D&D is For Nerds - Stories of The Greyhill Free Company II #13 The Tragic Tale of James and Weebor

Episode Date: February 5, 2022

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Ahem. You're listening to the Sandspants Network. Home of comedy, culture, adventures, and ghosts. Previously on Stories from the Greyhill Free Company How are you going to cross the river? You want to go down a little bit so you're not right at where the waterfall is? Yes. Oh, hang on.

Maybe I could carry my friends across. I found this ring. I can walk on water. You get into the water? You okay there? What's going on? I feel sick. As two wheels explode out of your chest

and catch your fall, if you will. Wheels? Yeah, wheels. Two horses emerge, growing out of the sticks and attached to them by like reins bit and brittle. There has been, in the last three weeks?

Two weeks? Far too much. Body horror that I have witnessed. One of the horses spins its head around and says, Okay, then. Actually, two things. One, if there's any kind of tracks that Zia Mir left, and two, where the iron golem went after I jumped into the river.

Do you see any of the biggest footprints? You can see in the rock tree stump there is a depiction of what you would tell immediately is the river. All rock, Tree Stump, there is a depiction of what you would tell immediately is the river. All right, well, Gabe, if you can read that, let's adjust it to Big D. Lead the way, because I'm so good at tracking. Globble, eventually, eventually, pretty soon,

you're like, ah, okay. You take the rock from Tree Stump, you thank Tree Stump for finding the rock, and you say it's very good that you were able to understand what the rock meant, but unfortunately I will lead the way now.

Yes. You've done an amazing job. Remember to keep wearing your coat. It must be important. Cass, can you roll the encounter dice, please? Yes. You have led the party astray, and now an encounter could happen. But I don't understand.

We're here, and the river's here. Oh, we moved. Okay, five. Yes. No, no, no, no, no, no. You see this bit here? That's actually... Because that's where we are.

Oh, that's where we were. This bit is... Yes, and this bit here you're pointing to, that's actually... Because that's where we are. No, no, no. Oh, that's where we were. This bit is... Yes, and that's... This bit here you're pointing to, that's actually the land. This here, that's the river. Presumably the path would not be taking us off the rock. Free stump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We did a good job of finding it there. Good job. Yeah, good job. Let's... Thank you. Let's rotate the map a little bit. Oh, sorry, the rock just in my hand. See?

And off we go. I don't understand, but I trust you. You keep heading north, and you're trying to use, like, how far it took you from the river to the campsite as, like, a vague judge of how far you should be traveling, hoping that Zia Mia has accurately judged distances here. You come to, eventually you get to a point where you're like, it's got to be around here somewhere.

Here somewhere is a large area, because this is not an incredibly accurate map, but you feel like you should be able to see it. All you can see right now are softly undulating mounds of earth, basically. The mounds of earth do hide the terrain a little bit, but not a lot. But, yeah, roughly this is where you should be. Right. Well, I'll just have a bit of a look around.

Hmm. I think this is where we, I guess, we're here. Any sign of her? I look around at the rocks again since that served me so well the first time and I like how everyone said I did a good job. Global. Yes. You, walking over one of the hills, you find a hole in the earth.

Sand slowly trickles into, it looks like a tunnel that has been exposed yeah so you can see it goes in two different directions quite obviously this is not actually an intended entrance it is just an entrance that has been revealed in time yeah i poke my head in you can see worked stone in two different directions and vaguely underneath the ash and dirt, there is brass edging to the stonework. This looks like it must be it. Well, we haven't found Zemir, but we have found the Golem place. Maybe she went in. This is what she wanted to do, right? I mean, potentially.

I guess she was, um, thought she'd be pointing out to where she was, not where the... Shall we head in? Yes. She's probably waiting for us. You all climb in? Yeah. Yes. You all clamber into the hole.

There are two directions, north or south. Where would you like to go? Any indications of anything? Oh, first off, light, actually. Well, I'll produce flame in my hand to be like... Just remember, if you throw that, you're going to lose the light. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I just... Does anyone else want to be held light or a torch or something? Yeola holds a hand up and a magical orb of light appears in it. She can also conjure a magical light. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Okay. You peer in two different directions. In the southern, along the southern path, you can see a flickering, the southern path turns, and around that corner you can see a flickering light.

Then you look the other direction. You can't see any light, but you hear voices in that direction. Yeah, what kind of voices? You can't make out, you can't make out who's talking it doesn't sound it doesn't sound like zia mia that well obviously it doesn't sound like zia mia she can't talk it sounds like two roughly male voices oh yeah oh yeah well again in in sort of like low whispers to to the group um right so up there there's a flickering light over there. There is voices. Perhaps they're the ones

who are making the golems, or they've also stumbled upon it. I don't know where Zia Mir is. Maybe they could be also just talking or interrogating or maybe they've captured her and they're trying to... Does it sound like they're aggressive, or does it sound just like they're chatting?

They don't sound aggressive. But there's kind of like a repetitive nature to their voice as well that makes it feel not even like chatting either. It feels like the same noises are wafting again and again and again. It feels like someone's repeating, it feels like two people repeating themselves.

Almost like a chant or a spell or like even like a box with a hand going up and down saying good boy. Yeah, it could be a chant or a spell? It could be a chant or a spell, yeah. Going up and down saying good boy. It doesn't sound like good boy, unfortunately. Good boy! Good boy! I remember when you were happy. Yes, yes, it was nice.

I had to pet a dog. Locusts. I guess should we investigate the voices first? Let's investigate the voices. Let's try... Is it kind of like a straight shot, the path? Yeah, both of them are straight.

Should we take off our... Well, the one going south is obviously it has that turn where the flickering light is. The one north also looks like a bit of a straight shot, but without the light near the end of it, it's really hard to... You can really only see as far as the light that you've conjured allows.

Right. I'm just thinking if we're heading that way, the light's going to be a bit of an obvious thing that we're coming to. Yeah, it will be a very obvious marker. Although I don't think anyone here has darkvision, so I don't think you have any other options. I mean, just Yeola.

Oh, yeah, Yeola does have darkvision, but they would be the... Oh, so does saren huh oh half elves oh god damn it dnd wait how does saren have it but chantelle doesn't no saren must get it from somewhere else a human so they are for some reason in my head chantelle's always been an elf but you're right they are human yeah yeah we've had this discussion that does also ring a bell well Saren might be better for everyone

all around to be honest well Saren and Chantal, I mean Saren and Yeola, I mean you can see without a light, did you want to just go ahead and then come back to us, trying to be as quiet as you can? Saren and Yaiola look at each other.

Saren nods slowly and says, I think I could do with that. I just don't think we should. If the element of surprise is needed, perhaps we should at least know what we're getting into.

So Yaiola douses her light, and they both slowly creep that direction. Their footsteps echo loudly in the corridor. It does not feel like they're being particularly quiet, but after a few minutes, they return. You hear them. They are not, like I said, they're not incredibly subtle. You hear them get there, you hear them turn around, return you hear them they are not like I said they're not incredibly subtle you hear them get there you hear them turn around

and you hear them return there's a a room of sorts it's got the steps down into a water and then there are two statues of the dwarves on either side right before the water

they speak in dwarven but dwarves are either side, right before the water. They speak in Dwarven, but I... Do the Sarenor Dwarven? No. Does the Aeola? No. They speak in Dwarven, but I do not understand what they say. Right, so they just... So it's two statues just having a chat. Yeah, the statues, there must be some magic

about them that makes them the poor. Yeah, yeah. I speak Dwarven. I'll go listen. No, no. Well, let's shine a light. Well, let's head there, see what they're saying, and then we'll head back to the other one with the light because, again, Ximena might be there.

Everyone nods. All right. Sure enough. Let's go hear what they're saying. Sure enough, it's not a very big room. It's maybe about, like, 15 feet wide, and then it goes maybe only 30 feet deep into the room there's a set of stairs going down into water you have no far you have no idea where that water

goes it's like a brackish dark limestone looking water it looks like you do not want to drink this water very definitely the that's here the brass edging of this place slowly becomes bigger and bigger here and then you realize there's massive pipes in the fixed into the walls you can see there are some sort of mechanical junctions as part of these pipes but they whatever their purpose is they are not currently doing it they are cold and silent there are two brass statues of dwarves, sure enough, on each side. And one of them says one thing, and then the other one says one thing, and they just keep repeating. It sounds like the same phrase over and over again. tell truths and the other one says i only tell lies i only tell truths i only tell lies i only tell truths okay so one of the statues says they only tell the truth which means that's true and the other one says they only tell lies which you know if that's a lie then it's that's then it's true so i don't i think the statues are broken. That can't work.

If they both said they only tell the truth, that would make sense. I'm confused. Does anyone know how to help me? It's okay. Right. Well, that one only tells lies and that one only tells truth. Well, that's something that we need to look at. Oh, these dwarves don't look like just generic dwarves either.

They're both different. They look like actual entities. Or they look like they might be actual people or something. Is this one of those things that we... Is this like a known thing? Like if I hear a statue say, I only tell truth, I only tell lies. Does the one who says they only tell lies, is that the only truth they tell? Or is this a big trick? Because if he says they only tell lies, is that the only truth they tell? Or is this a big trick? Because if he says he only tells lies,

then he can't... That's a paradox. He only tells lies. I mean, that's actually a lie. So technically he's telling the truth. Tree Stump, you are smart enough to understand the logical fallacy there, but you've never heard of anything like this before.

Is this some kind of... Do we just say anything for them to do anything, or are they just ornamental? I'm happy to go have a chat with them, because I know how to talk to them. I can do it now. Let's head back to the flickering light first to see if we even need to do a gesture to the...

Unless you want to have a chat, Big T? I want to get to the bottom of this. Okay. Is this a good idea? I mean, it's not, but I am stupid. Well, if you wanted to say hello... You guys can stand in the shadows if you want. Excuse me. They don't respond to excuse me

even if I say it in Dwarvish yeah they don't respond to excuse me hello they don't respond I'm pretty confused because if you say you only tell the truth that sounds like the truth that makes sense and if you say you only lied

if that's true then that's not true? The one that says, I only tell truths, stops and responds, it's for clarity. Then the one that tells lies stops and says, we want to make things complicated I only tell truths I only tell lies I only tell truths

so if you want to make it more complicated but you're the one who tells lies then that means you want to also provide clarity but you've made me confused I only tell truths I only tell lies I only tell truths who is your best friend? the one that says I only tell truths I only tell lies I only tell truths Who is your best friend?

The one that says I only tell truths Let's call them truth and lies Alright, just to make things simpler Truth stops and says I am a magical construct I do not have friends Then lies stops And says

James then lies stops and says, James! I only tell truths. I only tell lies. I've been hearing tales about how some hotshots are talking about they're going to destroy this whole place and I don't want them to do it but they say they know how how would you so i can stop them destroy this whole place the one that tells the truth stops and says i don't know lies stops and says with a big bomb, I only tell truths. I only tell lies.

I'm conveying all of this to the rest of the party. Oh, okay, okay. I would like to just be- I'm kind of sad about that. I want TreeStuff to continue this conversation with no input. Oh, I know. I was more excited for that. But if you have told us- Okay, well, at this point-

No, no, no, no, no. You've already said that you're getting input. At this point, I turn back to the party and say, okay, so, apparently they can't have friends. And this is taken on the

basis that they're both telling the truth except for later. Uh-huh. What do I know about dwarves? Are they a very literal kind of people? You know a little bit about dwarves, I guess. Dwarves are a very serious people. This seems out of character for dwarves,

although you were also informed earlier that this is not like dwarves that you know of. The dwarves you know of are obviously like physically related to these dwarves but they don't seem to be very culturally related to these dwarves okay i'm just wondering if this is a very like like a puzzle that actually isn't a puzzle because it's just is like i am just wondering if it's a literal thing to be like, just for clarity's sake, this one will only ever tell the truth and this one will only ever lie. And there is no puzzle. You'd be like, oh, sick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to be like, you know, just so there's no doubt if someone has a question, they're like, well, here's the truth. And also, this is a lie so that it can confirm that truth. I am just wondering if they're very literal, just like, oh yeah, there is no. You know that while there are exceptions for everything, there absolutely, you would imagine, of course, there would be a dwarf out there who could do something like this. And either because they find it funny or because for a myriad of different reasons. But dwarven society as a whole would probably not do something like this. Would probably not do something like this, period.

But then if it was pointless, if it was just here not as a puzzle, that is even beyond, even further outside of the realm of normal. But once again, you do not know how culturally related these dwarves are to the other ones that you know of course of course of course of course and now a quick word from our sponsor

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Um, okay. Well, can you ask them what their point is? Like, what's their purpose? Okay. They did say, the truth said they didn't know how to destroy this place. It's okay. I covered my tracks. They don't suspect me. they didn't know how to destroy this place. It's okay. I covered my tracks. They don't suspect me.

And the other one said a bomb would. Yes, but we know how to destroy this place. So maybe he didn't know. I'll go ask. Excuse me. What is your purpose for existing? Truth stops and says, I don't know. Lies stops and says, we're guardians.

What are you guarding? Truth stops and says, nothing. Lies stops and says, a big gold dragon. Ah. I tell only truth. I tell only lies. Are you just both some guy who says what they want?

Truth stops and says, I am Lux. Lies stops and says, I am Nix. And I know who these people are, yes? Of course. No, you don't know You've never heard those names before

Do you guys I turn around Do you guys know who Lux and Nyx are? I'm assuming some kind of dwarven And I look at Yaiola Yaiola is a very recent cleric Hang on Yes, yes, yes A recent convert to the dwarven Which means it should be fresh in her brain Yael is a very recent cleric. Hang on.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. A recent convert to the dwarven. Which means it should be fresh in her brain. So it shouldn't be taking this long. Globble, you do not recognize either of those names, but you recognize both of them as being dwarven names. Like, actually, probably, to be honest, Trisom would also recognize that. You both recognize those are dwarven names.

They're just not names of anyone that you know of who is important. No one else. Yeah, no one else knows who that would mean. They said that they're guarding. Well, Lai said they're guarding a gold dragon, and Tree said they don't know why they exist. I'm going to ask who made them. Who made you?

Lux says, the dwarves that once dwelled here within Carcassan. And then Lys stops. We made ourselves. I tell only truth. I tell only lies. I tell only truth. I tell only lies. What's the gold dragon got?

Truth doesn't respond lies or let's call them lux and nix now nix stops and says nothing he lives here rent free what a freeloader i tell only truths i tell only lies why don't you say anything about the gold dragon? That's a bit suspicious. Lux stops and says, because there is no gold dragon. Nyx stops and says, he's lying. I tell only truths. I tell only lies.

I tell only truths. Perhaps ask Lux, why is he guarding nothing? Oh, good point. Why are you guarding nothing? Lux stops and says, I never said I was guarding anything. Nyx stops and says, he's still lying.

I tell only truths. I tell only lies. Ask him, I guess, what, what, what, what. Ask him if they're happy. Are you guys happy? Lux stops and says, we are not sentient. I cannot feel happiness. Nyx stops and says, no, please ask me about my day.

I tell only truths. I tell only lies. How is your day going? I address Nyx directly. All right. Lux doesn't respond. Nix says, poorly. Thank you for asking.

That's all right. I tell only truths. Nix, is there anything you'd like to talk about? I'll talk to you. Lux, once again, doesn't respond. Nix says, I'm missing my friend. Oh, who's your friend? My friend, my dearest, dearest friend

is Weeb War. What happened to James? Uh... He died. I'm sorry. While we were talking. I'd miss. While we were talking. I'd miss Weebor too. You must save Weebor. Where's Weebor?

Weebor is home. Where's home? Under the water. Here? Yes. Oh, so if we use that bomb you talked about, we get him out? You'll kill him. Don't do that.

Oh, okay. Do you want to come with? Yes. Okay, come on.. Don't do that. Oh, okay. Do you want to come with? Yes. Okay, come on. The statue doesn't move. Can you come with? Yes, I'll be right behind you. Lux, are you cool

to just guard the dragon by yourself? Lux doesn't respond. I see why you miss your friend. Nix doesn't respond to that. you miss your friend Nyx doesn't respond to that Oh I convey this to the group He misses his friend Weebor who lives under the water So we can't use the bomb or we kill Weebor

What? Also he said that the other guy was lying Which means They're both full of shit Well if one only lies Then the liar can't say the other one's lying. Because then they'd be telling the truth. And if he was telling the truth,

then the other guy lied. Can you ask the truth person if the other person always lies? Lux, does he always lie? Lux stops and says, he never tells the truth. lie lux stops and says he never tells the truth nix stops and says no that's incorrect the curse upon us prevents me from always telling the truth but i tell it whenever possible how do we break the cure luck says there is no curse it can't be

a curse because one of the things in their senses had to be a lie if that's true nick says nick oh wait i guess you don't do you respond that do you relate that line because they don't respond to common um the question that um yeah yeah i'd convey that luck says there is no curse nick says my friend weebore knows the solution. Please, find him for me. Is Weebor's name James? No, James is a different person. He died, remember? Everything he says has to be a little bit of a lie. Can you ask

Lux, what's at the bottom of the water? What's at the bottom of the water, Lux? Stairs down. To? And then Nix says, my friend Weebor. Nix, does Lux always tell the truth? Lux stops and says, Yes,

I always tell the truth. Nix, they don't care. Nix stops and says, No, he's a liar. A dirty, dirty liar. Look at his filthy feet. Does he have feet? Not really. It's kind of more. Does he have feet? Not really.

It's kind of more it starts at the knees and goes up. I see. Thank you for speaking your truth. Okay, I face the party. We're going to try and get the guy from under the water. There's some stairs, or maybe there are no stairs. Oh, fuck, sorry. I made a mistake as well.

Whenever Lux refers to Nyx, he calls him Nock. Nock. You would have noticed that by now. He calls him Nock. Do we know Nock? Does anyone know a Nock? Nock is also a Dwarven name. These are all, by the way,

very old Dwarven names. Dwarven names are often more complicated nowadays. Is there any way for you to come with us? Lux stops and says, No, we are a mobile. I thought I knew your friend. Nyx stops and says, Yes, you can free me by

finding my friend Weebor. Oh, I wanted you to come with us to see Weebor. I thought I'd be happy for you. Okay. Can you ask them what's at the bottom of the stairs? Then we ask them. They said Weeble. No, but the other one.

They said nothing. What's at the bottom of the stairs? He said nothing. Lux stops and says, A passage deeper into this complex. Nix or Nock stops and says, A birthday party we're throwing for you!

What's at the end of the passage? Lux stops and says, I don't know. Nix or Nock stops and says, Nothing! This place is just for your birthday! Okay, so I have some bad news and some great news. Ah! says, nothing! This place is just for your birthday!

Okay, so I have some bad news and some great news. Ah. Can you ask them, how do you remove the water? I guess that's right. I mean, this is a puzzle, right? What's the puzzle for? How do we get the water out? To get Weebo out? Weebo?

What is that? Weebor. How do we get the water to get Weebo out. Weebo. What is that? Weebor. How do we get the water to get Weebor out? Lux stops and says, You'll need to acquire a dwarven control sphere. Nyx or Nok stops and says, Water? What water?

I want to peer at the water. Does it it does it look if we touched it bad so funny that you were being tricked by this it looks oh does it look bad sorry i thought you were saying i just laughed so much at the idea of you being like there's something he he's got to be telling the truth as he continuously chants i tell only lies i tell a lot yeah i figured he's just i'm just like is does the water look like if i touched it it looks poisonous like you don't want to drink it but it doesn't look does it look like i could walk on it you also probably don't want to stand in it for like a long period like it looks a bit acidic like if you put like a tooth in it overnight it might dissolve the tooth. I'm just wondering what's this whole puzzle room, these two.

I guess I could control, you know, move water, and there's like a block of water, pick it up, and try and take it outside, and just do that over a period of time. But I'm just like, also at the same time, what are we doing here? Let's go in, I'm going, if this is taking a long time,

I might just suggest to the others, should we leave TreeStump asking some questions and we'll head to the light? Oh, I've got this. They can't move, I don't think. Weebor isn't here. We're fine. We're safe. Well, you figure out Weebor. We're going to

I mean, head that way. I then ask other others if they want to stay with um tree stump perhaps maybe like i'll see if i can come back with wee ball for you they don't respond to that okay then i leave that's rude they've really only been responding to questions that's been pretty consistent this entire time. And? Yeah. Okay. If he wanted to, he would.

Well, anyway, using your special power, using your special ability, Global, to drag Tree Stump wherever you're going because Tree Stump is terrified of being alone, you head in the other direction. Yeah, you think I didn't notice that. You head in the other direction. Yeah, you think I didn't notice that. You head in the other direction towards where the light is. You round the corner

and you see that this passageway immediately ends in a cave-in and there is a little fire, a little bedroll, and sleeping in it, you see Zia Mio. She's sleeping. You really can't be that quiet. So as you approach, she gets up and you see Zia Mia she's sleeping you really can't be that quiet

so as you approach she gets up and you see she draws a little knife and when she sees that it's you she lowers it and gives like a big a wave I'm so glad you're okay she points at Chantel's leg

we lost everyone's alive but not doing Tell's leg. Yes. We lost a bit. Everyone's alive, but not doing great. She nods sadly. Unfortunately. All of you, your stomachs like grumble and turn over angrily. You see on the fire, she's caught like a few geckos and is slowly roasting them. Yeah. How are you doing for food,

Zemia? We haven't eaten all day. I mean, I can produce some food. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. We sit down, we eat. Did you say the guards over there? The big statues? Can

she speak Dwarvish? Do I know? No, she doesn't speak Dwarvish, no. Oh, weird guys. She shrugs. I recount what's happened. I tell her everything that there's... Even the birthday party, which I have not yet conveyed to our friends. At the beginning,

when you say what they've been chanting over and over, she gives like a ahhhhhh. Just finding out what they've been chanting over and over, she gives like a, just finding out what they've been saying endlessly. No, they're annoying. I go through everything that they said. I don't think either of them tell anything in particular. I'm pretty sure maybe I think, look, it could just be a simple thing of like, well, the first person does tell the truth and the other person,

just don't listen to that one. But you need to find something. Perhaps it's a thing where it's maybe they do only tell the truth, but also they're quite guarded in what they can say. Say, for example, like what they're guarding or what's going on. I mean, yes. Can't just be there for the sake of being there, right? They might.

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