D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company I #7 The Warlord and the Sorcerer

Episode Date: June 19, 2021

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SANS Pants Radio, Australia's hottest podcast network. Previously on the stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Biscuit for that biscuit, okay. Okay, big T. Count of three? Yes. One, two, three. We run, right? One, two, three.

Actually, no matter what happens, all of them target tree stump. Even if you're downed, all of them target you. Oh, shit, shit. Halfling takes a long time to break down. Yes. Let's head back there, Big T. See if there's anyone guarding and perhaps we'll try and get them

before they alarm anyone else because that's really what got us. A group of five goblins just randomly patrolling around. No! Oh. Happen to stumble upon your tracks. Is anything around us

we can quickly duck and hide and then maybe ambush them? The other two goblins slash at you, but they're like, both of them are maybe five feet away from you because they don't want to get too close. Big T, it's your turn. The goblin who appears to be the

most frightened of me, I would like to stab, please. Alright. You hit. You deal. That doesn't count I mean it probably should have you deal oh and you're dealing your extra

rage damage so you deal 9 points of damage that's another goblin dead you stab him in the head and when you pull the blade out the goblin just lifts into the air you've got a goblin just lifts into the air.

You've got a goblin stuck on your dagger. Oh, gobble and a stick. That is good. Who's hungry? Then it is gobble, your turn. Right. I will try and frostbite another goblin, perhaps the one I've already injured. Mm-hmm.

All right. And then I will crouch down further into that pit. He passes his semi-throw this time. Bullshit. And I will crouch further into the ditch. Then it is the goblins' turn. There's three of them left. That one with the javelin continues trying to throw the javelin at you, Globble.

Oh, no. Misses. Another javelin impacts, probably not even close to you you Like the other side of the ditch, it was a bad throw And then two goblins try to Come in at you, Big T Yes, go Big T Two hits No! Use it for your rage, it'll empower you

I'll use it, no this is good Are you resistant to damage while raging? I should be, that seems good for me One can only hope Are you resistant to damage while raging? I should be. That seems good for me. One can only hope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're resistant to this damage. Yay! What does that mean?

You only take half of this. Arrow! So it's a five and an eight. So those would be reduced to two and four. So six damage total. So those would be reduced to two and four, so six damage total. Through your barbarian fury, you do not feel the blows nearly as much. And it's your turn, Big T.

Oh, I could cut some hair! It's my barbarian fury. I would like to take my knife and go for the other goblin. You drag that goblin off your knife and stab it into another goblin. You kill another one. Two left. This is good. I would like to grab my knife and come out and stab at one of the goblins.

All right. The closest one is the one fighting Big T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're still in melee range. Critical hit. Yes. Pinned. Could triple damage and the target is pinned to the ground and becomes restrained.

I'm going to say you no longer possess that knife, at least until you pick it up off the goblin. But you have pinned that goblin to the ground and quadruple damage for you is... You killed him. You killed him. We'll restrain him. Never mind. God, having him sleep has really helped us. Yeah, right? The last goblin turns and runs. Right. Chase'll restrain him. Never mind. God, having him sleep has really helped us. Yeah, right? The last goblin turns and runs.

Right. Chase, chase, chase. Chase, chase, chase, chase. Big T, they are, I'm going to say, 60 feet from you. Can I please throw my knife? Not at this range. Can I run up and throw my knife? Am I going to be seen if I do that?

If you haven't been seen already, this is not going to affect it. Okay, then I will run up and throw the knife. You sprint forwards, throw your knife. This one's going to come down to the wire. Throwing, you are not as good. Imagine if I was like, oh wait, never mind.

Oh, oh wait, never mind. Wait, actually? Yeah, no, never mind. Oh, wait. Never mind. Wait, actually? Yeah, no, wait. Never mind. Good work. Oh, yeah, you do hit him. Yay! Barely.

And he dies? Sorry? And he dies a horrible death? Yes, he dies. Oh, interesting, interesting. He is forced forwards and slumps over, dead. All right, that's the last of the goblins. Good job.

Good work. Love to see it. That means at a minimum, there is still another four to go. Let's quickly scavenge what the weapons we've got there. Who's got what? You can get orc made. So once again, this is another type of homebrew item. You're in homes?

I'm brewing homes, yeah. So you can get five, I guess, orc-made scimitars from them. Orc-made weapons receive a negative one to hit, but you can deal double damage in exchange for destroying the weapon. Okay, so let's grab some scimitars um you take you take four i'll take one okay hang on i'm still trying to so they're double damage if you hit well you don't so you don't double damage you double the dice okay so instead of so your damage with a scimitar would be a d6 plus five yeah right instead of a d6 you can roll 2d6 but you break the weapon oh okay yeah yeah uh irreparably so the weapon is basically useless it becomes a

bit of metal leaving it in the kill i see uh orc made weapons or in this case goblin made weapons are jagged and awful looking they're kind of imagine if a tabaxi had only malicious intent oh it's a tabaxi yeah it's got a little bit of that hodgepodge nature about it yeah but it's kind of just like only sharp things okay okay when they go sharp we go soft yeah yeah yeah okay I see what that... All right. Okay. Anything else?

Like the armor? Could we perhaps wear some of it? Are we still in the hour? Their armor, when you pull it off them, falls into tatters. Either because someone destroyed it, or because it is just poorly made. Yes, all right. So, okay, that's fine. Also, you wouldn't fit into their armor anyway.

It's sized for a goblin. So, okay, that's fine. Also, you wouldn't fit into their armor anyway. It's sized for a goblin. Okay. Well, that's not good. Oh, well. Anything else on their persons? No. As a patrol, they didn't have any personal equipment with them. The camp is right there.

Okay. Well, let's drag them out and perhaps bury them in this ditch. Yeah. You don't seem to have been noticed. Certainly no one's raising the alarm. We could put them in the stew. Not right now, Big T. It just seems like less work.

Yes, we can't access the tent just yet. So why don't we find a place that perhaps maybe some water is. And we can maybe have a quick rest to get some health back. We'll just kind of like patch our wounds and observe the camp. All right. Would you like to take another short rest? Yeah.

We'll get somewhere where we can kind of observe the camp. Can you roll the encounter die while you do that? Yeah. Is it a d20? A d12. A counter. Well, you sight the creature in the sky on a 10. Light encounter on 11.

Heavy encounter on a 12. A 2. A 2? a 12. A 2. A 2? Alright. You go by without... Shut up. You go by without incident. Okay. I need to heal

my wounds and get into some water. Are you using your hit dice to heal? Yes. Would you like to use your hit dice, Tree Stump, to heal a little bit? Alright, yeah, I think I will. Feel a bit better, I reckon.

Tree Stump, you heal six points of damage. And Globble, you will heal four. That's good. Let's take stock of the encampment, see what we can see. If you want, yeah, let's take stock of the encampment and see what we can see. If you want, yeah, you can spend

some time just observing the camp. I'll make a investigation check, I guess, for both of you. It's hard to see much in the camp. There's not a lot of lights on in the camp, and do either of you have darkvision? No. No. Oh, yep. So without any light, you just can't really see. You know where the camp and do either of you have dark vision no no no oh yeah yep so without any light

you just can't really see you know where the camp is because there are some lights but there's not enough light to see what's going on so okay nothing to tell and there's no other more other like uh goblins tracking everything you well no other patrols find you okay That's all you know. Okay, I see. So from what we observed yesterday, we've got a big wolf, another wolf, and four other goblins. Does that include the one with the beard?

I think I said it was inclusive. Yes, so we've got three goblins. No, not inclusive. Four goblins with one wolf that we know of, and then a big wolf and then the bearded boy was riding it. Can we make

the wolf eat the goblins? I mean, we could try. I could try. I could try. It would just be a lot easier. I mean, look,

I could speak to a wolf. Just have a little chat. See if they're hungry because they're smaller than us. That's a good point. Have another squeeze to see if I can see if any of the wolves are around. This is a conversation that's happened while you were doing the original squeeze. I can't know if I can find the wolves, but if I do...

Ask him or her. See if they're hungry for goblins. They will let them eat them. And all the stew, they can have all the stew. Are we far away from the ditch that we buried the goblins? You can be as far as you want from it. What about this right here? Why don't we grab part of the goblin that we've killed and we'll use that.

Give them a taste for it. A bit of a distraction, if and when that comes up. Okay. Yes, we'll do that. We'll harvest some goblin meat, Adam, as the heroes. All right. You butcher the goblins. Wait, someone else was doing butchering of sentient creatures.

Sorry, sapient creatures. It evens out. Two wrongs make a right. That's really what you want to hear from the hero of the story. Two wrongs make a right. Two wrongs make a right. That's really what you want to hear from the hero of the story. Two wrongs make a right. Two wrongs make a right. As Luke Skywalker cuts off Darth Vader's hand and looks down at him, this evens things out. We cool now.

That seems fair. So, yes, we'll do that. And then, so what's the camp layout like that we can see? Is there like a tent that's quite close? You really can't see anything, actually. Oh, right. You remember the, like, you can see the lights from their fires, but you can't see any forms or shapes.

You'd have to make your way into the camp. Why don't we go back to where we were yesterday, the butcher camp, the butcher tent, because that does have a hole in it that we can kind of look into if we need to. Oh, the hole we made?

Yes, that's the one. I did... I tried to make a hole in the bath. Would have made a better bath. Yes. Well, as you can see, now the tent has two entrances,

which doesn't make it for a great tent for the goblins because now we can enter in the back way. I fixed it. See, you know, same thing for the – yes, Tristan. Yes, Big T, you did.

Good. We'll start creeping our way. Falmone would be proud. I made it better. Falmone would be proud. That's a clever move. It was a clever move, yes. I was clever.

You were clever. Good work. Yes, very good work, Big T. We'll head towards the tent that we made a hole into the other day. All right, so... Stealthily? You try. Fuck.

To move stealthily. Okay. As you get to the hole that you made in the tent, you can see that it's still there. You make your way, you successfully navigate your way there. You see the hole in the big tent, and crying out really loudly tree stump says oh our friends are still here globel you close your eyes painfully it feels like it like it shouldn't it shouldn't echo but it feels like it echoes and then you hear from somewhere in the camp a growling noise, a low growling noise.

Oh, no, that's good, that's good, that's good. Mm-hmm. I looked where it's coming from. All right, you walk a little bit around the tent, and you see cages with wolves inside. There's two cages with wolves inside. There's two cages with two wolves. Both, no. There's two wolves in cages

but there are several more cages. How many wolves have you killed? Too many. There's enough cages. It looks like there are enough cages for about as many wolves as here and also ones that you've killed. Two cages are currently occupied.

Those two wolves, as soon as they sight you, stop barking at you. I'll quickly throw some goblin meat towards them. Okay, I'll make an animal handling check. And then I'll speak with animals. No, you're going to fail. Oh. Unfortunately, yeah.

You throw the goblin meat at them, and they ignore it. Their eyes are only for you. They know what the smell of goblin meat is. They've spent a lot of time with it. So they're not really excited by it. So you, on the other hand, they are trained to seek and attack. So they continue to bark at you. I'll cast Speak with Animals.

And then I'll be like, food, food, food, food, food. If you'd be quiet for one moment. Actually, I think you should make another check. Oh, now 20. Number between 1 and 31. Let's go with a hot 15. 15? Focused. Double your proficiency bonus for one round. They stop? 15. Focused. Double your proficiency bonus for one round. Ooh.

Yes. They stop. Right. So I hear you would like some food. Yes, we're having a lovely... Look, I can help you get that food if you would like to help me. They look at each other. What do you want? Well, you see those little goblins that have been riding you?

Probably... Have they been a good master? Have they been hitting you at all? Master? Well, have they been hitting you? Sorry. Master? Well, have they been hitting you? Sorry. Sometimes. Now, do you like being that?

Is that good for you? No. So how about this? I'll open these cages for you if you work with me, and you can eat all the goblins that you want, and we will stop them from hitting you. All you've got to do is not eat me or my big friend over there. Hi.

Yeah, he's actually barking and growling. Yeah, but he gestured. Oh, he gestured. Alright, that's fine. I was waiting for my cue to wave. I wave and then think, oh no. I lower my hand so it looks a bit more like a tail.

Shut up. The two wolves look at each other again and they say, no deal. We eat you, we eat them. What if I doubled my proficiency in animal handling this round? Then you succeed. Okay. All right. All right.

This is a good deal. Deal. And it's good. Okay. So have a look around what's opening the cages or what's there. They're just tied up. Like, you just need to undo a knot. Okay, well, good boys.

What was your names, by the way? Names. What do they call you? What do you call yourself? I am Clovis and this is Frex. Frex. Frex. And Frex. Lovely to meet you, Clovis and Frex. If you want to go ahead and start attacking the goblins,

we'll be right behind you. Yes? Here's a bitvis and Frex. If you want to go ahead and start attacking the goblins, we'll be right behind you. Yes? Here's a bit of um... Frex says F and R capitalized. Of course. I wouldn't have it any other way. Knowing that you're writing their names down. Alright. So I give them a bit of goblin meat into their

jaws and then I untie them. They tear at it. They're hungry. Wet meat, wet meat, wet meat. wet meat, wet meat, wet meat. You let them out? I let them out. They sprint off into the camp. Yes, good. You hear screaming and a commotion.

Did you tell them where the stew is? Yes, good idea. We'll get them the stew. I think now that I'm thinking about this, Big T, we may have to feed them our good friends. Oh, yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway, let's follow them. Wet meat, wet meat, wet meat.

You can hear it in the distance. Okay. Yes, all right. We'll keep going. Do you follow after the wolves? No, actually. Didn't you say you'd protect? I don't know what you said.

I don't know what you said. I don't know what you said. So they're going over there. We should probably give them some protection because those goblins are probably going to attack the wolves. They are a good asset. So let's have a wait a bit, see what happens, see how the goblins run towards them,

and then we attack from behind. Yes, I like being sneaky. It hasn't worked yet, but I think it will one day. One day. Look what Felhorn would have done. All right, so you are following after them? Yep. All right.

You see that there's like a, in the center of the camp, there's a big bonfire that has, well, what was once a big bonfire, but the bonfire has partially died down, almost to cinders at this point. And around that campfire, you can see seven goblins tussling with those two wolves.

Yes. This central part of the camp has right next to it a giant tent that you can tell must be for something important. It might not necessarily be the chieftain's quarters, but it's certainly like some important place to the goblins. Okay. Is the chieftain there? You don't see the chieftain. You just see seven goblins fighting the two wolves.

Would you like to get involved? How are they going? The goblins seem to be holding their own pretty well. Okay. Well, let's go help our good wolf friends. All right. Well, maybe throw some of the scimitars. We'll throw some of the...

Yes, if we can, as a bit of a... You can't throw a scimitar, unfortunately. Oh, fuck. Can the gooliath? No, not even the Goliath can. Oh, I mean, you can throw it, but they don't have great range. Yeah, that's fair. But the range on a scimitar is so short that you might as well just go hit them.

Yeah, that makes sense. I've still got that extra knife from the kitchen. That's true. So I'll pick a kitchen knife. Is the tent where the fire is, is the tent above it so it's like all smoking inside it or is it next to kind of thing? Sorry, what was the question? So where the fire is going, is the tent above the fire or is it like a bit to the side? So if I were to say, you know, we were to cut like the poles and the tent would fall and catch on fire, would it?

Oh, no, it's not close enough for that. Okay. But it is big enough for that. So if you were to cut supports and push, it might work. Oh. I whip out some scimitars. I'm like, look, why don't you... Let's both do that because you're very big and strong.

Right. Let's go cut these things and we'll push the tent over. Big T, you're first. I do what I'm told. Which was, sorry? Slashing at the poles. And pushing tent over. Big T, you're first. I do what I'm told. Which was, sorry? Slashing at the poles. And pushing it over. Shoving it into the fire.

You move. There are four main support structures. Big T, you attack at one and miss. Or you hit, but it's a thick enough bit of wood that you can't break through immediately. Oh. Especially with a, oh wait, what are you using, the scimitar or the knife?

I mean, it doesn't matter. Oh, scimitar. You fail either way. You swing and the scimitar embeds itself in the tree, but the scimitar, maybe instead of just having a normal curved blade because of the just spiky nature of it, it's got like several spikes coming out of it. And so it's more of a piercing weapon than a slashing weapon. So you'll need at least one more go at it to knock it down it's the goblins turn so there is

seven of them and they are now aware of at least big t so two of them recognizing you from before and knowing the danger you pose are going to throw javelins at you, Big T. One javelin impacts you right between the shoulder blades. We'd like to remind you that your ability to reduce damage is back. And we still have a rage going.

Oh, you only have one rage left. Yes, only one if we need to. You take three points of damage. I'll go with this. All right. So you know, Yes, the only one if we need to. You take 3 points of damage. I'll go up at 2. So you know, you reduce the damage by a d12 plus 3, if that helps you make a determination of what damage you'd like to reduce. Also I only reduced it by 6 the other time. Roll 3 plus 3, yeah.

Oh well. Then, no, actually 2 more goblins attack you with javelins. I'm pretty certain you're the biggest threat. Just because I'm the biggest. Two more javelins impact you. You are terrifying to them. You take six points of damage and then three points of damage. This is like on...

It's up to you. Yes. Yes, I would like to reduce that damage, please. On the six? Ah, yep. What was that? I don't know what your kind of hit point total is. That was...

It would have taken me to three. Well, you can give yourself essentially an extra four hit points. Don't worry about how you reduce that damage. Just give yourself the extra four. It makes your mathematics simpler. And now, a word from our sponsors. Six travellers embark on a journey into the

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so that was oh and then so that was four goblins three left Two of them attack one of the wolves. Neither hit. And then one attacks the other wolf. Yes, Clovis makes a yelping, a pained yelping sound and takes three points of damage. No! Clovis! And Globble, your turn. If I took a swing

at the thing that the big T hit, do I think that'll, like, sever it? You're not 100% sure. You could try. You're not as strong as Big T. You know what? I'm gonna do that. I'll take a swing at it, hit it, and I'll be like, Big T, maybe run in there and get a bit mad.

Oh, you reckon I could? You hit, Globble. Yes. Before, Big T, before you are able to pull your weapon out, Globble hits behind it, knocking it a bit further in and dealing six points of damage. It snaps. Then it is the wolves' turn. Yeah, boys.

One of the wolves bites, howls, and snaps at a goblin. We'll say Frex, but is unable to make a blow. The goblin's like dodging left, dodging right. Clovis leaps onto one of the goblins and bites and brings them down. There are six goblins left. Oh, yes. Good, good, good. Good, good, good.

Big T, it's your turn. All right. I would like to, I know I should probably still bring the tent down. Go in there. I've got the tent. Don't worry. Don't listen to Globble. You can do what you want.

No, actually, I want to stop getting stabbed. I would like to kill a goblin. All right, you run over to a goblin. How are you doing that? Kitchen knife. Kitchen knife? Kitchen knife in the head. The goblin staggers around for a few seconds

and then collapses over dead there are five goblins left, it is their turn two goblins are occupied with Clovis and Frex Clovis is fine, Frex is fine then of the three goblins left, two draw

scimitars and attack you. Attack you, Big T. Two hits. You were raging? I'm furious! You did start raging? Yeah. Okay. I didn't hear you. Sorry. All I did was change my voice, Adam, and start squealing.

And that's fair enough. I wasn't... I was vocal about it in the wrong, annoying way. You take two, then three points of damage. So five total. Are you conscious? Yeah? Yep. All right.

Good to hear. Feels like you might be fibbing. I'm not fibbing. Okay, cool. It's just like the face you're giving me is the face of a fibber When have I ever fibbed to you Adam You wouldn't know my fibbing face Because I don't have one

I just feel like you've told me a lie today And then it is Globble Oh sorry wait one more goblin Throws a javelin at you Globble That's going to hit You take 4 points of damage Once again this would have missed if you had your armour And then Globble it is your turn.

Right. I'll go and heal. You had a second chance to go get your equipment. I was about to think that. You didn't take it. We didn't get our equipment? No, not yet. I will go and heal Big T and have a look for our equipment. I got a minute.

Cass, you thought you got your equipment and you still chose to use your knife? Sorry, what did you say, Global? I'll go and cure wounds on Big T. All right, a clever maneuver. And then I want to look around to see, is our equipment anywhere near us? It was back before you found the wolves. Big T, you heal 11 hit points. That's good for me to know.

That's quite good, yeah. Global, you could race back. It'd take you take you I'd say two turns to get to your equipment I'll be right back don't you worry And I want a Sprint So you spend one turn Oh I mean two turns there Two turns back So one turn on way

En route It's the wolves turn Clovis brings down a goblin Frex misses on way, en route. It's the wolves' turn. Clovis brings down a goblin. Frex misses. Frex has been fucking this one up. Come on, Frex. And Heisel Lowe's. The only person in this fight still.

Or the one of you who's still in combat. Heisel Lowe's. Heis! Are you sure? Yep. Are you sure you're gonna go with Heis? I don't know. Lows. Lows? I haven't even rolled yet.

You fibby boys. You are the fib. You are the Fibonacci sequence. Which one did you say, sorry? The Fibonacci sequence casts a number between 1 and 31. Damn. 21. 21.

Not dead yet. If damage would reduce you. This is useful. If damage would reduce you to 0 HP, you fall to one instead. That's cool. That is very useful for you. Hey, be nice. I mean, it just is.

All right. So, and did you say highs or lows? Highs. Highs? Whoops. Shouldn't have done that. Damn. Clovis, now that he's brought down his second goblin Is like, peace out, he got what he wants

He grabs a leg from two goblins and drags them away Sprints off into the darkness I mean, no one can hear that It's a little bit of foley Anyway In the distance I hear I guess they're doing what they're doing that, but it's a good bit of foley. Anyway. In the distance, I hear, where's the meat? Where's the meat? I mean.

I guess they're doing what they're doing. Big T, it's your turn. I noticed that his, I mean, it's funny that he's Runaway Goblin. You only get one of those a session. Your turn. So, do I have, I have two scimitar. Yeah. And the. You've got four scimitars, I have two scimitar. Yeah. And the.

You've got four scimitars, me. Well, why don't we, am I able to take, because scimitars are the hooks, yeah? They're curved blades. Yeah, it's a curved blade, yeah. Can I use them like scissors and chop a head off, please? Yes, you could. I would like to do that, Adam. I want to get a head off!

So, no, you can, so you can only draw one weapon around. So you have the knife already in one hand. What you can do is you can also draw the scimitar. And then would you like to have lopsided scissors? Would you like to have the crab of scissors? I would like to have a crab of scissors, please. Alright. I'm barbering, barbering!

You attack with the scimitar and hit. You attack with the knife and hit. Snip snip. Snip snip. You bring down a goblin. Good. Would you like to stab at a different goblin then? Yes, please.

Holy shit. This is an option? Yep, you bring down two goblins. Oh my god, this is a game changer. And then it is the goblin's turn. One of them is still fighting Frex. Oh no, Frex takes a bit of damage. How much?

Frex takes only four points of damage. Frex is still very much in the fight. Good boy. The other goblin charges you with a scimitar. That's going to be a hit, my dear friend. You take three points of damage. That's going to be a hit, my dear friend. You take three points of damage. That's already reduced. And then

Globble, you spend your second turn. You get there. Like I said before, neatly stacked, both of your equipments. You grab your backpack. You grab Big T's backpack. And then on your next turn, you'll turn and run back. It's good.

Then it is the wolves turn. Frex is the only one still here. Frex brings down a goblin. Yay! And then highs or lows? Highs. Frex is also like, got what I want and runs off with a goblin.

And Big T, it's your turn. There's only one goblin left. I turn and lock off with a goblin. And Big T, it's your turn. There's only one goblin left. I turn and lock eyes with that goblin like the goblin's about to know God and I charge at him with a scimitar. You slash at him with the scimitar. Minimum damage will kill him. You kill the last of the goblins.

Nice. It is their turn. The flaps to the big tent open up two goblins scurry out clutching ropes and they pull the ropes taut such that the tent flaps are open permanently

and you can see within the tent the tent flap is like massive the tent has now basically become open air this is not a dwelling of any sort it looks like some sort of, well, like religious tent, if you will. There are many pillows all sitting in like a concentric circle. And obviously like a big feature of this tent is a throne made out of pillows and bones.

is a throne made out of pillows and bones. The bones connect and weave through the pillows as if they were stitches upon them. You can see there's definitely some sort of magic to it. The bones bend and shape unnaturally and strangely. Then all of it comes to a head at the top of the throne. There is a deer's skull with antlers stretching before you. The antlers look impossibly huge. Once again, this looks strangely magically manipulated. Standing in the tent, there are two goblins

who stroll out. One of them is the alpha goblin who is riding on the back of that dire wolf. And then standing next to them with a headdress that looks almost identical to the one on the throne is a female goblin. She is covered in, like, strange arcane symbols and markings. You're illiterate. You don't know what the fuck's going on there. Never mind. They glow. There's obviously magic to it.

It's the goblins' turn. Those two assistant goblins, their action was just to open the tent to give them a grand reveal. The alpha goblin on the back of the wolf sprints towards you. Ah, man. I thought we got rid of that wolf. Yeah.

He swings with a scimitar. The scimitar bites into your arm, but as it does so, you twist and flex, and your muscles force the scimitar out of your body. You take no damage. Oh my god, I'm powerful. As it passes, the dire wolf nips at your back. This time, you get caught by it.

You feel teeth bite into you. You take nine points of damage, and you're going to need to make a strength-saving throw. Oh, no, sorry, half that. Sorry, you take four points of damage, and you need to make a strength-saving throw. You fail. When the wolf turns around to bite you, it bites you maybe in the thigh,

and then slides your thigh backwards, forcing you into a split. You hit the ground and fall prone. Then it is that other goblin, the shaman or whatever they are, cleric spellcaster. You're not 100% sure. Girlboss.

The girlboss, yes. They conjure into their hand a globe of molting energy. It's not lava, but it has the consistency of lava. But it's a deep black and purple color. It drips in their hand and they throw it at you. I duck. You're already prone.

Actually, that means you have advantage. So I'm ducking really well. I think we'll still hit you. You are not wearing armor. You feel it strike you in the shoulder it it feels like someone it feels like someone got a disease and like just got all of you know how all of the coronavirus in the world could fit into a coke can yeah it's like someone opened that coke can and poured it on you. That's yucky. You take four points of poison damage and must make

a constitution saving throw. Okay. Nat 20, you're fine. It feels like you were about to catch a horrible disease but you managed to shake it off. Well, this is not good. And then it is Globble.

Your turn. You start running back. The combat seems to have died down. You're pretty hopeful. Yes. Maybe you slow down. No, no, no. I'll dash, dash, dash, dash.

The wolves are gone. Big T, it's your turn. Okay. So I'm on the ground. I'm going to have to stand up. Please let me stand up. It takes half of your movement to stand up. Okay.

Those scimitars are breakable, remember? For extra damage, yes. I would like to break one off in the dire wolf. On the dire wolf? Sure. Can I break both off as a dual wield? You'd have to drop the knife and draw a scimitar. That's okay. You can do that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That just means that you've dropped... Basically, we're just confirming that you have drop the knife and draw a scimitar. That's okay. You can do that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. That just means that you've dropped. Basically, we're just confirming that you have dropped the knife. Can I swap it? To put a weapon away. So you need an interaction to sheave or draw a weapon. I'll just drop it. There's actually a special feat that you take that helps with this.

Anyway. Wouldn't it be hands? Can I get a number between 1 and 29? No! Six. Passively obvious. If a PC would notice something with a passive perception, they don't. Will we keep accruing bad boy cards?

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