movement here and you are too far away to attack and you're out of movement, or you could try to jump. You'll need to make an athletics check, but if you fail the athletics check, you're going to fall. I'm going to make an athletics check, Adam. All right. But I'm so athletic yeah but

you rolled pretty poorly no your athletics is good all right you're on the other side you you sprint and you can attack a kobold yes i would like to do you have a preference for what kobold you'd like to attack at the one that threw the wasp nest at me. That's fair. You swing at that kobold. So there was one in each side doing that. You swing at that kobold. What's his armor class? Oh, you just barely catch him.

He was leaning backwards, and as you swung, the tip of your glaive sliced open his chest. This close up, Big T, you see that the other end of the little pole that he has, the other end has like a little grippy bit. It's made out of leather and it's got like a, you can see there's some sort of string that goes to the kobold's hand so that if he let go of it, the grippy bit would also let go. That grippy bit is holding onto a scorpion.

Then the kobold has a backpack and the, well, like a crate, like a cage that they are wearing like a backpack, and that has a skunk in it. And the kobold has a belt that just has strange odds and ends that look like tools and stuff. Anyway, you cut into that kobold. That's 13 points of damage. That kobold goes down.

Hey. The skunk's cool, right? Highs or lows? Highs. It's not the skunk's fault. He landed on the skunk. I'm sorry. Is the skunk alive?

It's a kobold. It's not very big. The skunk's I'm sorry. Is the skunk alive? It's a kobold. It's not very big. The skunk's fine. Oh. It's if I landed. Imagine if I fell on you. Yeah, you'd be like, nah, it's smart. Yeah, it might hurt, but you'd be fine.

Hang on. A skunk's as big as a kobold? Skunk is smaller than a kobold, but a kobold is not big. Yeah. It'd be like if I- Oh, I am smaller than you. Imagine a toddler falling on a Scotty dog. That's about the size difference we're talking here.

The dog would be so confused. Guess what's confused right now? That skunk. Yeah, that skunk's confused as shit. All right, what do you want Chantel to do? So the wasp nest has just been cracked open. Yes. Now I've noticed Tippy Cup has a war hammer.

Yes. Because it's only just been cracked open, are the wasps more or less in the one spot and could she potentially squish a lot of them with the war hammer? She could attack the wasps, absolutely. In fifth ed, that's possible, which is stupid. Is the war hammer quite wide? As far as fifth ed's concerned it doesn't matter can you treat it like golf or you're just squishing you've learned

whack-a-mole or you're golfing in my mind whack-a-mole in my mind i've cracked the nest open so all the wasps like oh let's all fly out of this hole i've made and warhammer in my mind bigger than a wasp's nest because it's a war hammer for war and you have to kill a lot of people in the war. So I imagine the hammer's quite wide. So in my mind, almost all of the wasps that were in the nest could be squished by her. She could certainly try.

Brilliant. Would you like her to? Yes. She hits. She smooshes the wasp hive. How many wasps are actually killed is another matter. She does

five points of damage, which unfortunately is not a lot to the wasps. She squashes the nest and maybe kills a load of wasps. Like, if there were a thousand, she's killed a couple hundred. But there's still a lot of wasps. Like if there were a thousand, she's killed a couple hundred, but there's still a lot of wasps left. And they're now pissed at her.

Would you like her? I don't think there's much else she can do, but would you like her to do anything else? Yeah, I didn't think there was really anything else she can do. Run away. Run away, please. All right. You want her to run which direction?

Toward a kobold that has not yet been killed. All right, so there's the kobolds that you're at, and there's the other kobolds. Would you like her to run towards the other ones? Yeah, the ones that I'm at, as long as there's some left for her to get. All right, she'll have to jump the pit. And I trust her. Oh, no, sorry.

She actually doesn't need to roll, because she is aware of the pit. She doesn't need to make the check. In fear that you don't roll for jumping. But, yeah, so you only had to roll because you were suddenly surprised by the pit. She doesn't have to roll. She's just going to make it. You're happy with that?

May I suggest not leaving us unprotected? You've got the thought. Chantel charges forward. I feel like. Choo choo. What do you mean unprotected? If we get rid of the cobbles, there's less to protect against. All right.

So let's say. So say here we have a straight line of people who are. So you and Chantel are the two tanks, right? And we're dealing with it. So you go over to one side, leaving us completely exposed on the other side. But you can run too. I guess she goes over. I guess she goes over.

Does Cas not understand tactics? Or does he? The wasps are unable. Oh, no, wait. The wasps get advantage. Surely just eliminating all of the danger means that's better. Correct. But if she was on the other side, then those damage would be going towards her

as opposed to them now doing the squishy boys, which is us. Do you understand the tactics? But we're all taking damage. Yes and no. So, say, five points of damage for you is less than five points of damage for me. Oh, yeah. I know relativity of numbers. Yes.

But if the goal is to have no one getting attacked and we both are going one at a time, then in one round we should be able to take out at least one to two people each go, which means overall. Love is blind takes his turn. He turns to who's still in danger from wasps. You were up the back. No one, I think you said. I think we were fine.

You were up the back. Those wasps are probably not near anyone anymore, but Yayola is near a bunch of wasps because she was talking to Chantel and Chantel was dealing with wasps. So Love is blind turns to those wasps and blows like a little kiss. And as he does that, the wind gets powerful and powerful and powerful. It's like reverse of what wind normally does when you blow until it strikes where Yayola is and it becomes kind of like a gust of wind.

The wasps are scattered away from Yeola. That's good. Those wasps are just gone. They're not coming back. They're not interested. That's good. They have to go make a new home. That was Lover's Blind's turn.

Globble and Yeola, it's your turn. Right. If I ice knifed at a section of kobolds, what's the maximum group I can get? The range of that is five feet, right? Sixty. Sixty? Oh, wow, really?

It explodes out to five feet. Oh, sorry, the range for you to throw, but the AOE damage is only five feet. Yeah, you could only hit two kobolds. They're literally in a line. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Well, I'll do that. All right.

Would you like to go where Big T is or the other side? The other side. You create a shot of ice using a somatic component, so chanting. And then you pull a – or do you use a component pouch or an arcane focus? I think an arcane focus. And then you're actually still supposed to do you use a component pouch or an arcane focus? I think an arcane focus. I think you're actually still supposed to have... Well, look, the material... No one pays attention to what you need for a spell.

You pull a drop of water or a piece of ice out from somewhere. Spit my hand. Oh, don't do that. No, that's bad. No, you spin your hand and create a shot of ice out of it. God damn, you throw the spit ice. It explodes. Well, actually, you need a roll to see if you hit them.

Not a good spit. It's like a dribble. That made me hungry, but only because it made me feel unsafe. And if you eat something, you trick your body into thinking that you are safe. I just was like, I need to go eat something nice. I need to go have a chocolate. The kobold ducks down and the ice knife actually flies over them. But luckily it's still, when it gets to the intended space, explodes.

And those two halflings are going to need to make dexterity saving throws. Halflings? Sorry, cobble. Misspoke. One passes, one fails. So the one that passes is still standing. Actually, they're both still standing, but they are like shards of, tiny shards of ice are embedded in both of them,

and one of them starts screaming as blood streams down his face. Fuck. Okay. And what would you like Yola to do? Let's see. She can, she's going to hex somebody as a bonus action, and perhaps one of the kobolds on that side as well. So me and Yondo is going to go on to that side.

And then bonus action, hex, and then Eldritch Blast. She strikes the one that she hexed, doing an extra D6 damage. She deals 8, 10, another kobold goes down. And that's three kobolds down now in total, with seven left to go. Surely the gang can take down seven lowly kobolds down now in total with seven left to go surely the gang can take down seven lowly kobolds surely find out next time on stories of the greyhill free company In 1977, Marvel attempted to answer the important questions with their What If line of comics.

They failed. Now, in the year of 2021, the Plumbing Boys have picked up the slack and dare to ask once again, What If? What if the Avengers had never been? What if the Avengers had never been? Months are flying by, your brain cells plummeting. We are reaching final thoughts so quickly.

What? I'm sure you're working there. Well, so... Yeah, what? So is he Hulk, who then... Hang on. We're working there. Well, like, so... Yeah, what? Okay, because in the... So is he Hulk? Then hang on. We're hanging on. What do you mean?

Please show you're working. Was he born as Hulk? Why? I don't know. If Hulk can sue, I can. Five, four, three... Is that a boy? Two, one.

The Fantastic Four simply rebrand as The Three Uncles with Papa Grimm. Let me look you in the eyes and tell you, you are no one's uncle. Ben, you are no one's uncle. Mr. Grimm, you are no one's uncle. You are no one's uncle. No, listen.

Not a single person. Don't answer. Don't talk back. Know this in your heart of hearts. I need to know you were listening when I say this. Your siblings have not given birth to children. No one calls you uncle? You are not an uncle. Johnny Storm.

Johnny Storm is the dumbest one, right? Because he was just there. Why is he just there? Why did he go to space too? Is that a lie? Captain America. They put him in the machine. They're like, he's going to come out a super soldier.

They open it up. They're like, he's fucking dead. We cooked it. Cancel the project. He just died. Sorry, Mr. Sark. You got stupid sperm. I got no strings because I'm not Pinocchio.

I'm just a dumb boy. Don't worry, Dad. I'll fight the bad guys. Give me a gun. I made you strong. You got powers. What? No, no, no.

Give me a gun. Give me a gun. Give me a sword. I'll patrol outside. Dad, I'm not wearing pants. You're a robot. Give me some pants, Dad. Dad.

At least underwears. My robot dick's hanging out, Dad. No, it's not. I didn't give you a robot dick's hanging out, Dad. No, it's not. I didn't give you a robot dick. Why not? Dad! Write that down. Write that down.

A clever Hulk's more frightening than a stupid Hulk. It's like a clever bull is more frightening than a stupid bull. Yeah. If you see a bull and the bull is like, I'm going to gore you. What if the bull stands on its back legs and is like, let's have a conversation? I am afraid. No, wait. Okay, what's more scary? No's have a conversation. I am afraid. No, wait. It's okay.

What's more scary? No, I'm not. We eat you or your wives. Couple of cucks, eh, Reed? What? You know, couple of guys getting cucked. What's on TV? My lady, she loves an astronaut.

Your lady loves a fish boy. Crazy. Air. Water. The two elements of cock. Yeah. Yeah. What If?

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