D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #1 Shortcut to Bear

Episode Date: November 13, 2021

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company And you can see that the kids here, they're still playing with money, but rather than winning money, they are being given little tokens when they win. He builds himself up to full height, his robes begin to billow up behind him. Do not take me for a conjurer and a simple man of party tricks.

I am a planeswalker! I'm sorry, I... You can't see because the windows have blacked out, but you hear... You have the sword sage amulet. I'll pad on over to our good friends. Oh, you know what? On second thoughts, let's leave. The surface of the water moves and undulates, and then slowly a large head begins to emerge from it.

Nothing can be hidden from the god of gambling in his church. The tongue with lightning speed blasts out, slams into Spider Globble and then drags him into the frog god's mouth. How about we play a gamble and if we win, you have to let us go.

In a giant explosion, it throws dirt and water and leaves and other miscellaneous garden shit in all directions. Quick question. Do spiders live long? Great question.

Another question to be answered another day. Well, that has certainly been a day, says Loveisblind. Perhaps we shall return to the Greyhill Free Company headquarters or camp. I suppose it's not the headquarters. The headquarters would presumably be in Greyhill. Company headquarters or camp. I suppose it's not the headquarters. The headquarters would presumably be in Greyhill. I don't know. I've never been, he says. Yeah, right.

Do we, is there a Greyhill? Yeah, Greyhill is a nearby settlement. It's the one that Morimash keeps going into and in quests when he's not going into the capital. Oh, okay. Yes, I don't think I've ever actually been to the Greyhill. I don't think I've. Have I been? Do you want to go one night?

Well, that's up to you. You can have been to Grey Hill or not if you want to. Yes. I mostly go to the marshlands and the swamps around it, but the capital sounds like. I think we should go out one night. Maybe. Maybe.

We've been good. Yes. We're allowed. We've been very good but let's head back to the camp perhaps a rest might help us

on the way well it's a five day trip there will presumably be a few rests in between you and there let's try and get as much distance between I guess, the casino. Just like.

Oh, it's best if we go away. I think if we go away for a little bit and go to sleep. Yes, yes. Rubbing, say, like, several coins. Yeah, we should. Yeah, we should go away. Yes, yes. Far away from that place.

No when to quit. No when to quit! No when to quit! Yes, but what if we're on a hot streak, is what I'm saying. Anyway. I think it would be good if we got the hot sleep. Yes, if Edward wouldn't mind. If we could perhaps, on the way back, if it's not out of the way, if we could see if we could locate that other druid, the grey dove. Now that I'm, I guess, trapped permanently in this body, I was hoping we'd get some kind of mind, but well, you know.

But luckily, I do remember one of the stories of an elder druid, not in my particular circle, but another circle, the first person who ever discovered their ability to turn into a bear. Well, they got very scared. They didn't realize what was happening, and they just remained a bear for a bit, and they started freaking out. And, well, they figured out what a solution was to

eventually, I think, run quite heavily and fast into a giant spike. And then the other elder druid was to cast a reincarnate onto them. And so they came back into more of a humanoid body.

It wasn't their original one, of course. But it was something. It took us quite a long time to realize how to get out of an animal form was just to wait. Yes. It's the thing about a lot of druids. We're very impatient at times. So, yes, we could perhaps see. While you were having that conversation,

Yael and Chantal turned away and are having their own conversation. They've clearly lost interest. Oh, that's a bit rude. Here I am. I think that's a scary story. I think you shouldn't do that. Yes, well, I'd just like to talk to Greta, because, again, I don't necessarily want to remain a giant spider.

I think if he asks you to run to a big spike, he's not your friend. Potentially. But look, the idea of not being a giant spider, once again, that is – look, I don't know what I – what am I? A friend. That's very sweet of you. A friend that can give me more high fives than I could give back. Yes, yes, yes.

Well, onwards and outwards uh for you as you leave i guess do either of you have a d12 per chance um i can roll a d12 online yeah i can do an online roll please one of you roll a d12 uh does Zamet want to roll a d12? I got a one. No, that's fine. Also, that's cheating. You can't be like Zamet, roll it, because you did poorly. D12, yes. I got a four.

All right. It's only cheating if it worked. No, it's still cheating. No, now it's a funny joke I made It can be both Well, the first day is uneventful Can I get that for the second day? Why not both of you roll it again?

Roll dem bones I got a two Two? I accidentally rolled a d10 I did the same I got seven Seven? Two? I accidentally rolled a D10. I did the same. I got seven. Seven? All right, you're fine.

Another day goes past fine. Third day? I got a nine. I got a five. Both of you were rolling D12s this time, right? Yes, yes, yes. All right, cool. You're fine.

The road has been... Oh, wait, I suppose you want to, and now would been oh wait i suppose you want to and now would be about the time you want to divert to because you're having kind of making a beeline for the grey hill camp but you presumably want to divert to speak to grey doves yeah if possible if anyone wouldn't all right well now would be the time yes you're on a path like a beaten trail of sorts there's not a it's not like a well-worn path because the only place that it goes is really that casino behind you. So there's not a lot of foot traffic,

but nonetheless, it is through a lot of grassy fields. So it's, there's not a lot of, the path doesn't have a lot of competition basically, but you turn off the grassy fields and head towards the forest that you had the encounter with the spiders. Yes. basically but you turn off the grassy fields and head towards the forest that you had the encounter with the spiders yes i will get you to make a another encounter roll uh but only one okay

don't care who uh i got a five five all right oh add a quick question what did what does that amulet that we picked up do the sword sage amulet you're not sure yeah could we have like during the four days of like just give it a squeeze? Three days. Three days, sorry. Go over. Yeah. That and there was like another ring that we didn't identify at some point.

That wooden ring? I thought you already, though, are you talking about the one you got from the Cobalt? Yeah. We haven't really. I feel like you've already had a squeeze on that one. I think I have, but I think Love was going to have a squeeze. And at that point of memory, Chantel wasn't around. For a bit, she had, you know.

Chantel had life issues. All right. Well, you can try and have a squiz. Where's your arcana? There it is. Oh, no. I'm looking at. I was like, God, fucking Gluffle.

Why are you so dumb? I'm looking at... I was like, God, fucking Gluffle, why are you so dumb? I'm looking at Tree's thumb. Oh. Oh, but actually it's the same. No, I'm pretty stupid. Come on now. Yeah, it's actually the same for both of you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never mind. We're not very clever. Wow. Oh, yes, wow. I never really bothered looking at my stats. I understand the choices we're making. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, neither of you are capable of identifying what a magical item could be.

I don't. I give it. I point it off. Globble, you know how to cast spells, but the magic that you weave is very different than the magic that created this item. I've also never looked at this. How have I not tried to eat the amulet? Honestly.

And how do I have zero charisma? I'm a delight. I've got negative two charisma. Just saying. Oh, no. Love is blind, holds the amulet in his hands, is the only person here with actual arcane training. At least, yeah, arcane magical training.

And is the only person here with any understanding. He holds it in his hands, feels the weight of it, squints his eyes at it. You see him, like, turning the idea over in his mind. He says, I believe that this amulet would perhaps give the wearer some sort of edge with a bladed weapon. Yeah, right. I look to the team.

You think maybe he's just guessed on the name? Don't all bladed weapons have an edge? I mean, like an edge in combat. Oh, I hope it's in combat. If it's not in combat, it might be in your hand. Well, a sword without an edge in combat is still a little...

Well, yes, it could be well yes it could be but it could be many things an elephant does not have an edge in combat i mean outside of combat i think his ears no more than a stick oh a good point well here's you have the big team do you want to wear this, I guess, a little bit? Yes. Is an edge a point? Is a point the most edge you can have? Or is that different? Yes. Or sell, I don't know, Chantal. I don't know.

Either of you two. Chantal declines. I do not think I would like to put on a magical artifact whose properties I do not understand. I'll understand them soon enough. I put them on. But love just said it was okay. Chantal also kind of recognizes that love is blind.

Kind of just vibed that one out. Good enough for me. All right. Big T, you put on the sword sage amulet. Nothing happens immediately. Okay. Let's be serious. I thought I'd feel stronger. Or sharper.

If you make a stick pointy, is that an edge? It's more a point, isn't it? Yes, it would be more of a point. Chantel and Yayola have started up their own conversation again. They're maybe discussing like Chantel's like, it's been raining for like three days straight and Yael have started up their own conversation again. So rude. They may be discussing, like,

Chantal's like, it's been raining for like three days straight. And Yael is like, it is very weird, yes. I don't suppose it could have something to do with Chantal shakes her head. I don't even want to consider that something we're holding has been affecting the weather like this. You know how the sun makes me feel. Yael nods sagely.

They're having some other conversation. The wooden ring, love. Did you figure out that that one did? With this ring, the person who is wearing it would... Love is Blind clearly hesitates for a bit. And he says, you can swim very well with this ring, he says, kind of cryptically. Is it like to breathe underwater or is it more like, say, run on water? No, not to breathe underwater, but to swim specifically.

It would not give you any special abilities to how you say breathe. It would just let you swim. Oh, right. That's pretty useful, I guess. Why are you saying that weird? The magic on this ring, it is strange. Like cursed? Or is it like from...

Because the kobolds had it, so I can't imagine they got it from a good place. Unless they stole it. They probably stole it from a good place. It is also very possible that the kobolds made this ring wrong. Oh, yeah. I understand. We all try our best.

It doesn't always work out. But it does if you try your best. I do not think it would be inherently harmful, but I do not think that the experience of swimming would be pleasant. Oh, so it enhances your ability to swim, but maybe you grow a tail? But you don't have fun. What worries me is that it is apparently important, from the magics I can detect upon the ring,

it is apparently important that the ringics I can detect upon the ring. It is apparently important that the ring is made of wood. I do not know what that means, though. Boats are made of wood. Boats can swim. Yes, boats can swim. That is a little bit what I am afraid of.

What, that it turns you into a bird? Maybe. Maybe? Let's put it on's – I didn't turn the cobbled into a – We'll put it on, but I don't think we should keep it. I think we should keep it. We also did not see the cobbled swim, did we? Yes, yes.

Good point. Okay, we'll put that in our back pockets and bring it home. Anyway, let's see if we can find this particular grade of Venus. And now, a word from our sponsors. The one thing that you're really missing when you listen to D&D is for Nerds is that you can't see how hot we are. And let me tell you, we are smoking. But don't worry, your prayers, yeah, they're answered.

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and watch D&D is for Nerds presents Icewind Dale. Global, I assume you're going to kind of lead the charge on this one, searching for them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll sniff it out with my nose. I don't think spiders have one of those. Most animals are afraid of you. Yes, they are. So flee from you when they see you. Yeah, makes sense.

And to be honest, it's probably learned behavior at this point. Yeah, look, I understand. So, yeah, there's not a lot you can do there. Well, I wouldn't care. Can I? Can I? Instead. Can I cast?

No, I can't cast when I'm an animal, can I? No, I think we just saw, oh, when you're an animal? No. So if I can't, like, say cast speak with animals and turn into an animal and have a conversation? I think the spell would end when you transform. Yeah. That's annoying. Yeah.

would end when you transform yeah yeah it's annoying yeah all right well i'll do my best to um because i can't speak with animals i was on my spider form and try to persuade someone to chill maybe i'll cast a good berry or something to be like come on i'll entice you with a good berry no that you can try again if you wanted to but but you'd be, so you basically spent maybe like four hours searching around any animal you encountered. The second it was aware of you, no matter what you do, it's scarper. They do not, even if they can understand, even if you're like, no, it's all right. I'm just, I'm a friendly spider. The idea is still going to be like, uh, yeah, nice try.

Fuck face. Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm not falling for that one. Not again. the idea is still going to be like uh yeah nice try fuck face yeah look fair enough fair enough i'm not falling for that one not again uh i would say though that in that four hours you do find several natural trails and on one of the natural trails you see that there is an old set of hoof prints you can tell that it would have been from the elk that the that the elf rides oh yes simply because you uh it's just like the nature of how the elk is moving and where they're moving from you would assume that this is a trail that the druid sometimes uses but has not used in a little while okay well with the way druid circles work like there

they would be like a grove or something like that vaguely i'd be aware of yeah it would be a druid's grove somewhere well maybe i'll look up look for the telltale signs of like a druid grove start hitting that way you look to the left you look to the right it's you know that the grove probably isn't going to be at the edge of the forest. Like that much, that's pretty obvious to you. But looking at both edges, it's like both edges curve away. It almost looks like if you walked this, it'd be a circle. Yeah.

Yeah. Hmm. Well, I do know from memory that my good friend, Big T, she's very good at tracking. So maybe I'll get her to help. Big T, yeah, you can have a look if you want. Well, let's have a look at what we got here. What do we got here? Why did you say Big T's good at this?

Because she covered our tracks from all the kobolds. She was very, very efficient. Oh, right, because, yeah, all right. I remember. Big T, I've got great news. You think you've picked up the trail. I found it. Yes. It think you've picked up the trail. I found it. Yes.

It's good to find ourselves back here. I didn't know I was very good at this. I didn't know I was good at this until recently. Big T points off the trail at some bent and snapped twigs and whatnot to indicate a path that the elk has gone down. Global, you do not think that this is guaranteed an elk. Oh, let's have a look.

It's a bit bigger or smaller than an elk. It could be. Well, it's a big animal. That's all you can tell. It looks normal from where I'm standing. I don't necessarily think this is perhaps where the L quenched down, but hey, look, it's better than nothing, I guess. May as well.

Why not? It's a bit of a trundle ahead. All right. Are you going to let Tree Stump just blaze a trail? Yeah. I guess not blaze a trail, but follow the trail. Yeah, let Tree Stump. They seem to know exactly what they're doing.

What a beautiful combination of roles. You misidentified the animal, but have absolutely identified the path it's taking. Tree Stomp, your passive, and your passive perception is garbage. Tree Stomp, you come to a, there's like a after a little while the trail comes to kind of like a rocky a rocky cliff face it's not very big but it's large enough that there is a natural cave within it right out the front of the cave there is like a a strange looking

boulder you approach the boulder or you're approaching the boulder, and then it turns around to face you, and you realize you're looking at a bear. Let's go to initiative. Is this the same bear from before? No, it's a different bear. Yeah. Well, actually, you know what? Highs or lows?

Give me the high. You know what? It's the same fucking bear. You strike a luck. Let's not initially... We're not going to go to initiative just yet. The bear isn't happy to see you, but it's also not going to attack you on sight.

Oh, speak with animals to myself. Hello! Hello! Nice to see you. Good to see you well. I think we ran into you before. Sorry, we're looking for Greta. You know Greta.

What? Who? You know Greta. He seems to know you. You are best not going to know their name. Never mind. I describe the druid. Elfie Fellow.

Elk? Ah, why didn't you say Elfie Fellow? Yes, yes, yes. Yes, we were looking for him. We thought we were following him, but I guess we were following you. It's like side-eye Big T. What's he saying? Yes, he just says hello.

Yes, you remember him. Hi, hello. I wave and then stop waving in case that's rude and bare. Yes, that's Big T. Why'd they get so big? Oh, that's just greeting you. They were saying bear. Yeah. That's Big T. Why'd they get so big? Oh, that's just greeting you. They were saying hello. Oh.

If you can, Big T, wave lower. Make yourself smaller if you can. Yeah, waving that big just makes you look scary and bigger. A bit threatening. So wave lower, I guess. I squeeze my whole body in on itself without actually bending my knees at all and wave from my belly button. Is that better?

Hmm? Yeah. Well, that's good. The bear's talking to you but is staring at Tree Swamp with suspicion. I sit on the floor. If you could sit on the floor. The bear sits. Okay. I squat. I sit on the floor. If you could sit on the floor. The bear sits. I squat.

That's a spider seat. You might already be sitting. Yeah, I guess I would be. Lower my abdomen onto the ground. Yeah, so we're looking for the Elfie fellow. An elk. Yeah.

The bear gestures back the way you came. Yeah. That way. Yeah, yeah. Why are you different? Oh, yeah. Well, you remember... Do you ever come across fey spiders?

Blinky spiders? What? You know, big spiders that blink from here to there? They disappear every now and again. What? Yeah. You think the bear maybe doesn't understand what a spider is? You don't think you can use nouns?

Oh. Um, well, a bit of a magical mishap. That is, that's why I look a little bit different. Oh. Yes. Yes. You doing all right? The bear looks behind them and looks back at you.

Yeah. Do you need anything? Over here. The bear looks back, looks back at you again. No. Okay, that's good. Well, you have a good day. Yeah, so long.

Bye. Bye. Wave, but small. Stand up and do a small wave. Ah! Yeah, so long Bye Bye Wave, but small Stand up and do a small wave Why did they get so big? They're just big I try and squat walk But it's tricky

Get out of here We're going Go away I'm sorry. We don't want you here. Ah, yes. We scarper all the other way. All right.

And head back the way we went. You head back the way you went. You're back at that trail. Well, I guess, yeah, that was to the beer's cave. Let's head this way. Head the opposite way. Okay. I don't know why that bear was trying to

I still believe I found the right path Don't I Well there's a lot of evidence to the contrary Right now Okay Whether or not you believe you found the right path Is entirely up to Tree Slump It's so weird that that bear

Just went to where the elk Was going But that's alright though. Maybe the elf came back when they found the bear there. Maybe the great elf just went there to check on the bear. They knew each other, yeah? Yes, yes, yes. Or maybe that makes

sense. I'm not wrong. You can hear Chantal and Yayola maybe having a quick conversation about how they probably shouldn't let Tree Stump lead the way next time. I have a mental note, like, but I thought she was so good at it. But then those kobolds did find us. Okay, maybe I'm starting to put one and one together. I sit here with no numbers.

No numbers to put together. Yeah, yeah well you're illiterate so you wouldn't know how yeah yeah yeah oh my god how would i conceptualize like numbers i mean like you could still count i mean counting is separate yeah you'd probably think of like you know one apple and then another apple yeah right and then you have i than one apple. Things like negative numbers or maybe even zero is probably a slightly more complex idea. Zero is easy. Zero is none. No.

If you tried to explain zero to Tree Stump, they'd be like, why is there a number if there isn't a number? Yeah. The concept of zero, having zero of a thing, as opposed to having nothing, is very... It's surprisingly... It took humanity a long time to figure that one out, surprisingly.

We should give this guy a name. Apparently, here's a little mathematical history for you. Negative numbers were invented before zero. Yeah, stewing that one for a minute. Is that like being like there is a heaven and a hell before considering your own place in the world? A little bit, I guess. I guess that's a way of putting it.

But yeah, the idea, like no one had ever really thought that zero was a number worth having, I guess. Anyway, we follow this path or look for at least any kind of clop marks of an elk. You. Are you leading the way again? Yes.

All right. Sure. Your survival is good enough that you realize, finally you had a decent roll, you realize after a little while that this is a circle. You are going in a circle.

You come back to where you were before. That didn't work either. Maybe we go back to the cave. No, he didn't really know anything. And I guess it's more of a circle, so it's kind of like a path. Okay, let's see. Let's have a think. Druid Grove is a circle.

I mean, there's got to be's have a think. Druid Grove is a circle. I mean, there's got to be some sort of reason in here. There's a circle here. Do I know enough about, like, druid circles where it might be taken literally, so there might be, like, circles around a druid grove sort of thing? I actually literally just rolled for you to discover something like that. That's entirely your determination. You can make the decision if Globble knows that, or if Globble comes to that conclusion, rather, I should say.

Yes, I would say he would definitely come to that conclusion, because, again, a circle is exactly a thing you have in nature. It would be definitely found by the Druid Circle, as it were. It does seem like this path would be pretty useless. Yes, so, therefore, if the circleid Circle, as it were. It does seem like this path would be pretty useless. Yes. So, therefore, if the circle was here, where would the grove be? Would it be in the centre of the circle?

I would assume that. Or is there many other different circles that this makes up a different circle? That part, you're not sure. Hmm. Right. And the bear cave that we went into, that was the opposite way?

Other side, yeah. It wouldn't have been inside the circle. Right. So into, that was the opposite way? Other side, yeah. It wouldn't have been inside the circle. So if this was a circle, it would stand to reason that, all right, let's just go to the center of this. That would make sense. You start heading inwards. You are only walking. You walk into the circle, and you're only in the circle

for like five minutes before there's a great rustling before you, and then some shrubbery and trees explode forwards and standing or sitting i should say on that majestic elk is the druid he levels a spear at you global uh no no no no no no no no no no, no. A big smile like, oh, yes, it's you. Oh, right. Oh, right. I stand before the spear. The grey dove slowly lowers his spear when he sees tree stump willing to die for this spider. I'll just like with several spider paws, it's kind of like against Big T's giant shoulders kind of peer out behind.

Hello, Greadov, how are you today? Greadov looks at you with a face now twisted in horror. What on earth has happened to you? We were hoping you could help with that. As he begins to slowly calm down you see that like around him there was this swirling monsoon of wind that had picked up leaves you're realizing that those leaves as they spin around anytime they had come into contact with something near them they shred it it's like razor sharp blades flying through the air around him they begin to settle

and then just fall to the ground. His hair slowly falls back onto his shoulders and down his back. He is as resplendent as ever and his fury slowly becomes bewilderment. Yes, you remember those fair spiders,

the spiders that we were trying to get rid of and rescue, perhaps some caravan of, I think it was humans. Something terrible has happened to you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So, good news, we got rid of most of the spiders. Bad news is that we didn't get rid of the big mother spider. And bad news, I guess more bad for me personally, I guess not bad for you, but bad for me.

During one of Spell Mishap in my body, a consciousness went into the body of a spider. And then the spider's consciousness went into my body. And then, look, to cut a long story short, he was eaten by a giant frog. So I can't get back. That is quite a tale. Yes. I was wondering, because I've heard of this before, and look, as great as it is to be a spider, it's not. Yes, there's lots of things that I miss about being... Gray Dove gently taps the side of the elk and the elk turns around and begins walking deeper into the circle.

Gray Dove calls out, follow me. Excellent. Will Gray Dove be able to help? Find out next time on Stories of the Greyhill Free Company. Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this show, then why not head to sanspantsradio.com and listen to some of the other shows

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