D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company I #13 Fully Tipped Cups

Episode Date: July 31, 2021

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. Previously on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. You know this green slime is a substance called green slime. It is green slime. The India's not incredibly clever. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, guess what yellow mold and brown mold look like?

So the one kobold left on your side, Globble, turns around and runs without anyone hassling them. Gung, gung, gung, gung, gung. Except they say it more like a gungo, gungo, gungo. Because they've got high-pitched voices. And then they turn around and run. Yeah. Yeah. Love is blind emerges from the forest carrying

a cobbled head. Good work, Love. He dumps it at the feet. At your feet. Yes. Well done. Okay. Here's everyone going. Let's collect the heads. You can collect a total of ten cobbled heads. I quickly go and wake everyone up. Wake up. We've got to move. Someone's coming. Letting you know, if you do this, it's everyone going. Let's collect the heads. You can collect a total of ten cobbled heads. I quickly go and wake everyone up. Wake up, I got the move, someone's coming. Letting you know, if you do this, it's going to interrupt everyone's rest.

Yes, Big T wouldn't think. Some of us should stay around the campfire, and the others should set our own little trap. Yes, I agree. You can see slowly moving their way through the bushes are a bunch of kobolds. There's 13 in total. That kobold sorcerer gets riddled with magical energy, but is still standing. The kobold looks at you, Big T, and says,

Why would you hurt me, your best of friends? And they supercharge that spell. So you have disadvantage on this saving throw. Oh. Oh. Ah, Big T. They are your friends. You're on the wrong side.

Oh. And then the remaining nine kobolds now no longer need to target Big T. But they do know that they can target lovers blind. I'm going to say three of them jump him. Ew. What? Why? Why have I? Why are you doing this to me? Only one of them manages to slip a blade between his ribs doing five points of damage. He has 12 hit points. And then there are six left so two target Chantel, no three target Chantel Chantel is struck once

taking three points of damage and that's three left two target Yayola both miss, one target's global miss and then it is Lover's Blind's turn.

Lover's Blind has been surrounded by another, I didn't even mean to do this, but he's been surrounded by another three kobolds, so he knows what he's gonna do. Vroom! Genuinely just didn't think of that. In my mind, I'm like, they attack him with daggers, one slips a blade in, then when it came to his turn, I'm like,

kind of what he wants. Fail, pass, fail. He does seven points of damage. Two go down, one is hurt. That's good. And then it is Big T and Chantel's turn. So, Big T, you want to attack Chantel, and you can determine how Chantel reacts. Well, I will be-

Oh, to have you kill an ally. I will be attacking Chantel with my glaive. That's fair. They're my friends! Chantel has a brain, right? She can tell something's wrong. Yeah, Chantel is aware that the kobold cast a spell, and now you are attacking her. You also don't overcome,

your glaive bounces off Chantel's armor. What would you like Chantel to do? Take it like a champ. Take her helmet off. Disc robe. Can she knock me? It takes 10 minutes. Can she knock me out?

She can, yeah. What do we know about the spell? Is it like if the head goblin, head kobold goes, is it like the end of Avengers where you kill the mothership and everything goes with it? Mothers? Oh. Is it video game rules?

Well, you don't know. You don't know what spell the kobold cast. If you knew what spell, you would be able to determine it, but unfortunately. Tippy Cup has no time for this. She's very busy, so she just knocks me out. All right. Or tries.

She swings and I believe hits. Would you like her to use her action surge as well so she can attack twice? If... All she needs to do is down me, not kill me. So if that's what she needs to have... Okay she can determine after this so she deals 10 points of damage i'm down all right she when in fifth ed uh it it is it it's bullshit but you could just when you down someone determine that you're not killing them oh okay so okay. So she doesn't need to use it. With some exceptions.

Like if you're dealing fire damage, you can't really help that. Non-lethal fire damage. Adam, come on. But Chantal just using her war hammer, yeah, she can use like the back half of it or something like that. And yeah, you're knocked out. Isn't the back half also a hammer? Yeah, it's... It's a flatter bit though. It's fine.

Cass. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I know. Non-lethal fire damage. Okay, so she doesn't need to stabilize me or anything. In 3.5 at least, they had the common fucking decency to be like, negative four to hit because you're not using the weapon as it's supposed to be used. That seems polite.

So she can knock me out. She doesn't need to stabilize me or anything. I'm just... Yeah, you don't need to be stabilized. You're just unconscious now. Well, then she'll use her action surge to attack the kobold who did this to me. She can get to that kobold, but she will take two attacks of opportunity.

Yeah. Alright. So, we'll do the two attacks first. Hit and a miss. Chantal takes a further four points of damage. And then, with her action surge, she swings and hits that lead kobold, dealing

them 11 points of damage. She's strong. Sometimes. Still standing. Fuck. For real? Yep. Even after we've...

Ow! Okay, okay. Why? Oh, wait. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Yes, you understand. And that was You and Chantel's tune

Oh, uh Chantel used her bonus action? She hasn't What's she doing for hit points? Seven Would you like her to use her bonus action to get some hit points back? Yes, please Chantel recovers With seven hit points

Great to know Which might keep her in the fight a little longer. Gobble and Yayola. All right. Well, I'll get Yayola to fire the Eldritch Blast that's superpowered. It misses. Trying to avoid Chantel, she unfortunately misses the Cobalt. Right.

I was about to call him the first Cobalt. That's a reference. Right. Subscribe to Kings today. Okay. All right. If I was to ice knife, could I still only get maximum of one or two? Well, now you could get two, but you'd also get lover's blind.

No, I don't want to do that. He's kind of in the middle of it all. Yes. I'll just go. Love is Blind. No, I don't want to do that. He's kind of in the middle of it all. Yes, you know. I'll just go... How's everyone looking health-wise? Well, you all would actually know better than me at this point. Love is Blind is, to use an old D&D term, nearly bloodied, so nearly at half hit points.

Tell me what. I'll go and cure wounds at Yeola. Yeola recovers 11 hit points. Perfect. And I'll hide, or at least as I crouch behind some trees. You can try to get behind a tree, but hiding is an action. Yes, of course. And I guess get Yeola and both of us to kind of hide behind some cover.

The kobolds have learned their lesson. The one that is standing next to Love is Blind continues to attack and misses, but no other kobolds get any closer. And three kobolds are going to attack Chantel from behind. Three hits. One of them are critical. Oh, fuck. Okay.

Chantel takes three. Then another three. Then the critical hit kneecapped, double damage and you have disadvantage on skill checks that rely on your legs until you finish a short rest so she takes another ten points of damage on top of that

so Chantel goes down yes that was four out of the seven, there are three kobolds left two from range attack Lover's Blind. Miss and a hit. Lover's Blind takes three points of damage. Oof.

And then one left attacks Yeola. That's a miss. A rock ricochets off a tree near Yeola. And that was their turn. It is Lover's Blind's turn. Lover's Blind is out of primary spells. Down to cantrips. He's going to cast at their caster.

He creates that lightning lasso and throws it round them, or tries to. Lover's Blind. Throws it round them, or tries to. Love is blind. The kobold ducks, and Love is blind's lasso goes around Chantel's unconscious neck, and then he pulls it tight. She takes two failed saving throws. Two failed saves. It's Big T and Chantel. Big T, you've got nothing to do.

Can you roll a saving throw for Chantel? If she gets a nine or less, she's dead. She's dead. She got a nine. Chantel dies. Wow. I'm unconscious. I don't know. Tippy cup is no. I'm unconscious. I don't know.

Tippy cup is no more. Fully tipped cup. It's Globble and Yayola's turn. So. Yeah. Yayola is going to target Love is Blind. That's understandable. And ironic.

Love is Blind. A bolt of eldritch energy shoots over Love is Blind's head. Globble, what would you like to do? Help. Can I talk Aeola down? No, I probably can't. There's so much going on right now. It's a pretty life or death situation.

You might be able to appeal to her reason. Is that all my action? She is screaming right now oh uh you didn't notice it before but it's just like a constant scream i would like to um if i well ice knife now that chantal is gone how many can i get uh you'd still only be able to get the Chieftain But you guarantee some damage Yes, I'll Ice Knife on the Chieftain And I'll do my best You miss, unfortunately again

But they need to make a dexterity saving throw Which they fail And you do 2d6 damage As it air bursts over their head They will only take 4 points of damage But they only had one hit point left. That kobold goes down. That's good.

Yayola, please understand. Life or death here, we need to focus on... It's the kobold's turn. They break and run. That's good. Understandable. They're not fighting to the death. It got weird.

It got weird. And you're allowed to leave if it gets weird It's Love is Blind's turn Love is Blind is going to duck behind a tree And just call out I am sorry, it was a mistake I have made a terrible grave mistake I want to apologize

Yayola starts slowly We're out of initiative Yayola starts slowly walking forwards Eldrick Blast, Eldrick blast, Eldrick blast, slamming at the tree. Okay. Yeah. I'm not here. Can I use any, maybe, persuasion

to calm her down? You manage to calm Yaiola down. She changes tact, she turns from love is blind and sprints over to Chantel's body. Okay. I'll let her do that.

I look over at Big T. Big T's unconscious. They're doing all right. Is now the time to wake them up? Probably not. Let's just everybody take a deep breath. Let me sleep. I've had a rough one.

How's everybody going? Love is blind peeks out and walks over to stand next to you, Global. Yes. Cure wounds. On. Love is blind. Love is blind. You recover.

Ten hit points. You wake up. No, no, no. Love is blind. Oh, love is blind. Sorry. up. No, no, no. Love is blind. Oh, love is blind. Sorry. Yes. Love is a backseat.

Recovered 10 hit points. Yeah. I mean, I would have recovered me too. I'm unconscious. Thank you. I appreciate that. That is okay. It's one of those heat of battle, I understand.

I'm very sorry. Love is blind seems mortified. I can't believe I did that. Yes. Look, I cannot believe you did that to myself. Lover's Blind crouches down, puts his head in his hands. He seems just completely... It's shock.

He's in complete shock. Are you okay? Would you like a tea or something? Lover's Blind slowly shakes his head. Check on them. Yes, I will. Do you want to maybe make a fire, if you will? I will make a fire, yes. That's good.

Everyone needs to go over to Yaiola and, I guess, Chantal. Chantal's body lies there. There's like a burn mark around her neck where the lightning lasso was. Yaiola is just slowly crying. Rocking her body back and forth. I put a hand on Yeola's shoulder there and I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how close you two were.

I'm very sorry. Yeola accepts that and accepts your comforting. Good, good, good, good. She lets go of Chantel's body and wraps her arms around you instead. I give her a big cry. And cries into your shoulder. I give her a big cry. Pat on the back of her head.

She gives big heaving sobs that shake both of your bodies. I'm also tearing up, Adam. I can't deal with this. This is quite upsetting. I'm like, it's okay, she was one of the best of us I just let her hug, I let her hug, I let her weep it out we'll deal with this in the

morning, but I let her hug right now we'll wait for stronger heads to prevail in the morning, but right now we'll just let that emotion out, let it go let it flow through her, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. I'm asleep.

So I guess with a heavy heart we all have a rest if we can and take it in turns to stay up. And once again, very sorry to Yeola. My condolences.

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And a one. Your rest is not disturbed, except by the slow, quiet sobbing that happens all night. The next day. The gentle sobbing of a sad tiefling. Yayola has one level of exhaustion. Because she didn't sleep.

The poor thing. That's so sad. The poor thing. That's so sad. So, yes, before we head out, look, we're not too far from home if we want to head back. I mean, I know we are all here as members of the Greyhill Free Company, but I like to think that we are more of a family, and one of ours is fallen, and one is, I mean, we're all mourning, but I think you're mourning more than us.

So if you want to go back, I don't see the harm in that at all. We can do that if you'd like. Yayola seems despondent. They don't respond. I try and hold her hand. Yayola takes a step back if you approach. I say nothing. That's fair

enough. I put a hand on maybe big T's. Wherever I can reach. It'll be fine in due time. He tickles the bottom of my ribs. It's inappropriate to laugh, so I don't. I look over at Love is Blind.

Love is Blind is standing at the edge of camp. You've been packing down for a little while now, just making ready to keep going, either back to camp or onwards. And you see Love is Blind has like a dark expression on his face as he stares out behind you. You're on like a, the place you are right now is very heavily hilly, but also very heavily forested. So you can see enough to see that you are on kind of like a summit of a large hill, not really a mountain, but a hill big enough to give you a commanding view of the surrounding area.

And Lovers Blind is looking out on a slow undulating slope downwards back the way you came. So you've kind of been going uphill solidly for the last maybe day. I'll waddle over to Love is Blind and sort of, are you

okay there, friend? We are being hunted. I try and hold his hand too he doesn't seem to notice so you hold his paw it worked he's gazing out with that same dark expression you realize now that the dark expression is kind of like fear mixed with mixed with pain lover's blind still just gazes out at that slow slope he doesn't really seem to care or notice tree stump you're not sure which one but yeah he's got like that panic mixed with fear mixed with yeah just like a worry can i have a look to see what they're also seeing perhaps you can see smoke rising and moving in your direction.

Something smoking is coming your way. Smoking? Yeah. Some things, actually. You can see that there are three distinct plumes. They appear to be... It looks like one bigger plume, but it's three distinct ones. Would I be like, are they signaling each other?

Is this kind of similar to that? The goblin smoke signals all the way back when. I guess how far away are they? If I could say, turn into some kind of hawk, fly down, and then come back. You would have enough time. Okay. I'm just going to scout See what's going on Love is blind, let's go of your hand

You know what they say About when they smoke Yes, yes, often Cigarettes Fucking newt You want a dart Alright, mental note, get darts For big tea

You've never heard of cigarettes, but you have heard of cigars. Sorry, go on. I'm just going to quickly turn into a hawk. I'm a scout ahead. If you want to quickly pack down everything and keep heading further out. Yes, we should do that. I'll catch up. I'll carry the other two things on my back.

Yes. Yes. Perhaps, yes, you that. I'll catch up. I'll carry the other two things on my back. Yes. Yes. Perhaps, yes, you can carry a storm bender. Go. I... Fly. With that noise, you transform

into a hawk and fly. Fish man turning into a hawk. Are you allowed to transform into something with a flying speed? Oh, am I? Good question. He'll be a hawk. Are you allowed to transform into something with a flying speed? Oh, am I? Good question. He'll be a hawk, but he has to hop. We go back to before you climbed that tree. Shit.

Oh, good point. I'm probably guessing no. What if because you are a fish man with so many flaps, you're allowed to have wings? Like it's flap to flap at this point. There's not you are a fish man with so many flaps, you're allowed to have wings? Like it's flap to flap at this point. There's not much of a conversion. What level are you? You're level two.

No flying speed or swim speed. I would assume no then. No, you can't. You tricked me. It worked before. Somehow it's not now. I'll turn into a lovely, fast... What is the fastest land animal that I can turn into?

A gazelle? You could certainly turn into a deer or something like that, yeah. Okay. No, don't turn into something delicious. Yeah, non-delicious deer, I guess. Turn into something yuck. At least a delicious animal. That we know of.

No, as DM, confirmed. Confirmed, monkey is the least delicious animal. Canonically. Yeah, canonically. Yes. Least delicious. Okay. Yeah, you could turn into a deer or a monkey if you wanted to.

A monkey would at least be able to traverse treetops. Yes, well, I'll do the monkey and try and get a good look at least of what's tracking us and get back in time. You head out to try and find what's going on. Yeah. I said, hey. Okay, Adam.

Are you trying to move with stealth? I guess fast initially, and then when I'm thinking I'm almost near or at least an earshot, I'll go stealthy. Okay. So you're being a sneaky monkey? A bit of a sneaky monkey, yes. You manage to deftly crawl through from tree branch to tree branch, getting to where the host is.

As you get closer, you can tell that the three smoke plumes couldn't be for signaling because they're too close together. Then, coming through some trees, you can see a host of kobolds. Oh. There's maybe about 60 of them. 60 kobolds. That's a lot of kobolds. Three of them look to be those strange tinkerers.

They have backpacks with various animals, mostly squirrels, skunks. Maybe one of them has a wolverine in their little backpack thing. They've got the hooks and various odds and ends all about them, but all of them are carrying like a torch that's issuing this awful black fire that in turn releases a black smoke. And they appear to be leading the kobolds. Okay, and there's three of those. There's three of those.

Up the front of the formation, you can see in addition there is another kobold. This kobold moves lithely and very with purpose and grace. You at first don't see this kobold, but because they don't see you, they move. They move just in a way that you, like, it's kind of like they're also trying to still fully move, but they're not worried about something from above. You can see that this kobold, this lead kobold, is actually tracking your tracks. Okay. Right. Is it tracking like

not me specifically, isn't the group? Yeah, the group. Okay. Okay. Okay. Right. Well, I see anything else of interest before I scarper back to catch up with my good friends? The cobbled seem

relaxed. Okay, then. All right, they're doing it very leisurely. Yeah. Right. Well, I'll turn face and I will scurry back. You get back. Maybe you revert back to your original self a little bit before camp,

like you run out of time, but you managed to get to camp without any hassle. Yes, good. Did I use both of my wild shape actions? Or just the one? Oh, you could have done it in one, yeah. How long does it last for? Two hours?

One hour each. Oh, yeah, sorry, then you would have needed both, yeah. That's fine. Back up, back enough, I'm the back up again, I'm the back enough. So, everybody, I look, maybe I just maybe go to Love is Blind. Right. So everybody, I look, maybe I just, I just maybe go to Love is Blind. Oh.

Right. Yes, there is quite a large Kerbal host. They're tracking our footprints. What? There's,

yes, we're being, we're being tracked by those, you know those Kerbals from last night? Oh. How many would you say

there were? How many? About double digits. 60 or so. Quite a large host, yes. Lovers Blind looks at Tree Stump and then Yayola, who still seems quite despondent.

You're not sure if Yayola's going to be useful in a fight. Yes, fair. And Lovers Blind looks back to you and says, we should run. Yes, we should And Love is Blind looks back to you and says, we should run. Yes, we should run. Is there any way to run and perhaps cover them? We know there is the Dwarven Fortress somewhere here.

If we can get inside, perhaps it will offer safety. It should also be partially hidden within stonework. Maybe the kobolds will not be able to find it at all. We can wait to weather them passing by. It's a very good idea, yes. Well, let's make haste if we can try to cover up the tracks. How do you cover up tracks

as you're moving forward? It would be a check. It would mean that someone is staying behind and making an effort to do that, which means that you're not moving as fast. Right, well, I think we get as fast as we can, and then perhaps at some point we'll try to cover our tracks. Well, someone's going to have to

search for the Dwarven Stronghold, and one of you is going to have to cover up the tracks. I can do it. Okay. Which one? Cover tracks and make a little branch out of trees. Broom. Make a broom, yes. Alright, then. You do that.

My legs are a bit longer, so hopefully it'll be faster for me. Global, you should search for the...

Yes. Actually, you know what? You stay with the Aeola. I will search. That is probably a good idea,

yes. I will stay with the Aeola. Let's, let's, let's go. Tree Stump, you need to make

a stealth check. You're not the best person on the party to be doing this, but a number between 1 and 29. 28. 28? Plot armor.

Player rolls damage twice and takes the level result. Oh. Gotcha. And yes. all right so you uh not only do you do a bad job you don't know that you've done a bad job you think you've done a really good job and your bad job is not detected by the party. Instead of covering up people's tracks, instead of with a brush covering the tracks, like sweeping them away, you just plant it down and you pull it.

So you make like one big track that is easy to follow. Adam, when you said that I stuffed it up, that is the exact thing I imagined. I'm like, oh, Tr, tree stump, you beautiful idiot. No footprints here. Just normal tree moving. Big marks through the mud. Completely normal.

I think I've come up with a genius way. I've just tied a branch to my thumb. So as I walk, it just drags behind me. God, I'm good. Can I get you to roll the encounter die? Yes. Eleven. You're bad at rolling this.

I want to have a practice. Can I practice some dice rolls? Maybe I'm using them all up. Hang on. You can use them up more! Stop using them all up! That was a higher one!

I'm fixing it! I'm fixing it! I'm fixing it! I'll stop once I get it. Stop once I'm dead? Is that what you were about to say? Okay, see.

I got rid of the next high one. But what if there's to say? Okay, see. I got rid of the next high one. But what if there's... Every roll affects the next roll. I know! That's how statistics work. Because now I've done another 11. I thought too hard and I got a bit dizzy.

Now that I've done another 11, I can't get another one next. You're welcome, Salmon. Oh no, but Salmon get another one next. You're welcome, Zaman. Oh, no, but Zaman's a different hand. Now you could get an 11. But statistically. All right, so you're up the back, so they need to roll versus your perception. By choice.

A distinction that's important to Tristan. Your passive perception's not great. But my passive aggression. I mean, they all really poorly. Tree stump. Somehow you spot them. You can see five kobolds. Yeah, five kobolds in total sprinting towards you in like a diamond formation.

They're narrow toe running. Oi! Four of them fan out in a rough circle, I suppose, around you, Big T. And from range, all of them fling slings at you. I catch them. You certainly try. Yes. All right.

So you catch one in your hand. Your hand snaps back. Ah. You take five points of damage. you catch one in your hand your hand snaps back ah you take 5 points of damage I wish I could think more than the one step ahead of me that's very funny you take another 4 points of damage as another one

smacks you across the brow oh that's because I was thinking can I get a number between 1 and 31? 30 wait that's not how was thinking. Can I get a number between 1 and 31? 30. 30? Wait, that's not how it happened. Reroll anything. That's good. Then with your other hand, you genuinely do catch one.

Oh! I shocked myself. And then one of them fucks up pretty badly. Out of the shadows. If you were hiding, no. Off target. You deal half damage for a d4 plus one round. That kobold for the next two rounds only deals half damage. Then the final one.

This one, unlike the others who are dressed mostly in like loincloths and with leather bands around their arms, this one has like proper leather armor, a spear, and a shield. You see on his shield is a cracked egg. Like a sigil. Okay. I was thinking that is a cracked egg. Like a sigil. Okay. I was thinking that's a terrible shield. It's already broken. Okay, interesting.

All right. This kobold sprints, stops, comes to a stop, hefts its spear and throws it at, let's say, Globble. Oh. That's a nat 20. Globble feeling faint. Let's say global. That's a nat 20. Global. Feeling faint. You have disadvantage on strength, dexterity, and constitution-based rolls for five rounds. Additionally, you must make a DC 18 constitution saving throw at the beginning of each of your turns.

On a failed save, you fall prone. Good. And then he only does regular damage failed save, you fall prone. Good. And then he only does regular damage. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. You take seven points of damage. That's their turn. Global, you fall prone.

At a disadvantage as well. Oh, yeah. You fall prone. Oh, that's funny because oof. Oh, oof. It's French for egg. Oh. Oof. Oh, that's funny because oof. Oh, oof. It's French for egg. Oh. Oof.

Oof. Booth and oof. Oof. Oof. Oof. Booth and oof. Can I try to persuade Yola to get into the fight? I'll allow it.

Oh, no. I hope no one is good at fighting and good at killing, maybe using passion and energy they already have. Will Glopple be able to persuade Yeola to draw on her anger and grief to join the fight? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Adam here, resident dungeon master to the stars. Did you know that myself and Jackson host a show here on Sanspence Radio where we create and show off homebrew content that we ourselves have created? It's called House Rules. And if you've ever struggled for making your own content, then it may just be perfect for you. Some episodes will come in with stories, classes and abilities that we've already made and tell you about them so you can see where

we've succeeded and failed. And sometimes we'll even make tell you about them so you can see where we've succeeded and failed. And sometimes we'll even make the content on air so you can follow along at home and make your own or even improve upon ours. Head on down to sensepantsradio.com and sign up for a king-level subscription today to start listening. Hey there, fellow adventurer. Not listening. were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members. The further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot,

where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.