D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company I #23 Arachnology

Episode Date: October 9, 2021

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SANS PANTS RADIO, Australia's only five-thumbed podcast network. Previously on the stories of the Greyhill Free Company. We're running from it too. Say hi with us. You hear the bear screaming, it's coming, it's coming. And then it swipes at Chantel. I'll come to a deer.

I'll come back. Looks like I've been chased by you guys. And then if we don't spray a trap, then we can all investigate. What does that say? I'm just looking, look, I'm just looking. Don't look at me. There, like I said, are obvious signs of a struggle.

And you can see very obvious drag marks going off into the forest. There's no blood here whatsoever. You touch it and it's like... It's like gooey and sticky. Is it like webs? Yes. Are we looking at webs, Adam? We're looking at giant spiders, Adam.

Yeah, you're looking at giant spiders. If you were really quick, depending on how far away the spider's lair is, you might be able to save these people. Riding on the back of a gazelle is an elf, a strange-looking elf. It is bad omen that we meet like this. Are you here to try to rid the forest of the face spider? I can take you to the boundaries, but I do not know if I can help you. He and the gazelle he is riding bow.

Oh my god. We bow. Oh, so deep. You continue on with. You move further in. Who can I get kind of like a marching order positions? Where would you like to be? You don't have to just walk in a line.

You can kind of splay yourselves out if you want. You've got room. I think if we just form some kind of like V formation. Inwards V or outwards V? I'm guessing like a... Point at the front. Point at the front. Point at the front.

Yes. A chevron, it's sometimes called. Yes. I was thinking the other way around. Point at the back. Oh, I'll go at the back. Yes. So then we have... Look, I know Chantal didn't want to wear the armour we found,

but does, you know, Yola like the new armour we had, the ethereal one? And also, I think the ethereal, I mean, the phase spider, if it moves in between things, will you be able to see it? Yeah, Yola will wear it. You'll be able to see it? Yeah, Yeola will wear it. You'll be able to see the spider and tell us when it's coming, but don't be loud about it, please. Yeola dons the armor of ethereal manipulation. Her AC is now 17.

She is now the ultimate gaslighter. How, what? It's a bad joke, yeah. No, there would have been a better way to do it. She's now the prett ultimate gaslighter. What? It's a bad joke, yeah. No, there would have been a better way to do it. She's now the prettiest gaslighter. Yeah, there we go. She's now the prettiest gaslighter. There we go.

Yeah, we figured it out. Brought it home. Who is, is there someone up the front kind of tracking, and if so, are you doing it stealthily? I'm at the back of the V. Yes, stealthily um i'm at the back of the v so yes we'll have uh big t at the back of the v i guess we'll have um uh uh chantelle and yaola in the front two prongs um well stealth will be up to them then and then i'll be like well i guess then i'll be a little bit like five feet ahead of them, trying to be stealthy, tracking them. Okay. And then love in the middle. I guess we've gone

away from a V and now making a bit of a cross. Yeah, a combat cross, if you will. A bigger T. Between 1 and 29. Fuck. No reason. 4. What did you say? An NPC takes a sudden dislike to a PC.

I've got two of those now. I've picked four before. I'm going to use them both at once. An NPC just sucks you in the face and is like, you deserved it. You deserve this. And you believe them. Why did you look at me? Anyway.

So, you unfortunately, well, you're good at tracking them so good news you track them well bad news is you know that because they surprise you yeah one giant spider and a lot of little spiders swarm out at you. The giant spider drops. All right, so here's some fucking nightmare fuel. So the giant spider had disguised itself. All the trees here are dead and blackened, and the giant spider had disguised itself as part of trunk and then tree branches,

and then it starts moving and falls down. Then on the opposite side of trees, the side of trees that you cannot see, thousands upon thousands upon millions of tiny spiders begin crawling out. They had positioned themselves so that the tree, so that they were just on the other side of the tree where you couldn't see them. They all begin to swarm you. I know. Let's go to initiative. That sounds bad. That sounds really bad. I don't like it. I couldn't see them. They all begin to swarm you. I know. Let's go to initiative.

That sounds bad. That sounds really bad. I don't like it. I don't like it. Not one little bit. So, Big T, who would you like to act with? I'm going to go Yayola. Oh, sorry.

That's Global. Sorry, Global, who would you like to act with? Steel. Oh, funny. Yeah, you can though. Hmm. Yeah, right.al. Oh, funny. Yeah, you can, though. Yeah, right. I'll steal, Adam. That's funny.

And then, Big D, who would you like to act with? Love is blind. Twist. All right. So it's a surprise round, and the giant spider goes first. The giant spider attacks you, Globble. Oh. Oh.

Oh. The giant spider tries to bite down on you. No, no. None of this. Gross. It does so. I hate this, Adam. Two dagger-like fangs penetrate into your breast.

You take seven, no, sorry, five points of piercing damage, and you're going to need to make a constitution saving throw. You pass with flying colors. Fail. Damn. I liked your one better too. You fail and take an extra nine points of poison damage.

Holy shit. Oh no. That's rough but cool. Alright, that was the big spider's turn. Then the little spiders. One of them is going to swarm Big T. One of them is going to swarm Chantel. And one of them is going to swarm Globble.

Yeah, I know. It sucks. Globble. Globble, you're just covered in spiders. Big T, also just covered in spiders. Chantel. Yeah, these spiders suck. Big T. Also just covered in spiders. Chantel. Yeah, these spiders suck. All right.

Back to the top. It's the big spider's turn. Yes, the prize rounds suck. They suck a huge donkey dick. Rip Globble. Globble tries to bite in the same place, but instead you stick your flipper in front, and the two daggers go straight through your flipper,

and then poisonous just being spat on your chest. This is going to really harm my swimming ability. Then the tiny spiders. Globble? Yeah, they're just still on you. Sorry, it's Globble and Yael's turn. Right. Okay, so let's see here.

What spells can I do? Can I, if I was to do an ice knife, does that injure everybody? Well, it depends where you throw it, I suppose. Unfortunately, spiders are kind of on all of your allies so if you wanted to target multiple sets of spiders you would have to hurt an ally as well okay and i can't do it'd be yourself yeah i can't do a bonus action spell and a spell at the same time can i you can't cast two spells in one turn unless one of them is a cantra so i could do a healing ward on myself,

or healing word on myself, and then produce flame? Yeah, that's allowed. Oh, so long as one of them is a bonus action. Yes. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, well, I'll heal myself with a healing ward. That's a d4, I believe. d4 plus a 3.

Yes. You recover 7 hit points. Hey. Good for you. That's something. I'm alive. And then I will produce flame and try and get the spiders off me and scramble. You will be using it at disadvantage because it's a ranged spell and you're using it on you.

It's a self spell, so yeah, sure. Unfortunately, you try to like douse the spider. What is there, AC? Not enough. You try to douse the spiders but it's really difficult because it's like the spell kind of the way the spell shoots out of your hand it's hard to angle it without just shooting yourself in the fucking chest that's fair can i roll away you can you can just move away but you will take attacks of opportunity from just the big spider the little

spiders won't won't deal with that oh i i want to try and get away from the big spider. The little spiders won't deal with attacks. Oh, I want to try and get away from the big spider, but not if it's going to just slaughter me. Well, it could miss. No, no, no. It seems bad. Well, we'll get... Let's see here. And then Yayola also gets a turn.

I guess Yayola will probably... Let's see. Guiding bolt on the big spider. All right. Yeola shoots a bolt of energy at the big spider. The holy light strikes the spider in the side, rocking it up and then down. It takes 13 points of damage.

And is this secondary effect? Yeah, that's right. And the next attack roll against the target before the end of your next turn has advantage. Yes. So a light begins to it slowly dims but a light begins to sheath the spider giving

the next attack against it advantage. Hey, something. Big D. It's your turn. It's Big D and Big Love. You're the only one who calls him that yeah i like calling okay is is it a fine option to stop drop and roll to try and squish them all yeah you could yeah i would like to do that you uh you can also just well they'll follow you but you can't just step out of their space i thought they were on me yeah so well instead of step out of their space you can't just step out of their space. I thought they were on me. Yeah. So, well, instead of step out of their space, you can just grab them and start throwing them off you and keep moving.

But they will probably just track and follow you unless they pick a new target, I suppose. So I guess you could say mechanically you could step out of them and attack. Yeah. In that case, I would like to throw them off of me as I move toward the big one and try to cut off the big one's leg. All right. So you want to attack the big one? Yes, please. All right.

You hit. Hey. Good job. Congratulations. Yes. You deal 13 points of damage. Oh, brill. I love to hurt.

Oh, that spider goes down. Oh, that's good news. Oh, that's real good news. You cut that spider's head off. Didn't even know they had the head. All right. It'll feel more like cutting its face off than its head, though. All right.

Now you've just got the little boys. Love is blind. If love is blind is able to move out of 15 foot range of other people, but still zap a bunch of spiders with Thunderwave, they would love to do that. Those spiders are going to need to make a constitution saving throw. They pass. I'm sorry.

They'll take damage, but half. Those spiders take five points of damage. It's not nothing, you know? It's still something. It is something. How many hit points does the swarm spiders... Oh, that's too many. All right.

A bunch of spiders are just smushed, but there are still so many spiders left. And it is Chantel's turn. Chantel is going to attack the spiders that are attacking her. That's fair. I'd do the same thing. I wouldn't do that. Chantel.

She gave them little kisses. Well, look, she could have fucked it up worse. She could have fucked it up worse. At least, you know, you've got Chantel around. Yeah, we don't have to pick numbers between 1 and 29 right now, and that's pretty good. And now a quick word from our sponsors. Hey, Jackson here interrupting this garbage podcast to tell you about one of sans pants

radio's other garbage podcasts plumbing the death star the best podcast you'll ever hear me and the two joels ask dumb questions about pop culture we truly know nothing about inevitably making you frustrated but also entertained look for plumbing the death star wherever podcasts are found. So, um, 1, 2, 3 is Big T. 4, 5, 6 is Globble. 4, 5, 6. Globble, the spiders attack. Unfortunately, they get you a bunch.

Spiders all over you keep It's just so moist. It feels like an acupuncture session. You take 8 points of damage. Cool. Then a bunch of them start attacking because Big T has moved away.

A bunch of them start attacking Yayola. They're on Yayola, but they can't find purchase in her armor. And then a bunch attack Chantel. Same with Chantel. Then it is Globble, your turn. Good. Can I chug a health potion? You can try.

It's hard to find your mouth because there's a spider on your face right now. Recover eight hit points. Use a spider as a stroll. I'll try and back up if I can. Yeah, sure. That's allowed. That's good. And then I'll get Yola to do

some I guess what crossbow, I guess or dagger, probably crossbow if they're in to shoot some spider swarm Are they attacking your spiders or the spiders on her?

Let's go my spiders Alright Take a step back if they can crossbow bolt in bet do you wear armor no a crossbow bolt maybe you got a sleeve exposed a crossbow bolt slips right through the sleeve and then tears a hole in your clothes and then kind of just sits in the hole you look at Yola and she gives you a really apologetic look and then a spider crosses over her face and she needs to blow out before it tries to, as it's trying to force

its way into her mouth. That's completely understandable, yes. Everyone please back away from those swarms. Alright. I never want to hear that sentence. You just heard it. Alright. Then it is Big T and Love's turn. I would like to start trying to use...

Halbert's still a good option. Yeah, it seems excessive, you know, but I suppose if I turn it more like a... It's not a butcher. It's the person who is... Meat cleaver? No, it's the person who's like the sheep's dad before the shepherd. So like a shepherd's crook

like turn it to a shepherd's crook and just sort of like scrape him off. So you start with razor-like precision. Big T uses the halberd to just gently begin cutting

spiders off you. Big T, you do 14 points of damage. Those spiders are gone. There are two swarms of spiders left. One is attacking Yeola. One is attacking Chantel. What would you like Big Love to do? I mean, Love is Blind.

I'm sorry. I'm the only one who calls for it. Big Love is good. Love is Blind. Love is Blind is going to take the little dagger and chop them all up off of Yeola. All right. Love is Blind. Love is Blind's going to take the little dagger and chop them all up off of Yayola. All right. Love is Blind deals five points of damage to the spiders on, did you say Yayola? I did.

All right. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop. And that is Chantel's turn. Chantel smooshes some spiders with her war hammer. Oh yeah, that's a good weapon for this. That makes sense. If you just pull the heavy bit of the warhammer against your body and just sort of grind it,

because she's got armor on, doesn't she? Make it a paste. Then it is the spider's turn. The spiders attack Yeola. Why not run? Oh my god. The spiders attack Chantal. That's so embarrassing for spiders. And back to the top.

Globble and Yeola. These spiders are not intelligent. They'll fight to the death.el. That's so embarrassing for spiders. And back to the top. Globble and Yayola. These spiders are not intelligent. They'll fight to the death. Oh, that's so sad. Right. Okay, cool. So they're on people right now, yes? They're on Chantel and they're on Yayola.

Okay, well, Yayola is trying... They've got a dagger, don't they? We'll just dagger them. Okay. Me and her, we'll just dagger them together. Don't tell. Yeola, I mean, needs a better weapon. Yes.

She's a decent melee fighter now. Yes. What's her strength? No, never mind. Yeola needs a finesse weapon. Then she's decent in a fight. Sorry, you want Yeola to just dagger at the spiders? Yes.

Because unless, like, yeah, nah. Dagger the spiders. Yayola deals six points of damage to the spiders on her. Good. And I'll also get there with the dagger. You miss. You're, like, trying to stab, but every time you're going to stab the spider, Yayola has already killed it. And you're like, ugh.

Don't stab my good friend. Big D! I would like to help out. I'll bring my little halberd over, and I'll start helping Chantel out with her spider issues. You indeed help her out with her spider issues, dealing only eight points of damage. Spiders on her are still alive,

but you've definitely weakened them. They'll be doing half damage now. You've thinned out the herd, as it were. What would you love to do? Finish him off. He does a decent job. Well, he hits. He does four points of damage.

Yeah, four points of damage. On who, sorry? Chantel. Chantel, all right. There are still spiders on Chantel, but it's her turn. Chantel Chantel alright there are still spiders on Chantel but it's her turn Chantel gets them off her alright it's the small spiders turn they attack Yeola

they get through but they're weakened so they're only going to do half damage six points of damage to Yeola and then it is Globlin Yeola's turn I will just sorry sorry oh god just flex your armor and we'll just try and get the last of them I will just... I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. They've started crawling into my armor. Just flex your armor, and we'll just try and get the last of them.

The two of you deal enough damage to wipe out the last of the spiders. Okay, well, that sucked. Right, well, Eola, here's a health potion, and I'm going to chug one as well. All right. You recover seven hit points, and Yola recovers six. Yes, well, that was good. Perfect. Right, how's everybody going?

I feel great. Yes. Yeah. Just us, huh? Well, that was terrifying. Where are the people? That was an ambush. That was an ambush. That was an ambush.

Sorry, I was too busy looking at the horse. Right, well, shall we keep going? Let's find them. Eyes peeled. Let's soldier on. You mean ambushes and there's going to be more? Maybe. Maybe.

Globble, you see ahead of you, the webbing is kind of thick all over the place but the webbing is it's like spiders moving from tree to tree using you know how spiders will web oh like spider-man yeah yes they web sling like spider-man yes but this feels like they're making a permanent location there's like a nest of sorts you can see in the nest it's imagine if the trees had lost all of their leaves or they have the trees here have lost all of their leaves and in place of leaves there is now webbing and the space here is thick with spiders many many many small ones but a great deal many big spiders okay so it kind of looks like that part in Shrek 1

where Fiona runs around with the two sticks and catches a lot of spiders in two sticks and then rolls them up so it's almost like fairy floss? Yes. Brilliant. Imagine a lot of that for big trees. You can see spiders scuttling in and among them. There's like a global, there's an obvious pattern to the webbing where it slowly begins to get denser and thicker.

Almost like all of these individual spider webs form one massive large spider web that eventually has a nexus to it. And in that nexus, you see a giant spider this spider is probably significantly larger than any of the other spiders around it and there are some big fucking spiders here this large spider though it's got like a jet blue color to it rather than the black colors of the spiders around it the air around it seems to pop sizz and snap, like the spider is giving off waves of heat. And every now and then you see its form shimmer and judder. They haven't noticed us, yes?

No, they haven't. So up ahead is this fey spider. I count. How many other spiders do I see? Hundreds. Right. So there's this fey spider. There's hundreds of other spiders. Are you talking spiders do I see? Hundreds. Right. See, there's the first spider. There's hundreds of other spiders.

Are you talking about just big spiders? Yes. Just big spiders? Still quite a few. You would count at least 13 big spiders. We have 13 very big spiders. Of varying sizes. Of varying sizes.

And then we have the one big one. Okay. Where, like, can we see any, like, wrapped up human? Oh, yes. Sorry. There are many bundled forms in Among the Web. None of them are moving, but they all look very tightly bundled. Is there a way to maybe you create

water on the people and then for everything else you burn it down? I mean, yes, you could probably I think burning everything down would be very fast. Yes, perhaps, but creating water on Are they spread apart? The bundles?

Yes, they are quite spread apart. You could try to go around Well, no apart. You could try to go around... Well, no, you couldn't try to go around and individually free them. This place is just too busy for that. There's not a lot of cover. It's mostly just spider web, and the spider web is not very... It doesn't cover you very well. There's a lot of spiders

here as well. I mean, obviously this is the more favorable option, but imagine if we did take more time, and then we couldn't save them and we just it would have been easier to burn everything down i mean 100 yeah it would be so easy to burn them all down and what what if we work on i mean could we like we're obviously we're going to try and save them but what if what if we just burn everything down anyway? Is this castle big tea? You know, that's fair.

I guess I'm strategizing. That's not in the spirit of the game. Never mind. Never mind about the path not taken. Yes, we could probably cause a fire and burn quite a lot. I just think it would be good. Chances of us rescuing anybody would be somewhat slimmer. I think they're kind of slim now.

To be honest. There's a lot of spiders. There's quite a lot of spiders. They've got more legs than we've got fists. Yes. Is there any way here? It does not seem to be an easy way of doing this. Yes, no. Perhaps we could back away a bit and try to attract maybe one or two of the spiders

without any of the other spiders noticing and try to... That seems impossible. Yes. That seems very impossible. How do you say hello to one of them and not 12 more? Well, they all seem to be scurrying about, yes, but if we could try and pull one of them closer... They'll all notice.

They're friends. Potentially, yes. If one of us got pulled away, I'd know, I hope You'd turn back to your two friends? Yes Oh no, good point, okay Anyone here have any experience, I guess, of fighting a a big spider i think it did an okay job love is blind shakes his head i as i said i've never seen a spider until today does anybody have any crossbow or things i can set on fire before we shoot them so they catch on fire and then when

their friends try to help them they also also catch on fire. Chantelle unloves her container. She has like a metal container that holds all of her crossbow bolts. I have this. You could use my flame. You could load up the crossbow and fire it

through the flame. I could leave it somewhere. Do we have oil in our torches? Then you have oil, because then the fire will last longer. Yes, we do have oil. Let's make it an oily fire. Yes. So wait, what is your plan currently?

Dip the crossbow bolts in oil, set them on fire, and shoot the spiders so that they burn. Okay. The big ones. Yes. Try and get some of the web. Web's pretty flammable, right? Well, you can shoot the spider or you can shoot the web. Either way. Yeah. I mean, aim for spider and if you miss, you'll land amongst the web.

That's true. Is that a paraphrasing of a famous quote? No, it's a Big T original. No. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Big T original? All right.

Cool. He's very wise. Shoot for the spider. Even if you miss, you'll land among the web. Yes, it is. Very good point. Land among the spider. Even if you miss, you land among the web. Yes, very good point. Land among the stars. I mean web. So, look, I think perhaps if we get Chantelle,

Yayola, and you here, Big T, perhaps in front, while me and Love provide some range support. Oh, good. I don't have anything I can shoot. I can throw a handaxe. Oily handaxe. Yes. Flaming handaxe.

I'll pick that up later. Actually, you and Chantelle, because Yola, you don't have any close range weapons, do you? Yola slowly shakes her head. No, I have a pterodactyl, I suppose. You've got a crossbow as well. So perhaps Yola might see... Can I use a crossterodactyl, I suppose. Yes, you've got a crossbow as well.

So perhaps, yeah, all of my stuff. Can I use a crossbow, Adam? I don't know. It's one of those good things made from wood or a yucky thing made from metal. Oh, foul! Feral! Yuck-o! No, you just don't know how.

I don't think it's a wood thing. Yeah, I've got this. It's just tricky. You look at it and you're like, huh! Well, if we were to do this, I would suggest we use the best of our abilities as quick as we can. We've still got the

heroism from our good friend. It might be clever to use it now. Yes, we'll use that. You get really angry there, big team. Oh, I plan on it. Good, good, good. And then, I guess any of the bigger spells that we have from love,

you can probably aim at the biggest spider, say, for that. Do your big shocky. And I guess me and Yola will use our healing powers for good for once. Yes, for good for once. You're not sure which NPC said that. Just a spider. For good for once. Yes, for good for once. You're not sure which NPC said that. Just a spider.

For good for once. Yes, good work, spider. I guess spread out a little bit because hopefully their webbing doesn't get us. Yeah, I guess now is a bit better. There's no way to hide, is there? To hide? Probably not, no. Yes, hide? Probably not, no. Yes, no.

Not here, no. So there's no real way of us. You're kind of concealed where you are, but once you start firing, there's no hiding where you are. You've won short with the element of surprise, and I think we should take it. Yeah, we should get a surprise round, yeah? Yeah, you will.

God, we're good. This never happens to us. No, no, it does not. It doesn't tend to, no. We usually are surprised, even if, you know, we think we're in control of the plan. And it'd really suck if I made one of the NPCs charge and then technically they would be the only ones

in a surprise round. Yes, it would be very rude. Now remember, nobody charge. Yes, yes. If I just Now remember nobody charged Yes, yes Just suddenly started playing the NPCs as suicidal No, no, no, what would Falmorn do? We have to think like Falmorn No, Chantel's like, huh, I guess I can't die

I'm invincible I guess everyone will always bring me back Yeah, as far as I'm aware, I haven't died. Yes. Everybody, I guess, activated their heroism thing. And then we'll, I guess, try and get the closest spiders and try and get rid of them. One by one and focus fire, if if you can and things looking dire a very inspirational speech to be okay right right good point good point i'll how about this

we are here to do good and right now doing good is rescuing the fine people uh who are traversing the king's road and we are their only chance to rescue them. That is it. It's us. So much pressure. So we need to rally together and be the best that we can and get rid of these people, not just for the people that have been taken,

but for people that were taken beforehand and for the future people that will use the King's Road. We will become, quite frankly, heroes of this forest. And that young elf that i forget the name of will give us a boon and i want that boon god this hair was so just leave yayola wipes away a single tear and as you spring forth ready to fight can uh, can I get who you want to fight with? I will fight with, look, I've been enjoying fighting with Yayola. Why, why, why, why, why?

It's a good thing. It's true. You stole her from me fair and square. Yes. I respect the shit out of that, by the way. I think it's good that you did that. When it's like you could steal, I'm like, fuck, you have to. I know. Big T? Love is blind. way i think it's good that you did that when it's like you could steal like fuck you have to i know

big t love is blind and then that leaves chantelle on her own nothing that's ever to happen to her so exploding from your cover chantelle gets to act first she's going to charge down the nearest giant spider and she swings with her hammer. Her mighty hammer doesn't miss, thankfully. Okay, good. And with all heroism upped by the- Heroism, yeah. We all do heroism. As a gang, because it's cool.

Yeah, to do with your friends. Sad if you do it by yourself. Fun with a gang. She slams her warhammer into one of the wolf spiders, killing it. Sorry, they're giant wolf spiders, and it. Sorry, they're giant wolf spiders. There are different types of giant spiders here. Wolf spiders in D&D

is just the size of a wolf. Yeah. I'm not happy. Then it is Glovel, your turn. Right, I will produce flame and I will heal it at, I guess, the

closest. Would you like to target one of the wolf spiders or one of the giant spiders? Probably one of the wolf spiders is here. You will probably miss. Damn. Yeah. Your fireball slams

into some webbing next to the spider. Fire begins to catch a little bit, but it doesn't look very promising. What would you like Yayola to do? She is also going to, could she, hmm, use her crossbow and perhaps, as I was like aiming for the fire to try and shoot the fire to get it on fire and then hit one of the wolf spiders. Okay. Sounds like the bold prima donna.

The fire caught fire. She hits one of the, which spider, sorry, the one you were aiming at? Yeah, we'll go with that. She deals five points of piercing damage and then one point of fire damage. The wolf spider is wounded but not hurt. That's okay.

A wounded. The wolf spider is wounded but not killed. Killed is the most hurt. Yes. Yes. And also the least amount of hurt you can feel. Big T. And also the least amount of hurt you can feel.

Big T. Tree Stump is going to dip their hand axes in some oil fire. Uh-huh. And do hand axes aiming for a spider. Aiming for the biggest spider they can see that's surrounded by webs. So even if they miss. You're going to rage? Yes.

I'm so mad. Big T. Yeah. You have a flask of oil. You pour it all over the axe, dousing the axe heavily. The oil, unbeknownst to you, no, maybe you do. You just don't know it's because you're raging. It washes all over your hand and arm as well.

Oh, my God. And then when you light it, you catch fire. Now, look, that's something. Can I still please throw it? You can still throw it. Yeah. But you do take a point of fire damage and you are on fire. That's good. We know it works.

All right. So would you like to throw your hand axes? Yep. Yes, please. First hand axe is a hit. Second, critical miss. So the first hand axe is a hit. Second critical miss. So the first hand axe does minimum damage. This is great for our first round of surprise.

This is rough to a good flying stock. Wow, this sucks. Any good cards there to play? No. No. You deal six points of slashing damage, one point of fire damage. Another wolf spider is, oh, were you aiming for a giant or a wolf spider? Aiming for the giant ones.

Look, specifically the giant ones surrounded by the most amount of web, so that even if I miss, I still have a chance of hitting something. You wound one of the giant spiders, but that's it. Then your other attack, hesitation. You lose your bonus action giant spiders. Okay. But that's it. Then your other attack, you, uh, hesitation. You lose your bonus action on your next turn. So being on fire has its drawbacks. One of those drawbacks is the primal part of your brain that turns on when you rage. That, like, instinctual barbarian frenzy,

it is consumed with fear of fire right now. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. Being on fire does have its drawbacks, I see. Oh, yeah. And what would you like Love is Blind to do?

Love is Blind will, I guess, just maybe use the oily fire on my sleeve to light their crossbow bolt. And then fire at? A different spider so that many can catch on fire. All right. Another big one. Lover's blind misses. His crossbow bolt also hits the webbing.

A little fire begins to lick around and spread. Once again, it doesn't look super promising. The crossbow bolt, as it flies at extreme speed through the air, it quite obviously doesn't hold fire very well. Hey, look, it's a good plan. I think. But I'm giving it such fast oxygen. One of the ingredients for a fire.

Yeah, yes. Fast oxygen does sometimes help a fire. You are correct. God, life's about finding the balance, isn't it? All right, back to the top. So now the spiders get their turn. What? Oh, but surprise.

You had your surprise round. Now we're into a real round of combat. Oh, they're so quick. They're so quick. They've got so many legs. How can we compete? That spider in the center, the one you identify, it must be the phase spider. That one in the center just teleports away.

Yeah, I hate that. Oh, good. That problem solved. It's Chantel's turn. She swings at the wolf spider in front of her again. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. She, cool, cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool. She gets a critical fail.

Shattered confidence. You have disadvantage on attack rolls until you can successfully hit. She swings, misses the wolf spider. The wolf spider begins laughing at her. Oh, that's yucky. No, thank you. They shouldn't be able to do that. It laughs like muttly.

Globble, it's your turn. Well, we'll get Eola to crossbow. So, yes. Flaming crossbow on that wolf spider that we wounded. She finishes off a wolf spider. Excellent. And I'll aim for another wolf spider. With the...

Flame. With the flame. Flaming tower. Yes, Adam, what's happened? Can you get that dice and throw it away? I'll stop using that die. I just feel you're being very rude to your good friends. Adam, what's happening?

Fill us in, man. You've got to talk to us. You throw the ball of fire. Globble? Yes. And as you throw the ball of fire. Glovel? Yes. And as you form the ball of fire in your hands, you realize you're not looking at the ball of fire. You're looking at your own face.

And when you throw the ball of fire, your perspective zooms through the air. You slam harmlessly into that spider. Oh. And then you and the spider need to make saving throws. For what? Adam? So.

Yeah? Globble? Yes? You look at the party and yourself, and you see yourself looking at you with abject panic. You can see yourself many, many times over through your eight eyes. What could have happened to poor, heroic, defenceless, sweet, innocent Glupple? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company I told you everything you know about the world is wrong? What if I told you that all the things

you believe to be impossible are in fact very much possible? Reality is not what you think it is. It is so much more complicated, fascinating, and above all, terrifying. We are at the fringes of the map, and there's more than just dragons. You see a shape moving through the trees. The shape is low and on all fours. In the flash, though, you can see it sprinting away. I'm Murray Edwards. I'm a reporter for the New York City Tribune. If you want to get out of this country alive, your best chance is to forget your fucking job while you're there.

It is the height, some might say, of the Vietnam War. It has been about a year since the Tet Offensive. Ever since the Tet Offensive, things have been unstable, to say a word. He gestures to a diagram pinned up on the wall behind him, and you can see it looks like a bomb but the cross section shows that it is something so much stranger we are already behind schedule there and we have a wounded that we need to carry with us if we miss that elo evac we are going to be humping it all the way back you understand that right one thing i know about wild animal attacks is a lot of the time there's less blood than you'd think. There is in total maybe 20 or 30 graves, like perfectly dug graves in the ground here. There are no bodies in them, though. Oh, Oklahoma, where the wind goes sweeping down the plain.

Where the waving we can sure smell sweet. When we go sure smell sweet. When we go back to there. Okay, Bob, I don't know the words. Bob. When you get pushed back further and further and further, eventually you will reach a place, a place of last resort. And when you get there, anything is possible. If someone's in their bed at night and everyone goes to sleep,

in the morning you wake up and it could look like they just walked off into the brush and didn't come back. The Place of Last Resort, a new miniseries coming out weekly on SandsPantsRadio.com for King subscribers. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to SansPants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

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